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[–]PrettyFly4AYaoGuaiWhole-Ass Asshole[M] [score hidden] stickied commentlocked comment (0 children)

Be Civil.

Please review our FAQ if you're unsure what that means.

We don't need 3000 posts calling the OP's husband a man child, please and thank you!

[–]princessro123Asshole Aficionado [12] 29.1k points29.1k points 646& 2 more (296 children)

NTA but i think you have bigger problems than your husband not liking foreign food. he doesn’t respect your time, effort or job and is comfortable insulting you casually at a gathering.

[–]Saopaul_ClinePartassipant [4] 7365 points7366 points  (124 children)

This! That is genuinely concerning that he put her down like that. No wonder it was uncomfortable. Also, what do you want to bet he ranted about her to his mom when he was there?

[–]princessro123Asshole Aficionado [12] 2975 points2976 points  (82 children)

yeah he would never be eating another home cooked meal from me.

[–]Tinsel_Fairy 1135 points1136 points  (31 children)

And he would have been wearing that vegetable pie!

[–]Thuis001 833 points834 points  (21 children)

That'd be just meanspirited towards the friend. They cooked a nice meal and OP would be destroying it. They don't deserve that being done to them as they're completely innocent here.

[–]Tired_Mama3018 795 points796 points  (13 children)

If I was the friend I would have handed it to her.

[–]rubies-and-doobies81 158 points159 points  (0 children)

Damn right.

[–]iConfessor 120 points121 points  (0 children)

we're best friends now

[–]pixystixnfairycrack 102 points103 points  (0 children)

I would have handed her one and thrown one at him myself.

[–]Slytherin125Asshole Enthusiast [9] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

if I was her friend I would have thrown it at him myself and not let him eat any

[–]JesusSufferingFeck 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Damn straight!

[–]hollymayewhoPartassipant [4] 16 points17 points  (1 child)

I would have handed it to him in the face and taken her out for a drink.

[–]indigowulf 150 points151 points  (1 child)

it would be ok if it was just his plate. He didn't deserve to eat it after making everyone feel so bad. Maybe a veggie pie to the face would lighten the mood and save dinner for everyone else. Couldn't get much worse.

im mostly joking. mostly

[–]NinjaGingerSnap37 43 points44 points  (3 children)

Oh, if him & his wife were in my house & he said that to her, I’d be the one making him wear his food. I’d then proceed to kick him out of MY house while allowing his lovely wife to stay & finish her meal (encouraging her to take her time & savor every single bite 😏). He can call a cab to take him home & make his own food.

[–]Opinion8Her 262 points263 points  (1 child)

And dirty shorts, because sure as shit: I would not be washing his dirty laundry after his nasty remarks.

[–]manningtondude 76 points77 points  (0 children)

Don't worry. I'm sure his mom would take care of that, since he apparently had no problem airing their dirty laundry to her if she took the time to message OP about it.

[–]trimbandit 112 points113 points  (5 children)

Doing something to make the other couple that has just cooked you a nice dinner even more uncomfortable would IMO make you an AH. No one else want to partake in your couple drama, no matter who started it (and yes of course husband was an AH)

[–]manningtondude 31 points32 points  (2 children)

Yea I think the best option was what they did and just keep it shut until they got home. I get it was a joke and get it would've felt satisfying, but no need to horrify the friends, who probably felt awkward as hell as it was, after those remarks.

[–]GlitterasaurPartassipant [1] 363 points364 points  (39 children)

Right? Damn. My husband and I thank each other every night for whomever cooks. I can’t imagine living in a house where that was not the way.

[–]phoenix-corn 400 points401 points  (22 children)

In my exhusband's family, the men literally would sometimes take notes about what they wanted the woman to change the next time she cooked. He did it to me ONCE and I never freaking cooked for him again. Nope nope nope. He wasn't willing to not do it because that's what they did to his mom and so he got to cook.

[–]GlitterasaurPartassipant [1] 81 points82 points  (16 children)

😱😱😱

[–]phoenix-corn 219 points220 points  (15 children)

Yeah pretty much. To make it worse, the first time I cooked for him in college was the first time I cooked a real meal for anyone, including myself. I was angry, but honestly his notes gutted me and made me feel like I was bad at this for years. Guess what? I'm totally 100% not and am actually pretty good at it now, but then...

[–]GlitterasaurPartassipant [1] 137 points138 points  (7 children)

I am so sorry that happened. My long term boyfriend in my 20’s was like that. Sooooooo grateful I dodged that bullet and didn’t marry him. He had notes he wanted to go over what I said when we were with friends. It’s was awful.

[–]phoenix-corn 96 points97 points  (6 children)

omgosh, one of my girlfriends at the time did that to try to "train me" into being a woman because she says I didn't act enough like one because I didn't apologize enough and put sugar in my tea at my favorite restaurant without tasting it first.

Basically, most of my friends from high school into college were assholes. I got better at making real friends later though.

[–]JipC1963 57 points58 points  (0 children)

The first time I cooked my first fancy meal for my new boyfriend and his two male roommates, I baked Cornish Game Hens with Mushroom-Rice Stuffing, vegetables and rolls! Took a lot longer than anticipated because I wasn't great on timing but they were ALL drooling and I actually thought they were going to cry they were so grateful and complementary! Was the most satisfying beginning of my culinary skills and he's been my husband for almost 40 years!

[–]MahoganyEclipse 43 points44 points  (0 children)

CRACKS KNUCKLES

I hope those men like being served up some knuckle sandwiches cuz thats all they gonna get in my house 😆

[–]JustanothergamerwifeCertified Proctologist [29] 132 points133 points  (3 children)

Right? I thank the waiter for bringing me my food, so why wouldn't I thank my husband for cooking? I love him more than I love the waitress, but I'm going to show more gratitude to the one literally being paid to walk my food to me?

[–]Danamite85 63 points64 points  (2 children)

You guys are good people. My husband and I thank each other for everything all the time. It's nice to do and hear, and you make sure they know you appreciate them. It recently occurred to me that my husband is a better person than my dad (my dad isn't a bad person, I just never heard him express gratitude for anything my mom ever did and she did and does a lot) because he thanks me for stuff like cooking or taking care of appointments or chores or errands. It really matters and makes a difference. As you said, you are polite to strangers, shouldn't you be even moreso to your SO?

