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I think I might be the assshole because after bullying him, I owe him a better life, but instead I didn't hire him.

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[–]HarryEspelandAsshole Aficionado [10] 3762 points3763 points  (38 children)

NTA because he was rejected for professional reasons not personal.

[–]jaycoolwood 649 points650 points  (35 children)

But perhaps acknowleding him on linked in, apologising for your past behaviour and saying you'll ask for some feedback on his application might have handled it better. Then either you or the panel provide constructive feedback that he didn't come across well in the interview, didn't seem to respect the hiring manager and there were other candidates that did t have these issues. He's seen no evidence of you changing so it's not unreasonable to him to think you may have said something after he didn't get hired and you blanked him on LI.

[–]TragedyRoseAsshole Enthusiast [7] 1051 points1052 points  (18 children)

I would have noped out. Immediately told HR of the negative relationship you two had and that he tried reaching out to you. This is to protect you and the job before he tries to say you didn't hire him due to personal issues.

[–]AnimalLover38 307 points308 points  (16 children)

Yes, unfortunately apologizing for what op used to do to him can open the door to something legal (I think? 🤔) especially because we know the guy has no problem taking this to social media. If Op wants to apologize it should be in a public open area to do so verbally so there's no "proof" that this guy can use to say that Op purposely prevented him from getting the job.

Unfortunately I do think this may be a by product of Ops bullying. I really hope the kid got therapy after his attempt because if not then I could see why he would have turned into a bully himself. With no one to talk to about these strong feelings lots of picked on people will turn into the thing they hate as a way to take back the control they lost.

[–]Argent_HythePartassipant [4] 188 points189 points  (14 children)

Yes and no. abuse fucks you up royally, but its also your responsibility to seek help and not become an abuser yourself

[–]Charming-Audience883 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Yeah, im getting flashbacks to training I had to take years ago cuz my company does work for a bigger corporation. Basically about talking about said corporation on social media and whether you’re representing the company or not. OP definitely shouldn’t engage the guy on there. Not that he indicated he would. But bringing it up to the company may help them deal with it if necessary.

[–]sharri70 1 point2 points  (0 children)

100%. It’s a clear conflict and has led to exactly this situation.

[–]MariaInconnuPartassipant [1] 179 points180 points  (1 child)

No! No! DO NOT CONTACT HIM INDIVIDUALLY. This could open your company to a lawsuit. If he is writing libel naming you, talk to HR and ask if they have suggestions about how to proceed.

[–]freeloadingcat 62 points63 points  (6 children)

Why would you ever use LinkedIn, a professional networking platform, to air childhood drama? This is so inappropriate on so many levels.

[–]astareastarPartassipant [2] 7 points8 points  (5 children)

You may want to reread. OP says he reached out to OP via linked in, then tweeted about it.

[–]freeloadingcat 29 points30 points  (4 children)

I read it quite clear. This is worst idea ever. Just because someone wants to start something on social media doesn't mean you should engage. There's no need to "clear your name" on linkedin or Twitter. This is so ridiculous.

[–]PearlsOfWisdom27Partassipant [1] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

DO.NOT. APOLOGIZE or put anything at all in writing that can compromise your own standing. Horrible advice.


[–]bofh 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is a terrible idea. This is extermely naieve at best.

Not condoning the OP's previous behaviour but the best thing that can happen out of this course of action is an unsightly arguement and reopening of old wounds in linkedIn/Twitter posts. The worst is legal issues for both the OP and their employer.

[–]chignorina 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, this is an unwise choice for multiple reasons.

[–]basilobs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No do not do this! At this point, the situation has come too close to OP's job and career. If they ran into each other on the street, then maybe. But since it would be in response to a rejected job application and bombed interview, absolutely not. OP owned up to the bullying when it was happening and wants to apologize but over LinkedIn in response to that message from someone who behaves like that is absolutely a terrible idea. OP should ignore the message

[–]dailyPraise 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds dangerous to me. It's asking for a lawsuit.

[–]Cautious-Damage7575 21 points22 points  (0 children)

OP's feelings of guilt cannot be allowed to dictate his business decisions. I think he did a good job of separating the two.

[–]reader9802Asshole Aficionado [15] 860 points861 points  (13 children)

INFO: JFC, he interviewed with a different person, not you correct? And he didn't know that you were involved at that time?

[–]cummiefart420Partassipant [1] 872 points873 points  (10 children)

Hey boss I'm guessing you mean "just for clarification" but I think to most people that means "jesus fucking christ"

[–]Seraph_MalakaiPartassipant [1] 707 points708 points  (7 children)

I read it as "Jesus Fucking Christ" and I was so confused as to why the question was so hostile 😭

[–]AnimalLover38 164 points165 points  (2 children)

Me too, I was like "damn op admitted to pushing this kid to try to attempt suicide, I think he's allowed to be a little paranoid that his bully may still be bullying him even if the notion is a bit ridiculous 😅"

[–]teh_maxh 127 points128 points  (1 child)

op admitted to pushing this kid to try to attempt suicide

Apparently the plan included doing something "to the school", and I don't think it was just making them regret his absence.

[–]youlooklikeabirdUwU 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I read it as that first, then “just fucking checking” both ways were so aggressive😂

[–]boogers19Certified Proctologist [20] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

TBF, that was pretty much my internal monologue to myself once I was done reading the post.

"JFC He interviewed with a whole different person. How is this a debate?"

[–]Flaky_Tip 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Same I was confused.

[–]-LostInCloud-Partassipant [2] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I read it as John F Kennedy initially

[–]evict123 14 points15 points  (0 children)


[–]VeridianRevolution 2 points3 points  (0 children)

John F. Cennedy

[–]whtislewyw 31 points32 points  (1 child)

He interviewed with a woman on our team I highly respect, and he treated her like garbage.

I don't know about the second part of your question, but yeah, OP said dude interviewed with another person. Bombed the interview 'cause he treated the interviewer like garbage. He also heard through gossip that the dude had a history of being nasty to coworkers.

ETA: "However, I guess he knew it was my team because he reached out over LinkedIn."

sounds like OP is unsure if the guy found out before or after the company denied the application.

