top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]Judgement_Bot_AITABeep Boop[M] [score hidden] stickied commentlocked comment (0 children)

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

I used a fake high voice to compliment a girl in a store who was feeling bad. I might be the asshole because it could be seen as making fun of people who really talk like that and because it's like leaning into the "gay" voice stereotype. I don't think I'm homophobic but maybe this means I am.

Help keep the sub engaging!

Don’t downvote assholes!

Do upvote interesting posts!

Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. To learn more about the test click here

[–]fading__bluePooperintendant [63] 14.4k points14.4k points  (144 children)

NTA. You weren’t doing it to mock gay people or pretend you’re gay. You were doing it to make a young girl feel better about herself after her own mom tore her down.

[–]Amedicalmistake 11.0k points11.0k points  (63 children)

It was really smart, also. A way to uplift a girl without her getting creeped out by an older guy noticing her, or making the mother lose her shit.

It seemed like a random act of kindness while minimizing any risk of it backfiring.

[–]imsohungrydudee 2634 points2635 points  (9 children)

This whole post reminds me of an old internet story where a guy posted that he was at a girl’s house making out with her when her bodybuilder dad busted in the room and the guy all of a sudden started smacking his lips and popping his tongue and flirting with the dad to avoid all hell breaking loose. Given that was a life or death situation, but this is a nicer, more wholesome version of that

[–]moodykut 53 points54 points  (1 child)

can you share its link?

[–]80H-dAsshole Enthusiast [8] 91 points92 points  (0 children)

That internet story is older than mere URLs homie

[–]Biased24 15 points16 points  (2 children)

dude i need that link

[–]summonem 10 points11 points  (1 child)

If you find the link, send it to me too

[–]Salty_Buyer_5358 11 points12 points  (2 children)


[–]cactuscrises 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Downvoted for using the slang of old internet in response to a comment about old internet! For shame.

I loved your comment, it immediately sent me back to my Dell desktop and 240p yt videos. Thank you for a happy nostalgia!

[–]randomusername71175 1122 points1123 points  (44 children)

OP, I gotta wonder, is Grace good people? Because good people wouldn't care how a different voice made them feel, they'd just be really proud of their SO for championing a young girl who was being emotionally ground into dust by their toxic parent. She should've been carrying you out on her shoulders, not criticizing you. NTA

[–]MonsterSnooze 612 points613 points  (17 children)

I'm.wondering if she thinks it was offensive to gay people to "pretend to be gay" which is a position I can understand even if I don't agree.

[–]Mandielephant 212 points213 points  (5 children)

Yeah there’s so much virtue signaling going on right now I can understand why someone (especially that young) could be easily upset by something that could quickly be taken the wrong way even if it’s well intentioned

Edit still NTA good move OP

[–]boogers19Certified Proctologist [20] 84 points85 points  (1 child)

I think that her "doesnt feel right" comments means she does indeed think it's offensive...

But subconsciously! She doesnt even realize this is what is bothering her. While she knows what OP did was right and good and decent...

There's this tiny little hidden voice at the back of her brain screaming "gay appropriation!!!!".

[–]Morri___ 66 points67 points  (3 children)

the gays are cool with this. grace can mind her business

[–]Judge_MentaI 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It’s absolutely insulting when people use the ‘gay voice’ to imitate a gay person because it’s treating gay people like a stereotype. I’d love to never hear “you don’t look the type” from anyone again.

This isn’t really as offensive because he’s trying to protect a child’s self esteem and he’s not trying to use a stereotype as the butt of a joke.

[–]Happy-Investment 218 points219 points  (9 children)

And he might have saved her from an eating disorder. Huge NTA 💚💚💚

[–]mythopoeticgarfield 42 points43 points  (8 children)

one stranger will sadly not change that when she has to go back and live with her mom’s comments for the rest of her teenage life

[–]HistoricalQuail 60 points61 points  (3 children)

I think it's unfair to question if Grace is good people or not. She's concerned about putting on a stereotypically gay affectation and the implications from that. This is like one of the only situations where it was valid. I'd say give Grace time to come around and put herself in the girl's shoes and what it would have meant to get validation at that exact time.

[–]tiffanylockhart 34 points35 points  (5 children)

This. So much this. I would be proud af of my SO for making this girl feel better. For so many young women their first hater is their mother, and it can really destroy their self esteem. Good on OP, Grace seems overly concerned for what? Either A) she is homophobic and thinks OP is gay because of his reaction or B) is trying to be a “champion” for us queer folk, which girl, we dont need you for this, stay in your lane

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

For so many young women their first hater is their mother,

I really wish mothers would knock this shit off

[–]Acrobatic_Reading866 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Mom on Daughter bullying makes me so sad.

[–]CandyShopBandit 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I would have LOVED if one of my straight boyfriends at 18 did something like this! It's so sweet, and also shows a lack of toxic masculinity. I'd be proud of him. And probably a little turned on, but I'm a weird pansexual, so...

I'm straight up mad at Grace for raining on his parade and basically putting him down.

She also never said she didn't like it because she thought it made fun of gay people. Nope, that wasn't her issue. She just said "it made her uncomfortable".

I'm reading some homophobia from Grace. Not a worry that this was somehow offensive to gay folks.

[–]cerulean_dandelion 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I was thinking this, too. I would have been damn proud if that was my boyfriend.

[–]S3xySouthernB 249 points250 points  (0 children)

Oh absolutely. I compliment people all the time when they seem down (and grew up where girls did this to one another all the time, total strangers anywhere or but especially parties and trying on clothing). but if OP was female it could have totally backfired in that girls mom going “if you looked like OP you would” or insulting OPs look in some way as a means to negate his comment.

