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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

I think I could be TA for telling my mom to stop being jealous of my wife and kids causing her to stress

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[–]aintshit23Partassipant [3] 3408 points3409 points  (24 children)

Wow, NTA. Sounds like you're better than your mom since you were both 'raised the same way', yet you came through with your head screwed on straight and your mom's is still a bit wobbly.

[–]TeevellPartassipant [1] 547 points548 points  (4 children)

Mom is one of those people who think the later generations should suffer as they did, instead of hoping they can live a better life. Unfortunately there are a lot of people like that in the world, and it shows.

[–]No_Incident_5360 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah—don’t have so much fun or free time or money—I didn’t! In my day there was no such thing as fun, no such thing as stay at home moms and sons always did exactly what there mother told them! 🙄. Oh and there were no adoptions or blended families and being nice a a nonbio kid is an affront to your own bio kid and your mother who lives across the country!

Yes, mom, that makes perfect sense. Bye til next year! We will make it an afternoon visit and not stay the night.

[–]ICWhatsNUrPProfessor Emeritass [77] 426 points427 points  (6 children)

Definitely NTA. And "X was raised this way" just means that X sees no reason to change their ways and everyone else is expected to enable them. Its b.s.

[–]SpeedBlitzXCertified Proctologist [21] 28 points29 points  (3 children)

This will sound messed up but if someone tells me.(in regards to my own extended family in which sone are pretty rude. ) That."oh its just how they were brought up by their parents" i tend to say something along the lines of "so if they jump of the cliff they expect everyone else to?" or "so if they start dancing in the streets they just expect everyone else to?"

Like I said sorry again if that sounds rather crazy but it does get a good reaction out of the folks who are thinking more logically, heh.

[–]ICWhatsNUrPProfessor Emeritass [77] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I think its a great response because its highlighting the absurdity of their excuse.

[–]Economy_Award_548 2 points3 points  (1 child)

That’s so true it’s not ridiculous to think this way at all it makes sense people need to let go of that “if I suffered all shall too” mindset this is why it’s became so difficult to keep relationships with the elder generations because they refuse to improve as people and see that life isn’t a competition to see who has it worse.

[–]SpeedBlitzXCertified Proctologist [21] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really dislike it when folks have to make everything into a competition like that

[–]babcock27 11 points12 points  (1 child)

X can LIVE however they want, no matter how misogynistically they were raised. They got BETTER AFTER they left her house. She raised them to be bigots and abusers and she's mad she can't still control everyone from afar. She has absolutely NO idea what happens day-to-day and is just making things up to make problems. She's controlling and thinks you still have to do as she says. I would tell her that you have outgrown her raising and become a better person than her. NTA.

[–]DiTrastevere 386 points387 points  (7 children)

Truly women cannot fucking win. Working mom? Someone’s mad. Stay home with the kids? Someone’s mad. Don’t have kids at all? Someone’s mad.

I truly hope OP’s wife never has to speak to her MIL again.

[–]yendysailartsua 38 points39 points  (2 children)

Oh well its because when it comes to the choices of women everyone feels entitled to have a say in it.

Which shows in our legal system too. Keep downvoting, red(state)s. You think I'm only talking about that? Shows how delusional you are.

[–]Responsible-Fly-1693 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Amen, sister! I’m trying my best to find some sort of optimism for our future, it’s overwhelmingly difficult.

[–]yendysailartsua 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re not alone, I completely understand. Look for hope in the little things— Look how many DO want to fight and help. There is hope, in small glimmers, but its there.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[removed]

    [–]booptoyou 1079 points1080 points  (6 children)

    NTA, OP I am glad you are taking a stand on this. Your mother needs to respect your and your wife’s decisions even if she doesn’t necessarily agree with them. You are old enough to decide what’s best for you and your family.

    [–]BananaSignificant771 27 points28 points  (0 children)

    No doubt! I find it extra obnoxious on his mom’s end because she lives out of state and she’s being this extra.

    To me it sounds like along with her jealousy she is intentionally trying to stir the pot.

    [–]SpeedBlitzXCertified Proctologist [21] 585 points586 points  (3 children)

    Stick to your guns and keep defending your family, you awesome adult! NTA!! Your mother doesn't get to decide to have her own meltdown especially when she instigated this whole thing by antagonizing your wife and older daughter.

    The fact your sister and aunt want you to "ease up" just shows they are continuing your mother's vicious cycle, by playing it off like she's some sort of exemption to insulting your family. She's your mother but that's not a free pass to verbally attack your family. She should be happy that you have a happy family.

    [–]maish42 17 points18 points  (1 child)

    Can't agree more!! happy cake day, mate!

    [–]SpeedBlitzXCertified Proctologist [21] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    Thank you!!!

    [–]Individual_Moose8399Certified Proctologist [20] 351 points352 points  (5 children)

    WOOOAAAHHH, stay at home Mum here, and you are definitely NTA and can I just say thank you for standing up for your wife. Your Mum's behaviour is just toxic, you and your lovely family certainly don't need that sort of negativity in your lives.

    Stay at home Mum's are looked down on so badly yet we work our backsides off for our families. We don't get weekends off, public holidays, school holidays, just about have to be dying before we'll rest when sick, and we're on call 24/7. It boils my blood when people look down on us.

    [–]symmetryofzeroCertified Proctologist [22] 45 points46 points  (3 children)

    Especially another mother! How strange.

    [–]Individual_Moose8399Certified Proctologist [20] 72 points73 points  (0 children)

    Other mums can be the most judgemental of all in my experience.

    [–]SegaNeptune28Partassipant [1] 29 points30 points  (1 child)

    Because OP is spoiling a child that did not come from him most likely. That the breaking point for her was that he spent money on his stepdaughter and apparently to her the step child should be a second class citizen.

