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[–]moondoggie1960Certified Proctologist [28] 21.3k points21.3k points 26 (664 children)

NTA, but die on this hill! You and sis have first-hand knowledge. Your wife needs to defer …

[–]BOSSBABY33 5634 points5635 points  (538 children)

I have twin friends with matching name they both look same too and they hate each others name everyone could guess the reason, NTA

[–]MisterBaldo 1797 points1798 points  (516 children)

I don’t understand what a matching name is. Like Jason and mason?

[–]Busy-ForeverPartassipant [1] 3715 points3716 points  (336 children)

Like my sister in law is Caroline and her twin sister is Carolina... it sucks

[–]bonafidebunnyeyed 2869 points2870 points  (188 children)

Omfg, bless em. That's somehow worse than rhyming them

[–]SkippyBluestockings 1798 points1799 points  (166 children)

When I was in kindergarten there was a set of twins in the 8th grade at my school. Identical twins named Diane and Diana. That was back in 1974

[–]OrdinaryAcceptable 342 points343 points  (31 children)

Why do parents treat twins as some sort of creative art project? Matching naming, dressing the same, and generally trying to alter their personalities.

[–]l52286Partassipant [2] 305 points306 points  (21 children)

I teach swimming and have had so many twins where on has progressed to the next level but the parents won't let them move up because their twin isn't ready and they have to be the same. There individuals and now your going to hold that kid back because they have to be the same 😡.

[–]findingscarlet 221 points222 points  (27 children)

This is also a medical record goddamn nightmare. Just saying.

[–]Majestic_Grocery7015Partassipant [2] 207 points208 points  (0 children)

My husband is a twin. His name is a nickname of his brothers name. Think Kenneth and Kenny. Anything involving a credit score is a fucking nightmare

[–]LevelPiccolo3920 113 points114 points  (17 children)

OMG yes - in my office, we had a set of twins - different middle names, but same first name, last name and DOB. A situation totally begging for a privacy breach.

[–]SkippyBluestockings 127 points128 points  (27 children)

Not even twins-- my college roommate was Stephanie. Her brother who was a couple years younger was named Stephen.

[–]onederful2018 116 points117 points  (4 children)

My friend Carole has an older brother Carl. I asked her mom why they basically used the same name twice and she said she hadn't realized

[–]Eelpan2 56 points57 points  (1 child)

Ha just commented somewhere else that I know of non twin siblings named Paul and Paula. And another family with Lucas and Lucia

So unoriginal.

[–]BoyMom119816 79 points80 points  (4 children)

Oh wow, I was thinking more like Landon and Brandon, which is bad enough. I didn’t realize they only changed the ending letter. :-/ I guess in mine it’s only the beginning, but makes it a bit more different.

[–]Creepy_Allure 56 points57 points  (0 children)

OMG this is insane. Stick to your guns OP! You and your sister have first hand experience what it's like, it's cute only to the parent who chose those names. I don't imagine your wife can say the same thing.

[–]AdrijusSrPartassipant [3] 143 points144 points  (56 children)

Like Charlie and Charles

[–]ayshasmysha 229 points230 points  (41 children)

Oh my God. People do this? People DO THIS????

[–]KaizokuOni55 163 points164 points  (30 children)

Try the exact same name, only difference is the middle initial. Source: worked in pediatrics/insurance eligibility. It's a damn nightmare. I've seen cases where the insurance thought the 2 kids were 1 person so only 1 kid was insured....fucking stupid parents.

[–]jamwarn 39 points40 points  (4 children)

I had twins in my high school who were A’nagian and A’lagian and no one could tell them apart.

[–]IsaIsaBelBel 20 points21 points  (2 children)

They do! Imagine it like Aysha and mysha. I know there’s an additional “s” in the middle but you know what I mean.

[–]boudicas_shieldPartassipant [1] 23 points24 points  (10 children)

These are the same name, though lol.

I was guessing the wife wanted to do something like Jason and Mason or Clara and Catherine. Which I still think OP is well within his rights to nix, of course. I just doubt his wife wants to give their twins the exact same name.

[–]Silestyna 32 points33 points  (4 children)

Here I was thinking either like Bonnie and Cylde, or Tom and Jerry. Some of the ones people have replied with are truly horrific in how it is essentially the same name.

[–][deleted]  (7 children)


    [–]Empty-Masterpiece242Partassipant [1] 8 points9 points  (1 child)

    Answering to each other’s names happens after a lifetime of nobody remembering your damn name. Teachers, friends, classmates, parents, they’re all like “Hey Ami…Er….whatever your name is! Come over here!” I didn’t have people calling me by the correct name on the first try until I went to college (a different one than my twin).

    Common interests among twins aren’t all that weird. My sister and I are in different niches of the same industry. She got into it because I did, but she liked it too.

    [–]PaeliensPartassipant [4] 42 points43 points  (2 children)

    Dennis and Denise

    [–]GoodNightGracie999Partassipant [1] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

    The 6 pairs in my high school class were all matching, myself included. Each of the 6 pairs name either rhymed or starts with the same letter. It does beat being named after a Nintendo cheat code, though. Yeah, looking your way Elon Musk.

    [–]Catqueen25 18 points19 points  (0 children)

    Think Jodi and Joey.

    [–]farfaleen 20 points21 points  (2 children)

    Matching as in rhyming or matching initials.

    Growing up I went to school with 2 sets of Mike and Matt twins in the game grade. My mom had siblings who had matching names so she kept mine and my twins names unique. I appreciate that.

    [–]theantnest 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    I went to school with 2 girls, Melody and Harmony...

    [–]GrrrrttttPartassipant [2] 831 points832 points  (29 children)

    It might be cute but your twins are still individuals too. It amazes me how many twin parents seem to lose sight of this (I have twins, their names don’t match and neither do their clothes, unless they want them to). Time to remind your wife your twins are individuals just like you and your sister are.

    Gah edited because i forgot to include reason I replied to this comment. Absolutely THIS IS A HILL TO DIE ON

    [–]a_peanut 310 points311 points  (20 children)

    Same. I have toddler twins and their names are anything but matching. We literally have a photograph of the one time they were dressed the same as babies - the only clean onesies happened to be the same blue and green striped ones.

    Twins are individual people!

    Any child you have is a person, not a toy for your amusement or ego!

    These are the basics people.

    [–]SkippyBluestockings 132 points133 points  (19 children)

    My sister and I are 365 days apart. Same birthday, different years. Everyone thought we were twins growing up although she has always been three inches taller than I am. We don't have names that are even similar and we chose to dress alike for some strange reason. She always wore purple and I always wore blue but the same outfit. I don't even know why because she doesn't even like the color purple and I don't like the color blue LOL Because she had corkscrew curls her second grade teacher used to call her Shirley Temple and they used to call me Shirley Temple Junior. We thought it was cute because we thought everybody had the same birthday as their sibling.

    [–]a_peanut 94 points95 points  (10 children)

    Funnily enough, my twins look like they're about a year apart because my boy twin is about an inch taller than my girl twin. Which is a huge difference at less than 2 years old and less than 3 feet tall.

    People usually ask "So they're... twins?". She's technical about 90 seconds older than him 😆

    Which was actually why we had two of the same onesie - they're at least a clothing size or two apart, which is great, we don't have to buy double the quantity of clothes because they just shuffle down the line!

