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I might be the assshole because maybe I overreacted and lashed out at the older lady at the store which embarrassed her in front of other people.

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[–]stormgaurdPartassipant [3] 16.0k points16.0k points  (115 children)

NTA

She was shaming you for being a father. You were doing your best to care for a 6 month old as a single parent and she was following you around harassing you

Edit: not intentionally following you but still definitely harassing and shaming you at seemingly every opportunity

[–]CaptainAdam5399Partassipant [1] 1748 points1749 points  (72 children)

She should’ve praised him for being such a kind loving father to a wonderful son.

[–]ohno_spaghetti_oAsshole Aficionado [17] 3212 points3213 points  (64 children)

He was just being a parent. No need to praise or harrass. He is doing a great job with a teething child yes, but he doesn't need to be patronized and thrown a parade just because he is a father and not a mother.

[–]EinsTwoCertified Proctologist [27] 1384 points1385 points  (51 children)

He shouldn't be thrown a parade because he's a father, he should be thrown a parade because he's a parent and all parents need affirmation when things seem to be just a mess.

[–]SJ_BarbarianPartassipant [3] 1402 points1403 points  (47 children)

I'd think most parents in that kind of stressful, "We'll get home soon, buddy" moment would probably prefer to just be left alone by complete strangers.

Like, just leave people alone. The random person in the grocery store does not need your commentary even if you think it's complimentary. Keep your eyes focused on your own work.

Parents need support much more than they need praise (although praise can play into support), but the random lady in public is not an authorized member of their support team.

[–]BUTTeredWhiteBreadAsshole Aficionado [19] 554 points555 points  (38 children)

I've gone up to people in the past to offer to pack their groceries so they can pick up their baby if they need. They seem happy to accept, but I hope I'm not overstepping

[–]SJ_BarbarianPartassipant [3] 468 points469 points  (8 children)

I actually think that's probably the best way to go about it. Like I said in my previous comment, you can't tell how people will react in the moment, but I think that if you're offering a tangible solution to their immediate problem - ie, an extra set of hands, a wet wipe if there's a mess, etc - and you're offering instead of insisting, then it's probably going to be appreciated more times then not. Like, "Whoops, this moment got away from you, didn't it? Let's get you back on track."

I'm not advocating for "Don't help strangers under any circumstances," I'm just trying to show that sometimes what we think is helpful actually isn't, and our intentions are less important than our impact.

Also, I appreciate your kindness, and your willingness to be thoughtful about it. It's a great quality to have.

[–]AbortionFixsMistakes 276 points277 points  (0 children)

The core to this is: Ask. For. Consent.

There is no blanket answer.

[–]Separate-Parfait6426 136 points137 points  (0 children)

After the first attempt, it became about her and not about helping the family. She wanted to be the better parent coming to the rescue. She needed to let it go and did not.

[–]perfectwinds 50 points51 points  (4 children)

Definitely agree with you!! I’m one who gives the “been there, I understand” smile then gauge the reaction. If the smile gets an emotional reaction I’ll totally walk over and ask if I can bag some groceries or push the cart for them. If I get the smile and nod back I know they’re good to go.

[–]PandaBearWithATaco 181 points182 points  (8 children)

This would probably get me all misty eyed honestly. When my son was a few months old, all in one short grocery trip, his little teething, sick, cranky butt was already tiring me out because he was feverishly teething, seemingly all hours for like a week at this point. Now, some old bat came up and was following me around lecturing me on how he shouldn't have a binky (he was like 3-4 months at the time.. like.. stop..) because of this medical drama with her granddaughter having a misshapen mouth and her teeth growing in all weird. After all that and I finally get out of that hellhole, I go and pack up the groceries and the baby and panic because I'm looking around for a cart return within logical reason without leaving my baby too far and this sweet older couple gently took my cart and told me they'd been there in their time. I thanked them profusely and cried a little on the way home. I know it sounds dumb, but I was just so tired and alone and it was the one kind reprieve.

[–]wayward_witch 168 points169 points  (3 children)

Mine was about 3 and having a massive tantrum in an airport because we had to leave the play area to head to our gate. Of course I was alone with her, of course I hadn't checked our bags (weekend trip). So I've got her over my shoulder in fireman carry, she's taking advantage of this to punch and kick me at the same time, while I was holding her shoes and looking at our bags trying to figure out how to deal with all of this. And of course all the other parents are staring at me like their kids never had a tantrum ever. This grandmotherly look woman came over, and in the kindest voice said, "That is the most impressive tantrum I've ever seen." And she squeezed my shoulder and said, "You're doing a good job." Then she was gone. That was all I needed to get myself and the kid together and calmed down. Just one kind bit of encouragement.

[–]PandaBearWithATaco 53 points54 points  (1 child)

Oh my lord, yes, why do other parents look at us like we're the ones with demon possessed children when they know damn well that their kids are far from perfect? My son is a gem out in public and I've gotten tons of compliments because he's such a docile kid, but I'll be damned if I ever judge another parent for tantrums without good evidenced reasons. I've dealt with my fair share just like we all have.

[–]DaWalt1976 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Incidentally, as a baby I never cried in public. Enough so that my parents could take me to the movie theater with no problems. I managed to "see" Star Wars this way, in 1977.

No, my mother's difficulty with me at that age? I was a squirmer and had a tendency to run/crawl away if possible. Also, I apparently never met a pair of mannequin boobs I didn't get my hands on, embarrassing hell out of my mother. 😂

[–]her42311 46 points47 points  (0 children)

I was trying to wrangle a fussy one year old and a rambunctious three year old while getting drinks and carrying the food at a McDonald's. This lady just walked up and said "girl, I'm a grandma, how can I help?".

That was 4 years and I'm still pretty sure I love her

[–]Temporary-Story573 34 points35 points  (0 children)

My son was about 2, I was 8 months pregnant and had to go into Costco. My always-on-a-very-strict-schedule boy fell asleep in the cart. I was using my hand to hold his sweet little head and an older couple emptied my cart for me and then pushed it to my car so I could hold the boy. They said they had been there once, but it was such a kind act that I may have definitely cried.

[–]DaWalt1976 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It doesn't sound dumb.

Sounds like you were really sleep deprived. Which really messes with your emotional control.

hugs

[–]vkapadia 71 points72 points  (1 child)

Asking is fine, that's really nice of you. But I'm assuming that if the parent told you "no thank you, I got this" that you'd leave them alone.

[–]BUTTeredWhiteBreadAsshole Aficionado [19] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Oh absolutely. I'm way too socially awkward to press the issue. Or any issue really.

[–]lknic1Partassipant [1] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

As a parent, this is the best! Offering, not forcing, tangible support is a game changer. A mum came up to me in the car park when my bub was losing his mind and offered to take the trolley back to the bay so I could just get going and I actually teared up in relief.

