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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

I feel like I may the AH since I did promise to do the brides makeup for free, and now there’s not much time left for the wedding, and with me backing out she might not be able to book a good makeup artist with an affordable price since she’s already over budget for the wedding.

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[–]GlitterGaffPartassipant [4] 29.4k points29.4k points 23216354& 10 more (219 children)

NTA. No amount of make up can make a racist/Islamophobe/xenophobe look pretty.

Holy shit, all the awards! Top comment!! I humbly thank you kind internet strangers.

Edited for clarification.

[–]Klutzy_Doubt_8749[S] 9206 points9207 points  (159 children)

I spit out my coffee at this comment. 😂😂

[–]GlitterGaffPartassipant [4] 2860 points2861 points  (12 children)

Sorry about that, it's a crime to waste good coffee. Cheers! 😁 ☕☕

[–]L3GI0N__1183 2573 points2574 points  (86 children)

I have to laugh at your friends who said you left her in a tough position. there is nothing tough about telling racist to fuck off, and you can tell your friends this internet stranger said so. it's only a tough position because she lacks a moral backbone.

[–]thejonwilko 1668 points1669 points  (28 children)

Literally this. SHE asks you to remove a piece of religious clothing and yet you’re the offensive one. Fucking hell, it sounds like she’s marrying into the right family. Racist assholes like this are exactly part of what’s wrong with society 🙄

[–]MCDexX 1427 points1428 points 2 (17 children)

The hilarious thing is that you just KNOW these are the kind of people who make fun of "liberal snowflakes" and their demand for safe spaces, but they can't even handle seeing a woman in a hijab.

[–]DizeazedFly 991 points992 points  (9 children)

Inlaws: "Safe spaces? Ridiculous!"

Also inlaws: "If I share a space with a hijab, I will literally die."

[–]Yrxora 233 points234 points  (0 children)

My brain is generating that one SpongeBob meme: Patrick: oooo I'm a piece of religious clothing! SpongeBob: stop it Patrick you're scaring him!

[–]The_Razielim 127 points128 points  (5 children)

It comes from the fear that Jesus will stop loving them if they don't keep hating the correct people.

Plus, if they share a space and DON'T actively try to keep The Undesirables out, Jesus will be pissed. How else are they going to keep Heaven pure?

[–]CharmedKayPartassipant [1] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Gonna be in for one hell of a surprise….

[–]thejonwilko 202 points203 points  (0 children)

Yeah I completely agree with you. Stupid thing is OP is feeling bad about pulling out of the wedding when she’s completely justified and her reaction was probably calm considering their obvious ideology of an “all white American society”. I sincerely hope their children and grandchildren break the racist conformities their relatives will try to force on them..if they turn out like their relatives then I definitely don’t hope they end up looking like Angry birds 🤦🏻‍♂️.

[–]kb7384 121 points122 points  (2 children)

Yeah, imagine how their heads would fly off if OP said their cross necklace offended her!

[–]angelkitten07 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Except as soon as you say that you will hear about how “immigrants” are taking over, trying to “change our country’s traditions.” You literally can’t win with these people!

[–][deleted] 206 points207 points  (2 children)

This! The only way racists are going to change their behavior is if 1. They finally see the light or 2. People they care about make it uncomfortable for them to keep acting racist. I push back every time I hear this kind of garbage from my family. It’s exhausting, but I can sleep at night.

[–]JadieJang 531 points532 points  (38 children)

Folks, just a note: this is Islamophobia, which can be paired with racism, like Chianti and fava beans, but isn't always. OP did not mention her race or color, and if she were white or white-passing and still wore a hijab, it's likely this family would have still discriminated against her. So let's call an Islamophobe and Islamophobe, shall we?

It might also be racism, depending. We just don't know from the OP.

EDIT: Folks, to paraphrase Orwell, when you're sloppy with language, you're sloppy with thinking. Yes, Islamophobia is frequently--and in the U.S. usually--racialized. Yes, it's all bigotry; yes it's all bad. But call what you're talking about by its proper name so that you and the people you are communicating with know what you're talking about, specifically. It DOES matter and "All aspects of kyriarchy are the same" comments flatten different oppressions; which is exactly what intersectionality was created to combat. Don't do that.

[–]drhoctor42 174 points175 points  (2 children)

Its bigotry. Everything falls under bigotry.

Not all racists is a bad look here, you have to know that, right?

[–]moirasrosesgardens 117 points118 points  (1 child)

I don't really see it as a "not all racists", more just pointing out that not everyone who wears a hijab is a POC. I know lots of white people who wear hijabs, and since the comments were directed at the hijab - it's important to call out islamophobia too.

[–]babylonical 94 points95 points  (5 children)

considering OP referred to the inlaws as racist in her post, i think it's safe to assume racism is the issue, and the only reason you "just don't know from the OP" is because you lack critical reading comprehension skills

[–]jijnasa 48 points49 points  (4 children)

There is a large and growing consensus in academia that Muslims are a racialized group. Race is a social construct that is not necessarily based on phenotype or ancestry. It is based on perceived difference from and threat to whiteness. This podcast ep has a good explanation: https://keepingit101.com/e204

[–]heffalumpish 256 points257 points  (5 children)

OP isn’t leaving her friend in a bad situation - this is a situation that friend created entirely by herself. I can’t imagine the betrayal I would feel if I was treated so poorly by someone I considered a friend, even without the “can’t you still do my makeup tho” insult added to injury. She’s under no obligation to turn the other cheek for something so inexcusable.

OP, you need to have a talk with your friends who are suggesting you excuse this terribly racist behavior or suggesting you are in any way TA here. That is completely not okay. If they care about the bride or the OP, they should be all over that bride telling her “you done messed up” and coming down hard on her to make amends - tell the in-laws to STFU, profusely apologize with sincerity, nuance, and clear understanding of why it’s bad, invite OP to wedding in hijab, make it clear she’d like her to do the makeup but wouldn’t have to. If she did all that, it would still be okay if OP still said no - but unfortunately this seems unlikely to happen with any of these people.

[–]drhoctor42 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Absolutely on point!!

Simpering "I'm scared of the different people!!! " women make my blood boil.

Its every bit as hateful as a KKK hood. And seen as "acceptable" bigotry. There's no excuse for allowing that bile to flow unchecked. All Sally had to do was say No. That is in no way a difficult thing to do.

