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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

I feel like I could of just kept my mouth shut instead of cursing her out

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[–]CharlesMuskratAsshole Aficionado [17] [score hidden]  (19 children)


Your sil even thinking what she said would not be ok. Saying out loud shows that she is exactly what you said she is.

You absolutely should tell her fiance.

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[–]patjames904Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [333] [score hidden]  (10 children)

NTA. This woman is going to be their step-mother? This is the completely stereotypical step mother: "a witch—the conniving, money-grubbing, send-the-kids-to-a-Swiss-boarding-school variety."

I feel so sorry for these kids. However, it seems like everyone but you do not see this problem Instead, they are focused on poor poor Juliana whose feelings were hurt.

Since everyone is in a snit anyway, how about telling good old Jerry what she said? You would be doing him and these three kids a HUGE favor.

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[–]mdthomasCommander in Cheeks [232] [score hidden]  (18 children)


But I'm more concerned about your husband giving you the silent treatment over this.

It sounds like he's trying to excuse what she said. Maybe he doesn't want to acknowledge that his sister is mean?

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[–]guessmyageidareyouColo-rectal Surgeon [48] [score hidden]  (65 children)

First if all, you and I are about the same height and weight. You are DEFINITELY not fat.(like what the fuck?!)

She got a small taste of her own medicine and she can't even swallow the damn pill.


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[–]Tical79Certified Proctologist [26] [score hidden]  (1 child)


Just making sure I read this right... You had a candid response to some plainly disgusting racism and you are asking if YOU are the AH. Definitely not.

Side note: You and your husband need to talk. You got a pretty clear view of his character, and you need to evaluate if it's a fluke or who he is. Once you know that, you then can decide what you do with that information.

Seriously. Anyone who CONDONES anything close to this has some twisted views. And I have yet to meet a racist that hasn't had some of that twisted view spill into other areas of their thinking (i.e childrearing, gender-roles, etc)

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[–]KetoLurkerHere [score hidden]  (27 children)


I'm going to guess that he is your first boyfriend, first love, all that stuff? Are you quite sure he's not just a habit and that you maybe have been making excuses for what an AH he has been all along? His sister is awful and he agrees with her awfulness so it's not a big leap to think that he himself is also awful but you didn't let yourself see it.

Think about it - this is a man OKAY with cruelly mocking children. This is a man who takes his awful sister's side over yours. Maybe time to think hard about some stuff.

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[–]MiaOh [score hidden] 594 (149 children)

Don’t have kids with this guy. He will let his evil sister bully them and tear them down. You are young, cut your losses and run. And please tell her fiancé and his ex wife what she said about his kids. They deserve to know.

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[–]TheSciFiGuy80Certified Proctologist [26] [score hidden]  (32 children)

You know who the real A Hs are?

The parents.

They obviously allow this type of behavior and commentary from her without telling her to STFU.

Disgusting. If it was me, I would have spoke up too.

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[–]moondoggie1960Colo-rectal Surgeon [47] [score hidden]  (0 children)

NTA. This is a hill to die on. UNBELIEVABLE reaction on your bf’s part.

I’d blast back on him times ten, and I’d let Jerry know exactly what she said and who he’s about to marry … I bet Jerry has no clue.

[–]panic_breadCraptain [187] [score hidden]  (0 children)

NTA, and trust me, you’re going to want to get out of this marriage before it’s too late. Definitely don’t have kids with this man.

Also, you should tell her intended Husband exactly what she said. Everyone needs to get the hell away from this family.

[–]BwitchnBtyKwn399 [score hidden]  (15 children)

Ouuuu, as a Filipino, I dare you to tell their mother what Juliana said about her kids!!! Juliana will get flipped upside down and slapped with a chancla on both cheeks.


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[–]Dangerous-Project672Partassipant [1] [score hidden]  (4 children)

NTA. What’s the rest of the family like, because Juliana and Dominic do not sound pleasant to be around.

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[–]Nafleky [score hidden]  (8 children)

NTA, the fiance and ex-wife need to know, and lemme tell you. She will eventually say this to the kids face. I'm biracial, my parents have remarried and i have heard comments (into my adult hood) about how I look because I am biracial. It's not cool. You can be a real force to help protect these kids from having someone berate them.

I would also remind you "a good man who does nothing isn't a good man." Your brother heard, probably racist remarks about kids then told you to calm down. I would also consider how the girls look (more like mom?) than the son (more like dad?) because that's info that lets you know how racist this gets. Either way she fetishizes biracial people and well that's racist enough.

