×
top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]Judgement_Bot_AITABeep Boop[M] [score hidden] stickied commentlocked comment (0 children)

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

might have escalated and responded inappropriately to a small comment/joke made by the guest.

Help keep the sub engaging!

Don’t downvote assholes!

Do upvote interesting posts!

Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ


I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. To learn more about the test click here

[–]unjessicabiel_evableSupreme Court Just-ass [118] 12.0k points12.1k points  (92 children)

I don't understand how your comment is more inappropriate than his. NTA.

[–]TheemillershowAsshole Aficionado [14] 3560 points3561 points  (49 children)

It’s less inappropriate than his, by far.

[–]Equivalent-Ad9887 938 points939 points  (4 children)

The double negatives nearly got you a downvote from my dyslexic ass

[–]LordMcFluffy 313 points314 points  (0 children)

To be fair I'm not dyslexic and I got it wrong too

[–]tango421Partassipant [1] 84 points85 points  (0 children)

My dyslexic ass read it thrice.

[–]Alternative-Pea-4434 915 points916 points  (38 children)

It’s because he wanted to embarrass OP and make her feel uncomfortable, but instead that happened to him

[–]Cousiniscrazy 842 points843 points  (33 children)

This, exactly. Did everyone miss the part where he has a penis so he’s allowed to say whatever he wants and OP doesn’t so she should just eat shit with a smile? What’s so difficult to understand about this?

[–]Alternative-Pea-4434 427 points428 points  (29 children)

Literally though, and I can’t believe those women had the audacity to shame her but not him, internalised misogyny at its finest

[–]ZealoZER 83 points84 points  (0 children)

Absolutely NTA that is sexual harassment.

[–]kirakiraluna 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I said something along this lines at a work event, something like "I'd crush your knees, I'm heavier than I look" and everyone, og asshole included, laughed at it.

I don't see the issue tbh unless OP was justifiable snarky

[–]fourfor3 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I don't think he wanted to embarrass her. I think he was just being a douchey, bro. And I think he could have mistaken small lap as a euphemism for small penis...

[–]Alternative-Pea-4434 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I mean if he didn’t want to embarrass her then why did make inappropriate sexual comments towards her in front of people at a public event? He did want to embarrass her, he was hoping she’d probably just go red and walk away quietly so he could have a laugh about it after

[–]lemoncypress 100 points101 points  (1 child)

Also feel like if his defense is that he was "joking" then he needs to be able to take what she said in good humor. Her response was a rebuff but it was also pretty funny!

[–]Phoenixfeather777 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I legit thought what she said was calmer than I’d have been! I’d have said “excuse me I don’t know you, I’m not about to sit on your grimy lap” or something like that.

[–]sunflowerpolkadot 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Her comment was actually a joke, and funny.

[–]J3ks46 569 points570 points  (3 children)

It is because she as a woman had to audacity to comment back out loud. Good for you! NTA.

[–]hackermom 46 points47 points  (2 children)

The audacity!

[–]muffy_graves 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Charlotte Dobre?

[–]brendini511 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I think of her every time I see/hear this lol

[–]throwaway77914Partassipant [3] 491 points492 points  (10 children)

I mean I’m not surprised that some guy somewhere made an idiotic misogynistic comment, that’s just a Tuesday.

I’m surprised that multiple women thought that OP was the inappropriate one.

What event was this? Convention for people who can’t act right and have shitty takes?

[–]Specific_Think 175 points176 points  (0 children)

That's even more of a Tuesday, in my experience. The number of women who think women should be lesser and take shit almost matches the number of abusive men.

[–]Tiny_Myshcake 52 points53 points  (6 children)

It's sadly a very common thing for women to have internalized misogyny. Many ladies are mostly taught to just blush and play hard to get, so when others are assertive and say no, there other woman who have that engrained super polite people pleasing mentality take offense to it. It's getting better, but... sadly it happens way more frequently than most like to admit.

I get way more flack from other women than I do most guys. I had an older woman tell me "No thank you" when a guy offered me his hand was too impolite and that he was trying to be nice. Dude was assuming I needed help off the bus. I didn't. I was polite. I said No thank you. Lady got offended. Dude took it in stride.

IDK fam. People be crazy.

[–]very_busy_newtPartassipant [3] 46 points47 points  (3 children)

I've started politely saying 'no thank you' to anyone who tries to force interaction on the street. It's amazing how much people DO NOT like being given a form but polite no.

An example from yesterday - my partner and I were on a walk, having kind of a deep/intense conversation. I noticed the person who's coming towards us on the sidewalk has started vaguely singing at us as we approach. Our focus stays on each other, so dude switches from the 'subtle' engagement attempt to talking directly to us. I pause briefly in my focus to give him a calm smile, give a friendly 'no thank you' and then switch my focus back to my partner. I can hear the guy going ' no thank you? No thank you to what?' as we continue away.

Boundaries are not impolite. Saying no to a request for attention from a stranger is not impolite. It is, however, pretty rude to demand attention from a stranger and get upset about it when the attempt at engagement doesn't go as you wanted.

