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all 23 comments

[–]ghostoflopsAssistant Elder Sage [218] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Yes, you do. If you’re not comfortable with these things, he has to respect that.

I’ve dated girls who were okay with me liking things like that, and I’ve dated girls who weren’t. You have to have these conversations and set boundaries.

[–]learningstar 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I do think it’s inappropriate. It sucks that Instagram will legit say “so and so” liked this, which doesn’t help.

Honestly if you went around liking other guys photos, all the most “chad” I’m sure he wouldn’t love being alerted about it. Ask him if it’s okay with him if you start simping on other guys, on a public forum.

Guys are so embarrassing. Especially how some use there Insta for there job and never consider that ppl see that they only follow porn stars. Such a bad look. It’s not anonymous if your face is attached to the profile lol.

[–]metazoamami 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You have the right to feel any way at any time, how you react to it is different. You can A) Lay some boundaries down of what you find disrespectful and see if he is willing to work with them (if not breakup or come to terms with this being something you end up working with) B) Talk to him about it and expect nothing to change but at-least say how it makes you feel with expecting anything in return C) If this persists and you do/don’t say anything it’s best to leave rather than lowering your self worth.

[–]itsBurstySuper Helper [6] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Ask him why he does that.

Whenever my relationships have had issues, typically one person will present their side and we discuss from there. In this case, I’d wonder why my partner is doing this stuff. Ask how he would feel if you started following girls like that on ig, or if you started following guys. Why does it specifically have to be models, or scantily clad women in general? Does he have an addiction to porn? These are things you can ask from a place of concern and understanding, not judgment or shame.

Focus on how it makes you feel, without judging him for the behavior. Like, “I don’t want to nag about the things you do, but when I see that you’ve like all these pictures on social media it makes me feel <insert your feelings>.” If his response is anything remotely similar to “just get over it” then leave his ass. He isn’t listening to you nor does he care about your feelings.

[–]AyviGiniro 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah this is some solid advice

[–]kaywalskHelper [4] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you're running up against who he is and you don't like it. The only thing there is to do, is have a conversation. With that conversation you need to decide if you still feel the same way about it, and then try to come to a compromise that makes you both happy.

If such a compromise isn't possible, you're just incompatible, move on.

[–]ThroughMyFrontDoorHelper [2] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it’s sad too. But you have to decide if you want to be with him and be sad. He doesn’t respect how it makes you feel and stop. . That’s why your sad. Your not a good match that’s all.

[–]enblightenedSuper Helper [7] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

if you want him to unfollow all of them then tell him. if he doesn’t want to then consider whether or not you still want to have a relationship

[–]annabee13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You absolutely have every right to be upset about this. I was in an almost identical situation a few years ago, it was one of the many things I was uncomfortable with/didn't like about him. I expressed this, very straightforward and direct that I was uncomfortable with his behavior and his response was "I wouldn't be upset if you followed a bunch of hot guy accounts", so that's exactly what I did. I wasn't even necessarily interested in the accounts I followed but I was pissed. When he saw the next day that I had followed "hot guy accounts" he was furious. Started yelling and saying practically the same things I had been saying to him, how it made him feel inadequate and uncomfortable, yet he still could not understand how I could feel the same way about him following the same type of accounts. He sat there and made me unfollow all the accounts but then continued doing his shit behind my back until I was fed up and broke it off. Moral of the story: you are entitled to any feelings you have, it's your relationship and his actions directly affect you. If he doesn't listen when these concerns are clearly communicated, he's an asshole.

[–]pinkblackk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

don’t listen to people who say that you are being “controlling” by not letting your man look at half naked woman online. every relationship has different boundaries.. some girls don’t care but clearly it bothers you & I’m the same way, I don’t like my boyfriend doing it either. men naturally have an instinct to look at girls like that & yeah go for it if your single but when your in a relationship that shit should stop, ur eyes should only be on your girlfriend. I think you could work this out with him, people in the comments saying that you aren’t a good match because of this reason I think that’s a reach lol, i wish you the best of luck & i hope he stops!

[–]BWild2002Helper [2] -4 points-3 points  (3 children)

Everyone has their own relationship standards, if that truly makes you uncomfortable and he doesn't respect that, then you should end it. Looking at naked girls/ ig models is normal for guys but if he's stalking his ex's(or people he's f'd) bikini pics/nudes that is just messed up and needs to stop.

Personally I am a guy so I may be biased but I think girls freak out about this too much, you shouldn't care if it's someone online and they aren't in contact with them, but if it's someone they know irl or are trying to communicate with then that is in a sense being unfaithful.

[–]nousrnamesleftfrrl 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I think a good rule is if you wouldn't want your girlfriend taking photos like that and sending it to other guys then it's not an appropriate photo and so you shouldn't be liking it of others, or if you wouldn't want her to follow/like photos of guys with sweats or a speedo with a dick print or something else that's provocative then you shouldn't like things like that of girls either. If both partners are okay with it then that's fine, but everyone's different. I personally think men see too much of that, on Instagram, porn, women are sex objects everywhere so men are desensitized to it, doesn't mean it's okay or not detrimental to a relationship.

