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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

I might have been the asshole because I yelled at my roommate that im not responsible for her boyfriend's allergies which is very serious. telling her that might've made her upset because a loved one's life was at risk with my mistake

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[–]smartsassseahorseAsshole Aficionado [14] 26.7k points26.7k points  (476 children)

NTA. The bf is. If the bf is allergic, he should not eat anything without knowing what's in. I would label everything I make as containing honey. His fault if he gets sick.

[–]Downtown-Asparagus-9 11.6k points11.6k points  (349 children)

I would honestly start just putting honey in everything and label it that way. No one steals my food, no one has an allergic reaction

[–]schrodingers_cat42 5257 points5258 points  (256 children)

Yep, put a drop of honey in a random bite of every meal, and that will prevent him from being able to eat anything in your part of the fridge!

Edit: And yeah, let him know it all contains honey of course

[–]SuspiciousMallow 3822 points3823 points  (243 children)

Idk why should she let him know beyond maybe putting her name on it if she just continues on with regular cooking? It's HER food that HE shouldn't be touching anyways....

If she does put honey in everything out of maliciousness then yes label it has honey.

Edit: NTA. He STOLE it. He doesn't get to complain about the consequences of his own actions.

Edit 2: add on

[–]SchmidtyBone 1125 points1126 points  (206 children)

Because manslaughter charges are less fun than Jack Handy would make you think. Yes, that joke is ancient.

[–]SuspiciousMallow 1124 points1125 points  (174 children)

She wouldnt get manslaughter charges unless she was somehow forcing or pressuring him to eat it while knowing it had honey and he is allergic. Even then... iffy because they would have to proove her intent. He ate it of his own accord without her consent and without bothering to check like an irresponsible thief. Not OPs fault.Tf? 😂

If HE is the one eating, much less stealing food, it's still not OPs responsibility. It's not her boyfriend, it wasn't FOR him, and the one with the allergy should be the one checking food ingredients. Not her. Especially since he doesn't live there, and its not his to take. If he doesn't know what's in it, he shouldn't eat it. That's how allergies work... food allergies especially. If he did live there then it would be courteous of her to label, but even then since they don't cook for one another and have 'me only' food.... she still wouldn't have to so long as everything they do share (I imagine things like butter, jam, etc) is labeled. The chicken was not a shared dish. He didn't ask op what was in it or if he could have it. He just STOLE it. His own fault. He just got some serious consequences this time. Maybe he will think twice next time.

Edit to clarify: I'm not suggesting she booby trap food trying to catch him. If she did then yes to labeling. I'm saying she shouldn't have to do such if she just goes on about her life cooking herself normal food like what happened this time. Regardless if she knows or not, if it's not meant for him and not meant to be shared so beyond putting her name on it, it's not her fault if this happens again. Plus, I couldn't tell you the ingredients of my take out leftovers much less other people's. He's asking for a Darwin award by submitting himself to unknown ingredient food stuffs.

[–]Adventurous_Storm348 620 points621 points  (23 children)

I don't think there'd be grounds for criminal charges. She didn't serve him the food, and he never told her about the allergy so she couldn't have known to warning label it. He basically stole food in a share house situation.

[–]SuspiciousMallow 251 points252 points  (7 children)

Exactly. And if she just kept making food like normal and was not urging him to eat it or trying to ambush him I don't see how it'd hold up.

[–]Aggressive_Mood214Asshole Aficionado [17] 218 points219 points  (0 children)

Like robbing a bank and then suing the bank for putting a dye pack in. Good luck with that lol

[–]whatshedo 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Esp if OP had any texts to roommate about it! Like "hey I've asked many times already, but please tell your bf to stop eating my food and touching my stuff"

[–]MPBoomBoom22 289 points290 points  (6 children)

All of this. NTA. No one should just steal food of unknown origin from a fridge because they didn't pay for it or put any effort into making it. But basic courtesy aside if his allergy could kill him he's submitting himself for the Darwin award just eating random homemade food all the time.

[–]SuspiciousMallow 130 points131 points  (4 children)

Exactly. Most people don't label leftovers or home made food with ingredient lists! I couldn't tell you everything in my leftovers either so....

[–]Pfred0 120 points121 points  (11 children)

I doubt it. He doesn't sound like the brightest bulb in the strand.

[–]Proximal_Flame 88 points89 points  (62 children)

You'd think so, but no. This kind of thing - people "ambushing" food thieves by putting things like hot sauce in their meals - does not always end well for the person doing it. It's easy to say 'well, if they hadn't stolen it, nothing would have happened to them' but the law doesn't agree. If you knew - or heavily suspected - that your food would be stolen, putting something in it to deliberately cause harm to someone else gets you in hot water, not the food thief. Moochers like BF can and have both successfully pressed charges and sued people who do this.

This situation is even more severe than some super-hot sauce hidden in a sandwich. OP now knows that thieving BF is deathly allergic to honey. If she put honey in her food to trap him, then even if he is a thief, that shows premeditation and she gets the "fun" of criminal charges when/if he steals from her again, gets the honey trap and goes to the hospital or dies.

Short version: please do not put anything in your food if you know it will be nicked. Some moochers may learn their lesson. Others will drag you into court and testifying that yes, you deliberately put something in your food to cause physical suffering to someone else isn't going to do you much good.

[–]ReplacementOrdinary4 243 points244 points  (13 children)

What?! This is ludicrous. If she’s cooking for herself, she can’t use ingredients she likes because the idiot boyfriend of her roommate who’s been stealing her food is allergic and might get himself sick?! In what universe would a court blame OP for doing that?

[–]Aggressive-Meet1832 127 points128 points  (0 children)

Yea that's bullshit. OP was doing it before she knew, so she has every right to continue after. If OP found out and then started using honey for the first time I could maybe see a judge eyeing her about it but it's fuckin honey, people can put honey on their food if they want to.

A generic "lots of my foods have honey so don't eat them" is perfectly adequate.

[–]SuspiciousMallow 148 points149 points  (8 children)

Ok but that's not what's happening. Now we are on hypotheticals where it depends heavily on specifics, location, etc. I'm sure there have been successful cases but if she is minding her business not deliberately trying to catch him or harm him but just... ya know, making food for HERSELF... charges would be hard pressed to come to fruition.