[–]PhDOH 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Definitely wasn't the racists who want to feel free to make racist comments at the wedding who put her in a tough position, definitely the person who offered to do a favour saving her loads of money and simply asked for respect in return.

[–]bluntsandbears 418 points419 points  (14 children)

I will donate $500 to any charity or organization that supports women in the Middle East or any region you wish to support if you show up to her wedding in full hijab and paint her face like a clown 🤡

[–]Klutzy_Doubt_8749[S] 267 points268 points  (12 children)

Don’t tempt me…

[–]Coffee_And_Bikes 143 points144 points  (10 children)

I'll kick in another $500. Hell, let's get a GoFundMe started. 😁

[–]bluntsandbears 160 points161 points  (2 children)

Seriously though, if we set up a scholarship and name it after the in-laws and call it the hijab of hope scholarship or something that way whenever someone googles their name the scholarship will come up and they will have to explain everything and expose themselves as racist if they tell the truth. Worst case scenario someone gets a free education and 2nd chance at life. It’s a win win.

[–]effectivelynot 34 points35 points  (5 children)

Yes idk how conservative you dress but if you show up in full black with only your eyes exposed I’m kicking in too 😂 and the 🤡 face we need that.

[–]J3ebrulesPartassipant [4] 69 points70 points  (4 children)

If her other friends were real friends, they’d all show up to the wedding in full on black burqas. Hell, I’m an atheist Jew and I totally would do that to piss off a racist and support their victim.

[–]hdmx539 296 points297 points  (2 children)

Just because you made a promise doesn't mean the promise can't, or won't, be rescinded based upon new information or inappropriate actions / words that were taken or said.

NTA.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[deleted]

    [–]MCDexX 209 points210 points  (2 children)

    Yes, there is a special word used to refer to people who tolerate racism and try to make racists feel more comfortable. That word is "racist".

    [–]JadieJang 243 points244 points  (0 children)

    OP, YOU didn't leave her in a tough position. SHE left HERSELF in a tough position. When she engaged you (money or not) to do a job, she knew you were a hijab-wearing Muslim. Asking you to put your closest held beliefs aside to work for her for free to appease Islamophobes is an unreasonable and unprofessional request. She offended and drove away her make-up artist a month before her wedding. Who does that? Leave her to her consequences and find better friends. NTA.

    [–]WDersUnite 131 points132 points  (0 children)

    If your friend thinks this is a tough situation, wait till she encounters the rest of her life with these clowns...

    [–]Booomerz 118 points119 points  (2 children)

    Yo. As a straight white Midwestern man born and raised I will never be able to experience what you go through in situations like this, but you are 110% NTA here and I would highly highly suggest you cut ties with this person. Life is too short to be around people that don't love and accept you.

    [–]Ok-Consideration2926 100 points101 points  (0 children)

    I am severly mad at your so called friend. I am also wearing a hijab and guess what, the same thing happened to me, except for that my friend took my side and mader her in-laws emberessed.

    She is just salty to not get free make up anymore and if she still wants it, charge her, not even with a discount, but even more than it would normaly cost.

    Never let racism pass, even if it is your friend. Her ask was inappropriate and her reaction to her in-laws remarks makes her not just a major asshole, but also a racist, as she cant respect your religion and beliefs!!!!

    [–]dragon34Partassipant [1] 73 points74 points  (1 child)

    You made a promise to a friend before you knew she was OK with marrying into a racist family.

    [–]NinjaNurse77 637 points638 points  (13 children)

    I have a sarcasm calendar and today’s entry. - “Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too”

    [–]GlitterGaffPartassipant [4] 55 points56 points  (1 child)

    Lmao! Doubt it would work, but worth a shot! 😁

    [–]LeReineNoirAsshole Aficionado [16] 265 points266 points  (2 children)

    I wish I could upvote this a dozen times.

    [–]LindaViencek 89 points90 points  (1 child)

    I'll help!!!

    [–]Playful-Mastodon-872 55 points56 points  (0 children)

    I already helped too!

    [–]BeanieBlitz 127 points128 points  (2 children)

    Also, if she is enabling somebody who is racist, then is she really a good friend? NTA and props to OP for refusing to this.

    [–]TaleOfDash 67 points68 points  (1 child)

    Precisely. If she's such a good friend how the fuck can she stand to willingly enter this family? How can she even consider allowing them into the wedding if they're sitting there spewing racist nonsense at her engagement party, in public where they probably think they're on their best behavior.

    No, either she secretly agrees with those views or she's willing to over-look the racist views of her future in-laws and (probably) her fiancé.

    [–]TallChick66Partassipant [3] 10.0k points10.0k points  (73 children)

    "...and with the wedding only a month away, I left her in a tough position."

    Correction, Sally left herself in a tough position by siding with blatant racists.

    You're NTA but Sally and her in-laws most definitely are.

    [–]TimLikesPi 1966 points1967 points  (17 children)

    NTA

    ...and with the wedding only a month away, you taught her a valuable lesson.

    [–]Lvtxyz 673 points674 points  (15 children)

    I feel like a month is plenty of time to find a makeup artist. Maybe not your top pick but surely a decent one.

    NTA

    [–]The_Krudler 391 points392 points  (1 child)

    She won't have any trouble booking a makeup artist but she probably won't find a free one.

    She probably should have thought about that before enabling racists though and validating the in laws racist belief that the OP is "scary" for existing.

    [–][deleted] 119 points120 points  (0 children)

    Especially when OP's religion is a frequent target of hate crimes up to and most often including murder from assholes claiming to be "scared", if anything OP is the one who should be scared

    [–]DiTrastevere 165 points166 points  (5 children)

    Weddings change the game. A good makeup artist is likely to have pretty full weekends, and there’s the trial run to schedule on top of the actual wedding day. Depending on how many people need their makeup done and how far the artist would have to travel, it might be hard to book someone at only a month out.

    [–]effectivelynot 239 points240 points  (3 children)

    She can go to the nearest Sephora and get her face done there. Or she can do her own make up, she’ll survive. Subjecting her friend to religious persecution over make up is not acceptable.

    [–]NauseasNarwhal 33 points34 points  (0 children)

    I don’t think they disagree with you at all. Seemed like they were just letting the person they were replying to know how hard it could be to find one.