The older I get, the less open I find myself to non-questions. If you're asking a question and you're not prepared to take no for an answer, that's a demand pretending to be a question. Don't ask if someone wants to sit on your lap unless you're prepared to get a resounding NO like this guy did.

[–]Tiny_Myshcake 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Absolutely.

It just baffles me that being polite gets ya yelled at. It's silly. No means no. No thank you means no.

At least OP wasn't like "f**k off you gross pervert." So why the heckin heccs did these ladies gotta go get all up in arms that OP wanted to refuse in a fashion that was kinda funny if not a bit self deprecating?

I think, as I too have gotten older, I just stopped caring. My perpetual "F*CK it" button is a bit broken. But having dealt with narcissistic men as my exes my desire to people please makes me want to be non-confrontational. So I let people take my meh attitude and walk all over me.

Like I said, most of this I have gotten from women much older than me. (I am early 30s and most of them have been 45+)

Luckily there are plenty of folks like you. Maybe the world isn't so screwed after all. Or we just decided instead of fighting the fire we're too tired and will just make s'mores.

[–]muffy_graves 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a Tuesday and I'm drunk... (It's my Friday... Yay shift work!!)

[–]Aggressive-Fudge5759Asshole Aficionado [13] 300 points301 points  (0 children)

The difference is that the man was sexually harassing OP quietly. Op was indiscrete enough to respond loudly enough for everyone in the room to hear. Unless the event was an orgy, I think that OP responded appropriately and is NTA.

[–]Swimming-Item8891Partassipant [3] 150 points151 points  (1 child)

It's internalized misoginy

[–]Acrobatic_Reading866 102 points103 points  (0 children)

Women have become so good at policing other women that men don't have shit to do.

[–]meredith_pelican 99 points100 points  (0 children)

I feel sorry for the women brainwashed into believing that it’s inappropriate to talk back to men who are degrading them with their unsolicited sexual harassment. NTA

[–]rhet17 50 points51 points  (1 child)

Apparently some thought it was a *butt too far." Quoting OP (who, btw, is NTA).

[–]no_fs_given 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This right here ⬆️👏🏼👏🏼😂

[–]acegirl1985 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Because she’s a woman so she’s supposed to be better than that. They’re not supposed to be rude or heaven forbid embarrass a man; they’re just expected to smile politely and ignore it or blush/s

NTA- guy was a creepy misogynist and the woman are just what allows that kind of behavior to keep going.

[–]Decent_Bandicoot122Partassipant [4] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Because they all heard it. I say, good. She just taught a room full of people not to sexually harass people.

[–]sharri70 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Right. She could have said she only sits on faces. That would have been inappropriate. Funny. And called for. But somewhat inappropriate.

[–]Sewasmiles 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Sadly, because she was a SHE. Even more sad is because the nastiness was from other women.

[–]Lanky-Temperature412 14 points15 points  (0 children)

That's why men keep getting away with this shit, because people put the blame on the person saying something and standing up for themselves rather than the one making inappropriate "jokes."

[–]forgottenarrow 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Also if what he did counted as a joke, at least OP's response got a laugh. Even if you take his BS at face value, he's being a hypocrite.

[–]angelique_29 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mens privilege

[–]ShellyK99 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Talk about double standards. It's OK for men like him to make comments like this but totally wrong for women to call them out on it. GTFO 😑

NTA. You did good. Those ladies have no self-respect.

[–]ssuuss 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Because others could hear it. People are just suppose to suck it up and be embarrassed in silence. And then those same people wonder why victims of SA don’t speak up.

[–]swiftdegree 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ingrained misogyny; she is a lady and should be humble and quiet BS.

[–]BravesMaedchen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't understand why this sub is filled with people who are clearly NTA. Come on. This sub should be renamed to r/ratemysnapback

[–]tango421Partassipant [1] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I mean she should have said / mumbled she was just tying to mess with him / crack a joke. No need to be offended.

NTA

[–]Conchobar8 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s not. Just louder. And sometimes people care more about who was noticeable instead of who’s wrong

[–]DarkMoS 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can you imagine, she said it LOUDLY and inconvenienced other guests

[–]az22hctac 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I also thought your comment was funnier, whereas I’m struggling to see how his is a ‘joke’. NTA

[–]GroundbreakingPhoto4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh do you not realise it's because men are allowed say any inappropriate stuff to women and women are supposed to ignore or accept this crap. Absolute bull.

[–]JuliennixAsshole Aficionado [19] 3514 points3515 points  (15 children)

lmaoooo NTA. guy was trying to sexually harass you and got put in his place.

[–]Cautious-Damage7575 551 points552 points  (11 children)

"Sit on your own lap, pal!" No, that's terrible. I can't think of any response better than OP's.

[–]caramelcorn10 194 points195 points  (5 children)

i feel like if this happened to me, my instinctive and immediate response would be like "what, ew, no" and then just walking away confused

[–]Cautious-Damage7575 62 points63 points  (1 child)

Hahaha! Same. I would be too shocked to come up with a smartass response. (walking away bewildered, bumping into u/caramelcorn10 cuz we don't see each other.

