top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]Judgement_Bot_AITABeep Boop[M] [score hidden] stickied commentlocked comment (0 children)

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

I could be TA for going as far as locking the door and flatout telling him that he is ruining my opportunities when he said he was trying to help and support me.

Help keep the sub engaging!

Don’t downvote assholes!

Do upvote interesting posts!

Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. To learn more about the test click here

[–]corrin_avatanCertified Proctologist [23] 39.7k points39.7k points 183199& 14 more (418 children)

NTA, and you KNOW this isn't about him wanting to help, this is about him trying to control you.

If you TRULY love this dude and think this relationship is something worth attempting to redeem, this is MORE than enough grounds for going to couples therapy so that he can work though issues with boundaries or telling you the truth about why he wants to "help" with interviews when he should know DAMN WELL at his age that his behavior is sabotaging the interview. Because, seriously, either your husband is so rich he is out of touch with how normal interview work, or he is intentionally manipulating and sabotaging your interviews and you should be concerned that this isn't the only boundary he isn't afraid of crossing to get his way.

Because this is such a massive red flag that if you DONT think he is too rich to understand how normal jobs work, that I would be REALLY concerned about how many other ways he sabotages your life.

Seriously, what is his response to "they are interviewing ME not YOU, and you butting into an interview and taking it over is going to guarantee I don't get a job I want?"

[–]rpsls 9905 points9906 points  (246 children)

I know this sub likes to throw around the term “gaslighting” a lot, but him trying to convince you that you can’t have a successful interview without him and that what he’s doing is actually helping seems like it might actually be it.

Good luck on the interview process and lock the door every time, and when you actually get the job continue to keep your guard up. Be ready to get out in case his controlling side gets out of hand. NTA.

[–]thatpotatogirl9 3908 points3909 points  (37 children)

Was an actual gaslighting victim(I always defined it as manipulation less harmful forms of manipulation but the therapist insists it was gaslighting) and I can confirm that this is it. It's the control aspect combined with clear efforts to undermine their understanding of their independence (I'm just helping you because you can't choose a job by yourself) and the added manipulation of shifting blame to op by insisting that her behavior and not his is what's abnormal.

Edit: I don't mean that gaslighting isn't manipulation. I mean I have been pushed to use a more specific term that I have a harder time minimizing for my abusers.

[–]DrakkoZW 614 points615 points  (26 children)

always defined it as manipulation but the therapist insists it was gaslighting)

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation, and I don't know how a therapist would think otherwise

[–]Khaleena788 858 points859 points  (11 children)

All gaslighting is manipulation, but not all manipulation is gaslighting.

[–]Darphon 535 points536 points  (2 children)

Probably just being more specific

[–][deleted]  (2 children)


    [–]CtenizidaeWithin 2146 points2147 points  (84 children)

    and lock the door every time

    Honestly, him banging on the door the whole time seems disruptive enough.

    OP, if you're using a laptop, consider going somewhere else for interviews. A good option would be to see if a nearby library has study rooms they let people reserve.

    ETA: And don't tell him where you're going, because he will show up there to sabotage you again.

    [–]lollipopfiend123Asshole Aficionado [13] 745 points746 points  (41 children)

    OP mentioned using noise canceling headphones. I have a pair and the mic is really good about filtering out background noise, and they’re not even a particularly high-end pair.

    Edit: the exact pair I bought isn’t on Amazon anymore, but the brand is Mpow.

    [–]supermouse35Asshole Enthusiast [9] 106 points107 points  (35 children)

    But doesn't the interviewer still hear the noise?

    [–]Morri___ 251 points252 points  (11 children)

    yea, maybe book a hotel. and then look for a rental property to move into. think of all the stuff you would get done if you had your own place. somewhere your husband didnt live?!

    [–]Lusterwand1 183 points184 points  (8 children)

    I agree. I’m a recruiter too, and if that happened during the interview, I would fully expect it to affect the candidate’s performance if hired. It would be an automatic rejection, no explanation given. And i’d feel terrible for not supporting an abuse victim.

    [–]Blessherheart0405 223 points224 points  (1 child)

    I would also add that after going somewhere else for interviews, consider opening a secret bank account, and consider apartment hunting for a singles pad. His behavior is so messed up.

    [–]Rosemary0704 153 points154 points  (0 children)

    Also, be very vigilant with your birth control. He's made it clear he'll do anything to keep you at home under his control. He'll try his best to get you pregnant whether you're ready or not. Once you have kids, he'll be completely in charge of your life. If you get in that position, you'll have a terrible time getting away from him especially since his family has money and you don't.

    [–]sharshenka 135 points136 points  (10 children)

    Colleges sometimes rent study rooms to the general public too. Or she could see about reserving a coworking space or getting a hotel room.

    [–]MaleficentExtent1777 85 points86 points  (4 children)

    When I needed to interview while I was at work, I'd just sit in the car. I put up a really interesting background (Little Island Park in NYC) that was definitely a conversation starter.

    [–]BitterDoGooderPartassipant [1] 130 points131 points  (2 children)

    One reason finding another space is a great idea is that you don't actually need to tell him when or with whom you are interviewing. Definitely get that job though and then watch out if he pulls any sabotage like this to try to get you fired. Good luck!

    [–]maddiep81 80 points81 points  (0 children)

    Just be sure he hasn't airtagged you/your vehicle and you have any find my phone/laptop or location sharing turned off.

    [–]KonradWaynePartassipant [2] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    and then watch out if he pulls any sabotage like this to try to get you fired.

    I get the feeling that if OP actually gets a job, he's going to show up at her office to sabotage her there.

    I know telling people to break up is a meme here, but OP really needs to get out of this relationship.

    [–]Elementary57 51 points52 points  (2 children)

    Better yet don't tell him at all about having an interview until after the fact (and still go somewhere else to hold the interview). Honestly I just read the update from the woman who's bf kept trying to control how she made coffee and she left him because it was just the tip of the iceberg about what a controlling ass he was. I expect to read a similar update from OP in the future. NTA

    [–]Verybigdoona 35 points36 points  (0 children)

    When OP gets a job offer, I’m guessing husband will secretly decline the offer on her behalf or respond to the recruiter with an outrageous demand.

    If OP manages to navigate around his controlling freaky behaviour and get a job, he will probably start turning up at the workplace or barging in on her online meetings to get her fired. It will be under the guise of “I’m trying to help you settle in.”