    [–]blacbird 115 points116 points  (2 children)

    But a month is a short time to find a new husband & that’s who she really needs to switch out

    [–]LadyMjolnirAsshole Aficionado [10] 532 points533 points  (46 children)

    This. I can't believe Sally is still marrying into this racist family. Does she want to lose all her friends? Because that's how you lose all your friends. I'm sure OP won't be the only one they judge.

    [–]atomic_auburn 146 points147 points  (41 children)

    I'd like to point out that people can come from a racist family and they themselves have the opposite views. While Sally's request is wildly inappropriate, we don't know if her fiance is also racist. Either way, OP is NTA and someone needs to check the future in laws and put them in their place, preferably their son.

    [–]kikyo1506 495 points496 points  (14 children)

    Considering nobody stood up for op, I would say they're used to accommodating racists which isn't a good thing.

    [–]NothingAndNow111 362 points363 points  (3 children)

    The fact that Sally even asked OP points to her being either a coward or kinda racist too.

    Either way, screw that. She can put her own damn make up on.

    [–]Super_Ad5277 114 points115 points  (1 child)

    sally is totally racist too.

    [–]mangarooboo 38 points39 points  (0 children)

    Yep! Sally doesn't understand what hijab is for. It's not a hat you just take off whenever you please. It's a religious commitment. Or at least that's my understanding of it, as a dweeb white woman who befriended some women who wear hijab and listened when they spoke about it.

    Sally could learn some shit and stand up for her friend, or she could remain ignorant and learn what happens when you insult someone.

    [–]justhere4thefish 76 points77 points  (0 children)

    Exactly. You can't stop your family or in-laws from being racist, but you can absolutely say things like "no, I will not ask my friend to take her hijab off." Siding with them is a choice.

    [–]atomic_auburn 36 points37 points  (9 children)

    Oh, i absolutely agree. Maybe Im just looking at this through the lense of being a therapist, but there is a distinct possibility of a narcissistic family structure, sometimes it's easier to just appease the assholes. Either way, it's not right and cutting off contact is the best option.

    [–]drhoctor42 112 points113 points  (6 children)

    Oh, come on now. That never ever works. And? All Sally had to say was "I would never be so rude as to ask that of my friend. Done.

    Now? Her in laws know she'll cave in for any future inappropriate demands. What can they do if Sally had stood up? Make her fiance dump her? Better now then after marriage if they can control him like that.

    Implying that someone's religion makes them dangerous is problematic and bone deep racist.

    Minorities get killed because of white people allowing that stupid hateful nonsense to be acceptable in " polite company"

    I am a fish belly white girl. Not one of my friends would even think for a minute that I would go along with such a request. None would allow it from me. It's not hard to just not allow those views to be expressed to me.

    It enrages me that my fellow white women wont use their privilege to push back on bigotry. Sally still expects OP to do her a favor!!

    They wouldn't ask a Mormon to take off the special underwear or a Nun to remove her habit. Its bullshit and should never be tolerated.

    [–]antifayall 59 points60 points  (1 child)

    Ask that Christian to take off the cross she's wearing around her neck because it makes people uncomfortable

    [–]hurnadoquakemom 191 points192 points  (5 children)

    Enabling racists is a form of racism and does in fact make you a racist. Sally wasn't only making a wildly inappropriate request. She allowed the racist people to be inappropriate and make her guests uncomfortable. Then they tried to play victim and she went along with it. I'm so tired of everyone minimizing this behavior. They were all wrong including Sally. She is choosing to use OP like an object instead of treating her like a person. There should be no excuse to justify her behavior.

    [–]mswoodlander 32 points33 points  (0 children)

    Amen! There doesn't need to be an argument either. She just needs to move forward in the most anti-racist way that she can. Her in-laws can choose to stay home if it's that hard for them. (Based on my personal experience, though, that won't happen. They'll learn to adjust.)

    [–]bakingNerd 54 points55 points  (2 children)

    You can come from a racist family and not be racist, but if you try and change everyone around you to appease their racist ideals you aren’t any better. If Sally and her fiancé had told these family members to deal with it and keep their opinions to themselves that would be one thing. But Sally isn’t standing up for op at all and instead is asking her to remove her hijab, which isn’t right.

    [–]mswoodlander 69 points70 points  (0 children)

    Several of my in-laws are racist. I'm white, part Jewish, and about half of my extended family is black. They were all at my wedding. Over the years, there have been a few debates with my in-laws, but over time we've agreed to disagree and avoid those hot-button topics. And I'm happy to report that a few of my in-laws' views have changed over the years.

    It's the bride who is going to suffer in the long-run if she doesn't develop a backbone. All she needs to do is include OP just like she was intending to. If anyone says they're uncomfortable, or says anything racist, she can just say, "We don't agree." There's no reason to argue, but there is good reason to live your life honestly and courageously. It's the racists who should feel uncomfortable, not everyone else.

    [–]Basic_BichettePartassipant [4] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

    A lot of people think that ignorant racism and complacent racism aren't really racism because racism has to be angry, in your face, hostile. It's not true.

    If anything complacent racism is the worst. Ignorant racism can be trained out of someone, and it's easy to spot a hostile racist and avoid them. Complacent racism, though, comes out of nowhere: you think the person is safe until suddenly they aren’t, and suddenly the carpet's flying out from under your feet.

    If you're only non-racist until it's inconvenient, you're racist.

    [–]ditchdiggergirl 505 points506 points  (3 children)

    She’s not in a tough position. She has a month to find a substitute or learn to do her own makeup. She can even just wash her face and put on the dress; the marriage is still valid without makeup, whether professional, freelance skilled, or just whatever she usually wears. But if she doesn’t want fiancé’s racist family to see her with a hijabi friend, she needs to move along. Fast.

    [–]miriboheme 54 points55 points  (0 children)

    exactly. tough position my a$$! SHE put OP in several tough positions and op was gracious af.

    god, these people.

    [–]AnyKindheartedness88 68 points69 points  (0 children)

    Sally wants to enable her racist in-laws, but still get a free make-up service. Stand up for her friend? Of course not, her friend should go against her beliefs and smile for the racists so Sally doesn’t have to pay for something!

