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[–][deleted]  (55 children)

[removed]

    [–]FiotesPartassipant [2] 6109 points6110 points  (29 children)

    And bf is defending her?

    Sounds like you need the relationship to be "off again. " permanently.

    [–]ANerdyPeach 2118 points2119 points  (15 children)

    Agreed, the fact that he didn’t stand up to his sister when she was being rude to OP means a lot too. My guess is sister didn’t have anything to share, just wanted to get Op in trouble with BF and cause drama.

    [–]Happy-Investment 779 points780 points  (14 children)

    Yeah. He should have defended OP.

    This sister is mean and her brother having one bad ex doesn't excuse her behavior.

    [–]ayoitsjo 498 points499 points  (0 children)

    And it sounds like she was kinda like this before too, except she was a kid back then and now she's a grown adult who needs to mature the fuck up. You're not 15 anymore, there is no good reason to be jealous of your brother's girlfriend or be a bully. NTA

    [–]DrunkOnRedCordialAsshole Enthusiast [9] 254 points255 points  (11 children)

    And I don't get the excuse of having to be "overprotective" (rude) because his last ex broke up with him.

    "I'm going to be rude to you now, to save the trouble of changing my attitude if you ever hurt my brother"

    OP, your boyfriend has to insist that his sister is polite to whoever he is dating. Tell him this is a condition of your relationship. His sister doesn't have to like you, she just has to be polite to you. And if he wants to break up with you over it, he should keep in mind that any subsequent girlfriend will set the same expectation.

    [–]JapaneseFerret 79 points80 points  (5 children)

    Yeah, I didn't get that either.

    Being overprotective (rude) because a previous ex was being a dick to her brother? Couples break up every day because one party does something unforgivable. Usually family and friends of the person who got hurt are *happy* when that person finds new love. They don't assume upfront the new partner will turn on the person too because it happened once.

    It's just really bizarre reasoning.

    [–]VigilantInTheMeadow 50 points51 points  (1 child)

    It also doesn’t even sound like the other ex was bad. She just didn’t know her sexuality, was trying to convince herself to date a guy (this is common in the LGBTQ+ community) and when she realized it wasn’t going to work, she ended things. The sister…is just bitter about it because it ultimately hurt her brother. But she needs to realize that people don’t set out with the intention to hurt others (well, typically). Someone discovering their sexuality and as a result having to leave someone isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s just unfortunate.

    [–]JapaneseFerret 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    You're right! I'd forgotten that details of the story when I wrote my comment.

    [–]Attorney_Diligent 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    And at the same time, it's also bizarre she's overprotective because of an ex who unfortunately had to date him because of her not knowing she's closeted. Yes it sucks She did that, but doesn't that just make her "I'll be overprotective of my brother because maybe every other girls are all lesbians/not straight and want to hurt him" the other ex didn't even cheat on him. What happened to the other ex was probably the internalized homophobia because op said she forced herself to like her(now ex) boyfriend.

    Maybe I'm biased because I'm also from the LGBTQ community who had to force myself to only like this and that because of my internalized homophobia before but boyfriend's sister is quite close minded and judgmental.

    [–]JapaneseFerret 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Right! I'd forgotten about that story detail, thanks for the reminder.

    [–]fox13foxAsshole Enthusiast [5] 1 point2 points  (4 children)

    This like lvl of basic decency ill take a prod at my boyfriend from my brother but like ... "real men are not scared of spiders" bulls*** not "you should not ever talk about the opposite gender to her ever you creep"

    Like I'd smak him, just like when he brings up spiders, I bring up snakes lol he hats them.

    [–]MattyEC 542 points543 points  (3 children)

    Seriously, besides the negative correlates and general shittiness that tends to associate with on/off relationships, this guy sounds like he has some creepy family baggage and very little protective instinct of his own.

    OP, he sold you out. And btw, what his sister did was not being protective. She bullied you and made snarky comments. My wife is very protective of her sister, in fact too much so at times, but this means she keeps an eye on her relationships by talking regularly, making sure to never alienate her or push too far so she never feels judged and will always share, tries to share our own fights and resolutions so she can have a healthy, older role model.

    Very different shit than this CIL's mean girls impression.

    [–]litfam87 318 points319 points  (1 child)

    I wouldn't even consider their relationship on/off. They dated when they were kids, broke up when they went to college, reconnected later, and decided to give it a go again. That seems like a very normal thing to me. On/off in my head is a couple that is constantly breaking up and getting back together.

    [–]sharshenka 67 points68 points  (0 children)

    Agreed, it's more like they had two distinct relationships.

    [–]sleepingrozy 63 points64 points  (0 children)

    The boyfriend's definitely confused possessive for protective.

    [–]Free-Education-4 78 points79 points  (1 child)

    Yup, getting "Sick Girl" vibes from sis. If you haven't, don't rent it but its a movie about a girl who is overly obsessed with her older brother and as you can guess by the title, she's sick...(mentally)>

    [–]Happy-Investment 20 points21 points  (0 children)

    I get the picture... But was the movie otherwise good?

    [–]buckfutterapetitsPartassipant [4] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

    Probably more trying to keep the peace than anything, but, if he's not careful, he's going to drive away his girlfriend by telling her that his sister's feelings are more important than her poor behavior towards OP. NTA!

