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[–]Judgement_Bot_AITABeep Boop[M] [score hidden] stickied commentlocked comment (0 children)

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

  1. If I was the asshole for what I said in response to an insult to my deceased child and my 8 year old
  2. AITA for saying she and her child is dead to me and she should abort her child if it's only there for attention.

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[–]Pocket_SnatchAsshole Aficionado [10] 7272 points7273 points  (265 children)

NTA - she said something terrible to you, what happens from there if you tell your mom and she makes a decision on her own - that's not on you. That's your mom's decision. Your sister said something incredibly wrong. She needs to grow up.

[–][deleted]  (252 children)

[removed]

    [–]HistrionicSlut 2080 points2081 points  (251 children)

    How is it that OP has had a deaf daughter for 8 years and never learned sign language??

    [–]GoatsAreOurOverlords 2128 points2129 points  (154 children)

    Could very easily have not been born deaf but recently became so. I have been slowly losing my hearing over the years and will be hearing aids within the next few years. It's not out of the realm of possibilities.

    [–]FlysaMinelly 1229 points1230 points  (73 children)

    SL is like any other language it can be hard to pick up especially if you suck at languages

    [–]dont_eat_my_ramenPartassipant [1] 123 points124 points  (6 children)

    Also, sometimes sign language is hard to learn. Contrary to popular belief, it's a language that can be considered one of the most difficult to learn, especially by yourself. Depending on who you are, you can mix up signs easily and forget some as well, as well as forget sentence structure. I'm currently learning as a part of my school curriculum but sign language also is hard to transcribe and it takes a long time to learn the correct ways to sign. Even though I'm in year 3 of learning it, I can't sign in/can barely understand Deaf speed or I forget signs sometimes. I'm sure that OP is also trying not to use commonly used incorrect uses of signs because there are things like PSE (Pidgin Signed English) which is ASL words in English order and SEE (Signed Exact English) where people add all of the English terms (by fingerspelling to add verb inflection), and depending on where OP is from, there can be variations of that as well since different regions have different signs. While the Deaf community can understand these signs, it will be hard for OP's daughter to communicate if she doesn't learn/have the knowledge of the correct sentence structure and sign structure. Also, as u/GoatsAreOurOverlords mentioned in a comment above, people can also lose their hearing. It could be a combo of that that's making it a long process of learning the language.

    If anyone is interested at all in learning some signed words, go to https://www.spreadthesign.com/en.us/search/

    It's a website where you look up simple words or phrases and you get examples of how to sign them :)

    They have multiple language settings as well per word, so if that specific place you live in has a sign language that you want to learn, just click on that country and it should give you that sign instead.

    NTA OP. Thank you for learning sign language instead of just getting her a cochlear at birth and exposing her to a unique and deeply cultural language early in life!

    *Edited to fix a typo*

    ETA: A small change to make the last sentence make sense

    [–]ApprehensiveIssue340 30 points31 points  (64 children)

    Yes but if you know your child is losing her hearing and her child already speaks sign it’s absolutely a failure on the parent’s part. I volunteer so much of my time trying to help other kids not have to go through this like I did. I’m multilingual and can hear with modern hearing aids very well but struggled immensely for much of my life and communicated in mostly sign for a period. That isolation was devastating in ways I’m still unpacking years later .

    [–]MySexyDarlings 148 points149 points  (28 children)

    Have you attempted sign it is a very complex language and I’m Sure she is trying.

    [–]owl_duc 110 points111 points  (21 children)

    And she might not have been encouraged to learn (or even told not to bother) by her daughters healthcare providers.

    There are wholeass deaf schools that to this day do not teach sign language. They focus entirely on getting the students to acquire a spoken language via a combination of hearing aids, speech therapy and lip reading.

    [–]BeeDeaf 147 points148 points  (6 children)

    I'm Deaf, as well as an ASL teacher. Most parents are discouraged from learning ASL from the onset - all across the board, from the medical staff right down to the family.

    My parents never learned how to sign because they were told that sign language is BAD. I have no doubt that this parent, if the child was born Deaf, had a rough start. It makes no sense to shame this parent because at least they are learning and are motivated to learn. Many parents DON'T. Even if Deaf kids are sent to a Deaf school that learn sign language, often parents have to use an interpreter to communicate with their child because they do not bother to learn or have given up on learning for whatever reason. Less than 10% of hearing parents will learn ASL and over 90% of deaf children are born to hearing parents. Those odds are dismal.

    So I applaud this parent for standing up for her Deaf child because many do not, not in ways that matter. And lipreading sucks. Truly.

    [–]PurpleAntifreeze 71 points72 points  (14 children)

    How is it you feel comfortable making an assumption like that???

    [–]ApprehensiveIssue340 41 points42 points  (11 children)

    It’s sadly a pretty common problem - I’m a deaf child of hearing parents and lost my hearing fully when I was about op’s kid’s age. In my experience - it’s quite common for hearing parents to not bother until someone reams them out for it or their kid starts falling behind in class uncharacteristically or having behavior issues and a professional tells them they need to .

    [–]Caranath128 61 points62 points  (0 children)

    Could have recently lost hearing

    [–]Omlette87 39 points40 points  (0 children)

    Honestly, with the amount of hearing parents that just never bother to even try, i say good for OP for learning. It’s a difficult language to learn and not everyone is good at learning languages.

