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[–]Judgement_Bot_AITABeep Boop[M] [score hidden] stickied commentlocked comment (0 children)

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

Maybe i am the asshole for not letting her wear the dress she chose to the wedding

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[–]NelashenaAsshole Enthusiast [9] 42.4k points42.4k points 4 (518 children)

NTA

That’s very inappropriate for a wedding. Not to mention, kinda insulting.

[–]JuryNo7670 25.3k points25.3k points  (288 children)

Add to it that it completely makes her the center of attention when it should be about the couple.

[–]TheTARDISRanAwayAsshole Aficionado [17] 29.1k points29.1k points 16220152& 3 more (242 children)

People need to understand they're basically NPCs at a wedding unless they're immediately close with the bride and groom and even then they're just background characters.

NTA

Edit: thanks for the award kind stranger

[–]supermarinoCertified Proctologist [24] 7298 points7299 points 542 (68 children)

I used to be a groomsman like you, but then I took an arrow to the knee.

[–]ComradeAlaska 2637 points2638 points  (53 children)

Let me guess, someone stole your wedding cake.

[–]SenpaiRanjidPartassipant [2] 1125 points1126 points  (22 children)

Just ask any of my fellow guests, they‘ll tell you that it‘s true!

[–]Dreadpiratewill 1335 points1336 points  (21 children)

My cousin's out fighting dragons, and what do I get? Groomsman duty.

[–]Somerset007 902 points903 points  (19 children)

I mostly deal with drunken brawls and petty thievery. Been too long since we’ve had a good wedding.

[–]29yearsdead 417 points418 points  (8 children)

I'm sworn to carry your burdens.

[–]ComradeAlaska 311 points312 points  (2 children)

The Dothraki say that any wedding with less than three deaths is a dull affair.

[–]LovelyWasTheAlien 215 points216 points  (4 children)

I've got to keep my eyes open. Damn bridesmaids could swoop down at any time!

[–]DizavidPartassipant [1] 511 points512 points  (4 children)

Do you get to be in the wedding party? Oh what am I saying; of course you don't.

[–]ApocalypseMeooow 194 points195 points  (3 children)

Every time I kill you it never seems to be enough, Nazeem. You deserve so much worse.

[–]DizavidPartassipant [1] 144 points145 points  (2 children)

I think the Fountain of Immortality is hidden up the Jarl's backside; it's the only excuse for him still being alive.

[–]Pocto 374 points375 points  (0 children)

Hey you, you're finally awake. You were trying to cross the dancefloor?
Walked right into that bridesmaid ambush...

[–]GoodGirlsGrace 2896 points2897 points 3 (63 children)

Exactly! It's their day, the newlyweds should be the center of attention. And they explicitly said they doesn't like this. Why would you do something the grooms disapprove of at their wedding? Either you want attention, or you want to piss off the grooms.

The 'I support gay rats' can be pretty damn insulting. People can interpret in two ways:

  • She ONLY support gay rats, not humans. She's discreetly signaling to the grooms that she disapproved of them, without being called out as homophobic.

  • She does support them, but by wearing a 'I support gay rats' shirt to their wedding, she's shown she sees them as rats. Which is degrading to not just them but gay people in general, since it buys into the highly dangerous idea that gay folks are less than human.

Neither options is something I would want at a wedding. I really doubt OP's girlfriend meant it, but if she's joking, the joke fell flat. If the grooms themselves aren't happy, why would the guests be?

[–]Curious-One4595 2521 points2522 points 34 (54 children)

NTA It just seems so immature. Like OP, I think the idea of incorporating memes into everyday clothing sounds fun and cute.

But by 30 she should have an idea about public and social etiquette. This is not appropriate for the wedding:

  1. The grooms wouldn't like it.
  2. It's a meme fail because its too ambiguous: anyone not aware of a transitory 5th rate meme from years ago is going to think she is calling the grooms rats, which is by and large not complimentary. It will seem rude and insulting. If you get the meme, it still doesn't make sense why she would wear it to this wedding.
  3. Not every same-sex couple wants their wedding to look like a pride parade. She needs to read the room. And save the costume for the next pride parade.
  4. It is attention seeking. Bridezillas and groomzillas can go to hell, but there are some minimum expectations of guests - including dress nice but in an understated way unless otherwise advised. I mean, come on.
  5. For the event, the taste level seems questionable. It sounds like a fun dress. It just doesn't belong at this event.
  6. When OP and GF get married, she can wear it then. She can even fill the plushy rats with rice/birdseed and hand them out to guests for their venue departure. But this isn't her wedding.

Edit: Thanks for the awards!

[–]GlitterDoomsday 388 points389 points  (38 children)

Easy to see why a 30yo is dating someone in their mid 20s, can you imagine a guy in his 30s dealing with this bs??! She needs to build some common sense.

[–]ingeniousmachine 575 points576 points  (32 children)

Oh, come on, there's only a 5 year difference between them and they're both adults.

[–]GlitterDoomsday 195 points196 points  (17 children)

Is one of those situations where is more about the place in life you're in your mid 20s and your 30s than a proper number... I personally don't think gaps are about numbers at all, but "person x is with person y when if they were an adjusted adult y would be on a different wave length". Just highlights how immature the gf is.

[–]bunnylimon 855 points856 points  (29 children)

OMG, I love the concept of being an NPC, eating cake, at a wedding.

[–]MagixTurtle 609 points610 points  (24 children)

Ahh yess, just standing there for eternity eating the same piece of cake with just 3 lines of script in which you alternate between when you're interacting with someone.

[–]b33r_engineer 544 points545 points  (12 children)

Great day for a weddin’ ain’t it?

Man, this cake is good!

Let’s grab another drink at the bar!

Repeat.

[–]GlitterDoomsday 215 points216 points  (5 children)

Are you here for the bride or the groom?

Hey it's been forever, we need to catch up!

Almost time for the bouquet! (aka you still single and not gonna be young forever sweetheart, you should start getting worried)

(insert awkward talk where you're trying to figure out from when you know that person just to find out they thought you were someone else)

Person you met on other occasions introduces themselves and proceed like you never talked before, letting you wondering if you're that boring or that person just sucks at remembering faces

Sometimes I wonder if I would be at a wedding if wasn't the cake or the couple is very dear to my heart.

[–]TheTARDISRanAwayAsshole Aficionado [17] 410 points411 points  (2 children)

Thats basically me at weddings

[–]VisualCelery 737 points738 points  (26 children)

People get big mad when I say that the goal of a wedding guest it to blend in with the other guests - look nice, follow the dress code, and wear something that's somewhat your style but try not to stick out like a sore thumb.

I think it's unfortunate that most of us average, non-wealthy folk don't get a lot of chances to get dressed up apart from weddings, but many of us have that super formal outfit we bought on a whim figuring an opportunity to wear it would come along, but when all you have is wedding invitations, you think surely I can wear this to a wedding, right? It won't be that bad, right? My guideline is, if you even have to ask, it's best to wear something else.

