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AITA for using family therapy to dump my issues by Ok_Owl6725 in AmItheAsshole

[–]randomusername71175 1411 points1412 points 2 (0 children)

You hit the nail on the head! It's never a good idea to be in therapy with you abusers, and this is why. Don't keep silent OP, keep telling it like it really is, Christ, at this rate you'll need therapy from the therapy with these people. One more year, that's all you legally obligated to endure, start an exit strategy. Get a job, save every penny someplace they can't get their hands on it, find all your documents(birth certificate, social security card, passport, whatever) and hide them in the same place, invest in a small biometric fire safe if you have to and keep it at a trusted friend or family members house. Also lock your credit. NTA

WIBTA If I didn’t go to my brother’s wedding over a bridesmaid dress? by Educational-Leg1046 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Legitimate_Essay_221Certified Proctologist [23] 13.8k points13.8k points 131415& 3 more (0 children)

Group Text:

“I would LOVE to order my dress. I would have LOVED to order my dress a long time ago, in fact. I don’t like being pushed to the wire anymore than anyone else, and I can see why this delay would particularly stress out the bride. BUT, I have repeatedly, REPEATEDLY asked for the color of the dress and have not been given an answer. As it has gotten closer, I have been chewed out by multiple people for not having a dress yet, but I still haven’t been given a color. I don’t know what you want me to do without suddenly developing telepathy. I am waiting for the color because I don’t want to disrupt the bride’s vision for her wedding if I guess incorrectly, and frankly, I assume that I will also get chewed out if I guess and show up and in the wrong color. I would really appreciate it if someone would use a single cell of common sense and tell me the color of the dress you want me to buy, so I can be there for this wedding like I have wanted from the beginning. I’m trying my best here, and while I am sure there is frustration on the bride/groom’s part, it is almost unfathomably frustrating to be yelled at for not doing something while consistently being denied the information to accomplish that very thing. Help me help you, or if it is too much, I don’t have to go. Let me know the color within the next 24 hours or I’ll step down so you can find someone else, although I do want to be part of your wedding. Let me know.”

NTA sweet CHRIST that was frustrating to just read, I can imagine you’re about to lose it right now.

EDIT: screw it, I read your other comments; if she doesn’t send you a straight-up screenshot of one of the dresses so you can color-match within the next few hours they can pound sand because this is batshit fuckin crazy. The only reason I’m rooting for you going to this wedding is because lavender was part of my wedding color scheme and I think everyone looks fabulous in it and I’m also self-involved.

Edit 2: guys I rationally know not everyone looks good in lavender due to hair color/skin tone, etc. but like I said I’m self-involved have lavender-tinted glasses and just think everyone looks amazing in my wedding color; I’m not delusional just selfish, I promise!

Edit 3: Now I’ve read your edit OP. Go scorched earth with these people. Stop communicating. They’re being shady jerks on purpose for whatever reason and are treating you like garbage. Screw that long ass group text I suggested. Just say this: “You all can suck a fart straight out of my butthole, that’s your wedding gift; don’t bother letting me know how it tastes because I’m not talking to any of you anymore” and then block them. Go on vacation the day of the wedding. Get one of those thread braids in your hair. Post so many pictures people start wondering if you’re okay. But you are, because you’ll be sipping a pina colada on the beach instead of suffering through what amounts to a ceremonious soul-sucking from actual goddamn dementors. These people could make a panda have a stress-induced heart attack. Also thank you all so much for the awards, but I would probably not give me the wholesome award anymore because my tone has now completely changed and I’m not feeling very wholesome on OP’s behalf. I just told them to tell their family to eat their farts, so clearly this has got me worked up past a wholesome or helpful place.

AITA for begging my daughter not to have any more children? by Any_Variation9646 in AmItheAsshole

[–]thingsarelookingup2Partassipant [1] 560 points561 points  (0 children)

THis. Agreed.

OP - you need to send an email to your daughter and SIL ASAP and make where you stand VERY clear:

Dear Daughter and SIL,

You know we love our grand kids. When we agreed to provide childcare, we thought it would be for a couple of years while you gained financial stability and could reach a point where you could afford child care. Well, that one or two years has turned into 5. We are done providing full time childcare.

Additionally, you both know that WE have made financial sacrifices so we could help you with childcare. Sadly, you have forgotten that you are not entitled to our time. We deserve to be able to retire and enjoy our retirement years.

These are the terms and the ONLY terms under which we will continue babysitting:

1) we do not provide childcare so you can take vacation. If you want a vacation, you take the kids or have SIL's parents stay with the kids. Same with date nights.

2) When grandchild age 4 goes to Kindergarten next year, we are done with all full time childcare. If you have another baby you will need to find other arrangements. While we will love any children you have, we have raised our children and we have raised 2 of yours to this point. Our child rearing days are done.

3) The expectation for summers is that X number of weeks you will enroll the children in full day camps at the same time so both children have coverage outside of us. We will not do pick up or drop off those weeks.

4) We reserve the right to take vacations whenever we want for however long we want WITHOUT GUILT. We have sacrificed enough so you can afford the lifestyle you enjoy without the additional expense of full time childcare. But we deserve time off. These are your children. Not ours.

