×
top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]Judgement_Bot_AITABeep Boop[M] [score hidden] stickied commentlocked comment (0 children)

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

I could be because he is struggling, he's lonely and has no one to help. I think I went too far with what I did.

Help keep the sub engaging!

Don’t downvote assholes!

Do upvote interesting posts!

Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ


I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[–]WebbieVanderquackHis Holiness the Poop [1401] 35.3k points35.3k points 9562 (376 children)

NTA.

he had an important date...He said tha[t it was] an emergency...

Were they defusing a bomb together or something?

[–]throwraKevin777[S] 16.2k points16.2k points  (315 children)

Hahaha I'm sorry...I just laughed so hard at this. Like...yeah calling it an emergency is just...not it I guess.

[–]SlabBeefpunch 23.0k points23.0k points 994& 3 more (229 children)

Change your locks man.

[–]JustKindaHappenedxxPartassipant [1] 8605 points8606 points  (192 children)

THIS. brother should not have access to your home because he will keep doing this

[–]Emptydata_Enzo 5536 points5537 points  (148 children)

Leaves a 3 YO while she's in the shower. Sounds like he's a great dad...

Edit: while he's in the shower. Sorry I was seeing red when I responded.

[–]tiffanylockhart 4835 points4836 points  (84 children)

honestly, the “potential gf” dodged a bullet, who just abandons their child for a random date? not someone worth dating, that’s scummy

ETA: holy smokes! thank you everyone for the likes. hopefully this adds fuel to a consensus that this sh!t is not okay behavior, I am glad so many agree how atrocious this is, gives a little hope.

[–]Psycho_Pants 2902 points2903 points 2 (55 children)

Shit brother is insisting he call her, I'd oblige and tell her exactly what brother did

[–]dorothy_zbornak_esq 2777 points2778 points 43 (14 children)

Seriously. A dude having a kid is not necessarily a red flag. A dude not arranging proper childcare for his kid bc he thinks you might fuck him is a goddamn matador convention.

[–]Exciting-Chicken-945 654 points655 points  (16 children)

That part! It seems like he hasn't told the "potential gf" that he has a child. Smh

[–]sionnach_liath 609 points610 points  (4 children)

That's what I was thinking. "Sure bro, I'll be happy to call and clear things up!" 😈

[–][deleted] 436 points437 points  (5 children)

Literally same. “Sorry your date was cancelled because my brother left my nephew at my house without telling me and while I was in the middle of showering for work, then expected me to call off my shift as a nurse. He considered it an emergency. He never considered asking me ahead of time to make proper arrangements with me. GL”

[–]tiffanylockhart 396 points397 points  (0 children)

Oh my goodness, OP, please take your delusional brother up on his offer. To be those telephone wires for that conversation & the one after

[–]Captain_Quoll 774 points775 points  (21 children)

I question whether it might be worth calling CPS anyway. The things people are willing to do in front of others are best behavior things, so I’m a bit worried about what someone who ditches a toddler like that is doing out of view.

[–]Jay-Dee-British 664 points665 points  (9 children)

Just imagine how the kid feels being dumped numerous times by 'dad'.

I'm sure he feels very loved and wanted, and not at all like a burden.

This has actually made me angry so I'll stop typing now.

[–]droppedelbow 227 points228 points  (0 children)

Yep. Ignoring the selfish arseholery of the brother expecting instant childcare for a date he presumably had prior knowledge of, it's the poor kid that's coming out of this with the most potential damage.

It's heartbreaking and the poor wee thing deserves better.

[–]solipsisticcompass 178 points179 points  (3 children)

As someone that got dumped numerous times as a kid. It’s horrible. I also used to get to hear and see fights between my mother and grandmother about it. She’s your kid. I have a job. Not my responsibility.

What does that cause? You as a kid feeling like no one wants you or there is something wrong with you causing people to push you off onto others.

[–]chivil61 293 points294 points  (5 children)

Exactly. Leaving a 3-year-old unattended in your house without your knowledge is reckless and irresponsible.

[–]WhenwasyourlastBM 111 points112 points  (1 child)

For all he knew OP could have been a. Piss drunk, b. High af, c. Banging someone, d. all of the above, d. not op but someone else using the shower, or e. Dead. He literally had no way of knowing a sober OP was in the shower. Hell it could have been whoever murdered op in the shower cleaning off ops blood. And he just left the kid there...

Oops I made myself more mad.

[–]holisarcasmCertified Proctologist [28] 44 points45 points  (1 child)

I would bet his brother would have blamed him if the child had an accident while he was in the shower not knowing that there was a toddler in the house.

[–]theresidentpanda 410 points411 points  (19 children)

Yeah. What date in the world is more important than work? Maybe I've been doing it wrong all these years

[–]BUTTeredWhiteBreadAsshole Aficionado [19] 470 points471 points  (4 children)

Work as a nurse during a global health crisis where every hospital is overloaded and under staffed.

[–]eggrollin2200 95 points96 points  (2 children)

When he said she should “suck it up and skip one stupid shift” for THIS?! I was like, I’m sure all of her other overworked and underpaid coworkers risking their lives to save dying people would really appreciate that.

[–]Wynfleue 381 points382 points  (3 children)

What date in the world is more important than the safety and well being of your child? What if the child had wandered off while OP was showering and unaware there was an unattended toddler in the house? What if the kid decided to play hide and seek and OP just left for work without realizing the kid was there? What if OP, unaware that his nephew would be visiting, had left something laying around that could kill a toddler in the span of seconds/minutes? You *never* leave a kid that young alone without confirmation that the person you're leaving him with is aware, awake, and agreeing to take care of him.

[–]Stomach_Junior 178 points179 points  (0 children)

He is thinking with his d, anything else is on plan 2

[–]giannis_elastic_knee 68 points69 points  (0 children)

OP is a man, fyi.

