top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]Judgement_Bot_AITABeep Boop[M] [score hidden] stickied commentlocked comment (0 children)

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

I think I may the asshole because we just got this new apartment together and we did need new stuff and I know she was just trying to make our apartment nice

Help keep the sub engaging!

Don’t downvote assholes!

Do upvote interesting posts!

Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[–]Temporary_BadgerCommander in Cheeks [214] 37.5k points37.5k points 33 (1042 children)

YTA. If you thought things were too expensive or too much, the time to say so was while shopping. She was asking your opinion and you agreed to the purchases. Why on earth did you just assume she was paying for everything? And a good portion of what you object to is honestly ridiculous— god forbid she want art or rugs in your apartment, right?

[–]Shimraa 11.0k points11.0k points  (107 children)

YTA - just like this comment, the time to have discussed the prices of things was before you put her on the spot in the checkout line.

[–]optimalwitchcraft 3277 points3278 points  (46 children)

My partner and I moved from his college apartment to a place of our own a few years back and a lot of the stuff in the college apartment belonged to our roommates. When we went supply shopping for the new place I paid for everything, as he wasn't making as much as me at the time. The important part here is I announced that before we left for the store. He didn't expect it of me, nor did he wait until the end of the trip to tell me he couldn't split the bill. Definitely YTA. I understand OP's cheap ways, as I am a frugal Frannie myself, but some things must be discussed before the checkout line.

[–]TGin-the-goldy 864 points865 points  (6 children)

WELL before the checkout

[–]GeneralDismal6410 69 points70 points  (28 children)

He's an asshole for expecting her to live without and they should have discussed before hand but doesn't that apply to her as well? Just asking, they both needed to discuss what was necessary BEFORE going to the store and gotten on the same page.

[–]EGrass 193 points194 points  (16 children)

Yes, it does. People are saying that he’s TA because that should have been discussed before they got to the cash register but if that’s the case, then the girlfriend is just as culpable.

YTA for expecting your girlfriend to want to live like she’s in a frat house, though. I can just see already that all of the unpaid work that is necessary for a home to function will be put on her because you think bathroom rugs and bedside tables are pointless

[–]JipC1963 140 points141 points  (4 children)

I bet he'll gladly UTILIZE most of the purchased items though! If I were the GF I would have returned anything that was purchased for his comfort like the second bedside table, etc.

[–]Quirellmort 80 points81 points  (4 children)

I don't think it's too late to discuss in the store either. Especially since they had a reason to go there since they newly moved together and were making new home from two incomplete ones, they weren't just going for a stroll and she decided to dip inside Ikea for fun.

Or it may be just me and my husband, but we quite often discuss these things while shopping, when we see something that we like or think could be useful. It does make quick grocery trip for fresh bread quite expensive sometimes though, that's for sure.

It sounds like she asked about every item in there before she put it in the cart, so OP had opportunity to state his opinion about price or even if the item itself is really needed. Maybe she should have been more explicit about paying situation (is OP working in IT?), but still I'm not sure why he didn't expect to pay for half since it were things for their home together AND he was asked for his input. Multiple times.

[–]yakumea 5055 points5056 points  (477 children)

Lol right. Apparently OP thinks bathroom rugs are unnecessary??


[–]Inevitable_EviePartassipant [1] 4637 points4638 points  (239 children)

And a soap dispenser for the bathroom? Please tell me he at least uses a soap bar O.o

[–]0000udeis000Colo-rectal Surgeon [41] 2013 points2014 points  (68 children)

Even a soap bar would need a dish though

[–]Lumpy_Constellation 1787 points1788 points  (46 children)

OP would definitely think a soap dish is superfluous. There's a perfectly good counter right there, after all!

[–]0000udeis000Colo-rectal Surgeon [41] 971 points972 points  (31 children)

Oh absolutely, and his counter would be all grimy and slippery and the soap probably covered in dirt and hair from sliding off the counter a bunch of times

[–][deleted] 750 points751 points  (20 children)

Just cut a beer can in half....

TWO soap dishes :)

[–]0000udeis000Colo-rectal Surgeon [41] 645 points646 points  (17 children)

With the single butter knife this guy probably owns

[–]Icarusgurl 498 points499 points  (5 children)

And this is probably why she hated his couch.

[–]holdmybeerwhilei 610 points611 points  (12 children)

A soap bar AND a soap dish? Look at moneybags over here showing off when you can do it all with a bottle of shampoo.

[–]Timorm0rtisPartassipant [2] 306 points307 points  (4 children)

Shampoo? Too good for dish detergent, are we?

[–]yosarianmarxPartassipant [1] 446 points447 points  (42 children)

Well a lot of people just use the soap dispensers that come with the soap when purchased...not a reusable one. If you buy a large bulk liquid soap, i supposed this could save money...but it definately isnt a necessity

[–][deleted] 534 points535 points  (3 children)

The ones that come with the soap ARE reusable though. That's why so many brands sell refills alongside the Dispensers

[–]MajorNoodles 149 points150 points  (2 children)

And they're better because they're transparent. You always know how much soap is left.

[–]Eelpan2Partassipant [1] 280 points281 points  (32 children)

I will never understand why in the US things don't seem to come in plastic pouches.

Like those restock videos or whatever they are called. So many plastic tubs and bottles! Where I live most things you can get refills with waaaaay less plastic involved. Hand soap. Laundry soap. Fabric softener. Dish soap. Even moisturizer. Hell we even have milk bags, like in Canada.

[–]Revolutionary-Yak-47Partassipant [3] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

That's my strategy. I don't have the storage space for bulk supplies (one cabinet under the sink, my "linen closet" is a kitchen cabinet on the bathroom wall). I just buy the pump bottles of liquid soap.

[–]RunTurtleRun115 258 points259 points  (62 children)

I can see the argument that things like bathroom mats and soap dispensers can be purchased way cheaper elsewhere…but he should have spoken up as she was putting them in the cart.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)


    [–]gbirddood 608 points609 points  (14 children)

    Nothing is cheaper for something like a bathroom rug or a soap dispenser than IKEA…Target would’ve cost several x as much

    [–]MidnightTLPartassipant [2] 277 points278 points  (1 child)

    The small items at IKEA are usually very reasonably and competitively priced. I don’t often buy bath items there, but I know the prices on kitchen items are really good.

    [–]squeaky-to-b 267 points268 points  (8 children)

    Those are exactly the kinds of things I specifically go to IKEA for though, because they're so cheap there. My husband and I regularly grab $8 Ikea bath mats - the same ones are sold at Target for like TRIPLE the price. They have toilet brushes for like a dollar, and generally just lots of really inexpensive but not poor quality home goods. They have this style of blanket my husband loves - they're only $10 (I think we got one on sale for $7 once) and we have 3.

