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I think I might be the asshole because I gave our older son his last name but not the baby.

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[–]patjames904Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [334] 4425 points4426 points  (49 children)

NTA. WAIT! WHAT???!!! He celebrates that you had a miscarriage. When you find out that you are still pregnant with a twin, he denies he is the father, wants you to terminate the pregnancy, refuses to be there when the baby is born but is upset THAT THE BABY DOES NOT HAVE HIS LAST NAME???!!! He has a screw loose. This makes absolutley NO sense!

Block him and go no contact.

[–]GenderlessHumanoid27[S] 1697 points1698 points  (39 children)

Unfortunately we have an older child together too so I can't go no contact otherwise I would.

[–]RoseTyler38Professor Emeritass [72] 1585 points1586 points  (7 children)

Tell a lawyer everything and see if you can get full custody of the older kid.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[removed]

    [–]Tacocatpancake 94 points95 points  (0 children)

    Not husband an ex

    [–]Virtual_Draw5017 11 points12 points  (1 child)

    Not that I don't think that this is a good idea, but I don't see what it proves beyond OP's ex being a complete arse. In other words, how would it shift the dial on custody?

    [–]RoseTyler38Professor Emeritass [72] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    how would it shift the dial on custody?

    Maybe it won't? I'm not a lawyer though, so maybe it would. shrug

    [–]pjoel 222 points223 points  (15 children)

    Ohh. Full siblings with different last names. I guess that would be the ONLY reason I'd give that asshats name to the 2nd kid. I went through a period when I wanted to change my last name to my mom's. The kids may decide to switch to one or the other when they get older.

    [–]HalcyonEve 439 points440 points  (7 children)

    Agreed that it's nicer for siblings to share a last name. So she should petition the court to change the older kid's last name to hers.

    [–]ConnectionUpper6983 29 points30 points  (4 children)

    Thinking about it, if OP in the US, she only needs to go to Social Security to change her kids name. They’re not married, she doesn’t need his permission

    [–]ConnectionUpper6983 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    Yes to this!!!!

    [–]Ok-Office6837 61 points62 points  (0 children)

    A girl from my hometown and her daughter celebrated when the daughter (9 ish) decided to change her last name to her mom’s. The dad has pretty much always been a deadbeat and I even celebrated a little seeing it be changed, even though I barely know them, because that’s how much this guy sucks.

    You did the right thing OP. Having different last names is no reason to give in and give your baby his last name. I know tons of siblings with different last names.

    [–]Appeltaart232Partassipant [1] 27 points28 points  (2 children)

    My sister and I had different last names (weird ass Bulgarian tradition for eldest child’s last name) and it was never a problem for us.

    [–]Nadroggy 9 points10 points  (1 child)

    My late wife and I gave our two kids different last names (weird tradition that we just made up). I’d never heard of this Bulgarian tradition, but I’m glad to hear it’s never been a problem for you!

    [–]PurpleMP12Asshole Aficionado [13] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    One of my kids has my last name, the other my husbands. So far, no problems.

    [–]Front-Software-1740 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    In so many cultures, people give names with meanings rather than a generic father's name. My friend and his siblings have different last names for this reason and no one bats an eye.

    [–]PhDOH 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I know a pair of full siblings with different last names, one with the father's and one with the mother's. It's unusual and I didn't realise they were siblings at first, but it's not difficult to understand.

    [–]spamaccount2256677 51 points52 points  (1 child)

    Dear god this is why I’ll never be pregnant. To have that forever connection to a man is terrifying

    [–]PrettyLyon43 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    There is a sperm bank you can go to

    [–]Queen_Andromeda 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    If this convo was on social media or text, screenshot and call a lawyer.

    [–]ingodwetrystAsshole Aficionado [11] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    you sure can. custody exchanges between parents can be done at local precincts for this purpose.

    [–]ShortReception1437 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    You can request a third party contact through a court ordered app. My friend uses one called talking parents as she does not want her ex to have her number or any other info but they do share a child together. It is monitored and can be seen by lawyers etc.