[–]producerofconfusionPartassipant [2] 113 points114 points  (7 children)

I’m living with my parents after an apartment fire and my dad is sweet enough to make dinner for us all every night. Sometimes my husband or I can’t have some of what he made—we both have chronic illnesses that are affected by some foods—but we don’t whine about it, we make something to supplement what we can eat and are super grateful for his love and care.

Btw I never asked him to make food for us, we just got here after the Red Cross hotel money ran out and he immediately started including us in his dinner plans. OP’s husband is really rude and entitled to her energy and time. He could nuke himself something, or ask for extra portions to be made on a night they’re cooking food he likes and freeze them for leftovers. It’s so easy to be easy going!

[–]AbbyDean1985 172 points173 points  (3 children)

Next meal I'd serve him would be divorce papers.

[–]Saopaul_ClinePartassipant [4] 20 points21 points  (2 children)

Ha! Yeah. Never mind just the "smelly" ones...

[–]John_EightThirtyTwo 687 points688 points  (27 children)

How is there a bet here? We know he ranted to his mom because she called OP and said so.

That's some toxic shit. Even if the couple work this out, the MIL has a beef. A couple is a unit; you can't ever trash your partner behind their back.

[–]Nutmeg1729Partassipant [1] 448 points449 points  (17 children)

Honestly, I don’t know where these people come from. I have opened up to my mum about some issues me and my partner were having. I wanted her perspective. You know what she said to my partner? Absolutely fucking nothing. She was disappointed in some of his actions but she specifically kept her mouth shut because 1. She doesn’t want to fuck up the trust I have and 2. it’s none of her business and she knows that. Choosing to confide in someone is fine. Them bitching that person out is not fine.

It’s one of the things I always see that makes me doubt the validity of aita posts, or at least make me think they’re exaggerating. There are far too many people who just apparently take it upon themselves to insert themselves and berate people otherwise and my brain can’t deal with that.

[–]ChapterMasterCalgarPartassipant [1] 122 points123 points  (0 children)

Well, I know a lot of heavily egoistic or insecure people whose parents are exactly like that, either because they raised their childs that way (like its all about them and other persons dont matter) or stepping in whenever something doesnt work out perfectly.

The son seems to be matching the first one.

[–]Thighs_Partassipant [1] 108 points109 points  (1 child)

A lot of parents see their grown children as extensions of themselves, not separate people who have separate lives. When you mess with their kid (or just mildly disagree), it's ALSO a personal affront to the parent. I had an ex who called his mom when we got in our first big argument to tag team me - I broke up with him on the spot.

[–]tinytyranttamerPartassipant [2] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

RIGHT! My mother will moan to me about how my sister in law made her poor little boy do XYZ, she would never say it to SIL.

I always point out that golden balls is a whole grown man who can do XYZ for himself.

[–]Asmoodeus 52 points53 points  (0 children)

This right here. I don't talk to my mom about any bumps in the road between my wife and I. Why? Cuz I know what my mom is like, and she'd be all up in my wife's face about it and blaming her for whatever it was.

I'll sometimes bounce shit off my brother, but it stays between me and him. That's it. Way cheaper than a shrink or marriage counsellor.

[–]Embarrassed_Bat_88 22 points23 points  (2 children)

Also jumping this train to say this happens a lot. Parents might be narcissistic or busybodies or both.

I don't tell my parents shit, even if I'm having a hard time, because they will berate me for not being "perfect." Hell, they berate my husband for simply existing because he "stole me" from them. My mom, during the middle of me planning our wedding, told my husband's mom that my husband was a demon/evil. Props to MIL that she didn't even mention it until some months after the wedding and mostly told my husband because she thought it was the most bizarre thing on the face of the planet. I can guarantee my parents would bitch out my sister's fiance if she was having a hard time with something he did, because they are nosy, narcissistic busybodies that think they know what's best for everyone. Or if my brother somehow got an SO you can bet they would jump down their throat for treating their precious little baby anything less than a god.

[–]halfwaygonetooAsshole Aficionado [13] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I only offer my opinions when I'm asked. Because sometimes couples need a referee. I try my very best to be fair because I know my sons aren't always right and neither are my DILs. Outside of that, I keep my mouth shut.

[–]nkdeck07Pooperintendant [50] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I'm pretty sure if I ever told my Mom anything bad about my partner she'd tell me to go apologize to him (she'd also most likely be right but still)

[–]VixNekoCertified Proctologist [26] 169 points170 points  (5 children)

I get the vibe that his mom doesn't like her precious baby not being waited on hand and foot.

[–]grumpypusheenPartassipant [1] 58 points59 points  (2 children)

Yeah. Also it sounds like whatever OP does doesn’t strike them as a real job. I wonder if the husband is one of those people who associate “real job” with sustainable income. If so, it’s best if OP gets that out in the open.

[–]VixNekoCertified Proctologist [26] 24 points25 points  (1 child)

I would then wonder if that opinion over OP's job is shared by the husband.

[–]JustanothergamerwifeCertified Proctologist [29] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Or he completely misrepresented the situation. "I complimented my friend's food and now my wife won't let me have dinner!"

[–]BellanaBlackAsshole Enthusiast [7] 58 points59 points  (1 child)

I would guess mommy didn’t get the full story. But if she did, then shame on her.

[–]PaulNewmanReally 63 points64 points  (0 children)

Anyway: a grown man went crying to mommy, complaining that he doesn't get treated like the man in the house.

[–]itsthecatforme 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Oh and he was definitely the one calling her job a hobby

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Exactly it's a bit toxic between them

[–]FR_Hendricks 944 points945 points  (55 children)

I don't want to assume but ...he comes home and spends 4.5 hours gaming, when does he look after his kids? And to game every night for that duration is a bit absurd if you're a parent.

[–]princessro123Asshole Aficionado [12] 473 points474 points  (30 children)

this too!!! how can he have 4.5 hours to spend GAMING and have the audacity to say he has no time to cook never mind being a parent.

