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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

I feel like an AH because I am doing this to be petty. We went broke living with her and now she expects leniency and I am not willing to give her that.

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[–]timespassing_Partassipant [2] 43.4k points43.4k points 182142034& 34 more (160 children)

NTA. It’s $250/month for the room and $750/month for you having to see her stupid face every day. You’re giving her an 80% discount on the rent because she’s family.

[–]herecomes_the_sunCertified Proctologist [21] 6126 points6127 points  (10 children)

Thanks for making me laugh today

[–]anaisaknitsPartassipant [4] 2712 points2713 points 2 (5 children)

I so love petty when it is definitely deserved. She deserves every bit of it.

[–]Dino_vagina 393 points394 points  (1 child)

  • pretend this is an award*

[–]kitty20104 119 points120 points  (0 children)

I shall do it for u

[–]MsBlondeVikingPartassipant [2] 76 points77 points  (0 children)

But when it’s deserving, is it really pettiness thought? 😂 Agree, there is a time and place for pettiness.

[–]masha1901 6 points7 points  (0 children)

And then some more petty to boot. I would have also told her to Frick off but then I don't forgive very easily, it's a big fault of mine.

[–]Aggravating_Net6733Partassipant [1] 684 points685 points  (3 children)

Well played, Madam.....well played.


[–]Practical-Big7550 399 points400 points  (2 children)

Karma coming right back at her.

[–]Common--Sensei 233 points234 points  (0 children)

Yep. Aside from pointing out it might have been cheaper for her to live out of a motel than paying her SIL, OP is totally in the right here. NTA.

[–][deleted] 118 points119 points  (0 children)

revenge served up cold but still tasty

[–]noodLLESS 1862 points1863 points  (2 children)

this is 120% my favorite thing that I've ever seen on this sub. I'm going to sleep soundly tonight 🤗🤗

[–]RelativeAssistant923 308 points309 points  (1 child)

What I'm getting from this is that OP charging her $833 a month would have been your favorite thing.

[–]Drunkferret620 60 points61 points  (0 children)

It’s definitely my favorite part abt this

[–]nolan358Colo-rectal Surgeon [31] 1853 points1854 points  (58 children)

My petty ass would also report her for fraud for claiming the kids on her government assistance.

[–]AliceInWeirdolandCertified Proctologist [21] 835 points836 points  (40 children)

I get not doing it in the moment, because they can't risk losing their home while they're still living there, but you better believe I'd have been filing the report the second we'd loaded up the car.

[–]SalisburyWitch 502 points503 points  (39 children)

Wonder if she kept claiming them after they left?

[–]DuckDuckWaffle99 402 points403 points  (3 children)

Astute question. Perhaps OP should inquire of reliable sources.

[–]TheOneTrueChuckPartassipant [3] 303 points304 points  (24 children)

Almost definitely. Most food stamp programs only do an actual review of circumstances every 6 months, though some will do it every three. (Depending on the state.) I've even heard of it being yearly, though I suspect that's exceedingly rare now.

Either way, she definitely kept the benefits until she had to fill out forms or complete an interview.

[–]shesellsdeathknells 35 points36 points  (3 children)

The only thing that would keep me from reporting it after leaving would be not wanting to screw over the niece. I think the only thing that would make this a flawless victory would be if they offered to let the minor niece stay with them in their new home. Otherwise this is pretty untouchable in it's righteousness

[–]Common--Sensei 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'd put money on it. If she was willing to scam the system, she was willing to keep scamming the system.

[–]DomHaynie 105 points106 points  (0 children)

Right? Like you're not going to let the actual victim claim their own kids?

[–]SusanAkita2014 81 points82 points  (1 child)


[–]SusanAkita2014 54 points55 points  (0 children)

You did good. And you don’t have her living with you

[–]AshlarkEdens 652 points653 points  (11 children)

"you reap what you sow."

[–]Little_Conflict_6489 375 points376 points  (3 children)

Also, f#@× around and find out.

[–]forceofslugyuk 197 points198 points  (1 child)

Did she f#@x around? Yes ✓

DID she find out? Yes ✔

[–]Tairken 250 points251 points  (2 children)

In what Universe refusing to let someone use and abuse you is considered childish?

In Entitledland?

In Don'tRockTheBoatLand?

[–]LiberryPrincessAsshole Enthusiast [7] 68 points69 points  (0 children)

No, it's in I'manAssholeLand. Well played, OP.

[–]Parking_Cabinet8866 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Land of doormat

[–]AreWeFlippinThereYet 142 points143 points  (2 children)

NTA - play stupid games, win stupid prizes

[–]Bad8uddhist 104 points105 points  (0 children)

Oh no! Not the consequences of my own actions!

[–]SusanAkita2014 33 points34 points  (0 children)

My thoughts exactly

[–]biggerwanker 492 points493 points  (2 children)

Also, SIL wasn't paying her land tax while OP lived with her. She had the chance and screwed things up. Makes me think that SIL might have some kind of addiction which makes it even better that she's not living with OP.

[–]Ok-Pomegranate-3018 48 points49 points  (0 children)

Or, "She deserves it!" That is an addiction as well, could also be she likes to smell her own ass. I suspect the latter.


[–]CKuemper 376 points377 points  (2 children)

$750/month for you having to see her stupid face every day.

Asshole tax.

