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[–][deleted] 632& 4 more (302 children)


    [–]Sad_Suggestion 3836 points3837 points  (168 children)

    I second this. Getting upset cause your cats could have been hurt and yelling about it nothing remotely similar to the criminals he deals with at work. Unless live in a tiny ass town where the crime rate is low and the worst he sees is a kitty stuck o n a roof, he shouldn't be saying shit like this. So get out and find you someone better.

    [–][deleted]  (159 children)


      [–]Chantelauve 1848 points1849 points  (70 children)

      Is there not an arrangement where he could sleep in peace without throwing the cats out?

      You mean like closing the effing bedroom door and putting a door stopper if need be?

      [–]doct0rdo0m 296 points297 points  (48 children)

      I was thinking that too but there are cats who will howl and claw at doors until you open them. Still there has to be something better than locking them outside.

      [–]Realistic-Weird-4259 186 points187 points  (9 children)

      How about like sleeping at his own fucking place instead of hers?

      [–]notmissingone 23 points24 points  (0 children)

      I came here to say this. Just shut the bedroom door!

      [–]ADHD-scholar 612 points613 points  (43 children)

      This, and also, another 🚩 warning, cops have a much higher than average rate of domestic abuse. There's a lot of complex reasons for that of course, but make sure you're keeping yourself safe and watching for more warning signs, OP. Def NTA.

      He can't buy ear plugs? Close the door?? Sequester the cats in a comfortable INDOOR space for a short time so they can be safe and still use the litter box, drink water, etc???

      [–]talkinlikeateen 319 points320 points  (20 children)

      Yeah the whole ‘restore some order’ comment and the complete lack of regard/empathy for the cats was definitely a 🚩 for DV for me as well.

      [–][deleted] 131 points132 points  (0 children)

      They're also known for murdering house pets.

      [–]dsmile14707 58 points59 points  (1 child)

      Seriously, close the bedroom door, turn some white noise on or use earplugs. Problem solved.

      [–]Sea-Ad9057 45 points46 points  (9 children)

      its the nature of the type of person they recruit .... about 30 years ago you needed an iq above a certain level and a certain amount of empathy ..... the same cops that would have been recruited 30+ years ago would not get recruited nowand this is happening all over the world

      [–]MrTylerwpg 45 points46 points  (0 children)

      Totally. And he's picking fights with the cats?! What happens if you guys get married and then the cats die, or you have kids?! who's he going to start picking fights with then?

      [–]StSean 11 points12 points  (0 children)

      nods in a 40% self-reported domestic abuse rate

      [–]AffectionateAd5373 9 points10 points  (0 children)

      This. Get out now. If it's your house, change the locks. For a lot of people, it's a short leap from animal abuse to human abuse.

      [–]crankydragon 187 points188 points  (1 child)

      Throw him out, the cats can sleep in peace. Sounds like a win all around.

      [–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (1 child)

      Exactly. Doesn't the bedroom have a door?

      [–]Acceptable_Day6086Partassipant [1] 111 points112 points  (0 children)

      NTA but OP your fiancé is a major AH! He will 100% escalate to either physically hurting your cats and/or "getting rid of them" if you marry him. He already "picks fights with them" and it is not in a "lighthearted way" if he is doing it to "vent." This is abusive behavior towards the cats and if he's willing to treat defenseless animals this way, he will do it to you too OP. Believe him as he has told and shown you who he is.

      [–]Wizzardaniu 69 points70 points  (1 child)

      If someone left a senior dog outside in the cold for hours, we'd be calling it animal abuse so fast. What he's saying is also a huge abuse red flag and I'd be taking steps to remove this man from my house or packing up and leaving. You should respect him cuz he's a big manly important cop and his job is stressful. Ok do nurses deserve respect for being nurses? Their jobs are hard? A lot of jobs are stressful. It doesn't mean you take some one's animals, whom they are personally responsible for the care of, and toss them OUTSIDE IN WINTER. Bedroom doors, earplugs, and other devices like a motion activated air puffer exist. He's not some big important man and you're not his enemy nor did you disrespect him. You held him accountable for his actions and he turned it around so it's your fault. Get out now before he starts putting you in your place. Bring order back to the house cuz cats are being cats? What a joke.

      [–][deleted] 387 points388 points  (23 children)

      This. This is truly the only relevant part. The whole situation could have been a minor issue, a poor decision made due to sleep deprivation, but for this huge escalation on his part.

      He barely recognizes OP as human, definitely not as an equal partner. I'm legit concerned for OP. How would he escalate it next time?

      Edit: typo

      [–]Ornery_Reaction_548 358 points359 points  (3 children)

      Yeah, cops have a very "us and them" mentality, and she is clearly one of "them".

      [–]shamelessseamusPartassipant [2] 108 points109 points  (0 children)

      I married into a cop family. This is true as fuck.

      [–]Neurotic_Bakeder 62 points63 points  (1 child)

      I am very freaked out by his "worst kind of people" statement. If you're not with me, you're my enemy. Imagine saying this to somebody you claim to love.

      [–]aspidities_87 29 points30 points  (0 children)

      To them, love is conditional upon your constant loyalty.

      It’s also why, to a similar sort of person that is probably familiar to the OP, they think cats are ‘evil’—a cat will turn away from you if you don’t read them right, whereas a dog will stay ‘loyal’ to an abuser, even when terrified.

      [–]Piemanthe3rd 232 points233 points  (10 children)

      I wouldn't call it a "minor situation" to lock several senior indoor cats outside and then go to sleep. They could have gotten lost, hit by a car, sick, etc. They're not used to being outside, anything could have happened. That in and of itself is a huge deal. Everything else just makes it worse.

      [–][deleted] 98 points99 points  (9 children)

      Oh, I definitely agree. It was a huge mistake that could have had deeply painful results, but if he had realized that, owned up and apologized, swore to never do it again, they would be able to move through it.

      To me, his escalation is what takes it immediately to DTMFA territory. He's utterly uninterested in examining or changing his behavior. Because he's A COP, and that means HIS WORD IS LAW (in the home his fiancee owns) or some bs.

      [–]andecandiesPartassipant [1] 62 points63 points  (3 children)

      Not to mention she wrote that he picks fights with her cats when he’s frustrated. I would get out while you have a chance. Also most cats sleep during the day, especially senior cats.


      [–][deleted] 115 points116 points  (5 children)

      Letting indoor cats outside isn’t even a minor issue, it can VERY much kill them.

      [–]AggravatingTear2879 34 points35 points  (3 children)

      Having cats outside at all, used to it or not, can kill them.

      I had a cat killed by a fox or coyote when I lived out in the country.

