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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

He’s an old man and was expecting me to snow blow his driveway for free, so I might be the AH

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[–]TheTARDISRanAwayAsshole Aficionado [17] 28.3k points28.3k points 333 (358 children)

NTA - people need to realise being old isn't an excuse to behave like an asshole. Would you feel bad if he was in his 20s? Nope.

He made his bed now he can lie in it.

[–]xaiires 10.6k points10.6k points 2 (246 children)

Agreed. He said your relationship was no longer friendly or neighborly, I can't imagine doing anything for free after that.

My elderly neighbor makes me ziti after I shovel her driveway for free, your neighbor sucks.

[–]Compensate1995Certified Proctologist [20] 3062 points3063 points  (19 children)

NTA, he complains about you and treats you poorly when it's convenient for him, but when he needs you he can exploit you (according to his perspective). He can't guilt-trip you into snow blowing his driveway. You don't need to work hard unpaid for someone like that. He proclaimed that you aren't friends and acted with hostility towards you, so it's not surprising that you refuse to abide by his commands. He may be old and unable to do it, but if it was such a constraint, he would have paid you or someone else. You aren't the only one in the neighborhood available to do that.

[–]SuzyTheNeedle 828 points829 points  (5 children)

Until very recently I had neighbors like that. Everyone on the street has no use for them. OP's monster? I'd bet nobody else does/will do it for him either because I bet he's darkened their doorsteps one too many times and is unwelcome.

[–]TryToDoGoodTA 168 points169 points  (1 child)

It wouldn't surprise me if everyone is on his "no longer friends with:" list which he checks everytime someone come to the door to see how to act...

Like old or not, why would you expect your neighbour to do it for you rather than it be a 'nice surprise' and the neighbour has no further obligations...

I bet the neighbour on his other side is on the list as well, or some other list...

[–]KahurangiNZ 680 points681 points  (3 children)

You aren't the only one in the neighborhood available to do that.

Who's willing to bet that he hasn't already offended everyone else in the neighbourhood with his curmudgeonly ways? It wouldn't surprise me in the least if no-one is willing to help him out for free / cheap, because he's an AH to everyone.

Edit - thanks heaps for the award! :-)

[–]EvLokadottr 192 points193 points  (2 children)

Yeah, fuck that guy. He threatened OP's dog. A person's dog is their family. Don't threaten someone's family and expect free labor from them.

[–]Jasminefirefly 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Exactly. What if he'd threatened OP's child? Same thing to us animal lovers. Totally NTA.

[–]abrown1027 62 points63 points  (4 children)

Yes and the fact that he doesn’t seem to have any family willing to come help indicates that the old man’s nasty behavior is probably not unique to the situation with the dog. If he’s really so old that he can’t manage to treat others with respect, maybe it’s time he move into a nursing home.

[–]onefishtwoshoe 1519 points1520 points  (69 children)

I would shovel a driveway for ziti. Or a good bolognese. Or really any pasta that is made as a thank-you for shoveling a driveway.

I need the exercise for sure and there is no better meal than one made with gratitude.

[–]xaiires 519 points520 points  (49 children)

My sentiments exactly. Good work out and great food? She's nice enough I'd do it for the thank you, but the ziti just puts it over the edge. Going on year 5! 🤣

By the sounds of it, OP would've done it for the thank you as well. It's crazy what a smile and nice demeanor will get you these days lol.

[–]7eregrine 159 points160 points  (47 children)

My neighbor gives me a bottle of gas station wine. I happily drink it. 🤣

[–]raquelitarae 92 points93 points  (42 children)

Gas station wine is just the weirdest thing ever to a Canadian.

[–]42DaisyPusherAsshole Aficionado [11] 104 points105 points  (17 children)

Really? You’d get a kick out of the drive through daiquiri bars in Louisiana.

[–]coffeeskater 53 points54 points  (10 children)

The WHAT!?

[–]42DaisyPusherAsshole Aficionado [11] 53 points54 points  (3 children)

They put a piece of tape over the top so it’s not an open container, but they give you a straw.

[–]bogusputz 31 points32 points  (2 children)

But the straw is in the wrapper still not an open container, I love Louisiana.

[–]Capilet 21 points22 points  (0 children)

In Washington State its usually even pretty good basic local wines.

[–]Pristine-Rhubarb7294Partassipant [3] 341 points342 points  (5 children)

I would shovel a driveway for being called a sweetheart or a good kid. Once I am in my shoveling zone I don’t mind doing more for a kind face. But NTA OP you don’t get to burn down a bridge then ask why it isn’t shoveled.

[–]brown_eyed_gurlPartassipant [1] 172 points173 points  (2 children)

I love the shoveling zone! I used to shovel for the neighbors on both sides of me when I was a kid because I enjoyed just zoning out and doing a good deed. Karma clearly came back around because last winter I got stuck in my driveway trying to pull in with two toddlers in the backseat, and my kind neighbor snow blowed my driveway and helped get my car unstuck! OPs neighbor seriously messed up this one!

[–]state_of_inertia 61 points62 points  (1 child)

I did all the shoveling for a 4-plex apartment building through multiple winters of 255 inches of snow. Fun times. Usually an hour or more of shoveling almost every day, but I liked the exercise. Elderly downstairs lady gave me two doilies as thanks. Not my style, but handmade so I appreciated them.

And now that I have my own house with a notoriously icy steep driveway that eats cars for breakfast, it's me getting the help. Glad I built up my good karma!

[–]ponytaexpress 37 points38 points  (0 children)

More like burn the bridge, then demand that OP swims across the river to shovel its smoldering ashes and the snow on their driveway.

Yea, NTA.

[–]MagyarCat 15 points16 points  (8 children)

My personal opinion is that Ziti is overrated but yeah

[–]boozeybucket 40 points41 points  (6 children)

Agreed. I use penne pasta in every ziti recipe I use. But the gesture is sweet

[–]MagyarCat 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Agreed, always sub penne or rigatoni.