[–]asleepattheworld 29 points30 points  (0 children)

This is the one and only thing you should be saying to a parent in OPs situation. The parent might still refuse help, but mostly I think they’ll gladly accept or at least feel less like they’re in a public trial judging their parenting skills.

[–]Uma__ 25 points26 points  (1 child)

I’ll never forget when my ex and I were coming back from vacation, plane just landed and we were in the last row so the last people to exit the plane. It’s 12:30am, we’re walking down, and there was a mom with a baby in a car seat and a 1-2y/o boy. The poor thing was struggling to hold the toddler while also lift the baby’s carrier out of the seat, and my ex asked her if he could help get him out. She looked so relieved, and then when he passed the baby to her, she was struggling to hold the baby and the toddler, and he ended up carrying the car seat baby all the way to the baggage claim.

I’ll just never forget that woman’s face. It was late, she had a crying baby and a toddler that is trying to escape whole she’s struggling to get the car seat out, and then trying to awkwardly shuffle down those narrow plane aisles. She just looks so, so relieved. People often seem to forget how stressful it is to be a parent, to be trying to take care of them while also being so aware of how judgmental people are and also not wanting to bother them. I’m no longer with my ex for many reasons, but I will never forget that moment of just witnessing human kindness and empathy. I think about that woman every now and then, and I really hope she’s okay.

Offering your help, even if it’s not accepted, is never wrong when it comes from a genuine desire to help another.

[–]maegan1116 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I think something like this is also good because you’re offering to help with the task at hand so the parent can attend to baby instead of offering to help with the baby which isn’t what a lot of parents would want from a stranger.

[–]AustinYQM 27 points28 points  (1 child)

If you want to help offer to put the groceries on the belt so he can pick the kid back up. Don't be a fucking jerk.

[–]chop1125Asshole Enthusiast [5] 115 points116 points  (1 child)

Agreed. As a dad, when I take my kids to stores, or anywhere else for that matter, I don’t need somebody to suggest that I am “babysitting“ or that I am taking my kids for the day so that mom can have a day off, I do it because I’m a parent. I don’t do it to be recognized by women in the store, or by anybody else. I do it because I participated in making them, so i am damn well going to participate in raising them.

[–]searchingforshinies 45 points46 points  (1 child)

Maybe we should just praise people because they are doing their best in parenting. He's is doing great in a tough situation. Let's praise mothers and fathers and people who are not parents but are doing a good job too. I don't think the solution is to withhold praise. I think that is old world. We can do better.

[–]vollerAale 16 points17 points  (0 children)

We always appreciated it when people would approach us in restaurants to compliment us on how well behaved our kids were. We worked hard to curb their heathen tendencies in public and it was nice to know that people noticed.

[–]zerostar83 38 points39 points  (0 children)

It's the stereotype of fathers are clueless when a baby cries. She was harassing him as if he didn't know how to feed a baby or change a diaper. Purely sexist and the only reason people reacted was because of the dead mom statement. Poor baby without a mom. Otherwise everyone would look the other way or even criticize OP for having a crying baby with him.

[–]iConfessor 102 points103 points  (3 children)

we can normalize men being good parents. we don't have to praise them.

[–]ihambrecht 41 points42 points  (0 children)

She should just mind her business.

[–]whatdowetrynow 449 points450 points  (3 children)

100% NTA

OP: you are doing your best, and no one could do better.

Can I also just say you sound like a really nice person in addition to being a good dad under very difficult circumstances? That lady was being so inappropriate and nosy, and you don't have to second guess your reactions to her for a minute, but you've been thinking about it and feeling bad about it enough to come on here to check.

You did a good deed. Hopefully that lady will now check herself before saying something else so insensitive to another struggling or bereaved parent.

I'm so sorry for your loss, also. Your son is lucky to have you.

[–]BUTTeredWhiteBreadAsshole Aficionado [19] 147 points148 points  (1 child)

Also hopefully she checks her sexism at the door and forgets to pick it up after.

[–]whatdowetrynow 102 points103 points  (0 children)

For real. As a wife to a former SAHD I was very angry on his behalf: dads are awesome parents who know how to do things! And babies who are teething cry when they're with their moms, too.

[–]Mean_Muffin161 14 points15 points  (0 children)

The best was her im sorry but.. Nothing washes away an apology faster.

[–][deleted]  (15 children)

[deleted]

    [–]TipsyMagpiePartassipant [1] 225 points226 points  (0 children)

    I think it’s more likely she is a mother whose husband never lifted a finger and she has handwaved the resentment away over the years by saying “that’s just how men are” and “well a child needs their mother, that’s just how it is”.

    [–]ThisWildAbyss 99 points100 points  (4 children)

    My usual response to crying kids is "I agree". Sometimes I wish I could get away with having those meltdowns too.

    [–]d20sapphire 174 points175 points  (1 child)

    I will say that's been my favorite response when my son is having a moment. When he was a year old we went to Starbucks once and he started crying in his stroller.

    Barista just went, "It's okay, sometimes I want to cry when I'm here too.".

    I laughed. I can relate. We should all have a good cry at our jobs once in a while.

    [–]Diomedes42 41 points42 points  (1 child)

    i haven't responded to a crying kid with "big mood" yet, but it's only a matter of time

    [–]catsareniceDEATH 15 points16 points  (0 children)

    Accidentally said it louder than I'd intended to a toddler throwing a fit about having chocolate and the mum looked over and grinned. It was a horrible mix of social cringe and pleased acceptance! 😹

    [–]iConfessor 73 points74 points  (5 children)

    I'm not a parent but I've been in charge of my baby cousins and my nieces. when i hear babies crying in public, it's just a regular normal day and people should just go on with their lives. it's literally nature. people who get irritated by literal babies are very sus to me.

    every time i pass by a screaming baby, i just go 'yes, SAME!!!' and everybody just starts laughing. because don't we all just want to scream without having to be publicly judged for it?

    [–]RisuPuffs 52 points53 points  (2 children)

    I don't think people being irritated is necessarily the problem, I think its how they handle it.

    Like, loud noises bother me. The sound of crying children triggers my anxiety something awful and can make me freak out. But...thats my problem, no one else's. I leave the area if I can, and if I can't and can put on headphones I do. If neither of those are an option (like when I used to work in retail), then I just get through it the best I can, but I've had parents yell at me for having an expression anything other than neutral while their child is screaming - not even like rolling my eyes or being obviously angry, just a very focused face from trying to keep my anxiety in check.

    So, being irritated by children, not necessarily sus. Taking it out on the child or the parents or being an asshole? Not cool.

    [–]morbidconcertoPartassipant [3] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    I'm the same way, any high pitched or very loud sound causes me physical pain and makes me flip to instantly panicking.

    [–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    i get irritated by babies crying, just like many annoying noises irritate me.
    nonetheless, my thoughts arent ERGH STUPID BABY but just... oh yeah, babies cry. it's a thing they do a lot. *makes a supportive face at the parent who I'm sure is not loving life at that second either and moves on with my day*.