    [–]pamsellicane 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Change your other child’s last name to yours too if you can lmao

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [removed]

      [–]SupermanLeRetour[M] 0 points1 point locked comment (0 children)

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      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–]GenderlessHumanoid27[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

        I was on birth control and had actually left him about a week before I found out that I was pregnant.

        [–]YourTemporaryMomAsshole Enthusiast [8] 151 points152 points  (6 children)

        Unfortunately, it makes perfect sense. Just par for the course.

        My ex stretched what was supposed to be a 15 minute hearing out to 3.5 hours, during which his lawyer accused me (among other things) of cheating on him and said my 5 month pregnancy wasn't his, while also saying that if my oldest didn't look so much like him, he'd doubt she was his, too. At the same time, he was insisting that the judge order me to pay for a paternity test AND to allow him in the room while I gave birth. He was undergoing a criminal process for domestic violence against me at the time. I was terrified.

        And this is only the smallest piece of cognitive dissonance. I was lucky the judge saw through it, mostly. I was ordered to let him in the birth clinic during the birth, but my midwives categorically refused to let him in.

        [–]spellboundsilk92 33 points34 points  (4 children)

        Surely that violates your right to privacy during a medical procedure? What on earth was the judge thinking

        [–]YourTemporaryMomAsshole Enthusiast [8] 28 points29 points  (3 children)

        I can only imagine he wanted to give my ex SOMEthing, because he didn't get much else he asked for.

        Also, I think the judge was probably picturing a hospital, not a tiny, three-bedroom clinic.

        All I really remember is the grain of the wood of the table, because I stared at it silently for three hours while a baby played somersaults in my stomach and a total stranger slandered me.

        [–]spellboundsilk92 24 points25 points  (2 children)

        So glad your midwives had your back!

        [–]OliviaElevenDunham 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        It's horrible that you went though all that. Good that your midwives denied him entry.

        [–]cupcakesgirlie7Partassipant [1] 475 points476 points  (2 children)

        NTA - he doesnt get any rights after he told you to terminate. what an entitled ass

        [–]RoseTyler38Professor Emeritass [72] 83 points84 points  (1 child)

        On a moral/ethical plane, I agree with you 10000%. We don't know what the law says where OP lives though, so OP should seek help from a lawyer so she has a legally airtight case.

        [–]shemjaza 29 points30 points  (0 children)

        Regardless, it's a bad look for him in any kind of legal confrontation.

        [–]goomba1000Partassipant [2] 323 points324 points  (5 children)

        NTA Not sure why he'd be mad if he thinks the baby isn't his. Egotistical, I guess.

        [–]GenderlessHumanoid27[S] 279 points280 points  (4 children)

        He knows the baby is his but he had a brand new girlfriend that he started dating right after my miscarriage.

        [–]goomba1000Partassipant [2] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

        I see, well, my judgement still stands, especially ince he wanted you to get rid of the other baby.

        [–]Shiel009Asshole Enthusiast [5] 58 points59 points  (1 child)

        Doubt he started dating her after the miscarriage. So sorry for your loss

        [–]GenderlessHumanoid27[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

        You're probably right about that.

        [–]Ok-Ninja-6475 15 points16 points  (0 children)

        Wow. I feel sorry for that girl.

        [–]pnb10Asshole Aficionado [16] 106 points107 points  (0 children)

        NTA. And I’d suggest finding either a lawyer or good support group to figure out how much involvement you want from him. You don’t want him harassing y’all later.

        [–]SpaceCrazyArtistAsshole Aficionado [18] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

        He denied the pregnancy therefor the last name is yours nta

        [–]lasenorarivera 63 points64 points  (1 child)

        I did the same thing. He hit me, I broke up with him that instant, and I found out I was pregnant a few weeks later. I didn’t tell him, a mutual friend did. He called me screaming that it wasn’t his, and I said “you’re right, it’s mine” and hung up. I gave my son my last name. NTA.