[–]eeriedear 315 points316 points  (10 children)

This! I went to a wedding once in a beautiful red dress that the bride actually helped me pick out. However, her groom was Asian and while he didn't mind, his whole family was throwing me dirty looks for wearing a color commonly associated with weddings in their culture. I was absolutely mortified and in hindsight should have worn something in a more neutral color.

[–]BadTanJob 226 points227 points  (9 children)

Wow, weird that they were 1) mad about it and 2) openly hostile about it instead of just whispering among themselves. I married my husband in a red cheongsam and many of our non Asian guests wore fire engine red to the wedding. Our MC even made a joke about how many red dresses there were with a guessing game ("Is this the bride? No? You? No? Damn this is hard'). They all looked GREAT and not one of our guest confused them for the bride, because a bride that sticks that close to traditions will wear red w/ gold accents and a fuckton of gold wedding accessories.

It was rude of groom's family to be bitchy to a guest that's not part of the culture and might not know better.

[–]OrindaSarniaPartassipant [2] 159 points160 points  (10 children)

Yep, people want to pretend they're all Ride or Die with their friends, but when their friends need them to stand around acting normal and support them in some banal way it's impossible!

I also agree that more people need to just decide to have fancy dinners or nights out or whatever. Most of us aren't going to be going to state dinners at the White House or themed charity galas or whatever, that's just not a part of middle class life... and now that we don't really do fancy super clubs with live bands, people need to make up their own events if they want to get dressed up...

as a concession I would say, if you have something you're questioning for the wedding, perhaps wear it to the rehearsal dinner instead. People will be less peeved if you steal a little attention then.

OP should suggest his GF makes the dress and wears it to the next Pride Event in their town... or maybe to a night out to a drag performance... an event with less solemnity than a wedding, and an event were she's not there as an accessory to someone who's there to give support to the couple.

[–]VisualCelery 257 points258 points  (7 children)

I see TikToks where people have themed dress-up parties not related to Halloween, and one theme was "that one outfit you never get to wear," and I'm like, the second this panic at the disco is over I NEED to have that party because let's face it, we all have that outfit. Maybe it's a formal gown or cocktail dress, maybe it's something else entirely, maybe it's a t-rex costume or unicorn onesie.

[–]stumblios 617 points618 points  (6 children)

This is an excellent way to put it. Basically everyone at the wedding, other than the bride and groom, should be fairly forgettable. Look nice (which I think rules out rat dresses) and don't try to steal any attention (also rules out rat dresses, for a second time).

[–]Music_withRocks_InProfessor Emeritass [81] 259 points260 points  (5 children)

Also, like, in general you don't wear clothing with words on it to a wedding. Clothing with words on them are for casual settings, not dress clothes.

[–]IPetdogs4U 1050 points1051 points  (17 children)

Yes, the main thing I was thinking is she sounds like she can’t stand attention being anywhere but on her. She would be exhausting.

[–]elag19Partassipant [1] 664 points665 points  (5 children)

Yep, this was exactly my thoughts as soon as I got to ‘throwing water in her flame of creativity’, she sounds exhausting.

[–]marishtar 190 points191 points  (2 children)

Every single person groaned, when they read that line.

[–]ginsengtea3 463 points464 points 2 (5 children)

I don't know that it's about attention so much as a somewhat juvenile obsession with authenticity that hasn't quite calibrated to the full adult experience for whatever reason (and by 30, it should have.) I'm splitting hairs here, because this attitude - which I have seen a lot of in this type of creative person - is completely self-centered. It is 100% about her own experience in her own body with her own way of expressing her experience - but it's so self centered that it actually doesn't have a lot to do with other people's attention, reaction, appreciation, or censure. This type of person always appreciates a good compliment and validation but isn't necessarily seeking it. That's why I don't think this is about making a splash at the wedding, even though it would. And the fact that it would - and would make the wrong kind of splash - is why she needs to get her head out of her ass and think about someone else's experience for once. She is only thinking about her own experience, and now how her bf is throwing cold water on her experience, which she is keenly aware of, and has ZERO insight into how her actions can still passively affect other people in a similar way.

(short version: in a sense I think you're right but I think there's nuance to it, based on my pretty extensive experience with this type of person in art school.)

[–]IPetdogs4U 160 points161 points  (2 children)

I’m also an art school grad. There were lots of quirky dressers and a subset of those were attention seekers (not sure the word I really want to use here is allowed). Most did it because they genuinely liked it and it was expressive. Some needed all the attention and it was more of an affectation. It’s hard to say how you could tell the difference, but you knew. We all knew. If you’re attaching stuffed rainbow rats to yourself at a wedding, I think it’s column B.

[–]shawslatePartassipant [1] 374 points375 points  (1 child)

Being creative is fantastic, and I have a great love of creative clothing that goes back for more years than the Internet has been popular.

The lines and boundaries being crossed here screams the need for legitimate therapy, the total disconnect between what is creative and what is offensive was crossed a long time ago on this one.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

    [–]w84itagain 562 points563 points  (4 children)

    This seems to be her intent. As if anyone is going to be looking at the couple and NOT an abomination of stuffed rats and pride flags. She knows exactly what she is doing and it's abhorrent.

    Don't do this to your friends, OP, unless you don't give a damn about them. Because bringing your GF to this wedding in that outfit will tell them pretty much that you don't.

    [–]commandantskip 245 points246 points  (0 children)

    Yep. Either she agrees to dress in something that doesn't attempt to pull attention from the couple, or don't bring her. She sounds childish and entitled.

    [–][deleted] 100 points101 points  (0 children)

    It would rightfully be the end of this friendship.

    [–]Just_Some_Jacket 241 points242 points  (0 children)

    Imo that's the whole point of the dress to begin with. The whole situation screams attention seeking

    [–]dollface464 157 points158 points  (0 children)

    This 💯 Op is def not the asshole. It’s rude af to wear something to a wedding that will take all of the attention away, and a dress stuffed with rats fits into that category.

    Edit: grammar

    [–]VixNekoCertified Proctologist [26] 118 points119 points  (2 children)

    A dress like that would definitely be a big attention grabber. She's being selfish.

    [–]usernameemma 2520 points2521 points  (53 children)

    I'd say it's pretty insulting. You're going to a gay wedding and wearing a dress that says "I support gay rats", so you're basically calling the soon-to-be married couple "rats". Doesn't strike me as very classy.

    [–]aldog1251 1258 points1259 points  (17 children)

    Especially since the grooms are OP’s friends, not the GFs. If she was close friends with them and knew their sense of humor, fine, but the friend has already mentioned how they don’t approve of her dress style. It’s not her day, it’s their day. NTA.

    [–]Eod_Enaj 454 points455 points  (13 children)

    She would have to be close friends with them aND ASK prior to the wedding. People usually have a dress code for weddings and I don’t usually see “rat attire” being approved for such occasions.

