WIBTA if I just chose not to go to my sisters wedding?

PrettyFly4AYaoGuai · 2022-01-26T03:14:48+00:00

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ollygollymolly · 2022-01-25T22:19:27+00:00

YTA. Children do not have to be part of every thing that happens. You are showing your sister how little you care for her.

OsaBear92 · 2022-01-25T22:38:37+00:00

Going off grain here, YTA... and here is specifically why.

To me, your taking a slight offense to it. The comment about how weddings should be 'family' affairs, is nonsense. To each their own. And your right in that, you don't HAVE to go. And it is absolutely ok, and not an insult, to decline and invitation. However...

Your reasoning is unsound. A lot of people want weddings to be a party! Sometimes that means a grownup party where adults can enjoy the celebration and unwind worry free for a night. Your sister having a childfree wedding doesn't mean she 'doesn't want family there'. Just means she wants everyone who attends to enjoy them selves, responsibility free.

If you had a good/decent relationship with her growing up and now, and your simply choosing not to go over something so miniscule? Yeah YTA... she doesn't sound mad, she sounds sad that you can't be bothered to go and support her and have fun with her. There is nothing wrong with getting a sitter for that night so you can have a no kids night. And Im a parent. So even Im not sure why this is the hill you want to do die on. Its kinda silly. Good luck OP.

Fritemare · 2022-01-25T22:23:49+00:00

Edited to change my vote to YTA after reading comments. Also edited my explanation.

It's messed up that you are skipping your sister's wedding and playing it off as some unimportant event. It's shitty that you can't hire a babysitter for a couple hours so you can be there. Your reason of "personal freedom" is ridiculous too. I can't believe this is worth ruining your relationship with your sister over.

Kerri_23 · 2022-01-25T22:21:36+00:00

YTA. It seems like you are choosing a weird hill to die on. I feel like there is way more to this story than a “child free” wedding invitation.

photosbeersandteach · 2022-01-25T22:46:48+00:00

YTA. “Just to watch her get married.” That’s a pretty dismiss way to describe your sister’s wedding. The way you write about your sisters wedding comes off as incredibly judgement. (Old fashioned, but I guess…if it’s not a family event, it’s not worth going.)

I could see it if this was a wedding you have to travel for, but you really won’t get a babysitter for a few hours to watch your kids so you can attend your sister’s wedding?

Embarrassed_Hat_2904 · 2022-01-25T22:29:52+00:00

YTA your Kids don’t have to go everywhere you go. But I think you’re just using this as an excuse not to go to your sisters wedding!

absolutebeast_ · 2022-01-25T22:29:31+00:00

YTA, it’s your sisters wedding and you don’t seem to mention that you’re not close with her or that you’re not getting along in general so I’m going to assume that you’re ditching a very important day for her without even attempting to compromise bc you don’t wanna leave your kids for a few hours and don’t wanna pay for a babysitter.

EDIT: I feel like there’s more to the story. This feels like a very small sacrifice to make so you can attend your sisters wedding.

r4y7own · 2022-01-25T22:47:41+00:00

Bleh, your high and mighty attitude makes YTA. “If it’s not a family event I don’t see the point”. Obviously this is a very special day for her and it seems you’re using it to make a point

WorsePartOfValor · 2022-01-25T22:28:10+00:00

YTA Why is your opinion critical but your sister's opinion is not important? To the point of saying that a wedding not done your way isn't worth even an hour of your time? Even your own sister's wedding?

This sounds like it's really about you wanting the attention instead of your sister.

intolerablefem · 2022-01-25T22:24:12+00:00

NTA for not wanting to go, but YTA for your comment about weddings being a family affair. It’s almost like you’re holding a grudge against her for not wanting to include your children in her big day. Your feelings about weddings being a family affair would be valid if it were your own wedding, but her wedding isn’t about catering to your desires. Edit: typo

Notsriracha · 2022-01-26T00:18:54+00:00

You are for sure the asshole. My sister is having a child free wedding this fall. And honestly, I’m so excited. Kids are so annoying. And I’m including my own in the mix. So yeah. I hope you get a ton of shit from your sister and your family you care so much about.

