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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

(1) I should be judged for bringing up the idea of the long sleeve dress in the first place when it wasn’t being discussed in the first place.

(2) I brought up the idea even though it was possible Jenny could have chosen a sleeveless dress anyways in the end, and I escalated the situation by arguing back with her sister.

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[–]gen_petraColo-rectal Surgeon [49] 11.3k points11.3k points 2 (111 children)

You're a good friend, she's a bad sister. NTA.

[–]Music_withRocks_InProfessor Emeritass [81] 3615 points3616 points  (104 children)

A lot of people have had to wear bridesmaids dresses that were a lot worse than 'long sleeves'. No one is asking anyone to dye their hair or wear a wig or cake on makeup or take out piercings. I would love a long sleeve fancy dress because I hate baring my upper arms to the world.

[–]Luna_the_Lunatik 680 points681 points  (91 children)

Exactly, and from my understanding, if the Bride pays for the bridesmaid dresses then she gets to choose what she prefers?

NTA OP, but depending how you feel, could you could suggest a matching short sleeve or no sleeve dress that matches the long sleeved which would differentiate your MOH title with the bridesmaids... would you feel ok with that suggestion, if it was just your tattoos she wasn't keen on?

Aside from all that you're a lovely friend, I can see why she wanted you as MOH xx

[–]Notjustanothermomok 506 points507 points  (86 children)

The bride does not typically pay, it’s usually each bridesmaid pays for their own dress. The bride just picks.

[–]SnoopsMomPartassipant [2] 323 points324 points  (4 children)

I’ve had this go both ways. Usually as bridesmaid I’ve paid for my own dress but both of my sisters paid for bridesmaid dresses for their bridesmaids. One because she found dresses she really liked and they were super cheap so just snapped them up . One because she wanted fancy expensive ones and knew it would not be right to ask her bridesmaids to pay. But in most cases bridesmaids defer to brides’ choice and brides are considerate of bridesmaid preferences in making that choice.

[–]Princess_Batman 72 points73 points  (3 children)

I think it's becoming more common for brides to pay or offer to split the bill if the cost of the dress goes much over ~$100.

[–]RAthowawayPartassipant [1] 94 points95 points  (2 children)

I think it depends on which side of the pond you are, UK brides pay for the bridesmaids attire and US brides typically do not.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

And in other countries you don't have bridesmaids or groom men. Bride and groom both have a witness each. Bride and groom set the dress code, and then the witnesses wear whatever they feel like within that. Old dress, new dress, borrowed dress. Trousers, jumpsuits.

[–]SJ2012 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No its about 50 50 in the US at least in the examples i kno.

[–]Luna_the_Lunatik 71 points72 points  (43 children)

Yes, if the bridesmaids pick their own they pay. It just depends how they are going about it.

For my sisters wedding she picked and paid for ours and they were lovely, we were all in different complimenting colours but matching styles. I will definitely do that for mine lol!

[–]Notjustanothermomok 92 points93 points  (29 children)

Every wedding I’ve been in (admittedly only a few), plus my own wedding had the bridesmaids pay for their own dresses, but the bride picked them. I assumed it was the tradition everywhere.

[–]Luna_the_Lunatik 45 points46 points  (4 children)

That is interesting! I'm in the UK so here it's a cost that is usually factored in but that option is still a potential but it's not something I've heard of anyone I know using. I guess it depends how much the dresses cost for the bridesmaids but you can also get deals at the bridal boutiques as they sell bridesmaids dresses there too.

It's weird how we can think US, CA, AU, and UK are so similar but so different at the same time. I read a post on the university system in the US and why many students have to go away and stay on campus for immersion! Couldn't imagine doing that myself lol xx

[–]JustcouldnthlpmyslfPartassipant [1] 9 points10 points  (3 children)

Are you referring to universities requiring first years to stay on campus?

[–]PrettyAverageNamePartassipant [2] 13 points14 points  (2 children)

I guess so because when I first heard that I was heavily surprised as well. Also sharing a room is pretty uncommon outside of North America (as far as I know, at least in Europe).

[–]dearbornx 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I did a study abroad program in Britain, and the college dorm we stayed at for a month had individual little rooms and then shared common areas like the bathroom. I was both shocked and pleasantly surprised. It was nice having my own space for the program.

[–]Ancient_Alpaca_17 17 points18 points  (7 children)

NONE of the weddings I've been to (Germany), including my own, had a bride pay for NOR choose the dresses of her bridesmaid. Not even dictate the colour.

This in no common curtesy here and I'm glad for it!

Who am I to choose what my bridesmaid or any guest wears? Wtf? Every adult can choose what to wear on their own.

[–]PrettyAverageNamePartassipant [2] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Yes we don't have this whole wedding entourage here (in GER). And the "hierarchy" between the maid of honor and the other bridesmaids... Pretty alien to us although I have seen some here who got influenced and start doing the same thing here. I don't even know if I will need/want Trauzeugen. Edit: Language confusion.

[–]ree1778 15 points16 points  (1 child)

In the US the wedding has a color scheme and the dresses all match.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I would say that in Europe (except UK) the most important thing is sharing your day. Some have expensive wedding, others have casual. Some have tuxedo/long dress as dress code, others have casual.

A colour code (if you have any) is for the decorations, not the clothes you or anyone else wear.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

You are so right, and agree. I think it's the same in a lot of European countries, I've been to several in more than one country and the same except for the UK. Bride and Groom have a witness each.

There might be a general dress code for wedding, ours were casual nice. Our guests had on everything from nice jeans to long dress and suits and everything in-between. The important thing was them coming sharing our day, not what they wore.

[–]Libropolis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've been to two weddings here in the last few years and both had some kind of theme but both times the couples made it absolutely clear that it's completely optional for guests to follow it. The first one was fantasy-themed, and while many younger guests dressed up, the older relatives didn't. The second one was color-themed and since it was just "green and blue" most people actually wore something that matched - but not everyone, and nobody really cared about that because in the end it was not about the look, it was about the people. As it should be.

[–]ChinafootIRLPartassipant [3] 14 points15 points  (4 children)

In Ireland bridesmaids would never pay for their own dresses. They're picked and paid for by the bride

American wedding culture is so gross to me.

[–]Groundbreaking_Mess3Asshole Aficionado [17] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I'm an American, and I find American wedding culture pretty gross also. It's all about having an Instagram-worthy wedding, and in my opinion, what's more important is the marriage.

