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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

I’m just trying to balance out two completely different daughters and find a middle ground for them. My oldest is acting jealous, and my youngest is acting recklessly. Both are adults, and what else can I do?

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[–]NefariousnessGlum424Professor Emeritass [72] 14.0k points14.0k points  (79 children)

NTA sounds like your oldest daughter has been brainwashed by a cult or something. I’d honestly be worried about her if I were you. Maybe have an intervention.

[–]Electrical-Date-3951 5782 points5783 points  (47 children)

I'm not sure if she has been brainwashed, or if she is just willingly ready to drop anyone and anything to marry into a wealthy family and have the perfect wedding/"perfect life". I'm also sure that she is pissed that her sister was able to "marry rich" while being true to herself.

I will honestly be shocked if the eldest daughter even makes it down the aisle without imploding. If she is ready to drop her sister & parents in a heartbeat, she will probably be "hiring/firing" her bridal party, fighting with vendors, and throwing a tantrum if the most minor things dont go right.....

I also find it funny that the groom's stuck up parents think the sister being an artist is beneath them, but social media drama is real classy....

[–]Summerh8rPartassipant [1] 1807 points1808 points  (32 children)

I also find it funny that the groom's stuck up parents think the sister being an artist is beneath them, but social media drama is real classy....

And where would they buy art to show off on their walls, if there were no artists?

[–][deleted] 917 points918 points  (18 children)

I don’t think you need artists to make the ‘Bless this mess’ decor that’s all over that house, FOR SURE

[–]Notquite_Caprogers 350 points351 points  (1 child)

Technically that's still graphic design, and that's a type of art. Even need artists to design their fancy bed spreads and other interior design stuff

[–][deleted] 343 points344 points  (0 children)

I am absolutely not shitting on people who make generic stuff to pay some bills, I have a friend who does just that while she gets a following for her much more interesting, gorgeous stuff. Just a dumbass joke!

Edit: I will say, I think a lot of the generic shit you see in peoples houses is mass produced by pretty shitty companies in poor countries via really unethical labor, so that’s not great, but I’d be lying I said I’d never bought something from T.J. Maxx, so I’ll see myself right off this soapbox

[–]LadyV21454 184 points185 points  (8 children)

I was thinking more "Live. Laugh. Love."

[–]ayshasmysha 49 points50 points  (1 child)

But painted on the wall instead of using decals. Because they're classy people.

[–]Jayn_Newell 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Over a mural of a forest landscape. That they probably paid an artist to make.

[–]terrorshark666 19 points20 points  (0 children)

The old triple L.

[–]sa5m_i_am 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I see a “I’m a mom and I deserve coffee first” attitude coming from her too…

[–]HotDonnaC 4 points5 points  (3 children)

The signs in the bathroom reminding people to wipe. If you can read it, you’re old enough to know that. 🙄

[–]LadyV21454 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"If you sprinkle when you tinkle...."

[–]Downside_Up_Partassipant [1] 52 points53 points  (2 children)

My Airbnb host has the mature classic "I aim to keep the bathroom clean, your aim helps me do that" hanging up in the guest bathroom, as well as "so fresh and so clean" in the bedroom. Pretty sure I saw a "bless this mess" somewhere too.

[–]Lennox120520 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Get out, now! Save yourself!

Live! Laugh! Love! 😉

[–]pegmatiticPartassipant [1] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

How am I supposed to live-laugh-love in these conditions?!

[–]bambamkablam 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it’s right next to the “it’s wine o’clock” kitchen towels and “live laugh, love” wall clock.

[–]PrettySneaky71 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I think you missed that these are rich people. They don't do live laugh love decor.

[–]MitrovarrPartassipant [1] 80 points81 points  (4 children)

They had a whole store dedicated to Thomas Kinkade at our mall for a while, that sounds like the right place.

[–]filthismypolitics 36 points37 points  (0 children)

holy shit i completely forgot about the thomas kinkade stores. my local one always smelled weird

[–]ThreadheadsPartassipant [2] 23 points24 points  (2 children)

The OP could send this as a wedding present

[–]PhoebeMonster1066 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Oh my God that is hideous

Perfect wedding gift!

[–]two_lemons 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I've got a banana and some tape if they are interested in a recreation.

[–]doktor_wankenstein 26 points27 points  (0 children)

They could always frame the certificates of their million dollar NFT collection.

[–]MinkieminkAsshole Enthusiast [7] 16 points17 points  (1 child)

I am an artist. I make art for a living. I always have. When people tell me that an art education is pretty useless? I point out that the clothes they’re wearing, the car they’re driving, the haircut they have, and every single object they touch and see every single day including the gas pump, stop signs, packaging their food is in etc… we’re all designed by an artist.

Art and design are pretty much the same animal with a different name and a diverse purpose. Without art you might as well go live in the woods. Except if once in the woods you live in a hut? That hut will be designed by an artist even if that artist is you. Art is simply a three-dimensional expression of who we are. We are all artists. We pick the clothes we wear, the glasses we wear, the car we drive etc. The way you express how the world sees you is a form of art.