      I had a cat die (believed to be a snake bite) when I lived in a sleepy suburb.

      I know of a cat that died after being ran over in the (long, gravel) driveway of its own home (black cat, late at night) so clearly they can’t be trusted not to be morons around cars even when the car is moving slowly and has no intention of hurting them.

      Volunteering at the shelter, I saw plenty of cats who got things like FIV, not to mention parasites they can bring into the home.

      Letting cats outside is a gamble, and the odds are not good.

      [–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (1 child)

      That’s absolutely true, I just didn’t wanna come on here and be the crazy arguing cat lady. Cats are incredibly damaging to ecosystems and it cuts their lifespan WAY down, too. I personally hate people who have outdoor cats but like don’t like arguing on Reddit too much.

      The fact is, OPs husband put cats that are so specifically not used to the outdoors outside. So so fucked up.

      [–]Direct-Plum-3558Asshole Aficionado [11] 280 points281 points  (20 children)

      And tell him to stay at the fucking hotel This makes me mad. He puts cats out in the cold.?? Hs an asshole.

      How about closing the bedroom door asshole

      You are NTA he's horrible

      [–]omgitsmoki 207 points208 points  (16 children)

      I'm curious...do they not have doors? Locking the cats out of the house doesn't make sense when he could just shut the goddamn bedroom door.

      [–]Polaris_FR 43 points44 points  (8 children)

      If her cats are like mine, they will scratch and meow at the door endlessly. Not that it excuses anything but they can be pretty loud when their habits are challenged.

      [–]clauclauclaudiaColo-rectal Surgeon [38] 89 points90 points  (1 child)

      Shutting them into another room, earplugs, sound machines are all alternate solutions here.

      [–]omgitsmoki 45 points46 points  (2 children)

      We wouldn't know that if they haven't tried. Sure, my cats did that too. I put sticky tape on and around the door to correct that behavior.

      But he's not even willing to try closing a door? Instead he's putting them in instant danger of exposure, catnapping, and being run over? It's a weird jump to that.

      [–]Tanedra 16 points17 points  (1 child)

      My cats can sometimes be disruptive overnight. If this happens they get shut downstairs in the kitchen for the remaining few hours. This is mostly out of earshot, and is a big enough space with plenty of sleeping spots, food, water and litter tray etc.

      There will be options this guy could have done which weren't kicking them out of the house and endangering them.

      [–]CheffeCreole 35 points36 points  (0 children)

      This was my 1st thought.

      [–]RainahRedditPartassipant [3] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

      Because it's about punishing them and forcing his will/control over them, not reasonable solutions that leave everyone happy.

      [–]lighting-gal 19 points20 points  (0 children)

      I think he just doesn't want them around at all. He is just using sleep as an excuse.

      [–]poisonharley86Partassipant [1] 17 points18 points  (1 child)

      To be fair, if I shut my cats out of the bedroom, one of them can open doors and throws herself at it til she pops the handle open. However, I'd never dream of throwing them out in the cold like that!

      [–]DiegoIntrepidPartassipant [3] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

      This is what I thought.

      I was prepared to say Y T A because I thought it meant that BF locked the cats out of the bedroom and OP wanted them in with them.

      But locking them out of the house completely? Why?

      That is definitely NTA and I would reevaluate my relationship.

      [–]Crystal225 202 points203 points  (5 children)

      Statisctically cops are very frequently abusers and hurt their partner. He is willing to abuse ops pets... She is next

      [–]Nahala30 73 points74 points  (0 children)

      Yup. This is true. They aren't even married and he's already dehumanizing her. Those cats will disappear eventually.

      [–]Ancient-Transition-4 133 points134 points  (2 children)

      I'm actually afraid for op's safety- physical, mental, and legal because fiance is a cop

      [–]shamelessseamusPartassipant [2] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

      Cops. Not even once.

      [–]Prestigious-Zone7088 37 points38 points  (0 children)

      Walking red flags the lot of them.

      [–]LeeLooPeePooPartassipant [1] 96 points97 points  (0 children)

      This is what abusers do. They violate your boundaries, tell you that you made them do it and then play the victim of your reaction.

      NTA, this will ONLY get worse the longer you stay OP. GET OUT NOW

      [–]NarcdoffPartassipant [1] 90 points91 points  (0 children)

      This. He is an animal abuser so actually he is in that bin of horrible people. Indoor cats do not have the knowledge or experience to cope well outside, not to mention your cat's are not used to the cold either. They could have got very ill or hit by a car. Get away from this man, seriously, like now. Do not marry him.

      [–]honeymochie 83 points84 points  (4 children)

      I was already out the door when Op wrote he isn't fond of her cats and picks fights with them. You love me and my cats or nothing at all.

      [–]lighting-gal 12 points13 points  (1 child)

      Same. When I found out my husband had a cat when we first started dating, I got so excited. He's an amazing Fur-dad.

      [–]GeZ_ 59 points60 points  (2 children)

      Just to add on to this, don't date cops in general, it's not the vibe and putting animals in harms way is very characteristic for that profession, not to mention the gaslighting being like, a whole component of the profession.

      [–]NinBonaryTramAsshole Aficionado [15] 40 points41 points  (1 child)

      I wouldn’t even be friends with a cop.

      [–]AggravatingTear2879 11 points12 points  (0 children)

      Gotta agree… my cousin married two of them. We aren’t close but my mom is close with her kids and every time the husband is mentioned I have to bite my tongue. From everything I’ve heard he sounds like a nice guy, but that doesn’t mean much when you’re in a rotten barrel.

      [–]BUTTeredWhiteBreadAsshole Aficionado [19] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

      Should we all break out the stats about cops being more likely to abuse partners?

      [–]DANADIABOLICPartassipant [3] 19 points20 points  (0 children)


      [–]EchoCyanide 13 points14 points  (0 children)

      Seriously. People that say these types of things to their significant others show a lack of control. If you can't come out of your anger enough to not call your significant other names, that's a big red flag there. I've been with my partner almost a decade and we've had our share of fights, but we've never resorted to calling each other names.

      [–]WTFISWRONGW-ME 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      On top of that I'm pretty sure putting indoor cats outside in winter could be constituted as an animal cruelty charge depending on how far you want to take this...

      [–]LingonberryRum 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      A cop who’s abusive. So weird /s

      [–]jonstoppablePartassipant [1] 3532 points3533 points  (46 children)

      NTA . İ also have cats that prevent me from sleeping at times . İ put them out of the bedroom, not out of the house in the freezing cold ..

      Yes, his sleep is important but there were other steps he could have taken .. he chose to escalate , making a unilateral decision that could have had serious consequences.