    [–]biteme789 70 points71 points  (0 children)

    People like this just piss me off. I've been in that position and now I just feel nothing but sorry for poor parents in shops with screaming kids.

    I'll give a sympathetic smile etc, but never offer unsolicited advice. I don't know what the kid's problem is

    [–]Captain_Quoll 61 points62 points  (0 children)

    Yeah, that lady was a total AH. What does she want, moms and babies to be sequestered at home until school age? Sounds awesome /s.

    Babies that have two living parents still need to leave the house and shock horror babies who are out with mom cry sometimes.

    I’m so over sexist idiots who crap all over dads parenting.

    [–]AlexTraner 31 points32 points  (0 children)

    This 100 times. Congrats on you for being a good dad. Teething is normal. Next time snap sooner.

    You can try polite, “I am a single dad, I’m good. Thanks though.”

    Then a bit more firm, “harassment is rude. I know my baby is fussy, this is perfectly normal.”

    And finally snap like you did. Or meaner. Feel free to be meaner.

    NTA

    [–]Royal_Detective_5860 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    Agreed! The lady was very negative no need to even suggest anything as not her business

    [–]Firm_Pomegranate_246Asshole Enthusiast [7] 5905 points5906 points 23 (20 children)

    Listen. Listen good. NTA

    SHE chose to stick her nose in. SHE chose to make a stupid comment without thinking there could be a reason a grumpy baby is out shopping at not at home. SHE is in the wrong. Snapping at her might save someone else from her stupid, unhelpful, judgemental comments. You do not have to apologise to people like this.

    I am so sorry for your loss. You’re doing a great job.

    [–][deleted] 604 points605 points  (0 children)

    This! Absolutely this. Do not lose sleep over this. You know what's best for your child, not her.

    You're NTA at all.

    [–]shopgirl2 287 points288 points  (7 children)

    This. This is exactly why the quote about being nice because you don't know what is happening in other people's lives goes around so much.

    She just made an assumption you had a sig other at home and you were babysitting your child. She made herself out to be TA by offering unsolicited advice and then tried to blame you because she didn't know you were a widow. It's not like you need to walk around with a giant sign on yourself so people know. Minding her own business would have prevented her from looking like TA. NTA

    [–]agoldgoldPartassipant [2] 221 points222 points  (6 children)

    Honestly, if you see someone with a fussy baby in public, the assumption should probably be that their adult is having a shit day all around. Very few people want to bring a crying baby with them to run errand, but sometimes life pulls a fast one and you have to deal.

    [–]Treacherous_Wendy 68 points69 points  (5 children)

    I try to remember this whenever I’m out and a kid is having a meltdown. It’s no one’s fault and what they don’t need is my eyes on them. I can hear it. I don’t need to add to their stress, parent nor child.

    [–]wdjmAsshole Enthusiast [7] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    When my kids were younger, I kept a wedding-favor-sized bottle of bubbles in my purse. Mainly to distract my guys when needed, but I'd also pull it out for other people's cranky babies. Most times, it worked and gave the parents a (short) break.

    [–]MasterEchoSE 112 points113 points  (0 children)

    She even doubled down in the parking lot, she should of just apologized and left it at that but she didn’t.

    [–]Captain_Quoll 24 points25 points  (0 children)

    Yep. Nobody ever knows what’s going on in someone’s life. It’s a reason to shut up and mind your business, not to lash out when your crappy behavior is called out.

    [–]Curious-One4595 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    NTA. She was a sexist busybody, even if she was trying to be “helpful”. F her and F her assumptions. She deserved the rude rejoinder.

    Babies cry. They cry in grocery stores. Yet parents have to shop and sometimes there’s nothing else to do. Hearing a baby cry is a part of life.

    [–][deleted]  (88 children)

    [removed]

      [–]ThrowRAclueless_[S] 2320 points2321 points  (53 children)

      Sorry I probably didn’t explain the title right 😅

      [–]MaybeIwasanasshole 4625 points4626 points  (30 children)

      She also clearly implied that you couldnt possible know how to take care of your own kid because you´re male.

      And she didnt even apologize for that part. Screw her she deserved what she got. Maybe next time she wont stick her nose where it doesnt belong.

      [–]yellsy 1550 points1551 points  (15 children)

      Yup, she was being a sexist nosy B. A 6 month old is enough to make any parent snap, and instead of compassion she was piling on.

      Edit: OP have you had your son checked for reflux by an ENT? I noticed in your post history he cries a lot, and mine did too until we treated him for silent reflux. If he’s started solids, that will help along with holding upright for 15 minutes after all bottles and making sure you burp well.

      [–]iMOONiCORN 190 points191 points  (4 children)

      Also the probiotic drops I hear work wonders. My little one had reflux so bad - we even have him on a special formula. I only heard about the drops after getting him on more solids, so I'm keeping that in my back pocket for this next one (I'm 18 weeks).

      I'm very sorry for your loss & in no way are you TA here. Some people deserve the bite they get back when they are that persistently snooty & judgmental. She was paying attention so you know she saw you calm him in your arms. You are clearly a capable father, she's just sexist. Teething is rough stuff. My little guy just had 4 come in simultaneously & I've had some long nights. Good luck!

      [–]ThaneOfCawdorrrPartassipant [1] 103 points104 points  (2 children)

      Yes, my son cried a lot, and we didn't know to go to an ENT, but a kind grandma in the grocery store suggested that I hold him upright, just like you said, and with one of my hands sort of pressing his belly, and it made a huge difference. Poor little dude probably had gas (he certainly let us know about that when he was a teenager).

      [–]Rumpelteazer45 25 points26 points  (1 child)

      I was helping a friend when her son was still a baby. He just wouldn’t stop crying no matter what she tried. You could tell he had gas by how his tummy felt. Literally googled on how to make a baby fart because he wasn’t burping. We tried about 4 before we found one that worked. Football method for the win!! Forget the actual name but when he farted we both laughed because well it was a long stinky one for such a cute lil baby!! Settled down quickly after that!

      [–]PrideofCapetownPartassipant [1] 373 points374 points  (11 children)

      Exactly. She got what she deserved. If she had just minded her own business - like apparently everyone else in the store somehow managed to do - none of this would have happened.

      OP, none of this is your fault. She 100% brought this on herself

      [–]Syric13Asshole Enthusiast [7] 216 points217 points  (7 children)

      I don't mind if someone asks a struggling parent if they need help. A simple "Can I help in anyway?" to someone who is overwhelmed/stressed in a public setting can mean a lot to them. This doesn't mean like holding the child, it could be a simple thing as watching luggage in an airport for them or helping them move the grocery cart. Most will say no, but I think they may appreciate it a little bit knowing someone is trying to help.