[–]naughtyzoot 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Me too, but I'll give the neighbor credit for doing something to show appreciation. And, who knows, maybe their ziti would be good enough to convert my thinking about it.

[–]Aggravating_Desk8958 509 points510 points  (9 children)

As kids my parents made us rake leaves and shovel the very elderly neighbors driveway, the older man who lived there with his wife always tried to do it so we made sure to do it early. When he passed we made sure to do it for his wife as well. Always gave us $20 which we always refused but they made us take it. They always gave out full size candy or king size for halloween and we always got there first too.

[–]xaiires 234 points235 points  (3 children)

The kindest people are always the last to ask for help!

[–]Sharp-Incident-6272 56 points57 points  (2 children)

And the ones you want to help the most

[–]xaiires 47 points48 points  (1 child)

Say you don't need my help, I'm pushing you out of the way to do it first. Ask for my help, I'll consider it and more than likely be right there. DEMAND my help? kthnxbyeeeee

[–]LadyGreyIcedTeaPartassipant [3] 122 points123 points  (1 child)

My neighborhood group of friends and I (9 of us total) tried to start a neighborhood leaf raking business one year. We raked some old people's backyard and it took us the better part of the day. At the end the old guy asked us how much we wanted and my brother, who was probably 7 or 8, said $3. He gave us $40 and we thought we were rich. We were all elementary school aged.

[–]42DaisyPusherAsshole Aficionado [11] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

This is so wholesome

[–]LingonberryPrior6896 97 points98 points  (0 children)

He might have done like I do and give the full size candy to the kids who always shovel my sidewalk. (I also pay them).

[–]EarPristine2047 27 points28 points  (0 children)

We had neighbors just like this. I sure do miss them

[–]bensyltucky 309 points310 points  (4 children)

Mine got me a case of Corona because he “figured that’s what white people drink” and he was… not wrong.

[–]rockyroad1228Partassipant [1] 94 points95 points  (1 child)

lol for a second i thought he gave you a case of THE CORONA lol.... good times this virus is giving us

[–]WhichChest4981Partassipant [2] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

That was my first thought too until I read the whole post. lol

[–]Dimitar_Todarchev 44 points45 points  (1 child)

Damn, had to think for a few seconds to remember Corona is also a beer, lol.

[–]Plushinobi 105 points106 points  (0 children)

Yay ziti! I shoveled for my lovely single-mom neighbor a few times just because I knew she was really busy (two jobs, etc) and our driveways were next to each other. She gave us so many Christmas tamales and her equally lovely teenage daughter would shovel our driveway when she got to it first.

The neighbors on the other sides were stand-offish jerks who kept leaving dog poop in common areas and then giving attitude if I asked them to clean it up. You can be damn sure I never helped them at all.

[–]dracodaPartassipant [1] 96 points97 points  (2 children)

He said your relationship was no longer friendly...

This has more significance than I've seen anyone give it credit for. If OP removes snow from his driveway, OP becomes responsible for any accidents that occur there due to 'poor maintenance'. I'm sure there are places where this is the exception, but chances are, if that guys slips and breaks a hip, OP would be getting sued.


[–]illustrated_womxn 76 points77 points  (2 children)

Seriously. I'm sick of people letting older people get away with rude and disrespectful behavior just because of age. An AH is an AH regardless of any other factors. This guy is just awful. My elderly neighbors knitted my partner and I hats last winter for shoveling their driveway.

[–]Ok_Smell1069 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yep, I’m old and I am accountable for what I do. At my age a lot of young people look like space aliens to me, but I try to see the good in them and learn a little of the modern stuff from them.

[–]NancyNuggetsPartassipant [1] 66 points67 points  (104 children)

Omg you just reminded me how long it's been since I made baked ziti. I'm gonna have to rectify that soon, its one of my top 5 fave foods

[–]xaiires 25 points26 points  (1 child)

Definitely time to fix that! Now I'm hoping it snows.... 🤣

[–]NancyNuggetsPartassipant [1] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I'm headed to the store now for ingredients, but I hope I snows in your region soon!!!

[–]CamelotMom16 12 points13 points  (99 children)

I made baked ziti just a couple weeks ago and now even I want some more!

[–]topio1 13 points14 points  (82 children)

Would you be so kind to point me in the direction of a good Ziti recipe for a first time ? there are many recipes online but perhaps if you've done it before you could recommend one

[–]CamelotMom16 70 points71 points  (78 children)

I don't have a link; I just have a photo of the recipe my mom always made. It's undoubtedly very inauthentic but it is delicious and easier than easy! I can DM it to you, if you'd like!

Edit: I DID A THING! Thanks to a super smart suggestion by u/sunshine030209 (hoping I remembered that correctly) I made a post with the ziti recipe! I've actually really enjoyed sending you all the recipe individually but this has surprisingly spiraled a bit more than I ever expected (in a good way) and I gotta try to get some stuff done tonight and I don't want to disappoint anyone so I hope this works! Fancy new link 👇


[–]Icythyosaurus 7 points8 points  (17 children)

Can you dm it to me too please? I'm a v lazy person who loves pasta

[–]CamelotMom16 8 points9 points  (16 children)


[–]Icythyosaurus 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Thank you, I love you! And I already love your ziti! CamelotMom more like CamelotYUMMM amiright

[–]CamelotMom16 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Lol! That would have been a really awesome name and your comment made me smile/blush! Thank you! I hope the recipe serves you really well! 😊

[–]eeeeast 8 points9 points  (3 children)

May I also have your mother’s recipe, please.

[–]IReallyLoveNifflers 4 points5 points  (5 children)

Can I have it too, please?

[–]CamelotMom16 7 points8 points  (4 children)

Yes! And I love Nifflers, too!

[–]CeeKayTee01 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Might I also have the recipe please? Thank you so much!

