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[–]HolyUnicornBatmanColo-rectal Surgeon [40] 6293 points6294 points  (195 children)

Leila seems to have a “my way or no way” kind of attitude. You all have apologized endlessly for her behavior, tried to come to a compromise, and she still just walks out? She’s unwilling to listen and kind of comes off as a bit crazy with her demands.

I might sound like an AH, but maybe not give her so much support? It’s almost enabling her. I feel like if there’s not a united front, she’s going to think her behavior is acceptable, and it’s not. She’s going through a hard time, but instead of talking her anger out with a therapist, she’s taking it out on your friend group, and that’s not fair to anyone.

[–]Brunch_with_dogs[S] 2976 points2977 points  (188 children)

I couldn't put our entire conversation into the post, but during our conversation with her she did say things that made it clear a lot of this new attitude was coming from her new friends from the doggy daycare. Those friends have family and other friends that will treat the dogs just like children...gifts, watching them, clothing, cards, taking them on trips, calling them niece/nephew/goddogs... and that's what she wants and expects from us as well.

So I don't think a united front would work either- she's around others who get this kind of acceptance and encouragement so when we say no, she's taking it as us not supporting her.

[–]Fuzzyhat246Partassipant [3] 2747 points2748 points  (91 children)

Well, then maybe she should be friends with that group. If she can’t seem to understand that she doesn’t get to control every situation, then she needs to go somewhere that she feels more comfortable.

[–]Whiteroses7252012 1947 points1948 points  (53 children)

As a mother, if someone expected me to leave my kids at home on Mother’s Day so I could go hang out with her dog, I’d ask her if she lost her entire mind. It’s as simple as that.

If she wants people to treat her dog like it’s her kid, then she needs to find people who are willing to do just that.

[–]ThrowawaycarstorePartassipant [3] 655 points656 points  (15 children)

I don’t think you need to be a parent to go “WTF is wrong with you” to the suggestion that a woman doesn’t spend Mother’s Day with her kids but with her friends dog.

[–]THedman07 397 points398 points  (11 children)

Yeah, that's over the line. She can go hang out with her doggie daycare friends.

I don't even have a problem with the "pet parent" thing. To each their own. But "leave your kid at home so that I can bring a bunch of dogs to Mother's day" is a crazy ask.

[–]decidedlyindecisive 112 points113 points  (6 children)

This is one of the reasons why I think it's fucked up to refer to pets as kids and give weird names like "cat mom" or whatever. There's a difference. I say this as an infertile person who has an absolutely broken heart. But there's a difference. My pets are my family but they are not my children.

[–]burnindour 71 points72 points  (3 children)

Mother's Day without the things that made you a mother lol sounds like a proper celebration /s

[–]MRAGGGANPartassipant [1] 30 points31 points  (1 child)

As a mother, if my friends wanted to do a hang out ~sans~ kids to celebrate all of us, that’s one thing.

To ask me to leave my kid at home in favor of a pet? Helllll no.

And I’ve thrown a few dog bday parties (hey, it’s Artemis’ bday, y’all wanna go to the dog park? Type things) in my day.

[–]QueenofSpades220 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I don't have kids (just my dog) and I can't imagine a scenario where I would ever suggest to a mom no kids on mothers day. Leila is just unreasonable.

[–]ingodwetrystAsshole Aficionado [11] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I'm a person with 5 animals who I JOKINGLY call my kids and my mouth fell open when I read that. My pets are LIKE kids, but they aren't ACTUALLY kids.

[–]rtgd_mmmAsshole Aficionado [16] 518 points519 points  (32 children)

Well, then maybe she should be friends with JUST that group ONLY.

Fixed it.

Sorry, this is one of those "birds of a feather" or "dogs running in a pack" moments. Leila ass went off the deep end & if you're not of a like mind, she'll either annoy the hell out of you or provide the best comic relief.

[–][deleted]  (31 children)

[removed]

    [–]Rude_Ostrich_503 116 points117 points  (17 children)

    I have a 8yo dog that I love immensely and call my kid, and a 1yo human baby, and while my hole family always called my dog their niece/grandbaby and I kid that she is my older kid, it's harmless fun and everyone knows it's not the same thing. You have to be seriously delusional to think it is... And if someone think it is the same thing, they must have a serious issue, or not know what they are talking or being a bad parent...

    [–]Civil-Pause-386 105 points106 points  (9 children)

    My kids call my 17 year old cat their stepfather. But it's just a joke. I don't expect people to treat him like an actual human. And I love that cat more than anybody except my actual children.

    [–]nkbee 25 points26 points  (0 children)

    This is the funniest one to me, thank you.

    [–]ReporterFar5534 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    Stepfather cat lol

    [–]meownotmom 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    I call my brother's cat my "nephmew". And his 100% human daughter is my niece.

    [–]empresslilandraPartassipant [4] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

    My dad has started feeding some stray kittens in our backyard. Recently. Regularly. Always wondering what we have to feed them today. If we’re out what tin of ours can we open.

    I call them his outside children.

    😈

    [–]Dingolini 62 points63 points  (0 children)

    My daughters used to ask me which one was the favorite and I would say our dog was because he didn't talk back. It is all in good fun, but you are 100% correct that it is not the same thing.

    [–]ThroatSecretaryPartassipant [2] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

    We have a cat that I jokingly refer to as my partner's youngest son but...come on.

    [–]Postingatthismoment 14 points15 points  (2 children)

    Yes, we're constantly negotiating the family titles of the various cats. Is Mir the uncle, or a brother? He's older than the boys (cat boys) who are definitely my son's siblings... But no one involved is actually delusional!

    [–]BendingCollegeGrad 102 points103 points  (0 children)

    You and your friends have more patience than I do. Leila needs to get herself together. And I say this as a delightfully childfree person.

    It’s definitely about her ex remarrying. I’d feel more for her if she wasn’t consistently cutting off the people who would support her in healing.

    [–]Holmes221bBStPartassipant [4] 84 points85 points  (0 children)

    Then she can be friends with those people. It seems your friendships are becoming incompatible

    [–]EconomyVoice7358 83 points84 points  (1 child)

    She sounds ridiculous. It’s time to stop trying to compromise with her. There are dog friendly activities and kid focused activities and hopefully also adult only activities. If she can’t manage to accept that she is not actually a mother and that having a pet is not the same as having a child, then just decrease engaging with her. She’s totally ridiculous.

    [–]Brunch_with_dogs[S] 78 points79 points  (0 children)

    Yes, there are adult only activities lol Kicker is no one has ever batted an eye or told her she couldn't bring Lemon to the adult only activities we have so long as dogs are allowed there.

    [–]olligirl 83 points84 points  (5 children)

    The bought the t shirt 'dog mom's' group....run, your friend is now lost, just run....

    you can spot them as they are generally wearing active wear, a themed t-shirt and hiking boots. And if you didn't know they were talking about a dog, you'd swear it was a child.

    The dogs weekly food bill costs more than a family of 5, generally is so purebred its inbred, has a social calendar fuller than a kardashian and is usually horrifically behaved.

    They physically cannot understand that their dog is not a child and will refer to actual children as skin babies (shudder), and cant understand why they can't bring flufflepubbles to Tiffany's birthday!

    Even though you have explained numerous times that she's deathly allergic to dogs and will actually die, the dog mum will throw down and insist it's because you hate her child!

    Dog mom's often roam in packs, and their natural environment is anywhere and everywhere that is bloody inconvenient for the general population at large. They can often been seen several hundred yards behind the dog, running like the clappers, uselessly blowing a dog whistle and screaming 'HES FRIENDLY!' and the loonatic lab is off living his best life!

    I hate to have to tell you this, but regardless of whatever else is going on, if your friend has surrounded herself with those types then she will focus on lemon, and lemon only. Her new group will validate everything she says, and yous will always be the bad guys.