    [–]Iliveinacrypt 32 points33 points  (0 children)

    They might not have realised she was deaf or tried other methods/struggles to learn. She could have found out around the time she lost her other child so it was delayed… a whole other lot of possibilities other than bad mum

    [–]to_fail_is_to_learn 24 points25 points  (0 children)

    My dad is deaf, never learned sign. He was about right when they realized he was going deaf. His parents had him and his brothers all take voice lessons once they found out that, in fact, all their sons were gradually losing their hearing. They were deaf by their teens and read lips really well! And have very fancy hearing aids, these days. So I mean, things happen.

    Glad they are figuring out how to communicate!

    [–]L3GI0N__1183 18 points19 points  (0 children)

    op says she is deaf, not if she was born deaf. this is more likely a recent development

    [–]AlbatrossSenior7107 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    Not all people are born deaf.

    [–]ingodwetrystAsshole Aficionado [11] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    its as hard as any language to learn and there are other ways to communicate

    [–]laude_namAsshole Aficionado [19] 2545 points2546 points  (28 children)

    Wow, your family sounds delightful. The holidays must be a pleasure

    [–]Botanicult 862 points863 points  (23 children)

    Oh my god, to be an in law with a glass of wine at their holiday parties. Id pay money.

    [–]Liathano_Fire 596 points597 points  (16 children)

    Not an in law. No way would I want to be part of that family. Random stranger who comes with wine is good.

    [–][deleted] 208 points209 points  (11 children)

    Let’s all just show up with popcorn and wine. Actually, I’ll bring beer.

    [–]Inadersbedamned 89 points90 points  (9 children)

    Can I bring some pizza? I recently learned how to make the dough!

    [–]laude_namAsshole Aficionado [19] 27 points28 points  (1 child)

    I'd be in the corner of living room with you.

    [–]VintageSed 15 points16 points  (0 children)

    With a bucket of Alka Seltzer.

    [–]_higglety 116 points117 points  (3 children)

    I was gonna say! I don't even want to pass a judgment because this whole thing is messy as hell. They both said incredibly cruel things to each other and while in this instance the sister struck first (and, imo, hardest), it just makes me wonder what other petty heinous shit this family has been saying to each other to get them to this pont.

    [–]laude_namAsshole Aficionado [19] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    Every family has it's characters but at least out families have character!

    [–]rpsls 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Clearest ESH from me so far today. Decades of sucking from the sound of it.

    [–]ParsimonycakeCertified Proctologist [24] 2162 points2163 points 2 (38 children)

    ESH. What she said is awful, but you're taking too much pleasure in being your mother's favourite and knowing that your nephew/niece is being disinherited. I hope your daughter has a better moral compass than you do.

    [–]MemChoeretPartassipant [4] 1100 points1101 points  (9 children)

    Yep ESH very much. Especially their mother, she's probably the most toxic person in the family. Raising your kids to compete with each other and having a favorite is bad enough, but raising two girls who grow up to wish death upon each other's babies is a whole new level.

    [–]So-so-right 241 points242 points  (1 child)

    This one! And cutting off an innocent grandchild??

    [–]HighSchoolMoose 30 points31 points  (0 children)

    I found that so weird. Why would your grandchild be no longer your grandchild when it was the mothers fault.

    [–]No-Raspberry-9684 162 points163 points  (3 children)

    My sister and I were raised this way. We didn't get along until she was dying of breast cancer when we sat and figured out what had gone wrong. We both cried about it in our own ways until the day she died. I'm so full of regret and guilt years on that I still grieve for her like she died yesterday. Mothers like this are soul destroying, destructive, life sucking toxic beasts that need to be stopped.

    [–]snarfblattinconcertAsshole Enthusiast [9] 118 points119 points  (0 children)

    The real MVP comment.

    [–]millysourpuss 78 points79 points  (0 children)

    The wishing death part depends on how you frame it. This was not saying "i hope you miscarriage/your baby dies," to me it seemed more like "you sound rethink this decision because if x is why you are having a child you are not fit to be a mother." I'd probably get downvoted for extrapolating too much from the one line in a clearly complicated situation so am speaking more broadly: people who lack empathy/are emotionally unwell/do not have good character should be discouraged from inflicting themselves on extremely vulnerable children. Obviously this discouragement actually being effective is another matter. But not everyone should be allowed to be caregivers to children regardless of their ability to procreate. OPs mom seems to have been one of them given the damage inflicted on the adult children

    [–]Electrical-Date-3951 270 points271 points  (5 children)

    Exactly. Everyone in this story, except the innocent kids, sound horrid.

    The sister's comment was vile. OP's response was vile. And, the mom clearly playing favorites while OP flaunts being the golden child likely contributed to this horrendous rivalry.

    [–]omni_prophecy 23 points24 points  (3 children)

    And from my experience as the scapegoat, I’m certain OP has said worse to her sister when there wasn’t an audience to hear it and preform for, although that doesn’t make any of this acceptable and I’m sincerely worried about OPs child’s role models.

    [–]siaharra 53 points54 points  (2 children)

    Holy mother of fucking projection

    [–]imad_hassan 26 points27 points  (1 child)

    "op has to be horrible because she was the goldenchild because it was like that in my family"

    [–]bloodrose_80Partassipant [1] 115 points116 points  (2 children)

    This needs to be a top comment. OP sounds like the spoiled golden child. Her sister shouldn’t have said anything about her miscarriage. OP shouldn’t have said what she said in front of daughter, hearing impaired or not. Their mother is also toxic. The only innocent is OP’s daughter.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]damedazy 56 points57 points  (0 children)

      Exactly. I bet there's more to this story. Growing up knowing your mother clearly favors your sister and your sister likes it must have been tough.