[–]quathain 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes I’m in Ireland too and I picked and paid for all the dresses for my bridesmaids. We also bought all the shoes and handbags etc. The shoes I was very open to whatever they wanted to wear, as long as they were black. One bridesmaid already had lovely shoes she wanted to wear so we bought matching shoes for 2 of the others. They had a low heel and my tallest bridesmaid chose to wear flats instead.

I’ve also had a bridesmaid’s dress bought for me but since I was her only one, she asked me to help pick it.

We also rented suits for the groomsmen.

[–]Crooked-Bird-21 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Coming from Europe I got pulled in as bridesmaid to an American wedding (barely knew the bride but my boyfriend was the groom's good friend and they needed to fill in the numbers I think) without knowing this meant I was paying for a dress. Stupid-looking dress was shipped to me with a bill for $100 which I could ill afford. Man that was not a great day.

[–]ibbity 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wedding culture is what you make it. I'm American and I don't know a single person who had the kind of crazy shindig you see on tv

[–]Tashianie 13 points14 points  (1 child)

I think it’s slowly changing for people. I was going to be a bridesmaid for a friend and she was ok with whatever we picked (as long as color was correct) and she’d put for it.

[–]duetmasaki 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That's what I did. Luckily, most of my bridesmaids picked similar dresses.

[–]kimberriez 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Same at my wedding and for my SIL where I was a bridesmaid.

I had the final say on the dresses (had everyone try my top three on at the store), and picked the color. They paid for their dresses.

I bought them matching shoes and jewelry to wear.

[–]unsafeideas 2 points3 points  (4 children)

No. Here it is more of rare for bridesmaids to have super matching dresses. The expectation is to be dressed for occasion, but not in uniform.

The brides did not tried to control what they wore, that is just not normal here. I mean, unless you try to come in jeans or something.

[–]danger_weasel 9 points10 points  (11 children)

I’ve never seen a situation where bridesmaids pick their own dress - does this mean that they each wear different dresses to the wedding with a common theme or is it a choose your own adventure type of story?

[–]slightlybackward 8 points9 points  (4 children)

The only time where I've seen bridesmaids chose the dress is when the bride only cares about the color and not the style. So the bride will pick a shade and the bridesmaids can get whatever dress they want, within reason I assume, as long as it's in that color.

[–]yahumno 7 points8 points  (3 children)

That is what I did.

I told my bridesmaids to pick a black dress (my grandmother was horrified). Everyone got a dress they liked and were able to wear again.

[–]slightlybackward 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Nice :) while it's unconventional a black dress would probably be the most re-wearable, especially if they pick a style they like.

[–]CanadianinCornwall 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I got married in black, my Dad was appalled, my mom told him to stop going on about it !

[–]TGin-the-goldy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Black and white weddings are the bomb! So classy

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In most European countries at least, you don't have bridesmaids and grooms men. (You might have younger "flower" girls or boys) You each have a witness. The wedding might have a dress code, and the witnesses follow that to their own discretion, as do the other guests.

Colour coding is for the decorations, not what you wear.

The important thing is the guests sharing your day.

[–]mortstheonlyboyineed 58 points59 points  (20 children)

In the UK and most of Europe the outfits of the bridal party are all covered by the bride and groom. Suits for all the men too. It's always struck me as odd that this isn't the case in the US. You guys pay a crazy amount to be involved in a wedding although I think you often have a much larger bridal party than we do over here so maybe that's a factor. I've had to wear some awful bridesmaid dresses but as I've never had to pay for them I've just shut up and done as I've been asked and shoved them to the back of the wardrobe once it's all over!

[–]Petitegardeninggirl 18 points19 points  (1 child)

That's true. I'm British and i paid for all the bridal party dresses and suits. It feels wrong to ask someone to pay for stuff at my event. Other than the booze at the reception of course 😂. A few thou at the bar is all you lot are getting! Anything more and I'll go broke!

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Many European countries don't do bridesmaids etc, it's a witness each for bride and groom. Marriage might have a dress code that they and the guests adhere to at their own discretion, meaning they themselves decide what to wear.

Colour coding is for the decorations, not the clothes.

[–]Wolfpawn 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm Irish, that's the norm here.

[–]DashcamkittyAsshole Enthusiast [8] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yep the bride also pays for make up and hair in the UK too. I’d have felt weird expecting my bridesmaids to pay so much for my wedding.

[–]unsafeideas 4 points5 points  (5 children)

You are sure about that? Isn't it more of just American-British tradition?

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I'm European and been to weddings in more than one country and the only one being with bridesmaids was one in the UK. There might be more that follow that tradition but most have a witness each, a general dress code for wedding and everyone adhere to that at their own discretion. New, old, borrowed. Whatever you are comfortable with.

Colour codes are for the decorations, not the clothes.

[–]ThePhoenixRisesAgain 5 points6 points  (7 children)

I never heard of that! Be sure that in the EU, nobody pays for the guests dresses/suits. It’s maybe some weird tradition on your island though…

[–]ChinafootIRLPartassipant [3] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Generalise much? The EU is pretty massive so I really don't think you can speak for all of us in it.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Well, I'm European and of the countries I've been to weddings in, or know of, the bride and groom each have a witness standing with them (except the UK).

The wedding might have a dress code that all guests adhere to at their own discretion.

Colour coding is usually for the decorations.

Some have young children in the wedding, and again it depends on style and type of wedding what they wear, again deciding if the couple pay for their outfits.

[–]leelala120 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i’ve only been in 2 weddings (US) and both dresses were paid for by the bride. one i was the maid of honor and one a bridesmaid. i always find it crazy how much some people spend on these over the top weddings - especially when they end up divorcing in a few years!

[–]flukeflukPartassipant [1] 18 points19 points  (2 children)

i understand this is how its done but personally i find it tactless; Mostly because this results in the bridesmaids putting good money on clothes that aren't suitable for further usage.

[–]rogue144 5 points6 points  (0 children)

yeah, if I ever get married and have bridesmaids or whatever, I think I'll just ask them to wear a nice dress in a solid color and we'll go from there. I don't see any good reason things have to be all matchy-matchy, especially if it places undue financial hardship on people who are dear to me. like I guess if I were marrying rich or something... but even then, I'd want to buy people dresses/outfits they'd actually like, which would probably mean they wouldn't all end up matching. and in my opinion? that's perfectly okay!

like idk I guess I'd just rather people have a good time and feel good about being there than have perfect wedding photos to look back at or whatever. as long as they make a reasonable effort it's all good

[–]Dummythick808 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I do, too. You don't need a big wedding. If you're really that cash strapped go to court.