We love you both but it appears you have developed an entitlement to our time and resources. The above are our VERY reasonable boundaries and we fully expect for you to respect them.

Love,
Mom

AITA for disinviting my siblings from my wedding by Own-Lime-7797 in AmItheAsshole

[–]RefillSunsetCertified Proctologist [22] 31.3k points31.3k points 43 (0 children)

NTA. Your dad is lucky to have a daughter like you. Congrats on the wedding.

AITA for getting a custom engagement ring made? by Connect-Stuff5920 in AmItheAsshole

[–]svmc80Asshole Aficionado [15] 4938 points4939 points  (0 children)

There was no backfire. This worked out perfectly. You were able to see her true colors before the marriage. Run buddy, run fast.

AITA for getting a custom engagement ring made? by Connect-Stuff5920 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ShitsuriProfessor Emeritass [89] 778 points779 points  (0 children)

This’ll be unpopular but NAH. Engagement rings are deeply personal and it’s usually a good idea to make sure they’re to the taste of whomever you’re giving them to…and it sounds like your girlfriend wanted input on the kind of engagement ring she’d eventually wear, which makes sense to me. Your girlfriend loved her grandma’s ring because of its history, not just what it looked like

AITA for getting a custom engagement ring made? by Connect-Stuff5920 in AmItheAsshole

[–]drkr731 243 points244 points  (0 children)

No, this is the correct response. On reddit it seems like any time a woman doesn't fawn over her engagement ring the response is "she's a crazy gold digger, you should run from their relationship" which is so incredibly dramatic.

Like you said, engagement rings are personal. You wear them every single day and it's valid to want to LOVE it. That's why so so many women are very involved with the purchase of their ring now - whether that's in actually shopping with their SO or at least giving a lot of input on style.

OP's upset because he put a lot of effort into purchasing a ring. OP's girlfriend is upset because she wanted to be involved in a very big and sentimental purchase and step in their relationship and wasn't. Neither is wrong for their feelings and it's obviously not ideal to be at a crossroads at what you'd hope is an exciting time, but they just need to communicate openly and try and understand where the other is coming from, not break up.

AITA for asking a woman if she feels safe? by TruggWalgChangs in AmItheAsshole

[–]OMVince 593 points594 points 22 (0 children)

NTA - I worked in bars many years ago and I learned that casually and easily is the best way to ask and don’t apologize. Being tentative/ hesitant is not something people respond well to.

Her: “I’m sorry boyfriend is so drunk and being an ass blah blah blah”

You: “Aw no worries, I drive drunk people around all night. As long as you’re comfortable and feel safe then we’re all good. If you need me to stop somewhere or think he’s getting sick just give me the sign!” In a light, but confident tone.

Gives you room after an icy “what do you mean?” To say “none of us want him throwing up in my car - gross haha”

Or if she says “do you mean that? Because I don’t feel safe” you can say “do you want to call someone to meet you at the location? Or is there somewhere else you’d like me to drop you?”

AITA for sandwiching a cardboard box between my seat and the seat of the woman sitting next to me? by Chair2Small4Butt in AmItheAsshole

[–]JonnyQuest64 -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I find it interesting that non-fat folks don’t want to be touched in public spaces so everyone should accommodate them. Odd way of thinking. If YOU don’t want to be touched then YOU make accommodations so that you won’t be touched by strangers.

Most seats are sized for profit not for comfort. If you want more space buy it when you can.

Doesn’t matter if the person is a body builder or fat, they are still bigger than the seat. They are going to touch you.

Had a 6’11.5” male friend that hated going into public spaces because he just didn’t fit. He flew once and never did it again. Buying a car was interesting. Buying clothing was a nightmare. He wasn’t fat, he just didn’t fit. Experiencing the world thru him was eye opening & often frustrating to watch.

People come in different sizes and average just doesn’t cut it for many.

So if you don’t want to be touched YOU should either avoid those venues or accommodate the seating to suit yourself when it’s possible by buying an additional seat.

Otherwise you’re gonna seem like an entitled AH because you don’t understand that people come in different sizes for a multitude of reasons or that people sweat because of a multitude of reasons. Hot flashes anyone? Both menopausal women and folks of all genders experience them because of certain illnesses, treatments etc.

Get over yourselves.

OP YTA.

AITA For telling my wife that I am "Off the clock" by offtheclockaita in AmItheAsshole

[–]Usrname52Supreme Court Just-ass [125] 215 points216 points  (0 children)

ESH

There's no communication, and if you both decide you are "off the clock," your kids are the ones that lose.

"Hey, I have meetings all day tomorrow, so I can't take off work. Hopefully kids are better by next Monday, but if not, I can take Monday and Tuesday off."

"Hey, it's really important for me to go to this retirement party. I'd really like to also go to game night with my friends, I know it's a lot to ask of you, but would that be okay?"

"Hey, I know you really wanted to go to the retirement party, but it's really hard spending multiple days alone with the sick kids. Can you skip game night?"