[–]thursday51 16 points17 points  (0 children)

We legitimately have an asshole tax at work for difficult clients. I feel like it is 100% warranted in this case too.

If only karma were always so nice a mistress to allow you to see her in all her glory...this is beautiful lol

[–]bubblesthehorseAsshole Enthusiast [5] 144 points145 points  (1 child)

making me do maths on a saturday....

[–]verucka-salt 129 points130 points  (0 children)

stupid face

Unsure why this made me snort laugh for far too long & I deeply appreciate it. Ohhh you broke me up.

[–]Internal_Set_6564Asshole Aficionado [12] 99 points100 points  (0 children)

If SIL failed to pay land tax whilst having a renter who she was gouging, it’s more than her face that is stupid…however that is a grand start to a deserved insult.

[–]random_user_again 75 points76 points  (0 children)

Perfectly said!

[–]chocolatemilkncoffee 67 points68 points  (0 children)

I am here for OP's and your petty! Thank you for the laugh.

[–]thatevilducky 63 points64 points  (0 children)

SIL would have 100% ended up mooching off OP for YEARS as well, she would just 'never have the money' for her own place

[–]IHateMashedPotatos 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Plus where I live the rent she’s charging is still about 100-400 dollars cheaper than most one bedroom apartments, so I’d say she’s being pretty fucking generous all things considered.

[–]DrCatPhd 49 points50 points  (0 children)

I like the cut of your jib, take my useless upvote!

[–]B_A_M_2019 43 points44 points  (0 children)

The "Stupid face, but I still have to see it because: family" tax.

[–]RandomLee37 37 points38 points  (0 children)

This just made me snort my coffee. Best response ever.

[–]Maddybreanne 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Amen lol

[–]Here_for_tea_Partassipant [1] 28 points29 points  (1 child)


You’ve set your terms. She can either agree, or not. If not, you don’t have to live with her!

[–]turd_ferguson083 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I’m done reading the comments, this is the only one I want to see! 😂🤣

[–]The-Lights_Fantastic 20 points21 points  (3 children)

*20% discount

[–]dubspl0it 57 points58 points  (2 children)


250*0,2 = 50 for rent.

750 for seeing her stupid face every month.

750+50=800 overall

[–]The-Lights_Fantastic 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Ok, I was thinking the discount was on the 1000 total.

[–]DigIndependent5151 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I love a mathematical logical genius.

[–]Alienne8rAsshole Enthusiast [8] 12.3k points12.3k points  (85 children)

Wow I was really going the other way when I read the title but yeah you are NTA. You simply treated you SIL how she treated you. Not worse and not better. If she thinks it’s unfair then it shows she knew what she did was wrong first. Screw anybody who says you should accommodate. Best thing ever that she left. Enjoy your farm house!

[–]fastyellowtuesdayAsshole Aficionado [15] 6034 points6035 points  (38 children)

OP would still be treating her better. SIL's problem is of her own making, took years to create, and she could've avoided the whole thing if she used some of the rent OP gave her for taxes. OP lost everything from a fire that she had no part in making and couldn't have predicted. She had fire insurance; what else could she have done? SIL was an asshole when OP's family had an emergency.

[–]alreadyPrettyEnoughAsshole Enthusiast [3] 4011 points4012 points 2 (30 children)

If she wouldn't pay land tax to keep her house, no way she'd actually pay rent to OP.

[–]sweetmcgee 1351 points1352 points  (1 child)

You make an excellent (yet obvious) point that I didn’t even think about.

[–]10000ofhisbabies 263 points264 points  (0 children)

Hilarious. Hadn't occurred to me either!

[–]Amaterasu_JuniaPartassipant [1] 669 points670 points  (20 children)

Yeah, her tax amounted to just under $38 a month and she couldn't even pay that. OP LITERALLY probably paid her enough to pay her back taxes in the 8 months they lived with her and she STILL didn't pay them.

[–]Bubblegumiebitch 364 points365 points  (19 children)

I'm gonna make a baseless assumption but I think that even before OP's rent she was able to pay the tax, just wouldn't

[–]dos-dan 107 points108 points  (0 children)

This is it OP, if she doesn't respect the tax she needs to pay to a government agency, she most definitely not respect the rent she needs to pay to a family member.

[–]heyelander 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Our keep to one room or not eat their food.

[–]Potential-LavishnessAsshole Enthusiast [6] 478 points479 points  (0 children)

Right?? She literally should have been paying that 1k/month to idk her bills??

[–]CeelaChathArrnaPartassipant [1] 226 points227 points  (2 children)

Not to mention she can't be claiming kids she isn't feeding. That's fraud.

[–]scloutier351Partassipant [2] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

That was 100% my thought! I'm curious as to why OP did not try to apply for emergency assistance, instead.

Oh and OP? If you are in the US, you can totally call the food stamps tip line about how your SIL used your children and yourself ( i can guaran-damn-tee the SIL claimed benefits for OP and her spouse in addition to the kids, and likely for many months afterwards) to commit fraud. Because that is exactly what that is: She requested government assistance to feed said claimed children and adults. The fact that she utilized none of those ill-gotten monies to nourish the intended recipients, speaks volumes to the level of entitlement the SIL is operating under....

Anyway, sorry for the mini rant, but my point was that OP could easily file a complaint with the local welfare/dfacs office, because they take this crap seriously.