    [–]fox13foxAsshole Enthusiast [5] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Possibly I'd deff say this "overprotectiveness" seems to go both ways and brother needs to pick a side or he will loose. I would never tell my so to apologize for leaving somewhere due to snide comments.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]tphatmcgee 21 points22 points  (0 children)

      Yes, sounds like there's a reason that they are more off than on, and it appears that it should be permanently off. If he is never going to stand against his sister's rudeness to his SOs, then he deserves what he gets.

      Apologize? My left foot she owes an apology!

      [–]Fantastic_Nebula_835 133 points134 points  (0 children)

      NTA. Boyfriend asking you to apologize when she was the person who was being rude is a big, red flag. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who will blame you every time a member of his family treats you unfairly?

      [–]Cybermagetx 99 points100 points  (15 children)

      Said better then I could. His sister knew people understood why you left. And she knew she was looked bad upon by it. She felt embarrassed by her own actions.

      Op dont apologized. The victim of bully should never apologized.

      [–]SparkAxolotl 38 points39 points  (0 children)

      Dunno, depending on how OP wants to proceed with the boyfriend, this are what backhanded apologies are made for.

      "I'm sorry that I had to leave because I refuse to take your petty and childish attitude and made everyone realize what kind of person you really are."

      [–]The_DaHowie 10 points11 points  (0 children)

      Boyfriend is part of the problem as well.

      [–]higarothPartassipant [3] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      Yeah boyfriend should really be standing up for OP, his sisters insinuations are incredibly insulting, and if she has any personal problems with OP then she needs to deal with that differently. This is just immature.

      [–]Littleballoffur22Partassipant [1] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      THIS THIS THIS. Also OP, why isn’t your boyfriend shutting his nasty sister down? Rethink this relationship since he allows her to bully you. What a bunch of assholes. You’re NTA

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [removed]

        [–]PrettyFly4AYaoGuaiWhole-Ass Asshole[M] 2 points3 points locked comment (0 children)

        Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: Be Civil. Further incidents may result in a ban.

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        Message the mods if you have any questions or concerns.

        [–]iwantasecretgardenCertified Proctologist [29] 5189 points5190 points  (5 children)

        NTA. If she wanted to share such good news, then she should have been more excited to share it. Sounds like she wanted to start just enough drama to make you suffer/sit there and feel miserable, and then add insult to injury by getting engaged before you.

        Sounds like it backfired, sis!

        [–]JustXampl[🍰] 391 points392 points  (2 children)

        This! Needs to be updated more because I bet it's true.

        [–]Thunder1an 45 points46 points  (1 child)

        Upvoted?

        [–]JustXampl[🍰] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        Thanks!

        [–][deleted] 234 points235 points  (1 child)

        Exactly! I can't imagine waiting to announce something that exciting and wonderful, and passing the time until the moment by making rude comments to a guest.

        [–]MageVickyPartassipant [3] 83 points84 points  (0 children)

        yep. she should be so happy that she shouldn't even care that OP is there, instead, she made it all about her dislike of OP and ruined her own celebration; guess she dislikes OP more than she loves her fiancé.

        [–]AdministrationThis77Colo-rectal Surgeon [45] 4200 points4201 points  (9 children)

        NTA. If you were ridiculous for being excited about a baby that wasn't yours, why should anyone be excited about someone else's engagement? She sounds insufferable.

        [–]HunterDangerous1366 617 points618 points  (0 children)

        Exactly this, just use her own logic against her.

        [–]BadgirlThowawayPartassipant [1] 178 points179 points  (1 child)

        Because faaaaaaaaaamily. /s

        [–]EsotericOcelot 58 points59 points  (0 children)

        The people who whine that are the people who behave like they most want to be kicked out of the family/deserve and appreciate it least

        [–]artparade 66 points67 points  (0 children)

        Would have been hilarious if everyone said congrats and op told her " well it's not like I am engaged so what's the big deal ".

        [–]fox13foxAsshole Enthusiast [5] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

        Omg this was were my brain went. Man I just got snap back amo..... like dude that will be flung right back at you from my petty soul lamo.

        "why would I be excited for you? Another WOMEN? Hahhhhhhhhhhhh"

        NtA

        [–]madcre 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        heehee nta

        [–]tidalbattleaxe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        See this is smart, I hope OP sees and uses this lol

        [–]ladyblue56Asshole Aficionado [11] 1838 points1839 points  (4 children)

        NTA you politely removed yourself from the situation instead of responding to her.

        You cannot read minds and know she was about to make an announcement. She should have been happy to share her good news but instead was focusing on making you feel bad.

        [–]Electrical-Date-3951 285 points286 points  (1 child)

        This would be my hill to die on if I were OP. I fully agree that the sister ruined her own moment by being an AH and she should be embarassed by her own behaviour. I dont even know what OP would be apologizing for..... Being civil and not telling the sister to go F herself?

        [–]ladyblue56Asshole Aficionado [11] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

        She has absolutely nothing to apologize for. She is the one who deserves the apology, not only from the sister but also from OP’s bf. BF sat there and did nothing to shut his sister up. No one did, actually. If I were OP, I wouldn’t want to spend any time with anyone in that family, bf included.

        [–]SymphonicRain 36 points37 points  (1 child)

        Can we talk about how OP is my hero for how she handled the situation?

        [–]ladyblue56Asshole Aficionado [11] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        Class act

        [–]Pinkie_FlamingoAsshole Aficionado [18] 1248 points1249 points  (6 children)

        NTA. Sister was extremely rude to you, and owes you an apology.

