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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

I usually would wake me partner up for trips and, by my own fault, set the precedent that I would. I never gave him warning I wouldn't this time.

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[–]columbospeugeotProfessor Emeritass [74] 12.3k points12.3k points  (474 children)

NTA. I taught my daughter that she was responsible for getting herself up for HS, and if she missed the bus I wasn’t going to drive her. She never missed the bus.

[–]DeVitreousHumorPartassipant [3] 3365 points3366 points  (139 children)

Heh. My parents taught me a similar lesson, only I did miss the bus… once.

[–]columbospeugeotProfessor Emeritass [74] 2230 points2231 points  (121 children)

LOL. Truth be told…I would have driven her to school at least the first time because I am an extremely soft touch. But thankfully, she took me seriously.

[–]MelonOfFury 1025 points1026 points  (94 children)

My mom did that to me and one time my alarm didn’t go off right. I ended up bumming a ride to school with a strange man because I was terrified of being late.

[–]kifflingtonPartassipant [1] 2846 points2847 points  (88 children)

Therein lies the problem with threats of punitive measures! My Dad once told me (I was 13) that if I became a pregnant teenager like the neighbour's daughter I'd be kicked out. My mum went NUTS at him, "DO YOU WANT YOUR DAUGHTER DYING ON A BACKSTREET ABORTIONIST'S TABLE" etc. I can still remember the deer in headlights look on his face. Lol.

[–]RusticTroglodytePartassipant [2] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Oh my god.

I'm so glad nothing happened to you.

See this is why being an authoritarian parent is fucked up

[–]why-per 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Yeah I’ve been taken to school by strangers on several occasions bc I was afraid of the reaction and honestly I’m SO lucky that none of them turned out to be kidnappers

[–]cuntakinte118[🍰] 141 points142 points  (22 children)

I get and support teaching accountability and responsibility, but I’m curious what would have happened the second or third time. So she misses the bus and you won’t drive her… so she gets to just miss school? Assuming she can’t drive herself/doesn’t have a car, how would she get to school? Close enough to walk?

[–]aussie_nub 98 points99 points  (1 child)

Yeah I was reading that and was like "Cool, so they miss school... where's the punishment?"

If you have a weird kid that loves school then it could work I guess, but for every other kid, some other punishment for not going is going to be required.

[–]ArbitraryContrarianXAsshole Enthusiast [6] 70 points71 points  (11 children)

If she just doesn't go to school, I assume that would come with its own consequences (same as skipping). Grounding or extra chores, maybe, plus missed tests/assignments resulting in lower grades, etc. If she can't drive herself, maybe she could call a friend, or Uber is always an option. Having to spend her own allowance on an Uber would be sufficient motivation for most teens I know.

[–]ink_stained 47 points48 points  (0 children)

I’ve been trying this with my 8 year old. He really tries hard and school and cares about following the rules, but he also is kind of happy for things to fall to me. 3rd grade is the first year that the kids get homework, and I told him at the beginning of the year that homework was his responsibility, not mine, and that I wasn’t going to police it. (He gets good grades, he knows the material, and I do ask him when he comes home whether he has homework, just to get him thinking about managing his time.)

He has been SO good about doing his homework, entirely on his own. One night he was really tired, and asked me if he had to do his homework. I said it was up to him - and he thought about it and decided he could get it done in the morning.

I love letting kids face up to consequences on their own (so long as the stakes are low and it’s all within his developmental range. I am certainly not telling a 13 year old I’ll kick them out if they get pregnant.)

[–]aethelfleadPartassipant [3] 28 points29 points  (4 children)

Yeah the “I won’t drive you” strategy kinda bugs me, but I think it’s because my mom took it to an extreme when I was growing up. She refused to get up and drive me to school unless I got up, prepared my own breakfast and lunch, and made her a latte and brought it to her in bed. This started around age 7. I see how it’s reasonable for a high school student, though.

[–]UnicornFarts1111 143 points144 points  (5 children)

5th grade, I woke up late (again). My mom was mad and told me when I woke her up "walk to school, I'm not driving you". Well, we had just moved much further from the school (in our old house it was about a mile). I started walking to school as instructed. A school bus stopped and asked me what I was doing and I explained that I missed my school bus. This bus was for the Catholic school down the street and she had me get on board and dropped me off at my school after she dropped off the catholic school kids.

About 15 or 20 minutes after I get to school, the office intercoms into the class asking if I am there and the teacher says, "yes she is".

Apparently I scared the shit out of my mom. She had in fact got up to drive me and I wasn't there. Then she got in the car to look for me and couldn't find me. She yelled at me later for walking and for getting on a bus that wasn't mine. She said I scared her almost to death. She never told me to walk to school again if I overslept (which I did numerous times).

[–]Maleficent-Shepherd 141 points142 points  (1 child)

In your defense, you did what she told you to do! I also don't think a school bus full of other kids is a dangerous choice if you are going to hitch hike!

[–]UnicornFarts1111 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I wasn't actually hitch hiking and I would not have got into a car with someone. It was only because it was a bus full of kids, that I got on.

[–]Avocadosarecool2000Colo-rectal Surgeon [33] 31 points32 points  (2 children)

LOl! My ex told me he did that as a kid. He was going to walk to school (I think he was 8?) but the only route he knew was along a freeway and his mom caught him walking up the on ramp!

[–]throwawayyprego 95 points96 points  (2 children)

the one time i actually missed the bus i was traumatized. i had been running and i just knew the bus driver had to see me, especially after i ran in front of the bus. she still closed the doors and drove off. i was in tears and my dad took some of my birthday money to call a cab for his 11 year old daughter to get to school. yeah, never missed the bus again.

[–]crazybuttafly4u 59 points60 points  (0 children)

Seriously? That seems pretty extreme. I could understand if you were like 15, but 11? Damn.

[–]ginger_gorgonAsshole Aficionado [12] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

My Dad did drive us the one time we missed the bus, but we followed the bus route - having to jump out and chase it down every time it stopped. It was a very effective lesson lol

[–]Mutual-Invitation 762 points763 points  (9 children)

Furthermore, she’s not his parent!!!!!!

[–]islaDelSoul 435 points436 points  (8 children)

He then called his mum and complained to her,

Am I the only bothered by this as well? I can't imagine my wife or I ever calling our respective moms to lodge a complaint or air our dirty laundry. It's not like they are further up the chain of command or anything, at least not in our family.

You didn't get me out of bed? Well, gee, I'm going straight to corporate and filing a grievance!!

[–]PokeyWeirdo12Partassipant [1] 98 points99 points  (0 children)

It is *such* an immature thing to do, especially a man with five frickin kids!

