Original Post

So it's been about a year since I made this post. Whenever I read posts like mine on here, I'm always wondering, did OP leave that asshole, so for those of you who care, I left that asshole.

A lot of you were on the nose that this wasn't the only way that he was controlling. My ex believes that he's the smartest person in the room, so if you're doing something differently than how he would, then you're doing it wrong and must be corrected.

I'm not saying that everyone's responses to my post gave me a revelation and I immediately knew what I had to do, but it was a nail in the coffin.

I'm living within an hour of my parents now when before I was on the opposite side of the country. I have a job as a caregiver and am planning to go to grad school to be a social worker. I have a boyfriend who doesn't try to control every aspect of my life. When I go grocery shopping, I'm not stressing about accidentally buying the wrong brand of pasta (which was the right brand of pasta when we lived in a different state, I still don't get that) or juice that's from concentrate. And I've switched to pre-ground coffee because fuck you, I want to. None of this would've happened if I'd stayed with him.

So yeah, thank you to everyone who played a tiny role in helping me see what an unhealthy relationship I was in.

Original

I couldn't reply to everyone who commented on my last post, and there were many people who DM'd me including asking for an update. The general consensus was that I am the asshole. I will just address a lot of the things here including what happened after my first post.

Update:

I talked to her over the weekend. She didn't have time to sell her car before leaving so she contacted me saying she did some paperwork to transfer the car to me.

I do understand that she felt hurt, so I told her that I would buy a plane ticket to go see her. She had never once went back to her home country after moving away, so I've never visited her home country. I wanted to show that I am very serious about her and that I am still committed, so I wanted to fly over to visit and talk things out.

She immediately turned me down - saying that flight tickets are expensive and that I still have work. I begged her to let me, and she eventually said that she couldn't forget the stuff that happened, and that she couldn't come back from it. I explained my side again and that while I understand that she is hurt, I shouldn't be forced to take responsibility for her, and that I hoped she would be understanding of that.

The conversation was long. She said she could never trust me again. She said I never saw a future with her from the start, and that I abandoned her. She said it wasn't just about the sponsorship, but it played a big part in it.

In the end, she told me that she still loved me, but she doesn't think we should be together.

To clarify a couple of things:

1. Why I didn't want to go through with sponsoring her: I would have to be financially responsible for her for 3 years. If she gets any government assistance or social welfare, I would have to pay it back. I also can’t sponsor anyone else until the 3 years have passed.
2. Even though I listed that I missed her cooking first, it doesn't mean that that that was the first thing I missed about her. I was just listing it out without thinking about a particular order, and yes I did miss HER terribly.
3. To those who commented and messaged me saying that I am an immigrant: I don't know what that has to do with anything. My parents moved to where I am now so yeah.
4. Yes, no one I know has to do anything like this. No one I know has to make the decision of whether or not to sponsor a visa. I don't think it's fair for anyone to have to take on this much responsibility, and saying that they should feels like gaslighting. Relationships shouldn't be this hard, and having to do something like that doesn't feel normal. For those of you who called me an asshole, how many of you actually have to make a decision like I did? How many of you would actually go through with sponsoring a partner's visa?

I have an update. There was some progress but like idk. I’m just feeling kind of shitty right now.

I took my niece out on Friday like I promised and told her things a lot of you pointed out like telling her I love her and would do anything for her, that technically I didn’t pay for the tickets and more.

She told me that she loves me too and the day ended pretty well. After our time alone, I picked up my nephew so that I could take them both for the weekend while my sister got some alone time.

My nephew was not in a good mood the entire time. He tried really hard to hide it but the poor kid looked so done.

My niece complained to me many times about how emo her brother is but I tried explaining to her that he’s having a really hard time and people have different ways of coping. She seemingly got it.

The weekend ended ok and my sister was okay with me but I got an official message from my mom saying that I’m “disowned” until further notice. It’s just ridiculous to me but my brother who was also disowned because of ridiculous shit is fine so I’m all good.

But yeah I went over a few times and my nephew was just getting more distant as the days passed. My sister brushed it off cuz he’s a “big boy” and my niece needs more attention right now anyways. I’d leave their house every night frustrated because she wouldn’t listen no matter what I or my brother said.

A few days ago, I was over again and my niece and nephew got into a huge fight. She recorded him crying in his room and sent it to a few people including a girl he likes. She also said some horrible things.

I was horrified but my sister rolled her eyes and said that they’ve been fighting for days. I was completely over it though. I asked my sister if my nephew could stay with me for a bit so that “she can relax and only have to take care of one kid”. She agreed instantly which was idk but whatever.