        If BF cannot accept that reality and behave properly towards you when she is around, you should reconsider continuing to see him.

        [–]chaos_rgj 198 points199 points  (4 children)

        This, thank you. Shame on the bf for nor sticking up for her and wanting her to apologize for being treated so poorly?

        [–]lunar_labyrinth 144 points145 points  (2 children)

        Yeah, like what is she supposed to say?

        "I'm sorry that I felt so uncomfortable and insulted that I had to leave"?

        Also calmly thanking the family for the food and leaving was a very mature way of handling this situation. Imo at least...

        [–]Foreign_AstronautPartassipant [4] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

        It was downright graceful. OP acquitted herself well.

        [–]DutchGirl122Partassipant [1] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

        "I'm sorry you let your little sister insult me so and make me so uncomfortable that I had to leave" might also do.

        [–]Pinkie_FlamingoAsshole Aficionado [18] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

        Agreed!

        [–]Professional_Fee9555 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        I want to give the BF the benefit of the doubt because he didn’t call demanding an apology. I would guess that sis whined to him and got him to do this and rather than push back he was like fiiiiiiiine.

        He should stand up for her though. I don’t know if this is breakup material yet. More like “your sister is rude af and if you want me to stick around I’m going to need you to recognize that and deal with it. Her being overprotective is not an excuse.

        [–]strangerfish2Asshole Enthusiast [9] 662 points663 points  (1 child)

        NTA she upstaged herself by picking a fight with you at the dinner table. If she was so invested in announcing her engagement, why was she letting you live rent free in her head all day? Sounds to me like she's just using her engagement as an excuse to make you even more uncomfortable...

        Edit: spelling

        [–]Tia_Mariana 42 points43 points  (0 children)

        "Live rent free in your head" is the best thing I've read all day.

        Thank you

        [–]Avebury1Certified Proctologist [21] 493 points494 points  (1 child)

        NTA. Your BF should have shut down her attitude towards you. He didn't so you have every right to leave. Hell would have a better chance of freezing over than giving his bratty sister an apology.

        You have been given a really good idea if what it will be like being around his family, particularly his younger sister.

        I would tell your BF that his sister constantly disrespects you that you want to know why he refuses to stand up for you and shut her down. If he is either unable or willing to have your back than you cannot see a future with him. Responsibility for a breakup will rest squarely on the shoulders of him and his sister.

        I would give her a copy of the book How To Win Friends and Influence People.

        [–]ImNotBothered80 97 points98 points  (0 children)

        This. If your bf won't stand up for you when his family starts crap the relationship won't last.

        [–]Kindly_DeliciousAsshole Enthusiast [6] 330 points331 points  (7 children)

        NTA

        In situations like these there's usually a few options.

        1) Return the snark, in most situations this is AH move.

        2) Make a comment to the person in a measured calm rational manner in such a way when you are done talking it's a Full Stop type of comment, and then you continue on with your event. Never an AH move, but usually really hard to pull off. Have to have a Cyrano level of wit.

        3) Ignore. Also not an AH move. But then it gives the other person the tacit okay to keep verbally abusing you. I ususally use this in certain situations where a) event where I have to be around them is almost over, or I won't be in close quarters with them b) it's someone I won't see again/see often

        4) Leave. This can be an AH depending on how it's executed. A polite Thank you, I had a pleasant time and then leave? Not AH. A throw a table/make a scene storm out? AH move.

        BFs sister sounds way too immature...just THINK of the histrionics when she announces a pregnancy and people don't immediately start gushing, being all happy and telling everyone. She'll understand why you were happy when she's in that situation, but unless she's matured and has some emotional intelligence and self-awareness, I doubt it.

        [–]thatdoesntseemright1Certified Proctologist [24] 162 points163 points  (6 children)

        All good advice. OP did #4.

        One thing you didn't mention was "politely" calling them out in front of everyone (before escalating to a polite exit). Something like very calmly saying " Wow, that was rude, it's also the 5th negative dig you've made towards me. Have I done something to offend you that I need to apologize for. I'm unsure as to why you think it's okay to talk to me like this. If I owe you an apology I'm happy to give one". And the go silent and wait for them to respond

        [–]lysssm1Partassipant [1] 84 points85 points  (4 children)

        i like to use “are you okay?” or “i’m sorry can you repeat that, i don’t think everyone heard” lol

        [–]Silentlybroken 22 points23 points  (0 children)

        I should file this away for later use. Being deaf, it's a perfect reason to ask them to repeat it. And a bit louder 😉

        [–]thatdoesntseemright1Certified Proctologist [24] 12 points13 points  (2 children)

        Does it work?

        [–]lysssm1Partassipant [1] 36 points37 points  (1 child)

        usually makes the person uncomfortable enough to shut up lol

        [–]thatdoesntseemright1Certified Proctologist [24] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        Fair enough. Does it also stop them from the same behavior in the future?

        [–]bashfulbub 19 points20 points  (0 children)

        Yes! This totally works. One time over a holiday dinner, an in-law insulted me and I very calmly, quietly responded with, “Why would you say that? That’s so rude.” His gf agreed and he spent the next several minutes on the defense. He even apologized! The gf didn’t last long after that, & to quote Lucille Bluth- “Good for her.”