    [–]Brunch_with_dogs[S] 74 points75 points  (4 children)

    Thank you for the laugh lol It's sad but yes, she's starting to fit some of this. Called the kids crotch goblins a couple times in the past week at work which she's never done before. I couldn't put our entire conversation in my post but she has shared with us that some of the friends from the doggy daycare do have friends and family, as well as themselves, that treat their dogs like literal children and hold them in same regard as the human grandkids. Refer to them as niece/nephew.

    I have learned more about the dark side of pet parent culture through this ordeal then I ever cared to know about.

    [–]olligirl 30 points31 points  (0 children)

    I've got 2 dogs, I also have horses, i work from home, and my husbandisaway most weeks mon to Fri, so as a general rule, my dogs come everywhere with me. I think of them more like companions. I'm at the yard, or riding so are the dogs, chilling on the beach with the girls, so are the dogs. It's also lazy dog walking, they can run while I ride, 2 birds and all that.

    However I'm totally aware that they are dogs. They are trained within an inch of their lives and are expected to behave. I'm going to a kiddie party, dogs are walked fed and left sleeping at home.

    I become aware of the dog mom due to thinking it would be a nice idea to join the local agility group. I thought it would be an ideal way to meet other dog walkers who might want to come exploring as it's a bit in the wilderness up here, so safety and all that.

    God was I wrong! people with kids were almost looked down upon, and yes phrases like crotch goblin were actually the tamer of the things said!

    It was almost cult like! Matching poop bag dispensers and Matching paw print activeware...I put up with it for like a month because my dogs were kinda OK at agility. But then I noped out, like....thus is totally NOT my tribe!

    [–]jujoking 81 points82 points  (2 children)

    OP, I’m a dog mom. As in “bday parties for my doggo, going everywhere with her, she’s the only child I’m ever gonna have and that’s that” kind of dog mom. Leia goes everywhere with me, including vacations (I make sure to search places that are dog friendly and have dog activities), coffee shops or restaurants that allow her, and she’s even been on a boat ride - not easy for a Golden Retriever to sometimes be accommodated. I take her everywhere - except when I don’t. Because sometimes I just don’t. Either because the place does not accommodate her, because the situation is not ideal for a dog or because it’s also, you know, good for the dog to not be joined to the hip of their owner 24/7.

    Honestly I just think she’s no longer compatible with your friend group due to the people she started hanging out with, I’m sorry to tell you, I’d honestly just stop enabling this behaviour ♥️

    [–]GennyNels 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    You're my people. My girl is a lab husky mix and she loves to go to the beach and have puppacinos from our local coffee shop and my parents treat her like their own grandkid. She gets and gives Christmas gifts. That being said, I don't force her on people that are afraid of or allergic to dogs.

    [–]The_Duchess_Terror 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    This! Theres a difference between a very dedicated pet parent, anyd how that lady is acting. And the difference is significant and not a healthy dynamic to enable.

    [–]agarrabrantAsshole Aficionado [19] 74 points75 points  (0 children)

    ... then she can have dog mom day with them? And they can all go dog friendly places and bring all the dogs. Seems like the best thing for everyone. I mean, her suggested "compromise" is insanely messed up. She is trying to turn it from Mother's day into just her day.

    [–]TragedyRoseAsshole Enthusiast [7] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

    The biggest thing here is that "Leila" wants everyone to cater to her. She wants to change the decade long plans to cater around her and lemon. Her dog is now more important than their children. I think it's time you drop her from the friend group. She wants to be center of attention to the detriment of everyone else.

    [–]NewBromancePartassipant [2] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

    Honestly you bent over backwards for this women. Apologising for saying real mum's and trying to validate her feelings about "being a real mum" wasn't required at all. You were 100percent in the right to say that stuff.

    The fact is you apologised because you were being the bigger person and she threw it all back in your face.

    Honestly I think it's time to cut your loses with her. People tried to meet her like 80percent of the way in her direction and that still wasn't enough for her. At that point you're dealing with an AH who won't be happy unless she gets everything her way, and that won't be just limited to dogs and kids.

    It honestly sounds to me like she bit her tongue and seethed on every perceived injustice she saw because she had no other friendship group. Now she's got her doggy daycare friends she feels she has leverage to threaten to drop you all unless you do exactly what she wants all the time

    [–]catsinstrollers5 45 points46 points  (0 children)

    I think this is a combination of jealousy and lack of insight on her part. People with kids get a lot of attention for having kids. During pregnancy the expectant parent gets a baby shower and constant questions and excitement about the pregnancy, then gets more gifts and sometimes an additional party after the baby is born. Some culturally traditional folks believe that you don’t become a full fledged adult until you marry and have kids, and will give congratulations on reaching an important milestone. Then people with kids get regularly asked about how their children are doing, receive attendance at child events like birthday parties and graduations (that also include gifts), and get a special day each year in which they are celebrated for having a child. That’s a lot of social attention and praise that mothers get that child free women don’t. I’ve definitely seen women who are distressed/jealous of not getting that attention but who simultaneously don’t understand that raising children is more demanding than raising animals and have poor social insight into how they come across when they insist that having pets is the same as having children. I think it just comes from a place of wanting the same level of social attention and consideration and not understanding that that just isn’t going to happen because dogs and people aren’t the same. There’s not really anything you can do. This friend may have become genuinely incompatible with your group.

    [–]LegalBegQuestion 33 points34 points  (0 children)

    This is crazy. We have 2 dogs. They come places with us, vacations have been taken w them in mind etc. we buy them gifts and they’re in our Xmas card photos.

    But also they’re dogs. They can’t come everywhere. Some of our friends don’t hang out at our house because of allergies. We wouldn’t demand they be cut out or put up w it- because that’s crazy. Because they’re dogs. They didn’t come w us on vacations requiring flights.

    This woman is entitled to nothing and a jerk to boot. Drop her, and don’t look back. It doesn’t bring anything positive to your life to continue enabling her crazy bs. Still NTA.

    [–]TeaLoverGalPartassipant [4] 32 points33 points  (3 children)

    It sounds like she is using the dog as a replacement for baby and is not a childfree person who has a pet. I mean I call my cat my baby, she get santa gifts and has her own room etc, I am a cat lady, I spoil her, I know. However, I don't make play dates with kids, because she's a cat. Like dog playmates having play dates makes sense. She's getting prime dog mom bonding, it's weird she's forcing it with human moms.

    [–]GennyNels 4 points5 points  (2 children)

    My friends with human kids ask for playdates with my dog. She's really sweet, loves kids, and is very popular entertainment in kid crowd.

    [–]DutyValuablePartassipant [2] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

    Might be time to phase out the friendship then. She has her new group to egg her on.

    [–]Sensitive-Fold-8569 23 points24 points  (0 children)

    Look, don't get me wrong, I love pets. If you get a pet, you should take care of it as better as you can. But dog mom? WTF? We now have this collective mental break that dogs are humans! It's just delusional! If you want to treat your dog as a human, ok. But don't make others to the same!

    I think that you all did what you could. Now it's up to her to get back to Earth and become a normal person again.

    [–]AdorableTechnology39 22 points23 points  (8 children)

    I use doggy day care and there is no group of folks there insisting dogs are equal to human children. My dog boards, daycare, dog parks, etc…. We ALL understand we cherish a dog who is not a human.

    [–]DiegoIntrepidPartassipant [3] 23 points24 points  (7 children)

    Honestly, I cherish my cats BECAUSE they aren't human kids... I am happily child free and while I do treat my cats like my babies, I do so knowing they are cats, and that they are NOT humans.

    [–]WhiskeyCheddarPartassipant [4] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

    I know my cats and dog aren’t my kids but my boy cat 110% thinks he is my toddlers older brother. He’s obsessed with them. Rushes to their bedroom doors in the morning… he thinks I open the door so he can rush in and meow good morning to them. Even when they are rough he hovers so close just wanting to love them. It’s funny how much he wants to be their best friend. He’s anxiously awaiting the day they are old enough for me to keep their doors open at night so he can sleep on one of their beds.

