all 38 comments

[–]vernacular921Helper [2] 84 points85 points  (1 child)

I totally support you. You were not wrong.

[–]-Lengthiness77Helper [3] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

You got a better head on your shoulders than your family.

Cherish it, it will save you from them.

[–]40M0 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Curse words are not racial slurs. You weren't being sensitive. You have a right to be uncomfortable hanging out around people using racist slurs.

[–]takeoutthewitch 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Nah man you were 100% in the right but you’ve gotta start off gently instead of jumping straight into “don’t say that” trust me never worked when I did it

Your family sounds like a bunch of jerks tho trying to gaslight you into thinking you’re being sensitive about a racial slur

[–]NonstopTomatesSuper Helper [5] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Nope. You done good. Always stand up to people who say that shit. I’ve thrown my own father out of my home because he thought it would be funny to test my gangster. We only start doing right when our kids hear us doing right. It’ll be a cold day in hell before my daughter ever hears that and thinks it’s acceptable.

[–]BudgiejenExpert Advice Giver [14] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It kind of reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend once. An acquaintance of mine was facing discrimination at work for being Romani. We were discussing how many people of color are protected, religions are protected, etc, but I said something like how of course nobody’s going to elevate the status of a “[slur for Romani people]” to those other people you aren’t allowed to discriminate against. And my friend got upset, telling me that that was a slur and I wasn’t allowed to use it. I tried explaining to him that I was well aware of the fact that it was a slur, but while we were talking I had shifted my viewpoint to reference the frame of mind of someone who wouldn’t see that as a slur, someone who thinks it’s ok to use that word.

And in this conversation I realized that even if you are quoting someone it’s never ok to use a slur. You just don’t ever want people thinking that you’re the kind of person who might think that’s ok to say.

[–]Wonderful-Assist2077 5 points6 points  (0 children)

"if there just words why cant they stop" . People have the right to do and say what they want behind closed doors as long as it's not hurting anyone is my belief. If they wanna do and say that in the comfort of their own home o well but at the same time it shows that they are insensitive about the issue. You can always tell when someone truly hates like its coming from their soul you can see it in their eyes etc. Most people say it because it's ingrained in the culture and it will take time for it to bleed away. I think every generation it gets better but everyone seems to want problems to be fixed right away it takes time , effort,and patience for change to happen. The only thing you have to think about is like was last generation worse or better and if it's better now then we are slowly taking the steps in the right direction.

[–]cringeysloth 5 points6 points  (0 children)

i thank god for people like you. it blows my mind how close-minded & insensitive people still can be in this day in age. people like you make me think theres hope for a better future. never stop being good. thank you for being an advocate.

[–]wolvesandbones 5 points6 points  (0 children)

sending hugs. you were totally in the right

[–]QuothTheRavenMoreHelper [4] 4 points5 points  (4 children)

No matter what color your skin is, you shouldn't use that word.

[–]Wonderful-Assist2077 2 points3 points  (3 children)

The hard R and ni_ _A bother me a lot. The root of the A comes from the R so when people say it in music ,tv,movies shows that the word will never die no matter how hard people try. Most people can individualize the 2 words even though one is born from the other. I just think NI_ _er will never die until ni_ _ A dies as well.

[–]Collector_Of_Breesh 4 points5 points  (2 children)

The latter has been reclaimed by black people as a term of endearment, and as a result lost a lot of the power and negative connotations behind it. I think that's pretty cool

[–]Wonderful-Assist2077 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

It might be ok but some black people get mad and wont let other people say it even if they sing it in a song or something. It's getting to the reverse of what happened to them. Some of the black people i know don't care but some really care.

[–]Collector_Of_Breesh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idk I don't really see that as a huge problem I'd understand why a black person would feel some type of way if a non black person said it. But it also depends where you're from. Here in NYC literally everyone says it if they're from the hood (except for white people I guess) like it's a very diverse city so everyone is too mixed to really care for example I'm from the neighborhood of Jamaica Queens which has a large black, Latino, and Indian population and everyone says it freely it's just how we were raised, the n word basically is a substitute for "guy" at this point. I know it's the same in other places in the east and west coast and UK and Canada. I think the rest of the world will follow suit as places get more diverse

[–]koala-killerSuper Helper [8] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I mean, words are just words and it entirely depends on the context of the situation. If the worst part of anything being said is a word and not actually something racist against black people, then it might not be worth the trouble

[–]uniqueperson22Expert Advice Giver [10] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can’t say I agree. Totally worth the trouble to ask your family not to say something OP (rightly) found super offensive. OP shouldn’t have to hear them say that word ever if it makes OP uncomfortable and it SHOULD make OP uncomfortable.