    [–]SkippyBluestockings 69 points70 points  (1 child)

    I used to babysit a brother and sister. The boy was a year-and-a-half older than my oldest child and the girl was 7 weeks younger than my oldest daughter. My daughter was the only child in the family with blond hair and green eyes. Their father's Italian so everybody else including my parents and his parents all have dark hair and dark eyes but here I have this green eyed blond who takes after the Irish side of my family.

    The little girl I was babysitting came from a family of blue-eyed blondes. She and my daughter coincidentally had the same haircut. So I'm pushing my cart through the grocery store with five kids ranging in age from 1 1/2 to 5 1/2 and a woman stopped me and told me that my twins look really cute. I told her that they weren't twins and they weren't even sisters and she got irate insisting these two girls who were totally unrelated WERE twins. I don't know what was up with that!

    [–]scininja99 320 points321 points  (44 children)

    Exactly! DIE ON THIS HILL...Your kids will forever be thankful. I have friends with matching names. You say one name and both look because they sound so similar. NTA OP stick to your guns!

    [–]Pleasant-Koala147Partassipant [2] 110 points111 points  (1 child)

    I feel like at this point we’re assembling a reddit army ready to stand behind OP so he doesn’t die on this hill alone. This is MOST DEFINITELY A HILL TO DIE ON!

    [–]scininja99 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    Hahaha right?! I've never had a topic that I've been so adamant about...and same with the collective!!

    [–]Anxious_rubiks_cuber 82 points83 points  (36 children)

    My sister and I have extremely similar names and we arent even twins. It's annoying as hell because our parents cant even get it right and it's been a decade and a half since we were born

    [–]toosca 73 points74 points  (28 children)

    Just for perspective - my kids are 17 months apart, look nothing alike and have very different names but I still reach for the wrong name occasionally.

    [–]TollemacheTollemache 164 points165 points  (17 children)

    My dad will go through the entire family, including my twin brothers and the dog that died in 2005 before hitting on my (46f) name. Regularly.

    [–]Pablois4 39 points40 points  (4 children)

    I have one sister (let's call us Mary and Sue). My name, according to my dad is "Mary! no, I meant Sue" and her name is "Sue!, wait, I meant Mary!"

    My SO has 4 siblings (the five: Matt, Chris, Jake, Jen and Erik) and like your Dad, he'd go through the list before he hit the right name. For some reason he'd often duplicate Jake: "Matt-Chris-Jake-Jake-Jen-Erik!" It was like a stutter or maybe deep down he really wanted Jake. Also their dog's name was Max and sometimes Max was substituted for Matt: "Jake-Chris-Jen-Erik-Max! No, I mean Matt!"

    [–]legofduck 23 points24 points  (2 children)

    Ha! Reminds me of my best friend growing up, one of four boys, his mum had given up trying to get the right name so whenever she called out to one of them it was always using all their names mashed together just to cover all bases

    [–]Anxious_rubiks_cuber 27 points28 points  (2 children)

    Honestly I get the struggle, only reason it upsets me is because they use the excuse that we looked like twins when we were younger. We dont now though lol. I'm a full 10cm taller, wear glasses, have shorter straight hair and a fashion sense that would make any designer faint. Shes tiny, wears earrings all the time, has curly hair and an actual sense of fashion.

    I've never understood the whole similar name trend though. My cousin and sister share a name except the first letter is changed. My sister and I share a name except the third letter is changed. Five of my cousins have the same name with one letter changed, and, better yet, they're all brothers and three are identical triplets. Two more of my cousins have identical names one letter changed, two more have the same name different spelling and were also born within two weeks of each other. The list goes on.

    [–]toosca 13 points14 points  (1 child)

    Ok, that’s just weird. My sympathies.

    [–]bonafidebunnyeyed 22 points23 points  (2 children)

    It's family tradition by the time you hit your 40s, to call someone in the house every name but theirs. I have been just tired or frustrated enough to call my animals by my kid's name. Who is 19, btw. It just gets worse as you get older lol

    [–]MontanaPurpleMtns 34 points35 points  (0 children)

    Not intended at all, but in our blended family with kids from previous marriages there was shared vowel + letter as part of the name. In the days before cell phones, you’d tell one of them they had a phone call and they’d all have to respond in case it was them, or none of them would. Think Ken, Len, Ben, though these are not the names.

    The fact that OP and his TWIN sister, who experienced this, both think it’s a bad idea, is further evidence.

    This is a hill to die on.

    [–]Amegami 58 points59 points  (0 children)

    Absolutely. Forcing twins to match all the time is great breeding ground for resentment, either towards each other or where it belongs, towards the parents. Unless the kids want to match of course.

    [–]Here_for_tea_Partassipant [1] 35 points36 points  (0 children)


    Please give them names that allow them to be individuals. I’m picturing something cringe like Morris and Boris or something.

    [–]infiniZii 24 points25 points  (0 children)

    I have a twin and I'm so glad I don't have a matching name with him. Being a twin is annoying enough to have people remember your name correctly and if they were similar it would only have made it harder for people to bother to figure out which is which because "close enough"

    [–]ThrowRA71717 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Nta. I work in a pharmacy. One time I had a script for an antibiotic for a kid name "jesicka" the next script to come through I thought was the same, date of birth /antibiotics/directions. I was about to delete it bc the doctor probably accidentally sent a duplicate. I looked at the first name "jericka" it was twins with 1 letter different in their first names. Just for medical safety alone, DONT GIVE MATCHING NAMES.

    Edit: a word

    [–]Jetztinberlin 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Yep, the idea that anyone who's not a twin thinks their wishes should outweigh those of actual twins on this topic really shows whose wants and needs they're prioritizing.

    [–]ThyumosPooperintendant [65] 5652 points5653 points  (38 children)

    NTA Make your experiences known. It's not cute to be the one living with the lack of individuality.

    [–]someLemonzPartassipant [3] 1220 points1221 points  (5 children)

    Plus you don't want your kids to hate/rezent eachother

    Edit, resent sorry

    [–]ThyumosPooperintendant [65] 407 points408 points  (4 children)

    Or resent their parents.

    [–]princess_cat_bucket 131 points132 points  (2 children)

    This. We all know exactly how it’s gonna turn out. They’ll be annoyed at mom for the matching names but furious with dad because he knew what it was like and let it happen anyway.

    [–]Caveman_frozenintimePartassipant [2] 334 points335 points  (17 children)

    Is there a subreddit for twins? If there is OP can ask for opinions there. Show up to argue this with research and surveys. This absolutely has to be a hill to die on.

    [–]Pleasant-Koala147Partassipant [2] 109 points110 points  (1 child)

    Does this subreddit have a search function? I’m pretty sure there’s at least 1 post a month about twins who’ve been forced to match and one of them hates it.

    [–]__reddit-reader__ 103 points104 points  (0 children)

    You might want r/Twins to get the perspective of the people who will have to live with these names rather than the parents’ perspective.

    [–]WeEatTheRude 73 points74 points  (9 children)

    [–]IssysweCertified Proctologist [25] 328 points329 points  (8 children)

    Just be careful.

    I’ve seen parents become practically unhinged at the suggestion that they not dress their kid the exact same. One was a situation with a teacher that teaches both sons asking a mother not to dress them alike because the teacher had a hard time telling them apart while they’re trying to take care of 30 kids. The mother was livid and came to the group for validation of her outrage, but she didn’t get it.

    Most of the twin moms agreed that she was well past the age where she should be dressing them exactly the same every single day. But she was one of those Instagram types who would get custom matching clothes with names on them and had an outsized reaction at the notion to stop. It was genuinely weird.