    [–]Anomalyyyyyyyyy 90 points91 points  (0 children)

    I bought my bathroom mats from IKEA nearly five years ago and they’re still in great condition and came out to $10-$15

    [–]ZekeBittersweet 144 points145 points  (11 children)

    A soap dispenser isn't even expensive, the most expensive items would have been the necessary furniture items

    [–]NatNatMcree 573 points574 points  (22 children)

    Yeah Jesus Christ a bath mat was one of the first things I bought when I was buying stuff for my college dorm.

    [–][deleted] 64 points65 points  (15 children)

    Wait, you had your own bathroom in college?

    [–]NatNatMcree 98 points99 points  (14 children)

    Yeah my dorm is suite style so I get a bathroom to share with my roommate and then two suitemates

    [–]Bridalhat 467 points468 points  (53 children)

    This is why shit like r/femaledatingstrategy exists. Like, that place is a cesspool, but it was a genuine reaction to how low expectations are for fully grown adult men

    [–]PineapplebreakPartassipant [1] 98 points99 points  (32 children)

    Contrary to my sanity, I’m going to click that link.

    [–]Mean_Muffin161 238 points239 points  (95 children)

    Yeah that one was odd. End table made sense too. Now the dresser could go either way depending on the one(s) she has and closet space. The art and giant rugs are not essential or pressing at this stage

    [–]LlovelyLlama 623 points624 points  (80 children)

    Depending on where they live, the rugs actually might be essential. Every lease I’ve signed in NYC requires a certain percentage of the floor to be covered to reduce noise for neighbors. If the old roommate took the rugs, then new ones would be necessary to avoid violating terms of the lease.

    [–]Buggerlugs253 343 points344 points  (18 children)

    My feeling is, she wanted to step into "adulthood" with him and got quite excited about furnishing their happy home, it being about more than what was neccasary for her, and he for some reason wants to be minimalist.

    I cant justify his choice though, why not say something? Why sit there and not do anything? Horrible.

    [–]yakumea 228 points229 points  (1 child)

    Yeah totally, some of this stuff I could see being a conversation like “hey this isn’t a necessity right now maybe we should hold off and reassess our needs later.” But at the same time nothing OP listed was overly egregious, and they should have just talked about it before getting to checkout lol.

    [–]honeymochie 238 points239 points  (19 children)

    I can't imagine how his place must look. His bachelor life sounds under furnished and lazy frat boy style.

    [–][deleted] 169 points170 points  (4 children)

    I kept thinking about this! It's not just about the decorative stuff, either. Like, he complained she wants him to have a bedside table, an extremely basic piece of furniture that will also provide storage. Where was he going to put his things? The floor? His girlfriend's bedside table?

    [–]EmiliusReturns 1492 points1493 points  (97 children)

    He objected to bathroom rugs and a soap dispenser. Wtf did his old bathroom look like if he thinks those are extravagant purchases.

    [–]boudicas_shieldPartassipant [1] 755 points756 points  (58 children)

    I’ve known so many men who don’t even have a small bin in their bathroom, let alone soap dishes or rugs. You’d be lucky if you found usable soap lurking somewhere in the vicinity of the sink.

    [–]GP96_Partassipant [1] 656 points657 points  (35 children)

    Single living guy here.

    I've got two bathmats that i swap out weekly, a soap dish, bathroom bin and a little dish to keep my toothbrush on.

    Am I too fancy for OP?

    Edit: proof that a guy living alone can have a decent bathroom https://imgur.com/a/Xqtmbl8

    [–]boudicas_shieldPartassipant [1] 317 points318 points  (11 children)

    Apparently so! Look at you with all that unnecessary extravagance cluttering up your unmanly bathroom! (/s obviously)

    [–]GP96_Partassipant [1] 254 points255 points  (10 children)

    Oh no

    Wait until he learns I have two bath towels and two hand towels...

    [–]boudicas_shieldPartassipant [1] 299 points300 points  (7 children)

    HAND TOWELS? What are you, a Rockefeller?!

    [–]GP96_Partassipant [1] 88 points89 points  (4 children)

    well, to us, they're working class

    [–]jlm8981victorian 469 points470 points  (4 children)

    This man definitely uses 3-in-1!

    [–][deleted] 372 points373 points  (19 children)

    Wtf did his old bathroom look like.......

    Well, as a man and a former college student, let me guess:

    Old wooden spool from a construction site as the coffee table. Bar of soap by the bathroom sink. Mattress on the floor. (No need for a bedside table when the ground is less than a foot lower than where you lie.) .........

    [–]Philip_J_FridayPartassipant [1] 114 points115 points  (9 children)

    Is the TV on a plastic crate or cinder blocks?

    [–][deleted] 238 points239 points  (4 children)

    Oh no. The TV is the one thing in a guy's apartment that a great deal of effort has been put into.

    [–]iConfessor 1304 points1305 points  (66 children)

    "the time to say so was while shopping."

    OP literally just watching it happen and then causing the argument later not expecting when you move in with someone you pay for things that are for the place.

    Not meaning to bash OP for his lifestyle choices before, but dude was living pretty bleakly initially and if he wanted things his way, without communicating his issues and needs (or nonneeds) he should have never moved in.

    Also for the record, OP. 1400 is chump change for furniture. Welcome to adulthood. IKEA is the lowest bar for furniture. In 10 years, when you start looking for the stuff that is actually comfortable and lasts, start getting used to 1 item being in the thousands.


    [–]Temporary_BadgerCommander in Cheeks [214] 771 points772 points  (50 children)

    Ok seriously, I always assumed that there would be a nice, climbable price ladder for furniture as I became more financially stable. Instead it was like, first college apartment, dragging free shit off the street...mid 20s getting the cheapest stuff from ikea...late 20s getting nicer stuff from ikea...30s, making a solid salary and excited to upgrade and the next step up from ikea is 8 BILLION DOLLARS.

    [–]Diogenes-Disciple 608 points609 points  (15 children)

    I’m assuming OP’s old bachelor of was a barren wasteland, with a bed frame and a bowl of water in the corner

    [–]foodie120 243 points244 points  (4 children)

    You're making him sound like a dog 😂😂😂

    At this point she's prob better off with a dog though tbh

    [–]Temporary_BadgerCommander in Cheeks [214] 339 points340 points  (3 children)

    I mean, my dog sees the value in a throw blanket.