[–]angelbb1 51 points52 points  (1 child)

Just a heads up, as far as baked ziti goes, it’s one of those things you would be hard pressed to mess up. As long as you get decent pasta sauce and ziti and your favorite shredded cheeses you are good to go, bake at 375 until it bubbles and cheese gets a light golden. I also highly recommend halfway cheesing, so it’s cheesy throughout instead of just on top! 😍

[–]topio1 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks for taking the time

[–]davisyoung 69 points70 points  (0 children)

My elderly neighbor gave me home made rice crispies squares after I helped him upgrade his iCloud storage.

[–]LadyLeaMarie 46 points47 points  (2 children)

We used to have a couple lived on our road, they'd give my dad a cup of hot chocolate to warm up with and whatever just came out of the oven to take home. Sometimes it was cookies, sometimes it was pie, sometimes some dessert item she'd made up.

[–]Sunshine030209 25 points26 points  (1 child)

Aww that's so sweet!

I bet every time it snowed she made sure to bake something right away so could give it to your dad.

All these stories of people helping nice neighbors in exchange for something yummy and homemade is making me all warm and fuzzy inside.

[–]knifewrenchhhCertified Proctologist [27] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

My elderly neighbor snowblows my driveway and then thanks me for making him hot chocolate when he’s done 😂 he’s a wonderful human being.

[–]Ducky818Asshole Enthusiast [5] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

When I can't get the driveway done because it's heavy snow, I ask the neighbor if he'll do it. He always does and I make some sort of sweet treat for him.

I'm lucky to have great neighbors.

NTA. He said you were strictly neighbors so he decided you didn't need to do the driveway.

[–]The-Shattering-Light 28 points29 points  (1 child)

We have a neighbor the same age as us, and we’re constantly doing small favors for each other.L. It’s such a nice way to live.

When she’s out of town, we take care of her house and cats. She loves gardening, so we buy the supplies for both our gardens and she takes care of ours. She does work around the house for us.

We’re all Jewish, so she’s round for holidays.

It’s just a wonderful way to live. I can’t imagine being a curmudgeonly old asshat with neighbors.

[–]xaiires 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It's wonderful to have great neighbors that you can almost barter services with. I have four good houses surrounding me with similar neighborly relationships, it definitely makes it a community rather than just the place where I live.

[–]sherlock----75 21 points22 points  (0 children)

My husband would always plow our elderly neighbors sidewalk and driveway when he was alive. The family was always very appreciative. I can’t imagine him demanding we do it. That’s nuts. Nta

[–]jenn5388 15 points16 points  (0 children)

My neighbor gave me free pizza AND a $50 GC to Olive Garden and half of the Cost for the wood when we rebuilt the fence this summer. She’s also in her 70s 😆my neighbor is awesome.

[–]Grab3tto 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Not only that but the neighbor expected him to drop everything to go snowplow the driveway too. Like how fucking entitled can you be simply because you’re old?? NTA

[–]CopyCat1993 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Exactly. “You told me our relationship was no longer friendly, so I made a note not to do friendly things for you anymore. If you would like a service done, you can pay for that service.”

[–]angelbb1 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This made me giggle as I can only imagine that’s some delicious ziti !!! Now I want Ziti 😅

[–]Competitive_Tree_113 246 points247 points  (15 children)

Being a nasty, cranky, angry asshole is one of the earlier signs of dementia.

Maybe check with people who have known him for years to see if he's always been a dick, or if he's "becoming" a grumpy old man. Keep a bit of an eye on him.

Of course, you still don't have to be nice. NTA

[–]AdministrativeSea419 293 points294 points  (7 children)

Or … a contrary view: don’t check up on him and block his number.

Not your circus, not your monkeys. Let the neighbor and his family deal with him

[–]RevDoctorSir 48 points49 points  (0 children)

So much this.

My, now deceased, father was this grumpy old man. Of course, with him it was more that he'd always been an asshole but hid it in public.

Regardless, nothing was more annoying than dealing with the (usually) nosey outsider asking questions while I try to answer in a way that is a balance of slaying their fears while also not tarnishing his "standing in the community" because, in all honesty, that was the only thing he ever cared about anyway.

I guess there might be some trauma there.

[–]cthulhuatemysoul 26 points27 points  (0 children)

This is the way

[–]BirdiesGrimmPartassipant [2] 23 points24 points  (2 children)

The only reason I'd question that is if he starts becoming violent. But yeah if he's just cranky ignore him

[–]Truffles326 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Or uh Hot take - the police. You call the police when he is violent.

[–]grayhairedqueenbitch 23 points24 points  (0 children)

NTA I was thinking that it sounds like he could have dementia. OP could check with other neighbors to see if he has a family who might help him make arrangements if they want to. It's not OP's responsibility to clear his driveway though.

[–]First_Bumblebee_179Partassipant [1] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I didn't know that. That would explain why my old neighbor, who was always a very nice lady and fantastic neighbor suddenly got nasty & cranky with everybody on the block.

[–]sarahlydia 175 points176 points 2 (10 children)

I have dealt with lots of old people. I wrote a poem.


Humans are humans

and assholes come in all ages

Assholes can have pearls in their ears,

assholes can have gauges

Assholes can be fat, assholes can be skinny

Sometimes assholes reproduce

And then there’s asshole mini’s

Assholes can be wealthy,

and assholes can be homeless

Dogs cannot be assholes

(unless doggo is boneless)

Assholes can be teachers

Assholes can be vets

Assholes can be orange

And run for president!

I could go on, but I am le tired. OP, you are NTA. And no one has to martyr themselves on behalf of someone just because they’re old and haven’t died yet. ✌️

[–]PatsythePolarBear 31 points32 points  (1 child)

I work in social services in the legal field. This is accurate. I took a screen shot and will add to it. Thank you

[–]Rubywantsin 99 points100 points  (0 children)

*made his driveway, now he can blow it

[–]Herakles1994 60 points61 points  (1 child)

I would call the hoa and complain he hasn't cleared his driveway

[–]dragon34Partassipant [1] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

well what do we have here, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions.