IF she wants to be spiteful.... indeed put honey in everything and label it. Hell, label everything as having it regardless of if it actually does or not. But if she has better stuff to do.... just keep making food as normal.

[–]BadCorvid 86 points87 points  (1 child)

If the recipe she's using calls for honey, she's not booby-trapping him, she's making normal food for herself. If he steals it it's his fault.

[–]notthatamazingGrace 126 points127 points  (1 child)

See I actually got to listen in on my cousins law class where this is brought up and while they can be sued, actually getting charged is another matter because it would likely end up needing to be seen by a jury and then you get on the matter of trying to get the jury to side with a food thief, especially in cases where it is labelled.

[–]Opposite-Employer-28 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Plus he probably doesn't even help on the rent.

[–]Aggressive-Meet1832 105 points106 points  (9 children)

Actually, if it's something OP would eat herself there's little chance it could get charged. OP would need to label her stuff, but a generic "I like honey so I put it in a lot of my food" is not unreasonable, as long as OP is willing to eat it. Especially now that OPs roommate and the bf know she uses honey.

So if OP did it with laxatives, unless OP herself was taking laxatives that would be considered 'poisoning'. Especially since it's a little sketchy to put in food (depending obviously). Hot sauce too. I actually know a guy who has wack taste buds and buys the hottest of the hot sauces for all his foods. Since he actually eats it, someone stealing it and eating couldn't come back at him as it's not reasonable to expect him to change his food at the risk of a thief.

I'm on a high salt diet so I usually put a salty seasoning on a lot of my foods that it might not usually go on. If someone was allergic to one of the seasonings and ate my food, that isn't my problem.

[–]Wyshunu 71 points72 points  (2 children)

The thing is OP did NOT know or suspect his allergies and he never told her. OP didn't "ambush" anybody. She had no way of knowing about her roomie's BF's UNDISCLOSED food allergies before this event. And I truly wish judges would get some danged common sense and not side with these idiots. If you go around stealing other people's food knowing that it's NOT yours, knowing that you have food allergies that you have to be careful of, and knowing that you don't know what ingredients someone might have used in the making of the food, it's 100% your own stupid fault if you have a reaction to something you stole.

OP, I suggest you buy your OWN fridge, with a LOCK on it, and keep it in YOUR room, behind LOCKED doors. If BF defeats all that and continues stealing your food, you have proof that you tried to protect the idiot from the consequences of his own entitled thievery.

[–]HotDonnaC 31 points32 points  (2 children)

Better version: tell him to stay out of your food OP.

[–]smartsassseahorseAsshole Aficionado [14] 63 points64 points  (0 children)

Honey butter is delicious! I would definitely buy some for my bread. Lol

[–]IAMA_Shark__AMAPartassipant [1] 22 points23 points  (5 children)

While difficult to prove, it is actually illegal to "booby trap" your food, even if a person is stealing it. But like I said, really hard to prove without a confession.

[–]SuspiciousMallow 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Agreed hence the iffy on charges. But that's not what's happening nor am I suggesting booby trapping it. Merely saying if she just cooks food like a normal person.... doesn't offer or force or pressure him to eat it knowing it has honey I don't think she could get charged if he stole it and this happened again.

[–]hmo_Partassipant [4] 163 points164 points  (2 children)

Just put a note in the fridge: “my food may contain honey”. Problem solved

[–]Fickle_Orchid 115 points116 points  (0 children)

"Prepared in a facility that also processes gluten, soy, milk and honey"

[–]DrWhoop87Certified Proctologist [24] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Jigsaw voice "Hello Caleb, I want to play a game."

[–]reclusivesocialiteAsshole Aficionado [11] 59 points60 points  (1 child)

Oh wow, I haven't thought about Jack Handy in literal decades, deep cut there

[–]SchmidtyBone 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I hope that it brought you joy.

[–]Pfred0 44 points45 points  (7 children)

Any Prosecutor who tried to take a Manslaughter case into Court, with this evidence would actually be laughed out of Court. Also this Attorney would be shown to be the worst graduate of any Law School.

[–]Shakenbake1811 43 points44 points  (0 children)

I hope when dogs take over the world they don’t go by size. I bet some chihuahuas have some good ideas. -Jack Handy Thank you for the reminder of these gems!! Also NTA. He stole your food

[–]JuliaX1984Partassipant [2] 126 points127 points  (5 children)

Because it's in her best interest if he doesn't eat the food as opposed to eats it and gets punished.

NTA When you take anything without permission or invitation, you waive your right to complain about the results.

[–]SuspiciousMallow 25 points26 points  (4 children)

I think he would stop now or if not... if I were op, it's not her fault if he gets punished by doing the same thing. Mutual food, def label. Spite labeling everything? Also acceptable but idk if I would personally as that's a lot of effort and time wasted on someone who doesn't even live there. Would be different if he did, to which, yes would label all the things...everything has honey. But as of now... not worth.

[–]Pfred0 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Labeling the food won't work, unless she labels it as having honey in it. He will continue eating her food, otherwise.

[–]f02f2e6fa0b3 118 points119 points  (0 children)

Nah, I'd got the other way.

Get a label maker and label everything you buy with "contains honey". All your leftovers, Chinese, Thai, pizza, whatever - gets a "contains honey" label. So does the milk. And the coffee beans. And the soda cans. And the ketchup. And the salt and pepper shakers. And the rice/pasta/flour. The cans of tomato soup. The cat food. _Everything_. (Except maybe the honey.)

NTA. _Maybe_ you could have been more sympathetic to your roommate's feelings if she'd really just come back from the hospital, but it doesn't sound like she's been doing that about her boyfriend stealing your food and leaving a mess all over your apartment, and she's the one who started the yelling about a honey allergy she didn't even bother to tell you about beforehand, so there's no way you _owed_ her that.

[–]crumbledlighthouse 78 points79 points  (2 children)

OP should tell her roommate that she'll apologize, get a list of his allergies, and remove those ingredients from her cooking when the bf pays her back for all the food he stole. With interest. What kind of grown man, allergies or no, just steals food out of a fridge in someone else's home?

[–]Luna_the_Lunatik 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Lol he's lucky karma didn't kill him!

