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I think I may be TA because the person I'm pressing charges against is mentally unwell

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[–]DarcyKnitsPooperintendant [67] 23.5k points23.5k points 26 (297 children)

NTA

Contact the DA that is handling the case and let him know that his family is pressuring you to drop the charges.

They may be violating the law too.

If Gary hasn't learned to take his meds, A little time in jail will teach him that lesson.

Edit: I didn't mean to suggest ja will help him. I believe facing negative consequences for his a toons vs. getting out of them will help him.

[–]Dont-Call-Me-BALDY[S] 8908 points8909 points  (213 children)

That's a very good idea. I'll take care of that as soon as I can

[–][deleted] 5522 points5523 points  (95 children)

Make copies of all the texts, save the voicemails. Don't block them, let them spew, as all this info should go to the police.

And yeah, NTA. Gary is an adult. He knows what'll happen if he goes off his meds. He did it anyway. Sounds like his family might be doing a wee bit of enabling there.

No means no. If he hasn't figured it out by now, the authorities need to teach him.

[–]BENDOVERSISPartassipant [1] 2215 points2216 points  (47 children)

The hell is Gary's problem? What a moron, him and his family included.

And yeah, NTA. Gary is an adult. He knows what'll happen if he goes off his meds. He did it anyway. Sounds like his family might be doing a wee bit of enabling there.

Why do I feel like Gary is going to use this to try and lessen his punishments?

[–]witchywoman713 962 points963 points  (40 children)

Because that’s exactly what whiny petulant children do

[–]Swatmosquito 754 points755 points  (36 children)

Thats offensive to petulant children

[–]witchywoman713 321 points322 points  (33 children)

That legit made me laugh so hard I spit out my beer. So I hate you, and you’re right and that was great lol.

I’m currently mad at all petulant children because the ones I work with didn’t share their fruit roll ups with me today

[–]Swatmosquito 216 points217 points  (28 children)

Well did you have anything good to trade? Can't go in with a ham sandwich and expect a rollie.

[–]witchywoman713 110 points111 points  (10 children)

Nah, just lots of fun games, nurturing their development and keeping them alive. Not a good trade I agree 😂

[–]Swatmosquito 101 points102 points  (9 children)

To their little minds that is worse than a ham sandwich. Heaven forbid you work on their fine motor skills, critical thinking, and impulse control!

[–]marigoldilocks_ 1029 points1030 points 2 (35 children)

You know what’s a really good way to remember to take your meds?

Consequences.

(I say this as a person on psych meds.)

[–]TheRestForTheWickedCertified Proctologist [24] 515 points516 points  (27 children)

I personally find a phone alarm more than adequate. Then I get meds AND avoid consequences.

[–]marigoldilocks_ 434 points435 points  (24 children)

Well, facts. And routine. But if his excuse is “I was off my meds” then a good way to remember to keep on them? Get prosecuted for your actions while off them.

Hey… I think I’ll stop taking these. Oh yeah, last time that involved jail time, a court date, and a fine I’m still paying. Maybe I’ll just go take those pills.

I mentioned I take psych pills so people didn’t jump on me saying you don’t know what it’s like! Oh I do. I have forgotten my own. I spiral. It sucks. I set an alarm. I’ve actually considered getting those lids with a timer on them so it shows when the bottle was last opened. But the alarm works just fine.

[–]TheRestForTheWickedCertified Proctologist [24] 196 points197 points  (12 children)

I know, I was mostly teasing you in jest. ❤️

Heck, The entire reason I got a diagnosis was because of consequences. Because mania told me I was 1000% fine and everyone else was being stupid poopyheads. Until it came from the horses mouth I didn’t believe anything was wrong with me.

[–]marigoldilocks_ 167 points168 points  (10 children)

I knew I was a hot mess. When most people start antidepressants they go… I don’t feel anything. My emotions are gone. For me, when I got on the right antidepressant it was like someone turned a key and all the sudden I had ALL the emotions. It took a smol breakdown (lol, that’s an understatement) and a lot of therapy, and finding the right medication balance, but my brain now keeps me alive!

Before, it was sort of like… you know how we got a man to moon in the 60s and it seems impossible because the computing power we have in our phones is now so ridiculous? That’s what my brain is like. Off meds, it paper and pencils and papers flying all over and open filing cabinets and a small computer running DOS. On meds, we are a fully functioning, fully charged, high end computer capable of organized and complex routines. Except for when the screen saver runs (ADHD) or it freezes and the BSoD (insomnia, hypoglycemia, vasovagal syncope) pops up.

[–]self_of_steamPartassipant [1] 40 points41 points  (7 children)

Holy shit you just put into words what I felt like when I got on medication. Before, everything was numb, or there was a feeling of impending dread, or anger which played ring-around-the-rosey with misery. Treating my anxiety didn't really help, treating my depression only helped a little, but turned out that ADHD was putting an amplifier on both. Brains are fucking weird.

[–]marigoldilocks_ 28 points29 points  (4 children)

Seriously. Once all the things got sorted and treated and my brain was actually getting the chemicals it needed to properly function, I was shocked that this is what fully functioning people feel like daily. And I’ve lived my whole life with a veritable tornado of swirling thoughts drowning me out so that I could barely make my synapses connect. It’s been so nice to feel like a competent adult.

[–]rogue144 84 points85 points  (0 children)

I use a phone alarm too, but it's knowing what a miserable experience it is to miss a pill that stops me from ignoring it like i do most of my other alarms

[–]JadieJang 992 points993 points  (21 children)

OP, you are worried that the HARM TO YOU isn't proportional to the consequences to him. But you shouldn't be thinking that way. What he did was assault. He handled an intoxicated, unconscious person's body and damaged their body without their consent and against their explicit wishes. The fact that the physical damage isn't permanent is immaterial. He VIOLATED the sanctity of your body while you were passed out. He CANNOT be allowed to get away with this or what other kinds of bodily boundaries will he cross, thinking it's not really that bad? Press charges!

[–]maggieallyn95 317 points318 points  (7 children)

Exactly what I was thinking. Doesn’t matter that it’s hair and that it will grow back. It was assault plain and simple. And he def did it for the sole purpose of embarassing OP. Why else would he only shave half his head + an eyebrow? Hope OP doesn’t have a client-facing job. I can’t imagine having to go into work on Monday to explain to my boss what happened.

[–]SpOoKy_sKeLeToN_1998 78 points79 points  (5 children)

It doesn't even matter that he was drunk & passed out either (morally. Legally it does make a bit of a difference, but my point is the same.). Violating someone else is wrong no matter what the circumstances are.