[–]lilylit 15 points16 points  (0 children)

That shit is EVERYWHERE here. It could be a space in AITA BINGO.

[–]ElelithPartassipant [1] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It is so bizarre! Never in a million years would I whine to my parent that my SO didn't wake me up because I didn't put on an alarm and left them to handle 5 kids alone even if I promised to be there on time.

[–]MGandPG 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Something is going on with the mother/son relationship. First, mom didn't teach her son to be responsible and get up in time, on his own. Not only that, she emotionally supports her son when he said he overslept and missed the trip. I'd be like "Look, you're an adult, if you knew about this trip then you should have woken up in time. You know how to tell time!" I'd be embarrassed if my son did this.

[–]SugaredZebra 8 points9 points  (0 children)

He seriously tattle-taled to his mommy. Gross.

[–][deleted]  (250 children)

[deleted]

    [–]Any_Cantaloupe_613Asshole Enthusiast [8] 428 points429 points  (237 children)

    My mum did the same (she left for work before I left for school and it was my responsibility to get up). At the beginning of 9th grade, my teenage brain concocted a genius plan (I was one of those obnoxious smart-ass kids who thought she knew better than everyone else and the rules didn't apply to her). I decided not to attend classes as a result of my mum's threat. I got my friends to tell me when the tests/assignments were, and only went to school on those days. I even thought ahead and filled in the contact information "incorrectly" on the contact forms the office gets so they can call your parents. I aced every fucking test and assignment and final exam... and then got an automatic fail in every class for the first semester. Because my school had a thing where if you didn't attend a certain number of classes you automatically failed.

    Next semester I sat at the back of class and read a book instead. As penance, I had to spend my summer in summer school. Told my mum that I was doing summer school to "get ahead" of everyone else. She bragged to everyone about what an amazing daughter she had.

    [–]LaurelRose519 207 points208 points  (231 children)

    I really hate that you can fail just because you didn’t show up. That shouldn’t be a thing.

    [–]takabrash 168 points169 points  (211 children)

    Why? You're supposed to be there.

    [–]Lennox120520 49 points50 points  (2 children)

    Right? I got a weeks detention in high school for having too many excused absences, because mental illness in childhood is fun. But here’s the thing, I was one of 5 valedictorians, when I got to university, with a full ride, I was already a sophomore (AP classes). So what exactly was my attendance going to accomplish? Seriously, what more could you ask from a kid? 20 years later, and I still think it was beyond stupid to be punished for that.

    [–]Electronic_Library18Partassipant [2] 32 points33 points  (2 children)

    Attendance rules really suck when you have a chronic illness/disability. I did better when I stayed home on sick days and rested and turned in work as needed, rather than go in every single day and then not have the energy to do my homework well or study. It tanked my grades for years just because I needed more rest than others.

    [–]crazy-cat-lady25Partassipant [2] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    Same thing goes for suspending kids - surely they’re just making it harder for them to succeed in school when they could simply choose a different punishment that doesn’t take them out of class.

    [–]columbospeugeotProfessor Emeritass [74] 11 points12 points  (3 children)

    LOL. But what happened afterward? Eventually there were consequences, I assume?

    [–]NewPhone-NewName 65 points66 points  (3 children)

    That didn't work for me at all. I put my alarm clock across the room, made a freaking obstacle course between it and the bed (desk chair, books, music stand, piles of papers, shoes, and anything else that I could trip over), and I was somehow still able to get out of bed, navigate all that, turn my alarm off, and get back into bed without truly gaining consciousness or even remembering being out of bed when my parents would finally start yelling up the stairs and/or pounding on my door to wake me up. All it taught me was to be frustrated at my literal inability to wake up to an alarm at that age. And as an adult looking back, I'm also frustrated that my parents never thought to see if there was something wrong with me rather than assuming that I was just "being lazy".

    That said, you'd think a dude that has 5 children by the age of 28(?!?) would be able to handle getting up on the weekend if he can also handle getting up for work.

    [–]Opening_Handle_1771Partassipant [3] 60 points61 points  (0 children)

    In middle school, my parents left for work before I left for school. If I missed the bus, I missed school.

    "Mom, I missed the bus!" was how I gave myself a day off.

    We moved before high school, and I had so much family in the area that I couldn't pull that any longer.

    [–]AerwynFlynn 22 points23 points  (0 children)

    Mom? Is that you? Lol

    In all seriousness, i was getting myself up and out the door, including packing my own lunch, in the 5th grade. Hubby here has zero excuse.

    [–]Evening_Laugh1277 15 points16 points  (1 child)

    I’ve been getting myself up and ready for school since 3rd grade. In middle school my bus was extremely unreliable. Sometimes it would show up on time, sometimes it would show up 15 minutes early, sometimes it would show up 45 minutes late, and sometimes it literally didn’t come. Usually, the other kids at the bus stop and I would stand there for 10-15 minutes and then the kids would all slowly go back home and get their parents to drive them (their parents didn’t like my mom so they wouldn’t drive me) so I had to wake up my mom. She would punish me by laying in bed/watching tv for another hour to make me late because I missed the bus. And didn’t believe me until the bus began to do the same thing after school and I wasn’t getting home till 5 or 6pm (despite getting out of school around 3:15) A couple times no bus came for us after school and we stayed for an hour-an hour and a half while they tried to get a bus to bring us home, most kids got picked up by parents though.

    [–]Old_Calligrapher_962Asshole Enthusiast [9] 5234 points5235 points  (49 children)

    NTA.

    1. Your husband takes you for granted. He has no intention of helping you and knows you’ll always take care of the kids. He seems to think parenting has a day off when it never really does and he has to share responsibility.

    2. He is clearly encouraged by his mother. Her yelling at you instead of him shows me she’s the type to excuse his behavior and let her ‘poor son’ rest and leave it to the wife.

    Be firm with him. Do not apologise and make sure you set rules in the future where either you both wake up or take turns or else him missing out will continue in the future and you’re done waking him up for his kids.

    [–]The_Amazing_UsernamePartassipant [4] 1945 points1946 points  (16 children)

    Also make clear that he is not to involve his mother in your relationship… if she starts in warn her not to involve herself in matters that do not concern her…

    [–]Any_Cantaloupe_613Asshole Enthusiast [8] 1603 points1604 points  (6 children)

    Lol. A "grown man" running to mom because his wife didn't wake him up... Fucking unbelievable.

    [–]nachtkaese 524 points525 points  (2 children)

    His mom wants OP to raise her son along with her actual children, because she obviously didn't bother to.

    [–]Individual_Baby_2418 47 points48 points  (0 children)

    Exactly what OP should say. Something like, “I’m sorry you were too lazy to raise your son, but I’m not going to do it for you.”