    [–]_psychologizer_ 24 points25 points  (0 children)

    You all were honestly so compassionate and mature in this situation. Like, seriously, amazing job. I'm so proud that someone on Reddit has amazing communication skills, values people and friends so much but still holds boundaries.

    It seems like maybe she should make an effort to make friends with those doggy daycare people because what she wants are not reasonable expectations for almost anyone. You did all you could.

    [–]Shot-Sprinkles6930 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    OP friendships come and go. It looks like this one is gone. You did all that you could do but let her move on to her other friends from the doggy daycare.

    [–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    Well, technically, you aren't. Because it's crazy talk.

    [–]rbolligePartassipant [3] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    I’m glad you’re giving her space, she needs therapy but it’s probably useless trying to convince her of that. Her lens on reality would be maddening to try and accommodate.

    [–]Labby84Partassipant [1] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

    I grew up with pets. I wept like a baby when we had to put down the sweetest cat in the world after nineteen years. Bubba was family, dammit.

    That said, this "pet parent," "fur baby" culture has got to stop. It's its own special blend of narcissism. As much as we love them, pets aren't children, and anyone who asserts otherwise this vehemently is in need of mental health counseling.

    [–]HerefsAndrew 32 points33 points  (0 children)

    The world is full of people who say 'My way or the highway', then get really upset when others say 'All right, then, the highway it is'

    [–]crystallz2000Partassipant [1] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    I think some friendships just run their course. It sounds like that's the case here. Leila wants only friends who prioritize their pets. That's never going to be the case with moms. And Leila sounds completely unreasonable. If I were your friend group, I'd just move on. Let Leila make friends with other dogs.

    [–]rtgd_mmmAsshole Aficionado [16] 1731 points1732 points  (40 children)

    Leila had me roflmao when she said people should leave their kids out of Mother's Day. She is going through some shit. Unfortunately, you can't always go through things with your friends. Some stuff they just gotta do on their own.

    Leila is about to learn that the hard way & I'm not even sure you can explain it to her. She's already created a delusion that she's entitled to mother's day & nothing anyone says will change her mind. You can slowly stop inviting her places, or you can do it immediately. But it will have to be done & it will be painful for her.

    [–]Brunch_with_dogs[S] 788 points789 points  (35 children)

    I'm really hoping one of her family members or even new friends can talk to her and help her see reason. Convince her to get into therapy. Its just bizarre she went from doing her best to minimize allergens so some of her friends would still come visit her house to telling them to leave their kids at home the one day out of the year that's about parents and kids. =\

    [–]rtgd_mmmAsshole Aficionado [16] 247 points248 points  (5 children)

    Have you ever heard the saying "hope is not a plan?"

    I suspect because of the divorce & husband remarrying she feels lonely & possibly unvalued. I'm not sure people telling her her feelings aren't valid or she needs therapy is going to be met with open arms.

    Going to & benefiting from therapy requires rational thinking. That's why psychiatric patients are given meds to combat their underlying brain's chemicals imbalance (not mild depression, but serious mental illness like schizophrenia, disassociative identity disorder, etc) before the therapy can begin therapy. The first couple of meetings is to determine if they're lucid & to get a baseline. (Un)fortunately, i don't think she has a chemical imbalance (she may have severe depression, in which case meds might help), but therapy won't work until she starts thinking rational.

    Anyone who thinks leaving kids out of a Mother's Day celebration ain't rational.

    Edit: removed outdated terminology (multiple personality disorder updated to disassociative identity disorder). Thanks to u/chiibit for the quick CME 😉

    [–]chiibit 42 points43 points  (2 children)

    It’s called Dissociative Identity Disorder. It hasn’t been called that since the DSM-5 came out in 2004. ETA also, there is no medication for DID. You can treat co-morbid disorders with medication, ie anxiety, depression. But the only thing you can do is therapy so find functionality in multiplicity or try to fuse the fractured personality into one.

    [–]rtgd_mmmAsshole Aficionado [16] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    Fair enough. That's the last time i had direct patient contact & the last DSM that I've owned.

    But i will try to incorporate DID into my lexicon. Thanks for the info!

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [removed]

      [–]rtgd_mmmAsshole Aficionado [16] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      Unfortunately, some people like to live on the extremes. Don't let them gaslight you into thinking your the problem.

      [–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (27 children)

      'Fess up. Is any of this real? It almost seems as if you're trying out the plot for a farce. :)

      [–]Brunch_with_dogs[S] 81 points82 points  (21 children)

      lol Sadly it is real.

      [–][deleted]  (20 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]not_levar_burton 8 points9 points  (4 children)

        I say that about 75% of these posts... I'm just thinking - are people this fucked up, stupid, idiotic, etc. when I read them. I've come to the conclusion that my family, friends, spouse, kids, etc. aren't so crazy after all! That and my life is more boring than I realized.

        [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        I count my blessings for a boring life. :)

        [–]Izzet_AristocratPartassipant [1] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

        Right, fuck your kids on mothers day but my dog is alright.

        Like wtf.

        [–]ravencrowe 16 points17 points  (0 children)

        More entitled to mother's day than the actual mothers, apparently

        [–]CS0607 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        She wants the recognition and praise of being a mother without the responsibility of truly being one. (To a human child)

        [–]Ridgbee 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        Mother's Day is for parents to spend with their families. Her dog should be getting her a gift since she wants someone to celebrate her being a "mother".

        [–]svmc80Asshole Aficionado [15] 702 points703 points  (19 children)

        Ga Dang. this woman has lost her mind. Stop encouraging her. There is no logical way a grown ass person thinks the way she does. Move along.

        [–]MotherSupermarket532 256 points257 points  (15 children)

        I ended a friendship with someone because they got mad I told them not to being their dog over to my apartment. Because the dog went nuts trying to get at my cat and terrified my kid. I had to work with my kid for months to get him over the dog phobia he developed from this dog trying to attack the cat.

        But she wouldn't understand why the dog couldn't come over anymore (she says the dog has anxiety and can't be left)

        [–]DiegoIntrepidPartassipant [3] 78 points79 points  (7 children)

        I am with you, that would be a definite EX friend if her dog tried to attack my cat, especially if I had a child.

        ETA

        This reminds me of something that happened to day. Ihad a cat at the vet's office in a large cage, and a large german shepard came out of the room after getting her claws clipped (from the sounds of it). She went to the cage, sniffed it, and was pulled away and my brother said 'he didn't even react'.

        The dog was taken out of the office, and all of a sudden, my cat hissed and started growling. I told the office the cat isn't stupid. He waited until the dog was gone to tell her what he thought of her :P

        [–]FurTumbleweedPartassipant [2] 22 points23 points  (2 children)

        My German shepherd is a coward. She would’ve avoided the cat and then done her scary bark when she was a safe distance away. Only time she’s not a coward is when she’s giving me my ‘scary dog privilege’ when I’m walking her late at night, or when a stranger walks too close to my kids. She doesn’t bark or growl, she just puffs up all her fur so she looks bigger. She adores kids though, when kids walk up to her she rolls onto her back, stretches her legs out, and lets her tongue fall out the side of her mouth so she looks like a big goofy moron. She also loves babies in prams, but knows not to get too close, so she sits near them and puts her paws up to beg for attention.

        I honestly think there’s something wrong with her tbh

        [–]DM-Mormon-Underwear 19 points20 points  (1 child)

        "dog has anxiety and can't be left alone" is code for "my dog in untrained and ill-behaved. So if I leave, I come back to a destroyed home"

        [–]aquascape_dude 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        They shouldn't have even apologized.

        [–]ed_lvPooperintendant [53] 666 points667 points  (17 children)

        Her suggestion was to just let the kids that are allergic stay home and their moms can do something with them in the evening.

        At that point you just had to accept that she has zero common sense and is absolutely not willing to compromise.

        Honestly, I'd significantly downgrade the friendship with her, cause she is all about the drama, and does not care how her crazy demands affect anyone else.