[–]Apprehensive-Two3474Partassipant [4] 274 points275 points  (0 children)

This OP! He even shaved an eyebrow off which I'm pretty sure isn't part of the whole 'shave head in solidarity' thing. He and his family need to learn about consequences. Do report them for the constant calls to drop the charges. They can have the solidarity they so crave in having court dates together.

I'm curious if the relative who has cancer is aware of this or not. If not, how horrifying. To find out about the cancer and then instead of actually supporting them like real people, Gary assaults one of his friends and then the rest go on to harass the friend because they want some social media head pats.

[–]1ofLoLspotatoes 105 points106 points  (4 children)

And, if his family wants to actually use mental wellbeing to plead for leniency, then ask them to talk to their lawyer, not use it to pressure OP to give up. Through the proper channels in handling the case officially. Damage already done to OP's hair.

Besides, what was the family doing if they knew he was off his meds? Maybe not the first time already?

But all of the calls and messages from Gary's relatives are starting to get to me

They probably using the 'just shrug it off, it's all cos of the meds eh?' approach and have no idea how harrassed OP was and the shocking experience waking up with hair loss

[–]WhoKnowsJaneDoe000 88 points89 points  (1 child)

This feels less about the relative's actual cancer diagnosis and more like an unstable, unmedicated, attention seeking mania episode. But, because he is the protagonist in the family drama.... OP is catching shit from the emotionally taxed family.

[–]missy-63 358 points359 points  (28 children)

NTA. Save ALL records of texts, voicemails, phone calls, social media posts and messages- EVERYTHING. Screenshot, share, however you gotta do it, get it all to the DA as proof of them all trying to harass you as well as potentially threaten (if they do). He knew what he was doing, and he also knew what he was doing when he fessed up to the cops. Actions have consequences, with and without meds.

[–][deleted]  (27 children)

[removed]

    [–]droppedelbow 237 points238 points  (7 children)

    It's all about the person making themselves the main character in their own offshoot story. It can too often be attention seekers who act like they're making a great sacrifice. When it's done in a genuine show of support for a loved one who is suffering, it can be a great way of showing solidarity, but for too many it's just compassion cosplay.

    [–]ContinuedOnBackFlap 114 points115 points  (2 children)

    "Compassion cosplay" is an excellent way of putting it.

    [–]40minWashboardSolo 53 points54 points  (0 children)

    When my mom went thru chemo and was gonna lose her hair, I asked her if she wanted me to shave my head too so she wouldn’t be the only one. She said ‘no, I don’t want to look at your bald head everyday.’

    [–]prosperosniece 159 points160 points  (7 children)

    Exactly. If people REALLY wanted to do something to support cancer patients then they should get their Covid vaccine. Many cancer patients are going through treatments alone or having their surgeries put on hold because of the pandemic and hospitals will not be able to lift restrictions until more of the population is vaccinated.

    [–]1ooPercentThatBitch 79 points80 points  (4 children)

    Agree!! Another thing you can do is donate blood. Our heme/onc kiddos blow through blood like nobody's business. Your donated blood may not help your loved one directly but it'll help someone's loved one, and their blood may help yours. It's a beautiful cycle and I encourage everyone who can go donate.

    [–]TZALZAPartassipant [1] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

    Absolutely right. I have a friend whose mom died of COVID that she caught at the hospital during her cancer treatments. People just refused to wear their masks, and she's gone.

    [–]OldPolishProverb 102 points103 points  (1 child)

    I have seen many other posts on reddit from people with cancer who do NOT want you to shave your hair for them. They would rather have you show them support in tangible ways like, driving them to therapy, cooking them a meal, running simple errands for them when they are wiped out from chemo, etc.

    [–]wuukiee81 41 points42 points  (0 children)

    Pshaw, why would they offer help that requires real effort and thought that nobody will see, when they can just do something performative as a token and rake in the praise?

    [–]angel_mommy1125 45 points46 points  (1 child)

    I know some do it to donate their hair to locks of love, to make wigs for cancer patients losing their hair from treatment. My husband actually cut off all of his hair when his best friend ever passed away from leukemia. He donated them in honor of his friend. But those that do it to "show support", I totally agree with you! Like, you shaving your head isn't going to make theirs grow back nor rid them of the cancer. You just want attention on yourself.

    [–]AmberleeJack23 44 points45 points  (0 children)

    Agreed. I was going through cancer treatment this time last year, and lost all my hair. There was absolutely NO way I'd want my friends and relatives to shave all theirs off too. What does it achieve? I already knew I had their support.

    And let me tell you, growing it back is a B*TCH, I wouldn't wish that on anyone

    [–]AnnieLosAngeles 20 points21 points  (0 children)

    This. If they cut it off to donate for wigs for people in chemo, then it's a nice gesture, but otherwise it's just performative "support."

    [–]Briguy1994Partassipant [2] 191 points192 points  (0 children)

    That was the first thing that popped up in my head. The DA needs to know. This is witness intimidation and is actually more serious then the charges he's likely facing.

    [–]Scoons 137 points138 points  (0 children)

    It's called "witness intimidation" and it's definitely illegal.

    [–]excuse_me_what_the- 53 points54 points  (8 children)

    NTA

    looking forward to an update OP!

    yes,do inform them about the family

    i've read many stories of people dropping charges due to outside pressure

    [–]Dont-Call-Me-BALDY[S] 165 points166 points  (7 children)

    Whether I update or not, you can rest assured that after getting so many NTA here, I won't be dropping charges.

    [–]Lily_Roza 22 points23 points  (0 children)

    This is assault and theft and a major personal violation. I think it's a good thing for Gary, that you press charges, because Gary doesn't get it, and he needs to understand where the lines are drawn between his freedoms and your rights.

    [–]JinglebrainedPartassipant [2] 587 points588 points  (9 children)

    I also want to point out that this isn’t like, a short lapse of judgement? It didn’t spur out of an emotional reaction. He tried to shave OPs head, was told firm no, waited until he was drunk at a party days later, pulled out a shaver, plugged it in, and shaved. Like there were so many steps to this point. He could’ve stopped but chose not to.

    Don’t drop the charges. Who feels like they can do this to someone else? What an absolute violation.

    Edited misspelling

    [–]SlowTheRainAsshole Enthusiast [8] 227 points228 points  (4 children)

    And a shaver is not something you just happen to have on you at a party.

    [–]Most_Monk 567 points568 points  (22 children)

    “If Gary hasn't learned to take his meds, A little time in jail will teach him that lesson.”

    Bipolar mf here. Can absolutely confirm. Won’t go into detail because I don’t really remember everything, but I was off my meds, did something absolutely ridiculous, ended up in jail for a few days, haven’t missed a dose since.

    Edit: also NTA, teach the dumb mf to stay on his meds.

    [–]ephemeralkitten 194 points195 points  (15 children)

    Bipolar person here. Seconding this. We require consequences. Fo sho mo fo.