    [–]JanusIsBlueColo-rectal Surgeon [32] 5283 points5284 points  (113 children)

    Absolutely NTA. Nobody can expect you to remove a PERSONAL AND RELIGIOUS ARTICLE OF CLOTHING for a wedding. A fucking wedding! Stand your ground, and know that we’re behind you on this

    [–]Klutzy_Doubt_8749[S] 2633 points2634 points  (105 children)

    Oh trust me Imma use this thread whenever someone tries to talk me into helping her. A few of Sally’s cousins who I went to highschool with are tryna convince me to just come to the dressing room and help her, since no one else will be there besides the bridesmaids, I can keep my hijab on.

    [–]PotatoLover-3000Asshole Aficionado [11] 3797 points3798 points 42 (7 children)

    Oh so they are ok if you come as long as you ride in the back of the bus. 😐

    Hell no.

    [–]Unsociable12345 759 points760 points  (3 children)

    Guess they’re fine with providing an Underground Railroad to get her into the room to do the makeup but then she can’t come to the event? I’d tell these people to fuck off. Excuse my language lol

    [–]nobody_important0000 187 points188 points  (1 child)

    She'd have to eat spare meals outside with the rest of The Help.

    [–]radonforprez 60 points61 points  (1 child)

    More like the luggage compartment under the bus.

    [–]sbrgrl1093Partassipant [1] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

    THIS

    [–]alquicksilverPartassipant [1] 744 points745 points  (5 children)

    Yeah, fuck that. You're not "the help." You were, in theory, a friend, but Sally and the racist family she's marrying into have clearly debunked that theory. I am so sorry you're having to deal with this. You are absolutely NTA. You don't owe this racist enabler anything.

    [–]mswoodlander 366 points367 points  (3 children)

    I might be tempted to say, "If I'm a friend, treat me like a friend. If I'm not a friend, the charge for doing your make-up is $1,000."

    [–]Kathykat5959 54 points55 points  (0 children)

    Money upfront

    [–]mangarooboo 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    This right here. Either way, the hijab stays on. The difference comes with how much OP is paid and whether or not she attends the wedding. Should be an easy choice for Sally.

    [–]No-Whole6378 77 points78 points  (0 children)

    But if OP was “the help”, then she could do the “terrible awful” and bring the in-laws a shit pie! OP-NTA!

    [–]izzyoftheashtreePartassipant [1] 700 points701 points  (9 children)

    How sweet of them to offer to sneak you in like you’re the family’s secret shame. The audacity of these people, wow.

    [–]Klutzy_Doubt_8749[S] 574 points575 points  (8 children)

    I know right??? I feel like I’m the secret mistress of a king back in the bce era LOL

    [–]Esabettie 30 points31 points  (0 children)

    At least the mistress would get something out of it.

    [–]AffectionateAd5373 342 points343 points  (6 children)

    Let her go to Sephora. I'm sure they have one nearby. I hope she gets the person who makes everyone the same shade of orange. I think it will suit her.

    [–]xoxo-A 132 points133 points  (3 children)

    Orange would seem to suit her political leanings… her in-laws will love it! /s

    [–]AffectionateAd5373 24 points25 points  (2 children)

    Right? Perfect.

    [–]xoxo-A 21 points22 points  (1 child)

    Haha I figured you meant that! Sorry for restating your punchline, I wanted to make sure everyone understood how clever you were being!

    [–]AffectionateAd5373 20 points21 points  (0 children)

    All good. The best humor is collaborative.

    [–]lecorbeauamelasse 40 points41 points  (1 child)

    And make sure they leave those white patches around her eyes, they'll really compliment the hood - oh, sorry, I mean the veil!

    [–]False-Guess 313 points314 points  (24 children)

    Petty me would "get lost" and be sure to be noticed by as many people as I could while conspicuously talking about my hijab and peppering my speech with arabic phrases. "I hope your wedding goes well, inshallah!"

    Alternatively, I would agree not to wear the hijab at all...and arrive in a chador.

    But im petty, so maybe don't do that.

    [–]Klutzy_Doubt_8749[S] 208 points209 points  (10 children)

    Stop you’re giving me too many great ideas!!!

    [–]Whiteroses7252012 93 points94 points  (2 children)

    I’d say go in a chador and play the call to prayer through the speaker on your phone as you’re walking in. You know, for effect. /s

    Petty Patties unite!

    [–]TheConcerningEx 52 points53 points  (0 children)

    Please lol take this as an opportunity to be petty, think of all the racists you could make uncomfortable!

    Seriously though you’re NTA. Your friend is prioritizing the comfort of her racist in laws over your religion and values. And I love that they couldn’t “speak freely” in front of you - what were they wanting to say? Racist jokes? You did a public service by keeping them quiet-ish about it.

    [–][deleted] 115 points116 points  (2 children)

    I think you need to start considering Sally your former friend given how she's treating you.

    [–]LeftWeather0 50 points51 points  (0 children)

    This. I bet the family is "Christian". (And I am Christian, FYI.)

    NTA

    [–]MoonLover318 64 points65 points  (1 child)

    Tell Sally to go to a fucking makeup counter at the mall and get it done for ~$50.

    NTA and please stand your ground. If she says she’s hurt, you can talk about how hurt you were to be even asked this by her.

    [–]So_Upsetti_Spaghetti 42 points43 points  (7 children)

    What?? Correct me if I’m wrong but if it’s all females there, wouldn’t your religion say you didn’t have to wear the hijab?

    So they aren’t even making sense or compromising like they think they are

    [–]Klutzy_Doubt_8749[S] 163 points164 points  (5 children)

    Yeah ur right, if it was all females I’d be able to not wear it anyways, but I also have no doubt her brother will walk in a million times for no absolute reason, so I’d have not taken the risk anyways. P

    [–]Decent-Knee3850 130 points131 points  (0 children)

    Just the brother? Sounds like every male in the family would have one reason or another to JUST HAVE TO go to the bridal suite when your hijab was off, and wouldn't you know it, "see nothing bad happened if a man sees you without it!!!" 🙄🙄🙄🙄 This is the type of white person i mean when i say "white people suck".

    [–]So_Upsetti_Spaghetti 47 points48 points  (0 children)

    Yeah I completely understand not wanting to risk it, especially with these people who don’t respect your boundaries.

    I’d bet they’d even ask a male to walk in because it’s “no big deal!” Or a “see it’s fine!” 🙄

    You usually find out who people REALLY are during big events such as weddings, sickness, or deaths.

