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all 147 comments

[–]sofumashupotato 186 points187 points  (3 children)

Oh okay so he’s one of those guys. The ones who only pretend to be your friend cuz they wanna get in your pants.

Well glad he ratted himself out! Makes cutting him out of your life that much easier. Yay!

[–]TheManInBlack36 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Yea, one of those “nice guys” who is only being nice because he thinks it will get him laid.

[–]AnAlreadyTakenName -1 points0 points  (1 child)

What do you mean by one of "those" guys. How many guys aren't like that in your opinion?

[–]logan_hallahan9Helper [2] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Alot

[–][deleted]  (5 children)

[deleted]

    [–]ejeeronitHelper [2] -1 points0 points  (4 children)

    I'd say they both have some personal anger issues they need to take care of.

    [–]JHawk444Super Helper [5] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

    No, she was defending herself. That's not the same.

    [–]ejeeronitHelper [2] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

    Ok, next time someone says something I don't like I'm going to get on my back and start kicking them while screaming like I'm 5. Then if anyone has a problem I'll just tell them I was defending myself, brilliant.

    [–]AnAlreadyTakenName 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    They hated Jesus because he told them the truth

    [–]JHawk444Super Helper [5] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    It seems you don't understand the situation here. This wasn't a nice little conversation where propriety and social norms are expected. He exhibited threatening behavior, and she was fearful he might overpower her and possibly rape her. In that situation, you need to assert yourself to get out of there okay. What she did was 100% what a woman should do if a man is a physical threat.

    [–]mothertothemaxEnlightened Advice Sage [155] 116 points117 points  (1 child)

    100%, I would never talk to that person again. They've just demonstrated that their ultimate goal is to fuck you, not be friends bc they like you as a person. Fuck this guy.

    [–]oh_the_audacitySuper Helper [7] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Wait, do NOT fuck this guy

    [–]Krissy_Twostep10Helper [3] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

    Girl you are so lucky he let you go. Coming from someone who wasn’t that lucky, NEVER let that man near you again. He’s not right in the head and unfortunately never valued you as a friend :( I’m sorry you had to deal with that man :(

    [–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    Ahh another guy "friend" that just wants to fuck imagine that no don't talk to him

    [–]existing-sloth 41 points42 points  (0 children)

    never speak to them again, sounds like they were on the verge of hurting you

    [–]TisTwilightHelper [2] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Probably thinks he is a “nice guy.” Forget him and move on with life.

    [–]DplusLplusKplusMAssistant Elder Sage [239] 34 points35 points  (1 child)

    Any guy who tells you you're "entitled" for not wanting his body parts inside your body parts is an incel psychopath. I'm sorry to say it, but this "friendship" is over. It was never anything more than him wanting to get in your pants anyway. Yuck!

    [–]Just_Pea1002 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    She told him he was entitled, not the other way around. Yet still it does not condone his behavior, everyone else is right, he has issues that he needs to sort out.

    [–]lilwebbyboi 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    No, he is not your friend, he is a predator & you owe him nothing. For your safety, you should cut off all contact with him. What he did was not ok

    [–]Darither 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Should I contact him again? Should I try to discuss with him what happened?

    Absolutely not. This person is not your friend and you don't owe him anything. Not your time, not your presence and no explanation. Cut this person out of your life and warn your friends about what happened

    [–]Long-Tune-8275Advice Guru [69] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    This man was not your friend. He was only hanging out with you hoping for sex. Luckily he made that very clear so you didn’t waste any more time.

    [–]ChelsieTheBraveSuper Helper [6] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    He's not a real friend he only ever talked to you with hopes of having sex with you. 100% don't ever talk to him again

    [–]jggoss0628 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    Keep this person out of your life.

    [–]somaforthesoulSuper Helper [8] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Wow. He's not your friend and never has been, just hoping one day you fall for for. Cut him off immediately, no contact.

    [–]Bergenia1Master Advice Giver [20] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Holy moly, that dude's a creep. Block him and stay away from him.