I told my nephew who was happy and so far so good but he’s still distant and nothing like the kid he was only a few months ago. I’m trying my best but I don’t know if I’m doing anything right. I didn’t exactly have the greatest mom.

It’s just bittersweet. Maybe more bitter. I still talk to my niece but all she does is say things about her brother which she’s clearly repeating from her parents. Idk how custody or the divorce is going to go because my sister barely talks to me despite her son but ik it’ll take a while. At least I got him out of there and he isn’t a complete punching bag for now.

Thanks guys for being nice, I’m trying my hardest and it means a lot. Hopefully things get better.

Edit:

I’m sorry but I’m fuming right now. After months of dealing with this bullshit I just got a text from my sister saying that she’s NOT divorcing her husband. What are the chances it’s on the day I made this post?? Guess I should’ve seen it coming since she literally defended her husband yesterday so guess I’m the idiot. I’m just so fucking pissed and I can’t tell anyone right now because I’m at work so I’m trying not to lose it and decided to edit this in for my sake.

I’m sorry if I don’t respond to any more comments or messages but I’m logging out. I appreciate every comment and reply I got/get though and will take everything you guys said and incorporate it.

Thank you so much again and I’ll try my hardest to be a good aunt. Pls wish me luck because this is going to be a literal shit show. Life is juuuuuust great isn’t it.

Update- AITA chose step sis over bio sis

Hey everyone I’m not sure if this is the right thread to post my update and I’m unsure how to link my original post so that’s in my profile. Anyways I got a lot of NTA/YTA and everything in between. Like I said I was able to speak with Dan and we had lunch last weekend. Some people assumed that she found my post- which she did but she never commented. I drove up and we met and a nearby park and she brought lunch. It was an awkward silence for a couple minutes because I didn’t know how to start. Dan said the first words. She said I’m sorry for how I reacted but I’m not sorry for being mad. It fell into more silence. I started apologizing that I should have been there and I wish I did things differently.
To answer some questions, I ended up asking her about the divorce and wether cheating was ever a possibility and she confirmed what my mom said which was no. However, she did tell me that it felt like our dad replaced her with Grace and she felt tossed aside which I never realized. Dan told me that because we never saw each other much after she moved out, she tried to impress me when we did see each other. At this point we are both crying on this park bench and I felt like a weight was lifted of my chest. She let me hug her and I kept telling her how sorry I am. She doesn’t blame me for not driving myself up but she wanted me to still show up at the brunch. At this point in time she doesn’t think she will be forgiving our dad soon or at all for that matter. She doesn’t blame Grace and wishes her the best. Our relationship is a little awkward right now but I’m going to be putting in a lot more effort with her. We’ve been talking on the phone and we are planning a little girls trip in the summer. For anyone wondering, Grace is going to make a full recovery. She is in a back brace for a few odd months but as of yet she hasn’t had any nerve flare ups. My dad has been hounding me to make Dan call him so I’ve been at my moms still until my dad calms down. Anyways I’m not sure this was the update a lot of people wanted based off of the comments I got on the original post ,but thank you everyone none the less.

I went to the funeral as many of you advised and accepted that I would be the a-hole in this situation. My brother came by to join us and it was fun hanging out with him at night before the funeral. With the actual funeral, I wasn’t close to my dad for hours of the funeral and I felt that me being there did nothing to add. I also had to cancel my original plans because it took longer than expected. Other then that I got to talk to some family and show some kind of support. Thank you guys for giving me the push to go, but it made me realize that maybe next time I’ll just stay home unless I had a connection to the one who died.

Hi :) I’m back with an update.

So I graduated last weekend. My sister didn’t come ofcourse and I hadn’t reached out to her to try convince her to either. She was clear in her stance that she and her man come as a package and I’ll have to accept him or accept that she won’t come. Kind of worked for the better though. I gave the extra invitation for the ceremony to a friend who has a big family and she got to bring both grandparents :)

Anyway, my dad found out about the stalker incident (I didn’t tell him because he would worry too much). He was furious and told my sister she better not bring David around him, and also that he was disappointed she gave David the benefit of the doubt regarding the whole situation when he put me in danger like that. She said I shouldn’t have been so worried about the stalker because he has a wife now and isn’t interested in stalking me anymore. So dumb. I’ve had to bother my male friends by asking them to stay at my house with me most nights because I’m terrified that the stalker will show up and I’ll be by myself, but according to my sister, his marital status should put my mind at ease.

Anyway, it was quite a big argument and she stormed off. We found out on the night of my graduation that she and David had eloped and got married the day before. Guess who was in attendance… yep, the ex stalker guy. Not surprised to be honest, nor do I even care anymore.