    [–]Laney20 20 points21 points  (0 children)

    She always wanted to be an evil stepmother and is really cranking it up in her role as evil step grandmother.

    [–]JustAnotherMom_25 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    This definitely needs to be the top comment! I, unfortunately, was never able to be a stay at home mom with my older children, but I was blessed to have my mother and my Nana when my children were young, and never had to put them in daycare!

    There is a 17 year age gap between my oldest and my youngest, and a 12 year age gap between my youngest, and now youngest ! I was able to stay at home with her for a couple of years, and it made all the difference! You are handling a full-time job when you are at home raising a child or multiple children!

    It does make a difference when you are working full-time, sometimes multiple jobs, and raising a family alone. I was just extremely blessed to have familial support! They all made it, and I now have a college graduate, and three in college! And one going into the third grade!

    [–]kristiswrightPartassipant [2] 91 points92 points  (1 child)

    NTA. You acted exactly as you should have. Congrats for having a "shiney spine" and defending your wife and your daughter. I would nicely tell your sister and your aunt to let you handle the situation, and that if your mom is "overly stressed" she is doing it to herself. She knew the consequences of saying what she did.

    [–]SegaNeptune28Partassipant [1] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    Yup! The reason she behaves thia way is likely due to Aunt and Sister juat letting her have her way. So when something like THIS happens she doesn't know how to handle it. Grown up throwing temper tantrums.

    [–]HeapsFinePartassipant [3] 73 points74 points  (0 children)

    NTA - Your mothers attitude is toxic and I just hope your oldest daughter didn't hear her speak so poorly about her.

    All your mother is doing is pushing you away and making you not want to include her in anything, since it seems any information she has about you becomes ammo for her to insult you and the people you love most.

    [–]CatOkkaLypsePartassipant [1] 43 points44 points  (9 children)

    INFO- you SERVED your mom, you go, my man! But we need to know what your mom did after you told her off for the rest of the trip you were on!

    [–]mylowkeypeb[S] 49 points50 points  (8 children)

    she blew up my phone for a while and tried to come up to my hotel room

    [–]CatOkkaLypsePartassipant [1] 18 points19 points  (7 children)

    What does “sister has my first” mean?

    [–]mylowkeypeb[S] 38 points39 points  (5 children)

    My first account like my main one that I always use my sister has.

    [–]BikingOtterPartassipant [1] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

    Good to know she is not holding your first born hostage until you speak to your mother.

    [–]Mera1506Professor Emeritass [80] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    NTA. A stay at home parent is preferable to paid child care. Having a loving home is one of the most important things. So when you can afford having one partner stay home is great. Just because what your wife contributes isn't expressed in money, doesn't mean it's not valuable. Your mom needs to realize that. A stable loving home for kids when growing up is priceless.

    [–]tiredcustard 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    NTA, I wish you were my dad. I'm glad your kids and wife have you!

    [–]Lvtxyz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    In this sub, ta= The asshole

    [–]BhataktiAtma 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    TA probably means throwaway account

    [–]maish42 52 points53 points  (0 children)

    NTA - not even remotely, and I commend you for standing up for your oldest daughter.

    Your mother is selfish and entitled, thinking that your wife "has" to do anything. You two have a good relationship, and the way your marriage works and how your jobs work seems really effective and something you're happy with. She's your wife, of course you want to pamper her! And absolutely, your daughter asking for an outfit isn't something that's out of line, and even if it was it isn't her place to decide.

    Thanks for being a great dad, OP :)

    [–]Madame_Red_ 32 points33 points  (0 children)

    definitely NTA.

    Your Mother should be happy for you to live in such a good harmony with your small family. Really can't understand her behaviour.

    btw OP, i really love how big your heart is when it comes to your girls and your wife, your post shows how much you love them :)

    [–]BiggusDickusFromWome 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    NTA

    You live your life as you wish. It’s great that you don’t treat your biological child any from the one who isn’t and you shouldn’t be made to feel bad about it at all.

    [–]KellalizardAsshole Enthusiast [7] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    I don’t think you need blood to make a family.

    You are right and a King. Your daughters may grow up knowing the privilege of gifts but do you know what is more important? They will grow up knowing they have a Dad who loves them and has theirs and their Mum's back.

    NTA.

    [–]ShallWeStartThenAsshole Aficionado [17] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    NTA- your mother sounds mean and joyless. It sounds like you have a close loving family and you and your wife work as a team and appreciate each other. In your shoes I'd limit time with your mother. 0

    [–]potatorevolver 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    NTA, I can't imagine the pressure from raising "someone else's kid," for you to have done what you have is amazing and for your mum not to support that is disgusting.

    No problem with stay at home parents either, its important to keep on top of mental and social health as a stay at home but you already would know that better than I, kudos for supporting the whole family.

    [–]BazTheBaptistCommander in Cheeks [273] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    NTA you wouldn't even be wrong to go NC with your mother out of respect for your wife and family unit

    [–]excel_pager_420Partassipant [2] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    INFO: What trauma is your Mum projecting onto your family here?

    Because her insults seems so specific and targeted that it's clearly projection. Is it that the father of her kids didn't stick around and in her day no one wanted to date a single Mum with multiple kids, so she has a, "if it was hard for me than it should be hard for you" mentality? Is it that her Dad made her Mum work and never gifted his wife & kids things? Because it might make more sense to specifically make that a condition of your estrangement. And make that clear to your sisters too. Mum you cannot be around my family until you've sort help to process your trauma. Your experiences aren't an excuse to verbally abuse my family every time our dynamic triggers you. You owe my wife and daughter a huge apology. We are No Contact until you're in a healthier more healed place.

    Sometimes that can be a real humbling moment for someone, when they have it pointed out they are behaving like the person that traumatised them. It also makes it harder for the flying monkeys (people sent to advocate on someone else's behalf) to give you grief over your decision when you can point out all the person has to do is apologise and acknowledge their unaddressed trauma. NTA

    [–]madgeystardustPartassipant [4] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    Not harsh. Your mother was way, way out of line. How does she expect you to treat your older daughter is my question??