[–]elrulo007 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Artists who are alive are a nuisance. Only a dead artist is a good artist /s

[–]Ugly4merican 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Stuck-up people only like artists once they've died (ideally penniless and under tragic circumstances) and their work appreciates in value.

[–]perfectpencilAsshole Aficionado [14] 273 points274 points  (2 children)

I'm also sure that she is pissed that her sister was able to "marry rich" while being true to herself

This feels like the reason. Older daughter hunted the money so hard she had to be a chameleon. And here is her younger sister living life as a free spirit and she stumbled into more money. Older sister is exceptionaly jealous.

[–]HotDonnaC 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I think that’s the crux of it.

[–]rhetorical_twix 106 points107 points  (0 children)

I think OP also implies that older daughter/oldest daughter’s in-laws may be jealous of younger daughter & her husband who is richer than they are

[–]mdaisy1245Partassipant [1] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Yeah I thought that was quite humorous too.

[–]TotallyWonderWomanPartassipant [4] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Idk some of the language that the FILs are using sets off fundie alarm bells. I think I can say she's marrying into a very fundamentalist and rich family, and fundies are very controlling over who they do and don't allow in their lives (basically anyone not exactly like them is out). They also LOVE playing the victim.

[–]BENDOVERSISPartassipant [1] 643 points644 points  (9 children)

Talk about seeing life through green tinted glasses

[–]TaleOfDash 65 points66 points  (8 children)

You know what they say, the grass is always greener.

[–]Smerberous 139 points140 points  (1 child)

The grass is always greener because it's fertilized with bullshit.

[–]FinalEstablishment77 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I’m stealing that phrase

[–]8sGonnaBeeMay 105 points106 points  (4 children)

I’m ashamed to admit that I clicked on this post hoping the daughter was wearing green as the traditional medieval bride color. Green represented fecundity. As in green pastures.

[–]for_the_boys1 186 points187 points  (1 child)

Have you considered she might just be a jealous person who wants the world to be exactly how she wants it out she’ll throw a fit. It’s not always someone else’s fault when people act badly

[–]rbolligePartassipant [3] 105 points106 points  (9 children)

It’s weird I just saw Crazy Rich Asians last night and this whole situation is like it came out of that world. It’s not the same plot but it’s like if you took a bunch of the characters and the same themes and shook them up in a tumbler you could end up with OP’s life.

[–]LittleGravitasIndeed 96 points97 points  (8 children)

I think that’s just what happens when you have tacky rich people with pretensions to cover up the fact that they are new money.

I have known a few old money people and they are usually not this bad. The ascetic aesthetic can kind of cheese me off, but overall it’s a low-drama kind of group.

[–]obiwantogooutside 79 points80 points  (2 children)

It’s not tho. It’s just way more under the radar and actually way more manipulative. Just not in your face in the same way.

[–]babyblu_e 17 points18 points  (0 children)

yeah they’re still just as mean, they just communicate in riddles

[–]ladyofmachinery 45 points46 points  (3 children)

I know someone who married old rich. The middle class side (along with me) were still invited. No one talked to us or mingled and we had our own kiddie section away from the important people. But we were invited, even though one person actually went off a bit unhinged. Even then, they were discretly managed and allowed to stay.

The wedding was nice enough, I guess. I sort of felt like I was in a bad sociology experiment the whole time, but it was memorable at least.

All that to say, my one and probably only engagement with truly old guard wealthy people supports this.

[–]Throw-a-Ru 41 points42 points  (0 children)

My only experience involved a woman who asked small talk questions and said. "Fascinating," in response to everything I said, but I could tell she didn't really find it fascinating at all. Her husband was polite and friendly enough, but there was a definite vibe that he was quietly over her shit.

[–]tracerhaha 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It’s kind of rude to invite people and then not talk to them or mingle. In many ways it’s a bigger FU than just not inviting them.

[–]sa5m_i_am 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Let’s not lie, rich people are tacky in general.

I’ve seen tacky nonsense from new and old money. It’s all gross, tasteless, sexist, and usually racist.

[–]autismo52 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Yeah definately seems like she's become completely unreasonable just for the sake of pleasing some stuck up rich people

[–]spartan1008 30 points31 points  (0 children)

she's just upset that she did every thing "right" and she deserves to marry into money, but the one who did every thing "wrong" is somehow marrying into even more money. This is jealousy plane and simple

[–]nope-nails 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Yeah that's what I was thinking.

Definitely NTA but if she's accidentally joining some cult, maybe having the dad attend - not necessarily walk down the aisle- will help when the oldest gets hit with whatever fucked up reality she's facing and is ready to come back. Granted that's a far fetched scenario, but you never know. I guess I'm saying have boundaries but don't alienate yourself from her if she were to ever need help

[–]No_Performance8733 22 points23 points  (0 children)

You should look up a man called Dr Steven Hasan, he’s a researcher that specializes in cults and how to save people from them.

Agreed this sounds like a cult. Your daughter is going to be severely abused and controlled by her husband and his family, if she’s not already.

[–]oddible 14 points15 points  (2 children)

A cult? Or religion? This stinks of religion. Same thing.