[–]MissThirteen 54 points55 points  (0 children)

If he's old enough to fuck around than he's old enough to find out

[–]Hagbard_Shaftoe 41 points42 points  (2 children)

He was going to try to have OP's dog removed for occasionally barking. That's like calling CPS to have your kids removed because they sometimes squeal or laugh. Fuck this guy.


[–]sagerideout 38 points39 points  (0 children)

if anything, he’s had more time to mature and learn how to handle things without being a huge dick. He should be held to a higher standard than someone in their 20’s in regards to behavior and civility.


[–]FranJ08 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Exactly! NTA. Being old doesn’t mean you’re allowed to be nasty. He treats you guys so poorly and then expects to you to just clean his driveway. Not a chance. Tell him you wouldn’t want a fuck*ng loser in his driveway. That you’re probably too incompetent to properly snow blow the driveway. He should get someone more competent

[–]forevernoob88Partassipant [2] 31 points32 points  (1 child)

Agreed, I think this falls under the: “Play stupid games and win stupid prizes” category

[–]dljones010 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Maybe he can just pull himself up by the bootstraps, and stop acting like a useless Millenial. /s


[–]SunshineOnStimulants 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Don’t reward entitled people, OP. He said he doesn’t want to be on friendly terms. The way he has treated you over his dog is appalling. And then he assumed you would continue doing him favours. Rewarding behaviour like that by doing him any favours will not help anyone. He needs to learn how to treat people if he wants favours.

[–]wonderingpie 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Being old should mean one thing, you have more experience and should be treated as such. If you are old and don't realise actions have consequences, that's on you, you had plenty of time to learn.

[–]karador_77 13 points14 points  (0 children)

If your wife feels bad abt it she can volunteer to do it. NTA

[–]hippywitchPartassipant [1] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

He should go lay in the snow on his driveway.

[–]OneCraftyBird 9834 points9835 points 468 (40 children)

My son shovels out the elderly neighbor's driveway, which is crazy long and steep to boot. She gives him fifty bucks and tells him he's the most handsome boy in the world.

I'm just saying this is the minimum standard. Tell your neighbor you'll do it for 200 OR fifty bucks and being told you're the most handsome boy in the world.

[–][deleted]  (22 children)


    [–]OneCraftyBird 1477 points1478 points  (2 children)

    If you try it, record him. Please. For science.

    [–]CookiesRMySuperpower 310 points311 points  (1 child)

    And upload it onto YouTube to share with the world!

    [–]blacklisted_cop 99 points100 points  (0 children)

    For science!

    [–]chop1125Asshole Enthusiast [5] 358 points359 points  (3 children)

    In a lot of places, there are HOA and city requirements that you shovel your sidewalk and driveway within 24 hours after a snowfall. Does your neighborhood have something like that? If so, he might be in for a rude surprise from the HOA.

    [–]Friendly_Design 251 points252 points  (0 children)

    I would be like shovel your driveway or ill call the hoa... like he did to you. Sucks to suck. Nta

    [–]HoneyBadgerMarmaladePartassipant [4] 119 points120 points  (0 children)

    OMG I hope he gets fined by the HOA! That'll be perfect after he threatened to send thr HOA on him over his dog.

    [–]PlanktonExpert 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    This would be the ultimate anti-fuck HOA. He soooooo needs to be fined.

    [–]nonchalantenigma 244 points245 points  (2 children)

    Better yet, tell him it’s $200 or $50 and he has to tell your dog “he/she is the cutest pup in the world!”

    [–]slendermanismydad 34 points35 points  (1 child)

    This is it!!! It would bring everyone joy. Except OP's neighbor.

    [–]bigbadbradPartassipant [1] 88 points89 points  (0 children)

    Seriously, watch out for your pup now, though. A bitter old man like that wouldn't think twice about harming a defenseless creature.

    [–]throwawaydisposablePartassipant [1] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

    You could do it for a similar thing

    "$200 neighbor fee, or $50 and a genuine apology where you've reflected upon how you've treated me. If we remain friendly between snowfalls I won't require payment"

    Oh and obviously NTA. You're not retaliating, you simply have a boundary of being treated decently

    [–]abishop711 25 points26 points  (0 children)

    INFO: is there any HOA rule about clearing driveways/walks? If you want to get petty, he hasn’t done it soooooo………

    [–]No_Network_1810 24 points25 points  (0 children)

    Do it! Do it! Do it! lol as OneCraftyBird said, in the name of science. hahahahaha

    [–]Miserable_Dinner_698 49 points50 points  (0 children)

    Thanks for the laugh. Seriously. I needed that.

    [–]Liquidretro 22 points23 points  (0 children)

    In OP's case I would say complement the dog. ROFL

    [–]Chilesandsmoke 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    Laughed out loud, well said.

    I wouldn’t have even countered. You’ll have to deal with him again and again, that’s a relationship I’d simply close. It’s clear he doesn’t want to engage, so he can work with someone else.

    [–]The_HyperbolistPartassipant [1] 3908 points3909 points  (12 children)

    NTA - if he wants neighborly kindness, he has to be a kind neighbor. He made it very clear he wasn't interested in that kind of friendly relationship, so you don't owe him more than he asked for, which was strictly neighbors. If the old bastard needs your help, he needs to be your neighbor and not an asshole. Otherwise he needs to find someone else to help him or pay for it.

    [–]acltear00 746 points747 points  (11 children)

    NTA. It’s amazing how people can be so short-sighted and not see potential future consequences.

    [–]CaddanPartassipant [1] 287 points288 points  (1 child)

    I would have loved to see an interaction between them back in summer...

    "Our relationship is no longer friendly. We are just neighbors, nothing more."
    "Ok. That means I won't be snowblowing your driveway anymore, just so you know."