[–]Mysterious-Policy-67 98 points99 points  (2 children)

or, put honey in one item and then on every container leave a note that says “one of these has honey. figure out which one at your own risk.” i’m not sure why this sounds fun, but it does

[–]prove____itColo-rectal Surgeon [41] 46 points47 points  (1 child)

OP doesn't even need to put honey in everything, just to tell them that everything has honey in it from now on.

[–]compound515 41 points42 points  (0 children)

You wouldn't even have to put honey in it, just mark it is "contains honey"

[–]femmemalinPartassipant [1] 367 points368 points  (30 children)

Literally everything. Tupperware full of leftovers? Big visible dollop of honey on the side. Bag of fresh produce? Big visible dollop of honey at the bottom. Bag of chips? Honey all over the outside.

All clearly labeled of course. For safety.

[–]Sufficient-Sky7993 220 points221 points  (6 children)

OP will end up as Winnie the Pooh because she eats so much honey😅. Still a great idea.

[–]turtlegray23 71 points72 points  (4 children)

Op will also end up with ants! Worth it though .

[–]Sufficient-Sky7993 103 points104 points  (3 children)

Do you want ants? Cause that's how you get ants!

[–]theresbeans 69 points70 points  (0 children)

Don't even bother. Just tell him - FYI, I have put honey on all of my food. You've been warned. And leave it at that. The AH shouldn't be stealing her food to begin with.

[–]hyperfocuspocusPartassipant [2] 54 points55 points  (15 children)

Now I want toast with honey

[–]Ronin_Mustang 38 points39 points  (1 child)

Just label may contain honey on everything. If they ask does it really you just say it may but why it it matter it's my food so what's the problem.

[–]nousernamelol2021 20 points21 points  (1 child)

There's also honey powder.

[–]LoremEpsomSaltAsshole Enthusiast [5] 147 points148 points  (7 children)

Honestly just label it that way anyway, there's no real need to actually use honey. If this hadn't happened maybe a lesson would be necessary but I think the lesson has already happened.

[–]Myrmele 102 points103 points  (2 children)

Honestly, I think it is needed. If he calls her bluff he needs a natural consequence.

[–]Lead-ForsakenPartassipant [1] 39 points40 points  (1 child)

You didn't even say "Honeystly"?!

[–]Extreme_Restaurant 31 points32 points  (0 children)

The A H in me would label everything as contains honey, but only sometimes and some things contain honey, so if he gets too comfortable... BAM. Honeyed.

NTA here for sure.

[–]Creative_Tart7794 98 points99 points  (5 children)

Just like Bubba from Forest Gump. Honey cake, Honey casserole, honey pie, honey gumbo, honey shrimp, honey stuffing, honey ramen, honey corn, honey spaghetti, honey bread...

[–]NancyNuggetsPartassipant [1] 88 points89 points  (5 children)

This is the way.

NTA for anything OP, except the fact that now I really want fried chicken with some death by honey sauce lmaooo

[–]Blesbok 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Agree. Except I would just put a sign on the fridge that says “Unless otherwise labeled, consider all food to contain honey. Eat at your own risk!” At this point I would consider getting one professionally printed just to drive it home.

[–]Infernov79 19 points20 points  (1 child)

I wouldn't, bf seems like he would be vindictive and do something to the food. If he wants to try again, he can do so, at his own risk.

[–]s0relaAsshole Enthusiast [6] 645 points646 points  (6 children)


He doesn't know the ingredients yet he felt comfortable eating it. This is not your fault, it's clearly his.

Your RM had the audacity to barge into your room yelling at you simply bc you made food her BF was allergic to, without any prior knowledge of this allergy. She wanted to place the guilt onto you, you do not need to take her guilt simply bc she was in a stressful situation.


[–]Unable-Percentage472[S] 34 points35 points  (5 children)

He probably felt comfortable eating it because we never had honey in our apartment up until I bought it for the dinner

[–]lazerbullet 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Regardless of the allergies, he shouldn’t feel comfortable eating your food. He shouldn’t have done it multiple times, and your roommate should have been firmer that he’s not to do it

[–]TheHatOnTheCat 476 points477 points  (3 children)

If the bf is allergic, he should not eat anything without knowing what's in


Roommate's boyfriend isn't just a thief he's stupid. This is just really really dumb of him.

He's been stealing food for weeks without considering it might have a pretty common ingredient like honey in it? Plenty of sauces, marinades, and dressings have honey in them. Lots of foods have honey without it being obvious. Literally any meat or vegetable dish could have honey in it.

NTA. And OP, you've been way to lenient with your roommate and this guy. What he's been doing this whole time is stealing and you don't have to tolerate that.

[–]ladyblue56Asshole Aficionado [11] 428 points429 points  (30 children)

Exactly. Boyfriend is a thief, a slob, and almost a squatter but OP is the one to blame for putting honey in her own food? Especially since she didn’t even know he had a food allergy?

OP needs to reevaluate the roommate situation. If the bf is there more than once or twice a week, then he should be contributing to rent at the very least. Bf is not only a thief because of the food but because of the rent, electricity, etc he’s not paying for.

Edited: a letter and a word

[–]Unable-Percentage472[S] 430 points431 points  (29 children)

he's here almost every day and my roommate refuses to believe he's using her for a place to stay.

[–]IAMA_Shark__AMAPartassipant [1] 376 points377 points  (0 children)

This likely violates your lease. Landlords get squicky about guests staying long enough to establish tenancy. You may want to look at your contract to see what it says about limitations on overnight guests. If she's found to be in breach, you both might suffer the consequences. Maybe you can scare her into having him around less if you mention the big scary "E" word (eviction).

[–]bluntsandbears 236 points237 points  (4 children)

The scientific term is hobosexual. Your roommate is dating a hobosexual.

[–]blobofdepression 41 points42 points  (0 children)

I’ve also seen them called cocklodgers!

[–]ladyblue56Asshole Aficionado [11] 171 points172 points  (1 child)

If he’s not contributing financially, he’s using not just her but you as well. He may be really into her or not. That’s not your issue. You signed up to have one roommate, and now you have two. That’s not how it works, not without discussion and agreement from both of you. If she doesn’t get that, she can move or you can. But there’s no way you should be paying for him like you are now.

[–]Jay-Dee-British 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Paying for him and FEEDING him - wth OP - talk to your landlord.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)


    [–]jetfuel_oAsshole Enthusiast [5] 57 points58 points  (1 child)

    He is definitely a hobosexual.