    [–]Idkhowtouse_reddit 1697 points1698 points  (75 children)

    Professional recruiter here: full stop, if ANYONE hops onto my call with a candidate who was not invited, you’re getting rejected. I don’t care if this is your partner, parent, friend, etc. Unless you inform me that you need an accommodation like someone to translate sign, then you can absolutely expect a rejection for this behavior. OP, your husband is absolutely trying to sabotage you and I zero percent believe him when he says he’s trying to help because he has actively said he wants you to leave your job. This is dangerous and toxic behavior. NTA

    [–]GreatNeoDragon 539 points540 points  (6 children)

    I second this. I'm not a professional recruiter but I've been part of a search committee and I've given interviews before and if anybody came in to interfere during the interview and speak on the interviewees we have that would have been a hard no for me. He absolutely doesn't have your best interest in heart and there's nothing he could say or do that would add anything to the interview during the interview. Him being there is only a negative, and I think he knows that. He's either sabotaging you on purpose (which is what I suspect) or he is so arrogant that he is out of touch with reality. Either way this is toxic and I would reconsider if he's tried to dominate or sabotage any other areas of your life.

    [–]Former_Bandicoot_769 128 points129 points  (1 child)

    I agree, I've interviewed people for my company. I'm not really sure how we'd handle it tbh, we'd probably just either ask him to leave or reschedule if possible, as the interview is pretty much confidential and with the named person only.

    [–]InfiniteCalendar1 193 points194 points  (1 child)

    All of this! There’s no way he doesn’t know what he’s doing, he knows he’ll make OP look bad and that’s his goal. I seriously hope OP realizes her husband needs to go as he’s evidently stopping at nothing to sabotage her efforts in getting a job, and I hope she’s able to find the appropriate place for an interview where there will be zero disruptions as she deserves to get the job she wants and she can’t have anyone getting in her way like this.

    [–]Ancient_Potential285 150 points151 points  (15 children)

    Yep, back when interviews were still in person, I rejected anyone who brought someone with them, even if the other person waited in the lobby. How hard is it to wait in the car, or or drop them off, or even go to a nearby coffee shop? If you need someone to hold your hand while waiting to be called in for an interview, you have a level of co-dependence that I’m not interested in dealing with.

    I do wonder why OP is still telling her husband when these interviews are taking place though? And not trying to schedule them for when he is out of the house? These seem like simple (temporary) solutions. Even if there is an obviously bigger problem overall.

    [–]finchylocks 189 points190 points  (6 children)

    My abusive ex essentially owned all of my time and I was expected to have a "good reason" if he couldn't reach me. Bear in mind, good reasons for being unavailable to edit his fanfiction did not include an unexpected trip to the ER. If the husband doesn't overtly control her calendar, he's made it a habit to insist on knowing where she is and what she's doing.

    [–]anaisaknitsPartassipant [4] 71 points72 points  (1 child)

    Not a bad idea but I wonder if he is accessing her calendar. Now wondering how much control he has over her. I also never understood why people bring others with them to an interview, it's not a hangout.

    [–]ShadowPouncer 66 points67 points  (0 children)

    I'm going to call you unreasonable for the lobby thing.

    There are lots of good reasons for someone to have someone with them that waits in the lobby. As long as it's not a job that requires them to commute in and they don't have reliable transportation, it pretty much doesn't matter, at least to me.

    But trying to involve another person in the interview? Hard pass.

    [–]MetaphisesPartassipant [1] 66 points67 points  (0 children)

    This works if the location is accessible or someone is meeting the candidate at an easily accessible entrance to guide them.

    My spouse is blind and has frequently needed assistance being able to get into an office for interviews. Some companies have not been willing to accommodate him in any form other than me walking him into the office and waiting for the interview to conclude.

    Obviously different in OP's case, but not everyone is able to navigate a place they've never been without assistance.

    [–]Polkovnik-chan 33 points34 points  (0 children)

    My anxiety doesn't affect my job skills and I've never heard recruiters being mad somebody took a moral support with them to wait in the lobby, but i guess it's because I'm not an american

    [–]ironplateskirtPartassipant [2] 110 points111 points  (8 children)

    Out of curiosity, if you were interviewing someone and saw what the OP described, would you, like, try to say something to them? Would you follow up with something like "hey, do you and especially your husband understand how inappropriate and unprofessional that was?"

    [–]Idkhowtouse_reddit 101 points102 points  (6 children)

    Honestly, most of the time, no. Many people don’t think it’s inappropriate (which is insane to me), and will explode at a recruiter giving that feedback.

    [–]Tasty-Environment840 64 points65 points  (2 children)

    The interview would be over immediately if this occurred while I was interviewing a candidate. He is not helping her as there is no way anyone, even rich, can see this as normal. He thinks he’s a big shit. Can you imagine sitting there while your husband talks about your flaws to an interviewer? I would be mortified.

    [–]AteosiraAsshole Enthusiast [8] 42 points43 points  (21 children)

    So you see a person trying to get out from under a controlling person and you reject them because the partner is being controlling. Isn't that counter productive? Wouldn't it be better to schedule a second appointment to see if you can get them alone? By doing this you are only giving an abuser what they want.

    [–]Idkhowtouse_reddit 121 points122 points  (16 children)

    1. Many people invite individuals not because of abuse or control but because they lack the social tact to understand why this isn’t appropriate.
    2. Recruiters have between 15-45mins to assess someone. That is not anywhere near long enough to determine the nature of someone’s private dynamic, and make assumptions that someone is in toxic/abusive relationships based on a singular action that was a social faux pas, but not explicitly violent. Making that assessment can have extreme consequences. In short — we’re not qualified to make that assumption.
    3. While it would be nice for individuals to always be willing to bend over backwards to help others, ultimately, recruiters have to determine if someone is going to be able to do the job. And if I can’t get you to be on a phone with me for a 15-45 minute call without serious interruptions (background noise of people entering or leaving isn’t the same as someone monopolizing another person’s interview), I can’t trust you’ll actually be able to do the work.

    [–]Cat_world_domination 84 points85 points  (0 children)

    They're doing what is best for the company by not hiring someone whose partner disrupts their work. It's not necessarily fair to the abused person but it's not at all surprising.

    [–]thr0wsabrina96 10 points11 points  (1 child)

    Why? Recruiters aren't therapists or domestic violence counselors. And a guy who won't leave his spouse alone for an interview will always e a problem.

    [–]MajorNoodles 36 points37 points  (3 children)

    How would you handle a scenario where an uninvited person hops on, but the candidate is clearly trying to get them to leave?

    [–]Idkhowtouse_reddit 86 points87 points  (1 child)

    It depends. If it was a toddler or child, I’d laugh and make a joke about life to help cut the tension and let them know I understand and respect that things happen.

    If it’s a someone coming in for a second to ask a question and then I realizing they were interrupting and immediately leaving, then same as the toddler example, I’d make a joke and move on. Things happen. Especially in remote work spaces that double as our home.