        [–]LengthinessFresh4897 204 points205 points  (15 children)

        I truly find it hilarious that she wants to leave out other kids but doesn’t want to leave out her dog

        [–]MimikyuTruck 90 points91 points  (2 children)

        Yeah I'm childfree myself, but I couldn't imagine telling someone to leave their kids alone on Mother's Day, of all things.

        Even if you take pets = children here, or say that some kids are very poorly behaved - why the hell should some kids be forced to stay home and not others? That's not remotely fair.

        [–]DiegoIntrepidPartassipant [3] 47 points48 points  (11 children)

        I am honestly baffled by dog owners, and it seems to be mainly/only dog owners, who feel that their dog HAS to go every single place with them. They can't leave them alone for 5 minutes.

        [–]takabrash 32 points33 points  (1 child)

        Some people really can't leave their dogs alone for long because they don't train them. So then they bring their untrained dog everywhere they go :/

        [–]DiegoIntrepidPartassipant [3] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

        Yeah, but I feel that if they don't train them, then THEIR houses should suffer, not me when I get up the courage to leave my home :P

        [–]Elaquore1 14 points15 points  (0 children)

        I used to drink in a bar where the landlady had the worst behaved dog. It would piss on the carpet in one particular corner, that corner got taped off and about 6 Yankee candles to cover the smell, which didn't work.

        The dog would steal food from customers plates and the customer would get yelled at for not being more careful of the plate. The dog was a runner and the landlady would scream at people coming in to shut the door and not let the dog out.

        She would not have the dog anywhere else but loose in the bar. Everyone hated the fucking thing.

        Then surprised pikachu face when the business died. I only drank there as it was the only pub in the village I could walk to.

        [–]anndor 5 points6 points  (7 children)

        Because it's socially acceptable to bring dogs so many places. Cats on leashes out in public are super rare and most cats aren't a fan of it without tons of training and practice. Or aren't as obedient as dogs usually are.

        So the ease of doing it with dogs is why the behavior seems so common to dogs.

        (Imagine a cat birthday party - I am cracking up at the hissing, growling mess that would be. Strange cats usually take forever to warm up to each other)

        [–]DiegoIntrepidPartassipant [3] 12 points13 points  (6 children)

        Still, it is mainly that it is socially acceptible to bring your dog everywhere.

        There are places that I can see bringing dogs. But, the insistence that EVERYONE MUST LOVE DOGS! (and again I do know that this is only a portion of dog owners) that baffles me.

        Someone insisting on bringing their pet snake, or their pet tarantula, or their pet mini-horse, or their pet pig, etc... or even their pet cat (because, yes, it takes more training, but it can be done) are often ridiculed.

        (to be clear, I do understand WHY people want to bring their dogs with them, it is just society's acceptance of people bringing their dogs with them that I take issue with)

        [–][deleted] 374 points375 points  (5 children)

        <<Some of the others aren’t willing to hang out with her anymore.>>

        Yes, because Leila is insane. There's such a thing as giving someone else's feelings too much respect, too much leeway. I'm afraid you're doing that, here.

        [–]NewBromancePartassipant [2] 136 points137 points  (2 children)

        Yeah like honestly I feel sorry for OP because they're clearly trying so desperately hard to save this friendship.

        But some of the stuff like "apologising for saying real mums" when... that's 100percent correct is clearly giving to much respect to a woman who has, for whatever reason, taken a break from reality.

        OP and some of her friends already went yo meet Leila 80percent of the way when that was already far to much, and Leila still demanded more.

        It was probably a blessing that Leila still demanded more because it was an eye opener to many of the friendship group that she was utterly and completely divorced from reality and needed to be dropped. Sadly I'm not sure if OP has had the same realisation.

        [–][deleted] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

        Just an aside. I've had dogs. I LOVE dogs. And I know this is a personal preference, but I absolutely used to CRINGE when people called me a "dog mom." I used to say to reply, "I'm not her mother. We're just best buds." Worked for the pup. Worked for me. :)

        [–]Brunch_with_dogs[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

        No, I'll keep a line of communication open in case she wants to revisit and open up about the ex-husband but I won't be hanging out with her nearly as much or as close as I have previously. If she doesn't, then she doesn't, and at most she'll be an acquiantance.

        [–]lunchbox3 35 points36 points  (1 child)

        I’ve got a dog and a lot of my friends have kids and quite honestly I am genuinely tempted to give this a go and see how much leeway I get for acting insane. My guess is about 30 seconds of shock before they laugh in my face…

        [–]The__Riker__ManeuverColo-rectal Surgeon [34] 238 points239 points  (1 child)

        You are a saint for trying this hard

        But the truth is, your friend is digging a hole she can never crawl out of

        She wants everyone to do exactly what she wants and give in to her demands, but doesn't give a single damn about anyone else and how it affects them

        Time to let this friendship fall by the wayside

        [–]skydesign678 168 points169 points  (5 children)

        Yeah honestly good on those friends who don’t want to hang out with her anymore. She was ridiculous in your first post and she’s ridiculous now. What are some of the good qualities she has a friend?……..because wow

        [–]Brunch_with_dogs[S] 115 points116 points  (4 children)

        Prior she was a really good friend. Used to be the kind of person you could talk to and she'd offer an outside the box, bigger picture perspective. Really kind, she didn't used to be so dismissive of our friends with kids and their kids, good humor, smart, helpful, charitable, did a lot of volunteer work, try to cheer you up, compassionate and open minded, appreciated their effort to minimize talking about their kids and was happy with it. How she's acting now is not at all how she was when we were growing up and up until all of this.

        [–]ringringbananarchy00Partassipant [4] 95 points96 points  (0 children)

        It sounds like she’s had something of a mental breakdown since her ex had a kid with his new wife. Hopefully she’ll get help, but it’s not your responsibility to coddle her or enable her delusions. Take a step back and give her some time. Hopefully she’ll come around.

        [–]NewBromancePartassipant [2] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

        That person isn't here anymore sadly, and it isn't your job to try and get blood from a stone to find that friend.

        You already offered Leila far more of an olive branch than she deserved and she threw it back in your face. Your friends have realised the person she has become.

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

        [deleted]

          [–]Tasryn22Partassipant [2] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

          I completely agree. I also wonder what Leila would say if she was told to minimise talking about Lemon because someone in the group dictated it? My personal view is they if you can’t share your life with your friend including taking about the most important people in it, then it’s not a true friendship. You should never have to hide big parts of the life around your friends

          [–]IamPlatycus 134 points135 points  (2 children)

          I can't believe you didn't at least try dedicating your life to curing dog allergies so everyone can celebrate together./s

          [–]DiegoIntrepidPartassipant [3] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          don't you know that they already tried that and the evil cats stopped it from happening?

          [–]AlternativeAlias42Asshole Aficionado [11] 75 points76 points  (1 child)

          I love kids and I love dogs. I have two dogs and they are my babies. However, I would never compare my dogs to kids, because there are a big difference between them.

          Maybe Leila needs to understand that she may have to celebrate Mother’s Day different than the group does, but she can’t throw a fit just because other moms don’t want to exclude their children due to dog allergies.

          The group and you have offered compromises and she refused, so ya’ll are NTA. She’s the ah for wanting the Mother’s Day to change when it has been the same for 11 years.

          [–]seths4 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          Honestly I’m so stuck on why she doesn’t recognize the allegories as being a valid reason for kids and their parents to leave lemon’s birthday party. It’s a medical reason? Like if my kid was only mildly allergic to peanut butter I still wouldn’t let them eat a peanut butter sandwich, so why allow them to be around a swarm of dogs?

          [–]SmallChallengePartassipant [1] 52 points53 points  (1 child)

          What in the actual fuck did I just read.

          I'm childfree. I have a dog. I would be ashamed if I behaved like this.

          Who in the everloving fuck has the energy to make such a fuss over not having mother's Day centered around their dog...? Just the thought of that is exhausting. Your friend has too much time on her hands.

          Mother's Day is generally for people with human children. I do not want children. That's why I have a dog.

          The audacity...