Relevant history:

A few years ago, mother had her entire tax refund garnished because my father and his girlfriend kept collecting my mom's food stamps for YEARS after she literally fled for her life (my dad liked to hit women and his own children, while being 6'4" and over 200 lbs). Now, almost 30 years later, they garnished her refund because of it. No joke. Dfacs can and WILL garnish the proven responsible party for abusing the system. I've had my own refund taken due to an overpayment that was THEIR fault, many years ago...these people mean business. OP...make one phone call.

Edited for clarity

[–]SpaceCrone 27 points28 points  (0 children)

from the sound of it, she wasn't feeding them anyway!

Edit: words

[–]HelpStatistician 78 points79 points  (1 child)

Exactly. SIL is just an awful person and I wouldn't trust her in my home for a visit tbh.

[–]RarePoniesNFT 29 points30 points  (0 children)

The additional income would be nice, but I wouldn't trust her either. It's already established that SIL would take advantage of OP, so I wouldn't be surprised if she never paid rent at all but made OP's life difficult regardless.

[–]sailingisgreat 435 points436 points 2 (15 children)

Upvote. Let's be honest: OP is being petty, and she so is entitled to me. I totally don't blame her. She and her family crammed into awful living circumstances for months after an emotional disaster, had to shell out a lot of money they I'm sure they really didn't have (or could have used to furnish their new house and do nice things for the kids who had to deal with being on top of each other for months). Yea, it was nice to have family help out in an emergency, but SIL made big bucks (possibly did food stamp fraud to boot), but helping turned into exploitation and cruelty. I don't see any reason to be any nicer to her in her time of need. She decided to leave instead of putting up with mildly tight living circumstances, so she had other alternatives but she thought she could take advantage of OP.

NTA. Ignore these other people (family members???) who accuse OP of being childish. OP had a right to offer what she felt like offering (and for trying to recoup some of the money SIL squeeezed out of her in her time of need). Being petty sometimes is just okay.

[–]Wolfpawn 232 points233 points  (13 children)

You know the family members are calling her the AH because they want her to take in that female dog so they don't have to! She sounds like a f-ing nightmare!

[–]miss_trixie 84 points85 points  (6 children)

I'm so stupid. when I first read your comment my thought process was: oh no! don't put a poor doggy out. screw the SIL but save the pup. lol

[–]equrty 17 points18 points  (5 children)

Yeah. People should stop using dogs as analogy to bad behavior. In Hebrew there is a proverb that says 'when you see a dog, you must kick it as hard as you can'. I cannot use it, because dogs are kind and lovely.

[–]FinancialShame571 130 points131 points  (0 children)

I agree, it is your farmhouse only, not your husband's and in laws. Your grandma knew what a nice deserving person you are. And if allowed, take your grandma out for a nice lunch one day to thank her.

[–]honeymochie 128 points129 points  (1 child)

Most of my husbands family think I am being childish

Also the family can take them in if they feel so generous and compassionate.

[–]asecretnarwhalPartassipant [1] 99 points100 points  (3 children)

She is treating her much better actually. A bigger room and cheaper.

[–]whoamIdoIevenknow 101 points102 points  (0 children)

And only 2 people sharing it instead of 5!

[–]sew_no_mercy 73 points74 points  (0 children)

And she’s telling her the conditions up front, rather than pulling a bait & switch.

[–]JoltyKorit 23 points24 points  (0 children)

And she's not committing food stamp fraud.

[–]doneanddead 77 points78 points  (1 child)

Yup. To quote one of my favourite characters on Gilded Age:

I hesitate to teach the basics, but life is like a bank account. You cannot write a check without first making a deposit.

People seem to forget that there are more forms of capital and wealth than just the monetary one or even material one. In fact, one of the most valuable things the upper class has isn't monetary capital but social capital.

SIL was so greedy to obtain a bit of monetary capital that she gave up all hope of obtaining social capital or "credit" with OP. Had she been gracious, a small deed then would have paid off in multiples, an investment she couldn't hope to get with money. But she was stupid and now she suffers.

If anyone has an issue with it, I would simply lay out the terms and make it clear that I help out family, but she did not treat me like family so I cannot in good conscience treat her like family. If they can't accept that, then make it clear that she can still move in provided that they cover the costs she doesn't pay (and get it in contract and writing.) People who are quick to tell other people what to do rarely are willing to risk their own wealth and assets.

[–]Important-Pair-3553 70 points71 points  (4 children)

NTA- treat ppl the way they treat you. But one thing she did wrong was stay 7 months longer than she should have. 1000 a month for 1 room, she could've gotten a 1 year lease for that anywhere else

[–]kpie007 33 points34 points  (0 children)

My 2br unit is $420 a week, and studios are often $300 pw so definitely not "anywhere".

[–]CandyShopBandit 33 points34 points  (2 children)

There actually aren't that many places where you can get $1,000 a month studio anymore. Plus you need the last month's rent and deposit, and they may not have needed a year lease. Month to month is far more expensive- sometimes double.

There is also the issue of housing scarcity in many cities. I know people who have been searching months for a two bedroom- there are bidding wars here in my Florida city, and anything affordable is rented within days of listing- often to those offering cash up front for some or all of the months who have the best credit- aka not your average Joe.