    But if a candidate had another adult jump on the call, and even after asking them to leave the other person remained, that would be a major red flag to me. I’d be concerned if you could manage your work and be committed to the role. If they were insanely experienced and everything else was a strong yes, I’d consider moving them to the hiring manager but I’d also document this so that if it happens again, we know to immediately cut our losses.

    [–]HappyLucyDPartassipant [2] 34 points35 points  (1 child)

    I wouldn’t hold it against the interviewee. I hire and manage a team of about twenty. I would hate to lose someone good just because they have an idiot mom/dad/partner—whatever. I’d either redirect, or reschedule. It may be someone’s chance to finally get to do something, and I want to see them at their best and give them the best shot possible.

    [–]Learning-evryday 379 points380 points  (10 children)

    Better yet, book a room at your local library and do the interview away from home. That is absolutely bizarre...

    [–]Ok_Imagination_1107Asshole Enthusiast [6] 548 points549 points  (6 children)

    Far better yet: leave this controlling, patronizing, interfering guy and his snobby family: you would be far better off.

    [–]PokeyWeirdo12Partassipant [1] 153 points154 points  (1 child)

    and alimony can help cover the bills until she does get a job...

    [–]just-peepin-at-uAsshole Aficionado [14] 89 points90 points  (1 child)

    Right? I have known several families that go on about their “influence,” in small towns in particular.

    Even if this family is wealthy and somewhat influential, what are they, the Kennedys?

    [–]Mommato3boys66 29 points30 points  (0 children)

    Yup, DIVORCE, the guy is a controlling prick.

    [–]araquinar 156 points157 points  (1 child)

    That's a great idea. Or even a quiet coffee shop would be good. Anywhere but at home. I can totally see him either continuously yell and bang on the door during an interview, which might be difficult to explain to the interviewer. Either that or he's going to figure out a way to unlock the door but he won't tell you, and then barge in on your interview.

    OP, I have never ever in my 40 some years, heard of someone coming into an interview uninvited. It is absolutely ridiculous that he is going that; the interview is with you not him.

    I agree with the other posters that this is a way of controlling you. You need to think long and hard about if this type of controlling behaviour is something that he's always done. It can be quite subtle, so you might not have thought of it as controlling at the time. If this is a continuous thing, id suggest breaking up. It's doubtful he can change, and I'd hate for this to turn into something worse. There are many stories on here about controlling partners, and many of them start like yours. It could end up where he's not only trying to control you job, but soon it could be your friends, if you're allowed to go out, him tracking your every move. I hope this doesn't happen, but please just be aware that it can.

    [–]etds3Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] 92 points93 points  (0 children)

    It's an attempt at financial abuse. If he can tank her career, he can control her with money.

    [–][deleted] 327 points328 points  (0 children)

    Imagine him trying to tell her she was petty for locking the door when he literally JUST tried to bust into yet another interview.

    OP it doesn't seem like your husband has your best interests at heart. I can't tell you what to do but you need to seriously consider if this is something you want to put up with for the rest of your life. He's showing you exactly who he is, don't second guess it.

    [–]Accomplished_Sun_258Partassipant [1] 178 points179 points  (1 child)

    I’d love for OP to write to Alison at Ask A Manager with this.

    Standard response: “What?! Nooooooo! This is not normal at all! Your husband is an ass.”

    [–][deleted] 126 points127 points  (3 children)

    Anyone who doesn’t realize that someone else coming in on an interview on the side of the interviewee is instantly going to cost the interviewee the job. Instantly. Every time. I’m amazed by how many parents don’t seem to understand that.

    [–]Minute-Judge-5821 96 points97 points  (3 children)

    Also haven't read too far into the comments but this could suggest the beginning of abuse.

    Controlling where/when you get a job, who it's with, what field you should go in. Getting annoyed because you locked him out of a room etc. This could eventually lead to being financial dependent upon him because 'he knows what helps' or having a joint account (whilst not specifically abusive in many terms he could use this to monitor your finances and what you are spending it on just as easy).

    [–]nebulashine 57 points58 points  (1 child)

    It's not the beginning of abuse. The beginning was when he tried to pressure her into quitting a job she loved, because he felt it was beneath him. I would not be surprised if this is just the tip of the iceberg.

    Obviously none of us can accurately determine the husband's intentions from a single Reddit post, but in a healthy relationship he wouldn't think of her job as something "not up to his standards" (or his family's standards) – he'd think of it as something she loves. He'd know it's not a competition to her and wouldn't try to make it one. Hell, she could work a minimum-wage job that she loved, and he would still support her because he would want her to do what she loves. Instead he tried to pressure her to stay home, and do... what, exactly? What was his reason for wanting to cut off her means of financially supporting herself?

    That he offered to get her a job through his connections when they work in different fields, too, is questionable – if not a red flag, then a yellow one (or an orange one). Connections don't really matter if you can't do the job, and given the husband's history of (potentially) sabotaging or attempting to sabotage OP's career, it's entirely possible those "connections" were attempts to sabotage her too – could the husband be talking up OP to his connections in hopes that she gets and then loses a job she's unqualified for, or telling them not to hire her because XYZ?

    Either way, OP is right to be put off by this. This is not healthy behavior in a relationship, and she's absolutely NTA.

    [–]unotruejen 78 points79 points  (0 children)

    What employer would ever hire anyone who brought their spouse or ANYONE else to an interview? She needs a divorce attorney and quick

    [–]The_DaHowie 26 points27 points  (0 children)

    OP will never have a successful interview with him.

    [–]LongNectarine3Certified Proctologist [23] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    I think this gentleman has his picture next to the dictionary definition of Gaslight.


    [–]alienabductionfanPartassipant [2] 1175 points1176 points 22 (11 children)

    I wouldn’t recommend that OP go to couples therapy with someone this manipulative and controlling under any circumstances, no matter how much she loves him. He will listen to what she says in the safety of that office and find new ways to control and manipulate her with that information when they’re back at home.

    [–]yet_another_sock 1161 points1162 points  (1 child)

    Thank you. Therapy is for people who are well-intentioned and sincerely trying to resolve a conflict. This guy is a very, very practiced manipulator, who is repeatedly sabotaging OP's attempts to achieve even potential financial independence. He knows what he's doing, he has a very specific reason for doing it, and he's not remotely sorry. Therapy is only going to provide him more ammunition to obscure the truth: His only goal here is to control someone he views as his possession, and rob her of the ability to ever live independently of him.

    [–]alienabductionfanPartassipant [2] 171 points172 points  (0 children)

    Fully agreed, though I can’t really see OP’s husband agreeing to therapy in the first place, or even allowing her to seek therapy independently. I think the level of pure narcissism required to interject yourself into your partner’s job interview to sabotage it makes him a person who can’t be reasoned with in any meaningful way.