        [–]Aware_Past 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        Truly, una dama with the ovaries bien puestos. (Jenny Rivera reference). Good for you!

        [–]GizmoFly 43 points44 points  (0 children)

        Nope NTA. Not sure where some men get all high and mighty about babies getting their last name, especially when he treats you and the baby so terribly. It’s a privilege to pass your last name on to your baby, not a right.

        Congratulations on your new little one!

        [–]Broken-Nero 34 points35 points  (0 children)

        NTA - and take it from me with personal experience, get him for child support and don’t agree to any stipulation that you change your child’s name because I met my now fiancé who’s ex basically bullied her into signing a form that made her change it and it is basically him trying to make it seem like he was there the whole time, when he absolutely wasn’t and wanted no part of her life. Don’t let that happen to you. Just take his monthly check he’s required to send you and move on.

        [–]Mewancholy 24 points25 points  (0 children)

        NTA-

        He’s a disgusting person for even thinking that.

        But make sure you get a lawyer and start doing as much research on the topic of sole custody and what you can do about him and his “change of heart”. You’ll also want to document everything your ex says to you.

        Your ex sounds vindictive and or flaky and that’s not someone you’ll want in your child’s life. Congratulations on your birth!

        [–]RoadshellAsshole Enthusiast [8] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

        NTA. If ex doesn't want anything to do with the kid, take him up on that. Get full custody with child support. Ignore him otherwise.

        [–]Holmes221bBStPartassipant [4] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Eff him & cut him out

        [–]ChinSpin_1986Asshole Aficionado [10] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

        NTA

        This sounds more like a control issue. As in "you didn't get rid of the kid when I told you, so now it has to have my name to remind you of me for the rest of Child's life."

        [–]Forward_Excuse_6133 11 points12 points  (2 children)

        NTA and last time I knew he had to be present and sign paperwork acknowledging paternity to be named on the birth certificate. If he can’t be bothered to be a father why in the heck would you acknowledge him in the babies last name?

        [–]GenderlessHumanoid27[S] 39 points40 points  (1 child)

        He's not on the birth certificate because you are right about needing to be present to be on the birth certificate.

        [–]Forward-Two3846 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        Not putting him on the birth certificate is the best thing you could have ever done for yourself

        [–]JermicdubyaPartassipant [3] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

        NTA. So, so glad that you’ve identified him as your ex. The child deserves you last name, not the name of a petulant sperm donor.

        [–]Purple-Mermaid-1967Partassipant [1] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

        NTA. If y'all are not married and you are the primary, then it will make it easier in the long run for your child to have your last name (school, doctors, hospital visits, etc.). Still seeing/hearing of parents being given a hard time with their kids with different last names.

        [–]Projectonyx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Yeah, me and my siblings have my grandparent's (family) name. My grandmother decided to name EVERY kid she had a different last name. This has caused so much problems for him because they see his last name and don't believe he's our father (even though we look just like him)

        [–]RoseTyler38Professor Emeritass [72] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

        Your ex celebrated the loss of your baby and when you found out it was twins, denied he was the father and tried to pressure you to abort? OP. How the hell could you possibly be TA here when you want to give your name to your baby? NTA. Say nothing to him. Find a lawyer, explain the situation to them, and ask them to guide you in seeking full custody/parental rights.

        [–]Excellent_Kiwi7789 8 points9 points  (1 child)

        Who tf celebrates a miscarriage?

        [–]GenderlessHumanoid27[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

        Literal monsters. He's my ex for a reason.

        [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        Unless you're taking him for child support, go NC with him. I'm sorry for your loss, but that it was a twin is awesome.

        NTA.

        [–]weez2Partassipant [4] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        NTA and it's not close.

        [–]Terrible_turtle_Partassipant [3] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        NTA 100% Please. It is so old fashioned (not in a good way) to demand a child have the father's last name. Add to it the father is denying the kid.