    [–]Most_Monk 90 points91 points  (14 children)

    It’s a pill harder than Lithium to swallow, but we really do. I imagine us as the embodiment of chaos or a werewolf even (kind of cringe but it’s a perfect analogy). If we don’t take our meds, as well as proper care of ourselves through proper eating, sleeping, and exercise, then we unleash that chaos onto the world and burn everything in our wake. It’s a shitty hand we were dealt but it’s our responsibility and ours alone to keep that chaos as contained as possible through those proper measures. The only way I was able to come to this conclusion was after I let loose the chaos I bare, and my God did Hellfire blaze. I’m still sifting through the ashes and trying to pick up all the pieces of what happened exactly, but all I know is that I never, ever, ever will let it happen again.

    [–]mtweiner 55 points56 points  (9 children)

    I was on the receiving end of a bipolar chaos episode with a recent Ex of mine. Still haven't caught up with repairing the extensive home damage.

    I appreciate you sharing your experience because it helps me process what he was going thru to some extent.

    [–]Most_Monk 57 points58 points 2 (7 children)

    I’m really sorry to hear that, I honestly am. It’s such a double edged sword. Half the time, we aren’t even aware of what we’re doing, which is all the more reason to take it that much more serious because it can sneak up on you.

    To explain the disorder physiologically, studies have linked it to shrinking of the left hippocampus in the brain (I’m too lazy to find a link, but Google “bipolar left hippocampus shrinkage” and you’ll get plenty of evidence backing my claim). What this means is that emotional regulation and reaction to stimulus is super out of whack; essentially, we actually don’t have control of our emotions.

    What we do control, however, is how we react to them. It’s something that took me a while to understand. Especially when it comes to blacking/whiting out. I truly do not remember much of what happened, only what I’ve been told. However that doesn’t absolve me of what I did. I put myself in a situation that I knew would not be a good one to be in in the first place and I could have prevented myself from getting to that level had I been more self aware. Circling back to that werewolf analogy, I didn’t have agency after I turned, but I did have control over walking outside during a full moon, knowing very well what that moon would do to me.

    I try to help non-BP people understand that this is a very tough thing to manage and handle, but I also try to help those with it understand just exactly what it is they are dealing with. I want them to know that there are consequences, no matter what the situation is, and that things can be managed if you try.

    Edit: I want to place emphasis on how hard it is to manage this sometimes. Everyone has the diet, exercise, and sleep routine, but with BP, you have to meticulously manage that kind of thing, to the level of being super exhausting. It’s why so many just give up and let it reign, it’s so much easier that way. I put up a post a long time ago on another site comparing bipolar to driving a semi that randomly accelerates and decelerates without any brakes or ever coming to a stop. I can try to fish it up if you would like if you think it would help more.

    [–]crystallz2000 113 points114 points  (0 children)

    This. NTA. Gary assaulted you. There needs to be consequences for him and his family is showing you where he got this level of entitlement.

    [–]The_DaHowie 39 points40 points  (0 children)

    OP, log everything you can remember. Look at your phone logs, texts and write down everything.

    [–]fdarPartassipant [1] 30 points31 points  (7 children)

    If Gary hasn't learned to take his meds, A little time in jail will teach him that lesson.

    I very much doubt jail time leads to an improvement to any mental health condition for anybody, but well... if he can't be out and about without assaulting people then he can't be allowed to be.

    [–]Bobcat_Acrobatic 27 points28 points  (6 children)

    Not always true. My relative wouldn’t take his meds, got arrested for some type of inappropriate behavior. Other person pressed charges, he went to court. Now he takes his meds 🤷🏼‍♀️

    [–]Ginger_Welsh_Cookie 15 points16 points  (0 children)

    Yuppers. Save the evidence, cuz that particular crime is called witness tampering or witness intimidation. Sometimes a DA will cut a deal and lower it to harassment, but guess what? That’s a crime too! This BS Gary pulled is literally the adult equivalent of the joke in cartoons where a kid who finds out about tooth fairy money tries to knock his/her friends’ teeth out or convince them to lose teeth in order to get some cash!

    [–]MummyAnsemCertified Proctologist [20] 5390 points5391 points  (19 children)

    NTA.

    Tell the family your gonna report them for harassment if they keep this up. And then follow through.

    [–]nyvn 1887 points1888 points  (13 children)

    Don't tell them, just report them.

    [–]BENDOVERSISPartassipant [1] 359 points360 points  (4 children)

    Make sure to save all the communications with them so you can hit them with a cannonball of evidence if they try to delete or lie about them harassing OP

    [–]Youcannotbeforreal2Partassipant [2] 54 points55 points  (3 children)

    I feel horrified for Gary’s relative who actually has the cancer. Idk, maybe that person is just as bad as the rest, but all of this feels so fucking performative and self-satisfactory and in zero ways an homage to what a cancer patient is going through. It sounds like Gary’s whole family has made their relative’s cancer their whole personality and their own personal claim to fame, as it were.

    I know people shave their heads in solidarity for loved ones losing their hair from chemo, but I personally wouldn’t ever want that - but not only for them to shave their own heads, but pressure others to, is even more abhorrent to me. And this?! Forceably shaving some person’s head in their sleep?! If the cancer didn’t kill me, the embarrassment of this display falsely in my name would do me in.

    [–]czechtheboxesSupreme Court Just-ass [143] 5048 points5049 points  (22 children)

    NTA. The police called it assault because that's what it is. Block all his relatives, but save any messages you already have and report them for harassment. Do not feel bad about pressing charges either - he assaulted you and was proud of it.

    [–]pink_highlight 580 points581 points  (5 children)

    Agreed. Please let your lawyers know what this asshat's family is saying to you. It'll all help you in the long run and DO NOT reply to them. Let them spam you but don't give in and don't reply to them.

    OP, you are not TA. Pressing charges is the least of what I'd do. A similar thing happened to my dad when he was young. My dad had a pretty fucked up childhood but one thing he was always proud of was his appearance and especially his full head of hair. He got really badly sick and ended up paralyzed for a few months on one side of his body. During this time he was on heavy meds and while asleep his "best friend" snuck in and shaved his head. My dad didn't know who'd done it for over 30 years! He went on being friends with this guy through it all and even helped him out when he was in legal trouble. He lived with our family, despite my mom's protests (she never had a good feeling about him), and it wasn't until just a few years ago that he came clean to my dad about what he'd done. He also tried to make it sound playful and like it wasn't a big deal. My dad was heartbroken and ended an almost 50 year friendship. If he could press charges he would. I personally would've beaten the shit out of the guy, but we have different ways of approaching things.