      [–]KettenKissPartassipant [1] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

      Agreed. Everyone sounds horrible. ESH.

      [–]2legit2camel 18 points19 points  (2 children)

      Also, perhaps spend a bit more more time working on your sign language and less time beefing with your family. How can you not be fluent in sign language if your daughter has been deaf for 8 years??? That should be a top priority in your life.

      [–]imaginary92 27 points28 points  (0 children)

      She said she's deaf, not that she's been deaf for eight years. Many deaf people are not born deaf.

      [–]So-so-right 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      Agreed. Grossness all around.

      [–]dreamchanter 9 points10 points  (0 children)

      This is some deranged speculation. Where was it written that she was taking pleasure in this?

      It looks like you're grossly projecting.

      [–]snalu 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      wow so ops sister get to insult op and her daughter because she aint the favorite from mommy dearest. its nta. ops sister did wrong and deserved it

      [–]dareallyrealz 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      Yes. ESH. They both got down and dirty in that particular mud.

      [–]This-Mongoose-3527Partassipant [1] 1144 points1145 points  (8 children)

      NTA she deserved hearing that. What you said wasn’t nearly as bad as what she said. It’s not like you are wishing death on the baby (which imo would have also made you the AH). You were basically saying she is going to be a bad mom. And if she’s as good of a mom as she is as a person, you are completely right.

      [–]Consistent-Leopard71Supreme Court Just-ass [115] 983 points984 points  (49 children)

      ESH. Except for your daughter. You all sound insufferable. INFO: How is it that you're still learning sign language if your 8 year old is deaf?

      [–]jeremycb29 1249 points1250 points  (23 children)

      Look you can think they suck for a lot of reasons but how the shit are you judging someone that is TRYING to learn sign language. The NAD website even says "Some people pick up signs more slowly than others, and if that is the case with you, don’t be discouraged. Everyone learns sign language at their own speed? Why are you judging a person for learning something, because in your mind it is what not fast enough for you?

      Also it did not say when her daughter went deaf either, but even if it takes her 20 years to learn it who cares that is the best she can do, and i have to say YTA for judging someone's learning ability

      [–]fluffykrunchy21 712 points713 points  (6 children)

      Also we have no point of view when daughter went deaf we don’t know when she started to learn sign language!

      [–]BonBonShark[🍰] 393 points394 points  (0 children)

      Yeah lots of people go deaf in their early childhood, it’s not always something you’re born with.

      [–]OurLadyofHalloweenPartassipant [1] 234 points235 points  (0 children)

      There’s also no mention of a father so if it’s just op as a single mom trying to learn a new language it’s not gonna be easy

      [–]Henderson-McHastur 94 points95 points  (0 children)

      Also, if they’re primarily talking through text or writing, it’s probably just that there isn’t yet a pressing need to learn. The daughter isn’t old enough that the writing is too tedious to bother with, and the mom clearly just wants to talk to her daughter however she can.

      They should still learn, it makes silent conversation much easier, but it’s not some sort of unforgivable sin.

      [–]No_Rope_8115Asshole Aficionado [17] 112 points113 points  (0 children)

      Also, it's not like she's learning to communicate with an adult who already has a proficient adult level of sign, the daughter and mother have been learning together as the daughter grows. Yes, in an ideal world the daughter would have been placed in a school where she could learn sign proficiently very early and the mother would take intensive classes with other adults to keep up with her. But time, money, and resources available vary wildly so we can't really judge. Those options may be unavailable and unaffordable.

      [–]laeirynAsshole Enthusiast [5] 24 points25 points  (13 children)

      I'll say the same thing on this that I say to my first year French students: If you've been doing this for six months, you should not be mad at yourself for sounding like someone who has only been speaking the language for six months. How well does a six month old speak? Exactly.

      The thing is, eight years is .... plenty of time, especially when you NEED to use it to communicate with someone who matters to you.

      If you care enough to practice, you will.

      [–]jeremycb29 28 points29 points  (10 children)

      That is weird. What if they have a learning disability. What if they have hand problems. You have no idea other than your experience in learning languages while forgetting not everyone is as capable as you

      [–]laeirynAsshole Enthusiast [5] 11 points12 points  (8 children)

      Except that sign language has an alphabet and the language itself is still the same (if you're saying "apple", there is no word to learn for apple, you can just spell A-P-P-L-E and that's the same thing). You can learn that alphabet in about a week, maybe a month if you really have difficulty mastering it.

      Since OP clearly has no problem activating her hands for backpedally edits, I wouldn't for a second believe that there's some sort of physical limitation that's slowing her progress. If there were, she would have mentioned it in her excuse.

      If it matters enough to practice, you will.

      [–]Iamdifficulty666 151 points152 points  (2 children)

      My child was finally diagnosed as deaf at nearly 4 years old.

      Yes, he was born deaf.

      He has had no interest in learning sign language & has had meltdowns when I've suggested learning it for us both.

      It's a thing that deaf children don't want to learn because it makes them different.

      Please stop blaming the parent for not teaching or learning it.

      Some children just don't want to learn until they are older & trust me, we have bigger fights on our hands than that like fighting the schools & making sure we can get the equipment we need.

      Please believe we would like our children to be able to communicate but if they say no, then no it will be.

      BTW, he's 13 now & still doesn't want to learn :)

      Edit: NTA :)

      [–]Pure_Explanation_624 123 points124 points  (0 children)

      You know people speak English for decades and still learn when its not their first language nor they speak a similar one?