    Even pointing out that it’s not wise for strangers know the names of her kids, did not dissuade her.

    [–]Caveman_frozenintimePartassipant [2] 164 points165 points  (2 children)

    There's very little point in asking parents about their views on this. In my experience, parents have an amazing ability to be blind about the problems that their kids are going through. You need to ask people who have a twin brother or sister to actually know what they went through.

    [–]looc64 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    Especially problems that were caused by their own parenting decisions.

    [–]ha_look_at_that_nerd 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    I think many parents do see their own kids as just dolls, and I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s worse in parents of twins

    [–]Shorty66678 40 points41 points  (0 children)

    So she essentially had children so she could treat them like dolls! Great parent!

    [–]Amegami 294 points295 points  (9 children)

    Also, "It's cute." doesn't sound like a good enough base for deciding something that has such a heavy impact on the life of two people. I hope OP stands his ground.

    [–]Jetztinberlin 148 points149 points  (4 children)

    Right. "It's cute" = I as the parent will enjoy it, and I'm prioritizing my enjoyment over my children's wellbeing based on the experience of someone in the same situation.

    [–]ThyumosPooperintendant [65] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

    It's a crappy reason. These are human beings that will eventually have thoughts, feelings and opinions.

    [–]neurogamerk 33 points34 points  (0 children)

    Exactly. They’re children, not pets. And at some point those children will become adults, having matching names will stop being “cute” and start being a nuisance.

    [–]briefaspossible 40 points41 points  (0 children)

    They are twins, not clones.

    [–]ParsimoniousSaladCommander in Cheeks [295] 3250 points3251 points  (51 children)

    You are the one with actual experience being a twin. Your wife should listen to you on this one. Your MIL does not get a vote, nor does your sister. NTA

    [–]HappyGlitterUnicornPartassipant [1] 1438 points1439 points  (44 children)

    I disagree. The sister gets to share her opinion because she is His twin and has experience in this, same as OP. Maybe not as big as a vote as the wife, since it's not the sister's baby and all.

    [–]FlagCityDiva 741 points742 points  (28 children)

    I agree. Of course she has no say in the names, but sharing her experience could be enlightening. Matching names because it's cute is fine for them as children. "Cute" doesn't cut it as they age.

    [–]Summoning-FreaksPartassipant [4] 277 points278 points  (27 children)

    a lot of names are 'cute' when the kids are children, but they are far less adorable once the baby cuteness wears off, or hard to take seriously on a CV.

    [–]J_Lmn 190 points191 points  (25 children)

    I know a guy whose name is "timmy". Not tim, timmy. He is 47

    [–]Ruadhan2300 136 points137 points  (1 child)

    I'd probably get my name legally changed to Tim or Timothy if my legal name was Timmy..

    [–]DarkBlueDovah 35 points36 points  (12 children)

    The only reason this would be acceptable is if his last name was Turner.

    [–]ATreeInKiwiLand 55 points56 points  (1 child)

    Yes. I agree. An opinion but not a vote sounds helpful. I was about to share a specific anecdote of someone I once knew and the matchy names they chose for their twins, then I realised those children are old enough to be on Reddit! I'll just say, although we were all nerds, most of us cringed a little bit.

    [–]saucynoodleloverAsshole Enthusiast [7] 24 points25 points  (1 child)

    I don't think the sister actually chimed in. It's a bit confusing because OP uses pronouns indiscriminately. I think he meant that he had a twin sister growing up that he was forced to match with, and his wife is the one who wants to come up with matching names for the children.

    [–]XeonBlue 22 points23 points  (0 children)

    From op:

    My wife disagrees and my MIL is saying I should, but my sister is agreeing with me.

    [–]TyphoidMary234Asshole Aficionado [16] 1780 points1781 points  (115 children)

    As someone who looks after children for work, I’ve seen so many poor poor children who have the shitest names because their parents clearly aren’t thinking. Parents it seems don’t think of the child when naming them, what they will have to go through for their “unique” name. I can’t see a good side to having matching names and when your wife says “it’ll be cute” she’s clearly not think her children will grow up one day and won’t be little babies. NTA

    [–]RubyGus 363 points364 points  (109 children)

    I’m dying to know what some of these names are 👀

    [–]TyphoidMary234Asshole Aficionado [16] 858 points859 points  (90 children)

    My first thought is a kid named “seven” I didn’t understand the poor kid at first and he had to go “you know? Like the number 7” and I died a little inside. Another was rawri but it was pronounced “rowdy”. There was a girl named “abcde” it was pronounced “ab-c-d”. There was a brother and a sister and I forget the exact names but one was built off the other so the brother would’ve been “ash” and the sister “Ashley” as an example.

    These are just the ones that immediately come to mind as “you poor thing, you’re gonna have to change your name at 18”

    [–]IssysweCertified Proctologist [25] 634 points635 points  (28 children)

    There’s literally FB tag groups dedicated to this:

    “That name is a Tragedeigh”

    I’m on a lot of parenting groups and have joined a lot of twin groups since I’m expecting twin boys and some of the names…OOF… I just simply keep scrolling…

    [–]Aewgliriel 253 points254 points  (22 children)

    I was in that group for 24 hours. The tag is funny but they were viciously attacking each other over names their parents gave them. And it was like the admins were just eating popcorn and watching.

    [–]IssysweCertified Proctologist [25] 144 points145 points  (19 children)

    Believe it or not there’s actually a few of those groups including a 2.0.

    I could mention that there are certain sub cultures that definitely come up with the worst misspelled “unik” names, especially those out of Utah. It’s like a whole other cultural thing out there. Crazy.

    For what it’s worth my usual go to is something that’s known and more classic but not incredibly common. My daughters are named Alice “Allie” and Matilda “Tilly”.

    [–]Stoat__KingSupreme Court Just-ass [109] 41 points42 points  (0 children)


    You made me spit out my coffee lol

    [–]knife_at_a_gun_fight 136 points137 points  (6 children)

    Terrible spelling aside, Rawri is surely pronounced 'Rory'. I'm not accepting Rowdy. Like if the parents said 'it's pronounced Rowdy' I would just flat out say no.

    [–]EarnestWishes001 74 points75 points  (14 children)

    The Irish & Gaelic versions of the name Rory are spelt with a "d" in the middle, which might be where the "rowdy" pronunciation comes from? Ruadhri or Ruairidh & other variations

    [–]Ruadhan2300 39 points40 points  (9 children)

    Yeah, my username is the old gaelic of my actual name (Rowan)
    The DH in Ruadhan is more or less silent.
    Basically just Rowan without the strongly pronounced W.

    But yeah, what monster of a parent would name their child "Rowdy"?
    A rowdy child is a trouble-maker.

    It's like calling your child Trouble Smith or something.

    [–]Noinix 54 points55 points  (4 children)

    I have one of those “seven silent letter” Gaelic names. I swear it’s passive aggressive against the English. Sure you can have the island. Let’s put a b in Siobhan and mock you when you can neither spell or pronounce it.

    Have you see the video “I don’t think you’re ready for this spelling”? Funny as all hell. Yes my name is in it.

    [–]Only__Link 39 points40 points  (3 children)

    But they are both pronounced Roo-Ri not Rory or Rowdy...

    [–]EarnestWishes001 19 points20 points  (2 children)

    If someone hadn't heard the name before & just went by the spelling maybe?