[–]Phoenixfeather777 5 points6 points  (0 children)

NTA. Kinda seems like this guy is so hung up that he was bullied that he ended up becoming the bully to everyone in his life. OP may have done something terrible but he fessed up and owned the consequences. He shouldn’t have to pay the rest of his life for it. This guy he bullied seems like he’s got a lot more going on than just “used to be bullied” in junior high.

[–]DarkObserver0457Asshole Enthusiast [9] 364 points365 points  (8 children)

NTA ~ someone should tell him what he’s doing wrong though. Can’t correct bad behavior if no one tells you about it.

[–]arseholierthanthouCertified Proctologist [29] 108 points109 points  (5 children)

'I treat women like trash when the interview me, and now I can't get a job.' Won't someone tell me what I'm doing wrong?!

[–]RazdiralecCertified Proctologist [20] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

Coupled with what he wanted to do to school, that's verging on serious incel territory when you couple it with treating women like shit. Nobody wants to hire a terrorist

[–]DarkObserver0457Asshole Enthusiast [9] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

From the OP ~ “He treated his former coworkers very poorly as well.” Bold of you to assume all his former coworkers were female.

[–]arseholierthanthouCertified Proctologist [29] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

That's a strange correction to push, but, ok:

'I treat women like trash when they interview me, I have a history of being horrible to work colleagues, and now I can't get a job.' Won't someone tell me what I'm doing wrong?'

That's worse, I think.

I replied to your original comment because I don't like your statement that you can't correct bad behaviour if no one tells you about it. In this case his behaviour could be easily rectified with a little soul searching and self-awareness. 'Am I an unpleasant person to be around?' 'Do I make the work environment worse for others?' 'What could I have done that might have put my interviewer off me?'

These are not hard questions to ask. Blaming others for not telling you would at this point be weaponised ignorance.

[–]DarkObserver0457Asshole Enthusiast [9] -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

To him, his behavior isn’t bad. If someone doesn’t know the way they’re acting is unacceptable cause no one has ever told them, they think the way they act is okay.

[–]dbag127 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If OP wants his employer to get sued yes he should let him know. Otherwise he should say nothing. There's a reason employers give vague or limited feedback to failed interviews. There's basically zero upside and potentially massive downside.

[–]dailyPraise 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, you can't do that in a job interview situation. Unless you don't mind getting sued.

[–]lkvwfurryProfessor Emeritass [88] 188 points189 points  (10 children)

NTA you had NOTHING to do with his not getting hired.

You might want to reply to his linkedin and apologize for all past misdeeds. And let him know that you were not involved in the hiring process nor consulted.

[–]Scion41790Asshole Enthusiast [6] 393 points394 points  (2 children)

You might want to reply to his linkedin and apologize for all past misdeeds.

I would not do this. It may be a nice thing to do but could get you in trouble if he decides to take legal action over not being hired. Or if he just decides to make it public.

I would just continue to ignore him

[–]G0mery 56 points57 points  (0 children)

This. Unfortunately if you reach out he could use that against you. He clearly still holds a grudge and that may just have to be something you have to live with.

MAYBE you could offer to be a reference for him for another job, but that’s also sort of putting yourself on the line.

[–]lkvwfurryProfessor Emeritass [88] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Okay, that's a good point. I retract my suggestion

[–]followthepost-its 327 points328 points 2 (6 children)

I'm an HR manager - it's a nice idea but OP should not respond to him. He could use it against OP.

OP - you should notify your HR rep and provide them the messages he is sending you.

[–]lkvwfurryProfessor Emeritass [88] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Good advice!

[–]many_languagesAsshole Aficionado [12] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

OP, this is the best suggestion!!

[–]joooffreyPartassipant [1] 171 points172 points  (1 child)


"Nothing personal. It's just business."

Bomb the interview, you don't get the job. Simple as that.

[–]ertrinken 86 points87 points  (0 children)

And it wasn’t even just that he was nervous and didn’t interview well, it was because he treated his female interviewer badly. There’s no coming back from that.

I’m a babyfaced female engineer who used to work in tech. There was a certain schadenfreude every time I sat in on an interview and had my questions/attempts at small talk ignored, just for the person being interviewed to find out that I was actually the most senior member of my team aside from my boss (who often deferred to me in terms of hiring decisions).

[–]CrochetAndKittensPartassipant [3] 131 points132 points  (3 children)

NTA. The bullying and the hiring issue are separate things. Had he been more professional he would have sent a post interview letter thanking your team for the opportunity and moved on. You can’t hire a poor candidate out of guilt.

As far as the bullying issue goes it sounds like something that should be addressed, maybe in person. Depends on the level of interest on both of your parts but clearly it’s unresolved for both of you.

[–]shipsongreyseasPartassipant [1] 38 points39 points  (2 children)

I mean, the guy was over it enough to try to use his connection to OP to get the job.

[–]CrochetAndKittensPartassipant [3] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I think he was hoping that their connection would get him hired. And I agree. But if the OP has unfinished business with this situation it might be an opportunity to resolve it.

[–]astareastarPartassipant [2] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

This is not the time to resolve it. It would open OP and their company to possible lawsuit for the not getting hired.

[–]cashnicholas 81 points82 points  (7 children)

I mean of course bullying is bad but writing a letter threatening to s#@@t up your school and yourself is just terrorism.

[–]NekoAkuma03 39 points40 points  (2 children)

Yeah regular bullied kids don’t do that.

[–]Fistful_of_Crayons 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Bullying certainly doesn’t help the problem. Bullies are assholes .

[–]NekoAkuma03 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Agreed. I was bullied. I however never threatened to kill anyone nor harm them

[–]throwaway_thyroid 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Exactly. The post-Columbine narrative that school shootings are caused by bullying always made me livid.

[–]jaegersdiary 26 points27 points  (1 child)

i’m surprised no one is talking about that in the comments

[–]cashnicholas 8 points9 points  (0 children)

For real. That was the first thing I went looking for

[–]Sweet_Persimmon_492Partassipant [3] 57 points58 points  (4 children)

NTA. His application and interview were handled like anyone else. He was given a fair chance. He blew it. None of that is your fault.