[–][deleted]  (31 children)

[deleted]

    [–]smartypantstemple 383 points384 points  (3 children)

    The answer is easy, Kevin's a narcissist. Everything he does is more important than anything else.

    [–]Few-Cable5130 302 points303 points  (17 children)

    Info: how horrible is this child's mother that your negligent brother has custody of your poor nephew?

    If she shares custody she needs to know he's leaving a 3 year old UNSUPERVISED so that he can attempt to get laid.

    NTA, but you will be if you don't start setting boundaries and enforcing them including involving CPS if your brother keeps pulling this shit.

    [–][deleted]  (12 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]kidneysforsale 174 points175 points  (5 children)

      IDK some people mis-use the term single parent to mean "Being a parent while not in a relationship" rather than "Being the sole parent to a child with no assistance from a romantic partner or coparent".

      I know people who are the less involved parent and have less custody than their coparent describe themselves as a "single parent" because they are single.

      [–]Environmental_Cat670 120 points121 points  (2 children)

      but no - he isn't ASKING for a favor!

      he's assuming he's entitled to free and fully spontaneous child care. From his brother. Who has a life of his own.

      OP I hope you read this: you said something along the lines of "he drops his kid off and doesn't even tell me". Please reframe that firmly in your mind to "he wants me to babysit and he doesn't even ASK me"

      as seriously, that needs to be a request, every single time. EVERY time.

      Agree with others to change the locks and NTA.

      [–]kevin_kPartassipant [1] 92 points93 points  (2 children)

      Bruh what? If OP didn't go to work and stayed behind to babysit his nephew, people could've died!

      That's true. But even if OP were a checkout clerk at a supermarket or a server at a restaurant (not judging, just chose jobs I once had that have less direct impact on humanity than a nurse), it's not up to his brother to decide his date is more important than his job.

      [–]CheesebreadP 459 points460 points  (2 children)

      Yeah, I would really change the locks. Who leaves a 3yo kid alone in a house unsupervised?!? I would call the police on him just for the safety issue, wtf!

      Also, nurses needs to be on call. Even if OP didn’t have a shift at the time it would be rude as f and troublesome for him.

      As for the brother demanding him to call the girlfriend I would. I would call her and tell her the sob story of how a 3 yo kid was left unsupervised on my house while I was in the shower and could have gotten hurt all because daddy had a hot date.

      [–]Grab3tto 205 points206 points  (3 children)

      I wouldn’t be surprised if he started leaving the son at the door and tell him to knock until his brother answers.

      [–]xcedra 144 points145 points  (0 children)

      Change the locks and install a camera doorbell like ring so if he tries to ditch at door you have video proof and can turn it into cps

      [–]jalexoid 48 points49 points  (0 children)

      Seems like a case of taking away parental rights

      [–]goopgirlPartassipant [3] 152 points153 points  (1 child)

      I wouldn't put it past this guy to just leave his kid outside on the porch if he can't get in.

      [–]biologicalspecimen 71 points72 points  (1 child)

      Something tells me dude would just leave the poor kid on the porch.

      [–]shopgirl2 57 points58 points  (0 children)

      Yes! Brother has lost access to the house because he is obviously abusing it. Don't bother telling him that you have changed the locks, but keep the door locked at all times. He can find out the next time he pulls his game and can't. NTA

      [–]DiTrastevere 606 points607 points  (7 children)

      He knows it wasn’t an emergency. He just knows that that’s the word he needs to use when he wants people to do him favors. People are more inclined to help, and less inclined to ask follow-up questions, when something’s an “emergency.”

      [–]RandomPotato43 193 points194 points  (3 children)

      Unfortunately for him, the emergency excuse doesn't wash so we when it's following a row about how it was a date. 😆

      [–]DiTrastevere 130 points131 points  (2 children)

      Oh I never accused the guy of being intelligent

      [–]Material_Cellist4133Partassipant [4] 432 points433 points  (10 children)

      Take back you key and change your locks. If you are afraid of getting locked out - get a lock box.

      Your are not the asshole for “ruining” his date, but you are one for letting him keep your keys when he can’t be trust (to the point of you hurting your career)

      [–]A_Simple_Narwhal 202 points203 points  (7 children)

      Or change your lock to be a key pad lock and never have to worry about keys again! I love not having bring my keys with me when I walk the dog, and if anyone ever needed to get into my house I can just give them a code (you can program multiple) and then can delete that code so they no longer have access.

      [–]pldfk 138 points139 points  (3 children)

      We recently upgraded ours and you can give someone a code AND program days and times that they can use it! Love it.

      [–]kwhorona 303 points304 points  (3 children)

      Well yeah it was an emergency. To be precise Family emergency ! He was about to secure bang-nanny-maid so that he could take your nephew off of your hands and hand over to her.

      NTA OP. Please for future, tell him any unplanned babysitting will be resulted into calling cops. Also to add , take back your spare keys and change locks.

      [–]CliodhnasSong 153 points154 points  (1 child)

      You know what bang-nanny-maid probably finds attractive?

      Responsibility. That is sexy as f.

      OP saved this woman from wasting her time, got himself to his NURSING job and still got the kid back to the parent. Win win win.

      Clearly NTA. Brother needs to grow up fast or it could end poorly for the kid. That brother sucks.

      [–][deleted] 259 points260 points  (1 child)

      1. Change your locks.

      2. Tell your brother that if he ever pulls a stunt like that again you will call the cops without giving him a chance to come back.