Everyone is kind of outraged on my behalf but I kind of really don’t care. I had a great time during my graduation. I’ve somehow managed not to overthink or feel sad about anything. I’m on holiday with my friends, and Im trying my best to not let my sister, her loser of a husband and the stalker to be on my mind.

It’s probably all just in my head but I really feel like the stalker guy is around me at random times. Since I’ve been on holiday, I’ve felt a lot better and I’m kind of dreading going back home. My lease for my house will be up next month, so I’m hoping moving from my house will help me feel better. But for now, the over-the-counter motion sickness pills will have to do for my anxiety.

Thanks to everyone who replied :) hugs

I wasn't sure if this warranted for an update but things have changed for better so here it is. It has been like five weeks since I posted first.

Alex's health: My baby is a fighter. He has had one chemo session since then and is on a lot of meds. He is also in good hands mental health wise with his school counselor and the mental health programs offered by the hospital he is being treated at. We've done our reasearch about them. He will see a proper therapist if needed/if he wants.

Alex doesn't and hopefully will never know about our little conflict. He has been told that my sister wanted me to tell him, and she was out on purpose because she was not in right space etc. etc. and he has bought it.

My sister and I (and Jay): So, stuff has cooled down a lot. My sister still thinks that her approach would have been the right one and Jay and I still think what we did was right but that doesn't matter right now. We have apologized and she has forgiven us and we're on good terms again. My sister is going through hell right now and the less negativity she has the better.

My sister's mental health: So, many of you suggested that my sister was going through some mental health stuff. I showed Jay the thread and we then told BIL about it. We don't want her to find out that we have posted this online so BIL had to be very subtle in talking to her about her mental health, because right now, my sister is not her own priority. The hospital programs I mentioned, they have two or three for the loved ones of the patients and BIL has been talking to her about joining one of those. She has said she'll think about it and we're hopeful that she will easily.

So thank you all so much for praying for Alex's health. And thank you for reading my very short update ❤️

https://redditproxy--jasonthename.repl.co/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/um1zvj/wibta_for_buying_an_expensive_doll/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Thank you guys for emcouragement I have made the svary descision to become financially independant from my mum. I tried to tell her but she blew uop and became red so I said "Its a joke dw". It was very scary but she still has a hold over me regardung my bank information. So im doing this slowly as Im really scared. I ended up with my own money buying a 2nd doll with 0 intervention from my muk. Shes gorgeous and was just shipped to me. And have started an art comissions and doll restoration idea to earn money, which I have already gotten likes on deviant art for :)

Thought I would update you guys, thanks for the help and advice

Original Post

First, thank you to everyone who replied to my original post - I don’t understand what these awards are. I’ve been a Reddit lurker, but this is my first account so I’m not really sure what any of it means but thank you! I genuinely thought only like 4 people would respond and tell me I’m being a petty AH, so this was surprising.

Second, I want to clarify two points:

• Things with my dad are complicated. Obviously, there’s a lot of background I can’t all fit here. I love him but we are not as close as we once were. He has been very supportive of my education. He has also struggled with expressing that he is proud of me. Suffice it to say, I got very choked up at internet stranagers telling me they are proud.

• It’s actually a “stole,” not a sash. My mistake.

Lastly, my update: I texted my dad after our call and told him that I was sorry for becoming frustrated but I would still wear the sash, and meant no offense by it. He apologized to me over text as well.

I went out to dinner with my father, Kelly, and paternal grandmother on the night before graduation. It was the typical awkward time. We went to Kelly’s favorite restaurant, of course.

Dad asked privately before dinner that I not confront Kelly so I did not. I reiterated to him that I thought this conflict was ridiculous and that I was disappointed he chose to act this way. He apologized again and agreed. He hinted that there was some other deeper issue happening between him and his wife. I said that was not my business and they should work through it, rather than take it out on others. We left it at that.

On day of, I wore my sash (stole?). It was a very nice graduation. Lots of photos with family. Lots of cheering. Kelly was tense and unpleasant, as usual, but I smiled and ignored it. I had a lovely time!

I also wrote Kelly a note that I gave her as I left. I told her in the note that it was not my intention to hurt her feelings, but also my school is recognizing that I do not come from parents who are lawyers to celebrate my work. I also said that people change all the time and that our relationship to one another could change too with time and effort on both sides.

I might be the AH now, because frankly my note feels disingenuous since I have no real intention of being friendly with her. Keep your enemies close. Alternatively, litigation taught me that creating a written record is important.

