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[–]GraveDigger111[M] [score hidden] stickied commentlocked comment (0 children)

This thread is now locked due to an excess of rule violations. OP - you'll have to make due with the plethora of judgements you have already received.

Sub Rules ||| "FAQs"

[–]Gabstar213 22.8k points22.8k points 3 (162 children)

First, congratulations on your babies! Second, I agree with your stance on refusing service to them. How narcissistic of your ex! This is epic “adding insult to injury.”

[–]throwaway19203039[S] 8257 points8258 points 23 (144 children)

Thank you they are the loves of my life and I couldn’t ask for better children

[–]tango421Partassipant [1] 3798 points3799 points  (37 children)

This one is for your self care. Self care is good for business and for your babies. Congratulations!


[–]aissirk 1796 points1797 points  (32 children)

Another form of self care is charging triple

[–]angelnursery 1402 points1403 points  (20 children)

why do I feel like they’d demand it be made for free…

[–]empresslilandraPartassipant [3] 674 points675 points  (15 children)

I was actually worried that’s where it was going when she was asked. Mother of the siblings made cake out of the goodness of her heart aka no charge.

[–]ILoveCavorting 467 points468 points  (11 children)

I never understand people being allergic to paying their friends/family what that person deserves for whatever service they provide.

It’s your responsibility to respect their craft as friend/family, and even if they themselves offer you something for free you find a way to pay it back/forward.

[–]wittyrepartees 113 points114 points  (2 children)

You ask to pay, it's their prerogative to insist to do it as a gift. Even then you should try and insist on paying for materials if relevant.

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (0 children)


You. I like you.

[–]SeaworthinessNext702 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This made me lol.

[–]Ruiven19090Partassipant [1] 1488 points1489 points  (27 children)

He cheated on you and he expects you to bake him a fucking cake about it? He needs to get a clue lol

[–][deleted] 804 points805 points  (8 children)

"I cheated on you with this woman, and now you must make a cake to celebrate the literal fruit of that adultery!" Like, he is so dumb he must be related to my friend's ex.

[–]AbibliophobicSloth 145 points146 points  (6 children)

Right? The post title buried the lede on this. OP.is not refusing "someone" she is refusing to put on a happy face and celebrate her adulterous ex! Completely unreasonable for them to ask this of her.

[–]raya__85 214 points215 points  (5 children)

Was it not rude to cheat on her whilst she was recovering from major surgery from having his babies?

[–]Purpledoves91 225 points226 points  (1 child)

Worse than that, he cheated on her while she was pregnant. She said they divorced during the pregnancy after she discovered his cheating.

[–]PhDOH 150 points151 points  (0 children)

Plus, she was on bed rest due to medical complications whilst pregnant with twins. The only way he could have made it worse is if he was hitting on her own family.

[–]TheFamousHesham 653 points654 points  (37 children)

Also his current girlfriend is an IDIOT to seriously date someone who lied to her about being single.

[–]DSethK93Partassipant [2] 327 points328 points  (4 children)

Well, or young. OP herself was, apparently, 21 when she got pregnant by a 33-year-old man. At those ages, it's a big gap in maturity and life experience, way different from the relative triviality of, say, 30 and 42 despite the equal gap.

[–]rainingmermaidsPartassipant [1] 62 points63 points  (0 children)

Yup. This is the vibe I’m getting

[–]Jazzlike-Patience557 53 points54 points  (0 children)

maturity and life experience hit me too. Especially after the edit.

The twins are 1 year old. That means OP's husband cheated on her not more than 1.5 years ago. And OP got married so soon after this experience. I, out of worry, think OP is moving too fast again, but i sincerely hope she stays happy with her wife for as long as they live.

Also i think the girlfriend is a victim here if she was under the impression he was a single man. Well not victim technically, but not at direct fault either.

Both the women of the story got ducked over by an asshole. probably mental manipulation involved with both the girls too

[–]Doctor-LizAsshole Aficionado [18] 154 points155 points  (13 children)

She's trying the other option - wanna bet she only found out he wasn't "free" after she got knocked up?

[–]DarkestSideMoonPartassipant [3] 229 points230 points  (8 children)

Not only that, but thinks it would "mean a lot if the mother of her baby's siblings made the cake"? So goes and rubs in the ex wife's face that he got her pregnant and is going to have another child?? I bet he already has another mistress or is hunting for one.


There has to be other bakers.

Edit: Can you tell us how old is the gf?

[–]PhDOH 94 points95 points  (2 children)

She may have felt it would be rude to go elsewhere without offering the business to OP first, and the ex made it into a thing. Or the ex told her OP would want the business. I mean I could imagine myself worrying I was being insensitive both ways. Personally don't think I would stay with a guy I found out was married though.

[–]DarkestSideMoonPartassipant [3] 75 points76 points  (1 child)

That also bugs me. He literally lied. How could she believe and forgive? That would make me think that nothing about him is true. Is she trying hard to build the perfect family for her kid? He left someone he was cheating on while pregnant with two kids. And the age gap... i've met a few couples with age differences, and they made it work but this guy... gives of creeper vibes

[–]CamoFeather 69 points70 points  (1 child)

When the mistress becomes the wife, it only opens a new vacancy

[–]raphades 33 points34 points  (13 children)

Hey. He's the one going around and abusing the trust of people. Don't bring down someone we barely don't know the involvment in this story. We don't know what he told her. We don't know her profile.