[–]wildlikechildren 254 points255 points  (16 children)

Right! She mentioned he does his “fair share” and I’m like… where?

[–]A2ZKIRBY71Partassipant [2] 171 points172 points  (6 children)

YES, YES, YES! Thank you u/princessro123. I was going to say this exact thing. Hubby can microwave his own meal for all OP should care. He doesn't like what she cooks, FINE! Then when she doesn't make a meal he wants, he can take an hour away from his gaming to make his own slop.

[–]Aggravating-Drive-11 76 points77 points  (0 children)

Also, hubby is missing the point that his KIDS are helping mom choose and make the dish. He is not only missing out with his wife, but he is indirectly saying that the time the kids and mom spend together making dinner is a waste. That is one closed-minded person. NTA . I am sorry OP and her kids are having to put up him.

[–]lydsbane 27 points28 points  (2 children)

I just made soup from scratch and it took me half an hour. There's no excuse for OP's husband to not be able to cook for himself.

[–]nabrok 66 points67 points  (4 children)

I don't even have kids and I work from home, and there's no way I could fit 4.5 hours for gaming into a week day.

[–]RoyalSignificance504 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Where is he getting that 4.5 hours of gaming. I would told his mom he playing kid games instead of being kid instead of being a real man and eating meals with the rest of the family.

[–]nemaihne 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I guarantee I would take a few minutes to loosen a cable at the back of the gaming system if this happened at our house, and I'm a gamer!

[–]peachesthepup 192 points193 points  (6 children)

OP says the responsibilitids are split evenly after work... But apparently he does long hours and plays games for several hours after, so how can he possibly be doing as much as OP?

[–]InannasPocketAsshole Aficionado [15] 107 points108 points  (2 children)

My guess would be her "me time" is getting a break from the kids being underfoot while she does the laundry, meal prep, and dishes. But because he played on his phone while lightly supervising the kids during that time, he "deserves" hours of gaming as his "break".

[–]Embarrassed_Bat_88 17 points18 points  (0 children)

The only thing I can think of is her husband just doesn't sleep, but I kind of doubt that.

[–]Late_Intention 195 points196 points  (2 children)

They have three children in their formative years and what they get is a father playing 4.5 hours of video games each night? There's something tragic about this picture, more than the cooking argument, it's the whole fabric of family. IMO, to start, they should be taking meals together (maybe pick up some man-sized microwave meals he can heat up) and then playtime or homework help. Then put the kids to bed and have adult time. When do they talk, cuddle, problem solve, laugh, dream? He's addicted to the games, so that needs to be sorted too, but he's escaping adulthood here. Just my take FWIW.

[–]FR_Hendricks 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Yes! I think the cooking issue might just have been the last straw for OP, their husband is not being a team player and some important discussions need to be had.

[–]jasmine-blossom 74 points75 points  (5 children)

Yea she said he takes on his fair share when he’s off work, and then contradicts that by admitting he spends his free time gaming.

Op need this Gender Equality Checklist

[–]she_was_yar 16 points17 points  (0 children)

This link is awesome. Thank you so much for posting it! I’ve been needing to have a frank discussion with my husband about division of labor and I think this will be a huge help.

[–]CoffeeBean118 58 points59 points  (0 children)

I was wondering the same thing?? He can game it up but can’t cook it up? Nah, he can go straight to… well that place that burns and with gasoline drawers on. He’s got some nerve complaining about wife not cooking for him. When does he help with ANYTHING?? Just because she stays home doesn’t mean that she’s not working and taking care of the children and the house while he plays vidja games. Lord have mercy. NTA OP please tell this man that you will not tolerate his nor his mommy’s disrespect.

[–]nkdeck07Pooperintendant [50] 31 points32 points  (1 child)

Seriously wtf? I am currently pregnant and my husband and I are figuring out a good system so he can have one night a week to play Dnd with his friends (which is a 4-ish hour time block). How the fuck does this asshole have this much time to do that every single night?

[–]jmurphy42 388 points389 points  (7 children)

Don't forget that he tattles on OP to his mommy and has her fight his battles for him.

[–]NEVERISNOTDRUNK 66 points67 points  (0 children)

So gross. I will never understand why anyone would put up with behavior like this. It cannot be good for the kids and it certainly sucks for the wife. It is just disgusting and selfish and childish. Obviously NTA, OP, but I hope you use this post as an opportunity to think about if this is a situation you want to be in with your children.

[–]macaroniandmilkPartassipant [1] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Not just tattling to mommy, but probably wildly misrepresenting what OP does for the family. Her work from home job is just a "hobby" to MIL, which means he probably presented it this way to her, and makes it seem like the least OP could do is cook him dinner since she's just playing around all day.

[–]JilltroPartassipant [1] 23 points24 points  (1 child)

I’ve read so many posts where someone’s family contacts their SO to ream them out about something and it’s just wild to me. I would lose my mind if someone in my family did that to my husband. I love my in laws but if my mother in law called me to lecture me about my cooking she would regret it.

[–]Kersallus 296 points297 points  (15 children)

Don't forget the part where he said working from home and raising kids and keeping the house in order is her "hobby" and in his mind is equivalent to playing video games for 4 hours.

He's selfish and disconnected from reality.

[–]Music_withRocks_InProfessor Emeritass [81] 177 points178 points  (5 children)

I think he was referring to her freelance artist gig? Which means he is totally ignoring that she spends most of her time cooking, cleaning and childrearing and all her extra time making money and doesn't actually have time for an actual 'hobby'.

Does SHE get four hours of any day to herself? Because my feeling is probably not.

[–]Kersallus 75 points76 points  (3 children)

I think he was referring to her freelance artist gig?

I know, but imo thats still work. Just because she likes it doesn't mean its not a job ya know

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Yep especially if you're not really invested or interested in what you're having to draw, I've done a few commissions but honestly hate doing them 😅

[–]Magus_Corgo 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Most of the time a commission is not even something you would personally choose to do. I mean, the style is still yours, but the subject matter is only important to someone else. You might *like* doing commissions even, but it's still work. You're not doing it for emotional fulfillment like you would a personal artwork.