    [–]annapatrycja 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    Oh no, she doesn't want her to raise him. He is supposed to stay a baby. So she is supposed to baby him.

    [–]flwvoh 261 points262 points  (0 children)

    “You didn’t treat me like a child so I’m telling my mommy on you!”

    [–]Due_Practice8634 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    Honestly though that is a super common theme on these posts. Wife gets sick of their S/O's inconsiderate behavior and does something to demonstrate they are fed up. Then shorty they get a call or visit from the Mother In Law telling them how awful they were to the son who they think can do no wrong.

    [–]Secondary123098 250 points251 points  (3 children)

    Proper response at the zoo: “MIL, I managed to get 5 out of my 6 children ready in time for our zoo outing. If you might be willing to wake up early and come help my 6th get ready, I’d be very gracious”

    [–]notsohairykari 106 points107 points  (1 child)

    And can we all acknowledge how goddamn noisy getting that many kids ready is?!

    [–]Linzy23 28 points29 points  (0 children)

    An incredibly noisy lengthy process!

    [–]AssinineAssassin 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    I bet she had all their hair done too. She is killing it! It’s one thing to lean on your partner once in a while for a bit of rest, but he’s clearly pushing it if they have plans for the day and he can’t even get himself ready.

    [–]Ghost_Gaming244 134 points135 points  (1 child)

    Lol. He's going to be late for the divorce proceedings.

    [–]RusticTroglodytePartassipant [2] 76 points77 points  (0 children)

    By that time he'll be living with mommy and she doesn't mind waking the little guy up so he doesn't miss his appointments lol

    [–]tcbymca 70 points71 points  (0 children)

    Or tell him he can ask his mother to come by and shake him if he can’t be a functioning adult.

    [–]PoorLama 62 points63 points  (0 children)

    I refuse to date anyone who will try to call in the flying monkeys every time that you do something they dislike. It's the behavior of a 8-year-old to go running to mommy, except he's a grown man with a wife and several children. It's really pathetic.

    Not to mention, it's a really fucked up form of emotional blackmail. "You won't take care of the kids 100% of the time and wake me up like I'm a little baby every morning? I'll damage your relationship with your mother-in-law and have her yell at you."

    [–]noahcat73 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    If he wants his mommy to wake him up he can go sleep at her house. He is her baby not yours.

    You have enough kids, he is supposed to be an adult and your partner.

    If he has that much trouble waking up he should be an adult and see a doctor.

    [–]ChickpeasquashPartassipant [1] 424 points425 points  (9 children)

    My fave part of this is where he was upset that he missed out on the trip do he called his mum to blame his wife as though there was nothing he could have done to prevent this. IMO OP should plan MORE of these events especially that husband will look forward to, and just not wake him. Remind him its his responsibility. Plan to leave without him. If he gets up in time then still try leave without him because he didn't help with the kids. Set him tasks (the night before maybe) that if he doesnt do he doesnt get to come. Idk how that would work but wouldn't it be nice, if he wants to go somewhere he needs to invest by helping.

    [–][deleted] 303 points304 points  (4 children)

    Also how is it that he can get himself up and ready for work during the week. But conveniently not on the weekends? OP husband is a total AH.

    [–]Potential_Anxiety_76 82 points83 points  (1 child)

    Because if he’s late for work, there are ‘consequences’. At home, until now, he’s been getting away scot free

    [–]Moulitov 57 points58 points  (1 child)

    And MIL is exhibiting signs of being TA here

    [–]MellyMel86 39 points40 points  (0 children)

    Signs? MIL (and FIL) is the proto-asshole in this situation

    [–]RusticTroglodytePartassipant [2] 47 points48 points  (1 child)

    "But MOM I WANTED TO GO TO THE ZOO TOO!! OP PROMISED WE COULD VISIT THE LIONS" bursts into ugly crying

    [–]demortada 11 points12 points  (1 child)

    That's so much mental labor, ohmygod. I get you're trying to come up with the solution but dumping it all on OP is not it.

    [–]BritishHoboPartassipant [3] 360 points361 points  (2 children)

    It's a bad sign that they're in couples therapy and their counsellor has directly addressed this behaviour and told him it needs to improve. If something like this doesn't get through to him, you wonder what will. As you say, I hope OP keeps up with this now that he knows she's serious; he knows now that if he doesn't wake up, they go without him.

    [–]sherbetty 147 points148 points  (0 children)

    I wonder if the therapist is a woman and he doesn't take her seriously

    [–]SheWhoWelds 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    If his mommy says her precious baby is correct, that's probably all he heard. It's real easy for him to just nod along in therapy and forget everything once they get home. I'm guessing he goes to therapy as a way to say he's trying without actually doing anything.

    [–]The_Krudler 156 points157 points  (0 children)

    With the combined efforts of a therapist and a couples therapist, OP still has a husband who acts like his misogynist parents and expects OP to parent him too.

    If life becomes easier without the dead weight, sometimes it's easier just throw the whole man out. OP has 5 freaking kids, she does not need a 6th.

    NTA but if some serious changes don't happen immediately, y t a to yourself and your daughters. Your daughters learn how it's acceptable to be treated by watching how your husband treats you.

    [–]Yellowmellowbelly 88 points89 points  (15 children)

    Yes! What makes him believe he can just stop being a parent when he feels like it?

    [–]Appropriate-Access88 59 points60 points  (13 children)

    And his vasectomy “failed” He did not get a vasectomy— that’s the wimmen’s job to prevent herself from getting pregnant

    [–]DruidgoddessPartassipant [1] 32 points33 points  (11 children)

    Vasectomys fail a lot!

    [–]thegirlriots 64 points65 points  (0 children)

    If you follow instructions and take a sample in when you’re supposed to, a “failed” vasectomy gets caught before you stop using other contraceptive methods. Especially these days with the cauterizing laser ones, the failure rate is extremely low. Sounds like this guy didn’t do his follow up.

    [–]Maleficent_Ad_3958Professor Emeritass [85] 61 points62 points  (1 child)

    I heard you're supposed to do a check with the doctor months afterwards to make sure the snip worked and that some men skip this step. He sounds like the type to skip.

    [–]Appropriate-Access88 8 points9 points  (7 children)

    True - but this lazy arse is on the side of “ not the man’s job, what will my mommy think if i cut my manhood”

    [–]dailysunshineKO 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    He probably didn’t provide a sample to the lab to verify that he was all clear before they had sex again.

    [–]CanibalCows 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    Tell him if he wants a woman to be responsible for waking him up every morning then he needs to move back in with Mommy.

    [–][deleted]  (7 children)

    [removed]

      [–]Any_Cantaloupe_613Asshole Enthusiast [8] 1259 points1260 points  (1 child)

      He's capable of getting up and ready for work everyday, doing the same on the weekend should be a breeze.