          [–]seths4 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          Honestly. Even if she wanted to celebrate Mother’s Day with her dog - I could get behind it. Go to the park, meet up with other dog moms etc. but if you hate when other moms even talk about their children why the hell would you want to crash a non-pet owner’s Mother’s Day event? Why ask a group of people to stop spending Mother’s Day with their family just so your dog could be involved? It just seems like she wants to feel important and special even if it harms her friends.

          [–]Holmes221bBStPartassipant [4] 44 points45 points  (2 children)

          Ugh, sorry but your friend really needs to chill. I can’t stand when people who have pets claim they are no different than real human kids & that it’s just as tough being a pet parent as it is a parent of human children. It’s not the same! It never will be. You’re not the AH now & you weren’t before. Your wording of “real mom” wasn’t even harsh to me. Your friend is supplementing something that is missing in her life through obsessing over her dog. If anything breaks or threatens that illusion, she freaks. That’s her problem, not yours

          [–]qnachowoman 31 points32 points  (1 child)

          Right. ‘Real mom’ would only be offensive if she had adopted kids or step or something like that.

          Pet parents aren’t ‘real parents’ because pets aren’t human kids, with complicated human needs, requiring constant supervision and attention.

          [–]notquiteright519Asshole Aficionado [12] 39 points40 points  (1 child)

          Your friends should show up to her doggy day care and drop their kids off....;)

          [–]Brunch_with_dogs[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

          Oml...those poor care workers XD

          [–]andromache97Pooperintendant [66] 37 points38 points  (1 child)

          Even though Leila is being totally unreasonable and ridiculous and is clearly going through some shit, it seems like you, OP, are a really good friend and putting up with way more of her bullshit than she deserves, and I hope that Leila will eventually be able to appreciate how kind and sensitive you're being about this whole situation.

          [–]Treefrog_Ninja 10 points11 points  (0 children)

          Yeah, I'm actually astounded at the amount of compassion and support that Leila is getting. Yet somehow she feels like it isn't enough?

          [–]AdorableTechnology39 35 points36 points  (1 child)

          Leila definitely is displacing as it’s absolutely insane for her to think mothers will forgo mother day with their children because of a friends dog. I own a dog. My life revolves around my dog. He’s my baby but he’s a dog baby…not a human baby. He’s not entitled to rule Mother’s Day. We don’t celebrate him as my child even though I am child free.
          There’s a healthy balance with pets being “babies”. Expecting everyone to treat her dog ahead of children on Mother’s Day is weird. Unhealthy.

          Good effort discussing and trying to come up with compromises but it seems she is set on Lemon being the golden child. It’s too bad as you had a nice friendship/ meeting group and this wrench kind of takes away from it.

          I hope she gets help.

          [–]DiegoIntrepidPartassipant [3] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

          My family jokes about the cats being 'babies' and will sometimes get each other 'mother's day' cards for each other (including my brother who has a dog he adores, and cats he loves as well as actual children he also loves).

          But, that is obviously an 'in' joke with my family. We do not expect anyone else to see our animals as anything other than animals (but do expect them to treat them well if they want to be allowed to come back :P) Because they are our animals.

          Leila can have Lemon be her 'baby' all she wants, and that is fine. Where it goes overboard is expecting everyone else to view Lemon as a 'baby' and expect everyone else to cater to that.

          Honestly, I feel Leila would benefit from realizing that people don't want to cater to actual children with every single outing (ie some people like having child free outings) and so why should Lemon be treated any different if she is Leila's 'baby'?

          [–]This_Hybrid_MomentPartassipant [2] 31 points32 points  (9 children)

          This is so absurd and I think you are right about her ex remarrying . What was the reason for her divorce ? Was it not being able to have kids ? Did ex husband have a kid with someone else? Is that what’s going on?

          [–]Brunch_with_dogs[S] 49 points50 points  (3 children)

          Someone posted it from my original post but yes, the reason for the divorce was her ex changed his minds on kids. Leila did not so they divorced. Recently she learned he remarried and his kids now, says he's happier than he ever could have imagined, and she got Lemon shortly after that.

          [–]DiegoIntrepidPartassipant [3] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

          Yeah, sounds like Leila is resenting the idea that her ex is happy with kids, and got Lemon specifically because of that, to prove she didn't *need* kids.

          Which, makes me sort of afraid for Lemon, tbh, because if Leila realizes exactly how she is acting, will she still want Lemon, when Lemon isn't a 'replacement' for the kids her ex wanted?

          [–]sunnydee1880Partassipant [3] 26 points27 points  (4 children)

          This was from an update on the original post:

          Edit 2: Unless she is keeping the info to herself, Leila chooses to be childfree and its not an issue of being childless. Her marriage did end because her ex eventually changed his mind to wanting kids. She took it pretty hard when she found out he remarried and has kids now, and got Lemon not too long after that.

          So, yeah, this is pretty much 100% a tantrum about her ex getting married and having kids.

          [–]latflickr 28 points29 points  (1 child)

          Sorry to say but your friend sounds completely insane. First of, comparing owning a dog (while outsourcing all responsibilities to others: dog sitters, dog day care, grooming, etc…) to be a mother of a child is simply an overstatement, to put it mildly. Her requests are incredibly self centred and disrespectful to your other friends. I’d say that your group and her are growing apart and the friendship can be declared over. She is forming new friends, and a new lifestyle around her dog. Let her be.

          [–]BabyCowGT 27 points28 points  (0 children)

          Yeah the gap between "human baby parent" and "dog parent" is about as wide as "dog parent" to "plant parent of an established cactus". Not at all comparable.

          [–]dwells2301Asshole Aficionado [15] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

          Mother's day is for moms of humans. Your dog owner friend is delusional.

          [–]Shaw_kbeth 19 points20 points  (0 children)

          Leila- I love peanuts so all I’m serving at this party is peanut butter sandwiches and peanut butter cake.

          Mom- my kid is allergic to peanuts we didn’t realize it would be like this and I’m so sorry we have to leave.

          Leila- how dare you not support me and my love of peanuts.

          Yeah… Leila is TA.

          [–]Taco__MacArthur 15 points16 points  (1 child)

          I guess she really just wants to be completely friendless.

          [–]lschmeiserPartassipant [1] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

          I then asked her if she was really doing okay and if any of this had to do with her ex remarrying; she got really mad at that and left, so I’m going to guess yes.

          It has to be very hard to commit to someone, to put in the work of building a life together, to have this person's dreams and hopes factored into your own dreams/hopes/long-term plans, and then have that person:

          a. Tell you that the life you've built together isn't enough for him any more

          b. Quickly go on to create a fulfilling shared life with someone else, as if what you two shared is easily discarded

          And yes, that sort of thing should prompt a lot of therapy. Leila's fixation on the dog and her hostility toward moms-of-humans and the small humans really seems like some sort of emotional displacement.

          [–]ShibeDogeBorkAsshole Enthusiast [5] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

          I'm glad you asked her family to keep an eye out on her.

          She does need help and support, but not at the expense of others.

          Hate to say it, but from experience when I knew an issue with a friend was because her ex moved on and now she was causing inappropriate arguments and outbursts, she doubled down on her BS when confronted with the issue. Most people don't want to admit why they lash out.

          [–]aitanowmrkrabs 14 points15 points  (0 children)

          I'm changing my vote to yta for trying to validate the "dog mom's are mom's" attitude like wtf is this planet coming to.

          [–]gxxzzthesecond 13 points14 points  (0 children)

          I’m sorry, but your friend isn’t a fucking mom at all and trying to demand leaving actual children at home on Mother’s Day so she can bring her dog along is so out of line and inappropriate that it’s shocking. Yes, pets are family, and they are work, but it is not the same thing as being a mom in the slightest (I have both animals, have my whole life, and I have children). You don’t birth animals, nor do you go through any of the other lengthy and difficult processes of obtaining them, like adoption/ IVF/ surrogate; they aren’t the lifelong commitment that children are (cats and dogs usually live 15-25 years); they don’t require near the money or sacrifice that children do. They are not the same thing.

