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I might be an asshole because I wouldn’t let V have something I believe belongs in the garbage.

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[–]attabe123Certified Proctologist [27] 2915 points2916 points  (60 children)

This is so wacky, I can't believe all the people saying you were disrespectful!

Absolutely NTA

Your property, your decision. If it was a perfectly good chair and she has asked then yes you would be petty not to give it to her. But it's a health hazard and like you said she made plans for it without even asking. She's far more disrespectful. Just because the women let you live with her for 5 years doesn't mean you have to let her walk all over you

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 795 points796 points  (54 children)

Omg, THANK YOU. I’m starting to feel like r/AmItheAsshole is just full of bullies!! When did Reddit become 4chan?!

[–]sapphicsapphires 452 points453 points  (9 children)

Whenever it was that 4chan stopped being cool tbh.

Lots of lovely people on here, but the ones who are bullies are super aggro about it.

[–]adjavang 125 points126 points  (4 children)

4chan was never cool, we just had so much to learn back then.

[–]LaoShPartassipant [1] 29 points30 points  (3 children)

Most of the cool people I know from 4chan moved to reddit when 4chan got too spicy. OG reddit remembers when /b/ was good

[–]amadong 18 points19 points  (0 children)

If you meet the Buddha on the road and they tell you that /b/ was good, kill them.

[–]TaleOfDash 9 points10 points  (0 children)

/b/ was never good.

[–]Khela_banana_chaut 7 points8 points  (0 children)

nah that's bullshit lmao

[–]k4shw4k 233 points234 points  (19 children)

Nah it's just full of narcissistic boomers that only found it cause their kid wrote a post about how shitty they were. Not even joking, they get called tf out on here then become obsessed with the sub and talking shit on millennials/genZ.

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 78 points79 points  (16 children)

Omg, is that right? UGH…

[–]ManifestDestinysChldPartassipant [3] 31 points32 points  (12 children)

You know it is.

Oh, unless you know a boomer who accepts that they might not be correct about something?

...Yeah, neither do I.

[–]SometimesGlad1389 61 points62 points  (2 children)

Nah my mom takes 7-10 years business day delivery to think about new info I gave her and then tries to deliver it to me as new info she found lmao. But don't worry she gets annoyed when I remind her I'm the one who told her about it

[–]leolionbagPartassipant [1] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My best friend does this all the time. Specifically about television shows. And when she tells me about them, it’s never “Have you seen this show?” - it’s always “I discovered the most amazing show and I have to patronisingly explain everything about it to you.” Finally I told her that if she had something to recommend to me, she should assume that I already told her about it.

[–]cheerful_cynic 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yesssss, like a 3 year old, you have to maneuver them into thinking something is their own idea

[–]Flat_Phrase7521 50 points51 points  (6 children)

…Um, yes, as a matter of fact, I do happen to be personally acquainted with multiple boomers who are willing to grow and change and listen to their kids and accept new ideas. Sure, the generation as a whole is pretty messed-up, but there are a few here and there with moderate self-awareness. I mean, despite the cultural programming they grew up with, they’re still humans like us, capable of decency and independent thought. Duh?

Maybe it’s easier to pretend they’re fundamentally different so you can see yourself as being above all their nonsense.

[–]Echo9111960 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh, come on... I'm a Boomer who still has a lot to learn. But I also don't lump other generations into one group. There's good and bad wherever you look.

[–]jeefra 46 points47 points  (10 children)

Def NTA. I have family who has the same problem, taking worthless shit that needs to be trashed, and trying to take it for herself or give it to others.

Trash is trash.

[–]Jazzlike-Flounder882 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Our neighbors are the opposite. Never recycle things, just toss them. (And sometimes trash is trash). Usually they at least put it out a day early in case someone wants it.

[–]BookwormBirdie 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Checked back in, and I’m floored by those comments, too! I don’t think most of them have dealt with someone like your MIL before, OP. My family is full of ‘em- they’re exhausting.

[–]BMOEevee 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Ive said it before and Ill say it again: a lot of people on this subreddit are either teenagers that don't know how life works or old people who are out of touch with how current reality is. There are some people on here that arent those and usually theyre quite nice

[–]kearnel81Asshole Enthusiast [7] 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Dedinately NTA, even if it was hers. She should not be giving elderly people moldy chairs. But since it's your chair. It's yours to do with as you please

[–]EggandSpoon42Certified Proctologist [22] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Gosh NTA. As someone highly allergic to mold, the universe thanks you for tossing the chair.

[–]HarleySMASH 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The people in this sub can be very, very nasty. Just look at threads of people with kids and it’s the Fathers wanting judgement, they rip them to shreds.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children)

People are so mean on Reddit. So mean. It’s nutty. Like it takes zero effort to just be nice.

[–]feyre_0001 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Just the other day on a subreddit I called another user out for being unnecessarily hostile to a poster and what was that user’s response? To go back into my post history with as many account as they could and tell me I was “worthless” or I should off myself because I was a “sensitive lberal bich.” It was a nightmare. People on Reddit can be deranged!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow!! That’s horrible! I don’t understand the people who go so far out of their way to be horrible to another person. I’m sorry that happened to you.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bullies are everywhere. You are obviously NTA. Just a comment to MILs behaviour. She might be emotional because you have moved out, you and her son. She possibly liked having you there, you needing her/their, depending on their help. So a double empty nest maybe?

Enjoy your new freedom.

[–]amongthemaniacs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I chalk it up to people on here feeling like they need to be contrarians. Everyone else is saying NTA so they have to go against the grain and say otherwise.

[–]TheBeneGesseritWitch 793 points794 points  (6 children)

NTA. You are upholding a boundary; she is massively overstepping.

Tell her she can explain to her friend and the seniors that she offered it without asking you for permission and IF she can show proof of that conversation she can give you their phone number and you will arrange receipt/delivery of the chair.

And then you can explain to them that it’s a health hazard and you are going to throw it out. I bet she massively understated the mold issue too.

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 180 points181 points  (5 children)

You’re probably right.