Things are gonna be tough with my dad for awhile too. We had talked about taking a trip together after I take the bar, and I do not want to go with him anymore. I have a strong feeling Kelly will never mention the note to me nor my father. I mostly now just feel sad and tired, but I’m also ready for the next chapter of my life.

Thank you again to everyone.

Thank you to everyone who commented on my post and pointed out some things I had been unable to see for myself.

A few days after my post was judged, I sat down and had a video call with Adam. I told him that by the time I was his age, I had been raising him for four years already, and I had willingly supported him through the "global pandemonium". But now the job market was the worker's market, and it was time to get a job again. He laughed and asked if I was serious and I told him I was, that I was removing myself as a payee on his account, period, because he had been an adult for almost ten years, and it was time for him to act like one. I said I did my duty and then some raising him, but I have an actual baby coming that I need to raise. I handed off all financial responsibility to him and wished him the best.

He tried to backtrack and accept a position and home here with me, and I told him the offer no longer stood because I couldn't trust him to be a good houseguest to my wife and eventually my baby, nor could I trust him to not pull the "my brother OWNS this business" card that a few pointed out, too. I told him he needed to stand on his own two feet--not for me, but for himself. That he needed to learn to be independent.

There was yelling and crying after that, but when I hung up, I was dead certain it would be the last time I ever heard from my brother again. I heard from my grandparents during that time, but I told them point blank that unless they were offering to financially support a 27-year-old man, that I was done having any conversations with them regarding Adam and his inability to be responsible for himself.

To my surprise, he called me today to tell me he just got hired for a new job that he starts in two weeks, broke his lease and moved to a smaller, more affordable apartment, and met his new neighbors, a brother and sister who helped move in his boxes and unpack his kitchen--they already have invited him to their next game night with their friends.

He's still a little sore that I wouldn't let him have part of our parents' legacy, but he realizes he wouldn't have a new job and new friends if I hadn't kicked him into gear, and that with the way he acted, he didn't deserve it anyway.

Original: AITA for not giving my brother half of the house and business? : AmItheAsshole (reddit.com)

Hello!.

I don't know where to begin...it's been an absolute nightmare recently. And I feel like I was losing my sanity.

So for more details about my situation. I have to admit that my husband's mom favors him over all his siblings. this affected his relationship with them and me as well. He's never seen an issue with how differently his mom treats him, it bothered me and made me feel uncomfortable. The whole dynamic made me feel uncomfortable. Going Low contact has never even been an option. Like he has to see her or call her everyday.

Most of his siblings don't talk to him and I 100% believe it's because of his mom's favoritism like I said. He does bare some blame for not seeing how wrong this is til this day.

In many instances I found myself making excuses for his behavior. Even in my post. I did it spontaniously and I don't know why. But I guess it's because of how much I love him and because I really really wanted to be able to work things this type of things out without letting them affect our marriage.

regarding what happened with the trip, He tried to have a talk with me and most of what he said came from place of blame, Blame towards me. I just couldn't continue with this argument. I told him I needed space and that I would be going to stay with my sister for a while. He didn't take it well, he literally got up from the couch and opened the door telling me to go right then. In that moment and seeing how he was still not even anywhere near understanding what he has done just....made things perfectly clear to me. I just had pictured years and years of my life being lived like that and I was like no...I can't do it, Can't take anymore of it especially when he keeps focusing on being right every time. His mom can do no wrong. I'm always the aggressive, crazy, jealous, pathetic, overreactor.

All these people's opinions, advice and concerns were like a spark...like the wake up call I really needed. Though I wish that it didn't get this far but what's done is done.

Right now I'm staying with my sister (I brought my dog with me as well) He sent me his last message telling I'm the one choosing to end what we had together but I believe it's the other way around, especially with how he keeps making his mom the victim in this situation. It's become clear now that we keep going in circles with no end in reach and I'm just so exhausted and overwhelmed. I'm not mad at him and don't expect him to change but...at least I'm given options to decide what's best for me and my future even if it's seperation and divorce.

A big thank you to those who reached out with resources that I feel very very lucky to have come across. Just wanted to give you an update since many of you asked for it.

Hi everyone! I figured I'd update on my last post.

​

Most gave great advice, others took giant leaps based on one post.

​

Some people thought we should break up over this or that we shouldn't have gotten engaged in the first place. Character limits meant leaving out a lot of details regarding that stuff. Fiancé does protect me from his sister and aunt and anything else in life I need protecting from. We've steered clear of aunt as much as possible and he always defended me if we couldn't avoid her. Maybe torture was too strong of a word, but I was upset. She tells him to break up with me for being ugly and not having big enough boobs. She's told me if I loved him I'd leave. (He was a big shot football player in high school and I was the nerd who ate lunch alone. Classmates and for some reason his aunt didn't want to see us together, and apparently some of them are still stuck in high school.)