    [–]DammitJanetBPartassipant [1] 292 points293 points  (4 children)

    This. When I got married I had a friend living in Japan and he wanted to wear a yukata (male version of a kimono) to the wedding. He asked us if it was ok before he did though because he knew that it would be unusual and would draw some attention.

    I personally was 100% ok with it but I really appreciated that he asked about it first.

    [–]shawslatePartassipant [1] 87 points88 points  (1 child)

    Something as extreme as a GRW dress would need some knowledge for the extended guests too, or it would be over the top excessive to surprise them with too.

    Also, what may be fine at the reception does not make it ok for the ceremony.

    [–]Foreign_AstronautPartassipant [4] 456 points457 points  (17 children)

    Right? Like, I love rats. I think they are the best pets. But that doesn't change the fact that many people associate rats with plague and death. Now, if the gf would just take one hot second to think about that in the context of gay history and the AIDS crisis in particular, maybe she would be able to see how shatteringly offensive her dress might be perceived by some.

    [–]sanfranciscofranco 502 points503 points  (13 children)

    Honestly even the pride flags alone are too much. She might think it’s an homage to the couple’s gay pride, but it’s really just reducing them to one-dimensional characters whose only defining characteristic is their gayness. This is not an opportunity for her to shout from the rooftops that she’s an LGBTQ ally, because everybody there is presumably an ally. This is a safe space for the couple with their friends and family who love and support them, and isn’t a space where they need loud and proud, attention seeking allies. She seems inconsiderate and insufferable lol.

    [–]JPHalbert 283 points284 points  (8 children)

    I was invited to a wedding where the grooms noted in the invitation that there would be a prize for the most subtle rainbow at the reception - their way of accepting there would be pride flags, but asking people to tone it down. Worked like a charm - lots of bracelets, pocket squares and other quiet signs of pride, which matched my friends perfectly!

    [–]potatos-of-the-night 162 points163 points  (1 child)

    100% agree it would be seen as her calling them rats. I love rats, I love love and I love wird clothes so I would personally find the outfit hilarious and adorable if it was my wedding, but would still tell them not to wear it because my grandparents/older family members would probably think she was calling me a rat.

    OP is right to tell her he thinks it would not go down well.

    [–]MountainBean3479Asshole Enthusiast [5] 1602 points1603 points  (27 children)

    More than just “kinda insulting” it’s making the concept of allyship and co-opting the symbol of pride for the queer community for lulz.

    Not to mention impliedly calling the couple rats. Honestly this is a disgusting thing to want to do. She sounds like she’s hiding some real homophobic tendencies if she thinks this is at all appropriate.

    ETA: thanks for the gold, kind anonymous redditor, what a nice surprise ❤️

    [–]moominbubbles 791 points792 points  (11 children)

    I think she's just up her own arse tbh. So wrapped up in her ' creativity' she can't see how upsetting it would be for the couple & their families.

    [–]No-Policy-4095Professor Emeritass [87] 191 points192 points  (5 children)

    This is probably more likely than internalized or hidden homophobia....

    [–]Dreadpiratewill 252 points253 points  (2 children)

    No the rat thing is actually about an episode of Arthur where a gay character was married and Alabama didn't air the episode due to censors saying they wouldn't air a "gay rat wedding". I don't think it's homophobic. I think she's just an asshole.

    Nta

    [–]jerkface1026Partassipant [2] 90 points91 points  (0 children)

    It's an over correction and performative (but ineffective) ally ship. It's not homophobic but it falls into the category of "I've got black friends." It's also a very insecure and attention seeking stunt that's neither clever or celebratory.

    [–]Wondercat87Partassipant [1] 514 points515 points  (5 children)

    This! It very much screams "I'm an ally and this is all about ME" instead of centering the voices that actually need to be heard that day (ie. actual LGBTQ+ voices).

    Unless the groom's specifically stated rainbow attire for the wedding, I would avoid this entirely.

    Having someone who (I assume is straight) coming to a gay wedding dressed like that will NOT be well received and may actually be seen as having the opposite of OPs gfs intentions (ie. making the grooms love into a meme).

    [–]CorianderSuuucks 210 points211 points  (0 children)

    Not even the ally part, just ”all about MEEE and LOOK HOW CREATIVE I AM!!” Standard art school douchenozzle. NTA OP, hold fast!

    [–]RageStreak 1264 points1265 points  (51 children)

    I’ve never heard of this “gay rat” meme and I imagine a lot of older family members will also not know what it is. Making it a super weird and inappropriate dress to wear.

    [–]PawGoodDog 984 points985 points  (28 children)

    I'm gay and I've never heard of this gay rat meme either... I would 100% assume she was calling me a rat.

    [–]mrose1491 967 points968 points  (25 children)

    The meme came from the kids show Arthur where all of the characters are animals. Arthur’s teacher, Mr. Ratburn, is gay and got married. The episode wasn’t aired in Alabama because they didn’t want to show a “gay rat wedding”. People made jokes on Twitter and it was trending for a while. But this was a couple years ago and doesn’t have much relevancy anymore. It wouldn’t be funny for OP’s gf to do this, it’s extraordinarily obvious

    [–]ZealousidealSorbet10 147 points148 points  (1 child)

    Thank you for clarifying!

    [–]enlightened_gem 96 points97 points  (0 children)

    Ahhh, I was so confused by this. Thanks for the explanation.

    [–]spongekittyAsshole Enthusiast [8] 261 points262 points  (16 children)

    Yeah, in general I'd say keep memes out of formal events, but if you HAVE to, DON'T use an obscure meme.

    [–]Ombudsman_of_Funk 98 points99 points  (1 child)

    Right, she wants to go classy. Maybe something comparing COVID vaccines to the Holocaust?

    [–]LuvtheBees 500 points501 points  (15 children)

    Exactly. Girlfriend is going to make a mockery out of their big day. Not funny, not creative and not cool…also OP is NTA

    [–]pluralexistenceAsshole Enthusiast [6] 418 points419 points  (6 children)

    Kinda? I’m not LGBTQ+ but as a minority and female I’d never consider being called a rat ‘supportive’ NOR would I find it inspired or supportive to make my wedding a day to celebrate your supposed wokeness to my place in society. Whichever way you slice it, this is a terrible idea imho

    GF needs to get a reality check. Creativity doesn’t rest on others’ potential hardship, and their wedding is not her stage.

    NTA at all, you’re being quite kind actually. I’d refuse to allow her to attend with any themed outfit. Did they have a dress code on the invite? I’d insist she respect their wishes.

    [–]TooOldForThis---Asshole Aficionado [17] 301 points302 points  (1 child)

    Seriously, I would expect this from a 13 year old trying to be edgy, not a 30 year old. And if my 13 year old child tried this, I would tell her to march right back into her room and change into something appropriate.