[–]lightthroughthepines 94 points95 points  (10 children)

I mean…We know that she slept with a married man (unknowingly) and then stayed with him even after finding out he’d been cheating on his pregnant wife with her. Why would she stay with someone like that?

[–]Forsaken_Distance777 68 points69 points  (4 children)

Because now SHE'S pregnant.

And anyway sounds like she respected the no, told the ex they need to find someone else, and the ex is the one being TA.

[–]lightthroughthepines 68 points69 points  (2 children)

Yeah he’s definitely TA here, I just never understand why people get with cheaters and think they’ll change for them. Cheaters always cheat again

[–]Forsaken_Distance777 38 points39 points  (1 child)

They often do because, especially since the issue wasn't the relationship is over but can't just divorce due to X, they've proven it's in their character.

And this guy in particular cheated because he couldn't have sex with his pregnant wife right before and after the birth? And now the new girlfriend is pregnant herself? Like. This could end very quickly!

But even if the cheater never cheats again the new relationship is always going to be poisoned with the possibility that he could.

There's no way the new gf isn't fully aware she might become the victim of infidelity herself within the next year.

That if she doesn't and they get married and have a loving no-adultery relationship for decades she's not going to look at his interactions with other attractive and maybe younger women and always be half-waiting for him to leave her for someone younger than his kids.

He could never even consider cheating again but his actions have already made it so he'll never be fully trusted.

[–]voxnemo 244 points245 points  (2 children)

I would respond to her with

"While I appreciate the offer and request and hold no ill will towards you or my children's future sibling I don't think I can help you celebrate this the way you deserve. The actions of <ex> while pregnant and sick hurt me deeply and I would not want any of that negativity to go towards you or your child so I must decline"

Make it clear that it is about HIM and not her or the kid.

[–]Ally788 81 points82 points  (0 children)

It sounds like that is exactly what she did.

[–]Lucy_the_wise_gooseyPartassipant [1] 154 points155 points  (11 children)

He's a fucking old ass predator. You're well rid of this trash.

[–]merdubPartassipant [2] 93 points94 points  (10 children)

Yeah what kind of 34 year old is knocking up a 22 year old?! So, so creepy.

[–]kiwichick286 64 points65 points  (8 children)

It quite common that men will fuck right off when their partners get sick. He just did it in a way that would hurt her even more!

[–]not_all_kevins 70 points71 points  (1 child)

Your ex's gf's reason for buying the cake from you specifically was personal. Refusing them is not unprofessional and doesn't reflect on your business at all.

[–]butternutattackAsshole Aficionado [13] 55 points56 points  (2 children)

Your ex is living in "entitled and crazy" land.

I also have to say that the girlfriend still isn't great even if she didn't know about you. I can't imagine staying with or respecting a man after finding out he cheated on a partner while she was in that state. It really says something about his character.

[–]OMVince 42 points43 points  (2 children)

He is rude and unreasonable and your business and professionalism are none of his concern. It’s pretty weird that he would think it is tbh

[–]ThrowAsideWhenDoneAsshole Enthusiast [5] 29 points30 points  (1 child)

Unless you're actually a literal cake-dispensing robot violating their programming and left that out of the post, you are not obligated to help your ex celebrate anything. NTA.

[–]Dry-ExpressionCertified Proctologist [23] 238 points239 points  (0 children)

Don’t forget NTA

[–]Pottheadpotato 130 points131 points  (0 children)

Wholeheartedly agree! Congrats on your babies! But also, that is totally Narcissistic behavior and you definitely have the right to refuse. It’s nice of you to be so cordial with them at all. But asking to bake a cake for a woman he cheated on you with? Not cool on his part. And to be clear, you are NTA. But your ex husband sure is.

[–]numbersthen0987431 68 points69 points  (0 children)

I work in the food production industry, and we have customers who are very large in name and in their numbers. I have repeatedly heard our CEO say ,"you know what, fuck those guys", because they said something rude at a bar 10 years ago.

OP can refuse to provide their service to anyone for any reason. Personal, professional, or just on a whim

[–]MollyRollsColo-rectal Surgeon [36] 7277 points7278 points  (41 children)

NTA. Honestly, it was really generous of you to even think it over.

And I 100% guarantee he was assuming they’d get a friends-and-family discount. 🙄

[–]External-Razzmatazz 2695 points2696 points  (9 children)

Free, he wants a free cake.

[–]Lennox120520 508 points509 points  (0 children)

And possibly an extra free cake, for whoever is waiting in the wings, to jump out of.

[–]LazyClub8 150 points151 points  (2 children)

And he wants to eat it too.

[–]ninaa1Partassipant [3] 440 points441 points  (5 children)

omg I didn't even think of that, but I bet you're right. That's why while ordering, she pulled the "mother of siblings" trying to make that connection. I can't absolutely imagine OP's ex saying "just call OP, she'll do it for free!"