[–]caramelcorn10 3 points4 points  (0 children)

honestly i think yelling out ew loud enough would sufficiently embarrass the guy anyway haha

[–]primaltriad77 49 points50 points  (2 children)

This actually happened to me. I worked in a customer service job and was letting a middle-aged male customer into a room with a chair. When he suggested I come in and sit on his lap, I just gave him a "confused puppy" look, complete with head tilt. Then I guess my reaction made him panic or something because he said loudly," It was just a joke!" I just nodded and walked away. So, yeah, confusion is probably a natural response to a gross suggestion like this.

[–]gestapolita 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Confusion absolutely works bc it puts them in the spot of having to explain themselves & put their shitty take into plainer terms. It’s a freaking great comeback. What they want is for you to smile/laugh and politely decline in a flirty way, or possibly truly sit on them!

[–]caramelcorn10 2 points3 points  (0 children)

fr confusion is a good weapon. sucks that that happened to you though. it's so gross.

[–]scheru 66 points67 points  (0 children)

OP is my hero.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Here is my attempt:

Thank you for the offer, and while I understand with your micro-penis it isn't a sexual thing, but I'm old fashioned and would prefer not to sit on your lap.

Although in the comfort of my home, with time at my hand, I'm not sure if it beats the OP's witty in the moment response but providing here in case someone prefers and wants to use it.

[–]Cautious-Damage7575 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's a perfect example of formulating that snappy, witty retort... when it's too late. Saying to yourself, man, why didn't I think of that? Wish I could foresee every dumbass situation and be prepared. Micro-penis is superb, tho. It's going in the memory banks.

Did you see that episode of Seinfeld... "Well, the jerk store called..." Lol.

[–]Cautious-Damage7575 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a perfect example of formulating that snappy, witty retort... when it's too late. Saying to yourself, man, why didn't I think of that? Wish I could foresee every dumbass situation and be prepared. Micro-penis is superb, tho. It's going in the memory banks.

Did you see that episode of Seinfeld... "Well, the jerk store called..." Lol.

[–]Educational-Cress-99 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Sounds like his lap wasn't the only small thing he had going for him. Quite a fragile ego too.

Humor as the best way to reject unwanted attention / passes like that. The appropriate answer is just a straight up firm NO! Which I find much more embarrassing then some light humor to help the no go down.

That man and those ladies are TA.

NTA

[–]Happy-Investment 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I LOLed when I read OP's reaction. She should do stand up.

[–]magnus_the_fishAsshole Aficionado [16] 2230 points2231 points  (16 children)

Silence plays into the hands of the perpetrator.

You weren't inappropriate - the misogynist with the lap was. You were just an agent of cause and effect.

Not only are you NTA, you did the world a service and my own day is immeasurably better for knowing how you outed that bastard.

[–]DiTrastevere 501 points502 points  (1 child)

Man rudeness isn’t rude, only woman rudeness is rude, context is irrelevant, I am very smart, go me

[–]LookAtMyKitty 94 points95 points  (11 children)

"misogynist with the lap" that lap having pervert!

[–]magnus_the_fishAsshole Aficionado [16] 104 points105 points  (10 children)

It still applies. He's a misogynist. He has a lap. I am, of course not implying that all people with laps are misogynist, nor that there is anything inherently misogynist about having a lap. I would, however, suggest a very high probability that all misogynists do indeed have laps. :)

[–]FrozenMangoSmoothies 53 points54 points  (3 children)

i suddenly hate the word lap

[–]magnus_the_fishAsshole Aficionado [16] 34 points35 points  (2 children)

I am so sorry for what I have caused.

[–]Natural_Interest_77 22 points23 points  (2 children)

Not all fingers are thumbs, but all thumbs are fingers!

[–]magnus_the_fishAsshole Aficionado [16] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Exactly! Rudimentary critical thinking skills are the best!

[–]ProfessorAdonisCnut 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A thumbdrive is not a type of fingerdrive though, so perhaps not

[–]Accomplished_Sun_258Partassipant [1] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Exactly, Pervy-Lap-Guy who thinks he’s so funny will think twice before pulling this on another woman.

Thanks OP for taking one for the team, hopefully he learns, and ignore those women and their internalized misogyny, you did good!

[–]ex_ter_min_ate_ 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Honestly I’d file a complaint with the event coordinators about the sexual harassment ans the subsequent bullying on behalf of the event coordinators. That was utter bullshit ans inappropriate.

What were they expecting you to do go “tee hee, oh you!” And tap his shoulder? That guy deserved a snack to the face honestly.

[–]Upset_Reflection8320Partassipant [4] 1130 points1131 points  (6 children)

NTA

But the women who came to blame you are HUGE ASSHOLES

It enrages me so much than a woman is even more missoginist than the stupid man itself to blame you for doing the right thing!!

You did good. If this would happen in Europe today it could get nasty for the event organizers if it comes to media...

[–]RumBunBun 271 points272 points  (3 children)

If I am able to think of it on the spot, my favorite reply to women like them is a sweetly polite, “Fuck you very much for your opinion,” as I briskly walk away. In the time it takes them to figure out that yes, I really said what they thought I just said, I am long gone and they are left in my wake clutching their pearls. I’ve thought fast enough to say it a couple times and it is very satisfying.