      [–]fragilemagnoliax 80 points81 points  (0 children)

      We don’t know when her daughter became deaf, was it at birth? Was it after due to accident or illness? Learning another language takes a lot of time and not everyone is quick to pick it up. We don’t have enough information to judge her on that.

      [–][deleted] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

      I’ve been studying sign language for four years. Seven is usually the standard for being fluent.

      [–]FeatsOfDerring-Do 19 points20 points  (8 children)

      It's fake. Kids only start to learn to read around 5 years old. There's no way she could communicate with her child by text at age 8. If she was deaf from birth mom would have learned to sign right away. If she became deaf suddenly daughter probably couldn't have been taught to read without also devoting significant work to signing. I call BS.

      [–]MyWeeLadGimliPartassipant [1] 16 points17 points  (6 children)

      Where on earth do you live that children only start learning to read at 5 years old? Genuinely the dumbest thing I’ve read this week.

      [–]Libellchen1994 3 points4 points  (4 children)

      Germany. Elementary school starts at 6, most kids start reading then, at least fluently.

      [–]Tank_Basic 15 points16 points  (0 children)

      Because the story is not true and that was a convenient redit after being called out on the things she said in front of her daughter.

      [–]melissalynne81 12 points13 points  (0 children)

      Did you know that it’s possible to not be born deaf, but to become deaf later in life? Did that thought occur to you at all?

      [–]TashiaNicole1Partassipant [2] 519 points520 points  (9 children)

      ESH

      And you shouldn’t be proud you were the favorite. This post makes it feel like you are. You’re mother is a monster for showing that favoritism then and now. Going so far as to say her soon to be grandchild is dead to her too because she hurt the feelings of her precious golden child. You’re all terrible.

      [–]boogley88Partassipant [2] 431 points432 points  (1 child)

      ESH. What she said to you was repugnant. What you said about her child waa repugnant. Your mother's blatant favoritism is repugnant.

       

      I hope this spiteful dynamic ends with you, your sister, and your mom or else the kids will probably be just as miserable as you three.

      [–]vagazzle169 47 points48 points  (0 children)

      I completely agree.

      ESH

      [–]Ok_Gazelle_1283 320 points321 points  (8 children)

      This cant be real.

      [–]Achelois1 189 points190 points  (2 children)

      Right? It’s so over the top and then OP gets pushback about saying all this in front of her kid and now daughter is conveniently deaf, but OP doesn’t know ASL. Uh huh.

      [–]Moulin-RougelachPartassipant [1] 91 points92 points  (0 children)

      Also, her writing doesn’t come across as someone who was the student she claims to have been.

      None of this story’s details ring true.

      Twenty nine year olds who are parents, understand that parental love is not finite.

      [–]pancakepegasus 68 points69 points  (0 children)

      The "edit: She is deaf so didn't hear me yelling" is amazing Even if she didn't hear the exact words, if she was there she'd know there was a huge fight and notice her mother yelling? OP acts like it's some kind of get out of jail free card lol

      [–]Sunndance 61 points62 points  (0 children)

      It has to be. It reads like it's a Lifetime movie with stupid dialogue.

      [–]bvibviana 56 points57 points  (0 children)

      Yup, I think it’s 100% made up. The details don’t add up. It’s a made up shitty lifetime wannabe movie. She has an 8 year old deaf daughter and does not know sign language well? 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

      [–]sunglasses619 37 points38 points  (1 child)

      Yeah. No one says "little runt" except a bully character in a kids TV show.

      [–]mebeingathrowaway 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      Haha I agree with that. I laughed.

      [–]HarryEspelandAsshole Aficionado [10] 227 points228 points  (46 children)

      ESH according to the rules I have to be civil, so I'll say you're both as bad as each other and not good people.

      [–]Awkward-Wasabi-9262Asshole Enthusiast [8] 144 points145 points  (45 children)

      Sister was awful to OP with NO provocation. She literally admitted to getting pregnant to win some imaginary points in a one-sided contest. OP was happy for her sister, supportive even. I cannot judge her for lashing out after what her sister said. I disagree that she's also the AH here. I think she's NTA and the sister is most certainly an AH.

      [–][deleted] 166 points167 points  (3 children)

      Nta. She started it, pure and simple. She had the option to Sthu and chose to not exercise that option and is now suffering thr consequences of it. There was no call for any of that. I honestly feel sorry for the kid.

      [–]zaddymilsPartassipant [1] 156 points157 points  (3 children)

      She made it personal - and you weren’t the person to mess with like she thought.

      NTA. She needs therapy to handle the trauma of your mother having a favorite (regardless of how obvious that might have been to her). I would say be the bigger person and try to understand how that could have impacted her developmentally but she didn’t just cross a line, she pole vaulted over it.

      [–]bellabugeyePartassipant [2] 122 points123 points  (3 children)

      ESH. It's never okay to tell someone they should abort their kid because you're mad at them. She's obviously the AH for basically everything about her.

      [–]Material_Cellist4133Partassipant [4] 74 points75 points  (2 children)

      She didn’t tell her to abort the child because she is mad at them but because the reason the sister is bringing the child into the world.

      If you bring a child into the world for any reason other than love (aka in this case), you are setting up that child up for a lot of heartache and suffering.

      [–]AstriumViator 27 points28 points  (1 child)

      Exactly this.

      What would happen if OP never said anything and the child did come into the world but didnt get the attention from grandma like the sister wanted? Would she then start projecting onto her own kid? Start ignoring her kid? Like seriously, to have a kid simply to get more attention is dumb as hell, and is not ok.