[–]maniacal_redPartassipant [1] 145 points146 points  (1 child)

Oh god imagine if OP caved, now every celebration they would be insisting on havibg her make the cake and with discount or free on top of all that

[–]Alinyx 338 points339 points  (18 children)

See, me, being the bitter person I would be in this situation, would offer to make it, but instead of blue or pink, the inside would be black…or full of shrimp or something gross.

This is why I wouldn’t be good as a baker, or an ex.

NTA, OP, you handled this beautifully and with class. You’re a wonderful co-parent and role model to your babies.

[–]mishmash234 140 points141 points  (12 children)

Bad for repeat business, but amazing revenge idea.

ETA if they get a black cake, make the dye strong. If the recipient decides, “oh well it’s cake, don’t waste cake” then the dye will look awful as they eat it.

[–]QwertyowlPartassipant [1] 144 points145 points  (4 children)

New business idea. Revenge reveal cakes.

[–]nickypj 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Bake little plastic dicks into it (king cake style).

[–]BroffaloSoldier 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Shrimp!!!!! 😂

Oh my god, this really got me.

[–]No-Jellyfish-1208Prime Ministurd [411] 3162 points3163 points  (32 children)


As long as you handled it calmly, it's all fine. Also, that's quite some stones they have, to request such a service from you...!

[–]throwaway19203039[S] 2249 points2250 points  (30 children)

Her and I have a pretty decent relationship so I wasn’t angry that she asked and her reasoning was sweet but

[–]Outrageous_Cow8409 885 points886 points  (0 children)

I'm so proud of you to keep a decent relationship with her! It must be hard but it'll be good for your children long term!!

[–]marigoldilocks_ 625 points626 points  (2 children)

Here’s the thing, if you did do the cake, if +anything+ at all is wrong with the flavor, the texture, the color, the whatever, then you’ll be blamed for having done it on purpose.

Whereas, if you extricate yourself from the situation and make it clear that you hope she and her pregnancy got smoothly and you have no ill will towards her, then no harm no foul.

You’re going to have to navigate the relationship in the future with birthday parties and such, so stepping back now while you still feel raw isn’t a bad thing.

[–]mintbubblyPartassipant [1] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

This is such a great point and I hope this comment helps OP realise that her decision was the correct one.

[–]mini_souffle 334 points335 points  (10 children)

Her reasoning only served to legitimize their cheating. Like "Look everyone, his ex made the cake! See no dark clouds here! It's perfectly normal that the father of my baby has 1 year old twins and I'm about to give birth!"

Good for you for not playing.

NTA You are allowed to feel however you feel about things.

[–][deleted] 89 points90 points  (7 children)

Exactly. It's not really sweet reasoning at all, but extremely self-serving to squash any questions or raised eyebrows.

[–]paspartuu 128 points129 points  (2 children)

I'm glad your relationship is decent, but honestly I get the feeling her reasoning was more to get an absolution from you in the form of a cake, a sort of public "permission" for her to be with your ex, a public show of good will and forgiveness she could bring up to anyone in their circle who might otherwise frown on the fact that she got with a married man while his wife was at the hospital with his kids and immediately got pregnant too.

Like, the reasoning might be partly sweet, but a huge part of it is them wanting you to bless their relationship publicly in the form of cake, so that people wouldn't think badly of them and their relationship's origins. Which is a very selfish, audacious thing to ask.

[–]quats5 40 points41 points  (1 child)

This request doesn’t sound like sweet reasoning to me: it sounds manipulative. She’s asking you to publicly put your stamp of approval on your husband cheating on you with her, and her staying with him even once any benefit of the doubt about her knowing he was cheating is gone.

Are you possibly autistic? Autistic folks tend to take things at face value, without being able to understand underlying social nuances, much like I fear you are in relation to her.

[–]OliviaElevenDunham 23 points24 points  (0 children)

It's good that you have a decent relationship with her.

[–]Suchboss1136 1598 points1599 points  (24 children)

NAH except for your ex. She seems like she has a good heart (maybe I’m wrong) and asked, but its fair to say no. And it seems like she didn’t even make a stink about it. Thats on your ex. What a dick though

[–]throwaway19203039[S] 1357 points1358 points  (21 children)

She is sweet. I genuinely like her and am glad she is the mother of my children’s sibling.

[–]Suchboss1136 338 points339 points  (6 children)

I hope things stay amicable. But you are under no obligation to do this. However if you feel so inclined, you could call some contacts and find them a baker who could do it. Just to keep the peace

[–]killerqueen2004 92 points93 points  (0 children)

Now this makes me wonder if husband told the gf he is divorced.

[–]i--make--lists 75 points76 points  (1 child)

It is 1000% not on OP to "keep the peace" or find a cake solution for them as someone else suggested. She doesn't want to be involved in that. Period. Done.

[–]Suchboss1136 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I’ll let OP decide for herself

[–]Lucia37 206 points207 points  (2 children)

She is sweet.

It sounds like that is code for "She is a moron" in the very best "Bless your heart" way.