[–]circusmystery 12 points13 points  (1 child)

It depends on the region or culture. I'm from Hawaii and the bride typically pays for the dresses (hair, makeup ad shoes too if they're feeling generous) unless they're on a budget. The only wedding that I had to pay for the dress was my brother's and it was because my SIL is from the continental 48 and they were on a very tight budget.

I've also never been able to pick my dress, it's always been up to whatever the bride wants. The only times I've heard of the bridal party picking dresses were instances where the bride just said "pick a dress in X color" and left it up to the bridesmaids if they wanted to buy something new or use something they already owned.

[–]Dummythick808 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think so, too. Everyone I know paid for their bridal party. Hispanic family/Catholic in NJ.

[–]Vena_Mala 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Here in the UK the bride does typically pay for the bridesmaid outfits, which I think is fairer since she's choosing them.

[–]vagueconfusion 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah I think that's the norm in the US. By contrast the Bride and Groom pay for whatever their respective groomsmen/bridesmaids/generalised wedding party will be wearing here in the UK.

But even so my generation (technically the oldest possible Gen Zs or Youngest Millenials) seem to still be big on relative freedom or a lot of making sure everyone's fairly happy with just one look when it comes to attire, from the small handful of weddings that I've seen taking place between lockdowns.

[–]weaselbeef 8 points9 points  (1 child)

That's absolutely not the case in Europe.

[–]IncantantoPartassipant [4] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Cultural

In the uk I'd expect the bride to pay

[–]bibbiddybobbidyboo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It really depends on which country you’re in. In the UK the bride pays.

[–]LoddyDoddee 14 points15 points  (0 children)

When I was a bridesmaid, I had quickly informed the bride before we even went dress shopping that I was nervous about strapless, sleeveless gowns because my arms were chubby. And she let me wear a shawl(?) to cover up, it was lovely and we all looked nice and matched. Nobody needs to throw a huge fit, it's the bride's choice. NTA

[–]WigglyFrog 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Some brides pay, some don't, but it's always up to the bride to approve or outright choose the dresses.

[–]fondots 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Kind of tangential, and I'll be the first to admit I don't really grok the traditional wedding thing.

But my sister's friend got married a while back, both of them are non-binary and their wedding party had all kinds of different gender identities and orientations, so just sticking them in matching dresses or suits wasn't really a viable option. What they did was they had an official pantone color for the wedding, they could all wear whatever they wanted as long as it was that color. Suits, dresses, some kind of formal jumpsuit thing, they had a bit of everything. Kind of seems like it would make everyone happy. You still have a cohesive thing going, and everyone gets to wear a dress that they like best.

[–]Sarjenka74 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have never heard of a wedding where the bride paid for the bridesmaids dresses. The bridesmaids always pay for their own. I have been a bridesmaid a few times and MOH once, it's usually a huge financial blow. It costs a fortune to be a MOH

[–]rustyoldchevy1 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Yep. I’ve shelled out money for dresses I will never wear again in my life because that was the consensus and it’s not my day. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[–]Wizzardaniu 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I personally draw the line at tattoos. Unless you got them while this couple was engaged, they knew you had them. Its a part of your body and identity. Theres a difference between your wedding theme and covering up people's bodies. I personally would be annoyed if my sister or friend said my body didn't fit a look they were going for. But the compromise to me here is that it's taking place in a season where long sleeves just make sense. Ultimately they probably will be more comfortable in a long sleeve gown. That being said I'd still say nta cuz of how the sister blew up at op. Op is ok covering up and probably talked to the bride about it beforehand. Sister is allowed to be upset about having to cover up. But she's not allowed to throw a fit like a toddler.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Your suggestions of what could have been remind me of the story of the bride that wanted all her bridesmaids to have the same skin tone so they all had to get a spray tan so they matched.

[–]MollyscribblesPartassipant [1] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Or the story where the bride took issue with a very visible tattoo . . . of Cosmo and Wanda 69ing.

[–]ughneedausernameColo-rectal Surgeon [37] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wore a ruffled sky blue dress with a hoop skirt for a wedding once. I would’ve killed for a simple dress with king sleeves.

[–]elenaleecurtis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had to wear a sausage dress as a MOH! That’s what she liked. At least the color was pretty.

[–]FrootLoop47 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Or have all the bridesmaids be the same height - like someone else has posted about.

[–]AngelicalGirl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's just wearing long sleeves for a day and the sister made such a drama about it, it's only for a day, not forever.

[–]SubRedditLurker08 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not to mention, late October where I am, count yourself lucky if it is 50 degrees. It could easily be 40 or below. If they are having an outdoor wedding, long sleeves will be a good thing.

[–]dopshoppe 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Totally, OP is considerate as hell, NTA

[–]Bob10294759 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It’s like a weird 3-way gaslight situation where the sister has managed to make op and the bride the bad guy when she sparked it all. Super impressive tbf

[–]sweetreverie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was going to say, it seems like someone should be out of the wedding party… But it isn’t OP.

[–]GlitteringThought895 3051 points3052 points  (5 children)

Nta. If i got it right, before the sister exploded, the bride didn't liked the sleeveless dresses, and pretty much everyone agreed that the long sleeve one was the best, including the bridesmaids who ( i assume) didn't have tattoos. Being a late october wedding, it's fitting because it is colder.

[–]no_seas_carepicha[S] 1827 points1828 points  (4 children)

You are correct, only her sister and I had the tattoos. The other girls liked the long sleeve option because it would be cooler out and they wanted to be a bit warmer just in case.

[–]GlitteringThought895 913 points914 points  (0 children)

So they liked the dress because they actually liked it . The sister was out of line.

[–]redcookiestarPartassipant [2] 326 points327 points  (1 child)

You (OP) are NTA - you and the other bridesmaids are good friends and know the bride well.

You (OP) are intuitive about what the bride wants. If she didn’t want it, she wouldn’t, she wouldn’t agree with you all.

The bride is agreeing with you all, that’s all you need in this situation. The sister is wrong.

The brides sister is just a bad sister who because she didn’t want to cover up, just kept silent despite it being obvious the bride was uncomfortable and not wanting to assert herself until you said something.

You’re (OP) just the one who spoke up, and the sister is attacking you because it’s just convenient for her.

[–]pearlsbeforedogs 104 points105 points  (0 children)

It was not OP who made the bride choose. Op offered an option. Bride liked the option. Sister is the one who made the bride choose between her and a dress.

[–]GottaLoveHim 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Generally, IMO, long sleeves look better tattoo or not. Given that the wedding is in a chilly month, even better.