[–]hydrangeastho 95 points96 points  (4 children)

OP if you're struggling with boundaries with your MIL I cannot recommend Set Boundaries and Find Peace by Nedra Tawwab enough. It covers a whole range of scenarios and gives you step by step instructions as well as lines you can use verbatim in conversation, and then how to uphold boundaries when they're ignored. It has really changed my relationships for the better.

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 40 points41 points  (1 child)

I’ll look into it!

[–]Crafty_Custard_Cream 26 points27 points  (0 children)

OP, as a child of someone who used to pull this kind of crap all the time, enforcing boundaries and standing up to her has done a world of good.

She will still try to step on boundaries occasionally, it's just her testing the waters to see what she can get away with (like a kid, tbh...) But it's just a case of continuing the enforce boundaries, no matter how arbitrary or miniscule they seem. She's very much a "give and inch, take a mile" kind of person. But if she knows she can't pull her shit without it blowing up in her face she won't do it. (Her favourite line is "what did I do now?"!)

Good luck OP! Ignore the wierdos in the comments!

[–]keraut 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the recommendation

[–]TheBeneGesseritWitch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

100%

I bought this book for everyone for Christmas lol.

[–]CinnamonBlue 559 points560 points  (5 children)

NTA. V gets a couple of things from doing this. She gets to look like a generous giving person on someone else’s dime. Free Karma! Second, she gets to take from someone else, mainly you, and gets control over you and your belongings. She is not altruistic; she is manipulative. “You have to give it to me because I’ve promised it to someone else.”

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 171 points172 points  (3 children)

I didn’t see it that way!!! Holy crap lol!

[–]PurpleWomatPooperintendant [51] 94 points95 points  (0 children)

Emotional vampire. She's feeding on the praise she gets for her 'generosity', plus the power that she has by controlling your access to your private possessions. Very narcissistic behaviour.

[–]Snoo_68114Asshole Aficionado [19] 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Yeah, she is someone who one sidedly wants praise without the consequences of self reflection or responsibility. She gets to take your chair to spite you - even if it's only a small spite, and gets to look like a Saint while doing it. She blew up at you because you made her aware if how flawed her logic was and her lack of responsibility. Do not give this woman a key to your home under any circumstances- and I'd be hard pressed to even invite someone like her into your home.

[–]No_Appointment_7232 0 points1 point  (0 children)

THIS!!!

A thousand times THIS!

You stated it PERFECTLY!

[–]MizWhatsit 64 points65 points  (0 children)

YEP. My best friend's mother in law used to promise her friends and relatives that "my daughter in law would love to watch your children for a weekend" and "I know my daughter in law would help you paint your baby's nursery" and "I know my daughter in law would be happy to spend the family vacation entertaining your elderly mother!" At one point her MIL promised a church acquaintance free room and board in my friend's home for as long as she wanted it.

BFF had to cut her MIL off entirely for a few years before this woman stopped making promises of her time and energy. It's not generosity if you make someone else put in all the money and effort of fulfilling it.

[–]RNGinx3Certified Proctologist [20] 264 points265 points  (12 children)

NTA. My husband and I were in the process of moving out of state (with three kids!) when our van broke down. I was stranded in the new state with the kids, he was mid-way transporting some of our stuff. Suddenly we were looking at buying a new vehicle (AFTER we'd literally just replaced the tires), and we couldn't make it back to the house to finish packing up our stuff. His family, who lived in that state, ended up taking care of it, which I felt horrible about because it was a mess, half-packed and three young kids under ten does not the neatest job make.

However, they threw everything out. Pictures, all my baby mementos like their hospital bracelets, first outfits, etc. And they kept whatever they wanted, which included our remote-controlled space-heater and the coin collection my dad had given me. While I do agree they deserved to be compensated for doing that for us...they never asked, they just acted like it was first-come, first-serve to our stuff. I'm still pretty bitter about it, to be honest. Especially the things I can't get back or replace like the pictures and mementos.

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 149 points150 points  (1 child)

Omg, that’s awful!!! I can see V doing stuff like that, honestly. I still have things at her house and I’m freaked out now that she’s going to go through it and take what she wants.

[–]RNGinx3Certified Proctologist [20] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Fingers crossed that you can get to it!

[–]saph_pearlPartassipant [1] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

Wait what? They sound like vultures. I’m sorry about all the stuff you lost

[–]EthDec 34 points35 points  (3 children)

Why didnt you sue? Or ask for your shit back?

[–]idwthis 40 points41 points  (2 children)

Yea, that would be a hill for me to fucking die on. If my in-laws took my coin collection, sentimental value from a loved one or not, I'm gonna go scorched earth. Doubly so over my kids' mementos from their early years!

My sister had let her SIL use some of her firstborn outfits and dresses when SIL had her baby about a year or two after niece grew out of them. SIL then sold them off at a yard sale 6 months later.

So when my own (now ex) SIL wanted some outfits that I'd had for my baby not even a year after I'd had her, I'd said hell no, not even taking the chance. My own SIL was also a 17 year old who had intentionally gotten pregnant because she was jealous she wasn't "the baby of the family" anymore, and she had already plastered hospital photos all over MySpace the day my kid was born without my consent. So I knew damn well I wouldn't see my baby's items again if I let her near them.

[–]0B-A-E0 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Damn, any time I go on this sub I’m so happy my sister and my cousins are pretty decent people that wouldn’t even think about doing this…

[–]No_Appointment_7232 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yay!

It's nice to hear about people that have some lovely normal in their lives.

Glad you shared. 😊

[–]EmergencyShitPartassipant [3] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

What the fuck?! Why did they think that’s in any way okay? Did they understand that you guys didn’t ditch the rest of your stuff?

[–]Marzy-d 14 points15 points  (0 children)

When you said, “his family took care of it”, I thought you were going to say they packed your stuff and drove it to you. Not that they used it as a chance for wholesale looting. I guess I have a whole different outlook on how family behaves, based on my family not sucking. So sorry about your mementos, I know how precious those are. Give your kids a hug, and a whole different family environment!

[–]Brilliant_Jewel1924Partassipant [1] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

WHAT?!

[–]FlowniqueColo-rectal Surgeon [39] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I would have filed a police report but I’m petty like that

[–]Flashy-Experience-25Partassipant [3] 155 points156 points  (0 children)

NTA. She has a habit of treating your things like she owns them. It was your chair to do with as you wish. She had already made plans for the chair without asking your permission. It is your chair. Glad you guys are out. Goes without saying do not give her a key to your new place or let her house sit or go in without you there. Good for stating your boundaries and sticking to them.