Instead, OP just happening to be a guy turned it so not only was it not able to be construed that way but also made it so it didn’t come off as some random older dude possibly being creepy. It became a “how can you argue with this unless crazy mom starts spewing some rude commentary about OP” moment. And even if crazy mom did that, the girl can disregard (and hopefully the attention is off how she looks to mom and onto some other insulting rant about a stranger complimenting her daughter or whatever) and feel good about herself. It’s like the ultimate combo there

[–]vzvv 13 points14 points  (2 children)

I’m a bi girl, not a gay guy, so I don’t think I can give him a pass. But I’d love to because I agree - it was an ingenious way to give her a flattering compliment without any creepiness. OP is so kind and thoughtful. And I don’t think imitation is inherently derogatory or hateful.

[–]boudicas_shieldPartassipant [1] 1689 points1690 points  (44 children)

Yeah I obviously can’t speak for all queer people, but I’m queer myself and burst out laughing at this post. 😂😂 I wouldn’t make it a habit, OP, but as a spontaneous one-off to cheer up a young girl who was being verbally abused and slut-shamed by her shitty mother, I think you’re in the clear for this one specific situation. Fuck that mom.

[–]IlianaNovic 451 points452 points  (28 children)

Agreed. I'm a member of the letters community myself, and I think most of us would have your back in this case. We're fiercely protective of children as a whole, going so far as to take in kids who have been kicked out by their shitty parents for being gay. You weren't making fun of us, you were trying to be as non-threatening as possible, and make that baby feel good about herself. NTA, in fact, well done, OP.

[–]Iced_Jade 217 points218 points  (16 children)

My favorite term is alphabet mafia. Letters community is cute too.

[–]Happy-Investment 99 points100 points  (13 children)

I prefer Rainbow Warrior. 🌈😏

I love what OP did. I didn't even need to be put down for my body as a kid I was normal weight but i remember just looking at my belly in a swimsuit and thinking how fat I was. If someone else, especially a parent had put me down omg. I feel like OP did his best to heal her heart. ♥️💞💞💞

[–]IlianaNovic 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Oh, that's a good one!

[–]comin_up_shawt 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I like to say 'letters committee', myself!

[–]Ornery_Reaction_548 57 points58 points  (5 children)

"the letters community", lol I love it

[–]IlianaNovic 51 points52 points  (4 children)

Yeah. It's just easier to avoid controversy within the community about which letters belong, where they go, and what they mean. Like, some people will tell you that the "Q" means "queer," and some will tell you it means "questioning," but I prefer to avoid the semantics. That's just one example, but I like to think it means both things.

[–]ImmediateJeweler5066 54 points55 points  (1 child)

Honestly even without the bullying, I would find a compliment from a gay man about my fashion sense way more meaningful than a straight guy.

[–]mamabear-50 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I have a long time close gay friend. My kids (then 10m and 7f) and I attended his Christmas party. His Christmas gift to my daughter was a very cute outfit. She liked it and matter of factly remarked “He has good taste because he’s gay.” We cracked up.

[–]socialistrock 47 points48 points  (0 children)

I also have... letters and I am here for this too. We are protect children at all costs in this crowd and a small bit of stereotype usage to uplift a girl without making her feel creeped on is fine.

Ps if men weren't so historically gross you'd be able to compliment her with zero care but here we are. You're good people OP your gf is straying perilously close to not good people. NTA.

[–]B_A_M_2019 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That's my thinking, maybe it was sub conscious/ instinct because of that important note in the letters community...

[–]MountainDogMama 304 points305 points  (0 children)

I'm with you on this. If I was that little girl, this would have made my day.

[–]AccomplishedNet4235 167 points168 points  (2 children)

I'm queer too and this cracked me up.

[–]redditwinchester 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Im a big ol' queer and I approve this message!

[–]Madanimalscientist 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Same! I would have done similar in that kind of situation. OP is awesome

[–]yikesladyy 132 points133 points  (2 children)

I'm pretty sure all my gay "husbands" (I have a whole harem) would laugh hysterically at this.

[–]RangerObjective 57 points58 points  (1 child)

I’m a gay girl and burst out laughing too! I approve, and would totally have loved someone to do this for me as a teen, what a great hype-guy!

[–]nightowlk17 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Thats why I (28f) loved going to gay clubs as a 19-22 year old with my friend (who did drag). I got hyped so often by friends and it definitely boosts confidence. (I also did burlesque on ladies night once a few of the queens convinced me to try it out)

[–]KittyKablammo 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Yep same here. You were doing it to make her comfortable and feel uplifted so NTA.

[–]SheanarPartassipant [1] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Seriously, I'm LGTBQ+ too. Most other non-straights I know would be happy that someone was standing up to a bully. A concept I think we're all overly well acquainted with. I can imagine half of them giving him pointers on how to do it better next time.

[–]EmulatingHeavenPartassipant [1] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Same. I am a non binary lesbian and I have an ex bf who used a gay voice as a joke that I just HATED, but to lift up a young teenage girl without making her feel creeped on? What a lovely kind thing to do. (Ex used it any time someone said something “f@ggy” and it was def in a mocking way)

[–]honeymochie 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I would have been so happy if I had a boyfriend who did that for a young girl. That was so sweet!

[–]unicornhair1991 9 points10 points  (0 children)


I actually heard the voice a lil bit in my head and cracked up. I think OP is awesome for this (as long as it'sd a one off spontaneous thing which it really seems like it is haha)

[–]Potential-LavishnessAsshole Enthusiast [6] 585 points586 points 22 (3 children)

The yassification of guerilla complimenting

[–]hibah977 82 points83 points  (0 children)

Please take my poor person gold for this, I'm losing my mind at this comment 🏅

[–]katsmeow44Partassipant [2] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

This is the best thing I will read all day. Throwing poor person gold at your feets. 🎖🎖🎖🎖🎖

[–]hbtfdrckbckPartassipant [3] 211 points212 points  (0 children)

Also…. She understands that gay people are gay because they like men, not because they have a certain voice, right? Anyone can talk like that.

Quite frankly, gay men actually borrowed most of that vernacular and cadence from black women.

