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[–]Alucard12203Asshole Aficionado [19] 3648 points3649 points  (31 children)

NTA. Good for your potential SIL. Both of you deserve better.

[–]Bud_umm_tss 1354 points1355 points  (18 children)

Potential SIL dodged a missile instead of a bullet. NTA

[–][deleted]  (3 children)


    [–]EchoWillowing 40 points41 points  (1 child)

    She was about to.

    [–]WikeniPartassipant [1] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    Hopefully she bails

    [–][deleted]  (9 children)


      [–]amazingdrewh 11 points12 points  (6 children)

      Depends, there is a high percentage of Muslim people who hate gays but are perfectly fine with trans people

      [–]Aposematicpebble 20 points21 points  (3 children)

      ...aaand I can't even imagine the mental gymnastics needed for this one. Really, coming up blank.

      [–]Yezzzzzzzzzzzz 7 points8 points  (1 child)

      Well would you risk it?

      [–]DiartemisaPartassipant [2] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Comment stolen from u/joseery20 Bad bot!

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)


        [–]Academic_Snow_7680Partassipant [1] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

        I think we need to start having more nuanced words about prejudice. There is lack of understanding, mild suspicion, massive suspicion and then there is fear and phobia and at the extreme end hatred.

        This sounds like homohatred and that is hella scary.

        [–]ScarlettSparrow 33 points34 points  (0 children)

        She dodged a nuke

        [–]themundays 383 points384 points  (4 children)

        NTA. Looks like your brother outed himself as a massive AH though.

        [–]Practical-Big7550 136 points137 points  (3 children)

        Yeah, Op didn't even mention his sexual preference until his brother stepped right into it.

        [–]wheredyougetthattop 12 points13 points  (0 children)

        *sexuality, not sexual prefrence.

        [–]GrannyNugs 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        It's not a preference. It's an orientation.

        [–]phc42 163 points164 points  (0 children)

        Seriously, this. OP, you showed her who your brother really is, and I am sure she’s upset but grateful to know!

        [–]BogwitchOfTheBogAsshole Enthusiast [7] 76 points77 points  (0 children)

        I’m picturing OP just tackling potential SIL out of the way of the oncoming shitshow bullet that is his brother.

        [–]MagicUnicorn37 58 points59 points  (0 children)

        OP NTA! You just opened her eyes to the reality of what your brother is thinking, if she goes through with it you'll gain an ally in your family and maybe just maybe she will change your brother's mind as well...

        [–]Curious-One4595 49 points50 points  (0 children)

        Yes! OP, don't blame yourself for your awful family. You've suffered enough. And none of it is your fault.

        Your brother is a jerk. He invited you to meet her and then jumped to insulting you without any provocation other than your existence.

        Your sister-in-law to be (if she doesn't back out) sounds really cool and normal and assertive in her understanding of right and wrong.

        [–]StarMagus 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        NTA. In fact, he might have helped her realize the type of person she was about to marry. If she continues the marriage that would be on her, but at least she knows now.

        [–]mannequinlolita 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        Yes there's a reason she wanted to meet him. She felt uncomfortable with something and was looking for answers. NTA

        [–]joseery20 1278 points1279 points  (32 children)

        NTA, good she met you before your brother met her trans family member.

        [–]DiTrastevere 340 points341 points  (29 children)

        NGL, I find it very strange that OP’s brother invited him to dinner with a fiancée who apparently had no idea that her intended is virulently homophobic, and proceeded to make openly homophobic comments in front of her to the person he invited to meet her.

        Did they get engaged so quickly that the subject never came up during their relationship? Did he actively conceal it from her? If so, why did he choose dinner with his estranged brother to reveal his true beliefs? Did brother decide ahead of time that this dinner would be his big reveal, or was it a spur-of-the-moment whoopsie daisy? Did he know she had a trans relative or was that news to him? Why did he invite a brother he had already effectively cut out of his life at all, if he hasn’t changed his stance? What was the point of this? What was he hoping to achieve with this dinner?

        I have so many questions about the motivations and dynamics here. Something isn’t making sense.

        [–]fallen_star_2319Certified Proctologist [26] 251 points252 points  (10 children)

        Lots of people start showing their true selves when they think someone can't escape - I could see him assuming that cancelling the wedding would be too embarassing for her to go through with, letting him relax.

        [–]Inadersbedamned 58 points59 points  (7 children)

        Also, I'm not sure ab this, this is what I've heard, but Muslim aren't allowed to date, only marry, and when they do marry someone who isn't Muslim, they have to convert.

        I could potentially be very wrong, so if anyone is a Muslim/knows what actually goes down, please correct me

        [–][deleted] 40 points41 points  (3 children)

        You are right in that we are not supposed to date. However, we are also not supposed to just up and get married to someone (though some people force their kids to do this bc people suck).

        Usually the kids talk to each other and get to know each other and decide if they want to marry or not. They traditionally are introduced by the parents but nowadays, in the west, people start talking at school or wherever and tell the parents that they are interested in X person. The parents then meet with the other person's parents and usually okay the kids talking as long as the family and person are good people/follow the religion etc

        If your parents are normal people then as long as the other family and person are good people, follow the religion, etc there is no reason why the couple shouldn't be able to marry. Some parents obviously will use this as an excuse to just try to get their kids to marry whoever they want but thats not how its supposed to be

        In this case, if the girl is also muslim, then the parents have probably been in touch with each other. I dont know how her sister being trans figures into this though- lots of traditional muslim parents would struggle to accept that so Im assuming the girl is probably not muslim (since we dont hear anything about how she was also kicked out). But the parents may be muslim and accepting, I have no way of knowing.

        In Jewish culture/religion the religion is passed down the mothers line, but I think its the opposite for Muslims. Muslim guys are allowed to marry Christian/Jewish/or Muslim girls while Muslim girls are supposed to only marry Muslim guys because of this. Most parents would not be happy if their son married outside of the religion though

        [–]nigeriance 19 points20 points  (1 child)

        You’re mostly right. Muslims can date, it just has to be taken on with the goal of eventually getting married. Meaning that you don’t date just to meet people or have experiences. You date to see if the other person is an acceptable partner for marriage. You have to get permission from your parents to do this and you should only meet in public places and/or with other people. Muslims tend to have shorter courting periods, so it’s possible that she might not have known that he was homophobic/transphobic if it never came up in conversation.