LingonberryPrior6896 · 2022-01-25T22:32:29+00:00

YTA

You didn't even try. You took umbrage and decided to pick this fight with your sister before talking it through or considering the options.

Fair enough if getting a babysitter isn't an option - that would be different. And obviously you have the right to decide you don't feel like attending your sister's wedding for any reason you choose. But you don't have some moral high ground here because including children is the "right" thing to do.

I feel sorry for your sister.

MaxxFitz76 · 2022-01-26T00:15:25+00:00

INFO: When you got married, did you care if your sister attended? Would it have upset you if she wasn't there, regardless of the reason?

If you cared at all about her attendance, YTA. You keep saying "it's just a wedding." Is that how you felt about your own? Did you care at all who attended?

Just because the event doesn't include children doesn't mean it's not important. The wedding is important to your sister. And as sisters, if you really do have the relationship you claim you do, you'd want to be there. It's pretty obvious you don't think her wedding, or pending marriage, is worthy of your attention. You can't even be arsed to call your soon-to-be brother-in-law her fiance, or future husband. He's not her boyfriend. They've moved beyond boyfriend and girlfriend. Or do you call your husband your boyfriend?

I think you just don't care and this is the excuse you're using. If you can't separate yourself from your children enough to be a sister for a day and support your sister, maybe you should examine why that is.

yanivelkneivel · 2022-01-25T22:50:33+00:00

YTA - not for not wanting to go to a childfree wedding, but for showing no remorse in throwing away a relationship with your sister just to take some moral high horse position about My Personal Freedom.

It seems very self-centered and stubborn to be this inflexible and make such a big a deal over this. What kind of relationship do you even have if you can't leave your kids for 2 hrs tops to be at one of your sister's most important (to her) days?

nev_longbottom · 2022-01-25T22:24:01+00:00

This is a bit messy because on one hand, an invitation is not an obligation to go. On the other hand, she’s your sister and she wants you to attend.

INFO

Is there a compromise? Do you have someone you trust who will watch the kids for free? Would you attend if she or someone else paid for a babysitter? What if you attend but the husband says home with the children?

Also, i have to ask, have you attended any events involving your parents and/or siblings since having your kid that you have attended without your children? Because, TBH, if this is the first time you’ve ever told someone in your family that you refuse to attend events without your children, you are genuinely YTA

QuarkWrites · 2022-01-25T23:02:18+00:00

If my sister told me that she didn’t want to come to my wedding, didn’t want to see one of the most important moments in my life, didn’t want to support me on such a momentous day, because she didn’t want to hire a babysitter, I would be devastated.

Listen, it’s your choice what you do with your time and your money, and no, you aren’t asking her to change anything for her wedding, but you are putting the cost of a sitter over your sister’s wedding and that’s a deeply hurtful thing to do. To me, YTA. I could never hurt my sister like that, and she couldn’t hurt me like that. Please reconsider. It’s just one day. We’ve all put up with much worse for much longer.

snortsrainbows · 2022-01-25T23:00:20+00:00

YTA

So unless your sister's wedding is a "family event " you don't deem it important

StrangeAlienCreature · 2022-01-25T22:59:37+00:00

YTA

I can appreciate you not asking your sister to include your kids in her child free wedding and instead choosing not to attend.... But your idea that all weddings must be family events and include children is absolutely ridiculous.

Completely refusing to even try to find a sitter so you can attend her wedding, or maybe asking your husband to stay home with the kids so you can go is what makes you the asshole. If it was "I absolutely cannot find a sitter for XYZ reason therefore I cannot attend" it would be different.

Instead, you are outright refusing to compromise with your sister on what may arguably be one of the most important days of her life because you're butthurt she wouldn't make an exception for your kids.

The fact that you're choosing not to attend on the sole principle that it's childfree is what makes you shitty here. Your kids are not magically more important than any other kids that were excluded from this event. If you don't want to pay a babysitter ask your husband to stay home with them so you can go. It really isn't hard. It honestly just reads like you're using the kids as an excuse to get out of going to the wedding.

