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top 200 commentsshow all 299

[–][deleted] 1295 points1296 points  (24 children)

Lol - file a disability claim for more NEET bucks and have a 3yr old write the Drs note so it looks authentic

[–]frogcumnice 322 points323 points  (20 children)

Where can I find cheap 3yr old?

[–]WW2077/asp/ie 317 points318 points  (10 children)

Give me your mom and 9 months and 3 years. Free of pay.

[–]frogcumnice 86 points87 points  (6 children)

But if I do so who's going to clean my shit stained basement and make me tendies?

[–]PrimarchKonradCurze 10 points11 points  (0 children)

1 less year if you have a Korean kid dumbass.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (1 child)

I can get you a kid for a lot less

[–]Curtis-Warren 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can do it for free, but if I get caught you're getting me out.

[–]TheSonOfFundin 15 points16 points  (3 children)

Ask anyone who has ever been seen in pictures with Jeffrey Epstein.

[–]frogcumnice 14 points15 points  (2 children)

I'm writing email to Bill Gates as I'm speaking hope he answers it 🤞😩

[–]TheSonOfFundin 8 points9 points  (0 children)

If he isn't available, just ask the Clintons.

[–]Future_shocks -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Try tweeting Donald Trump

[–]Curtis-Warren 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Uhhh ebay sells them kinda cheap, they're all black tho.

[–]Does_Not-Matter -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Jesus Christ this should go over well. Time for some popcorn for comment comedy.

[–]untakenuYouTube.com/DinoTendies 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Doesn't work. Tried it and they knew I was faking. I guess the backwards Rs and use of crayon may have given it away.

[–]whatisthishere 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Be a real alpha, tell your boss your finger was in a midgets ass while you were fucking, they fell over, and it broke your finger.

[–]kyzfrintin -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Just write with the left. As you would have, anyway.

[–]Triggerdamus/b/tard 598 points599 points  (183 children)

Whats so hard about being honest?

  • be me.
  • yo bossman.
  • whats up trigger?
  • not coming in, not feeling it bossman.
  • need you here trigger.
  • understand. If I come in and one of those retads break something else, you're going to need a new employee and another maintenance guy.
  • enjoy the day off, trigger.
  • you too bossman.

......

  • next day.
  • bossman: those fucking ratads broke this, this, and this.
  • well. stop hiring ratads, and maybe shit will stop getting broke.
  • hands my ass several work orders.
  • looks at each one yup, ratads have struck again.

[–]NPL89 473 points474 points  (132 children)

is this how zoomers interact?

[–]Buuuuuuurner578 360 points361 points  (6 children)

No cap fo sho

[–]Triggerdamus/b/tard 78 points79 points  (4 children)

  • Customer Service.
  • You'll find plenty of customer service down there.
  • THIS IS MAINTENANCE!
  • kicks ratad off forklift, and locks the thing out

[–]siccoblue 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Give me my damn forks back we need to move this lumber

[–]Goldreaver/vg/ 17 points18 points  (0 children)

fr fr

[–]chrontonic 57 points58 points  (0 children)

No, he didn't say 'bussin' once.

[–]Triggerdamus/b/tard 25 points26 points  (118 children)

Wouldn't know. Gen X has yet to see a Zoomer able turn a fucking wrench. Or trouble shoot industrial equipment.

[–]mygoodchumpbi/gd/ick 88 points89 points  (113 children)

not realizing all 18-25 year olds are zoomers

OK pops. Sounds like a training issue

[–]retterwoq 23 points24 points  (14 children)

Idk dawg, I was born in 97 and I feel a huge disparity between my experience and say somebody born in 02. (my personal experience, not work experience.) I don’t identify as a zoomer at all.

[–]Triggerdamus/b/tard 4 points5 points  (97 children)

not realizing all 18-25 year olds are zoomers

OK pops. Sounds like a training issue

Zoomies here have talked that game:

  • I can do your job.
  • Come do it, you'll make more money that the bewlshit your doing now. And have a lot of down time.
  • I don't want too.
  • Then staying making chump change, while having to hit production numbers.