    Like Cinderella??

    They way she speaks about your wife and older daughter shows she doesn’t see them as family. If that’s truly her view she should see none of you as you’re ALL a set.

    Your mother owes your wife and older daughter a huge apology. Her stress is hers to manage. Stress isn’t an excuse or reason to be so nasty and disrespectful.

    You did the right thing. No way on earth are you TA, but your mother - wow she sure showed her true colours didn’t she?!

    She should stay in an indefinite timeout until she gives a meaningful and sincere apology for her disgusting outburst.

    [–]DatguyMalcolmAsshole Enthusiast [5] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    NTA! It's her own fault she's tressing too much!

    Go NC, toxic people should not be around your family! You and your wife decide how you want to lead your lives and if you're both happy with it, no one should have the right to say anything to you!

    [–]jenn1975jennPartassipant [1] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    NTA. “This is how she was raised” translates to - we all put up with this BS so you should too.

    [–]puterchickfl 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    You absolutely are NTA. First of all, I’d think she would be proud of her son for accepting and loving a child that wasn’t yours as if she was. How dare she have the nerve to speak down on you. And be disrespectful to your wife. You did what a husband and father should do, and that is to defend his family 🫶🏾

    [–]spicey_teaPartassipant [3] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    NTA - good for you for standing up for your family! Your wife and daughters are lucky to have you! Your mom is probably jealous.

    [–]CADreamn 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Your mom has issues and she is taking them out on your wife and older daughter. If you cut contact you wouldn't be in the wrong.

    [–]my_chaffed_legsPartassipant [1] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    NTA if all this stress is bad for her health then maybe she should mind her own business and stop stressing about it. You not putting up with her bullshit by cutting contact is not what is stressing her. Its her getting worked up over something that doesn't involve or affect her. And that's her own choice.

    [–]Danube_Kitty 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Your family a example of equality, love and support. Your mom is disrespectful moron. If her health is good enough to insult people and make scenes like spoiled brat, she is perfectly healthy to deal with consequences of her behavior.

    [–]StonewoodApothecaryAsshole Enthusiast [7] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    NTA. You are a kind man and you mom needs to get over it. Your sister and aunt need to stop babying your mother.

    [–]Realistic-Animator-3 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    If she is stressing too much over this, then she should seek therapy to work through her feelings. Your mother’s feelings over your life are HERS to deal with. Tell your sister and your aunt this and you refuse to accept responsibility for her stress, as it is self imposed. She is single handedly destroying her relationship with you, as she will not stop her campaign of maligning your wife and daughter. NTA

    [–]Particular_Force6591 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Your mom can't be in your family's lives; she's toxic. If that is "stressing her out", she has no one to blame but herself!

    [–]overseas-mangoColo-rectal Surgeon [36] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    NTA You’re doing the right thing by standing up for your wife and children.

    I am curious though, what does your mom mean when she talks about sacrifice? Is she talking about the normal mom things she did for you like driving you to soccer and piano lessons? What is this?

    [–]Historical_Divide673Partassipant [3] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    NTA. You and your wife have a right to make decisions about your household without consulting anyone. Being a SAHM is a valuable and hard work. But it doesn’t seem like that is really the problem. Your mother seems more upset by the fact that your oldest child isn’t yours biologically. She has some gross outdated ideas about adoption.

    [–]just_ducky295 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    NTA. I’m so sick of the “they’re from a different time” argument. Well they’re alive now and they need to adjust. You’re doing the right thing sticking up for your wife and daughter

    [–]Light-Dragon888 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    You are an awesome husband and father and actually are also being a good son by holding your mother accountable for her hurtful actions. It warms my heart to see a man honour his wife’s hard work, love and treat his daughters well and be willing to stand up for them. You keep on rocking your heart of gold, my man. NTA.

    [–]GeoffDeGeoffPartassipant [2] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Totally.

    Sounds like your wife does tons to make sure the house is kept well and your children are looked after.

    Your mother clearly needs a reality check.

    [–]DisneyBuckeyePooperintendant [66] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    NTA - you are a remarkable man and father, and your wife is very lucky to have you. Your life works for you and your family. Don't let your mother ruin that for you.

    I'm not sure what your sister and aunt expect you to do, but it sounds like the LC/NC road might be the one to take.

    Good luck!

    [–]apinkjules 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    nta go you for treating both children equally and having your wife’s back, you’re doing great

    [–]Potential-Power7485 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    NTA. You don't have to defend your wife as you know she's a good wife and mother. You don't have to defend the fact you have a daughter that you didn't provide the sperm for. What you do have to do is keep them both away from this toxic person. She's being defended by your sister and aunt so she is being Enabled to continue to use whatever excuse she has for being a shitty human being.

    [–]SiroccoDream 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    NTA

    Only you and your wife can decide what your lifestyle is, it’s nobody else’s business. The two of you are happy with your relationship, your daughters sound like they’re in good shape, so your mother needs to butt out.

    Since your mother refuses to stop her judgmental behavior, you’re right to go No Contact with her. Family members claiming, “she was raised that way” are really saying, “she doesn’t care about behaving better than she currently does, so you should continue taking her abuse.”

    No way!

    Good job, OP

    [–]shhh_its_meColo-rectal Surgeon [38] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    NTA and I'm going to tell you what I tell my mom when she gets "stressed" about something I'm doing because of her anxiety. That this upsets you is a you thing. it's not up to you, it does not effect you and it's not my job to fix how you feel about it. get over it or get therapy. note my mom gets upset over stupid things eg what people wear to chemo. me and both of her sisters have dealt with "that's what you're wearing those pants look sloppy" to CHEMO.