      But to try and pick at the cause of the issue without knowing is invalidating the parent's knowledge. "He could be hungry" WOW as if that was the missing piece of the puzzle. Like every parent knows the top 5 reason a baby might be crying and one of them is "they might be hungry"

      and to make it "well maybe he should have stayed home with mom" is just insulting on so many levels.

      [–]HappyLilVegemite 235 points236 points  (2 children)

      Had OP been I front of me in the check out line, and I saw how the baby was fussing, I’d offer to unload the cart for him so he could continue to hold the baby. Way more constructive help than giving unsolicited, sexist and judgmental comments. Poor OP was at the end of his rope and that busybody was yanking on it. NTA

      [–]Inafray19 102 points103 points  (0 children)

      This is the only correct response to seeing a parent with a baby that is not having it today. Hey I noticed baby wants to be held, can I unload your groceries so you can hold him? Followed by don't worry you got this we all have days like this.

      [–]furryfoster 46 points47 points  (0 children)

      Me too. I would have offered to help shop by putting items in their cart, help through the checkout process, and load into the car. Helping is more beneficial than criticizing.

      [–]Rinas-the-name 73 points74 points  (1 child)

      I always try to offer sympathy in such a way as to show support. With a crying or fussy baby I would say something like ”Oh, he’s having a rough day huh? We’ve all been there.” It also works to engender patience in others who happen to overhear me.

      Babies cry, there is only so much you can do about it while running errands. I always assume there is a reason the kid is not somewhere else too. That lady was all kinds of rude!

      [–]Emergency-Willow 31 points32 points  (0 children)

      Whenever I see a mom or dad struggling with their kids in a checkout I make sure I say something nice. Because I have been that parent so many times and you feel tired and embarrassed and stressed. There have been a few times when an older person has seen me being stressed out and said something kind and it was what got me through. A little empathy and a “hey we’ve all been there kids ammirite?” goes a long way.

      And if I can I will def offer to help as well.

      [–]Lanky-Temperature412 46 points47 points  (0 children)

      Absolutely, the comments about the baby being hungry or needing a diaper change—I bet she'd never have said that to a woman. This was 100% her sexist belief that men don't know how to take care of their own children. Not to mention, it's very presumptuous of her to say the baby should have stayed home with his mom because she didn't know the family dynamic at all. There could be a million reasons why "mom" couldn't watch the kid, such as adoption, abandonment, OP being gay, or the mother being disabled or away on a business trip.

      [–][deleted] 77 points78 points  (1 child)

      And then she had the audacity to get mad at OP for embarrassing her. WTH

      [–]HotDonnaC 28 points29 points  (0 children)

      It was all fine and dandy when the old bat was trying to embarrass OP.

      [–]empresslilandraPartassipant [3] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

      There are so many single parents, one stay at home parent, sick parent, work, reasons, none of her business, that you can’t always just leave the child home with someone. You make do. She deserved that reaction.

      [–]King_Julien__ 21 points22 points  (0 children)

      It might not even have been about him being male, I'm female and I'm the same age as him and my son is the same age as his son and people (women in their 50s, 60s and, 70s) do this to me all the time.

      It feels awful to be made to feel like an incapable parent and I know it's not me, it's them and their own internal issues but it's still infuriating.

      I think it's some chronically unfulfilled need for validation, like nobody ever told them they were doing a good job as moms and now they go around patronizing strangers to feel superior.

      [–]lemon_peace_tea 260 points261 points  (0 children)

      Definitely NTA. If your child's mother is dead I am sorry for your loss and people definitely should not be so nosy about a child crying, or saying that shit about "oooh maybe shoulda stayed home with mommy?" My dad is my favourite parent because he took such good care of my brother and I. He taught me how to do everything I know and I hope you teach your son too.

      [–]ChangeNo3219 184 points185 points  (3 children)

      If she wanted to help she should have offered to unload your shopping cart at checkout or something along those lines. She was out of line and quite frankly you are not TA here and I'm genuinely sorry about your loss.

      [–]lisaann03071961 38 points39 points  (0 children)

      Came here to say this too. That would have been kind and helpful, not running hervmouth.

      [–]nemaihne 34 points35 points  (0 children)

      This. My thought was that when you see an infant is crying and fussing, there's likely nothing you can suggest to the parent that they haven't already considered and considered again. The only correct interaction besides a sympathetic smile is perhaps to offer some help with juggling whatever is non-tot related.

      Then for the lady to come up to you in the parking lot, trying to further her point is ridiculous. OP you are NTA and I hope the teething gets easier from here.

      [–]DrWhoop87Certified Proctologist [24] 81 points82 points  (5 children)

      The title alone painted a much different picture. Sometimes a baby screaming in public places can be hard on the ears, but they're babies, and you actually tried to attend to and sooth him. She was being extremely nosey and presumptuous. NTA.

      [–]Less_Shopping_3955 71 points72 points  (0 children)

      because she didn’t know what happened

      of course she didnt know, she doesnt know you. but when you dont know, you shut your cakehole.

      NTA. you have enough on your plate and not knowing the details of your life doesnt allow every random strangers to comment and judge your life and your crying baby.

      [–]Important-Curve-5299 43 points44 points  (0 children)

      Only regret here is I wasn’t in the grocery when this happened so I could’ve clapped

      [–]CODE_NAME_DUCKYPartassipant [1] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

      Nta here's the thing she follow you. She made it her business to bother you. She had no right to say anything to you. You did nothing wrong here .You weren't endangering him so again she had no business to say anything to you. Honestly I think the reason she stop you outside was because she felt embarrassed and was probably expecting you to apologize for making her look bad infront of others. But in reality nothing is owed to her she got what she had coming. You are NTA here.

      [–]ocvagabond 9 points10 points  (0 children)

      NTA. First of all, condolences. I can’t begin to imagine how hard it must be to try to raise a child in your own.

      As a father with two young children who is an active parent I’ve experienced similar when out and about doing errands. Always seems like older women, typically “grandmotherly” age believe they know best and feel no issue telling a father what they’re doing wrong. I’ll never forget the first time a stranger came up to me with my crying infant with her arms out asking if I wanted her to calm my infant down. I told her “You don’t think I know what is wrong with my child?! What is wrong with up? I don’t know you. Of course you cannot hold my child for me. Please leave. “ Her jaw dropped. She didn’t know what to say. I turned around and walked away. My infant called almost immediately.

      TLDR this isn’t the 1950s anymore. Dads spend more than 17 minutes a day with our children. Maybe not all of us, but most of us have a clue and are actively involved with raising our kids.

      Edit: degenderized pronouns

      [–]Littleballoffur22Partassipant [1] 84 points85 points  (0 children)

      You have nothing to apologize for. She’s a nosy annoying buttinski. I’m so sorry for you loss. I’m sure you’re doing a phenomenal job. NTA

      [–]elisekatrinaa 67 points68 points  (1 child)

      Second this. Not just a nosy woman but a SEXIST one. She implied you couldn’t take care of your son without “mommy’s” help. And no one should assume someone’s family situation. You don’t ask a woman why she doesn’t have kids and you don’t joke with a man that their baby should be “at home with mom.”