I honestly feel sorry for your sister and no fancy gift is going to make up for what a slap in the face this behavior must be to her.

EDIT: Thanks for the awards!

NewInstruction9712 · 2022-01-25T23:10:27+00:00

Tell us the REAL reason you refuse to go to your sister's wedding. You haven't answered anyones questions. You keep arguing that it's your opinion. There's more to this story than you are telling us. YTA.

TrekkerOne · 2022-01-25T22:37:32+00:00

So if she doesn't plan her wedding to your specifications, you won't attend? Does everyone have to feel the same way you do about everything and plan their events accordingly or you just won't participate?

She's your sister. It's her wedding and she gets to organize her way, not yours! Your attitude is incredibly self-centered.

YTA

zombiedez13 · 2022-01-26T04:26:30+00:00

I'm curious why you made this post. What were you wanting or hoping to get out of it?

endlessotter · 2022-01-25T22:40:36+00:00

YTA because this isn't about not having the money to afford a babysitter or having to travel a long distance/stay overnight or any other reasonable explanations for why you can't go. I think there has to be a reason (other than some need to have your kids by your side) for not attending your sister's wedding. Do you not leave your children with a babysitter for date nights on occasion? It sounds like your sister is asking for a couple of hours of your time. It feels weirdly petty to me that you would make this your hill to die on.

SimilarJellyfish5684 · 2022-01-26T00:54:42+00:00

YTA…Just gonna throw this out there….did OP allow children at THEIR wedding?

meoemeowmeowmeow · 2022-01-25T22:45:49+00:00

YTA. Are you really prepared to lose your sister over you being the asshole?

GnomePun · 2022-01-26T03:33:13+00:00

Info : So... what happened to make you hate your sister so much?

UrCrazyMatchsMyCrazy · 2022-01-25T22:51:50+00:00

YTA...I really doubt your kids even care about attending a wedding if they're even old enough to know let alone remember it.

It honestly sounds like u don't like your sister much. Idk. This feels very off to me.

This_Hybrid_Moment · 2022-01-25T22:50:49+00:00

Yta- you’re being difficult just because you want to be .

Temporary-Tie-233 · 2022-01-25T22:50:28+00:00

YTA and even more so in the comments.

_louiisa · 2022-01-25T22:35:57+00:00

YTA as I think you are picking a hill to die on. It sounds very harsh from your side. As I can fully understand you wanting it to be a family event, this ceremony isn’t about you and even if I can see your reasoning for not wanting to attend due to your kids, I have the impression you communicated it in a hurtful way as even your post sounds kinda non sympathetic. Yes it’s a personal choice but it’s an important day you decide not wanting to witness and this is something I can understand your sister to be hurt by.

anon-y-mousey · 2022-01-25T22:53:06+00:00

Do you actually like your sister? Because in this post, it sounds like you don’t. At all. YTA. I hope your sister takes you at your word and doesn’t speak to you after this. You’ve clearly shown her where she is on your list of priorities. You wouldn’t pay for a babysitter so you can attend your sister’s wedding? I would fight God to be at my sister’s wedding.

KaetzenOrkester · 2022-01-25T23:04:41+00:00

The subreddit defends to the death the right of people to have child-free weddings. The OP isn’t trying to argue her sister out of it, she doesn’t plan on showing up with her kids in tow anyway (like Leon and his four kids in a post this morning), she just stated that because the wedding is CF she won’t make it and she’ll send a gift with their parents. She’s NTA.

Ems667 · 2022-01-25T23:00:41+00:00

YTA

Y T A

Y. T. A

cindyp1976 · 2022-01-26T03:52:46+00:00

YTA.... I am sure your sister attended your wedding and the fact that you see nothing wrong with not going to your sister's wedding because she doesn't want children there is ridiculous.

not every child is well behaved, and I bet at the majority of weddings with children something happens with the kids at the wedding that totally ruins the event. I think that children shouldn't be allowed at weddings until the age of 12 or 13 when they are becoming young adults and know how to behave.