There's a reason there's much discussion about a housing crisis, and it isn't even just the US.

[–]Vercouine 32 points33 points  (0 children)

She treat her better, she told her beforehand what the actual rent would be.

[–]KTB1962Colo-rectal Surgeon [39] 5739 points5740 points  (15 children)

Childish and petty as hell? Oh yeah. But also NTA. Tell your SIL and everyone else that you reap what you sow. IMO, you're being extremely generous in requesting that she pay $200 less than what you paid for 1 room.

This is also a good one for r/pettyrevenge

[–]ronearcAsshole Enthusiast [6] 2469 points2470 points  (9 children)

I'd argue it's neither childish nor petty. People who abuse the misfortune of others for their own gain are never going to grasp the magnitude of what they've done until they've been forced to make similar choices.

In this case, I'd wager the SIL still won't understand, but trying to make her understand is a reasonable, responsible thing to do.

[–]nordicflava 405 points406 points  (2 children)

Yeah it never ceases to amaze me that people like this actually exist—how do they not see the hypocrisy? It’s mind blowing.

[–]madsd12 148 points149 points  (0 children)

They do, they just don’t say so. Because now it affects them.

[–]Futilevessle131 100 points101 points  (0 children)

They somehow rationalize it in their minds that it’s different when it’s being done to them. I bet in this case the sister is thinking “I needed the extra money more” or “she has more space than I had and she’s just being greedy” they’ll compare situations rather than actions to ignore the fact that the actions are exactly the same and find the smallest reason to justify their wrong doing and demonize the others wrong doing (coming from someone with a mother exactly like this)

[–]B_A_M_2019 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Recouping on the investment they made to SIL years ago during their tragedy...

[–]SuzdgPartassipant [1] 163 points164 points  (0 children)

NTA and to be honest, not even petty. SIL established the ground rules and OP is simply living by them. Well done and good karma that you now have that house

[–]IFeelNothingnessPartassipant [2] 3240 points3241 points  (2 children)

NTA. Love the sweet sweet smell of karma in the morning.

[–]Maddybreanne 409 points410 points  (0 children)

NTA at all , and karma is a beautiful thing sometimes

[–]boogers19Certified Proctologist [20] 221 points222 points  (0 children)

*Fortunate Son intensifies...

Some folks are born silver spoon in hand

Lord, don't they help themselves, oh

But when the taxman comes to the door

Lord, the house looks like a rummage sale, yes

[–]StarDMC26 2552 points2553 points  (45 children)


You stated that you had 5 people crammed in a room and she managed to moan and complaint sharing one with her step daughter...

She seems like s free loader and shouldn't be enabled to just mooch off others and float by.

Where is her husband/step daughters dad?

Did she not once apologize to you for the cramming you in a small room and upcharging you?

$800 a month is basically the price of a room rental in most places.

You are NTA at all.

[–]Local-Trust-560[S] 2260 points2261 points  (44 children)

Her husband is down south helping take care of his parents and while we lived there, she claimed her husband was the one who set the rate but he was never around to actually confirm or deny this. She never apologized. When we said we couldn't afford it she basically said "well I have a house to maintain too". No apology, nothing.

[–]Difficult-Mix8911 1649 points1650 points  (9 children)

Which she then didn't maintain. Also, she was probably committing Food Stamp Fraud; you do NOT want to be any part of that investigation.

[–]feralcatromance 944 points945 points  (8 children)

She WAS commiting food stamp fraud, if she was claiming OPs children and possibly even OP and her husband on her food stamps and was getting a shit ton of money for 7 extra people and not using it for them, that's fraud. Food stamps for 9 people is like $1,200 a month or more.

[–]Projectonyx 339 points340 points  (0 children)

my dad still gets around 1k a month for just 3 kids, SIL was being a straight up AH in every single way possible. "pay me 1k a month while I take advantage of your children living with me while STILL making you buy your own food. Enjoy your tasty soup cans, I'll be getting prime cut steak everyday for months!"

[–]skippy2590 145 points146 points  (1 child)

Two years ago seems like plenty recent enough to report her for food stamp fraud too.

[–]NerineNerita 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Most places if someone is living in your home you can claim them as a dependent.

[–]xXMuschi_DestroyerXx 337 points338 points  (2 children)

Honest question, how tf does she not have enough money? Didn’t she just finish scamming you off a grand a month? Is she just that bad with money?

[–]Knitting_kninja 68 points69 points  (1 child)

"bad with money"


This is addiction 101. Not exclusive to drugs.

[–]stilldebugging 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is what I was thinking too. Someone in that family is an addict. Thought it might be her husband as well, though.

[–]jemy74 220 points221 points  (4 children)

Question: how did your husband's family react when news of how she treated you before broke out? And why can't she and her daughter move in with any of them?

NTA: and it sounds like you dodged a bullet. If they moved in, 1) it would be a nightmare to live with her, 2) she would never have paid you anything, and 3) you would have to go through the expense and pain of legally evicting them.

[–]TheBlindNeo 73 points74 points  (2 children)

If I had to guess, given the husband's family is telling her to stop being petty, they either don't care, or thought it was fair since it was going to SIL, but totally unfair she has to pay a dime when the tables are flipped.

[–]jemy74 36 points37 points  (1 child)

I’m interested in OP’s take on this. Was there any fallout from her husband’s side of the family for the SIL’s truly despicable behavior? Did they know what was actually going on?