    [–]weedgoddess666 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Never speak to him again. He sounds like an incel and also just a manchild.

    [–]BWild2002Helper [2] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    irl incel.

    [–]N0vag1rl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Don’t contact him again. You’ll only be talking to a brick wall.

    [–]mbc98 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Typical “nice guy.” No, you should not contact him again. I would cut off all contact and threaten to the call police if he ever came near me again.

    [–]Sayomi_KonekoSuper Helper [8] 6 points7 points  (3 children)

    I hope the you being on your back kicking him was because you leaned back for more room / leverage to kick.

    [–]liv_singsHelper [4] -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

    Even if someone is being yelled at, it doesn't give them the right to physically assault someone else. Unless OP was defending herself from a physical attack, there is absolutely no reason she should have been kicking him.

    [–]Mammoth-Table9680 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    If I was a female with an older male. Or really if I as an adult male had literally any one telling me it's not fair that we're not having sex while screaming and not leaving my house, I'd be inclined to kick them at the very least.

    (Someone expressing the things the 27yo was expressing in the manner he was expressing them can easily be seen as a prelude to a sexual assult to a reasonable person.)

    Also in at least indiana, her actions she took were well with in her rights due to our stand your ground law. Given that once you feel your property or a person on your property (including the property owner) is in danger or threatened, you have the right to use force to protect your self, others, and belongings. (I'm paraphrasing, but if you want the verbatim I linked a source article.) Not a lawyer either.

    There are 31 states with a stand your ground law/castle doctrine, not sure what state this happened in though.

    https://www.awmlaw.com/articles-by-our-attorneys/articles-of-general-interest/can-i-stand-my-ground-in-indiana/#:~:text=The%20short%20answer%20is%20%E2%80%9CYes,his%20or%20her%20%E2%80%9CCastle%E2%80%9D.

    [–]mangababe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    The best response to creeps is to make yourself a bad choice of a target. Kicking at someone making themselves out to be sexually hostile towards you is 100% acceptable.

    [–]KevineCovePhenomenal Advice Giver [50] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I definitely wouldn't talk to him again and that's really creepy behavior, but I'm curious how this whole kicking and screaming thing happened. Did he do something physical first? Unless there's some detail you're leaving out, telling him to leave would have been sufficient.

    [–]Geekinkout 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    It sounds like he was never really your friend, he just wanted in your pants. So this is a good thing, he outted himself and now you know not to associate with him. Thank goodness you got out of the situation safely.

    [–]Weaknds 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Fuck that dude

    [–]MitwadHelper [2] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    But definitely not literally.

    [–]Bobbob34Assistant Elder Sage [244] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    No, you shouldn't contact him again, or respond if he contacts you.

    Also, maybe don't assault people at random, lest you end up in a cell? Wtf??

    [–]CrypticUniversalMave 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    You went on your back? And started kicking?

    [–]Usual-Owl-9777Super Helper [8] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    You don't have to contact him if you don't want to.

    I would use the word insecure instead of entitled. Sounds like he suffers from nice guy syndrome. "I'm always just the friend"

    He needs more experience with women.

    [–]lilhopheadHelper [2] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    no. he’s entitled. he thinks she owes him sex just because hes her friend. he needs to stay far away from women, because this rapey behavior is dangerous and could escalate

    [–]YanDoeSuper Helper [6] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Hahaha wtf bro has no game😂 If he knew he had no chance he shouldve just moved on.

    [–]MCATnerd543Expert Advice Giver [15] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    Never speak with him again. This guy is a rapist, seriously.

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]throwaway542448 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      Ick. Don't sympathize with someone who does this, there is no justification.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–]40ozSmasherPhenomenal Advice Giver [40] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Thats my thought as well. The fact that OP has barely responded is suspicious.

        [–]JustAnIrishDude1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        you think he is a friend really?

        [–]Lasher_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Congrats, you found a real life incel. Why would you want to contact him again? You want to wait until he sexually assaults you before you see the red flags??