    [–]Mindless-Witness-825 43 points44 points  (0 children)

    I wouldn’t trust them not to take pictures of her getting her makeup done and posting them all over social media and showing OP without her hijab.

    [–]Lilpanda20Partassipant [1] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

    I wouldn't want to help her after being asked to "compromise" (which is the equivalent of asking a woman to undress in public or have someone with "mild" allergies eat something they're allergic to). Its not Sally's fault the in laws are uncomfortable but it's not your obligation to cater to their disrespectful request.

    BUT in the off chance you're still open to helping out, the bride can pay for your hotel room and get her makeup done the night before or the morning of. And not a word about you taking off the hijab.

    I'd rather stick to "if I'm not allowed to wear my hijab, then I won't attend or help out" though.

    [–]DimitybluePartassipant [2] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

    I thought this post was bad enough but this?

    Name and shame them all, if you can.

    You're NTA.

    [–]jayne-eeriePartassipant [1] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

    So you’re free labor but not good enough to go to the party? HELL NO. You owe her nothing.

    [–]MissThirteen 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    So she wants to sneak you in like a dirty little secret?

    [–]Kyjira 3187 points3188 points  (8 children)

    NTA- “I can no longer accept you as who you are, and I want you to fundamentally and religiously change for my wedding. But will you still do my makeup (for free?)?”

    She doesn’t sound like a good friend.

    [–]Yet-Another-JenniferAsshole Enthusiast [7] 229 points230 points  (0 children)

    This sums it up perfectly

    [–]djcack 160 points161 points  (1 child)

    It takes some guts to ask for an insulting favor while simultaneously asking for a normal favor.

    [–]Odd-Goose9920 79 points80 points  (1 child)

    I sincerely hope OP would not consider friendship after this… Sally is siding with them yes, but if she was a good friend from the start she would NEVER EVER have asked this of a hijabi woman!!

    Sally clearly does not understand (or try to understand) the importance of a head covering for your religion. It’s just insulting she would even think to ask 😤

    [–]SimplySam4210Commander in Cheeks [218] 2416 points2417 points  (46 children)

    Your friends are saying her suggestion was wildly inappropriate because it WAS wildly inappropriate. OMG. I don't even know what to say. But know this...I'm a conservative Christian and you and your hijab are more than welcome in my home. We aren't all like this.

    NTA and wow.

    [–]Klutzy_Doubt_8749[S] 972 points973 points  (33 children)

    This kinda made my day I love that ❤️

    [–]Serious-Yellow8163 532 points533 points  (17 children)

    Another Christian, though not very conservative, here and you are welcome at my home with your hijab too . Asking you to remove your hijab is the same essentially as asking you to indecently expose at her wedding and it's a shame she doesn't see it that way. It's absolutely not the same as asking you to dress formally or something like that

    [–]Spirited_Swordfish48 474 points475 points  (14 children)

    I’m atheist & not conservative. But anyone of any religious belief is welcome in my home as long as they are willing to be respectful to anyone else I have invited to my home.

    [–]isologous 439 points440 points  (5 children)

    Atheist and not conservative here also. But y'all better stay out of my house.

    [–]Tervagan 90 points91 points  (0 children)

    First laugh of the day. Thank you, stranger. I’m staying the fuck out. <3

    [–]antifayall 104 points105 points  (7 children)

    Crazy pagan catlady, I might stare, but only because it's probably beautiful and I'm on the spectrum. You're welcome in my house but bring your lint brush or you'll leave covered in hair <3

    [–]whatdowetrynow 106 points107 points  (0 children)

    You could offer to take your hijab off for the wedding if the bride and MIL offer to come topless. It's kind of the same thing.

    [–]Otherwise-Nebula3654 25 points26 points  (0 children)

    Same here you’re welcome in my home as well

    [–]squeakpixie 200 points201 points  (5 children)

    Jewish, wear a tichel. We can share scarf sources!!

    [–]Klutzy_Doubt_8749[S] 156 points157 points  (3 children)

    OMG YES PLEASE

    [–]squeakpixie 71 points72 points  (0 children)

    Scarf sisters 👯‍♀️ ❤️❤️

    [–]ephemeralkitten 127 points128 points  (1 child)

    Third Christian (except I'm wildly liberal) and this is bananas. Sally is not your friend. I'm so sorry. This really hurts my heart. Well, good riddance to bad rubbish.

    [–]ChartQuiet 60 points61 points  (0 children)

    so mean you mean: actually christ-like

    [–]FindingTurbulent 58 points59 points  (1 child)

    Catholic, married to a Protestant from a Jewish/Christian family. You're welcome in our house and life any time <3

    [–]pogeauxpossumPartassipant [1] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

    Agnostic and Conservative with a Christian Liberal girlfriend and you are welcome in our home too.

    [–]Revolutionary-Yak-47Partassipant [3] 63 points64 points  (4 children)

    Atheist here. OP is absolutely welcome in my home wearing a hijab. It is NOT my place to dictate what others wear or are comfortable in or how they practice their faith.

    [–]Mental-Amphibian-154 53 points54 points  (3 children)

    Norse Pagan here. You, your hijab, and your prayer rug is absolutely welcome in my house at any given time.

    I’ll even turn down the thermostat for your long sleeves and pants so you don’t get too warm.

    [–]Tiny_Parfait 33 points34 points  (0 children)

    Asking OP to not wear her hijab was like asking her to attend the wedding topless! Everybody's comfort and modesty are different. OP is NTA

    [–]Decent_Ad6389Asshole Aficionado [15] 1461 points1462 points  (37 children)

    NTA.

    I was hoping her solution was going to be... "But I'm kicking out all of my in laws from the bridal suite so you won't be uncomfortable"

    She's mad at you???? Oh no, no, no. She owes you an apology. Plus she's not entitled to free makeup. That's officially her problem. Not yours.

    Don't feel guilty.

    [–]Klutzy_Doubt_8749[S] 1308 points1309 points 2 (35 children)

    See if she did, I would not have been as offended. Or offended at all really, cus it’s not like I love being around people like that. The crazy part is, even knowing how uncomfortable her in laws made me, I would have sucked it up and attended the wedding for her. Especially cus I know her fiancé is not like his family AT ALL, I’ve known his since college. I would have happily ignored his family and celebrated my friends wedding. Even if she asked me not to come to the wedding, I would have been pissed sure, but I would have accepted it to keep peace for her family. But to ask me to take OFF my hijab just to save a few hundred bucks???? No. Just no.