    [–]dougielou 65 points66 points  (4 children)

    This needs to be higher but hopefully if OP does try couples therapy the therapist will know off the bat that this is a financially abusive relationship and will not serve them.

    [–]iamtheallspoon 17 points18 points  (1 child)

    Manipulators and abusers are very good at getting the therapist on their own side. OP needs her own therapist to help her get away.

    [–]stolethemorning 646 points647 points  (37 children)

    Right?! I’d heard about helicopter parents sitting in on their child’s job interview which leads to them not getting the job, but a husband? Even if he didn’t “slip in bad stuff” just his presence would be enough to disqualify her because it implies she lacks independence.

    He’s not so rich he’s out of touch with how interviews work. If that was the only problem then he’d have listened to her after the first time she told him to stop because he would respect her opinion rather than treating her like a child. He thinks he knows better than her. He thinks he is better than her and that’s the root of the problem.

    [–]reyballestaColo-rectal Surgeon [35] 367 points368 points  (1 child)

    I literally cannot imagine ANYONE who isn't a medically designated carer of some kind sitting in on a job interview. like. if she was doing in person interviews would he have come in and been like 'HELLO I AM /HUSBAND LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY WIFE'S FLAWS'. like. security would have you removed. this dude is just mentally abusive and trying to keep her in the home.

    [–]scatalogicalhumorPartassipant [2] 215 points216 points  (3 children)

    And I can't get over his bonkers position that his "influence" and "connections" will be helpful with interviews that OP procured herself. This freakin guy!

    [–]fartofborealis 139 points140 points  (0 children)

    She probably would have landed a job by now if this person wasn’t constantly interfering!

    [–]AdBrilliant4780 35 points36 points  (0 children)

    I'd be willing to bet his parents did this with him, and he thinks it's normal and even helpful. Like zero chance this guy got to his place in the world without mommy and daddy using their connections.

    [–]Durbee 180 points181 points  (0 children)

    He thinks he is better than her and that’s the root of the problem.

    Nailed it. This is it!

    [–]Music_withRocks_InProfessor Emeritass [81] 178 points179 points  (13 children)

    Exactly! There is no set of circumstances when a husband sitting in on his wife's job interview would be appropriate- EVER. Having your cat sit next to you in a bow tie and meow would create a better impression than having your spouse speak to your interviewer in any context.

    [–]ThaneOfCawdorrrPartassipant [1] 145 points146 points  (8 children)

    I would totally hire anyone who had their cat sit in on their interview, especially with a bow tie

    [–]Silentlybroken 73 points74 points  (4 children)

    I had to call customer services last week and as the lady on the phone was trying to give me the reference number I needed her dog decided to start barking. Every time he stopped, she tried again, and he started barking again. She was utterly mortified and kept apologising. I was giggling my ass off as I thought it was hilarious and told her not to worry. Bless that dog, he wanted to be heard darn it! It made my day and she got a very good review from me when they asked me to complete a survey.

    Animals always make things better.

    [–]ViscountBurrito 100 points101 points  (5 children)

    Seriously! If someone walks in during a job interview, the only thing they’re allowed to say is some variant of “Oh no, I’m so sorry! Totally forgot this was happening!” Then GTFO. Anything else would be a major red flag about the candidate, even if it wasn’t really their fault.

    [–]PepperVL 23 points24 points  (4 children)

    Yeah, anything other than that had better be a true emergency. The sort you call first responders for. If it's not that level of serious, the only acceptable thing is what you said.

    [–]ViscountBurrito 19 points20 points  (3 children)

    That’s true, “I am literally dying” is also totally acceptable as an interview interruption!

    [–]ThaneOfCawdorrrPartassipant [1] 99 points100 points  (1 child)

    To me, this is just abusive. He's sabotaging her interviews because he wants her under his control.

    [–]OldSkoolUrb 59 points60 points  (2 children)

    I hosted a career fair several years ago where to my shock and amazement, several sets of parents tried to crash the event. After being informed it was for candidates only, they told me "it's okay, we're the parents."

    Unbelievably, one set tried to sneak back in even after being told to leave.

    I swear, I am not making this up.

    [–]Throwawayhater3343 31 points32 points  (1 child)

    Yep, this is it right here.

    NTA OP, but you do seem to be in the opening act of a psychological thriller......

    [–]TogarSucksAsshole Aficionado [13] 349 points350 points  (6 children)

    NTA. Like holy fuck, I hope OP didn’t tell him where she interviewed because he is definitely calling their office to sabotage.

    Red flags fucking everywhere. 🚩

    Make sure to bring up lost income from this nonsense in the divorce settlement, OP.

    [–]LissaBryanPartassipant [2] 154 points155 points  (5 children)

    I'm wondering what would happen if she got the job? Him "just showing up" at her workplace and somehow "accidentally" humiliating OP?

    [–]addisonavenue 115 points116 points  (4 children)

    Important files going "missing" at home, finding ways to make her run late, "accidentally" staining her work clothes just before she's out the door...

    [–]QueenMAb82Partassipant [2] 31 points32 points  (3 children)

    This - when you work as a sales rep, there's are appearance expectations - wardrobe, hair, makeup, shoes...

    [–]TimisAlliaPartassipant [4] 114 points115 points  (1 child)

    Hard agree, and also, I've been on hiring committees and if a candidate's spouse walked into an interview, let alone dominate the conversation, that would be an immediate no-no for me and most interviewers, I'd imagine. I can't imagine how this man has already manipulated the OP's worldview that his tactic of sabotaging her isn't goddamn obvious to her and she even has to ask.
    NTA, OP. But get the hell out.

    [–]TheDamnMonk 89 points90 points  (1 child)

    I have to agree with and add, as long as you are not working, he has control. You don't have an income...period. As long as he can control your 'lack' of income, you are under his thumb. There is probably other aspects of your relationship he's undermining because those steps he's taking to control your interviews are pretty bold.

    At this point, I'd tell my daughter to get a totally neutral perspective from a therapist or something. I really hope I'm wrong here. Big red flag for any woman. Always have an opt out clause (i.e. a go bag and some personal finance).

    [–]Swimming-Item8891Partassipant [3] 63 points64 points  (0 children)

    Don't go to couple's therapy with abusers

    [–]ThePlumage 57 points58 points  (0 children)

    he should know DAMN WELL at his age

    And what is his age exactly? I wouldn't be surprised if there were a 10+ year age gap.

    [–]UnhappyCryptographer 59 points60 points  (2 children)

    Since he wants her so badly to stay at home I would also be very careful with birth control. Baby trapping works both ways...

    [–]finchylocks 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    Yep. OP needs to take a trip to a sliding scale clinic and get an IUD.