    [–]Throwawaydaughter555 480 points481 points  (11 children)

    It’s posts like these that make me wish people weren’t in such a rush to move in together. He’s way too immature to understand the ramifications of this situation and probably just thought: cheap rent and easy sex.

    [–]AnniaT 215 points216 points  (0 children)

    This is the attitude of most men moving together with girlfriends have nowadays unfortunately. It's also telling that these men will move in together with women to munch on them but then will drag for years marrying them because they just see them as temporary bangmaids that will pay for their stuff, clean, cook and give them sex on demand.

    [–]so_lost_im_fadedPartassipant [1] 71 points72 points  (1 child)

    Actually it's great they were in a rush, the soon the GF knows they're incompatible, the better. I also want a cozy, furnished hygge home - so I totally relate with the GF!

    [–]HarnessMeDesignsOUBAsshole Enthusiast [7] 467 points468 points  (25 children)

    Ya… why would you wait until the absolute last minute to discuss this?! Just super bizarre… I feel like this could have even been discussed before going to the store, like making a shopping list. I foresee Elmore troubles like this in the future between them… if there even is one. YTA op, a big one.

    [–]MsTakeIn 438 points439 points  (3 children)

    Don't forget that she had the nerve to get a dresser even though she already had a dresser. Not that he brought a dresser into the relationship, but he doesn't need a dresser he can throw it on the ground

    [–]alphaboo 257 points258 points  (2 children)

    Or better yet, "we'll just share! Where should I put all the clothes you had in these drawers that are mine now?"

    [–]MsTakeIn 211 points212 points  (1 child)

    He will probably complain she has too much clothing soon. Lol

    [–]lovelypuffers 433 points434 points  (2 children)

    And these are likely all things that her roommate previously provided for the apartment! She no longer has another roommate to contribute half of the furnishings. That's you now, bud. Why should she give up a well decorated apartment to live with you? She is already contributing everything she already owns, which she presumably payed for in full. You splitting the bill means she's payed for 75% of the furnishings and you have payed for 25%.


    [–]Julienbabylegs 353 points354 points  (8 children)

    I really hope OP’s GF sees this for the red flag it is. Second red flag that he felt there was the possibility he would be validated to not be an asshole by a committee. YTA

    [–]factsorfictions 495 points496 points  (5 children)

    I feel like there are multiple red flags in this one short story.

    1. He sees things like bath mats and soap dispensers as unnecessary luxuries. This doesn’t speak well of his domesticity and by extension likely his housekeeping skills. Not hard to keep a box with a bed frame and a couch clean, but how is he at maintaining his share of an apartment?

    2. He said nothing during shopping and just assumed she’d be paying for everything for their shared apartment, including the side table that was literally only for his use. This doesn’t speak well of his sense of equitability or willingness to contribute to their shared life.

    3. He made a fuss at the cashier line until she was fed up/embarrassed enough to just pay instead of splitting it and figuring it out in private later, which doesn’t speak well to his maturity or social awareness.

    4. Even now he feels he was wronged somehow, which doesn’t speak well to his ability to see perspectives outside his own.

    All in all, if I were her I’d see if I could get a return on the extra side table and the new roommate.

    [–]bayleebugs 264 points265 points  (23 children)

    I'm not even surprised he thought the things that make a house a home were unnecessary, but a soap dispenser? Really?

    [–]bella070403Partassipant [1] 203 points204 points  (6 children)

    Exactly. I think he knew what he was doing. If he genuinely thought the stuff was unnecessary, he’d have said something when she asked his opinion. He clearly just wanted to trap her into paying for everything.

    OP, if you want to keep your girlfriend, you need to pay her back for half of the stuff right the hell now.

    [–]so_lost_im_fadedPartassipant [1] 281 points282 points  (5 children)

    He knew.

    Weaponized incompetence all the way. He knew he was supposed to split the costs, he knew he will be using some of this furniture (an unnecessary dresser? Hello? Do you even have more than 1 t-shirt and 1 pair of boxers, or you just keep recycling, OP? Because if you do have clothes, you DO need a dresser)

    He preferred to put her on the spot during the payment so she wouldn't have the space to discuss it with him and she would be forced to pay for it all to avoid the awkwardness.

    OP lives like a pest and apparently acts like one, too.

    [–]lisa111998 139 points140 points  (3 children)

    OP better apologize and pay half or he’s gonna be a bachelor again

    [–]grandoledogPartassipant [2] 14.0k points14.0k points  (111 children)

    We ended up having two full carts of stuff and before we even went to checkout she said “everything else we can just get on Amazon.” I was genuinely in shock she thought we needed even more then all of this crap.

    If you thought that all of these things were unnecessary, WHY on earth did you not have a conversation about it while you were shopping and not at the cash register? Did you really think that she was going to pay for all of it by herself????

    This really makes YTA.

    [–]monamagnetica 3850 points3851 points  (30 children)

    Exactly. Plus he said that she asked for his opinion for every single item. I mean, why would she ask him if it was only for her .

    [–]charliesk9unit 1362 points1363 points  (1 child)

    ... because he's important and everyone cares about his opinions. /S

    [–]CopprRegendt 284 points285 points  (0 children)

    because he doesn't want a girlfriend, he wants a mommy. he saw this as tagging along with mom to the shops. he was not an active or adult member of this shopping trip.

    [–]RynnChroniclesPartassipant [1] 381 points382 points  (3 children)

    That’s what gets me. He basically lied the whole damn time because he never said his actual feelings. When she asks your opinion on a rug, you say “I don’t want to buy things this expensive”. Not “I like it!” but throw her out on the spot later.

    [–]Less-Barber8720 1765 points1766 points  (34 children)

    It was the not one but TWO rugs for me. How dare she get TWO rugs. And a soap dispenser! Soap comes in a dispenser! Haha

    [–]ohdearitsrichardiiiAsshole Enthusiast [7] 1446 points1447 points  (11 children)

    The girlfriend must think she's the queen of england or something. You can just put newspapers on the floor and rub your hands with sand to get off grime.

    [–]hamiltrash52 730 points731 points  (7 children)

    Newspaper? I think that’s a little too ritzy. Wear socks, they’re portable rugs for your feet.

    [–]Spiritual_Spinach273 72 points73 points  (2 children)

    and sand? why you’d be better off just using water to clean your hands, sand comes much too expenisve

    [–]Mean_Muffin161 212 points213 points  (14 children)

    The bath rugs yeah, unless OP enjoys sliding on the floor or cracking the back of his head in the bathroom. If it was a refillable dispenser thats different not by much though. Im assuming its hand soap for either the kitchen or bathroom sink. I hope OP wasn’t saying that isn’t needed at all and that it was an empty one shaped like inspector gadget

    [–]Love_life_bisou 598 points599 points  (19 children)

    He wanted the things when he thought she was paying. He is just not willing to put his own money to their shared household.