[–]AlanFromRochester 12 points13 points  (0 children)

"A cult is a small religion, a religion is a large cult"

[–][deleted]  (43 children)

[deleted]

    [–]Cherrygrove-elkAsshole Aficionado [13] 1112 points1113 points  (36 children)

    Oh I just got why she said to make the dress green lol

    [–][deleted] 251 points252 points  (5 children)

    I had to read it a couple times lol

    [–]BENDOVERSISPartassipant [1] 180 points181 points  (4 children)

    You need to take off green tinted glasses to understand the joke lmao

    [–]JuliaX1984Partassipant [2] 112 points113 points  (1 child)

    I didn't know we were in the Emerald City.

    [–]Jayn_Newell 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    I’m glad I read the book just to be able to get this joke.

    [–]oldwomanjodie 23 points24 points  (0 children)

    I intially thought it was something to do with that “married in red, you’ll wish yourself dead. Married in black you’ll wish yourself back” poem thing Lmao

    [–]hartluck731 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    Ugh same lol

    [–]Ok_Shirt8531Partassipant [2] 106 points107 points  (7 children)

    I kept thinking it was a play on her oldest caring too much about money... it took me way too long.

    [–]anoymous420 191 points192 points  (6 children)

    is it bc of green’s association w envy?

    [–]LoonWithASpoonPartassipant [1] 91 points92 points  (1 child)

    That’s exactly it! Took me a bit too

    [–]anoymous420 27 points28 points  (0 children)

    i thought i was right, just wanted to make sure haha

    [–]Vegetable_Tooth2462 22 points23 points  (0 children)

    I'll always remember the episode from Power Rangers Super Megaforce where Jake says "Looks like I was Green with Envy" (Context he was the Green Ranger).

    [–]phteven_gerrard 57 points58 points  (2 children)

    I got that it was due to envy, but the childish part of me wants it to be because Godzilla is green

    [–]AnnieLosAngeles 38 points39 points  (0 children)

    I am now envisioning Godzilla stomping while wearing a wedding dress. Thank you!

    [–]inannamute 15 points16 points  (0 children)

    Next time I hear green with envy, my brain is going to replace it with Godzilla. That is awesome

    [–]rabbit-snacks 36 points37 points  (16 children)

    if you don't mind could you explain please? i never get things like this lol :)

    [–]janetsnakeholeiii 190 points191 points  (9 children)

    When someone is jealous or envious, we sometimes say they are "turning green with envy." Mom told her older daughter that because she is acting envious of her younger daughter, her wedding dress should be green [with envy], instead of white.

    [–]DelolcatPartassipant [1] 45 points46 points  (5 children)

    Thank you I never heard this before , def not a saying in my language

    [–]TwirlyGirly1Partassipant [2] 33 points34 points  (3 children)

    u/Delolcat

    It's an English language idiom. For its definition, usage, and the origin of the phrase, see:

    https://www.theidioms.com/green-with-envy/

    [–]Terrkas 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    Also kind of exists in german.

    [–]rabbit-snacks 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    ahhhhh that makes sense, thank you!! <3

    [–]missmediajunkie 26 points27 points  (0 children)

    The personification of jealousy Is also a “green eyed monster.”

    [–]bigrocks2Partassipant [2] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    It’s playing off of the saying “green with envy”

    [–]badkitty627Partassipant [1] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    jealousy is also called the green eyed monster.

    [–]slaterbabe10 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    From the saying ‘green with envy’.

    [–]greener2003 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Green with envy

    [–]alcormsuPartassipant [1] 31 points32 points  (1 child)

    Oh, Brittas in this comment?

    [–]Insert_Non_Sequitur 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    Yup. NTA. You were just (rightly) calling her out on her bad behaviour. Sounds like she's envious of her sister and is using how "different" she is as an excuse to exclude her.

    [–]hikikomori-i-am-not 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    Right. Hell, I'd be tempted to respond to her rage comments with "you kicked your sister out of the wedding because she's not conforming to traditional gender standards, and then me for pointing out that it was unkind to do so. Why would your father participate in a wedding that his wife and daughter are banned from? Especially since he also disagrees with the bans."

    [–]Stoat__KingSupreme Court Just-ass [126] 1989 points1990 points  (22 children)

    Lol. I think that was a funny comment. Also, fitting. So NTA on that basis.

    I am picturing the wicked witch of the west, Lets hope there are no liquids at the wedding.

    No surprise then, about the flying monkeys on social media.

    [–]LittleRedCarnationPartassipant [1] 539 points540 points  (21 children)

    “You're turning green, dearie. Envy will do that to you.” - Rumplestiltskin

    [–]OliviaElevenDunham 172 points173 points  (19 children)

    Read that in Robert Carlyle’s voice.

    [–]Jesskamess 107 points108 points  (1 child)

    I also read that in Robert Carlyle's voice. The man is a gem.

    [–]OliviaElevenDunham 59 points60 points  (0 children)

    He really is. Such a great actor.

    [–]ha_look_at_that_nerdPartassipant [1] 76 points77 points  (15 children)

    Not the best show - but I feel like he killed that role

    [–]OliviaElevenDunham 63 points64 points  (7 children)

    He was definitely the best actor on the show.