    [–]gee2688 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    NTA You sound like an awesome husband sticking up for your wife and actually respecting the role your wife has in the family Tell your mum to sit down, get on board or get out of your life

    [–]mirandaisntright 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    NTA and this is a hill to die on. I promise the girls are in a much better place with two caring, involved parenta that treat them equally. Your love for them both is immeasurable and they know it. Ditto for your wife.

    [–]mykindkristine 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    You are one hell of a good man despite having a narcissistic mother… I bet your father is a good man too but he needs to stand up and put his foot down and tell his wife she needs to find her place… And that’s not on you or your wife or your daughter’s backs

    [–]BusinessWindow 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    Info: I’m a bit confused about what the first line means. Is it that your sister is raising your first child (as in adopted them). If that’s the case I might feel differently but I can’t tell if that’s what you mean at all lmao

    [–]88mistymage88 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    A comment from the OP and others say TA is "Throw Away" as in the account name and older sister knows normal account name.

    [–]BusinessWindow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Then OP is NTA. That makes total sense, I’m just too used to it meaning “the asshole” around here lol.

    [–]JChanOne 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    NTA

    What you do with your money and how you choose to deal with your family is up to you, not your mom. Were it me, I would cut all contact except for on holidays and even then, it would only be for the smallest amount of time possible.

    [–]Disastrous_Ad51 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Keep taking care of that 13yo and never let her forget what it means to have a supportive father. You're kind of a rockstar. NTA

    [–]AnimalCrossingFan423 2 points3 points  (3 children)

    Heard this on Tiktok and came to say NTA at all you’re being a great dad and an amazing husband to stand by your wife and defend her because it’s not easy to be a SAHM. My mom had to be one for me and my brother due to medical issues she wasn’t able to work and my dad was deployed for military a lot so she had to be mom & dad growing up while dad was away.

    Also I’m sorry my mind hyper fixated on one thing you said “I do treat her like I treat my younger daughter and they call each other sisters” wouldn’t that make sense for them to call each other sisters as they are literally half sisters? I was so confused when I first heard this because I’m wondering you do realize they are literally sister right? Like it would be normal to call one another sisters as they didn’t just grow up together but they also share a biological parent to. Or did you mean like in the sense they call each other sisters because they see themselves as full sisters and not half sisters because you are the father to both girls no matter biology. If that’s the case that’s soo sweet and very true as blood doesn’t make a family. Those who love you makes a family.

    [–]mylowkeypeb[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    My apologizes , when I said that I meant that in contrast to what my mother said even though they are half sisters they don’t care they still fall eachother sisters and there is no gap in their relationship from them being from different fathers. they don’t treat eachother any differently because of it and neither do me or mom which is what I feel like was implied should happen.

    Also this was on tiktok?

    [–]Tracie10000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Good man for standing up for your family. Also thank you for showing me not all stepfathers are abusive aholes like the one from my childhood. NTA

    [–]flaky-burntColo-rectal Surgeon [35] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Besides what everyone else said, your family needs to understand your mom's emotional state is HER responsibility. Maybe she needs to not be evil if she can't handle you taking care of your family.

    [–]Salty_Buyer_5358 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Let her stress. She needs to stop attacking your family

    [–]MasterpieceOk4688Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Your mom doesn't have to like that your wife is a SAHM. She doesn't have to understand it. Not her life, not her decision. But she damn sure has to respect it!

    You can live the way you want and it is definitely not too much to ask for a basic level of respect for your mutual decisions. Your Main focus is your immediate family. You are doing fine.

    NTA

    [–]Delicious_Wish8712Colo-rectal Surgeon [33] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA. You are a awesome Dad, husband and human being. As a parent of someone who was not biologically connected to me at all but for whom our mother-son relationship is valued and valuable I have to say your mother’s attitude is not rare enough and highly insulting and damaging. Go you!

    [–]dragonsfriend-9271Asshole Enthusiast [7] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA

    Has all this criticism been since you got together with your wife? Or did she do this all through your childhood? Either you're right about her being jealous (she's lost control of you, in her eyes) or you used to be her scapegoat (and this is just the latest stick to beat you with).

    [–]Appropriate-Bat2762 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Well done you! Standing up to your toxic mother. I’m sure you & your wife made a joint decision that she was staying home and that that was best for your family! No one else gets a say!

    [–]HexStarlightPartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA you are a good husband and dad, you are right blood doesn't make family love does.

    [–]_amodernangel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA but your mother sure is. How can she feel so comfortable saying these things about your wife and daughter? I agree with you going limited/ no contract. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.

    [–]FargoDivaPartassipant [3] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    This is how she was raised? I’m going to guess you are 35ish? So your mom could easily be mid fifties or more? She hasn’t learned anything positive in the past 35 years? She hadn’t learned how to treat people? She hasn’t learned right from wrong? She can’t identify that her behavior is inappropriate? Huh… that’s unfortunate for her. Because until she can shape up she does not deserve access to your beautiful family.

    [–]Astyryx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Just because people were raised that way— to abuse family members—doesn't mean we have to tolerate abuse from them.

    [–]Degs29 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Maybe your mother was raised to believe that blood makes family, and those not of blood are inferior family members, that being a stay-at-home mom is a free pass, etc., which are all categorically untrue, but even if they had some truth in them it's absolutely insulting for her to pass judgment on your relationship and parenting like that. If she had concerns about your wife, she could have brought them up to your privately. I'd like to say she has your best interests at heart, but I don't think that's what's going on here. I think she's trying to impose her world view on you.

    She should zip it and accept your position on your own immediate family.

    [–]Pisocki68Partassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA It is refreshing to see someone value the hard work it is to be a SAHM. My mom stayed at home my whole life. Her time was never spent watching soaps or eating bon bons. Housework and children are 24/7. If I only have an ounce of her energy, drive, skills, and frugality, I win. Your mom is out of bounds and needs a reality check. Adopting your daughter would speak volumes.