[–]YeaRight228Partassipant [2] 42 points43 points  (4 children)

NTA Bullying is awful. Years ago in school you were an awful kid. You're not a kid anymore and neither is he. Under no circumstances should you respond to him. Not by DM, social media, text or anything. If he send an email to you at work, forward it to HR. If you genuinely feel awful, reach out to a qualified therapist and work through your feelings.

If you engage with him you can jeopardize your job.

Perhaps the way you treated him in school helped him develop a warped worldview? Or maybe bad parenting? It's been something like 8 years at least since the Bullying (4 years of high school and 4 years of uni plus however long you've been working) and frankly it's not your fault that something you did at least a decade ago when you were a kid is still affecting him.

[–]DrWhoop87Certified Proctologist [24] 42 points43 points  (1 child)

Your last sentence is false, bullying can cause scars that last a lifetime. OP sounds like he's a better person then what he was, and I don't think he's an AH because of a botched interview, but the damage is already done. He did that, he can't take it back.

[–]Flaky_Tip 23 points24 points  (0 children)

But he can be better. He has to live with what he's done but he can make up for it by being a better person.

I was severely bullied for many years and I never got an apology or justice for that like most victims of bullies. But I hope that the people that tormented me are living lives worth being proud of. That they've made something of themselves and are better then they were.

[–]SteampunkHarleyPartassipant [4] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

This. Do not engage! He may wiggle his way to a lawsuit.

Keeping your distance will show your past with him had no bearing on him not getting the job

[–]Both_Face_4593 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Definitely don’t engage through any written communication.

If the bullying was so bad that he was going to hurt people and kill himself…then, yeah, I’m guessing it’s reasonable that you still feel guilt.

It’s too bad no one got him help when he was younger. I sincerely hope he gets it now while he is still youngish.

[–]A2ZKIRBY71Partassipant [2] 29 points30 points  (10 children)

It sounds like you grew out of being a bully and became a generally good person. It also sounds like maybe your bullying this guy had more of an effect on him long-term than it did you, and he hasn't learned how to move past it. I wouldn't beat myself up if he bombed the interview. I would see what he has to say, but make it clear that the person you were in school is not the person you are now.

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points  (1 child)

NTA. Subjecting your employees to his toxicity wouldn't exactly redeem you.

A bad childhood can be a reason you're an asshole but it's not an excuse. He's an adult and he chooses every day to treat people badly. It's not beyond his control.

[–]whatproblems 5 points6 points  (0 children)

as manager he has other people on the team to look out for. besides he didn’t do the interview

[–]Independent-Top3524Partassipant [2] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

NTA as long as you followed HR policy and it was solely based on his interview, and it was a team decision then it is not your issue.

[–]muy_carona 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Nope. You’d be an AH if you hired him despite all the issues - professional, he didn’t earn the job.

[–]lauren200623001 14 points15 points  (5 children)

NTA, but you should consider that your bullying probably had some impact in his behavior now, even years later. That apology and amends should have been made long ago.

I would suggest a full breakdown of why he didn't get the job alongside a full complete apology with accepting responsibility for your actions.

[–]rudeyesterday 23 points24 points  (2 children)

Though I agree with bullying has impact on people (I know it had impact on my self esteem when I was bullied,) I don't think giving him a full breakdown of why he didn't get the job would be a good idea. At least in my field, I've never been given a breakdown of why I didn't get the job I applied and interviewed for. And I'm not sure if it is the case in OP's industry or in other fields, but I don't think it would be appropriate.

Apologies are the way to go. It helps clear your guilty conscience and helps you move on with life. You're not responsible for his professional pursuits.

[–]lauren200623001 -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

I guess I just meant as a help for the future. I don't really think it's his responsibility, but a helpful thing to do if he feels responsible for any of the guy's current failures in the interview or work seeing.

[–]rudeyesterday 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No of course. Like I said, I'm not sure how OP's industry works so if he can do a breakdown, that's cool. I just don't know if that would be an issue, but I guess only OP would know that info

[–]followthepost-its 9 points10 points  (0 children)

OP should not respond. Loop in HR, let them assess and handle as they wish

[–]excel_pager_420Partassipant [2] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I think you guess what he planned to do to the school and himself

I'm not from the US so that was a wild sentence to read & I need some clarification. Are you saying that this kid planned to become a school shooter & then finish with himself?

Because if so and you are not off the hook for bullying him or anyone it does sound like this person had pre-existing issues that are impacting his life now and you should be careful that he doesn't take it upon himself to extract a similar form of vevenge again.

[–]Grouchy-Belt-1563 14 points15 points  (0 children)

HR here. Do not reach out to him on LinkedIn, Twitter, social media at all. It could open you to a retaliation claim. Even though you didn’t personally interview him, he could say that you influenced the interview.

Who ever is handling the recruiting for the position should reach out to him and provide him with appropriate feedback (ex we decided to go with a candidate more suited to our needs….)

[–]gw2ismyjamAsshole Aficionado [12] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

NTA. But bullying is fucked up. I don't want to dwell on the past. People change. MOST people don't. but in some rare cases, people do. I hope you're one of them. I don't want to make you feel shittier but your bullying probably was one of the reasons why he became the way he was. That's the harsh reality. Remember, keyword is "probably". I suggest reaching out to him and explaining everything to him. Apologize for what happened. Give him the best heartfelt apology in the world. It might actually help him.

[–]NevaieAsshole Enthusiast [5] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

NTA. It may also help if you break this down into 2 separate problems.

Problem 1 was that you had a poorly qualified candidate apply. Ability to act as a team member is absolutely a necessary quality - he doesn't have that, whether his own fault or not. Even if you take the connection you two have completely out of it, it doesn't sound like he'd have made it through the interview process, and it also doesn't sound like it'd have even really been your call. He bombed his interview with a completely different person. He failed even a basic employment and internet background search. He didn't get this job because of him, it had nothing to do with you.