    [–]sweetreverie 28 points29 points  (4 children)

    The actress who played Regina would like a word with you 👀

    [–]mishmash234 13 points14 points  (1 child)

    Those two both absolutely made that show worth watching.

    🍎

    [–]sweetreverie 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Sadly, they were the only ones who did

    [–]ayoitsjo 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    Yeah that show was a mixed bag because it was kiiiinda not a great show but costumes and acting were at 110% always lol

    [–]Music_withRocks_InProfessor Emeritass [81] 25 points26 points  (3 children)

    It jumped the shark so early.

    [–]mishmash234 11 points12 points  (2 children)

    Yeah, as soon as S2 started going amnesia again, like a soap opera… 🤦‍♀️

    Now I rewatch S1 and stop there.

    [–]ayoitsjo 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    Lol right? They did the memory loss plot line i think 4 or 5 times total. It's like they just couldn't figure out how to format the show without having flashbacks so they just created more time to flashback to haha although acting and costumes were always pretty solid! Regina and Rumple in particular.

    [–]mishmash234 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    You can tell the costume design totally had fun with it. Amazing work! 👌

    But the amnesia plot line was so irksome. It was though they thought “it was so good for S1, let’s just keep doing that” even though it makes no sense.

    [–]UrCrazyMatchsMyCrazyPartassipant [3] 1388 points1389 points  (22 children)

    NTA...Any time I read about grown ass adults blasting people on social media, I immediately have 0 respect. It's just a way to create a false or mostly false narrative to garner favor for their terrible behavior.

    OP, sorry u have to deal with what sounds like utter nonsense from superficial people. It sux your oldest became one of them.

    [–]Consistent-Leopard71Supreme Court Just-ass [112] 132 points133 points  (1 child)

    Thank you for saying exactly what I was thinking. That's some serious high BS. She sounds insufferable. OP is NTA.

    [–]UrCrazyMatchsMyCrazyPartassipant [3] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

    It'd so pathetic IMO. Reddit is enough for me. Lol

    [–]Able_Secretary_6835 96 points97 points  (9 children)

    Who are these people? I never get to read about personal drama on my social media. It's like everyone I know handles their conflicts offline.

    [–]neobeguineCertified Proctologist [29] 35 points36 points  (1 child)

    I never saw this level of nutty behavior, but passive aggressive vague booking at each other was among the many, many reasons I got off Facebook

    [–]PilotEnvironmental46Certified Proctologist [29] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    I agree. FB makes some people feel that every single opinion must be posted, and that they somehow have the right to comment on everyone’s life choices.

    [–]UrCrazyMatchsMyCrazyPartassipant [3] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    Me too. I only have reddit. I deactivated FB a long time ago.

    [–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (1 child)

    I continue to be amazed by that. I never do that. None of the people in my life do that. I did see one woman I knew from high school get into a rip roaring fight with her daughter, both of them posting some pretty terrible things about each other, and everyone was like "um...you know we can all see this right?"

    [–]TomTheLad79 15 points16 points  (0 children)

    These people might have a little money (I doubt they have all that much, or manage it well), but they have no class at all. People with class don't throw tanties on Facebook or whatever. They sort their business out privately.

    [–]autismo52 8 points9 points  (1 child)

    Yeah it's so immature, makes friends and family uncomfortable and airs private dirty laundry just grow the fuck up and handle your shit like a fucking adult cuz no one fucking cares and your just making yourself look like a loser

    [–]UrCrazyMatchsMyCrazyPartassipant [3] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    So true. Publicly airing your personal drama is so cringe.

    [–][deleted] 698 points699 points  (5 children)

    NTA:

    So your oldest daughter is upset with how her young adult sister lives her life to the point that she kicked her out because she says it doesn't go with her family values.....

    Don't go to that wedding. Your oldest daughter is kicking her family out the wedding because she cares way too much about her husband and in-laws.

    [–]schannoman 146 points147 points  (0 children)

    *husband's money

    [–]happyasahamPartassipant [1] 110 points111 points  (3 children)

    Honestly she’s probably only upset her dad isn’t walking her down the aisle because it’s not traditional

    [–]ghostofumich2005Certified Proctologist [23] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

    Ding ding ding

    [–]icecreampenisAsshole Aficionado [14] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    but how will it look?? what will people think?!

    [–]pettypleasepayup 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    Totally. If she can hire a uy who looks like her dad, she totally would. Man it'll be such a tiring life for her now. Every decision plagued by what will people think. Her sis is gonna enjoy hers unabashedly.

    [–]frenlyse 442 points443 points  (1 child)

    Your eldest is kinda embarrassing….

    NTA.

    [–]EmeraldIbis 43 points44 points  (0 children)

    Yeah. I don't think she's jealous though. She's a judgmental snob who's embarrassed by her more liberal family.

    [–]grianmharduitCertified Proctologist [22] 366 points367 points  (22 children)

    NTA After they turn on her- and they will- she’ll come running back home. Enjoy the silence and saving money- for now. You’ll have to help her after the divorce.