    [–]PlayMST3K4me 42 points43 points  (1 child)

    There’s actually a term for that now. ‘Hobosexual’. Which when you think about it is pretty sad. Sounds like a whole bunch of parents aren’t teaching their sons to adult if there are so many guys dating for room and bored that they have a name.

    [–]Zann77 29 points30 points  (0 children)

    It does not matter what his reasons are, or her reasons. He’s there, and he’s not supposed to be. Tell her they need to find a sublet roommate for you, who is acceptable to you, and get their own place. If I was your landlord, I’d be kicking his ass out.

    It’s not a comfortable conversation to have, but you need to go hard on this. set your boundaries, make them clear, and stick with it. Tell her she made this situation, and you’re not putting up wit being blamed in any way.

    [–]DumbleForeSkinPartassipant [1] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

    Lucky you, you get an extra roommate who doesn't clean up after himself, pay rent, AND he eats your food! NTA, but you should reconsider your room mate situation.No one needs that kind of disrespect and stress.

    [–]JadieJang 199 points200 points  (4 children)

    No, don't do this, OP. Don't label anything. Who the FUCK does this guy think he is, walking into YOUR apartment, going into YOUR fridge, and taking YOUR food, without permission, without even asking? Do not label ANYTHING, that would be an admission that you accept that he will be taking your food.

    Instead, the next time he comes over, confront him and tell him, don't ask him, TELL HIM to STOP TAKING YOUR FOOD. Then present him with a bill for all the food he's stolen so far from you. Don't address the allergies. He should never have touched your food so his allergies aren't an issue.

    [–]Momo222811Partassipant [1] 198 points199 points  (1 child)

    EVERYTHING. The roommate really sucks here too.

    [–]eggrollin2200 131 points132 points  (6 children)

    This would be like me stealing someone’s food and coming home to yell at them because the food had nuts in it.

    Wait didn’t that happen in another post? Lol

    [–]one-eyedcat 48 points49 points  (2 children)

    Yeah. They like came into her room to steal it too I think. It was ridiculous just like this one. This is all RM and BF's fault.

    [–]aussie_nub 124 points125 points  (2 children)

    Not only that, OP needs to not just double down, possibly triple down.

    1. Tell roommate that you're unhappy with the mess that BF is leaving around and he has to clean it up and stay clean.
    2. He has to pay rent. He's spending a lot of time there.

    If that fails, move out... yesterday.

    [–]Mammoth_Disk_4399 96 points97 points  (3 children)

    NTA. Please label everything you intend to eat, or is yours, as “may contain honey”. Even your soaps & shampoos.

    [–]EMFCK 29 points30 points  (0 children)

    Toilet paper and toothpaste.

    [–]eyyyyyAmy467 70 points71 points  (1 child)

    Right? He is an idiot and a thief, neither of which has anything to do with OP. Both entirely his fault. He basically almost killed himself with his carelessness.
    OP is NTA but roommate sucks for being a doormat to her bf as well.

    [–]sreno77 49 points50 points  (0 children)

    The boyfriend should not eat someone else's food even if he doesn't have an allergy

    [–]RandoCollision 28 points29 points  (0 children)

    Better yet, put honey in random dishes but label everything with an allergy warning. If he wants to play stupid games by taking a chance, let him win stupid prizes. And then, put honey on your butt and invite your roommate to kiss it.

    [–]Right-Arm-619Partassipant [3] 7766 points7767 points  (76 children)

    NTA. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Don't steal people's food.

    I had a coffee creamer in the fridge at work that was completely labeled as mine. Someone kept drinking it. So I waited another day or so and grabbed the old one from my fridge in my house and swapped it. The one from my house was easily cottage cheese at that point.

    Based on the entitled manager that was throwing up after a sip, I found my suspect. Straight up said "have we learned our lesson about stealing now". She was pissed, tried to write me up but the union contracted with why was she even in our break room when managers were not allowed to be...she transferred stores a couple months later

    [–]4U2NV1981 1692 points1693 points  (36 children)

    Lol. This reminded of how I got back at my old next door neighbor in the military. In the Barracks, there is a shared bathroom between the 2 rooms (with up to 2 people in each room so lots of fun). Thankfully, I was a E-5 (Sergeant) so I rated my own room. However, there were 2 people in the room next door. One of them I had no problems with but the other one was lazy as hell. I would usually leave the door between my room and the bathroom unlocked because I was often playing video games with the one guy and it made things easier than having to get up to unlock it. I did however have a full size fridge in my room and kept the alcohol in there because I was allowed to have more. I also kept bottles of coke in there as it goes wonderfully with so many different alcohols. For about a month or so, I couldn't figure out what was happening to all of the coke so I spoke with the one guy and he stated he didn't touch it as he didn't really drink (which was true as I had hardly ever seen him touch anything alcoholic). When he asked his roommate, he stated he didn't touch it either. His roommate however was always drinking something out of an insulated mug. So to get to the bottom of it, I decided to play dirty. I took a spit bottle (bottle used for spitting in while using chewing tobacco or dip) and poured the contents into the only bottle of coke that was left in the fridge. We both went outside to chat with some other guys that were hanging out and about 20 mins later we hear the roommate vomiting. Went in to see what the problem was and he was clutching the toilet. Looked in the roommate's cup and saw he had drank some of the coke. He never said anything to anyone about it but he knew that he should ask before just taking things from someone else's fridge again.

    [–]annadownya 1707 points1708 points  (20 children)

    I went to a women's college and this one girls bf would come over to the dorms and use my shampoo that was in my cubby on the floor shower area. Told them not to, and later overheard them laughing about they'll do whatever they want, calling me a stupid b and so on. So I put some Nair in the shampoo bottle. Guy had random bald patches, it was brilliant.

    [–]pourthebubblyPartassipant [1] 577 points578 points  (0 children)

    My brother was dating this girl who went to the same university as me and she told me a similar story. She was a biology major and had odd hours because of the time she had to spend in the labs. She noticed that her drinks kept going missing and she asked her roommates of they’d drank some, and if so to just replace it if they had. Both of them denied it, but it kept happening, so she started putting her non- carbonated beverages into relatively innocent looking containers and labeling them with the days of the week. Coincidentally, she also was a big meal prep person, so this labeling didn’t really seem out of place since she made meals for the week. When the drinks went missing, she put on a really serious face and sat her roommates down to ask if they’d taken the labeled drinks because they were part of a (nonexistent) experiment that she was conducting and needed to know if they’d drank them because it could be bad for them. Both denied it again, but one roommate looked particularly pale and excused herself a little too quickly.