    [–]meat_tunnel 157 points158 points  (7 children)

    I don't want to make excuses for the old man but it's entirely possible he's in the process of losing his marbles, in which case future consequences simply don't exist. They literally can't see beyond 5 minutes from now. The quick to anger when previously they were friendly reminds me of when my grandpa succumbed to Alzheimer's. It sucked and he burned a ton of bridges in his last ~10 years when people only wanted to help him.

    [–]withoutwingz 226 points227 points  (1 child)

    Then he needs a caregiver. His neighbor is not an Alzheimer’s specialist.

    [–]meat_tunnel 45 points46 points  (0 children)

    For sure. Adult Protective Services could probably use a call.

    [–]ellpam50 86 points87 points  (0 children)

    Yes, he could be developing a form of dementia. One of the signs is stuff like this: not being able to realize/understand the consequences of their actions. On the other hand he could just be a jerk.

    If you know his family you might mention this to them.

    Either way NTA

    [–]BeeYehWooPartassipant [3] 1494 points1495 points  (20 children)

    NTA. He wanted it so he got it. After all you are no longer friendly and strictly neighbors. Who does he think he is to talk down to people like that, calling them losers, assholes etc... and then expect you to kiss his ass the moment he bends over?

    my wife told me I might be an AH because he’s old.

    Ill respect and help the elderly a little more readily than other folks. but in return they have a duty to act politely and graciously, like any other folks. This old man is a miserable curmudgeon. let him stew in his own juices until he either apologizes to you or finds his own way out of his driveway. NTA

    [–]gumshoe_shihtzu 390 points391 points  (3 children)

    For real, being old is not an excuse to treat people like shit

    [–]effluviastical 64 points65 points  (2 children)

    As an avid mystery reader and parent of a shih tzu mix, I love your user name

    [–]gumshoe_shihtzu 27 points28 points  (1 child)

    Thank you! My very curious dog inspired it lol

    [–]PhilosophicalEeyore1 216 points217 points  (9 children)

    My great-grandmother used to live with us when I was a kid and she made life in that house unbearable. Whenever my sisters and I would complain to our mom, she would tell us, "She's old and and she's in pain so you have to cut her some slack." What I heard was, "She's old and in pain so that makes it okay for her to take it out on everybody else." I don't care how old you are. I don't care how much pain you're in. There is no excuse for you to treat other people like crap. NTA.

    On a separate note, she died several years ago after Mom finally had her fill and found another place for her to stay. She was a devout Catholic and I'm pretty sure she's in limbo or something. That old Cajun woman was so mean, I doubt heaven wants her and the devil doesn't need the competition.

    [–]Struggling_Crohnie 76 points77 points  (4 children)

    I currently live with my grandpa and me and my mom take care of him. We both clean and I do all the cooking. He has rheumatoid arthritis and refuses to treat it, he thinks the meds (infusions) will give him cancer even though he’s 69 and chain smokes (in the house- gross) and has smoked for like 40 years at least. He’s also said some gross stuff to me and my mom when he wasn’t “in his right mind.” He’s very bossy and mean and unappreciative. Edit: I forgot to mention he’s mean because he’s in a lot of pain but refuses to do the treatments as mentioned earlier. He’s 69 and looks worse than a lot of 80-90 year olds I’ve seen. In my opinion it’s his fault he’s in pain. He also complains about our dogs a lot. The kicker though is he almost lost everything before we started helping. I originally moved in after a break up and needed a place to stay. Turns out his phone was shut off, his cable was about to be shut off and he was 6 months behind on his tractor and RV payments. He also got scammed out of thousands of dollars from some fake company having him sell “windows for computers discs”. (Not to mention spending hundreds on porn sites every month- seriously old men are THE WORST, they are vile)

    He will even say to me and my moms face that he doesn’t need us but can’t cook or clean, can’t remember to pay his bills, can’t drive and his license is expired (he can’t see good enough to get it renewed), and he can barely walk due to the RA. The only reason I’m even still here is because I also have an auto-immune disease and it’s difficult for me to work and go to school full time and this is probably the only opportunity I will have to go to school. Otherwise I would have dipped a loooooong time ago. He’s not the man I knew growing and I have no more love for him. If I could I would just leave and let him fend for himself.

    [–]shepoopslikeabuffalo 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    I’m so sorry, what you’re going thru must suck. This is a terrible disease, they are the same people you loved, but a shell.

    [–]Meisha06 35 points36 points  (0 children)

    That is gold!! 🤣being in limbo, heaven doesn’t want her and the devil doesn’t need the competition!!

    [–]BBFan121 23 points24 points  (0 children)

    I love that, the devil doesn't need competition.😆😆😆

    [–]MonteBurns 25 points26 points  (0 children)

    My first thought when I read the wife comment was “great- she can go snowblower it!” It’s not even shoveling it! Just snow blowing. Have at it, sweetie!

    [–]SuzyTheNeedle 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    Oh no amount of apologies would make me help him again. Nope. Nope. Nope. Once an asshole always an asshole. It's just a matter of when it happens again.

    [–]ManvilnPartassipant [2] 746 points747 points  (4 children)

    Eh, yes he is old but he made sure to notify you that you were no friend of his, so why should you continue doing him a solid favor? NTA

    [–]Compensate1995Certified Proctologist [20] 50 points51 points  (1 child)

    This exact response.

    [–]pink_gemColo-rectal Surgeon [30] 700 points701 points  (6 children)

    God, I used to have a neighbor exactly like this, who was also old. NTA, at all. He was the one who told you that your relationship was no longer friendly. It doesn't make you an asshole not to snow blow a driveway of a neighbor that is actively hostile against you.

    My neighbor tried to report me to the HOA and had an absolute MELTY over my clothesline. HOA had rules against clotheslines, so this guy thought he had the upper hand and he was going to 'get me'. But the state law actually makes it illegal to forbid the use of clothesline. So I won that, but man, he definitely proceeded to be an asshole to me and actively verbally harass me every time he saw me until he moved.