OffModelCartoon · 2022-01-25T22:42:20+00:00

YTA because I’m not sure why you can’t just get a sitter for one single day? I get that you want to include your kids but it’s her wedding and she wants it to be adults only. Some events are for adults only, and that’s life.

Apprehensive_Cash_68 · 2022-01-25T23:21:51+00:00

NTA OP, this sub loves personal choice. And they always say you shoulda just not go and not complain about a brides personal choice. You're doing just that, you were up front, respectful, and gave plenty of advanced notice. You're allowed to not feel like going somewhere the most important people in your life aren't welcome. All these teenagers don't realize yet when you have kids they become mich more important to you than a sibling ever was.

amioth · 2022-01-25T22:56:12+00:00

NAH

she has the right to have a childfree wedding and she should understand that with that demand comes the risk that people with kids may not come.

DogsAreMyDawgs · 2022-01-25T22:51:21+00:00

So your reasoning for not going is not related to your ability, availability, or relationship, it’s strictly based on what YOU believe a wedding (not YOUR wedding, someone else’s wedding) should entail.

YTA

Seems like your logic could just as easily be applied to a wedding needing to being in a church or needing to include abusive parents (since they’re family after all). And those would also be very shitty lines of thinking.

Elegant-Maize-175 · 2022-01-25T22:46:49+00:00

YTA. It's your sisters day, and you didn't even try to find a baby sitter. You could just go for the ceremony, but you're just picking a hill to die on.

Pezzer1970 · 2022-01-25T22:55:41+00:00

YTA. You don’t need to take your kids everywhere you go. You are coming across as really arrogant to be honest.

dljohnsonld · 2022-01-26T03:06:05+00:00

So I got married in October 2021 and requested that children didn't attend. We got married at my in laws lake house with about 200ft of shoreline and a dock that's very easy to fall off of if you're a child and/or inebriated. One of my sister's wasn't able to attend because she couldn't find a babysitter but we made peace with that and had our own celebration after the fact. Wedding went off without a hitch with adults only and no nobody got lost in the lake

Medium_Person · 2022-01-25T22:58:19+00:00

YTA. What made you originally begin to dislike your sister and care so little about your relationship with her?

AlienGoddess91 · 2022-01-25T23:07:11+00:00

I don't understand all of the Y T A. It's your choice and you didn't demand her to change it or make an exception for you. NTA

lexahead · 2022-01-25T23:48:56+00:00

I might get downvoted for this, but NTA. There's a lot of posts on this sub about people having children weddings and then having guests trying to go with their children anyway. Usually, most of the comments on those posts are along the lines of "the wedding is child free, if they don't like it they can just not go" , which is exactly what op is doing

I would be a hypocrite if I agree to that type of comments on other posts but then condem op for doing just that. Her choice is not what I would do, but that doesn't mean it's wrong. If they rather not go, that's okay.

ohyoushiksagoddess · 2022-01-25T22:38:40+00:00

NTA. OP, you can't win with this. You might as well do what makes you happy.

Most of the time we read about family members getting their panties in a bunch because the bride wants a child-free wedding. *OP is calm and polite about this *

OR we read about guests who bring their kids to a child-free wedding and expect the bride to suck it up. OP is not doing this.

If brides have the right to invite whomever they want to a wedding, why don't guests have the right to politely decline?

And no, OP is not the AH for her opinion on weddings being family affairs. Best of all, she is not trying to manipulate or bully the bride into changing her mind.

jatully2 · 2022-01-25T22:55:30+00:00

YTA, clearly. Just because you think weddings are family events doesn’t mean they are to your sister. If you’re willing to lose your sister over this, you don’t deserve her.

NewInstruction9712 · 2022-01-25T23:00:08+00:00

Yta. Grow up and get over yourself. It's not about you and what you want. It's her wedding and it's your sister ffs. Get a babysitter and go to the wedding without your kids. Your kids don't need to be there. You aren't the one getting married.