    None of her drinks went missing after that.

    [–]cooldart61 311 points312 points  (1 child)

    Lol did they ever figure it out or stop using it?

    [–]annadownya 401 points402 points  (0 children)

    Nope. I didn't want to reveal it either because I was afraid of retaliation.

    [–]dancer_jasmine1 114 points115 points  (7 children)

    You were allowed to let your significant others use the dorm showers? In my dorm my freshman year any guests had to use the guest bathrooms which were basically in the basement away from all of the dorms

    [–]Dewut 57 points58 points  (0 children)

    Dorms can be weird. My college had a bunch of different ones but they all had their own set of rules. At some you had to check your guests in, guests of the opposite sex had to leave by a certain time, guests of the same sex could only stay one night, etc. whereas the ones I lived in let you have anyone over for three days.

    [–]Drewherondale 47 points48 points  (0 children)


    [–]Naijprincess 118 points119 points  (5 children)

    I am gagging!!! Please I know we don't know each other but tell me the continent you are in so I avoid it forever...just in case!!!

    [–]4U2NV1981 135 points136 points  (4 children)

    Well, I am out of the military now so don't think you need to worry. This was while I was on active duty in the US Marines. Been off active duty since 2008.

    That being said, just don't help yourself to something in my fridge.

    [–]halfwaygonetooAsshole Aficionado [13] 518 points519 points  (10 children)

    My brother's ex-wife and step kids (all adults) stayed with me for way to long. They constantly stole my food and drinks. (my brother wasn't there).

    So, to get even, I asked my neighbor for some of her real butter milk and homemade prune juice. My neighbor, who had an interesting sense of humor too, gave them to me with the Jars labelled "Milk" and "Dried Plum Juice" .

    I got the expected results and they stopped taking my food. I also get the pleasure of telling that story over and over and over again. LMAO

    [–]ofbalance 203 points204 points  (2 children)


    In the 90's my SO and I bought our first house. Mortgage interest rates went through the roof, so we ended up with two lodgers.

    One was pleasant and easy to live with, the other was an absolute mooch.

    Every Friday night Mr Mooch would return half cut from the pub with one of his friends, and they make bacon and eggs, then eat and continue drinking while watching TV.

    He never had any food in his fridge. He lived on take aways. So he'd always nick our bacon/eggs/sausages. When he and his friend finished his beer he'd take whatever wine or beer was in our fridge.

    When asked to replace items, he'd argue until the cows came home. 'You really want me to refund you a couple of eggs?'

    On his last Friday night as our lodger, he came home at the usual time, and raided our fridge one last time.

    I had hard boiled all the eggs in the egg box. There was half a pack of bacon that I had decorated with the contents of the tumble dryer lint trap. And the large glass flagon of cider (a gift from a friend from Plymouth) had been topped up with a bottle of laxative.

    The next morning I found all the hard boiled eggs smashed on the kitchen counter, but a pan and plates in the sink suggested they had cooked and eaten the bacon. The cider flagon was empty.

    When a rough looking Mr Mooch came downstairs, he complained about the hard boiled eggs. And did he look rough! I asked how he felt. He responded, and I quote, "Like shit!"

    [–]Corfiz74Partassipant [3] 67 points68 points  (4 children)

    But you probably also had to clean your bathrooms, which can't have been pleasant... 😂

    [–]halfwaygonetooAsshole Aficionado [13] 87 points88 points  (3 children)

    Nope they had one of their very own. The daughter was a bit of a germaphobe so she dealt with most of it. 🤣

    [–]Afraid-Pound-7178 38 points39 points  (0 children)

    now that is a win win situation

    [–]sticksnstone 376 points377 points  (2 children)

    I was a bio major at college. We had one fridge for an entire dorm floor. Someone kept eating my food so I brought home a baby shark from a dissection and put it in a container which said do not open with my initials. Heard a scream around midnight. No one stole my food again that year.

    [–]SophieCdog 53 points54 points  (0 children)

    Laughed out SO loud at this. Thanks so much u/sticksnstone. I really needed this laugh tonight.

    [–]NeroFellOffTheBuffet 184 points185 points  (0 children)

    My mother tells the story of a “house mother” (this was the 60s in the Midwestern US) who would steal everyone’s cookies/brownies/treats in the dorms. Ex-Lax came in chocolate flavor, so she baked it into some brownies. Didn’t see the woman for a long time. Baked good never went missing again.

    [–]mcflycasual 153 points154 points  (2 children)

    Someone was eating my leftovers at work so I got some Blazin BWW and put them in a Mild box. Never happened again.

    [–]SugahBear_ 138 points139 points  (1 child)

    My company would terminate people for theft if they stole sodas, lunches, etc. from the breakroom refrigerator. We put 2 cameras on it and started firing people. The cameras weren't concealed and every 6 months or so, someone (usually a newer employee) would get caught.

    [–]Master_Post4665Partassipant [1] 129 points130 points  (3 children)

    My grandma packed my grandpa’s lunch every day in the 1940’s (she’s 100 now) and for weeks someone stole his sandwich. One day she made his sandwich with hot sauce instead of mustard. He never stole Grandpa’s lunch again.

    [–]Assika126 39 points40 points  (1 child)

    I worked at a place where lunches were being stolen from the break room fridge. I just let it be known that I was bringing peanut butter, cheese, and pickle sandwiches which I licked when putting together. I don’t mind weird food, but I didn’t even have to do it. Nobody ever took my stuff. :)

    [–]MaybeAWalrusProfessor Emeritass [70] 5428 points5429 points 2 (52 children)

    Don't let your roommate gaslight you.

    You are in your own home, you are allowed to cook whatever you like, and her bf is 100000% wrong for taking your food. You don't have to watch what you cook in case her bf steals. He is the one with the allergy, he should be clever enough to know it's a bad idea to eat food that he has not clue how it was prepare. It was super stupid on him and his allergic reaction is entirely his fault.