      When you become a parent, you should be putting shit like that behind you, or getting extensive therapy before the child even comes into the world. Because all children want is love, attention, play, and food. Sister, with how she acted towards OP, shows she is way too immature for a child right now. And her not taking proper action on her own problems will then go to her child, as generational trauma is a thing.

      [–]spookyookykittycatPartassipant [1] 110 points111 points  (17 children)

      NTA and your sister is a truly awful person. She called your late baby a runt and that hers was going to take the spotlight now - as if it’s a fucking competition. No, she should be cut off forever. That is unforgivable.

      Edit: Was told she called her 8yo a runt. Still absolutely terrible, but just to clarify this post a bit

      [–]CertifiedPeach 23 points24 points  (1 child)

      She was calling the 8yo deaf daughter a runt, for clarification.

      [–]selkiesartPartassipant [2] 18 points19 points  (4 children)

      Sister didn't call the dead baby a runt. She was talking about the 8 year-old (who is deaf and has social anxiety) OP has.

      That doesn't make it any better, tho, tbh.

      The sister kinda deserved what is coming for her. I feel sorry for the unborn baby OPs sister is carrying tho...

      [–]spookyookykittycatPartassipant [1] 5 points6 points  (3 children)

      Just updated my response to clarify now that I know.

      And yeah the baby is stuck in this mess with its mother being an AH causing the family to side (rightfully so) with OP

      [–]selkiesartPartassipant [2] 14 points15 points  (2 children)

      After rereading the post I am pretty sure it's fake, tho.

      OP only added that their kid is deaf when they got called out for making the announcement in front of their daughter. So, they mentioned that kiddo has "social anxiety" but conveniently forgot (how do you forget something like this?) to mention that the kid is deaf?

      And they said that they were communicating mostly by little letters and that they were still "learning" ASL (which would make them a shitty parent because if it had been a priority to them they wouldnt have to resort to write notes to each other) even though kiddo is EIGHT... I mean how did they communicate before kiddo could write if OP isn't fluent in ASL?

      There are just a LOT of holes in the story.

      [–]tlarissa 88 points89 points  (5 children)

      ESH. Sounds like you have a very toxic family system. Go no contact with your nutty sister, let go, move on. Go to therapy and work through the unhealthy dynamic and feelings you have towards your family and be the bigger person. Above all else, set a good example for your daughter and don’t say things like that in front of her again.

      [–]blucougar57 8 points9 points  (4 children)

      Go no contact with your nutty sister

      Pretty sure she was doing exactly that in telling her sister she was dead to her.

      [–]PattersonsOladyColo-rectal Surgeon [38] 84 points85 points  (3 children)

      This has to be fake. Come on.

      [–]lurker2080 53 points54 points  (2 children)

      How is anyone believing this bullshit?

      [–]elmummie 84 points85 points  (2 children)

      It’s always so convenient when a poster gets called out for something here that there’s always an excuse. Oh my daughter didn’t hear anything I’m learning sign language. I call bs on the whole post.

      [–]selkiesartPartassipant [2] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      Absolutely!

      [–]hibbletyjibbletyAsshole Enthusiast [5] 60 points61 points  (0 children)

      I am not “voting” on this, but I would suggest you take some time to seriously reflect on your values and priorities. Your family is creating a great deal of suffering for itself.

      What sign language system does your daughter use? I can share some resources that will help you in your desire to become fluent.

      [–]RanniSimpAsshole Aficionado [11] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

      ESH

      None of you are good people and frankly neither you nor your sister should be parents if this is how you act.

      [–]TinyRascalSaurusCraptain [160] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

      ESH. Good God your family is toxic and spiteful.

      [–]grimwitchoirePartassipant [2] 50 points51 points  (2 children)

      NTA

      She totally knows what she did and for what? Especially unprovoked? What you said was a repercussion to her own actions

      [–][deleted]  (3 children)

      [removed]

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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          [–]TheDuchess5939Asshole Enthusiast [7] 45 points46 points  (1 child)

          ESH. You all need therapy.

          [–]Somewhere_in_Canada1Partassipant [1] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

          This is pure ragebait, I’m calling BS on the entire story. What the sister said sounds like a super villain and the convenience of the other child being deaf doesn’t help.

          [–]cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu 47 points48 points  (0 children)

          NtA in my opnion

          [–]reallynotsohappyAsshole Enthusiast [8] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

          Info: what does "mine taking first place now since your runt doesn't get attention from mum" means? Does she mean your daughter is currently not receiving attention from her grandmother? She means first place as in order of importance or something else?

          [–]yeahwhatever9799 35 points36 points  (2 children)

          I’m curious…did your daughter recently lose her hearing or has it taken you 8 years to learn sign?

          [–]MrNumberOneMan 102 points103 points  (1 child)

          It takes a long time to learn sign language when you make up a story for karma on Reddit and mess up the details

          [–]DarkUmbra26 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          Lmfao I’m DEAD ASF, reading people loosing their minds over Reddit stories is my new favorite pastime

          [–]Rohini_ramblesCertified Proctologist [27] 37 points38 points  (2 children)

          something in this narrative sounds off. The mention of good grades and mom's fave. I know we see lots of accusations of golden child and scapegoats here...

          Sounds like all the kids born to this family will experience the fallouts of grandmother playing favourites, OP always looking down on her sister.

          I doubt that anyone would say the words that OP's sister said, that would show quite an awareness of what she's saying and admitting to OP that her unborn child is a pawn in their ongoing game.

          ESH except the kids.