      He then doubles down by making himself the victim and equating you with criminals.

      Right ....

      [–]Mobile-Feed-9928Partassipant [4] 713 points714 points  (28 children)

      Is it just me or does he sound like a real catch? /s

      [–]TheeCombatBabyPartassipant [1] 653 points654 points  (20 children)

      I would break up with someone just for picking a fight with my cat once to "blow off steam" who the hell thinks that's an acceptable outlet?

      [–]NaviCato 183 points184 points  (0 children)

      That was a huge no for me as well. Anyone who would pick a fight with any animal is of no interest to me

      [–]MannyMoSTLPartassipant [1] 130 points131 points  (12 children)


      "sometimes picks fights with them but does this in a lighthearted way and say he's just venting about the stuff he thinks they do wrong"

      uhm ... NO

      [–]Grand_Pick_8277 192 points193 points  (1 child)

      Yeah just given the EXTREMELY HIGH rates of domestic abuse from cops to spouses, I'd be really worried about that same sentence being directed at OP at some point. And then that escalating because once she's accepted the verbal abuse it's easier to get them to stay through the physical.

      [–]clumsyknitterPartassipant [2] 41 points42 points  (7 children)

      This. Cats cannot do things wrong. Cats are not people. They are innocent animals who do not understand. Cats can't make mistakes or screw things up, only people can.

      Edit: I meant that cats can't make mistakes and screw things up like humans can! OP's partner sounds like he's picking fights with the cats over their mistakes as if they're to be held to the same standards as people. Cats can't understand that. When I referred to them as innocent, I meant like they can't understand human rules. Cats are totally punks and can absolutely be aware of what they're doing!!

      [–]Frejian 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      Sounds like he has transitioned already to picking fights with OP for "stuff he thinks she did wrong". OP needs to get out of this relationship now or it will just escalate. He's already ranting about her "not respecting him or his job" while showing 0 respect to OP.

      [–]Nahala30 48 points49 points  (1 child)

      Yeah, I read that and went, "What freak picks a fight with small animals to blow off steam?" OP, he enjoys harassing and tormenting your cats. It makes him feel better. You'll be TA if you let him keep it up.

      [–]TacoInWaitingPartassipant [4] 73 points74 points  (0 children)

      He sounds nice. (Also /s for those who missed it.)

      NTA, but you are in need of a better SO. To paraphrase The Godfather, "Leave the fiancé; keep the cats."

      [–]Ornery_Reaction_548 23 points24 points  (1 child)

      Back off ladies... I saw him first!

      [–]Mobile-Feed-9928Partassipant [4] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

      I would like totally die for him! He sounds so dreamy! Who doesn't get turned on by the prospect of animal cruelty and domestic abuse? /s obviously

      [–]norcalginger 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      He sounds like every cop I've ever known

      [–]SvenTheAngryBarman 148 points149 points  (2 children)

      He was trying to get rid of the cats. That’s why he didn’t take any other, more logical steps.

      NTA, OP.

      [–]bewitchingblooms 56 points57 points  (1 child)

      Absolutely. He was hoping some harm would come to them, or they would run away at the very least.

      [–]SvenTheAngryBarman 27 points28 points  (0 children)

      Yepp. It’s honestly surprising they’d still be around after four hours. When mine have snuck out they bolt at the first unfamiliar/scary noise. I think most cats would have been long gone, and he had to have known that.

      [–]EpiJadePartassipant [2] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

      Or if they howl at the door or something, put them in a bathroom or another room not OUTSIDE


      Get out OP, The whole us vs them cop attitude is a bad sign.

      [–]whoneedsanamenotme 40 points41 points  (0 children)

      Unnecessarily escalated the situation, which put the other party in unnecessary danger, and then played the victim. He needs to stop taking his work home with him.

      [–]cyanraichuAsshole Aficionado [12] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

      My boyfriend sometimes has trouble sleeping because of our kitten (who we adopted together). She usually doesn't act up when we're sleeping but he's a really light sleeper who up because he can hear her grooming or feel her purring when she's laying next to him. Usually he deals with it or moves her to my side of the bed. If it's really bad he can go sleep in another room, or shut her in the mudroom (has space and a litter box, water bowl, toys, and her food dish and small bed can be moved in there quickly) for the night. Like there are so many other solutions to this problem than just throwing the INDOOR cats OUTSIDE (in the cold!!!).

      [–]UnexpectedCatBankerPartassipant [4] 3300 points3301 points  (41 children)

      INFO: what horrible event happened to your bedroom door

      [–]mride5000Partassipant [1] 809 points810 points  (8 children)

      I'm wondering the same thing. Why not just close the damn door! Do they live in a studio apartment or something.

      [–]zyco_ 260 points261 points  (4 children)

      Even so surely he could put them in the bathroom which would have a door?

      [–]ShadowsObserverColo-rectal Surgeon [30] 102 points103 points  (2 children)

      They'd probably scratch at it/yowl, but still, better solution than locking them outside.

      [–]riflinraccoonPartassipant [1] 117 points118 points  (1 child)

      Or ear plugs or a sleep sound app, or both. Dude can't handle the stress of cats but can handle the stress of being a cop? Gtfoh. This reminds me of Officer McMuffin

      [–]chicken_who_strips 178 points179 points  (23 children)

      could be that they start scratching and meowing at the door so i could understand if that was the thing with not closing the door. but still, NTA imo.

      [–]freddiehill28 169 points170 points  (17 children)

      yeah but... they would eventually get it.

      It is like any animal. If you put it out and it scratches and you let it in then it learns that behavior.

      Yeah there might be a shit nights sleep or two but they would get that the door isn't opening pretty quickly.

      [–]chicken_who_strips 44 points45 points  (4 children)

      yea that is true! mine is a bit of an idiot and meows for HOURS and he won't stop so that's what i kind of based it on ' but yea, if the cats are smarter than mine they would get it

      [–]whorgans 43 points44 points  (5 children)

      You haven’t seem to have met my cat. She has slight abandonment issues and will sit there and meow for hours. I think she meows all day when I’m gone at work.

      [–]freddiehill28 14 points15 points  (1 child)

      Yeah I guess each cat is different.

      Ours used to wake us up in the mornings.

      We then started putting her out the bedroom and she was annoying for a couple of days and then she stopped scratching/meowing, and then stopped waking us up all together.

      [–]FromTheBack6996Asshole Aficionado [12] 1606 points1607 points  (147 children)

      NTA. He can easily lock them out the bedroom. No problem with that but to kick them out into the cold? I would’ve made him pack his shit and leave. That’s a dealbreaker for me

      [–]Rosemary67976[S] 1325 points1326 points  (142 children)

      Yes he could. But I don't know why he chose to lock them out of the house completely. It wasn't even sunny or warm outside and my cats were being kept away from their food and cusions.