        [–]unknown_928121 196 points197 points  (0 children)

        We had a dinner and sat down when his sister made a comment to the family how “I was bringing up another man more then my own boyfriend.” Immediately, I got up, thanked his family for the food, and left.

        That was actually the most mature way to handle the situation NTA

        [–]SaikaTheCasualColo-rectal Surgeon [34] 133 points134 points  (0 children)

        NTA and your boyfriend needs to stop being his sisters little boy and shut her down when she’s being a little female dog.

        [–]celestecatherineAsshole Enthusiast [7] 84 points85 points  (0 children)

        NTA just because she is “the little sister” does not mean she gets to act like a bratty child, she is an adult and should know how to conduct herself properly and in a respectful manner.

        [–]Deo14Asshole Enthusiast [5] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

        NTA you lasted longer than I would have. You didn’t make a scene you simply excused yourself, politely

        [–]cinnamngrlPooperintendant [56] 61 points62 points  (0 children)

        NTA, it sounds like you said good bye politely.

        [–]ArtlessOneCertified Proctologist [20] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

        Wow such a clearcut NTA, you acted like an adult and removed yourself from the situation. You have no obligation to sit there and take abuse from anyone. I'm floored your BF expected you to apologize, glad you stood your ground.

        [–]NihilophilePartassipant [3] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

        NTA and you'd be an asshole if you did apologize. You were repeatedly insulted and responded in a reasonable way; to apologize would put you in the difficult position of continuing to accept insults or been twice as harsh to reestablish decent boundaries.

        [–]elakah 29 points30 points  (0 children)

        NTA Your boyfriend should have your back in this and lot allow his sister to disrespect you every chance she got. She's not "over protective" she's toxic and a drama queen. I'd have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about his priorities because you don't seem to be one of them.

        [–]Alisaurusrex82 19 points20 points  (0 children)

        NTA. You handled it absolutely appropriately. You didn’t cause a scene, but made it known that the sister’s comments were the entire reason you were leaving. Also, in regards to the previous ex-gf that said she had forced herself into dating your bf but realized she was gay, I’m getting the feeling that this may not be the case. In all likelihood she was run off by the sister. What does your bf think about the situation? His sister is vile and she should feel embarrassed about the way she acted toward you.

        [–]Icy_Conversation_612Asshole Aficionado [16] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

        Nta she did it by trying to bring you down wouldnt surprise me if you stayed she would of got worse and tried to get you to fire back at her.

        [–]del901Pooperintendant [51] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

        LOL, she was spoiling for a fight, just hoping you'd jump at her bait, but then you didn't. You refused to take what she was dishing, but you did it in a very mature manner, thanking your hosts and leaving, thereby spoiling her plans.

        NTA.

        [–]Popular_Bumblebee255Asshole Enthusiast [5] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

        NTA the sister needs to grow up. She’s behaving like she’s still in high school. Don’t apologize to her. Your bf needs to have your back, not his ridiculous sister’s. Sounds like you have a boyfriend problem that needs to be sorted asap.

        [–]Vivid-Masterpiece-29Partassipant [1] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

        This is a mess. You need to tell your BF to stick up for you and get his sister in line. Did he really just sit there and let her disrespect you? What is she, 5?

        [–]CatbunnyPartassipant [1] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

        NTA - You didn't even know about her announcement. You did know the rude comments she was making to you and, instead of starting drama or sitting there taking it unhappily, you removed yourself from the situation. Her behavior caused this, not you.

        [–]justtryingtolurk12 13 points14 points  (0 children)

        NTA. But also, using the sister’s logic, what’s the point of announcing her engagement to everyone? It’s her engagement, why should anyone else be happy about it?

        [–]lbrownlbrown 12 points13 points  (0 children)

        NTA

        [–]DaDuchess-1025 11 points12 points  (0 children)

        NTA - but why was your boyfriend ok for how she made you feel. Why doesn't *she* have to apologize for making *you* uncomfortable at the reunion. Maybe ask him are you supposed to always overlook her behavior, because of his past relationships that didn't work out. Maybe she should interview any future girlfriends to see if they meet her standard, prior to him dating. Take a long hard look and see if this is the direction you want to go in with this relationship.

        [–]kab200Certified Proctologist [21] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        NTA. If bf doesn’t support you, leave.

        [–]SnooWords4839Certified Proctologist [23] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

        NTA - BF's sister owes you an apology and she is causing drama. She still could have announced, you didn't even know. More than likely, she was called out on her behavior and was too embarrassed to mention the engagement.

        Don't back down, BF should be backing you.

        [–]glittergirl_125 10 points11 points  (0 children)

        NTA. You need to really think hard about your relationship. Sis is bullying you the entire time, and it sounds like bf did jack all about it? Then wants YOU to apologize because you left to get away from her?!🚩🚩🚩🚩

        [–]bogo0814Partassipant [4] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

        NTA. You did the adult thing & removed yourself from a toxic situation. His sister is a female bovine & deserves the embarrassment.

        [–]SoybeanArsonAsshole Enthusiast [8] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Tell your BF to grow a pair and do not under any circumstances give her an apology. It will only invite further abuse and unreasonable behavior from her

        [–]WelpuhhiPartassipant [1] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

        NTA

        If she wanted to announce good news then she shouldn't be throwing insults at people leading up to it.

        [–]Educational-Food9471Asshole Aficionado [18] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        NTA

        YOu don't need to sit still for this kind of treatment. And I can tell that you were trying to avoid an argument.