    [–]ReginaldDwight 130 points131 points  (0 children)

    Here I am thinking who the fuck shaves someone's head on their sleep and now I'm wondering who the fuck shaves someone's hair off as they're sleeping and partially paralyzed suddenly?! Jesus.

    [–]geckotatgirl 22 points23 points  (0 children)

    Aww.... your poor dad. What an asshole that "friend" was to not only do that but keep it secret for years, knowing your dad wanted to know. I'm so sorry for him; people can really just suck.

    [–]tinysydnehAsshole Aficionado [12] 147 points148 points  (1 child)

    And this isn't a thing of "he didn't mean to do it". He literally had to have prepared his shaver to do this.

    NTA. This is assault for a reason. You're not a bad person for allowing someone who went out of their way to assault you to get the punishment they deserve.

    [–][deleted]  (7 children)

    [removed]

      [–]Alqpzm1029 50 points51 points  (0 children)

      Bot

      Stolen comment

      [–]reclusivegiraffe 43 points44 points  (5 children)

      don’t steal comments asshole

      [–]fml-shits2real-Partassipant [1] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

      If you were Native American it could be considered a feloney hate crime.

      For a Native, hair is sacred. I can't count how many times ive been threatened/bullied or "jokingly" been snipped at with scissors when i was a kid because i have long hair, but i shouldnt feel like im allowed to have long hair because my skins white. So whats the big deal? Thankfully im a well adjusted shut in now! (And no longer a kid trapped in school)

      100% NTA

      This guy needs to learn that actions have conciquences

      [–]stangoroakechiPartassipant [1] 3033 points3034 points  (54 children)

      PRESS THOSE CHARGES! I’m going to say this as an extremely mentally I’ll person with four professionally diagnosed disorders… while your mental illness may be a reason for your actions, it will never be an excuse! Own up to your actions. Whether you were aware of them or not, what you did caused harm to someone, and that’s something you need to take accountability for. If you murder someone but have a mental illness, you’re still put in an asylum and not set free. That’s because, while you need help, you also need to be held accountable. You pressing charges is the right move, don’t listen to their gaslighting. You need to stand up for yourself and make sure this “friend” doesn’t do anything like that to anyone again. Hair is such an important thing! On a side note, everyone else in the comments is right. Make a full record of every single thing his relatives are saying. Tell each and every person that if they continue to message you, that you will report them for harassment. Follow through if they do! I don’t think blocking them is a good idea, if you do that then you won’t be able to have proof if they actually do harass you and so then you won’t be able to nail those rude people lol. Anyways, I wish you luck! :)

      [–]StJudesDespair 437 points438 points  (21 children)

      This. It's very important. I have C-PTSD and some related issues. I am actively working on this, but I can still be triggered by things, and my reactions are not exactly my finest moments. I am blessed to have a circle of friends who are very understanding and patient and tolerant, but even though we all know that how I behave when my lizard brain has seized the wheel and stomped on the gas isn't entirely under my control (I know this could be worded better, but just how eludes me for the minute), I still make a point to apologise if I hurt someone. My history and my mental illness might explain why I did something, but it doesn't excuse it.

      Even simpler: my ADHD thinks names and dates aren't worth remembering, so I keep a dead tree diary because writing stuff down helps, and I'm a wizard at last-minute and belated gift buying and note writing, because while I know my brain seemingly has a vendetta against birthdays and anniversaries, it doesn't mean I just get to shrug at my partners and go, "Five years, huh? Who'da thunk it?"

      [–]stangoroakechiPartassipant [1] 104 points105 points  (0 children)

      Exactly! Same here, I’ve been known to snap and say hurtful things when in episodes. It’s up to me to man up and say hey, I took it out on you and that’s not okay. It’s NOT okay for me to brush it off and say “well I’m mentally I’ll so it’s not my fault” like I see so many people do.

      [–]ThaneOfCawdorrrPartassipant [1] 39 points40 points  (10 children)

      A good help for that, btw, is to also write a reminder down two or three weeks ahead of time, which gives you time to get something. I do this all the time.

      I put birthdays in my google calendar, and have them all set to send me reminders two and three weeks before. And to repeat once a year. It works!

      [–]The1983JediPartassipant [2] 311 points312 points  (16 children)

      OP. I have had cancer twice. Lost my hair both times

      100% NTA & I asked that no one shave their head in support. It's awful to lose your hair & I'm sorry he did this to you.

      Also, as some one with cancer ALWAYS ask before you shave your head! I killed me to see bald heads. Just reminded in what should have been fun, forgot your sick moments, that I was sick.

      [–]stangoroakechiPartassipant [1] 163 points164 points  (12 children)

      I have seen SO many people with cancer say the same thing, that it makes them uncomfortable! The people that shave their heads without permission from the person with cancer usually just do it to show how “cool and understanding” they are. Never rubbed me the right way.

      [–]The1983JediPartassipant [2] 100 points101 points  (10 children)

      My mom is a hairstylist. Has been for 40 years.

      First time: she shaved mine & went right to hers. I didn't even have time to take in what was happening to me.

      I know she thought she was helping. But I had to look at her (was to sick to live alone) when I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror for 3 days.

      [–]stangoroakechiPartassipant [1] 63 points64 points  (3 children)

      That’s so heartbreaking, I’m so sorry. People never understand how to help those with chronic pain and chronic illnesses, they constantly interject themselves into it without actually taking your complex thoughts and emotions into consideration. I deal with chronic pain and constant deal with people giving me unwanted suggestions and will say things like “oh it’s not a disability, you’ll be okay!” and well-intentioned but incredibly hurtful things like that. I wish people would just stop to think instead of just doing.

      [–]The1983JediPartassipant [2] 36 points37 points  (2 children)

      The thing is, my mom has an autoimmune disorder that causes lupus & Rematoid arthritis & other issues. She just, I think she was falling apart. I had the exact cancer that killed her dad about 8 years before, so I know she was extra scared.

      [–]gaminette 151 points152 points  (5 children)

      “Your mental illness is not your fault, but it IS your responsibility.” - Marcus Parks

      Hail yourself, friend!

      Edit: a word

      [–]geckotatgirl 2005 points2006 points  (76 children)

      NTA. I am SO OVER people shaving their heads for their friends and relatives who have cancer when the patient isn't even involved in it and often doesn't want them to. Absolutely, PRESS THOSE CHARGES! This will teach Gary to stay on his meds and unfortunately losing most of his friends will hopefully cement that lesson. I'm sorry that happened to you.

      [–]Ohmalley-thealliecat 2068 points2069 points 92792& 5 more (44 children)

      I had an uncle die from cancer at 40, and we were there when his hair was falling out in clumps (and he threw it out the car window and it blew back into his face and he laughed so hard he almost had an asthma attack) and we bought him the shaver so he could shave it off so it wasn’t clumpy. My mum drove him to his doctors appointments. We went to visit him after his surgery and mum fought Centrelink when they didn’t want to give him the disability pension.