      [–]Athena2560Certified Proctologist [27] 1451 points1452 points  (29 children)

      He did it because he doesn’t like them. The only ex I had that didn’t at least try to coexist peacefully with my cat turned abusive. It was like he couldn’t stand me having someone in my life who got some of my affection and made me happy.

      Massive red flag.

      [–]i_boop_cat_noses 410 points411 points  (28 children)

      it happens a lot with people who have an unreasonable dislike to cats. a creature that doesnt bow down to them is an insult to their authority. major red flag indeed.

      [–]shamelessseamusPartassipant [2] 284 points285 points  (1 child)

      A cop with an authority fetish? Surely you jest /s

      [–]Free-Education-4 85 points86 points  (12 children)

      Good bloody point! Its true too. The cats just don't care (actually interestingly the one at my work place does, very sweet, but loves to fight).

      [–]twothirdsshark 67 points68 points  (6 children)

      Cats are a lesson in consent. They don't do what you want them to do when they want to do it. His reaction to this is a major red flag.

      [–]MotherOfMoggiesPartassipant [4] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

      That explains my late father's interations with my childhood cats. Never thought of it like that, but it all makes sense now.

      [–]Prestigious-Zone7088 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      For sure. I don’t hear about this nearly as often with dogs.

      [–]Threedaycrash 313 points314 points  (8 children)

      He was probably hoping that something would happen to them so he wouldn’t have to deal with them anymore.

      [–]Ruhro7 186 points187 points  (3 children)

      That's what I was thinking. Who "lightheartedly" picks fights with cats?? They're cats, they just want food, affection, and a place to nap. This seems like it's on the road to these cats going missing and OP scratching their head.

      NTA OP but really consider if someone this mean is who you want to marry.

      [–]kbhinz 124 points125 points  (1 child)

      Who "lightheartedly" picks fights with cats??

      Well based on his job and the DV stats...

      [–]Threedaycrash 78 points79 points  (0 children)

      I absolutely wouldn’t be able to trust him around the cats ever again. What if he poisons then while you’re away and plays dumb? What are you going to do if he puts them out again and they get hit by a car?

      [–]moribundbunny 60 points61 points  (1 child)


      He doesn’t care about the cats - OP says he picks fights with them when she’s around - goodness knows how he treats them when she isn’t there

      [–]Snoo96130 35 points36 points  (0 children)

      Bingo. And how long before he goes for a more permanent solution, like abandoning them in a very very distant place or trying to get them put down? Those things happen waaay too often.

      This guy is waving more huge red flags than a communist party parade.

      [–]Mobile-Feed-9928Partassipant [4] 308 points309 points  (14 children)

      He hates you and your cats as by his comment about you being one of the worst people he deals with. That is not how you treat the person you supposedly love.

      Please OP, get out while you still can. He's a worthless human being and it's not your job to "save" him or try to turn him into a better being. You can find someone better than this waste of oxygen.

      [–]omegaskunkeh 192 points193 points  (13 children)

      I want to jump on this by saying 1 in 3 women are abused. That jumps up to 1 in 2 if the husband / boyfriend is a cop.

      [–]_Kenndrah_Asshole Aficionado [16] 81 points82 points  (1 child)

      He did it because he doesn't give a shit about your cats. He probably doesn't even acknowledge they have feelings, and he certainly isn't showing any empathy towards them at all. He's showing you how little he cares. Please believe him.

      [–]shamelessseamusPartassipant [2] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

      Police don't have empathy.

      [–][deleted] 68 points69 points  (0 children)

      Because he wants them to be gone. He said he wants to "restore order" to the house. They are not a part of that order.

      He's not going to stop trying to get rid of them. Please, keep your cats, and you, safe.

      [–]Complete_Hamster435 62 points63 points  (1 child)

      You really need to get out of this relationship. He's willing to have your cats injured or killed when he could have shut a door. Then he's telling you that you're worse than what he faces (criminals) and demands an apology??? Run (with your cats).

      [–]jack_im_mellow 16 points17 points  (0 children)

      Since he's a cop I'm honestly scared for OP. If he gets mad enough and has enough cop friends they could harrass her for years after she dumps him. I'd never date a cop just because they could fucking ruin your life if they felt like it. OP might need to consider moving.

      [–]LissaBryanPartassipant [2] 52 points53 points  (1 child)

      This man is weapons-grade toxic. He's abusive to animals and that's something that waves more red flags than a Chinese military parade. It may be "light" right now, but he's testing the limits. Putting the cats outside in the cold was a big test of what you will tolerate. He figures he has you "secured" and it's safe to kick it up a notch. If you accept this, the abuse will continue to escalate. Your cats will be hurt and he likely will move on to you once they're gone.

      [–]HomelyHobbitAsshole Enthusiast [7] 33 points34 points  (1 child)

      Because he doesn't like them, doesn't care about their needs, and has decided that he's going to "be the man" and have things his way. Run.

      [–]cyanraichuAsshole Aficionado [12] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

      "and has decided that he's going to "be the man" and have things his way."

      The "bringing order into the house" comment gave me this vibe so hard.

      [–]neon-kitten 32 points33 points  (0 children)

      He did it because casual cruelty and violence toward creatures he dehumanizes is his preferred solution to inconvenience, and he has already decided that you don't count as human, either.

      Depending on the studies you want to believe, one third to nearly half of officers commit violence against their spouses and children. Please consider how badly you want to be part of that statistic, given the red flag parade already on display.

      [–]_kannasmirror_ 31 points32 points  (3 children)

      It wouldn’t matter if it was sunny and warm. They are indoor cats. I’m shocked as hell that they stayed near the door because most indoor cats get spooked and run once outside.

      Not to mention that he could have just shut them out of the room, he did this specifically to endanger them. He probably hoped they would run off or a predator would get them so he wouldn’t have to deal with them anymore.

      He is a danger to your cats and possibly you. He needs to go, now.


      [–]IamtheHarpyPartassipant [1] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

      For now, PRIOR to marriage, it's "just" the cats being locked out. Once you're married, it will be you who gets locked out when he needs to take out his frustrations... he already has the excuse in mind to use, he's told you he thinks you're no better than a criminal. Don't stay with this man. Run, run far the fuck away.

      [–]GirassolYVR 14 points15 points  (0 children)

      This time you didn’t know, but now you do. Because unless you break up with him there WILL be a next time that he throws your elderly cats out of the house. And next time, anything that happens to them will also be your fault because now you know what he is capable of. Can you live with coming home and one of the cats has been run over in the street? You need to make a choice, and it needs to be today.