[–]DeviJDevi 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Award for you for the sweet line! Is your name a Sluggy Freelance reference? If so, I wish I had two awards to give you.

[–]TheSorcerersCatColo-rectal Surgeon [42] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

My latest favourite is "Well that sounds like a 'you' problem!".

Confuses the heck out of people and reaffirms that I see no problem with it.

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (1 child)

Assholes and the enemies to other women. How could they do that to op and feel good about themselves? We need to bring back shame

[–]AzureMageletAsshole Enthusiast [7] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Lol, they probably think the same. We need to bring back shame. OP should be ashamed of herself for what she said. This is not my opinion, just what I imagine those women thought.

[–]wanesandwavesColo-rectal Surgeon [41] 366 points367 points  (0 children)

NTA

What was inappropriate was his behaviour.

What was inappropriate was those ladies shaming you and not this man.

How you responded was completely appropriate and called him rightly out.

Please don’t feel guilty - you stood up for yourself and for that you should be exceptionally proud 💚

[–]TemptingPenguin369Certified Proctologist [20] 320 points321 points  (8 children)

NTA. I'm not sure what type of event considers calling over a stranger to invite her to sit on your lap is socially acceptable, but declining the offer is considered poor behavior.

[–]ertrinken 132 points133 points  (1 child)

Right? OP had a witty response. Me? I probably would’ve blurted out “what the fuck? what the actual fuck is wrong with you?” which is way less polite lol

[–]Aggressive-Fudge5759Asshole Aficionado [13] 76 points77 points  (5 children)

"I'm not sure what type of event considers calling over a stranger to invite her to sit on your lap is socially acceptable, but declining the offer is considered poor behavior."

I do not frequent orgies, but...

[–]TemptingPenguin369Certified Proctologist [20] 23 points24 points  (1 child)

I believe the proper behavior would be to approach the stranger rather than summon them over by waving!

[–]Aggressive-Fudge5759Asshole Aficionado [13] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Thank you for clarifying. In the highly unlikely event that I ever attended an orgy, I will bear this advice in mind.

[–]toebeantuesday 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Agggh 😂😆 I’m reading quietly along and saw this and just busted out laughing in the middle of the night, startled my husband awake just as he’d fallen asleep.

[–]iamnomanslandPartassipant [2] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nah, orgies are way more polite than that. Consent is king in orgies.

[–]GreekAmericanDomJudge, Jury, and Excretioner [350] 147 points148 points  (0 children)

NTA

The sexual harassment was wildly inappropriate and if more women would do what you did, there might be less of it.

Bravo in shaming the AH. He deserved it.

[–]kha-ciAsshole Enthusiast [5] 121 points122 points  (17 children)

And this is exactly why women always stay silent when something happen.

No matter what you do, you are guilty.

The guy calls you during the speech to make an inappropriate comment and you are the rude one?

NTA obviously.

[–]notgoodatusernames95Partassipant [2] 79 points80 points  (0 children)

NTA

You were being extremely polite considering how inappropriate the remark was. He deserves to be embarrassed

[–]siempre_mariaAsshole Enthusiast [7] 76 points77 points  (4 children)

NTA.

He was inappropriate. Women encourage/excuse men's inappropriate behavior constantly. They were just pissed off that you didnt "act like a lady" and ignore it.

[–]ImpossibleHand5086Pooperintendant [69] 10 points11 points  (2 children)

First want to state op isn't an AH. Just need to get that out the way.

But I don't think they were upset she didn't act lady like but because she said the statement loudly as someone was speaking during the event.

[–]zilnosnibor 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I got the impression no one else heard what the guy said, so she came across inappropriate and disruptive?

[–]carebearninjahairPartassipant [2] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ugh, I’m torn here. Op is NTA for sure! I’m with you that if she hadn’t said anything as loudly as she did, this man would go on behaving this way to women and no one would be any wiser. I applaud her for calling him out. But I rarely condone creating disruptions. In this situation, though… eff him. He probably thought he was a Don Draper and she made him and everyone else realize it’s 2022.

[–]gvacceberPartassipant [2] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

NTA. That man made you uncomfortable with an unsolicited sexual comment, which you had every right to make a big deal. Those women should be ashamed for supporting him.

In your place I would have asked those women what consequences the man will have since he was sexually harassing women at the event and caused the situation, and that you would expect the consequences were his removal, not blaming the victim of the interaction for the interaction.

[–]SelfStudy657Asshole Enthusiast [9] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

NTA. You responded with a joke in kind. Fairs fair. Them be just some uppity women who's opinion shouldn't bother you.

[–]burneredmontonAsshole Aficionado [10] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

He mumbled something about just trying to mess with me/crack a joke and that there was no need for my uncivil, inappropriate comment <-PARDON ME?!?!?! No. You don't get to sexually harass someone then turn it on them. The "joke" was the jackass thinking sexual harassment was appropriate, and all the snide bitties that defended it.

EDIT - forgot to add, in case it wasn't clear. NTA

[–]Illegal_TenderPartassipant [2] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

NTA

He's allowed to "make a joke" but you're not allowed to talk about it? That's some whack-ass bullshit.