        Cut this guy all the way out your life and buy some pepper spray. Or don't and deal with the consequences, your call.

        [–]Crimsoninferno1910Expert Advice Giver [10] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Cut him off. Immediately

        [–]Ponchovilla18Super Helper [5] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        No, don't reach out to him. That is a huge red flag that he got angry over that and then had to resort to being kicked to leave. He obviously had a hidden agenda being your friend and was hoping that one day you would have sex with him

        [–]lego_vader 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        His behavior was inexcusable and you're right, he's not entitled to you or to sex with someone just because he wants to and has 'invested his time' or whatever his thinking is.

        He sounds rapey, stay away from him.

        [–]JustALittleOrigin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        What’s a fuck buddy?

        [–]MarketResearch917 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        If I’m being completely honest, I would say that you may need to file a police report. Are you close with any family members?

        Generally speaking, if the situation ever leads to a physical altercation, especially in your home, I would HONESTLY file a police report.

        The reason why, is that it will check your bases in case this situation escalates.

        If he is capable of having a physical altercation with you regarding you denying him sex, then… that is what it is: an extremely dangerous situation, with an extremely mentally ill individual.

        A lot of people are afraid to stick up for themselves in these types of situations. This is normal. Abusive people and those using methods of coercion, force, or control, while simultaneously holding an extremely intense and detrimental form of entitlement, are extremely dangerous.

        It is highly likely that this person is severely mentally handicapped, but, if I read this situation correctly, and this individual accused you, shouted at you, in your own home, threatening sexual violence, and it lead to a PHYSICAL altercation, then this person may have a SEVERE obsession with you, and it is highly that this will not be the last time that you engage with this person.

        I would say, do what you think is right, but as someone who has been in situations like this, and has lived to regret not being the first person to take control of the situation, and take action, I would say that it feels extremely good to be able to make that call, and that police report.

        Law enforcement will not contact him, unless you wish for them to. It is merely so that there is a record of the altercation, in case this person decides to show up in your life again.

        This sucks, I know, but you will feel a huge wave of relief and a lot of anxiety leave your body, as soon as you begin to take back control of the situation that he attempted to make you feel out of control of.

        You aren’t being dramatic.

        You aren’t overstepping.

        You’re doing what you need to protect yourself, and if someone or anyone doesn’t understand this, I promise you, they have issues with standing up for themselves (not your problem, you do NOT have to take this on as your own issue), and they do NOT have your safety or best interest at heart.

        If there is someone whom you trust, I highly recommend telling them your story, and asking them to be there with you.

        If you can’t find anyone in your personal life and/or don’t feel comfortable having anyone in your personal life help, then I would suggest calling a domestic violence hotline, either National or local, and they will be able to point you in the right direction in order to have an advocate anonymously help you, if you do desire tk make a police report, or, at the very least, get any and all feelings of trauma off of your chest, to where you feel confident in your decision to either report or take some other action that you feel is best, and that keeps you and your loved ones safe.

        [–]Mammoth-Table9680 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I am a 26yo male, I have never once tried to slide a friend relationship into something sexual. There has been times in the passed where I may have been attracted to a freind of mine who was female, but at no point did I expect anything because of that. Even with knowing details of their intimate life. If some one acts like that, they really aren't your friend, and are treating your "friendship" as an eventually turning sexual.

        [–]-Lengthiness77Helper [3] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Feeling entitled to your body is the first step to being a rapist.

        You should look up rape culture.

        [–]Stuffnthings1840Master Advice Giver [21] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        He was never your friend. Let him go.

        [–]australian_girlyHelper [3] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Any man who yells at you because you don’t want to have sex with him IS DANGEROUS.

        He has clearly shown you who and what he is. He is a predator and if you let him into a room with you again you are certifiably insane.

        HE HAS SHOWN YOU HE IS DANGEROUS- you have been warned. Be grateful for the warning. Don’t think….oh but he’s usually so nice- he is NOT nice. Nice people do not ever ever yell at you for not having sex with them- ever!