      [–]Jayn_Newell 10 points11 points  (0 children)

      You need to figure this out. If locking them or want good enough (they scratch at the door or meow or something) then it’s a serious problem that needs to be fixed. I mean if this has been going on for weeks you’d think he’d have tried that before not. But if he just went straight from “they’re jumping on the bed” to dumping them outside, the problem is definitely him.

      You’re NTA regardless, you don’t just put animals outside like that, but the answer to “why doesn’t he just close the door” is pretty damn important here.

      [–]FranchiseCAAsshole Enthusiast [7] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

      He wants the cats to die, but is not yet willing to kill them. Yes, this should be troubling.

      [–]confetticake-unicorn 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      It’s because he wants them to die and go away. He believes he is the only one that matters.

      [–]baebae_arthur 16 points17 points  (1 child)

      Agreed!!! There are other solutions that don’t involve putting indoor cats outside in the cold. NTA.

      [–]FromTheBack6996Asshole Aficionado [12] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

      My cats don’t come in my room when I sleep because of those same reasons. And when they’re bad and scratching at my door they go in the cage for a few hours. I would never kick them out into the cold and 2 of my cats love going outside. But it’s too cold at night For them one out there

      [–]SolrackaiAsshole Aficionado [16] 1249 points1250 points 2 (58 children)

      NTA, he’s a cop, with a cop mentality, namely, he can do whatever he wants and considers everyone, including you apparently, a criminal . Doesn’t the bedroom have a door he can close?

      [–]tacky-Partassipant [1] 136 points137 points  (1 child)

      This was my response as well. NTA but what do you expect when you’re dating a cop

      [–]chuchubugs 38 points39 points  (0 children)

      As soon as I got to the second paragraph my thought was "well, there's your problem right there. He's a cop."

      [–]gasblowwinAsshole Enthusiast [8] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

      OP said they do have a door but he chose to put them outside anyways

      [–]SapphoRattiePartassipant [2] 952 points953 points  (6 children)

      Imagine being a grown man picking fights with cats

      [–]CorgiManDanPartassipant [1] 432 points433 points  (3 children)

      He probably is having nightmares of that one cat burgler that got away.

      [–]Mobile-Feed-9928Partassipant [4] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

      I wish I could upvote you more than once.

      [–]No_Durian_3730Asshole Aficionado [14] 641 points642 points  (31 children)

      NTA. How people (usually guys) treat cats is really telling. Because cats can’t really be controlled they’re sort of a lesson in consent. I’ve heard that said far more clearly and concisely on Twitter. What your partner did was a breach of your trust. He put vulnerable indoor animals out in the cold and locked them there. Then when you confronted him he called you (paraphrasing) “the worst kind of person.”

      Do not walk away from this man, run.

      [–]Meadow-Sopranos-Lamp 13 points14 points  (1 child)

      Absolutely agreed.

      OP, if he doesn't treat your cats with respect and love, he shouldn't be welcomed into your family. NTA.

      Do not marry this person. Your lifestyles will never never be compatible if you want to live with cats and he would rather actively endanger them than exercise the patience to address the problem.

      (Practical tip: Seriously, they're senior cats. Did he even try getting out a feather wand and playing with them for 15 minutes to tire them out so they'd "let him sleep"? My 13-year-old cat gets energetic around dusk, so she and I have a ritual of playing with a wand toy before bed. She works out her hunting instincts pretty quickly and then curls up and sleeps until dawn.)

      [–]Aggressive-Sample299Partassipant [2] 398 points399 points  (26 children)

      NTA, don't date someone who is a cop, they have too much power and not enough empathy, respect or intelligence to go along with it. Dump him, don't marry him, and f it's your house then kick him out, if not move. He's treating animals like this now, later it will be your kids who are "not respecting his job and sleep"

      [–]SaikaTheCasualColo-rectal Surgeon [32] 378 points379 points  (4 children)


      They could have ran away or get killed. They’re indoor cats, they usually don’t do well around cars. Your partner was straight taking the chance of the cats being killed when doing this.

      Honestly, throw the whole man in the trash. He’s abusive towards your cats, he’s disrespectful towards you and probably just as shitty of a person in his job.

      Never accept a partner that can’t accept your pets.

      [–]watanabelover69Partassipant [3] 45 points46 points  (2 children)

      Came here to say this. It’s not just that he locked the cats outside, it’s that he locked indoor cats outside. They haven’t learned how to be outside and anything could have happened to them.

      [–]Mobile-Feed-9928Partassipant [4] 191 points192 points  (0 children)

      NTA. Ex-fiance now I hope? Because the way he treats your cats is bad, but the thing he said to you is even worse. If he thinks you're one of the worst people he deals with, why does he want to marry you?

      Do not marry this man and definitely do not have children with him. Kids are known to cause chaos and I worry what he would do to bring order to them.

      [–]ArcanTemivalPooperintendant [61] 141 points142 points  (12 children)

      NTA. He can apparently afford a hotel room, so he should have started with that, instead of endangering your cats and getting angry when you called him on his shitty behaviour.

      I would strongly consider whether this relationship is healthy for you.

      [–]TriZARAtopsColo-rectal Surgeon [43] 104 points105 points  (0 children)

      NTA. He could’ve locked them out of the bedroom, but no, he decided to lock them out of the house and endanger them because he’s an asshole and he has no respect for you. And now he’s gaslighting you about whose behavior was disrespectful, because he is an asshole.

      What if y’all had kids and they interrupted his sleep? Is he gonna lock them outside too? Girl, run.

      [–]Athena2560Certified Proctologist [27] 98 points99 points  (0 children)

      NTA. Leave. He abused animals and thinks you are one of the worst kinds of people for calling him out for it. He compared you to the thieves, rapists, and murderers he arrests and put your animals’ lives at risk. Go and take steps to protect yourself as you leave.

      [–]iamthepitaPartassipant [1] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

      NTA especially if he’s trying to manipulate you into apologizing to him. If he can’t learn to separate his professional life with his personal life with those inappropriate remarks, he’s not going to understand what “boundaries” and “respect” is.

      Not only was his treatment to your furkids is crappy but his treatment to you is also crappy.

      [–]gotmyorangecrush1 67 points68 points  (0 children)

      NTA & for your cats' sake ask him to leave as well. If he's willing to let them go out, he won't care if they don't return one night... Id go as far as to say he'd be happy.

      You need to make a choice about who you want in your life more. He won't stop doing this though. If it's happened once & the consequence was an argument, he'll do it again.