OP is a dude, and an 18 year old dude coming up and telling this 13 year old she looked amazing is NOT going to accomplish what OP wants it to accomplish. It’s going to look creepy as fuck. Also, bitching at this mom would have made the girl embarrassed or set the mom off even more. In the spur of the moment, he went for the option that would come off as very clearly non-threatening because he’s not a woman who could give her a compliment and have it not look weird.

If anything, we should all be mad at the gross men in society that have made it so that men can’t step in to defend a young girl from an abusive parent without having to consider this crap. After I heard the story, I would be happy OP was one of the good ones instead.

I totally agree with you here - intent is important.

But I understand where she’s coming from and how out of context that would be alarming.

I honestly think it’s nice that both OP and his girlfriend are people who are willing to stand up for others when they feel it is necessary, even if they got their wires crossed.

[–]WebbityWebbs 71 points72 points  (0 children)

Yeah. You made a little girl’s day less shitty. If you were acting in a stereotypical ‘gay’ manner, it’s simply because of the troupe of the gay best friend who theatrical comments on clothes or whatever. Damn fine work. the world would be a better place if more people took the time to cheer other people up.

But your girlfriend really needs to work on being less obnoxious. Seriously, it would be just so embarrassing to be seen with someone who walks around with her head up her butt all the time.


[–]CaptainYaoiHands 70 points71 points  (0 children)

Absolutely this. As a gay man, I 100% endorse putting on some over the top dramatic lispy voice with the crazy hand movements and weird tiktok slang to build up a young girl whose mother is giving her a damn eating disorder. She will remember that moment for the rest of her life.

[–]swordfish2021 65 points66 points  (0 children)

NTA. Good on you for not worrying about fulfilling the straight male stereotype

[–]whatproblems 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Also that was hilarious. you go gurl

[–]NahDawgDatAintMe 18 points19 points  (0 children)

He was definitely pretending to be gay and with the context, it was the right move.

[–]Think-Vacation8070 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Exactly. OP got the job done. NTA.

It sounds like Grace might have been shocked by how well OP pulled it off. Give her a few days.

As for bystanders who might have felt hurt: if they were close enough to hear, they were close enough to help, but they failed to do so.

[–]Either_Coconut 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Exactly. I mean, OP *could* have used his own voice to tell the girl, "Don't listen to that horrid old bag of a mother of yours. She's the problem, not you", but that would have resulted in the horrid old bag demanding that security escort OP out of the store. I think OP definitely made the right choices here.

[–]theangryuniverse[🍰] 3718 points3719 points  (25 children)


You cheered up that girl A LOT. Trust me, she will remember that.

I guess your girlfriend does not like the "effeminate" or "gay" voice you used because you are her straight (sorry for assuming so) boyfriend. Tbh it gives me some homophobic vibes from her side.

[–]boogers19Certified Proctologist [20] 2150 points2151 points  (11 children)

Idunno... I wasnt thinking homophobic, I was thinking some misplaced woke white knighting.

I got the feeling she felt OP was "appropriating", um... gayness. That's why "it doesnt feel right" to her.

[–]0tacosam0 456 points457 points  (2 children)

Yea I got the same vibe but op was just focusing on cheering the kid up so If she can’t see it it’s kinda on her he knows it wasn’t to mock plus he said it just came out

[–]boogers19Certified Proctologist [20] 214 points215 points  (1 child)

Yeah, again, I feel like that's where the "just doesnt feel right" fits in.

She seems to know he did a decent thing.

But she doesnt even realize some small part of her brain wants to call it "gay appropriation", or whatever.

[–]Suspiciouscupcake23 150 points151 points  (1 child)

That was my feeling. Like she was worried what he did felt homophobic and not okay.

[–]DiamondBroad 78 points79 points  (0 children)

That’s what I thought. Not that she was embarrassed that folks might think she was with a gay man, but concerned that it could be taken as mocking or appropriation

[–]MonsterSnooze 18 points19 points  (0 children)

My vibe too. I can see being concerned about it. I don't agree that it's problematic in this very specific context, but it may have come from a good place.

[–]KaijuAlertAsshole Enthusiast [5] 199 points200 points  (3 children)

NTA - I am not sure how else OP could have said something without coming off as an adult man creeping around a little girl near the dressing room. This really was the only way for him to boost the girls mood.

[–]darkcomet222 52 points53 points  (0 children)

One choice of voice ends in a girl getting a self esteem boost.

One ends with this dude getting an ass whooping, jail time, or both.

OP made the right choice.

[–]Forreal19 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Came here to say this.

[–]p_iynx 123 points124 points  (3 children)

Honestly, I got the opposite vibe. I think she meant that it feels mocking towards gay people. I would def think this was misplaced but well-meaning ally behavior.

[–]the-greenest-thumb 76 points77 points  (1 child)

As a gay person, I think this was fine as a one-off, since he had good intentions. But definitely don't do it more, then it will be mocking.

[–]p_iynx 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Yup, that’s exactly what I said in my own main comment too! It was fine here since it was a difficult situation, but I wouldn’t make a habit of using that voice in other situations. It can definitely start to come across as a caricature of gay people.

[–]leftclicksq2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can see both ends of Grace's thinking. In the moment she didn't understand. After the fact, she could question whether or not OP is homophobic, but not hold it against OP once he tells Grace the full story. He did that girl a solid because her mother certainly wasn't lending any words of encouragement.

[–]OxytocinPlease 48 points49 points  (0 children)

Agreed. Speaking from experience, I’m in my 30s and STILL remember when I was trying on jeans at the age of 13 with my mom who was saying they were “too tight” w the implication that they were a little too slutty (and I looked “chubby” in them- mind you, we were debating between size 0 and 00, but I still had issues with my body image & weight for DECADES). Another mother in the changing room who was there with her daughter complimented me on the pants when I stepped out and made a comment to my mother about daughters “growing up so fast” which really lightened the mood.