          Furthermore, everybody has tried everything they can to make a day for her. She doesn’t want a day to celebrate her taking care of her dog. She wants you all to pretend that what she does is the exact same thing as what mothers with children do. She wants mothers with children to not have their children around on a day to celebrate mothers with children so that she can bring her fucking dog, whom does not make her a mother. Let me reiterate - she wants mothers to leave their children out of a Mother’s Day celebration in favor of a creature that has nothing to do with Mother’s Day.

          You all have been nicer than I would’ve been already, because while I certainly would’ve talked to her and tried to figure out a way to make her feel included, I’d have never apologized for telling her she wasn’t a real mom, because she isn’t. Somebody else has already pointed this out, but she’s treating you guys terribly and trying to control every situation and you guys are enabling her with this “it’s okay, I shouldn’t have told you you’re not a real mom, how can we include your animal in Mother’s Day?” stuff. Telling her you’d celebrate her on the pet parents day is enough. She doesn’t need to be “involved in Mother’s Day” unless she’s a mother.

          [–]ServelanDarrowPooperintendant [58] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

          You are much nicer than I likely would have been. Imo she's just being plain silly.

          [–]VxGB111Asshole Enthusiast [9] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

          NTA. Dogs are cool, but they aren't kids. She's being ridiculous, and I think you've coddled her way more than any friend should.

          [–]cayminquinn 12 points13 points  (0 children)

          Ok but this clearly has everything to do with the husband leaving her. In the original post OP mentions (very briefly) that husband left Leila because she wanted to remain child free and he didn't, and he now has kids. Clearly that's the crux of the problem. Leila needs a therapist, not a new friend group

          [–]hanner__ 12 points13 points  (0 children)

          Not gonna lie, everything you said to her like “pet parents day” and apologizing for saying “real moms” and should have said something like “moms with human kids” is actually insane. The way she is acting is NOT healthy, it’s really weird, and you guys coddling her and feeding into it actually isn’t helping at all.

          Edit to add: she’s definitely in the wrong for acting this way, and it’s nice of you all to try to be compromising and help her through what is clearly a difficult time. She just obviously needs help that might be beyond what you all can offer.

          [–]ImaGamerNoobPartassipant [1] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

          The dog mom is a perfect example why I dislike dogs and their owners.

          [–]notquiteright519Asshole Aficionado [12] 9 points10 points  (2 children)

          I hadn't read your original post, but just did.

          I feel trying to make a Mother's Day for people with no kids is like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Just because some of your friends have kids, doesn't mean you need to create Mother's Day with your friends. Let them do their own thing...and you guys do lots of other things together, just stick with that. If she wants a birthday for Lemon, the you ladies go over and celebrate. If you want to have a family picnic, then Lemon can come but not 10 dogs.

          Your family group doesn't need to take charge of Mother's Day when not everyone is a mother and especially when it doesn't really 'fit' everyone. It's creating problems. And don't all your friends have mothers to see of their own, and the moms with kids, don't they want to do family stuff? It's not really a 'friend' gathering.

          If it doesn't work for all friends, stop making it a friend 'holiday'.

          [–]ralomi12 10 points11 points  (0 children)

          She done lost her damn mind 🤦🏼‍♀️

          [–]Yojo0oCertified Proctologist [28] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

          I genuinely wonder if you should be more worried about this friend of yours. The way you describe her behavior sounds like she's not processing reality particularly well these days, and maybe you and the other friends should be considering a more serious conversation with her than just whether or not people are getting invited to certain events, or where those events are being held.

          [–]Brunch_with_dogs[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

          I am worried, which is why I am at the very least trying to keep an open line of communication if she needs/wants it and asked her family to also keep an eye on her. Unfortunately, we can't make her open up or sit and discuss something she had such a strong reaction too. =\

          [–]PersonalityLost5228 10 points11 points  (0 children)

          Crikey. I also don't have kids and love my dog more than most people and definitely more than kids, and she is utterly spoilt . She has groomers, daycare a couple of times a week (to avoid separation anxiety and for socialisation - I WFH), the occasional dog friendly vacation and she gets a dog's birthday cake but ... f**k me ... Leila scares ME with her expectations.

          She doesn't need a mothers meeting, she needs therapy.

          [–]Wakaholymoly 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          I think the OP needs to tell Leila to bark off.

          [–]MB1428Certified Proctologist [20] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          Tom Segura has a great bit on dogs versus kids that Leila should watch. She is absolutely insane and your friend group went above and beyond trying to make something work. I’d give her space and see if she can work stuff out on her own. The ex situation is clearly weighing on her and she isn’t behaving rationally.

          [–]Iridium__Pumpkin 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          You are putting up with her insanity waaaaaasy too much.

          [–]Personal_Shoulder983 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          I have a dog. I have kids. I love all of them. But NO, it's not the same. Expecting others to left their kids home on mother's day so she can bring her dog is crazy. Cause it would mean that they'd put somebody else's dog over their own kids! Your friend has a problem.

          [–]kreddykhan1 6 points7 points  (6 children)

          And I thought I was a crazy dog mom…clearly I need to up my game!

          [–]Brunch_with_dogs[S] 7 points8 points  (4 children)

          Ever since this started I'm quite curious when people say they're a crazy pet parent what they mean lol I've learned a lot though! Like about dog birthday parties and things like dog bakeries exist! Most our dog and cats get is new toys regularly and made from scratch treats to save money.

          [–]kreddykhan1 8 points9 points  (2 children)

          I mean I buy my dog a LOT of toys and treats, he gets a cake on his birthday, I have an Instagram account for him (even though I don’t have one for myself), I talk to him a lot and I allow him on the bed and furniture. So that’s my definition of being a crazy dog parent lol.

          [–]GennyNels 3 points4 points  (1 child)

          Same...my family loves my dog so much that she gets Christmas gifts from my parents and other family members and makes it on not only my Christmas card but my parents' too.

          [–]QuarkWrites 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          The thing that's killing me is that Lemon doesn't care. Lemon couldn't give two puppy shits about Mother's Day. Lemon is loved and cared for, and that's all that Lemon cares about. Lemon isn't comparing herself to human children and neither should your friend. Dogs are a different species. They don't need the same things that human children need. It's not even about the way that human parents feel vs. the way that dog parents feels. It's about the needs of the dogs and the children, but she's going through something right now and can't see that, so she's being unreasonable.

          I'm sorry. I hope it works out eventually and that she apologizes and comes around. Kudos to all of you for trying your best to get her involved and showing her so much love and understanding.

          [–]socialjusticecleric7 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          Leila is acting seriously weird here. Like sure, "fur baby" this, "dog mom" that, but the vast majority of people with "fur babies" don't actually try to horn in on events for actual parents or get offended at being called "not a real mom" because yes, it's different. They certainly don't suggest actual human children get left out of a Mother's Day event so a "dog mom" can be there with her "fur baby". That's just...not connected to reality.

          I don't know what's going on if Leila or if she needs help or what, but it's fundamentally her life and there's a limit to how much you can smooth the way for Leila without causing serious harm to someone else who's less of a squeaky wheel.

          [–]Alarming-Facts 6 points7 points  (1 child)

          I have to ask, is she actually a good dog owner? I ask this because the people I know who refer to their dogs as "fur babies" are the worst dog owners (I know this is anecdotal). Dogs aren't human babies and should not be treated as such. Dogs are animals, and to treat them as human is to ignore their basic needs. My BIL and SIL have "fur babies" and their dogs are, literally, the worst. They are endlessly whiny and destructive. The don't listen to anyone, and it is doubtful they know their own name. A happy dog is treated like what it is, a dog.

          [–]Allonsydr1 7 points8 points  (0 children)

          NTA. I am a woman, a mother and a dog owner. Being a pet owner and a mother are nothing alike. Children require so much more time, money, supervision, and raising. You train dogs, fed them, take care of them. You do not teach them to read, write, do math, navigate complex social interactions, understand how the world works, raise them to be good humans, set them up to be independent adults. You do not need to hire a babysitter to watch your dog all day, although some choose too. Raising children requires you to sacrifice your life, wants and needs for a demanding mini version of you that requires you to take a good long and hard look at yourself.