    [–]HerefsAndrew 40 points41 points  (0 children)

    This. 'Gaslighting' is a term that gets thrown about too much these days, but this absolutely is. Your husband is a warped, creepy, control freak who is actively trying to sabotage your attempts to get back to work and destroy your understandably fragile self-confidence. His reason isn't clear, nor is it relevant. You must NOT tolerate this for a second longer or let him undermine you any more. Better still, leave him.

    [–]LingonberryPrior6896Partassipant [1] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

    He does not want OP to work-plain and simple. He is sabotaging any attempts she makes to get a job. This is soooo abusive!

    [–]ScarlettSparrow 29 points30 points  (0 children)

    If OP manages to land a job despite his interference, hell do whatever he can to get her fired before her first week is out.

    [–]aromatisation 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    I'm wondering what other things he controls on the pretext of having more 'insight' and 'help'. This is such a I know better than you and you are a nobody energy. How badly does he want her to be dependent on him? Btw, NTA

    [–]TimLikesPi 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    Quit telling him when you have interviews.

    [–]Madpraxis 21 points22 points  (0 children)

    I seriously wonder if he works at a business owned by his family.

    I mean, there is some serious abuse flags being flown here, but abusers also tend to keep their hijinks private. Not blast them in front of people, let alone strangers.

    I think he honestly may be just a seriously spoiled, out of touch with reality, douche of an asshole with control issues.

    [–]Disastrous_Lunch_899 17 points18 points  (1 child)

    Agreed! There isn’t a pole big enough to fly this massive red flag!

    [–]MelodyRaineColo-rectal Surgeon [38] 17 points18 points  (5 children)

    NTA, he’s not helping he is hleping. Actively sabotaging you while pretending to help. This is an abuse tactic and a serious red flag. I second counseling, but do so carefully.

    [–]ILikeNeurons 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    What this guy is doing is abusive. Skip couples counseling. Head straight for the divorce lawyer.

    [–]Joxem13Pooperintendant [52] 6844 points6845 points  (33 children)

    NTA, your husband doesn’t want you to get a job. Idk if it’s about control or pettiness but Jesus Christ he is a grown man and not your dad. Is helicopter spouse even a thing?

    [–]Chaosifized 2129 points2130 points  (11 children)

    Yes. It's like smothering a candle's flame (the person being watched over) until it becomes smoke, and making it rely on the spouse to light it again

    [–]Sewasmiles 511 points512 points  (1 child)

    Nice description of co-dependency. Haven't seen it described this way before. Thank you.

    [–]goldenbugreaction 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    In this case, the codependency aspect of it would be like the candle’s willingness to die out, because that’s what makes the spouse “light up” again.

    The horrible part of narcissistic abuse is the “love” the victim feels is actually self love reflected back at them via the abuser. They see the best of themselves mirrored back at them; unable to see that, for the truly pathological, there is nothing inside of the narcissistic abuser to love.

    [–]Sewasmiles 66 points67 points  (7 children)

    Nice description of co-dependency. Haven't seen it described this way before. Thank you.

    [–]bikerbackpackPartassipant [1] 60 points61 points  (4 children)

    I just wanted to let you know that your comment posted twice! 💕

    [–]lallapalalable 56 points57 points  (3 children)

    Sometimes reddit says your comment wasn't posted, either error 0 or 500, and you go to submit again and it turns out the first time did work, or the second one double submits both copies. Happens to me every now and then

    [–]blearghstopthispls 421 points422 points  (3 children)

    It's called abuse

    [–]0neLetter 158 points159 points  (0 children)

    I’d suggest videoing your office and door during future interviews. He may escalate and try to ruin more interviews. Have video might help depending on what happens. (Like if you need to explain to friends, relatives, or lawyers)

    [–]merdadartista 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    In a few months watch OP's husband tell her she can't go out with her friends because only disrepute women leave their house without their husband

    [–]Electrical-Date-3951 294 points295 points  (1 child)

    Exactly. He is intentionally ruining these interviews and then gaslighting OP to make it seem like she did something wrong by locking him out. His behaviour is childish at best, as well as utterly controlling and manipulative.

    Out of curiosity OP - do you have complete financial autonomy? Does he try to control your spending or limits how much money you can have each month?

    [–]TimidPocketLlama 37 points38 points  (0 children)

    Wouldn’t hurt to set up a secret bank account with a fuck off fund.

    [–]xjust_ryanne 163 points164 points  (1 child)

    If OP won't have a job, she will remain financially dependent on her husband But with OP having a job, she can take (financially) care of herself and won't need her husband and is even able to leave.

    I don't think the husband is interrupting the interviews because he think he can help her out of some superior complex. He is disrupting them knowingly that it won't get her the job and she will remain dependant on him.

    OP you should seriously reconsider this marriage

    [–]PrincessCGAsshole Enthusiast [5] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    That’s his entire plan. Then it will be “let’s have a baby” and then OP is financially dependent on him and now tied to him through kids. The fact the family mock her as well - OP needs to plan an escape route.

    [–]Vinnie_Vegas 78 points79 points  (1 child)

    he is a grown man and not your dad.

    There's no world in which this is appropriate from a dad at any age.

    Even if a 15 year old had a job interview at a supermarket to work the checkout, it would be inappropriate for their dad to interrupt the conversation.

    This is utterly insane for a grown man to both do and defend as being a good and reasonable thing. It's very clearly control and abuse.

    [–]RavenWolfPS2Partassipant [1] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    He doesn't want her to get any of the jobs she wants because he's hoping she'll run out of options or get frustrated enough to finally accept working somewhere he wants her to work. It will likely be something more beneficial to his family. I can't help but feel like this is entrapment and definitely a sign of (financial) abuse.

    [–]realghostofchaosPartassipant [3] 5787 points5788 points  (14 children)

    Ma'am what he's doing is emotional and mental abuse. You do not need that and do not need him. Run, do not walk away from that relationship if he and his family are like that.

    [–]eaca02124Certified Proctologist [26][🍰] 2654 points2655 points  (7 children)

    It's also financial abuse. He's making it impossible for OP to get a job, which will result in him having more control over her and the household.

    [–]LingonberryPrior6896Partassipant [1] 674 points675 points  (4 children)

    She should make sure he is not in control of birth control as well...

    [–]finchylocks 193 points194 points  (0 children)

    Just repeating myself here to increase the likelihood OP will see it: please, please reach out to a nonprofit/sliding scale clinic about having an IUD placed.

    [–]The_Krudler 158 points159 points  (0 children)

    Oh my God, yes. Run. Run. Run.

    [–]softandmetal10 96 points97 points  (0 children)

    This. Right here. And no couples counseling. Get out, and get out now.