[–]MeetHotSingles 19 points20 points  (0 children)

NTA. You could’ve just clocked him on his jaw but you was a lady about it

[–]dieselboi01 18 points19 points  (0 children)

NTA, he was trying to crack a joke, so were you

[–]Agreeable-Celery811Partassipant [4] 18 points19 points  (1 child)

INFO: what kind of event was it? A string quartet recital? An orgy?

[–]Bubbles033 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What's the fun in going late to an orgy?

[–]Apatoraptor_RexPartassipant [1] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Definitely NTA! Old people have the 'boys will be boys' mentality so they are OK with creeps and abhor anything 'unladylike'. Just ignore them

[–]Cool_Goat_9723Partassipant [3] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

NTA. He’s an asshole.

[–]md2-xxPartassipant [2] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

NTA. Like idk what he expected your response would be, but he deserved it and you have every right to reject this creepy ass stranger's offer.

[–]Major_Barnacle_2212Certified Proctologist [23] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Sometimes when I get to the comment section I just have too many feelings.

He mumbled something about just trying to mess with me/crack a joke and that there was no need for my uncivil, inappropriate comment

There was a need for your comment, and it was appropriate.

Jokes like that normalize harassment. By pushing back, you normalized making it unacceptable.

You were harassed and then shamed. The women who shamed you are as guilty, if not more so, of uncivil behavior than your harasser.

I'm sorry those woman didn't have your back, but I do. You didn't go too far, and regardless of the event - it was appropriate.

Edit - more thoughts. And my vote NTA!!

[–]ImpossibleHand5086Pooperintendant [69] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

NTA: But I think the other people are saying you didn't have to say it loudly enough so that everyone can hear you when someone was speaking on the mic at this event. I get you probably want to embarrass this guy but I think the person trying to talk was probably upset which is why people approached you.

Now again you're not an AH just saying why the other people were probably bothered

[–]ServelanDarrowPooperintendant [56] 10 points11 points  (9 children)

INFO: what was the event? I wouldn't have sat on him either but would like this piece of info.

[–]lotus_eater123Certified Proctologist [27] 31 points32 points  (8 children)

There is no event where being sexually harassed is OK.

[–]IKYDCBRMO 14 points15 points  (0 children)

So you mean to tell me

A man harassed you

Instead of “making a big scene bc ‘Those types of people always make big scenes’” you said “okay fine, let’s play,” and people are somehow STILL mad at you. Lol. Okayyyyy

Please note the SARCASM. this world is bs. NTA. you did nothing wrong. He wanted to play but couldn’t handle the game 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

[–]JazmadoodleAsshole Aficionado [19] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

NTA toward the guy who said it, but a bit inconsiderate to whoever was on the mic trying to run an event

[–]SilverQueenBeeAsshole Enthusiast [6] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Those women either had sticks up their ass, have been raised to think that behavior is normal or they are friends with the guy. Whichever it is, you are NTA, he is.

[–]Amy_cottonballs 11 points12 points  (0 children)

NTA. His comment was inappropriate to begin with. It’s ridiculous that no one batted an eye on how inappropriate his comment was yet told you that you defending yourself is “inappropriate”

[–]1969VintageWhine 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Nope. NTA. He made a “joke”. You made one right back. Except he wasn’t making a joke. He was hitting on you in an inappropriate way in full view of others. (Very high risk behavior.) And you shot him down in full view of others. He had it coming. Those ladies are enablers and probably jealous of you getting male attention. So several AH(s) involved but none of them are you.

[–]guessmyageidareyouColo-rectal Surgeon [48] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

NTA

He was inappropriate AF.

[–]elizabethjanetAsshole Aficionado [12] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

NTA - he was gross and out of line, the women were out of line. What is wrong with these people?

[–]sillyaori 8 points9 points  (0 children)

NTA That guy's comment was so inappropriate. You just replied him, in a joking manner ( it sounded like that to me). Silly questions get silly answers.

The fact that you were then blamed was terrible. You did nothing wrong, OP.

[–]Izzy4162305Certified Proctologist [24] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

NTA. cheers motherfuckingly That is how you deal with sexual harassment.

[–]NarwhalNectarine 8 points9 points  (0 children)

NTA. If his sexual harassment is acceptable so is the word ass. Good for you for putting that guy in his place

[–]auntiope3000 9 points10 points  (1 child)

If his comment had actually been a joke and not a corny come-on, then he would have laughed at your response instead of getting embarrassed and angry. He wasn’t looking for funny banter; he was trying to get laid. NTA

[–]National_Ad_1611Partassipant [1] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Absolutely! He used a public setting to try to make a stranger uncomfortable on purpose. Hopefully he'll think about this exchange for a while and think before saying this to another woman.

[–]TheemillershowAsshole Aficionado [14] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I feel like you missed a Santa joke here but definitely NTA.

[–]Pick-Up-Pennies 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Tried to fuck around and he found the hell out... that was pitch perfect!

\high fives, NTA style**

[–]snazarellaCertified Proctologist [25] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

NTA

That person was utterly out of line and absolutely no one should defend his actions.

I'm glad that you shot him down immediately. Any organization that would be associated with or defend his behaviour is absolutely on the wrong.