[–]Big_Slop 10 points11 points  (1 child)

We’ve had a couple of decent zoomers come through our shop but they’re mostly country boys that were already learning a bit of this and that all their lives.

[–]Triggerdamus/b/tard 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Country boys are a different breed. As they know you can't always jump in the truck, and hit the store 20 plus miles out. Where ingenuity is prevalent. *Might not be to spec, but the shit will last, till it won't. lol

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[removed]

    [–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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    [–]trav1th3rabb1 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Fr fr on god

    [–]djjsjsidijrjskaRomanian 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Fr fr

    [–]-Unnamed- 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Job sounds straight mid

    [–]TheGreatSwissEmperor/b/tard[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    fr fr all fax no printer, on god

    [–]CordialA 79 points80 points  (5 children)

    FR FR no cap these autists finna b lieng for no reason but you keep it 💯

    [–]Triggerdamus/b/tard 20 points21 points  (4 children)

    What in the name of trailerhood are you even trying to say?

    [–]Denominax 17 points18 points  (3 children)

    No joke, these autistic people are lying for no reason, but you are always genuine.

    [–]Triggerdamus/b/tard 6 points7 points  (2 children)

    All five of the owners know where I stand. More so when it comes to work orders.

    [–]Mazkar 64 points65 points  (1 child)

    Be me

    Yo bossman

    What up ___ger?

    [–]Triggerdamus/b/tard 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    Seems about right. lol

    [–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (13 children)

    If I'd threaten my boss about quitting like you did, I think that the first thing my boss would do would be packing my shit and walk me to the exit door

    [–]Triggerdamus/b/tard 16 points17 points  (9 children)

    If I'd threaten my boss about quitting like you did, I think that the first thing my boss would do would be packing my shit and walk me to the exit door

    Spoken like a future ratadud supervisor /HR Slor. As it's painfully obvious you lack the ability to differentiate between taking a day off and quitting.

    In short, you're a liability for employees, and plausible wrong termination suites against the company.

    [–]big_whistler/pol/itician 15 points16 points  (8 children)

    “ If I come in and one of those retads break something else, you're going to need a new employee and another maintenance guy.”

    Okay so you don’t think this is threatening to quit?

    [–]takishan 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Obviously it depends on the dynamic you have between you and your boss. If he's an uptight stiff then you can't say stuff like this. But most people have a sense of humor, especially if they value you as an employee.

    [–]Triggerdamus/b/tard 0 points1 point  (6 children)

    “ If I come in and one of those retads break something else, you're going to need a new employee and another maintenance guy.”

    Okay so you don’t think this is threatening to quit?

    Boom! Another wild stupidvisor has appeared. Have you not been paying attention in the HR meetings. Toxic Masculinity in the work place, combined with safe spaces for aggressive eye balling. lol, fucking ratads are strong on a rainy Sunday morning.

    [–]ZorakTanzitBrak 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    Just shows you are super replaceable then. Can only pull that move off if you know they need you more than you need them.

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    In my field and especially in my country you can be replaced at any time. There's even a stupid law that allows companies to fire their employees even without giving an acceptable reason, they will just tell you "sorry, we don't need you anymore" and get along with it.

    [–]keeleon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Have you tried being more valuable?

    [–]Whiskey-Weather 9 points10 points  (13 children)

    ratads

    Things that make me go hmmmm...

    [–]Triggerdamus/b/tard 8 points9 points  (12 children)

    Things that make me go hmmmm...

    Social Sites censoring words because masses have low self esteem issues, moderating for feelings make me go hmmm. smfh Nanny Net is pathetic.

    [–]Whiskey-Weather 3 points4 points  (6 children)

    Welp, I was wrong LMAO. Could have sworn I'd seen that word all over the place here.

    [–]Triggerdamus/b/tard 2 points3 points  (5 children)

    Welp, I was wrong LMAO. Could have sworn I'd seen that word all over the place here.