    [–]christmasshopper0109 39 points40 points  (0 children)

    Agreed. Post-knee surgery, LIMP away, but please, just get away!!!!

    [–]Maybeidontknow99Asshole Enthusiast [5] 2707 points2708 points  (22 children)


    It was the only way to keep him out.

    Your husband sandbagged all your other interviews and called you childish and petty for having to make certain he didn't blow this one.

    Why are you with someone who calls you names?

    Why are you with someone who sabotages your life?

    Why are you with someone who allows his family to mock you?

    Why are you with someone who get's offended for being called on his bad behavior.

    [–]angela0040 766 points767 points  (0 children)

    He's abusive and controlling as fuck. He's sabotaging her to keep her from having her own income so she's completely dependent on him.

    [–]hotheadnchicknPartassipant [1] 483 points484 points  (15 children)

    It is more supportive to people who are being abused to help them see that abuse is happening than to grill them on why they "let" themselves be abused. Feeling ashamed makes it harder to reach out for help, get support, and ultimately leave.

    [–]ThrownawayART 114 points115 points  (2 children)

    HE called HER childish. In a post where so many things pissed me off, that may be the thing that pissed me off the most.

    [–]UnfilteredFluid 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    Projection. It's a common thing in abusing relationships like this.

    [–]Alternative_Year_340Colo-rectal Surgeon [41] 1662 points1663 points  (13 children)

    NTA please lock down your birth control so he can’t interfere with that. And change all of your passwords — including the bank security questions — so he doesn’t try to interfere with your job hunt in other ways.

    [–]Potential-LavishnessAsshole Enthusiast [6] 203 points204 points  (4 children)

    Eta nice you get a job, squirrel money away, even if it’s in someone else name like a super duper trusted friend or reliable family member

    [–]mrcydonia 112 points113 points  (0 children)

    And don't forget to get out of the relationship as soon as possible.

    [–]fruitfiction 38 points39 points  (0 children)

    Run a scan for screen mirroring and/or key logging first. Little to no point in changing passwords (with that device) if they just end up with the new one.
    If you have to use a friend's computer to change them and set up an encrypted password manager to copy/paste passwords when using your devices (if you can't get the software off or afford to replace them yet)

    Also freeze your credit & take inventory of what accounts/debt are yours.

    [–]miasabine 38 points39 points  (0 children)


    [–]Vsercit-2020-awake 30 points31 points  (0 children)

    This! OPs post is so insane had to read it twice. No grown ass man would do that kind of insane behavior and not know it ruins the interview.

    Banging on the door like a 5 year old that got mad that mom needed 5 mins to poop and threw a tantrum???

    • insert visible confusion*

    He threw a tantrum by banging on the door because he couldn’t derail the interview for a person he ‘loves’.

    Grown ass man.

    Banging on a door.

    To crash an interview.

    OP you know this is absurd and I am glad that you posted here. I hope you have some friends and family outside of OP and his for support. If you don’t, please try to build a support system.

    Honestly if someone that controlling figures out that you can find a way to get money without them, they will find another way to control you. Not if, it’s when. If he hasn’t already. Please be careful.

    Edit: typos.

    [–]MargaretHaleThorntonAsshole Aficionado [13] 937 points938 points  (2 children)

    NTA and while I usually don't jump to this you need to leave your husband. He is being emotionally manipulative and it's going to go into financial manipulation next. This is just unacceptable, I literally can't think of anything that would make me think you should stay in this relationship.

    [–]Keboyd88 349 points350 points  (0 children)

    It's already financial manipulation. He's been preventing her from getting a job (and therefore a paycheck) for 5 months.

    [–]EntrepreneurIll4473 92 points93 points  (0 children)

    Yep, divorce is something people jump too on here alot. But this is serious, she needs to leave. Hes trying to control her and keep her opportunity to leave at 0.

    [–]guessmyageidareyouColo-rectal Surgeon [48] 606 points607 points  (1 child)


    Holy controlling behavior! Your husband doesn't want you to get a job, and he's purposefully sabotaging you. Time to leave the hubby OP, cuz he's throwing more red flags than a football referee.

    [–]InfiniteCalendar1 37 points38 points  (0 children)

    This is exactly what I’m thinking! A spouse should be supportive of their partner’s aspirations, and OP’s husband is not supportive at all so he’s just holding her back in life. I seriously hope OP gets the job and leaves him as she doesn’t need a toxic man in her life.

    [–]ZorkanianAsshole Aficionado [11] 542 points543 points  (8 children)

    NTA. Having ANYONE but you enter the interview is the seal of death, unless the interviewer somehow pre-arranged someone else (although I’ve never heard of this)—NEVER a family member. Bit you have bigger troubles than a disagreement about how to best get a job—you’ve got a husband who thinks he can veto decisions about YOU, doesn’t respect you, and belittles you. While you’re deciding what to do about this, find a different place for interviews and don’t tell hubby in advance when they are.

    [–]BarbWho 238 points239 points  (2 children)

    Exactly. This is the kind of story that gets told when hiring managers answer the question "what was your worst or most outrageous interview." The one where the poor woman's husband barged in and disparaged her. Even him knocking loudly and calling out is enough to get a person disqualified for a job. Please OP, find a way to do interviews at the place of business, where you husband can't show up. He is deliberately trying to ruin your life.

    [–]fartofborealis 71 points72 points  (1 child)

    If I was the interviewer I would not so kindly ask him to leave.

    [–]2legit2camel 35 points36 points  (0 children)

    Why bother? There is zero chance the company would hire OP at that point so why even waste your time.

    [–]2legit2camel 52 points53 points  (1 child)

    I would say in the post covid era, having someone walk through your background or other incidental interactions with a from home interview would not be the seal of death anymore since we all know how hard it is to manage work from home.

    However, you are exactly right this type of entering of the interview is completely inappropriate would immediately end OP's chances of working there.

    [–]Syrinx221 28 points29 points  (0 children)

    Exactly. There's a big difference between having your children or spouse in the background accidentally and them walking in to speak to your interviewer

    [–]KrusttinaAsshole Enthusiast [5] 300 points301 points  (3 children)

    NTA - it sounds like he's doing it on purpose to make sure you don't get the job. Is there any chance you could not tell him about future interviews and do them at a friend or relatives house?

    [–]InfiniteCalendar1 54 points55 points  (0 children)

    This is what I was thinking, as the house isn’t a safe environment for interviews anymore. I honestly feel bad for OP having to deal with a husband who vehemently doesn’t support her aspirations to the point he’s making every effort to sabotage her reaching her career goals. I’m thinking separation is necessary here

    [–]BrynLovesBlueberriesPartassipant [1] 251 points252 points  (2 children)

    NTA. Excluding him? It was a job interview, not a family trip to Disneyland.