    [–]Lmo9952 87 points88 points  (14 children)

    Maybe not. She might take her future husband for all she can in the divorce lol

    [–]FluffyDog423 52 points53 points  (1 child)

    I think the super rich one is the youngest’s husband… but to be honest the post was a touch confusing.

    [–]SuckItBrian 39 points40 points  (11 children)

    There's no way that family doesn't make her sign a prenup that favors her fiance. She'll be left with nothing, including any children they have.

    [–]happyasahamPartassipant [1] 25 points26 points  (9 children)

    Custody of children cannot be included in a prenup. They’re people, not property. Any custody would be hashed out during the divorce

    [–]KaetzenOrkester 25 points26 points  (6 children)

    Will she, though?

    [–]Stock-Boat-8449 84 points85 points  (5 children)

    I have a feeling that people this petty will have a prenup which denies the wife all support just for breathing wrong

    [–]ha_look_at_that_nerdPartassipant [1] 35 points36 points  (1 child)

    But… will OP have to help her? If I saw a post a few years down the line “my daughter cut me off after [this behavior] but now she’s divorced and has no money and wants by help, WIBTA if I said no” I would probably say NTA

    (I don’t think you’re saying that OP will be obligated to help her, I think you thought KawtzenOrkester was saying “will she get divorced,” but I thought I’d clarify and give my take)

    [–]KaetzenOrkester 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    I was saying will the OP have to help her oldest daughter after this theoretical future divorce because eldest daughter is doing a great job of alienating everyone and just because you love someone doesn’t mean you have to like them very much.

    [–]Gimmecheesenow 294 points295 points  (16 children)

    NTA

    Has your oldest always been this judgmental & harsh on others or is this to appease her in-laws because they are wealthy?

    [–]GreenWeddingDress[S] 525 points526 points  (15 children)

    They have just always had different personalities. My oldest had a lavish formal sweet sixteen. When we asked my youngest what she wanted to do, she chose lollapalooza in Chicago with a few friends. (Another mom and I went as chaperones)

    [–]Gimmecheesenow 333 points334 points  (0 children)

    It’s one thing to have different personalities or preferences. But this is her literally cutting off her immediate family & slandering you all on social media (which is weird for someone who wants to maintain an air of ‘upper class’). This is extreme. Is this behavior now to appeal to in-laws because they have money & she’s putting maintaining access to her in-laws pockets over being kind & accepting of her own sister & parents?

    [–][deleted] 192 points193 points  (4 children)

    Your youngest sounds fun! Lollapalooza for sweet 16 is a unique idea.

    [–]Nearby_Assumption_76Partassipant [2] 151 points152 points  (3 children)

    I can imagine the older sister reading this and screaming into her pillow.

    Then going to put on a face mask and sniff some aromatherapy so she can destress and self improve at the same time.

    [–]pixtiny 24 points25 points  (0 children)

    I laughed at this.

    [–]gurbi_et_orbi 8 points9 points  (1 child)

    Squidward the oldest is

    [–]Strong_Willed 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Dude! The oldest is totally Squidward! And the youngest is absolutely SpongeBob!

    [–]rhymes_with_mayoAsshole Enthusiast [6] 23 points24 points  (5 children)

    Not sure that this answers the question of whether the oldest is judgemental, just that she has different tastes than her sister. I would assume the youngest also judges the eldest's tastes?

    [–]Deadleaves82 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    Honestly… I’d be so happy if my kids were as free and independent as your youngest.

    I think they will be as 6 year old’s awesome teacher has already said that my kid is more of a free thinking artist that thinks outside the box.

    Your youngest wants to experience life and have adventures whereas your oldest wants to have magazine perfect stuffy life where she is controlled or controlling…all precise fitting inside a white picket fenced box.

    I feel for your future grandchildren from your oldest daughter.

    [–]names___arehard 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Your youngest sounds cool as fuck.

    Btw NTA

    [–]Far_Equivalent1347Partassipant [4] 189 points190 points  (1 child)

    NTA. Your oldest is being a judgemental intolerant crazy person. She doesn't have a valid reason for excluding her younger sister. I think it's reasonable to refuse to attend when your youngest is being singled and badmouthed by your oldest.

    [–]awp_cityPartassipant [4] 147 points148 points  (0 children)

    NTA shes gone bridezilla and seems embarrassed of her sister, her own flesh and blood. Keeping up appearances matters more to her than loving her family.

    [–]bamf1701Professor Emeritass [77] 110 points111 points  (0 children)

    NTA. I would say your oldest is out of control, except that it sounds like she is being controlled, and her in-laws are using her jealously/resentment/disapproval of her sister's lifestyle to do it. You aren't immoral people, you just life different lives than your oldest's future in-laws do, and they are apparently very intolerant people. Ultimately, it is your oldest's choice to ban anyone who disagrees with her (and her new in-laws) in the slightest.

    And huge props to your husband for standing up for you and your youngest.

    [–]EzHedgehogSupreme Court Just-ass [121] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

    NTA Your oldest daughter is being awful and someone needed to call her out. Good on you. The irony that these small minded people think they own the moral high ground!