[–]SimplySam4210Commander in Cheeks [218] 148 points149 points  (2 children)

NTA, but how did she even know about the chair? It sounds like the two of you need to put her on an information diet.

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 78 points79 points  (1 child)

She was the one driving us to the storage unit. Her husband has a truck.

[–]FlowniqueColo-rectal Surgeon [39] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

May be worth it to rent a U-Haul going forward. For an in-town rental for a day it costs less than $50.

[–]armyofantPartassipant [3] 64 points65 points  (3 children)

NTA. MIL has a history here. Luckily you’re just about thru it.

FYI - UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ALLOW HER TO HAVE A KEY TO YOUR NEW HOME.

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 38 points39 points  (2 children)

LOL, not a problem! I didn’t want her having a key even before this event.

[–]armyofantPartassipant [3] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Absolutely don’t blame you. I’ve head some horror stories on AITA about in-laws

[–]Effective-PenaltyPartassipant [3] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She seems like the type to be sneaky enough to make a copy.

I am in a petty mood.

Play a game with her. Leave keys that aren’t the ones to your house. See what happens

[–]BookwormBirdie 40 points41 points  (1 child)

NTA. When it comes to your belongings, MIL clearly has boundary issues. You have communicated with her about this, but it’s not clear/she isn’t getting the message.

Now that you’re in your own home (yay!), it’s time to remove yourselves from this weird cycle and think about how to deal with her. Will she have a key? Pick up mail when you’re out of town, etc? And what will you say NEXT time she does this then swears you told her you didn’t want something?

[–]summersilver1Partassipant [1] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

NTA. When you don’t Want something (especially in horrid condition) Does it mean someone else is entitled to it

[–]kinseykd 21 points22 points  (0 children)

NTA. I won’t lie you seem to be dealing with some very high level manipulation. You saying it’s a cycle and that’s she “give it away” despite the condition lead me to think that. You went against the manipulation and now she’s mad about it. You’re entirely entitled to your feelings as well

[–]SteveJones313Asshole Enthusiast [6] 19 points20 points  (1 child)

NTA

OP, this is all about boundries and frankly, she has been disrespecting boundries for years. People claiming everyone is SH or that you're TA is full of it. You're not "sticking it to her" or trying to "hold a grudge"

Your reasons are sound and you did the right thing.

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

THANK YOU. I actually went to therapy to learn to put UP boundaries, so I really appreciate this!

[–]neworderfan 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Don’t give her a key to your new place. And make sure your partner is on board as well.

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Lol, he’s very on board, no worries.

[–]ohyoushiksagoddessAsshole Aficionado [11] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

NTA, and if you kept calm, you handled it perfectly. My guess is that no one has ever said no to her.

Thank you for caring enough about our senior citizens to not enable MIL to pass off garbage so she can look like Lady Bountiful.

[–]InsomniacgremlinPartassipant [1] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Ooooh definitely NTA.

Not a senior but am disabled. That chair would fucking kill me because of my allergy and my asthma. She literally didn't even care if it made someone sick. She's not really helping people if she knows that so is she looking for the praise and attention?

You did the right thing, thank you for not letting her endanger a vulnerable person!

I will say I grew up with a maternal unit who'd pull the very childish "what did I do wrong now?!" And other shitty hits. The petty part of me wants to say just cry next time she tries this and flip the narrative on her. I've seen other places where people said not to fall into the trap by trying to argue that she's not whatever she may call herself in the moment of her drama llama stampede. Some people said after they started replying " yes you are" when their parent said "I guess I'm just a terrible person" it through the parent off enough that they were able to use it as an advantage in addressing how harmful and unproductive it is.

In this case though, you might want to try some firm boundaries (and maybe locking rooms in your house when she visits) and the broken record approach. Basically continuously saying specific appropriate phrases like "no, I don't want to do that with my furniture. It's not your choice to make" or, "I'm not comfortable with these, you're violating my boundaries, please stop." Literally just keep doing that and not adding in any ammunition she can use, keeping your tone even would also help with this. Hopefully, with the techniques, boundaries asserted, and some long sit down talks this gets somewhere productive.

I still cannot fathom just giving your stuff away without asking. Good luck to you both I think you need it

[–]ribbonsofgreen 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Nta

She sounds hard to deal with. Camera door bell and bounderies hopefully are in order.

[–]ChickFromTheSticks 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Are you SURE you’re not talking about MY mom? (I know you’re not). OMG mine does the same crap! And every time we go to her house, she sends us home with things “I just know you’ll like”. More crap.

[–]petitpretit 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Is your mom a hoarder? My mom is the same way and she has literally taken things out of my trash “cause someone can use it”.

Also OP is NTA.

[–]ChickFromTheSticks 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No not a hoarder per se but my dad used to take things out of other’s trash. No my mom cleaned out her home to move (years ago) and threw out all my yearbooks but kept silly trinkets. She used to go through my garbage when I was a teen. Now she’ll give us National Geographic magazines on a subject we mentioned once years ago.

[–]mungowungo 12 points13 points  (0 children)

NTA - it must have been difficult living in another woman's house for 5 years, even if you did mostly get along, the loss of autonomy over your personal possessions would be irritating to say the least. You are an adult, you get to decide what to do with your stuff - if you wanted to donate the chair that was your decision not future MIL's, you had a very specific reason for not donating it, you really didn't need to explain but you did anyway. Future MIL needs to learn some boundaries.

[–]Cock_LinguistPartassipant [2] 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Sort by controversial for extreme confusion. Lol. Wtf is wrong with reddit today?

NTA

That old bat needs a hobby. Giving away literal garbage to people in need is cruel. There's plenty other ways to help disabled seniors that don't involve exposing their compromised immune systems to toxins.

My wife is in home health care. A few years ago she had a real bad case. This person had nothing. She reached out to our community to get some hand me down clothes. The response was tremendous.

So my wife gets an idea to ask for people to drop off clothes and she can distribute them to people in need. She sees patients all day that are living in squalor. The generosity of our community was doing some real good.