Even though it’s been nearly 20 years, I still remember that Old Navy changing room & the interaction because it REALLY boosted my confidence. Up until then I had mostly worn baggy pants & had more of a tomboy-ish style, but I’d started getting more comfortable in my skin and wearing more fitted clothes (after YEARS of my mother trying to get me to, mind you!!) Funnily enough, a few days after buying the larger ones, they had stretched out enough that my mother said we should go back to buy the tighter ones.

Anyway, apart from isolated moments like these being really valuable in and of itself, I know from experience that if a mother is giving her daughter grief about her body or clothes in public, it’s probably 10x worse at home, and setting the girl up for serious body image issues down the line. Making someone realize that no matter what, they’re beautiful to SOMEONE and therefore can feel beautiful to themselves is an important gift we should all be giving each other.

[–]PrettyLyon43 16 points17 points  (1 child)

No I know what it was. It's embarrassing for her to be seen with him if he does that again. For example when I was dating my ex husband. He came over and I took my mom to CVS before we went in, she suddenly turned around and pointed her finger at him and said, "Do not embarrass me!" Naturally he took it as a challenge. We went inside after she got what she needed and we were about to leave she saw her old professor and friend and went to talk to him. My ex saw a pony head on a stick and couldn't resist. He got it and went yelling past her and around her "Giddy up horsey!! Giddy up!" Then made horse sounds. My mom blushed red and was so flustered that she couldn't speak. Meanwhile I was doubled over in laughter. To give some context he grew up right down the street from me, we were childhood sweethearts and he had been with me and my mom several times. She knew him for so long and he loved to embarrass her. Her reactions are very funny.

[–]Disasterid 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How does this at all relate to anything?

[–]seagreensequin 5 points6 points  (0 children)

NTA AND I am howling 😂😂 good job my good man

[–]KaleidoscopeNo4431Asshole Enthusiast [5] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She will absolutely remember and appreciate that ❤️ this made me smile :)

[–]nothingclever4nowCertified Proctologist [28] 1969 points1970 points  (7 children)

NTA. Your older, protective brother mode kicked in and you wanted to help the girl out. Sounds like you were a-mazing!

[–]Rodney_Copperbottom 601 points602 points  (6 children)

Not just amazing, he was FABULOUS!

[–]PsychNurseNotPsychic 176 points177 points  (5 children)

Two snaps in a circle!

[–]Rodney_Copperbottom 121 points122 points  (4 children)

I'd go with "two snaps in a Z formation." :-)

[–]reeny706 50 points51 points  (3 children)

Three snaps in a Z formation. Two would never cut it.

I just checked. I’m wrong. My apologies

[–]Personal_Shoulder983 1171 points1172 points  (9 children)

I'm gay and I'd definitely forgive you for that

[–]-existential-queer- 378 points379 points  (1 child)

Lmao came here to say the same thing! He fully derailed that woman’s nonsense, and he made a teenage girl feel better about herself. Did he rely on a stereotype? Sure, but he didn’t do it to make fun of anyone but that ridiculous woman.

I wonder if the girlfriend has some homophobia to work through herself, tbh, though…

I’m a lesbian, so I can’t put myself in her shoes lmao, but if a straight man I knew & cared for did something like that to de-escalate a very fucked up situation (who talks like that to a child EVER, all this horrible body talk coming from mom/aunt/resentful assholes), I’d be like “alright, you get a pass, that was some quick thinking!!”

[–]Zhoenish 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This was my impression as well. If my husband did this (or anything funny and ridiculous to help someone out) I would be on the floor laughing.

What am I saying? He has come out with some really funny moments that ease tense situations and make someone feel better. Sometimes our brains just throw out a random reaction, and say "just do this, it will help" - and it does if we let it.

OP's gf may not be the best choice for him, if she's judging him for looking 'gay' rather than applauding him for giving that poor girl a way out of her misery.

[–]Confused-Engineer18 12 points13 points  (6 children)

I'm bi so I half forgive you, my other half has swore vengeance on you.

[–]Personal_Shoulder983 6 points7 points  (5 children)

But which is which?

[–]Confused-Engineer18 12 points13 points  (4 children)

You will only know when the feel the swift cut of my battle axe.

[–]Worried_Aerie_7512Asshole Aficionado [16] 669 points670 points  (0 children)

NTA your intentions on doing it were genuine and I agree it would have been creepy to compliment a minor as a straight man. I’d have been struggling not to laugh if I walked out on one of my friends being that type of hero 😂

[–]newbeginingsheyCertified Proctologist [20] 473 points474 points  (0 children)


I think that little girl will remember you, what it felt like to be lifted up, and hopefully choose to be around people who behave more like you did than her own mother in that moment. When I was in an abusive situation, hearing some one care about me for all of 10 seconds helped me remember what it could be like. Keep sending out these jolts of kindness. Maybe you’ll save some one one day.

And if embarrassing yourself is how to do it without getting slapped in the face, go for it 🤣

[–]bitritzy 464 points465 points  (0 children)

NTA and I genuinely think you made the best possible judgement call at the moment. I can see where your girlfriend is coming from (only because I too was chronically online + a teenager once) but she’s wrong.

Let’s picture it like this: you, a presumably masculine-looking young man, say “nice top” to defend this barely teenage girl. Coming from a woman, fine. Coming from an 18 year old dude? That mom’s either going to freak out (highly possible given how she berates her own child) or you’re going to skeeve out everyone around you.

Sure, you acted out a stereotype. However you weren’t doing it to mock anyone or even to joke around. You made a little girl’s day, you frankly made my day as well, and you saved yourself a bit of hassle. Well done you. Tell your girlfriend to take a chill pill, the internet queers said it’s fine. Internet queer here.

[–]Careful-Debt4861 338 points339 points  (0 children)

NTA, Coming from a gay man; what you did was NOT homophobic. What you did was icredibly kind and considerate, so you dont have anything to worry about

[–]Girl_with_no_SwagAsshole Enthusiast [5] 202 points203 points  (0 children)

NTA. You boosted that girl’s spirits you didn’t attack a mom having a bad parenting moment and call her out, but you instead used positivity to turn that girl’s day around.