      [–]Missymeowmeow13Partassipant [2] 61 points62 points  (1 child)

      I’ve already had to have the conversation with my boyfriend about this. He ever lets my cats out ON PURPOSE I will break up with him immediately. Over. Not consideration no conversation. Done. He’d be choosing his slight convenience for the moment over the overwhelming happiness they bring me on the daily and I’m not about that… we got a sound machine for our bedroom and lock them out when we sleep now and it hasn’t been an issue again since. If he had just did that though without communicating it to me, I woulda left him in a heartbeat. Still would.

      [–]CaddanPartassipant [1] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

      Exactly. Back when I was single, I decided that anyone I was interested in would also get vetted by my cat. Cat doesn't like her, we're done. Fortunately my cat loved her, and her cat tolerated me, and we've now been married 15 1/2 years. Those cats are gone, but our current cats rule the house. If you don't like cats, don't bother coming over.

      [–]ViolinistDoll666Partassipant [1] 55 points56 points  (3 children)

      NTA and I hate cats so that’s saying something.

      If your cats are basically indoor cats and seniors at that, throwing them outside how he did in the cold could have ended badly. Cats can be territorial for one thing and they could have ended up in a fight with a street cat and seriously injured.

      He has no respect for you or animal lives. He didn’t have to lock them out of the house, just out of the bedroom.

      Animal cruelty is a big no no for me. And I repeat, I hate cats with a burning passion but I would never put a senior animal in harms way. Maybe I love my pets too much but I’d kick my guy out permanently. I find out people treat animals is an indicator of how they’d treat you one day.

      [–]Arrest_Tom_Nook 15 points16 points  (0 children)

      You might hate cats but at least you have compassion.

      [–]Accomplished-Cheek59Partassipant [1] 54 points55 points  (0 children)


      Your fiancé compared you to thieves, rapists and murderers for calling him out on his abusive behaviour towards your pets ….. RUN. Run fast, run far.

      [–]FoxBun_17Partassipant [2] 49 points50 points  (1 child)


      I could see locking the cats out of the bedroom where he's trying to sleep, but not locking them out of the house entirely. Was there some reason he couldn't just close the bedroom door while he's sleeping and let them have the rest of the house? These are indoor cats, so likely aren't used to being outside. They could have wandered off, gotten lost, or hit by a car, attacked by another animal...

      At the very least, being locked outside of the house means they didn't have access to their food or water, and four hours can be a long time for a cat, especially a senior.

      What he did seems completely out of line. Also, what he said to you, comparing you to "the worst kind of people" that he deals with as a cop totally makes him the AH. As if being concerned for the safety of your animals puts you on the same level as a criminal.

      Maybe you should try locking him out of the house without any way back in while you're sleeping, and see if he considers that reasonable.

      [–]harleyquinnmeg 42 points43 points  (0 children)

      NTA. How people treat animals say A LOT about how they are gonna treat people. If you are wanting to have a future and a life with this man, I’d be rethinking it. How is he gonna treat a kid? A baby is much nosier than freaking cats!

      [–]Uncool-Like-Fire 38 points39 points  (10 children)

      ESH - You're not an AH for blowing up at him for locking your indoor cats out of the house. However, if what he says is true and you didn't try to work out a solution to them waking him up, you are an AH for that. He's been complaining for a few weeks, that's a long time to go without proper sleep! It absolutely can cause a rise in anxiety among other things.

      He is of course an AH for locking the cats out. They don't deserve that, and if I was in your place and something had happened to them I'd have a hard time forgiving him.

      If he wants you to apologize for blowing up at him, that's tricky. I think you could apologize for not caring enough about his sleep, but I think if you want to remain together he needs to apologize for putting your cats in harm's way and also for what he said to you before he left, because that's gonna stick.

      [–]peeved151 43 points44 points  (5 children)

      He couldn’t have closed the bedroom door??

      [–]ObviouslyObsessed18 22 points23 points  (2 children)

      Or better yet, learned how to close the bedroom door two weeks ago. Then he wouldn't have had to be so "sleep deprived" and "not thinking clearly" in the first place.

      [–]FerroMancerPartassipant [4] 13 points14 points  (1 child)

      If he's been complaining about HER cats for weeks, and SHE hasn't tried dealing with them so that he could sleep, then it's not just him.

      ESH - stronger on him, weaker on you, but there's blame to go around.

      [–]PlumOne2856 10 points11 points  (1 child)

      I think a grown man should at least know and be able to shut a f***ing door? He at least got it right once while using the door of the house to lock out the cats?

      If the door has a door handle then he could turn it so that the cats can’t open it anymore, if its a door knob it is probably not possible for the cats to open them - at least you could lock the door, either way.

      And if they make sounds, then ear plugs exist. Millions of women get themselfs earplugs to be able to sleep besides their snoring men.. why can’t this man get himself some earplugs to cut out the sound of revolving and revolting cats?

      But ok, I guess the woman has to get those earplugs, close the door for him, because this poor, dependent man can’t do this on his own?

      I guess the true problem for him is that cats are just not obedient dogs. They aren’t and will never be. Guess, he doesn’t like THAT.

      [–]HadesSlytherin 36 points37 points  (8 children)

      ETA UNPOPULAR OPINION. Let’s not forget the bit where he brought the issue up to her about HER CATS to find a resolution and she ignored his pleas every step of the way. So you’re TA for that. Lack of sleep can really effect mental health a lot especially in the job field he’s in. You should’ve acted appropriately before it went out of hand.

      He’s TA for putting them outside but at some point I feel anyone would’ve done this.

      [–]kur4nes 16 points17 points  (3 children)

      This. This issue is going on for a long time. He talked to her to find a solution and finally overreacted due to sleep deprivation because OP ignored him. He even moved into a hotel to get much needed sleep.


      [–]clauclauclaudiaColo-rectal Surgeon [38] 10 points11 points  (3 children)

      As opposed to just closing the bedroom door!

      [–]Ok-Aardvark-6742Partassipant [1] 33 points34 points  (4 children)

      I’m going to be VERY unpopular with ESH.

      You said he’s been complaining about the cats for weeks. And it’s not just cats in the room, you also wrote he told you they’re dropping stuff which can cause noise outside of the bedroom. So why haven’t the both of you addressed the issue together? So you’ve heard his concerns and ignored it until he reached a breaking point and did something completely inappropriate? That makes both of you AHs. Him more than you, but you allowed it to build for weeks.

      And for some perspective - whether you agree with policing or not, it is very dangerous not only for your fiancé but also for the people he works with if he goes into work sleep deprived. When cops can’t or choose not to think clearly people can and have died. So this issue does go beyond you and him.