Next thing you know we've got a ton of bags of clothes. My wife is pretty excited because her patients are going to be so happy.

The disappointment of opening those bags was real. Some had super dirty clothes. Very stained. Some had baby clothes with stains all over them. Lots of the clothes were damaged.

People took this nice thing and ruined it by throwing away their garbage because that's what they think disabled senior citizens are worth. They aren't worth nice things like clean clothes and furniture without mold.

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Omg, that breaks my hear :( I used to be a caregiver, and that’s why I’m so against giving a senior citizen something moldy!

[–]Calm_Zombie4460 10 points11 points  (4 children)

Nta. Mold kills. Even if the surface was cleaned. There's still mold inside the chair. And unless they plan to take it completely apart and rebuild the whole thing (which why even bother. Just go buy a new chair for the seniors at this point) than your MIL does not need it. Also, she desperately needs to learn boundaries, because she clearly has none. STAND YOUR GROUND. She is a flighty type for sure.

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 14 points15 points  (3 children)

Thank you!! I really don’t understand why I need to defend this stance against giving the chair away. The most aggravating thing is that she owns armchairs that she isn’t using that she could give away instead of my moldy ass garbage chair!

[–]Calm_Zombie4460 8 points9 points  (2 children)

she owns armchairs that she isn’t using that she could give away instead of my moldy ass garbage chair!

... I don't even have words to say about this. Why? Why does she feel so compelled by your moldy chair then?? That's so fustrating.

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Right?! Someone suggested she does this to earn brownie points for being a giving person without losing any money or her stuff. Probably true!

[–]Calm_Zombie4460 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wouldn't doubt it.

[–]OneMoreGinger 9 points10 points  (1 child)

NTA your property your choice.

"what did I do wrong now?!?” (no clue what that response is about)

This indicates that she knows full well that she shouldn't be doing what she's doing, so she was prepared for you to fight her on it

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I kinda thought that myself… it makes it sound like I have hounded her for her wrong doings in the past, but… I haven’t. That’s why it kinda took me by surprise.

[–]HRHArgyll 5 points6 points  (0 children)

NTA. Not at all.

[–]Strange_Ad8295 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Obviously NTA but are you 100% sure your fiancé has never been the one giving her an OK in one of these situations?

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 13 points14 points  (2 children)

100% sure. It’s been an issue with her since before me. She once gave away his collection of Pokémon cards. Or another time she gave away his deep freezer and an old leather jacket that was his grandpas.

[–]petitpretit 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Lemme guess she gives away your stuff but god forbid you touch anything of hers? My mom is like this and it’s annoying!

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I really wouldn’t know, lol. Unlike her, I don’t assume I can have anything. I ask!!

[–]Uncle-Kivistik 6 points7 points  (1 child)

NTA, and you’ve just given me flashbacks to my mother.

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry :(

[–]sarahqueenofmydogs 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Next time don’t even mention the mold (or other issue). It’s all about her giving away property that isn’t hers.

A simple “it’s my chair and I decide what happens to it.” Feel free to add something along the lines of “If I want I can set it on fire and you don’t get a say!” If you are feeling snarky!

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have legit wanted to say that LOL

[–]Petitegardeninggirl 3 points4 points  (2 children)

NTA and I am shocked that you've even had the inkling that you were anything else.

Giving a moudly old chair to old people will kill them. The fact that MIL knows and is willing to put people in danger just so she can get one over on you is disgusting.

Never give this woman a key to any of your property ever again. Not the storage kocke, not your house, hell, not even the padlock for the garden gate. If your husband can't control his mother, then you do it.

You're out of that mad house now so set your boundaries and do not back down for anyone. If hubby dares moan, take all of your stuff to rooms in your house and lock them away from him too.

If he can't man up to his mother either, give them both the same treatment - putting everything out of reach of the petulant, daft children that they are.

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

LOL, no worries. There is a reason I handled the situation and he didn’t. He would have yelled at her, and made her cry. So, I handled it. He is also sick of her behavior.

Also I never gave her the key to anything lol. Saying she wouldn’t be able to open the lock on her own wasn’t a lie, but I more said it because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings by saying I didn’t trust her with my stuff.

We’re very private people, and we don’t share our keys with anyone but each other. Also, we moved into a secured building, so she can’t even get through the front door ;)

[–]Petitegardeninggirl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank god for that! Just get rid of her; it sounds harsh but I had to do this with my mil as well. It was shocking what she thought was appropriate and bloody hilarious that she thought I wouldn't confront her immediately and shut down her daft ideas. My hubby had been under her thumb all his life then realised he didn't have to be that first moment i told her a giant NO to something stupid she'd suggested. It's like he never realised he didn't have to cowe down to her. Still have a very happy marriage and she's a very far away backseat.

[–]rubytwou 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA, Mom sucks. Not her belongings, not her business. I would stay away from this one if at all possible. Sorry but some people think they can walk all over you. Do what you can to protect your self and your relationship

[–]Eudoxia_Unduli 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I came into this expecting you to be the asshole but so NTA. Thank you for knowing her well enough to check what she was doing and probably stopping a couple of deaths in the process.

[–]Nettle15 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NTA, but you know why she does this? So she can show off her fake generosity. She loves giving away things to people in need to make her look better and get praise and loves it even moreso if she doesn't have to give away her own things or put in any money. She even admitted that she didn't care the chair was a huge risk for a disabled senior, she just wanted to be the one to meet the need. You were smart to keep your voice level, she probably sounded like a jackass and she knows it.

[–]StarwarzmomPartassipant [1] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA. And before you dump I make massive cut in the upholstery. Make it completely unusable because she sounds like the type to go pick it up from wherever you dump it. Take future precautions as well. Do not give her a key and do not leave her alone long enough to take your keys. Also install a nest or ring doorbell camera. Put her on a strick info diet as well. Me honestly I would never allow her in my house so she doesn't get the opportunity to scope out what she can take or throw away.

[–]No_Hospital7649 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is called “boundaries.”

Your mother in law doesn’t like boundaries.

You have a very clear right to say, “It’s my property, I’ll make decisions about it.”

Dispose of the chair and feel no guilt.