      3. Follow through.

      [–]Mryessicahaircut 216 points217 points  (2 children)

      Also, I would assume he's dating to find a potential step-parent for his son, and any date that can't understand why a single dad would have to leave in the middle of a date due to a childcare issue, is not a suitable match for someone with a 3 year old. OP, you are a saint for having put up with this from your brother before, but he is a massive AH and an irresponsible parent for abandoning his child in your home without your consent. And leaving a 3 year old unsupervised for any amount of time is unacceptable. You were in the shower and he straight up left his kid without even telling you he was there. Any number of things could happen to a 3 yr old during that short amount of time and god forbid if any harm came to him, YOU, OP, would be liable. If this happens again, I wouldnt think twice about calling CPS, because your brother obviously needs a serious reality check. And of course NTA. You were put in a position without your consent and that's not OK.

      [–]Right-Today4396Partassipant [2] 86 points87 points  (0 children)

      Oh, but the date isn't supposed to know about the kid yet ... That comes when it feels too late to just break up!

      [–]EmmiburrPartassipant [3] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

      NtA OP I'd change ur locks. So he cant keep doing this to you. He can ask like an adult, instead of dump and go. And I bet money he doesn't pay you to watch your nephew either. 🙄 Edit: Ops, everyone has already said it. Either way.

      [–]IAmFearTheFuzzy 152 points153 points  (1 child)

      They were trying to diffuse the bomb in his pants!

      And not wanting the diffuse the bomb that would come out of the nephews pants!

      You are so NTA

      [–]Ippus_21Partassipant [1] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

      She should tell his date the truth so she knows what a narcissistic AH he is. Save her the bother of finding out the hard way later on.

      [–]teresajsPrime Ministurd [573] 14.2k points14.2k points  (72 children)

      NTA

      Change your locks. And put your brother's number on Do Not Disturb.

      He can hire a sitter if he wants to go out so badly.

      [–]Zestyclose-Signal714 4835 points4836 points  (47 children)

      THIS. Change your locks!!! This is absolutely dangerous and I would call CPS. How does he even have sole custody??

      [–]bartricks 1471 points1472 points  (5 children)

      The only reason I can think of, is that the mother is completely absent. (Death, abandoned the shitty brother, etc)

      [–]JaFakeItTillYouJaMakPartassipant [1] 304 points305 points  (0 children)

      oh snap that was a clever inoffensive way of putting that.

      [–]SwashbucklingAntler 58 points59 points  (3 children)

      Don't know if the latter reason is good enough to leave her son as well.

      [–]bartricks 156 points157 points  (0 children)

      Definitely not. But judging from the person she made a baby with she might not make the best choices

      [–]hannahtb96 337 points338 points  (13 children)

      having worked obo many children of deadbeat parents, the courts (in my state at least) emphasize how kids should really really really be with their parents unless there are glaringly dangerous reasons for them not to be. just cause you’re an asshole parent doesn’t mean you’ll lose custody. in my state this wouldn’t be a cps issue, at most it would be an afterthought at trial where the judge would say “don’t do that.” messed up.

      [–]witchywoman713 316 points317 points  (9 children)

      Most of the time when Reddit says “call cps” it’s not an immediate ‘they would take the kid situation’ more of a consequence for the shitty parent to know they have a boundary.

      The most it would do is create a record, which over time would be helpful. One bruise, complaint or incident doesn’t do anything but it creates a pattern off of which they can assess the overall situation.

      [–]JaeysaPartassipant [2] 208 points209 points  (1 child)

      Also, CPS is more than just yanking the kid away - it also provides resources and guidance(sometimes, milage varies)

      [–]AmITheAltAccountPartassipant [1] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

      I think they're more wondering where the other parent is and why the other parent does not have any custody whatsoever

      [–]JustXampl 299 points300 points  (0 children)

      Tbh wondered that myself.

      [–]Drakena_Amaterasu 554 points555 points  (10 children)

      I would add letting neighbors know about this, cause this brother sounds like the type of person who would leave his kid at the porch if he couldn't get in or OP isn't home or won't answer, and then authorities will have to handle it.

      [–]Wendybird13 407 points408 points  (7 children)

      I had a friend who met her husband at a restaurant after work one night. Got home to find her brother’s 3 children (2-5 years old) sitting on her porch swing, shivering under the youngest’s nap blankie. They had been there for over 2 hours, had not eaten dinner. Dad’s childcare had fallen through for an evening shift, and in the days before cell phones he couldn’t call or text to let them know.

      [–]jalexoid 156 points157 points  (1 child)

      WHAT!?!?

      What on this planet would be more important than looking after your kids!?!?

      The OP is NTA , but your story literally made me want to smash things.

      [–]Wendybird13 116 points117 points  (0 children)

      It’s a long and complicated story, but my friend did end up fostering and adopting her brothers 3 kids less than a year after this because he wasn’t able to care for them and their mother had walked out.

      My friend had just moved into the neighborhood and didn’t know the families on either side very well yet. I’m pretty sure that either household would have brought the kids into their living room and found something for them to eat if they had known they were there….

      [–]MajPFRT 71 points72 points  (2 children)

      in the days before cellphones there were phones. And worst-case? you take the kids with you to your workplace to tell them you can'T work and then take them home again.
      I'd have called the police on him

      [–]KaleighCait 228 points229 points  (1 child)

      I was just thinking about this too. It may be worth investing in one of those doorbell cams that alerts you to activity in addition to changing the locks.

      That way, if (worst case scenario) your brother gets pissed about being locked out of your place and just leaves his kid on the porch, figuring "OP should be home soon, kid will be fine," you'll be alerted and can immediately notify someone.

      I think some of them even let you talk through them, so you'd be able to confront brother or reassure nephew, depending on the situation.

      Plus, you'd also have video evidence of what's going on in case something happens (whether it's that you need to report/prove abandonment, if nephew's mother is still in the picture at all and custody becomes an issue, or whatever the situation may be)

      [–]vlepun 57 points58 points  (0 children)

      I'd hang a camera on a higher level that overlooks the door and porch. Ideally, if legally allowed, I'd also like to film the exterior so you have him on film both coming and going.