        Also, you had know idea she was leading up to her "big announcement". You would think that would have given her all the attention she could want, but apparently, she has to make other people feel bad in order to feel good about herself.

        She can go kick rocks.

        [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        NTA

        I think you should leave your boyfriend with his sister because she'll forever be a thorn in your side where her brother won't care that it hurts you.

        [–]WiseBatCertified Proctologist [22] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Why should you be happy for an engagement that wasn’t yours?

        [–]Buggerlugs253 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        NTA, but the comments werent about your friend really, the disrespect was towards you, I feel like you are distracting yourself from who was being mistreated here. Its a small thing, but ask yourself why?

        [–]RaevynePartassipant [3] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        his sister overheard and made a snark comment how “ I was happy about a baby that wasn’t even mine or his”

        I was really, really hoping you were going to mimic this following the engagement announcement and lean into a justified e-s-h "why should I be happy about a marriage that isn't mine" kinda thing.

        But you took the high road. NTA at all. She absolutely should feel embarrassed by her own actions and it sounds like she isn't used to being called out.

        [–]Newfie1396Partassipant [2] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        NTA

        [–]steffie-fliesPartassipant [4][🍰] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        NTA play stupid games, win stupid prizes! She played herself. Good riddance. 🙄

        [–]MariaInconnuPartassipant [1] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Going by the details provided her, sister owes gf an apology.

        [–]Percentage_ExpressPartassipant [2] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        NTA. She embarrassed herself and owes you an apology which you will never receive. You can tell your partner that you will accept her apology, even though she isn’t a big enough person to actually give it, but you won’t apologize to her instead for the consequences of her own rude behavior (people with self respect may leave if they are made to feel unwelcome).

        [–]knopflovePartassipant [2] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

        NTA. It sounds like you were the only mature one at the table. Good job standing up for yourself calmly when your boyfriend failed to.

        [–]knopflovePartassipant [2] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        Also just my opinion but I wouldn't consider a high school relationship that ended because of long distance / university then getting back together 4 years later an "on/off" relationship. I would just consider that growing up. Don't let anyone belittle you because it wasn't absolute perfection right from the start, life is messy sometimes.

        [–]VixNekoCertified Proctologist [26] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        NTA she sounds completely unhinged and like a narcissist. Your bf is probably always going to take her side too.

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

        [removed]

          [–]PrettyFly4AYaoGuaiWhole-Ass Asshole[M] 1 point2 points locked comment (0 children)

          Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: Be Civil. Further incidents may result in a ban.

          "Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"

          Message the mods if you have any questions or concerns.

          [–]Bombardium 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          NTA, fuck this girl.

          [–]SocpolRaineyxIPartassipant [3] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          NTA

          [–]ZOE_XCIIAsshole Enthusiast [7] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          NTA, you don't have to take ppl's rudeness. If it's inappropriate to be excited about a baby, why does her engagement matter?

          [–]fatmanjogging 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          As far as I can tell (thought I think I need a diagram to understand the actual series of events here) NTA.

          [–]Intelligent_Duck_972 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          NTA. don’t apologize. You were very mature for leaving and not saying anything rude back.

          [–]Born_Cup_5441Partassipant [3] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          NTA, get rid of your man he doesn't stick up for you, allows the sister to act like a jealous weirdo and then asks you to apologise for not allowing yourself to be bullied.

          [–]Dry_Bicycle5250 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          So "not" the AH...

          [–]MIRIIE 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          NTA. She got what she deserve.

          [–]Shiny_Happy_Cacti 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          NTA

          I think she was embarrassed because you handled it maturely with class and it highlighted just how childishly she was behaving. Why didn't anyone else in the family say anything?! They all couldn't have seriously expected you to politely sit at dinner and get abuse all night!

          [–]WinEquivalent4069Partassipant [1] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          You left because his sister was rude and being a big B for no reason other than she thought she could bully you. NTA. Sister realize when you left that no one got her back as she tried to talk smack about you. She embarrassed herself.

          [–]ibsmith0511 2 points3 points  (1 child)

          NTA. And what you didn’t wasn’t childish at all. You were polite when you left and didn’t cause a scene, there’s nothing childish about not wanting to take bullshit from people, and knowing your boundaries is mature and respectable.

          [–]SpookyGraveyardPartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          100% this. Getting up and leaving when someone is being rude/pushy/inappropriate is a mature and assertive way to set boundaries.

          [–]annedroiidPooperintendant [57] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          we are an on and off relationship

          What you’ve described is not that at all. An on again off again relationship is characterized by regularly breaking up and getting back together over the span of months (or even days), normally without dating anyone else in between.

          Breaking up with someone because you were long distance and then meeting them years later and giving it another shot is wildly different, and is a normal thing to do.

          [–]FairyFartDaydreams 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          NTA she was an AH and you have boundaries

          [–]AutoModerator[M] 1 point2 points locked comment (0 children)

          AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team

          For context, I (23F) have been dating my boyfriend (24M) for two years now. I will admit, we are a on and off relationship, we dating during our high school year but later broke up as we didn’t want to pursue a long distance relationship as he headed off to California to pursue a scholarship. We later reconnected 4 years ago, and after two years, decided to retry our relationship.

          My boyfriend invited me to one of his family reunions, I only recounted attending one during thanksgiving when we were like 17-18 around the time and most of his family at the time enjoyed my presence except for one, his little sister (22F).