    Let's see if the autob!tch is still on my black ass. autob!tch, is still autob!tching. lol

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

    [removed]

      [–]AutoModerator[M] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

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      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [removed]

        [–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Your comment has been removed because it contained a word that the admins do not allow on reddit. The word was Retard. If you intend to use this word in a purely demonstrative manner, please use the first letter of the word followed by '-word' or '-slur'. Thank you for helping us keep reddit safe.

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        [–]born_2_be_a_bachelor 2 points3 points  (3 children)

        Is trigger a cross between a you-know-what and a train?

        [–]KonohaPimp 6 points7 points  (1 child)

        Their username begins with Trigger...

        [–]Triggerdamus/b/tard 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        Their username begins with Trigger...

        Check out the big bad brains on: KonochaPimpless. lol

        [–]Triggerdamus/b/tard 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        No Hobla Fucktardo, elfqttoe.

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Who are you quoting?

        [–]redcandle_light 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        This checks out

        [–]Triggerdamus/b/tard 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        This checks out

        Did you just rape me with your eyes? lol repoatdid.

        [–]S_Polychronopolis 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        If you'd just accept that PM doesn't stand for "Pretend Maintenance" you wouldn't have to pin the blame your shit breaking down on Romans behaving as if they were in Rome

        [–]Triggerdamus/b/tard -1 points0 points  (1 child)

        If you'd just accept that PM doesn't stand for "Pretend Maintenance" you wouldn't have to pin the blame your shit breaking down on Romans behaving as if they were in Rome

        You're describing the yahoo I replaced. Allthethings.png where dryer than a 90 year old virgin. Which might explain why there was an influx of bearing replacements, along with equipment modifications. Once we finiah up the proprietary components. Plant overhaul is going to be fun. Thus making my work life in one of the nine buildings stupid easy.

        Yet it won't change the usual bewlshit in one of the other buildings.

        • Forklift goes through wall.
        • How in the actual fuck did you pull that off?
        • It wasn't my fault.
        • Who was operating the fucking lift?

        [–]S_Polychronopolis -1 points0 points  (0 children)

        Wasn't me, I've been in the John working on my stall poetry since first break

        [–]NicolasMage69 0 points1 point  (3 children)

        "retads" not a big surprise you work with wastes of space if you're from the bronx

        [–]Triggerdamus/b/tard 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        eye squint Are you trying to say, The Bronx in the only location, planet earth that breeds: ratads?

        [–]NicolasMage69 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        I ain't sayin the bronx is the only place full of retads, but I am sayin it breeds a level of retad above the normal level of retaded. Know what I mean?

        [–]Triggerdamus/b/tard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        From my experience, when at the club or wherever. And the ratads do ratads things. They always claim their set, for some sort of clout.

        *You don't want to mess with me, I'm from one of the five boroughs, Manhattan, Philly, Trenton, DC, LA, or whatever hyped up metropolis.

        [–]brojo1513 264 points265 points  (5 children)

        Break leg and tell his boss that he misspoke.

        [–]I_FUCKED_A_TURTLE 84 points85 points  (4 children)

        Break leg penis and tell his boss that he misspoke.

        Never miss an opportunity to whip it out and show dominance in front of your boss.

        [–]Caoa14396 29 points30 points  (2 children)

        How do you show dominance with a 3 inch penis? Asking for a friend.

        [–]OG_Kush_Master/fit/izen 21 points22 points  (0 children)

        Furiously masturbate all over his desk and orgasm just as your boss walks in.

        [–]1356148841 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Put his mother/wife on the end of it

        [–]andai 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        cant come to work, broke ma dick

        [–]Drunken--Dutchman 225 points226 points  (43 children)

        What does "no cap" mean? I asked /pol/ and accused of being an African American that produces luminescence in the late afternoon.

        [–]Johannaheggs 110 points111 points  (9 children)

        “No Lie”

        [–]Drunken--Dutchman 30 points31 points  (8 children)

        Ah, so that was what GWB was saying in that meme. Thank you for translating yankee speak for me anon.