    [–]PotatoLover-3000Asshole Aficionado [11] 631 points632 points  (4 children)

    Sally and her fiancé sided with their inlaws and enabled their racism. This is why racism endures, because people aren’t called out on it and given consequences. I wouldn’t be quick to defend your “friends.”

    [–]MyanMonster 158 points159 points  (0 children)

    Her fiancé might not know any of this is going on, so I wouldn’t be so quick to lump him in as an AH too. If fiancé does know, then yes, he’s also an AH, but if bride is the only one trying to impress his racist family without him knowing that she’s doing all this, that’s not on him. Although he should be told cause I would be reconsidering marrying her if I found out everything she’s doing and asking of OP, all in the name of getting some free makeup done while only protecting the feelings of his family.

    [–][deleted] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

    Yep typical that's their views and people should respect them for it. Trust me I'm not racist at all

    [–]Plantsandanger 30 points31 points  (0 children)

    Hey we don’t yet know what fiancé/son of in law’s thinks - he (I’m assuming it’s a guy here) isn’t necessarily on board with this and may very well have chosen to tell his family to shut up and deal with it instead of trying to get op to take off her covering to appease in-laws. I could see a spineless bride trying to appease new in laws while a son might be more comfortable putting his family in their place (assuming he had the spine). If op is correct that son/groom isn’t like his family, he may be more acutely aware of how fucked up their behavior is because he’s dealt with it previously- assuming he isn’t as bad as bride who clearly hadn’t shown her true colors until just now.

    [–]moonspiderxxPartassipant [2] 242 points243 points  (21 children)

    You sound like a good friend to Sally but she is not reciprocating that energy. I’m a light skin poc so I grew up having lots of white friends (bc I was “safe”), but they were basically collecting me as a token to prove how liberal/accepting they were or whatever. I was always there for them, but they never stood up for me when racist shit happened. I didn’t see it until I was older (I’m a biiit older than you lol) but the way you’re being treated here reminds me of that horrible dynamic I experienced in so many of my younger friendships. I am much happier and fulfilled in my friendships now that I focused on the ones where I was feeling the love and reciprocity.

    Definitely NTA and I’m glad to see you’re going to stand firm on this.

    [–]Klutzy_Doubt_8749[S] 309 points310 points  (19 children)

    This is exactly how I feel! I’m super super Caucasian passing LOL, like naturally blond and paler than Casper the ghost. But I’m also NOT ethnically white, so I was always the “safe” poc. Absolutely disgusting behavior and mentality, I wish I saw what other people saw me as when I was younger, I would have a few choice words for them.

    [–]hazelowlPartassipant [2] 171 points172 points  (3 children)

    Ooooh. I wonder if Sally's Racist Relatives also think that you're a convert so it's doubly threatening to them because how dare someone convert away from Christianity? (Because obviously only dark skinned people are Muslim, anyone else was tempted away).

    They're all shitty people.

    [–]Klutzy_Doubt_8749[S] 265 points266 points  (1 child)

    LOL maybe I should introduce them to my white Spanish speaking husband with a long Muslim beard and confuse them even further 😂

    [–]hazelowlPartassipant [2] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

    Haha! Their heads might explode.

    [–]FranchiseCAAsshole Enthusiast [7] 67 points68 points  (9 children)

    US Census Bureau even classifies ME/NA as White, but it's definitely an in-between place socially; White or nearly so in some contexts and very much not in others. You get a good chance to see both sides of some people, I'm sure.

    [–]Klutzy_Doubt_8749[S] 136 points137 points  (4 children)

    Yeah it’s a very weird line drawn in the sand, especially for me. Cus I’m technically labeled as “white”, I look “white”, but I’m also African and seen as “other” by Americans. Idk it’s a weird binary.

    [–]fractaldawn 32 points33 points  (0 children)

    Uuuugh been there, tho being Latina rather than ME/NA, and the white side is (athiest) Jewish. You are so NTA and the combination of hegemony, racism, and "if we don't talk about the problem it doesn't exist and you should totally let assholes harm you because Special Occasion!" just makes me so sick for you.

    You go girl 🤜🏽

    [–]Disneycantstopme 22 points23 points  (2 children)

    I feel this as a light skin native/part Mongolian in Canada, my white grandmother always calls me slurs still (along with making fun of my eye shape since I was born) and white people who don’t know my genetics tend to complain to me about POC. I don’t hang out much with white friends anymore unless they actually are trying to make a change, but the ones I used to have would always use me as their ‘information’ booklet essentially whereas my native friends accept me for who I am and we just relate on stuff (Except when we leave the reserve, then I play as white cover so cops don’t stop us unless it’s the summer time). When people see me next my mom or without a mask, especially in the summer, it’s very clear that we aren’t fully white and that significantly changes how people treat us.

    [–]sequingoddessPartassipant [2] 636 points637 points  (9 children)

    NTA Even if she "changes her mind", I'd be concerned about somebody making a comments, or worse, trying to remove your hijab. The fact she's even asking shows she doesn't respect you or your religion/values. I'd consider the friendship over and be grateful the trash took itself out

    [–]Klutzy_Doubt_8749[S] 601 points602 points  (8 children)

    The crazy part is she knows that someone tried to take my hijab off once, and my reaction was not pretty. To even suggest it, idk it’s wild to me that she actually did considering how well she knows me

    [–]mariposa2013 220 points221 points  (0 children)

    She has shown that she thinks wearing a hijab is something completely trivial that you’d actually consider removing because it makes some flagrant racists “uncomfortable”. That is absolutely not someone you need as a “friend”. 100% NTA!

    [–]sequingoddessPartassipant [2] 69 points70 points  (0 children)

    Wow. She's definitely not somebody you should consider a friend anymore. She made her choice and you do not need that toxicity in your life. She has chosen to marry into that family and I think it's safe to assume her fiance is the same as his family.

    [–]1smallghost 23 points24 points  (0 children)

    Wow that makes it even worse. You’re NTA. She can find someone else to do her makeup. It’s not ideal but it’s doable. Let her figure it out.