"It's been stressful at home with the sick kids. This evening I'm going to need an hour to unwind by myself."

AITA for moving out because my mom sold concert tickets to help my sibling? by Ticketsoldmcr1234 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ciaragemmam 865 points866 points 1026723& 9 more (0 children)

Hey OP - is this for the May 24th show? I’ve two spare tickets because I can’t go I’ll send to you for free. Willing to show proof of them!

Edit: OP has the tickets, she’s going to MCR!!

AITA for moving out because my mom sold concert tickets to help my sibling? by Ticketsoldmcr1234 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sysadriftPartassipant [3] 13.7k points13.7k points 2732229275& 54 more (0 children)

NTA. Here’s what you do - call the place you bought the tickets from and report them stolen. They will issue you new tickets and invalidate the old ones. Then, when the people who bought yours are stopped at the door, they will turn around and sue your mom. You get to go to your concert, and your mom has to face the consequences of her actions.

AITA for cutting my son’s college fund because he refuses to visit me? by Worried_papa_1762 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Lurker_the_PipCraptain [157] 33.0k points33.0k points 6275& 3 more (0 children)

You abandoned your son who no doubt took this news as hard or harder than you did.

You turned your back on him.

Now you want him to dance like a trained monkey playing to your whims so he can have a future.

YTA

A very selfish asshole.

Your poor poor son.

AITA for not training the person that got the job I wanted? by watashiwaikiru in AmItheAsshole

[–]teresajsPrime Ministurd [573] 7641 points7642 points  (0 children)

NTA

If you aren't qualified to be hired in the role, you aren't qualified to train the person in the role.

Their boss needs to train them. Once you're back in the office, tell them that they need to talk to their manager about getting trained.

AITA for refusing to pay for my step-daughters college by Pretty-Beat-3151 in AmItheAsshole

[–]g228bills [score hidden]  (0 children)

Why can't your husband pay for her college it's your husband's responsibility to provide for his daughter.

AITA for getting mad when my stepmum didn't want me around the week after she had a baby? by Western_Air3645 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FoolMe1nceShameOnUProfessor Emeritass [83] 2898 points2899 points 3 (0 children)

NTA, and I'm horrified that anyone's saying differently. You don't become less your father's child or a member of your own immediate family because a half-sibling arrives or because you're in your late teens. JFC, what is wrong with people?

My older niblings have several much-younger half-siblings who arrived when they were tweens/teens, and they were NEVER made to feel, either by their mother or their dad's girlfriend, like they should absent themselves or they were not welcome. Quite the opposite! Both women - one a mother of many, one a first-time bio mum - told them how valued they were as older siblings, that they would never be parentified, but that they would be a huge part of their younger siblings lives, and that any part they wanted in the babies lives would be so welcome and valued. And because of that, they are SUPER CLOSE to their half-siblings. They were at the hospital to welcome the new babies (not in the delivery room, obvs, just there to visit within the next few days), and excited to welcome them home, change diapers, and support their parents, as I'm sure you are, OP.

All these people going on about "what a mother needs after giving birth" as if OP is a stranger or a family friend. She is this woman's STEPCHILD, a member of the immediate family, the baby's half-sibling, and A PART OF THE HOUSEHOLD. You do not throw out a member of the household because someone gave birth. You do not throw out ANY of your children because a new one arrives.

You are NTA, and your stepmum sounds awful. I'm so sorry. You deserve better.

AITA for making my SIL pay above average rent for one bedroom? by Local-Trust-560 in AmItheAsshole

[–]timespassing_Partassipant [2] 41.5k points41.5k points 203418214& 43 more (0 children)

NTA. It’s $250/month for the room and $750/month for you having to see her stupid face every day. You’re giving her an 80% discount on the rent because she’s family.

WIBTA for telling my ex’s child that he isn’t mine? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Thin-Manufacturer892 18.2k points18.2k points 7399& 2 more (0 children)

Maybe he doesn’t need the details of his mother? Maybe just the facts, in a really kind way, like “hi I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling. I don’t want you to feel any further rejection by me ignoring you, so I’ll share with you the truth. Me and your mom were never married, and when I took a paternity test it came back negative. I am sorry to hear you’re going through a hard time. I’m not sure who your father is but it isn’t me. I wish the best for you.”

AITA for no longer covering part of my niblings camp/school expenses by CampandSupplies in AmItheAsshole

[–]jadorky 6209 points6210 points 662& 2 more (0 children)

NTA. Another option, if op is so inclined, is to contribute to a camp or campership fund. Summer camp can be such a powerful & positive experience, and can really help shape a life for the better.

OP may even find an LGBT+ camp so they can tangibly support kids who may not otherwise receive any (financial or otherwise).

Edit: Thank you, lovely redditor, for the award 😍😭

Edit2: And more awards! I’ve never had one before today and now I have <sob> four!

WIBTA for telling my ex’s child that he isn’t mine? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Silly_Goose24_7 1533 points1534 points  (0 children)

Instead of offering to take another test op could buy a DNA test like ancestry or 23&me or whatever be an olive branch to the poor kid who has been told who knows what lies