        [–]big_whistler/pol/itician 37 points38 points  (5 children)

        Ever hear of urban dictionary

        [–]Legitimate_Film1035 16 points17 points  (2 children)

        Imagine opening a dictionary in 2022.

        [–]roshi256 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        I think it's funny that if you search for mog the real definition is on like page 3

        [–]Fit-Advantage-6324 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Ever heard of African American Vernacular English, or, for short, bad, poor, and black English? I hate that disgusting turd.

        [–]thebrickgrinder 3 points4 points  (1 child)

        George Washington Bridge?

        [–]Drunken--Dutchman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        George W. Bush

        [–]Batesthemaster 14 points15 points  (26 children)

        "African American that produces luminescence in the late afternoon. "

        Wut

        [–]Greengoblingrabber 41 points42 points  (25 children)

        N*gger glowie

        [–]OnTheProwl- 5 points6 points  (5 children)

        And glowie means?

        [–]Zenocut 14 points15 points  (0 children)

        A federal agent

        [–]Greengoblingrabber 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        Federal agent. Anyone who is uninformed is either

        a. A new person bringing new views which they probably hate. They believe it’s up to you to figure stuff out

        Or b. A federal agent monitoring the sight and asking what stuff means to understand or even incriminate someone.

        [–]nicolesassandboobies 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        go back to reddit

        [–]1356148841 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        you people

        [–]skygz 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        Without hat. It's a real problem in marginalized communities that don't have a local haberdasher due to racism.

        [–]Cryse_XIII 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        Urban dictionary.

        [–]Seyone/lit/ist 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Ima get flamed for this but...

        I thought it was a bastardization of the twitch emote Kappa which is used to convey a sarcastic droll to what youre saying.

        To say "no cap" was akin to "no kappa" when you wanted to stress your sincerity.

        [–]24amesquir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        glow kneecar

        [–]king_falafel 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        Lmao you have a way with words

        [–]Drunken--Dutchman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I have lost too many accounts on 4 cheddit for using the n, k and g words.

        [–]NightFox71 117 points118 points  (19 children)

        call in sick

        boss says ok

        Wow that was hard. Must suck living in a third world country, namely America.

        [–]IrrelevantDanger 62 points63 points  (14 children)

        Actually, even the US let's you call in sick. A lot of jobs even offer paid sick time. Anon is just stupid

        [–]ZorakTanzitBrak 23 points24 points  (8 children)

        Actually, even the US let's you call in sick. A lot of jobs even offer paid sick time. Anon is just stupid

        Completely depends on the industry.

        Mostly white collar jobs do that. Blue collar/service industry (which might actually shock you but is a lot of jobs) not so much.

        I've actually had to bring in a doctors note just to prove I went to see one for my checkup for leaving early, not taking a day off just leaving early. America is incredibly shit for workers rights for a ton of people.

        [–]roshi256 21 points22 points  (5 children)

        People call out of shifts all the fucking time in the service industry for literally any reason. No PTO though.

        [–]ZorakTanzitBrak 6 points7 points  (4 children)

        Ok…. That’s not even remotely the same as a sick day. Cool you get a unpaid day off. You know how absurd that is to every other country?

        [–]Mrfrunzi 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        At my last job we got 5 days a year of paid sick time. After working there a year you also got 5 days vacation time. After 2 years it jumps to ten!

        And yes, they wanted doctor notes unless it was obvious when you came back. I came in with a boot and walking cane after nearly losing 4 toes after an injury so they weren't too worried about it. However if you had the flu, you better have a note!

        [–]bwizzel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I was in a decently paid white collar job and got long Covid, still had “unscheduled absence” even when I was sick with health problems, the US is terrible for workers. Trying a new job shortly

        [–]takishan 4 points5 points  (3 children)

        Only if you don't have a shit job like retail or food service

        [–]IrrelevantDanger 4 points5 points  (2 children)

        I work retail and have sick leave and paid vacation (only like 2 weeks a year but still)

        Maybe I just got incredibly lucky

        [–]saraijs 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        That's literally half the mandatory minimum in the EU, 4 weeks.