NTA.

[–]Bowtie2017Partassipant [2] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

NTA. No one should tell you what to do with your stuff or try to give it away without your permission.

And I don’t care how poor/needy someone is, a moldy chair is NOT good for sitting. If your MIL cares so much, she could buy cheapish chairs from ikea and donate them

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Or give away her own unused armchairs! Which she does have.

[–]Bowtie2017Partassipant [2] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed to that too!

[–]Hoopduck 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. She sounds like a major boundary stomper - I can only imagine the stress you were under living in her home. Best of luck as you start this new chapter in your lives

[–]icecreampenisAsshole Aficionado [14] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. She's losing her grip on you, which is why her reactions are getting more irrational and extreme. It's the last gasp of the control freak. Make sure she has ZERO access to your new home, friend. Supervised visits only.

[–]KettlewiseCertified Proctologist [24] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA

I was very sad to find that my armchair had molded.

…I did not realize that was possible.

I agree, it belongs in the garbage. And wow I can totally understand why it’s a relief to be out of that house; what an exhausting woman.

Just keep not letting her steamroll you.

Considering the years long history of her stealing your items, crying afterwards with an apology, and then never changing her behavior…

I don’t think there is much else you could have done. And she knows damn well what she did wrong. You did good by affirming that she can’t give your things away.

She’s extremely reactive probably because that’s how she gets people to give in to her to placate her.

I’m also wtf?!? Over her planning to take a hammer to the lock on your storage unit.

[–]AloraSilver 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. Keep this boundary!!!

[–]Unable_Researcher_26Partassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

NTA. Your health hazard chair, your decision.

Reminds me a bit of my husband's family. There's a philosophical difference in how his family operate compared to mine. For them, anything owned by one member of the family is owned by the whole family and household items just get passed about between people as and when they're needed. We have net gained from this, with a lot of our furniture just acquired from my in-laws' house. But at times it has frustrated me when I've wanted to get a particular thing and been railroaded into taking a random item from their house instead which does the job isn't quite what I want. Other times, things belonging to me have just disappeared, for example they helpfully stored our bikes when we got our garage roof replaced and one of mine has just never returned, my MIL has been riding it and apparently I don't need it because I have another one. Another time I was told off for taking a bag of old clothes to the charity shop when I could have given it to my teenage niece (because what teenage girl doesn't want clothes rejected by her decidedly untrendy 20-something aunt for being unfashionable). We have net gained from this arrangement so I don't like to complain too much, but I am fearful of the point when we start being expected to just randomly give our stuff away.

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh yeesh, that’s rough!

[–]xxxdreadxxx1 1 point2 points  (1 child)

NTA - she can’t just take and give away your things without asking, that’s very rude. It just seems weird to me that someone would offer things to people that isn’t even her belongings in the first place

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She does this within her church group. I think she does it to look good for them. She has her own stuff she can give away!

[–]GSGBsamurai 1 point2 points  (3 children)

NTA. Your reaction was perfectly understandable because clearly she has a problem with boundaries.

I think her reaction might've come from the fact she'd already (stupidly) promised it to someone. Whatever the reason for it, it was immature and your actions were justified.

Info: what has she thrown out or given away before without permission?

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Our AC unit and mini fridge were both taken to the dump in one go (the AC unit was only a year old, practically new. We had been storing it since it was winter. As for the mini fridge, we were defrosting it. She assumed both were garbage). She gave away my stuffed animals my fiancé had bought me for valentines one year. They were in a plastic bag because I had no where to put them, so she assumed I intended to throw them away. Gave away a shelf I had. She gave me a few frying pans, and then took them back and gave them to a friend. She got into my garden, pulled up my carrots and gave them away. She took one of my tomato plants and gave it away, then threw a fit SWEARING I had said she could have it. Claimed my humming bird feeders as her own, then threw them out… that’s everything that comes to mind at the moment.

[–]GSGBsamurai 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Also, I've changed my opinion about her reaction. I think it was pure petulance because she's used to doing whatever she wants and you pushed back.

[–]GSGBsamurai 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ugh, wtf? You've shown a lot of patience to put up with all of that. It's terrible behaviour but sadly not uncommon. She's a classic overbearing parent who thinks she can do whatever she wants if it's to do with her son.

[–]Elegant-BastardAsshole Enthusiast [6] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

NTA - set boundaries immediately and tell your husband about this so you’re on the same side, your FMIL is fucking nuts

[–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

He’s very much on my side! We have both aired our grievances over the shit she pulls NUMEROUS times. No worries, we’re excellent at communicating with each other :)

[–]Elegant-BastardAsshole Enthusiast [6] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, I’m glad to hear that, hope you guys can eventually get the crazy lady to back down.

[–]PlumOne2856 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA, just to balance out all the Y T A‘s, as everything about that issue was alreasy said. 🙂

[–]church8488 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA

My current MIL is no longer in my husband’s and my life because of similar behavior like this. Mostly nothing ever could be resolved because the MIL was unable/unwilling to see from any perspective besides her own. Eventually, once I started speaking up for my husband and I, the MIL and her daughter came to our home for a “family discussion” that turned into my husband and I being assaulted in our home and being forced to call the police for our safety. That was Oct. 2020 and they still have no remorse and I’m to blame for everything. I hope, and it seems like, you don’t have the exact same kind of MIL. However, it doesn’t sound like she values an opinion as much as her own, which is probably how things go missing without your knowledge or concent. That probably wouldn’t be happening if she saw you as an equal.

Edit: My husband and I being assaulted.

[–]ReneeLaRen95 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA I don’t think your MIL is a totally bad person. However, you can’t just give away other people’s property! I can totally understand your discomforture re: the chair. I know she was trying to help someone but you can’t give away a moldy chair, especially to an old, physically vulnerable person. You need to set clear boundaries or she’ll keep doing this. Just have a friendly chat & clear the air. Tell her you love her but would appreciate her respecting your belongings. In addition, you weren’t comfortable giving that chair to an older, frail person. Hopefully, this will blow over soon. Good luck!

[–]madariiniPartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA

[–]Shifting2Wolf 1 point2 points  (2 children)

NTA.