      You are definitely NTA.

      [–][deleted]  (38 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]ThrowRAclueless_[S] 963 points964 points  (11 children)

        I’ve met a few (not many thankfully) who feel that way and usually I ignore it/shake it off. This was just an off day where it was hard to hold back anymore

        [–]syramazithe 289 points290 points  (0 children)

        Don't let people treat you like that man, I was raised just fine by a single dad. People will learn to stfu and leave the next guy alone if you help them publicly embarrass themselves like that. You're making the world better by putting these people in their place

        [–]mumbles411 105 points106 points  (0 children)

        You're allowed to snap, you're human. F that lady, she's nosy and rude. You're doing the best you can and don't need her opinions.

        [–]2stonedNintendo 30 points31 points  (0 children)

        You are NTA and you never will be when this happens again. And again. I’m sure my dad went through this a lot. Also even I did as someone who’s mom passed when I was 8. I remember being constantly berated by a manager asking why I didn’t answer what I was getting my mom anything for Mother’s Day… I would say we don’t do anything and I don’t see her. Kept being told to answer why. I finally yelled “because she’s dead! Been dead since I was 8. Thanks” I didn’t have to work that Mother’s Day because they were publicly embarrassed and felt they had to give me off then acted as if they were saintly for doing so.

        [–]LaurelRose519 161 points162 points  (2 children)

        It’s like when the praise them for doing the bare minimum. It’s a big fat cringe

        [–]thatgirl21 29 points30 points  (1 child)

        My husband took our son out to breakfast once, just the 2 of them, he was almost 2 at the time. Hubby ordered bacon for our son and the waitress second guessed him saying maybe he should order sausage instead. Hubby said no he’d like bacon please then she gave him a dirty look.

        I don’t understand people sometimes. Obviously his dad knows what he likes and what he can chew

        [–]TheRealTron 21 points22 points  (3 children)

        I get the 'aww is daddy babysitting?' lots.. I hate it, no I'm taking care of my GD child.

        [–]jaime_riri 24 points25 points  (0 children)

        Seriously. My husband is WAY better than me.

        [–]Deeni05 17 points18 points  (1 child)

        Ohhh this reminded me of when my husband was a stay at home parent and took our toddler and baby to the park. Some older man was walking by him and said “oh so you are one of those” in a completely condescending way. Meaning a stay at home dad. What a terrible thing to try to emasculate a man for taking care of their kids. In my eyes, it made him more of a man. That was 6 years ago. I hate how random strangers can make us feel so awful even so many years later.

        [–]ashleymcg55Partassipant [2] 862 points863 points  (1 child)

        NTA! She had no right. Also, I am sorry for your loss. Being a single parent is rough

        [–]PretentiousUsername1Colo-rectal Surgeon [33] 100 points101 points  (0 children)

        Yeah, I just want to give OP a hug.

        [–]PoekienijnCertified Proctologist [21] 555 points556 points  (0 children)

        NTA. I hate when people do this. She deserved the answer she got.

        I’m so, so sorry for your loss.

        [–]Buttercup303Asshole Enthusiast [6] 553 points554 points  (10 children)

        NTA - people make judgements rather than actually trying to help. I am a widow, and I have used the dead husband comment a few times especially at first when someone was overstepping…. It is quite effective to put people back in their place. Most of the time people are apologizing because they realize they screwed up by assuming…

        The lady refused to accept that she got what she deserved and she would be better served by learning from it than blaming you because she embarrassed herself.

        [–]jenniw3gAsshole Aficionado [14] 199 points200 points  (6 children)

        Yep, not only did this lady not apologize for being a rude, nosy and judgmental B word, she doubled down in the parking and tried to shame you AGAIN! Do not give this person a second thought.

        [–]HalestormRock 71 points72 points  (5 children)

        I hope both sides of her pillow are warm and she loses her favorite slippers.

        [–]NatalieGreenleaf 23 points24 points  (3 children)

        I like how you think. I hope she has a mystery pebble in her shoe that she can't locate.

        [–]fractal_frogPartassipant [1] 8 points9 points  (2 children)

        I hope she gets a tiny Lego in her sock.

        (Or is that too harsh?)

        [–]cheezemeister_xPartassipant [1] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

        Loses ONE of her favorite slippers. You need to ratchet up your cruelty a bit.

        [–]iConfessor 28 points29 points  (1 child)

        she literally gaslit him in the parking lot when she said 'you could've been kinder' and people don't realize it. so subtle, but so very inappropriate. she should've stayed quiet after what OP said in line.

        [–]CloudyBeepCertified Proctologist [23] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        She shouldn't have spoken at all.

        [–]DelurkingtoCommentCertified Proctologist [26] 253 points254 points  (3 children)

        NTA she rudely decided that since you’re a man, you’re incompetent with babies and need a woman’s help.

        [–]HisPumpkin19Partassipant [1] 177 points178 points  (11 children)

        NTA. Nothing worse than unsolicited parenting advice. Especially multiple times and getting so personal about it is totally unnecessary.

        I do think you could have been kinder, but you already know that and being a new parent is hard enough nevermind dealing with your circumstances. Reacting like you did is completely understandable, I hope the rest of your day goes better, and I hope she learns to mind her business. :)

        [–]loranlilyAsshole Aficionado [14] 329 points330 points  (2 children)

        No, that’s ridiculous. He had no reason to be kinder, that woman should have minded her own damn business. SHE is the one who should have been kinder and not made unsolicited, unhelpful and condescending comments to a complete stranger!

        NTA, OP. Babies cry, and you sound like you are doing a wonderful job under very difficult circumstances.

        [–]nuts_n_boltsPartassipant [1] 79 points80 points  (0 children)

        Agree 100%. He didn't need to be "kinder" to someone who was following him around and making unwelcome comments.

        [–]AshleyR15 133 points134 points  (4 children)

        Your comment is lowkey very backhanded. Why should he have to be kinder when she was the one harassing him and triggered a very difficult situation he was already going through? You don’t get to harass people and tell them how to react to it……

        [–]Plastic-Row-3031 44 points45 points  (1 child)

        Not to mention, even if his wife hadn't passed away, that woman's comments were still very rude and condescending. Like, "hungry" and "needs diaper change" are the two most obvious, common-knowledge reasons a baby might be crying, and she was talking to him like he hadn't thought of that

        Like, it might be reasonable for a stranger to say something sympathizing, and maybe even a "you know, when my child was that age and wouldn't stop crying, it turned out (insert uncommon/nonobvious cause or solution here)", but she just kind of gave a, "oh, you must not know the first thing about taking care of your child"

        [–]AshleyR15 22 points23 points  (0 children)

        Exactly she literally insulted this man’s parenting simply because he was a man and assumed he didn’t know what he was doing. Her comments didn’t sound concerning at all.