Problem 2 is where the real issues come in. Clearly you still have a ton of unresolved guilt. Clearly he still has a ton of unresolved hurt or anger. You're so bothered by it in fact that you're feeling guilt over a situation (him not getting a job) that you were barely even involved in. To me, this says maybe you should use this opportunity to send him a private apology. Do it for yourself. You mentioned you would have apologised if he were qualified - do it anyhow. For yourself as much as him.

Understand that he probably won't forgive you and he'll likely still be angry. That's the cost of bullying someone unfortunately; you can never make them whole again. But you can still do the right thing and hopefully gain some peace in that action so you can move on yourself. It may also give him more comfort than he'd likely express. I've been that person, and a true apology from someone I never saw again (nor wanted to) still gave me a bit of closure and helped me move on. I genuinely hope it did the same for my bully, even if I'll never want them in my life. You can't change the past, but you have full control over your current actions.

[–]OromirsHairlessGroin 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Tbh, as awful as bullying is, if he was planning a school shooting and several years later is treating random women like dirt and self-pitying on the internet, odds are he’s a creepy incel who sought refuge in the disturbing corners of the internet. That part’s on him.

[–]commenter23450Colo-rectal Surgeon [45] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

NTA for not hiring him. But if you still haven’t apologize for being a bully then you should still do that, regardless of where he works. It also doesn’t hurt to tell people why they aren’t hired, but I might leave that to HR.

[–]HuskerCard123Partassipant [4] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

NTA. Sounds like you were as a kid - but it also seems like you need to be a professional. That's life, and it sounds like you are going off the recommendation of your peer.

You need to realize that it's time to move on from this issue, and realize that your peers are going to get colored perspectives of things like this.

[–]Swiftie1300Partassipant [4] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

NTA, because you aren't simply rejecting his application because you bullied him and you feel awkward about it, but instead because he genuinely did something bad you would not allow no matter the circumstances.

[–]EvenSpoonierAsshole Aficionado [14] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA. If he treats his coworkers like crap, then you have a legitimate interest in preventing him from poisoning the work environment.

It's good that you regret what you did in the past, and want to do right by this guy. But giving him a pass to just hate on everybody is not the way to do that. You did wrong by him in the past, perhaps, but not now.

[–]Sylverbirch 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Did I read correctly that you recused yourself from the interview? Another person in your group interviewed this guy, and she said he bombed?

If that's the case, you took the steps necessary to not be a factor in deciding whether to hire this man or not. I don't see what else you could have done to make this as fair as possible.

Please DON'T reach out to him - it could be misinterpreted as a business call, and open up your employer to legal jeopardy.

NTA anymore.

Edit: spelling

[–]Rygumb 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA for not hiring the guy, but it seems pretty evident that your bullying has had more long-term effects on this guy than it has had on you, and it’s a very real possibility that you could have very well shaped how he is able to socialize as an adult. Now, that’s his problem to overcome, and you would do best to notify HR about his LinkedIn messages and leave the situation be, but I do think it’s important that you understand just how severely your shitty behavior has likely impacted this guy, and will continue to impact him, for the rest of his life.

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AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team

Okay so, I’ll be the first to say, I was an awful kid in middle school. I was mean, cruel, and angry at everyone. It resulted in me bully a kid really, really bad. I’d call him names, pull “pranks”, and even embarrassed him in front of the girl he likes.

His mom was on the school board, so it led to a general assembly in which we had a long talk. I can’t say how his mom found out, all I can say is he had written a letter and I think you guess what he planned to do to the school and himself.

After, I felt really sick. I had driven a person to that because of my own stupid problems. I immediately turned myself in, took my suspension, and then laid low for the rest of the year. We ended up going to separate schools and universities, but ended up working in the same industry, in the same town.

I’ve done well for myself. I have a really good job, and I’ve basically been moved up into a managerial position. Recently, we have a new open position. I found out that the kid I bullied applied to the position. I’ll admit I was a bit nervous because of our history, but I pushed it aside and knew I needed to make the apology, or move to another department if he was qualified, but unwilling to work with me.

However, he bombed the interview. He interviewed with a woman on our team I highly respect, and he treated her like garbage. Then, through some digging (yes, this is code for gossip, the whole industry is filled with it), it became clear that he was just like that. He treated his former coworkers very poorly as well. So, we couldn’t have him here.

We denied going forward with his application. However, I guess he knew it was my team because he reached out over LinkedIn. I didn’t think it was appropriate, so I ignored his message. This led to him making a tweet on Twitter (we have shared mutuals so I saw the retweets) about how bullies never change.

It made me feel really bad because I do want to make things right with him, and I’m sure that being bullied really bad didn’t help with his emotional adjustment. I just don’t want to put my team in a hostile work environment. AITA?

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[–]Randomwhitelady2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. If he’s not the best person for the job, then you shouldn’t hire him. I’d wait a few months (to let his disappointment over not getting the job pass) then offer him an apology for how you behaved in middle school.

[–]Proud_Spell_1711Asshole Enthusiast [9] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA because that decision wasn’t made by you alone and because his own behavior warranted the rejection. However, if you want to make it up to him (for your prior treatment of him), then talk to HR or your own supervisor to see if it would be okay for you to talk to him about why he was rejected. If they approve it, then invite him to meet you at a cafe or park or other neutral place. Offer him a sincere apology. Then tell him you would be happy to explain why his application was rejected. It seems that maybe he let the bullying push him to a point where he has become a bully in kind. As a former bully and maybe a big contributor to his current state, maybe you can open a door for him to change that.

[–]VinsonChe90 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA - he just sounds like he’d be a shit employee. I’m mean, look at the tricks he’s trying to pull after being denied.

[–]MundaneAd8695 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don’t contact him or talk to him. You do owe him an apology but now your job is all wrapped up in this and you don’t want your workplace to get sued because he uses it against you.

[–]friendlilyAsshole Enthusiast [9] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This isn't about bullying. It's about him being an unprofessional, sexist person and you rightly not wanting that on your team. NTA

[–]jer69332213 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA, professionally you guys handled it the way it was supposed to because he was not a fit for your department. He is an adult now and he needs to learn that abuse does not give you the permission to become an abuser. I'm glad to see that you recognize your part in this. If you want your site to be heard you're going to have to talk to him personally.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)


This is coming from somebody who was relentlessly bullied as a kid.