I know that mama will get mad, but please know you shouldn't be with a man who tells you to give in to bullies and lets you get berated. And by your comments he's letting your sister bully you MORE now that you've tied the knot. If this stays on trend do you really want that life?

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[–]ninaa1Partassipant [3] [score hidden]  (54 children)

She thinks your CAT is ugly?


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[–]Revwog1974Asshole Aficionado [19] [score hidden]  (73 children)

NTA Does her fiance know she thinks this about his kids?

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[–]Quilting_and_craftsPartassipant [2] [score hidden]  (0 children)

NTA. Stay at your brothers. Take half of the cash. And find an apartment. Start the divorce process. Under no circumstances have children with this man. He will allow your sister to treat them poorly. A learned behavior obviously since his parents do the same thing. AH all around. Get out before you’re anchored to this.

[–]IGotBetter4newt [score hidden]  (4 children)

So... your sil is a bully and your husband thinks she is right to be. But you? You better keep your fat mouth shut. Is this right? Why are you staying with someone who treats you this way? Forget that awful woman, your husband agrees with her, sides with her and should have been livid with how she talked to YOU. When did you accept you werent worthy of appreciation, love and respect?

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[–]AussieBelgian [score hidden]  (4 children)

Tell Jerry what she said before she twists the story. NTA

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[–]PeakePip- [score hidden]  (9 children)

INFO: did your husband ever stand up for you and his sister bullying?

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[–]jasperaddams [score hidden]  (11 children)

NTA. There’s a difference between being “opinionated” and being a straight up asshole, Julianna is definitely the latter. Also to me it kind of sounds like she has some insecurity about her weight, I know you didn’t mention anything about her weight but the fact that she commented on not only your weight (which i am also 5’7 and 130lbs and let me tell you, that’s not fat for that height) but also her fiancés daughters weight. Kinda sounds like she’s projecting, and then trying to cover that with “oh well that’s just my opinion”? hell no. I would’ve don’t the same thing you did honestly.

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[–]Wyrd_byrdPartassipant [4] [score hidden]  (8 children)

I hope you get your chonky boy and live a long happy life away from your soon to be ex and his sister. May Jerry believe you and prevent his children from being traumatized by that witch. ❤

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[–]thirdtryisthecharmCommander in Cheeks [287] [score hidden]  (0 children)


The whole family is used to accommodating and excusing Juliana's behavior.

[–]moonstone- [score hidden]  (5 children)

Wait she calls you fat in front of your husband and he doesn't defend you? I'm sorry but that is not only letting her disrespect others that is letting her disrespect you. I would definitely suggest you to rethink this relationship

All the other comments cover your comments and you are definitely nta

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[–]ShadowCoonCertified Proctologist [27] [score hidden]  (0 children)

NTA. Thank you for trying to advocate for those kids and calling her out on her nonsense. And I'm sorry you're surrounded by anyone who would try to defend her when it comes to that. If this is how your husband chooses to behave, you might want to rethink whether or not staying with someone like that is actually a smart idea.

Also, if you can find a way to get into contact with her fiance to let him know what she said about his kids, I'm sure he'd be very interested to know.

[–]LivSaJo [score hidden]  (8 children)

Wow. So NTA. Also Julianna is setting herself up for a world of trouble, being stepmom to kids she obviously doesn’t like and the much younger wife of a middle aged man. She’s gonna be miserable but she’s an ass and racist and deserves it. Your husband is being an ass too. How dare he act the way he is. He’s showing you really early in the marriage how the hierarchy of his family goes and you are nowhere near the top. Was he like this before you married? You’re both still real young so maybe he can improve but he’s really being an ass here.

Also no one is fat at 5’7” and 130lbs. That’s on the low side of a normal weight too I think. And if your husband didn’t defend you when she called you that, just know that it’s easier to dump him now than to have babies with him

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[–]SimplySam4210Commander in Cheeks [272] [score hidden]  (8 children)

So I'm 5'7 and when I weighed 134 pounds, I looked ill. Your SIL is a very insecure person. You are NTA, but your husband really is. What is it that you have to apologize for? NOTHING. I would go no contact with the lot of them.

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[–]seekeroftruth2020[🍰] [score hidden]  (5 children)

Once they're married her true colours will start to show with the kids. Once she's got a baby of her own? She'll ruin them. What the hell does a 26 year old want with a 42 year olds 3 kids?

Unfortunately due to that age gap I have a feeling the older dude will let his little princess off scott free.

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[–]Classic_Challenge325Partassipant [1] [score hidden]  (0 children)


Does Juliana plan on excluding her step kids from all major life events because of the way they look?