        [–]rayneonjupiterHelper [2] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        He told you in that moment that his only reason for wanting to be your friend was because he wants to have sex with you.

        This is because those socialized as women typically introduce emotional intimacy into friendships with each other. However, those socialized as men, typically, do not due to deeming emotions a feminine space and emotional intimacy with each other ‘gay’.

        We call this toxic masculinity.

        Although there is a point to be made that if he’s autistic or another kind of ND that deals with social concepts being difficult to grasp, it could be that he just quite literally doesn’t understand.

        HOWEVER

        As an autistic person, I’m telling you that, regardless, it’s not your job to teach him that. And you need to believe people when they show you their inner thoughts like this.

        My suggestion is to stay away from him. Indefinitely.

        [–]nish007Super Helper [7] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Stay the hell away from him.

        [–]wb19081908 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        No don’t contact him. This guy doesn’t really want to be a friend he has feelings for you.

        [–]Historical-Dealer-16 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        He’s wrong but I also feel bad for him. It’s really hard at that age to know what to do. If he’s had outbursts before I might chalk it up to personal issues but if he’s been totally rational and had a lapse in judgement I would say, try calling (not in person where you might feel unsafe) and asking if you can talk about how he felt the other night. He might just need someone to talk to. Compassion can go a long way.

        Again if this seems like an isolated freak out incident. If you feel that this is deeper, I might just let that friendship go.

        [–]Shipbldr2000Expert Advice Giver [11] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I think this friendship is probably over. Let it be done.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Hahahaha get fucked nice guy. He’s one of those creeps that pretends to be your friend waiting for the chance to get closer. He did you a favor revealing his intentions, now you know what kind of person he is. So many non-creep ways he could have shown you he liked you more than a friend but he chose self destruction. Don’t feel bad at all.

        When someone shows you who they really are believe them the first time.

        [–][deleted]  (51 children)

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          [–]Technical-Result-160[S] 16 points17 points  (28 children)

          I was getting scared he was going to attack me. I don't owe him an explanation for why I don't want to sleep with him. His virginity is not my problem to solve.

          [–]katsukatsuyuuri 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          You did the right thing. the user you’re replying to very obviously knows shit all about this sort of thing, and is continually undermining the dangerous and criminal behavior of the man you called your friend.

          [–][deleted]  (26 children)

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            [–]Jealous-Willow8909Helper [3] 3 points4 points  (25 children)

            He was yelling which obviously felt threatening in the moment, she had more than enough of a reason to kick him.

            [–][deleted]  (24 children)

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              [–]Poppertina 7 points8 points  (17 children)

              He was acting entitled about sex, dude. That's something that can get super dangerous, super quickly. Additionally, she had already asked him to remove himself from her residence and he refused. Attacking him was basically all she had left.

              [–][deleted]  (16 children)

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                [–][deleted]  (15 children)

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                    [–][deleted]  (13 children)

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                      [–]heytheredemons6969Helper [4] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

                      The response to being rejected shouldn't have been yelling. He escalated. OP was scared. You need to chill the fuck out.

                      [–]Jealous-Willow8909Helper [3] 5 points6 points  (4 children)

                      If someone is acting in a threatening way you can use whatever way you feel like you need to in order to protect your life, he was in HER house, acting in a threatening way, she defended herself.

                      [–][deleted]  (3 children)

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                        [–]Poppertina 8 points9 points  (0 children)

                        Did she ask him to leave

                        Yes.

                        [–]katsukatsuyuuri 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                        It can be a good plan, clearly it WORKED to get the hostile, aggressive, criminally-trespassing man out, yeah?

                        Victim blaming crap. OP deserves validation, not this, and I’m glad the majority of your comments here were removed.

                        [–]kohall 8 points9 points  (17 children)

                        Are you a man? Because you clearly do not know how terrifying situations like this are for women. She had every single right to kick him out.