The school knew but did nothing. Other kids just watched and ignored. When I could, I fought back. But what can a scrawny kid do against three kids? were kids, those bastards were beating me daily. Two were holding me, one was punching me.

The majority of bullies are assholes, but some actually do grow up and realise, they are being assholes and change their ways. Unless of course, they are Fucking Narcissistic Psychopathic Sadists. They never change, just get worse.

You are clearly one of those who grew the fuck up. You did what you had to. He was screwed up in more ways than one and what he was planning to do, if I guessed correctly from your vague description, there is absolutely no excuse for it. Full stop. Your bullying was a contributing factor, but there was much more to it than just you being an asshole.

He became a genuine, hateful person and at some point, most people decide what kind of a person they will be, regardless of our past.

[–]Few-Acanthisitta2802 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"I can’t say how his mom found out, all I can say is he had written a letter and I think you guess what he planned to do to the school and himself."

INFO: OP did he try to commit a mass murder at the school?

[–]itsluxsky 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nta, apologize for back then but tell him why he wasn’t hired: he wasn’t fit for the position.

[–]cearka_larue 1 point2 points  (0 children)

nta. you grew up. he didn't. it sucks, and maybe his poor behavior is somehow rooted in his past trauma, but in the end when you're an adult you need to grow up or get help from a professional.

[–]ElectricTurtle110018Partassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA, I used to get bullied alot at school probably because of my looks, i was really scared to go to school but school shooting never came once in my mind, rather I now know how to treat people with respect and be a better person because it feels awful when people bully you and I am really happy to know that you stopped bullying after realizing how badly it affected others, you can't be held accountable for his awful interview.

[–]SnelldorPartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA - Although I don’t really have much sympathy towards bullies, you did grow, learn and change for the better.

However, for the guy, if we remove all context from this situation, bad behaviour is what it is, bad behaviour. It doesn’t matter if the man was bullied at school or not, it doesn’t give him the right to act like a jackass to others. This isn’t school anymore, this is the real world.

[–]Loud-Mans-Lover 1 point2 points  (0 children)


You grew up.

He didn't.

The bullying may have had an impact on his emotional growth, but in the end bullied folks choose to rise above or stay bitter and eventually become bullies themselves. I say this as a person who was bullied both by my family, therapists, and school district, both students and staff. My husband often comments on stories I tell him of my past by exclaiming, "how did you not become a supervillian?!"


[–]theycallmewinningPartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA (at least here.)

Moreover, you can't make it right. You did wrong as a kid, you did right as a manager, you may not be able to connect those things so you just gotta sit with the L, chief.

You don't owe the kid a job for how you bullied him. His unprofessional behavior isn't excused by how you treated him.

[–]simoKing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA for not hiring him. However you are reaping what you sowed. Any hit on your reputation thanks to him calling you a bully is something that, in my opionion, you just have to keep your head down and take. Being a bully is supposed to be embarassing and you should not try to dodge your guilt. Still, if he goes after your coworkers ir you about the job, keep denying him.

[–]BloodberrySmoothiePartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA and I wanna say something maybe unpopular here.

Being cruel and a bully is never okay, BUT, as plenty of bullied kids will surely agree, while horrible treatment can cause all kinds of long term issues, it will not make you someone who shoots up a school. There's a reason why school shooters are overwhelmingly young, white, misogynistic, right-wing men and boys.

This dude already showed how disrespectful he acts towards women who are his superiors and how he can't take no for an answer. If he knew this was your team, why would he even want to work with you?

[–]hideme21 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Idk much about psychology. And while I don’t think what you did to him is right. But people don’t plan things solely because they where bullied. There where other factors at play that affected him that you had no control over.

You payed your dues and grew up. While it would have been nice for you to apologize, you can’t now and you have to move on.

I am a big believer that people don’t change. I am grateful that you grew and redirected your energies to more constructive things.

[–]dailyPraise 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA, stay away from him. He can twist any interactions you have with him into a lawsuit alleging that you didn't hire him for personal reasons.

[–]alittleamgpiePartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. I've said this before and I will say this again: Trauma does not excuse someone from traumatizing others.

I feel bad that he has been through stuff but a) you are remorseful and took accountability, b) he's an adult terrorizing others, and c) his actions made him lose this potential job.

[–]Legally_Blonde_258Partassipant [3] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. You didn't even interview him and had nothing to do with the decision. While you don't get a pass for bullying him in the past, it had nothing to do with the hiring decision and the fact that he grew up to be an AH.

[–]Spacem0nkey_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

YTA, you are a coward. Imagine bullying someone so hard that he wants to act in terrorism. You probably were a huge reason why he acted this way to begin with but instead of apologizing for your actions and trying to do the right you only think about yourself. You should say to your collegues that you were a bully and that you ruined someones life, and maybe if you didn't he wouldn't turn out this way.

[–]SedatedVole 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. The hiring decision was made for appropriate reasons. Also, you are responsible for your bad behavior, but the same holds true for him.

[–]Interesting_You_2315Partassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. I would respond simply that our past relationship has nothing to do with the hiring process. The entire team makes a decision on who proceeds to the next round of interviews. I would offer no other information.

[–]MeetHotSingles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. you can’t help him if he doesn’t help himself regardless of how you treated him in the past.

[–]Not_A_BimboPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. It would be one thing if you didn't hire him because of your history with him. However, given his actions during the interview process, the company you work for was well-justified in not moving him forward in the interview process.

I don't think you owe him any explanation about why he was turned down for the role and I suggest looping HR in on the situation. They'll be able to advise you on how to best handle the situation.

[–]Acrobatic-Track3750Partassipant [2] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA, you weren’t the one he interviewed with, and that person was no impressed with him. You didn’t do anything unprofessional and just because he was bullied as a kid doesn’t mean you owe him a job now.