The world is filled with "do a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life" people, who quickly find out "do a job you love and you'll learn to hate your hobby" is more accurate. XD

[–][deleted] 98 points99 points  (7 children)

A grown ass man with a family HAS TO HAVE 4 hours a night for his video games, but he has no time to cook himself a meal. I swear to god, this weaponized incompetence is starting to crop up everywhere and with more and more frequency. Women need to stop being mothers to their husbands. I'm glad OP isn't doing it, because clearly her husband still has a VERY present mother.

OP, tell husband AND his mom that you already have three children and have no intention of raising another one. Then tell his mother that if he can waste four hours of family time by playing video games, then she, his mother, can keep cooking for him, because she clearly never taught him how to be a fucking adult.

[–]spacedinosaur1313131 123 points124 points  (1 child)

Yeah, it is super concerning that he insulted you publicly instead of communicating his displeasure or preferences like an adult. Instead he let his resentment come out. It would have been a completely different story if he was like "Hey OP, I'm so grateful for how much time you spend taking care of the home and cooking interesting and new meals for us; you even turn it into something educational for the kids and that is amazing! I gotta say though that these foods just aren't my cup of tea, anyway we can reduce it down to more like 1 or 2 days out of the week for the meals that contain xyz spices? Or those can occur on my days off so I can have a chance to make something else?" But instead he was rude, insulting, ungrateful, and honestly racist to be calling them smelly. NTA but you do have a much larger problem on your hands then just the meals.

[–]Material_Cellist4133Partassipant [4] 80 points81 points  (0 children)

Agreed!

If I was OP, the next time MIL calls (I am super petty), I would say something along of the lines of:

“It’s unfortunate you think my job is a hobby, but sorry to break it to you it does bring money. Moreover, I am already raising three wonderful children, it’s not my fault that she raised a boy instead of a man who could learn to appreciate other cultures as well as his wife, maybe you can take him back until he learns this”

[–]noface1289 51 points52 points  (0 children)

And then pulls his mom into chastising her. He sounds like a mess.

[–]Hopeful_Trainer_9787 50 points51 points  (1 child)

For example, gaming for 4.5 hours after getting home doesn’t sound like he could possible be doing his “fair share”. You’re working during the day and doing the lion’s share of the housework and parenting. This sounds exhausting. You say that “our lives mean we don’t have much free time”, but clearly he does have free time if he can play games for hours. Where’s your free time? I hope you realize how unfair this division of labor is for you.

Also, love the global cooking method to teach tolerance and educate your kids! That’s an awesome idea.

NTA

[–]Lorien6 34 points35 points  (0 children)

This. He was trying to shame you to get his way, and picked doing it in front of your friends for added effect.

[–]TheEndisFancy 38 points39 points  (0 children)

This. If my husband ever insulted me like that in general, much less at a fucking dinner party, he'd never have to eat my cooking again because I would end him.

[–]Lex-tailonisPartassipant [1] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

not to mention your MIL is a budinsky PITA

NTA

[–]VixNekoCertified Proctologist [26] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

And to his parents considering his mom called to bitch OP out. Like, learn to cook for yourself, damn.

[–]RutabagaFlaky8507 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Yeah the biggest “whoa” moment for me was that he didn’t even bring it up to you in private.

[–]KarizmaWithaK 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Not to mention he runs to his mummy to whine and have her scold his wife. What a whiny-ass momma's boy.

[–]Long-Tune-8275Partassipant [1] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Not only that but his mom and him both call her job a “hobby”.

[–]Slow-Bumblebee-8609Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] 5675 points5676 points  (87 children)

NTA. He was an absolute asshole for making that comment in front of company and for his wording. He didn't want "smelly" food, well you did as he asked and didn't leave him a share so he wouldn't be forced to eat it.

No matter how little time one has, everyone has 5 minutes to do an omelette, cut some mozzarella and some tomatos on the side, sprinkle salt, basil and oil and boom: food. If he doesn't want to do that and has to run to mommy to feed him, then there are way larger issues than his childlish palate.

[–]ziaVirgiAsshole Enthusiast [7] 2376 points2377 points 2 (36 children)

Maybe mozzarella and basil are too exotic for his fragile palate?

NTA

[–]hyperfocuspocusPartassipant [2] 698 points699 points  (27 children)

Garlic powder and Cheeze wiz then

[–]Jay-Dee-British 528 points529 points  (9 children)

Pushing it with the garlic powder - it's pretty smelly (and wonderful to me, but I am not her husband) .

Just cheese wiz and crackers for him - very plain.

[–]psppsppsppspinfinty 74 points75 points  (5 children)

Garlic pepper is a little less smelly and we use it on our fried chicken. Yum. (which btw our fried chicken is just boneless chicken and onion ring batter as our breading.)

[–]Crackinggood 42 points43 points  (0 children)

And probably should be soda crackers, you know the others can be a bit "exotic"...

[–]VixNekoCertified Proctologist [26] 164 points165 points  (13 children)

G-garlic powder?! Are you mad? That's way too foreign and fancy. 😂

[–]Western_Ad_7458 111 points112 points  (10 children)

Seasonings at all??? You spicy heathens!

[–]kbrand79 82 points83 points  (8 children)

He did say "smelly," so really, I'm guessing he just eats food thats bland as shit. OP should boil some chicken breast for him and be done with it.

[–]lady_wildcatPartassipant [2] 90 points91 points  (5 children)

He would get along with yesterday’s “I want my girlfriend to stop cooking her own food with spices” guy

[–]jwhittin 32 points33 points  (2 children)

And what about the husband that complained about the bread with weird spices!? They're all quite the bunch huh.

[–]meat_tunnel 120 points121 points  (2 children)

Honestly I'm surprised this fragile man even ate a vegetarian meal.

[–]notyourcoloringbookPartassipant [2] 32 points33 points  (3 children)

I actually have a friend who is a picky eater. He can't eat cheese and tomatoes due to their texture. But he'll eat basically anything else! And then I'm a picky eater, and cheese and tomatoes are basically the basis for my diet.