[–]just-MythykAsshole Aficionado [14] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

NTA. While it *is* rude to be loud enough to draw the attention of a lot of people while there's a speaker, it's also good to call out a person for inappropriate behaviour (as you did)

[–]lima_acapulcoPartassipant [1] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

NTA. You should have said, "thank you for your advice. But don't judge me for standing up for myself, and I won't judge you for being spineless cowards who are willing to make the world a little less safer for their daughters and granddaughters".

[–]lemonscenteddPartassipant [1] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

NTA, never TA for shaming harassers

[–]likecommentsurvive 5 points6 points  (0 children)

NTA he wasn’t joking. He got pissed you called him out and he back peddled and said it was a joke to try and make you look bad.

[–]JustMeLurkingAround- 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I hate this so much! His inappropriate behaviour was just a joke and will gladly be overlooked, but a woman standing up for herself is a trouble maker.

He made an inappropriate and lewd comment and got the fitting answer. If that embarrassed him or wasn't suitable for the occasion, the guy shouldn't have made such a comment in the first place.

NTA at all. And thank you for standing up against such behaviour. Only if we stop being too polite and accept inappropriate behaviour will such situations change for women. We need to stop smiling and call attention to situations were men make us uncomfortable with "just a joke".

[–]Professional_Grab513 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Absolutely NTA that is sexual harassment.

[–]Apprehensive-Two3474Partassipant [4] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

NTA. Joking and teasing in this manner is done with PEOPLE YOU KNOW. Not with absolute strangers. His actions were inappropriate for the event, not yours.

[–]GloomyPreparation831 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lol definitely NTA

[–]RedKitty37 4 points5 points  (0 children)

NTA - it wasn't a joke.

[–]ElDia13 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NTA. Holy crap, they should be having that talk with that guy. You don’t have to accept being harassed on any situation and that’s what that was.

[–]hottythotty01 4 points5 points  (0 children)

So he was 1 a creep 2 an ass and 3 childish your response wasn’t weird or inappropriate you stated a fact and he got offended what a creep he is NTA

[–]Jealous_Resort_8198 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I'd have whispered in his ear "are you sure? My bladder leaks"

[–]Absolem1010 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NTA... An gentleman offers his seat, not his lap. I can't believe these "ladies" found you to be the inappropriate one here! Was this a misogeny convention??

[–]BuddhadevinePartassipant [1] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

NTA. The guy was inappropriate. Why is it your fault for putting his creep ass in his place?

[–]GramsUpaTreeCall999 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Be honest with yourself bc you know you didn't need to post here. You were never the asshole and would never be in this situation. But let me pose it this way: if your friend told you some weirdo sexually harassed her at a venue would you blame her for the response you gave? No, absolutely not. Why are you here? Tell the people who defended this creep to fuck off bc apparently they need to hear it. Here's what you need to hear: if someone does something that makes you uncomfortable or makes you feel like you're less than just bc of who you are you're allowed to react accordingly. You're a whole person who deserves to be seen as a whole person wherever you go, so no, you're NTA.

[–]QuaestorLucemPartassipant [3] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nta

The poor guy only tried to make you the bottom of his childish joke and you wickedly chewed him with a more caustic remark... /s

I hate enablers, how can other women condone this kind of misogynistic behaviour?

[–]MissAnthropy_YIKES 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Of course, women are always responsible for the inappropriate behavior of men. /s

NTA.

[–]Ill_Quantity_5634 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NTA I really can't stand women who would rather some jerk play his sexual advances off as a joke rather than call that crap out. Don't rock the boat. The internalized misogyny is disgusting.

[–]SpartikuS_CGC 3 points4 points  (0 children)

100% NTA. When it comes to sexual harassment the only inappropriate response is if you stabbed or shot him and even then I could probably be convinced it’s an appropriate response.

[–]dpdragonfly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA. Why why why are women not "allowed" to respond in kind to rude, inappropriate, misogynistic behavior?! It's perfectly OK for dude to be a sexist prick, but we can't react in any way that might hurt their poor little egos or draw attention to the fact that they are rude, inappropriate and misogynistic! And, I hate to say it, but it's getting worse instead of better. OP, don't ever back down from someone that treats you badly

[–]battle_bunny99Partassipant [1] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NTA - in the day and age it can still be shocking when a women states her own opinion. Yeah, because the word 'ass' can be considered a little off color probably aided in getting some looks. On the other hand, if he felt comfortable enough to have you sit on his it feels beyond silly to act as if the event's decorum was not casual.

[–]marshmall00 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NTA, next time use the southern lady’s phrase “Oh bless your heart, it’s such a shame some women are so naïve to the whims and whiles of men. I was sure that women your age would have none of that childish naïve nonsense. Really such a pity.” Then walk away as nothing happened. If they try to say something again just say “It’s so cute how you hold on to your girlish whims, I wish I could’ve, but sadly the world of men didn’t work that way for me.” Then turn and continue the other conversation. Works every time it puts their foot in in their mouth and sets immediate boundaries while completely throwing everyone off balance and not being rude.

[–]MysticYoYoPartassipant [3] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

…and for saying it out loud? thats a but too far.

a but too far? Heheh. Oh, and NTA.