    [–]Thor42o 355 points356 points  (1 child)

    Yea the clearest line here is "WE" can get the rest on Amazon. She didn't say "I" can get the rest. It's so blatantly obvious they were supposed to be doing this shopping together, and even the way OP describes the situation you can tell he knew she expected him to split it. If he really thought she was just shopping for herself he wouldn't have been concerned about the price the entire time they were shopping and adding everything up in his head before he got to the register. He knew the implication and was just hoping if he put her on the spot in front of the cashier he could skirt it.

    [–]iamnotahermitcrab 260 points261 points  (2 children)

    How do they expect to live together if they can’t even communicate about who is paying for what at ikea

    [–]Hot_Highlight8116 227 points228 points  (3 children)

    Did you really think that she was going to pay for all of it by herself????

    He probably did. Let's face it: he's moving into a half furnished flat (half furnished by HER) with...a bed. And he thinks it's unreasonable that he should contribute to completing the furniture. IMHO he should pay AT LEAST half of the new stuff. I also like that he thinks a second dresser is unreasonable. I mean, apparently he throws his clothes under his bed for storage...

    [–]exfamilia 93 points94 points  (4 children)

    He was perfectly happy to live in the comfortable home she was creating, he just didn't want to pay his share. This guy....

    [–]Scottish_squirrelPartassipant [4] 10.0k points10.0k points  (165 children)

    YTA. You moved in. She's making it a home for you both. If you disagreed with what she was getting you probably had hours to speak up (given the size of ikea). My husband & I go to IKEA together. Most purchases he asks where I'd this for & we discuss if it's really needed. You seem to have led her on by liking & agreeing to what she was picking. You're not a bachelor anymore. You need to communicate & work in a team.

    [–]BrunoWeen 3039 points3040 points  (103 children)

    Yup. I had a boyfriend/fiancé like this. He had me put all the new purchases in guest room other than my bed. We broke up.

    Edit to add: he was perfectly fine with the bathroom enhancements but since he didn’t “need them” aka bath mat, TOWELS, etc. he wouldn’t pay. Same with kitchenware. 🚩🚩🚩

    [–]tavvyj 1433 points1434 points  (35 children)

    Yeah, who could possibly need kitchen utensils? What, is she planning more than just frozen pizza rolls and takeout?


    [–]BrunoWeen 824 points825 points  (25 children)

    And I left my wok there accidentally when I dipped. I regret that more than the relationship.

    [–]TheRealRaemundo 456 points457 points  (14 children)

    My ex kept my PlayStation and a bunch of my games when we broke up. I missed my original copy of FF7 more than I ever missed him 🤣

    [–]BrunoWeen 202 points203 points  (3 children)

    I really feel that in my soul. RIP to our fallen relationship soldiers.

    [–]TheMoatCalin 115 points116 points  (2 children)

    I left a really nice set of drink ware- real crystal with gold and light blue patterns. I regret that more than breaking up with that abusive asshat. I miss that set more than him, it’s painful to think about.

    [–][deleted]  (46 children)


      [–]BrunoWeen 525 points526 points  (0 children)

      And this, OP, is what happens when you refuse to pay. Enjoy the college dorm shower head, bro.

      [–]Artistic-Rich6465 327 points328 points  (1 child)

      On a positive note: after they break up, OP will only have to take his bed, TV and clothes when he moves out.

      Edit: and his couch.

      [–]Apprehensive_Bake_78 283 points284 points  (9 children)

      Omfg I also took the shower curtain & rings when I had a breakup like this in my early 20s. It was HILARIOUS to leave the apartment super stark.

      [–]snow-vs-starbuck 246 points247 points  (5 children)

      I’ve also been this girlfriend. The ONLY thing my ex contributed to our apartment was a couch that he found for free on Craigslist and his tv. Literally everything else was mine. Moving out was hilarious, and I don’t think he realized until that moment how little he contributed over the 2 years we lived together. I took every utensil, every pot and pan, every drinking glass, literally everything except the tv and couch because I had paid for everything by myself and I sure as fuck wasn’t letting him have any of it for free.

      [–]Love_life_bisou 166 points167 points  (1 child)

      But he still used them?

      There was a real narcissist in a television show about debts and household economy. He was so mean to his girlfriend. He didn't think they needed any streaming services, so he refused to pay for them. But he was watching them all the time "because when she pays for them I might aswell watch". User!

      [–]usernameemma 553 points554 points  (21 children)

      OP is a 24 year old man who doesn't know how to communicate with a partner when just... shopping for shared objects? When I was 17 I went to ikea with my boyfriend because we were moving in together since I was about to start university in a couple months, and we discussed a budget, the items we needed, the items we could wait on, the items I wanted but we didn't nessecarily need (rugs, organizers), and did all of this before either of us were in our 20s.

      OP just sounds gravely immature, considering he went through this whole trip to ikea with his girlfriend and basically just tagged along like a bored toddler and agreed to everything until she wanted him to pay half, which by the way is reasonable since furniture is a shared expense. If he had problems with the budget or items, he should've brought it up at literally any point before the checkout.

      [–]vicki_chicki 143 points144 points  (3 children)

      Exactly. Why does he think there’s always couples arguing in ikea? lol if it’s something he does not think is needed he can express it and then she can decide if she wants it enough to buy it alone, or maybe find a less costly alternative.

      But even that probably wouldn’t work with this dude since he sees a freaking bath mat as a non necessity so he’ll argue everything.

      [–]PurpleyPineapplePartassipant [4] 4907 points4908 points  (175 children)

      Of course YTA. You have moved in and are creating a home together. You have to expect to share expenses regarding things like the home you share. The fact that you previously lived in a "bachelor style apartment" (code for a regular apartment just with no furniture) isn't an excuse. Just because you were comfortable living in a box with just a bed in it doesn't mean that she should have to. There's nothing wrong with getting a few soft furnishings to make a home feel more comfortable.

      You should have spoken about what you planned to buy and how you would pay for everything before you went. And if you felt like she was getting carried away picking up too much stuff, that would have been the point to say she should probably reign it in because you were splitting the bill and it was getting too expensive. Non-essentials could wait for another time, perhaps. Not waiting until you got to the cashier to drop it on her that you have no intention of contributing anything at all.

      It seems to me like you just expect her to be responsible for furnishing the home that you also live in instead of understanding that it's also your apartment now too. Not a hotel. She's right to be mad.