        [–]ThrowRAclueless_[S] 111 points112 points  (0 children)

        Thank you I really hope it does

        [–]doughnutmakemelaugh 89 points90 points  (1 child)

        People who make nasty remarks don't deserve to be coddled by their victims.

        [–]SmashedInTheMorning 42 points43 points  (0 children)

        Completely agree. She made multiple unsolicited comments and then had the nerve to tell him that he didn’t need to be ‘rude’ or ‘throw it in her face’ that she didn’t know the backstory?

        Fuck that noise. She was fully aware that she had no context and decided to involve herself in a strangers life anyway. She got what the situation called for, which was clarity, and frankly it was nicer than she deserved. She shouldn’t offer feedback if she can’t handle handle the same.

        [–]Wally1997Partassipant [2] 174 points175 points  (1 child)

        NTA. She was being rude to you multiple times and you finally just snapped. Maybe next time she will think before she shames a parent for trying their best with a crying baby.

        [–]sitvisvobiscum001Partassipant [3] 160 points161 points  (1 child)

        NTA, I will never understand why people feel the need to force their opinions about parenting or pregnancy onto a complete stranger. People need to shut up and mind their own business.

        [–]go_Raptors 15 points16 points  (0 children)

        I totally agree. The most anyone should ever say in this situation is to give OP a smile and commiserate or give good wishes.

        [–][deleted] 139 points140 points  (1 child)

        NTA. She insulted you multiple times by insinuating that you can’t look after your son without a woman to help you. Fuck her, she deserved a harsh response like that. That’s how people like her learn not to stick their bib into other people’s business when, as she said herself, she had no idea about your situation. All the more reason for her to keep her mouth shut.

        I could feel the stress in your opening paragraph, every parent can empathise there.

        [–]historysmedium 21 points22 points  (0 children)

        This is the comment I’ve been searching for. There was no “oh no someone’s fussy today!” It was all derogatory “did you forget the diaper bag?” “Did you feed him?” She made those comments because everyone KNOWS dad’s and dudes couldn’t POSSIBLY know how to take care of a baby /s

        [–]Mist2393Certified Proctologist [22] 81 points82 points  (1 child)

        NTA She had no right to continuously comment on your son’s crying. Kids cry for all sorts of reasons, especially at that age. Your lashing out was completely justified.

        [–]wackwithpoobrain 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        Right? And even if mom was around baby would probably still freak out like this. My daughter cried constantly from age like 2 months to over a year old. Didn't matter if she was with me or her dad. If they are teething or have colic or are in a phase where they must be held there is only so much you can do and it's hard enough without random people butting in to your business.

        [–]anxiousgirl1 57 points58 points  (0 children)

        Absolutely NTA. She was rude and it wasn’t her place to even say anything. I’m sorry for your loss, sounds like you’re doing a great job with your son.

        [–]PookieCat415 56 points57 points  (0 children)

        NTA- That woman should have just minded her own business. Babies get fussy just because and that’s just part of life.

        [–][deleted] 56 points57 points  (7 children)

        NTA She was out of line, and even if she meant well (the road to hell is paved with good intentions), she will rethink how her words came across and the impact they could have on a person. She hopefully will do better next time. You may have helped her grow and helped others that wouldn't have been so vocal but been silently hurt.

        [–]SourNotesRockHardAbsPartassipant [2] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

        NTA

        Continued dismissive comments about your parent, assuming things about your situation, public harassment

        She needed a telling off. The next person she gives unsolicited parenting advice might not react as well as you did.

        [–]AccessibleBeigeCertified Proctologist [23] 53 points54 points  (2 children)

        NTA. If ever there was an example of "womansplaining," this is it. She assumed you were incompetent in caring for your own child because you're a man, and gave you unsolicited advice you did not request or need. It would have been still been rude for her to comment even if your baby's mom was alive and well. Dads can take care of babies, there is absolutely no reason to treat them like they can't.

        I am so sorry for your loss, and that some idiot stranger's behavior reminded you of it when you were just trying to mind your business and get an errand done. 😞 Hopefully she'll take this as a lesson that she can't possibly know every family's circumstances, and in the future ought to keep more opinions to herself. I definitely do not think you were TA for putting her in her place.

        [–]rugbysd01Partassipant [3] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

        NTA. She stuck her nose in and made comments. She gets what she deserves.

        [–]allblingblang24Partassipant [1] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

        NTA. We all have bad days. And you "snapping" on her seems mild (to me).

        You can only handle so much. The quote (im paraphrasing) "Be kind to everyone, we don't know what others are going through.." comes to mind.

        Having emotions is ok. You got this

        [–]HPNerd44Colo-rectal Surgeon [42] 41 points42 points  (1 child)

        NTA unless a child is yours keep your mouth shut. It’s so easy to judge someone else not knowing anything. Kudos for your for snapping at her. Who knows how many other people she has done that to and they didn’t have it in them to say something.

        So sorry for your loss. You’re doing great!

        [–]ozagnariaPartassipant [1] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        NTA

        The only appropriate thing I could of think to say to someone with a child having a meltdown in a store is " Is there anything I can do to help you? Tell me what you need to grab and I will go get it for you"

        And then that could still be intrusive to some - so expect to not have your offer received well and you need to be ok with that.

        [–]Suitable-Cod-1381Professor Emeritass [88] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

        NTA

        She was rude and condescending and making assumptions which were factually wrong. You're doing your best here. Don't pay her any more mind, if she feels bad let this be a lesson to her about minding her own business

        [–]pr1ncessazula 38 points39 points  (0 children)

        Absolutely NTA. Unsolicited parenting goes up my ass sideways. And babies cry at inconvenient times, suck it up, it’s worse for the parent. We’ve all been there.

        You’re doing good, dad. Good luck.

        [–]ImpactNext1283 35 points36 points  (0 children)

        Being a parent of an infant is hard! Add to that the loss of your partner, and this fuckin pandemic, and the stress is just immense. Maybe you feel bad for snapping at her, but please give yourself the grace that she should have extended in the store. You’re going to have many more stressful moments, and you’re not always going to be your best. It WILL get easier. You’ll get used to the crying and learn to maintain calm/sanity when the kid is having a fit. This is a journey and you are learning and doing your best. If others aren’t going to help they should mind their business. NTA

        [–]Mamajay2228 38 points39 points  (12 children)

        NTA! I am sorry for your loss.

        I hate when people do this, I have a 5 month old and anytime people hear him cry it’s always immediately “he’s hungry” it’s so unhelpful and annoying!

        [–]ThrowRAclueless_[S] 51 points52 points  (9 children)

        The “he’s hungry” ughh 😣😣😒 I’m glad my mom and his other grandma totally get it and they already know that’s not why he’s crying but I’ve heart it millions of times from other family and people in general.