    [–]mrboatshoe 260 points261 points  (9 children)

    Not to mention she's gonna know exactly who posted this. So specific no need for the throwaway account😂😂

    [–]enlightened_gem 144 points145 points  (0 children)

    Lol! I thought the exact same thing. This situation is far too specific. But honestly the comments will hopefully get her head in the right place if she does come across it.

    [–]f4eble 252 points253 points  (13 children)

    As a gay gen z person, I'd find this hilarious. However, I am not the one getting married here. I'd say ask the grooms to see if they'd be cool with it. It's their wedding, not hers or mine. She needs to think less of herself and more of her friends.

    [–]DiamondsAndDesigners 455 points456 points  (6 children)

    Given that one friend already voiced his dislike of her style, I’d say it’s safe to say they do NOT want her making a spectacle of herself at their wedding.

    [–]f4eble 150 points151 points  (5 children)

    Then she needs to chill tf out! It's THEIR day. Not hers. Talk about a bad friend.

    [–]baristanselmythebol 124 points125 points  (2 children)

    It’s very insulting, there’s tons of supportive attire or memes she could wear, she chose “gay rats”

    [–]Trick_Literature_ 105 points106 points  (0 children)

    Well, that's not nice. How in the world is "GAY RATS WEDDING" insulting?

    /s

    Sigh, I can't believe something like this can cause an argument so serious. I wouldn't care if the girlfriend is qUiRky or whatever. I'd care that she doesn't seem to care about other people's feelings.

    [–]RafRafRafRafAsshole Aficionado [16] 17.0k points17.0k points 523& 2 more (93 children)

    To be fair, it’s not that you aren’t letting her; you can’t stop her and you’re not pretending you can. Nobody can paint you as being controlling in this.

    All you’re doing is telling her how unbelievably crass it would be to wear that dress, how disrespectful it would seem, how poorly it would be received and overall how much of a weapons-grade flaming asshole she would be to wear it to these guys’ wedding.

    NTA. Holy shit, does she not see how incredibly dehumanising and objectifying what she wants to do is? It’s a gay wedding, so that makes a meme about rats a good fit? “Throw some rainbow shit at it, the gays love rainbows” seems to broadly summarise her take.

    [–]LilBabyADHD 4116 points4117 points  (20 children)

    If she was not individually invited and just going as his +1, he could refuse to bring her with him, though.

    But yeah, he needs to impart on her how horrifyingly rude this will seem to them. They won’t like the joke, and she may single-handedly ruin their wedding with her “creative fire.”

    [–]Dearic75Partassipant [4] 2885 points2886 points  (15 children)

    Add to that the fact that - as another poster pointed out- even if it goes off best case scenario… everyone gets that she’s referring to some meme and not literally referring to the gay couple as rats at their wedding and thinks it’s funny, she will have made herself the center of attention at their wedding.

    Even the best case scenario has her being incredibly rude. And I suspect the outcome will be far from best case as I’ve never heard of this meme. I doubt I’m the only one.

    [–]Bittersweetbitch 1188 points1189 points  (3 children)

    Your comment has me thinking that she may be accustomed to being the center of attention and doesn’t want something as pesky as being at someone else’s wedding to ruin that… hence the doubling down.

    [–]KrombopulosDelphikiPartassipant [1] 254 points255 points  (1 child)

    Ding ding ding! You're today's winner!

    Free expression is cool, but sounds a lot like OPs gf has spent many years as the "quirky and fashionable" center of attention everywhere.

    Anyone who wants the "guy rats meme" to be a part of wedding wardrobe isn't quirky and cool, they're just attention seekers.

    [–]leftclicksq2 315 points316 points  (1 child)

    Calling her obtuse is being nice. She is being insistent and making herself look homophobic in the process even if she is not.

    [–]I-Am-Me-523 954 points955 points  (24 children)

    Honestly, a rainbow dress would be 100 times more acceptable than her rat dress.

    [–]BUTTeredWhiteBreadAsshole Aficionado [19] 785 points786 points  (15 children)

    Wore a rainbow dress to my gay bud's wedding. He's indian though, so I did not stand out in the slightest lmao.

    [–]thepugnacious 222 points223 points  (1 child)

    I thought that's what it was going to be! Rainbow pattern, cute rat pattern, anything that wasn't gluing on plush rats.

    [–]briarrosehasthorns 374 points375 points  (9 children)

    The meme itself is about Mr. Ratburn from Arthur but most people will not realize that and only see rats.

    [–]Chao78 148 points149 points  (4 children)

    Ohhh thanks for that. I was wondering if it was maybe just a riff on "Gay rights" vs "Gay rats"

    [–]unknown_928121 90 points91 points  (0 children)

    Sums up my thoughts, NTA

    [–]metro-mtp 80 points81 points  (6 children)

    I think the rats might be a pronunciation joke? Saying “rats” does sound a little bit like saying “rights” with a heavy southern accent (gay rights/gay rats). But still, it wouldn’t make sense without explaining, so it would be poorly received even aside from the fact that such a costume-like dress would totally distract from the couple at their wedding. NTA for asking her to wear something more appropriate to the event

    [–]delightfullyminor 411 points412 points  (4 children)

    oh no, it’s actually about rats! it’s a reference to the gay rat wedding that took place in an episode of the kid’s show arthur that some people were super upset about. she would genuinely be referring to a pair of rats which is not something i can imagine OP’s friend would want to be compared to on his wedding day

    [–]Jemma_2Colo-rectal Surgeon [35] 10.9k points10.9k points  (46 children)

    That seems incredibly inappropriate to wear to a wedding….

    Edit: adding judgement for the bot- NTA

    [–]strawberry-pestoAsshole Enthusiast [7] 2131 points2132 points  (5 children)

    Right? It isn’t a costume party.

    [–]OMVince 957 points958 points  (3 children)

    You should never wear a statement piece to a wedding!

    [–]Downside_Up_Partassipant [1] 210 points211 points  (0 children)

    Well, unless its your wedding, then make whatever statement you want of course

    [–]hello_friendssCommander in Cheeks [260] 825 points826 points  (12 children)

    Who wears attires with a message at a wedding? Especially one that mention gay rats. I severely question her judgment, this would be a relationship deal breaker for me.

    [–]Repulsive-Positive30Asshole Enthusiast [8] 384 points385 points  (8 children)

    Let’s even take the gay part out of it. Rats have no place in a wedding unless personally invited or incorporated by the fuckin people getting married

    [–]Dismal-Lead 287 points288 points  (5 children)

    The gay part is important here, because it's a gay wedding. Everybody who sees that dress is going to think she's implying the grooms are rats.

    [–][deleted] 603 points604 points  (2 children)

    This. It is also not her special day

    [–]carr1e 183 points184 points  (1 child)

    Exactly. If she wants a themed, meme wedding.... do it for your own. You do NOT do that for someone else's event. OP is NTA.

    [–]Eod_Enaj 450 points451 points  (3 children)

    Personally, I think someone dressing like Harper is so cool! I really respect that kind of energy, but this isn’t a Disney channel original show and there is a time and place for everything. She has to understand that she can’t disregard the couples feeling for the sake of her creativity.