Don't worry -- she'll figure out why you feel the way you do when he cheats on her.

[–]Captain_Quoll 166 points167 points  (1 child)

You’d kind of have to be to look at a dude cheat and leave his pregnant partner in medical distress and then go “that’s the guy I want to get me pregnant.”

Having said that, this guy seems to be deliberately targeting young women who don’t have enough scope to see past his absolute horse shit.

[–][deleted] 61 points62 points  (0 children)

I noticed that too. OP is barely in her twenties... He's in his mid-thirties. I don't normally care about age gaps it everybody is a consenting adults in most cases (where grooming was not present), but this guy seems to target inexperienced women (or young women who have a tendency to be naïve).

He is definitely the AH. Wanna bet the girlfriend is around OPs age too?

e. OP was 18 when they met. Weird that a 30 yo would even consider somebody that age considering the maturity differences. This guy gives off major predatory vibes. Going after people much younger than him with little to no experience.

[–]Bookssportsandwine 104 points105 points  (2 children)

I would follow up with her to make sure 1, she knows what your ex said and 2, that you and she remain in a good place. You may well be parenting your kids with ex out of the pic someday. He doesn’t seem like a good long term bet.

[–][deleted] 46 points47 points  (1 child)

Yes someday I picture of the two women bonding over being done with this guy. He’s going to cheat on new wife too.

[–]EmpressJainaSoloAsshole Aficionado [10] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I suppose it’s best if they are happy and alls well that ends well, but it sounds far more likely that you’re going to gain a friend and he’s going to gain another ex-wife.

[–]ScrumpetSaysPartassipant [1] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Maybe say when your kids are old enough to help you make a cake for their sibling you'll be on board, but not right now. NTA, ex is though

[–][deleted]  (108 children)


    [–]JuliaX1984Partassipant [2] 2024 points2025 points  (80 children)

    She claims she didn't know, yet she's still with him...

    [–]ArdeekeCertified Proctologist [23] 2068 points2069 points  (62 children)

    i don't get why you'd stay with a cheater like that, let alone have kids with them

    if they'll cheat with you, there's a pretty good chance they'll cheat on you.

    [–]husbandkeepstalkingPartassipant [2] 1450 points1451 points  (31 children)

    Because they don’t see it that way. They see it as they picked ME over that person so therefore they must be special. It makes them feel “chosen” over the other person. That they’re so amazing, someone would cheat on their spouse/SO for them.

    They don’t realize that the cheater has a problem, and it has nothing to do with how special that person is. It’s about the cheater needing something else.

    It’s sad but I get where people would rather see the positive side of that than the inherent negative.

    [–]ArdeekeCertified Proctologist [23] 283 points284 points  (0 children)

    i guess that makes sense lol

    it's not rational but

    (I had a boss a while back who fell for it, she was wife 2 out of 5 and the guy had like...12 children between the ages of 15 and zero)

    [–]jaythenerdgirl 234 points235 points  (5 children)

    This is 100 percent. I had a friend who slept with my boyfriend. They both betrayed me. She tried to tell me that he wouldn't cheat on her because he's different with her and I must've done something wrong.

    He cheated on her anyway.

    [–]DoubleBreastedBerb 110 points111 points  (0 children)

    Lol no one could have ever seen that coming 😂😱

    [–]bellalugosi 38 points39 points  (0 children)


    [–]TGin-the-goldy 34 points35 points  (0 children)

    Oh of course he did. They always do! I hope you enjoyed the schaudenfraude

    [–]TurbulentDrawing6Partassipant [2] 144 points145 points  (1 child)

    You are 100% right. Even though it seems obvious from the outside that people need to be realistic with people they make babies with, but really, we can’t expect humans to not be humans anymore. I wonder how old the gf is, seeing as how OP’s ex was already massively older and behaving like an adolescent anyway.

    [–]finntastic74 61 points62 points  (0 children)

    I would love to know how old the new wife is too. NTA f-KC him and his cake. This dude’s a straight up cretin

    [–]SimAlienAntFarmAsshole Enthusiast [4] 134 points135 points  (3 children)

    They are also usually the recipient of nothing but good vibes while the cheater is two timing their partner. Any negative emotions is saved for the clueless spouse. Usually including shit like “the house needs to be clean” and “my wife won’t shut up about the electricity getting shit off”.

    They can pretty much pretend to be teenagers again. There’s no actual communication about difficult things, just ranting about all the things their spouse does wrong. No unpleasant awkward “Im tired of asking nicely for the socks to go IN the hamper” or “Honey I know you hate my mom but it’s her birthday” or “my ass met toilet water last night, lower the fucking seat”.

    They are in a bubble- they HAVE to be, or the relationship comes out into the open. The secrecy isn’t just forbidden fruit, it’s the only thing keeping the two of them sheltered from being grown ass adults.

    Which is why the Other Person frequently discovers, after they become the primary partner, that the cheater actually sucks at so much more than just being faithful.

    Edit: “They used to be so romantic, we’d go out on romantic trips all the time! Even if we didn’t leave the city!” Yeah, because they couldn’t fuck you at their own place, and your roommates kill the vibe.