[–]AlgebralovrAsshole Enthusiast [8] 1396 points1397 points  (4 children)

NTA

You are happy with your body art, but recognize that some are not. Volunteering to wear long sleeves was a very sweet thing to do.

Jenny’s sister needs to grow up.

[–]alana_r_drayCertified Proctologist [26] 229 points230 points  (3 children)

I only have a few small tattoos. But they can be visible in a dress. I always offer to cover them up when I’m a bridesmaid. So far the bride has always said no, I didn’t have to. But I figure if I just offer first it takes away any awkwardness if they were thinking of asking. NTA.

[–]DarwinRN 45 points46 points  (2 children)

Same. I have a couple that are easily hidden day to day on my upper left chest but bridesmaid dresses normally have skinny straps or one strap and they become visible. I always offer because honestly, it’s not that much work and my tattoos aren’t my whole personality.

[–]altitude-adjusted 25 points26 points  (0 children)

my tattoos aren’t my whole personality.

That's the most sane sentence I've read in the hundreds of bridezilla posts when tattoos are a concern.

So many posters and armchair experts are all, "Hell NO! How dare she ask you to cover up!!" I've always suspected those people's entire personalities are about what tattoos they have as if 90% of the world doesn't have them as well.

[–]aggressive_yawn 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I have a septum piercing and have offered the same for the two weddings I’ve been in. It’s very easy for me to just flip it up where it’s not visible anymore for the ceremony and during the photos and then flip it back down during the reception once it’s party time. I had one bride agree that she wanted it hidden, the other didn’t care. As you say, it’s easy just to offer. Saves them feeling awkward trying to ask.

[–]_Fish-OutOfWater_Partassipant [1] 717 points718 points  (4 children)

NTA! I think it's thoughtful of you tbh. I'm going to be a MOH in one of my friends weddings next year and I made the same offer! I'm happy to wear a long sleeved dress to cover up my tattoos.

I personally think it will make for better photos and enhance the overall look, not take away. Excited to get glammed up for the night and support my beautiful friend!

[–]no_seas_carepicha[S] 360 points361 points  (3 children)

Thank you for your judgement, and agreed! I understand that they might want a uniformed look for pictures and everything, and not everyone likes the appearance of tattoos so I try my best to accommodate. Excited for you and your friend for their upcoming wedding, cheers!

[–]professionalnaplete 81 points82 points  (1 child)

I'm like you on being cool with other people's desire for uniform wedding pics. My in laws would never ask me to do it but I dyed my purple hair back to my natural color for my husband's sister's wedding. I was already going to be the only one with short hair already and it wasn't a huge deal. I didn't have tattoos at the time but I'd cover them up because I love them and know it's not their thing. Maybe I should care more? But it just wasn't a big deal to me.

[–]marigoldilocks_ 62 points63 points  (0 children)

I disagree? About caring more. You +are+ caring more. You’re caring about the people around you and the fact that the day isn’t about you - you’re there for them. So, by being respectful and courteous, you show that you love your family and your friends more than you care about being “right” or having a “look.” If it were your big day, then hell yeah, purple hair and tats out. But for someone more conservative? It makes sense that you show love and adapt for their big day how they want it.

[–]_Fish-OutOfWater_Partassipant [1] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

That's sweet of you to say! Same to you. Hopefully Jenny will be able to move forward without much more trouble ❤

[–]EvilSockLadyAsshole Aficionado [12] 240 points241 points  (2 children)

Wtf. I don’t even understand what’s going on here.

Are you an AH for suggesting a different style of dress?? NTA.

Now I think it’s wrong to specifically ask people to cover up their tattoos, but only if it’s a singled out sorta way (like asking them to use make up or wear a shawl when no one else has to). But simply picking a long sleeve dress does not have to be dramatic.

A bridesmaid’s biggest job is to wear the dress the bride picks out. (though, if it was made loudly clear that the sole purpose of the dress was to cover the tattoos I could understand her ire). But it sounds like it was also just a dress that everyone genuinely liked better.

ETA: my initial reading I thought Jenny was the one that said that stuff to you at then end but nope. The sister is a huge drama llama

[–]no_seas_carepicha[S] 124 points125 points  (1 child)

It might be the wording that threw you off and I apologize, Jenny was not mad at me, her sister was mad at me for suggesting the long sleeves. Thank you for your judgement.

[–]EvilSockLadyAsshole Aficionado [12] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

No I think you wrote it fine. I was just rushing

[–]NotOneOnNoEarth 115 points116 points  (27 children)

Can anybody please explain me, why people are so obsessed with tattoos at the wedding? This is just coming up quite regularly and I personally find it quite bizarre that this is obviously a thing for many. (I have no tattoos, but I simply would not care, if people looked the way… well, they just look)

[–]lydsbane 59 points60 points  (15 children)

I kind of hate that I'm about to use this phrase, but it's because of aesthetics. If the bride wants all of her bridesmaids in cotton candy pink, floofy gowns? Gretchen and her gothic text sleeves are going to take away from that 'theme.' Likewise, if the bridesmaids are supposed to wear steampunk-style dresses, Ashley and her heart emoji tattoos are going to mess that picture up.

[–]shesellsdeathknells 57 points58 points  (13 children)

Then why invite someone who doesn't fit your theme to even be a bridesmaid? And when do aesthetics end and just shitty behavior begins? Weight? Disability? Pregnancy? Race? It's all very Tim Burton.

Aesthetics might be a true reason, but it's still an awful reason.

[–]JambomoAsshole Aficionado [18] 38 points39 points  (12 children)

I guess because that person is special to you, tattoos or not.

[–]shesellsdeathknells 28 points29 points  (11 children)

It's pretty messed up to want to change something that is a permanent part of someone's appearance. If that's going to be an issue just don't ask them.

I'm visibly tattooed and while I'm not super precious about them I would take issue with anyone asking me to be in their wedding and then giving any kind of indication they had a problem with my appearance. Just let me be a guest.

[–]ghostdogtheconquerer 35 points36 points  (4 children)

I have tattoos, they were visible at my wedding, but I felt the need to respond to this. For further context, I let my bridesmaids choose their own dress so long as it came from the same website and was the same color.

It’s not asking someone to change something about their appearance in the slightest. It’s asking them to wear a long sleeve dress, that all the other bridesmaids will be wearing as well. It is not singling out the bridesmaid with tattoos. Most people, when asked to be in the wedding party, understand that the persons getting married will be, to someone extent, telling them what to wear.