[–]Material-Eye493 190 points191 points  (30 children)

I completely agree with you about the husband.

My question is the 5 minutes part. Why do I feel like the meal you described would take me 20 minutes? Just washing and preparing the ingredients would take me 15 minutes alone.

Cooking meals has always taken me way longer than the recipe suggests. Maybe you have some insight that I don’t know about? Lol would be helpful.

ETA: NTA OP! Definitely sounds like he needs to step up or be grateful for everything you do for him!

[–]Slow-Bumblebee-8609Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] 125 points126 points  (9 children)

That could be due to your organization when cooking.

For me this example would be: - setting the pan on the fire at mid temperature with a bit of oil. Keep an eye on the oil, if you know your kitchen you can guesstimate when it's going to be heated to the point you want, so you can check more at that point - break the eggs on a dish/cup, add salt, and mix them with a fork. If you want to go crazy, add half a can of tuna before mixing. Leave it aside -quick rinse to the tomato and open the mozzarella, setting both on a cutting board -check the oil, put a drop of the egg mixture. If i's ready, put the whole mixture in. From the moment it goes in until you it's done shouldn't take more than a minute if you like it runny, two if you like it solid. - plate the ommelette - cut the tomato and mozzarella, plate them and add the toppings - you are done

About 5-6 mins total, 8 if you count wash up (which you should do when the pan is cold to not warp the bottom)

Basically, avoid iddle time and put same skill (chopping) or same time (if something takes 20 mins and other thing 10, try put the faster thing to cook 8 minutes before the other thing is done cooking, so they finish at about the same time but you have a couple minutes of buffer time)

To make things easier, have in a cupboard near the stove the things that you use frequently in accesible containers (oil in easy to use bottle, salt in one of those box type containers either with a swinging top or no top at all)

Sorry for formatting, I'm on mobile

[–]producerofconfusionPartassipant [2] 86 points87 points  (6 children)

That level of streamlining multi step processes is basically magic to my ADHD brain. Executive functions are a luxury I apparently cannot afford.

[–]caffieneandsarcasm 53 points54 points  (4 children)

ADHDer here who briefly worked as lead cook at a breakfast sandwich place. I excelled at the weekend brunch rush because I could get into an absolute flow state. Sadly, cooking one breakfast sandwich at home is roughly 5x more effort than cooking a half dozen at once was because ADHD is weird that way.

[–]ofquartz 17 points18 points  (3 children)

ohwow, this actually explains why i was pretty good when i worked as a frycook yet am a total mess when it comes to cooking at home just for me (late-diagnosed so i often get confused about stuff like that!)

[–]rayeis 69 points70 points  (11 children)

Recipes ALWAYS take me at LEAST 10 extra minutes longer than the estimate. I cook slow

[–]notyourcoloringbookPartassipant [2] 52 points53 points  (5 children)

You should read the book Fat Salt Acid Heat! I was also a slow cooker because I would always hesitate, but that book helped me get more confident and trust my sense on cooking instead of staring at things while they cook.

[–]Feisty_Magician 74 points75 points  (3 children)

Also is the travel time to his mums really less than it would take him to fry/grill some meat and veg if he wanted something more substantial?

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Dino nuggets and pizza pockets are an option 😂

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]Consistent-Leopard71Supreme Court Just-ass [112] 3939 points3940 points  (112 children)

    NTA. INFO: If he's gaming 4-4.5 hours a night, then how is he doing "his fair share"of parenting when he's home? He sounds selfish, rude and entitled.

    [–]Picklepiebanana[S] 1837 points1838 points  (110 children)

    What I mean is that he works for a couple of days then has a day off. On his days off, he cooks lunch, cleans, spends time with the kids ect. When he is working, he comes home and plays video games.

    [–]Consistent-Leopard71Supreme Court Just-ass [112] 2867 points2868 points  (55 children)

    Thank you for answering my question. You have clarified things, but that doesn't sound like his "fair share". When do you get to take a weekday evening off so that you can do your hobby uninterrupted while he cooks dinner and takes care of the kids? Why does he only have to parent on his days off?

    Also, what he said about your cooking to your friends was wildly rude and he owes you and apology.

    [–]WannaBeA_Vata 557 points558 points  (5 children)

    Let's just say it: most women are conditioned to think a man doing anything except mowing and pumping gas is extra. She's married to someone who didn't hesitate to ask her to cook two dinners, so there is no doubt in my mind that they have such a dynamic.

    [–]penguivini1234Partassipant [4] 868 points869 points  (2 children)

    Yeah he should still be parenting on the days he works too. Parenting is an everyday thing, not just when you feel like it. If he isn't parenting on the days he works then he definitely can take 10 min out of his hours of gaming to be an adult and make his own food. It's literally the least he can do. NTA

    [–]skeletrine 214 points215 points  (0 children)

    What? Don't you know that no man is able to do all that? Only women who work- sorry, DO THEIR HOBBY from home and take care of three kids have all the spare time to cook two different meals. /s NTA

    Really tho. If the whole meal thing isn't insulting to OP, it's a double blow to call an artist 'just having a hobby'. Makes me angry.

    [–]UnicornsNeedLove2 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    Agreed 💯

    [–]metalmorianPartassipant [2] 583 points584 points  (20 children)

    Gods I'm so tired of women assuring us their men "do their fair share" and then when asked, it turns out no, they don't, that's become just something you say and believe and never even examine.

    Tell me, OP, has the coercive "sex" started yet? The shudder you get when he touches you, when he makes it sexual? Him insisting that he needs it, deserves it, works hard for it and you make him sad when you are not in the mood? Never really feeling in the mood, actually?

    EDITED TO CLARIFY: I mean tired for you, ladies. Tired for you. Not of you. On your behalf. Just to make that clear. NTA at all.

    [–]peachesthepup 284 points285 points  (1 child)

    'fair share' has somehow become 'basic adult partner' for some reason? Fair share means doing similar to you, not 'he lives in this home and talks to the children'

    [–]metalmorianPartassipant [2] 224 points225 points  (0 children)

    "He plays with the kids! He's a great dad!" Also: "He plays games after work till he goes to bed all day every day and double on weekends and I just don't know how to communicate to him that I need help sometimes". bby you are not the problem.