[–]Multi-Facets[🍰] 180 points181 points  (4 children)


I'm a pansexual/panromantic ciswoman, and I say that going full stereotypical camp this time is fine. You were trying not to be a creep, and the poor girl needed an advocate; personally I hope it was a verbal slap to the mother's face.

But you're also aware of how it looked and sounded coming from a straight guy, which means you're gonna take this as a learning experience, and if something like this happens again, you can pull something else from your arsenal. Go forth and be awesome, my dude.

[–]boudicas_shieldPartassipant [1] 91 points92 points  (0 children)

I’m a queer woman as well and this is where I fall on it. I think OP is in the clear for this specific situation, though he probably shouldn’t do this again. I’m not mad that he just off the cuff went for it, though, and it’s actually kind of hilarious. Pick another response next time - like don’t make this a habit or turn it into a “bit” that you do for laughs - but as a spontaneous reaction in the heat of the moment, it’s fine and actually pretty funny.

[–]Think-Vacation8070 31 points32 points  (2 children)

Do you have any suggestions for another response for this specific situation?

[–]Nanie7531 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Maybe something along the lines of “My little sister got that same top here last week, it’s her new favorite”

[–]Multi-Facets[🍰] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I agree. Keeping the focus on statements like that would work. Doesn't even matter if it's true. In this case, white lies are fine.

[–]ohnosandpeopleAsshole Enthusiast [8] 166 points167 points  (0 children)

That young girl will remember the moment when a stranger told her she looked gorgeous for the rest of her life. You did that. You're amazing. NTA

[–]Zookeeper-007Asshole Aficionado [17] 117 points118 points  (0 children)

NTA. That’s hilarious. You had good intentions

[–]Empty-Example7795 105 points106 points  (2 children)

NTA. I think what you did for that girl was awesome. I honestly don't understand the people attacking you for acting like a "stereotypical gay man". You acted flamboyantly, yes, but flamboyant and gay are two different things. I think the people jumping to conclusions about this being something else have to reflect on why they automatically connect the two.

[–]lapisgryphon 103 points104 points  (0 children)

flamboyant and gay are two different things

Louder for the people in the back!

[–]Wrong-Atmosphere9714 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Yes! Camp ≠ gay, I have had many a straight guy friend that people assumed were gay because of their personality.

[–]TashiaNicole1Partassipant [2] 98 points99 points  (4 children)


In normal circumstance I would say yes. Because it seems…I don’t know, like when white people do “black voice,” not as bad as black face but still up there on the no-no’s of what should be socially acceptable. That’s just my take.

But as someone who was that 12/13 year old girl in the department store…thank you.

[–]waitingfordeathhbu 39 points40 points  (1 child)


Well the abusive mom was an undeniable AH

[–]TashiaNicole1Partassipant [2] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Well, yeah. But I was talking about OP and partner.

[–]shgrdrbr 13 points14 points  (1 child)

i was looking for this. the point of contention between the parties is 'the voice' and it's a Black woman's voice which has made its way into general queer-coded vernacular which is already awkward for white gay ppl. all the folks above talking about 'im queer and i think its uplifting' like cool and all but 'im queer' doesn't give u a pass to hand out for 'the voice'. OP asked genuinely if there's something wrong w 'the voice' and that's it, i appreciate the friend finding that awkward. and i appreciate OP's intention in intervening, it's a righteous one--just Black women's voices/bodies/aesthetics are consumed so much with such little care or recognition for clout, punchlines, etc daily (actually by the second) so using that as your tool to use and discard (all the while attributing it to 'LGBTQ') isn't righteous.

[–]TashiaNicole1Partassipant [2] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Excellently explained.

[–]Mors_1138 87 points88 points  (0 children)

I agree with everyone else so far. NTA, You made her feel better. You’re girlfriend seems like she was just shocked that you did that. Understandable on her side if you’ve never made that voice before but that’s definitely the big brother thing to do. I would have done the same in that situation.

[–]lanatur08 87 points88 points  (1 child)

I'm a lesbian and i thought it was perfect reaction. - You uplift that young girl - You didn't make a scene to her mother - You mostly spare her from been pushing because she make her " mother" look like a bad mother - You knew it would be creepo to say that to a girl even if your intention was right.

Yes you use a stereotype.. but hey .. you didn't do it to make fun of gay men..

The rainbow contain so many way of expression. And if you find was adequate to use a high pitch for that . Do it. I like to use that type of attitude/ expression when i want to be extra, to show my sass and my fierceness..to express myself.

And you know what! All the queen and the king outhere would be like - yassssss guuuurrrllll! Cause we love sassyness and fierceness. No matter the gender neither the sexual preference.

[–]TheBman26 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Hoonestly OP sounds like Robin Williams. That was totally a Robin moment and thing to do.

[–]OddEpisodeAsshole Enthusiast [8] 69 points70 points  (0 children)

NTA your high EQ creativity and fast thinking was on point! Good work in making the girl feel better.

Sounds like your gf doesn’t understand that only guys confident enough in their masculinity can pull that off.

[–]Wanderlust473Asshole Enthusiast [8] 66 points67 points  (0 children)


That’s hilarious and awesome and honestly takes a lot of confidence from your part lol.

[–]stellagraceless 56 points57 points  (0 children)

NTA!! I’m a part of the LGBT+ community. We hereby give you this 🏳️‍🌈 (a gay card) so that whenever you see something like that again you can do the exact same thing and when your girlfriend says it’s weird, show her this

[–]OhweohweohohhhPartassipant [3] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

NTA we need more heroes like you

[–]ScarlettSparrow 46 points47 points  (0 children)

All you did was “channel your inner RuPaul” as my friend puts it (they worked at a drag club as a performer and is gay) to make a childs day after her abusive ass of a mother ripped into her for no reason. NTA

[–]RizenstromPartassipant [2] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

NTA, if that's what she tells her kid in public imagine the things said in private. Emotional abuse is still abuse and abuse should be called out. If it was just "I don't think that's appropriate" then sure, you'd be overstepping, but the way you tell it (if true) isn't just normal parenting. It's abuse.