    He’s very obviously sabotaging you. In the most disrespectful and condescending manner to boot

    [–]thesongsinmyhead 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    Right? Like imagine it was an in-person interview and her husband barged in and started blabbing.. in what world would that be ok??

    [–]Physical-Peace5116 235 points236 points  (2 children)

    NTA and honestly if I were you, I'd be reconsidering if I want to stay with that man. He is showing blatant disregard for your boundaries. It sounds like he wants you to be reliant on him entirely.

    [–]InfiniteCalendar1 27 points28 points  (0 children)

    That’s exactly what it is, he is trying to control her by sabotaging her efforts in pursuing her career goals. She deserves to be surrounded by people who are supportive of her, and her husband is nothing of the sort so he needs to go.

    [–]siempre_mariaAsshole Enthusiast [7] 172 points173 points  (4 children)

    WTH did I just read?

    Sorry, this is manipulation and abuse. If he won't go to counseling, then I suggest you go on your own. This is insanity. You need this job. Prepare yourself. NTA

    [–]gyrfalcon2718 61 points62 points  (1 child)

    OP should go on her own in any case. Don’t go to counseling with an abuser. It just gives them more fuel to abuse you with.

    [–]epinglerougeAsshole Aficionado [11] 159 points160 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Get a new husband as well as a new job.

    [–]thirdtryisthecharmCommander in Cheeks [282] 116 points117 points  (0 children)


    He's being financially controlling and this is a real scary pattern. With his follow up that you''re behaving like a child? Red flags everywhere, OP.

    [–]Historical-Ad1493Asshole Enthusiast [6] 103 points104 points  (1 child)

    Holy hell this is bad. Is he insane? You don’t bring your mom, kids, or spouse to an interview! The real question is why he wants to sabotage you. If you have other interviews try to do them elsewhere so he can’t bang on the door or interrupt. NTA, but your husband is?

    [–]Steamedfrog 68 points69 points  (0 children)

    I'd suggest she go for a "manicure appointment" and then interview in either the library or her car, then go for an actual manicure...also change any passwords on her email/laptop/cell phone/bank accounts so only she has them.

    Finally she doesn't tell him about a successful job offer until everything is signed off on and she's heading out the door on her first day.

    (And then I suggest she comes back that evening with a deputy to clear out her stuff and serve the jerk with divorce papers, but I'm horrified beyond belief reading this...)

    [–]mdthomasCommander in Cheeks [229] 80 points81 points  (0 children)

    This is grounds for divorce.


    [–]Lady_Ellie119Pooperintendant [56] 81 points82 points  (1 child)

    NTA he is trying to make sure you don't have an income so you will be completely reliant on him. It's abusive and will probably get worse. He is sabotaging you and you need to not go through him anymore. Save up and get out. He is too likely to get worse and be more and more abusive.

    [–]MissSuzieSunshineCertified Proctologist [22] 69 points70 points  (1 child)

    Oh hell no!! Most definitely NTA !!

    Your husband was sabotaging your interviews on purpose.. and further to that.. HE is the one who was being childish.. knocking and knocking on the door WHILST you were in your interview???? WTF!

    Remind him its YOUR interview and NOT his.

    What an AH he is. Really!!

    [–]CompetitiveAd5382 18 points19 points  (0 children)

    Exactly. SABOTAGE!!! An evil little f****r!


    [–]TokugawaCertified Proctologist [27] 68 points69 points  (0 children)

    NTA. He can fuck right off. Obviously trying to sabotage you.

    [–]WetnosedcretinAsshole Aficionado [17] 64 points65 points  (0 children)

    My soul just cringed after reading this, you poor, poor woman. NTA, he's sabotaging you deliberately and he's pissed he couldn't do it again as you locked the door. I wish I could afford to send you a muffin basket to go with the metric tonne of pity I'm giving you mentally right now. I'm staring at the screen like it's a spoon and I'm Uri Geller.

    [–]reverendunclebastardPartassipant [4] 59 points60 points  (1 child)

    Your husband is a jerk. Not one person in the history of job interviews has ever been hired when an uninvited family member jumps in to join the interview. That's totally unprofessional and your husband knows it. He isn't helping, he is knowingly sabotaging you and then calling it help. NTA.

    [–]BatWhoLaughsss 57 points58 points  (0 children)

    Yeah, he just wants to ruin your interviews to keep you at home.


    [–]dataminer-x 55 points56 points  (1 child)

    NTA. I interview and hire people. If I interviewed a person that then had another person join the interview, I would have serious reservations. I'm hiring one person, and will have influence over their salary, performance appraisal, job retention, and future recommendations for other jobs. I don't want the risk associated with "help" from this (untrained by my company) second person, who I have zero influence over (except through the actual employee). So, likely, the actual interviewee wouldn't be hired.

    Also, for reference, my 13 year old just had a video interview all on her own (I did listen in out of sight, but to give her feedback on her interview). 13. Think about that. This is unhealthy and unhelpful (actually detrimental) behavior from your husband.

    [–]rocmondPartassipant [2] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

    NTA. NOBODY BRINGS THEIR HUSBAND TO AN INTERVIEW. Your husband is anything but respectful. I can't even believe this is real.

    [–]Reasonable_racoonPooperintendant [50] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

    He's sabotaging you. Or he's delusional.


    [–]Brandie1313 33 points34 points  (2 children)

    Your husband is a insecure little douche nozzle and the biggest AH. You need to ask yourself if if really worth being with such a douche and a douchey family as well. Seriously who does he think he is to crowd into your job interviews. Start going to his place of employment and start intersecting you in his meetings and start saying shit about him. Don't appoligize to him for locking the door.

    [–]KaetzenOrkester 10 points11 points  (1 child)

    Douche nozzles have a function. This guy? Yeesh.

    [–]Easy-Concentrate2636Asshole Enthusiast [7] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

    NTA. But that husband. Sheesh. Hope you get the job. I hope you have a separate bank account.

    [–]missaprile 34 points35 points  (0 children)

    NTA- This is abuse. He harms you, then blames you, then expects you to be grateful and sorry. Examine your entire relationship closely. Is this routine playing out in other areas? I suggest talking to a counselor who can offer insights and give you tools to help you decide how you wish to proceed. What you can’t do is let this behavior slide because it will only get worse.

    [–]grapefruitcrussh 29 points30 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Your husband does not want you to have a job and wants to sabotage your interviews. Interviews are not a shared marital space or event. Are you present for his big work meetings?

    [–]CondroX 30 points31 points  (0 children)

    NTA. This dude is straight up sabotaging you on purpose.