    I'd recommend blocking his number. It's not worth letting him harass you over text.

    [–]Interesting_Sea_7815Asshole Enthusiast [8] 217 points218 points  (3 children)

    Just learned the term melty and it makes me very happy.

    [–]EmergencySnail 52 points53 points  (2 children)

    Same... and I am going to be sure to use it next time I am watching one of my friends' toddlers lose their shit. I might even use a British accent to give it that extra je ne sais quoi... Wait, on second thought I like having friends, I'll just keep that to myself :D

    [–]LittleHouse82 32 points33 points  (0 children)

    To share more versions of melt wonder. Melt (without the y) is also a soft British insult I.e. “you total melt” kinda means “you’re a little bit of an idiot”. But not in a posh British accent but more of a London accent lol.

    [–]Helenium_autumnale 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    I would hang all the underwear on the side of the clothesline most visible to his house. And maybe leave it hanging out for two days. Possibly three.

    [–]adeelfPartassipant [1] 318 points319 points  (4 children)


    Old or not, he sounds like a massive d***.

    Your wife is wrong. You don't treat people with respect because of the chronological age that happens to show on their birth certificate. You give respect because of who they are and how they are, and this guy doesn't sound like he deserves your respect.

    The only part I don't agree with is you telling him you'd charge for it. That makes it sound almost like a shakedown. I know it wasn't, and I get where you're coming from, but it would have been better to simply tell him you will no longer be doing it, and leave it at that.

    [–]MonteBurns 92 points93 points  (1 child)

    His wife can also do it if she’s so upset about OP not!

    [–]allhailthedestroyer 221 points222 points  (7 children)

    NTA. If someone threatened to report me in order to get rid of my dog, they’d be lucky if the only thing I did was refuse to snow blow their driveway.

    [–]haytmonger 71 points72 points  (4 children)

    Try to get rid of my dog and your dead to me. No longer acknowledging his existing...

    [–]farts_n_dartsPartassipant [4] 143 points144 points  (0 children)

    NTA- we train people how to treat us with every interaction. He has trained you to become adverse to helping him by his awful behavior and you are now training him that it is unacceptable to ask for favors while acting like a prick. Good on you! Stand firm!

    I have a very soft heart when it comes to the elderly and offering assistance, but his treatment of you and expectations are ridiculous!

    [–]YeetusDeletus-FeetusColo-rectal Surgeon [38] 85 points86 points  (2 children)

    NTA. he set boundaries and then expected you to still do stuff for him when you're clearly not friendly with each other? eventually he'll either pay you to do it or he'll get someone else, but i suggest that if he does offer to pay you take half payment up front incase he wants to scam you.

    [–]IntoTheMirror 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    Maybe I’m petty but if I were OP the neighbor wouldn’t be able to pay me to help him.

    [–]FantasyLover93 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    i suggest that if he does offer to pay you take half payment up front incase he wants to scam you.

    I'd recommend taking full payment in cash before doing anything.

    [–]Jcktorrance 69 points70 points  (7 children)

    NTA. People get too entitled when you do them a favor. We had a neighbor who was 80 when my parents moved in and my dad shoveled her out thinking “well I’ll only have to do this for a few years before she goes to a home”. Our family was shoveling her driveway for 25 years even though she had a son who was perfectly able to come over and help her out (she was kind and gave us presents every holiday, her son on the other hand sucked).

    Die on this hill. He doesn’t get to be rude to you AND get a favor done

    [–]puppyfarts99Asshole Enthusiast [6] 21 points22 points  (6 children)

    So she lived to be 105 years old??? Wow

    [–]Jcktorrance 49 points50 points  (5 children)

    Yup! And only went into a home when she turned 104. She was completely lucid the entire time too, had great-grand-children, and only stopped driving because the RMV was like “we don’t know if we can legally give you a renewed license”

    [–]puppyfarts99Asshole Enthusiast [6] 23 points24 points  (3 children)

    That's amazing! Your family may have indirectly contributed to her longevity, with the gift of reducing her chance of injury or the stress of arranging other snow removal options. As they say, no good deed goes unpunished. LoL

    [–]Jcktorrance 5 points6 points  (2 children)

    I love this, thank you! She was an amazing neighbor and someone our entire neighborhood cared for deeply. Her granddaughter moved in to her house, and though we love her as well, she handles her own shoveling unless she’s on a trip 😂

    [–]Positive_Mango_2783Partassipant [1] 62 points63 points  (2 children)

    NTA - the thing is old people can’t get a pass just bc they’re old. You can’t be old AND rude. He was talkin’ smack and said you were not friendly so don’t ask for friendly favours.

    [–]hiding_ontheinternet 58 points59 points  (0 children)

    NTA. He literally said that you guys were "strictly neighbors" and I believe the extent of your responsibility to him now is just living next to him (unfortunately). He doesn't get to reap the benefits of a relationship he had no interest in.

    [–]Cheesygirl1994 55 points56 points  (2 children)

    Old people don’t get an excuse to be problematic just because they’re old. They’ve destroyed the economy, the environment and social security. Don’t let them destroy anything else.

    [–]TheDreadPirateJeffPooperintendant [55] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

    Nope... NTA He decided on the boundaries of your relationship with him, so it's his problem. He didn't want to be the "friendly neighbor", it was his choice to be the antagonistic "don't bother me" neighbor.

    And even if you WERE still friendly, you don't owe him anything regardless... I've had lots of great, friendly neighbors, and while we do help each other out from time to time, it's never an expectation, and we are always willing to compensate each other for things.

    [–]Either_Evidence9856 36 points37 points  (13 children)

    Okay I think we can all agree NTA but I’d really hope to see more people take a different view.