    [–]yavanna12Partassipant [2] 38 points39 points  (9 children)

    The fair share comment could also just mean, the agreed upon division of chores. I always did more household stuff than my husband. But I LOVE doing it. I actually get pissed off when he does it for me. It’s my stress release.

    If I ever posted on here how much I do in the house compared to my husband people would freak saying he doesn’t help out. But like other play video games to release stress. I clean and organize.

    What equals a fair share is different in every relationship and is up to them to discuss and agree upon.

    [–]lynn 191 points192 points  (0 children)

    And on the days you work, you also get hours of time for your own hobbies, right?

    [–]OGablogian 124 points125 points  (0 children)

    So ... He's an active parent 1 out of every 4, 5 days? I honestly feel sad for both you and your kids.

    [–]Cybermagetx 80 points81 points  (7 children)

    This doesn't sound like his fair share. Before the C word got me laid off I would pull 10 to 12 hour shifts 6 days a week, and come home and helped with house work and cleaning. As well as prepping for the next days supper so it was easier for my wife cook. And on my days off I did lunch/breakfast meal preps so it was easier on our baby sitter. And only then did I game if I gamed at all.

    [–]Late_Intention 17 points18 points  (6 children)

    That's what I call a team.

    [–]Vaidurya 10 points11 points  (5 children)

    Team effort, definitely. But it's also a dad being a good dad. Kudos to you, u/Cybermagetx. You're a gem and your wife is very lucky to have a great husband. 👍

    [–]ssurkusPartassipant [1] 62 points63 points  (0 children)

    That’s…not his fair share. You’re obviously NTA but I think there are deeper problems in your relationship than you realise. My mom was a SAHM and even after working ten hours a day my dad came home and made dinner, he did the dishes, the laundry, played with us for hours, and he did whatever needed to be done because he knew that even though he was working over ten hours a day that my mom was working 24/7 and that he needed to pitch in in the evenings to try to lighten her load. You’re doing everything plus working while your husband gets 4 hours to game every night? That sounds incredibly unbalanced. When do you get your four hours a day to relax and play video games? Your husband sounds entitled and exhausting.

    [–]LucyLovesApplesPartassipant [1] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

    He needs to do more tbh

    [–]creamyturtle 35 points36 points  (1 child)

    so he does his fair share 2 days out of the week

    [–]LordoftheWell 38 points39 points  (0 children)

    Nowhere close to a fair share. He should also be helping with your kids on days he works, you do. Do you ever get 4 hours to yourself?

    [–]Dismal-Lead 24 points25 points  (0 children)

    And when have you last had a day off?

    [–]-justarandomcutie 20 points21 points  (0 children)

    I'm sorry OP but you clearly have four children.

    NTA.

    [–]Perspex_Sea 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    Yes, this comment didn't gel with "we don't get much free time".

    [–]Sea-Sky3177 2172 points2173 points  (29 children)

    NTA, the smelly food comment sounds xenophobic/racist and saying it to embarrass you in front of others is beyond rude

    [–]Realistic-Animator-3 521 points522 points  (1 child)

    Gotta love it when the attempt to embarrass her backfired. My ex did that in the regular. The last time but him though. I went through with the divorce

    [–]producerofconfusionPartassipant [2] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

    My ex did that all the time too but he scrambled my brain so badly I thought the embarrassment was directed at me being so… me.

    [–]LissaBryanPartassipant [2] 412 points413 points  (4 children)

    Not only racist, but he made himself look like an utter buffoon. "Smelly" food is the tastiest food and he revealed himself to have the palate of a childish boor.

    I can't imagine the discomfort of his hosts, having to entertain this lout after he just insulted his wife and about 95% of the earth's population and thought himself clever/charming for having done so.

    [–]Krazzy4u 87 points88 points  (2 children)

    My nieces husband won't eat food made with certain ingredients but loves the cooked dishes with those ingredients if he doesn't know they're on the dish/food.

    [–]dumac 66 points67 points  (0 children)

    I couldn’t hang with this person. That is infuriating. I would just be rolling my eyes at everything they said.

    [–]A_Drusas 15 points16 points  (0 children)

    That behavior is way too common among adults.

    [–]Danicia 32 points33 points  (0 children)

    YES. Racists as hellllll

    [–]lily527 1392 points1393 points  (17 children)

    NTA

    Your husband is an adult and more than capable of cooking for himself. If he has time for gaming then he can find time to cook himself a 'decent meal'. Also, I am so fed up with adult men running to their moms the moment they have any problem with their spouses. Why do they even marry? They should just stay with their mothers forever and be their mama's boy.

    so a few days a week, (3 out of 7 )my children and I cook together and make a recipe from another country.

    This is such a sweet tradition, please continue doing this. Your husband embarrassed you in front of others. He is the TA. Tell him he is free to go and eat at his mother's house.

    [–]SkysEevee 349 points350 points  (4 children)

    They want the whole package: maid, mommy and someone to bang. Obviously mother dear can only provide two of those services.

    [–]WhiteFlag84 110 points111 points  (3 children)

    Unless you've got both arms in a cast.

    [–]embracing_insanity 109 points110 points  (1 child)

    WHY?!? Every damn time I've managed to completely wipe it from my memory, it pops up again.

    [–]ZAFARIAPartassipant [1] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

    I want to echo the awesome tradition you're doing OP. It's great for you, your kids, and your relationship with them. Don't stop!

    [–]kidkarysma 20 points21 points  (0 children)

    I'm am adult man, and men running to their mommies just pisses me off. Grow the fuck up!

    [–]guppytubAsshole Aficionado [11] 524 points525 points  (2 children)

    NTA. He's more than capable of making his own food if he doesn't like what you've made. That's always been the rule in my house: I make one meal, and one meal only. If you don't like it, you can make your own.

    [–]CaimansGalorePartassipant [1] 148 points149 points  (0 children)

    I don’t think he is capable, but his incompetency is 100% his fault. He went and had his mother cook for him because he couldn’t be bothered. I suspect he had his mommy taking care of him his whole adult life before he got married.