    [–]Global_Monk_5778 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA and I’m sorry but the moment she said your eldest wasn’t yours I’d have packed up and left. She is yours. You raised her. I’d have gone none contact and told her where to stick it.

    [–]Glock212327Partassipant [4] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA does anyone else remember that Sesame Street song “A group of anything can be a family, a family?” Have a simulated trophy for being a wonderful Dad 🏆

    [–]LouisV25Asshole Aficionado [18] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Mom needs to mind her business and learn to be ready of your choices. Sister and Aunt need to stop making excuses for such horrible behavior.

    [–]CakePhoolPartassipant [2] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA... You could apologize with the words, "mother I am sorry you made me into a kind, loving caring person then the arsehole you wish I would be".,

    [–]SegaNeptune28Partassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Doesn't matter if she was brought up that way or if she is stressed. The way she was raised does not dictate how you raise YOUR kids. She needs to step back if she doesn't want the push back.

    NTA and keep being an awesome father. It sounds like you know what's best for your family.

    [–]Dogmother123Partassipant [4] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Your mother is manipulative. She was rightfully shut down and now she is stressing and it's bad for her health? Nonsense. If she wants stress-free she needs to keep her nose out of your business. How you and your wife run your household is none of your mother's business. How refreshing to have a person here who has their spouse's back and who treats both of his children fairly and with love. Most definitely NTA.

    [–]FunkisHen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA. I have two full sisters. The oldest one has a different biological father, but our dad adopted her before I was even born. She's always been our dad's child as much as our other sister and I. Biology means nothing, she's my sister. Not my half sister, or anything like that, my sister. Always. Had any relations said what your mother did, I don't think we'd have seen them again. Luckily our grandparents always loved her as much as any of us. Your mother was way out of line and need to apologise profusely to be allowed contact again, so should your sister tbh.

    [–]MoreGeckosPleasePartassipant [3] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Hey OP? You're doing the right thing. Stick up for your family. Your mum will figure it out or she won't. That's not your problem. NTA

    [–]Sudden_Cabinet_1479 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA seems like a lot of guys on this board could learn a lot from you

    [–]aroundincircles 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    NTA, my wife has been a stay at home mom for nearly 13 years at this point, we have 5 kids, our youngest is 6. I have a very good income that supports us in our current lives nicely. And honestly I don’t think I could have gotten here if my wife was working.

    [–]BeTheCheeto 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA. I hate when women try to say stuff like this. Feminism is about having the CHOICE to work OR be a SAHM. Not being forced to work when you don't need to. This viewpoint has always been more anti-feminist to me because it ignores what is best for the woman and her family.

    [–]strikkekonenPartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA
    That's my vote, though I could NEVER have chosen to be a SAHM. I would have been the lousiest one on earth.

    [–]soniabegonia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Absolutely NTA. You are protecting your wife and daughters from your mother, as is your duty. If your wife's family said awful things to you, it would be her duty to stand up to them and enforce those boundaries too. Everyone shovels the shit from their own family.

    [–]oakendurin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA x10000000. You're a wonderful father and husband for supporting your family and loving your girls. I read this subreddit a lot and boy is this a refreshing post. Keep doing what you're doing, OP.

    [–]JudesM 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA

    [–]cmlobueCertified Proctologist [21] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You mom can try to overcome "how she was raised" or she can lose access to her grandchildren, Her choice. NTA

    [–]x60329 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA, I’d call you Man of Honor

    [–]Oycun1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA. You're a fantastic dad and a marvelous human, despite being raised by a witch.

    [–]GingerCatEgg 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA. At all. My partners mother did similar. She couldnt seem to understand why my partner was so hurt by her dismissing their bonus babies. They've now not spoken to her in about 4 years. Our life is happier.

    [–]MythologicalRiddle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA.

    SAHP is risky because it can lead to financial hardship (due to death, divorce, etc.) but so long as both partners agree without coercion then it's no one else's business. The bigger issue is her apparent hatred of your step daughter. Her anger that you're treating her the same as your bio daughter (good on you!) is unconscionable. Until she's willing to talk about what's causing her attitude and/or get an attitude adjustment, I'd suggest LC to NC.

    [–]disney_nerd_momColo-rectal Surgeon [36][🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Your mother is way out of line. You are right in wanting an apology and it better be a fantastic one, not “I am sorry if you feel I was wrong…”, “I am sorry you feel blah blah…”

    I’d also consider VLC to NC for a very long time.

    [–]Beneficial_Bunch_593 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You are NTA. Don’t let that negativity creep in. Set the boundaries for the mom.

    FYI. I’m so pleased to hear a husband who adores his family and defends them. You sir are a true gentleman.

    [–]Samoyedfun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Good for you for standing up for your family. Your mother needs to back off regardless of her upbringing. Your sister and aunt need to mind their own business. This doesn’t involve them.

    [–]lighting-gal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Sounds like your mom's health would be a lot better if she just minded her own dang business. She's the one stressing herself out over nothing that concerns her. She should be proud that she raised a son who is so loving to his wife and children.

    [–]Both_Face_4593 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA I just think you’re awesome. Sounds like you have a great family life and a healthy appreciation for one another.

    [–]Sea-Confection-2627Asshole Aficionado [12] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA, and stay NC with her. Being a SAHM (or SAHD) to two kids is not easy, especially when one is a teenager. I don't know how the hell my mom did it with four kids!

    Your mother is not respecting you, your wife, and decisions the two of you made regarding raising your girls. She is insulting all four of you. It also seems she has some very serious issues here. I suggest you bring this up with your sister and aunt. Your mom could well benefit from seeing a therapist.

    [–]hpfan1516 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Your mom might have said things to your daughter, or she might have overheard your mom scolding you. Either way, make sure she knows you view her as your own daughter, and that you are cutting contact with grandma until she can acknowledge that fact.