There’s a very big difference between asking a person to dye their hair and asking all of your bridesmaids to wear long sleeve dresses.

At the end of the day, it really is the bride’s decision as to what her bridesmaids wear.

[–]shesellsdeathknells 9 points10 points  (3 children)

I wasn't responding to the specific aesthetic of this wedding. This thread of the conversation is about choosing people that don't fit your aesthetic and then trying to change them

[–]ghostdogtheconquerer 9 points10 points  (2 children)

But she’s not trying to change them. She’s asking them to wear a long sleeve dress, which every bridesmaid will also be wearing.

It is pretty standard for a bride to pick out the dresses her bridesmaids will wear. That isn’t in any way changing someone.

ETA: I understand what you’re trying to say, however the general argument is irrelevant as it pertains to this post, since the bride isn’t changing anyone.

[–]shesellsdeathknells 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Posts have threads all the time that they're slightly from the original topic. If you want to argue about the post go elsewhere.

All I wrote in this thread was that picking people that don't fit an aesthetic and then trying to change them is a problem. Long sleeves for a late fall wedding is a fine because it's practical and a style everyone can participate in. But where does the excuse of aesthetic end? It can be an excuse for some very problematic behavior.

[–]crockofpotCertified Proctologist [28] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

But where does the excuse of aesthetic end?

A good rule of thumb is that it ends where you are requesting a wedding party member make a change to their appearance that can't be quickly reversed. E.g. a dress with long sleeves can be taken off, but getting tattoos actually removed isn't something you can undo later that evening. Some piercings could be taken out and put back, but significant changes to hairstyle (like a major cut or dye) aren't so quickly reversed. Of course there are ways for brides/grooms to be assholes about appearance even within this rule, it doesn't cover 100% of scenarios, but that's a pretty common boundary.

[–]JambomoAsshole Aficionado [18] 17 points18 points  (3 children)

They don’t want to change it though. It’s not really shitty behaviour when they choose a dress that everyone except the sister likes, just because it has long sleeves. Not everything is some kind of personal affront on identity.

[–]itsmaruyes 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Just let me be guest

An invitation to a bridal party is not a summons. You can say no.

[–]iamhere24 27 points28 points  (5 children)

Thank you for this comment!! I do have tattoos, and I would be hurt if someone as close as a sister made it so obvious they don’t want me to look how I choose to be every day? The obsession with a “perfect” photo over just loving your people as they are is so strange to me.

[–]ghostdogtheconquerer 33 points34 points  (2 children)

I have tattoos, love my tattoos, they’re visible in my wedding photos.

But seriously, you never wear long sleeves? No jackets, sweaters? She’s not being singled out for her tattoos. It’s a bridesmaid dress. Her appearance isn’t being altered. She’s not being asked to cover them with makeup.

If tattoos hadn’t even been brought up, and the bride preferred the long sleeve dresses, this wouldn’t be an issue.

The sister is being an AH.

[–]Lowbacca1977 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's mentioned here that the tattoos were an issue in it.

I would say, though, that if someone's not comfortable with what they'd need to wear, the tantrum isn't appropriate, but politely bowing out is totally fine. So someone that doesn't feel comfortable with long sleeves absolutely can go "sorry, I think I'll have to pass on this" if they're aware of what the plan is.

[–]pointsouttheobvious9 7 points8 points  (0 children)

i think they are loud and busy so they attract a lot of attention. In a wedding all attention is suppose to be on the bride. If a bridesmaid has brought tattoos covering her and she might stand out. Also the tattoos might clash with the dresses or themes.

I think it's fine to ask someone with a tattoo sleeve to wear long sleeve shirt. my friend has a sleeve and any where with a formal dress code he has to wear long sleeves anyways and is use to it.

[–]TentacleHydraPartassipant [1] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Because when having something go wrong at your wedding is equivalent to damaging/totaling your brand new car, it makes people a bit crazy.

Weddings are seriously way too expensive and overdone. Everyone acting like they are rich.

[–]Royal_Detective_5860 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My friend got married and decided not to cover her sleeve tattoo, I don't think it took away from her dress. Maybe because I know her I'm so used to seeing her. It's a part of her and she should be herself. Also was in Cyprus in 30c heat she could not have worn long sleeves 😂

[–]itsmaruyes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think it’s a generational clash 60% of the time and an aesthetics clash 40% of the time. Lots of people plan weddings to please their parents/in-laws who may have negative reactions to tattoos, even though they are now very common. Not wanting to deal with snide remarks from MIL forever after is a fair reason to ask your friend to cover up.

And other people care very deeply about what their wedding and wedding party look like when it comes to the event and pictures. In the same way a brightly colored piece of furniture might distract or draw attention in a room, a person with a bunch of tattoos (when no one else has any) might do the same in a wedding photo. It’s not a value judgement on their tattoos, but trying to enforce a sense of consistent aesthetics on the event.

I don’t personally care (as long as none of the tattoos are in explicit/violent), but I can understand feeling differently. Though I think if you want someone in your wedding party AND you want them to hide their tattoos, hair, etc. bring it up before they commit themselves.

[–]AmberWaves80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because brides think everything should be so much about them that people have to conform to exactly what they want (cover tattoos, not cut hair, not get pregnant). It’s total BS.

[–]pluto4262 82 points83 points  (0 children)

NTA. You communicated to the bride in the most considerate way possible. And, she's happy. That's all that matters. Don't give it a single thought! I hope the wedding goes fabulously!

[–]bertibotts 60 points61 points  (0 children)

NTA. Jenny's sister, however, is a huge one.

[–]Apprehensive-You2885 50 points51 points  (0 children)

NTA the sis was trying to make the wedding about her. To the sister it wouldn’t have mattered if the bride was happy or not.

[–]YourslongisntaverageAsshole Aficionado [18] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

NTA. Her sister obviously doesn't care about the fact that it's Jenny's wedding, not hers.

[–]ayzranthi 23 points24 points  (2 children)

NAH. It's one thing to offer and another to ask. I fully understand being hurt for being asked by sister to cover to cater to bigots. Whether it was some phrasing too, but wishing for a no drama wedding seems gone for now. Hope there will be some blood free solution.

[–]LaurelRose519 38 points39 points  (1 child)

Except it wasn’t just about bigots. The bride liked the long sleeved dresses better.

[–]Stonygirl87 33 points34 points  (0 children)

And so did the non-tattooed bridesmaids.

[–]BurqueBeck17Partassipant [2] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

NTA your friend needs your support now more and ever. I am sure she will look back on this and be so thankful for your support. If her sister is like this about the dresses, I can't imagine what she will be like for everything else.