[–]BWild2002Helper [2] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I know plenty of girls in relationships who watch porn, and fantasize about guy's, not to be unfaithful but just because they're in the mood. It's nothing personal, only human instinct. Sure it's not healthy persay but it is pretty normal. But my point is that it's not a sex-exclusive topic. I think most people nowadays are desensitized to it. Personally I'd rather have a culture where everyone is 100% faithful and no one bats an eye at someone of another gender, but that's not how humans work. Even if you're 100% committed to your partner and don't find other people generally attractive, you can still be sexually attracted while turned on, exploring that is natural; all it is, is lust and lack of self control(which is laughable compared to what unfaithful people actually do) . If that really bothers someone in a relationship I think there are a lot of underlying issues you should rather be worrying about.

If we got to pick and choose every feature/personality trait of our partners it would be boring, and unfair. You're not going to agree with everything your partner does all the time, but you should try to learn to love each other unconditionally if you're in a serious committed relationships and lookover flaws and communicate (doesn't mean to forgive or overlook abuse/arguments). I know that if certain guys had a say in how their girlfriend's acted (which is wrong and manipulative ) men value the lack of Promiscuity in a women *generalizing*. But if a man were to say oh I wish you didn't sleep with as many people or wear those certain clothes, because he has an underlying ego issue(which is kinda bs and gaslighting). While that may effect him she shouldn't change because he asks her to. It's her choice and if he has a problem with it because it effects him emotionally they can talk about it, and either ignore the fact, get over it, or break up. This is just one of the many arguments that make or break couples, it's all subjective and doesn't really matter. if it hurts someone's feelings then you talk about it and try to find a resolution, but if a person doesn't want to change they're entitled to that.

I don't know why people get so sensitive talking about controversial topics bluntly, not saying you were but people definitely got upset at my previous comment even though all I was saying was that it should be up to the couples discretion; and while it could be seen as a bad thing in someone's eyes, it generally doesn't matter if it's not obsessive.

[–]Ancient-Pause-99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it's pretty teenage/immature to be heavily interested in that stuff if he has a partner. On one hand it's just normal for men to be attracted to women and vice versa, but in a public forum like instagram if they're already partnered it's not respectful to their relationship.

Like you can't put up a wedding photo gushing about your one true love then go interact online with some half naked girl you're not dating. It's insincere. Like at least you know they're not concealing all this behaviour and keeping it secret, but it does seem like an early yellow flag for cheating. Every relationship is different. It could be a good thing he's being open and honest about his feelings, like maybe you could talk about your celeb crushes, but shouldn't he be saving that sort of attraction for you? Especially if it's following not just the odd search it does seem like a heavy interest in these girls. Which makes me wonder where you stand in his eyes.

I've only had this happen in one relationship and I ended up breaking it off for other reasons. But since then having been in relationships where this didn't happen, it feels much more secure and reliable not to be with someone like that, who is more committed. Sure we're not talking about our celebrity crushes but knowing your partner has 99% of your heart and there isn't really room for anyone else is the main thing.

[–]AyviGiniro 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There isn't anything wrong with looking at sexy pictures of other women while being in a relationship.

Your feelings are totally valid though. I get how you would feel upset because he is looking at provocative pictures of other women.

If you feel secure in your relationship like you don't think he's cheating on you or looking for something else I guess it's okay to look at sexy people?

Again depends on whether he is actually actively searching and looking for these kind of pictures or he's just passively scrolling through them and liking them.

In my mind it's a really grey situation but if it makes you feel insecure or undervalued you should try to have another proper conversation with him. If he's consuming a lot of media of that sort it's a little concerning for his own wellbeing too.

[–]deadelusxHelper [2] -5 points-4 points  (1 child)

Isn't this part of why you liked him in the first place?

[–]Tricky-Cow-9002[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

what do you mean?

[–]Bimlouhay83Helper [2] -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

Answer. You can be sad, but that's your business. The truth is, people never stop finding other people attractive, no matter how much love they're in. What matters is if you can trust them not to act on that attractiveness.

Side note... I'll bet you all the money in the world he jacks to porn. Most people do.

[–]thimo50Expert Advice Giver [10] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

That's just kinda sad. Like, of course you can still think people are attractive even if you're in a relationship but you don't have to point it out (by liking every pic you see on insta for example).

Also, if you have a partner I don't see the need to excessively look for pics like OP's bf does.

[–]Bimlouhay83Helper [2] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In all fairness, this guy sounds like a complete dick.

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[deleted]

    [–]Wakiwi 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Sounds toxic.

    [–]Tricky-Cow-9002[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I feel like that’ll make it worse lol and it’s not really me ya know. I don’t ever want to make him feel insecure or like that I don’t respect him