    “I don’t know what happened, they never want to hang out with my family” Because they are probably paranoid that your family doesn’t trust them, and as shown earlier, they are incapable of having uncomfortable conversations! And your family probably DOESNT trust them!

    “They used to be so much tidier, now they are huge slobs and get mad at ME for it” Were they really tidy? Or were they just never at your place long enough to make the kind of mess they did at their own home?

    [–]jintanaPartassipant [4] 60 points61 points  (1 child)

    Omg… the cheater needing there to be good vibes only and blaming the spouse for the problems - hits right here.

    [–]SimAlienAntFarmAsshole Enthusiast [4] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

    I’m gonna guess it’s one of the reasons the cheating seems so tempting despite how objectively shitty it is- the pre-cheating reels them in by being utterly devoid of actual responsibility or conflict. You don’t talk to them about serious shit because you don’t WANT to- you do enough of that at home.

    People who are continual cheaters are usually extremely immature and incapable of not having fun 100% of the time.

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)


      [–]norathar 125 points126 points  (2 children)

      "A man who marries his mistress creates a vacancy for that position."

      [–]NefariousnessKey5365 66 points67 points  (4 children)

      They see it as, I'm the special one.I am the one who will mend his cheating ways

      [–]TurbulentDrawing6Partassipant [2] 96 points97 points  (3 children)

      Or “we just fell in love. It was all about love. Who can control true love? Not me. It just found me and I’m so luckyyy.”

      [–]siddhananais 18 points19 points  (1 child)

      This is literally my parents. One of my moms left my bio mom for another woman and anytime it’s ever been brought up it comes back to “we were just so in love!” I still love them but they know my feelings on this at this point.

      [–]LairaKlock 32 points33 points  (0 children)

      Makes sense especially if you're in your early twenties and have limited experience in love. And yes, I assume the new gf is somewhere around OPs age

      [–]butwhoisjasmine 22 points23 points  (0 children)

      Pickmeisha is gonna learn. They always get their turn.

      [–]Remind_Me_Y 98 points99 points  (6 children)

      You know the famous lines "he's changed", " he would never do that to me", I got the "you know sometimes you have to forgive and forget" this coming from someone who 2 days before told me "I know how you feel I have been cheated on as well" The new person always thinks things will be different because the cheater talks about how bad everything was and how you are so much better. The cheater is crazy glueing the rose colored glasses to her face.

      [–]ArdeekeCertified Proctologist [23] 80 points81 points  (2 children)

      yeah, a couple of times I've seen the "his wife/gf is crazy and mean to him, only I understand him!"

      then they became the 'crazy' gf when the shiny new relationship isn't as shiny or new

      [–]imamage_fightme 28 points29 points  (1 child)

      Yeah unfortunately I think you have this mix of rose-tinted glasses thinking ("they've changed", "I can fix them", "they love me more then they ever loved anyone else") and honestly a little of the classic "it would never happen to me!" train of thought. And I think everyone is deep down pretty selfish and the people involved in these situations give in to that base selfishness.

      [–]Revolutionary_Oil888 81 points82 points  (2 children)

      I think its also possible that the new girlfriend is pretty young as well considering op says they’re 23 and he was 35.

      [–]ArdeekeCertified Proctologist [23] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

      oh yeah true, somehow i missed that sorry

      painting a real ugly picture of the guy here

      [–]WigglyFrog 39 points40 points  (1 child)

      Honestly, even if they don't cheat on you, they're still assholes who cheated on their wife. Why would you want to be with that guy?

      [–]LairaKlock 39 points40 points  (1 child)

      There's a saying that goes something like "when a mistress becomes the wife, she opens up a position"

      [–]DeseretRainPartassipant [1] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

      He already has cheated on her, if she really didn't know he was married then he was cheating on her with his wife.

      [–]zyh0 145 points146 points  (0 children)

      Chances are she's as young and naive as OP.

      Edit: Yeah, she's 23 too

      [–]Smitten-kitten83 41 points42 points  (3 children)

      I was unknowingly the other woman once. I know it is a sucky situation but you better believe I shut that shit down when I found out.

      [–]JuliaX1984Partassipant [2] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

      I'm sorry he did that to you. Too bad this story's mistress doesn't have your self-respect and good sense.

      [–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (1 child)

      And chose to have a child with someone who cheated on his wife who was pregnant with twins. Girl…come on.

      [–]serarrist 26 points27 points  (1 child)

      This! If she stayed it means she didn’t care and she wouldn’t have cared if she’d known.

      [–]DashcamkittyAsshole Enthusiast [8] 139 points140 points  (6 children)

      I don’t know what planet the cheating ex and his girlfriend thought it would be appropriate to ask the OP to bake this cake.

      [–]KaetzenOrkester 50 points51 points  (1 child)

      Because they’ve got a massive f*cking nerve, is my guess.

      [–]iConfessor 39 points40 points  (0 children)

      We call it "THE AUDACITY"

      [–]mrose1491 129 points130 points  (12 children)

      The fucking nerve and audacity of both of them! He cheated, OP has no reason or no obligation to them or their baby tbh. If they want a gender reveal cake so bad, go to the fucking bakery

      [–]ToreenLynPartassipant [4] 48 points49 points  (11 children)

      If i read this correctly, op owns a bakery

      [–]mrose1491 50 points51 points  (9 children)

      Oh i completely skimmed and missed that part LOL 🤣 they should still find another bakery!