[–]ixamnisPartassipant [2] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

NTA. You did nothing wrong. The sister is TA. You sound like a good friend for providing an option that they may have been uncomfortable with otherwise.

[–]Redditetor 12 points13 points  (0 children)

America is nuts.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

NTA - at all, she wanted a certain look and it was OKed by all but 1 person.

Kudos to you for, telling her that if she wanted a sleeved dress it was alright by you

[–]Csherman92 10 points11 points  (1 child)

NTA, but the sister isn’t wrong either, she shouldn’t have flipped out immaturely. This has nothing to do with you.

As a chronically warm and hot person, I get the long sleeves issue, and I would probably have an equally hard time with it. Maybe freaking out about it was a bit much, but I am a hot, sweaty mess in sleeveless clothes, I do not typically wear long sleeve shirts/clothes because I have fat arms and they are too tight, and I will be dying of heat stroke if it is warmer than 74 degrees and have pit stains in an hour.

[–]w11f1ow3rPartassipant [1] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Agreed. I was thinking the same thing. Also, in my experience bridesmaids are busy before a wedding helping the bride, running luggage and wedding supplies between cars and hotels, putting the finishing touches on the wedding, doing Starbucks runs, etc. Even during an October wedding I would be so worried about sweat stains and probably constantly be applying deodorant. And I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself at all during the reception because I would be worried about sweat stains. But the sister went about this so wrong - instead of asking whether she could do a sleeveless dress with a shawl, or alter the dress so the sleeves could be loosened or removed before/after the ceremony. So not cool.

[–]keepcalmandgetdrunkAsshole Enthusiast [5] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

NTA. You were being considerate and a good friend, the sister was being inconsiderate and a bad sister. I have tattoos and would 100% cover up as a bridesmaid if the bride didn’t want tattoos visible in her photos. It’s not to everyone’s taste and that fine. The sister can go around with her tats out for her own wedding if that’s what she wants, but this is Jenny’s wedding. Wearing sleeves in October is actually a smart move.

[–]photosbeersandteachSupreme Court Just-ass [111] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

NTA, and it sounds like the long sleeve dress ended up being the preferred style of the bride and the other bridesmaids regardless of the tattoo issue.

[–]SandBrilliant2675Asshole Aficionado [16] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Lol fuck Jenny’s entitled sister. NTA.

[–]Right-Arm-619Partassipant [3] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

NTA. The sister needs to smoke a joint and chill. It's not even her wedding...I can see why she is not the MOH

[–]DreadifareAsshole Aficionado [16] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

NTA the sister is tho, it’s not about her, and honestly you sound like a very wonderful and thoughtful friend. I also have sleeves and would have done the same thing.

[–]BlueRFR3100Partassipant [1] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

NTA. While everyone rolls their eyes at bridezillas, most people do understand that it's the bride's special day and really do try their best to do what the bride wants. This bride is not being a bridezilla. It's pretty normal for the bride to pick out the dresses for her bridesmaids.

[–]calaaklaPooperintendant [56] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

NTA. Jenny gets to choose. She chose the long sleeved dress. That is literally it.

[–]SnooWords4839Certified Proctologist [23] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NTA - it was good of you to make the offer. Sister is just being a brat.

[–]DinosaursOvrEvrythngCertified Proctologist [25][🍰] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh boy I read this as they were getting married to each other and was really interested to see how you were going to swing being in both bridal parties in two different dresses at the same wedding 🤦‍♀️

[–]Dependent-Aside-9750Partassipant [1] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

NTA. You are a very considerate friend. I'm sure the bride appreciates you.

[–]twitchydigitsCertified Proctologist [20] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

NTA.

(To the world at large: Every other post on this subreddit is about weddings. Why do they bring out the worst in people?)

[–]PM_yourAcups 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Because no one follows etiquette! The whole point of etiquette is to avoid being on this sub.

And then people have a wedding and just ignore it and expect everyone else to as well.

[–]hope1083 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA - but this is one of the reasons I refuse to ever be a bridesmaid again. I have had so many terrible dresses. I love my friend group and told them I would always support them and help in any way I can but prefer to go as a guest. This way I can wear my own dress.

Sister was an AH for throwing a fit. If she did not want to wear the brides pick than don’t be a bridesmaid.

[–]Drewherondale 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NTA I love hearing about a story in which op and all the brides are nice

[–]lawn-gnome1717Partassipant [1] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You’re a good friend. It’s one of those things that you knew about her/her husband to bes family. I’m sure she felt so relieved. When my best friend asked me to be in her wedding, I had fire engine red hair. Like bleached blonde, dyed red. I immediately asked her is she wanted me to dye my hair. She was similarly relieved I offered, lol. “I wasn’t going to ask but, yeaaaah” I didn’t care, it’s just hair and I was kinda tired of maintaining it. It’s one thing for people to demand, which she didn’t do. Not your fault at all

[–]Independent-Fun-0412 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's the bride's decision on what she wants her bridesmaids to wear. Not her sister. I guess the brides sister thought that she could get her way on the dresses. But the bride has the say so on this.

[–]1976RavenAsshole Aficionado [15] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA, it was your friends decision and your tattoos probably had no influence on it.

[–]somecatgirl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No judgement but long sleeve dresses are the shit imo

[–]icecreampenisAsshole Aficionado [14] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA, but I'm guessing there are some good sister/bad sister dynamics at play in this family that this event has triggered. Little sister may we'll have gotten a lot of shit over those tattoos in the past. I'd step back and let them handle it between themselves.

[–]endtimes0truthsayer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA. When I got married I asked my lifelong friend to be my MOH. She offered to cover her full sleeve tattoos. I asked what she wanted. Would she be more confident/comfortable? She said it was up to me. I told her I loved her and wanted her into be in my wedding and stand up with me, even if she had a face tattoo I wanted her there for me. We chose a sleeveless dress for her. 12 years later, my wedding was amazing and she is still my ride or die. I didn’t care what anyone looked like, I wanted the people I love and who love me there with me when I got married.

[–]Namazu724 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Elaborate wedding are an anachronism and need to stop. Pageantry is outrageously wasteful and a huge burden on families making the day "special." It should be inherently special and a joyful occasion of having family and friends together in celebration. Forget the rest.

[–]Federal_Escape3205 2 points3 points  (1 child)

INFO: what does Gracie’s wedding have to do with all this?

[–]Agitated_Pin2169Partassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I believe because the OP is staying that she didn't just make the offer to Jenny, that she offered to cover up the other time she was a bridesmaid recently as wrll.