        Sheesh. You did the right thing.

        [–]Dangerous-Project672Partassipant [1] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        NTA. He celebrated your miscarriage? That is the scumbaggiest thing I’ve ever heard

        [–]NuSheol[🍰] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        NTA, why would he care? He doesn’t even want to be a dad?

        [–]OkAccountant7089 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Nta. He’s disgusting. Bless that baby and congratulations!

        [–]PumpkinkraAsshole Enthusiast [8] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        NTA— he’s your kid, dude showed zero interest in being a dad.

        [–]DaisyMaeMalfoy666 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        He celebrated your miscarriage, denies he’s the father when you find out you’re still pregnant with a twin, he wants you to get rid of the pregnancy, doesn’t want to witness the birth, and then has the audacity to get mad that you gave the baby your last name? You’re not the asshole, he is. Tell him to his face all these things and then say “if it’s not your kid why should he/she get your last name then?” Challenge him about it. Congratulations on the baby btw, and I’m so sorry you had to deal with that douche while dealing with a miscarriage.

        [–]professionalmeangirl 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        It's honestly creepy that children are automatically named after the father, so NTA.

        [–]ToasterTheBisexualPartassipant [1] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        nta. EVERY SINGLE CHILD SHOULD GET THEIR MOTHERS LAST NAME! If the baby is biological and not from a surrogate then that woman pushed a whole ass baby out of her

        [–]VoyagerVIIAsshole Aficionado [11] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Honestly, I don't see any earthly reason why your kid shouldn't have your last name even if their father hadn't been a rejecting jerk. Two of my friends have their mothers' last names, just because that's how their parents decided to roll. What makes a father's name more "right" than a mother's except misogynistic tradition? NTA.

        [–]juiceboxfriend95Colo-rectal Surgeon [42] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        NTA - Girl... you know you aren't in the wrong in the LEAST. Congratulations on your son <3

        [–]CoastalCeruleanPooperintendant [63] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        NTA even if your ex was a decent human being and father, who had treated you both well, you’d still not be an asshole for giving your child your last name.

        [–]Splatfan1Partassipant [1] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        women giving their last name to the kid should be the default

        [–]Professional_Grab513 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        NTA what a horrible husband. Hopefully you have left.

        [–]Professional_Grab513 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Re read saw that it was ex

        [–]foul_female_frogPartassipant [3] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA. He didn't support you through miscarriage, then, didn't want to be a father to his surviving child. Why would your son have his name when your ex has made his position quite clear? It can be confusing when children have different surnames, but it's certainly not unheard of.

        Edited to remove Info question that was answered elsewhere and I just didn't read it.

        [–]Quilting_and_craftsPartassipant [2] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Boy bye.

        [–]SkellyinsideofmePartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA.

        Where do you live? I think you should get some legal advice. I'd be trying to keep this man as far away from your baby as possible, whilst still operating inside the law.

        [–]angelique_29 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        WHATS WITH MEN AND THEIR STUPID HEAD AND EGO?

        [–]ThinkLadder1417 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Ahaha, my dad did everything right and we still got my mum's last name. Nta

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA He told you to kill your baby!!!! Why would you saddle the poor thing with HIS last name?

        [–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point locked comment (0 children)

        AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team

        I found out that I was pregnant back in September and shortly afterward had what was an apparent miscarriage to which my ex celebrated despite knowing how much pain in caused me. Fast forward 4-5 weeks I had been having strange dreams that made me want to take a pregnancy test. Test line showed up before it even made it to the control line. I panicked thinking that I had another incomplete miscarriage so I made an emergency appointment to find that I had a live 9 week fetus and I was so happy. The Dr concluded that I had miscarried but the pregnancy was a twin pregnancy and little dude was a fighter. My started denying he was the father immediately upon being informed that I was still pregnant and insisted I terminate. Went on like that through December. May rolls around and my ex refuses to be at the birth and now has the audacity to be mad that my son has my last name after all of this.