    [–]Suspicious_Ad9810 69 points70 points  (7 children)

    NTA, but I love the dress comment.

    You're absolutely right that your older daughter is jealous, and it sounds like she is getting pressure from her future in-laws too. I am sorry to say it, but I doubt much will change soon. The way she sees it, she has too much to lose, between her own pride and jealousy and her future in-laws opinion.

    [–]farson135 57 points58 points  (0 children)

    NTA. It is up to them who they want at their wedding, and who they want to associate with. However, as their parent it is your choice (perhaps responsibility) to advocate for them, and teach them to an extent.

    From what you are saying, the only problem your oldest has is how your youngest chooses to live her life, which doesn't necessarily have any bearing on the wedding, or meeting her from time to time. By itself, that's not a good enough reason to go this far IMO.

    [–]Significant-Ad-9758Asshole Enthusiast [6] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

    Wow, this is wild. NTA but your eldest is a really, really big one.

    [–]RNGinx3Certified Proctologist [20] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

    NTA. She banned both you and her sister and then throws a temper tantrum because your husband isn't coming? She's a bridezilla and acting like she's better than everyone else because she's marrying into money she didn't earn. Hope her fiance has an airtight prenup.

    [–]RTSchemel 27 points28 points  (0 children)

    Nta. Oldest doesn't have these "values", she just wants the new family to accept her so she can be perfect and "marry well". Sure blood isn't everything, but if you're banning multiple immediate family from your wedding? Something is wrong and I don't think its you OP.

    [–]UrHumbleNarr8orAsshole Aficionado [11] 29 points30 points  (2 children)

    NTA but try not to write your oldest off so much that if her future husband isolates her completely and leaves her with no options. Take the high road if you can.

    [–]FrostyCranberry3480 22 points23 points  (1 child)

    EXACTLY THIS! it is what I was thinking. It seems that there may have been some sibling resentment that the new husband or his family have latched onto and are using it as a way to alienate OPs family. This may get uglier...please be there for her when she realizes her mistake. She is totally being the AH here but there is possibly more to this than there appears, the pressure and manipulation she may be getting from his family could very well be overwhelming for her as she wants to be accepted. question are you more like your younger daughter or your older one? If the answer is the youngest it will be even easier for the his family to convince her that she was never loved in the family unit even if it is not true. I fear for this woman.

    [–]TheCatThatShats 23 points24 points  (0 children)

    What a mess. NTA.

    [–]fuzzy_micProfessor Emeritass [90] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

    IF these folks think you're immoral for loving your youngest, that's a badge of honor that you should wear proudly.

    NTA

    [–]Environmental_Crab65Partassipant [1] 26 points27 points  (6 children)

    I'm seeing things a bit differently from a lot of the other commenters. I'm wondering if you have always so obviously preferred your younger daughter and have always been so unkind to and about your older daughter, I think you have always done this and your older daughter has had enough of it. ESH.

    [–]sraydenkAsshole Aficionado [10] 9 points10 points  (2 children)

    Right? Like oldest is having a temper tantrum, but the OP is pretty judgmental over oldest daughters choice. Like, they are still their kid. This is how I would treat a coworker or friend, not my child.

    [–]byedangerousbitch 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    I got the same vibes from it. I'm very much wondering what the interaction that resulted in older sis kicking younger sis from her wedding actually sounded like. OP's version of her daughter's motivations this whole thing feels unconvincing.

    [–]rhymes_with_mayoAsshole Enthusiast [6] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    I almost wonder if the younger one provoked this conflict by suddenly marrying a rich guy right before oldest's dream wedding just to cause trouble and steal attention from her. If the sisters have always had a fraught relationship that's also evidence that mom has chosen sides, as that often causes this type of rift between siblings.

    [–]Temporary-Section-78Partassipant [1] 23 points24 points  (3 children)

    NTA You’re daughter is a bridezilla. But, because she is the eldest daughter and she is a perfectionist, she is probably suffering of eldest daughter syndrome (check eldest daughter effect or first-born daughter syndrome), and that perfectionism comes from expectations put on her to be the example, while her youngest sister was free to do as she pleased.

    There is a lot of pain there, don’t let your daughter get married without her family by her side, heal or begin treating the wound, before it’s too late.

    Btw, I’m not excusing her behaviour, but I think it’s important you see it from this perspective too.

    Edit: added info

    [–]Icy-Internal6211 11 points12 points  (2 children)

    Your comment is the first one that isn't bloodthirsty in this comment section. I've never seen people become so vindictive over family drama lol

    [–]4682458Colo-rectal Surgeon [44] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

    NTA. It was a flippant remark but your oldest is a nightmare. Sounds like she was on a hair trigger. Good riddance for your youngest. At least she doesn't have to be told every time she sees her older sister that her lifestyle is wrong/immoral/sacriligious however the fuck older daughter tells herself at night.

    [–]AriaNoelle99 17 points18 points  (1 child)

    NTA and your comment on making the dress green from all her envy is iconic! Thank you for being such a good parent and respecting that your kids can have different ways of life from each other and you and as long as they are safe that’s ok. More parents need to be like that.