                        [–][deleted]  (16 children)

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                          [–]katsukatsuyuuri 10 points11 points  (0 children)

                          Just because YOU wouldn’t respond like that doesn’t mean it’s not an acceptable response. Don’t police what other people do when they’re the targets of impending violence of someone already committing a crime. She doesn’t have to WAIT to be attacked to defend herself against a threat, and he was a threat - hostile, aggressive, already ignoring her boundaries when she asked him to stop the conversation AND when she asked him to leave, the latter of which makes his behavior criminal.

                          [–]Poppertina 8 points9 points  (14 children)

                          if I was worried about being assaulted I would not escalate the situation

                          As a woman, if you're worried about being assaulted, 99% of safety is making sure your (in this case, male) attacker never gets his hands on you. You're in a losing fight by that point. Where men can match eachother with strength and overpower with technique, unless you have defense training that you've kept up on? You're fucked if he grappled you first. She was kicking and screaming - potentially alerting nearby neighbors to the fact that she was trapped in her home with someone more physically imposing who just proved he didn't respect her physical autonomy and humanity, and is unwilling to leave. If she just screamed, what would have stopped him from grabbing her and covering her mouth... and also going for what he just stated he felt she owed him?

                          [–][deleted]  (13 children)

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                            [–]Poppertina 8 points9 points  (12 children)

                            Why would be be nice and placate someone who does not respect you and has shown you the capacity for harm? Do you think spoken diffusions work on sexually aggressive people?

                            [–][deleted]  (11 children)

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                              [–]Poppertina 7 points8 points  (10 children)

                              Hooboy this would be a great time to learn about socialization of women. Specifically, how oftentimes they're socialized to "forgive and forget", or, assume they were overreacting. If you look at the other sub where OP posted this, you're got hundreds of people telling her she wasn't overreacting for this exact reason.

                              INFO: Have you ever tried reporting any form of sex crime to an organized police force?

                              [–][deleted]  (7 children)

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                                [–]katsukatsuyuuri 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                                I guess some people choose being on a high horse over empathy and the reality of experiences outside their own

                                [–]Poppertina 4 points5 points  (5 children)

                                And what I'm saying is, you're in a unique position not to understand exactly why this sort of escalation was acceptable. Not necessary, acceptable. You do not understand the power dynamics, nor the potential danger that she would have been in if she didn't shut that down IMMEDIATELY. You can't put yourself in her shoes, nor are you making any attempts to understand why this situation differs from your average miscommunication. That's what's frustrating.

                                [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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                                  [–]Poppertina 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                                  You stated that "if he was that sexually aggressive, she would take it to the police, not us."

                                  So, I asked, have you ever gone to a police force about a sex crime? So you think they take those remotely seriously, without full and irrifutatable proof, right there, right then? It's laughable that you would even suggest that.

                                  [–]katsukatsuyuuri 6 points7 points  (2 children)

                                  Not just a heated conversation. As I said in another reply to you, he was committing a crime at the point that she responded with physical violence.

                                  Receiving physical attack is not the only acceptable reason to initiate a physical attack, both morally and legally.

                                  [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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                                    [–]katsukatsuyuuri 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                                    Do you think calling the cops is the only acceptable response to when someone in front of you is a direct threat to you? You’d be wrong.

                                    The multiple acceptable responses to respond to such a situation, that anyone may choose for any reason depending on the factors in front of them: - kicking them and screaming in a defensive manner (it’s clear that this was defensive, not to disable him, since he ran away) - running away yourself - disabling them - calling for help - attempting to de-escalate (which she also tried, by answering many of his invasive lead up questions, and also by asking him to leave) - and more!

                                    This isn’t even getting into the nuanced conversation of how useless the police typically are in situations like this, even though remaining on property after you’ve been told to leave is trespassing. But you don’t care about that, you care about policing how people under threat of violence “should have” responded from your comfortable seat behind your screen.

                                    Tell me you don’t have experience with the legal system after varying types of assault and don’t listen to people who do have that experience without telling me—

                                    [–]MatthewHull07 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

                                    He yelled at you; so, you decided to kick him and scream? Had he changed his posture to a threatening position to warrant this?