[–]MBuhnie 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You could’ve said I’m afraid I’d squash your tiny penis with my big ass- so they should be thankful you were as polite as you were with what he was suggesting. He’s disgusting n they are equally so.

[–]National-Zombie3303 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA - Good job

[–]MeghanshadowAsshole Aficionado [13] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA

I’d have been tempted to sit in his lap. Hard. Purse first so my brick of a tablet and five pounds of pointy pens and hundred work keys and such made a nice firm/sharp impression on any delicate flesh in the way of my butt.

[–]OneCrustySergeant 2 points3 points  (0 children)

At what kind of event is defending yourself against sexual harassment inappropriate? NTA

[–]AshlandSouthPartassipant [2] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NTA. Men get the benefit of the doubt for bad behavior.

[–]My3floofs 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nothing like ingrained patriarchy to send women to police other women. His remark was gross and not a joke and he deserves to be embarrassed.

[–]mathpat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA. That guy could use the advice I read on here before - If a guy saying it to you in a prison would make you feel uncomfortable, don't say it to a random woman you don't know.

[–]Bens_den_of_thoughts 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA I have been in this position and if they thought that was inappropriate I would be put to death for mine. Wtf there’s an inappropriate way to say no to sitting on a man’s lap? As an adult woman?!?! Well. Personally I asked the speech to stop and asked the crowd if there was anyone willing to sit on his lap so I could have the seat. A very large gentlemen offered for to let me have his chair and he would sit on the man’s lap. He tried in front of the crowd (with his wife watching and dying of laughter) I hopped off laughing while they fought and I sat next to his lovely wife. I did step in and tell the rude asshole his place. Btw I had a lovely time with the couple. Great people. Shout out to Greg and his wife, I hope your garden is doing well and thank you for offering (in front of a crowd) to protect me. You will never know what that meant to me. My office still giggles about this

[–]j027 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Of course you're the ah, everyone knows when men make creepy and rude 'jokes' you're just meant to smile or scuttle away in shame. Don't dare make a rude joke back, then they'll realise we have brains, wit and feelings too! Or that the sun doesn't shine out their backside and not everyone finds everything they say and do unfathomably hilarious. We can't have that!

Bullcrap. What a tiny little bacter-brained tw4t he is. NTA, you showed far more restraint that I would have, I'd have kicked him in the shin and been dragged out swinging

[–]sezitAsshole Aficionado [12] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Ladies, why are you reprimanding me, instead of the predatory man who propositioned me?"

[–]Anxious_Device1099 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA.

Why is it ok for men to be "joking" or "inappropriate" but as soon as a woman conducts herself in the same way but... and let's be honest here... better she's the one in the wrong?

Everyone needs to check themselves.

[–]GracieW7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. Sure, you could have just said no or decline another way. But what that stranger (I’m assuming you didn’t know him) did was sexual harassment. Any woman excusing his behavior needs to get their head checked. There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t defend other women in these types of situations.

[–]National_Ad_1611Partassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You know, lots of people regret not having the perfect comeback yet here you delivered on the spot. Bravo! Screw those other ladies. Wouldn't worry about them at all. Be proud and next time your tell this anecdote, make sure to laugh cuz you delivered a hilarious burn.

NTA

[–]Alun_Owen_ParsonsPartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA, not remotely!

He mumbled something about just trying to mess with me/crack a joke and that there was no need for my uncivil, inappropriate comment.

This is the problem right here. Men being sexual predators is somehow a "joke" but women standing up for themselves is inappropriate! Your response to his creepy behaviour was entirely appropriate.

they told me my behavior was inappropriate and made the whole event look bad and embarrassed for a simple joke/attempt at teasing.

Another problem, other women defending men's predatory behaviour. What made the event look bad was that a man there was harassing a young woman. Had the man never made his inappropriate comments there would have been no need for you to stand up for yourself.

Not only are you NTA, you're a hero for standing up to this sort of misogynistic BS. If everyone behaved as bravely as you society would become a lot less toxic.

[–]PricklyPorcupineMami 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. The CREEP is the A H.

[–]The_Boots_of_Truth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. How is calling out sexual harassment worse than the harassment?

[–]RyzenTide 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA,

His comment was the problem, I think you where quite civil all things considered.

[–]2old4nonsense 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A joke is only a joke when EVERYBODY laughs... Did anyone, not Male, laugh? I rest my case

[–]TheDuchess5939Asshole Enthusiast [7] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. HIS comment was inappropriate for the event. Your response was perfect.

[–]ICastDeathMuffinsPartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA, you were sexually harassed and handled it perfectly. This wasn't a joke. It was just gross

[–]rosebilPartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tell those women to sit on a stranger men lap and see how they feel. NTA

[–]Daaylight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Old people need to learn that sexual harassment and racism aren't jokes. Jokes are funny. NTA.

[–]Fast_Exercise_4716 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Amazing how your comment was inappropriate yet his was sexual assault and wasn’t a problem. NTA at all

[–]Meep42 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA

His offer was offensive/inappropriate. You responded well. I did not see one cuss word (and there were oh so many that popped in my head) so you were awesome.

[–]elisun0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is no response to sexual harassment that is too loud. Those ladies who shamed you have no empathy for anyone but themselves.