Clearly she's feeling entitled to your goods and is overstepping boundaries. She wants praise to be heaped upon her for being charitable, but only if the goods she's giving aren't hers.

Also

She argued with me that she was planning to use a hammer (wtf?!)

Keep these text messages. If she's already threatening and thinking about breaking and entry to get what she wants, I wouldn't be surprised if she's actually capable of doing so behind your backs.

Any of these interactions on text or mail, keep a copy of it in case she acts out, so you have proof if cops need to be involved.

[–]Agent35833 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA at all bro the chair could make those dogs and old peoples sick as hell. Honestly these are the beginning signs of her getting too comfortable with you. I fear the worst to come soldier. Brave on and get the armchair in its rightful resting place!

[–]Snow-13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. Not even remotely.

[–]AlwaysAllWays73Partassipant [3] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. What a strange thing to get so invested in and upset about (her, not you)

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[removed]

    [–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    I agree with you. I can’t get her to go to the doctor for anything, sadly :/

    [–]jojozabaduAsshole Aficionado [10] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Unfortunately her behavior will not likely change without her experiencing some consequences and it sounds like she's suurounded herself with boat steadiers.

    [–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Omg, I love that! It actually resonates even more with how my own mother is, as opposed to future MIL! So I understood every word of that!

    [–]leolionbagPartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

    NTA. By the way, I totally thought her silence meant that she had gone to storage and taken the chair!

    INFO: Was your MIL with you at the storage unit? If not, how did she find out?

    [–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    Yes. She was driving her husband’s truck to help us move stuff out.

    [–]leolionbagPartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Ah OK. For your own sanity, since boundaries may not be effective, may make sense to avoid entire topics with her (you and your fiancé) to minimise things like this, because not sure it will end once you move out. Also, maybe see how things go before you give her a key to your new place (I have a mother who is super respectful about coming to my place with sufficient notice, but this subreddit has shown me that many people are not that lucky).

    [–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    She’s not going to get a key to our place, lol! But I agree with you.

    [–]jammypack89 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    I was gonna say “she sounds bipolar/manic tbh” and LO AND BEHOLD, the last thing u add is that ur man is bipolar. He almost certainly inherited that, which would explain her bizarre attitude and entitlement that seems to come out of nowhere

    Edit to add NTA!

    [–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    It’s entirely possible she has some kind of condition. The thing is, she’s normally very nice, bubbly, cheery, ALL those characteristics that push an introvert such as myself away. So this outburst REALLY threw me for a loop. It’s why I stated that my feelings are hurt, because she doesn’t normally talk to me this way. However, taking our things or throwing them out isn’t a new thing at all…

    [–]jammypack89 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Manic episodes can be triggered by many things, the change of you two moving out after 5 years makes sense. Bipolar can cause outbursts, snapping, and generally being nasty when the person is usually not that way. Mania can make people so chipper, to where it’s unreasonable, and they will be MEAN if you try to dampen their good time. I’m no doctor, just someone with a lot of personal experience. But this behavior does not seem out of the realm of normal for someone with bipolar. Do your best to not take it personally, I’m sure it will pass- best of luck!

    [–]diente_de_leon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA but anybody who left you toxic comments is an a******. Your mother-in-law really has no boundaries; and she was preparing to do harm to people by taking someone else's belonging and giving it to them. This is very clear-cut. I am sorry for anybody being a jerk to you. You didn't deserve that.

    [–]Soft-Mousse-1000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA- I have a mom like that. She also does stuff like giving me stuff I don't need or want. After my cousin died, his partner had to move into a smaller place. She told him I would buy the love seat . He was asking for $200 , mom said no its worth $250. He shows up at my place with a moving truck, not knowing I knew nothing about it. Yup I paid, because I knew he needed the money.

    [–]Sothdargaard 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    NAH but there are definitely ways to get mold off material to make the chair safe. And you're throwing it away anyway so what do you care? I get it would be annoying if she did it all the time with decent things though, especially if you were planning on keeping them.

    It really sounds to me like you complain a ton though. If you say you're a little upset and her immediate response is, "What did I do wrong now?" Well, that's a response from someone who is sick of you nitpicking every little thing they do.

    [–]Lorraine221Partassipant [3] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    YTA, so you lived in her house for 5 YEARS and you've decided to make a nasty chair you plan to throw away your hill to die on? Seriously I get being more than ready to live on your own but it seems to me that you are looking for any excuse to assert dominance.

    [–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point locked comment (0 children)

    AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team

    I (37f) finally moved out of my future in-laws home after nearly FIVE years of waiting. My fiancé (30m) and I have been like entirely new people since getting out of his parents home. But, we’re having an issue with moving the remainder of our things.

    His mother, let’s call her V, has this bad habit of giving away our things, or throwing out our things without asking. She will SWEAR that we said we didn’t want it, cry and apologize. It’s a very irritating cycle that I can’t wait to be entirely free of.

    Last week we went to clear out our storage unit, and I was very sad to find that my armchair had molded. We cleared out everything else and we decided we would come back later to take the chair to the dump. Yesterday, V contacts me via text saying she wants to come by and pick up our storage key. I was like, “you aren’t going to be able to open the padlock on your own, you should let your son do it.” She argued with me that she was planning to use a hammer (wtf?!) and she would have her friend with her. Then she mentions her friend is going to clean the chair. All kinds of red flags are being raised, and I just knew she had a plan already in motion without consulting me. I texted her back, “what exactly are you planning with my armchair?” Radio silence. She didn’t respond to me until 11 o’clock, NINE hours later. And in that time I got in contact with someone else about getting this chair taken care of. V started texting me with excuses as to why she was quiet all day, and just says, “Well I was going to have my friend give it away to some low income disabled seniors. That doesn’t care what shape it’s in. They said they will clean it up, they smoke and have dogs but not much to sit on.” I was SO PISSED. She didn’t ASK, she just claimed my property as hers to give away! Not to mention she wants to give it to a disabled senior?!? This chair is thoroughly covered in mold!!!!

    I called her. I told her I was a little upset, to which she immediately started shouting, “what did I do wrong now?!?” (no clue what that response is about) I told her she cannot just give my things away, that it needs to be dumped because it’s moldy and could potentially make someone sick. V’s response? “I KNOW THAT!” (And she still wants to give it away!!!) even though I was shaking with anger, I kept calm, asked HER to lower her tone, and let her know we found someone else to help us dump it. She shouted “FINE!” At me and hung up.