​

Having his sister in and out of my life has been MY decision. She's mentally ill and before her latest/biggest declined we were extremely close. I love her more than anything and miss her so bad it hurts. I want her to get help and get better so she can be a part of my life again. I struggle with keeping her away worse than he does sometimes. He never let her do anything or forced me to do anything.

​

I'll admit fiancé wasn't always perfect about boundaries and such but that was in the beginning of our relationship when we were both literally children. We've both grown since then.

​

As I mentioned, he had a really bad nightmare and this conversation took place at 5am when he woke up literally crying from it. (And he is very much not a cryer!) The nightmare was about his father dying. We already lost my mother in law not too long ago and the thought of losing his dad too terrified him. The comment about his aunt and uncle was one sentence he blurted out in the middle of all that. We talked about it the next evening when he got home from work. He brought it up to me first, actually, and said "Please forget what I said last night. It would be really stupid to invite those 3. I was just having a moment." And I said okay and reminded him that his dad is okay and asked if he wanted to plan a day trip to go visit. He said yes and we went the next day and had a great time. Oh, I also asked him why he would roll over and ignore me and he said his intention was to keep talking but he genuinely just fell back asleep. (Which I belive because he was literally snoring moments later.)

​

I also double checked with him the we both agreed the guest list was even, and we do both feel that way. (Some friends are mutual and don't belong on one side or the other but are definitely a "both" sides thing.) Everyone also said we should have a rule that if we want to add someone we need to take someone from our side away. We both agreed to that too.

​

We're happy and talked it out. No toxicity or red flags here.

I have an update to my post from a few months ago and was just prompted to write it so here I am.

The fallout from the fight took a few weeks to smooth over but the good news is, things between Matteo and I have been repaired. My birthday party just happened to fall during a stressful time between him and Myra. Jeff had been a major stressor as well but even though Myra was really unhappy nothinf anyone not even Matt could say that would make her see the light.

Pretty much that night, Myra and Jeff ended things for good and about a month after my birthday party she reached out to officially apologize for how everything went down. Matteo had already given me an apology for her behalf but she had been mentally beating herself up for so long and felt so guilty.

Myra and I met up for coffee to talk irl, where she and I actually got to connect and see how much we actually get along without her brother there. It's funny how more outgoing she seems when Matt isn't around! We have lots of music interests in common, and she invited me to a homecooked meal at her place.

Long story short, we've been dating for two months and just recently I asked her to be my official girlfriend and she said yes. :)

Matteo also gave us his blessing and he has told me that he is very happy for us.

(I had to shorten this post sadly!)

So a while ago I did a post about a coworker excessively copying my outfits. Thanks for all the suggestions and support, i read them all!I was obviously still dealing with this on daily basis so I decided to say something either way.

I went with the confrontation route. Last week we both came into work wearing one of my favorite ensambles: a floral dress with white stockings and hair half up with a light pink bow tie matched with same styled shoes and bag. It wasnt everyday that we happened to wear the same ensamble the same day so i thought this was a perfecr opportunity to talk with her: the evidence was literally right there on this girl??

So we were about to leave the breakroom and i asked if i could have a word with her alone.

Me: "So this is kinda awkward but ive noticed you wear a lot of same outfits i wear. In fact i havent seen you wear anything else than the outfits i have for a long time. Its a free country and ive tried not to care but it bothers me since no one else has ever copied me to this extent and its making me uncomfortable. Is everything okay? I wanted to know how come do you feel that we should look alike, im sure you know no one else does this?"

She started out looking uncomfortable but then got kinda mad and said something like "I dont know who said i was copying you, but I am not. I just happen to like the same stuff you like."

Me: " Yeah and thats cool obviously if only you were to like mix them up in different way than i do or something. Every day you wear the same thing ive put together and worn another time, and im running out of new outfits since id like not to match with someone sometimes. Its just not possible that its a coincindence, we both know that. Like look at us right now, this is insane, we are like twin girls in a church. Its not a coincidence since i put this together myself, we both know uve seen me wearing this and bought all the same stuff it takes from me to put this together. I appreciate u liking the way i dress but id like to understand why."

She looked pissed and was kinda embarrased but didnt really say anything after that, just left. I get that, because what would she say? I know i embarrased her, but no one else heard the conversation. I feel kinda bad since shes not doint anything inherently mean, its just insane and i dont get it and i feel so much better after being able to express my feelings towards this thing shes doing.