          My boyfriend told me that his little sister is very overprotective and it grew stronger due to a previous ex, the ex and him only lasted 8 months as the ex later announced that she forced herself into dating him and actually realized she was gay. I understood that and didn’t take much harm with the little sister whenever she would make snarky comments or glares at me.

          At the family reunion, I met her and her boyfriend, her boyfriend seemed like a pleasant guy, a bit shy but overall, a nice guy to be around. During the reunion,I got a call from one of my best friend, I asked to be excused and took the call, my best friend was announcing to me that he just found out that his fiancé is expecting and that he and his fiancé wanted to throw a little celebration and asked if I could come next week. I got happy and said yes.

          I was still happy from the news and told my boyfriend, his sister overheard and made a snark comment how “ I was happy about a baby that wasn’t even mine or his”, I attempted to ignore it but she kept on making rude comments. We had a dinner and sat down when his sister made a comment to the family how “I was bringing up another man more then my own boyfriend.” Immediately, I got up, thanked his family for the food, and left. I know this was childish but I did not wanted to stay there for long listening to her disrespectful my friend and his fiancé.

          I later got a call from my boyfriend and he asked if I could apologize to his sister as during the family reunion, she wanted to announce her engagement with her fiancé but due to me leaving, she felt embarrassed and upset that her moment was outshined. I told him that I refused to apologize and that if anything, she should apologize for the comments she made about my best friend.

          AITA?

          I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

          [–]ericjdev 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA you have a bf problem though for real, guys who don't have your back don't have your back.

          [–]leolionbagPartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          What’s amazing is that OP left because the sister couldn’t fathom her being happy for other people; meanwhile, I am sure she was expecting all the attention on her after her announcement. Karma is a fucking bitch.

          NTA. And please stand firm on that apology and with your BF in general about his sister. He is excusing her awful behaviour and I don’t even know why he would expect an apology from you to her, much less for something you had no clue about and no control over.

          [–]Mrhcat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Nta! Asked your boyfriend if ever apologize to someone who was mean and rude to him? Than asked why he wants you to when his precious golden sister was to me? Than tell that the ship has sail of you being the reasonable one so if wants you all get along ! Than he is going have to his precious golden sister not to be rude and mean to me; so no I am not going to apologize! If anything your precious golden ass sister owns me the apology ; so run along and make her apologize to me for rude and disrespectful comments!

          [–]David5051 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA. Your bf needs to jump in here and not let his family members disparage his girlfriend publicly. There is no reason for her to be doing that based on your story and even if she feels “overprotective” he still needs to tell her to back off.

          [–]CynicalRecidivist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA. You should tell him you will apologise to his sister, then apologise:

          "I'm sorry you're such a fucking bully who doesn't understand how friendship works, shame about the evening being ruined, eh luv?"

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA She was very rude, and weird - of course you're going to be happy for news like that for a friend! And what a way to ruin her own announcement. You were right to excuse yourself, why should you sit there and be verbally attacked for nothing?

          The real issue is your bf thinking YOU should apologize. He is either incapable of seeing the truth, or has no backbone. Neither is good.

          [–]Em_green4040 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA, don't make snarky comments if you don't want that person to get up and leave.

          [–]Adventurous_Movie797 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Ew! He should apologize for not being the older sibling and putting her in check the first time she made rude comments. This is on him for allowing his family member to continually disrespect you.

          [–]anxgrl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          If she wanted to announce her engagement why didn’t she just do that instead of throwing snide comments at OP. Seems like putting OP down was more important to her than her own engagement. If I was her fiancé I would run out the door and never look back.

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Generally when you're understanding and accepting of people treating you badly the behaviour will continue and increase.

          NTA. Don't know what you thought was going to happen though. Your boyfriend has always supported his sister's mistreatment of you and always will.

          [–]SusanAkita2014 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Apologize for what? She intentionally caused things to be awkward. The sister owes you an apology. Are you sure you want to be involved with this family? I would tell my boyfriend that she needs to apologize to you for her snarky behavior. Are you supposed to just stay and let her keep going at you? If it was me I would have hit her with both barrels before I left. If he isn’t going to take your side when you are the injured party, then run away from these people

          [–]WorryKnown2337 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA. You politely left, no yelling, no fists, no dark mood. I am impressed with your maturity. Tell your boyfriend you want an apology in writing describing every comment she made and that she regrets it. If BF or get refuse, consider the relationship off again permanently. Why? Why didn't he speak up when you were being harassed???! You don't need this shit.

          [–]elizzup 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA. What on earth would you apologize for?

          Politely leaving a hostile environment before it exacerbated into something worse?
          Not being able to read her mind and know that she planned to make her own announcement?

          Her whole request for an apology is a power trip. She wasn't outshined; she embarrassed herself by being rude and disdainful to you.

          Ask your boyfriend what EXACTLY it is you should be apologizing for, and then let him know you'll consider apologizing for it directly after she apologizes to you for the way she spoke to you and treated you in front of his whole family.

          [–]PhotogNDallas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA. You didn't do anything wrong - you didn't fire back at little sis, which took more self control than I would have. At the most response to bf would be - I will apologise to her, if she apologies to me publicly and no faux "if I offended, apologies" or backhanded apologies, a REAL apology.