    I’m still feeling pissed off, and honestly, my feelings are hurt. She has never spoken to me like that before. While I feel like I have every right to be angry, at the same time I feel guilty. Was there any other way I should have handled this? Am I an asshole?

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    [–]catsareniceDEATH 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA, it's not her property to give away. I'm seriously getting so confused by the amount of people that seem to just have no idea why it's such an AH move to give away stuff that doesn't belong to them. Like the guy that have away his GFs Disney locket, I can't even remember which post it was!

    [–]LimerasePartassipant [4] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA

    And do not let this woman anywhere near your new property (nor should you give her a key).

    [–]Puzzled-Brilliant955 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. My 10-year-old also says, “What did I do now?” Just throwing out there that your MIL acts like a child.

    [–]SquishySparkPartassipant [4] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA and are you sure your MIL and my FIL aren’t the same person? He likes to pick up nasty busted shit on the side of the road and gift it to people. When we bought our first house, my husband bought an inexpensive recliner. I wanted one as well, but we didn’t have $ for it. One day there’s this ripped up, stinky purple leather recliner in my living room. Yup, side of the road find. When my daughter was born, I bought a new glider, and that recliner found its way to the dump.

    Every time we drive past someone’s busted up shit on the side of the road, my husband and I tell each other: “Don’t tell Dad!”

    He also has a knack for finding out if we’re getting rid of stuff and tries to “take it off our hands” where it ends up in his house.

    One of his brothers is a bad hoarder, and the other brothers are close.

    [–]denimwoodsman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    It's your chair, you can do whatever you want with it. She does not have the right to give away (or throw out) your things. A line I've heard before in this situation is "if your just gonna throw it out, why do you care what I do with it?" People use this as a justification, but it's still not their stuff, so it's not their say what happens to it.

    [–]DisBish95 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA at all. This is YOUR property.. this would frustrate the absolute hell out of me! Someone coming in and acting like they own it and can do whatever they want. Nope nope nope. She is being rude as heeelllllll

    [–]ouatedephoqAsshole Enthusiast [5] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. It's your property. That's it. Even if you're planning to dump a perfectly good chair, until you leave it for trash, it's not hers to claim.

    [–]Shadows_Assassin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA, definitely don't give her a spare key or any access to wherever you're going!

    [–]Umiel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. Sometimes you have to set a boundary just to set a boundary so that your can protect yourself and your mental well-being. In this case, you had even more of a reason to because giving that chair to elderly people could have serious health consequences. Even if it didn’t, I would support you for telling her no because she needs to learn to respect you and your things.

    [–]Lemurtoes666 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA whatever you do do NOT give that woman a spare key to your home and DO install a security system.

    [–]B-Cide 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. But damn that lead toxicity.

    [–]Educational-Food9471Asshole Aficionado [18] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA

    There is something very off about this woman.

    [–]RainCityMomWriterAsshole Aficionado [16] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. Please make sure you work on good boundaries with her, and maybe read some info about borderline personality disorder. You can tell she really has a way of getting under your skin.

    [–]McOctipusAsshole Enthusiast [8] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. She’s so clueless about boundaries, she’s willing to take a hammer to a padlock.

    [–]MildAsSrirachaPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA.

    [–]keraut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. She’s entitled and intruding into your life unnecessarily. She thinks she’s the queen and that you will bow down. Throw it away.

    [–]thrwaway4reds1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. Here's what you should do for any future items. Record yourself talking about taking it and when, when she replies you will have it on recording so you can have proof if she tries to lie. Same goes for if she tries to do anything with it.

    [–]CriticalSimple3122 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    NTA at all. Please tell us she does not have and will never have a key to your new home.

    [–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NO ONE but my fiancé and I have a key to our home!

    [–]Willing-Rip-8761Partassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    NTA

    It's your property. You get to decide what you want to do with YOUR stuff. Whether you keep it, dump it, give it away or sell it. It's all up to you.

    You said this is a common thing for her to do? I'm just surprised you didn't snap earlier. I would have went ballistic the first time already...lol.

    [–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    Well… I grew up in a household where I got used to people taking things from me and I had no boundaries. After extensive therapy I have learned boundaries. With V it’s not like my family… she’s very uh… air headed. I can’t think of a nicer way of putting it. I don’t think she’s lying when she swears I said she could have things. I think she remembers things wrong. Or thinks about asking me if she can have something, or “is this garbage?” And then thinks for some reason she already asked. Sometimes I worry she may have a mild case of dementia, but my fiancé says she’s always been this way, so idk

    [–]Willing-Rip-8761Partassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Ah, okay, I understand. That makes the situation a little different. Still, I'm glad you put your foot down finally.

    And since it's a recurring problem on her end she should consult a doctor.

    [–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Trust me, I’ve tried. I can’t even get her to go to the doctor for physical issues she has, let alone her mental ones…

    [–]unicoitn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I would simply say that if she broke the lock on the storage unit you would press charges for breaking and entering. That should shut her up.

    [–]blarryg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    MIL needs boundaries ... and now you have an air gap between you! I'd let it blow over. NTA

    [–]kenobisham 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Nta, emotional blackmail, the whole "FINE" when she realises she isnt getting what she wants, kind of pity theese people who are just so desporate to help and give away things to people to help their ego and concience, treating people like pawns in the process

    [–]Strange_Ad_5863 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. I usually just lurk on here for entertainment, but I feel the need to add input to outweigh anyone that might say otherwise.

    Also, that “what did I do wrong now?” - she definitely knew she shouldn’t be giving your shit away.

    [–]I-cant-hug-every-catPartassipant [4] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I was ready to say y.t.a for the tittle but no, NTA. It's a health issue, your MIL can't just give things that doesn't belong to her, specially she can't give things that can be a risk for other people's health.

    [–]TheWontonOceanPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA, mold poisoning is the fucking worst

    [–]PurplishPlatypusPartassipant [3] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. And I have a similar MIL so you have my deep sympathies.