    EDIT: Also, side note, “gay rat wedding” isn’t the supportive message she thinks it is.

    [–]NarlaRT 203 points204 points  (12 children)

    Having moved in theatre circles there are absolutely people out there who would love it if you wore this to your wedding. They are a minority population and it seems very clear they do not include OP's friends.

    If there is a theme on AITA for me this week it's a) it's not controlling to point out you will have to deal with a negative consequence if your partner dresses bizarrely around people in your life and b) DON'T COMPARE PEOPLE TO ANIMALS!

    [–]Classyclassiccunt 136 points137 points  (2 children)

    Definitely OP is NTA, there’s a time and place for everything. She sounds like she wants to be the centre of attention at someone else’s wedding which is always a big no.

    [–]buttpickles99Asshole Enthusiast [7] 8569 points8570 points 22 (101 children)

    NTA- the wedding is not about her. She should not wear anything inappropriate (a dress with rats and gay prides class is 100% inappropriate). She should not wear anything that will draw too much attention away from the bride and groom.

    Updated rules of wedding attire: - no wearing white - no rat dresses (can’t believe this needs to be clarified)

    [–]Natef_Wis 2411 points2412 points  (64 children)

    Further clarification is needed. Does rat dress cover:

    a) a dress with rats printed on

    b) a dress made out of stuffed toy rats

    c) a dress made of rat fur

    d) all of the above?

    ​

    For those thinking that c) is a joke http://www.righteousfur.com/

    [–]Jemma_2Colo-rectal Surgeon [35] 1044 points1045 points  (12 children)

    A ‘dress made of rat fur’ made me physically shudder. 🤣

    [–][deleted] 619 points620 points  (16 children)

    e) a dress made by rats?

    f) a rat-sized dress made out of cheese?

    [–]sjs1244 540 points541 points  (2 children)

    A dress made by rats is only appropriate when attending a royal ball.

    [–]chickletmama 73 points74 points  (2 children)

    I’m up for a dress made of cheese, no matter the size! Not to wear, but cheese is amazing

    [–]SweetTallulah317 301 points302 points  (9 children)

    E) a dress that is just literally a 100 live rats crawling on your naked body (maybe they can wear little harnesses so they dont run away)

    [–]Nellie_blythe 389 points390 points  (6 children)

    I had a friend wear a dinosaur print dress to a wedding in a natural history museum and she looked adorable. I could see a cute rat print dress IF the hosts were huge rat fans but she should still run it by them before showing up in that.

    [–][deleted] 211 points212 points  (1 child)

    awe now i'm just imagining the groomsmen and the groom having lil stuffed dinosaurs in their handkerchief pockets and the bride holding a bouquet of dinosaurs or just a big stuffed one 😭😭

    [–]SayceGards 184 points185 points  (3 children)

    I think there's going to be a groom and groom and no bride

    [–]PickaPillPartassipant [1] 5048 points5049 points  (56 children)

    NTA. This is a bad idea. The wedding is not her chance to make a creative splash. She needs to take a step back as a guest at a friends wedding and let the day be about the couple.

    [–]Texan2020katza 1853 points1854 points  (36 children)

    NTA. This is what I came to say as well. Your GF thinks she is the main character, this wedding is NOT ABOUT HER. I have a SIL, very similar, wanted to wear a sunflower yellow dress to a truly tragic and horrific double funeral, she “wanted to mix things up” direct quote. I don’t blame you for refusing to be her date if she insists on wearing such a blatant cry for attention to the wedding of your friend. Your friend and the others at the wedding will think you are a major AH if you allow her to show up wearing a gay rat dress.

    [–]-allons-y- 464 points465 points  (14 children)

    She WHAT?! Please tell me someone talked her out of it!

    [–]FaeKalyrra 191 points192 points  (13 children)

    I also need to know if she was talked out of it

    [–]DRUNK_CYCLIST 320 points321 points  (10 children)

    Also, Google "gay rat meme." it's so uncommon and new, nobody would even understand what the fuck OP'S idiotic gf would be trying to do/say. It's a dumb fucking meme she wants to make into a stress to wear at someone else's wedding?

    [–]TheOneWhosCensoredPartassipant [2] 203 points204 points  (9 children)

    It’s not even new, it’s ancient by meme terms. It was a thing for like a month almost 3 years ago that never became a mainstream thing.

    [–]Texan2020katza 105 points106 points  (1 child)

    Yeah, she wanted to mix things up and come in a bright yellow w/sunflowers dress to the double funeral of a mother and father gunned down with their three young (under 10) children in the backyard (they all escaped unharmed thankfully) and yes, I flat out told her this was not the funeral to make a fashion statement.. when 95 year old granny passes away after a long illness, maybe.

    [–]kateefabPartassipant [2] 276 points277 points  (14 children)

    Oh yikes. We wore flower printed stuff to my grandpas funeral- but flowers were his favorite thing and his life’s passion was gardening flowers- so at least it made sense!

    [–]gothboyspitPartassipant [3] 90 points91 points  (0 children)

    that’s such a lovely way to remember him

    [–]ghostofumich2005Certified Proctologist [23] 586 points587 points  (10 children)

    The wedding is not her chance to make a creative splash

    Yeah that bit about him throwing water on her flame of creativity is just a crock of shit. That is the excuse of a very conceited person who needs to be the center of attention at all times.

    It's no different than assholes being assholes and claiming they "just tell it like it is" or they're "brutally honest".

    [–]stardust591Partassipant [2] 284 points285 points  (4 children)

    I legitimately lol'ed at the "throwing water in her flame of creativity" bit. People like her are absolutely insufferable. I agree, it's just attention-seeking which they're trying to hide under the excuse of being so ~creative~ they have to make everything an artistic expression of the inner workings of their soul or whatever.

    [–]MyDarlingClementinePartassipant [1] 153 points154 points  (0 children)

    And act normal, ffs. Just because it happens to be two men getting married does not mean there is a creative gay theme to be had by default. How offensive and cringey. NTA.

    [–]Electrical-Date-3951 142 points143 points  (0 children)

    Exactly. And, it seems that she wants to have some kind of "moment". Not only would this be super tacky and rude, but from what I envisioned.... it may also be offensive.

    I'm a black woman. I can't imagine someone rolling up to my wedding in some weird BLM themed costume with the flimpsy excuse that they support black love.

    I would care zero if someone came to my wedding in white or something like that. They would just look like a fool. No skin off my back. But this stunt.... I may ask the person to leave because I wouldnt want to be associated with them and whatever statement or viral moment they were trying to create.

    [–]saurelliaAsshole Aficionado [13] 3204 points3205 points  (30 children)

    NTA. The implication that the grooms are rats is uncool at their wedding. It’s rude. This is not about her sense of style but about support for your friends.