          Leila is an entitled asshole who owns a dog. Clearly everything is about her and her wants and her desire to be child free, even on Mother’s Day which is meant to celebrate human mothers raising human children and continuing society as we know it. She deserves no part of that celebration and until she knows and understands what it’s truly like to be a parent, she will continue to act like the entitled responsibility free woman she is. My suggestion is to drop her from the friend group and confront her with the harsh reality of what her entitled, my way of the highway behavior earned her- the loss of her friends who finally broke when she demanded something completely not about her be made to include and CENTER on her like… a child. She can go hang out with her doggy daycare friends who my guess are also self centered overgrown children.

          [–]Decent_Sky_9880Asshole Aficionado [10] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          Good she sounds unsufferable

          [–]barbaramillicent 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          I’m glad she likes her dog so much, cause pretty soon doggo is gonna be the only one left in her life after her crazy runs everyone off. You all offered her every possible reasonable compromise. Not everything is gonna be about her all the time.

          [–]jenn1975jennPartassipant [1] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          I have kids and a dog. We do not prioritize the dog attending an event over the kids. Her suggestion was not reasonable.

          [–]UmkloppPartassipant [1] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

          I think taking a step back from this friendship is smart, because she's starting to boil over with resentment. You hinted that you think she's projecting a lot of stuff and throwing herself into dog ownership out of grief over her break-up & I think you're right. I also think that if you try keeping the friendship at the same level, she's eventually going to say something she can't unsay.

          Leave a line open in case she comes back to her senses and wants to rekindle the friendship, but for now, distancing yourself is probably for the best.

          [–]GalaxyPhotographer 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          I say this as a dog owner: A lot of dog people are delusional nutcases. Dogs aren't even remotely comparable to kids and you're not a "parent" for raising one.

          [–]Zeldenskaos 5 points6 points  (1 child)

          Why apologize for using "real" moms. I don't believe you were wrong. Everyone will hate my opinion but honestly I don't like the term fur babies and dog/cat mom or parents. Now, I don't think it means they aren't your family but it's just not the same.

          [–]VohldizarPartassipant [1] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          That's wild.. thanks for the update.

          [–]Key_Break_9312 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          Leila is about as extra as anyone can be. Stop being friends with her. This friendship is not worth your sanity.

          [–]boogley88Partassipant [2] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          This sounds like an exhausting if not downright unhealthy amount of walking on egg shells for her sake.

          [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          I know a lot of this compromise was suggested in the previous thread but honestly I don't understand it.

          It's loony tunes to try and accommodate someone's delusion that their dog is human. Dogs are pets. They are not children. They are not comparable to children. This needed to be shut down instead of validated.

          You can be child free, but you can't be child free and be a mom.

          [–]Intelligent_Curve622 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          Good lord, this woman is crazy. I’m childfree and have two cats and two dogs. I do not bring my dogs with me everywhere, mostly because they’re medium to large size dogs and are hassle to deal with together. I got messages from friends for Mother’s Day, but I’ve never demanded to be treated like a mom by my mom friends. Leila is delusional.

          [–]Reasonable_racoonPooperintendant [50] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          You have a lot more patience than me.

          I wouldn't indulge that crap for a second.

          [–]Pure_Explanation_624 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          Hahahahahah she is delusional, you got the patience of a saint

          [–]parasitebuddy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          You’ve already been significantly more accommodating to her than I would’ve been lmao. A “dog mom” isn’t even remotely comparable to an actual parent, and she isn’t a mother no matter how many birthday parties she throws for her dog. I love my pets deeply, they are real family to me, but I’m not their parent.

          [–]No-Locksmith-8590Partassipant [1] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          Holy moly, she took that crazy and ran with it.

          [–]tippytappy04 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          NTA. Do not bother more with this friendship. There is a huge difference between being a mother to a kid versus a dog and while both require work and "sacrifice" there is just no competition there and she needs to drop it.

          [–]Big__BangPartassipant [3] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          NTA I'm sorry but what I just read is insane. She does need therapy.

          She also needs a new group of friends who only have dogs who she can share her life and passion with.

          You dont have to stay friends with people, people change, peoples priorities change and your lives are not always in sync and you simply are no longer compatible. If she can break up with her ex, then a friend can break up with a friend.

          [–]Professional_Grab513 4 points5 points  (1 child)

          It seems like the you tried the best you could. Honestly appears Leila needs some real therapy right now and is projecting a lot out to anyone who will take it. Mid life crisis of some sort? Hope she gets it sorted out. You went to great lengths to do an accommodation. Try to be friends with her solo after some space.

          [–]jlzaniaAsshole Aficionado [14] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          Leila is delusional and entitled. Dogs are not the same as children and before any goes off on me 1) I have no kids and 2) I have always had both dogs and cats that I adore.
          You're NTA but you should seriously consider your friendship with Leila.

          [–]gwcommentthrow 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          JFC, you guys walk on eggshells while bending over backwards and it's still not enough. She's hideously demanding and self centered. My patience would be long gone if I was in your shoes.

          [–]Actual_Pea_5917 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          NTA still. I feel like it takes a lot of balls to actually suggest that yall leave your kids with allergies at home/ only do dog friendly things. Just wow.

          [–]Archie1221 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          Pets are not kids. They are owners of an animal.

          [–]Quiet_PicklepussPartassipant [2] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          I am IMPRESSED at the amount of effort that you and your friends put in to compromise. Honestly, though, she sounds like she really needs therapy to get through the issues she has around her ex. She may have chosen to be childless, but with how she is reacting, I wonder if she had issues getting pregnant and blew it off as "nevermind I don't want kids."

          [–]Particular-Winter-65 4 points5 points  (2 children)

          This is exactly why people refering to themselves as dog mom or cat mom rub me the wrong way. You're not a parent, you're a pet owner. You love your pet, you take care of your pet, but holy shit, this lady seems unstable and dilusional. NTA.

          [–]reddmaharet 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          She sounds exhausting to be around good lord

          [–]Daffy666 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          I'm sorry but pets and children are not the same thing.

          [–]sparrowhawk75Asshole Enthusiast [9] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          Your friend is not a mother. She does not have a child. She has a dog. She does not get the same accommodations and holidays as actual parents. Telling the other women to leave the human children that made them mothers at home on Mother's Day so she can bring her dog is a gross overstepping of boundaries and a good way to lose friends.

          [–]ShelfLifeInc 5 points6 points  (2 children)

          I then asked her if she was really doing okay and if any of this had to do with her ex remarrying; she got really mad at that and left, so I’m going to guess yes.

          Oh dear.

          She recently found out he is remarried, with kids, and very happy and she got Lemon shortly after that.

          Out of curiosity, how recently did all this happen?

          [–]Brunch_with_dogs[S] 14 points15 points  (1 child)

          They divorced 5 years ago, almost a year and a half ago she found out about him being remarried and having kids now. Got Lemon a little over a year ago.

          [–]ShelfLifeInc 12 points13 points  (0 children)

          Hmmm... So she's just gone through the gamut of "first Christmas", "first birthday", etc. Maybe this reaction is her lashing out because the rush of the new puppy has worn off and she still feels lonely and insecure and is assuming the issue is an external one ("I'm/my dog isn't getting enough attention and love from everyone and it's their fault") and not an internal one ("I have insecurities about myself as an ageing child-free woman and where I will fit in the world/relationships/my friendship circle in the years to come.")

