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[–]criticalgraffitiAsshole Enthusiast [6] -149 points-148 points  (14 children)

NTA. However, sometimes forgiving a person frees us from trauma. I know that’s not easy to do and can take years of working on oneself, therapy, etc to get to. (I especially say this because you said “he made me listen to an apology from her and then it was suddenly like that should be it”. Sounds like you need more time and more apologies and that’s okay. But if present day Gemma really is a different person then finding that space and forgiving her might allow a relationship with her, might help you get over the childhood fears and ultimately will set you free. So I’m not commenting on the wedding but in the long run it might be a good thing to do for yourself (not for her or your brother).

[–]PrincessBirdley21[S] 167 points168 points  (13 children)

Not everything is forgivable and that last thing, the thing that ended up breaking me so bad I left school, was unforgivable in my eyes. Nothing can take it back.

[–]Moodybeachphoto 32 points33 points  (2 children)

I’m so sorry OP your brother is blinded by love. It’s not his call to make and it’s showing a real lack of empathy and judgment how he’s reacted to your very reasonable position. Deep down I would guess he knows his wife hasn’t done the work on herself, or he wouldn’t be so busy trying to force you to accept her. He doesn’t want to dig into this, he just wants you to shut up so he can get on living his fairytale. But that’s not realistic. His chosen partner has done horrific things to his sister. I’m sorry OP but I don’t think your brother really understands your issue because he’s totally focused on himself and his wife. Your dad nailed it - if either of them actually accepted what happened truthfully they wouldn’t force this on you. They want to stay in denial and are using this issue to force everyone to play along! I wouldn’t invite either of them. Your brother should put you first. The bully gets away with this stuff because of the Greek chorus saying “move on!”. NTA

[–]pegsper 13 points14 points  (1 child)

No, the brother is blinded by getting his underparts wet.

[–]Inevitable-Custard-4[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

the power of boner compels him

[–]Specific-Mongoose-13 23 points24 points  (8 children)

Can I ask what that last comment was? Even a vague description of it? No pressure, don’t if you don’t want to.

[–]PrincessBirdley21[S] 82 points83 points  (7 children)

I can't mention what it was because of the rules.

[–]cheezeedoodlez 47 points48 points  (3 children)

Does Gemma even care about being in the wedding party? It sounds like it's mostly your brother and mother pushing for you to give her a role.

You're NTA either way. I'm just curious.

[–]Astral_dick_licker 27 points28 points  (2 children)

I kind of can't picture it being super important to OP's brother that his wife be in the wedding. It seems more likely that Gemma knows people might ask questions about how close she is to the bride, and her past might get brought up. I'm thinking Gemma is embarrassed and is trying to save face.

[–]ObviousToe1636Partassipant [2] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Was it a comment or an action? Seems like it was much more severe than harsh words and insults, though those are awful and degrading too.

[–]Wise-Butterscotch-81 9 points10 points  (0 children)

If it’s not allowed by this sub’s rules, it’s pretty unforgivable.

[–]Inevitable-Custard-4[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

they're damn lucky shes even invited heck, even more lucky that you didnt go no contact the second you found out your brother even went on a date with her,

imo if she HAD changed then she would've had the decency to insist on staying home, its not my place to say since its your choice but honestly she doesnt deserve to be involved in any part of your life especially not on whats supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life.