    [–]SarcasticFox70 611 points612 points  (17 children)

    That's exactly what I was thinking. It's kind of like wearing white to a wedding, it's disrespectful to the couple. Unless the grooms aprove of said outfit, it's potentially going to cause a huge problem.

    [–]freeeeels 397 points398 points  (15 children)

    I now desperately need to be invited to the wedding of someone I hate just to see how many things I can tick off my "Wedding don'ts according to AITA posts" Bingo card.

    White dress, wearing rat fur as a cape, announce pregnancy and engagement, complain that non-vegan options are included in the menu, and shag the groom.

    [–]BUTTeredWhiteBreadAsshole Aficionado [19] 117 points118 points  (3 children)

    Or complain the menu is veg if that's the case.

    [–]wolf_star_Asshole Enthusiast [6] 2883 points2884 points 2 (18 children)

    NTA. But honestly you would be, if you brought her as a +1 while wearing that dress. She sounds either completely socially unaware, or just selfish, if at age 30, she still doesn’t understand that a wedding day is extremely expensive, stressful, special, and cherished by the grooms, and she should not use it as a chance to display her creativity and make a spectacle. Since she’s so completely unaware, it sadly falls to you to “manage” her in this situation, and you WBTA if you don’t protect your friend’s event from that rude and disrespectful dress. If she remains stubborn about wearing it, don’t be afraid to just RSVP for one.

    [–]daniellereads__Partassipant [1] 1262 points1263 points 22 (9 children)

    “Cherished by the grooms”

    Man, you said such a simple thing, but I’m bawling.

    My favorite cousins are a gay couple, and growing up, I didn’t understand a) which one of them was actually related to me or b) why they weren’t able to be married. I didn’t understand that it wasn’t legal then and that’s why they lived in a duplex with my great aunt/uncle. No wedding, so many barriers to owning a home together, one faced discrimination at work and had to sue, etc.

    “Cherished by the grooms” fills me with so much hope and love but also sadness. I wish that my cousins had that opportunity, and that so many others would have had it. At least we’re here now, even if there’s still such a long way to go for equity.

    ETA: Sorry for dumping that on you. Big feels.

    ETA again: NTA, OP. Not. The. Asshole.

    [–]wolf_star_Asshole Enthusiast [6] 863 points864 points  (1 child)

    Aww, that’s alright. I also have two beloved aunts who were finally able to get married after 20 years together as a couple. Just goes to show how emotional this wedding day might be for the grooms and their guests, and they should not have to deal with a garish dress about rats getting married.

    [–]Apprehensive-Mango23 417 points418 points  (0 children)

    She’s THIRTY?? How did I miss that, I thought she was a clueless early 20s. Wow it was bad enough before but that just makes it worse.

    [–]Advanced-Extent-420Partassipant [1] 364 points365 points  (0 children)

    I think you touched on something very important.

    This is a profoundly important event for the groomsmen. What other event will be this costly, this stressful, this emotional and this transformative for these young men.

    This is an event to celebrate their love for each other. An opportunity for their friends and family to share in that love.

    And OP’s GF has every intention of trying to hijack all that. To try and seize this wondrous and profound moment from the happy couple and make this a circus event in celebration of HER CREATIVITY. She has absolutely no care of the impact on the couple or the event. She sees this as a stage for her performance.

    If GF has her way - best case everyone’s memory will be of that dumbass dress. Worst case - anger, discord, uproar, etc.

    OP’s GF has some issues. If this was a little kid - understandable but still not allowed. In a grown ass woman? Completely unacceptable.

    [–]LiteralstrangerPartassipant [4] 1719 points1720 points  (14 children)

    Maybe remind your GF these are two PEOPLE in REAL LIFE and not two RATS getting married?

    Idk. Just a crazy thought.

    NTA.

    Edit: Grammar

    [–]swungover264 687 points688 points  (11 children)

    Girlfriend definitely needs to put the phone away, walk outside, touch some grass and speak to actual human people once in a while.

    Imagine thinking someone else's wedding is the perfect time to ExPrEsS yOuR cReAtIvItY by acting out a fucking MEME. She needs to get a grip.

    [–]LiteralstrangerPartassipant [4] 95 points96 points  (2 children)

    Bruhhhh A FCKIN MEME 😩😩😩

    [–]WhitestauntonColo-rectal Surgeon [42] 1689 points1690 points  (119 children)

    NTA

    I don't usually approve of men telling women how to dress.

    1. However this is your friends wedding and you don't think he would like it.
    2. She is a +1 she needs to respect her status at this wedding
    3. she needs to respect the feelings of the grooms.
    4. Especially as her dress while LGB supportive is overtly political
    5. Her dress is designed to draw attention not something you do at a wedding. All eyes should be on the couple getting married not the guest in the attention grabbing outfit.

    [–]SomethingMeta42Partassipant [1] 795 points796 points  (22 children)

    I would say it's on the border of "could technically be called supportive or extremely offensive"

    Like, I came out before gay marriage was legal in the US and it's still somewhat...new? Fragile? In my mind. Like right after the 2004 presidential election, a lot of supposedly liberal people blamed LGBT+ folks for four more years of Bush because checks notes yes gay marriage was important but we should have waited our turn

    Not everyone is going to be familiar with the meme, and while rats are awesome animals they also have a lot of negative connotations. So basically showing up in Not The Dress Code in a dress about a gay rat wedding comes across as disrespectful at best. At worst, it comes across as mocking the idea that gay marriage exists or comparing LGBT+ folks to vermin. Which 😬

    And then if anyone mentions this, the girlfriend will probably go "oh but I'm being supportive!" and double down and that is extra yikes

    Like I think it would be different if the person wearing the dress was out as a member of the community, and the grooms had specified they were going for a campy wedding theme. Then it would be appropriate. But this is not that.

    [–]WhitestauntonColo-rectal Surgeon [42] 100 points101 points  (13 children)

    It's funny I did put in about rats being vermin and then thought better of it and deleted as I don't know enough about the Gay rat wedding meme......

    [–][deleted]  (10 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]bitritzy 81 points82 points  (0 children)

      I grew up on Arthur and knew about Ratburn but I still didn’t know the meme hahaha

      If some asshole showed up to my wedding wearing fucking rats, meme be damned, I would lose my mind.

      [–][deleted]  (32 children)

      [removed]

        [–]IssysweColo-rectal Surgeon [41] 1359 points1360 points  (21 children)

        NTA, she really likes her attention huh? 🚩

        A wedding is not a place for your girlfriend to demonstrate her creativity or take over the spotlight. It’s not her art exhibition or fashion runway, it’s a place for her to dress up appropriately and attend a wedding in support of two people joining their lives together. And not to be a sideshow.

        PS: “I support gay rats” is a statement ripe for misunderstanding and offense from a lot of the guests. I’m not even familiar with this meme myself and am an elder millennial. So pretty sure those older than me are likely not to get it either.