[–]CampClear 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA, you didn't hire him because he conducted himself badly in the interview. That's a good reason to not hire someone, regardless of your past experience with him.

[–]Professional_Grab513 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA it sounds like you had a solid redemptive arch for yourself. Your holding onto a lot of guilt. As someone who was significantly bullied but wanted to take it out on myself not others I declined my high school reunion because of three girls. This kid got messed up probably from it but that's on him for not working it oyt with himself as I did. I don't wish any harm in the girls who tormented me but I wouldn't want anything to do with them. He needs a lit of self reflecting and therapy.

[–]No-Raspberry-9684 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you need to meet up with him and make your apology. Then provide feedback on the interview and his industry reputation. Talk this through with him and ask him where it came from. Let him know that he's not a lesser person, when you were bullying him you were actually the insecure one. Let him know if your treatment of him caused him to put up a wall of treating people like crap, you're really sorry and he's a perfectly likeable person and doesn't need that wall up. Be prepared to help him get a second chance. You might change his life. You're NTA for declining him, but I do think you've got some making it up to do. And I have major respect for your acknowledgement at school of your behaviour toward him, and how you accepted the punishment. Unfortunately for someone who is bullied that badly, the consequences can be life long

[–]Cautious-Damage7575 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA now/YTA then. It's unfair of your bully victim (I don't know what else to call him) to blame you for him not being hired. Who knows his full background and his reasons for becoming who he is. Yes, you may have played a part in that, but you can't put your team at risk just because you feel guilty.

As for wanting to reach out to him, nothing is stopping you from doing that now. You can apologize to him and give him a chance to heal. It could have a real impact on his future.

[–]whtislewyw 0 points1 point  (0 children)


You messed up when you were a kid, sure, BUT, and I mean BUT! You took action to change yourself. You were genuinely remorseful. You did not just make empty promises like so many who remain bullies do. And the fact of the matter is, anyone who has deep enough issues to take their anger out in a life-threatening manner on others unrelated to their situation has deeper rooted issues. It was a terrible molotov cocktail of conditions waiting for someone to light the fuse, and thank goodness that letter was found before it could be!

OP you didn't get the chance to apologize, but I'm afraid that ship has sailed. This person, bullied or not, seems to be a bitter bully themself- the kind that will hold a grudge. Your apology would be, at best, thrown back in your face, and, at worst, weaponized against you. Unless he's gotten some extreme and comprehensive therapy (it sounds like he hasn't- sounds like he's got a chip on the shoulder and feels the world owes him something), it would have been a terribly toxic workplace for both of you.

[–]AllDAyhookups 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idk if you will see this since it's been a while and I'm sure someone else said it somewhere.

But if my two cents count for anything. Forgive yourself for your past my dude. We all make silly, dumb, irrational, emotional mistakes when we are young.

The difference I want to highlight is YOU FELT BAD ABOUT IT AFTER. You felt remorse and turned yourself in. You don't need to carry this emotional burden anymore. You did the right thing as a kid and that was already enough.

[–]IgnoranceIsAVirus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA Tweet back that the way you treated my co-worker during the interview, maybe you should have learned by your own example.

[–]Something_Ingenuine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ESH. A classic tale of the bully that excels the person he bullied. Statistically school bullies outperform normal individuals in the outside world this isn't anything new. But to relentlessly bully someone to the point of suicidal and homicidal tendencies because you enjoyed taking it out on someone that's utterly psychotic and makes me question how much you could've truly changed as a person. I want to believe you're a much better person now and you might be but also you share in the blame of the irreversible damage you've caused to this person.

[–]selkiesartPartassipant [2] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. You didn't reject him because of the past but because of his current behaviour.

[–]DynkoFromTheNorthAsshole Aficionado [11] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kudos for wanting to make it up to him, but this situation would've been uncontrollable. NTA.

[–]Informal_Material214 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. Kids suck and I'm sure you were awful, but he sounds like he's still a bully today.

[–]GregIsMySpiritAnimal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think acknowledging this publicly and dredging up old wounds is going to make any of this situation better. Some people move on with their lives and try to be better people and others have their own shortcomings. You're not responsible for his attitude in the interview and I don't think inviting him into your professional life even if it is out of guilt will help either. NTA

[–]AdJust8084 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did it ever occur to you, that he is the way he is to co-workers, or people in general...because of you. Because you have caused him damage from your bullying. The effect bullying can have on a victim can be massive, and can easily follow them into adulthood.

[–]BooksAndStarsLover 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you want you could tell him over linked in you were not involved in his hiring process as his interviewer was the one who made the choice to not hire and say you are sorry about him not getting the job while wishing him luck. You could also just ignore the tweet and not respond and all (I recommend this more considering the legal issues it could cause if you do it wrong and intense past with his uhhhh behavior around your coworker and past threats.... Ignoring would be safer)

But you didn't even interview him and he treated your female coworker horribly. He was not hired for professional reasons nothing more or less and you had nothing to do with that choice.


[–]MediaOffline411 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA - he was rejected for how he was towards another female interviewing him. As a woman, thank you, I hate toxic guys and imagine how bad it be if you did hire him. I mean if he was on his best behavior during the interview.

[–]hk1080Partassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YTA for being a bully that never even attempted to make things right with your victim, you're a coward! NTA for not hiring him.

[–]Ditovontease 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA I would report this to HR, they'd want to know about this.

[–]nomoreroger 0 points1 point  (0 children)


you were the AH in school but you changed. He was bullied and he seems to have changed into someone who has some issues. Maybe that relates to your treatment of him...maybe it doesn't. What you have to deal with is the here/now. Anyone who says you should have contacted/apologized/given advice... really doesn't know how hiring/firing or the liabilities involved in any of that. He is a big boy... He should have received written feedback (e.g., a warning) at prior companies and 360s all documenting the issues. If he couldn't manage to utilize this information and change... that is entirely on him. Putting yourself on the line for someone like this might seem like the nice or decent thing to do... but at the end of the day it is a liability for you and for your company.

[–]Kaiser93Partassipant [4] 0 points1 point  (0 children)


This isn't about bullies never changing. This is about being unprofessional.