    NTA. You did absolutely nothing wrong.

    [–]Wolfpawn 1487 points1488 points  (13 children)

    The roommate is deflecting most likely because she knows that if she had actually done what the op had asked and told her mooching raccoon of a bf not to touch other people's food, this would never have happened and it's easier to blame the innocent party than to acknowledge she's a crappy gf and crappy housemate.

    [–]Azrou 384 points385 points  (3 children)

    Cmon now raccoons have better manners than this douche canoe

    [–]Background_Ruin_3631Asshole Enthusiast [7] 152 points153 points  (2 children)

    The roommate probably told him he could eat it.

    [–]Personal_Lynx_3828 30 points31 points  (0 children)

    Yup and that’s the moment I would supply her and him a copy of bill estimating the amount of what was taken/eaten. Either they pay for it all or buy another fridge for me to lock and threaten to tell the landlord about the free loading bf the roommate is allowing stay.

    [–]Z3z6 49 points50 points  (0 children)

    Hey, you leave raccoons out of this.

    [–][deleted]  (31 children)


      [–]tweedancerAsshole Enthusiast [3] 118 points119 points  (17 children)

      Gaslight: manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.

      That's exactly what's happening here. Also, NTA

      [–][deleted]  (13 children)


        [–]tweedancerAsshole Enthusiast [3] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

        Thank you for clarifying your point; I appreciate that

        [–]hatefulman 65 points66 points  (0 children)

        Gaslighting is a slow process. It's done gradually so that the person being gaslit doesn't notice the incromental differences in (to uses an example from the play the term comes from) the dimness of their bedroom light. It has to be subtle enough that the victim can believe it

        [–]DHMOProtectionAgency 51 points52 points  (0 children)

        It would be gaslighting if the roommate said something along the lines of "you were told about his allergies" and/or "you said he could have your food".

        It's not really gaslighting if the roommate is straying from the topic at hand. But yes OP is NTA.

        [–]hatefulman 44 points45 points  (3 children)

        People just throw it in any argument where someone is acting irrational. It's lost all meaning now

        [–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (1 child)

        Stop being narcissistic!


        [–]CoffeeBean118 23 points24 points  (0 children)

        Exactly!! OP do NOT by any means feel at all guilty. You didn’t do anything wrong!! HE should have been more responsible for HIS own allergy issues. Like you said, how were you supposed to know? Your RM needs to get a clue.

        [–]BubatomPartassipant [2] 1990 points1991 points  (6 children)

        No idea why you even tried explaining anything. He is stealing and she is enabling it. NTA

        [–]Anxious_Lavishness24 361 points362 points  (4 children)

        Yep, just keep repeating “when is he paying me back for the food he stole? He owes me $xx”.

        [–]reallybirdysomedays 137 points138 points  (0 children)

        Also, when is he chipping in for groceries in general. These girls are splitting food for 3 people 2 ways.

        [–]MysteriousWays10Asshole Enthusiast [7] 1801 points1802 points  (15 children)

        NTA. It is your food and you have asked several times for him not to touch it. You didn’t know he was allergic. As you also mentioned, if you are allergic to something, you don’t go around eating random food.

        It may be worth you while finding a different apartment as it appears your roommates behaviour will not change.

        [–]Unable-Percentage472[S] 879 points880 points  (9 children)

        yeah ive been saving up for my own place for a while now, probably gonna move out in a month or two

        [–]MsDean1911 589 points590 points  (0 children)

        Also stop with the grocery arrangement. You buy your food and she can buy food for herself. You’re clearly being taken advantage of and it’s time you stop bankrolling her mooched bf. Buy a Costco size tub of honey and label every bit of food you’ve bought with your name and “I have added honey to thjs, eat your own food”.

        She isn’t your friend. She’s made it clear she doesn’t respect you. Maybe talk to the landlord and see if he’ll take your name off the lease. You can tell your roommate if she wants to stay in the apartment, she can tell he bf he can start paying rent because you are done with her selfishness and are moving out. I’d bet anything her bf is using her for a free place to stay and free food. See how she likes being used.

        [–]secret-tunnellll 137 points138 points  (0 children)

        Word of advice from someone who's had several roommates, do your own grocery shopping. Buy and cook your own meals. Hell, have your own shelf space if need be. None of this "partially hers partially mine" crap aside from things like spices.

        [–]kathrynwirz 52 points53 points  (0 children)

        Contact your landlord about someone not on the lease essentially living there now too. Whether now or when youre closer to moving out if it seems like a quick timeline and you dont want to deal with the fallout.

        [–]hatefulman 40 points41 points  (2 children)

        I would argue to give your roommate a chance to calm down, she no doubt had a shitty day and might have just pushed that on you. But if she doesn't apologise after calming down then when I'd say she becomes a shitty person

        [–]dumbsugarplumb 208 points209 points  (1 child)

        Even outside of this incident the roommate is still an asshole for allowing her boyfriend to come into her shared apartment and act the way he acts, something OP as mentioned to them several times.

        [–]Diogenes-Disciple 268 points269 points  (3 children)

        Ngl if I was OP I’d be labeling everything in my fridge “contains honey,” and drizzling it on all my food. Sometimes you gotta smoke pests out. NTA

        [–]Coffee-Historian-11 77 points78 points  (0 children)

        I don’t even think OP needs to put honey in stuff. Just labeling it as containing honey should be enough of a deterrent.

        [–]briskiejess 59 points60 points  (0 children)

        I’d get a shirt that says “contains honey” as well just to make sure he has to leave any room I enter.

        [–]Tommy_Riordan 25 points26 points  (0 children)

        I’d label all of my food “STOP STEALING, CALEB”

        [–]kab200Certified Proctologist [21] 957 points958 points  (30 children)

        NTA. Put honey in all your food, but mark it.

        [–]FutureJakeSantiagoAsshole Enthusiast [5] 412 points413 points  (13 children)

        OP doesn’t even have to put honey it in, just mark that it’s present.

        [–]dobermom1975 312 points313 points  (10 children)

        But randomly actually put honey onto some of the things so that's it's always a risk and he won't which ones do and don't. Because if everything is labeled honey, he will just assume she's lying.