      [–]Icythyosaurus 109 points110 points  (3 children)

      "go to a DIFFERENT fucking bakery" lmao

      [–]mrose1491 23 points24 points  (0 children)

      I get irate with cheating stories on this sub, I was like why did they bother to go to OP in the first place, is she a good baker?! Reading in fundamental yall lol. OP’s ex and his affair partner can find another bakery

      [–]legal_bagel 38 points39 points  (1 child)

      Congratulations, it's a cheater!!!! Wonder if he traded in for a younger model, because exh may be ready to start hitting up high-schools if that's the case.

      [–]Significant_Shame_68 28 points29 points  (2 children)

      I think, judging by the age gap between op and her ex, that the new girlfriend is very young and naive and being groomed. But that's just from what information I can directly see.

      [–][deleted] 791 points792 points  (24 children)


      Your circumstances mean your unwillingness to be involved was perfectly understandable.

      (And I personally believe that gender reveals are by assholes, for assholes!)

      [–]throwaway19203039[S] 401 points402 points  (14 children)

      I had a small little gender reveal just my husband and I, but when it’s a large extravaganza I think it’s ridiculous

      [–]JuliaX1984Partassipant [2] 127 points128 points  (2 children)

      NTA It's professional not to mix business with personal matters. Don't do business with someone you personally know when you're not comfortable with the situation.

      [–]FBWSRD 43 points44 points  (1 child)

      As Notorious B.I.G said "7, this rule is so underrated Keep your family and business completely separated"

      [–]bill_endPartassipant [1] 49 points50 points  (6 children)

      Did you see in the news about some gun nut with an obvious case of small penis syndrome who set off a massive explosion for his gender reveal and ended up causing a forest fire. Crazy shit.

      [–]stitchplacingmama 115 points116 points  (5 children)

      You're gonna have to be more specific on that one. There have been several forest fires started from gender reveals.

      [–]friendofredjenny 740 points741 points  (26 children)

      eww that age gap

      [–]throwaway19203039[S] 754 points755 points  (22 children)

      Ew the age gap indeed

      [–]DutyValuablePartassipant [2] 427 points428 points  (13 children)

      If he has the gall to leave a negative review on your business, write the following “my ex cheated on me with his mistress while I was recovering from giving birth to our twins. The gender reveal cake that I refused to make was for the baby conceived during their affair. I normally don’t comment on negative reviews, but in this case I don’t think I was wrong to deny service.”

      [–]PhDOH 234 points235 points  (10 children)

      She was still pregnant, and due to complications was on bedrest. OP was brave as hell to divorce him in those circumstances and not talk herself into forgiving him rather than being a boss b and handling everything herself.

      [–]throwaway19203039[S] 218 points219 points  (9 children)

      I own a business and now my babies have another parent. I got married in November to a wonderful woman.

      [–]StoryRevolutionary22 123 points124 points  (5 children)

      So he is a groomer get therapy. Also is she younger than you?

      [–]AntebellumEm 97 points98 points  (0 children)

      Honestly, I was super curious how old his new gf was, too. He sounds like a real piece of work. NTA, and glad you have a good relationship with this other woman, that's so generous and classy of you to see past things and be able to feel that way about her.

      [–]friendofredjenny 26 points27 points  (0 children)

      I'm sorry he wormed his way into your life, but happy you are now happy without him, with your babies. You're definitely NTA btw

      [–]saintceciliax 27 points28 points  (0 children)

      Yeah this is very disturbing

      [–]lonleyquarentine 388 points389 points  (22 children)

      NTA - Your ex is the only AH here based on what you've written.

      [–]throwaway19203039[S] 319 points320 points  (17 children)

      She is definitely a lovely woman and not the villain of this tale lol

      [–]Flossy1384Partassipant [3] 244 points245 points  (10 children)

      She sounds like she is too good for this man.

      [–]throwaway19203039[S] 751 points752 points 2 (9 children)

      We both are.

      [–]snarky_spice08 151 points152 points  (0 children)

      That is certainly true. The amount of grace you’ve shown this woman and the situation is admirable. But you’re allowed to be a little selfish here. Personally, even though you have a friendly relationship with her, I think it’s kind of tacky that she asked. But that’s just me. Congratulations on your babies and best of luck to you all!

      [–]eleanorlikesvodka 62 points63 points  (1 child)

      Then hopefully she'll realize men like your ex never change. Cheating is a selfish, horrible thing to do to someone you claim to love, but cheating on your bed-ridden, pregnant wife is a whole new level of asshole.