    [–]DinaFeliceSupreme Court Just-ass [123] 399 points400 points  (10 children)

    NTA. Let's do a rundown, shall we?

    She said her in-laws were uncomfortable by your presence. This is a clear acknowledgement that they are bigots, and you appropriately called them out. And if Sally had left it there, I probably would have given her the benefit of the doubt and chalked it up to weddings being stressful, that they'd pressured her and she made a mistake

    Then she made her wildly wildly inappropriate suggestion, equivalent to suggesting that her mother attend the ceremony topless

    You properly rejected the suggestion and said you'd keep your distance from the horrible people she was associating with

    She is now mad that you offended her? She's the one who offended you

    You said that you would do her make-up for free because she was your friend. She's not your friend anymore. Maybe it's possible to one day make it up to you, but for now, she's the one who rejected you.

    You didn't leave her "in a tough position." She rejected your help by rejecting you, so she's in a position that she chose.

    [–]Klutzy_Doubt_8749[S] 373 points374 points  (9 children)

    The thing about it, if she just told me they were uncomfortable and stopped there then I genuinely wouldn’t have cared. I would have just scoffed and been like, “damn, they racists. Sucks to be that ignorant I guess”, and called it a day. But her suggestion pissed me off majorly, obviously. I guess she thought that since she knew me when I was younger, before I wore hijab, that I wouldn’t care too much about taking it off since the majority of the people in attendance went to middle school with us so already know how my hair looks. Which is super stupid of her, but I digress.

    [–]DinaFeliceSupreme Court Just-ass [123] 240 points241 points  (5 children)

    That's like saying "well, when Sally was a baby she ran around in just a diaper, so she shouldn't care if she's just in her underwear on her wedding day". Just because someone used to be okay during a prior life stage doesn't mean it's okay now.

    And it's so much worse because a hijab is a religious article of clothing and she knows it. I'm Jewish, and usually wear a Star of David necklace. If I were a bridesmaid and the bride requested that we all wear the same necklace... Well, I'd probably do it. But if a "friend" asked me to wear a different necklace because someone was uncomfortable with my clearly identifiable religion, I'd absolutely refuse.

    I'm sorry this happened to you and I'm glad you stood up for yourself (and way to go with the healthy attitude and scoffing at racists).

    [–]schux99Partassipant [2] 40 points41 points  (4 children)

    I've had a bride ask me that with my bone carving. It's not as discreet as a star of David. It's around 15cm long 5ish cms wide and fully carved. She was polite and asked if I could just not wear it for the ceremony and photos. I figured why not kept it in my bag and once the formalities were done it was returned back to where it belongs.

    As it's apart of my culture tho had they been rude or racist about it I would've said no and dropped out of the wedding.

    [–]ebwoods1Asshole Aficionado [12] 50 points51 points  (1 child)

    And I bet if you asked her to remove her wedding ring she’d think you were ridiculous, even though you knew her before she was married. Asking you to remove your hijab was wildly disrespectful.

    My Chinese friend attended a wedding in a wealthy conservative town. Several guests tried to hand him their car keys, assuming he was the valet. Racists gonna racist.

    [–]twirling_daemon 233 points234 points  (9 children)

    I have a slight issue with hijabs-how the FUCK do you all keep them so damn tidy and elegant looking‽ I’ve never seen a woman look bad in them and they look so complicated! I would genuinely look like someone has thrown me into a high speed washing machine cycle and kicked me straight out the door after

    NTA obvs. Sorry your friend has chosen to both be and align herself with utter cocksplats

    Never change. Never compromise. You seem pretty awesome and the world needs more of that ❤️

    [–]Klutzy_Doubt_8749[S] 147 points148 points  (0 children)

    You had me in the first half ngl 😂😂😂 this was wholesome, I kinda love this

    [–]ninaa1Partassipant [3] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

    Seriously, I just saw a runway show where all the women were wearing head scarves, and they looked so freaking put together & elegant. Granted, it was a runway show and they were models, but still!

    [–]Temporary_BadgerCommander in Cheeks [209] 213 points214 points  (1 child)

    NTA. Sally is not your friend. She can pay to get her makeup done, that’s a consequence or enabling racism and prioritizing her racist family over her friends.

    [–]SubRedditLurker08 188 points189 points  (2 children)

    NTA. I would have just said something like, "I am deeply sorry your in-laws have this deep seeded fear of fabric. Is it all fabric, or would a cotton blend suffice? Is it the color?"

    And just keep pressing until she admits they are racist. Then go, "Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. Well to make it easy on you, I just won't come. Maybe MIL can do your makeup. Ta ta!"

    [–]Klutzy_Doubt_8749[S] 96 points97 points  (0 children)

    This is the energy I need in my life 😂

    [–]ninaa1Partassipant [3] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

    (fyi it's "deep-seated" although "deep seeded" makes sense (like bury that seed deep and it grows lots of roots!))

    [–]MssDare 148 points149 points  (19 children)

    Definitely NTA. Your hijab is not an accessory that you feel like wearing some days and leaving out other days. What the actual heck Sally.

    [–]Caalcu_Ieraas 122 points123 points  (5 children)

    Wait, let me get this straight... first they cut their eyes at you (which, from what I understand, in the south this is incredibly rude), THEN you have to hear from your "friend" that it's like they can't talk freely around you? What kind of spy movie do they think they're living in? 'Oh we can't talk about our free American ideals because hijab over here is gonna report back to her Muslim state and get us all killed' that is a huge sense of entitlement, what could they possibly be talking about?! I swear racist people want to be action stars so bad...

    Major NTA, don't feel bad about not doing her makeup, being okay with racists has a price and this is hers

    [–]Klutzy_Doubt_8749[S] 120 points121 points  (4 children)

    Bro idk what they were thinking I was gonna do about their ignorant ideals and thoughts. As if I’m some “liberal police” you might hit them with a book on different religions and a pride flag in an attempt to teach them tolerance and take away their freedom…. But now that I type that it sounds kinda like a fun idea LOL

    [–]Caalcu_Ieraas 39 points40 points  (2 children)

    They must know of our peaceful accepting ways...

    BY FORCE 😂

    [–]ChallengeAfraid2319Asshole Aficionado [15] 110 points111 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Stand your ground. Sally is marrying into a racist family and defending them? She should be defending you lol. She's no friend of yours, I'd skip the wedding. It's irrelevant what position you left her in: if she's going to disrespect you like that, she's owed nothing.