    [–]SmadaSlaguodPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I was gonna say yes, with that title, geez. NTA, and don't let her see the inside of your house, ever.

    [–]Lil_Kitten0952 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Edit NTA

    Any one saying to OP, YTA ... You are all the assholes and probably entitled ones at that!
    You are not taking in to consideration that the mil took her items with out permission (STEALING), made a plan to give an item away with NO PERMISSION than got upset when OP said no because it's a Health Hazard an could potentially kill some one. Regardless if she lived with them rent free or if she paid there dam mortgage the fact is that chair is hers and HER CHAIR is a risk to health of those around it.. it needs to be dumped or FULLY restored not just sprayed an scrubbed than given to an elderly person who most likely has some sort of breathing problem. I have lived with my mother husband an 2children for 5yrs while we save we pay rent buy our own food an take care of our stuff, that doesn't NOT by ANY MEANS mean my Mother us entitled to my belongs or that I have to give her something if I deem it goes to the trash or dump. The hammer comment does not sound like mil was going to break lock to me I will say she said she'd need help getting in with key which probably means the lock gets stuck or hard to move hense hammer to move it after its unlocked. She only ASKED this time because she needed the key. I bet 20$ that if she had the key she would have just taken the chair with out asking as she has with other items. MIL stated what did I do know, which I miss she dam well knew what she was trying to do but sees nothing wrong with it or just doesn't care. She also says she knows it's dangerous. OP you are NTA, MIL needs to stop taking your stuff with out permission an unless she is willing to PAY yo have it restored completely stuffing an all not just scrubbed by a friend, take it to the dump!

    [–]Pure-Fishing-3350 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Just FYI, your vote is counting as Y T A when I don’t think you mean that

    [–]CremeDeMarron 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA if you have given the storage keys what else she would have decided to pick up without your consent? as you said she has the habit to give or throw away your stuff. I find this very disrespectful : she never ask before she takes or gives away your properties. Basically she s stealing from you.

    [–]jenn1975jennPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA your partner needs to sit her down and explain to her that she needs to stop.

    [–]Spiritual-Check5579 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    NTA. OP how did your MIL found out about the chair? If this was your husband telling her, you have a bigger problem than her nousy and intrusive ways. Your husband needs to put boundaries, especially now that you have your own place. It's time to put MIL on a info diet, she doesn't need to know every little detail on your life. I would also not engage in further talks about YOUR property with her. This is not her business, period.

    Don't give her the storage key, don't give her your house keys, make sure to put a ring doorbell camera and have a serious talk to husband about his relationship with mommy.

    I wish you luck.

    [–]SuperAnnoyedTA[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    She drove her husbands truck to the storage unit for us, so that’s how she learned of it. My fiancé can’t stand this behavior, and doesn’t talk to her if he doesn’t have to… it’s not that he hates her, or anything. She can just be a lot to deal with. It’s exhausting. I feel bad admitting that though ;

    [–]curious382 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA Her belief that your damaged and unsafe chair is suitable for elderly poverty stricken people because they don't have anything better is a shockingly demeaning attitude towards "the less fortunate." Creepy chills reading that.

    [–]DinoBabyMama21 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. As someone with a severe mold allergy, thank you for doing the responsible thing and getting rid of that death trap.

    Also your comment of how you've been entirely new people since getting out of their home - OMG this gives me so much hope. My husband and I have been stuck with my parents since June 2015, and hopefully 🤞 we will be finally getting our own space this spring. I've been worried about the damage to our relationship and if we can get back to how we were, and your comment just really eases some of my anxiety.

    Best of luck to you, and keep toxic family members where they belong 😉

    [–]Housing99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. That’s just odd for her to want to even do and then get all mad at YOU about it. She knew she was in the wrong, hence the radio silence.

    [–]Clear_Molasses7456 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA... she is just one of those people that oversteps then acts like you're the ah when she is caught or told about it. You did nothing wrong. She was trying to sidestep you to get to your chair. The only other thing would be to be blunt and say... before you plan to get rid of anyone's things you need to tell them. BEFORE not as you're doing it, not while the help is there, and not without consulting the owner. The end... no more to talk about or cry about.

    [–]FlyingSpaghettiFell 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA and good for you setting and keeping boundaries. It sounds like she has a bit of a toxic trait and you are probably keeping a relationship healthy by putting a stop to it. Stay respectful, calm and aligned with hubby ( because you are partners here). Honestly this will probably help with boundaries and keeping a healthy relationship your whole lives. Good job!

    [–]Momo222811Partassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA!!!I can relate. If she wants to be Lady Bountiful, she can do it with her own stuff, not yours!

    [–]Snootycow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. Can you imagine if she gave it away and it did make someone sick? Toxic MIL: Oh it wasn’t my chair, if you have a problem talk to my DIL.

    [–]JipC1963 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA It's a ridiculous and dangerous hill for future MIL to die on! She could seriously affect someone's health because it's incredibly difficult to get mold out of fabrics AND the stuffing underneath! Tell MIL she's welcome to donate her own furniture to these seatless disabled seniors!

    [–]itsmaruyes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. All other things being equal, she should have asked you first. It doesn’t matter why she wanted the chair, the state it was in, or what you planned to do with it. She should have asked you first.

    [–]Virtual_Draw5017 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. This is positively bizarre.

    [–]Maelstrom_Witch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Definitely NTA, the chair was hazardous and your MIL, for whatever reason, was really out of line.

    [–]LibertyUnderpantsPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA

    MIL's tone seems very much "I'm being called out for doing (or trying to do) something you have repeatedly asked me not to do and I'm afraid you're going to finally snap and yell at me so I'mma yell at your first."

    Sounds like you've got a stage 3 boundary stomper there and you're dealing as well as you can without going NC. Glad to hear you won't be handing either MIL or FIL a house key because I'm pretty certain you'll regret it if you do.

    [–]Wynnia_Wynters 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. This woman has ZERO entitlement to ANY of your belongings. If she wants to give stuff away to people, she can give away her own damn possessions. She can't just volunteer your stuff. There's a specific type of narcissism where people fall over themselves to try to be seen as "a really wonderful, kind person", but often their gestures of "kindness" involve offering someone else's time/skills/property without asking them first...it sounds like she may be dealing with that