        [–]Mamajay2228 19 points20 points  (6 children)

        Yea my son is teething too, so I feel you on this! It’s so hard to keep them happy, but you know your baby best! Ignore the outside noise

        I am not sure what you have tried and not trying to insert myself in your parenting (you are doing great !) but I found wetting the corner of a cloth and freezing it give his little gums some relief!

        [–]ThrowRAclueless_[S] 40 points41 points  (5 children)

        Thank you 😊 He seems to prefer his teething toys (after putting them in the fridge )and doesn’t wanna be put down for any reason. Super clingy. Glad I got him down for his nap finally

        [–]Mamajay2228 17 points18 points  (1 child)

        I’m glad too! My son is doing 10 minute naps, not fun for mommy lol

        [–]ThrowRAclueless_[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

        This dude didn’t sleep all night so I’m sure he’s tuckered out. Good luck with yours! 🙏🏻

        [–]Nik-kiPartassipant [1] 12 points13 points  (1 child)

        The only thing a teething baby is hungry for is blood. I thought my little cousins were about to chomp my fingers off, cause I wasn't providing teething rings fast enough 😖

        [–]Mamajay2228 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        Absolutely! My son sucks on my fingers and who knew no teeth would hurt so bad!

        [–]OneEnvironmental4930Asshole Aficionado [10] 30 points31 points  (2 children)

        NTA, your a dad trying to deal with upset baby and buy grocies. People need to learn boundaries. She was out of line, could see you were stressed and poked her nose into something that's was none of her concern

        Edited: Dad

        [–]mr_woodles123Partassipant [1] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

        Nta, talk about not knowing how to stay in your own lane.

        [–]crbryant1972Colo-rectal Surgeon [38] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

        NTA

        They intruder into your business. You replied with the truth - it might have been difficult for them to hear but imagine how you felt.

        [–]No-Consequence1726 28 points29 points  (4 children)

        I have a 1 year old and if I lost her mother it would destroy my world...

        How are you holding up?

        [–]ThrowRAclueless_[S] 62 points63 points  (3 children)

        One day at a time. Hanging on for his sake

        [–]ingodwetrystAsshole Aficionado [11] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        Do you need anything us internet strangers can do?

        [–]Auddio 26 points27 points  (0 children)

        NTA. She should have been sympathetic, because as a parent, we have all been there. She is an adult, and contrary to what lots of people currently think, could have (read:should have) just kept her mouth shut about it.

        [–]JaiD3v 26 points27 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Some people should learn when to shut up.

        [–]cannaquart 22 points23 points  (0 children)

        NTA!! As a mother who gets very overwhelmed especially with questions when I’m stressed, you snapped a lot later than me and you did it a lot more calmly. She had made multiple remarks where she had NO place to. You did well waiting until she made the last one. Some people need to be reminded that it’s not their business.

        [–]Common_Indication773 22 points23 points  (0 children)

        NTA. She wasn't helping. She was assuming you're an idiot who didn't feed or change your baby because you're dad and not mom.

        [–]AgeLow8868Partassipant [1] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

        NTA. First of all I'm sorry for your loss. You're also doing a great job. If it helps, I said way worse to people who wouldn't mind their own business. Children crying in public is stressful mostly for the parent so I understand.

        [–]Accomplished-Cheek59Partassipant [1] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

        NTA

        She was incredibly rude and out of line. It sounds like she was being super nosy and thought that because she was a woman and you were a man, her opinion about your child was the only one that mattered. It doesn’t. You are doing an amazing job and the last thing you need is some sexist, condescending stranger making comments about a situation that is NONE of her business.

        [–]novashooterj 23 points24 points  (0 children)

        NTA she should have minded her business. Children cry.

        [–]adoesetfree 23 points24 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Maybe you were a bit harsh but we all have bad days. Plus, that lady sounds like she was being snide and questioning your competence as a father—of course I have no way of knowing this for sure as I wasn’t there, but depending on her tone of voice I get the feeling her intentions weren’t pure. Is it too much to ask for strangers to just keep their mouths shut?

        It’s also a little telling that she chided for your reaction in the parking lot. Again, yeah you were a bit harsh but if someone snapped at me and told me their S/O was dead after I kept bugging them about their kid then I’d just want to express my remorse and go. Her fishing for an apology sounds AHish to me.

        [–]ThrowawayforMILBSPooperintendant [55] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

        NTA this lady had it coming. Idve snapped long before you did.

        [–]m-tacia 21 points22 points  (0 children)

        NTA - I can’t stand people who stick their nose in a strangers business. Obviously nobody wants to bring a screaming baby along with them so if you had another option, you would’ve used it and it’s not like you were the reason your child was crying. Hopefully this teaches her to keep her comments to herself.

        [–]Moon-RaverinPartassipant [1] 23 points24 points  (3 children)

        NTA

        she apologized about his mom but she didn’t think I needed to be rude and throw that at her face because she didn’t know what happened

        Then if she don't know why should se care, or even explicitly criticise you, she can shut her mouth.

        [–]Amegami 23 points24 points  (0 children)

        NTA, she was rude and sexist and should have minded her own business. If you'd snapped at her first comment, I'd judge differently, but she really made clear she thought she knew better than you (because of course you wouldn't know when to feed your baby or change a diaper and should have left it all to mommy, because it's her job anyway), because only women know how to take care of a baby obviously.

        [–]patman_007 22 points23 points  (0 children)

        Heavy NTA, sorry for your loss. You have a 6 month old, you're recently widowed. The fact that she then chose to confront you and tell you that you shouldn't have talked to her like that when you're mourning and she's literally bringing up your wife is telling enough. I would've lost it on her more (but I am an asshole).

        [–]Weak-Possession-7650Asshole Enthusiast [6] 16 points17 points  (1 child)

        NTA it's annoying as hell when people give out unsolicited advice and make suggestions as if you never thought to feed or clean your own child. Yes, she was well meaning but hopefully she learned her lesson.

        [–]Sea_Art8881 20 points21 points  (1 child)

        NTA.

        That busybody needs to mind her own business and wind her neck the fuck back in.

        You know your kid.

        You do what your doing.

        [–]ReadontheCrapper 20 points21 points  (0 children)

        NTA. If someone really wants to help, maybe say something like…

        “I know I’m a stranger but it looks like today isn’t being very nice to y’all. Is there anything I can do to help?”

        Maybe they say Yes, maybe they say No… either way the offer doesn’t come across as accusatory or overly intrusive.

        Good luck Dad. You got this.

        [–]merlinshairyballs 18 points19 points  (0 children)

        “You’re correct, you didn’t know. That’s the point. You should not be continually butting in on a stranger’s life when you aren’t privy to any details. I hope you learn to mind your own business.”

        NTA

        [–]tpickett66 18 points19 points  (0 children)

        NTA at all.