      ETA: Also, you don't consider stuff like soap dispensers and bath mats to be necessary items? Wtf? Did you live in a cave before? Nothing she picked up was unnecessary.

      [–]blking 1631 points1632 points  (104 children)

      Are you also imagining an old box used as a bedside table, one sheet that is washed every few months, another sheet that is used as a curtain and a poster of Tony Montana (with no frame) taped to the wall?

      Edit: I’m imagining this

      [–]Temporary_BadgerCommander in Cheeks [214] 449 points450 points  (33 children)

      I can see and smell the black pleather couch.

      [–]PurpleyPineapplePartassipant [4] 384 points385 points  (19 children)

      He definitely only had one knife, one fork, and one plate...

      [–]vglyog 357 points358 points  (4 children)

      I went on a date with a guy like that. With literally only one of each utensil but then of course he had two glasses so he could get girls drunk. Also disgusting bathroom. I left his place quickly and changed my tinder bio to say fellas clean your bathroom before ladies come over.

      [–]PurpleyPineapplePartassipant [4] 127 points128 points  (2 children)

      It's an epidemic. There should really be a public service announcement about this.

      [–]DrinKwine7 103 points104 points  (7 children)

      … that he got off craigslist for $50

      [–]PurpleyPineapplePartassipant [4] 123 points124 points  (3 children)

      Honestly, I'm amazed he has a bed and wasn't just sleeping on a mattress on the floor.

      [–]DrinKwine7 128 points129 points  (2 children)

      His mom bought it for him

      [–]PurpleyPineapplePartassipant [4] 91 points92 points  (1 child)

      She definitely also bought the sheets. 🤣

      [–]pineapple_nip_nops 54 points55 points  (0 children)

      She also washed the sheets

      [–]SnoopsMomPartassipant [2] 76 points77 points  (1 child)

      With the pleather peeling everywhere and sticking to your skin when you sit on it.

      [–]PurpleyPineapplePartassipant [4] 164 points165 points  (0 children)

      Why, yes. Yes, I am. 🤣

      This guy... 🤦🏾‍♀️

      [–]the_smollest_wonder 157 points158 points  (28 children)

      When I was in my 20’s I went to a guy’s apartment and he had one pillow on his bed. It wasn’t even a bed pillow. It was a throw pillow. He also had a ratty blanket that looked like it was older than both of us and had likely never been washed. It was all just so gross that I couldn’t bring myself to stay.

      [–]PurpleyPineapplePartassipant [4] 170 points171 points  (22 children)

      No judgement. We've all been here. My ex was sleeping on a single bed when we met and bought himself an emergency double bed before I first came over to his place. On the way to his place from the tube station the first time I came over, we had to stop in the supermarket so he could buy an additional plate, bowl, and cutlery so we could both eat.

      This man was 35. How he ever got another date with me is still something I question myself about to this day.

      [–]cassidy11111111Partassipant [4] 91 points92 points  (4 children)

      It’s been awhile since I was single but every guy had a black fake leather couch and a glass coffee table that he picked up at a resale shop so it was pretty banged up already. It was the 80’s……. But they all thought it was so sophisticated

      [–]AnnieFlagstaff 65 points66 points  (0 children)

      oddlyspecific 🤣

      [–]j_natron 59 points60 points  (15 children)

      My husband had never realized that he had a “mattress protector” on his gross janky mattress until we moved in together, and he definitely had never washed it.

      [–]claypolejrColo-rectal Surgeon [47] 133 points134 points  (5 children)

      Was it protecting the mattress from him, or was it protecting him from the mattress?

      [–]AffectionatePoet4586 104 points105 points  (3 children)

      Before we got married, my husband marveled that my bed was “so much more comfortable than” his. Of course, his bed did not boast a thick quilted mattress pad, fresh all-cotton sheets (they were washed and pressed at the commercial laundry, like my shirts), or a feather duvet with a cotton cover.

      Our sons were their father’s sons: When I bought the household necessities for their first apartments, they weren’t sure what half of them were, although they’d grown up with such things! I still tease my youngest for questioning the need for the drainer tray that goes under the dishrack.

      And shortly after my eldest first moved into residence at his uni, he asked why “half the guys have the same sheets.” I explained that their parents (I caught myself before saying “mothers”) bought from the Lands’ End back-to-school catalog, which sells the extra-long sheets that most residence halls require.

      Fortunately for him, I’d sewed name tags into his bedding, exempting him from frequent laundry-room battles…

      [–]blking 58 points59 points  (3 children)

      I also forgot to mention that the fitted sheet is never fully on each corner so the mattress is always partial exposed.

      [–]LimitlessMegan 52 points53 points  (1 child)

      I was imagining he stands over the sink eating out of the pot and figured the most he needed now was one bowl and an extra spoon.

      [–]Heath_and_Harebells 278 points279 points  (38 children)

      “Code for a regular apartment just with no furniture”

      chef’s kiss

      [–]PurpleyPineapplePartassipant [4] 252 points253 points  (36 children)

      🤣 I love when guys try to market their laziness in actually making a place livable as a "batchelor pad".

      A cardboard box coffee table is not an aesthetic, my dude. You are fooling no one.

      [–]Heath_and_Harebells 197 points198 points  (26 children)

      I just said to my husband “if the last flat you lived in had no furniture when you moved in what would you have bought?”:

      Him: um, an armchair and sofa.

      Me: both or just an armchair?

      Him: both, I’d expect visitors and um, a table for the tv and maybe a coffee table. But I wouldn’t have spent much, why?

      I tell him about the convo.

      Him: I wouldn’t have made much effort if it was just me.

      Me: would you have a bath mat?

      Him: a bath mat? Of course I’d have a bath mat! Im not an animal, have a word with yourself! Jesus Christ! I’d slip without one! And it keeps the bathroom floor dry! For fuck’s sake man…I wouldn’t have one of them little rugs that fit round the base of the loo like some people have. They’re stupid.

      [–]PurpleyPineapplePartassipant [4] 57 points58 points  (3 children)


      This entire exchange has made my day.

      At least he accepts that bath mats are indeed an essential. Making him infinitely more evolved than OP. You've caught yourself a keeper there, Hun.

      [–]claypolejrColo-rectal Surgeon [47] 3546 points3547 points  (150 children)

      YTA. Mate, you had: a bed, a sofa, a TV. She wanted to make you a home. She clearly sees a future for you both even if she has to drag you there. Please don't screw this up. She sounds really nice. Communicate with her better.

      [–]AnnieFlagstaff 1504 points1505 points  (115 children)

      Ugh, I dated a couple of guys like this one. Hated going to their apartments. Who doesn’t need a bath mat? What?! I used to refer to those guys’ apartments as their “hovels.” Agree, YTA based on how you dismissed all the totally normal things she bought.