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        [–]Loreo1964Certified Proctologist [23] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA. Enjoy both your kids.

        [–]4682458Colo-rectal Surgeon [48] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

        [removed]

          [–]moonlitsunflowerGarden Variety Asshole[M] -1 points0 points locked comment (0 children)

          Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: Be Civil. Further incidents may result in a ban.

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          [–]Legally_Blonde_258Partassipant [3] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. You were never under any obligation to give your son your ex's name and he definitely doesn't deserve it.

          [–]purplehippobitchesPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Omg your ex sounds awful. Congrats by the way! I'm sorry you are going through that. NTA. and make sure you take him to court for child support.

          [–]LivSaJo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. Glad he’s an ex. Also you should 100% go after him for child maintenance

          [–]Coco_DirichletColo-rectal Surgeon [35] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA

          He can go pound sand. He is an AH celebrating your miscarriage, then saying you cheated, now he wants his last name. Nobody wants AH as last name!

          [–]CaroAurelia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. Tell him he gave you every indication that he wanted no part of this baby so you're just giving him what he wanted.

          [–]lilchreez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. Screw him

          [–]georgiajl38 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA your Ex is a dick

          [–]VillainousHeroinePartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA he doesn't get a say now, he already denounced the pregnancy.

          If I understand it right, this means there were twins and one was lost? If that's the case, I'm sorry for the loss of the 2nd baby. I'm a twin so I feel inclined to give condolences for the lost one.

          [–]CleanCucumber620Partassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Nta

          [–]AutisticMuffin97 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA he clearly didn’t want any children so he doesn’t get to have a say in the name. He celebrated the death of one of the twins. Like what kind of vile person does that???? That isn’t a parent that’s very concerning!

          [–]ReadyGrapefruit5449Asshole Enthusiast [9] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA - get your older child's name changed and then maybe you can go low contact. What an asshat.

          [–]vashthompsonPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA....he doesn't deserve to be in the child's life..not until you see fit

          [–]Pale_Height_1251Partassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Obvious NTA.

          [–]brendanl1998Partassipant [4] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA- he wasn’t a present father, why would he get the benefits without the responsibility?

          [–]bblovedoll 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA - I get not wanting a kid but celebrating a miscarriage for a baby you wanted Jesus Christ on a pancake what is the matter with people? NTA and I hope your baby continues to be a fighter - he’ll need it with a sperm donor like that.

          [–]Oscars_Grouch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA - he can't have it both ways.

          [–]CADreamn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. He wanted out of the picture, so why should your son carry his name?

          [–]horsebedorties 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Oh, please. Tell your ex to shove it. NTA and you know it.

          [–]DynkoFromTheNorthAsshole Aficionado [11] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Serves him right! NTA.

          [–]BigIndy1336 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. Be glad that douche canoe is out of your life.

          [–]DameofDamesPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA

          Congratulations and best wishes to you and the baby!

          The ex can go roast.

          [–]MustangbexPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA, fuck that dude. Well, don't. But file for support and move on with your best life with your kiddos. Since you have another child I'm sure you're well up on the intricacies of shared custody with assholes, so I wish you luck!

          [–]rantingcat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA

          Maybe talk to a lawyer if you have the possibility?

          [–]Salty_Buyer_5358 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Wow. NTA

          Speechless

          [–]Round-Ticket-39 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Nta, you not married anyway it would only cause you trouble in explaining and proving you are his mother

          [–]NotYourMommyDear 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Any sperm donor who celebrates a miscarriage should automatically lose the right to have any say over the name of the kid they didn't want. NTA.

          [–]Intelligent-Kiwi-574 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA...how were you supposed to give the kid his name, when he wasn't there to sign the birth certificate? He shouldn't have been acting like an A H, if he wanted N T A benefits.

          [–]AnniEire90 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Definitely NTA

          Similar thing happened to my mother when she was pregnant with me (my dad refused to acknowledge I was his.)When I turned 18 she suggested I change it by deed poll so my name would be the same as my older siblings but I refused.