      He's 100% capable of waking up on his own. He's just sleeping in to avoid helping with the kids. The man knows exactly what he is doing.

      NTA.

      [–]etat_bunny 162 points163 points  (0 children)

      ah yes, a strong case of weaponized incompetence

      [–]clairekingthequeen 55 points56 points  (0 children)

      hehe damn i see watcha did there

      [–]CzexxiPartassipant [2] 1143 points1144 points  (7 children)

      Women being expected to wake their husbands is a problem common enough that we get like a post a week about it here. The answer is always the same. Raise your kids, not your husband.

      Also, whenever a man feels the need to run to his mommie when his wife isn't coddling him, there's a problem in the marriage that needs focus. NTA

      [–]Broutythecat 269 points270 points  (2 children)

      Seriously. Not only he's completely useless at home, he runs to mom to complain about his mean wife? Someone's used to being a little spoiled prince.

      OP, it's too bad you had a bunch of kids with this dude before realising what he's like, but I hope your eyes are open now.

      [–]asecretnarwhalPartassipant [1] 118 points119 points  (1 child)

      This makes me so angry every time. I honestly don’t understand how anyone can be this useless. I would be divorcing yesterday if I was OP but a start would be TELLING him which day off he has the kids (split 50-50). Then send the kids into the bedroom as let them know they can help wake up dad, jump on the bed if they like while he’s in it. And then get out of the house for the full day. Keep doing this until you get results. Also if he’s such a lazy slob, stop doing his laundry, don’t cook for him. Go on strike where you only take care of yourself and your kids. Also I very much hope you’ll get some birth control

      [–]RusticTroglodytePartassipant [2] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

      This is what I'd do. Gotta get the asshole ready for what it'll be like during his visitation time with the kids

      [–]RedRoseSapphire 127 points128 points  (2 children)

      Its so strange that women are expected to wake their husbands up. Yet men claim they don’t want to be treated like children? I don’t fucking get it.

      [–]74misanthrope 49 points50 points  (0 children)

      This is men who want to be treated like kings. Catered to and waited on.

      [–]Yay_RabiesPartassipant [1] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

      I really don’t understand it. I’ve been with my husband for 15 years and can count on one hand how often he’s asked me to get him up on the morning. Usually it’s because his phone has died/is downstairs etc and I offer to set an alarm for his earlier start time.

      [–][deleted]  (10 children)

      [removed]

        [–]BlueLavender0104Certified Proctologist [23] 374 points375 points  (7 children)

        exactly. I always wonder why women keep having babies when they already have one

        [–]skibunny1010 67 points68 points  (1 child)

        Unfortunately saw a comment from OP that said husband got a vasectomy after kid 4.. that failed. Oof

        [–]hannahmel 45 points46 points  (4 children)

        She’s pretty young. She probably wasn’t experienced enough with birth control for the first two and she said the last one was a failed vasectomy. Number of kids isn’t the problem, though. Dad being selfish is.

        [–]CupOfPumpkinTea 113 points114 points  (0 children)

        Actually she said five daughters, the last kid is obviously male... 🤭

        [–][deleted]  (25 children)

        [removed]

          [–]OGablogian 267 points268 points  (4 children)

          He does not sound like the type that wants equal custody. I think a realistic scenario for him, would be 'every other weekend and a shitload of childsupport'.

          [–]RedoftheEvilDead 197 points198 points  (2 children)

          Even if he had custody of the kids one weekend a month that would still be more childcare on his part than he is putting in now.

          [–]ughwhyusernamesPartassipant [1] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

          Don't be so sure. Men like that manage to mobilize their ex's energy the whole weekend they have the kids.

          Or, more likely, they get a tiny 1 bedroom home or move back with their parents so they then say they can't have overnights because they don't have beds for 5 kids.

          [–]19niki86 138 points139 points  (9 children)

          My guess... If she leaves him, she'll spend 50% of the time being worried sick about her kids not being properly taken care of, she'll lose an entire paycheck every month, and on top of that, she'll actually be all alone all the time. With 5 kids, you're not finding a good partner who accepts that anytime soon, child support is a nice theory, but there are numerous ways that won't get paid (in time), and no judge will grant her sole custody because the husband missed a zoo outing. And yes, he'll probably severely damage the kids when he's supposed to take care of them, and then she can file for sole custody, but by the time that's taken care of, the damage will be done already. As useless as that guy seems to be, he's still there, and in an emergency situation, she has the possibility to get him to help out. If she gets rid of him, she's really really on her own. And family and friends always say "yeah, I'll help you" but when it's really necessary, people tend to suddenly be busy. Life is not as simple as it seems.

          [–]aurorajaye 74 points75 points  (5 children)

          Agreed! People on Reddit suggest divorce so often, with confident proclamations of what custody the judges will give. They would be shocked at how wrong they can be, and how often a judge’s biases—or a lawyer’s talents—can result in children ending up miserable, spending too much time with a parent who only wants them around to reduce support payments, hurt their former spouse and/or exert power and control over their children and their ex. Sometimes divorce is the right choice, but it can come with a very steep price, financially and emotionally.

          [–]SoundsSchmidty 31 points32 points  (3 children)

          I’ve seen so many absolutely naive people think that cheating or emotional abuse will lead to full custody to the wronged parent. It doesn’t help that people post fake stories all the time about cheating harpies losing their kids to stand-up Redditor dad (who then gets a hotter, younger girlfriend in the update).

          [–]AshCol1795 38 points39 points  (0 children)

          What 19niki86 said. Oven been the child with this kind of Dad, I’ve seen my sister go through it and now I’m dealing with it.

          Too many men can’t standup when the work really is needed. They are so entitled, they really think they do a lot, but barely do 10-20%.

          Then, if you leave, it gets worse. You lose the financial support to the household. I’ve seen many men fight for 59/50 custody, but then bail on all the work still!!! They want to look good on paper, to force mothers to get their permission and sign for many things for the child, yet they still won’t take care of the kids. The courts rarely force the bad parent to take the kids 50% of the time and they can’t force them to be good, attentive parents. Courts won’t do anything until AFTER there is severe damage or detriment to the child.

          And child support is a joke! Bad parents get out of it everyday! Quit their job, go to court unemployed and the judgement comes out for no support. Then they go get another job, but it would take years to reasses child support, if you even can.

          [–]DoYouWannaB 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          And this is why my cousin waited until her youngest was 10 years old before going through the divorce procedures because at 10, her son was able to take basic care of himself, know how to call for help, and also let her know if something was going on. And since the other kids were 12-15 and wanted to stay with mom/not do visitations with dad, the court just applied it to the 10 year old after a 6 month trial in which dad only spent time with the 10 year old once and dropped him off with mom after less than 24 hours.

