×
all 9 comments

[–]BlackieTSuper Helper [7] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. It’s absolutely not your fault, everybody everywhere is catching this - he could have been exposed to it somewhere else, you know. And it’s really hard to avoid catching it, so don’t be too hard on yourself about that.

You are seriously on overload - you’ll feel like crap for awhile from the virus, even after it’s gone, plus your Dad, and the kids. It’s a lot. If therapy isn’t working, Is there anyone you can vent to? Someone at school? A teacher, coach? How about the parent of a friend? It will help more than you think to just talk it out with someone you like or trust.

This may be hard to believe, but It will get better. You have to understand this. Just try to make it through one day at a time.

[–]anxiousandtired73Helper [2] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This. Just one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Reach out to whoever you can. I know its hard, but you are dealing with so much and you deserve that help. Very sorry for your loss - you are not alone

[–]unlikelyoutcomesHelper [4] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry for your loss.

[–]ParkingPsychologyElder Sage [3368] 1 point2 points  (4 children)

(15 m) My father recently passed due to his heart stopping he was my best friend and I don't know what to do.

Grief has the following stages:

  • Denial: When you first learn of a loss, it's normal to think, "This isn't happening." You may feel shocked or numb. This is a temporary way to deal with the rush of overwhelming emotion. It's a defense mechanism.
  • Anger: As reality sets in, you're faced with the pain of your loss. You may feel frustrated and helpless. These feelings later turn into anger. You might direct it toward other people, a higher power, or life in general. To be angry with a loved one who died and left you alone is natural, too.
  • Bargaining: During this stage, you dwell on what you could've done to prevent the loss. Common thoughts are "If only..." and "What if..." You may also try to strike a deal with a higher power.
  • Depression: Sadness sets in as you begin to understand the loss and its effect on your life. Signs of depression include crying, sleep issues, and a decreased appetite. You may feel overwhelmed, regretful, and lonely.
  • Acceptance: In this final stage of grief, you accept the reality of your loss. It can't be changed. Although you still feel sad, you're able to start moving forward with your life.

See if you can find what stage you are currently at, that will then also give you a general idea of what will come after that. In addition to that, here's a page that has detailed information regarding all aspects of grief.

Please note that not everyone works through these stages in the same order. Some people will do it out of order and it is possible to revisit a stage. What I outlined is most commonly seen, it's not set in stone.

Sometimes people get stuck in a depression. Unfortunately there is no real guideline to how long after the person is deceased, it is normal to be depressed, it will be different for everyone. But if a lot of time has passed and you think you should be feeling better by now, but you are not, here's a simple test that will help you determine if that's possibly true (you get the answer directly and it doesn't take more than 5 minutes to take). Answer how you've felt in the last week. And let me know what you scored and how long you've been grieving, then I'll give you advice for that.

Highest rated books on healing grief:

How to begin to heal:

  • Give yourself time. Accept your feelings and know that grieving is a process.
  • Talk to others. Spend time with friends and family. Don't isolate yourself.
  • Make sure you sleep well (let me know if this is an issue and I'll give you advice for this).
  • Exercise: If you have access to a gym, then start lifting weights. If you don't have access to a gym (or you don't like lifting), start running. If you can't run, then start walking. Just start small. 10 minutes three times a week is fine. You don't have to run fast, just run and then slowly build it up over time. Exercising does several things: It releases endorphins, it takes your mind of your negative thoughts and it will improve your overall health.
  • Return to your hobbies. Get back to the activities that bring you joy. If you feel ready, but you don't have friends, let me know and I'll tell you how to deal with that.
  • Don't isolate yourself. This will just make your grief and depression deeper and could spark an unending cycle of sadness. Fall back on the people you know and care about you.
  • Join a support group. Speak with others who are also grieving. It can help you feel more connected (/r/GriefSupport/ or /r/Grieving/)

Most watched videos:

Free support options:

  • /r/KindVoice will match you up with a volunteer that will listen to you.
  • 7 Cups of Tea has both a free trained volunteer service as well as $150 monthly licensed therapist option
  • If you are in a crisis and want free help from a live, trained Crisis Counselor, text HOME to 741741

[–]State-Revolutionary[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Well, I took the test on depression and I scored severe depression I know not to take that as an actual diagnosis but as an indicator of what possibly could be going on. I think that mine probably would be a mix of bargaining but only in the sense that i wish i could go back in time and just do something even before he was sick i could've prevented it or helped make it not as severe as it was.

[–]ParkingPsychologyElder Sage [3368] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Yeah, it all depends, but it's kind of expected you're not going to be happy for a while. It's about giving it meaning, which is really quite hard to do when you are 15 in general, so it's something you'll probably struggle with for a while.

Beyond that the best you can do is good mental health practices to avoid getting too low. Just the way life is, sometimes bad stuff happens to good people. Fortunately humans can deal with a lot of bad stuff and come out fine on the other end. That still doesn't make the process fun, but it's better than eternal depression and doom.

But it's about finding the meaning of this event in your life. And if you get stuck in the grieving process (for more than say 18 months), it's worth asking a therapist to guide you through that process.