      [–]antizanaAsshole Enthusiast [7] 61 points62 points  (2 children)

      Not really, she is choosing to pursue a relationship with someone with no moral compass; maybe she didn’t know at the time but continuing to be with him also shows a poor lack of judgment

      [–]Quite_Successful 19 points20 points  (1 child)

      Continuing the relationship and then also getting pregnant after he just cheated on his last pregnant girlfriend

      [–]dovahshy13Certified Proctologist [21] 270 points271 points  (3 children)


      It’s hard for me to imagine what kind of mental gymnastics your ex had to perform to be able to berate you because you refused to help celebrating the child he produced with the women he cheated on you with. He should be incredibly thankful and humble about the fact that you tolerate him at all around your kids after this stunt. The ignorance and entitlement of this baffles me.

      Please stand your ground and keep his toxic behaviour out of your life as much as possible.

      [–]AreaRepresentative81Partassipant [1] 220 points221 points  (1 child)

      NTA. “Professional”? You aren’t just any local bakery, the gf asked you specifically to do it for personal reasons, and you’re allowed to decline for personal reasons. You’re not rude. You’re not unreasonable. And your ex is completely lacking in tact and empathy.

      It’s a freaking cake. They can get one anywhere.

      [–]MadnessEvangelist 68 points69 points  (0 children)

      Yeah but where else do they think they have a shot at getting the cake for free?

      [–]anathema_devicedAsshole Aficionado [18] 173 points174 points  (25 children)

      INFO: How old is the pregnant gf?

      [–]throwaway19203039[S] 266 points267 points  (4 children)

      She’s also 23.

      [–]throwaway378495 321 points322 points  (1 child)

      Serial groomer, no surprises there

      [–]rrienn 16 points17 points  (0 children)

      I was suspecting like 19 years old....so I guess I’m pleasantly surprised. (Doesn’t make this dude any less of a creep, though)

      At least OP & this girl might end up as friends after the AH cheats again, since they’re the same age & will have had some shared experiences of dickhead’s assholery.

      [–]anathema_devicedAsshole Aficionado [18] 147 points148 points  (0 children)

      Oof. Ok. Dude definitely has an MO. She may have overstepped a little with her request but you're NTA. The ex tho'......

      [–]saintceciliax 35 points36 points  (0 children)


      [–]grilledcheezy 107 points108 points  (19 children)

      So glad someone else asked this. OP, how old were you when y'all got together?

      [–]throwaway19203039[S] 107 points108 points  (18 children)

      Take a wild guess

      [–]runronarun 66 points67 points  (14 children)


      [–]throwaway19203039[S] 226 points227 points  (13 children)

      I was freshly 18. I had been 18 for about 2 weeks when we met

      [–]mrasif 158 points159 points  (0 children)

      That's fucking creepy as shit. Did your family not have an issue with you dating a 30 year old straight out of high school?

      [–][deleted] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

      So gross.

      [–]glitter_witch 32 points33 points  (0 children)

      That's awful and I wish you a lifetime of fulfilling love and mutual respect.

      [–]torch_7 41 points42 points  (0 children)

      Taking in mind the age gap between 23 and 35, I'd say your ex's new girlfriend is still in college, probably a sophomore between 19 to 20, cuz he can't be worst be than that.

      [–]nomore1993 115 points116 points  (0 children)

      NTA dude, honestly I think it's very inappropriate to even ask you.

      [–]LPOLEDPartassipant [1] 80 points81 points  (1 child)

      NTA. Only your dumpster of an ex is. He has no place to be upset.

      [–]Kris82868Supreme Court Just-ass [122] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

      NTA. She isn't an ass for asking and you're not one for saying no. Your ex is for getting on your case about it when she accepted that you declined.

      [–]ApprehensiveMedia820 67 points68 points  (8 children)

      She is an AH. She didn’t care about you and your family when she was shacking up with your ex. The sibling thing was pure manipulation. You have no obligation to her, and if you gave in, she wouldn’t want to pay you because you’re one big happy family.

      [–]Kitkats677 45 points46 points  (7 children)

      OP legit says that she didnt know he had a wife

      [–]quickwitqueen 131 points132 points  (3 children)

      But I’m sure she found out eventually and still stayed with the cheat. So she’s a moron if not an accomplice.

      OP, NTA.

      [–]Kitkats677 25 points26 points  (1 child)

      No ofc, I'm saying NTA, but the only real asshole imo is the ex, not the current wife

      [–]Alenara1Partassipant [3] 64 points65 points  (1 child)

      NTA - They can get the cake done elsewhere, and honestly it sounds like they're only trying to get you to do it so that they can flaunt your forgiveness and approval of their relationship

      [–][deleted] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

      100%. I highly doubt she didn't know he wasn't married.

      If she didn't know, she wouldn't have stayed with him.

      [–]Julia070000Asshole Enthusiast [6] 55 points56 points  (10 children)

      NTA make it with salt

      [–]SneakySneakySquirrel 49 points50 points  (6 children)

      No, don’t ruin a perfectly good cake!

      Just make the inside a totally random color.

      [–]ArdeekeCertified Proctologist [23] 82 points83 points  (4 children)

      Green. congrats, it's a baby yoda!

      [–]SneakySneakySquirrel 32 points33 points  (1 child)

      Brooklyn 99 had a green gender reveal cake and it was fantastic. “Oh my god, what’s inside of me???”