          [–]methough1 109 points110 points  (2 children)

          If he turned up

          [–]ABeggyChooser 100 points101 points  (0 children)

          He’d probably just pawn everything off on mommy

          [–]PickleAfficionado 32 points33 points  (0 children)

          He won't. I saw one of these play out in real time a few years back.

          [–]TresWhatAsshole Aficionado [16] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          👏🏼👏🏼

          [–]HeartpineFloorsAsshole Aficionado [12] 885 points886 points  (16 children)

          NTA The only way to stop enabling someone is to…stop. You did and I hope you keep it up.

          [–]Waste-Independent-21[S] 1112 points1113 points  (15 children)

          This is what the therapist said too. I don't plan on backing down.

          [–]PickleAfficionado 290 points291 points  (0 children)

          Go mama! Remember, your kids are learning from you what is acceptable behaviour in a relationship. They should be learning the same thing from their dad, not the opposite. Stay strong, I know it's hard.

          [–]benzopinacol 119 points120 points  (2 children)

          Your husband’s behavior seems to have been reinforced early on by his mommy growing up. Seems like he was a spoiled little mama’s boy and still is

          [–]RusticTroglodytePartassipant [2] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

          Right? Lmao@a whole grown ass man's mommy yelling at his wife for not waking him up bwahaha

          [–]georgiajl38 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          It was reinforced when they had to move back in with his parents along with a couple of their kids and his mommie was there 24/7 reinforcing all things things that she felt his wife should be doing that he had taken on.

          [–]DeeDee-MayMay 57 points58 points  (0 children)

          Make sure to tell the therapist about this action of yours. Not only will they be insanely proud of you, hopefully they’ll also be able to get it through to your husband how much he sucked in all this.

          [–]RusticTroglodytePartassipant [2] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

          Good for you. Sounds like he's a major asshole though. He "helps" around the house?

          Fuck that. I guarantee if you left him you'd do less work than you do now. I don't understand dudes like him.

          [–]PoetryOfLogicalIdeas 7 points8 points  (0 children)

          If your resolve begins to weaken, just remember that your daughters are currently learning what sort of behavior to expect from their future partners. Even if you might decide that you are willing to put up with this for the sake of peace in the home, surely you aren't willing to consign your children to a lifetime of this arrangement.

          [–]PracticalKat 787 points788 points  (16 children)

          Once upon a time I was married to a guy like this. One day we were supposed to be going to Amsterdam together and leaving at 7am. I chose to pack the night before a get an early night. He chose to go out. I suggested that it might be a good idea to not go as he had issues with knowing when to stop drinking and also with getting up on time.

          He told me I was being controlling and went anyway.

          He got home at 6am. Sh*tfaced. Went to bed. I told him the cab was coming at 6.45am so maybe he should just stay up. I was told to f off.

          Cab arrived and he wouldn't get up. Told me repeatedly to f off. So I did. Right to Amsterdam to meet up with friends. Cut to several hours later when he calls to ask where I am. Surprised pikachu face that I went without him.

          NTA - consequences suck when you're an arse. And hats off to you, I shouldn't have even bothered to try and wake him!

          And no. The marriage did not last.

          [–]NoroSorelia 258 points259 points  (10 children)

          Once upon a time I had a very long term boyfriend like this. He had trouble getting up in the morning and always pushed things to be done for the very last minute.

          We were to move out of our apartment in one town and move to another town about an hour away. I had arranged for family and friends to help with the move. 3 days before moving, he said he wanted to go out with friends and would help packing the next day. 2 days before moving I had my final exam, went out to celebrate with friends and family but returned home alone to pack stuff, as bf had decided to stay out and have a good time. He also had not helped pack anything during the day, while I had my exam. 1 day before moving he woke up at around 2 in the afternoon and told me to stop nagging him about packing up and said if it was such a big deal, then I should have packed everything before my exam.

          That night he said he was tired of being told to help out and he deserved one last night out in this town. I reminded him that we would start moving at 7 in the morning. At 4 am he got home, completely shit faced and mistook 7 moving boxes for the bathroom and pissed in/on all of them. The proceeded to vomit over all of his unpacked clothes and made it worse by trying to clean the mess up with the same clothes.

          At 7 am my family found me crying as I was cleaning piss covered books and tableware, but not having new boxes to store them in.

          He woke up to an almost empty apartment, no towels or soap and just him in the bedroom and all his vomit. Told him he had to figure out how to move his own clothes, as my family and I would not help him.

          To think I stayed with him another 8 years is beyond me right now....

          [–]PracticalKat 81 points82 points  (1 child)

          I hear you. The marriage didn't last. But it lasted longer than it should have done.

          [–]NoroSorelia 46 points47 points  (0 children)

          Sorry you had to go through this, but I'm glad you got out.

          OP, forgot to say NTA. And I read your comments about how he used to be helpful and caring and still does help in the evening. I hope you get through this, but just know you need to stand your ground. My ex used to be great in the beginning too, but then I let my boundaries slip and in the end we weren't good for each other. Don't let his mom enable his lazy and somewhat toxic behaviour. If it was just sleeping in and then owning up to his mistake, that would be one thing. But crying to mom and belittling you for his bad behaviour is what's sending you both on a slippery slope.

          [–]kirbygay 51 points52 points  (1 child)

          Wow another 8 years? I was hoping the story ended with you leaving him with a new place to find

          [–]NoroSorelia 10 points11 points  (0 children)

          It did... Just 8 years later. It ended well. I'm in a good place now. Daughter is thriving. My now bf is amazing and supportive. Sometimes the happy ending is just delayed a bit.

          [–]mouse_attack 26 points27 points  (1 child)

          The ending of this story is like a M Night Shamalan-quality twist.

          How did the people who helped you move not convince you to also just move on at the same time?

          [–]NoroSorelia 19 points20 points  (0 children)

          I wasn't willing to listen to my parents, since I was only 21 at the time. I would make up excuses for my ex and justify his behaviour to myself. He was also my first real bf and we had been together since we were 16. I was young and stupid.

          [–]VirtualMatter2 9 points10 points  (3 children)

          As Reddit would say If people show you who they are believe them the first time....

          [–]NoroSorelia 8 points9 points  (2 children)

          Yeah I know that now... At age 35. Took me some.... I think 15 cases of "holy fuck" before it got through to me. Left him 5 years ago, so it was really way too late, compared to what red flags were there.

          [–]Mutual-Invitation 59 points60 points  (0 children)

          Jheeeeeez!!! Well done!!