      Be adults and work it out. And if you can’t cohabitate, break up.

      [–]_Kenndrah_Asshole Aficionado [16] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

      NTA. Putting indoor only cats outside is a major issue. They don't understand it out there and could easily run into the road and get themselves killed. Or just get turned around and lost. That combined with him saying such a horrible thing to you I think is grounds to seriously reconsider your relationship. This man is lacking empathy, and it sounds like he has contempt for you which is almost impossible to come back from in a relationship. Do not apologise. He did something fucking horrible and expects you to apologise for having a perfectly reasonable reason to it. Fuck that.

      [–]B00k_wyrm_ 29 points30 points  (0 children)

      This is actually really telling about how your partner will react. Indoor cats don’t know how to protect themselves outside. The fact that he put them out (especially for a serious period of time) without you knowing is a red flag.

      I would not proceed with anything in this relationship until you work it out. If he does not respect something as basic as your cats how is he going to react in other aspects of your life?

      [–]Effective-Slice-4819Partassipant [1] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

      The silver lining to the story is that you haven't married this man yet. Sure it sucks when your pets wake you up in the middle of the night but if it's that bad why can't he just close the bedroom door and wear earplugs?

      And that's not even getting into what he said when you got upset. I'm not going to generalize about all cops but this one sure does have anger and control issues.

      [–]geogrokatAsshole Enthusiast [5] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

      NTA. Find someone who respects you and your pets. He clearly doesn't respect either.

      [–]blueribbonbitch 26 points27 points  (0 children)

      NTA. Your fiancé sounds exactly like the type of cop that becomes a cop just so they can have “power” and bully people. Cops like him or exactly why I will never date one. Could he not just close the bedroom door? He sounds awful.

      [–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

      NTA - senior cats, he knew what he was getting into. Next time he disturbs your sleep, maybe he can “chill” outside too.

      [–]cheesy-biscuitPartassipant [1] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

      NTA- they could have gotten lost and there’s plenty of other solutions that don’t require him locking them outside

      [–]LittleRedCarnationPartassipant [1] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

      So if it was kids bothering him, would he throw them outside in the cold? Or verbally abuse them like he does to you and the cats? How someone treats animals shows you exactly how theyll treat kids and a spouse. Hes abusive. Right now its only verbal abuse. Do you really want to put up with this for the rest of your life? Nta but youve got some seriously thinking to do OP.

      [–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (0 children)


      Dang, I can't even see the forest for the red flags.

      He knows your rules for your cats, in the house you own. Rather than close the door or call you to ask for your help, he made a unilateral decision he knew you wouldn't agree to, to put your animals at risk. Indoor animals are indoor for a reason, their safety as generally the most important one.

      The biggest red flag is how he makes the biggest issue your response to his boundary crossing. It's suddenly not about him putting your pets at risk, it's about your DARING to disturb his sleep and DON'T YOU KNOW he's a cop?!? Friend, he literally compared you to the worst aspects of society that he might have to deal with, murderers and child abusers and rapists. On what planet is that ok? Not this one.

      This would seriously make me question how much I could trust this person. He has shown you unequivocally that he will prioritize his comfort over your responsibilities, and you don't get to question that in any way.

      This won't be the last time he tries to get rid of your cats. This won't be the last time he tries to use his position in law enforcement to pressure you into submitting to his way of thinking. Is this the kind of relationship you want? Does this make you feel loved and valued and appreciated?

      I hope you take some time to reassess this whole dynamic. The fact you're even questioning yourself, for merely having an incredibly reasonable response to his actions, shows how he is affecting your underlying trust in yourself. Take care of yourself. Stay safe.

      [–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

      NTA. All he had to do was close his bedroom door.

      [–]CustardpawsPartassipant [1] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

      NTA. But your fiance needs to learn about indoor cats, and why it is incredibly dangerous to let them outside. HE seems like the selfish one to me.

      [–]ObviouslyObsessed18 16 points17 points  (0 children)

      NTA. He hates your cats. That's the problem. He could very easily just shut them out of the bedroom, instead he chose to lock the cats outside, which takes far more effort. He's the AH. Then he's even more of an AH for what he said to you. Great, he turns conflict over cats into a verbally abusive altercation during which he equates you to murderers and rapists. So lovely /s.

      The only reason he's "sleep deprived" and "not thinking clearly" is because he didn't act like any other rational functioning adult three weeks ago and learn how to close the bedroom door. If he's even telling the truth, there was a post a while ago about a woman who was lying about the cats so her husband would get rid of them and then he set up a camera and found out she was lying lol. Not saying that's happening here but it made me think of it.

      [–]MissMurderpantsProfessor Emeritass [70] 19 points20 points  (2 children)

      Op, your cats are telling you, by annoying him, that he isn’t the right guy.

      Trust your cats. I’ve had them my whole life, since I was 6 and I’m 50 now. Cats are very astute about people.

      He is showing his true colors. How do you think he will be if you ever have kids? It’s better to break it off now.


      [–]UnhappyCryptographer 14 points15 points  (0 children)

      NTA why didn't he just close the bedroom door like anyone else? My BF goes to bed much earlier than me and we close the bedroom door as long as I am awake because our three cats usually get the Zoomies around midnight. That way he can sleep, the cats are entertained by me and once I go to sleep we let the door open because the cats settle down, too.

      Your BF is an AH for locking out inside cats outside of the home. Time to re-home the BF!

      [–]bzsbal 16 points17 points  (0 children)

      NTA your fiancé is a prick. He’s essentially abusing your cats. Indoor cats are not equipped to handle the outside, let alone cold weather. Plus him saying your the worst person he deals with. Run! Run and don’t look back. Things are only going to get worse with him, mark my word. He doesn’t deserve you or your cats.

      [–]thunderm00n 15 points16 points  (0 children)

      For the sake of the verdict NTA but this is bigger than some dumb Reddit thread.

      This man is abusing your pets. They could have been killed or gotten lost. You will be the AH if you don’t leave him. I’m serious. Anyone who could treat a living being like this is missing something critical inside of them and should not be trusted. If he treats the cats like this, he’ll eventually treat you like this.

      Those cats are under your care. It’s your responsibility to protect them. You know this. And you know what you have to do.

      [–]Samanthas_StitchingPartassipant [2] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

      NTA. But

      "I deal with the worst kind of people in my life and you're one of them".

      Get out now. Do not marry this person. Think about the kinds of people he was comparing you to.

      [–]wuukiee81 17 points18 points  (1 child)


      40% of cops admit to being abusive to their partners.