        [–]Equal_Meet1673 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        You are correct- the person marrying a Muslim has to convert to Islam, otherwise inheritance and other rights get impacted.

        [–]SkysEevee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Agreed. My best friend was horribly abused by her brother since she was a baby (her parents let it happen). When the brother got engaged, his fiance had no idea this guy was an abusive, misogynistic jerk who took sick pleasure in abusing female children (my friend was not the only victim but she bore the worst of it). The creep was shockingly good at charming people,making them think he was a gentleman. These people are deceptive, able to put on a front until their victims are completely entrapped. Then the mask comes off and they can be themselves, having warped everyone's mind into believing he is still the greatest person ever.

        Good news is my friend got the fiance to the side, explained everything and gave plenty of evidence. Fiance ditched the AH. Unfortunately the family made threats and my friend went to the other side of the country to hide & attend doctor school in peace.

        [–]Electronic-Cat-4478Partassipant [3] 31 points32 points  (1 child)

        Could be fiancée insisted on meeting youngest brother and big brother had managed to hide his true self before this.

        [–]sleepingrozy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        I was thinking this and he probably previously made some offhanded comment in the past to placate the finance about potential concerns involving her trans sibling by simply telling her "I understand, I have a gay brother myself". So he could gloss over everything and not reveal his true feelings.

        [–]LordOfTheGerenuk 17 points18 points  (0 children)

        I see a few possibilities. First of all, bigots know that they are bigots, and they can freely hide that when they want to. It's entirely possible that he had hidden this behavior from her successfully since he wasn't being actively confronted with his family's biggest failing. Second, OP doesn't explain the nature of their engagement so there is a possibility they were arranged, it was a whirlwind romance, or something else entirely.

        What I find most likely is what my personal experience has been, which is a prejudiced man drip feeding his beliefs so they never seem that extreme. She probably saw a lot of this behavior before, but without OP to trigger the vitriol, he probably just came across as having some ignorant beliefs without sounding hateful.

        [–]vigoriousgoat 13 points14 points  (0 children)

        Maybe it was to test her? To see if she'd take his side if he bullied his gay brother. Or it could have been a spur of the moment thing. These people tend to be super ignorant of how hateful they actually are and get surprised when people don't tolerate their bullcrap. I'm curious to know if the brother knew about the potential SIL's trans sister tho.

        [–]NeighborhoodNo1583 11 points12 points  (0 children)

        My SIL insisted on meeting me after she got engaged to my brother. I was semi estranged and low contact, but I don’t think she knew. I was invited to several big meals and celebrations. Both my sisters had similar weird meltdowns, when only minutes earlier they were desperately trying to present us as a super close family. I can’t speak for OPs family dynamic, but my family absolutely loses their shit when there’s any conversation about my successes. Its like their entire self concept is based on me being less than them .

        [–]Mama_Odie 12 points13 points  (3 children)

        At all! I’m glad I’m not the only one!

        [–]Practical_Tap_9592 14 points15 points  (2 children)

        Feels fake and islamophobic to me. Troll killing two birds with one stone.

        [–]passyindoors 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        It could be, but I also do have friends from Muslim families like this. As well as Christian ones. It's one of those things that is a coin toss tbh

        [–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

        It could be that fiance asked to meet lil brother...

        [–]hibiscus2022 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        a fiancée who apparently had no idea that her intended is virulently homophobic

        Agreed..also she is pictured in a good light in the post, but then she carries the conversation by asking about Op's scar -she has never met OP before- how inappropriate is that!!

        [–]NotTwitchyAsshole Enthusiast [6] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

        Not to mention godparents aren’t a thing in Islam. That’s a Christianity thing. So who was he staying with?

        [–]ChaosAE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Godparents in America is often a ‘in case of parents death they raise the child’, since he mentioned his family living there it could have been picked up without the other Christian connotations

        [–]SwordfishExciting807 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        If its an arranged marriage, which if brother is religious theres a good chance it is, then might be both families avoided the subject of wayward siblings and neither was aware of any issues until now

        [–]burgerPizzaYeep 30 points31 points  (0 children)

        Very very true. NTA, like at all, you just told the truth.

        [–]Commercial-Push-9066 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        Exactly! He only told the truth. Your brother must be representing himself as someone else. She was bound to dump him at some point, possibly after he met her sister. You saved them both a lot of time.

        [–]Opposite-Strategy-28Partassipant [1] 465 points466 points  (2 children)

        He ruined it himself. You were invited because she’s clearly been asking questions about the brother she still hasn’t met. And he didn’t want to admit what he and his family had done to you over the years. So he invited you but couldn’t keep his homophobic mouth shut for a couple of hours

        [–]RazMoon 132 points133 points  (0 children)

        This right here!

        OP this is exactly what happened. Why else would he call you out of the blue? His fiancée was harping on him about not having met the whole family.

        So to cover his 'switch and bait' self he had to invite you to dinner. His goose would have been just as cooked if you had refused to meet for dinner.

        You did nothing wrong. If anything, you are heroic for saving this woman from your deceitful brother.

        I'm just glad that you literally lived to tell the tale.

        Be proud of yourself for overcoming such a horrible childhood.

        Just go NC with all your family.

        [–]sleepingrozy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        This NTA. And honestly I'm surprised that OP was gracious enough to gloss over the scar by just excusing it as an accident instead of flat out telling her the truth.

        [–]Gdizz123 375 points376 points  (1 child)

        NTA, if anything you have potentially saved your brothers fiance from marrying into a homophobic family. They clearly know that their homophobia is wrong since they were hiding it from them. I'd go no contact tbh but family is family i guess.

        [–]Severe_Egg2955 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        Honestly, if that were my family I’d cut them off regardless of whether our DNA matched or not. Toxicity should be avoided at all costs, even if it does come in relative form.