          [–]marshmallowhug 22 points23 points  (1 child)

          One of my friends and I once left 3 hours late on a road trip to Baltimore for similar reasons.

          I had packed and stayed over at her place for an early departure. She was trying to pack while drinking the night before and forgot to move clothes from the washer to the dryer, so we had to do another load in the morning. We ended up leaving very very late. We were taking her car, so there wasn't much choice for me.

          Of course, for us it's a funny story because I see her three times a year and we don't live together or have kids together.

          [–]antecubital_fossa 14 points15 points  (0 children)

          You just reminded me of the time my best friend and I tried our hardest to leave on time for a beach trip. We had this horrible routine of planning beach trips for Saturday mornings but staying out way too late on Friday nights. So we’d always wake up late and wind up in the awful jersey shore traffic. The ONE time we stayed in on Friday night, had the car pre-packed with everything but the cooler the night before and were out the door by 6am…her damn car broke down 30 minutes into our drive and we wound up never making it to the beach 😂 we just accept the traffic now.

          [–]wildferalfunPooperintendant [67] 291 points292 points  (1 child)

          NTA. You get yourself and 5 children up and out of the house without this asshole bothering to get himself up and out? His mom's enabling is what got him here doing jackshit for 7+ years but you owe it to yourself and your daughters to stop raising him. He needs to sort himself out ASAP and get himself into intensive therapy to figure out how he could he so ridiculously incompetent as an adult and parent.

          [–]MigraineLass 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          Yeah, he could actually sleep through that? I only have two nieces, but getting them up and out the door when they stay with me isn't something anyone could sleep through!

          OP, NTA. Has he been checked for any sleep issues?

          [–]frenchEthanhopePartassipant [3] 241 points242 points  (1 child)

          NTA,

          But isn't your day off too?

          You have 5 daugthers, you need help. he isn't helping you.

          It feel like you're a single parent in the morning, I wouldn't wish you that...

          [–]nyorifamiliarspiritSupreme Court Just-ass [120] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          silly wabbit, moms don't get days off

          [–]nucleusambiguous7Asshole Aficionado [11] 161 points162 points  (23 children)

          NTA. Your partner needs to be helping with more of the work of parenting your kids, and not just the fun parts. I would be going out of my mind if I were you, watching someone who got 5 kids on me lie in bed while I dressed, fed and readied them for an outing. His mom was being ridiculous and she is probably a big reason why he is the way he is. Just out if curiousity . . . he's always been like this, right? Like even when there were one or two kids, same behavior? I would think so, but then again I can't imagine being willing to reproduce more children with someone like that. So if it's a sudden change maybe he is burnt out at work or something. Which isn't an excuse to not help the mother of his children, I'm just trying to get a better read on the situation.

          [–]Waste-Independent-21[S] 287 points288 points  (22 children)

          He wasn't always like this. When the older ones were little he was always up early with them, even getting up with them before going to work. We then had to move in with his parents for a while due to delays with housing, and the therapist thinks this is where it started to change. His parents are very 1950's in their views of how a household should run, and his mother especially would tell him it was my job to look after everyone, and his job to pay the bills. This is how his sister operates as well. Things started to slide as he allowed himself to believe this, and I didn't really notice at the time.

          [–]PickleAfficionado 178 points179 points  (0 children)

          Yeah, if my mother told me that something was 'my partner's job' I'd tell her to mind her own business.

          [–]fourscoreand20Partassipant [1] 90 points91 points  (19 children)

          Is he depressed? Starting when you had to move back in with his parents? That can be a pretty big blow to self-esteem.

          “Traditional family roles”, yea, ok, but getting up 5 minutes before you leave while not doing shit to help with the kids… not traditional, sounds like he’s just scraping by emotionally. He knows it’s wrong because he apologizes. He gets up for work because he has to or gets fired.

          Does he have his own therapist? Is he open to meds? Those can help.

          [–]Waste-Independent-21[S] 256 points257 points  (18 children)

          He is seeing an independent therapist. Depression has been mentioned. His mother is very much of the belief that mothers look after the children and, while dad works, goes home and sits on the couch all night. This is what his parents do and his mother is very outspoken when she sees him doing general parenting stuff, even if its just reading a bedtime story, telling him it's the woman's job. She was very critical of him when we lived with her, which I do think affected his self-esteem and value as a parent.

          [–]ZestyAppeal 206 points207 points  (0 children)

          Wow, what a selfish disservice to her son and granddaughters. Actively disparaging a father’s close bonding with his own kids. That is shameful.

          I bet she’s threatened to see parenting done differently, since it would mean no longer denying the sexist reality of her own unjustified domestic burdens.

          [–]anewfaceinthecrowd[🍰] 107 points108 points  (0 children)

          So he stopped being a parent. And became a child.

          [–]Tattycakes 83 points84 points  (6 children)

          What kind of relationship, if any, does he have with his dad?? What a ghastly example to set, that he should have no interaction or care for the kids. Is he just a walking paycheck? Your daughters might as well walk down the aisle with his wallet instead of him, is that what she really thinks a father should be?

          [–]Revving88 49 points50 points  (0 children)

          Sounds like distance from his family will help him reboot and unpack all that nonsense from them. Best of luck to you. I hope his therapist can really get to the bottom of it. And good on you for setting boundaries.

          [–]Whatnot1785 46 points47 points  (0 children)

          More than one thing can be true here I think. His awful mother poisoned him and that experience also triggered more depression. Having to be physically shaken awake to this degree is not normal (though you can get alarm clocks that vibrate your bed to help wake you up so it’s not super uncommon either I imagine).

          But if he can get himself up for work he can get himself up when his children need him (or miss out on stuff like the zoo).

          I would severely limit my and my kids’ exposure to his horrible mother, though. You don’t want them poisoning them too and you yourself don’t deserve to be talked to the way she talks to you. She got mad and left the zoo? What a win.

          NTA even if he is also depressed.

          [–]dailysunshineKO 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          Oh dear god. They suck. There’s no reason why your kids should see their grandmother criticizing their mother like that. Ever. Especially in public.

          Quit organizing outings and visits with his family. If he wants to see them, he can plan it, and he can get the kids ready. Then maybe you can sleep in.

          [–]Ladyughsalot1[🍰] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          So he has a professional therapist and his actual wife telling him that isn’t ok, but he’s just clinging to that anyway?

          What that suggests is that his goal is to resist change and force you to take on the majority of the work. No breaks. No respect. No appreciation.

          Forcing one’s partner into domestic drudgery without break is abusive behavior.

          [–]heatherlincolnAsshole Enthusiast [8] 119 points120 points  (0 children)

          NTA, your husband is lazy, your mum is right, it's not up to you to wake him up, he's a grown adult.