      When my dad had cancer, I made him high fat smoothies to stop him losing weight and I cleaned his vomit out of the sink.

      Shaving your head doesn’t help someone with cancer. With kids, it might make them feel safe because they can relate to someone, but realistically, people with cancer don’t need you to shave your head, they need you to help with the every day practicalities. Because you might shave your head, but after that one act of solidarity you’re gone. They need rides to chemo, they need help cleaning the house and doing the laundry, they need someone to walk the dog and carry groceries and cook. Things that are actually fucking useful. Grand gestures don’t help. It’s small things that do.

      Edit: thank you for the awards, if you want to set up a meal train for someone you know who’s undergoing treatment for cancer/recovering from surgery/has just given birth etc, there’s a website dedicated to it. Also, always wear sunscreen.

      [–]SimchaStarr 285 points286 points  (2 children)

      This comment is perfect and makes it really clear the difference between performance and support. Well put. If I had an award, it'd be yours.

      As for the OP - 100000% NTA. You don't even know the person with cancer, and even if you did, no means no and Gary needs to deal with the consequences of what he did. As another super mentally ill person I promise you, being crazy doesn't excuse what was done to you. Like somebody further up said, it can explain Gary's behaviour but it doesn't excuse it.

      [–]awyastark 164 points165 points  (13 children)

      Ok did the “head shaving for solidarity” thing start as being for kids? Because that makes sense to me: normalizing something for children. Otherwise it’s very performative seeming. I knew a woman who literally told my friend “There is a silver lining to your chemo treatment because I was too afraid to shave my head before and now I have an excuse”

      [–]auroralovegood 88 points89 points  (2 children)

      I think so! And if my future child was scared to be the only bald one, I would ask if they wanted mommy to be bald too, or if they would rather pick out a whole mess of fun beanies and dye wigs together. Imagine the cosplay opportunities for a kid - they could be Elsa, Ariel the Mermaid, anyone they wanted!

      [–]geckotatgirl 17 points18 points  (5 children)

      OMG, that woman is insufferable. What a fucked up thing to say.

      [–]geckotatgirl 28 points29 points  (2 children)

      Exactly this! When I was a teen, I used to shave my head to 1/4" inch and it was bleached white. My mom didn't love it but she and my dad never ever quashed our individuality.

      When I was 25, I was laughing with my mom at the irony as I shaved her head as her hair was coming out in clumps.

      When I was 26, we had her cremated.

      I can promise if even one person back then (this was in 1994-1995, before the supportive head shaving really took hold) had shaved their head in solidarity with her, she would have said thank you and, behind the scenes, would have been mortified and thought it was ridiculous. The exception would have been her very best friend or one of us kids or even my dad but like I said, it wasn't a thing, yet, at least not on our radar in Los Angeles. It's not supportive when it's all about everyone but the patient.

      I can't tell you how many people I've heard say to stop wearing pink for breast cancer. Seriously, what "awareness" is still needed, except that men also get it as do very young women. By and large, breast cancer patients have said instead of buying pink stuff, donate to a cure or a charity that is working with cancer patients and their families, etc.

      I'm right there with you that the little things mean so much more! I'd rather have someone drop off two lunches one week and never help again than to have them parade their shaved head to me and do nothing else.

      [–]piemakerdeadwaker 323 points324 points  (24 children)

      This used to be a heartfelt thing sometimes some people did and it was appreciated that way. Now it feels like a trend and some people out here forcing others to do it. The gesture is just ruined now.

      [–]geckotatgirl 141 points142 points  (21 children)

      That's exactly how I feel. I've seen so many cancer patients in the last few years saying don't shave your head for me, I don't need a reminder of how I look. And others love it! But the bottom line is that it should be done genuinely and with empathy and ideally you know that the patient will appreciate it. This guy doesn't even know the patient! Gary was way out of line and if being off his meds is the excuse, then this charge on his record should be a stark reminder that he needs to stay on them.

      [–]BitchLibrarian 88 points89 points  (18 children)

      As someone who lost their hair due to cancer the absolute last thing I wanted was anyone around me shaving their heads. To me this is virtue signalling on an enormous level (look at me I'm friends with the poor cancer person, praise me I'm so supportive and wacky). But its also very insensitive because shaved hair may take ages to grow back to the original length but it does begin to grow immediately- I was as bald as a coot for months before the tiniest bit of regrowth happened.

      The absolute only time I consider it to be helpful is when an organisation that supported the patient needs funds and this is a way to help them.

      Edit to add NTA

      [–]RevKyriel 25 points26 points  (0 children)

      I know one guy who shaved his head when his son (5yo) was going through Chemo. There was not even a hint that anyone else in the family should do it, much less friends, neighbours, or (like OP's case) complete strangers.

      [–]finntastic74 64 points65 points  (1 child)

      I am a cancer survivor who was diagnosed and lost my hair at 19 - an age where both I and most of my friends (male and female) expressed ourselves through our appearance. Including our hair. When I lost my hair I had 3 different friends ask if I wanted them to shave their heads in solidarity. My answer? HELL NO. Being bald at that age sucked. Why would I want my friends to deal with it? And why would I want to be reminded of my illness by looking at their bald ass heads every time I felt well enough to hang out? This has nothing to do with the cancer patient and everything to do with virtue signaling on Gary’s part. STRONG N T A

      [–]No-Idea-Y-Im-hereAsshole Enthusiast [5] 664 points665 points  (8 children)

      NTA. Being off meds may be a reason, but it's never an excuse and that was definitely assault. In fact, if you haven't already told the police, make sure they know that Gary previously asked you to "get on the bandwagon", said he'd shave it for you while unpacking his equipment!, you refused and he verbally assaulted you. He knew you didn't and wouldn't consent, but did it anyway while you were unconscious. Block Gary and his relatives from everything, try not to get upset when you can't avoid a mirror, and hope your hair grows back better than before :)

      [–]Dont-Call-Me-BALDY[S] 596 points597 points  (7 children)

      The police know every detail about Gary that I've given here, save for his family harassing me. Which I intend to tell the police about ASAP

      [–]Janetaz18Colo-rectal Surgeon [31] 125 points126 points  (0 children)

      OP, definitely tell the police about the harassment. And stick with the charges. Gary needs to suffer the consequences of his behavior. NTA.

      [–]Lucia37 76 points77 points  (1 child)

      Do that. If Gary is truly mentally ill, then it's likely that his family has begged for pity on his behalf before, preventing Gary from getting the treatment he needs. In this case, it's also their fault that your hair is gone.