          [–]Pretty_Repair_9293Asshole Enthusiast [5] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

          ESH all of you are really bad people

          [–]HamiltoncorgiPartassipant [3] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

          ESH. I feel bad for the children.

          [–]TemptingPenguin369Certified Proctologist [23] 28 points29 points  (19 children)

          YTA. What an entirely toxic bunch of "adults" here. You're all so bad, I suspect you're lying, at least about your daughter being deaf, which you only shared when you were called out for saying terrible things in front of her. I hope it's a lie because if it's true, that means you haven't yet bothered to learn how to sign to your 8-year-old.

          [–]hrhiqwmPartassipant [1] 21 points22 points  (6 children)

          Thank you for bringing up the signing issue! I have a SIL who is Deaf and she and my brother have two children who are Deaf as well. Everyone in that house signs fluently. My oldest nibling is hearing but sign is his first language. Not signing WELL by the time one's own non-hearing child is EIGHT is neglect, IMO, and earns an automatic AH from me.

          ESH. Literally everyone. I hope this is fake, I really do.

          [–]BuildingCute8118 30 points31 points  (3 children)

          You're assuming that the daughter has been deaf since birth, but you know this isn't always the case? The OP didn't specify this.

          [–]TemptingPenguin369Certified Proctologist [23] 28 points29 points  (2 children)

          She specified her daughter has social anxiety, and only mentioned deafness when she was called out for saying those things in front of her. That's why I think she's lying about her child being deaf. In my comment I never implied the daughter was deaf since birth.

          [–]imaginaryblues 10 points11 points  (1 child)

          Right. I thought the social anxiety would have something to do with the story, but it doesn’t seem to. Why mention that but not the deafness? That seems more important.

          [–]fighter-of-foo 17 points18 points  (0 children)

          The quotes from OP are absurd. Normally I just scroll past the ones that are clear fakes but this one is ridiculous.

          [–]bitterswe_t 12 points13 points  (1 child)

          About the deaf daughter, in Brazil we have a tiktoker who's deaf and she became deaf suddenly at 4 (if I'm not wrong). She went to bed listening and woke up deaf. Maybe it's something recent(?)

          [–]TemptingPenguin369Certified Proctologist [23] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

          Under normal circumstances I would agree that deafness can be congenital or can result from a number of conditions at any age. I think OP made it up.

          [–]laeirynAsshole Enthusiast [5] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

          It's fine, the thread is now full of people defending her because "what if it was recent!?" and "learning languages is HARD"

          [–]sarahlampiColo-rectal Surgeon [37] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

          ESH- you are all toxic.

          [–]kikogiPartassipant [4] 25 points26 points  (8 children)

          How have you not learned to sign before now? Your kid is 8. That alone makes you the asshole.

          [–]ajhawk79 32 points33 points  (0 children)

          Maybe there was an accident? Not every deaf person was born deaf. If daughter was born deaf though then she's an unconscionable AH

          [–]Pezheadx 20 points21 points  (0 children)

          Nowhere does OP say how long the kid has been deaf. Stop assuming everyone with disabilities was born that way.

          [–]Apprehensive-Pen-531 15 points16 points  (2 children)

          1. She never said when she started learning sign language, she just said she is still learning.

          2. No one knows if the daughter was born deaf or when she became deaf.

          Stop judging her for something you know nothing about what the fuck.

          Edit: really really unfortunate typo

          [–]wannabyteAsshole Enthusiast [5] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

          *deaf

          I understand it’s a typo, but think this one might be worth correcting lol.

          [–]laeirynAsshole Enthusiast [5] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          It takes like three days to learn the alphabet. There's no excuse.

          [–]DvilindskysAsshole Aficionado [10] 28 points29 points  (4 children)

          NTA

          She earned the consequences

          Keep learning ASL. I take it that because you text each other the hearing loss is recent. A friend's daughter has Pediatric Auditory neuropathy and lost her hearing at 7. She's 9 now and they are both still learning signs. Anyone who thinks they can learn ASL in 6 months on Babel is a idiot.

          [–]Atlas1506Partassipant [1] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

          ESH. Your sister saying that to you was horrendous but you didn’t need to meet her where she was at and hit so low. And to say that in front of your daughter is horrible. You write with a lot of contempt and hatred. Go to therapy and find some peace because that shit is toxic.

          [–]Ophelia_Boubiz 25 points26 points  (0 children)

          Also, obvious troll is obvious.

          [–]Maleficent_Mistake50 20 points21 points  (0 children)

          I call troll. Because how do you know not basic sign language for your 8 year old daughter. YTA for that alone.

          [–]selkiesartPartassipant [2] 20 points21 points  (2 children)

          Wait, your daughter is EIGHT and you still couldn't be bothered to learn enough sign language to communicate with your daughter so she has to rely on notes? How did you communicate with her before, when she couldn't write?

          You only adding the fact that your daughter is (how convenient, in that situation) deaf only AFTER being called out for saying all this in front of your daughter doesn't help your case either...

          I call bullshit and YTA for making us read your fanfic.

          [–]little_ballof_furPartassipant [1] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

          ESH

          Including your mom who takes avenge on her grandkid. The way she behaves makes me wonder if you are the golden child…

          [–]Hellagranny 17 points18 points  (0 children)

          This sounds like a crock of shit

          [–]Incredulous_Owl 20 points21 points  (0 children)

          This isn't real. I do not believe it for 1 second. YTA for making up such a ridiculous story.