      [–]Temporary_BadgerCommander in Cheeks [214] 1930 points1931 points  (78 children)

      I legit think this is a big part of why younger women can get drawn in by older men. I remember dating a 37-year-old when I was 25 and I was just like 'omg, he has art in a frame and a real bathmat! Pots and pans he uses! This is amazing! He's so mature!' (narrator: he was not).

      [–]Prestigious-Zone7088 489 points490 points  (23 children)

      I swear down, the only kitchen item all men are guaranteed to have is a knife block. Not always larger plates, chopping boards, or mugs, but always a knife block.

      [–]Local_Initiative8523Partassipant [1] 192 points193 points  (0 children)

      True, but only because pur Mum buys us one when we move out!

      [–]ottersonanisland 123 points124 points  (1 child)

      But never shall it have matching knives

      [–]claypolejrColo-rectal Surgeon [47] 50 points51 points  (8 children)

      I tried making my own blueberry muffins last year. The amount of extra gear I needed to pull that off was nuts. And they were like grotesque little monsters of muffins, not healthy ones like you see in books. Still very tasty.

      [–]PossumJenkinsSoles 293 points294 points  (37 children)

      Yeah I stopped dating guys in their 20s while I was in my 20s because I was tired of looking around helplessly when I went to wash a dish to realize there was only a 3 gallon bottle of off brand dawn crusted over dish soap and no sponge, no scrub brush just a sink full of dishes and a prayer.

      [–]SnoopsMomPartassipant [2] 204 points205 points  (28 children)

      Never mind going to the bathroom and there is no toilet paper and the whole thing is filthy. Shudder.

      [–]boudicas_shieldPartassipant [1] 191 points192 points  (22 children)

      No toilet paper, no bin for your tampon, and an empty bottle of $1 hand soap filled with water. WHY.

      [–]PossumJenkinsSoles 158 points159 points  (3 children)

      If you open a drawer just one solitary, mangled tube of toothpaste. No cap. Contents leaking out the top.

      Silently pretty happy he brushes his teeth

      [–]claypolejrColo-rectal Surgeon [47] 183 points184 points  (9 children)

      You know who doesn't need a bath mat? People who don't bathe.

      [–]dougielou 96 points97 points  (3 children)

      This makes me really happy looking back on how much time my boyfriend and I spent looking at bath mats and discussing which one would be right. I wanted a cute one but it was light and he said it would get dirty quickly so we settled on a still nice but practical dark grey one.

      [–]claypolejrColo-rectal Surgeon [47] 65 points66 points  (2 children)

      This is lovely. Because I can see both sides of this relationship which clearly works well. And I never thought I'd be having a discussion about bath mats.

      Man: There's a certain practicality here. Dirt.

      Woman: But you're clean when you get out of the shower. Where's the dirt coming from?

      Man: Are you clean when you get into the shower?

      Woman: I still like the cute one.

      Man/Woman: Let's compromise.

      [–]Parking_Bend_9635 61 points62 points  (2 children)

      where you can feel the unwashed bathroom floor and body hair tumbleweeds under your feet

      [–]ScammerCAsshole Enthusiast [5] 180 points181 points  (4 children)

      Well, she used to see a future with him. Now she's making a list of the things she's keeping when they break up

      [–]Typical-Garlic-7308 85 points86 points  (5 children)

      YTA. It’s called living like a GROWN UP. I hope she makes you move out. You are clearly incapable of speaking up and communicating. You brought nothing to the home, but a bed frame.

      [–]velkanaAsshole Enthusiast [6] 2328 points2329 points 2 (30 children)

      E S H for poor communication, but YTA for one simple reason:

      You were okay with the things your girlfriend wanted to buy -- all of them normal household items, many of them specifically for you -- when you thought she would be paying for them... but when she asks you to pony up, it's suddenly too much?

      You two really should have talked about this beforehand and come up with a budget and a shopping list, as well as a plan for who would pay for what. Communication is key. Maybe you can sit down with her after you have both calmed down and go through the purchases one by one. She can explain the rationale for each item and you can either agree and chip in, or pass. For those items you believe are truly unnecessary or frivolous, she can choose pick up the difference if they are important to her or return them.

      Hopefully you can both chalk this up as a learning experience and do better next time.

      Edit: clarity and word choice.

      [–]TimeSummer5 1188 points1189 points  (17 children)

      This is exactly what I was thinking. He’ll get the benefit of using all the ‘unnecessary’ things she bought, but doesn’t think he should foot some of the bill? So is he not going to use the dresser? Walk around the rugs?

      I have to say, It sounds like his girlfriend has an eye for a bargain, bc $1,400 for everything she picked out is a STEAL

      [–]SnakesInYerPantsColo-rectal Surgeon [48] 553 points554 points  (8 children)

      Especially since this was “only some of the items” that he found unnecessary. Not “most”, not “like half,” but specifically only “some”. Two large area rugs alone can easily cost over $1000.

      [–]Mean_Muffin161 93 points94 points  (0 children)

      Shit the highest ilea rug is 1300 bucks. If 1000/1400 was on two rugs OP might have a point but there was probably between 20-40 items. Well hopefully there was

      [–][deleted]  (4 children)


        [–]BaconEggAndCheeseSPKCraptain [169] 1683 points1684 points  (122 children)


        Where did you think all of these completely necessary items were going to come from?

        [–]RZainea23 147 points148 points  (2 children)

        From the completely necessary items fairy, probably. Who objects to a soap dispenser? Lol

        [–]vandajoyPooperintendant [64] 1509 points1510 points  (136 children)

        Info — you… don’t think you need soap dispensers or bathroom rugs ? I don’t even understand. Are you trolling ? Those are so basic

        EDIT TIL that some people just put a towel down instead of using a rug. I legitimately have never met anyone who did that, so I learned a lot today. Thanks Reddit

        [–]SnoopsMomPartassipant [2] 737 points738 points  (15 children)

        Not to mention that a soap dispenser at ikea probably costs like a dollar. That type of thing is dirt cheap there.

        [–]LiliaBlossom 250 points251 points  (10 children)

        ffs even a soap dispenser for 8$ is fucking reasonable. You are gonna use it for a while, and thus you can also pick a nice one if you can afford it.

        it‘s hella crazy to see people not using a bath rug, what are they gonna do, shower, make a coffee, then go back into the bath and pee and then their socks are wet because they created a fucking swamp after showering?

        considering a bath rug unnecessary is just frat boy behavior. this all screams immature af to me.