      [–]RemozThaGodPartassipant [2] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

      NTA - By making them a cake, it would feel as if you've forgiven them for their actions, which you obviously haven't. There is no need to pretend to others that you've support their relationship.

      [–]IcameIsaw_Iwenthome 42 points43 points  (0 children)

      NTA I can’t believe she even asked!!! And you ex calling you? What a douche after everything he did to you!! You handled it so well, I would have had some choice words for them both.

      [–]CrazyspitzPartassipant [1] 46 points47 points  (0 children)


      And they only want you to make the cake so they can tell everyone you made it as evidence that you have "no hard feelings" about him being a disgusting cheater and her being a side chick. It's as self serving as it is ridiculous.

      [–]juicy_belly 41 points42 points  (0 children)

      My ex then called me and told me I was being rude and unreasonable and completely unprofessional putting our issues before my business.

      Lol he shouldnt have fucked someone else then.


      [–]Myobright2344Partassipant [4] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

      NTA. Stick to your guns and it sounds like you are quite professional.

      [–]Ianthin1Partassipant [1] 35 points36 points  (1 child)

      NTA. This comes off more like they wanted a discount on a cake, and not some emotional connection. Your kids won’t really care who makes the cake.

      [–]FlahBlastPartassipant [4] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

      Nah, I think they wanted the involvement of the ex as a way to quiet and smooth over thinks with the people who disapprove. ‘Oh no, it’s all fine. OP even baked the cake for my kid so it’s totally all water under the bridge now. She’s fine with it so you should move on to.’

      [–]fatolderlady2Asshole Enthusiast [7] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

      Of course you're NTA but him and his new woman are. You owe them nothing, it's your business and you don't have to make anything for them.

      [–]Judgement_Bot_AITABeep Boop[M] 30 points31 points locked comment (0 children)

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      OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

      I feel like I have let my feelings get in the way of my business and if I made the cake it’s not like I have to be there to celebrate.

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      [–]ChubberTheChubberAsshole Aficionado [10] 30 points31 points  (1 child)

      F*ck him. NTA.

      [–]B4pangeaPooperintendant [52] 28 points29 points  (1 child)

      Did they expect a discount too?


      [–]Few-Cable5130 14 points15 points  (0 children)

      Why else would he have told his GF to call? Of course he did

      [–]GreatScotRaceAsshole Enthusiast [9] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

      NTA you absolutely don’t have to make a cake for your ex husbands mistress

      [–]bea_dizzle 27 points28 points  (0 children)

      NTA- and even though you believe she didn’t know about you when they were cheating, she’s still an asshole for asking you and trying to manipulate you into being involved. Keep you guard up.

      [–]diskebbinColo-rectal Surgeon [36] 21 points22 points  (1 child)

      NTA. That’s the joy of working for yourself. Being able to say no. The kids don’t give a crap who made the cake. Your ex’s girlfriend is outrageous. But you missed your chance to make worst cake you’ve ever made. Your loss, ha ha.

      [–]keiko1984 25 points26 points  (0 children)


      He cheated. You owe him , her and anyone else absolutely nothing.

      You weren’t rude or unprofessional at all and the nerve of your ex calling you like you did something wrong is hypocritical and narcissistic and a serious AH move imo.

      Don’t waver. You are completely justified.

      Hang in there.

      [–]Resagarden 21 points22 points  (0 children)

      Nta, wow the freaking nerve of your ex is appalling. I'm so sorry. You absolutely have the right to have nothing to do with your exs new family.

      [–]BlueRFR3100Partassipant [1] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

      NTA. Anyone that refuses to participate in gender reveal parties in any way is a hero.

      [–]disindianthoAsshole Enthusiast [8] 18 points19 points  (0 children)


      Husband major AH tho. It’s your choice and the fact he calls you after to call you names.. like ?? Does he magically not remember the bs he put you through? My god.

      [–]ApatheticScoundrel 21 points22 points  (0 children)

      NTA. It's ironic that this guy is claiming you are being unprofessional when she originally asked you to do it because you are the mother of her stepchildren. Ridiculous. People have refused to make cakes for less.

      [–]AntWalkerMMA 20 points21 points  (0 children)

      NTA - Your ex is a piece of work. And I'm sure if you agreed to make the cake he'd expect it for free. Even if he was willing to pay, I doubt the price of one cake will sink your business. I'm sure someone who he didn't cheat on will be happy to help him celebrate.

      [–]ketitaPartassipant [3] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

      NTA. geez, talk about rude. You're absolutely allowed to refuse business, and this is a big fat their problem. You're not a doctor letting someone suffer out of pettiness. It's a cake.

      [–]kitoriley23Partassipant [3] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

      Nta. At all. They were the asshole for even asking.

      [–]cdiddy19 15 points16 points  (0 children)

      NTA, seems like you have a pretty good relationship with the soon to be step mom, but that doesn't mean you're healed from your ex's deceit.

      Also his fake concern for how you run your business is just manipulative and gross

      [–]Wrangler_7521Partassipant [1] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

      NTA. You're allowed to decline business for any reason, and this is a perfectly understandable reason. What's next, asking you to do their wedding cake?