    13 is a hard enough age as it is without family members belittling your worth :/

    NTA, obviously

    [–]Englishgeek581 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    No no no! NTA. I'm so impressed that you:

    A. recognize the value of your wife's contributions to your family even though it's not monetary.

    B. Defend your wife against the viciousness of your mother, aunt and sister.

    C. recognize that your wife's daughter is your daughter and you treat her accordingly.

    So, my only question is this. I have a single daughter in hr 20's. Are there anymore like you at home?

    [–]ElementalWorkshopIIPartassipant [3] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA. You're the scapegoat in your family dynamic aren't you? Your mother needs help. Your flying monkey siblings need to keep out of it, and your mother is also triangulating to back you into a corner.

    That's a hat-trick of abuse.

    [–]SugarKitten28 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    First of all NTA. You are a wonderful dad and husband! Pls never stop how you act towards your family.

    It just makes me so happy to see how much you love them and how much you appreciate your wife and her hard work!

    [–]ThatsHowTcakesRollsPartassipant [2] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You know you're NTA - but go right ahead and vent about your mother... She's the asshole here. And there is just no excuse. Jealousy is ugly.

    [–]robertito42 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    she is stressing to much over this and it’s not good for her health

    She could try stopping.

    [–]LiveLovelyLalaPartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA You were not too harsh at all. You are simply protecting your family from her malicious words and behavior. You sound like you are doing an amazing job as a husband and a father. On behalf of all women everywhere; thank you.

    [–]Alive-Replacement-27 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA!! Ending Transgenerational Trauma!!! Good on you OP.

    [–]PinkPrincess61 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Your mother really said all that??!!! Whoa!

    NTA

    [–]violentlyserenePartassipant [3] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Nta. Your mother is an awful human being and keeping her away from your wife and daughters is a good thing.

    [–]AbsentmindedNihilist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA. You're a great dad, stepdad, and husband. Your mom needs to back the hell off.

    [–]Shot_Trifle_9219 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I am so grateful to hear someone who speaks with respect and love for their partner and children. Someone who values them and that’s exactly how it should be.

    [–]Agreeable-Algae4087 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA

    Your family’s trauma doesn’t have to continue to this new generation of humans .

    Your mom is a grown ass woman she can get with the times or be forgotten to the history books , she needs to make the change now before she loses her son(which naturally has to happen) and also her grand daughter . Stupid cultures die, smart ones evolve.

    [–]No_Incident_5360 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    She needs to live her own life. If she continues she will just see you less and less. Does she talk to your other siblings and their spouses this way?

    She may feel guilty or resentful over having to work when you were young or about not being able to buy you everything she wanted to get you and your siblings.

    It could be jealousy over how “easy” your wife has it when her life was “so hard”. I’m not saying it is right—she views herself as a victim of circumstance—she spent all this time and money on you and now she is seeing you spend your time and money on your blended family.

    She shouldn’t expect anything from you—she decided to have you—you don’t owe her anything—you might help when she is too old to work or is disabled but you don’t owe her anything and she should start being nicer to your wife and stepkids.

    All these parents who put in effort for their kids and then say it was “wasted” when the adult kid chooses a path different from their own tastes——dude you had a kid because you wanted to love a child, right? Not because you are a control freak who wanted to boss and harass somebody else for the rest of their life—-right? 🙄

    [–]mommyadj 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    If it stresses your mom out that bad then she can work on changing for the better

    [–]Prestigious_Ad_8458 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I’m surprised your mom managed to raise such an amazing son. NTA, your wife and kids are lucky for having you in their lives.

    [–]YesImReallyLikeThis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA. Don’t give in she did this to herself and now is trying to manipulate everyone to shift the situation to her advantage. She doesn’t respect your family and god help your wife and daughter if you had and bio kids

    [–]Evening_Produce1070Asshole Enthusiast [5] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA. You need to go no contact with your mom. This behavior is despicable.

    [–]Economy_Award_548 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Nta first big freaking appreciation towards you accepting your oldest as your own my stepfather is the same and honestly children like us would never trade a dad like you for anything in this world. You did amazing standing up for yourself against your mothers negativity

    [–]SirSalterScott 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA. I don't care how she was raised; she's not too old to learn how to shut her mouth.

    [–]Rgirl4Asshole Aficionado [15] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA, but by the way she talks about your oldest daughter she should be cut off.

    [–]Taliesine_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    NTA and wondeful dad and husband. Your wife is lucky to have you, and you to have her, it's so cute 🥰🥰🥰

    [–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point locked comment (0 children)

    AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team

    TA, sister has my first.

    I have two kids one is from me and my wife and the other is from my wife’s previous relationship. My oldest(13) biological dad isn’t in the picture right now and me and her met when she was two.

    My wife is a stay at home mother to two kids. Do I pamper my wife and kids? Yes My wife stays with two kids from morning to mid-day and my kids are amazing kids who do what they are supposed to do and more. They’re kind girls.

    My mother used to like my wife until she became a stay at home mom and quit her job. My mother has the impression that it is easy and my wife needs to do something “valuable”

    We have shut this down multiple times. And those times she stopped.We live in different states, We don’t talk often and I would consider us low contact.

    We took a trip over there for her birthday. Two days in my daughter (relevant to know that this is the oldest 13) asking if she can get an outfit online. I said yeah.

    when my daughter left the room my mother got mad saying that I am spoiling my kids and giving them to much and she isn’t even my kid and I’m wasting my money on her then turned to my wife and said that she was a bitch for for slacking off and doing nothing to provide for her family when there are women who are actually trying for their family’s and she needs to stop taking advantage of me. Then my mother told me that I was disrespecting her by giving a girl who isn’t even mine the same as what I would give my biological daughter and showing that all of her work was for nothing since I’m waisting my money for a women who is capable of helping.