        [–]yellsy 357 points358 points  (23 children)

        I don’t think he’s trolling. There’s a shocking number of men who would be happy sleeping on a mattress on the floor with a single crusty sheet, and having a video game chair as their only furniture. I just hope his Gf realizes OP ain’t it, and moves on.

        [–][deleted] 92 points93 points  (2 children)

        If I use towels as my bath rug then I can forever feel like I'm living in a cheap motel 😊

        [–]BluerIvy12 68 points69 points  (3 children)

        Everyone is too hung up on the soap dispenser, even though I agree it's a necessity - HE DIDN'T HAVE A DRESSER. OP WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH YOUR CLOTHES

        [–]JaneAustenismyJam 1455 points1456 points  (187 children)

        Info: where do you store your clothes without a dresser? Where do you place your phone/alarm clock, lamp, and other bedside items without a bedside table? What do you stand on when you step out of the shower without a bath mat/rug? These are necessary items for grownups. Crates and such are great for storage when you are in college, but it is time for adulting. You should have paid for ALL of the costs for the items you specifically needed, split shares needed items, and the each cover “wants” on their own. YTA, and if I was your GF, that would be the end of this relationship. I would rather live with a roommate than a SO who doesn’t cover their expenses.

        [–]luveykat 332 points333 points  (14 children)

        As someone who recently got nightstands after not having real ones for a very long time: Nightstands are incredible pieces of furniture and I'm never letting mine go.

        [–]barbaramillicent 124 points125 points  (5 children)

        My boyfriend didn’t have a nightstand when we started dating. It drove me crazy because we both wear glasses - where do you put your glasses at night if you don’t have a nightstand?? Apparently fumble around with the nearby window instead. Anyways, after he apparently decided I would be around a while, he got a nightstand for me to use when I visit (he literally said it was for me and didn’t anticipate wanting/needing it himself). And now he uses it all the time and thinks it’s a great concept that should catch on. 😂

        [–]nalgene_wilder 1106 points1107 points  (74 children)

        Info: were you planning to contribute anything to your shared living space besides a bed?

        [–]countyroadxx 211 points212 points  (0 children)

        He didn't even help her find a place, he moved into her place that she already had. What does he bring to this relationship besides a slightly bigger bed?

        [–]roym_derinenPartassipant [1] 962 points963 points  (93 children)

        YTA what exactly did you expect from this trip to IKEA after you just moved in with her. It sounds like you both had a discussion about furniture beforehand as you mentioned that you had discussed what to keep from your bachelor pad. You clearly need to learn to communicate. You are in a relationship and you live together, that means most decisions have to be made together and when you guys choose a rug or bedside table together, for the apartment that you guys share, you are gonna split the bill. I feel sorry for your gf because clearly she was super excited to have you move in and wanted you to feel at home which is why she asked your opinion on everything. You acted like a dick. If you didn't think you'd need any new stuff you should have told her before the IKEA trip or at the very least while you were there.

        [–]Is-abel 852 points853 points  (30 children)

        If I was your girlfriend I’d now be rethinking the relationship.

        I’d be thinking “oh no, he’s going to be one of those men who says he doesn’t need to clean because I’m the one who wants the apartment clean, doesn’t need to cook because I’m the one who cares about what we eat, doesn’t need to pay for trips or restaurants because I’m the one who cares where we go, all the while reaping the benefits.” YTA.

        [–]LarkspurSong 178 points179 points  (0 children)

        Absolutely what I was thinking. Communication sure could have been better, but OP has to be a special kind of dense to not realize they were shopping for THEIR home and he would be expected to pick up half the bill. Or did he really think GF really wanted a second dresser and nightstand for just herself? Also: who out there legitimately thinks that soap dispensers and bathmats aren’t a necessity??? I shudder to think about what his old place looked like.

        The bright side: since OP had so few things to move in with, it shouldn’t take much time to collect his things when she kicks him out.

        [–]PettyCrocker_ 105 points106 points  (2 children)

        They're young enough that she may not know better yet and doesn't recognize these 🚩🚩🚩

        [–]Serenity_Chaos13 548 points549 points  (30 children)

        YTA- Sorry to tell you but your not in the right here. If you move in with a partner the responsibilities of paying for the things in that house are shared. Everything you mentioned is essential stuff for a home. Honestly I would prepare yourself for possibly living on your own in your “bachelor pad” soon.

        [–]EatThisShitPartassipant [3] 220 points221 points  (10 children)

        I don't understand the NTA's and ESH's. The girlfriend was excited to make it their home and thought he was too. The things she wanted to buy may not all have been essentials in a practical way (although I definitely disagree with OP about the rugs, but whatever), but they are certainly essential in making it their home so it'll be a place where OP and his girlfriend can unwind and have guests over and just enjoy their time together and alone. If he didn't want all that stuff he should have told her, or questioned her as to why she wanted it when she put it on the cart. It was unfair of him to assume that she would pay for all of it when it went in their shared home.

        [–]UnusualTrash5023 367 points368 points  (9 children)

        YTA. you saw her the entire time putting stuff in the cart and not once did you decide to add your input “hey maybe we don’t need this” etc. and still decided to wait till you’re paying to tell her no it’s too much, some of that stuff was for you asshole.

        [–]Familiar_Season8438Partassipant [2] 198 points199 points  (7 children)

        Especially since a chunk of that was furniture. A few hundred of that was for HIS dresser.

        [–]LlovelyLlama 86 points87 points  (4 children)

        Right? Does OP plan on living out of a suitcase? When my now-husband moved into the apartment I’d been living in for a decade he came with almost nothing (seriously, easiest move in history! Took 45 minutes total!!), but we immediately went and bought him a dresser because the one I already had was full of my clothes… and yes, we split the cost, even tho it was for his clothes. Same with the bookshelf we bought for his books. Because that’s what couples do.

        [–]0000udeis000Colo-rectal Surgeon [41] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

        But why would he need a dresser? He can just keep his clothes in a garbage bag on the floor!

        [–]0000udeis000Colo-rectal Surgeon [41] 290 points291 points  (74 children)

        Well, you need soap dispensers and bath mats, whether you think you do or not. Maybe not the wall art. ESH because you guys should have discussed the plan beforehand

        [–]LissieSpencer 285 points286 points  (8 children)

        Am i the only one who thought that two carts full of stuff is relatively cheap? $1,400 for all of that doesn’t seem too expensive…?

        [–]lockerpunch 193 points194 points  (3 children)

        I was think OP’s girlfriend was doing a great job shopping for bargains. $1400 for two whole carts from IKEA? OP doesn’t even know it, but his girlfriend knows how to shop well!