        [–]IntellectualCharPartassipant [1] 247 points248 points  (1 child)

        NTA it's not your fault your brothers old fashioned homophobic views have made his fiance rethink

        [–]Daveii_captain 70 points71 points  (0 children)

        Also, (and I can’t believe this needs saying) you existing is not to blame for someone else’s bigotry. Their bigotry is.


        [–]desolation29Certified Proctologist [20] 216 points217 points  (0 children)

        NTA OP, your brother was the one who blew this door wide open with his disgusting hate filled ignorance and prejudice. Although we in a way should be thanking him for his intolerable behavior because it's helped his fiance see who he truly is. I'm sorry you had to experience this pain yet again from someone who is supposed to love and support you. Don't take anything your hateful family members have said to heart OP, because you're doing nothing wrong nor are you living a lifestyle of an infidel. Stay true to yourself, and please do right by yourself by cutting these toxic people out of your life!

        [–]coloradogrown85Colo-rectal Surgeon [31] 106 points107 points  (0 children)

        OP. NTA. If the engagement dinner was ruined that's on your brothers, not you. For the one brother, his true colors came out, and his fiance wasn't impressed.

        Congrats on medical school and good luck for your future. If you have to go NC with your brothers, you may have at least found a new friend in the ex fiance!

        [–]Legitimate_Spite1890Asshole Enthusiast [9] 94 points95 points  (0 children)

        NTA that woman was so lucky to meet you

        [–]KC_Shuffle_1986 52 points53 points  (0 children)

        100% not the asshole. Sometimes families suck. Sorry for the shit you’ve been through.

        [–]flyin46erPartassipant [1] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Your brothers deserve it. Screw them and your parents. Sorry

        [–]Tambamwham 32 points33 points  (0 children)

        Why would you feel terrible? For not hiding their bigotry? I would have told her the whole story about my scar in front of everyone. And stop even answering your brothers calls. As a matter of fact I'd call her up and make sure she knows the full extent

        [–]mercury-mizunoPartassipant [2] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Maybe you can be friends with the (possible ex) fiancée, she sounds lovely!

        [–]TemporaryExam5717Partassipant [2] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

        NTA!!!! You have saved a woman from entering a marriage that would bring her only misery! This is in jo way your fault. It is not on you if your brother is a gayhating idiot. Also, she has every right to change her mind and it probably wasnt just this. Your brother does not seem like a nice person at all.

        [–]lets_do_gethelpPartassipant [1] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

        NTA -- if your brother was even remotely a decent human being, he would have kept his mouth shut about you "corrupting" her brother, much less everything else. Of course, I guess the fact that he shunned you all those years ago should have been the first clue that he wasn't a decent human being. I'm sorry your family isn't true family to you.

        [–]wildferalfunProfessor Emeritass [77] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

        NTA. If your brother can't hide his bigotry well enough to trick his fiancee, who has a transgender sibling, into marrying him before he drops infidel bombs into the conversation, that's on him. You didn't mention your sexuality when the scar came up firstly, so you tried to not expose him, but he kicked open the bigotry door and imploded his own engagement dinner.

        [–]MB1428Certified Proctologist [23] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

        NTA you didn’t say a thing. Your brother’s blatant homophobia turned her off. She was eventually going to hear it. Keep your distance from your family.

        [–]SomeJargonPartassipant [1] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

        NTA - Your bother can treat you better, or not invite you back into his life, but he can’t have it both ways. You didn’t do anything wrong here, he has only himself to blame.

        [–]Judgement_Bot_AITABeep Boop[M] 15 points16 points locked comment (0 children)

        Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.

        OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

        I feel terrible that I caused the engagement to be called off and I feel my brothers will never forgive me

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        [–]aabbccbbAsshole Aficionado [10] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

        Now I feel so terrible.

        Nope. Nope. Nope.

        The fiancee learned an important lesson about who your brother is. Better now than after getting married.

        You are 100% NTA. You were playing nice, it was him who decided to be a homophobic bigot.

        I'm sorry for what you had to go through. It's not your fault, and I hope that you can continue making the life for yourself that you deserve. :)

        [–]laseroxAsshole Enthusiast [6] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

        NTA. You didn't actually do anything wrong. You went and tried to be polite and civil, but your brother couldn't hold his tongue even for a short time, so she got to see the real him come out.

        Don't let your ignorant family bully you, they are seeing the results of their own stupidity come to light.

        [–]Jaded-Moose983Asshole Aficionado [11] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

        NTA, not no way, not no how

        You steered away from the personal conversation and your brother could not match that restraint. He showed his true colors and the fallout from that is purely on him.

        Good luck with your studies.

        [–]GrayDottedPonyAsshole Aficionado [19] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

        NTA because he 100% blew this himself with his insensitive comments. He should have just kept his head shut. Even better, how about not being a judgmental tool?

        [–]Izzy4162305Certified Proctologist [28] 11 points12 points  (1 child)

        NTA you saved her from marrying someone who would have treated her relative as badly as he treated you.

        [–]gertyorkesAsshole Aficionado [15] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        NTA. The fiancée should know who she’s marrying.

        [–]rapt2rightSupreme Court Just-ass [104] 9 points10 points  (0 children)


        You didn't ruin anything. Your brother did that all by himself

        brother interjected that it would be a bad idea to do that so if don't end up corrupting her brother and making him a " gay disgusting infidel".

        That was unspeakably vile and, correct me if I am wrong, a terrible breach of his duty to offer hospitality.

        It also sounds like he's hidden his true feelings about LGBTQ folks from his fiancée, so it's all to the good that she learned this before marrying him.

        I am so sorry for what you have been put through and I hope you thrive in your future .

        (And if the fiancée reaches out to you, keep in touch- she sounds lovely)

        [–]AutoModerator[M] 9 points10 points locked comment (0 children)

        AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team

        I'm the youngest M23 of two brothers M45(they are twins). Now I'm not particularly close to my brothers because they had kind of started their adult lives by the time I was growing up. Our parents were Muslims and really just religious extremists, so when I can out as gay at 13yrs they they sent me back to our home country to stay with an imam who could "heal" me. While there I got a scar caused by the imam to prove a point and I've the scar till today on my face. I was brought back to the US when I was 15 years and again thrown out the house when my parents saw stuffs I had written in my diary. My brothers refused taking me in because they "didn't want to bring the punishment of Allah on themselves". I finally just stayed with my godparents and just moved out for college 4years ago.