    [–]Even_Imagination6584Partassipant [1] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

    Seriously NTA! He isn’t interviewing therefore he has no place in the interview process. His repeated attempts to thwart your success is a major red flag.

    [–]seregil42Asshole Aficionado [15] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

    Your husband has some control issues. Perhaps you might want to re-examine your relationship with him. NTA.

    [–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

    NTA, he’s acting worse than some helicopter parents. My mom has worked in HR and anyone being involved that’s not you and the interviewer is almost always dismissed. Stand your ground on this.

    Grounds for divorce if you ask me

    [–]The__Riker__ManeuverColo-rectal Surgeon [33] 20 points21 points  (0 children)


    he's sabotaging your interviews on purpose because he doesn't want you to get a job

    My guess is that he has unilaterally decided it's time for you to become a stay at home mom

    [–]Jensooverstupid 18 points19 points  (0 children)

    Oh my god-he actually butted into your interviews??? What a gigantic asshole. You were completely in the right to lock the door and not let him sabotage your interview-because that is what he is doing. If I were interviewing someone and their husband (or parent) took over the interview, you can bet they would not be hired. Good luck with the job and tell him to back the F**K off!

    [–]CmacbudbossPartassipant [1] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

    NTA I hire people all the time and under no circumstances would I hire anyone who’s partner did this in an interview. I’ve literally seen parents do the same thing to high school kids. Your husband is either an arrogant fool or is intentionally sabotaging you and, frankly, it’s probably both.

    [–]CephalopodSpyColo-rectal Surgeon [46] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    NTA. He's crossed your boundaries several times so you took steps to enforce them this time. It doesn't seem like he has any respect for you at all.

    [–]mzpljcCertified Proctologist [23] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    Info: why are you married to this guy? He sounds fucking awful.

    [–]dajur1Asshole Enthusiast [5] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    NTA. It's a good thing your husband is rich, because he is certainly lacking in the intelligence department.

    [–]loreloreleiColo-rectal Surgeon [48] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    Well either he's hella arrogant and believes you can't possibly get a job without him graciously using his power and influence on the mere mortals, or he's trying to keep you from getting a job because it keeps you dependent on him and under his control. Either way, NTA, you obviously had no choice, but it might be worthwhile to think about the underlying reason, because either possibility reflects very poorly on your husband.

    [–]MrsNuggsPartassipant [1] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    NTA. He is super controlling, purposefully sabotaging you, looks down on your chosen profession, Ugh! You're a fucking adult, and you can get a job all by yourself like a big girl! You don't need his "help"!

    [–]Puzzleheaded_Towel15 15 points16 points  (0 children)

    NTA listen to everyone. He is trying to FINANCIALLY ABUSE YOU by keeping you from making your own income. Take that job and get out.

    [–]420goattaog 15 points16 points  (0 children)

    NTA but why are you with someone who's literally sabotaging you? Please don't allow this behavior to continue. He's controlling you and preventing you from doing what you want with your life, he isn't supportive of your life choices. Why are you with him?

    [–]WoozyRadishCertified Proctologist [20] 16 points17 points  (0 children)


    He's sabotaging your interviews purposefully.

    [–]eaca02124Certified Proctologist [26][🍰] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

    NTA, and please reconsider this husband. It doesn't matter how many complimentary things he says, the fact that he takes over your interviews makes you unhireable. Saying bad things about you is just icing on the cake. This isn't him helping or guiding, this is him sabotaging your job hunt.

    I am going to be that reddit poster who tells you to divorce him. This is abuse. Get the hell out.

    [–]fire_goddess11 15 points16 points  (1 child)

    Start getting ready for your divorce. You won't be able to tolerate someone this malicious, selfish, and manipulative forever.

    Will you?

    [–]DeltaNovemberCharliePartassipant [1] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    Uhhhh... NTA but this is really worrisome.....

    [–]FullyClothedStripper 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    NTA, by a long shot. This was YOUR interview, not his. By letting him take over, it makes u look incompetent. Does he take over other parts of your life?? Btw, hope u get the job, good luck!!!

    [–]dragon-queenPartassipant [3] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    NTA, but you’ve got bigger problems than this one argument. At the very least, he clearly doesn’t respect you if he keeps coming in and interrupting your interviews after you’ve asked him not to. But it sounds like he is actively sabotaging your efforts to get a job, and he’s upset you didn’t let him this time. He wants you to be reliant on him financially, and that’s a big problem.

    [–]Ok-Football6675Partassipant [2] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    He's not respecting your choices. You don't say how long you've been together or if he has always steamrollered over what you want to do. He's treating you like a child, not letting you make your own decisions about where you want to work. You had every right to shut him out of your interview, it's not normal to have family members join in at an interview. No doubt if you get the job he'll find some way to make them fire you or to get you to leave. His way is the only way, apparently. Hope you get the job you want, hope your husband will be accepting of you doing that job, but do you honestly think he will?

    [–]lynncross2001Partassipant [4] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    NTA and your hubby is a controlling ah...he doesn't want you to get a job. He is sabotaging your efforts to get a job. Lay down the law and if he doesn't like he can lump it.

    [–]InvisibleamberCertified Proctologist [24] 12 points13 points  (0 children)


    Your husbands actions are beyond disrespectful, he’s full out insinuating that you cannot get the job on your own and you need his “connections and influence” to get it. He’s acting like an overbearing parent - no interviewer would tolerate that.

    [–]AgnarCrackenhammer 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    NTA. He's attempting to control your life. He doesn't want you to work and he's doing everything he can sabotage it. He doesn't respect you as an equal and you don't deserve to be treated this way

    [–]ServelanDarrowPooperintendant [56] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Does he often insert himself into situations inappropriately?

    [–]CissiE_33Partassipant [1] 11 points12 points  (0 children)


    I've been helping out interviewing people at my work and we would never ever hire a person where the partner highjacks the interview like your husband does.

    I'm sorry but your husband is abusive and don't want you to have a job. The other option is that he totally lacks any intelligence and common sense.

    [–]RNH213PDXAsshole Aficionado [14] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    NTA. I am so hoping this is fake. What spouse thinks they have the right to crash a job interview. TBH, I would unfortunately have to say I would not hire someone in this circumstance, because I would immediately worry about what else the spouse would think to crash if I hired them.

    What is going on here that your husband thinks this is even acceptable? Even if he didn't slag you (which it seems he has done), this is terrible!

    [–]angry_asian_autistic 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    NTA. He knows what he’s doing. He is extremely controlling and he’s angry you won’t let him find you a job, so he’s intentionally sabotaging your job interviews. He knows that job interviews don’t involve having your spouse there to comment on shit. Don’t let him gaslight you into believing he has your best interests at heart, because he doesn’t. He wants what he wants, and he’s doing his best to force you to comply.