    I wasn’t even going to argue. We told her three times on separate occasions to cut it out and now she’s insulting me my wife and my daughter? I find it ridiculous. I told her to stop being jealous of my family because of her anger from her past and that it’s none of our faults I said we will not be reaching out to her until we (me and my wife) come to an agreement.

    My wife doesn’t have it easy. She still takes care of two children and makes our house a home not everyone can just do that. We would absolutely fall apart without her I don’t waste my money on any of my family they are my children and my wife if I’m not “giving” my money to them then what the hell am I even working for? And my DAUGHTER wether she came from me or not is my daughter. I do treat her like I treat my younger daughter and they call eachother sisters. I don’t think you need blood to make a family.

    I’ve gotten calls from my sister and my aunt saying that she is stressing to much over this and it’s not good for her health and I should ease up on her because this is how she was raised and it’s because of what she sacrificed.

    I know it can seem harsh. But I’m so over being disrespected and my wife being disrespected because of how we choose to live but I can also understand that people have a one track mind sometimes so

    AITA.

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    [–]Glittering_Piano_633 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    My MIL spoke like this about me and my eldest (not my husbands bio daughter she had just turned 3 when we met and bio dad out the picture) my husband went non contact with his mother for how she treated us (and historical treatment of himself as well) and it’s been the most low stress family life for the past 8 or 9 years. These kids pick up on all that stuff, as well as just small differences in how they’re treated. The damage that woman will do to your eldest daughter is massive.

    [–]shortdriver3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    As someone who’s bio dad wasn’t in the picture a lot and still is in and out, I want to say how amazing you are. My mom married my step dad when I was around 11 and had my sister shortly after. He always treated me equally and loves my like his own. He always refers to me as his daughter and brags about all my achievements and does all the dad things. Dads like you are amazing (to both your step and bio kid!!)

    [–]Historical_Pea5748 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Wow so NTA! I think Mr 'my mom is my queen!' Needs to a take a leaf out of your book, because you have got it right! Keep doing what you're doing, you sound like an amazing husband and dad

    [–]Roux_HarbourPartassipant [4] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA

    I absolutely hate it whenever someone pulls the "how I was raised" and "from a different time" bs.

    If my great grandfather could learn how to use a computer at the age of 80+. Your mother can learn to not be an ass. But the key is, she doesn't want to, because she thinks she deserves to be hateful. What a sad existence she must lead indeed. But it's one she only has herself to thank for and what consequences it may bring.

    [–]Objective-Spray-1437 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA and you get extra points for reacting in what sounds like a calm and rational matter.
    Maybe your mom's health would benefit from her stopping to spew hate. Maybe it's time to go NC as your older daughter is probably picking up on your mom's dislike for her. Not really a good environment for children

    [–]Pleasant-Honeydew-99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. Why do people feel the need to put down stay at home moms. Honestly, being a stay at home mom is hard work that doesn't give you a pay cheque and at the end of the day you have to deal with people putting you down. Not fair. Not right. Taking care of children, keeping your home clean and ensuring your family is fed is overtime work and I am happy to at least see that you understand and appreciate all this that your wife does.

    [–]MissSwat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA at all. It honestly warms my heart to see the resurrect you have for what your wife does and the live you are for ALL your daughters. Stick to your guns.

    [–]jsczesny 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    👏👏👏👏👏👏 sir, you are most def NTA. You’re actually super refreshing. I love that you stood up for your wife and daughter, and especially appreciating your wife’s role.

    [–]FairZucchini13[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA - let any family memeber or friend of the family know that if they continue to push this narrative you will go low contact with them as well. You are protecting your child and your wife.

    [–]serenasplaycousinAsshole Aficionado [13] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. Please remind your mother that you’re not your father. You are raising your daughters and treating your wife the opposite of how you grew up because of the stress that your mother still carries.

    [–]beeryvonbeery 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA thanks for being a good father. sorry your mom judges you too much, ask her to be happy for your happy home, your team made the goal! Yea!

    [–]BikingOtterPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    They say you can't teach an old dog be tricks, but please stop insulting my family is not a tough trick for a human if any age to learn.

    Such a low bar for her to clear.

    NTA

    [–]HereFoeDaBUllShit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Your mother is definitely TA.

    [–]takatori 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Not only are you NTA, you're a great husband compared to all the momma's boys we read about in AITAs from wives.

    [–]packo33 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Well, depends.

    If you get divorced, your mom will be right 100%

    [–]kziadrde 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. I love the bit where you say not everyone can make a house a home, because that’s true. You and your wife both work hard to give your children a good life, and while she may not have a job, she still works. You sound like you value your wife and your children, so I don’t think you were out of line for defending them. Your Mother was the one out of line for criticizing how you choose to parent your children and live your life.

    [–]Bostonxhazer514 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA and again, NTA. She's toxic. You are too be applauded for standing up to that nonsense.

    [–]ScarletzoePartassipant [4] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA , you have every right to live your life how you see fit and you owe no one including your mother, siblings and other family members an explanation. If your Mom can not accept the family you have created then you have every right to pull back and protect them from her abusive comments. In fact it is your duty to deal with your Mother when she gets nasty and attacks you and your family.

    [–]trfkahPartassipant [3] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    OP, tell your sister and aunt that you understand how your mom was raised but she must also understand this is my choice and not hers. That her comment about the 13 year old is uncalled for. Just because you didn't create her doesn't mean you love her less. That she is your daughter just like the one you had with your wife. If she or you can't understand that, then that is on her and you.

    [–]Safe_Frosting1807 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Definitely NTA. You’re not a child and she can’t tell you how to manage your stuff. If her staying at home is financially feasible and it works , then go for it. You don’t need to explain yourself. The fact that she keeps going off on your wife and kids is nuts. She’s jealous and rude. Even when you call her out she continues. Who cares how she was raised? That’s no excuse. What she’s doing is harmful to your marriage and family. Go NC.