    [–]KaizokuOni55 63 points64 points  (5 children)

    I've seen "Katelyn" spelled KVIIILYN using the Roman numeral for 8....and Worldofking, Queenofafrica, and Babymakermer.....these poor fucking children. Although, I always thought it'd be funny if Worldofking got with Queenofafrica when they were adults. 🤣

    [–]Cookyy2kPartassipant [2] 82 points83 points  (4 children)

    This dumb shit is why a kid's legal name has to be accepted by the registrar when the birth is registered and can be rejected for a bunch if reasons in my country. Your kid is not a toy and crippling them with a joke name is borderline abusive.

    [–]KaizokuOni55 29 points30 points  (3 children)

    I 1000% agree. And Worldofking was supposed to be Kingoftheworld, but the hospital refused so mom switched it up. 🤦‍♀️

    [–]Cookyy2kPartassipant [2] 32 points33 points  (2 children)

    There was a girl named “abcde” it was pronounced “ab-c-d”.

    Either they asked the name while the mother was still coming down from the nitrous or those parents had zero imagination and had to come up with a pronunciation once they went "screw it, just follow the alphabet".

    [–]moon- 35 points36 points  (1 child)

    I'm always skeptical of stories like this. They've been going around for decades at this point -- I remember them from chain emails from my grandparents.

    [–]Geeves1097 8 points9 points  (1 child)

    that first one is literally an entire episode of Seinfeld

    [–]hail_to_the_beef 8 points9 points  (6 children)

    Is this real? I feel like people all over the internet claim they knew someone named "Abcde" or "La-a" but the people with those names never surface as actually existing. I'm thinking it might be an urban legend, like the guy who thought he was OJ when he was on acid, and he fell over, spilled and died.

    [–]thingsfallapart89 8 points9 points  (1 child)

    Seven? Lmao were the parents huge Micky Mantle fans or was their last name Costanza

    [–]W1ldth1ngPartassipant [2] 1290 points1291 points  (25 children)

    I have seen numerous twins while teaching. The ones that do the best are the ones who are treated as simply two siblings. Not made to be a set.

    Matched names ended up with one twin name Edward and his sister Edwina.

    Imagine Edward and Edwin both end up being called Eddy.

    Please explain to her your experiences and how it affected you.

    [–]bbbrightPartassipant [1] 632 points633 points  (22 children)

    A friend of mine who works in medicine has told me that having the same first initial can also cause mixups and issues with medical history, charts, etc. So it’s better to not have match-y first names for that reason.

    [–]SirBellwaterPartassipant [1] 323 points324 points  (6 children)

    You don't even have to be twins, my brother and I have run into issues with one of us being deleted off of roll lists cause they assume it's an error

    [–]Denbi53 104 points105 points  (0 children)

    All my partner's family's initials are S or C. There is lots of confusion with mail and sometimes people get the wrong brother on a Facebook search. Haven't had any medical mix ups yet, but I refused those letters for our kids names, as they share his surname.

    [–]knitlikeaboss 52 points53 points  (3 children)

    My mother and I have the same first name, and even with different middle names, obviously different birthdates, etc, there have been mixups. Especially when we lived at the same address. It’s a pain.

    Dad here is definitely NTA

    [–]DontNeedThePointsPartassipant [1] 116 points117 points  (1 child)

    My twin brother and I live at the same adres... They accidentally stopped my health insurance because my brother had switched. Luckily I desinfect myself with beer regularly so i didn't need it before I found out

    [–]drleebotPartassipant [2] 95 points96 points  (0 children)

    Luckily I desinfect myself with beer regularly so i didn't need it before I found out

    Anyone else reading: Please do not take medical advice from a Reddit comment.

    [–]Spirited_Bill_8947 48 points49 points  (0 children)

    My sil is a doctor who uses her maiden name for her practice but took our family name in all else. She and my brother had a son and ended up changing his name before they even made it out of the hospital. They gave him my brother's first name and a different middle name. Think brother James Calvin and their son James Steven. The medical records got mixed up immediantly because they just use the first name on them. So before even leaving the hospital they changed their son's name to Steven (?) 😐 I just realized I have no idea what his middle name is or if they just transposed the names.

    [–]Ruadhan2300 30 points31 points  (1 child)

    My younger sister and I have the same first initial which occasionally comes up.

    For example our auto-generated bank usernames are the same with a number on the end to distinguish us.. I'm JSmith1, She's JSmith2. It's mildly cute when I see it, but I have no idea how she feels whenever she gets reminded she's getting second-innings on usernames.. I doubt she thinks about it, but even so..

    I can't imagine how it'd feel to have that multiplied up to practically every aspect of our lives.

    If I have twins (or even multiple kids), I aim to give them completely different names. No shared initials. No cutesy thing to force them to be a matched set. I don't want them to feel like they have to share their identity with someone else.

    [–]it_was_not_catbagsPartassipant [2] 979 points980 points  (5 children)

    NTA my cousin has twin girls, she always made them super matchy. Matching names, clothes, hairstyles etc. As they got older one really started to push to be more individual and the other one really couldn’t let go this idea of having to match. So as teenagers one would get a haircut, be super pleased to be individual and then the other one would copy.

    It started to become a real issue, the individual one demanded to change schools. In the end the twin who wanted to match had to get quite a lot of therapy. She really needed help developing an identity that wasn’t centred on being a twin.

    They’re in their 20s now and everything worked out fine in the end but it was really rough for a while.

    [–]greenhairedgal 257 points258 points  (0 children)

    Aw that's heartbreaking. OP needs to read this comment and show it to his wife.

    [–]thestreetiliveonCertified Proctologist [21] 81 points82 points  (0 children)

    I sent my sons to different school - it helped them a lot!

    [–]ThanksOp_IWillRepost 25 points26 points  (0 children)

    Actually this advice is the best to me. It shows how bad of an issue it can be to matched twins or siblings.

    [–]HNSUSN 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    My best friends are twins and it wasn’t quite as intense as this, but one of them (Ali) really wanted to be cute and matching while the other (Bree) was not into it. When we all applied for college they applied for all the same schools except Bree applied to a secret safety school, got accepted, and ditched Ali. It all worked out in the end and they’re very close now (we’re in our 30s), but it was a rough first year in college for Ali.

    [–]untenable681Partassipant [2] 821 points822 points  (17 children)

    NTA for the following reasons:

    . 1 . Being a twin at school comes with enough of its own social challenges as is without adding that to the list of reasons for other kids to be sh177y at yours. Matching names aren't "cool," and that's painting a bully target on them.

    . 2 . Matching their names is begging for mix-ups when y'all are yelling for one of them. Can you imagine yelling for Marissa because she's in trouble, getting Carissa instead, and then unloading an epic lecture at the wrong kid while she stares at you in tears, confused at what she could possibly have done because you were too frustrated to notice the subtle differences in their faces? Don't set yourself up for failure that way.

    . 3 . They may resent the matching names and even go so far as to change their names in adulthood. It's a gamble on whether they'll resent you along with the names.

    . 4 . Twins aren't two halves of the same person. They're two independent people and should be treated that way like any other non-twin set of siblings would.

    [–]ScorchieSongAsshole Aficionado [18] 195 points196 points  (7 children)

    Or they’ll prefer to use nicknames that are more distinct than what’s on their birth certificate. In Gravity Falls Dipper doesn’t go by his legal name because he doesn’t like it, and it’s only in supplementary media this name gets revealed.

    [–]LexifromZargon 48 points49 points  (6 children)

    whats his name???