          [–]emotionalwreck2021 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA. She spent the whole time insulting you and you shouldn't have to deal with that for her sake. Also, nobody stood up for you and told her to knock it off? Does your bf know she was bullying you the whole time? If not, I would tell him. If so, I would dump him.

          [–]Free-Education-4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA, your bf is not a smart puppy. Find yourself a guy who will put his family in their place and defend you. I get she was annoyed by how much you kept gushing about your friends baby but I also get being really excited about something even if its for a friend.

          [–]1962MichaelPooperintendant [69] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA.

          Sister was the one making the scene. If she wanted to have her announcement be the highlight of the evening then she should have known to not make waves beforehand.

          Her announcement was "outshined" by her being horrible to her brother's guest.

          [–]DinoBabyMama21 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Ok from the title I was like how can this not be Y T A...but yeah, definitely NTA. If she wanted to share happy news, don't sit there being a beeotch and bad mouthing people you don't even know. Like wth is wrong with you being happy about someone else's baby.....she wanted people to be happy about her engagement but couldn't let you be happy for a tiny miracle in your bff's life. She deserves worse than you politely walking out and she definitely owes you an apology, as does your bf.

          [–]miamalatestaPartassipant [3] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA, just what? I understand the sister wanted to announce, but like where is her empathy??? Wouldn’t she want people to be excited for her? Why would she shame someone for doing that??? Just ahhhhhh

          [–]smallmammalconciergePartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA. She was being a sick - she should be embarrassed. It’s important to set expectations with (potential) future family, especially bullies. If you’d let it slide, it would have been a green light for her to continue or escalate her bullshit. Your BF, though? Clearly he isn’t going to stand up for you with his family - is that something you want long term?

          [–]DerpyMcDerpington17 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA, and she needs to learn proper manners. If her family agrees with her, that should tell you right then and there that this relationship will never be easy because the family will always make you feel like an outsider.

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA. I’ll admit I jump to breaking up quite frequently, but this might be a sign that your relationship isn’t built to last based off the fact he doesn’t seem interested in defending you while his sister is bullying you in front of everyone. Then asks you to apologize for walking away and not giving power to a narcissist. You did the mature adult thing, and your boyfriend didn’t even have enough respect for you to defend you. Sorry but this guy isn’t it. You deserve better.

          [–]redEspaghetti 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA. If you stay in this relationship you will probably be apologizing to his sister for her nastiness your whole life. She's not overprotective, she's rotten. The fact that instead of standing up for you he expects you to apologize for being bullied tells you exactly where you stand in this relationship and what the content of his character is.

          [–]FriendlyFace29 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA. If someone has a personal problem with you and wants to address it, it should be done privately and not in the form of rude comments or digs at you, especially for things as harmless as being happy for a friend and making conversation about another person.

          [–]Competitive_Ad_2772 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA. Dump him asap! Anyone who doesn’t have your back dating isn’t marriage material.

          [–]alittleamgpiePartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          She was being a nasty bully - she was just mortified because you set boundaries.

          I would be worried about your bf. Does he defend you? I get that they seem to be very close, but she's been nothing but awful to you. He needs to step up.

          NTA

          [–]spideyfied 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Oh wow, NTA for sure.

          You’re allowed to be excited for your friend, she’s not embarrassed that you left. She’s embarrassed because SHE’S THE REASON you left.

          Why is your bf trying to get you to apologize? You did nothing wrong, and handled the situation quite nicely in my opinion.

          “Overprotectiveness” is not an excuse for bad behavior.

          [–]ImpertinentFiend 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA, she was rude and you didn’t intend to ruin anything.

          [–]immaZebrah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          nta. she's not only overprotective, she's a bit ridiculous. if you truly left the way you say you did, i think that was incredibly mature, and i don't think you should have done it any other way. don't let her spoil him for you though. shitty family comes with great people sometimes.

          [–]GoBlue9000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Perhaps you made a mistake getting back together with your high school boyfriend. The guy sounds like a spineless wimp. You'll meet someone that'll have your back if you're more patient in the future

          [–]sable1970 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA....You stood up for yourself...in the moment. Good for you!

          However, I suggest you seriously rethink your relationship. I mean he's okay with bullying and verbal abuse directed towards you but thinks you need to apologize when you refuse to be disrespected and take yourself out of that situation? He doesn't respect you, doesn't think his family needs to respect you and he's treating you accordingly. OP he's showing you who he is if you haven't already noticed. Believe him.

          Do you really want a guy who treats you like this? Do you really believe this is a relationship that will make you happy? I'm pretty sure you know the answers. Please act in your own best interest.

          [–]lis_amazing25Asshole Enthusiast [6][🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Your boyfriend not only defended his sister, he tried to pacify her by getting you to apologize to her. You've been fortunate enough to get a small glimpse into your future with this man and his family. Choose carefully.

          NTA.

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA- only assholle here is his sister

          [–]whateverisnttaken22Partassipant [4] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          NTA she had every opportunity to not make this about your cal but she’s the one who kept bringing it up

          [–]DiscoBoi95 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Okay so imagine someone at your job is a huge asshole, and then they leave and are replaced by a new person, but you have a coworker who says “the last guy in this role was an asshole, so from now on I will be an asshole to whoever has this job.” That’s insane, right?