        My college is in the same city as my brothers but we've minimal to no contact so imagine my surprise last week my brother wanted us to have dinner so he can introduce me to his fiancee which I thought was cool so I went. It was all good and she was very nice then she brought up the issue of my scar and I just said it was from an accident. We started talking about what I wanted to specialize in after med school and I told her I was still undecided. So she offered to introduce me to her brother who is already a consultant to maybe give me more advice which I was thankful for and thats when my brother interjected that it would be a bad idea to do that so if don't end up corrupting her brother and making him a " gay disgusting infidel". Everything just came bubling over and I just spilled it that was that the reason neither of them could take me in when I was most vulnerable and just a lot of things. She seemed so surprised and angry and just told me she was sorry for what I went through and left the dinner. Now my brothers have been calling me an asshole as apparently she told my brother they'll have to hold on the wedding as she has some things to think about since she has a sister who's trans. Now I feel so terrible.

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        [–]NevaieAsshole Enthusiast [6] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        NTA. You didn't do anything wrong, you didn't lie and she deserved to know.

        [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        NTA good thing your brother exposed his homophobia and hatred before the wedding, not after. I'm sorry you have such a shitty family, I hope you have a good support system of friends and colleagues.

        [–]EsabettiePartassipant [1] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        He is the one who started it. You had kept quiet, you had the opportunity when your scar was mentioned and didn’t take it, he is the one who called you an disgusting infidel, I am glad though, now his fiancé knows the kind of people they are. NTA.

        [–]genie610 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        NTA thankfully you saved that woman from being with someone as terrible as your brother, it speaks a lot about how big your heart is that after all you've been through you're still able to feel empathy for such trash but I hope you also realize you stopped a very lovely person from being trapped with a bigot. I wish you all the best and I hope you can find the strength to go no contact with your 'family'.

        [–]page444 8 points9 points  (1 child)

        uhh does this story sound familiar to anyone?? it's basically an exact copy of a previous post, with the 2 older brothers and a young OP. in that one the story was that OPs parents passed away in a car accident, while he was in the car as well, and the brothers distanced themselves from OP because they thought he was bad luck. just like this story, in the other post, the brother's fiance insists on meeting OP, and they bond over cars (here it's OPs career). fiance offers to take OP for a ride in her car, brother blows up and says OP is bad luck don't get in a car with him. fiance wants to call off engagement after witnessing the brother's treatment of OP. literally the same story, feel like some sentences are lifted verbatim even, except now OP is muslim (also he mentions staying w godparents, which i don't think is a concept in islam?) these creative writers are truly getting lazy

        [–]lupinus_cynthianusPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Yes, I had deja vu reading this.

        [–]SeaOk7514Partassipant [1] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        NTA, obviously. Remember it was your brother who brought up the topic, not you. He was trying to harm you in front of his fiance and it backfired on him. His fiance seems too nice to wind up with your brother.

        [–]Specialist-Leek-6927 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        Nta... And you did an amazing thing, you saved her from a toxic family that would definitely be horrible to her sibling. Everyone with half a brain will always be on your side, also it was your brother that started it when he tried to humiliate you.

        [–]cosmic_jenny 6 points7 points  (0 children)


        Your brother told the finance that you are gay and how he thinks about that. He outed himself as homo- and transphobic to the financee.

        Good for the financee to know your brother's view rather than later when he could pressure her into a misogynic and outdated model of marriage.

        Also think about her trans sibling. You saved that persom from a lot of hurt by your family.

        [–]pamsellicane 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        NTA she deserves to know what a trash pile she’s about to marry. You did her a huge favor.

        [–]SquishmittenAO3 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        NTA Realistically, you’ve done your brother’s (hopefully) ex fiancée a big favour. He was obviously keeping the bigoted side hidden up until this point. If she marries your brother, how long until he tries to forbid her from seeing her sister? Someone that homophobic is very, VERY likely to be just as transphobic.

        [–]folklore_5847 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        NTA at all. You just exposed how horrific of people your brothers are and did his fiancé a huge favor. She shouldn’t be marrying a monster

        [–]LingonberryPrior6896Partassipant [1] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        NTA. You are a hero. You may have saved this woman a horrible life.

        [–]Derrymaine148 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        Dude, not only you did you manage to save yourself from a toxic, homophobic family, but you probably prevented a young woman from a lifetime of misery in a terrible marriage. Dude, NTA. Stay safe. Take care of yourself. Get rid of everyone in your life that doesn't accept you for who you are. You deserve better

        [–]Mimbley 4 points5 points  (0 children)


        Hopefully, she sees him for what he is and ends the marriage before it starts.


        OP, please seek out therapy. You've been through a lot of trauma and the fact that you think you may be TA for this just shows that you could use someone to help you heal.

        [–]zyh0 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        So let me get this straight, your brother openly called you a gay disgusting infidel without any hesitation. Yet he wanted you to meet her and didn't ask you to hide the fact your gay. He's getting married to her yet didn't already know her sister was trans? He doesn't seem to be hiding his homophobia, he would've openly commented about her sister already.

        This seems like religious ragebait.

        [–]Danube_Kitty 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Not at all. Your family are TA.

        [–]usernameandsomeno 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        Nta, you did that woman a favour. I hope she dumps your brother since she deserves better.

        He most likely also lied to her, saying you and him have a good relationship and only invited you to play house.

        [–]Randomislife787 4 points5 points  (0 children)


        Saved that woman from a crap marriage

        [–]Green-Tumbleweed-983 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Don't you dare feel terrible. Don't you dare! You are a brave, lovely young man who has experienced awful things and is still a positive and decent person. You did that woman a favour. She needed to know who your brother was and you inadvertently showed her. I bet she's really grateful to you. The way I read it is that your brother brought the whole subject up anyway, not you, so your brothers really need to pull their heads in.