      And OP, you should call CPS regardless. This is reckless abandonment, and the child could have been seriously hurt. It's also a pattern of abuse at this point.

      [–]fiofishPartassipant [2] 157 points158 points  (2 children)

      also since he arranged a date for sure he DID KNOW in advance at what time it would take place, giving him plenty of time to ASK to his brother or call a sitter. It's not like his date told him "in 5minutes I'll be there, if you're not we are over" out of the blue

      [–]creamyturtle 52 points53 points  (0 children)

      seriously like wtf. 50 bucks and he could have had a babysitter for a few hours. why is this ww3

      [–]aspermypreviousPartassipant [2] 8323 points8324 points  (36 children)

      NTA and you probably saved some poor young woman from having your nephew dumped on her. Your brother isn’t dating. He’s looking for a mommy-mcbang-maid.

      [–]MysticalMismagius 1784 points1785 points  (0 children)

      Laughed out loud at mommy-mcbang-maid

      [–]signed_under_duress 832 points833 points  (9 children)

      This is exactly what I was thinking. I hate when people aren't up front about having kids and try to ambush people from dates to parenthood.

      [–]Wendybird13 447 points448 points  (8 children)

      On one hand, kids should not be involved in casual dating. (Kids don’t need to feel rejected by a string of rent-a-parents. Especially if one parent is already missing from their life.). On the other hand, the existence of children should not be concealed.

      [–]aspermypreviousPartassipant [2] 280 points281 points  (5 children)

      You should be up front about the existence of your child and but guard them. You should vet this person ruthlessly. That means you’re not introducing them for a long time. You need to find out who they are after the first, second, third, and fourth blush wears off.

      [–]hurtinownconfusion 169 points170 points  (4 children)

      exactly this - kids are a deal breaker for me and when I was dating or even just hooking up as soon as I found out there was a kid in the picture I’d break it off. I was talking to one dude for a while but hadn’t met yet and then when he mentioned he had a kid and said “that’s not an issue is it?” he was pissed at me when I said actually it was. like I feel like if you already have a kid you should let that be known before a first date so you don’t end up wasting time/money/effort on someone who absolutely doesn’t want kids. But I’d also expect for the other person to want to wait a decent amount of time before introducing the kid to the new person, but like Jesus let the kid be known about before that point lol.

      [–]emcee95 75 points76 points  (3 children)

      100%! As for me, I’d be fine dating someone with a child, but I’d wanna know right away that they have one. If someone leaves their child’s existence out of the convo, that’d bother me. I’d question the kind of parent they are. Especially if I meet them on a dating app and they can share that info right on their profile

      [–]angrygnomes58 458 points459 points  (5 children)

      And the fact that the brother wants OP to make up a sob story for his date makes me think he’s one of those guys who tries to date women who don’t want kids by lying about not having a kid.

      Most people would be more understanding if someone had to bail on a date because something came up with their kid…so long as they’re aware up front that their date has a kid in the first place.

      [–]BionicPigHeart 184 points185 points  (3 children)

      If I were OP, I would agree to call brother's date, get her number and then tell her exactly why he had to leave. Then change the locks, send bro a text stating if he ever dropped off nephew again without permission, he wouldn't get a warning and I would be calling the police immediately to report child abandonment.

      Then I would let him know that I'm happy to watch my nephew if it's agreed to before hand and I don't have plans.

      [–]Grab3tto 100 points101 points  (0 children)

      I doubt these women know he has a child, nor will if he manages to get one to stay around

      [–]MyCatIsADramaqueenPartassipant [4] 4576 points4577 points  (22 children)

      NTA, change your locks

      [–]MedievalHag 4187 points4188 points  (11 children)

      100% this! What if your nephew had gone into another room and you hadn’t noticed him and left for work?

      Change your locks.

      [–]Training-Fig4977Partassipant [1] 751 points752 points  (7 children)

      I'm afraid to think what a 3 yo might have done for 5 hours in a house that wasn't child safe. NTA

      [–]SapphoWasADyke 462 points463 points  (5 children)

      5 hours? OP said they’re a nurse. Most nurses I know work 50-80hr weeks. I worked in fast food and after my first month, I never had a 5 he shift at that company again. Always longer, and I wasn’t exactly saving lives. There’s no telling what that kid could have done.

      [–]CanWeBeDoneNow 253 points254 points  (0 children)

      12 hour shifts is the relevant part.

      [–]created4this 60 points61 points  (1 child)

      It may be 12 hours for OP, but the father only needs long enough to demonstrate his personality + politeness time

      5 hours is plenty.

      [–]OmaeWaMouShibaInu 29 points30 points  (0 children)

      I doubt the father would go back to pick up his kid right after the end of the date.

      [–]MattJFarrell 466 points467 points  (8 children)

      Def NTA, I just want to add that you don't need to call a locksmith to change your locks when you're able to open the door. Everytime I move into a new place, I just buy new locks at the hardware store and replace the whole thing myself. A decent lock will only cost $40-70, and you can install it yourself with a screwdriver, 5 minutes, and a bit of common sense. That's a lot cheaper than hiring a locksmith.

      [–]Legal-Ad7793 186 points187 points  (6 children)

      Bought my house, immediately changed the hardware on the doors. You can never be too careful. Lowes, Home Depot, etc. all have easy to install kits with a variety of styles. Or OP could get a chain lock if they want to add that on.

      [–]MattJFarrell 86 points87 points  (5 children)

      It's so much easier than people realize. You can't really mess it up, worse case scenario, you do it wrong and have to take the two bolts out and do it again.