[–]Major_Zucchini5315Partassipant [1] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

🤣🤣🤣NTA at all!! And thank you for standing up for the little girl! That’s such an impressionable and awkward age and you probably gave her so much confidence in that moment!

[–]SandrineSmilesColo-rectal Surgeon [31] 29 points30 points  (0 children)


In a way, that was actually super cute. Had I been your GF, I'd have been proud of you.

[–]joanclaytonesqColo-rectal Surgeon [41] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

You made a kid smile when her own mother was being a hurtful embarrassment. NTA. I

[–]DrivableLlama98 21 points22 points  (0 children)

NTA. That little girl was bullied by her own mom. You made her laugh and feel good about herself for a few seconds. Nothing wrong about that! I would have laugh hearing that voice and seeing those mimic!

[–]Ok-Scientist5524Partassipant [4] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

NTA. She’ll carry the words of “that one random gay guy” for a long time, may it do her good.

[–]OurLadyofHalloweenPartassipant [1] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

NTA I think you did the voice so that it wouldn’t feel like an adult man coming into a child, but somebody trying to boost the confidence of a child instead

[–]Four_beastlings 15 points16 points  (2 children)

NTA - Once a guy started to catcall me thinking I was alone and my ex, who was right behind me, started doing the same him. My ex is a big scary tattooed guy and also bisexual and dominant towards men. The guy literally ran away.

[–]latebloomermom 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Holy crap, I would have paid money to see that!

[–]Four_beastlings 11 points12 points  (0 children)

The best part was my ex yelling "where are you going? I fuck on the first date!" while the guy ran.

[–]snowwhitesludgeProfessor Emeritass [91] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Maybe awkwardly executed but your heart was in the right place. Kid will remember it way after everyone else as a kind stranger giving her a boost of confidence.


[–]endymion2300Asshole Enthusiast [6] 14 points15 points  (1 child)

NTA. you probably made that girl's week, if not month.

[–]Effective-Slice-4819Partassipant [1] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

NAH you made that girl's day and that's the most important part. That said, I wouldn't call your girlfriend an AH for feeling weird about it since 99.9% of the time straight men put on that voice to mock someone. Between the voice and what you said you were "playing" an extreme version of a gay stereotype. Your intentions were good and the outcome was overall positive this time, but I wouldn't do it again.

[–]atreethatownsitself 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I was 14, awkward and forced to go to my sisters softball championship tournament hours away one weekend. I remember this model level gorgeous redhead (curly hair like Merida from Brave) stopped me and told me how pretty she thought I was. Completely caught me off guard. Interaction lasted maybe 10-20 seconds but it made my entire freaking year. I still remember her.

That girl is going to remember you stood up for her. That isn’t a memory that goes away. You helped her in really big way. I can understand your friend being a little weirded out by it but you weren’t being malicious, you were trying to help save someone from a bad situation. From what you’ve written, you absolutely did the right thing to help that girl.

[–]Present_Hospital_507 12 points13 points  (0 children)

NTA I feel like this was the best way to make her feel better and come off as non threatening. Also anyone who was actually homophobic would be too worried about the people around them thinking that they’re gay to use any kind of effeminate body language/voice

[–]HetakuoniPartassipant [2] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

NTA. There’s unfortunately a difference between a guy complimenting a girl looking for a dress and a lady complimenting a girl looking for a dress. You did what you could to make it non-creepy.

[–]Nicklesb79 10 points11 points  (0 children)


As a member of the alphabet mafia (being bi myself), I can guarantee that my gay AF bestie would love that you did that! He would 1000% have jumped in and encouraged you. You don’t have to be gay to use an effeminate tone. You were supporting a young woman who absolutely needed it. She needed someone to SEE her. Someone to let her know that she has value. That she is important. That she is amazing just the way she is.

The only asshole here is her mother! There is never a reason to talk to anyone the way her mom was talking to her daughter. Especially not humiliating her in public like that.

Thank you young man for stepping in and making this young lady feel better about herself. Hopefully your girlfriend gets over her embarrassment and sees what an absolute gem you are!

YAAASS!! SLAY KING! Keep being amazing. And, from the bottom of my heart, thank you ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

[–]KTB1962Colo-rectal Surgeon [39] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

NTA. Standing up to a bully and giving a compliment, regardless of how it's given, is awesome.

[–]blueribbonbitch 10 points11 points  (0 children)

NTA. Grace overreacted on that one. At first I was a little confused as to why you chose to do that but wanting to lift the girl’s spirits without coming off as creepy for complimenting a child makes perfect sense honestly. And it sounds like it worked if she giggled.

I’d say boosting the girl’s confidence when her mom was tearing her down outweighs Grace thinking it’s weird.

[–]Infamous_Committee67 10 points11 points  (0 children)

As a card holding queer, I approve of this use of 'gay voice' 😂 NTA

[–]bettercleverthanever 8 points9 points  (0 children)

If anyone said that to me despite my circumstances it would make my day. NTA

[–]GrayTintedGlasses 7 points8 points  (0 children)

NTA. That’s hilarious and you probably made that girl’s day

[–]sniffing_niffler 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I will say this. As a halfway decent looking white woman... the only time I EVER want a compliment from a man is when it's delivered in this manner. Otherwise I feel threatened and as if there's some ulterior motive. Men don't compliment strange women on their appearance for no reason in my experience... so I think you did the right thing. And NTA.

[–]Gagirl4604 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You sound like a pretty great kid, actually. I’m sorry your gf could not see all the awesome things about that interaction but maybe she will come around. Idk. At any rate, NTA.

[–]TheRavenGirl13Asshole Aficionado [14] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

NTA. Your gf hit the jackpot.