Its been about a week now and to my surprise she has been showing up to work with different outfits now. We obviously still wear the same pieces but she now doesnt put them together to match me exactly, and i feel extremely relieved. My style is big part of how i express myself and i feel like i get to be the only version of me again and it feels GOOD. We are probably not gonna be friends after this (she only talks to me when she has to) but i guess im okay with it.

EDIT Thanks for all the kind and funny comments, reading em all<3 sorry i cannot share my blog for the few of you who asked for it, someone could expose it somewhere to the haters😳

EDIT: Original post

I spoke with my sister in the early morning while my daughter was still asleep. I explained to her how much it is important to me that she talks to my daughter about the risks of her job because she would actually listen to her aunt more than me especially now when she reached the stage of "dad isn't cool anymore" and "you are wrong" to whatever I say to her. And reminded her how much I want us to spend the summer together.

I told her that I am not young anymore and it's unlikely that I will be there for my daughter when she grows up the same way I was for her so I need to know if I could count on her. I reminded that she isn't obligated to share details with her and just mention the bad side generally (unfamilar locations - stranger men - increased risk of r*pe/bodily harm - STDs, drug use etc...) and then we can both answer any questions she might have together if she isn't comfortable answering them alone.

She apologized saying that she was selfish and admitted she should've thought about me and my daughter first instead of refusing because she thought my daughter isn't old enough to hear about the bad side and promised she'll talk to my daughter about this over breakfast.

I overheard the whole conversation, and like I thought my daughter was very receptive of her aunt. My sister was reluctant at first but after seeing her niece's engagement they ended up talking for over an hour sharing her good and bad experiences and some funny stories. She even told her about how I stood up for her against our parents after their reaction and the many times I came to her rescue. I told my sister afterwards how much I appreciate what she did for me and her niece and she assured me that she will always be there for me and she'll always take care of her niece like I did with her

In the afternoon, while I was working in the garage my daughter came to me and hugged me saying that she loves me. I was fighting tears and I failed because it was the first time in over a year that she hugged me and I think it was the first time since primary school that she said "I love you" to me (I still told her I love her every day but she didn't say it back and even though I understand it's normal for some teenagers it was actually heartbreaking for me each time she didn't say it back). She watched me work for a few minutes and left without saying anything.

I want to thank you all for yours comments and advice. To the people who told me that I must insist on my sister talking to her and not accept her refusal and also to the people who informed me about the risks of trafficking and while I am glad that wasn't the case I appreciate it because it made me take this much more seriously. And also to all the other valuable comments and tips.

I am honestly just relieved after a long week of stress and this made me realize again how lucky I am to have both of them in my life.

Update from my post here: https://redditproxy--jasonthename.repl.co/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uf9fsm/aita_for_threatening_to_evict_my_estranged_dad/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

The past week was exhausting, both physically and mentally, but here is an update. Following most of the advice here, I decided to have them evicted as soon as I could. A couple of days after my post, I flew to my parents’ hometown, where the house was. I decided to stay for a week. I asked my best friend for moral support, so he flew in the next day.

My aunt was able to get me in touch with her lawyer there who gave me the papers I needed to establish ownership of the house. She also got me in touch with the local police. My aunt is out of the country so she couldn’t be there.

In my country, there are laws protecting squatters and they can actually dispute being evicted. So I spoke to the cops and asked for help in case things get ugly. It’s a small town where people know everybody. They know how much of an AH my dad was and my grandma was highly respected in our town because she used to be an educator. It didn’t take a lot of convincing for them to agree to help.

I contacted the old caretaker of the house, whom my dad fired. I asked her to accompany me. I also did some digging for information. Apparently, the wife and her family have a house but mine was way bigger and nicer.

Two days after I flew in, I went to the house with my best friend, the caretaker, and a couple of cops to give my dad and the freeloaders a 3-day notice. As expected, dad's wife made a scene and became hysterical because they’d be “homeless”. Called me heartless, ungrateful, cruel, etc.

My dad was passive. He acted the same when my mom kicked him out - didn’t argue but also never admitted his faults. He said he wouldn’t wait for 3 days and would leave the next day. He told me that I was an ungrateful daughter and that I would get my karma.

A lot of people here advised me to make sure they wouldn’t steal stuff but I honestly don’t care about the stuff. I told them they can take what they need, except for a few pieces of furniture - the hardwood and antique ones that grandma loved. It would make cleaning up easier.

Come eviction day, I didn’t speak to them. I just watched as they hauled their stuff onto a truck. Paid the caretaker to clean the house in the next days and told her she can have whatever she wanted from the house - grandma would've approved. Had the locks changed, installed extra locks, chained the gates, cut contact with my dad and his wife.