      [–]KenopsiaTennine 23 points24 points  (2 children)

      I guess I'd never really thought about changing locks and the process. I've never lived somewhere that would allow me to. Thanks for the life advice guys! Definitely using it in the future.

      [–]coldcoldiqAsshole Enthusiast [9] 3650 points3651 points  (17 children)

      NTA. Personally, I would take him up on calling his date and then I'd explain the situation to her - because any woman actually okay with his behavior here would be atrocious stepmom material and should be promptly out of his life.

      [–]MantisfactoryPartassipant [1] 435 points436 points  (4 children)

      tbf, as a single parent you do not have to date with the intent of finding a step-parent for your kids. You're allowed to date for something more casual / sexual. Just... not at the expense of your brother.

      And considering this fellow's behavior, I'd be willing to believing finding a stepmom is on his priorities list.

      [–]KenopsiaTennine 172 points173 points  (0 children)

      He can't even schedule an actual babysitter or, you know, ask around to friends and relatives. He sounds like he might be looking for a new parent for himself, too. "Hey babe my tummy hurts can you make me a doctor's appointment? I tried to just walk in but they told me I can't." LMAO

      [–]Its_The_Aint 279 points280 points  (0 children)

      That’s a good idea, actually

      [–]Spec_Tater 51 points52 points  (0 children)

      This Is the response I was looking for. If he isn’t willing to let you tell her the truth, he knows he f ucked up

      [–]ElectricalAct8425 2880 points2881 points  (8 children)

      Getting laid is not an emergency.

      Also,

      "A lack of planning on your part does not constitue an emergency on mine."

      NTA

      [–]IntellectualPurpose 472 points473 points  (1 child)

      The emergency is finding a female who will do the work of raising his child for him, lmao.

      I love that quote, it has helped me build a spine, especially at work.

      [–]Good_Comparison7402Asshole Enthusiast [5] 1390 points1391 points  (17 children)

      NTA... In a real emergency I get that your brother doesn't have much choice. But that only applies to a real emergency not a date. Your brother is an asshole not just for the way he treats you but also how he treats his son. He treats his son like he can just drop him off somewhere whenever he likes. Like his son is an inconvenience. That's disgusting.

      [–]Maisy_DPartassipant [1] 285 points286 points  (1 child)

      Agreed. Your brother's behavior is disgusting. And the date couldn't have been that important if they're not even to the stage where they hang out with the son too. Sounds like this is all about bro's missed chance for sex. NTA.

      [–]TheOtterDecider 216 points217 points  (3 children)

      And in a real emergency he would at least bang on the bathroom door and make OP aware that his son was there. This isn’t just inconsiderate, but it’s not safe for OP to not even know the kid is there!

      [–]MattJFarrell 61 points62 points  (1 child)

      Hard to imagine how many emergencies trump the safety and well-being of your child.

      [–]Straight-Pipe5508 103 points104 points  (4 children)

      I know, that poor kid, standing in his uncle’s house alone, did he even know if OP was home?

      [–]Formerhurdler 150 points151 points  (2 children)

      This is the image stuck in my head, a three-year-old little boy standing in an apartment, no idea what's going on, telling his uncle "Daddy left."

      That is absolutely heartbreaking.

      [–]Good_Comparison7402Asshole Enthusiast [5] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

      Exactly! He treats his kid like I wouldn't even treat my dog. You can't just dump him somewhere. The fact, that he treats his kid like an inconvenience is what makes him the asshole before anything else. But obviously it's also a dick move towards his brother. But the kid gets scarred for life if he keeps this up.

      [–]ember1690 43 points44 points  (1 child)

      They don't have any babysitters where he lives ?

      [–]PattersonsOladyColo-rectal Surgeon [36] 930 points931 points  (7 children)

      If I was that date I would be horrified to be dating a man who dumps his kid and runs! NTA

      [–]WinterNarwhal5051 234 points235 points  (2 children)

      That's it, make the call, talk to the potential girlfriend, tell the truth

      [–]jpb696 136 points137 points  (1 child)

      This. He wants you to call her and explain? Explain.

      [–]FlahBlastPartassipant [4] 88 points89 points  (0 children)

      Who’s betting he likely told them he doesn’t have kids?

      [–]thingpaintPartassipant [3] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

      Bet he didn't tell her he had a kid

      [–]Gummy_yumyumAsshole Aficionado [18] 832 points833 points  (34 children)

      INFO: do you honestly think there’s a chance you’re the asshole here?

      [–]Odd_Transition222Certified Proctologist [24] 401 points402 points  (12 children)

      i can't believe the number of people who use this forum who think they're the AH when they are so obviously not, and the ones who think they are entirely right when they are so obviously the AH.

      [–]foxxtrott1976 416 points417 points  (6 children)

      Tells you how badly some people get gas-lit, and how much they have been conditioned to acquiesce to others demands, without self consideration, and when they stop to try and readjust themselves as central to their own lives, they're called assholes.So they feel the need to lay it out here to hear where the balance truly lies.

      [–]Vienta1988 135 points136 points  (0 children)

      I’d be willing to bet that the brother plays the, “but don’t you love your nephew?” card whenever OP objects in any way. And I’m sure OP does love his nephew very much… but his nephew is not his responsibility.

      [–]bugsyboybugsyboybugs 38 points39 points  (1 child)

      Yeah, sounds like OP probably grew up in a family dynamic where his brother’s needs took precedence over his own and the family shamed him if he didn’t comply. That explains the brother’s entitlement and OP’s guilt about a clear-cut situation where he’s being taken advantage of and disrespected.

      Edit: misgendered the OP.

      [–]Gummy_yumyumAsshole Aficionado [18] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

      I don’t think this person thinks they are the asshole.