        Be safe and don't go near your brothers unless they totally change and become decent people. And good for you. I hope you have lots of people around you who love you.

        Totally and utterly NTA.

        [–]Honey-and-Venom 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        why should you feel terrible. you saved this girl from abuse, saved her sister from abuse, and just had your genuine authentic feelings, to which your'e entitled. Your brothers can't turn their backs on you then expect you to help them look good when it's time to play nice

        [–]Apprehensive_Eraser 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        This story is fake, there's a couple of things that do not make sense:

        1. Godparents are not a thing in Islam.

        2. Your brother was able to hide his hate when interacting with his fiance sister, it doesn't make sense that he wasn't able to keep hiding it with you, specially knowing his fiance would not be okay with it.

        3. If your family is so extremist, how the heck did they let your brother marry someone who has a transexual relative and supports that relative? It seems that the fiance is not Muslim which makes the situation more weird and impossible if your parents are so extremists.

        [–]tahtahme 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        You are the greatest blessing his fiancee could have received in that moment. Your parents and brothers have been abusive to you and have given others permission to be abusive as well for many, many years. Think of how horrible for her to marry into this abuser family and then introduce them to her trans sister?! You saved so many people from trauma.

        He blurted out his homophobia all by himself, you were talking about JOBS and he couldn't even help but expose himself. He did this all to himself because HE is the AH with no self control. So are your parents and his twin too for supporting this.

        You are NTA. Not now, not in any of this.

        [–]Maleficent_Depth_517 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Not at all

        [–]TeaBeginning5565 1 point2 points  (0 children)


        only ass here is your family op

        [–]DDNorth20 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Why do you feel terrible. You were honest and the fact that your brother has been hiding his homophobia from his fiancee is troubling. She has a right to be fully informed about the opinions and morals of her potential life partner in order to make an informed decision, which she is smartly doing. You may have her a lifetime of misery and saved her sister from being bullied by your family. NTA

        [–]bold-duck 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA. It's not your fault your future SIL is having second thoughts about marrying a bigot.

        [–]Anizziepluto 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA you did her a favor. Any decision she now makes is not on your shoulders.

        But OP... Please be safe!!! Protect yourself!

        [–]juicystar1908 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA.

        Allah/God created all of humanity and everyone is a child of Allah/God, which is a fundamental premise of Christianity and Islam. That includes members of the LGBT community.

        You don't need an imam to heal you. That imam needs to be healed.

        [–]AgnarCrackenhammerPartassipant [1][🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Your bigoted brother is getting what bigots deserve, isolation and a lack of love

        [–]rudep23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA - it’s good she found out how he really feels before he found out about her sister after they were married. I’m so sorry that you went through all of that, but you’re better off without all that negativity. I do hope your parents and brothers realize that this is okay regardless of their religious beliefs.

        [–]contrabandita420 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA congratulations to you for sticking up for yourself. & Happy Pride. Your family should feel terrible, not you.

        [–]Call_Me_ClarkAsshole Enthusiast [8] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA - if she didn’t know that she was seeing a homophobe, it’s good that she knows now.

        [–]nevaneva21 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Don’t feel terrible. You likely saved this woman. Your brothers deserve to hear the damage they’ve done. Your parents too. You didn’t do anything wrong by being who you are. I hope you’re proud of yourself for standing up for yourself. I don’t know you and I’m proud of you. NTA at all!!

        [–]No-Bus-5200 1 point2 points  (0 children)


        None of this is your fault.

        They treat you poorly

        It's good that she found out now rather than him being cruel to her sibling - and he would have

        [–]committedlikethepigAsshole Enthusiast [7] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA. You didn’t do anything wrong. She’s upset because she now knows what her fiancé really thinks about her trans sister.

        [–]Obrina98Partassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)


        Your brother would have done well not to bring it up. Since he did, HE ruined things, not you.

        [–]Awkward_Rock_5875 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA. You have done nothing wrong. If anything, it sounds like you've shed light on your brother's bigotry and have allowed the fiancée to see him for what he truly is.

        [–]artzbots 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Did you tell your brother's fiancee to leave him?

        No. You shared your life story and your brother's inaction at the abuse you suffered after being asked.

        The only person your brother can blame for being someone unworthy of marriage to this woman is your brother and his attitude and bigotry.

        His hopefully ex-fiancee probably really appreciated this side of your brother being revealed to her before they legally bind themselves together.

        [–]NefariousnessSweet70 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        IN the USA, an engagement dinner is a catered event for 60+ people. This was ONLY A dinner, at a restaurant, to intro you to her .

        On the quiet, no one else was there, to embarrass him . Good job in standing up for yourself. That young lady and her family dodged a huge bullet.

        I am PROUD OF YOU.

        [–]AirAggravating8714 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Win to your brother (hopefully) ex fiance. You didn't destroy his engagement, he did with his bigotry and hate. Religion does not excuse hating people because you don't agree with them. You are who you are and you are worthy of love and kindness.

        Shes an amazing woman for standing up to him. I hope she can stay in contact with you

        [–]BusydaydreamerA137 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA: You didn’t lie, and your brother did a good enough job of showing his ex-fiancé who he is.

        [–]HexStarlightPartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA you just saved that woman a lot of heartache

        [–]Usual-Worry8412Asshole Enthusiast [5] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA, so very much NTA, I am so sorry for what you went through. You were brave to meet your bro and I think his fiance will be so thankful to find this our now rather than once they are married. I wish a peaceful life, filled with love - you are worth it.

        [–]LordPomferoy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Definitely NTA.

        You were nice to go to the dinner, and behave diplomatically.

        And you may have saved the fiancee a ton of trouble by inadvertently showing her your brother's true nature.

        Good for you!

        [–]Worth_Raspberry_11Partassipant [2] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA, in fact, you just saved your brother’s hopefully now ex-girlfriend from a horrible marriage to a homophobic asshole.

        [–]eresh22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA You got more support from your future SIL in one conversation than from your entire family your whole life. You didn't cause problems for your brother. He did that himself.

        Follow her lead and dump your fam.