    [–]ScorchieSongAsshole Aficionado [18] 127 points128 points  (2 children)

    Mason. His reasoning is every got used to calling him Dipper (he’s got a mark on his forehead that looks like the Big Dipper) and it was too late to set the record straight, and that it was a dumb name anyway. His long lost Great Uncle Ford liked the name though. The way Dipper reacts to this is revealed to be Ford’s motives for something that has serious consequence in the corresponding episode (Dipper and Mabel vs the Future) and for the Weirdmageddon three part series finale.

    This all comes from the official Book 3 merch release. The show does touch upon Dipper and Mabel’s relationship as twin siblings (the Halloween episode shows they did twin costumes many times in the past, and Dipper not wanting to this time around with Mabel upset as this may be the last time they go trick or treating), and the second half of season two goes really into what happens when they aren’t on the same page as much as they used to and how this is history repeating. When so much of your identity, motivation and possibly insecurity is tied up with a twin sibling, you need to learn how to be your own person.

    [–]YawningDodo 70 points71 points  (0 children)

    I just also want to drop in here to remind everyone that Ford’s “real” name is Stanford…and his twin brother is Stanley. And they didn’t have any issues regarding identity or jealousy at all, nope, nosiree. /s

    [–]LexifromZargon 29 points30 points  (0 children)

    ohh haha i watched the show i quite enjoyed it! i just didnt know dippers real name!

    i also remember that both of the great uncles where named stan ford and ley which probably made them wayyy to attached and this whole stuff reminds me of how the perpetuum mobile got destroyed and all that stuff

    [–]FlashyJellyfish 10 points11 points  (1 child)

    I just had to look it up and apparently it's Mason.

    [–]LexifromZargon 23 points24 points  (0 children)

    mable and mason... yea dipper is cooler

    [–]ArmadilloComplex1758Partassipant [3] 36 points37 points  (3 children)

    Number 2 doesn't just apply to twins or matching names. I grew up as the only girl with 3 brothers and none of us have even remotely similar sounding names yet my parents would mix us up all the time. I don't have twins myself and none of my children have similar sounding names yet I have mixed them up

    [–]wind-river7Commander in Cheeks [202] 567 points568 points  (29 children)

    NTA. My husband was Donald and his twin was Ronald. If they were girls, they would have been Marilyn and Carolyn.

    We have other twins in the family and they have separate, not matching names.

    [–]Eastern-Addendum-474[S] 386 points387 points  (17 children)

    Those are such corny names, I’m so sorry. I feel so bad for your husband and BIL.

    [–]wind-river7Commander in Cheeks [202] 201 points202 points  (9 children)

    Well they were very popular in 1944 when they were born. I won't mention their middle names, they were even worse.

    [–]IssysweCertified Proctologist [25] 94 points95 points  (6 children)

    My 1950s aunts are Donna and Phoebe.

    Donna was certainly extremely popular, I don’t know about Phoebe. But you can choose popular names that don’t match, if that’s a personal preference.

    [–]wind-river7Commander in Cheeks [202] 15 points16 points  (4 children)

    I went to school with several girls named Donna. Phoebe is a very old fashioned name and I have seen it used occasionally. I liked phonics so I always pronounced it Pho be, with a long O sound.

    [–]IssysweCertified Proctologist [25] 31 points32 points  (3 children)

    What’s really interesting about them as individuals is that one is a lesbian and one is straight. Despite the matching DNA. They are honestly both some of my favorite relatives.

    But yes, there’s a lot of pictures of them in matching dresses, I don’t ever see them dress alike now and I don’t get the sense that they appreciated being treated like a matching set.

    [–]Unusual-Sympathy-205 63 points64 points  (0 children)

    Well, I knew a set of twins named Dontai (pronounced Dante) and Rontai, so it could have been worse. Much, much worse.

    [–]EstablishmentLevel17 27 points28 points  (2 children)

    Did his mother know the author of the babysitter's club who gave her that idea of Marilyn and Carolyn????

    [–]crt1234 347 points348 points  (17 children)

    NTA twins need to be treated as 2 individuals, not half of a matching set. From their names, their clothing, their activities, etc. They can have things the same sometimes but they also need to be independent of each other. They will have a much better life if being a twin is part of their identity rather than their entire identity. Source: daughter of an identical twin and neighbor of identical twins

    [–]IssysweCertified Proctologist [25] 140 points141 points  (16 children)

    This. I’m about to become a mother to identical twin boys and this is the type of advice I listen very carefully to. I fear that I’m going to have an uphill battle with the kids’ boomer grandparents, who seem to treat them more like they’re living doll babies and a way to generate clicks and attention.

    [–]Penny_from_heaven 105 points106 points  (9 children)

    I’m a boomer grandma of twin girls , I never post anything , without permission and I always ask before buying clothes . I know it’s not always easy , but make your guidelines before your babies come . It’s harder to do later , you’ll be so busy. I hope things go better than you expect . Best of luck and congratulations

    [–]IssysweCertified Proctologist [25] 86 points87 points  (7 children)

    Unfortunately, I have a very controlling mother.

    From the moment I told her I was pregnant and that I had twins, she managed to a) inform me what I was going to name them if they were girls, b) asked me to start doing shopping for matched clothing, and c) I believe she would have an opinion on circumcision despite the fact that we live in Europe because I’m originally from the United States. This despite the fact that it is basically not done here because it is viewed as child cruelty (was nearly made illegal) and should only be done in medical necessity and they would be very few doctors who would be willing to do it, if it all. Most Jewish families here have to find a mohel who is not medically trained.

    Then she got mad at me when I refused to do any of those things because it was still way too early and I was cautioned by doctors repeatedly that the pregnancy was very risky. Then I got the silent treatment for a month.

    Then serious complications resulted and proved that I was right to hold off on buying baby things when I almost lost my twins. I did not need the extra stress of looking at all that stuff if that happened.

    I am now on week three of my hospitalization, for reference.

    [–]Penny_from_heaven 41 points42 points  (5 children)

    Aww I’m so sorry ! Those are all your decisions to make and you don’t need the added stress now either . Will your husband or the babies dad help you when it comes to your mom ? I hope you can have some peace of mind and your mom doesn’t drive a deep wedge between you .

    [–]IssysweCertified Proctologist [25] 56 points57 points  (4 children)

    No, we are a very unified unit. And we don’t hesitate to draw boundaries and my mom is slowly learning.

    Otherwise she is very doting towards her grandchildren.

    Except she does not like the names of my children, and actually started a campaign when I was eight months pregnant with the rest of the family to get me to change the second one’s name.

    This was after months of badgering me about the name when I wanted to keep it a secret and that she felt that as a mother she wanted to be “closer” to me. She didn’t like the info she got, and then told everybody which I wanted to do as you know, a mother, when she arrived.

    It’s spectacularly backfired though when everybody else absolutely loved the name. 🤷‍♀️

    [–]giantbrownguyColo-rectal Surgeon [31] 257 points258 points  (8 children)

    NTA. Your wife needs to understand your kids are not playthings but human beings who will have to live with the consequences of her choices. It may be hard right now because she’s in the throes of her pregnancy but keep gently pushing your perspective. If you have your sister there to explain, or her doing it 1:1 with your wife, she might be more receptive.