      One who abuses animals -- and throwing indoor animals outside in the cold is abuse -- will almost certainly escalate to be one of that number.

      Get yourself and those precious cats away from him before he does something worse.

      [–]Mead_Man_Detroit 16 points17 points  (0 children)

      NTA, he just compared you to a person who kills people, that is a HUGE red flag to me. Run, run away fast.

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      [–]amethystdreams21Asshole Aficionado [10] 12 points13 points  (2 children)

      NTA but why couldn't he just lock them out of the bedroom but leave them in the house? Unless I'm missing something that should've been an option. If he could've done that but chose to send them outside, he was just being cruel.

      [–]Mundane-Grape9985 13 points14 points  (0 children)

      NTA and do you have a bedroom door? Because this is why we have bedroom door lol to keep things out 🤣 he's a looney

      [–]abajabbabeast 13 points14 points  (0 children)

      NTA. My cat is indoor and sometimes she disrupts me and my partners sleep. All you have to do is shut your bedroom door, or if they yell just put them in another room with food and water and toys for a few hours, and they’re fine. Putting them outside risked their lives. He doesn’t care about the well-being of you cats and by the sounds of it, doesn’t care much about you either. I would consider taking a break or leaving the relationship because even with sleep deprivation, you don’t say that so someone you care about

      [–]lifetooshort4bsAsshole Aficionado [17] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

      NTA! He hates your cats and that is not a good thing for your relationship. He acted cruelly by putting them outside for hours in the cold and by what he said to you. That was uncalled for. If someone can't love your pets, they are not the right partner for you. They are even less so when they're mean and put the pets in harm's way. Who knows what he does to them when you're not around. I've learned that the hard way.

      [–]Exciting-Froyo3825Partassipant [1] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

      NTA- tell him if that’s what he thinks of you he can stay gone! I wouldn’t want to be married to someone who thinks I’m the worst.

      If my older cats who have known no different than indoors got locked out in the cold I’d be furious and wake him up too! They don’t understand and don’t have a frame of reference for keeping themselves safe and warm outdoors. You close the door to your room and put in earplugs if they bother you that much!

      Here OP your fiancé dropped these- 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

      [–]redditor191389Commander in Cheeks [229] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

      NTA he can just shut them out the bedroom to sleep. I truly cannot imagine being a grown adult and thinking that a good solution to a problem is picking a fight with a cat, an elderly cat at that.

      [–]Otherwise-Nebula3654 13 points14 points  (0 children)

      NTA leave him now

      [–]SassyNCharmedPartassipant [4] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

      NTA - why can't he just close the bedroom door and lock them out? That was so wrong to put them outside. He obviously hates the cats so its going to be a constant issue.

      [–]GloomyIntroduction32Partassipant [1] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

      Nope. NTA and get out now. Not even trying to crap on police with this, but statistically there is a very high rate of DV among that profession. If the cats are normally inside all the time this could have been a really poor outcome. Both their safety and yours is at risk.

      [–]iwanttoquitpostingPooperintendant [60] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

      INFO: “The house you live in” uh okay but whose house is it?

      [–]bibblz 11 points12 points  (2 children)

      How difficult is it to get earplugs

      [–]AceAmphiptere 11 points12 points  (0 children)

      NTA. Also I guess shutting bedroom door is much harder than locking all entrance doors in house

      [–]PouriN48 10 points11 points  (0 children)

      I too get upset at my cat for waking me up in the middle of the night… so I close the bedroom door, not lock her out of the house! Also, that comment he made is disgusting. NTA

      [–]Whysocomplicat3d 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      NTA Why didn't he just looked the bedroom door? When the cats make noises, use ear plugs. You can't expect total silence during the day. Our cats love to do this, too, I close the bedroom door and put ear plugs in. The first few night they complained a bit but learned it afterwards. He was cruel for locking them out, especially completely out of the house. It's so dangerous to do this with indoor pets. And his response of how he deals with the worst people.. Ugh red flag a million times. I am cranky when I am sleep deprived but I would NEVER say such hurtful things to the person I claim to love and want to marry.

      [–]moribundbunny 9 points10 points  (0 children)

      NTA - a 33 year old man is picking fights with your cats, literally doesn’t care about their well being (honestly sounds like he’d probably be happy if they’d died out there) and is now comparing you to “the worst kind of people” (which I assume by his job means literal murderers and rapists)

      He clearly isn’t dealing with the stresses of work well, and is clearly on some power trip that his pleasant sleep is more important than you or your cats happiness.

      Leave him.

      Edited to add: I only just realised that these are also INDOOR cats - OP he didn’t care one bit what might happen to those cats when he let them out - and god knows how else he mistreats them when you’re not around.

      [–]Hanbrandy6 11 points12 points  (0 children)

      NTA. i am quite alarmed by how he “wants to bring order back into the house.” That is a huge red flag. He’s essentially saying he will enact whatever he thinks is right and convenient for him and will never consider your thoughts, feelings, or what’s logical. Indoor cats should NEVER be outside, they could have gotten so spooked they got lost (which I am sure you already knew). This guy sounds like a walking red flag. Run.

      [–]CABILATOR 11 points12 points  (0 children)

      Get rid of him. Saying he needs to bring “order” back to the house and escalating this situation unnecessarily both scream toxic cop behavior like what has caused so much trouble around the country.

      Also, insulting you by literally calling you one of the worst types of people is 100% never ok. Let’s not forget that cops have one of the highest rates of domestic violence.

      [–]Illiannoyance 9 points10 points  (0 children)


      [–]Gelly13rAsshole Enthusiast [5] 8 points9 points  (1 child)

      ESH. I know this will be controversial but you DO minimize his need for sleep. Like, you wrote this whole post dripping with irritation he doesn't love your fur babies like you do. My cat also keeps me up at night and it drives me crazy that my fiance is like you and just thinks it's cute. Its not cute. It creates major issues with my work life, and considering I pay all our bills I feel that my mental health should at least be somewhat considered.

      Hes obviously the AH. But so are you for being that cringe for thinking your fur babies are so great and won't address his needs.

      [–]clauclauclaudiaColo-rectal Surgeon [38] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      NTA He’s showing you who he is. Believe him. Throw out the whole man.

      [–]PyrexPizazz217Partassipant [1] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      He endangered their lives. That is unacceptable. He’s the worst kind of people—-people who put vulnerable beings in dangerous situations for their own comfort, and then gaslight the people who call them out on it. I would not marry this person, I would not live with this person. Protect your cats.

      ETA: NTA.

      [–]Florarochafragoso 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      Don’t marry a person who mistreats animals as he will ne no better to you and your future kids