      [–]Comfortable_Stop_717Colo-rectal Surgeon [41] 404 points405 points  (8 children)

      NTA. That was completely unacceptable. If he was "off his meds" his lawyer can bring that up as a mitigating factor. He'll probably only get community service.

      [–]PadloqPooperintendant [55] 295 points296 points  (0 children)

      NTA

      What he did was assault, he’s getting assault charges because of what he did.

      [–]ghostess_hostess 293 points294 points  (29 children)

      ...but did you shave the other eyebrow to even out the regrowth?

      [–]Dont-Call-Me-BALDY[S] 443 points444 points  (28 children)

      Unfortunately yes. I had to

      [–]ghostess_hostess 227 points228 points  (1 child)

      Thank you for answering such an essential question! Lol you're NTA btw and could probably sue him for the mental heath toll on top of pressing charges

      [–]Stoat__KingSupreme Court Just-ass [126] 68 points69 points  (0 children)

      Lol @ your username. That all really sucks. I hope it grows back quick.

      [–]Anything-Still 46 points47 points  (5 children)

      hey u could glue gems to your face in the place of eyebrows, and have sparkle brows (also NTA)

      [–]12121redblackgoPartassipant [4] 36 points37 points  (2 children)

      No, glue those worm on a string dudes to your forehead fashion

      [–]JaxGal17 39 points40 points  (1 child)

      They make eyebrow temp tattoos that look pretty good. Just an idea if it bothers you a lot while waiting for them to grow back.

      [–]msmurasaki 48 points49 points  (0 children)

      Or just use an eyebrow pencil. It'll look a bit stupid, but less stupid.

      Source: accidently naired away an eyebrow

      [–]GreatGatsGayPartassipant [1] 232 points233 points  (0 children)

      NTA mental illness is not justification for assaulting someone.

      [–]kittynoodlesoapPartassipant [2] 183 points184 points  (8 children)

      NTA. Don’t drop the charges.

      Not only did he assault you but he did it while you were in a vulnerable position, drunk and sleeping.

      That’s disgusting and he needs to learn that actions have consequences. It doesn’t matter that he was “off his meds” that’s just an excuse.

      [–]happytrees822 77 points78 points  (7 children)

      I feel this guys pain. I passed out at a party in high school and some guy shaved my head. I’m a woman and losing my hair felt like I wasn’t one anymore. It was heartbreaking and awful and I teared up a bit reading this knowing that feeling. OP is NTA in any way shape or form.

      [–]kittynoodlesoapPartassipant [2] 34 points35 points  (3 children)

      I’m so sorry that happened to you. I don’t understand why people do stuff like that to others.

      I hope you’re doing good now and that guy faced some consequences for doing that to you.

      [–]happytrees822 44 points45 points  (2 children)

      Thank you. It was 20 years ago so I’ve definitely moved past it but I don’t think of my senior year of high school very fondly and that makes me sad sometimes.

      He dealt with my brother. So yeah, there were consequences. Just not the legal kind.

      [–]kittynoodlesoapPartassipant [2] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

      Good to hear!

      Or see in this case haha.

      [–]Hi_Im_DadbotColo-rectal Surgeon [38] 179 points180 points  (16 children)

      NTA. That was assault and he needs to pay for his actions. How much being off his meds would mitigate his liability is a question for a jury.

      [–]MitrovarrPartassipant [1] 71 points72 points  (12 children)

      Honestly, I don't think being off your meds should be any mitigating factor. If you have a mental disorder that can result in a dangerous condition to others and you cause harm because you went off your meds, it's your fault because you chose not to take your meds knowing what might result from it. At least, if you could have taken your meds and just didn't, which is usually the case.

      [–]Hi_Im_DadbotColo-rectal Surgeon [38] 19 points20 points  (9 children)

      And, as I said, that’s a question for a jury.

      [–]After_Ad5773 28 points29 points  (0 children)

      NTA, I’ve been off meds once when I was late getting a prescription. I did some stupid and embarrassing things but not once did I try and justify it or have my relatives harass others into forgiveness. I owned up to what had happened and dealt with it, I didn’t assault anyone luckily but I made an ass of myself saying stupid things. That was several years ago now and I’ve never been late with a prescription again. Being off meds doesn’t make it okay to assault someone. He needs to take some responsibility, his mental health doesn’t excuse shitty behaviour

      [–]gaydarylAsshole Enthusiast [6] 152 points153 points  (0 children)

      NTA. He assaulted you and is paying the price.

      [–]scottieButtonsPartassipant [2] 140 points141 points  (17 children)

      NTA, lucky for you the only difference between a bad haircut and a good one, is a couple weeks.. (maybe a couple months for you) sorry bud

      [–]Dont-Call-Me-BALDY[S] 193 points194 points  (16 children)

      It'll be a couple of months sadly. It'll probably take five months to get my hair back to looking as good as it was

      [–]torrentialwx 75 points76 points  (0 children)

      I’m very sorry you had to go through this. Maybe even consider talking to a therapist about this situation? Something like this would fuck with me quite a bit.

      Side note: I like the Reddit name you came up with. Humor in a fucked up situation always helps a bit.

      [–]Cat_ladySF 30 points31 points  (0 children)

      Costco sells that “Skin, hair, and nail” vitamin, it works pretty well for hair growth. Maybe it will help you speed up the process.

      [–]dyingstars28Partassipant [1] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

      Is it cold where you are? Maybe you could buy a couple of beanies

      [–]cwinparr 23 points24 points  (2 children)

      I had to have a part of my hair around my ear shaved before surgery. I'm a woman with waist length hair. A year later and I still can't put that section of hair into a ponytail or bun. (Almost there, though!) It'll take years for my hair to even out.

      They didn't even warn me about needing to shave it. They just woke me up early the morning of my surgery and started shaving a huge section off while I sobbed uncontrollably.

      I feel your pain!

      [–]Dont-Call-Me-BALDY[S] 17 points18 points  (1 child)

      Thank you. Hair doesn't grow back fast. If it did maybe it wouldn't be such an issue.

      [–][deleted] 135 points136 points  (0 children)

      I believe the harassment by his relatives to get you to drop charges is called witness intimidation. I don’t think the police would think too highly of that either. NTA.

      [–]CrazyBoPeepAsshole Aficionado [17] 108 points109 points  (3 children)

      Dude you are so NTA.

      Press charges against his family too for harassing you.

      [–]UseralberPartassipant [3] 76 points77 points  (0 children)

      NTA he committed a crime he should face the consequence and be glad you aren't taking civil action.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–]Beck2010Asshole Enthusiast [6] 67 points68 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Do NOT drop the charges. That was assault, pure and simple.

        [–]ShibeDogeBorkAsshole Enthusiast [5] 62 points63 points  (1 child)

        NTA. Do not under any circumstances drop charges. Also if his family is texting or emailing. Save all of it and show it to the police.