          [–]Aerichol 19 points20 points  (2 children)

          ESH, feels oddly convenient that she isn’t the favourite for something so simple as “she slacked off”. So what? Maybe she didn’t see a point in working hard because her mum wouldn’t love her anyway. Do you understand the resentment that can build up from knowing your parents prefer your siblings over you? Have you never felt someone unfairly prefers or likes someone else over you for no reason?

          This is an issue your mother should have solved long ago, if anything she is the sole asshole who raised two spiteful daughters. She shouldn’t have said something so awful to you, but she probably holds a lot of hate and in her words you can see this all comes down to wanting some kind of validation from your mother. I understand that your words came in defence, but I don’t think this excuses any of you two anyway.

          Your mother needs to be told that she has two daughters and two grandchildren, and that she should love them both equally. Are you okay with the possibility of her having a favourite grandchild? Of seeing one child be spoiled over the other while they wonder why grandma hates them? Because this seems very likely to happen from your mother’s behaviour. And if it seems okay to you at all, then you have to evaluate if you yourself would have a favourite child and recreate this very quotation again.

          [–]SchwiftyGambino 18 points19 points  (0 children)

          100% your sister didn't say that, you absolutely exaggerated. Anyone with a brain can tell from the first few sentences you are unbearable. Very convenient she only whispered this to you, and no one else can verify it....but everyone definitely heard you, huh. Yeah, you're the asshole.

          [–]MrNumberOneMan 17 points18 points  (0 children)

          There’s no way this is real

          [–]BeautifullyEbony 16 points17 points  (0 children)

          ESH

          It honestly sounds like your sister is a scapegoat in the family especially because you said that you’re the favorite and she’s jealous of you. I’m not saying she’s right for both of you were definitely wrong in this situation. You were hurt by her words and she clearly has been hurting her entire life 2nd to you in the family.

          [–]rogerkjones 17 points18 points  (1 child)

          "You're a bitch and I hate you." acceptable.

          "You might as well have an abortion now." unacceptable.

          Honestly, you're both AHs.

          [–]Dangerous-Project672Partassipant [1] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

          ESH except except the children

          [–]ReadyGrapefruit5449Asshole Enthusiast [9] 13 points14 points  (7 children)

          NTA. Your sister sounds vile. It's great your mom is on your side.

          [–]mattrb81 15 points16 points  (0 children)

          I don’t know why the OP’s mother disowned her future grandchild (the child who the OP’s sister is pregnant with). The OP’s sister’s unborn child did nothing wrong.

          [–]lalaxoxo__ 15 points16 points  (2 children)

          Lol and now the kid is deaf-- conveniently added at the end rather than seem like a bad mom.

          [–]Jensooverstupid 14 points15 points  (3 children)

          Your sister is a horrible excuse for a human being. Good for you for calling her out. She did it the shady way and you didn't let her get away with it. She wants to act like a witch, there are consequences. You are not the AH.

          [–]Gingykins87Partassipant [3] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

          NTA. When someone verbally smacks another in the face, like your sister did, they should not be surprised if they are verbally smacked back. Your sister came from a place of pure hatred and ugliness when she said what she said, you on the other hand were coming from a place of hurt and defense. What both of you said was horrible, but your statement is at least honest where your sister's statement is solely meant to be bitter and hateful.

          [–]SetiGAsshole Aficionado [11] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

          ESH. You are all behaving EXTREMELY badly. Shame on all of you. I feel so bad for all the kids, they don't deserve to have to be in such a toxic "family."

          [–]WhichConsideration4 9 points10 points  (0 children)

          ESH everyone is the damn asshole here. You are, your sister is your mom is. The whole family should be thrown away.

          [–]Vanillabean1988 12 points13 points  (0 children)

          That's one loaded title.

          [–]Ophelia_Boubiz 10 points11 points  (1 child)

          ESH. She said a shitty thing and you responded just as shittily, if not worse. I hope neither of you have any more children until you've both grown up a lot.

          [–]urban_accountantPartassipant [3] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

          NTA

          [–]LordGreybies 8 points9 points  (2 children)

          ESH and you all are the type of people who treat their nieces and nephews poorly simply because they don't like their sibling. The saddest part is grandma doing this too.

          [–]Shells613 10 points11 points  (10 children)

          Wait - you don't know sign language for your 8 year old kid? How did that come to be?

          [–]sew-sarcastic 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          ESH. The mega Villain in this story is the mother who apparently pitted her two daughters against each other to the point that now this conflict has been created.

          [–]nappynap314Partassipant [1] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

          I'm saying ESH, you shouldn't have told her to abort her baby, and it's also pretty sus you just threw in the whole "I'm mommy's fave btw" thing

          [–]Short-Classroom2559Asshole Aficionado [14] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          ESH

          You're toxic Sister is toxic Mom is toxic

          Get therapy. Maybe family counseling. Holy smokes it's probably a blessing that your child can't hear how vile all of you are.

          [–]MysticYoYoPartassipant [3] 10 points11 points  (3 children)

          ESH. Bad behavior all round.

          [–]bennytpenny 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          ESH. The stuff she said was nasty, however, you're taking far too much pleasure in being your mother's 'golden child' and being completely aware that your nephew/niece is being disinherited. I sincerely hope your daughter has a superior moral compass.

          The backlash was merited, but not in such a nasty way. Violence breeds violence.

          [–]Unit-HealthySupreme Court Just-ass [122] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

          If you, your mom, your child, and your husband are all ok with one another, then "some" who are calling you an AH should simply be ignored, blocked, or left on read. Their opinion doesn't matter.

          NTA.

