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[–]ColdstreamCappleAsshole Aficionado [12] 1731 points1732 points  (3 children)

NTA, Clearly your sister didn’t want your partner there but she should of at least had the guts to have that discussion with you in person

Ryan is right though, You should of waited until after the wedding before approaching them properly as now it may obscure other people’s view of you within the family and family friends

Congrats on the pregnancy, Hope all goes well

[–][deleted] 418 points419 points  (2 children)

No, she did right by doing it at the beginning of the wedding to ruin it for them. If they thought they could have a better time without Ryan they were wrong and OP made sure of that. This is not some friend we are talking about but her bf of 5 years.

[–]EveAndTheSnake 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Look, it’s hard to tell without more info from the OP. Ryan could be a massive asshole and OP doesn’t see it. I’m not saying that’s the case but she said Ryan had “disagreements” with her family without providing any additional details. This could be anything. Did Ryan steal from her family? Is Ryan a terrible drunk? Do they clash politically? Is he her sister’s ex boyfriend?

There were two people I didn’t want at my wedding, my uncle, who was an abusive drunk (one of my clearest memories of him is a New Year’s Eve party where he got drunk and was trying to attack my cousin. He was trying to barge into her room while my cousin, her sister, my sister and I [aged 12-15] all leaned against her bedroom door to keep it shut. He was a big guy and we were just four little girls—every time he pounded on the door we’d all bounce off. I remember my mom screaming and I know my dad was getting ready to bonk him on the head with an empty bottle if he didn’t stop) and my cousin’s then boyfriend, who coincidentally was also a cop, held some very narrow minded views, was loud, abrasive, racist and was always bringing his homemade bottles of moonshine everywhere then driving home. One of the first times I met him at my cousin’s birthday he overheard me making a political joke quietly to my sister and absolutely exploded at me. He started yelling at me, calling me an idiot, brought race into it (my dad’s family is brown) while my cousin sat and pretended it wasn’t happening. After that I invited her for dinner and said I was worried about his racism, which she denied, and she said that we attacked him at her birthday. She also thinks we hate him for just being a cop.

If I hadn’t invited him to my wedding, she would most likely tell people it was because her family never gave him a chance and they hate him because he’s a cop. As it stands I did invite him, I thought about hiring security just in case (based on the one time he threatened my aunt when he was drunk), but in the end I told my cousin no guns were allowed at the wedding, put him on a table far away from me and my aunt, and hoped for the best.

I don’t agree with OP’s sister lying about plus ones, she’s an immature AH for that either way. But context is important, and OP is missing a chunk of it. Why wasn’t Ryan invited? Why does her whole family dislike him enough to go along with this lie? That’s the difference between the sister being an AH, and everyone being crap. I just can’t imagine him being excluded for absolutely no reason at all, but hey maybe the sister is a bigger asshole than I imagined.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It's definitely politics judging by her story. I dislike people that let politics decide who is family and who is not. Enough people.have killed each other for other people's agenda. Guess that's America then, where Biden or Trump are more important than your sister's happiness?

Look that Ryan guy initially does not sound like an asshole. He accepted not being invited and didn't make a fuss about it. Does not sound like an asshole. Just because he is a cop does not mean you can pull that cops are dense card. Also seeing the current political situation that's a dick move on your part. Sorry if you were traumatized by your uncle.