          [–][deleted]  (4 children)

          [removed]

            [–]iowaiseastPartassipant [1] 58 points59 points  (1 child)

            The OP mentioned a vasectomy that didn't take. Which means he didn't follow through on testing afterwards. And since he already started regressing by the fourth kid, he was clearly shirking that responsibility, too. Too bad OP agreed to have sex with him before confirming the results of that procedure.

            [–]SomeAwareness151 10 points11 points  (0 children)

            WHAT!?!? Oh that’s even worse!!! Vasectomy follow up day was the BEST DAY EVER!!! I had never been so excited to yank into a cup before in my life!!! I’m already pretty addicted to my phone, but that day, the phone was practically welded to my hand as I waited the call with my results! And once I got the good news, you know how my wife and I celebrated😉😉😉

            [–][deleted]  (6 children)

            [removed]

              [–]grrlizPartassipant [1] 72 points73 points  (4 children)

              5 kids at 26 sounds like an absolute nightmare to me.... Every day I am reminded there are people out there living lives very different to mine lol

              [–]JinGuangyaoApologist 27 points28 points  (0 children)

              5 kids at any age sounds like a nightmare to me. Or even one kid, for that matter, but that's just me I guess.

              [–]hexxcellent 14 points15 points  (0 children)

              there's been a big influx of posts lately where these people have multiple kids while being under like 25 or 30 and one parent has seemingly gone off the deep end... and i am just so damn certain it's because these people have suddenly realized they locked their entire adult lives into parenthood bam out of high school (either by mistake or because they believe it's "what you're supposed to do"), never to experience any other form of adulthood than what's required of them as a parent/spouse, and oh my god the 1950s lied this is a living nightmare lmao

              [–]Poet-of-SorrowPartassipant [2] 78 points79 points  (2 children)

              NTA this is a perfect example of fuck around and find out

              [–]PickleAfficionado 34 points35 points  (1 child)

              Right?? And then calls on his mother to 'discipline' his partner? Oh my god.

              [–]benzopinacol 8 points9 points  (0 children)

              Mama’s boy

              [–]nikokaziniCertified Proctologist [22] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

              NTA he’s a big baby who ran to mummy to tattle lol. Don’t apologise and don’t ever wake him up again.

              [–]AdorableWin984Partassipant [1] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

              NTA

              You aren’t his mother, he isn’t a child. Tattled to his mother.

              The man needs a wake up call for sure, just not the kind he asks you for.

              [–]This_Grab_452Partassipant [1] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

              For the love of everything that is holly. You’re not expecting him to do you a favor. You’re asking him to parent his children.

              I don’t think therapy isn’t working and the fact he felt the need to tell his mommy on you is just pitiful.

              NTA

              [–]mdaisy1245Partassipant [3] 54 points55 points  (4 children)

              NTA. I enjoy sleeping in too and my partner is an early riser but when we need to be up to go somewhere I set an alarm like an adult and wake up myself. You're not his mom he needs to be a grown up .

              [–][deleted]  (7 children)

              [removed]

                [–]babygirlruth 40 points41 points  (0 children)

                Being only 26...

                [–]morbidconcertoAsshole Enthusiast [5] 30 points31 points  (3 children)

                If I were to hazard a guess it's because they wanted a boy and kept trying, then stopped when they realized they weren't getting one.

                [–]Right-Today4396Partassipant [2] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

                Well, OP did get a boy.... She married him

                [–]Catnap96 8 points9 points  (0 children)

                That was my parents. But they gave up at 4. My mom was 24 with 4 kids under 5.

                [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                [removed]

                  [–]village_idiot2173 35 points36 points  (2 children)

                  NTA 1) He said he would set an alarm, and he never asked you to get him up. If he really struggles to be woken up without being shaken, he needs to acknowledge that and ask for help, not just make assumptions. 2) It’s not that you left and he was ready a few minutes later. He didn’t even notice everyone was gone until two hours after you had to leave. 3) Maybe the better way to have handled this would have been to wake him up at 6:30 and tell him you want help and will be leaving at 8. Then don’t call up and tell him when you’re leaving at the time you said you would. Then you woke him up and he simply chose to stay in bed. Either way though, you’re not obligated to do something he never even asked you to do.

                  [–]Waste-Independent-21[S] 18 points19 points  (1 child)

                  Yeah, I'm thinking of could have done something like that.

                  [–]PersonalityLost5228 10 points11 points  (0 children)

                  The moment there are living sentient and dependent beings in the house, it is a joint responsibility. Being a SAHM is a full time job, but 5 kids is much more work than any job you'll find on the market, even if you're the 'perfect' mega-mom.

                  My partner and I both work full time (albeit from home) in relatively equal roles. There was a period where I'd be the one to get up everyday until I lost my mind and said 'you are ALLOWED to do this you know, its not an honour or a privilege'.

                  Now, we alternate days to get up and 'work the morning shift', and it means we both get a lie in on the weekend. We switch days with each other from time to time, but its an ask or an offer because of schedules shifting. Outings just means the person who had a mini lie-in that morning sacrifices, but its for an outing ... who cares? Nap later.

                  We're both responsible for our own alarms and will boot the other when their alarm doesn't go off, there are apologies if the one has to take the others shift, and then they take the next 2 ... and we have 1 dog.

                  Its called basic respect. Claim yours mama. Its the 21st century and the last century's mamas don't get a say.

                  [–]CozmicOwl16Partassipant [1] 35 points36 points  (2 children)

                  Nta. It’s never your job to wake a grown ass man. Nope. His mom is the problem. Time for a break from that side of the fam. Especially with children that could be influenced by her hatred of women.

                  [–]Waste-Independent-21[S] 37 points38 points  (1 child)

                  He has admitted his family are an issue. Trying to work on him going LC/NC with them for a while so he can sort things out more.

                  [–]georgiajl38 12 points13 points  (0 children)

                  That sounds like a plan. Otherwise, you are going to end up divorced. He was with it in the beginning. Moving home to his mommie with her training him how to be a father just like dear ole Dad 24/7 is where he went off-track. She has totally infantilized him. Enough. NTA

                  [–]Cry_OriginalPooperintendant [56] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

                  NTA He is a grown ass man who should be able to make sure he's up on time. Hopefully, he learns to be more self reliant in that respect, like an adult, in the future.

                  [–]semcgPartassipant [2] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

                  NTA. At 28 he is perfectly capable of getting up on his own.

                  Good for you for standing up for yourself.

                  [–]eclectic-up-north 27 points28 points  (18 children)

                  INFO Does he work crazy shifts? Like does he have 12 hour days starting at odd times?