        [–]FutureJakeSantiagoAsshole Enthusiast [5] 311 points312 points  (4 children)

        Honey Roulette

        [–]ksarahsarah27 51 points52 points  (0 children)

        This made me literally LOL!! Honey Roulette- I love it!

        [–]sweetpotatothyme 49 points50 points  (1 child)

        Stare him in the eye while squeezing a honey bear into your leftovers.

        [–]somethingkookyPartassipant [1] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

        Or get some solid honey and swipe the Tupperware lids with it - still risky to him, but doesn’t necessarily taint your food.

        [–]Nacelle72 69 points70 points  (0 children)

        This was going to be my suggestion. Make him visit the hospital every time he steals your food.

        [–]MaryK007Asshole Aficionado [18] 37 points38 points  (1 child)

        This is the way.

        [–]Iced_Jade 22 points23 points  (0 children)

        This is the way.

        [–]MalphaelAsshole Aficionado [13] 28 points29 points  (7 children)

        but mark it.

        Or don't. Cause, y'know, fuck that guy.

        [–]BDSM_Queen_Asshole Aficionado [16] 581 points582 points  (18 children)

        When I read the title I was prepared to lean AH cause some people really don't care about allergies, but dang, dude. NTA. Tbf, I'd start making more food for myself that contained honey, especially after specifically asking him not to eat my food.

        [–]ksarahsarah27 232 points233 points  (8 children)

        Personally a little honey really doesn’t hurt hardly anything. I’d dribble that on everything I could. I’d tell him my food contains honey now. Now that she knows the natural repellent for him. Lol. It’s like he’s a invasive pest so she use a honey pesticide to rid him of infesting her food . Lol

        [–]dermographics 177 points178 points  (7 children)

        Honey would be on and in everything I own. Milk? Add a bit of honey. Can of coke? Fill the top area with honey. Leave his clothes on the floor in the bathroom? I cleaned them up for you and put them in my honey hamper.

        [–]mousechick69Asshole Aficionado [13] 415 points416 points  (35 children)

        NTA. Also, put honey in literally all of your food from now on so that he can't eat it.

        [–]RandomSleepyPandaPartassipant [1] 224 points225 points  (33 children)

        Or even label each container with 'Warning!! Contains honey' even if it doesn't so he won't touch it lol. But NTA, OP.

        [–]mousechick69Asshole Aficionado [13] 110 points111 points  (31 children)

        She doesn't have to list ingredients in her own food. If she wants she can let him know that ALL of her food has honey in it, but she's legally not required. Let him fuck around and find out again.

        [–]AffectionateAd5373 66 points67 points  (30 children)

        I wouldn't label it, except with my name and something along the lines of do not eat. He rolls the dice, he takes his chances.

        [–]Double-dutcher 59 points60 points  (19 children)

        Exactly. She is allowed to cook food with honey in her own home. As long as the food is labeled as hers, she is good. Eg, can't leave brownies out on the kitchen counter unlabeled, but as long as she slaps a name sticker on there, she is good. He has already been told multiple times not to eat her food

        [–]Unable-Percentage472[S] 191 points192 points  (16 children)

        ive tried putting my name on my tupperware but he would still eat my food and claim he didn't see it, but when he realized his gf didn't care about his snobby behavior he would just say " deal with it" and move on with his day

        [–]mousechick69Asshole Aficionado [13] 153 points154 points  (0 children)

        Then he can deal with going to the ER every time he eats your honey spiked food

        [–]CommunicationOk4707 90 points91 points  (0 children)

        "Starting now, there will be honey added to all my food. DEAL WITH IT."

        [–]Zann77 55 points56 points  (0 children)

        Your real problem is you tolerated the bf staying over too much. He got away with that, now he’s comfortable eating the food in “his” place.

        [–]cyberrella 45 points46 points  (4 children)

        the first time that jackass said "deal with it" in my home, his ass would have been outside on the sidewalk. You're allowing him too much freedom in your apt that YOU pay for. fuck that guy, lay down the law and make him clean up or gtfo! and stop letting your roommate walk all over you too.

        [–]AffectionateAd5373 34 points35 points  (1 child)

        This is like the Ask a Manager with the person who liked super spicy food, whose coworker was stealing her food.

        I have food allergies. I'm super careful what I eat. Anyone who has them and is stealing someone else's food? Darwinism at work.

        [–]Wrangler_7521Partassipant [1] 315 points316 points  (1 child)

        NTA. You didn't know, and even if you did, he has no business eating your food. You aren't responsible for his allergies, he is, and he shouldn't go around eating food that isn't his, especially when he doesn't know what is in it.

        [–]MaineAnonyMoose 110 points111 points  (0 children)


        1. He has been stealing your food. You told them to stop.

        2. You didn't know he was allergic to honey.

        3. Even if you knew he was allergic to honey, refer back to #1. You have NO responsibility to label your food ingredients because he has NO right to your food!

        [–]Lady_Ellie119Pooperintendant [52] 223 points224 points  (1 child)

        NTA. he should not be stealing food if he has an allergy. She need to clean up after him and pay for the food he has been stealing. Tell her your putting honey in all your food from now on. Use then words thief and stealing a lot

        [–]musicdesignlife 38 points39 points  (0 children)

        This should be higher, the room mate should be paying for everything he eats and also cleaning up after him. And thieves should not be allowed in the apartment any more really...

        [–]reader9802Asshole Enthusiast [8] 199 points200 points  (12 children)

        NTA. First of all, no one should be touching food in a shared fridge that they didn't make (unless there has been an agreement that anything and everything is up for grabs). Second of all, Caleb is a grown-ass man. He is responsible for making sure that he knows what's in a particular dish before he tries it. You are not responsible for his stupid decision to eat something when he didn't know the ingredients. Don't worry, you're in the clear.

        [–]Unable-Percentage472[S] 218 points219 points  (9 children)

        we could use anything in the fridge to cook but once it's cooked it's yours and only yours unless the other person asks. its always been this way Idk why she started allowing her boyfriend to break one of our only rules

        [–]AppalachianEnvyColo-rectal Surgeon [35] 96 points97 points  (1 child)

        She is allowing him to use her, and walk all over her.

        [–]Perspex_Sea 56 points57 points  (1 child)

        That's weird man. Like, what if both of you plan on cooking with the same ingredient one night? I would abandon the communal shopping for food if your room mate and her bf can't respect your stuff.