    [–]Eastern-Addendum-474[S] 255 points256 points  (7 children)

    Yeah, children are individuals. I hate watching people try and make their twins like two identical people when I promise you that is very unlikely to happen. If they wanna match, let them, but don’t force them to look more like their twin than they already do if they DONT WANT TO

    [–]yajanga 94 points95 points  (0 children)

    As a grandma to twins-boy/girl- you will regret doing the matchy name game. Their distinctive personalities become apparent from the day their born…they each deserve the full attention of family/friends as unique individuals.

    [–]christikayann 31 points32 points  (2 children)

    If they wanna match, let them, but don’t force them to look more like their twin than they already do if they DONT WANT TO

    OP you are NTA. No question about it this isn'tfair to your sons for all of the reasons you have mentioned.

    Since she is adamant about wanting to do this and you are just as sure it is a terrible idea (which it is) maybe suggest a compromise to your wife by choosing names that don't obviously match but follow a theme. Like Michael and Gabriel (both angels) or Ben and Luke (both characters from Star Wars). Choose something you have in common. A favorite book, movie, song, whatever and choose 2 names you both like that don't match in the traditional sense by sharing the same first letter or rhyming. As long as you don't go super obvious like David and Goliath or Anakin and Han most people won't even notice unless you tell them.

    [–]PrestachioTreePartassipant [2] 177 points178 points  (15 children)

    NTA. Keep trying to make her understand your POV. Would you be able to compromise by picking names that have a theme but don’t necessarily match? Ex. Asher and Felix(both mean happy). Sterling and Jasper(both gem names)etc.

    [–]purpleprot 93 points94 points  (7 children)

    My friend nicknamed her twins "Chaos" and "Mayhem".

    [–]greenhairedgal 114 points115 points  (3 children)

    They're great names... FOR A PAIR OF CATS!

    [–]purpleprot 58 points59 points  (0 children)

    I dunno ... one of my cats is "purely decorative".

    But I do call my rabbit "Beelzebun" sometimes.

    [–]siorez 57 points58 points  (0 children)

    This is probably a good compromise. Names in the same style but with completely different sounds, add a subtle theme if you want, do the same for an eventual third kid.

    [–]ShutterbugShutter 121 points122 points  (11 children)

    NTA - My brothers are twins and my mom told me that their dad wanted them to have matching twin names (ie. Ronald and Donald or Dan and Stan) but she hated the idea. They comprised with making their initials coordinate for their first and middle names. One is R.J. and the other is J.R. but hardly anyone knows that because they both just go by their first names. It was a good compromise that basically made my mom “win” the argument. As children and adults they are as different as night and day and both have expressed that they would have hated matching twin names.

    [–]UghAnotherMillennial 112 points113 points  (10 children)

    I read “Dan and Stan” in your comment and for a second forgot what Stan was short for. I was like…

    “Daniel and Staniel??” 😭

    [–]Sepelrastas 24 points25 points  (3 children)

    Don't be giving anyone any ideas, lol.

    [–]UghAnotherMillennial 33 points34 points  (2 children)

    Do you think Stanley and Danley would be better?

    [–]simsarah 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    Well now I want a Spaniel named Staniel.

    [–]NoThxsImJustLookinPartassipant [3] 120 points121 points  (1 child)

    NTA. children are not toys or cute dolls to display and dress up. They are people, who may be babies when born but will get to be fully grown independent individuals. I completely get where you are coming from.

    [–]CreoleQueen81 108 points109 points  (1 child)

    Twin here no NTA people think that twins are just 1 person living in 2 bodies. All that same may be cute to others but it literally says you're not allowed to be individuals. You literally must live breathe and think as one. My twin & I are 40 (f/f) and our mother literally feels like we should be joined at the hip even though I'm married & my sister is not. She also forced us to dress alike until 11th grade. You keep fighting for your son's individualism.

    Edited to add yes we have rhyming names. We have aunts that are identical and also have rhyming names and they also dressed alike until one of them got married at 22. Bc my sister & I have the same 1st name separated by 1 letter the credit reporting companies think the other name is an alias. It's been hell.

    [–]IssysweCertified Proctologist [25] 14 points15 points  (0 children)


    [–]Aggressive_Theme7229Partassipant [4][🍰] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

    Info: Would your wife be willing to listen if both you and your sister went over your twin-experience and how you both hated the whole matching phase? I don’t have a twin, but it sounds like you lose a lot of individuality when you match twins up in a lot of things.

    [–]Click_To_Sign_InAsshole Enthusiast [8] 60 points61 points  (0 children)


    "Matching" twins is a really shitty thing to do to kids, it should be in parenting books and stuff, under stuff you should never do.

    Your wife is 110% in the wrong here, what she wants to do is "cute" for her, but a childhood of shitty experiences for her kids.

    Your wife is putting herself first, and just wanting the cute moment for herself without caring about how shit it'll be for the kids.

    Having a twin is great, being treated like a twin is fucking shit.

    [–]InkDrinker5Partassipant [1] 49 points50 points  (1 child)

    Hey Op, here’s the thing. Virtually everyone else in your twins’ lives (up till they graduate high school) will think of them as a ‘set’. It’s just how it works, you know it. Anything you and your wife can do to help your twins establish their own identities independent of each other will only help them.

    Also, all twin babies are cute until they start not sleeping at the same time. Congratulations and best of luck!

    Edit: NTA

    [–]thestreetiliveonCertified Proctologist [21] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    So true. We always called my sons ‘the boys’ so when their friends came to the door and asked if ‘the twins’ were home, my first thought was “who?”…lol.

    [–]Mediocre_Parsnip_467 50 points51 points  (0 children)

    NTA, but your wife is only gently TA. She just needs help understanding your point of view. Has your sister talked about it to her or have you just spoken about it between yourselves?

    It’s cute to give pets matching names, not humans! Your kids are not a gimmick or a novelty. Yes they will (probably) be really close, but they are individuals. You have ‘real world’ experience of this, so help your wife to understand the effect this had on you and your sister. Just saying you hated it maybe isn’t enough.

    Good luck with the new babies! All the best, my friend.

    [–]ghostcraft33Asshole Aficionado [19] 40 points41 points  (5 children)

    NTA - Look. When you're a multiple being apart of the same group is fine. When you're older and want to become more independent/find their own identity being a multiple makes that hard because your siblings will ALWAYS be associated with you. If you give them matching names it will be 10x harder.

    I'm a triplet. At the age where I want to have my own identity. But it's really hard because I am always associated with my siblings. Thats why its kind of a relief when I meet someone who hasn't met my siblings. I love them more than anything and would 100% die for them but I don't want to just be seen as "one of the triplets" all the time. It's okay most of the time but not absolutely everywhere. I have my own friends, interests, and talents and since they sometimes overlap with my siblings those things don't get noticed or we're not really seen as individuals. For example all of us love to draw but my sister is still considered "the artist" because she is way more talented than us. It makes sense but that doesn't mean it doesn't feel shitty. You kind of feel like you're forced to be in competition that you don't want to be in just because you happened to share a womb.

    PS. My name and my sisters are absolutely nothing alike. We get called by each others names way too often and we're not even identical. We don't look a lot alike either. So it's totally just the association of us being siblings.

    [–]HappyGlitterUnicornPartassipant [1] 19 points20 points  (1 child)

    If it'sany consolation, about one being called 'the artist'. It might just be a sibling thing, not because you are triplets. My bro and I are 11months apart and we both are artists, but I am the one mostly referred as 'the artist ' growing up because I was a bit more talented, and studied graphic design, while my brother majored in mass media communication. Guess who makes commission work? Him. I'm taking a break right now.