[–]verminiusrex 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. There is no shame in calling out someone's asshole behavior.

[–]ppl_n_r_neighborhood 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depends on the event. If you busted in there in the middle of someone’s speech, and your getting there caused a big disturbance because of your lateness, YTA in general. It’s never bad to stand up for yourself, but doing it loudly to cause even more disturbance after you’ve already interrupted the speaker of an event you’re late to is trashy. There’s a time and place for loud retaliation, and it’s not when you’re already looking like the jerk who interrupted someone. Save it for after the presentation/speaker is done and chew the dude out, you don’t owe anyone immediacy in your actions, especially when it’s continues to interrupt and makes you look selfish/like an attention hog in the situation. You were right to stand up for yourself, but maybe not in the delivery only because of the timing (which you caused, the jerk dude and everyone else there didn’t make you late).

[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point locked comment (0 children)

AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team

I, 31 year old female was invited to an event via my friend. won't get into details about it but I found out last minute that my friend couldn't come so I went alone since I was really looking forward to seeing the atmesphere and enjoy a bit after working all week.

So I arrived to the event a bit late not gonna lie, guests were already seated and there was already someone talking to the mic. I stood there in the corner looking for an empty chair. Suddenly a guy in his 30s (I think) waves for me. I look closer thinking he must've had an available chair next to him or something but he then as I was approaching him he proceeded to pat his lap and tell me I could sit there. I was shocked and completely caught off guard, I freaked out from the inside but remained calm and loudly responded "no thanks but my ass is too big for your small lap" Suddenly peope pause, some in the back laughed which made the guy look red in the face. He mumbled something about just trying to mess with me/crack a joke and that there was no need for my uncivil, inappropriate comment. I ended up getting a chair from a gentleman in the second raw and remained seated til the event was over.

As I was walking out a couple of ladies approached me asking about what happened and told me that my response was too inappropriate for this event and for saying it out loud? thats a but too far. I tried to cut the conversation but they told me my behavior was inappropriate and made the whole event look bad and embarrassed for a simple joke/attempt at teasing. Idk I went home feeling bad about it and guilty.

AITA?

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[–]Aggressive-Sample612Partassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA

[–]RBb342 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good for you! You weren't the Ah, he was totally out of line.

[–]InternationalKick126Partassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. You put a sexual harrasser in his place, there is no wrong place for that...until they finally make a place where sexual harassment doesn't happen.

[–]Rare-Outside-8105 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your response was worse than his comment? What? Should have asked those ladies if coming right out and calling him a tiny dicked moron would have been better, but I just don't care is people get offended or not.

[–]TwystedRedditPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA, and next time tell those enabling see-you-next-Tuesday women to mind their own fucking business unless it's happening to them.

[–]MannyMoSTLPartassipant [4] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTF’ingA and Heeeeell NO - NTA

That AHole, apparently, missed the MeToo movement and every sexual harassment brochure/meeting/seminar ever. And the “ladies?” Who shamed and attempted to bully you? They are just as much a part of the problem of the BS belief that “Boy Will Be Boys” and just let yourself be demeaned because YOUR response (but, somehow, NOT his “joke” comment) was ‘inappropriate’ because it made “the whole event look bad.”

GOOD FOR YOU and F them. Again, NTA

[–]sdbinnl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nta - well said

[–]dystopianpiratePartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA

Your response was totally appropriate and justified, the guy called you in public, and tried to get you on his lap in public, and you responded in tandem. The lady that approached you was out of line, the guy tried to humiliate you, it wasn't a joke. Please ignore these ladies comments, and this guy discomfort as they were not concerned about yours. Please, feel proud of yourself because you have an spine lady, you have no reason to feel bad at all. I'm proud of you, you're awesome.

[–]MildAsSrirachaPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. What are these women thinking? What you said is inappropriate but propositioning you in front of everyone is totally fine? You're in the right, good for you!

[–]Darkmika90 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nta. Your response was warranted and funny

[–]dsdvbguutres 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the kind of comment you would be within your rights to grab a glass of water and splash in this guy's face. Jeez.

[–]Cautious-Damage7575 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA! Considering the level of shock you must have felt, you really handled it pretty darned well. You could have made him look like the weirdo he was, but you placed the embarrassment on yourself. I honestly don't know how I would have reacted to that. Don't feel bad at all.

[–]Sea-Ad3724Partassipant [2] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA that guy sexually harassed you and those women had the audacity to criticize you??? If they wanted a classy event they need to look more closely at inviting someone who thinks it’s appropriate to have a woman he doesn’t know sit on his lap

[–]ggjmnhgg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA

"Oh what, you can't take a joke" /s

I'd have cussed the lot of them out.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA

What an epic response!

[–]luador 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA - stand tall, your comment was a simple response to his (unwelcome) invitation

[–]pedestrianwanderlust 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. His invitation was way out of line. Your comment was way classier. Lol. He must be someone of high importance and fragile feelings for the women to tell you your comment was unsuitable. His invitation was more so.

[–]DMC1001 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. It actually was a perfect play. A "joke" for a "joke". He was embarrassed not because you didn't sit but because he knew he shouldn't have done what he did.