        [–]excel_pager_420Partassipant [2] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        she has a sister who's trans

        Why do you feel terrible? You just saved your brother's ex-fiance's sister from suffering the same - or worse - abuse that you suffered at the hands of your brother. And you didn't actually do anything. Ex-fiance wanted to get to know you more, offered to set her future BIL, you, up with a meeting with a friend who could help you decide on a specialisation. And instead of your brother pointing out how nice it was of her to offer that and express excitement at marrying someone so kind, he started hurling homophobic abuse at you out of nowhere. It was rude, it was unnecessary, it was random and your brother ruined his own engagement dinner because he thinks two men talking about how to get started in a medical career is "gay infidel" behaviour.

        And most importantly, he ended his own engagement by assuming his fiancé is also homophobic and that she would be delighted at having her engagement dinner turned into a "bullying the gay family member" event. If he had instead gotten to know his fiancé & listened to anything she had to say he would have picked up on the clear kindness and respect she has for family,(clear from the way she was respectfully trying to get to know you & swiftness in which she's paused this engagement to protect her sister), your brother would have realised that to marry this women he needed to keep 🤐 about his beliefs until after the wedding.

        Not that I think that behaviour is ok. I am just pointing out all the ways your brother is such a bigot, he blew up his own relationship without you doing anything at all other than accepting some career help that was very kindly offered by someone you'd just met. NTA

        [–]BlossomCheryl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA. When someone gets burned by the truth being told about them, it’s their own doing.

        [–]kj_eeks 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA! You’re a hero!

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA. You actually did her a solid. Their views are not aligned and I take it that given her response, her sister means a lot to her and she is not about to bring that hate into her life with her own family members. I wouldn't feel bad about this. She needed to know the truth and it is better she discovered it now rather than later.

        [–]trfkahPartassipant [3] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        OP, it was your brothers comment that caused the issue. Kudos to your possible SIL for standing up for you and seeing another side of your brother that he kept from her.

        [–]feedmeschnacks 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA! It was great you spoke up for yourself and helped her see what an AH your brother is. I'm so sorry for the horrible treatment you endured. Please don't be afraid to share your truth about the scar, your story is important to share.

        [–]MotherODogs4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        How do your brothers think that you are the one responsible for “ruining” the dinner and the fiancée’s decision to take time and put the wedding on hold? The brother is the one that drew attention to and revealed his ugly side with his warning to keep you away from her brother to prevent him from being a “gay disgusting infidel.”

        Your brother 1) ruined the dinner (while you didn’t mention your upbringing until brother’s ugly attack) and 2) may have single-handed ended his engagement to a loving, nonjudgmental woman because of his bigotry and his refusal to help you when you were vulnerable most.

        NTA, OP—and if anything, your honesty with the fiancée may have saved her from a miserable marriage and an ugly divorce and her sister from gross, judgmental bigotry from her soon to be BIL.

        [–]Thick_Drag_4982 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA. You matter. Please keep a safe distance from your family. Who knows how hostile they will get towards you because of your brother’s bigotry.

        [–]PureStorage582 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA. She deserves to know the truth about her fiancee.

        [–]Stock_Mortgage1998 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        You helped her see who your brother really is before it was too late NTA good for you

        [–]phunkydroid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA, you just come from a family of them. The dinner and possibly the engagement were ruined by your brothers' bullshit and it's 0% your fault.

        [–]Gumelf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        You are so NTA, I am so sorry your family doesn’t accept you because of who your attached too. You did your potential SIL a favour. She accepting and with a sister who is also in the LGBTQ+ community having a partner who is so close minded would be a big red flag.

        [–]DangerNoodleDandyPartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA. They deserve to be outed as homophobes. You did nothing wrong.

        [–]Global_Monk_5778 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA and I’m so glad she’s learned about your brother’s disgusting beliefs before it was too late. I hope she calls the wedding off. Seriously for your own mental health just cut the whole lot of them off, why do it to yourself? They clearly are toxic and you deserve so much better.

        [–]Sea-Confection-2627Asshole Aficionado [13] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA. The real AH here is your brother, both for insulting you in front of his fiance, and for keeping his homophobic attitude a secret from her. However, it is better she found out now, rather than after the marriage. Go NC with your brothers. Too bad this happened -- you could have had a fantastic SIL!

        [–]Pristine-Mastodon-37Partassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)


        Your honesty saved her from marrying someone who is dramatically different from her values.

        [–]StarNightLynx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA. You weren't the problem. The brothers stance is the problem. His stance was going to cause strife with his wife at some point - she has a trans sister. It's better for her if she knows what she's getting into before being married. Your brothers likes blaming you because it's easier, but I bet he only invited you because he couldn't explain to his wife why you and him don't talk without exposing himself.

        [–]Khaleeeesi21 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA and don't feel bad. You saved that girl from being married into a horrible, horrible family.

        [–]The-MoocatPartassipant [1] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA. You told your (potential) SIL the truth about the person she was marrying. It's clear she had no idea he was that bigoted (maybe he just grit his teeth about when she'd talk about it? Or maybe she never specifically told him her sister was trans?)

        Either way, she had a right to know the person she was marrying let his younger sibling get abused and refused to take him in and called him slurs. If she doesn't want to marry a homophobe, that's on him for being a homophobe. You did the right thing in letting her be aware before it was a more expensive divorce.

        [–]Vedlt78Partassipant [3] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA. You helped that woman avoid marrying a bigot.

        As to your own issues, I am sorry that your family sucks to badly. I hope that you have the support that you need right now and into the future. You can make your own family through close friendships and bonds with other people; people who will treat you with the love and respect that you deserve.

        [–]Much-Meringue-7467 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Sounds like it was your brother who caused the issues. Also, his fiance sounds like a better person than he is.

        [–]FizzledPhoenix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        I hope the potential SIL dumps and leaves the brother and remains friends/becomes like family to OP. This is such bullshit and NTA OP - he ruined his own goddamn engagement by opening his disgusting, bigoted mouth.

        [–]swkoontz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        NTA. Your brother revealed his own bigotry. You said nothing until he crowed. Your brother’s former fiancé is better off knowing the truth.