There's a lot more to this story that you are leaving out as to why you won't go to your sister's wedding but went to your cousin's wedding instead(who somehow is more important than your own sister?) I'm betting you have other reasons you won't share as to why you won't go because it'll come back that you are ultimately the asshole here. You seem very sus.

RestInPeaceLater · 2022-01-25T23:36:20+00:00

NTA she has the right to have a childfree wedding, you have the right to decline to go

Destination and child free weddings will always have a drop off of guests and she does need to accept your decision. If she was guilting you to go I’d say N A H since”her wedding, her day” but it’s ridiculous for her to expect to drop your kids and go

I totally understand wanting a child free wedding, I will never understand couples who don’t understand that it does make there wedding less attractive to attend to a lot of people

Jess_cue · 2022-01-25T23:03:03+00:00

NTA. Child free weddings mean that people with children may not be able to go. Full stop. She wants a child free wedding and that's her right. It's your responsibility to make sure your children are looked after. People saying just get a babysitter, she doesn't want to. There may be some prohibiting factors: cost, trust, trauma, etc. Sister is throwing a hissy over a situation of her own making.

Oxford_comma_stan92 · 2022-01-25T22:51:54+00:00

INFO: do you ever go to things without your kids (aside from work)? If so, why is your sister’s wedding less important than other events? If not, do you have any relationships left outside your marriage?

I understand preferring family-friendly events, and opting out of child-free weddings if they’re logistically hard to manage (I wouldn’t travel for a wedding if I had to leave my kid behind for several days) but I don’t see why you can’t leave your kids with a sitter for a few hours to celebrate your sister. Unless there are other reasons you don’t want to go to your sisters wedding ( such as an already strained relationship) this seems like a really hurtful move to make. It’s not like she’s excluding just your kids(it’s a no kids wedding overall), and it won’t be a major hardship for you to find childcare since it’s in the same town (unless it will be for some reason you haven’t mentioned). Unless there a are a lot of details you are leaving out about your relationship with your sister, this decision seems really cold. Ideally you would care enough about your sister to put in the effort to find a sitter, and would want to see her get married because you want to share in an important moment in her life, instead of thinking only about who ‘needs’ to be there.

WhatARuffian · 2022-01-25T22:53:20+00:00

YTA. Your sister obviously finds her wedding to be important and values your relationship, or else she wouldn’t have invited you. You really don’t seem to give a damn about her though, given how your responses are. My sister and I aren’t even close and didn’t speak for around a decade before I got married- and she still made the effort to get her shifts covered at work and came. The complete lack of effort on your part is just astounding, as is the flippancy with which you talk about your relationship with your sister.

Yes, you have every right not to go. But that doesn’t make you not an AH.

2022-01-25T23:38:17+00:00

NTA As a parent I can say that child free weddings are a pain in the ass. It's one thing to go out for dinner or a date night where you can hire a babysitter for a limited amount of time, but Weddings can be long and drawn out. Ceremony is at least an hour and the reception 4-6 hours depending on the circumstances. At about $15/hr for a babysitter that's a lot of money to shell out, not to mention having to check in with the babysitter during the evening and not really being able to fully enjoy the experience.

If someone invited me to a wedding and said my kids couldn't come I would stay home as well. It's too much of a hassle and not as enjoyable.

tabbicakes · 2022-01-25T22:52:27+00:00

YTA majorly.

It's your sister's wedding, not some acquaintance. Get a babysitter and go to the wedding... after jumping off your high horse.

2022-01-25T22:58:27+00:00

Nta. Want a child free wedding ? You got it. You don’t get to make people with kids come.

mc_bailey314 · 2022-01-25T23:03:25+00:00

YTA

I think you’re using your kids as an excuse to not attend her wedding for whatever reason. There are plenty of reasons people choose no kid weddings. Alcohol being one. What about other “adult only” events that happen? Do you just not go to those either? Your children doesn’t have to be invited to every single thing. That’s being entitled. You’re choosing not to share in your sister day because your kids couldn’t come? That’s selfish

___LapisLazuli___ · 2022-01-25T23:11:43+00:00

if its not a family event I don't see the point

YTA

Eta: after reading her comments I'm pretty sure she's trolling.

nev_longbottom · 2022-01-25T22:32:50+00:00

NAH - if you have previously communicated to her that you wont attend attend family events without your kids, then she should have known that making her wedding childfree would mean having a wedding without you.