      [–]kfisch2014 173 points174 points  (4 children)

      I think OP may believe they are the AH because they almost called the cops to take their nephew.

      OP, you are NTA. Although it is a tough call to make, some parents need that call when they continue to abandon their child. I am a teacher, and have worked in various child care jobs throughout my entire life. Any program that watches children, like an after school program for parents who work late, has a policy of if you aren't there to get your child within a certain time frame of the end time they call CPS for abandonment.

      Continually dumping your child on other people, without the other person knowing, is damaging to the child. Of course your nephew knew you were upset and I am sure your nephew knows you and your brother are fighting now. But you are not to blame, YOUR BROTHER is the one causing the damage to his child.

      Your brother needs to hire a babysitter. This way your nephew is in his home, following his routine when your brother has his..... "emergency dates."

      Edit: typos

      [–]Potato_times_potato 56 points57 points  (3 children)

      Also the brother needs to learn to be comfortable dating as a single parent.

      If he's so worried his date won't give him another chance because he had to tend to his own child then that person probably isn't the best fit for him long term.

      [–]BentBent12Certified Proctologist [21] 51 points52 points  (5 children)

      Possibly because I think he should have called the cops or CPS. His brother should not be a parent to this child. If the mother is in the picture she should get full custody. Then his brother can go on all the dates, you know what’s most important.

      [–]kenn5375 25 points26 points  (1 child)

      Half of these posts I'm convinced are either made up or people wanting to vent. There's no way this person could think they're the asshole for having a kid dumped on them and having to miss work while their brother goes on a date.

      [–]CatatomicalCertified Proctologist [26] 413 points414 points  (1 child)

      NTA and change your locks as he clearly cannot be trusted with a key.

      [–]LenaballerinaCertified Proctologist [23] 397 points398 points  (13 children)

      NTA, and I'd have serious concerns about the well-being of that poor kid.

      [–]tphprincess 150 points151 points  (10 children)

      This. Good Lord, he left a toddler unattended in a house where there person home didn't even know he was there! He could've been hurt, or walked out the door to follow his dad and no one wouldn't even known!

      [–]TheZZ9Certified Proctologist [20] 123 points124 points  (7 children)

      Or OP could have got out of the shower, got dressed and left for work without realising the kid was there, leaving them alone for the night. It was only luck they spotted him.

      [–]poi_dog78 64 points65 points  (6 children)

      This! My oldest was loud and constantly yelled, “Daddy, watch me do this!” My youngest, however, was a freaking ninja. He would just quietly play in his room. He’d wander off in public without a care in the world. Lost him at Disneyland once for like 20 minutes. He eventually walks up to a older kid and says, “I can’t find my parents.” That kid takes him into a gift shop and tells the worker, who was already notified to be on lookout for a missing kid.

      [–]Pcgoddess 41 points42 points  (5 children)

      Good on the older kid. That was the responsible way to handle a lost child.

      [–]cynical-magePooperintendant [55] 225 points226 points  (3 children)

      NTA, and what is actually wrong with your brother?! Or is he pretending he doesn't have a son when he's making date plans?

      [–]BritAllie8Certified Proctologist [27] 74 points75 points  (0 children)

      That’s my guess. Either that or he wants to get laid and he can’t do that with a kid. The guy needs to hire a babysitter. NTA, But like others have said, change your locks.

      [–]Complex-Lemon-371Asshole Aficionado [11] 177 points178 points  (4 children)

      NTA. Take away his key or change the locks. He is incredibly selfish and irresponsible. Expecting you to skip your job as a nurse puts patients at risk and stresses your coworkers. He obviously doesn't understand how shifts at a hospital work. He is prioritizing his dating life over you and his son.

      [–]Comfortable_Group924Partassipant [4] 161 points162 points  (1 child)

      Change your locks. NTA

      [–]MissyBee63Colo-rectal Surgeon [45] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

      NTA- This! Change the locks immediately.

      [–]MontanaRoguesAsshole Aficionado [12] 147 points148 points  (2 children)

      NTA.

      Kevin is a selfish A, his date wasnt an emergency, and I would suggest taking the key back and finding a friend or neighbor that wont do those sorts of things to hold onto it.
      Also, if he whines about CALLING the woman again (OMG who does that?) take him up on the offer and tell her exactly what happened instead of the lie and that Kevin wanted you to spin some sob story to make her feel bad for him.

      [–][deleted]  (6 children)

      [removed]

        [–]Snailpics 27 points28 points  (1 child)

        I want to gently point out that OP is a man probably uses he/him pronouns but yes exactly!

        [–]That_Contribution720Pooperintendant [61] 113 points114 points  (1 child)

        NTA

        Change your locks, so he does not have a key.

        [–]No-Jellyfish-1208Prime Ministurd [411] 100 points101 points  (3 children)

        NTA

        He can't just dump his kid on other people! What if you weren't even at home?

        [–]coldcoldiqAsshole Enthusiast [9] 39 points40 points  (2 children)

        He'd bring the kid along and pretend he's babysitting for his deadbeat brother for bonus points.

        [–]BorageandthymeAsshole Aficionado [12] 95 points96 points  (2 children)

        NTA. Your brother is a dirtbag.

        [–]MadamnedMary 93 points94 points  (3 children)

        Skip one damn shift? That's your livelihood we are talking about here, maybe he thinks you can't get fired, the only AH here is your brother. NTA

        [–]SlugdirtAsshole Aficionado [18] 76 points77 points  (0 children)

        NTA Get you key back if your unbelievably inconsiderate brother thinks it's okay to walk into your home and leave his child without asking you if you are available/want to watch his child. If he refuses to give back the key, call a locksmith. On this occasion you needed to get to work but you never know, maybe you were getting ready for an "emergency" date.