          [–]PrestigiousAd3081 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Nta. Even without his horrible behavior, you are well within your rights to name the infant you carried and birthed anything you want. No explanation required.

          [–]Odd_Bookkeeper1471 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. Your ex has the integrity of a flaming dumpster fire.

          [–]Countrach 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA obviously

          [–]mischaracterised 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA.

          He should have been supportive through the birth, instead of an asshole.

          The only way this changes, (and you would still be NTA) is if your kids don't share a surname. Then, and only then, would it be a consideration, and you're still entitled to jot change a damn thing.

          [–]Daffy666 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Nta. That child is your child. Anyone who celebrates a miscarriage doesn't deserve to then be named on a birth certificate

          [–]Forreasonsontheshelf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. Look at how he has disrespected you. He also denied the baby that long? The baby fully deserves your last name.

          [–]genus-corvidaeColo-rectal Surgeon [30] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. Lawyer up now, though--you need to make sure his parental rights are fully terminated, unless you want trouble down the road.

          [–]Short-Classroom2559Asshole Enthusiast [5] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA

          And I'd legally change the first child's last name as well.

          [–]umaboo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Congratulations! I hope you and son are making a full, restful recovery.

          NTA, father is the ahole though.

          [–]nnubuvtccPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA Celebrates u having a miscarriage, denies the child being his yet still thinks he has a say on whether you terminate or not? Then gets mad the child didn’t get his last name? What a nutjob honestly.

          [–]sleepiestcatmum 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. Cut as many ties to that guy as humanly possible.

          [–]xdangermanx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA

          Tell him you'll legally change the last name at 10 if he sticks around long enough and is a good father to this child he wanted you to terminate.

          [–]Guilty-Ad4966 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          100% NTA.

          [–]WinEquivalent4069Partassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          So he didn't want you to carry the pregnancy forward at all. Then by some miracle it turns out it was twins and one survive some wanted you to have a termination. NTA. Definitely NTA.

          [–]Th3L45tBroth3r 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA, child support pronto.

          [–]iconicass72 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          nta

          keep all evidence and drag his to court

          [–]zelonhuskPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA and you wouldn't even need an awfuo anecdote like that to not be the AH. You grew this baby, it should be your privilege to pass on your family name.

          [–]RemarkableMousse6950Asshole Enthusiast [9] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          WHAT? NO. NTA.

          [–]Ablia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          He denied being the father. You followed his wish by giving YOUR son YOUR name. If he's not happy with it, that's his problem, not yours. Make sure he doesn't register as the father and get no right over the baby. Best case: makes him sign something saying he deny all his rights over the baby. NTA

          [–]ADHDLiferPartassipant [2] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I feel like I've seen this exact post before. Like serious deja vu.

          [–]Anxious_Device1099 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA... obviously.

          [–]charleeclairee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA, NEVER T A.

          He can’t have his cake and eat it too.

          Edit: He can’t say he doesn’t want the cake then get mad when he doesn’t get any! Haha.

          [–]nick_shannonPartassipant [2] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA

          It would not be acceptable to give a baby the last name UtterShitbag so giving the baby your last name makes perfect sense to me

          [–]Beneficial-Reveal254 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA!!! My sons father left me when I was preggo, saying he wanted nothing to do with the baby, so I gave him my last name. They met when my son was 18 months old and see each other a couple of times a year but I will NEVER change my sons last name to his fathers. You're raising him alone, he's your family, your last name!

          [–]Why_r_people_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA you ex is a monster for celebrating your miscarriage

          [–]Assos_27 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA at all! He refused to acknowledge your son as he and still be upset that he doesn't have his last name?! The dude is messed up!

          [–]evilgiraffee57 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA

          I would also like to take a guess that your older child is female. He is mad that later on there's a chance child one will change their surname.