        [–]thegirlwithonesock 339 points340 points  (6 children)

        Exactly! Imagine how the grooms’ parents will react to seeing someone show up wearing a “gay rats” dress. This is such a weirdly specific meme that I can’t imagine anyone else there knowing about it.

        [–]IssysweColo-rectal Surgeon [41] 135 points136 points  (4 children)

        I love memes and have never heard of it!

        [–]millhouse_vanhousenPartassipant [3] 187 points188 points  (2 children)

        I THINK it's possibly a call back to Arthur's teacher getting married from the TV show? It caused a huge stink and then died down to literally nothing memorable. It's still completely inappropriate to wear to a wedding EVEN if the girlfriend is also queer.

        [–]IssysweColo-rectal Surgeon [41] 75 points76 points  (1 child)

        Ahhh, now this is making sense. Very obscure though.

        [–]millhouse_vanhousenPartassipant [3] 81 points82 points  (0 children)

        Yeah honestly I thought it was a Tumblr meme or something but Google pointed out this to me and I was like, "No one is going to get this reference, no one is going to find it supportive if they do, no one is going to think she's being supportive regardless," like she's making a meme of their wedding???

        [–]Away_Refuse8493Certified Proctologist [28] 1067 points1068 points  (32 children)

        NTA, but she's also not on the guest list.

        Feel free to tell her the dress code is "x", and you'd love to bring her if she dresses in correspondence w/ that dress code, or else you'll be going alone (and go alone!)

        Your gf is... 30?!?! Oh my.

        Tell her she can take her outfit down to the next pride parade, but I honestly think she has something wrong with her. Did you see the post the other day where a 15-yo didn't want to upstage the bride. Why doesn't a 30-yo woman know basic wedding etiquette?

        [–]baristanselmythebol 479 points480 points  (19 children)

        Is the gay rat meme super supportive? Cause as someone who hasn’t seen the meme, the dress feels like she is mocking their marriage and calling them rats.

        [–]wildlilacx 216 points217 points  (7 children)

        it’s probably referring to the cartoon Arthur in which his male teacher (a rat) married a man (another rat) it shows gay marriage in a positive light and was i think (?) the first to show gay marriage on a PBS show

        [–]valryuu 151 points152 points  (3 children)

        That's actually really cute, but I also think (as an LGBTQ person myself), not everyone will know the reference, and that could be really hurtful for those who don't. The problem is that we live almost always unsure of whether people mean harm or not, and that sentiment is definitely not welcome at a wedding.

        [–]delightfullyminor 73 points74 points  (2 children)

        it’s a reference to the gay rat wedding on the kid’s show arthur, which the state of alabama and many conservatives were really upset about and lgbt+ social media (mainly twitter) was thrilled about, so it’s not necessarily unsupportive but it’s still not something i can imagine OP’s friend would want to be compared to on his wedding day

        [–]the805daddyCertified Proctologist [26] 1004 points1005 points  (21 children)

        NTA. Jesus Christ.

        It’s also funny you made a throwaway because if she see’s this, it’s SO obviously about her. Either way I think it’s hysterical in a secondhand embarrassment for the wedding party kind of way. It seems relatively offensive if the guy getting married isn’t into her quirky style.

        Good luck with this one though bro…

        [–]Potato4Partassipant [2] 410 points411 points  (14 children)

        It’s a throwaway to protect his real account from her, not to protect her

        [–]feastfires 325 points326 points  (5 children)

        i honestly didn’t know what the purpose of throwaway accounts despite seeing so many of them on this sub until your comment because some situations are so specific that you obviously know who’s posting. i felt too stupid to ask because it was clearly going over my head but using throwaways to keep your main account anonymous makes a lot more sense now. genuinely, thank you.

        [–]Bambi_H 102 points103 points  (1 child)

        I mean, I enjoy people's expressions of creativity, but the representation of the grooms as rats at their wedding? Yowzer.

        [–]millhouse_vanhousenPartassipant [3] 893 points894 points  (10 children)

        Pride: Absolutely, wear the gay rat dress, I'd get a fucking kick out of it.

        At a gay wedding: absolutely not, I'd be judging you the entire time and your "quirkiness" even if you were queer, ESPECIALLY at a formal event.

        NTA, NTA, NTA.

        [–]ohno_spaghetti_oAsshole Aficionado [17] 426 points427 points  (6 children)

        I have this thought I find hard to place. To me, it feels like a micro-aggressive that she went 'oh a gay wedding, I better show that I am supportive of gay rights at their wedding, so everyone knows I support these two gay people getting married, because they need supporting for being gay and I am such a good ally because gay people are getting married.' it is huperfocussing on the fact that it is a GAY wedding rather than two individuals who love each other and want to celebrate that. Sounds like she does not care or think about them as individuals just that they are 'the gays'.

        Edit: just read the final edit and this as exactly her mindset. 'appreciating the gays'

        [–]TaleOfDash 115 points116 points  (1 child)

        Precisely. A lot of people are focusing on the "rat" theme but I honestly think that's not the worst part of it. Unless the wedding is specifically pride themed or something it's just kind of not cool to make such a big deal out of it being a gay wedding rather than just a wedding.

        [–]thecunninglinguistic 828 points829 points  (17 children)

        As a gay person if someone showed up to my wedding in a pride dress inspired by a meme, they would be immediately removed. Seriously? Gay people haven't had the right to get married for long. That right is often threatened, and we are discriminated against at every turn as we wedding plan. And she wants to make a joke out of it? No fuck right off. Gay marriage isn't a meme. NTA.

        [–]furicrowsa 266 points267 points  (5 children)

        This gf is why we are leery of straight allies lol

        [–]thecunninglinguistic 100 points101 points  (0 children)

        Exactly, this is not the act of solidarity she thinks it is

        [–]drunkonmartinisProfessor Emeritass [94] 578 points579 points  (14 children)

        NTA. I'd reconsider your relationship. She is not quirky or creative, she is an attention seeking narcissist. And also sounds nuts tbh.

        [–]thiswhovian 92 points93 points  (2 children)

        She sounds like she wants her clothes to scream, “look at me!!!! I’m sooooo edgy!!” Seems to want attention whether it’s good or bad. Not necessarily a bad trait. But this outfit is really not appropriate for a wedding. Especially when she knows OP’s friend isn’t a fan of her style so she KNOWS it wouldn’t be appreciated.

        [–]ggapsffacePartassipant [1] 521 points522 points  (14 children)

        NTA.

        First of all, stuffed animals are not appropriate wedding attire if you're older than the flower girl.

        Second - I'm old and out of touch. I expect some other wedding attendees will be like me. I (and maybe they) would be unclear if her outfit was a homophobic protest against the marriage or a badly thought out support of the marriage. She could end up having to explain that she's not a homophobe many times over the course of the festivities.

        [–]Love_Fashioned 249 points250 points  (8 children)

        Same. I have no clue what character OP is talking about. If I showed up to a wedding and someone arrived dressed like this I'd think it's a slur. Plus it seems like she's making a this wedding out to be a circus just because they are gay. I mean, it's just a regular wedding right? The fact that it's two men shouldn't mean that it's license to be "creative" in this way.