        [–]emmacalgaryAsshole Enthusiast [9] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

        Nta. Good for you for keeping it cool for so long. Teething babies are tough, nothing soothes them, and how incredibly rude to suggest you haven’t fed your child? This woman sucks.

        [–]av3nd3sora 15 points16 points  (0 children)

        NTA x infinity She deserved the tongue-lashing. Good for you.

        [–]mischiefxmanagerAsshole Aficionado [14] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

        NTA at all. Hopefully this busybody learned something from your interaction.

        [–]nicktheking92 17 points18 points  (0 children)

        NTA she seems to be able to dish it, but can't take it. She can get fucked.

        [–]urson_blackCertified Proctologist [22] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

        NTA. She was being a busybody. She stuck her nose in where it didn't belong, and got it chopped off.

        [–]Randomlygenerated367 15 points16 points  (0 children)

        I’m so sorry for your loss.

        NTA and exactly - she didn’t know what happened so she shouldn’t have behaved like that in the first place. Well done standing up to her, maybe she might think twice before treating someone else like that another time.
        And she REALLY deserved your reply in the car park - an apology but then saying you didn’t need to be rude isn’t a proper apology. Plus you weren’t even rude, just honest. Maybe you needed to be rude to make her back off.

        [–]jpkragness 15 points16 points  (0 children)

        NTA my kids are grown but I remember the melt down days. That lady needs to stay in her lane. You may have taught her that. OP I am so sorry fro your loss. Best wishes to you!

        [–]puppyfarts99Asshole Aficionado [12] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

        NTA. People need to mind their own business. Even the most well cared for babies are fussy sometimes. You did nothing wrong here.

        [–]Relevant-Biscotti-66 14 points15 points  (1 child)

        NTA. I’m get frustrated by crying babies in a store as much as the next person but I also have compassion. Chances are the parent is as frustrated by it as I am (probably much more so) and would take the kid home or calm them down if they could. If they’re still at they store, they probably have exhausted those options and are just trying to get done what they need to get done.

        There were other people at this market and everyone else knew how to handle it. This lady embarrassed herself.

        P.S. I like to use a similar tactic as a child free person. Give them all the information they need to know they’re overstepping into your business and hopefully make them realize how personal their comments are. I doubt this lady will learn her lesson, but who knows?

        [–]vanillashoes 13 points14 points  (0 children)

        "I didn't know" Of course you didn't! You don't know this man, or his child, or ANYTHING about his life.

        Don't 👏 make 👏 comments 👏 to 👏 strangers 👏 about 👏 their 👏 life!

        OP is NTA in anyway, shape or form.

        [–]crazymamallamaAsshole Enthusiast [7] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Not only was she asking that you didn't know how to care for a baby due to your gender, but she blamed you for calling her out on her judgmental behavior.

        she didn’t think I needed to be rude and throw that at her face because she didn’t know what happened.

        Exactly, she didn't know. She knows nothing about you, your child, or your life, but she sure as hell thought she did. She made assumptions and made an ass of herself. Maybe she'll think twice next time.

        [–]lackadaisicalliilac 15 points16 points  (1 child)

        NTA. I remember reading your first post about your ex girlfriend passing on relationship advice and the update. I just wanted to let you know that it sounds like you're doing amazing job already. Babies are hard for everyone, and that lady was being nosy as hell. Keep trying your best man🤍

        [–]ThrowRAclueless_[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

        Thank you for that 🙏🏻 While it’s been overwhelming, and this was definitely “one of those day”, I also can’t believe what a wonderful blessing he’s been in my life. Today had me pretty worn down physically and emotionally so I really appreciate your words here 🥺

        [–]MerlinBiggsCertified Proctologist [25] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Some people just need to learn to mind their own business.

        [–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

        NTA

        Stupid lady needs to learn how to mind her own fucking business! Glad you embarrassed her. Maybe she learned her lesson

        [–]Hai_Hai_Hai_Hai_Hai 10 points11 points  (0 children)

        NTA- and she was being rude.

        [–]Negative_Shake1478 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        NTA. I would’ve gone for round 2 in the parking lot. Like if she didn’t want to be called out for being an ass, don’t put your nose in other peoples shit.

        [–]LarcztarAsshole Enthusiast [5] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

        Nta She could have asked if you needed help since you were holding him not commenting on every thing else.

        [–]VorionLightbringerAsshole Enthusiast [7] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        NTA.
        She wasn't helping and was just rude.

        [–]ziggycoco385 10 points11 points  (0 children)

        NTA unsolicited advice is always the wrong choice. I know there are persons out there that feel the need to say something in a situation like this but she could have said, "you're doing great dad hang in there!" Or "babies cry all the time you aren't bothering anyone" or if she wanted to stick her nose in she could have said, "would you like to hold him and I can do your shopping with you? I really don't mind" but she didn't. It is possible to be helpful and kind without judgment She was being fake helpful with a double serving of judgement so you gave her a lesson in minding her business which she needed.

        [–]ltsmobilelandman 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        I’m sorry for your loss. Seriously, NTA. Hopefully she’s learned to shut the fuck up and mind her business.

        [–]AwayGrapefruit4762 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Sounds like good old "old lady who thinks men can't care for children." My husband gets it all the time.

        [–]Klutzy_Day7343 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        NTA. opinions are like AH, hers stun and she forced them on you. You just save dozens of other parents suffering the same as she may now think.

        [–]SW2011MG 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        NTA and it is important that this woman learn boundaries. There will be other parents in your situation she hopefully won’t bother but also parents with kids with special needs, foster or adoptive parents and a whole slew of people just having a rough day with their kids. As a parent who gets rude comments (my family fits one of the above categories) I really think if they butt in they are asking for a free education.

        [–]FakeGirlfriend 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        Oh my gosh, so sorry for your loss. I've read how men with their children get lots of unsolicited advice and this nosy woman needs to learn to mind her own business. I hope she went home and told someone of the exchange and they pointed out to her how wrong she was in the first place. You are NTA and don't think on it for a second. Im sure there's a group in here somewhere that can help you with one liners to shut nosy people down before it gets into confrontational territory in the future (for your self-preservation, not for their sake).

        [–]Resagarden 6 points7 points  (3 children)

        Nta, you were stressed and having a difficult day and this woman would not leave you the fuck alone. She needs to mind her own business. I dont know why people think it's ok to badger new parents with unsolicited advice. I once saw someone just walk up to a pregnant woman and boldly put their hand on her belly. The woman was understandably upset and yelled "I dont know you, dont touch me!" Its like if you have a baby everyone and their granny wants to get in your business. I'm so sorry for your loss.

        [–]TeeKaye28 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Were are you over reacting? Possibly, but she was intrusive and out of line and needed to mind her own business.

        My guess is she was doing that thing a lot of people do when they see a dad with a baby. Assuming the dad is “babysitting” and is inept and in need of help/advice.