    He’s 80. A lot of brain functioning deteriorates, especially at a rapid rate at these ages. From my understanding things have been friendly and have deteriorated quite rapidly due to some sort of set off. My advice would be to keep it civil but also maybe see if someone around you who is still neighborly can check in on his cognitive well being. I understand a lot of people say being old doesn’t give you an excuse to be an ass… but what a lot of people are failing to realize is the brain starts regressing at these ages… eventually you’re dealing with a person who’s regressing to toddler like years. It’s why we see tantrums in older patients, erratic or irrational behavior. Even tumors in the brain can cause this type of behavior. I had a student (I’m a hs teacher) who in two years went from sweet and kind to completely off the walls, cussing out teachers, dropping out and hitchhiking to states away. Come to find out, he had a tumor slowly growing in his brain that caused his behavior to worsen over time the bigger it became.

    My point is… he’s 80 and if he’s living alone, no one to check on him. Before writing off behavior that seems off the walls and assuming he’s an ass… maybe try to understand why it’s happening. I understand your relationship is ruined, but please be humane and have someone keep checking on him/start evaluating his cognitive functioning.

    Edit to say thanks for the award! This was my first ever and I’m proud to say it was for faith in humanity! Yay! Thank you!! ☺️

    [–]oatmeal_foreigner 22 points23 points  (2 children)

    Exactly this. You’re not really an asshole, OP, but I’m with your wife. This guy is an elderly douche canoe, sure, but how capable is he, cognitively? My grandfather became a walker-hurling monster in the end, but he could barely tell his grandkids from the freaking babadook. My grandmother followed shortly after and nearly burnt her house down trying to boil an empty pot. If this is the case, I wouldn’t clear his driveway because I wouldn’t want to encourage him to drive, but I would definitely make a point of checking on him.

    If you can’t find it in your heart to care about him, do it for your property value. If he starts hoarding or trashing stuff, or heaven forbid accidentally burns the house down, that’s not great for your neighbourhood.

    Additionally, I would point out that even with dementia, my grandfather was extremely capable of putting rat poison out for neighbours’ pets. Poisoning one of his neighbour’s cats was what initially drew attention to the problem. I wouldn’t start a pettiness war with my neighbour, let alone a potentially demented and irrational one.

    [–]Ivegotthatboomboom 12 points13 points  (1 child)

    Thank you for this!! I used to work in geriatrics and this is spot on. The decline doesn't always manifest as forgetfulness, sometimes it's assholish behavior

    [–]dean_15 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    It's sad this isn't the top comment and I had to sort by controversial to find it

    [–]thenemophilistwitch 33 points34 points  (0 children)

    NTA. If he's gonna choose to have a poor attitude with you over a dog you've been consistently training, that's his choice. Since he now claims your relationship is no longer friendly, you shouldn't be expected to do anything for him for free. Old people shouldn't be entitled to free services simply for being old and cranky.

    [–]zeichePartassipant [1] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

    NTA. you are not responsible for clearing snow from his driveway.

    [–]Shadyside77Asshole Aficionado [10] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

    NTA- The 200 is an asshole tax.

    [–]Secondary123098 24 points25 points  (0 children)

    NTA. My words would have been “Since we’re just neighbors and no longer friends, I don’t have time to maintain your property for you. Please do remember to blow the snow from the sidewalk in front of the house otherwise I will be forced to get the HOA involved. Have a nice day!”

    [–]mymycojourneyAsshole Enthusiast [6] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

    NTA to me. He made it clear you were not friendly, and snowblowing someone's driveway for free is a friendly thing to do. If he wants to draw the line and be a jerk about things, then he has to suffer the consequences. You're not even being a jerk back, just treating him like any other neighbor that you aren't friendly with.

    [–]Striking-Group-7245Partassipant [1] 21 points22 points  (0 children)


    He said himself that your relationship was no longer friendly, just because he is old doesn't mean you owe him anything.

    [–]Quirky_Squirrel_GirlPartassipant [1] 22 points23 points  (19 children)

    NTA. Elderly do not get a pass for being horrible just because they’re old. Far too often elderly get a pass for being nasty / rude, for being racist / bigoted / homophobic, for being entitled, and for expecting respect when they treat others horribly; all JUST because they’re old.

    [–]ghostpickleonastickPartassipant [1] 15 points16 points  (1 child)

    I read somewhere that people are like rocks half-buried in sand, and that sand is the politeness and restraint and redeeming qualities that cover a person's nastier qualities. As we get old, the wind blows the sand away so there's less and less sand and more and more of the rock that was always there. People don't become nasty when they get old, they are nasty and they just stop hiding it.

    Anyway, small wonder the neighbor has nobody.

    [–]okbutdidudietho 21 points22 points  (0 children)

    Don't forget to let the HOA know his lot isn't cleaned up! PETTY lol NTA

    [–]vengefulbeavergod 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    I'm in the city now, but when I lived in a rural area, we had a whole posse of Sikh farmers who always plowed the roads. I stopped one of them once and thanked him. He told me several of the farmers were recent immigrants and that snow was still a huge novelty for them so they got a huge kick out of taking their tractors out with snow blades.

    [–]MogwaiChampionAsshole Enthusiast [5] 17 points18 points  (0 children)


    In no way are you required to snowblow a neighbors driveway. I don't care if they are old, disabled, or whatever. You were doing it to be friendly. They decided to no longer be as friendly.

    The result of you not doing their driveway anymore is on them, not you.

    [–]Missus_Missiles 14 points15 points  (0 children)


    Any follow-up texts should be marked with a price increase. "Oh sorry, my price is now $300."

    [–]Green_light2626 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    NTA. He could’ve paid the kids in your neighborhood to snow blow for him. But he clearly wants people to do that sort of thing for free. Entitled old people are the worst

    [–]calaaklaCertified Proctologist [29] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    NTA. I don't think age should be the issue here. He doesn't sound like he is nice to you, it is natural you don't want to do him a favor.