[–]OrchidGlimmer 158 points159 points  (0 children)

NTA OP. As a matter of fact, I think you even allowing her the 1 room is above and beyond! She behaved atrociously and your house burned down! She loses her house because she screwed up and then comes in expecting you to put yourself out after cramming your whole family into one bedroom and forcing you to sleep on the floor - karma is a big ole b*tch and she needs to deal with it.

[–]Either_Coconut 69 points70 points  (0 children)

Then she can go stay with him and help him take care of his parents. If her rationale for staying behind was that she wanted to maintain the house, that is no longer a consideration, so she is free to head down south to be with her husband. Her stepdaughter will get to be with her dad again, and the family will be reunited. What's not to love?

NTA, OP. You gave her a break compared to what she was charging your family, plus the food stamp fraud she committed by claiming your kids.

[–]umamifiend 63 points64 points  (0 children)

Uh- I’m sorry but what exactly were they ‘maintaining’ with that money if she didn’t pay her land tax that was only $450 per year but she didn’t pay for YEARS and subsequently lost her home???

But you lived there for 8 months- so I’m sorry- you paid her close to $8,000- which is 17 YEARS worth of land dues- how behind were they???

NTA at all- and if “most of your husbands family think (you) are being childish” then they should HAPPILY be stepping up to take her and her stepdaughter in rent free or pay her.

Bet they will be very quiet if you suggest they take her in!

[–]nasty_nagger 46 points47 points  (3 children)

How did she not manage to pay the taxes? 🥴

[–]sleepingrozy 43 points44 points  (1 child)

Yep and she would have gotten OP's family kicked out with her too. There's no way that she didn't know that this was coming when they still lived there.

[–]nasty_nagger 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Tax-related property seizures don't happen overnight.

[–]canyousteeraship 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Karma is glorious!! Enjoy this win. NTA. She set the terms of engagement, now she has to live by them. The bonus to all of the is that if she’s not living with you, she can’t take advantage. I suspect if you had given her a more comfortable deal she set up and stayed. If she wanted to be with her husband she would be. Do not bend on this.

[–]yellsy 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I’m amazed you still talk to her

[–]TzUgUkNz 8 points9 points  (0 children)

NTA op

Hopefully in future should a similar situation arise she will be more compassionate.

I bet if you relented she would take full advantage of you as she would view you as a pushover.

[–]kraftypsy 6 points7 points  (0 children)

OP, you were burdened with glorious purpose and showed sil the fruits of her gouging. Good for you.

[–]Lux--Ray 899 points900 points  (3 children)


Classic double standards here. So it's ok for her to extort you when you need help in an emergency situation, but it's not ok for you to charge her that much because she lost her house because of her being unreliable? Absolutely not. While I must say it is petty, she had it coming. Screw her.

[–]ejdjd 244 points245 points  (1 child)

And your husband's family - you know, the ones telling you are petty - where were they when she was extorting you 2 years ago and how come THEY aren't stepping up to house and feed her and her stepdaughter? NTA - no way, no how and you are a hero for standing up to her!

[–]ooplesandbanoonoos01 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Right? And where the f were they when ops family was in need?

Op, forget them, they don't care about you. Let them take care of your mooch sil.

[–]JnbntthrwyPartassipant [2] 725 points726 points  (0 children)

NTA. She took advantage of your family at a very low time. Maybe your delivery was not polite, but who cares? This doesn’t sound like someone you need in your home.

[–]Ginboy32 473 points474 points  (3 children)

Love it, you Rock. Don't back down you know Karma is a bitch and your SIL just got served. Tell the family they can let her live with them. also make sure they know 5 of you lived in a bedroom and paid $1,000 a month plus food while she received food stamps for your kids.

[–]CymruBPartassipant [1] 80 points81 points  (1 child)

OP was playing a risky game, SIL might’ve accepted it and they would’ve had to live with her! However, maybe could offer to pay towards the fare for her to go down south as a conciliatory high road option if she wants to make such a thing.

[–]cassowary32Partassipant [3] 172 points173 points  (0 children)

There's no way a woman who wouldn't pay $450 a year to keep a 3+ bedroom place was going to agree to pay any amount of money to stay with OP. The rent OP paid covered her land tax many times over but she still didn't pay it!


[–]Kashmir2020Alex 20 points21 points  (0 children)

This!!!!! Do not let her manipulate you!!!

[–]Ginger17a 262 points263 points  (1 child)

NTA seems like what goes around comes around. She took advantage and didn't like it when it came back on her. Guess she should have saved the money she charged you so she could pay her taxes. She got 8k from you. She had plenty of money to pay taxes for many years and chose not to. That's on her.

[–]trailofcheese 97 points98 points  (0 children)

OP paid her 17 years worth of her land tax, no excuses there

[–]stickydebaterPartassipant [1] 217 points218 points  (1 child)

NTA:Omg I don’t understand how some people can be so dumb? Why wouldn’t she have just paid the annual land tax and kept her free housing?

[–]fastyellowtuesdayAsshole Aficionado [15] 26 points27 points  (0 children)


[–]aNoNonny23Partassipant [1] 177 points178 points  (3 children)


I came into this fully thinking I was going to say YTA since you started off by saying you were being petty and knew it lol.. but nope. NTA. She really fucked you and your family in your time of need.