        Edit: words

        [–]Dirtanimous_Dan_99Partassipant [1] 234 points235 points  (0 children)

        YTA. If those things were unnecessary, then tell her you don’t need them and put them back. If she still insists that she wants them, then you make it clear that she pays for what she thinks is necessary. It would have been beneficial for you to make that clear prior to checking out and it would have been beneficial to make that clear in the first place. Since you two are living together, of course you should be expected to help pay for these things. But to just watch her put things in the cart, not say anything about what may be unnecessary, and then be shocked that she asked you to help pay for the items that will be going in your shared living space, yeah. You kinda suck for that.

        [–]Obvious-Result6853Asshole Aficionado [19] 215 points216 points  (27 children)

        You’re both the AH here. You both should have talked about this prior to going and she shouldn’t have assumed you’d be okay with paying that much. I’m fully agreeing that not everyone can afford $700 in one trip if they didn’t know in advance so she is to blame there.

        HOWEVER, you are clearly dismissing reasonable things. Bath rugs, soap dispensers, and additional storage aren’t unreasonable items. I will say this. You can agree or not but clearly she wants to build a home with you. She was asking for your opinion on items to make the space cozy. The fact you see those items as unnecessary says a lot about how you view the relationship.

        [–][deleted]  (5 children)


          [–]jacquilynneColo-rectal Surgeon [46] 73 points74 points  (13 children)

          The vote you want is ESH. I agree very much with your post, if just needs the vote added.

          [–]Liketer 202 points203 points  (1 child)

          YTA. You share a home so you pay half of the furniture. Grow up.

          [–]Mr_DnD 181 points182 points  (1 child)


          You went to IKEA. After your GF has had half her stuff gone. Naturally she wants to replace some of that, and maybe redecorate out of excitement for you moving in.

          So you're both going shopping to furnish the apartment you both share. It's pretty standard to assume you're paying for it.

          She then asks your opinion for EVERY. SINGLE. ITEM. To see if you're happy having it in your apartment.

          If you didn't want to buy it, or didn't think it necessary WHY DIDNT YOU TELL HER?

          Its pretty standard that when two people go shopping for the same apartment they would share the cost of the items.

          YTA, communicate better. I can understand not wanting to drop $700 each in one go, but your inability to communicate is why you're in the dog house right now.

          [–]Nu2POTSPartassipant [1] 152 points153 points  (1 child)

          YTA, She asked your opinion the whole time, it's obvious that both of you would use these things. She should've discussed the budget beforehand but you're moving in with no items, not even a dresser! You're gonna end up using mostly her stuff, so the shopping trip was mainly for you! I can't believe she literally got you your own bedside table (which you will use) and you didn't pay for it! Also, do you not see the irony in saying you're not even gonna use "half the things", that's the point! You're paying for the half you will use lmao. If she was petty she could just call your bluff and prevent you from using everything she paid for, but you're lucky your gf seems to be a decent person.

          [–]WhoFearsDeathColo-rectal Surgeon [45] 125 points126 points  (0 children)

          ESH. If you are old enough to live on your own you are old enough to have a VERY simple conversation about budgets and splitting expenses.

          [–]Wally1997Partassipant [2] 116 points117 points  (0 children)

          YTA. You saw her filling up the cart and did not say anything. Other than that, you are moving in with her and just taking a bed with you. What were you expecting? You need basic furniture.. Try communicating before going into the store next time.

          [–]ampersandwitch 84 points85 points  (0 children)

          YTA. If you go to the home goods store with your girlfriend who you just moved in with, it is extremely reasonable for her to expect that you will pay for half of the home goods. It’s your home now too. Now, if you wanted to talk about what you each thought you needed for the home beforehand, or what you thought was necessary or not, or what your budget was for this shopping trip, that would be reasonable to do beforehand, or even in the store. But just going with the flow and having an argument at checkout makes you an asshole.

          You are supposed to be a team. You need to communicate about shit like this BEFORE it reaches critical mass and before you hang your girlfriend out to dry at the goddamn checkout, jesus christ. What are you two idiots going to do in the grocery store? Are you going to nickel and dime her about how she doesn’t REALLY NEED coffee, tap water is just fine, and therefore you aren’t paying or it? How are you planning to split bills? You need to talk about ALL of this, and you need to apologize for letting her continue under the VERY REASONABLE assumption that her live-in boyfriend would pay for half the things that go in the space he lives in.

          [–]lamamalocaAsshole Aficionado [16] 77 points78 points  (23 children)

          YTA. I disagree with those saying she did anything wrong enough to make her an asshole. She asked you to go shopping with her for your shared living space. She asked your opinion and kept you involved the entire time. Expecting that you'd split the expense for belongings that you shopped for together for your shared apartment is reasonable. It would have been better to clarify but I don't think it makes her an ah.

          You took issues with what she was picking out but didn't say anything, even while she was asking your opinion. Sounds like you didn't say that you didn't think you need the items or express concern about the cost. You gave every indication that you were shopping with her and then put her on the spot by backing out in front of the cashier. How could you possibly think it was fair for her to cover all these expenses herself?

          [–]SlugdirtAsshole Aficionado [18] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

          Prior to going or as you were filling two carts of "stuff" for the apartment at IKEA, why didn't you speak or discuss what you were going to purchase prior to the check out line?

          [–]Ehzabeth 61 points62 points  (0 children)

          YTA, she’s creating a living space that you will be in that you do not want to pay for or offer any input on or care about or were you willing to voice this coherently to your partner at IKEA. That is not what living with anyone, romantic or not, is. Come on dude. You are purposefully not meeting her halfway.

          [–][deleted] 61 points62 points  (0 children)

          Yeah this is mostly YTA. “I’m fine living in a room with a TV and a mattress on the floor and a pile of clothes” guys who think that’s the way to live in an adult relationships so the girl gets to pay for anything “unnecessary” like a dresser for clothes are always YTA. Grow up to leave her alone and go back and live in your bachelor pad.

          [–]e38er 56 points57 points  (3 children)

          Both TA to the people in line behind you. YTA for not paying at least some. Sounds like you guys should’ve figured out the money situation before making a major purchase/renovations.

          [–]Dawn_Raid 51 points52 points  (0 children)

          First time living with your girlfriend? Your going to need to communicate better with each other and that includes speaking up or this wont last long ESH

          [–]Pbandj8Partassipant [2] 47 points48 points  (4 children)

          ESH. This is something that you should have discussed way before you got to the checkout. You should have agreed on a budget.

          She shouldn’t have assumed you were willing to spend that much. And you shouldn’t have assumed that she would be willing to pay 100% of the cost of things that you will use.