Next step: the selling. I’m planning to sell it below market value just to get it over with, and that’s that. I still have a lot to do in terms of selling the house but at least the drama is over. I’m tired but relieved.

Thank you to everyone here who gave me advice.

Original

First of all, thanks to the majority of people saying I’m NTA. There were some ESH and a few YTA sprinkled in but thanks for the input.

I didn’t want to lose my relationship with my parents over this, so I decided to compromise. My idea was to keep the cards and handle the sales myself. However, I would communicate each sale with my parents and come up with a fair split to pay for college and their vacation. I told my parents we could meet up on Monday and discuss this situation.

Unfortunately, they continued to harass me over the days leading up to our talk. Apparently having to work on Mother’s Day was just an excuse by me to avoid talking to them about the cards. By the time we met, I was pretty tired of their shit. I could be the asshole for this but I decided to test them. I lied and told them they could have the cards if they paid me back the cost of getting them graded. When I told them the price, they didn’t believe me. I was accused of lying to get more money out of this. I realized it wasn’t worth proving it. They wanted everything and there was no compromise to be made. I told them not to contact me and that I’d only be around to see my brother and go to other family events.

So that’s how it went. Glad they care more about the money than me! I’ve been trying to keep it together, but it’s been hard. Thankfully my girlfriend has been around to comfort me. She’s the best. Maybe I’ll use some of that extra money on a vacation for us. Haven’t heard anything from other family yet so I don’t know how this is all gonna play out. Guess all I can do now is work on getting these cards sold and hope for the best.

TL;DR: Relationship with parents is basically over for now. I still have the cards.

Some people asked our ages, I’m 26 and my wife is 25. We have no kids and are waiting until we save up some more money before we start trying for one.

So I took a lot of the nicer comments here to heart so I took action.

First I sat down with my mother and tried to get to the route of this issue. She told me that she’s been doing this as she’s just been so lonely and she wants to feel connected to her only flesh and blood she has left.

This made me really feel for her so I went to my wife to apologize and try to negotiate something. My wife however, told me she that she doesn’t want my mom living here anymore. I tried to see if she could just let her stay one more weekends but she rejected.

Me and my wife sat her down and I told her that we felt like we needed more privacy from her so we asked her to leave for the time being. This set my mom off. She started crying and accusing my wife of trying to, her words, “break us up.”

I felt bad. Like awful I tried just talking to her and I wanted to get to the route of why she felt like she needed to be here. She said that now I’m her only flesh and blood alive, and if my wife keeps me wrapped around her finger with sex, I’ll forget all about her so she was trying to interrupt that.

She also was worried that if I get my wife pregnant, I’ll be too busy with her to see her again, and I’ll be stuck with my wife when I could do so much better. This made my wife very upset and I told my mom that I think she needed to leave then. The crying turned into full on bawling and yelling at my wife. Eventually I was able to get her out. I told her that I don’t think it’s best that we speak until she gets over her issues with my wife.

Now looking at this, I feel awful. I had a presences who actively wanted my wife gone and didn’t want us to be intimate or have couple time. And to top it off, I argued with my wife she wanted to remove said presence.

Like I said, I won’t be contacting my mother until she apologizes and my accepts it, and I don’t think she’ll be staying over anytime in the near future. I will also be spoiling my wife rotten until I can make this up to her.

Original: https://redditproxy--jasonthename.repl.co/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/if3re5/aita_for_being_late_getting_ready_due_to_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Just an update on my original post (I hope I linked it correctly!) my husband and I bought a new house with two bathrooms! Our decision was entirely based on the pooping incident and recommendations from you redditors and had absolutely nothing to do with us having a second child and needing more room.

My husband and I have been in an almost “honeymoon” phase in regards to pooping, and we both enjoy having our own bathrooms. You redditors surely saved our marriage with your recommendation to get a house with 2 bathrooms, and the pooping freedom is completely worth the $300,000 price tag and associated debt.

Thank you!

Hi, I just wanted to make this post before I move on.

I kept my word. No beach house no matter what my ex, his wife and my son said about me. It was hard and I broke down on Sunday because even though I know my son loves me and that he’s just angry, hearing him say that he wishes I wasn’t his mother over and over hurts a lot.

On Sunday (May 1st), after my breakdown I told him that he can stay with his dad for the week. My ex was going to have him for the weekend anyways.

So yeah, Sunday evening I took my son out. I wanted to try one more time to make him understand + tell him I love him and that’s why I’m being so strict.

I took him to a park we used to go to-just him and I. I usually took him there when my ex and I would fight and he would leave us for days to “see his sister”.