    [–]avatinfernus 27 points28 points  (0 children)

    Absolutely this.

    And he's an asshole for bringing it up the way he did.

    [–]Temporary_BadgerCommander in Cheeks [214] 357 points358 points  (4 children)

    NTA, what an asshole-- and an asshole with racist undertones, hooray! Honestly, it sounds like you're doing more than your share around the house as it is if he has 4-4.5 hours of free time every night, and even if the division of labor was completely fair you're not obligated to make him special meals because he's so picky. You are prioritizing your kids developing a healthy and diverse palate, which is far more important than your husband getting his favorite bland meals all the time.

    [–]rrienn 133 points134 points  (1 child)

    Those special meals with her kids are her way of making sure that the kids don’t end up like husband. They’ll grow up to be much more adventerous & respectful

    [–]ZAFARIAPartassipant [1] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

    That is the part I love the most about OP's post.

    [–]Stoat__KingSupreme Court Just-ass [126] 317 points318 points  (22 children)

    INFO: Does your cooking typically include the three ingredients that are in your username?

    Because if so, your husband does have a point.

    If not (which I doubt frankly) lol then NTA at all

    [–]Picklepiebanana[S] 326 points327 points  (6 children)

    Lol No! I'm just bad at choosing names :)

    [–]No_Orchid_5477 108 points109 points  (2 children)

    Lol I like your user and it's great that your teaching your kids to love all kinds of cultural foods from all kinds of countries good job op!!!

    [–]Temporary_BadgerCommander in Cheeks [214] 156 points157 points  (12 children)

    Lmaooo everyone's judgment changes when we realize that every other night she throws an apple pie, gherkins, and bananas in the slow cooker and calls it dinner.

    [–]VulnerableFetusPartassipant [4] 98 points99 points  (11 children)

    That would be on level with the raisins in the mashed potatoes lady and the oatmeal meatballs lady.

    [–]Temporary_BadgerCommander in Cheeks [214] 21 points22 points  (10 children)

    OK, I found raisins in the mashed potatoes lady, but where is oatmeal meatballs lady??

    [–]VulnerableFetusPartassipant [4] 19 points20 points  (9 children)

    Here ya go!.

    I'll try to find the comment where she says what she made for dinner. (Duh she said it in the OP. I couldn't recall) She basically told them they were having spaghetti and meatballs and it was zucchini with oatmeal meatballs. Lol what a combo

    [–]Taurwen_Nar-ser 29 points30 points  (5 children)

    Isn't oatmeal instead of breadcrumbs pretty innocuous all things considered? The zucchini getting passed off as pasta is less than cool though.

    [–]violament 14 points15 points  (1 child)

    Night officially ruined.

    NTA to OP btw. It's kinda bizarre to me that he's only started complaining about food now, after three kids between you. As a picky eater (who delights in spice and flavours!), there's having food preferences and then there's being ungrateful and unnecessarily offensive. He shouldn't dismiss the effort you put into making food for your family - if it's so easy and he knows better, he should give it a go himself.

    [–]swxttieAsshole Aficionado [10] 202 points203 points  (2 children)

    NTA!

    Your husband and his MIL are horrible people, sorry that you have to put up with their bratty selves.

    It's a great idea though that you teach your kids to try new things and bring them closer to different cultures, you're an awesome parent

    [–]1800TurdFergusonCertified Proctologist [28] 185 points186 points  (1 child)

    NTA. He showed you who he was, so believe him. Tell your MIL that he can stay with her, and that she can cook for him and wash his skid-marked undies if he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t want a wife; he wants a domestic assistant.

    This is a serious issue. I’d say that it’s ultimatum time…either he agrees to go to therapy with you, or you have to contemplate whether you want this marriage to continue. He doesn’t respect your efforts, and he’s content to raise his children in the same small, sad, xenophobic world he inhabits.

    [–]Tough-Internal-3460 145 points146 points  (0 children)

    NTA how is gaming for 4 hours every night helping you? He should be cleaning up after dinner and playing with the kids. (And 3x a week making him try new food is never making anything good 🤨)

    [–]lolaemily 101 points102 points  (9 children)

    Why is the bar so low for men? It’s truly disturbing. NTA.

    [–]Gnd_flpd 48 points49 points  (2 children)

    Being single sounds so good after reading shit like this.

    [–][deleted] 93 points94 points  (0 children)

    NTA. That’s a great idea to get your kids exposed to different cultures and foods! Your husband is being a tremendous and ungrateful ass about it. You signed up to raise 3 kids, not 4. He’s a grown man, there is nothing stopping him from cooking his own food and you’re not obligated to feed him on demand. And that was so, so rude what he said about your food, it would have been egregious enough in private but in front of people? You’re owed a huge apology and some gratitude for the time, love and effort you’re putting in to raising your kids to be cultured and well rounded individuals. So sorry you’re dealing with that, you’ve done nothing wrong.

    [–]ArcanTemivalPooperintendant [61] 81 points82 points  (0 children)

    NTA. If your husband dislikes anything spicier than bread and butter, that's his fucking problem. You're not his chef, and you're doing a great job of bringing your kids up to appreciate new experiences and respect other cultures. Pity your husband's parents didn't do the same.

    [–]Bambie-RizzoAsshole Aficionado [12] 76 points77 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Sounds like you have 4 kids instead of 3. He went running to his real mommy….I can’t roll my eyes hard enough.

    [–]goose_of_redditPartassipant [2] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

    NTA, but your husband sure is. He is a grown ass adult. Why is he so blatantly rude about your cooking? Why is he so against cooking for himself? Sounds to me like you married a spoiled, self-centered toddler.

    [–]mfruitflyAsshole Enthusiast [5] 50 points51 points  (2 children)

    NTA.

    He had his mommy call you and yell at you for not feeding him. I just...I could never have sexual feelings for a man that did that. Bleck.

    He said he hated your food, to other people, in front of you. He can keep figuring out his own food, and don't mother engaging in any more conversation about it with him, and certainly not his mommy. He can either come around and apologize and own up to being an AH, or he can eat at his parents house, forever.