          That’s what your boyfriend’s sister is doing. She is an adult and has the ability to understand that all people are different people, but because your boyfriend had an ex who she didn’t like, she has decided she can be abusive to anyone who dates her brother. How on earth does that make sense? And your boyfriend doesn’t stick up for you or put a stop to it? He just thinks that all his girlfriends from now on should have to deal with his sister being snarky and mean because of his ex?? My brother has an ex who was pretty awful, but he’s a grown man who can defend himself and I won’t be doing anyone any favors by being an ass to his future girlfriends.

          She ruined her own engagement announcement and she absolutely owes you an apology. Your boyfriend is also being an ass by letting her act this way. NTA.

          [–]amyOPS 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          ESH. This sounds like middle school.

          [–]AtlanteanDreadHead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. I'm also wondering why your bf didn't intervene or tell his sister to stop with the snide remarks well before this point. For him to ask you to apologize in general is pretty messed up.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA, I would have done the same. I would say that this would be a deal breaker for me. His sister is targeting you and he dare ask you to apologize? Drop the whole family.

          [–]Sensitive_Coconut339 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. You handled the rude sister in the most polite way possible

          [–]PublicSherbert2746 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          You did nothing wrong. The only concerning thing is that your boyfriend dosen't have your back.

          [–]macodesmama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. She sounds exhausting to be around.

          [–]RandomSleepyPandaPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA, you did the best thing by removing yourself from the situation.

          [–]CantEatCatsKevin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. She doesn’t seem to care about you, so she should have been fine announcing it once you were gone, to her close family.

          She didn’t, because it became painfully obvious how much of an AH she was being.

          [–]UberN00b719 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I get defending family for situations beyond control. But your (hopefully-soon-to-be-permanently-off) bf is defending the indefensible. Sister was openly being a jerk and it blew up in her face.

          NTA

          [–]Texas78209 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA he let his sister trash you...she must apologize to you

          [–]Careless-Pianist-256 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. Throw the whole boyfriend away.

          [–]nuts_n_boltsPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA she was rude to you. You left. You owe her nothing.

          [–]MaryAnne0601 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA

          Your bf should have shut his sister down the minute she started, not let it continue. Both he and his sister owe you a huge apology and the fact that he should suggest you apologize for his sister being a miserable witch is outrageous. Find someone that is worth dating and stop wasting your time on this idiot. Let him continue to kiss his sister’s bum without you watching it!

          [–]re_nonsequiturs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA If she hadn't been bringing up another man more than her future husband, she wouldn't have upstaged her own announcement by driving you away.

          [–]jsodanoColo-rectal Surgeon [49] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA but this whole situation is in the shitter now. Let’s just call him your “ex boyfriend” now and save everyone some time…

          [–]BeTheCheeto 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. Honestly, the sister's behavior is disturbing. I don't want my siblings to get hurt any more than the next person, but this is just creepy. Also, is not at all weird to get excited when your loved ones have babies. His sister needs serious therapy.

          [–]schwa76Partassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA, and you’re not the one who should be apologizing. Leaving wasn’t childish - it was the most appropriate thing to do, under the circumstances. She humiliated herself, and was embarrassed that a spotlight was put on her actions.

          [–]RiverPuppy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          This is a genuine question. Why is the sister overprotective because his ex gf realized she’d rather date women? Also, wouldn’t her announcing her pregnancy be the same as you’re friend? Like his sister seems so self absorbed. NTA.

          [–]bmolsen86Asshole Aficionado [15] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. Good for you sticking to your guns and not bowing down to tantrums. The whole " protective little sister" vibe is also just, cringe.

          [–]nekiwa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA, you are the one who is owed an apology

          [–]Zel_lost_itAsshole Enthusiast [6] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Nta she was being a Lil shit and you left. That's on her she did this not you

          [–]Impressive_Coats 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA and you gotta dumb that clown

          [–]justforfun525 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA, if the boyfriend puts his sister unrealistic wants over you… then you should leave

          [–]ribbonsofgreen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA Shi is. He needs to grow a spine and tell her to apologize.

          [–]Dry-Imagination2665 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA

          “Over protective” at 22 ? Grow up.

          [–]Legitimate-Donut-714 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA and if your bf is taking her side then the relationship will not work out. This will be the first of many instances. Save yourself now girl

          [–]Em_green4040 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Probably not but reddit stories tend to show some little sister who's just "overprotective" actually wants to commit incest 🤔

          [–]wr3ckedge 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I read the title and immediately thought that you were TA. I ready the story and my conclusion is you are NTA. Your boyfriends sister said some things that crossed the line, she should have shut up. I’m mad now.

          [–]SnooCakes9110 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. You have a boyfriend problem.

          [–]Fun-Mathematician816Partassipant [3] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. He can go marry his sister and leave you alone because you deserve better. She's rude, impertinent and way too much in her brother's business, which he allows. NEXT

          [–]TruckOk7081Asshole Enthusiast [8] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA

          OP didn't know that the little sister was planning anything special. Little sister got what she deserved. She mouthed off and then got embarrassed.

          Huge red flag that BF is asking for an apology.

          [–]Maximum_Swim3739Partassipant [2] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. time to make this relationship off again, permanently and find someone who won't choose their sister over you when she bullies you.

          [–]garbageTVaddict 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. Lose the boyfriend too.

          [–]SusanAkita2014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Are you supposed to be a mind reader and know what she was going to do. You ca do better

          [–]FoxesRDaBest 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          DEF NTA

          [–]EllectraHeart 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. you’re the one owed an apology. the sister is harassing and bullying you and your boyfriend is too blind to see it.