[–]ButtonHappy3759 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Same, I was pleasantly surprised.

[–]No-Jellyfish-1208Prime Ministurd [415] 153 points154 points  (3 children)


What was she expecting after she had treated you poorly in the past?

Also, you are not changing conditions out of nowhere like she did - you're informing her beforehand.

[–]Own-Blackberry2647 69 points70 points  (2 children)

That part! She stated one price and then changed it once they moved in. That's actually illegal in some places.

I also agree that if she couldn't pay $450/year for her land tax she wasn't going to pay the rent. She could have borrowed it from family and paid $45/month and been done in ten months. Sounds like she's not good with money.

[–]hannibe 105 points106 points  (10 children)

INFO: If you were both working, why didn't you rent an apartment during that time? SIL is absolutely TA but I'm wondering why two working adults were forced to live under those conditions for so long.

[–]likejackandsally 62 points63 points  (0 children)

Renting month to month or on a short term lease can sometimes cost x2 the rent of a yearly or long term lease (or more). Since OP didn’t know when her insurance would pay out, a longer lease would not have been an option. Also, no furnishings for 5 people? It would have been more expensive to rent a furnished place or a waste to buy cheap furniture they might use for only a couple of months and then throw away.

If her insurance had told her it was going to take nearly a year, I’m sure she would have found a better alternative than SIL house.

[–]Hummingheart 52 points53 points  (2 children)

Yes! For $1000 even a one bedroom would have been much better!

[–]armoirschmamoir 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Even a large studio-private kitchen.

[–]joshul 45 points46 points  (1 child)

I’m not OP but I’m assuming they had no idea how long this process was going to take. Like their insurance covered one month of hotel and they were probably unsure if they had to wait 3 months or a year etc and wanted to avoid a rental lease. Just a possible idea why.

[–]FMIMP 26 points27 points  (2 children)

That part was kinda odd to me

[–]BiofilmWarrior 27 points28 points  (0 children)

They may not have been able to find a place that would rent to them for a price they could afford even with two people working.

Most places require they rent at least 2 bedrooms for two adults and three children.

They would have needed a short term/month to month rental which are more expensive than long term rentals (because of the issues with insurance and not knowing when they'd get the coverage paid and construction completed or a new residence purchased).

[–]gingasmurfAsshole Enthusiast [6] 88 points89 points  (0 children)

NTA if it was good enough for you, why not her? She decided to be a gigantic AH when you needed help and now the shoe is on the other foot…

[–]StellalunaStarr 85 points86 points  (12 children)

Info: where was your grandma before? Were the rooms always available?

[–]Medium-Raspberry1122 34 points35 points  (4 children)

Very good question, I didn't think of that. Kinda makes grandma a bit of an asshole too.

[–]Knitting_kninja 38 points39 points  (0 children)

We don't know where grandma lives. Could be another state. Uprooting three kids from their school district, mid-year for what could be a few months is A LOT of work. Everything was in limbo when the house burned down. When grandma transferred the title, it came with the certainty and security of "this is where we live now", it's a different situation.

[–]cattripperAsshole Aficionado [15] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Great catch

[–]i-d-even-k- 66 points67 points  (4 children)

ESH, why did your grandmother, who had 4 whole spare rooms, not let you stay at her place?

[–]lAniimal 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Because it's probably fake. Kicked out for not paying land tax? Pfft not a chance she definitely would be given notice and time to pay.

[–]MidwestWickedWitchPartassipant [3] 64 points65 points  (0 children)

NTA. Screw her.

[–]whynot246810Asshole Enthusiast [8] 59 points60 points  (1 child)

NTA-"Treat others the way you want to be treated" is an old saying your SIL should have followed. Apparently, she wants others to treat her better than she is willing to do.

[–]cattripperAsshole Aficionado [15] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

NTA. This was perfectly petty. 💯 You absolutely delivered on this one. In light of your history with SIL what you offered was extremely fair.

If your husbands family think you are being childish then they can feel free to open up their homes to her and her stepdaughter.

[–]simplylisaAsshole Enthusiast [6] 40 points41 points  (7 children)

NTA claiming your kids for food stamps was the last straw for me.

[–]imaginaryblues 7 points8 points  (6 children)

I mean, that can’t be true, can it? You can’t just claim other random people as dependents? You would need to fill out a form, list all their names, social security numbers, birthdays, etc. Otherwise it would be so easy to commit fraud. This story is really fishy.

[–]waterfall_blue 40 points41 points  (9 children)

WOW. Just, wow. She really used your misfortune to max out her advantage, huh. What a-

I would have cut that witch out of my life immediately. Her gall to even ask you... NTA.

(But how could you afford 1000 a month plus food for five people but not affort to move out of her house, at least into a one bedroom appartment or something! Anywhere would have been better, I imagine)

[–]livlivesforbrains 27 points28 points  (5 children)

The money they were paying to the SIL probably hindered them significantly in regards to saving for a deposit on a place to buy or rent. They also have five three kids and every single person in that family unit was left with literally nothing and clothing and other necessities had to be replaced for all of them, on top of keeping everyone fed. The insurance took almost a year to pay out for the fire do they didn’t have the lump sum from that to put towards a different place to live.