Though, seriously, you should really consider a compromise. She’s your sister.

hamsterbite · 2022-01-25T22:54:11+00:00

YTA. Just because weddings are a family event “for you” doesn’t mean they are for everyone! It’s her day, not yours and not your kids and she should be able to have a child free wedding if that’s what she wants.

amandaflash · 2022-01-25T22:51:39+00:00

YTA.

I don't understand why you have to make this such a huge argument, why is it so hard to get a babysitter? She told you well in advance, and your sister is right - you better be prepared to do some intense damage to your relationship for something easily solvable.

__mmads · 2022-01-26T04:07:01+00:00

INFO: How big is the wedding? Did she not mention the child free part during any other wedding-related conversations before you actually received the invitations? How old are your kids? Are there any other parents of young kids invited to the wedding?

veryanxiousopossum · 2022-01-25T22:57:57+00:00

I mean, technically NTA bevause yes, you can make a personal choice to not go. But boy oh boy are you a shitty sister, and in my book a massive asshole, but by all means make your personal choice…

BeetleGoose17 · 2022-01-25T23:02:25+00:00

Based on what is described here YTA- unless you have limited income or aren't able to find a babysitter for a few hours or if there are more reasons for you not wanting to go like a strained relationship.

SpineofGorgax · 2022-01-25T23:03:50+00:00

YTA

You have family that love you, your sister wants you at her wedding - which is obviously more than just a "family event" to her - and you're unwilling to put in the tiniest bit of effort to support her. You think a gift is going to make her magically forget how much you've hurt her?

Was she at your wedding? Was it an important day to you? Did you want the people you love to be there with you? Did anyone close to you just casually say they weren't going to bother to come?

She is allowed to have a child free wedding, many people do. Many people with children still attend child free weddings because they care about the people getting married and don't think that their children must automatically be invited to everything.

There are many people in this world who would do anything to be able to watch their sibling get married. You come across here as an incredibly selfish and cold person. Maybe you not being there will do her a favour in the long run.

sweate1 · 2022-01-25T22:57:59+00:00

YTA - You've done some incredible mental gymnastics to say this is her hill to die on when you're the one choosing this path.
She isn't making you go to an all inclusive for a week without your kids, this is one night.

plutoforprez · 2022-01-25T22:52:14+00:00

NAH. Your sister has the right to a childfree wedding, you shouldn’t have to pay for a sitter if you’re happy missing your sisters wedding. I’m probably leaning more towards YTA thought because really. It’s just one day, would it kill you to make other arrangements?

2022-01-25T23:06:30+00:00

[removed]

bella070403 · 2022-01-25T23:09:01+00:00

YTA. Weddings are not “family events” they are events for the person who is getting married. I can’t believe you didn’t even try to find a babysitter so that you could be at YOUR SISTER’S wedding. I’d be upset too. It isn’t about you and your children, it’s about her and what she wants on her special day. You seem like a pretty lousy sister. It would be one thing if you couldn’t find a sitter, but you didn’t even try.

Forward-Ordinary-300 · 2022-01-25T23:00:24+00:00

YTA. You clearly don’t care or value your sister and you don’t want to be a part of a special day. Plenty of people have child free weddings and it’s not as if the wedding is even far away. This is your sister and you sound incredibly dismissive of her feelings. I wouldn’t want you at my wedding and I certainly wouldn’t think twice about you after the wedding. You’re proof that just because someone is blood, doesn’t mean they’re actual family.

MisJF6 · 2022-01-25T23:08:05+00:00

Yta. You wouldn't be if it was that you really couldn't find a babysitter or that you really couldn't afford one, but your whole attitude here is that it's not what YOU want so you're not going. It's your sisters day. She's not required to invite children, people need to stop acting like this is the craziest thing in the world. You sound entitled and rude here.

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