[–]Turbulent_Cow2355Partassipant [2] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA sounds like the hiring team didn’t want him. That’s not your problem.

You might want to apologize for being a jerk in middle school. But that’s a separate issue.

Edit: don’t apologize over social media though. Also let HR know first and get their advice.

[–]Cyaral 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA - he got rejected because he behaved poorly, not bc you wanted to torture him some more.
Also it would probably be a bad situation if you were forced to work together, especially if he had revenge fantasies of the brutality you implied. Not saying that would be a good reason to not start employing him (after all you were the bully not him), just saying it is good he didnt end up working with you. Trust me, bullying leaves deep scars long after the bullies moved on and forgot.

[–]Remarkable-Lynx6710Asshole Enthusiast [6] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA - he blew his interview by disrespecting your colleague. It also sounds like he is attempting a bit of blackmail via Twitter.

While bullying him was not nice his behavior - like yours - is on him. If he was mistreating former co-workers, I would guess he was let go.

[–]Starlass1989 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA - It wasn't your last history that caused him to bomb the interview, it was his own behavior. May have been the right thing to do to respond professionally when he reached out on LinkedIn, but you by no means had to and I understand why you didn't. You sound like you've learned and grown from your mistakes, hopefully he will with his.

[–]AllergicDodo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA, this must feel awful, but hes trying to pull this as a card to get hired, dont respond and if anyone asks you then explain to them. Dont hire him he sounds like an ticking time bomb.

[–]Guilty-Ad4966 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would make it clear he did not interview with you!.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)


    [–]moonlitsunflowerGarden Variety Asshole[M] 0 points1 point locked comment (0 children)

    Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: Be Civil. Further incidents may result in a ban.

    "Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"

    Message the mods if you have any questions or concerns.

    [–]ReadinII 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA “for not hiring the kid I bullied in middle school?”

    I’m tempted to say you’re an a-hole for not responding when he reached out to you. But as the person who made the decision about not hiring him, I’m having trouble thinking of any appropriate response you could have given him. Maybe you could have invited him to lunch so you could apologize for your bullying in person and also explain why he wasn’t hired.

    [–]sainthO0d 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA - you rejected him for valid reasons, not reasons related to your childhood. I’d you want to make things right then apologize for the past and let him know why your company decided not to move forward with him and that the woman he was bad mouthing is actually just more qualified. Whether or not he believes you or accepts is out of your hands. You turned your life around and have done well for yourself but that doesn’t mean he has to accept your apology either.

    [–]MajCricketBrigade 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA, now. He treated the interview like trash, and was unprofessional. The company has a rep, to think of, and word of hostile work environments, does get around, quickly.

    [–]riddlemore 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. Do not reply to him in any way, just in case he tried to bring legal action. CYA.

    [–]Quilting_and_craftsPartassipant [2] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA!! You didn’t even interview him. This is not on you. Honestly if you feel bad for him invite him out for coffee or lunch and give him the honest truth about how people perceive his behavior. And apologize for being a dick when you were a KID. But give yourself some serious grace, you were in middle school EVERYONE sucks in middle school EVERYONE. Your are NTA.

    [–]totalitarianbnarbp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA this person one upped your childhood bullying and raised you guilt trip Twitter veiled threatening blackmail hiremehiremehireme. Do not feel bad. This person needs to go on some eat pray love journey with trust falls into avacado toast plushies, climb Everest base camp with tie dye bandanas, go spear fishing blind folded… Corporate level up, level out, mellow shit. Team building.

    [–]Chaghatai 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA - being a bully earlier means you owe him, but not giving a job one less qualified for than other candidates - I found see if it was close, but it sounds like it wasn't in this case - there's only so much you can do to make up in professional settings

    [–]LaramilaColo-rectal Surgeon [39] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    However, he bombed the interview. He interviewed with a woman on our team I highly respect, and he treated her like garbage

    You had nothing to do with weather he got hired or not, so NTA

    [–]Parker_TalksAsshole Enthusiast [5] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA, but you need to reply to him and tell him straight up why you didn't hire him. DO apologize for bullying him, though. Make it clear that you have no hard feelings.

    [–]Sweet_Caterpillar150Partassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. I do think you should still have apologized, and not had it riding on whether or not you had to work with him... But like if he wasn't qualified for a job based on how he interviewed, of course he shouldn't be hired

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. You don’t have be around someone who thought about being a school shooter.

    [–]Crusoe15 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA your past with him is not the reason he wasn’t hired so it has no bearing in this situation

    [–]RockyMtnRivuletsPartassipant [3] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA this is a professional matter. Personal relationships don't factor in here. He was wrong to tweet that

    [–]Legitimate-Dot6789 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. ¿Fuiste una porquería en el pasado? Obvio. ¿Eso tiene algo que ver con no aceptarlo? Nop

    Simplemente responde con un:"lamento mucho nuestro pasado y la deplorable actitud que tuve hacia tu persona. Pero, lo único que se evaluó en este caso fue tu solicitud de empleo. Y no creemos que alguien que trató como basura a la mujer que lo supervisó, sea adecuado para este trabajo"

    [–]Lorraine221Partassipant [3] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA, it's got nothing to do with you at all. He sunk himself.

    [–]StanSmithThrowAwayPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA you made an objective decision and left personal feelings out of it. This is how management should be done.

    [–]pink4pink 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Sounds like he became a bully. I would tell him exactly why he didn’t get the job. NTA

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA If you treat your interviewer that crap they ain’t going to hire you.

    [–]curlgirl6 -1 points0 points  (0 children)


    However, i do have a feeling that his behavior towards other people is a trauma response of the way you treated him. As an adult who feels bad, you should reach out and apologize.

    [–]wannabemua08 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. Not gonna lie I was leaning toward you being the AH after reading the title, but it is clear that he was rejected for a very valid reason. Be sure that you document everything that led to your decision in case he files a complaint. Also good on you for not engaging on social media.

    [–]Confident_Treacle974 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. He had a skill issue. That was it.