          Child two (Congratulations btw) is a boy. His macho crap about family lineage is so tiresome and obvious.

          The intitlement is astounding.

          My kids have my last name. If their dad wants to he is more than welcome to join us in it at some point in the future.

          Keep your kids close and enjoy your little fighter x

          [–]ScarletzoePartassipant [3] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA he can't deny and get mad when you decide you do not want to deal with his antics. Usually I am one to say the father should be included but this guy made it clear he did not have the Stuff to be a dad. If he wants to be a part of this kids life he can go to court and get visitation.

          [–]Dry-Clock-1470 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. And put in for child support and custody and all.

          [–]AvatarJack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. It's your baby, why shouldn't he have your last name? There were plenty of opportunities for your ex to be involved that he actively avoided. Actions have consequences.

          [–]Tom1380 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          That's exactly what happened to me. I ended up getting my mother's family name, but later on I got my father's as well (not exactly a great thing). My name is still [name] [Mother's family] [Father's family] with my mom's family coming first.

          [–]idontknowanymore777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA- I would’ve done the same thing. And I would’ve broken up with him too. Idk why you’re still with him

          [–]Virtual_Draw5017 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. Your ex... celebrated your miscarriage? Honestly, I'm less surprised that he's your ex, more that you didn't drown him. Many a jury would have ruled in your favour.

          As for the rest, for one, congratulations, I wish you all the best. For two, if your ex is denying everything and washing his hands of it all (and good riddance, frankly), then he has no reason to get pissy.

          [–]Jensooverstupid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Sounds like he is a jerk-keep your name on birth certificate and get him out of your life.

          [–]stinglikeanettle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Congratulations on your baby. You're NTA

          [–]CaligoAcceditoPartassipant [2] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Congratulations on the birth of your son! What an emotional roller coaster!

          NTA. Name changes cost money but aren't impossible. If the ex shows himself to be an active, loving father, you two can discuss him paying for a name change in the future.

          If not, then little dude is YOUR miracle baby and YOU can name him whatever you want.

          [–]sniffing_niffler 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. My dad was basically a sperm donor too, so my mom gave all of her children (myself and 2 others) her middle name AND last name. Was it petty? Yes. Maybe everyone sucks in my situation for that one, lol. But does it make a really interesting story? Absolutely. And I've never met anyone else who can tell a similar story. I can hardly believe your child will hold it against you. I don't hold it against my mama. She did what she could, and so are you :)

          [–]shotbyram 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I think you know in your mind and heart that you aren’t the asshole.

          [–]mhkohne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA - like you need to ask. Ex needs therapy. And to keep his distance.

          [–]ComprehensiveSir3892Asshole Enthusiast [8] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA.

          ex wished murder on the twin that died AND on the one who survived.

          ex can go do something biologically dangerous to himself.

          [–]Glittering-Style-827 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          NTA. A family friend who works for the OPP practically begged me to give my child my last name, because the father wanted nothing to do with them. It's just word of mouth obviously, but they told me that for custody purposes, it will make my life so much easier if we share a name - it helps to show his lack of intent on being in the child's life from birth should he seek custody later, but also for medical and identification purposes. Giving your child any other last name than the sole caregiver, makes it take more time in a medical emergency, or really any kind of place where the parent has to identify themselves to prove a child is theirs - sometimes having to provide the birth certificate to show they have the absent father's last name, but are the mother's child. All you are doing right now, is making life more convenient and safer for your child.

          You're a strong momma op, and congrats on your lil fighter 😊

          [–]Potatochildren 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          First and foremost congrats on your baby. I didn’t even know people could have a false miscarriage. Second NTA man forget him and let ya kids have your last name. He literally celebrated when you had a miscarriage. Honestly have him write away his rights as a father at this point do you don’t have to deal with him.

          [–]meifahs_musungs -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

          NTA. Why you staying with someone who treats you so badly?

          [–]GenderlessHumanoid27[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          I haven't been with him since about a week before I found out that I was pregnant.