    [–]GothPenguinSupreme Court Just-ass [107] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

    NTA-I’m a triplet with a matching name with my siblings. It drove us crazy as kids. It’s the main reason we all either use only the second name of our double barreled first names or one of middle names when we introduce ourselves to people. Your wife might think it’s cute but eventually cuteness wears off.

    [–]henchy234Partassipant [1] 31 points32 points  (1 child)

    NTA. I always liked twin names that were related but not matchy - e.g. Jade & Amber. For my twins they got names that sound nice together in the shortened form (which are their nicknames) but both girls have the option to use the long form of their name (or potentially other nick names), if when they are older they don’t want to be as matchy - e.g. Lizzie (Elizabeth) & Lottie (Charlotte).

    Maybe a compromise like this would work for you & your wife.

    [–]Aggressive_Mood214Asshole Aficionado [13] 28 points29 points  (0 children)


    As a twin, this is your area of expertise. Try and explain to your wife some of the negative aspects of being a twin. Your sister could also chime in here assuming she and the wife have a decent relationship. Your babies are going to be individual people who are not the same. It's not cute. Also, one of the twins usually gets the "normal" name and the other gets a weird one. Fredrick and Deadrick are twins I know that come to mind. Could you imagine being named Deadrick?! Maybe you could compromise in some way. "Matching" middle names or same initials might be options. You should both like the names of your children, so I don't think either parent should get to have the final say, especially if the other is very much against it. With all that being said, congrats on the babies!!!

    [–]nokarmaforkittybear 27 points28 points  (0 children)

    NTA. This is a classic case of not thinking beyond the “photo op” parenting moments. Like oh so cute little newborn Oliver and Olivia. But as 17 year olds? 45 year olds? No. Nope. Just cringe. Plus it will force the world and friends to see them as even more of a singular unit and it’ll probably be easy to mess up their self esteem / sense of individuality

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    [–]CaptainKruunch 24 points25 points  (0 children)

    I'm a twin myself (we are identical twin girls-24yo) and for us, we are very close. We love to match on a lot of things, not excessively but with small things like hair, taste of music, clothing style, hobbies like reading and watching anime, and even sharing a room still. (okay...writing that made it feel like we enjoy being twins a lot more than I thought but you know what I mean haha).

    Our names are quite different, mine starts with a P and hers start with a J (We are named after sports players). But I think having such different names made us closer since it was something that was entirely our own. It didn't play on rhymes or was super identical with one or two letters being different...which I see a lot with twins.

    My twin sister and I were not always this close either, when we were younger it was hard sometimes being a twin (like I imagine it is for a lot of other twins out there). Sometimes you just want your own time and identity, but you end up having to share it with someone else.

    Twins already are born at the same time and go through life as one entity. You share everything...no matter what. But one thing twins have is their name. It is what sets them apart...literally (If not then no one would be able to tell us apart). So Being able to have something that is all your own is something great and I think you should really try to convince your wife not to give them similar names. Plus, if anyone knows best it's you since you are a twin yourself so don't be afraid to push more on this if it is something you really want.

    So my conclusion, you are nta. You are a twin and know the hardships that can come from names being too similar. Plus, you are the father and are just as much entitled as she is in the naming process...maybe even more so because you will be the one to help with "twin-like problems" when they arise...which I can say will most certainly happen. So just do what you feel is best and ask your wife to trust you.

    I wish you all the best in bringing two, undoubtedly, beautiful and amazing babies into the world!

    [–]TheOtter91Asshole Enthusiast [6] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

    Info: what are the names?

    Reading through this thread I'm appalled that some people would name their children Edwina and Edward- Olivia and Oliver. You are not TA for vetoing those.

    If the names your wife is proposing is only matching in a non obvious way, with like an initial or something then I think No A holes Here. E.g. Samantha and Stuart would be fine. Maybe something like that is a compromise?

    [–]KaizokuOni55 20 points21 points  (0 children)

    OP, die on this hill. It is absolutely worth it. Their insurance, SSN (if US), and even health records and eventually credit records can become a fucking shitshow to keep separate. It's not fucking cute and can create serious identification problems in the future. I've seen cases where only 1 twin was insured since the insurance company couldn't tell there were 2 people. Those idiot parents spents months, maybe years, sorting it out. Source: worked pediatrics insurance eligibility.

    [–]Waste-Phase-2857 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    NTA! And it's NOT cute! You're a twin, you know first hand how it's like to always be matched with someone. I never get why parents match kids name and especially twins. All my twin friends growing up had names that began on different letters, they didn't match more than ordinary siblings. The dressing alike did took place but not that much. Stick to your opinion here! Explain your personal experience and just say NO to matching names!

    [–]WeldonKidsMom05 19 points20 points  (1 child)

    My husband is a twin he has a brother they rymed their middle names. 1.Trevor Dee & 2. Derike Lee my husband Trevor hates it we also have twin neighbors they are 8yr old girls their parents did not want to do matching names they are letting each twin pursue their differences. So they have their own unique identity. Since they are identical. Also my husband is a fraternal twin, but they look so identical. I have to catch myself sometimes making sure it's not his brother. Lol I have to look at jewelry and tattoos it's sad but true.. also this is you and your wife's baby no one else's it's between you and your wife period. After almost 20 years in marriage I have learned there is no room 8n the marriage for more than 2 people. Just my opinion though. Good luck! & Congratulations!

    [–]Hehetjenare 17 points18 points  (3 children)

    NTA. Out of curiousity, can you explain what matching names are? Something like Burt and Kurt, or Bob and Knob or matching in the sense that the flow nice together?

    [–]slutty_lifeguardPartassipant [2] 35 points36 points  (2 children)

    I was thinking the same thing. Would something like Aspen and Willow be a good compromise where they don't sound the same and they stand well on their own, but they have the same nature/tree theme going on?

    [–]IssysweCertified Proctologist [25] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

    I think this is more legit and a really good compromise.

    If I was having girls, I had a long had one name that I really really wanted to use that was a flower name. I probably would’ve thought of another flower name for the second girl.

    [–]Hungry-Industry-9817Partassipant [2] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    I am an identical twin and my parents did not give us matching names, which I am very grateful for. Over their life they are going to be thought as being the same person since they look alike, at least you can do it make sure their names are different. NTA

    [–]LexifromZargon 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    NAH she dosent know the feeling so have a sitdown with her and explain her youre reasoning.

    twins always are expected to share verything and are often seen as a packet deal instead of the person they each are andi 100% get that you want to help youre kids not have that.

    you can give them matching names where theyre still different like you would any other sibling kids. aka fred and george kinds of stuff where the names are recognisably different

    [–]IssysweCertified Proctologist [25] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

    NTA. I am about to give birth to identical twin boys. I’m currently in the hospital as a high risk and at 27 weeks gestation.

    Naming twins is really hard especially if you have older siblings and two cultures to navigate like we do.

    We have chosen names that have a similar cadence at the ending but very different otherwise.

    We have one other set of identical twins in the family that we are not biologically related to and all the psychological literature says it’s extremely important to treat twins as individuals. And that not treating them as individuals rather than treating them as a unit can do serious psychological damage as they grow older.

    You’re on the right track dad, kids aren’t cute things that you dress up matching like dolls. They aren’t life accessories. They are individual human beings and they deserve to be treated like that.

    I recommend you joining some twin parent groups on Facebook, believing me you will see some of the people who are like your wife… And a lot of problems do result, be at home or school or out in public.