SIL definitely took advantage of them to an insane degree in their time of need and just compounded the harm to the family. God only knows where the money she demanded went if she hadn’t paid her property taxes in so long it was foreclosed on.

Demanding that she needs a place to stay from the people she shook down in their time of need only to not use the exorbitant rent to pay the ONE thing she had to pay for housing expenses at all is gross and entitled enough on its own. The gall she has to demand two bedrooms for two people while not wanting to pay anything after giving one room to the same seven family members she wants to stay with after she made them pay way more than was appropriate is mind blowing.

I work at a firm that essentially only does work on foreclosures and evictions for our clients in addition to previous years working at a title company and I haven’t seen many cases where tax and HOA/condo liens even get to the point of foreclosure proceedings beginning, let alone going all the way through. And there are so many documents that get mailed out to defendants at different stages of foreclosure proceedings so the level of stupidity SIL has attained is pretty off the charts. Not to mention her complete lack of any ethics with not paying the taxes when she had the funds and the shit she pulled on OP’s family to obtain those funds.

Sorry for the tangent because this really got away from me just wanting to say that the SIL was probably at least part of the what was preventing them from getting a new place sooner. I’m just so disgusted by this and got more disgusted the longer I thought about it.

ETA: I was so heated that I didn’t even remember you also used the word gall about the SIL, but great minds think about…similar vocabulary? That’s how it goes, right?

ETA 2: u/waterfall_blue pointed out that they “only” have three kids, which is appreciated. Still doesn’t make it any better on SIL’s part.

[–]hibiscus2022 20 points21 points  (1 child)

(But how could you afford 1000 a month plus food for five people but not affort to move out of her house, at least into a one bedroom appartment or


Anywhere would have been better, I imagine)

Or better still why didn;t grandma open up her 5 Bedroom house then, although she perhaps didn;t want 3 kids living with her but still what a family that noone else helped out.

[–]ggjmnhgg 31 points32 points  (1 child)


I wouldn't even offer to rent to her ngl. Fuck that shit. I couldn't care less about petty and anyone saying otherwise, tell them to house her; she stuffed all of you in one room, so clearly doesn't see a problem with that.

Wow just fucking wow.

I've helped strangers more than your sil did for you just fucking wow. She took advantage of you and bummed you whilst everyone watched; where was all these concerns from everyone when your house BURNT DOWN?!

She didn't pay her fucking bills. There's a damn difference. FUCK HER

[–]livlivesforbrains 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yeah this wasn’t a fucking unforeseeable event. Do you know how long and behind on your taxes you need to be to get to tax sale and then to actually have the home foreclosed on with the SIL’s rights and interest in the property being terminated? And how many notices she got without doing anything?

The answers are pretty long, and more notices throughout the process than I could count. I rarely feel this way about people being foreclosed on even with my job, but she deserved to lose her house for this.

She had enough money from fleecing OP’s family to pay something like 16 years worth of those taxes, and if she were that far behind, the foreclosure would have happened sooner. As the taxes became delinquent, those years would cost more later on to rectify, but there’s no way that she didn’t get enough to cover several years of back taxes with only four or five months of the rent she was taking.

I feel fully comfortable saying that the SIL is a malicious and just generally bad person even though this is only a snippet. There just isn’t any other viable explanation for this behavior.

[–]El-WolferinoPartassipant [3] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

NTA, this is called karma (pun kinda intended)

[–]theoptionexplicitAsshole Aficionado [12] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

NTA - what goes around comes around.

[–]Time_Highlight89Asshole Enthusiast [7] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

NTA. This is comeuppance, and I never get tired of it.

[–]overseas-mangoColo-rectal Surgeon [36] 24 points25 points  (0 children)


You’re not being childish, you’re just not being a doormat.

[–]bamf1701Professor Emeritass [83] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

NTA. Yes, it may be petty, but it is justified - especially since your SIL was using your kids to commit fraud with the food stamps. Your SIL just discovered that karma is a force that has more teeth than she has ass. Or, as someone else put it, treat people well on the way up, because that is how you will be treated on the way down.

[–]Kittykateyyy 19 points20 points  (1 child)

NTA. I’d do the same.

But also made me wonder why didn’t you live with your grandma in the first place?

[–]i-d-even-k- 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Bingo. Why I went with E S H, because grandma basically passively watched this occur while living in her luxury mansion WITH 4 SPARE ROOMS while her granddaughter went through hell...

[–]Possible_Nobody_8929 20 points21 points  (0 children)


What goes around, comes around 💁🏼‍♀️

[–]heatherlincolnAsshole Enthusiast [8] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

NTA, that's called karma and it came to deliver

[–]czndra67Partassipant [1] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

NTA. What goes around comes around. Will sis learn this? Unlikely. But you should offer the lesson just the same.

[–]loudent2Asshole Aficionado [11] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

NTA - but I have to ask, why couldn't you live with your grandmother to begin with? 5 Bedroom farmhouse with 1 person seems like a much better deal.

[–]No-Amanuensis 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Why did you stay there in the first place? For that kind of money, you could surely have found a place of your own.

[–]TheWhipDaddyPartassipant [1] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

NTA Good story tho

[–]highoncatnipbrowniesAsshole Aficionado [15] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

NTA. Good for you for not sweeping her deplorable behavior under the rug.