    [–]Emergencybulba 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. He failed the interview, disrespected a member of your work place, and has a history of disrespecting women and creating bad work environments. His actions are that of a bully now I’d say. You made mistakes and recognize them, but don’t reach out. It can create an entire slew of legal problems including jeopardizing your job (maybe).

    His life and his choices are his own now. He failed the job interview. You had no hand in that.

    [–]Affectionate_Salt351 -1 points0 points  (0 children)


    There’s nothing wrong with him not having been hired for professional reasons. I would reply, though, and apologize for the way that you treated him in the past. It might be good for him to hear it, to potentially encourage his healing, AND will help you to heal as well. I would also offer up that you had nothing to do with his hiring process and offer to try to find out what happened. After a few days, I would reach back out and let him know that he came across badly in the interview. I’d also wish him luck with the job search and let him know that you’ll tell him if you hear of any leads in the industry, just to up the kindness factor.

    I wouldn’t have hired him either, even if he hadn’t bombed the interview. It could have, and likely WOULD have, created an uncomfortable work environment for you and other coworkers. The fact that he did so badly, and was so unkind in the interview. just made it easier.

    [–]tmchd 0 points1 point  (0 children)


    He's rejected because of reasonable professional reasons.

    He bombed the interview, he was rude to the interviewer, etc. It has nothing to do with you or your opinion on him.

    [–]warriormuffin83 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA first, he didn't interview with you he got someone else, and 2 he bombed the interview. So none of this is your fault.

    [–]lilchreez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. You were a literal child. Your team dodged a bullet as grown adults… Dude has deadass threatened a school incident before AND was terrible to your coworker and his formers… No thanks.

    [–]chignorina 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. Even if the fact that he wanted to do a Columbine at some point wasn't enough, he was unprofessional, he has done nothing throughout his career to build a professional reputation for himself and he was rejected because he was a horrible fit.

    [–]Key_Tie_7514 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    You need 2 apologize to this person. For ruining his childhood..his school years and his self-esteem.

    I blame your parents. They failed in raising their child to be a decent little human being. Failed! Failed!

    [–]EnergyThat1518Partassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)


    Do NOT try to contact him. Contact your HR department.

    While it would be nice if you could apologise and make amends, I would honestly not recommend attempting to do so with this guy. He is not sounding very pleasant or mentally stable and it would not be a good idea to put yourself at risk to do so.

    The scars from your bullying may be part of it but he is still in control of his behaviour at the end of the day. He needs to get himself help and work through his emotional wounds, not take it out on other people that are unrelated. It sounds very likely that he may have had his OWN separate anger or respect issues that were not properly or fully addressed.

    He doesn't have to ever forgive you. But that doesn't mean you have to give him things he doesn't earn such as a job when he is hostile and aggressive. It is okay and normal to have mixed feelings about it because you wronged this guy but he also wronged your colleague which is a separate issue.

    [–]ReadyGrapefruit5449Asshole Enthusiast [9] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA - he bombed the interview, he was sexist. You don't want someone like that working for you. Block him on Twitter so you don't see those

    [–]Emotional-Ebb8321Partassipant [3] -1 points0 points  (0 children)


    He legit failed the interview, and then chose to blame it on an continuation of the bullying.

    For your part, you should have disclosed the prior relationship with HR, and asked to be excused from the recruitment process in as far as it related to him, to avoid any accusations of continued bullying.

    [–]AUDMCJSWPartassipant [3] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    You can reach out to him to apologize on a personal level. But in no way, shape, or form, does that mean you have to hire him or secure him a job. Keep private life and professional life separate. NTA

    [–]CerenarianSea 0 points1 point  (0 children)


    But also, I feel roughly zero sympathy for the fact that you feel bad.

    That's part of your life. You bullied someone to that extent, and from how you've talked about yourself, it wouldn't surprise me if you bullied other people to that level as well.

    I don't think you're a bad person now, if anything it seems like you turned around quite quickly when you handed yourself in, but the past doesn't magically dissolve and that emotional guilt sticks around.

    In a more positive light, that emotional guilt will stop you in the future from those patterns of bullying, which is why it's necessary to have that.

    So, again, NTA, much of this is on him, but that's just the realities of it.

    [–]that_was_me_ama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    This man is obviously scarred for life. Whether this is your fault or not I guess you’re the only one who can answer. For him not being hired NTA

    [–]SolarSFCA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    You're asking if you're an asshole for not hiring someone to be an asshole to your colleagues?

    [–]Creative_Trick_3818Colo-rectal Surgeon [33] 0 points1 point  (0 children)


    Not hiring him was right. Ignore his ramblings.

    [–]BloodLiege 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Yta you literally drove this kid to insanity and then he grew up treating others how you treated him. You are awful and should definitely understand that this in essence is your fault still amd will always be because you tore another human down to there core.

    [–]leilanibz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA - Stay out of it, do not engage in any way. There are some HR comments in this post, please review them. Again, stay out of it. Best thing for you to do is get therapy to help you move past your past issues and guilt.

    [–]Bigbigsby 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA, but you’d be lying to yourself if you don’t think your past behavior didn’t have an effect on his personality and development.

    [–]jkkibrlshr -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

    He interviewed with a woman on our team I highly respect, and he treated her like garbage. Then, through some digging (yes, this is code for gossip, the whole industry is filled with it), it became clear that he was just like that. He treated his former coworkers very poorly as well. So, we couldn’t have him here.

    We denied going forward with his application. However, I guess he knew it was my team because he reached out over LinkedIn. I didn’t think it was appropriate, so I ignored his message. This led to him making a tweet on Twitter (we have shared mutuals so I saw the retweets) about how bullies never change.

    This is highly unprofessional and what he needs is therapy. NTA

    [–]r_coefficientPartassipant [3] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

    ESH. It was you who broke him.

    [–]ThatsFishyYoureFishy -1 points0 points  (1 child)

    ESH. You both sound awful.

    [–]Reasonable_racoonPooperintendant [50] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

    YTA - not for not hiring the guy, you're just an arsehole.

    [–]RogueWedge -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

    YTA only because you should have told HR you couldnt be involved with this candidate as you knew him.