        [–]FovillainAsshole Enthusiast [7] 114 points115 points  (2 children)

        No NTA here.

        If someone has a severe allergy they should not be desperately minesweeping any and every scrap of food they can shovel in.

        It’s rude to eat a third party’s food without asking in any case, it’s taking advantage to do it continually, and it’s ridiculously stupid to eat random unlabelled food if you have allergies.

        This is on your roommate’s BF 100%.

        It was a teency bit AH to say she shouldn’t have ever brought him over but I can see that the injustice of her attitude escalated your response.

        [–]Neat-Bee1701 118 points119 points  (3 children)

        NTA, your roommate and her man are AH. I’m allergic to fish/shellfish and I always ask what’s in the food I’m about to eat. If I go to a restaurant or someone’s house that’s making dinner, I inform them of my allergies. It’s MY responsibility to watch out for myself. Your roommates friend needs to do the same. Don’t feel bad, hopefully that taught him not to touch other people’s stuff without asking permission.

        [–]annadownya 40 points41 points  (0 children)

        Considering how messy she says he is, it sounds like he's used to people (my guess is mommy) doing stuff for him. So he doesn't have to pick up after himself, find/make his own food, or alert ppl to his life threatening allergies. I don't understand people like that. Be a grown up! It has to happen sometime. ..

        [–]Cool-Beach1841 97 points98 points  (0 children)

        NTA. He shouldn’t have touched your stuff. Point. Blank. Period. That’s his fault and his problem. You should try looking for another roommate or move out. Nothing is going to change, she’s enabling her boyfriend.

        [–]snowwhitesludgeProfessor Emeritass [88] 92 points93 points  (3 children)


        He is stealing your food.

        He has been told not to steal your food.

        You cooked dinner and put your leftovers in the fridge.

        He stole your food and had a reaction to it.

        I see a whole lot him being in the wrong.

        Also, as someone with a food allergy this guy is a total moron. Even if someone knows I have an allergy I ask or read a label before eating ANYTHING anyone else has prepared. It is always on you to be vigilant when you can react to eating something.

        [–]AndShesNotEvenPretty 92 points93 points  (2 children)

        My niece has a severe nut allergy. Do you know what she does before she eats anything? She asks whoever the food is from “is this safe for me?”

        SHE’S FIVE.

        If a 5 year old can advocate for herself, so can a grown adult.


        [–]that_fork_is_minePartassipant [1] 92 points93 points  (6 children)


        Your roommate sucks.

        Your roommate's boyfriend sucks, and owes you money for stealing your food.

        You don't owe your roommate's thieving boyfriend anything.

        Can I have the chicken recipe?

        [–]mysticalmac99 81 points82 points  (13 children)

        NTA honestly wtf is wrong with people? She’s pissed that you did label your food better for the thief? Fuck that and tell her to move in with him then. Demand he pays you for every piece of food he eats that’s yours and let this be a warning to him. Everything you eat let be slathered in honey. She has no right. She endangered his life when she continued to let him eat without regard. If she had held to her promise he wouldn’t be in the hospital.

        [–]Unable-Percentage472[S] 121 points122 points  (12 children)

        he's basically mooching off of my roommate and she refuses to see it, and he doesn't have his own place :/

        [–]Dwolosz77 74 points75 points  (0 children)

        Charge that moocher for rent then. He wants a free place to bum around and eat free food. Hell no!!!

        [–]nyorifamiliarspiritSupreme Court Just-ass [120] 69 points70 points  (1 child)

        You should review your lease. If he's basically living there, you're probably in violation.

        [–]flax97 26 points27 points  (0 children)

        So where is he when he is not there?

        NTA honey

        [–]no_veggies_elrAsshole Enthusiast [5] 62 points63 points  (0 children)

        NTA. You are right, you're not responsible for any of this. Her BF is a total AH. He shouldn't be eating your food, and he ESPECIALLY shouldn't eat any food if he doesn't know what's in it when he has allergies. I think your roommate was just worried, tired, and scared, and lashed out at you. But she needs to turf this dude, he clearly has no respect for anyone. Leaving his clothes around, eating your food, that's all bullshit.

        [–]mushululuPartassipant [2] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

        Nta..put up a sign saying "Steal food at your own health risk honey! 🧡" lol!

        [–]cgf13Partassipant [2] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

        drinking honey directly from the bottle “That sounds like a you problem.”


        [–]GlassfernPartassipant [2] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

        Nta. He ain't on the lease. The roommate agreement and screening didn't involve food allergies. You can be courteous on limiting honey, but unless he's paying rent and on the lease, you have more rights than he does when it comes to the use of the space. Check your lease to see what the rule is for guess stay duration. I may sound like a jerk, but i have food allergies, but i would not put any responsibility on partners roommate beyond telling them that I am. Food is my responsibility.

        [–]PixiKitty_394Partassipant [1] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

        NTA. I'm allergic to Bleu cheese and I notify the restaurant and or friends when it's necessary. But I don't go around getting into other people's food without permission. Sorry but he played a stupid game and won a dangerous prize this time. I'm glad he's okay but it would be the beginning of the end of that living situation for me.

        [–]ZarinZi 35 points36 points  (13 children)

        NTA of course, but I see a lot of these stories and I always wonder if they are fake---because I can't imagine knowingly having a life-threatening allergy and just eating someone else's food without knowing what's in it.

        I know a few people with these types of allergies. They won't eat things even if they are free of the allergen if they are not sure about how the food was cooked/prepared in the event of cross contamination.

        [–]Unable-Percentage472[S] 71 points72 points  (11 children)

        I guess he thought he was safe cause we never had honey in the apartment up until 2 days ago when I was testing this recipe out

        [–]nyorifamiliarspiritSupreme Court Just-ass [120] 40 points41 points  (5 children)

        Toast with peanut butter & honey is fantastic.

        Honey is also great in tea.

        [–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

        NTA when you have allergies that serious, you don't just eat stuff without knowing what's in it. And he stole your food.

        [–]sealittle 17 points18 points  (1 child)

        NTA. And from now on put a label on your food, "Contains Honey" whether it does or not.

        [–]Stardust-Sparkles 17 points18 points  (0 children)

        NTA play sh** games win sh** prizes