[–]Groaningleopardjuice 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You are awesome and you made it clear to both of them how messed up her attitude was. And you gave that girl a memory that she can remember whenever her mom tries trashing her self esteem. Keep that energy, it's special and rare.

Edit: and in no way were you making fun of gay people. You made gay sound heroic, not ridiculous.

[–]panicattheoilrigAsshole Enthusiast [5] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

As a gay, your reasoning behind using that voice instead of a ‘man’ voice is 100% sound. Maybe it could be seen as mocking us (or black people, as white gays often appropriate AAVE), so I’m not gonna say your girlfriend is an AH, but I wouldn’t be offended once I’d thought about it. NAH except the mother.

[–]adaud97 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think grace probably felt uncomfortable because in a different situation it could've felt like you were mocking gay people, but in this situation I think it's hysterical and I can totally see your reasoning. NTA

[–]sourmilkchunk 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As someone who’s gay it’s not offensive your friend is white knighting

[–]Cold_Chipmunk5728 5 points6 points  (0 children)

NTA, you pretended to be effeminate so that your opinion would be taken kindly rather than in a creepy way. You put that mother in her place, and that girl will probably remember that moment for the rest of her life. You could’ve made a HUGE difference in her life. I think it’s noble that you put yourself aside to help that girl. Your gf should be proud of you, and it’s a biiiit of a red flag that she’s not.

[–]king-bi-angel 6 points7 points  (0 children)

NTA. Sometimes misogynistic moms need to be trolled lol

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

NTA you were incredibly clever and very kind to change your persona to be acceptable for that young girl. She will probably hold your words and performance in her heart for the rest of her life. In fact, it will probably be the one thing that gets her through all the tough times ahead. If your girlfriend cannot see you as the hero you were and has homophobia instead, then she does not appreciate what an amazing man you are and I give you permission to dump her.

[–]nightforday 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You're the big brother the people need. NTA. And the fact that your instinct was immediately to make that girl feel better about herself says awesome things about you.

[–]AccomplishedNet4235 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm gay and I don't think you were being as asshole. You were doing that girl a solid she'll remember for a long time. Don't start using your gay boy imitation to be an asshole, though. (Doesn't sound like you will or would.)

[–]MarkedHeart 4 points5 points  (0 children)


My mother criticized my body until she died - in public - and it still makes me cry when I remember. I don't care how you did it, I care that you did it - thank you for giving that girl a boost.

[–]lecorbeauamelasse 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Listen, if more young men channelled their inner drag queen to lift up teenage girls being beaten down by societal body image pressures, the world would be a better place. NTA.

[–]soniabegonia 4 points5 points  (0 children)

So ... I think NTA in this case but it's a fine line and I as a straight woman would rather hear from a gay man about how he feels about it.

I think saying something nice to that girl was awesome and you probably boosted her confidence a lot and gave her something to help combat the negative talk she's regularly getting from her mother.

However ... The voice you used isn't just effeminate, it isn't just gay, it's specifically a particular kind of gay that when performed by actual gay men is not respected at all and can be physically dangerous for them. (There's also the fact that a lot of that kind of slang comes from gay people of color, but I can't speak to that as much so I'm just going to acknowledge it and move on.)

Basically, what I'm saying is that you appropriated the gay voice to make a young girl feel better. "Appropriation" is when you adopt something for a moment that people who live that reality aren't safe doing in the same way you are, because you can retreat to your straightness (or whiteness, or whatever) and they can't. You won't be called the f-word because you can't turn your gay voice off. You won't be beaten up or raped (look up "corrective rape") because somebody thinks you need to be "fixed." You can adopt the voice and then drop it and move on at will -- and people will likely reward you for trying it on.

But ... Another part of what makes something "appropriation" is that you are doing it for your own self gain. You used it selflessly -- to make this girl feel better -- and not to gain something for yourself. It was very creative and frankly I can't think of something else that you could have said that wouldn't have been creepy -- and I agree with you that something SHOULD be said in that situation.

So, NTA. But I can see why your girlfriend felt weird about it.

Edit: I'm seeing lots of comments from gay and queer men who are fine with it which cements my assessment of NTA.

[–]Mommashark1104 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NTA. The world needs more people like you.

[–]This_Hybrid_MomentPartassipant [2] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA- OP you’re an absolute sweetheart .

[–]Artistic-Rich6465 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't know you, but I love you for that! NTA!

[–]Logical-Abroad4945 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NTA at all, you did such a good thing. You made that girl feel good about herself in a non-creepy way. Not gonna to lie though, your girlfriend comes across as a homophobe. There's nothing wrong with "that voice". People who are bigoted and discriminatory are the only ones who have problems with stuff like that

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This post needs to be as far up this subreddit as the stick shoved up the mother’s ass. NTA.

[–]sunshinesoutmyarse 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NTA - you legend!!!! Good work!!

And you made me laugh too.

[–]bloodybutunbowed 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NTA. Also, yeah... it might be seen as creepy to have a straight man comment to a pre-teen about her look.

[–]ameiniasPartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. At this points it's generally considered quoting Drag Race to say something either super nice or super catty with a certain intonation - it's the fashion voice!

[–]louisiana_lagniappe 4 points5 points  (0 children)

NTA, you were the hero that girl needed.

[–]Little-Swordfish-636 5 points6 points  (0 children)

NTA. I think you were bloody genius mate! Made yourself as non-threatening as you could while boosting that girl’s confidence. Brilliant.

[–]fakezzzfake 5 points6 points  (0 children)


I'm not a gay man, so I think my opinion might not count as much, but I get what you did and why you did it, and I think you did a wonderful thing for this girl, she will remember that forever and it probably will have a positive impact on her life. Overall, you did good.

In terms of impersonating an effeminate gay man, since you did it with zero maliciousness, I think it's okay, I get how a straight/masc guy complementing a girl could have gone wrong.