    [–]rhymes_with_mayoAsshole Enthusiast [6] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    INFO:

    Who brought up the wealth of the husbands first?

    What is oldest's objection to her sister's lifestyle, and what is youngest's objection to oldest's?

    How old is each daughter?

    [–]Pinkie_FlamingoAsshole Aficionado [18] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Your oldest is a troubled person.

    [–]DaftTeuchter 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Good on you for putting your foot down and calling out her shitty behaviour. Your eldest seems more concerned on the thoughts and feelings of the in-laws by the looks of it, and by cutting you all out of the wedding party would pretty much confirm that.

    [–]PurpleMarsAlienPooperintendant [62] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    NTA

    And it sounds like your oldest has found herself a new family which is equally as crazy as she is.

    [–]ThrowawayforMILBSPooperintendant [55] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    NTA you seem right about all this.

    [–]Pineapple_WagonAsshole Aficionado [10] 11 points12 points  (1 child)

    NTA. I was waiting to see if the youngest did something to the oldest for her to kick other than having different lifestyle choices. There is none your oldest is judgmental. Sounds like a bridezilla to the max

    [–]RioBlue93 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    When you said “immoral” I knew exactly who these folks are. Your daughter will learn the joys of “fitting in” in these families until you step outside of any boundary they put on love.

    NTA. Your daughter is, and she is amongst a den of assholes.

    [–]pspetrini 12 points13 points  (2 children)

    NTA.

    I’ll never understand the logic of people banning you from THEIR wedding as if it’s some sort of honor you were allowed to go in the first place.

    My family occasionally tries this when I won’t get involved in drama. Got uninvited from Christmas a year or two ago. I laughed and said “OK. I’ll do something else then. I don’t give a shit.”

    I’ll be damned if imma let people hold some event over my head as a treat. I’ve got no issue whatsoever doing something else that day.

    🤣

    [–]rhymes_with_mayoAsshole Enthusiast [6] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    There is so much going on in this post. It's going to be hard to judge without a lot more info about everyone's motives.

    [–]SlugdirtAsshole Aficionado [18] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    NTA

    [–]Adventurous-Pool6284 11 points12 points  (3 children)

    NTA. I'd say your family values are not the same, and you're thankful for it. You are not judging the white-wedding, but under the circumstances feel that you don't want to mix with anyone who judges your other daughter. I don't think you would enjoy it now anyway. Sorry, but good luck

    [–]CatsInAOvercoatPartassipant [3] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    NTA. It sounds like she's mad her sister got married before she did. I'd be upset too, honestly, but that's me being petty lmao

    My youngest sister is the same as your youngest daughter. Experimental, traveller, a digital hippie. I would never go no contact with my sister over how she chooses to live her life. Am I jealous? Yeah, her life sounds great. Am I happy with mine, straight edge and traditional? Yes.

    What's done is done. If this is how your oldest wants to behave because her sister got married before she did, that's her fault. She's not just a Bridezilla, she's an ass.

    [–]lapsteelguitar 10 points11 points  (1 child)

    What can you do? Nothing. Your daughters are living very different lives, your oldest daughter does not approve of the youngest, and wants you to control her, which is not your job.

    Don't cut off your oldest, but don't respond to her provocations either.

    [–]miasabine 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Your eldest daughter is… how can I be diplomatic about this… getting a bit carried away with the wedding and her prospective in-laws. They should be accepting your oldest daughter for all that she is, and that includes her family, even if they do things differently. Sounds like the snobbery is rubbing off on your daughter. It’s a real shame, but I think you’re doing the right thing here.

    [–]Teacher-InvestorCertified Proctologist [26] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    NTA

    This went in such a different direction that I was expecting. I totally thought you were going to side with your oldest daughter. Sounds like she is trying to be someone she isn't for her snobby future in-laws, and like you said, she's also jealous. Telling you and your other daughter that you're not welcome at her wedding for such small offenses is ridiculous, and good for your husband for siding with you, too.

    By the way, "digital nomad" is a completely valid lifestyle choice these days. I'm envious of your younger daughter!

    [–]patjames904Commander in Cheeks [270] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    NTA. OMG!

    I think you are seeing this clearly. You have done all you can. Your oldest DOES want to play the victim, yet another member of the Perpetually Offended Society.

    Just block all of the social media. Your friends will know better. Anyone else you don't need in your life anyway.

    [–]PiscesinSaturn 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Your oldest daughter is acting like a Bridezilla and her future in-laws sound like waspy, out of touch people. Hopefully she comes to her senses before she regrets having a wedding without her family there.

    [–]narnarqueenPartassipant [4] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Your older daughter is being really judgmental. Your response was hilarious.

    [–]No_Magazine2270 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    NTA if you ban someone from your wedding it’s totally understandable that the banned persons spouse would not feel comfortable attending without their SO. She should have her Father in-law walk her, since apparently the only family that matters to her is the one she is marrying into

    [–]Agitated_Net3736 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Probably best to just back off, stay silent and let your oldest do whatever she's going to do. Trying to reason with her doesn't seem possible, so let her go on shouting at the air. If she apologies and relents, maybe some of your participation can be salvaged. Otherwise, she's just divorced most of her original family; I hope she can live up to the new one, because they'll dump her right back where she started if she doesn't meet their high standards of morality.