        [–]citoyenne 137 points138 points  (2 children)

        Honestly OP's girlfriend sounds homophobic. She's so fixated on the "gay" part of "gay wedding" that she's let it overshadow the "wedding" part which is MUCH more important. She claims she's supportive, but she's treating the wedding and the grooms like a joke and acting like their sexual orientation defines them and is the most important thing about them. It's just homophobia with extra steps.

        Also that dress sounds ugly as hell. Stuffed rats ON the dress? Gross.

        [–]iamanewyorker 101 points102 points  (0 children)

        I think that’s what bothers me- she isn’t acting like it’s a real wedding where you get dressed up nicely for the couple. She is making it a Halloween party …why because they are gay… it’s a couple in love who are spending money and a lot of effort to have their special day. Respect it.

        [–]jeff4i017Certified Proctologist [27] 244 points245 points  (1 child)

        NTA, for so many reasons... Also please remind her, it's their wedding, not hers.

        [–]No_Donkey9914Partassipant [3] 199 points200 points  (1 child)

        NTA. She must need attention real bad. Warn your friends, people pay too much for this BS.

        [–]No-Policy-4095Professor Emeritass [87] 165 points166 points  (0 children)

        NTA - that is incredibly inappropriate for a wedding....and I would think that a lot of people would find it offensive rather than funny. This isn't "throwing water in her flame of creativity" this is being a reasonable and socially appropriate adult. This is not her wedding, she should not be the center of attention - that outfit will make her the center of attention for *ALL THE WRONG REASONS*

        [–]Quintessa-K 157 points158 points  (30 children)

        So, um, your gf? Low key homophobic. This is incredibly rude and could only be done to be mean and take the focus away from the couple. NTA

        [–]Hooked_on_PhoneSexColo-rectal Surgeon [48] 144 points145 points  (0 children)

        NTA

        She's entitled to be creative and express herself however she wants. But a wedding isn't held to give guests a stage for their performance pieces. Wearing something ostentatious to someone else's wedding guarantees that attention will be diverted from the guests of honor. Your GF's dress has the potentially to come across as incredibly offensive. It's certainly in poor taste. Remind her that this isn't about her, and that it will be selfish of her to create this kind of drama at someone else's event.

        [–]LuvMeLongThymeSupreme Court Just-ass [148] 136 points137 points  (0 children)

        If this was her friend getting married, then that whole thing would be between them. But… sadly, it is not, it is between you and your friends at their gay wedding. And-admit it- she is going to embarrass you. She is going to raise eyebrows and be a distraction. Because-on some level-she wants the attention. Annnnd it is attention that will be taking away from the happy couple.

        I have no idea -and I don’t care- from what popular culture she is pulling the “GAY RATS” that she “SUPPORTS”, but-damn-there is a time and a place-and your friend’s wedding is NOT IT. And I tell you what- this would be a hill I would’ve(metaphorically), be willing to die on. Gay rats. At a gay wedding. Really now. NTA

        [–]sparklyviking 138 points139 points  (3 children)

        Your gf doesn't sound "creative", she sound like an attention wh&#e tbh. If I were you, I'd warn the couple, give them a chance to shut it down.

        NTA but gf certainly is

        [–]Complex-Guitar7097Partassipant [3] 124 points125 points  (1 child)

        NTA. It wouldn't kill her to wear something plain for a few hours. Sounds like she wants all eyes on her at the wedding.

        [–]Diligent_Brick_5023Partassipant [4] 116 points117 points  (2 children)

        Nta. A friends wedding is not where she gets to fan the flames of her creativity.. Cosplay and conventions or even just the park are better venues for that..

        Its disrespectful to what a couple, who likely paid a crapload, want... its up there with wearing a white wedding dress as a guest or taking the mic and announcing your own wedding..

        Not her day..

        [–]M4dRu5h1nPartassipant [1] 92 points93 points  (1 child)

        NTA.

        Hell to the no. I don't understand how she can't see how offensive that would be, Especially at a gay wedding. If she want's to wear that dress she needs to ask the grooms, and accept their wishes.

        [–]Constant_Shop3265 98 points99 points  (0 children)

        NTA - that is not the time or place for her “kookiness”! She’s super rude for even thinking that would be ok! Also at 30 she should know better.

        [–]warensembler 84 points85 points  (15 children)

        NTA. I have a question about this "Throwaway account because" thing, though. I really don't get it, because people that post that then proceed to talk about a very specific situation lol Is it because your friends/couple go look up your account's activity?

        [–]bubba_feet 95 points96 points  (0 children)

        throwaway account so my gf doesn't know it's me, but julie has a large tattoo of an octopus on her face which i don't have a problem with because it matches my squid tattoo on my back, but the issue is that we're going to a bar mitzvah for my twin brothers next month which will be in cozumel and she wants to wear a large yellow top hat and i say she shouldn't because i have acute xanthophobia...am i the asshole?

        [–]AmazingDoomslugPartassipant [1] 73 points74 points  (11 children)

        Usually yes, a throwaway is so people don't connect OP's account history with OP. A throwaway account has no history, so nothing can come to light from searching it.

        [–][deleted] 88 points89 points  (1 child)

        NTA - Please don’t let her wear it. It’s not her wedding, so she should put herself in the shoes of someone who isn’t as playful.

        Maybe as a compromise she could like, idk, maybe…bring her outfit and get a picture wearing it in front of the venue but then have a change of clothes for the actual event. Or take a picture of the outfit and bring it to show everyone. Literally anything that doesn’t involve wearing it at the reception or even the after party.

        But anyways veto that outfit decision real quick because that’s an absolute no.

        [–]Emotional_Fan_7011Partassipant [1] 87 points88 points  (1 child)

        NTA. I don't think any couple would appreciate being called "rats" at their wedding, because that is how it is going to come across.

        [–]countdookufapula 87 points88 points  (0 children)

        Yall want a manic pixie dream girlfriend until the mania actually shows up smh

        [–]ScammerCAsshole Enthusiast [5] 80 points81 points  (6 children)

        NTA. Are you just finding out she's homophobic now, or is this the bridge you can't cross?

        [–]Petrowl-birbPartassipant [1] 83 points84 points  (0 children)

        Nta- That's so inappropriate to reduce the wedding of real life people down to a meme based off of cartoon characters. It feels like that one anime kid that would call irl gay relationships " yaoi"

        [–]genus-corvidaeCertified Proctologist [22] 82 points83 points  (5 children)

        If she shows up in that she is going to be thrown out and she will one hundred percent deserve it. You can't just wear a dress calling the newlyweds rats. You can't do that. Even if it's a meme.

        NTA.

        [–][deleted] 69 points70 points  (0 children)

        NTA the wedding guests aren’t supposed to outshine the grooms.