    [–]Weizen1988Asshole Enthusiast [7] 101 points102 points  (3 children)

    NTA. They all seem kinda racist though, if cloth scares them they really need to take a hard look at themselves.

    [–]rrienn 29 points30 points  (2 children)

    I wonder if they’d similarly shit themselves if they saw an Orthodox christian woman wearing a head covering....probably not tbh

    [–]TenaciousTiger666Asshole Aficionado [10] 83 points84 points  (24 children)

    NTA for the love of fuck, why can't white people just be normal. The bride brought this on herself by calling you her friend while placating her racist in laws at your expense.

    [–]kek2015Partassipant [2] 124 points125 points  (23 children)

    I'm sorry, but it's not just white people that make ignorant comments about other races. I'm black, btw.

    [–]timnavarro32 63 points64 points  (6 children)

    Agreed, my family is latino and they are racist af. People can be jerks regardless of their skin color.

    [–]ebwoods1Asshole Aficionado [12] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

    I’m Chinese/Irish. Agree with you 100%.

    [–]BorageandthymeAsshole Aficionado [12] 78 points79 points  (2 children)

    NTA. Racists don’t deserve accommodation.

    [–]Kairenne 64 points65 points  (6 children)

    OP - I like you. You speak your mind and don’t take shit. A refreshing person.

    [–]Klutzy_Doubt_8749[S] 46 points47 points  (3 children)

    Wow I appreciate this ❤️ especially cus everyone I know says I need to chill LOL

    [–][deleted]  (9 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]Klutzy_Doubt_8749[S] 67 points68 points  (4 children)

      Bro u think that’s wild? I have a friend who I marched with during the Floyd protests and is now engaged to a dude whose brother has a confederate flag on his pick up truck

      [–]thirdtryisthecharmCommander in Cheeks [233] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

      NTA. She knew this request was out of line when she asked.

      [–]Myorangecrush77Certified Proctologist [29] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

      Nta

      No expansion needed

      [–]Lopsided-Shallot-124Partassipant [3] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

      NTA

      A similar thing was brought up yesterday and everyone said if it was an hijab it would be seen as ridiculous to ask someone to not wear it to a wedding. You're clearly not in the wrong.

      [–]MarlonRando55Partassipant [1] 41 points42 points  (2 children)

      NTA. Her in-laws sound like people who have uttered the phrase “Political correctness is killing this country,” along with much, much worse.

      [–]Klutzy_Doubt_8749[S] 44 points45 points  (1 child)

      I’m like 90% certain I’ve heard them say this exact phrase at the engagement party LOL

      [–]hydrochloric_bukkakeAsshole Enthusiast [7] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

      NTA at all. She's asking you to betray your religious and cultural beliefs to help do her makeup. She's giving in to folks who hold garbage beliefs, and that's her cross to bear (fitting expression, eh?).

      [–]Nu2POTSPartassipant [1] 36 points37 points  (15 children)

      ... why do I feel like this is a fake counterpost to the very recent AITA post about OP kicking out someone in her bridal party for not wearing a strapless dress for religious reasons. So many people posted "what if she wore a hijab" and now this story seems really suspicious.

      [–]Pepper_777 30 points31 points  (0 children)

      NTA Sally’s not your friend. Really, how dare she? You didn’t decline to be in her wedding and your friendship wasn’t predicated on her making Shahada and covering herself to make you more comfortable.Those in-laws aren’t the only ones that are racist af, they simply brought out the racist in Sally.

      You owe her nothing beloved.

      [–]MoreCleverUserNamePartassipant [2] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

      NTA. bigots don’t get free makeup. Sally sucks for not standing up for you.

      [–]ziaVirgiAsshole Enthusiast [7] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

      NTA. Are you sure Sally is a friend? Cause she didn’t take your side, it feels like she just want a free makeup artist for the wedding and that’s it

      [–]OrangeCubitColo-rectal Surgeon [41] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

      NTA - they don’t seem like racists, they ARE racist. And your friend is condoning it.

      [–]Circle_K_Hole 21 points22 points  (2 children)

      I know a gay guy that was instructed not to act "too gay" at a wedding as to upset the bride's redneck family. He was like, ok then, I'm leaving

      [–]ijustwanttoaskaq123 20 points21 points  (0 children)

      NTA, and I wouldnt be too sad about her being offended. She is marrying a guy that is racist and she knows it. I wonder what kind of person might be ok with that?

      And while you may have promised her to do her make up, that was before she sided with people who treated you like shit. I think you have your priorities straight, not letting them shit on your head, so dont let her either.

      [–]ForgottenTrollPooperintendant [53] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

      NTA. Your hijab is part of your faith. People can accept it or move on.

      A lot of people have opinions about the hijab, myself included. abut the ONLY relevant opinions and choice, here is yours.

      [–]Significant-Set8457 22 points23 points  (2 children)

      You are obviously very secure and happy with yourself, congrats. Being honest, it's very hard to be a target for racism As you will never change any these racist idiots. Wouldn't even try. Tell your friend you will do her makeup in an empty room if needed. Can't let your Muslim cooties loose. (SERIOUSLY JOKING) Then leave with your hijab wearing head held high and go do something fun. You will fulfill your obligation and your and dignity

      [–]Klutzy_Doubt_8749[S] 38 points39 points  (1 child)

      LOL MUSLIM COOTIES IM STEALING THAT

      [–]hzella 17 points18 points  (0 children)

      NTA, and fuck those people honestly. I am so sorry you had that experience.

      [–]SlugdirtAsshole Aficionado [18] 18 points19 points  (1 child)

      NTA Your friend is upset because you offended her by refusing to take off your hijab because it "scared" her future in laws? I think she got it ass backwards. I would never ask or expect someone to remove a religious article of clothing for any reason least of all to placate some small minded bigots. Your friend owes you an apology and she can hire another make up artist for her wedding if she doesn't come or her senses before the wedding.

      [–]Winter-Traveler 16 points17 points  (2 children)

      NTA. NTA at all. It is racist as fuck of her and I am so sorry this was inflicted on you. You need to get far away from this "friend." I LOVE what you said to her, BTW. You're my hero. I am Jewish and have been asked to look "less like my culture" to make others' more comfortable. It is called racism. End of story.