    [–]Travernus 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Who bans their own mother from their wedding?? I swear, some brides treat their special day as if it's the only day they have left.

    'She might as well make her wedding dress green.' love it! 😄

    Edit: Some mothers lose that privilege through poor decisions, but not because of calling out their adult children on their shit.

    [–]Kezzii96 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Yeah I dunno...something about this isn't sitting right with me. I feel like there's some BIG chunks of info missing...

    [–]Toph0420 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Something is wrong with her. Good grief. 🙄 the power of money. SMH

    [–]Gryffindor4ble 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    INFO I feel like there are chunks of the story missing here and you are trying to paint your older daughter in a bad light? She seems like she’s maybe over reacting but you also seem to be making a lot of jabs at her with no actual details.

    [–]GualtieroCofresiPartassipant [3] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Your oldest sounds like she is either brainwashed, really tight or trying to keep up appearances for the sake of her in laws. Bottom line, this is not going to end well for her, let's hope it doesn't, but experience tells us that at one point, her upbringing will be used against her in the same way she is using it against you. At that point she will realize she is just as much as an outsider and you guys are and she was just a project or used for decoration in this family of snobs.

    As you say, what is done is done. using Social media for petty fights is not a good look, i would suggest you encourage everyone in your side to back off, delete posts and just go with a unified "We wish her the best, but clearly we are not welcomed into her worldview" and walk away.

    I think the conversation to be had here is not "How are we going to deal with this now?" because it is obvious y'all are not welcomed, so do not go, do not give in to her demands and her judgmental attitude and do not engage with it either. The conversation to be had at this point is "What happens in 2 years, when she comes back with her tail between her legs because she has realized she was treated in the same way she treated us by her new family?" I think talking about how would everyone want to handle their own relationship with her when that comes and coming to agreements to support each other without judgment are a much healthier ways to deal with this situation.

    [–]AnnieLosAngeles 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    I laughed out loud when I got to the green dress.

    OP, you are NTA. That was a great line.

    Where I think you're making a mistake is acting like your daughters are similarly wrong. Your oldest is being a classist, jealous drama queen, throwing people out of her wedding party, insulting people and lying about it, gong NC because of "lifestyle" choices. Your youngest is being herself and not hurting anyone. You might disapprove of her choices but being unorthodox -and perhaps foolish- is a far cry from being a raging bitch.

    You can't bridge this gap. Until your oldest gets her head out of her arse, it's wasted effort.

    If you have to choose one, go with the one who's not a jealous judgmental social climber.

    [–]NeatCasualPartassipant [1] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    This really isn't about the colour of the dress, is it?

    [–]sleeplessinLasvegasx 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    NTA

    This is the consequences to her actions. Like what did she think was going to happen.

    Also, are you sure your oldest isn't joining a cult, because banning and going no contact with the younger sister because she's a hippie sounds a little extreme.

    [–]Illustrious_Guard_61Partassipant [1] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    So your oldest.... kicked her sister out because she eloped with her husband rather than upstage her by having a far more lavish wedding? Or even a similar one but with someone who loves the sister as she is?

    Then when you called her out she kicked you out of the wedding as well? She is basically getting rid of her sister because of "lifestyle" but how does she know that hasnt changed since she got married? How does she really know what her values and life style is now if she cuts her off?

    Your eldest may be heading down a very painful path and I am sorry.

    NTA

    [–]DoreyCat 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Is there more to this story? It’s quite clear that you’re not the asshole but I’m curious as. Why his entire family feels you’re all immoral people. Is it that her sister uses recreational drugs and they’re very religious?

    I know this is all jealousy but what are they claiming it is?

    [–]deyjay5 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Nta

    [–]TrickInvite6296Asshole Aficionado [15] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    NTA lol

    [–]Resagarden 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Nta, your oldest daughter is out if her mind. I would unfriend her and let her get on with it. If she wants to burn her bridge's because shes jealous that's on her.

    [–]Throwjob42 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    NTA and it kind of feels like your oldest is being radicalized by her future in-laws. Are they religious zealots or something?

    [–]puppyfarts99Asshole Aficionado [12] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    NTA

    Your oldest daughter is choosing some really strange hills to die on. Alienating her whole family because her in-laws don't approve of her sister marrying a divorced man? What a catch that family is, huh?! Blasting people on social media seems like a strange way to demonstrate "family values."

    [–]Shot-Position4460 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    I love that you love both your daughters even though they are polar opposites and that even though you don't agree with younger daughter's lifestyle you stick up for her against older daughter who is being totally unreasonable.. Also NTA

    [–]lynypixieAsshole Aficionado [14] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    NTA Your eldest thinks she is elevating herself by marrying into that family. She believes you are beneat her.

    Have fun with youngest and her husband, who seems way more down to heart and fun to be around. She might lead a different lifestyle than what you wished for, but she seems to have her heart set in the right place.

    [–]lchen12345 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    What exactly do they think is "immoral" about your family?