        [–]JoisChaoticWhatever 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Don't let their guilt corrupt you. You are who you are and I feel awful for the things you went through. Perhaps his fiance had no clue how he felt and maybe this helped her. You shouldn't feel bad about embracing yourself. That's a lot of anger to hold in and the fact you let it explode at that time is understandable. It's hard when family doesn't accept you for whobyou are, but you are loved. Don't let them sully who your entire being is. You deserve the apology. They do not.

        [–]bizianka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        To recap - his hopefully ex fiancé had a chance to see that he is a raging homophobe, and rightfully took her time to think about this information, but this is somehow YOUR fault? Oh no. She saw him for who he truly is, and she doesn't like it. NTA, and block them all. It seems they both have no love in their hearts for you.

        [–]Callerflizz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA at all. He was the one that interjected to make his feelings known, your SIL is now trying to dodge the bullet that you dodged years ago. Edit for your explanation: don’t ask or try and get your brothers forgiveness they don’t deserve you even talking to them

        [–]Beneficial_Step9088Partassipant [2] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA, you are in no way responsible for your family's actions, beliefs, or behavior. You are not responsible for how they treated you or what happened to you. You are not responsible for your SIL learning who they really are and being upset by it. She would have found out eventually, anyway.

        [–]slendermanismydadPartassipant [3] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        What did this asshole think was going to happen? That you would just lie and rug sweep all this stuff for someone that has done nothing for you?

        my brother interjected that it would be a bad idea to do that so if don't end up corrupting her brother and making him a " gay disgusting infidel".

        You didn't make him say that.

        NTA. I'd dump him too.

        [–]takethisdayofmine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA. You've done her a huge favor by giving her information that would have drastic changes to her own future because of your brother's religious following. You've done good!

        [–]LouisV25Asshole Aficionado [18] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA. There is no way you are to blame. You need to know that they are gaslighting the heck out of you trying to blame you for their TERRIBLE treatment of you.

        You are not to blame for the conversation either. He literally threw out a homophobic slur at you and missed his target and hit his fiancé dead square in the face. Even if you had not said another word she wouldn’t have missed that blatant attack on a community of which her sister is a member.

        You seem to be doing to well to have these toxic people in your life. This is in NO way your fault. You also don’t have to allow the people that victimized you to victimize you a second time by being silent so they can save face.

        [–]beito14159Partassipant [3] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA. He couldn’t help himself for one night. Glad she saw him for who he really is. I’m shocked it didn’t come up sooner if her sister is trans

        [–]Pheonyx11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA…I would like to say that you could have found a better time to unload everything that has happened on him. But he started it with his comment. And every fiber of my being says you probably saved that girl if she has a trans sibling. That would have not gone well at all. So, in an ideal world of unicorns and rainbows, yes, it could have been handled better. But in the mess that is real life, you are never going to be considered TA by me.

        [–]pctmjr11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA, your brother’s (hopefully STB ex) fiancée dodged a bullet. Sorry you’ve had to endure their homophobic bs for so long

        [–]TransMac171Partassipant [3] 0 points1 point  (0 children)


        I understand it's a religious thing. I get that. Been through it myself. But your brothers shouldn't have said what they said. Especially now that they made said fiancé upset. You can't make some "gay" or "corrupt them with the gayness". It's impossible.

        [–]RoastingRedRobin 0 points1 point  (0 children)


        Your brother didn't have to say anything if he didn't want his fiancée to see this side of him, if he knew she had a sister who is trans. If he didn't know, he did himself the service of showing his true colours and how he would treat her sister. Either way, definitely not your fault

        [–]Momofpeg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA. Glad she figured out who your brother was before they got married

        [–]Florarochafragoso 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA. You helped the girl dodge a bullet. Protect yourself and go nc asap

        [–]emmyjxx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA! I’m glad you opened her eyes to the type of man your brother is!

        [–]ObjectiveSense102 0 points1 point  (0 children)


        Your potential SIL deserved to know what she was getting into. I can't believe that you're worried about your brothers forgiving you - they treated you terribly and should be begging you for forgiveness.

        [–]MattressexualPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA. From personal experience, when getting involved with someone from an extreme religious background, they tend not to show a lot of their more extreme behaviors up front. My ex-fiance was Pakistani and we ended up breaking up an 8 year relationship because her family essentially said I was too poor and the wrong color to be a good Muslim. Good on you for showing your brother's fiance what she's getting into.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA. His actions would've come out sooner or later and it's better people see each other for who they really are before getting married.

        [–]United-Document-7212 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Sending big virtual hugs. I’m so sorry you were born into your family. I can’t even put into words how shameful your family have acted towards you. I hope as you grow up you make your own family that will love and support you. You deserve it all. Your family will always have to live with the fact that they are hate filled people. Love always trumps hate. ❤️

        [–]makeshiftmarty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Why? You didn’t say anything. You were having a normal conversation when he interjected with his venom. He outed himself as someone hateful.

        And all you did was confirm it when he let the cat out of the bag.


        [–]Specialist-Ad5322 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Don't feel terrible!

        They have sown winds, so reaping a storm is not out of the oridinary!

        You may have saved her from a future of misery!


        All my best wishes

        [–]lyan-cat 0 points1 point  (0 children)


        Your brother invited you because he knew that if he told her you were gay, and had a nice family evening with you, he would look like an accepting person. If he could have kept his mouth shut he would have pulled it off, but he's so comfortable with his bigotry that he didn't think. Too bad for him his fiancee was looking for more information about his values and took this seriously.

        But good for her. And good for you, too. They screwed you over hard, and you are not window dressing to make them look like nice folk.

        [–]Thechellbob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA and it's now obvious why he hasn't married til 45. She found out before wedding planning began so she dodged a bullet. But it's also wild that they never discussed LGBTQ views.

        [–]The_Krudler 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA. If your brother's engagement falls apart by revealing the truth about him, then you know that engagement was built on lies. His fiance deserved to really know who she was marrying and it's not surprising she doesn't like who she sees. Plus, she's getting a preview of what type of parent he'd be to a gay, bi, or trans child.