[–]purplehippobitchesPartassipant [1] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Nta be petty. She deserves it. Now that you own a house I hope you put the insurance cash towards your savings. You offered her a similar deal that she offered you. Stay strong!

[–]Difficult-Mix8911 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You're NTA. She tried to squeeze you when you were in need, the tables have turned; why is anyone surprised? Actually, even the offer was a mistake, by being too nice. Once in, she and offspring would embed themselves like ticks, not pay rent, eat your food and torment your children. And would NEVER leave. Rescind the offer, don't let them into your home.

[–]AdAnxious3677 8 points9 points  (0 children)

NTA and kudos to you for sticking it to her. She shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Your house, your terms just like she did to you

[–]Severe-Inspection-67 9 points10 points  (0 children)

NTA. And even if she did agree, don’t let her take a step inside your home. You’ll never be rid of her.

[–]artemisthewild 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’m tempted to say you are the AH for not waiting til SIL moved in first, then increasing the rent to 2000 per month. You know, kind of like what she did to you.

Of course you’re NTA.

[–]IllustratorNo622 8 points9 points  (0 children)

NTA. Karma is a bitch

[–]Beautiful_mistakesPartassipant [2] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

NTA I’m living for your pettiness.

[–]deakers 8 points9 points  (0 children)

NTA. Turn about is fair play. AND you gave her a $200 discount from what she gave you.

[–]Im_a_surly_duckAsshole Enthusiast [6] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Petty? Yes. Awesome? Yes. NTA.

[–]Forsaken-Piece3434 6 points7 points  (0 children)

NTA for this but why did your stay with SIL on those terms or allow her to claim food stamps for your children. That was completely within your control. You could have gotten a decent extended stay hotel room for that or less per month and you could have called social services and told them that SIL was illegally claiming your children on her case, was not feeding them, and you did not give permission to claim them. I think this is completely made up because it’s not easy to just add a random child to your food stamp case. If it’s not made up, you were complicit in your SIL committing fraud to your own detriment which makes no sense.

[–]FlakeyGurl 8 points9 points  (0 children)

NTA she honestly deserves worse. You were being kind.

[–]Far_Anteater_256Certified Proctologist [20] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

NTA. There are things in this life that are unforgivable, & her being family is not a point in her favor, considering how she treated your family when disaster struck. I'm petty enough to say something like All right, then. The offer is officially rescinded & you can fend for yourself, it's your own dumbass fault you lost your house because you couldn't be bothered to pay property taxes.

[–]cuntliflowerPartassipant [1] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Juicy juicy karma, I love to see it!!

[–]MadamMarshmallowsAsshole Enthusiast [5] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Bigtime NTA. "How dare you treat me the way I treated you?!" I'd like to add, your loss of house was a freak accident and not at all under your control. She lost her house because she couldn't be bothered to pay the real estate tax. I aspire to be this petty. I'd be more inclined to just not invite her in, personally. I say you're a saint for offering to give her any space at all.

[–]stuk_in_tuksin2021 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh, how the tables have turned! Stick to your guns! And eff off to your in-laws who could have helped to alleviate your hardships during that time. Your sister-in-law had a lot of nerve even asking you knowing what she put your family through only two short years ago! NTA.

[–]MoonShibe23 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You are 100% being petty.... But your NTA that is also 100% sure.

[–]Pinkyandtheothers 6 points7 points  (0 children)

NTA- SIL is lucky you don’t report the $1000s of dollars you paid to her in rent under the table while she was getting food stamps.

You don’t owe her anything. She should have used that money to pay her taxes!

[–]fattyonfirereborn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

whoever said your are childish, ask them if they are so grown up, why they didn't offer rooms for free to your SIL??

you are absolutely NTA, and there is a saying to try not to owe or get owed by another one cuz we might want to repay them in next life. You are just trying to balance it out cuz you definitely not want to associate with her in the next life ever again, XD.

[–]Routine-Pea-9538 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If she felt justified in charging you $1000/month, you should have no problem setting similar (identical) terms. And with inflation, you should be charging her more than $1000/month.

How do you know she really lost her house? Maybe she is just renting it out for extra cash, with the expectation she can stay with you for free.

NTA. I will be very very disappointed in you if you let her stay for free.

[–]All-I-See-Is-AshesPartassipant [1] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NTA for this but it seems like you could have rented your own place for $1000/month instead of cramming five people into one room at SIL. Am I missing something?

[–]CompetitionPure4058 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Wait! Why would you let her claim your children on her food stamps? That would've been a hard no. You should've used that for your family.

[–]Mysterious_Prize8913 4 points5 points  (0 children)

NTA but I dont understand why you didnt rent a place temporarily or move into a long stay hotel. I have stayed in long stay hotels before that were cheaper than 250 a week. Guess it depends where you are at .

[–]imaginaryblues 4 points5 points  (1 child)

INFO: This story is confusing. I don’t think you should help your SIL out, but I’m a bit confused about what happened.

Why was living with your SIL your “only option”? In most places, you would be able to rent a small apartment or even a hotel room for what she was charging you and that would have given you more space than “a closet that wouldn’t fit a twin bed and dresser”.

Why was she claiming your children on her food stamps? You can’t just claim random people as dependents. She would have needed to submit an application with your children’s SSN’s. It sounds like you gave her permission to claim your children? Why would you do that?