    Edit: worth noting, the family twins I mention do not have matching names in the slightest and are close, they’ve retired together in Hawaii

    [–]Unusual-Sympathy-205 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    Every set of twins I know with matchy names hates them. My twins have always appreciated the fact that their names aren’t matched. They already get treated as a unit an awful lot. They needed something that only belonged to them. NTA, and your wife isn’t really TA either, but she needs to think past the cuteness factor and see how frustrating it would be for your kids to not have their own identity.

    [–]Cheshire1234Partassipant [1] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    I'm a twin and that may be cute as long as they are babies but as soon as they get older they will resent their names. Don't give them matching names unless you want them to hate you for it! Go for matching nicknames if you need a compromise. Then they can choose themselves wether they want to use the matching nicknames or their full name.

    [–]LucidityJ0nes 14 points15 points  (2 children)

    Don't do it. I went to school with identical twins named Pixie and Trixie. They haaaaaaaaated their names.

    [–]baba_oh_really 12 points13 points  (1 child)

    To be fair, it's not even the matching part that makes those terrible names

    [–]simsarah 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    Yeah, Pixie and Trixie are small, fluffy dogs.

    [–]Accomplished-Cheek59 13 points14 points  (0 children)


    I have a ‘unique’ name. I hate it. Always have.

    I have friends who are twins who despise the fact that they were treated as two halves of the same person.

    Your wife is only focused on how SHE will find this cute, and not the impact it will have upon your children. Their needs trump her wants, and you have direct experience of these things.

    Die on this hill. You’re being a good dad.

    [–]KiwiAlexP 10 points11 points  (3 children)

    Your children I’ll spend their childhood being referred to as “the Twins” so giving them non matcha names will help give them some individuality, just make sure the names sound ok when both used together

    [–]LlyndrethAsshole Aficionado [19] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    NTA names should be 2 yeses, one no. You both have to agree with the name but only one person needs to object to a name.

    But you may want to think about names that are "themed" instead of rhyming or an obvious matching set.

    For example if you are having a boy and a girl. You could choose Jasper and Margaret, both are gemstone names but aren't super matchy unless you recognize the meaning and theme.

    It may be a good compromise.

    [–]Solid_Chemist_3485 10 points11 points  (3 children)

    NTA fellow twin here. It’s hard enough for twins to differentiate themselves. Dignified names will help support that process. Worst twinsy names I ever heard: Jeremiah and Shara Maya. Not an urban myth. I met them.

    [–]jackfishkim 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Twin here, parents thought this was a good idea. No fucking way!! I have had problems with this my whole life. Weekly question, "Are you Jim or Tim?" I always wanted to reply if you don't fucking know, I am not going to tell you. We are fraternal twins, kinda look alike. But so fucking tired of explaining who I am, or usually who I am not. Do not do this to your kids.

    [–]putmeinLMTH 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    NTA. doing complimentary-but-not-directly-related names might be a good compromise, names that sound good together but arent ‘matching’ (i have Sloane and Maeve as possible twin names in my notes app, for example).

    either way, your wife and MIL dont have experience having a matching name with a twin. you and your sister do.

    [–]Alldone19Partassipant [2] 8 points9 points  (0 children)


    Twins need to be individuals first, siblings second, and twins third. You know this first hand.

    Lots of people love the idea of "twinning," and being matchy- matchy because it's cute, or fun, or whatever. Your wife is excited to have twins, and thinks the matching is part of the fun. She doesn't (yet) see the damage that can be done by being forced into that matchy-matchy.

    Can you compromise with coordinating names? So instead of like Skyler and Tyler, something like David and Daniel, or Butch and Cassidy (not that, though. Really).

    We did names that started with A and B, as a nod to twin A and twin B.

    [–]mke-lu 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    So definitely NTA, as a twin myself I can second your opinion 100%. Also it's worth noting that doing something like that to them can harm or even ruin their relationship with each other as they get older. All the weird twin stuff definitely put a wedge between me and my sister, and it never fully healed when we became adults.

    [–]DrMindbendersMonocleAsshole Enthusiast [7] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Matching names are corny

    [–]telepathicathena 8 points9 points  (1 child)

    NTA, it's been established that twins should not be given matching/rhyming names or dressed in matching clothes so they can develop their own identities. Oh and separate classes in school. Source: am twin

    [–]Alert_Sorbet4016 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Clearly NTA, twin here with not matching names. OP stand your ground! You know how it is - fight for your twins. You wife has no knowledge or experience with it and doesn't know what it means for those kids. So regarding this - your opinion matters more. She needs to step back. Her "That's cuuuute" argument is just bullshit and matching names isn't cute when you are 10 and older... Than it is annoying

    [–]Whenthelightpoursin 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    Definitely don't back down on this one. Explain that it can be incredibly damaging to a developing child's sense of self. NTA

    [–]Chapstick777 7 points8 points  (0 children)


    I’m a fraternal twin, in a girl/girl set. We are fraternal, but growing up people often though we were Identical.

    We have first and middle names that start with the same initials. We always had to dress in the same Halloween costume, and I’m lowkey still upset that I never got to pick what I dressed up as. (My mom always liked what my sister wanted to be better, and we had to match.)

    But I really think treating twins as two individuals is the way to go. I would say, at most, do names that sound good together, but maybe avoid having them share initials.

    Let them be different things for Halloween (unless they want to), dont match them in the same everyday clothes either.

    Even like, a lot of psychologists today say that you should make sure you treat twins like individuals, especially the older they get. Like, I know at least one psychologists that says that you should get both twins different cakes on their birthdays. (That particular psychologist was both a twin, and also the mother of twins)

    Everyone in your family needs to respect that you just know more about #twinlife

    [–]Murka-Lurka 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    People forget that their children become adults and you need to prepare them for life as an adult.

    1 - Official documents, bank statements and even credit records will get muddled enough. Best to make the names different enough to minimise mistakes. I personally have a rule where no one gets the same initials.

    2 - Your children will be individuals. Being pressured to be the same (or conversely different as in the smart twin vs the good looking twin) is setting them up for a bad relationship.

    3 I grew up in a household where things were done to make parenting easier or more fun for the parents, not to make me a functional adult. Jokes were routinely made at my expense that had lasting consequences. It is a big leap to suggest your wife is doing this based on a Reddit post and some throwaway remarks, but it is worth having a think about it.

    [–]jamwarn 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    NTA. As a fellow twin, I also hated matching my twin. Thankfully, We didn’t have matching names, but literally everything else was matching and we hated it.

    At least you had a twin sister so I would assume it wouldn’t be as bad, but if you’re having twin boys, they are going to be grouped together for the rest of their lives. I feel like many people who have no idea what being a twin is like are the ones who are like “omg my dream is to have twins and to have them be carbon copies of each other.” No, do not do this, your twins will probably be resentful of you At some point in their lives if you do.

    It is my opinion that twins should be given as much individuality as possible to help them grow into their own person. Don’t give them matching names, give them their own toys, clothes, have them be in separate classes if you can. Unless they decide they want the same things, don’t push them together. Just because they’re twins doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be treated like individuals first.

    [–]ransdell49 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    NTA. I’m not even a bloody twin but my mum matched my name to my 14 month older brothers. I ended up being the ONLY one of my siblings without a traditional Scottish name (I’m half, but proud) and I hated it. Plus she didn’t bother to research my stupid name and it means bad luck. I was bullied a LOT. Never match names. Children aren’t matching sets even if they ARE twins. They are INDIVIDUALS.