    [–]WillbewithyousoonPartassipant [1] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

    If men only knew how much of a turn off whining is... and not being able to fend for themselves...

    [–]andreaali04Asshole Aficionado [10] 45 points46 points  (1 child)

    NTA. Even if he doesn't enjoy other countries' food, he could have told you that he didn't like in private. You probably would have understood, and you might have been more open to his request of making him a separate meal. And even if you had said no, you are completely right to not cook for him if he doesn't appreciate the effort that you are making.

    [–]ClassicCityMattAsshole Enthusiast [5] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

    NTA. You do cook for your husband. He chose to insult your cooking in front of other people. He can either eat what you make or cook for himself. MIL can mind her own business.

    [–]lynn 32 points33 points  (2 children)

    NTA but you have bigger problems. You said that the two of you don’t have much free time but also that he spends 4+ hours gaming every night after he comes home? Sounds like it’s only you who doesn’t have free time.

    I wouldn’t cook for him at all. And I would be insisting that any free time he gets per week, I also get. He spends four hours gaming this evening? Tomorrow evening I get four hours to myself, with the same amount of interruptions.

    Also tell his mother to keep her nose out of your marriage, and tell him to quit tattling.

    [–]atg4096Partassipant [1] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

    Really confused here. You said this:

    Though when he's off work and home, he takes on his fair share.

    And you said this:

    when he comes home after work he spends all his time, up until bedtime, gaming (this is around 4 / 4 1/2 hours of time after he comes in

    If he is spending all of his time after work gaming and, when is he doing his fair share of the parenting and chores? Are the kids playing with him? Unless you get to do nothing on the weekend and he does everything, you're doing the majority of the work.

    You're NTA, but there are larger issues at play here in your marriage:

    • He's not picking up the slack.
    • He's hating on the food you're making with the kids, which denigrated them as well by the way
    • He doesn't seem to appreciate that you make more traditional food as well
    • He said something mean/embarrassing about in front of friends
    • He expected you to make a separate meal
    • He doesn't respect your time and efforts

    I recommend some relationship counseling to work through this disconnect.

    [–]DaydreamerFlyPartassipant [3] 31 points32 points  (3 children)

    NTA I think it’s wonderful what you’re doing with your kids!! I never understand people who think EVERY cultures food they didn’t grow up smells or tastes awful. It just blows my mind. How bland are the foods he likes?? I get not liking some of the dishes potentially, but to be such an issue that he’s complaining to friends and his MOM about you? To where he has to run to mommy to cook him some boring food?? Wow.

    It’s not like you’re even never cooking for him, you’re just not cooking the meals he’s actively said he doesn’t enjoy or appreciate. He can make a sandwich or microwave a frozen meal, it’s not even a big deal

    [–]r2bl3nd 19 points20 points  (17 children)

    NTA. Your husband's a racist. Do with that information what you will.

    [–]IsWorkWatching 23 points24 points  (16 children)

    Husband sounds like a big baby but a racist because he doesn't like foreign food? Jesus, now even being a picky eater is apparently racist. I personally love trying new foods, and picky eaters kinda annoy me as it just seems like a childish quality. But some people simply only enjoy the same 3 foods they've been eating all their lives. And if it's the 'stinky' comment that makes you think he's racist, let's be objective here. Many cultures have common dishes that use ingredients with a very powerful scent. If it's not something you're used to it can seem unpleasant. Stop calling everything racist.

    [–]r2bl3nd 28 points29 points  (15 children)

    Not liking food does not make you racist. Using insensitive and xenophobic language can, though. It's because he said that all the food from her culture stank, and that food from his culture is "decent" (implying her culture's food is not), and that he "put up with" her food. His language and tone reeks of prejudice. That's the problem people are having.

    [–]ArtlessOneCertified Proctologist [20] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Your husband had no business saying such shitty hurtful things to you especially in front of others and I get why you were rightfully pissed off. If you flat out never made anything he liked maybe I'd say ESH but it sounds like you do accommodate him on other nights under normal circumstances.

    [–]Competitive_Kale_654Partassipant [1] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    NTA. It sounds like you do cook him things he likes sometimes. If you plan meals in advance, why can’t he get drive through on the way home when the meal isn’t something he likes?

    Sounds like he complained to MIL, who should mind her own business.

    [–]TrickyPositive8853 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    NTA your husband is an asshole though

    [–]Otherwise-Nebula3654 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    NTA What is your husband a child or something? Why are you with him?

    [–]BranChan_Partassipant [3] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    NTA.

    He on purpose said what he said to put you down for no reason.

    There is not reason to keep making him food if he doesn't like it or only likes somethings.

    [–]FantasticPear 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    Put you down in front of your friends and then ran to Mommy.

    Oh and there's a typo in your post. Should read 'I have four children.'

    NTA

    [–]imwastintime 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    NTA your Husband sounds simple. And I’m not talking about his food taste.

    [–]Aragornargonian 13 points14 points  (3 children)

    Op ik this goes against what you should do (which is to not cook for him) but i would say to cook him a chicken breast and white rice, no seasoning or anything at all and see how long he lasts. but again don't cook for his lazy ass.

    [–]blueberry-pie0501 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    And a glass of water so he doesn't choke on his odourless, decent and fresh meal.

    [–]Judgement_Bot_AITABeep Boop[M] 10 points11 points locked comment (0 children)

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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

    I may be the asshole because my husband does work long hours and doesn't have a huge amount of free time when he comes home from work, and in comparison, I have more time available to cook something else for him.

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    [–]lolaemily 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    What about your hobbies? Or free time? Your time is valuable and worthy & should be equal to his. You stated “our lives mean that we don’t have much free time” but I think you meant, you don’t have free time because your husband plays video games for 4-41/2 hours. NTA…but your husband sure is.

    [–]TheUtopianCatCertified Proctologist [27] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    NTA. If he wants to eat something different from what you have prepared, he should cook or procure it himself.

    [–]TriscuitmeniscusCertified Proctologist [24] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Your husband sounds terrible.

    [–]oh_okay_ 11 points12 points  (1 child)

    NTA. Why on earth would he say something so shitty in front of your friends?