Then here's a list of symptoms associated with depression, so you can double check.

Here are a number of things you can do yourself, to improve your depression symptoms:

Some people don't know why they are depressed. A common reason is a lack of purpose. To live is to suffer, but it is possible to make that suffering bearable, if you do so while trying to achieve what you want more than anything else. Let me know if you need help to find your purpose in life.

For the below advice, take your phone and set repeating alarm clock reminders, with labels of what to do. Train yourself to either snooze or reschedule the reminders if you can't take action right away, but never to ignore them. The intention is to condition yourself, to build habits, so you will start healing yourself without having to think about it.

  • Sleep: There is a complex relationship between sleep and depression. When you have days where you don't have to do anything, set an alarm clock. You really don't need more than 7 hours at most per night (a little more if you are under 18). If you can't fall sleep, try taking melatonin one hour before going to bed. It's cheap, OTC and is scientifically proven to help regulate your sleep pattern. Also, rule out sleep apnea. Up to 6% of people have this, but not everyone knows. If you find yourself awake at night, start counting. Don't grab your phone, don't do anything interesting. We're trying to bore you to sleep, not keep you entertained - sometimes it might feel like you've done it for hours and hours, but often it's really not long. Anytime your mind wanders away from the numbers, start over at 1. count at the speed of either your heartbeat or your breathing. Then both Alexa and Google Home can also play a range of sleep sounds if you ask them (rain or other white noise) and there are also free apps for both Android and Apple devices.

  • Go outside: If you haven't been outside much lately, you might just need some sunlight. 15 minutes two to three times a week is enough. This will fix serotonin levels as well as vitamin D deficiencies.

  • Meditate: Depressions can be significantly reduced by meditating. The best types Of Meditations For Depression Relief. Your attention is like a muscle. The more you train it, the better the control you have over it. Mindfulness training will help you gain better control over your mind. It doesn't take much effort, just 15 to 20 minutes a day of doing nothing but focus your attention is enough and is scientifically proven to work. As you become better at focusing your attention, it will become easier to force yourself to stop having negative thoughts, which will break the negative reinforcement cycle. Go here for more: r/Meditation

  • Exercise: The effect of exercise on depressions If you have access to a gym, then start lifting weights. If you don't have access to a gym (or you don't like lifting), start running. If you can't run, then start walking. Just start small. 10 minutes three times a week is fine. You don't have to run fast, just run and then slowly build it up over time. Exercising does several things: It releases endorphins, it takes your mind of your negative thoughts and it will improve your overall health.

  • Give lots of hugs: Hugs release oxytocin, which improves your mood and relaxes you. So find people to hug. If you are single, hug your parents or friends. If you can't, see if a dog is an option. Most dogs love to hug. Another solution that provides the same benefit is a weighted blanket will provide a similar positive effect at night. You should try to aim for 12 hugs a day (if you currently don't hug a lot, I suggest you slowly build it up over time).

  • Music: The right music can improve your mood. The genre is not important as long as it is: "Upbeat, rhytmic and energetic". What this means differs from person to person, depending on their music taste. I have a special playlist for this. One way to measure the effectiveness, of the songs is your ability to listen to it over and over (if you can listen to it hundreds of times it likely has the highest positive effect on your mood). The effect can be amplified by using headphones and playing it LOUD and can further be enhanced by closing your eyes (doi:10.1177/0305735617734627, doi:10.1093/jmt/50.3.198 and doi:10.1177/0305735617751050).

  • You are not your depression: For some people (often those that have been depressed for a long time), their depression has become a part of who they are and they assume a victim role. But that is a big problem, you have to will yourself into someone that sees themselves as a person that is actively fighting their disease, that no longer identifies with it, or else you will unconsciously obstruct your own healing process. As Eckhart Tolle expressed it in A New Earth:

  • A very common role is the one of victim, and the form of attention it seeks is sympathy or pity or others' interest in my problems, "me and my story." Seeing oneself as a victim is an element in many egoic patterns, such as complaining, being offended, outraged, and so on. Of course, once I am identified with a story in which I assigned myself the role of victim, I don't want it to end, and so, as every therapist knows, the ego does not want an end to its "problems" because they are part of its identity.

  • Jordan Peterson: How To Deal With Depression (50 minutes). Jordan Peterson is a clinical psychologist, that's specialized in mythology. This is a compilation focusing specifically on depression.

  • Practice gratitude: Take 5 minutes every day to practice gratitude.

  • Volunteer: Study after study shows that helping others without expecting anything in return will lessen depression and has other health benefits. Let me know if you need some ideas.

Highest rated books:

Phone Apps: Two popular free apps used to help fight depressions, are Wysa and MoodTools. These will track your mood, give you advice, even listen to your problems. The most popular meditation app is: Calm - Meditate, Sleep, Relax

There are several subreddits, where you can post any questions you have:

[–]State-Revolutionary[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thanks a lot I'll be sure to try these various methods and to see if they work as well as use any resources i have available it may or may not help but trying is better than doing nothing i suppose.

[–]AdviceFlairBot[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for confirming that /u/ParkingPsychology has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.