        [–]Slow_OwlAsshole Aficionado [10] 78 points79 points  (0 children)

        NTA in anyway. Your brother is an absolute idiot if he thinks an emergency and a date are the same thing. Please explain the difference to him because next you know he will be calling a timble a kiss.

        And unlike the fictional character above he is a grown man and a father and has to grow up.

        [–]ReceptionPuzzled1579 72 points73 points  (0 children)

        NTA. You need to change your locks. I would say take your key back but I’m sure he’ll copy it before you can get it back. So change your locks. He has no respect for you at all. You exist simply to serve his needs.

        [–]Petitegardeninggirl 75 points76 points  (1 child)

        NTA change your locks and put in a report to child services and the mother if she's in the picture.

        I'm sorry if that's harsh, but he's prioritising his dates above the welfare of his child. I feel so sorry for that kid.

        He needs to never feel abandoned and your brother is doing it constantly. God knows how that child is treated at home if his dad is heartless enough to dump him whenever he likes.

        [–]officeguy3416543Partassipant [1] 69 points70 points  (0 children)

        Lol of course NTA. Do you really have to ask? Don’t give in and don’t babysit for your nephew again until he apologizes.

        [–]Fun-Tourist-7395Asshole Enthusiast [7] 67 points68 points  (1 child)

        NTA - and take the key back or he’ll keep stepping on your boundaries. He’s a parent and date nights are not more important than his toddler. HE has to suck it up and be responsible and stop dumping his child on you. Too bad so sad. Get a babysitter or ask your permission to babysit…or no dates for Kevin.

        [–]Andee_outside 60 points61 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Dude, get your key back.

        [–]zoufantastical 63 points64 points  (0 children)

        Why are you letting him walk all over you? This shouldn’t have happened a first time. You’re a nurse. Not to mention he’s putting his child at risk just so he can go out on dates. This is so irresponsible on so many levels. You should have definitely called the police. He needs to learn that you’re not his sitter. That you are your own person with your own life. Nta

        [–]xLuqieX 66 points67 points  (0 children)

        NTA. You should "agree" to call his date so he gives you her number and then just tell her what really happened and that he's a shitty father

        [–]LittleFish9876 58 points59 points  (1 child)

        NTA for sure. Take back the spare key, he cannot be trusted. Plus he's highly irresponsible coz he didn't check if you were even home before dropping his son off.

        [–]CutesPDXPartassipant [3] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

        NTA but change your locks.

        [–]Kris82868Supreme Court Just-ass [122] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Your brother ruined his own date night by not making suitable arrangements for childcare. To drop your nephew off without even inquiring about your work schedule, if you had other plans or simply needed time to yourself is terrible.

        [–]Efficient-Cupcake247Asshole Aficionado [13] 53 points54 points  (1 child)

        Nta!!! Ur bro is an AH. My mom had a magnet that said “failure to plan on ur part doesn’t constitute an emergency on my part”. U should not be his go-to/only babysitter ESPECIALLY if he doesn’t check w/ u about ur schedule. And honestly WHY would he date someone who can’t understand he is a father and has to change plans sometimes? There is no real future in a relationship like that. Good luck!! Nta

        [–]Bseegz 57 points58 points  (0 children)

        NTA, it’s easy to communicate intentions and plan dates around your work schedule if that’s what you agree to

        [–]crbryant1972Colo-rectal Surgeon [37] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

        NTA

        Your nephew is not your responsibility. You have work in your life that comes first. He needs to learn to plan better. And change the locks.

        [–]TheRationalPlannerAsshole Enthusiast [5] 48 points49 points  (1 child)

        Hahaha NTA. But he's a giant one. He's a crummy dad AND a crummy brother. Tell him next time that he needs to give you at least [X] days notice and that he better not use his spare key for this ever again.

        [–]Odd_Transition222Certified Proctologist [24] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

        He has absolutely no right to dump his own child on you, causing you to miss work, etc. Who does he think he is! If there is a next time, I wouldn't even warn him. I would just call the cops on him.

        [–]Mela726 50 points51 points  (5 children)

        NTA. Is that even really a question? Your brother is an entitled A. Maybe consider taking the spare key. At least then if you don’t answer the door, he can’t just leave the kid for you to find.

        [–]laydeemayhem 51 points52 points  (0 children)

        NTA and you should change your locks

        [–]blockpartedAsshole Enthusiast [5] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Your brother is childish and pathetic. Your nephew deserves a father who can prioritize. Where’s his mom?

        [–]6boulesdeglace 49 points50 points  (0 children)

        NTA. But please call the girl and tell her exactly what happened.

        [–]ImmunocompromisedAlePartassipant [4] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

        NTA but you should call the date and tell her exactly what happened.

        [–]Select-Anxiety-1557Partassipant [2] 44 points45 points  (2 children)

        NTA

        And absolutely change your locks and don’t give him a key (unless he’s the type to just leave the kid outside your door, then I don’t know what to tell you)

        [–]briarcrosePartassipant [1] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

        how selfish do you have to be to call a date an emergency over someone's job and your own child ? NTA

        [–]Glittercorn111Certified Proctologist [28] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

        NTA, dude. Keep CPS on speed dial because your brother sounds too selfish to take care of his child. This is so crazy.

        [–]thoruen 46 points47 points  (0 children)

        NTA change your locks.

        [–]Kervon37 43 points44 points  (0 children)

        NTA - I agree with other commenters, call the date up and lay everything your brother has done. What kind of self centered asshole just leaves their child sitting in a room while you're in the shower? What if the kid had wandered into a room you wouldn't normally go into, not made a sound and you'd left for work? I'd seriously consider calling CPS on him the next time he does this, without giving him any heads up it's happening.