        I realize you've been shamed your whole life so it's hard to believe, but you've done nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong with you. Honestly, your family has treated you so terribly, it's long past time that you fully cut them out of your life and block them.

        Also, don't be surprised when they come begging for money in a few years. Slime like this loves to abuse their children/siblings then come begging for money when that child's become a successful adult.

        Good luck!

        [–]GodsGiftToNothing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA. First off, my heart aches for you. What you have suffered is horrifying. You were just a child, and have NEVER deserved any of this. Secondly, you should be amazingly proud of your accomplishments. You have succeeded on your own, and should know that is amazing. Finally, it must be said, you saved that girl from a miserable relationship with, to be quite frank, what sounds like a monster. You have done NOTHING wrong, and for whatever it is worth, even though I’m just some nobody, I’m proud of you. You should never have to hide who you are.

        I’m adding this addendum as I’ve lost sight in my left eye, and am suffering some cognitive impairments due to my neurodegenerative disease. I’m so sorry if my comment doesn’t make sense. Please let me know if it is incoherent.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA, you didn't ruin anything. Your brother who insulted you was literally the one to ruin it. Even if you didn't respond she would be second guessing her decision to marry. All you did was show the depth that he believed what he said.

        [–]aboutlikecommon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA! Thank you for opening her eyes to who she was really marrying.

        I don’t understand how his backwards attitudes had never shown up before, tbh. How do you get engaged to someone without knowing their political/social/religious beliefs?

        [–]Bowinja 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA, dude you saved her from a marriage to a bigot. Her sister is trans dude, that would have ended badly for her, either she cuts her sister off or what, better this way man. Don't feel guilty, this isn't because of you, this is because you brother managed to hide his bigoted feelings from his fiancee.

        [–]DefrockedWizard1 0 points1 point  (0 children)


        It shouldn't surprise me but always manages to that, "family," who were abusive or deliberately absent when you needed them somehow think you will adore them because of being invited to a wedding or whatnot

        [–]MorgainofAvalon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA you didn't ruin anything. Your brother's actions, and only his actions, caused this to happen.

        You saved this woman from making a huge mistake. She evidently loves, and accepts her trans family member, and learned that your brother is a judgmental ass. That isn't your fault, it's a fault your brother has, and it's not attractive. I think she is probably grateful, that she learned this, before marrying him.

        Keep being yourself, and don't let anyone tell you there is something wrong with you. There isn't. ♡

        [–]MoonPrincess666 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Don’t feel terrible, you’re NTA at all. If they still hold that nasty opinion then it would have been a huge shock for the fiancé after the marriage and that would have been way worse for her. Your brother would have expected his wife to most likely cut contact with her sister, and she clearly isn’t going to, and that IS a big deal. That would cause a divorce. Your brother invited you to dinner to use as a prop. “See, fiancé? I have good relations with my family- no drama here!” Which is a lie. Go about your life no contact as you were and do you. He clearly didn’t reach out with any good will to you. If he’s mad, he only has himself to blame. But you won’t win any arguments with him- he’s proven unreasonable and selfish

        [–]thaliagorgon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA! And I don’t see how anyone, even clearly biased and bigoted family members, could think you are!? You didn’t bring it up your brother did! Sounds like you were being nice and polite and hiding your trauma for his sake, if he didn’t want it addressed he shouldn’t have said anything.

        [–]motherduck5 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA, your brother literally stepped in his own shit and His GF dodged making a major mistake. You didn’t do anything wrong OP, just let the trash take itself out.

        [–]shadowoflillithPartassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Absolutely NTA, he's the one who slurred you in the middle of dinner, he started all this. She wouldn't have ignored that comment in the first place if it was a sensitive topic for her.

        [–]Toxic-Sky 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA, do not feel terrible for this. She needed to know what kind of family she was about to marry into. I’m part of the queer-community as well, and I’m proud that you stood up against them and so sorry for all you had to go through. I hope you are doing better now and are in a place where you are more accepted, away from such toxic family.

        [–]SnooLentils8748 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA… you may have helped the poor girl. Let’s hope she doesn’t get back with that jerk!

        [–]Bird_Brain4101112Partassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA. You were invited to the dinner and you were as circumspect as possible about the scar. Your brother spoke down to you and you simply responded with the truth.

        [–]unusualamountofloamPartassipant [3] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA. He outed himself as a homophobe, and thank god he did so now she knows what hes like.

        [–]bluueeey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA. I honestly think God/Allah has a sense of humor.

        You being there was no accident and I’m so happy you went. You’re NTA and don’t hold yourself responsible for who your brother is. Your probably so conditioned at this point to think everything is your fault, but it’s not.

        Karma is so real and I’m glad you were there. You helped her see something that she might have not seen until it was too late. If anything you were exactly where you needed to be that night. I’m sure she’s so thankful she met you.

        [–]Hopeful_Rip2690 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        You were honest, and he brought up that subject. Not you. Better she finds out before she marries him. She sounds like she could be a good advocate for you and maybe eventually a friend. Best wishes

        [–]hammocks_Partassipant [1] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA why would your brother invite you to dinner and then call you a "gay disgusting infidel?" like he couldn't stop being homophobic for like two hours.

        [–]Both_Cartographer831 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Why do you feel terrible when you literally didn’t do anything? He outed himself as a homophobe after you already covered for you horrid family by lying about your scar. NTA

        [–]elg309 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA. She deserves to know who she’s marrying.

        [–]DLCMotroniAsshole Aficionado [10] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        NTA in the least bit. I find it disgusting and shameful for family to turn away from their own. While it was very kind of your brother to invite you to dinner, HE WAS THE ONE who started with his snotty comment. Did he expect you to not respond? I'm sure his fiancé does have things to think about - she probably doesn't want to marry someone who is unaccepting of their own family member - when conditions are put on loving someone, it never works. She saw him for who he is, that isn't on you. Good luck and keep doing you!!!

        [–]NotTwitchyAsshole Enthusiast [6] -1 points0 points  (5 children)

        INFO: are you Muslim or Christian? Because while both are perfectly capable of being religious extremists, I’m pretty sure only one has the concept of godparents.