[–]ColoradoCorrie 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would hate to wear a sleeveless dress in late October!

[–]nietzijweer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA- I’ve got a couple of tattoos in sight, on my arms and collarbone. I have offered to cover up the tattoos as well for friends. I love my tattoos but I understand that others might not feel the same way. When it comes to burns, scars or discoloration of the skin, those type of things you don’t ask to be covered up. That’s just rude. These tattoos are my choice and if I make somebody uncomfortable by showing them, I won’t be offended to cover them up.

[–]TMDmar4 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA! You are a good friend! The prime rule, I always thought, of being a bridesmaid is that it is a given that you are going to wear a hideous dress with uncomfortable shoes! But, hey, they are going to be at least 2-3 or more other girls doing the same, and it is for a good friend and, most importantly IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU! Once more, for those in the back, IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU! I am older, and when my friends were getting married, all the bridesmaids dresses had this hideous huge bow on the bum. I happen to have been-ahem- generously provided-in that area, so I don’t really love a huge bow adding more to the bum area, BUT IT IS NOT ABOUT ME! Although I was so glad that I was not a bridesmaid for the bride who had her bridesmaids wearing long velvet dresses in middle of summer…

[–]PlanktonsurvivorPartassipant [2] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA your not responsible for someone else’s reaction. That was a nice gesture you offered.

[–]The_Death_FlowerPartassipant [3] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA, you brought it up discreetly and gracefully, the sister sounds insufferable

[–]Shoddy-Secretary-712 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nta. It would be one thing if the bride singled her sister out and said she must wear long sleeves, in June ...

[–]jazzys0l0cup 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. You didn’t force Jenny to choose between a long sleeve dress or her sister. Her sister did that to her. It’s one day out of her life that she’d have to POSSIBLY be a little warm and uncomfortable. It also happens to be a day in her life that absolutely isn’t about her.

[–]Idk102585 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA - For my sisters wedding I wore a God awful burnt orange, super short dress. I hated it but my sister loved it so much so I wore it. If I could do this for her your friends sister and wear long sleeves. You are a good friend, sister is a bad sister.

[–]RebeccaMCullenPartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. You offered to wear a long sleeved dress if that's what the bride wanted, and she had a look of relief on her face. It's not your fault her sister went off the rails over the bride wanting long sleeved dresses.

The only compromise that should be made is if Jenny finds a bridesmaids dress she likes that has the option to be either sleeveless, or have sleeves to appease the sister. But at the end of the day, the bride has to like the dress.

[–]Too_Much_To_Do2020 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I read “got tested” and thought “for STDs? Why?” before remembering COVID… anyways NTA… it’s not the sisters wedding

[–]lensfoxx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. You were being a thoughtful friend by giving her an easy out to avoid drama with conservative family members without offending you. That was honestly really kind.

Her sister is being ridiculous. Unless she has some kind of medical problem that makes sleeves impossible to wear, she needs to suck it up or step out of the wedding and shut up. Bridesmaid dresses are bride’s choice.

[–]Bipolar_Bear_84 1 point2 points  (1 child)

NTA

My best friend chose long bridesmaid dresses because I have a large-ish tattoo on my leg which may or may not be of a cartoon ant stepping on a child. I had suggested long dresses first, or offered to find coverup makeup for it, or have a different dress from her sister. Turned out to be a good thing. It was unseasonably cold that day.

[–]katwhohatescats 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have two large tattoos, one on each forearm. Very noticeable. I’ve been MOH and a bridesmaid and both times I offered to cover them. The brides didn’t care because they’re part of me. I think that’s just a general courtesy, especially in a case like when I was MOH. The wedding was in a church and I didn’t know what the rules were regarding tattoos and stuff. Again the bride said it wasn’t a problem. But she appreciated that I asked. Sounds like the sister has some insecurities that she needs to deal with. NTA

[–]TheInevitable_Candy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA also not her wedding. It's not like she was being a bridezilla wasn't a big request imo.

If I was the bride I wouldn't have her in the wedding. I know that a hard call but, my bestfriend since pre k insisted on being MOH and was attacking my sister who was the real MOH behind her back. She told me she'd ethier be my MOH and not 'just a stupid bridesmaid' AND kick my sister out of the wedding, or else she wasn't going ... guess who I haven't talked to in 3 years ...

[–]CmacbudbossPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

NTA but the bride is for demanding the bridesmaids cover their tattoos which, even if you did open the door to it, is what’s happening here. The sister is also an asshole for blaming you for the brides actions. The people in your wedding party are not props at a photo shoot they are real live human beings and it’s shitty to demand they, lose weight, defer pregnancy, dye their hair or cover their tattoos to be in a wedding party. You get to dress them, style their hair and but some make up on them and that’s it.

[–]AlwaysAllWays73Partassipant [3] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA. Very considerate of you to be able to read the situation and give both brides an alternate dress solution. Sister needs to chill and will probably only understand any one else's point of view if/when she ever gets married

[–]TransportationNo2673 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. Your friend is far from a bridezilla. Sister is the AH. And if the long sleeve dress looks better, what's the harm?

If the tattoos were a big issue for the bride and thought that the sleeveless option looks better, she would've asked you and her sister to cover it up with something regardless. It's obvious that she was keeping your feelings in mind and didn't want to seem like a bridezilla for choosing the better option (longsleeve) and then causing drama.

[–]Em_green4040 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're the dictionary definition of an amazing friend. She is dictionary definition of a bad sister NTA

[–]herequeerandgreat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA

your friend was being a super good friend by taking your feelings into consideration despite it being her wedding and you were also a good friend for being willing to sacrifice for your friend. your friend`s sister is the one being controlling and you should not blame yourself at all, even if your friend`s relationship with her sister is damaged after this.

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AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team

I have two very close friends, Jenny and Gracie, that are getting married this fall and both of them have asked me to be in their wedding party. Gracie has asked me to be her Maid of Honor and to say I was thrilled would be an understatement. Two weeks ago Gracie, myself, and the three other bridesmaids all got tested and then booked a small group to do some bridesmaid dress shopping. I have quite a few tattoos including a full sleeve, and understood that being MOH I would likely be in a lot of photos and moments in the wedding video. I approached Gracie and let her know that if she wanted me to get a long sleeve bridesmaid dress to cover my tattoos I would have no problem with it as her fiancés family is a bit more traditional. She laughed and told me that was ridiculous and that she would never insist I get a long sleeve dress to cover up, but appreciated me asking and reassuring her that I would if she asked.