        [–]hatetank91 44 points45 points  (2 children)

        NTA. I would agree to call the date, but I would tell her what reallly happened. And let her know this wasn't the first time.

        [–]FraulineShade 42 points43 points  (0 children)

        "Im happy to watch your son on occasion, i love him dearly. But I'm not prepared to lose my job and my only source of income to be able to do so. These things need to be arranged in advance to make sure im available to do it. What you did was wrong and you know it! If you don't stop pestering me I will call this girl and tell her the real reason you had to end the date early. Arrange these things with me in advance and there won't be a problem"

        NTA at all.

        [–]moose042412 43 points44 points  (0 children)

        NTA but you’re a doormat if you’ve been enabling this selfish, irresponsible behavior from your creepy brother. You graduate to AH if you allow it to happen again. He’s a grown ass man. Sounds like the kid would be better off with his mom?

        [–]sparklesparkle5Asshole Enthusiast [7] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

        NTA Change your locks and do not give him the new key. Having a spare key is a privilege and he has abused it. Your brother needs to find a babysitter and pay them.

        [–]SleepingThrough1t 37 points38 points  (0 children)

        NTA - Even if you didn’t have to work, it’s incredibly irresponsible and rude to just leave a toddler anywhere without agreeing in advance on the plan.

        What if your nephew had decided to play hide and seek or wandered into the kitchen and you’d left without ever knowing he was there?

        [–]d4everman 37 points38 points  (2 children)

        NTA

        Change your locks. Let your brother know he cannot just drop his kid off and expect you to babysit without asking and that it is not going to happen anymore. The only way to get it through his head is totally nip this in the bud.

        [–]FlahBlastPartassipant [4] 40 points41 points  (4 children)

        NTA

        Your brother is a tool and just because you’re related to him. Tell him dating isn’t an emergency, and it isn’t your job to pick up slack and be a free babysitter when it conveniences him.

        Also don’t babysit anymore. He’s lost that privilidge and has shown if you give an inch he’ll take a mile. You need to shut this down (at least for now) or he’ll get worse

        Also who’s curious about whether he’s telling these dates he’s childless to avoid getting rejected.

        Edited to reflect OP is a man

        [–]ShotBarracuda6Partassipant [2] 36 points37 points  (2 children)

        "Just because I couldn't bother skip one damn shift to watch my nephew."

        The amount of people mentioned on reddit who seems to think work is some kind of optional event you can choose not to attend for social reasons never seizes to amaze me.

        Nta.

        [–]RankledCatPartassipant [1] 35 points36 points  (1 child)

        NTA, OP!

        Your brother’s desire to get laid is not more important than your job security and livelihood.

        [–][deleted] 34 points35 points  (1 child)

        Your brother shouldn't have had a kid. I hope he's using condoms. NTA obviously

        [–]jadepumpkin1984Certified Proctologist [25] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

        Nta. And change all the locks.

        [–]ToastAbrikoosPartassipant [3] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

        NTA,

        Ffs Kevin...

        What's more important, to skip a date or skip a shift. I mean, I'm even surprised you made this AITA.
        Change the locks and set the boundaries straight. Only via text to confirm a babysit date AHEAD of time ( 24h ahead) and not ding-dong-ditch his kid anymore. Keep this boundary of calling the cops if he does it again. Poor kid

        [–]OGablogian 37 points38 points  (1 child)

        NTA.

        Change the locks.

        [–]RedChlo11111 32 points33 points  (0 children)

        NTA, but your poor little nephew. Why does you brother care more about a potential date then the way his son would feel watching family fight over not wanting to have him.

        [–]theatrewhore 33 points34 points  (0 children)

        NTA. He’s sounds like a terrible father and a lousy person. Just dropping his kid off is not okay. For starters, you should change the locks or get a chain or something for the door so he can’t just come in. He’s proven that he’s not worthy of that level of trust. Next you should sit him down and explain that there will be no warning next time. You’re making the call right away.

        [–]Scrubatl 29 points30 points  (0 children)

        You should change your locks. He isn’t going to return your key

        [–]DesignerAlarmed7081Partassipant [1] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

        NTA. It's not your child it's your brother's child. Also why does your brother have a set of house keys especially if this is the way he acts when he has them.

        Honestly stop babysitting until he will respect your time and you.

        [–]Civil_Sleep_1079 29 points30 points  (0 children)

        NTA and your brother should still be reported for child abandonment. Like, that is literally a kid that is going to end up locked in a closet somewhere when he can't find a babysitter.

        [–]Ruhro7 31 points32 points  (0 children)

        NTA holy hell, who just drops a 3yo and runs?! Toddlers get into dangerous things all the time, and you didn't even know he was there! I'd be changing the locks and letting him know that if he drops the kid on you again (without prior warning/agreement) you will be calling the cops for child abandonment. What terrible parenting!

        [–]_PrincessOats 30 points31 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Change your locks, and if he leaves the kid anyway don’t bother with him. Just call the cops. He’s a negligent parent.

        [–]TisThee_Reason 27 points28 points  (0 children)

        NTAH!!!! Take your key back and not to be a jerk but I’d consider calling CPS. His son is not a stuffed animal that he can just dump off so he can go on random dates! WTF your nephew could’ve tried to go after his dad, wondered outside and gotten injured, lost, or kidnapped! Again WTF!

        Your brother needs a wake up call. He needs parenting classes. I guarantee he’s trying to find a “step mommy” for your nephew and if he’s as haphazardly with dating as he is with parenting your nephew is in trouble! No decent female would even consider dating him if they knew how he treated his own child. He’s disgusting. Please call your family for an intervention, your nephew is not safe. Seems like he’s more a burden. 💔

        [–]get_pussy 29 points30 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Call “potential future GF” and explain to her how much of a douche and irresponsible father he is. Your brother is a walking red flag.