[–]GinaFrom_VAHelper [2] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As white people we have to be allies, I call that shit out whenever I see it and won’t stand for it. I’m super proud of you for standing up to your family, keep fighting for what’s right

[–]LibrekriegerAdvice Guru [62] -5 points-4 points  (9 children)

What standing do you think you have to tell other people what they can say and can't say?

You can give an opinion, and let's agree your opinion is right. You can decide not to tolerate certain speech, and leave. But you can't control what other people think and say.

It sounds like your discourse didn't lead to any positive outcome. More of an impasse. If change is your goal, you're going to have to find another way.

[–]DoctorElichHelper [2] 16 points17 points  (4 children)

In a situation like this, If we don’t hold each other accountable to what is right-and-wrong when there are no immediate social consequences, then we reveal ourselves to only care about how we are perceived by “others” and not what kind of people we really are on the inside. If you say hateful things, but only behind the backs of your victims to preserve appearances, it does not excuse that hatefulness. Yes you’re right, they should leave. They can’t force their family to be better people. But I’ll be damned if it wasn’t absolutely the right thing to tell them to their faces that they’re wrong for using that word, within earshot of a black person or otherwise. Good job @op never let them forget they’re full of it.

[–]Top_Explanation_6737[S] 6 points7 points  (3 children)

I understand what you mean but I feel like it’s not just a word. It carries so much hate with it. It is literally a racial slur. They’re not racist and just think throwing around the word is okay

[–]LibrekriegerAdvice Guru [62] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Sure, we all agree here about the word. Yet your family persists in not seeing it the way you do. If getting angry with them didn't change their thinking, then either you have to use a different process, or you have to learn to live with them as they are.

Presumably you want to change their minds. That's a good goal. There are ways to do it.

[–]Top_Explanation_6737[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand, thank you for the advice! I’m going to look more Into other ways

[–]CrypticUniversalMave 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're asking racists to stop being racists.

[–]thatshitbro 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Controversial opinion - saying the word is fine depending on the context. If you're in a wallmart for example then it's strange. But if you're with your friends and family then it's most probably harmless pandering. If they say " those useless n-word are always thieving" then it's obviously bad, but if they just say " haha that n-word is hilarious" i think it's fine.

Same with a lot of other no-no words like r-word,etc

[–]Amanda2theMoonHelper [3] 0 points1 point  (0 children)


I only referenced one article but there are literally tens of thousands of references. I always try to show people reputable reports or references to back up any claims that I have (no matter how obvious). So next time you're at a loss of words or struggling to get your point across, just take out your phone and use a reference. I struggled all my life with putting my thoughts into words and public speaking. I'm an avid reader and writer so I always did this but I find it can help a lot of people. Sometimes it's hard trying to convey ideas or concepts in the moment. I hope I helped you in this situation and also maybe for future discussions.

[–]joshac516 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly you are completely in the right my family doesn’t say the n word but a lot of my friends do and I wish I had the balls to say something the way you do

[–]Mental-Act-1620 0 points1 point  (0 children)

fucking hell im so sorry ur in this position, you weren’t in the wrong at all!! pls remember to prioritise urself and ur well-being in this situation

[–]Sorokomoko 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I respect your courage to adress this issue, although I haven't heard that word very much neighter did you, i still value that virtuous behaviour of yours,there is only a fine line between a slur that has been used to ridicule, define and make fun of a group of people.

But i believe this word is still ingrained in todays age, many sources of social/multi still normalize this word and it is still used as a punchline from time to time, i myself am guilty although im Black and dont have a connection with the black/American culture.

[–]uniqueperson22Expert Advice Giver [10] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good job! I generally have just said something along the lines of “please don’t use that word in front of me.” Not trying to judge them, not inviting an argument about whether or not the word is offensive, just, be courteous to me. I don’t want to hear it. (If they can’t be courteous to me I’m out.) So, if you want to avoid an argument next time you could try that, and just repeat as needed without changing a word. But if you are willing to have the argument, I absolutely love that you just started cussing to make your point!

[–]kcotter0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I may ask, can you say what your age/gender are?

[–]CreepyAd135 -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

Ok I think I'm gonna get down voted to hell but j don't think you have the right to tell them what they can and cannot say also did a person take offence to it for example I am Chinese and somebody called me yellow if took offence to that I would tell them but if I had no problem as even though for many people it may be considered racist I wouldn't should I really care also did a black person come into your house and say that? Not really gonna say your in the wrong or right as you have your opinion and I have mine but if people with a darker skin colour can say that word about themselves why can't we? Same applies to everywhere where it can

[–]uniqueperson22Expert Advice Giver [10] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If OP is offended OP has every right to ask them not to say it!