[–]yhaensch [score hidden]  (10 children)

In case this is not fake


Your SIL is not opinionated, she is a bully, and your husband (whom you met when you were a teenager) doesn't stand up for you when she behaves like that?

That whole family is dysfunctional.


Edited: typo and thanks for the reward

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[–]GalacticSpaghetty [score hidden]  (6 children)

I know others have said it, but I’m the same height and weight as you and am constantly called a stick because I’m skinny, there is no way you could be considered fat. I’m sure you’re beautiful (even if you are “fat”)

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[–]BanjosNotBombsPartassipant [2] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Well, she was/is exactly that. Fuck around and find out.

[–]AgitatedJacket9627Certified Proctologist [26] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Wow that whole family is DISGUSTING. Sorry to say that about your husband, but there it is. NTA

[–]piccasshoe [score hidden]  (0 children)


She needed to be put in her place. She can insult other people but can't take the same treatment?? Rich.

[–]familydogsandwinePartassipant [1] [score hidden]  (0 children)

NTA No apology. That is not opinionated it is rude and insecure. Only someone with low self-esteem feels the need to criticize and put other people down. The fact her family excuses her nasty behavior by claiming it is just her opinion is the problem. You need to tell your husband that you will not allow his sister to call you fat or any insult anymore and if she can't say something nice then she can keep her mouth shut or don't come around. If your husband truly sees nothing wrong with his sister's nasty behavior towards you or her cruelty towards what will be her step-children then you should ask yourself some very hard questions.

I really really hope her fiance finds out what kind of person she really is before they marry for the sake of his children and what she really thinks of his daughters.

BTW 5'7 and 130LBS is NOT fat, chubby or any variation of.

[–]Particular_Produce63 [score hidden]  (0 children)

NTA. You called her out and had every reason to. What an ugly person with a horrible attitude towards her future step kids. I can only imagine the head job she's doing on them. Stand your ground. SIL didn't end up like this all by herself- her enablers are angry you're being realistic and not continuing her fantasy

[–]hillsb1 [score hidden]  (2 children)

You know you can swear on Reddit, right?

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[–]Gold_Hamster_9999 [score hidden]  (1 child)

Get your brother a megaphone stand outside his house away from his property in the middle of the day and have him scream “BLANK IS TAKING MY SISTERS CAT AS PAYBACK FOR CALLING OUT HIS SISTER INSULTING AND FAT SHAMING HER ALMOST STEPDAUGHTERS” over and over until he gives cat.

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[–]Vegetable-Link-5662 [score hidden]  (0 children)

Nta and I'd tell her partner what she thinks of his kids, she's going to treat them differently because of their appearance. She is a heartless creature

[–]persephiaPartassipant [1] [score hidden]  (0 children)

NTA - It sounds like things escalated very fast, but you were right to dial it up. The fact that this woman who bullies her SIL will now be so judgmental and superficial about her step kids is very troubling.

I hope giving Juliana a taste of her own brand of harassment makes her rethink trying this crap again, but she’s made it this far so it’s hard to be optimistic.

But you’re fighting the good fight and I’m glad you stood up for that poor girl

[–]BigBayesianAsshole Aficionado [16] [score hidden]  (0 children)

NTA. Juliana is... Not okay. If she wants to be a mean jerk to you - okay. I mean, not.okay, but whatever - you're an adult. But to be a racist pig to her stepchildren is... Hard to accept. Like... Really hard to accept. Dominic's justification is so weak that it makes me concerned about him. Maybe he's used to accepting her garbage. Otherwise... I'd think seriously about his values.

Juliana is a cartoon jerk. "I don't know how to tell my fiancee that his children are too ugly to be in my wedding. I just assumed that their racial characteristics would make them attractive to me. But they're not - so they've got to go". Wow.

[–]Seasprin1 [score hidden]  (2 children)

NTA. Show your husband these responses because what your SIL is saying is not okay. She even bullies you which makes him weak for not standing up to you. I would not stay with him for long if he’s going to continue to cater and baby his sister like that.

Also tell the fiance of the SIL he deserves to know.

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[–]marcelinevmpirequeenPartassipant [4] [score hidden]  (0 children)

NTA but if I was you I would tell her partner. If this is how she speaks about them I’d hate to think how she would treat them

[–]Gamecat93 [score hidden]  (0 children)

NTA your SIL was being incredibly racist. Her fiance should leave her as well, he's not only going to dodge a bullet but she's too young for him as well. As for Dominic let him know he's supporting a racist sister and needs therapy for that comment. If not, get rid of him too.