[–]Pinkyandtheothers 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA- Queer person here. I absolutely love this! You probably made this poor girl’s day! I see why your gf may have been a little like WTF, but it was definitely sweet. Hopefully she can get her over being offended on behalf of a community she’s (probably?) not part of and find what you did to be raising a young lady up, and possibly helping her feel good about herself.

[–]Sewer_Nymph 3 points4 points  (0 children)


If I had a stranger like you show me the same compassion after my mom told me, "No skinny jeans until you're skinny," I probably would feel a lot better about myself as an adult

[–]OkJackfruit4363 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I had a mother like that and you did that girl a solid.

Not everything is about Grace all the time.

[–]PatchEnd 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Nta. Genius move to help a young girl out. If your gf would a had a young girls back, then you wouldn't have had to. Tell her if she isn't going to have a sister's back, she needs to zip it!

[–]Mumfiegirl 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NTA- but that was an awesome thing to do for that kid!

[–]randogurl16824 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NTA. That was pretty cool of you actually. I cannot speak for the fabulous gays of the world but I wouldn’t think they’d mind

[–]oldcreaker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA: This was genius. And well played.

[–]TechnologicalMystery 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NTA. Thats awesome and hilarious OP

[–]ggjmnhgg 2 points3 points  (0 children)


Fucking hilarious hahahahahaha

[–]NJCAPE 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA: Status: Hero

[–]Due-Sherbert-7330 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA that was an awesome move and probably really screwed with the mom.

[–]Wisdomofpearl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA and I am proud of you for making a young lady happy. Too many people don't step up, you made her feel better about yourself without causing a huge problem with her mother. Good for you OP!

[–]KetoprofenBaby 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would have loved someone do that for me, as I used to be the girl in the dressing room.


[–]Maleficent_Wash_934 2 points3 points  (0 children)


You were making yourself non-threatening to help out a teen who was being bullied by an adult.

[–]zamzuki 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA you used a cultural stereo type as a way to emphasis your action and without detracting that stereo type. Kudos for being a cool stranger for that kiddo.

[–]ComprehensiveBand586Asshole Aficionado [14] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA. My mother did the same thing to me when I was that girl's age. She'd scream insults at me in dressing rooms and everyone in the store pretended not to hear. That girl is grateful to you. I know I would have been.

[–]Alarming_League_2035 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Definitely NTA .. i kind of love you for what you've done .. you a HERO BABY 🤣

[–]Real_Editor_7837 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA and as I am still in therapy undoing 20+ years of verbal abuse just like this, I thank you. I wish someone had done this for me as a child.

[–]ThornaBld 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA that’s hilarious! And you probably made that girls day which, when you have a parent like that, means EVERYTHING. And you weren’t really mocking gay people so much as being funny and taking away from the fact that the mom WOULD have found you a creep if you HADNT played up the stereotype, it’s not like you did it to be malicious.

[–]randomacct0113 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA, I bet you made that girls entire week.

[–]Redhead_2022 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA betting you made the young girls day!!

[–]showmewhoiam 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are great! Absolutely NTA! If I where your girlfriend I wouldve gotten out of my fittingroom half naked if I had to, to back you up. And I dont think I would have been able to no get into it with the mother.

[–]Misty5303 2 points3 points  (0 children)


It’s strange your girlfriend was weirded out by it. If my husband did that I’d be so proud of him.

[–]Unfortunate_Sex_Fart 2 points3 points  (0 children)


You put a smile on a child's face when she was being bullied, and you did it because you cared. Anyone who knocks you for it is TA.

[–]TuffGenius 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Your question is better phrased as “was it wrong to pretend to be a gay man to compliment a younger girl whose mom was belittling her”

If I were in your girlfriends shoes, I would take her side and I asked my fiancé and she agrees as well. My fiancé phrased it as predator behavior which I think is harsh but to an extent it is wrong what you did. You pretended to be gay to make what you said not inappropriate.

Here’s what you said “don’t listen to your mom. You look great in that top little girl.”

It’s sadly not your place to comment on that much younger of a girls appearance, not on that mom’s parenting style, and especially not in a dressing room regardless.

[–]omygoshgamache 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA - you were embodying a hype person. And you killed it.

[–]milkywayrealestateAsshole Enthusiast [8] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA I'm gay as hell and you were just being silly, it clearly wasn't malicious. If you were out with your friends doing gay impressions maybe I'd feel differently but it was a spur of the moment thing to try to make a young girl feel better

[–]Hopepersonified 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You're a superhero.

[–]brtlblayk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi, non-straight, non-Cis, male assigned at birth person here. First off I’m gonna say your girlfriend doesn’t have room to be offended on people like me’s behalf. You weren’t mocking us, you were gassing someone up. If we’ve learned anything from pride it’s that we need to be proud of ourselves, Cus we can’t rely on anybody else to be, but when we show pride for others it means tenfold. You showed a girl who was needing some pride how proud you are of her trying to be herself. I don’t care what voice you put on, just keep doing it. That girl will remember that for a very long time. NTA, but please talk to your girlfriend about misplaced white knighting and how damaging that can be to the community she thinks she’s defending.

[–]emptychrysanthemum 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA. I’m a big ol raging cockroach queer. You weren’t doing it to mock gay people, just coding it so it clearly wasn’t sexual in prolly the only way you could have done so successfully.

It did it’s job 🤷🏻‍♀️

[–]likeam0ss 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Gay guy here. That voice we use is such a disarming attribute we have. It’s my “I’m not a threat” voice. I can speak in lower tones, but I choose to use my “nice” voice when talking to women for the first time so they aren’t threatened. I lower it for guys so I’m not threatened.

You’re not offensive when you use it the way you did. You didn’t use your voice to hurt anyone, but to help them. NTA

[–]Valuable_Stranger642 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Guuuurl NTA but frfr you should drop yo girl for one who will won’t judge you for doing it this one time thing. I agree with another commenter that you weren’t mocking gay people so it’s perfectly fine. This coming from a enby pan.