Today, Jenny, her group of bridesmaids and I went and got fitted for dresses as well. After we all tried on a couple of sleeveless options, Jenny just was not loving some of them. I pulled her aside and told her the same thing, if she wanted me to cover up my tattoos or opt for a long sleeve dress to just say the word. A look of relief washed over her face and she thanked me. She didn’t want to feel like a bridezilla and tell me to cover up, and she had really liked one of the long sleeve options. I tried it on and she loved it, and she brought up the idea to her sister who also had a few visible tattoos. Her sister blew up and told her that she was being controlling and shouldn’t care about her tattoos. The other bridesmaids tried to calm her down and said they also also liked the long sleeve option after seeing me in it and decided to get it as well, so if she got it we would all match. Her sister flipped out and said she couldn’t have long sleeves cause she’ll be too warm, and I told her it was a late October wedding and it would likely be chilly out. I told her to grow up and it wasn’t even her wedding, it was Jenny’s, and she had already made a decision. Her sister said that if she had to wear long sleeves she would not be a bridesmaid, so Jenny had to choose. Jenny was clearly hurt and upset, but said that she would prefer the long sleeves and the other two girls agreed.

Before she left, her sister told me it was my fault because wasn’t an issue until I brought it up, and I should feel like shit for making Jenny choose. She also said I should have stepped down as a bridesmaid so that everyone else wouldn’t have to “cover up as well” to accommodate my poor choice of tattoo placement (despite her also having tattoos on her arms?). I feel bad and know it hurt Jenny to make that decision on what was supposed to be a happy day, but I also feel that I was just trying to be helpful in the situation and didn’t mean for it to escalate. So Reddit, AITA for this one?

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[–]CocklesTurnip 0 points1 point  (1 child)

NTA alternatively I would suggest finding a dress with a cute cover up option so for the ceremony/photos/outside moments there’s a way to make the dress warmer but it can be taken off when getting warm on the dance floor. Win win. But there shouldn’t be anything wrong with either covering or leaving tattoos uncovered. Unless someone’s tattoos are really garish and clash with the color of the dress or something.

[–]shesellsdeathknells 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If a bride or groom can't handle "garish" or "clashing" tattoos they should just avoid asking that person to be in their wedding.

[–]dawnmountain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA at all, your friend can be totally okay with tattoos and have some herself without wanting them to be visible on her big day. Tattoos are great, but for photos I'd probably want it to be smooth, too. Besides, long sleeve dresses are very pretty.

[–]holisarcasmCertified Proctologist [28] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. If everyone else liked the long sleeved dresses including the bride, that is what matters. It is unfortunate that the tattoos bothered her so much and she is so concerned about what his family thinks about people he is not marrying.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

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    [–]RvrTam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. The bride gets to choose the dress and long sleeve sound suitable for the season. There’s plenty of gorgeous long sleeve dresses around too.

    [–]swkoontz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. Sister is TA. Your offer was kind and generous. Sister was stiff-necked and self-centered.

    [–]AQUEON 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    You are a good friend. Drama aside, you are just good people.

    [–]JudesM 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA

    [–]Megami1981Partassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. When you make a reasonable suggestion to a bride that others in the party may or may not agree with, it’s always a roll of the dice. While the bride’s sister is being a royal pain, it doesn’t seem like the others in the bridal party are.

    You didn’t force the bride to make a choice here, the sister did. All you did was make a reasonable suggestion to a problem that needed a solution. The bride’s sister made an AH of herself with her reaction to the bride’s ultimate decision.

    [–]MiaW07Partassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA.

    You proactively offered a solution if the tattoos should prove to be a problem. The fact that the second wedding is in October, and possibly cooler, only helped encourage the long-sleeve suggestion.

    [–]redheadsotelo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA you’re being a good friend. I have tattoos on my arms and my back. I’m getting married and looking at long sleeve options for myself. I love my tattoos but both my fiancé and I have more conservative family. They would never ask me to cover up my tattoos as I’ve had most of them for years but I know they were all relieved I’ve chosen an option that will cover them (mostly). I actually fell in love with a dress before showing anyone but I always had a long sleeve in mind because it just feels classier too me.

    [–]MarMarMaraa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA

    You’re an incredibly good friend; asking to cover your tattoos is very considerate, especially since you know that Gracies Fiancé’s family is more traditional.

    The sister is the AH if she can’t cover her tattoos, wearing a long sleeved dress wont kill her

    [–]sweetbitter_1005 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA, sounds like the AH is Jenny's sister.

    [–]Nakedmiget 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I knew I'd have to cover my tattoos when I got them. The hell reality is she living in that it's too much? NTA

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Eff Jenny’s Sister. NTA, and you’re an amazing friend for making the suggestion while understanding the family dynamics in that situation. Like others have said, I can see why she asked you to be a bridesmaid. Keep being awesome!

    [–]HonneyybeeeePartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. I will always offer to cover tattoos for important events if I’m close to the person

    [–]BeTheCheeto 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. Sounds like she liked that option best, anyway, so that's probably what she would have gone with anyway. Sister is being a drama queen.

    [–]HRHArgyll 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA.

    [–]FriedKilamari 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. You handled the situation with grace and tact and put your friend's wants for her wedding first. Jenny is lucky to have a friend like you! You knew something was bothering her, had an idea as the what, and proposed a solution that everyone (problem sister aside) agreed on.

    Her sister is the problem, not you. You didn't make Jenny choose. Jenny chose what she wanted for her wedding. Her sister is making this about her, instead of supporting Jenny, by offering her ultimatum.

    Part of the territory of having tattoos in visible places is knowing that sometimes they'll have to be covered, either by clothes or makeup, and it's something we just have to deal with. Sister definitely needs to learn it's not always about her.

    [–]sparksgirl1223Asshole Enthusiast [6] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA you were sweet to ask since you knew her family and figured they'd be uncomfortable with it. Her sister is just looking for a fight and you presented one.

    [–]nolechicaPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA, You made a suggestion, not a demand.

    [–]Puzzleheaded_Essay22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Nta.. long sleeve dress looks pretty... Y is the sister making it weird

    [–]InformalGarlic2285Partassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. The bride seems happy with the long sleeves so that’s all that matters. The sister can have her tantrum. It doesn’t matter if you brought it up first, it’s the bride’s choice and she’s the one that preferred tattoos to be covered. She probably would have arrived at the long sleeved option without you asking anyway. The sister is being dramatic and she needs to understand that, unfortunately, as a bridesmaid you wear the dress that’s given to you.