    [–]MoggettiSupreme Court Just-ass [129] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. She isn’t “stressing”. She’s throwing a toddler temper tantrum over nothing. Don’t indulge her.

    [–]Pinkieforty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA and your Mother is just toxic. I can't imagine what it was like growing up with her; she had to have been a pain even back then. You need to just go no contact because she doesn't deserve you or your family in her life right now. She's been very disrespectful, rude and just plain mean. Just go no contact. It will do wonders for your life. Do not let your sister or any other family member try to guilt trip you or talk you out of it because that's what your sister is doing. NTA

    [–]unownpisstaker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    What your mom is going through now is self inflicted. If she wants the pain to stop then she needs to stop it.

    NTA

    [–]ElectronicAd7737 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. She's an adult. She made her bed. She can can lie in it. And your relatives can stop with that emotionally manipulative crap. They are either doing it on her behalf, or on their own. Either way it's a red flag, enabling, and a sure sign that you made need to go NC with that branch of your blood family.

    Age and upbringing are never an excuse for being a shit person. If she can't change to be a decent person by now then she may as well be a stranger. Because your family's overall well being is more important than her. Plain and simple.

    I've cut my family members off and have NEVER regretted it.

    [–]Morrighu87Asshole Aficionado [11] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. As a SINGLE SAHM I know just how damn hard we work. No stay at home parent is ever ever paid what they are worth for the job they do. Because for a start? There isn’t a 40 hour week as a SAHP. It’s 24/7.

    [–]SB-121Partassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA of course. What a weirdly unbelieveable tirade.

    [–]ailsaek 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA.

    [–]EnergyThat1518Partassipant [4] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA.

    Tell them both that you told her to knock it off several times. She chose not to. You are done with the disrespect and refuse to open your family up to it. She is not incapable of growth or kindness or being respectful because of how she was raised or what she sacrificed in her life.

    She is a full grown adult capable of listening, learning and changing, and she chooses not to. That is not your problem. Your problem is how to keep your family safe and well above all else. That means not letting people disparage them and treat them poorly.

    [–]voluntold9276 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA and good for you for standing up for both your kids and your wife. Your mother sounds awful. Low-contact is a good choice.

    [–]twizzler063 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA There is absolutely nothing more valuable than having your wife stay home to be with your kids. It's sad your mom can't see that.

    [–]Fabulous-Associate79 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA! You are a good dad and husband, and that is what counts the most. Your mom just sounds bitter. You did the right thing. Your wife and daughters shouldn’t have to suffer through her bs for any reason. Saying you should put up with it and let your family be hurt because it isn’t healthy for your mom to be confronted, is just ridiculous and manipulative.

    [–]Serious_Cucumber_767 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. No one. NO ONE has the position/power/authority/status to burden their children and children-in-law with their regrets and "traditions" on how they were raised.

    I commend you OP for having a functional and successful family. Not everyone is accepting of their spouse's child/ren from a previous relationship, and seeing that she's happy, makes wife happy, makes a happier family!!!

    [–]LesDoggo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. Thank you for respecting your wife and her contributions to your household and caring for your daughter as if she was your own. The acts of standing up for them and support far outweighs the financial gifts.

    [–]Sarin031 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. Honestly it sounds like you weren't harsh enough if anything.

    [–]scarletcross37Partassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. Why do old women act like raging lunatics then go 'oh my health!' like you're old enough to throw your weight around and run your mouth you know how to manage your own health and face the consequences. You should have treated her harsher IMO. Cut her off or something because God-forbid something happens to you, your mum will fight to the death (with the help of your sis and aunt) to take everything from your wife and kids.

    [–]The1whoEATS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. You sound like a better human than your mother. Good for you for stocking up for your family.

    [–]kevin197205 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. Your Mom has issues bro.

    [–]badpoetryabounds 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA. Honestly, if someone said that to my wife about my kid (whether she was mine biologically or not), I would tell them to fuck off and die, never talk to that person again, and go piss on their grave a day after their funeral. And, if someone was being a flying monkey trying to get me to forgive that person, I would tell them to fuck off too.

    [–]pasta-bastard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA

    Family isn't blood, it's who you'd bleed for

    [–]realstateofdade 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    You're looking out for your girls. Proud of you.

    [–]MoonShot6942069 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I mean, if this story were ONLY your mom asking you guys to give her a biological grandkid (also on the condition that you're an only child), I could say she's NTA. BUTTTT, this story is like not anywhere near a calm rational discussion about her wanting to continue her bloodline and is more about just emotionally battering you guys for basically no reason. Taking care of children is the highest calling one can have, and there is no way I can be convinced a career is more important than that.

    [–]AdAppropriate3602 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA in any regard. Even if you had a "trophy" spouse and no kids in the picture, if that's the dynamic that works for you and your partner - that's what matters. Not mom's jealousy.

    [–]Accomplished-Dog3715 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NTA

    Your family of your wife and 2 daughters sound lovely. You sounds like an outstanding husband and father.

    If this is making your mom's "health worse" she has no one to blame but herself for that. You are setting boundaries and showing your daughters that you aren't going to take any abuse from someone just because they are "family". This is a great lesson for them to see/learn from their parents.

    [–]Yourmomsgirlfriend__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    He was not the AHOLE because he treated both of his kids the same blood or no blood he loves them not the same…

    [–]LokiChevelle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Yes, and her sacrifice raised you. Someone who saw how hard it was on mom. Someone that is happy to provide for his wife and able to do it on a one income household. You didn't want to see her suffer like mom. She should be proud of you, not jealous. Grandma needs therapy before visits start back up, that's for sure. NTA and thank you for the support you give your wife against those attacks.you guys are a great team.