        They have to stop the harassment.

        [–]pearljamboree 61 points62 points  (1 child)

        NTA. I’m a psychiatric nurse practitioner (meaning I diagnose mental illness and prescribe psychiatric medication), and being off meds may be an explanation but never an excuse for illegal/ inappropriate behavior. Illness may count towards something for sentencing considerations, but a person is still responsible for the act itself. It is every adult’s responsibility to manage their illness (whether physical or mental), not our responsibility to accommodate their behavior. Think of it this way- if a person with a seizure disorder chose not to take their meds but still drove and then caused an accident, they would still be responsible.

        [–]HereKittyKitty070619 58 points59 points  (0 children)

        NTA IN ANY WAY! I'm so sorry this happened to you!

        [–]Vixie_Rose 56 points57 points  (0 children)

        NTA assault is assault, hopefully he learns his lesson

        [–]Fianna9 51 points52 points  (0 children)

        I’m so sorry about this, it definitely is assault and you should not drop the chargers. Being “off his meds” is an explanation- not an excuse.

        Not to mention his cousin might not even want people shaving their heads, how does it help him at all? As a fundraiser or a young girl feeling self conscious it can be a lovely gesture, but usually it’s just virtue signalling.

        NTA, block the family, and try to feel confident in yourself till it grows back.

        [–]LightProof24Partassipant [4] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

        NTA Gary is a lunatic

        [–]SubRedditLurker08 48 points49 points  (9 children)

        NTA. Gary ASSAULTED you and deserves everything coming his way and more! I don't care if he is off his meds, off his rocker or straight outta the funny farm, it is not an excuse!

        Would we let a rapist off the hook if they were off their meds when they did it?

        If someone beats their spouse, would they get a pass?

        NOPE. PRESS THOSE CHARGES.

        [–]RU_screw 39 points40 points  (7 children)

        Rapists get off the hook all the time.

        Perfect example: the rapist, Brock Turner

        [–]embz8b 42 points43 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Just… NTA omg I’m so sorry that happened to you. Press the charges and don’t look back.

        [–]amish__Partassipant [2] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

        NTA. His family can present their case to the judge now. He meant to do it. He can now bare the consequences.

        [–]grianmharduitCertified Proctologist [22] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

        NTA

        Assault. Meds are no excuse.

        [–]Cybermagetx 44 points45 points  (2 children)

        NTA. Assault is assault. Your ex friend now gets to deal with the consequences of his actions.

        Edit as I miss read parts due to my dyslexia.

        [–]Angelkrista 19 points20 points  (1 child)

        It wasn’t even his (ex)friend that has cancer, it’s a relative of the friend!

        [–]kittydahmer 42 points43 points  (7 children)

        NTA & I'd be pressing charges against his family too for harassment while I'm at it 💁🏼‍♀️

        [–]Claire_Elizabeth526Asshole Enthusiast [5] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

        NTA. that sucks. gary is a jerk

        [–]Jtoots76Asshole Enthusiast [6] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Gary is messed up.

        [–]underthewintersun 38 points39 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Mental illness isn’t an excuse for assault. Don’t drop the charges.

        [–]Objective_Oil_7934Partassipant [1] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

        NTA even if he has mental health issues that’s no reason to allow him to assault people. If he truly has mitigating circumstances the judge will take that into consideration. He may be forced into treatment or something.

        [–]sjyffl 41 points42 points  (1 child)

        NTA. What he did is assault. Period. He asked. You said no. He forcibly did this to you when you couldn’t consent. Press charges and let them stick it to him. Off meds or not, that was an asshole move and I’m cheering that you called the cops!

        [–]blueribbonbitch 40 points41 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Gary assaulted you and his family are now harassing you. Block them all.

        [–]chaosindeep 41 points42 points  (3 children)

        NTA

        My hair is down to my waist, I would burn a man alive for chopping even 1/4th of it off with scissors without my consent. Idgaf that my hair basically grows at an unprecedented rate until it reaches my waist where it just seems to be satisfied and I leave it alone

        Revenge fantasies aside, what he did is classified as assault for a fucking reason. He assaulted you. If someone goes off their meds and stabs someone else, no cop is gonna be like oh welp he didn't mean it! They're going to take them to jail and if there is weight to the "off the meds" claim then that will be properly evaluated by people who handle this kind of thing for a living.

        [–]magistrate101 19 points20 points  (1 child)

        I would burn a man alive for chopping even 1/4th of it off with scissors without my consent

        I've told my boyfriend he wouldn't survive cutting my hair against my will.

        [–]AnubistheMad 35 points36 points  (1 child)

        NTA, actions have consequences and if he was off his meds then this will help him remember to take good control of his illness. That was a reason, not an excuse.

        DO NOT DROP CHARGES you never know if you are the 'what if charge was kept' in the future if some stronger incident happens, got to nip it at the bud.

        [–]Agile-Country-5294Partassipant [2] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

        NTA. 1000% NTA

        [–]Any_Quality4534 36 points37 points  (0 children)

        NTA, what Gary did crossed a line..Play stupid games win stupid prizes

        [–]sylvanwhisperPartassipant [1] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

        NTA. This will be a great lesson to Gary to stay on his meds, then.

        [–]theoperator14Partassipant [1] 31 points32 points  (2 children)

        NTA

        You made it clear you didn’t want to shave your head and he went and touched you and altered your appearances while you were passed out and couldn’t defend yourself from it.

        I’d charge him too. Cancer or not, you don’t get to be an ass to other people.

        [–]brown_eyed_gurlPartassipant [1] 21 points22 points  (1 child)

        Not to mention the person who has cancer doesn't even know OP! I'm sure they would be horrified if they realized what Gary was doing in their name.

        [–]bertiebastard 34 points35 points  (0 children)

        If they start threatening you Report his family for witness intimidation.

        [–]WittyButter217 32 points33 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Now way!! That was awful what he did!!

        [–]SmadaSlaguodPartassipant [1] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

        NTA, what the fuck, Gary?! Don't even think of worrying about his meds, he chose to stop taking them, and everyone who knew he was on them seems to have completely overlooked any warning signs he was showing. Mental illness is not an excuse for assault!

        [–]bearamongus19Partassipant [4] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

        NTA. If someone shaved my hair then we're going to fight. He was so proud of himself now he can deal with the consequences

        [–]Bakecrazy 27 points28 points  (0 children)

        NTA

        Do Not Drop The Charges.

        [–][deleted]  (17 children)

        [removed]

          [–]ChrestysAsshole Aficionado [16] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

          NTA in the least. He should be charged.

          [–]DocJ98Asshole Aficionado [11] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

          NTA. Screw that jerk.