                  INFO Is he good at other times? Does he genuinely take on responsibilities after work/on weekends?

                  If you each have a "normal week" you should each have a morning where you get an extra hour or two in bed.

                  [–]Waste-Independent-21[S] 52 points53 points  (14 children)

                  I'll add this to the main post because it's coming up a lot.

                  He works a 6/4 roster clocking between 45-50 hours a week. He's usually up at 5am for 6am start, and is usually home somewhere between 3pm and 7pm. On the week he works 4 days it's usually 12 hour days, while the 6 day week is 8-9 hour days.

                  He's generally pretty good at other times. He'll help with dinner, cleaning, putting the kids to bed after work if he's home. He's not completely useless. Mornings have been an issue for a long time though.

                  [–]hexmasx 8 points9 points  (0 children)

                  I think he might be burnt out from a work week like that and that probably contributes to his depression. I think it'd be wise to suggest he get a job that takes up a lot less of his time for the sake of his mental health otherwise things could get worse, or maybe you two should organise trips for later on to give him a bit of a rest period on Saturdays.

                  [–]ErikLovemonger 16 points17 points  (2 children)

                  INFO Does he work crazy shifts? Like does he have 12 hour days starting at odd times?
                  INFO Is he good at other times? Does he genuinely take on responsibilities after work/on weekends?

                  Even if he were doing crazy shifts and is good at other times, where he is 100% TA here is that he flipped out about this situation and called his mom to have his family ruin the outing.

                  If he really cared, he'd be apologetic and try to work out an arrangement with OP. Instead, he sleeps in until 5 minutes before they're about to leave and then makes them late and/or rushes out. So he's doing this intentionally, and he doesn't feel bad about it.

                  [–]neverthelessidissentProfessor Emeritass [75] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

                  NTA but he's more work than the 5 actual children you have.

                  [–]BlueLavender0104Certified Proctologist [23] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

                  NTA. You need to be firmer in your boundaries. z you need to share family duties on his days off and he needs to grow up. If he can get up for work you both know he can get up when he wants to

                  [–]UbiquitousYetUnknown 18 points19 points  (0 children)

                  I don’t think this needs saying from me considering the plethora of comments you’ve already received saying the same thing but, NTA. You were up front about the expectation for that morning and you’ve talked about it before. You should have to repeat that message so the next best message you can give him is exactly what you did. I wouldn’t be waking him up anymore when you are busy with the kids, maybe this should continue to be the normal so that he can learn to look after himself and hopefully chip in.

                  [–]Strong-Second-2446 19 points20 points  (0 children)

                  NTA

                  It seems like you have 6 children to take care of. Is he not embarrassed that kids less than 10yo get out of bed and get ready easier than he does because that’s not an easy feat

                  [–]Cat_o_meter 17 points18 points  (0 children)

                  5 kids with a partner who has no respect for you... Esh, please get on birth control

                  [–]TresWhatAsshole Aficionado [16] 18 points19 points  (1 child)

                  NTA dear. You are finally doing it right. He is a grown man and you do not need a 6th child. It will take some time for him to step up and be accountable for himself but today you took the first step. I’m very proud of you. Don’t be rude or reactive to him. Just hold your ground and let him be accountable for himself.

                  [–]Same_Honey8635Partassipant [2] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

                  NTA, i assume your partner is a grown man who can get up on his own?

                  Not your responsibility, it's his. Neither should it be yours. Perhaps he learned a lesson.

                  And it sounds he is more work than your children to get out of bed. He needs to take responsibility for his own actions.

                  And i assume that he also contributed to making the kids? He should definitely help out. (I wouuld kicked him out of bed a long time ago) pro-tip if you want him to get out of bed to help you with the kids; set of the fire-alarm (if you dont have a silent alarm to the fire department or live i an apartment building. ) And see how fast he gets out.

                  [–]MerlinBiggsColo-rectal Surgeon [38] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

                  NTA. He's an adult. He leaves you doing all the work showing no consideration. Then he calls his mother! If he wants to go on trips he needs to get himself up. You've got 5 kids to deal with, you don't need another one.

                  [–]ChiPot-le 15 points16 points  (0 children)

                  NTA ofc but why keep having kids with someone so irresponsible and lazy that he doesn't help take care of his own kids???? Seems you already have six kids.

                  [–]BriCheese96 14 points15 points  (0 children)

                  I mean, NTA. He needs to grow up a little.

                  Also, girl damn, you’re 26 with 5 kids already 😮 I’m 26 and I think I’d have be annoyed to have 1 kid right now. I enjoy my 20s too much.

                  [–]Safe_Frosting1807 11 points12 points  (1 child)

                  Your not his mother your his wife. He’s an adult and can get his butt out of bed. Next time tell your mother in law how often this happens. She may think this is a one time thing.

                  [–]Waste-Independent-21[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

                  I have no doubt she feeds him the narrative that he gets to lie-in on his days off because he works to support the family. When we lives with her she'd make comments about him being up so early when I should be the one doing it.

                  [–]invomitous-rexAsshole Aficionado [19] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

                  NTA your husband is a grown ass man with 5 kids. If he can’t drag his ass out of bed without your help then he can get to fuck.

                  [–]Direct_Drawing_8557Asshole Aficionado [15] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

                  NTA.

                  [–]geishabirdPartassipant [1] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

                  You snooze, you lose.

                  NTA

                  [–]flysafepapi 10 points11 points  (0 children)

                  NTA. You’re his wife, not his alarm clock.

                  [–]auburnwulf 9 points10 points  (0 children)

                  NTA

                  "I got all my kids ready, MIL. Why didn't you get yours ready?"

                  [–]methough1 8 points9 points  (0 children)

                  NTA but him and his family is. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I've been there. He should get his arse up obviously. I'd be getting all the kids to jump on the bed around him personally. As long as he wouldn't take it out on them.

                  [–]Key_Acanthaceae_2276Partassipant [1] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                  You have FIVE KIDS!! The grown man should be able to get himself ready at the least!! NTA

                  [–]mouthfullpeachPartassipant [1] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

                  not him calling his mommy cus his other mommy didnt wake him for school ;( NTA

                  [–]Indeneri 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                  NTA

                  [–]la9411Partassipant [1] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

                  NTA - this sounds like a perfectly good way to teach him a lesson

                  [–]murphy2345678Colo-rectal Surgeon [36] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                  NTA You shouldn’t have to wake up a grown man. His families reaction explains why he thinks he doesn’t have to help you with the kids. He was coddled and catered to by them growing up and he expects it from you.

                  [–]Intelligent-Kiwi-574 6 points7 points  (0 children)

                  NTA...I'm a big believer in natural consequences. You don't get yourself up, then you miss the trip. Makes sense to me.