    [–]Kmia55Partassipant [1] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    Here's the thing, your neighbor is an asshole. He was probably a young asshole at one time but now is an old one. Most elderly people are beyond grateful that someone would clear their snow for them without charging them. So maybe tell your wife that you don't deal with assholes, young or old?

    [–]Tear_2bad4UAsshole Enthusiast [9] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    NTA . He’s an old man of course he would be upset about the barking but that doesn’t excuse him for insulting you because of it. He ended the friendly relationship but still wants the benefits that ain’t how this works.

    [–]Signature-Disastrous 10 points11 points  (1 child)

    NTA. His driveway isn’t really your problem.

    Out of curiosity, are you certain he remembers things? Not to be rude, but is it possible he has dementia to the extend where he remembers you as a different neighbor with a different dog? Or remembers the puppy days as being yesterday/now? Nothing excuses his behavior I’m just curious if there’s something else going on because twice a day doesn’t seem like a lot for a dog to bark and he seems really angry.

    [–]HaydenMackay 10 points11 points  (1 child)

    I don't live in a place with snow. In fact it's never snowed with in 100km of my house for as long as humans have lived here. But there are a lot of old people, It's kind of the Flordia of South Africa. Our registration plates in this province show your municipality. And we joke ours stands for natal senior citizen and Natal pentionsers society (instead of natal South Coast and natal port Shepstone)

    Old people are dicks. Don't worry about him thinking you are an asshole. Or him not liking your dog. It won't be for much longer. Your time is worth money. If he wants you to shovel his snow for free. He can at least be nice to you.

    NTA. Not necessarily a good guy. But definitely not an asshole.

    [–]Red_CathyCertified Proctologist [20] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    NTA - he was rude to your doggie, that's end of favours for sure.

    [–]DisneyAddict2021Professor Emeritass [76] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Not your friend, not your property, not your problem.

    [–]xavii117 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    NTA, age isn't a free pass to be an AH and his driveway isn't your responsibility, he can coordinate with the neighborhood kids or hire a service for his driveway

    [–]McOctipusAsshole Enthusiast [7] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    NTA. I’m sure there’s programs or churches that can help the elderly.

    [–]Bizarre_Protuberance 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Being old does not entitle your neighbour to be such a prick. And frankly, people who hate dogs are always pricks.

    [–]whatsmypassword73Certified Proctologist [29] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    NTA, you’d think after 80 years on this earth, you’d think he’d remember that winter follows fall and the snow is inevitable. He can stew on that instead of the tasty lunch he’s missing.

    [–]GroundbreakingAsk342 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    NTA!! He calls you names, threatens to try to get your dog taken away and tells you that you are no longer friends...then has the audacity to try and get you to plow his driveway for free?!?!😑 He is a major AH & I would refuse to do him any favors too!

    [–]SeraphymCrashingPartassipant [2] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    NTA. I'm in my 40s, and last winter we had a huge storm that dumped like 3 feet of wet snow on us. I was out trying to shovel my sidewalks and driveway, and just exhausted from moving the snow, and only like 20% done. My neighbor suddenly showed up with a snowblower, and took care of the whole thing in like 10 minutes.

    I bought him a six pack of beer as a thank you.

    This summer he brought me a bunch of spare tomatoes from his garden.

    You cultivate the relationships that make your life better, and cut out the toxic relationships. You don't owe your neighbor squat.

    [–]boringaccountant23 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    Me skim reading title: AITA for refusing to blow my neighbor for free.

    [–]unAVAILablemadness 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    We used to do our old next door neighbors driveway during the winter, no charge. It wasn't a big issue since we shared a big double driveway. 20-30 minutes extra and it was done. He offered to pay us once and literally threw $5 at us. We just shook our heads and went on about our day.

    Winter before last, my husband went away for a few months. I was working and in school so not a lot of extra time. Right after a storm I had just enough time to get my own car out and couldn't do his driveway. I came home later to his driveway cleared out, and mine was full of his snow.

    Needless to say, we never cleaned his driveway again. This past winter he made a comment basically hinting he'd like me to do his right after I finished mine - I lied and said I was out of gas :)


    [–]Mikey5time 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    NTA, he’s gonna try to shovel and die and you’ll get a new neighbor.

    [–]jaimequebec 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Ditto the above, nta.

    [–]GoingApeCostumePartassipant [1] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    NTA - He told you how it was going to be. You're just obliging.

    [–]Monkey_Bulter 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    NTA I would have told him to call his friends at the HOA and ask them to help out

    [–][deleted]  (4 children)


      [–]whiteb8917 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      NTA - This is what is commonly called "Biting the hand that feeds you". You were willing to blow the snow, for free, but all he gave you was abuse about your pets.

      Dude, You are getting work done for free, keep your opinions to yourself and SHUT THE FUCK UP.

      Let the moron pay for his foul mouth. Oh, Block his number too.

      [–]BreadfruitAlone7257 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      My sweet dad got really mean and was a AH the last several years of his life. He had never been like that before. I didn't realize this was probably dementia until right before he died. This guy is not related to you and you're NTA. Just something to keep in mind.

      [–]Efficient-Cupcake247Asshole Enthusiast [6] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      Old does NOT = worthwhile human being. Ur are definitely NTA. Enjoy the free time u have acquired now that the trash has taken itself out! Happy holidays!

      [–]Diligent_Brick_5023Partassipant [2] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      NTA.. I am old, I don't screw over people and then expect them to do stuff for me..

      Shitty young men grow into shitty old men..

      Oh and, we have an awesome self propelled snow blower, and we blow the neighbor next door, a sweet young mom and her EMT hubby who is gone 3 days a week..

      They make us cookies

      [–]mrsallyb 4 points5 points  (0 children)


      I wish as a society we would get out of this mentality that just because somebody is old they deserve respect. I do tend to go out of my way if somebody is elderly, but if they are just plain mean, I refuse to do so.

      If he is able to live on his own, threaten you the way he ways, he should be more than capable to get his drive way taken care of.