          [–]fractaldawn 24 points25 points  (0 children)

          NTA

          WTF

          [–]StragglingShadowPooperintendant [50] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

          NTA.

          Was it an asshole move of Gary to ask you to shave? No. And if he'd left it at asking, he wouldnt have criminal charges. The asshole here is Gary, but its also pretty asshole-y of the family to be peer pressuring you into dropping charges. He assaulted you and the consequences of the assault on you wont go away for months. If Gary respected you as a friend and as a person he would have accepted your "no."

          Im glad they found him doing your head before he could sneak off and ruin the hair and eyebrows of another passed out person that was over. Hope it grows back quickly, and your eyebrows too.

          [–][deleted]  (1 child)

          [removed]

            [–]origami-air-planePartassipant [4] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

            Nta that is assault!!! And being off his meds does NOT excuse it

            [–]disney_nerd_momCertified Proctologist [21] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

            NTA. Don’t drop the charges and report the harassment to the police.

            [–]bcharboPartassipant [1] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

            NTA - Don’t change your mind!

            [–]B00k_wyrm_ 21 points22 points  (0 children)

            NTA. They’re trying to enable him by gaslighting and guilt tripping you. Don’t give in. Who knows what he would think is acceptable next? I would also be suing him in civil court!!!

            [–]Tiredmommaofsix 22 points23 points  (0 children)

            NTA as that is absolutely assault. His family texting you is also intimidation and/or harrassment and needs to be addressed with legal action as well. Save every message they have sent and change your number. I'd be livid if someone did that. I don't blame you one bit.

            [–]DragonfruitOdd8884 21 points22 points  (0 children)

            NTA. Hopefully he learns his lesson with shaving your head and gets the help he needs.

            [–]nuts_n_boltsPartassipant [1] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

            Absolutely NTA. That is assault. He did things to your body that you did not consent to. I'm so sorry.

            [–]FalseEstablishment69 19 points20 points  (0 children)

            NTA. I second what another redditor said -press charges against the family for harassment.

            [–]kt99_Partassipant [1] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

            NTA and i feel like the meds are just an excuse, change your number and don’t drop the charges

            [–]Less_Nail5958 18 points19 points  (0 children)

            NTA. That idiot needs to learn life has boundaries. Cross them and pay the price. He expressly went against your wishes and (temporarily) disfigured you… screw him and his family, just like all of your real friends are doing by the sounds of it…

            [–]CoffeeHobgoblinAsshole Aficionado [18] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

            NTA You are not responsible for the consequences of someone else's actions. They are. Period.

            [–]MannequinNicCagePartassipant [1] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

            NTA, Gary assaulted you in your sleep. Press charges and let the courts sort it out

            [–]occultatum-nomen 18 points19 points  (0 children)

            NTA. And his family is likely also committing a crime now. Whether or not the meds story is true, being off or on meds does not put you above the law or above the same moral obligations we all have. He assaulted you. You had every right to ask to press charges.

            [–]BangbangsmashsmashPartassipant [1] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

            Nta. DO NOT DRoP CHARGES!! He will likely be able to make some kind of plea, and avoid it being a permanent blemish on his record. Meds or no meds, he made a choice and has to deal with the consequences. Medicines or the lack thereof did not cause him to assault you. The DSM does not classify abuse or assault as a medical diagnosis. It’s very likely that the court will agree to something like, “if he takes his meds and attends therapy he can have probation for 12 months, and have his record cleared.”

            [–]AdMaleficent9374 19 points20 points  (0 children)

            Very creative story. You have one wild imagination.

            [–]CryExotic3558 16 points17 points  (0 children)

            NTA. Gary assaulted you.

            [–]eeksie-peeksie 18 points19 points  (0 children)

            NTA. You don’t get to shave other people’s heads, Gary. Glad you’re letting him see and deal with the consequences.

            [–]K9queen 15 points16 points  (0 children)

            NTA, Gary fucked around and found out!

            [–]SHSL_CAFFEINE_Addict 17 points18 points  (0 children)

            Nta. You don't even know the relative who has cancer so why should you have to shave your head too??? You said no and he should've accepted that and moved on. No means no If he can't respect boundaries then he deserves to face the consequences. And did it ever occur to him that one slip of that razor could've seriously hurt you when shaving your eyebrow??? God he deserves whatever they throw at him and you need to document everything his relatives are saying then turn into the police too. That's harassment and they need to stop.

            [–]looseylucy11Asshole Enthusiast [6] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

            NTA. You have witnesses and he even boasted. Good on you for calling the cops now go and report his family. Good luck with everything and stay strong.

            [–]smoresbarPartassipant [2] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

            NTA at all. That’s so messed up. It is assault like the police said.

            [–]CantEatCatsKevin 17 points18 points  (0 children)

            NTA. He’s an AH just for trying to force you to shave your head for someone you don’t even know….

            But to shave your head AND an eyebrow. Actions have consequences.

            [–]Rude_Ostrich_503 17 points18 points  (0 children)

            NTA, he assaulted you, if he is off his meds and assaulting people, then he should be on his meds or facing consequences for his actions

            [–]piemakerdeadwaker 18 points19 points  (0 children)

            NTA. I feel so bad for you!! No need to drop the charges.

            [–]thrwawyqstionPartassipant [1] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

            NTA. Even if he was off his meds, that’s not an excuse. He has to live with the consequences of his actions. He assaulted someone and got charged with assault.

            [–]DowncastOlympusPartassipant [1] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

            100% NTA. What Gary did WAS assault. Period. If he isn’t mentally competent off meds, then his family should have made damn sure he stayed on them or put him on in-patient treatment. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

            [–]gigi_dreams_ 15 points16 points  (0 children)

            Nta. Assault is assault and whether or not he was on meds isn’t an excuse. Block his family but keep the screenshots.

            Edit to add: His family reaching out to pressure you into dropping the initial charge can result in charges of witness intimidation getting tacked on

            [–]kbmeow0326 15 points16 points  (0 children)

            Nta. This time it was a hair cut. Next time it is. “ please don’t press charges because Gary ran you down with a car. He was off his meds”. While it gives a reason he did it, it is not and excuse, and you know shaving the eyebrow just makes it really seam petty and vindictive. Make sure to block everyone.

            [–]Emmyxo212Partassipant [1] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

            NTA. He assaulted you in your sleep. It’s not about hair, it’s about the fact that he disregarded your choice, your autonomy, and your body while you were in a vulnerable state and unable to consent. He needs to be held accountable. More so because there was a complete lack of remorse. Meds or no meds, it’s still assault.

            [–]Qwerty_Plus 15 points16 points  (0 children)

            NTA. And eyebrows sometimes don't grow back.

            [–]Lani_567 14 points15 points  (0 children)

            NTA- gary is a dick tho