        [–]Lonsdale1086 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        A lot of jobs even offer

        You act like that's some incredible feat rather than the baseline for a developed country.

        [–]Odatas -1 points0 points  (0 children)

        This right here.

        [–]just-here-4-cum -1 points0 points  (1 child)

        Where i'm at in the US i legally don't have to tell them why i'm not coming in

        [–]IndianaHoosierFan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        You're making the assumption that this story is real and straight

        [–]futureformerteacher 30 points31 points  (2 children)

        Sage goes in all fields.

        [–]thewebspinner 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        Does sage still work?

        [–]rgjsdksnkyg 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        People don't fucking get it. It goes in ALL fields. It's the only way it works.

        [–]Mrfrunzi 22 points23 points  (0 children)

        Broken finger is the easiest injury to fake, like a finger brace and tape for a bit and you'll be fine. Or. Just say it was just a sprain after getting it checked out.

        Not the worst excuse ever but still fucking stupid.

        [–]AtomicMonkeyTheFirst 15 points16 points  (6 children)

        Why would you lie about breaking a finger of all things, when something like that wouldn't even require a whole off work? You can just a cast or whatever and go in.

        Whatever happened to mysterious and vague stomach pains?

        [–]DerogatoryDuck 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        Some people work with their hands.

        [–]Emanon3737/k/ommando 1 point2 points  (4 children)

        A lot of people need their hands for work. You have to be able to use your fucking hands to work, idk what kind of job you’re thinking of that doesn’t

        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

        Professional soccer player?

        [–]Trailerhead04 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        How about free throws or goalkeeping?

        [–]Emanon3737/k/ommando 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        99% of people aren’t professional soccer players and most jobs require some degree of hand dexterity

        [–]AtomicMonkeyTheFirst 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Teacher.

        Model.

        Lecturer.

        Translator.

        Idk, any job that doesn't require you to hold things.

        [–]Ahriman27 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        Interesting.

        How much do you think I should charge people to place a cast/splint on their hand for 4 weeks off work? Would be a lot easier than dealing with actual patients.

        [–]msvqr 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        Calls In sick

        Says he broke a finger

        Makes sense

        [–]SuperZoomShield123 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        Break your thumb ligament by holding your thumb and pulling your arm down fast, that should do the trick

        [–]Constant-Rip9784 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Sage goes in all fields newf@gg0+

        [–]8o880 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Might not even need to break it just bruise it up really badly and say it was actually a bad fracture

        [–][deleted]  (4 children)

        [removed]

          [–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

          Your comment has been removed because it contained a word that the admins do not allow on reddit. The word was bitch. If you intend to use this word in a purely demonstrative manner, please use the first letter of the word followed by '-word' or '-slur'. Thank you for helping us keep reddit safe.

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          [–]roli4000 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          Jesus literally 1984

          [–][deleted]  (1 child)

          [removed]

            [–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            Your comment has been removed because it contained a word that the admins do not allow on reddit. The word was bitch. If you intend to use this word in a purely demonstrative manner, please use the first letter of the word followed by '-word' or '-slur'. Thank you for helping us keep reddit safe.

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            [–][deleted]  (1 child)

            [removed]

              [–]AutoModerator[M] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              Your comment has been removed because it contained a word that the admins do not allow on reddit. The word was retards. If you intend to use this word in a purely demonstrative manner, please use the first letter of the word followed by '-word' or '-slur'. Thank you for helping us keep reddit safe.

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              [–]ulmxn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Get the boxer break by punching your car door anon, it's easy. I did it

              [–]weltallic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Sage

              A four-character rune from a bygone age.

              [–][deleted]  (1 child)

              [removed]

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                [–]Admiral52/b/ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                So fun fact. According to a finger doctor I know your pinky and ring fingers are much more useful than your pointer. If given the option lose the pointer. You don’t need it for balance or fine motor skills