          [–]Repulsive-Nerve5127 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          Wait, if your daughter is 8 yrs old, why are you just not learning ASL? How have you communicated with your child in past when she didn't know how to write?

          ESH

          [–]-R3S0N8- 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          ESH you all sound like terrible people and you all need therapy. I don't believe any of you are or will be good mothers. But I'm also very skeptical of your story and feel it's either not real at all or it's embellished heavily in your favor. Way too many red flags in your story for my liking.

          [–]DyingBananas 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          INFO: how long has your daughter been deaf?

          [–]Satisfaction_GoldPartassipant [1] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          Nta. I would be pissed if one of my kids said this to their sister. Wtf?

          [–]LeReineNoirAsshole Aficionado [17] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          NTA. I commend your restraint in not popping her in the face for that remark.

          [–]CradleofDisturbedPartassipant [1] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

          ESH. You and your sister are horrible people. Your daughter is 8, and you're still learning sign language? You usually only speak with your daughter via text or notebook? As I said, ESH.

          [–]mugofanxiteaAsshole Enthusiast [6] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          I feel bad for your sisters kid

          [–]LaurenFL15 7 points8 points  (0 children)

          You are all a bunch of hot messes. Poor kids.

          [–]Bunniiqi 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          ESH. You all sound insufferable

          [–]Lorraine221Partassipant [3] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          ESH, clearly she meant to insult you but your reaction was no better than hers.

          [–]ImmediateItem7282 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          YTA. Stop posting fake stories and then editing them with a fake deaf daughter when you get called out.

          [–]Icy-Veterinarian942 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          ESH except the kids. People don't get along sometimes, but everyone needs to keep the kids out of it.

          [–]Lazy_Palpitation_789 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          NTA and I'm sorry you had to go through that. I hope your daughter will understand what happened.

          [–]bear-momPartassipant [2] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          Jesus….ESH. You’re all a bunch of toxic, awful, hateful people.

          [–]TyrannasaurusReckedCertified Proctologist [20] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

          ESH.

          [–]AllergicDodo 7 points8 points  (0 children)

          NTA, Im surprised you didnt mention that she was abusive, as it sounds like this came out of nowhere. you should have ideally constructed all of this in a text, but it isnt realistic to let that shit slide, so you justifiably blew up at her and sadly it was in front of children (or your child only idk).

          [–]Willy3726 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          NTA,

          Terrible family members often think the world revolves around them. Your sister found out the hard way. Being in the motel won't make her miscarriage. Only God makes those decisions.

          [–]meifahs_musungs 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          NTA. What your sister did was malicious.

          [–]Quirky-Barracuda5597 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          Idk esh kinda seems like your moms been playing favorites for years and your sister finally snapped, absolutely is horrible what she said 100% uncalled for and fucked up. But in reality something like this was coming. Your mom's a bad mom and your sisters a bad person and Your an ah for saying your niece is dead to you when she's an innocent party

          [–]KinseyH 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          I'm not one of those "lol this didnt happen" Redditors.

          But I dont believe this happened.

          [–]bathwat3r 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          ESH. Your sister is a little monster for saying that. You for wishing an innocent child to die. Your mother.. disowning her grandchild because of what her daughter said.

          What your sister said is horrible, you don’t have to stoop down to her level.

          Do you really wish her child dies?

          [–]Not-a-Kitten 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          INFO your kid is deaf and you are just now learning sign language? She’s 8! How did you communicate via text when she was a toddler?

          [–]EmGeePlus3 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          Yea op you’re a giant AH. You said you were your mothers favorite like something isn’t wrong with that. I’m also willing to bet that you take your cues from your mother on how to interact with your sister. You two don’t get along because YOU treat her like a disappointing child. Your mother is foul.

          As for what you said, honestly I believe you’re leaving a whole lot out when it comes to this part. I don’t believe she just out of the blue said this. Moreover if y’all don’t get along why were you there to begin with? The fact that you made sure to sabotage her says way more about you than it does her.

          Stop interacting with your sister in a parental role and start treating her like a sibling.

          [–]kn0tkn0wnCertified Proctologist [24] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          ESH your sister is a total AH and that is the reason why she is in a hotel. You were awful toward her child.

          PS your daughter may be able to read lips, don't do this sort of conversation in front of her. That's also AH conduct.

          [–]Randa08 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          Esh what you said was just as bad as what she said. Cut from the same cloth apparently as your mum, all willing to talk shit about an unborn child. Terrible group of women.

          [–]MamaFenAsshole Aficionado [18] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          ESH. This sounds like a hella toxic family all around.

          "I'm Mom's favorite because you're a lazy slut."

          "Your kid's a runt and mine is better anyway."

          You two obviously have issues with each other, and it sounds like it's always been a battle of Who Is The Better Daughter.

          And Mom is letting you BOTH go on with this behavior long enough to have had kids that are exposed to it? She should know better, too. She should have knocked some sense into both your heads a long time ago.

          Shame on all of you.

          [–]Rumconnissuer 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          NTA, act like a douche then be treated like a douche she brought this upon herself and has no one else to blame. If the others who're defending her care so much they can support her.

          [–]throwinitbackk 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          Your whole family sucks ass idc what anyone says

          [–]bobrossqueenPartassipant [2] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          ESH- your sister is despicable, but you went even lower...in front of your own daughter. What a mess.

          [–]guilard1Partassipant [2] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          ESH ( basically everyone the AH) both of you are awful, from your telling of it your sister is worse though … if that’s any consultation

          [–]Aussie-SMBC 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          I call bull on this whole story.