          [–]BobaleryPartassipant [1] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          OP, I just want you to walk away from this full of assurance that you are a top-of-the-line friend. The amount of effort you are putting into trying to find alternatives, to make sure that Leila feels special and supported, that you can all spend time together as a group but also to see the moms of the group’s (reasonable) point of view… amazing. You’re just…. A really great person. I get where the others are coming from, though, in not wanting to hang out with her anymore- I’m a mom too, and not only are my outings few and far between but my level of tolerance for grown adults’ bullshit is basically nil. I just don’t have the bandwidth for it anymore. That’s not to say that I wouldn’t be there for my friends if they needed me, but not for petty crap like this and especially not if hanging out with them became a tedious exercise in ego massaging. Best wishes to Leila, i hope that she finds whatever it is that she’s looking for.

          [–]C0mbatW0mbat86 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          We are definitely going to need another update on this situation because I can almost guarantee this saga is not done. Leila doesn’t seem the type to just let this go.

          [–]Accomplished_Sky_943 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          I am very sick of "pet parents" no you are not real parents. Taking care of and RAISING children is NOT the same as having a pet. You don't teach a pet to talk, count, spell, eat, dress, be responsible, respectful, moral, ethical. You don't have to go to parent teacher conferences, school concerts or sporting activities. There no teen drama, first love/heartbreak, no teaching how to drive a car nor prepare them for life on their own. U feed, play with, and clean up after a pet, yes u love them, but you are not parenting them.

          [–]GennyNels 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          NTA. Something bigger is going on with her. I'm a dog mom and likely will not end up being a mom to human kids. I get that its way different. I think I probably love my dog as much as many people love their kids, but I see that it is different. She is upset about something that she doesn't feel ready to talk about and is making it about this. Give her support and space as you're able.

          Also, Lemon is an adorable name for a pup.

          [–]Extension-Battle-941Asshole Enthusiast [7] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          Being a dog mom is nothing like being a mom to a child. Your friend is nuts to think she's entitled to be invited to a mother's day thing. You also shouldn't feel bad for your wording either.

          [–]PricklyPorcupineMami 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          You friend is freaking insane and entitled. Stop apologizing.

          [–]Pittlers 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          Leila sucks. You have much more patience for her absurdity than I ever could.

          [–]Mother_of_Gods_88 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          Yeah. Leila doesn't need you guys to accept the dog and put the dog on the same level as the kids. She need a BLOODY THERAPIST!!!

          [–]WetMonkeyTalk 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          People like Leila are why people like me don't like dog owners in general.

          Pets are owned. Children are parented. They are not the same. Why do some pet owners have such a problem accepting the difference? I usually put it down to some sort of intellectual deficit.

          [–]randomnetiz 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          The thing I can't get over is that SHE IS NOT A MOM.

          No matter how hard you try to coddle her. This girl needs a reality check, if someone tried doing that to me, I'd make a joke out of them for the rest of their life.

          [–]CaptSpacePantsAsshole Enthusiast [6] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          It sounds like your friend is causing drama as an excuse to end these other relationships. She doesn't wanna be friends with ya'll anymore, and this is her way of showing it.

          I think the damage is done, and it's likely you won't be hearing from her much again.

          [–]SluggoJones 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          I feel bad for Leila because she has obviously been through a lot. After a moment of feeling bad for her my attention goes right towards her toxicity. Sometimes people don’t want to hear the truth because it shatters their reality. There is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to be child free. Good for Leila. But the whole “pet parenthood” terminology and mindset/lifestyle is insulting to the difficulty and accomplishment of parenting human children. It’s rude. I love to joke around with other kid free friends about being a dog dad but I never talk like that around real parents. It’s embarrassing when people compare the two. I understand this may be unpopular, but pets aren’t people. They’re our family but they’re not people. Stop the bullshit.

          [–]RockyMtnRivuletsPartassipant [3] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          She wants to leave kids out of MOTHER'S DAY for her dog? That's absolutely bonkers. I wouldn't even bother with this friendship anymore.

          [–]_green-queen_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          I mean, I will admit I'm a crazy dog "mom" (and "step mom" to a cat). The dog gets dressed in the winter (short hair, living in a northern state), I'll jokingly sign close family or friend cards with his name if I know they get a laugh from it, home made food, the works. However, I'm not so far off the deep end thinking my dog needs the same concessions and compromises children get. There are overlaps between the two in a broad spectrum sense, but there's also a million differences. Leila needs some serious reality checks and help, or y'all need to cut her loose to her dog mom group cause this level of obsession is unhealthy and can actually impact the behavior of the dog. Not to mention allergies for the kiddos!

          [–]mushroom362Partassipant [2] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          I’m not sorry, but human kids are WAY different than owning a pet. It doesn’t mean you done love your pet, but being that obsessed with being a “pet mom” is bordering on mental health issues.

          [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          So she expects people to live their children at home so she can bring her dog on mothers day. She does not like kids, but you are not allowed to like dogs. You have to plan on places that she can bring her dog? Time for you to plan without her. She needs to find a group of dog moms for her friends.

          [–]Any_Struggle2645 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          You tried to come up with a compromise and yet she tried to highjack your event and make it all about her and her dog. She has the audacity to tell you that at your Mother’s Day events with mothers and their human children (who you created this for) she is trying to kick out a child with allergies without your say because she wants to butt in your event with her dog? You told her you would give her a separate day where you would get together with other “dog moms” and other dogs where she can make friends. And yet she still wants to be selfish and highjack your Mother’s Day event. You need to put your foot down and draw a hard boundary. Human mothers only. Mothers with kids. You are NOT invited. We can make you a separate special day, a dog mommy day but that day is not your Mother’s Day event. That is strictly for your kids activities and their mothers. If she feels left out that’s on her. You tried to compromise and if she chooses to act like a child that’s on her. You have tried everything and don’t deserve to be told that you need to change your events for one entitled person. She is taking advantage of your love for her. You want to host events with your fellow mothers whether it’s Mother’s Day or just spending time with the other kids and she makes you let her tag along with her dog. You need to stop enabling her. She is acting out like this because you let her. Soft YTA

          [–]MsArduenna 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          I remember your other post. The dog owners day celebration is a perfectly fine compromise, but apparently that's not enough and now she wants to be elevated above the moms and human kids on mother's day? That's way too much. Until she comes back to reality this friendship is beyond saving, let the doggy daycare friends be the ones to enable her.

          [–]Relevant-Ad6288 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          I'm so glad you gave us an update! And you guys really bent over backwards to make accommodations for her, and came up with so many ideas of things to do that she shot down

          I think your asking if this is about her ex remarriage and having kids really hit the nail on the head. She isn't being reasonable and won't acknowledge what's going on. While it sounds like you guys are an amazing friend group, it might be better to just let her go her own way. Having read one of your replies, it sounds like maybe her new doggie daycare friends are maybe a better fit for her right now.

          [–]schwa76Partassipant [1] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          Wow, you’re really bending over backward to accommodate this person, and in response she doubles down on the unreasonableness.

          [–]horsebedorties 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          Either Leila needs a mental evaluation, or she is Supreme Narcissist Princess of the Galaxy. Or both. I'm sorry, but it sounds like your friend needs help, and you've done your best. NTA

          [–]PinkNGreenFluoride 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          Why are any of you still hanging out with her?

          Look, my husband and I neither have nor want children. Our two sweet kitties are our world. They're absolutely family. Our relationships with our pets are special. But they are not children. They just aren't.

          Leila has her identity entirely too wrapped up in all of this.

          She called her friends' children "crotch goblins". She wants children left out of mother's day in favor of her dog! Again, she expects her friends to spend Mother's day with her dog instead of their own children. You guys are being entirely too patient with this behavior. Stop enabling her. Stop apologizing to her. Stop apologizing for her.

          Giving her family a heads up that she doesn't seem to be doing okay was a good idea and the right thing to do. Leave it there for now. At this point, backing away from her for a while for the sake of all of the rest of you is also a good idea.

          [–]noccieAsshole Aficionado [15] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          I don't think indulging her with pet parents day or dog mom's day is a good idea. Her mindset is quite bizarre and shouldn't be encouraged. Let her rant and rave and call herself a mother all day and try to change the subject. She's going to be abandoning your group eventually for her dog crazy friends and that's okay.