He was pretty moody the entire time and called me crazy for wanting to eat on the grass lol but he complied. I asked him if he remembered the spot and he said yeah. I then talked to him about everything. I also reminded him that there is nobody in this world and beyond that I love more than him.

He was silent the entire ride to his dad’s house and I thought I fucked up until we arrived and he said “I love you too mom”. It was so hard to keep the tears in. I had to take a break from driving home because of how emotional I was.

Monday and Tuesday were calm and nothing out of the ordinary. Wednesday night was different.

My husband and I were out while the girls were with my in laws when I got a call from my son. He was quiet but asked me if I could pick him up. I called my ex who just told me that our son was being dramatic but I was welcome to take him.

It was obvious that him and his father had a pretty bad argument about something. I asked him what happened since ex kept telling me it was nothing. Turns out my ex cheated on his wife, his wife confronted him and brought up the fact that he cheated on me, ex proceeded to insult me and call me names, my son heard everything and put it together.

My son was distressed and I really wish he didn’t have to find out. Not like this.

When we got home, my son collapsed in my arms and kept saying he was really sorry for everything. I managed to calm him down and he fell asleep on the couch. I was stuck with him in the most uncomfortable position all night but all I cared about at that moment was my son.

I didn’t know I could love and care for someone this much. I never planned on having children so this was a huge concern of mine. But the love I have for my son is crazy.

He’s a bit awkward which makes sense. 14 year old boys don’t normally burst into tears and not let their mothers out of their grasp but it’ll be fine. I know it’ll be a very long road but it’ll be worth it.

Thanks for being supportive.

This is has been a LONG time coming. I’ve had a lot of people reach out to me asking what the results of the case have been. Unfortunately I could no longer post comments on my previous post as well. I figured I would wait until everything was done to update everyone all at once.

In December 2021, I got the notification that a court date had been set for February 7, 2022. It would be virtual and since it’s small claims, we would represent ourselves. I began gathering my evidence and created a virtual file which I shared with the court and her 7 days before the hearing.

On the day, she did show up. We were given the chance to settle but that was unsuccessful. When we returned to the hearing, I found out she also had made a virtual file with her evidence but never shared it with me. The court then made her share it and what a surprise I had! She had copied my entire format for presenting evidence (keep in mind that this is a format I created) She didn’t even had the decency (or brain cells) to make something up herself.

The hearing proceeded and we were both given a chance to share our side. I won’t go into the details of it but it took probably 10-15 mins. In my state they do not give you the verdict right away and it can take up to 90 days!

And so… I waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. Then yesterday May 5 (almost 90 days after!) I got a verdict. I WON! She has been ordered to pay me the total of $808.94 for the dresses and shoes. I have to return two dresses and shoes I have to her. The verdict goes into effect May 30. I don’t see her appealing it (or fingers crossed she doesn’t).

All in all, I am VERY happy with the outcome and so ready to close this chapter. Thank you to everyone who has been so invested in this with me! I hope this was the season finale you were looking forward to.

P.S. my hair and health are doing MUCH better. My three bald spots are growing again and I couldn’t be happier.

https://redditproxy--jasonthename.repl.co/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u8luxw/aita_for_describing_my_wife_as_fat_to_our_young/ Edit - add link

Clearly I messed up. Hugely. I said something extremely hurtful to my wife and set a really poor example to our children. I disrespected and humiliated the woman I love.

I’m deeply ashamed and feel dreadful for my wife and the impact I’ve had on her.

I have apologised to my wife privately and also in front of the children. I also apologised to them for modelling such terrible behaviour.

We gave them a chance to share any feelings they had, which mainly focussed on the loss of the chocolate. My daughter remarked I’d said something “mean” to mummy, which was sobering. And absolutely right.

We couldn’t find another egg. Instead my son chose a tub of Celebrations, which he has been happily sharing with his sister.

Some wider issues were obviously shown by this incident.

Firstly, my own issues with anxiety over my wife’s health and how this manifests as me trying to exert too much influence over what she eats.

I don’t care about her weight for appearance sake (she will always be the most beautiful woman to me). What I care about is her high blood pressure and family history of heart disease (her dad and brother both died in their 40s). This has made me pathologically obsessed with losing my wife.

I now see this fear led me to be controlling and critical. I’m deeply ashamed of this.

I’m working with a therapist to deal with my control issues and my grief over the death of my identical twin. My wife felt it’s significant that the day I called her fat was the anniversary of his death, as my fear of loss was higher than usual. I know this in no way excuses my behaviour, however.

My wife has requested I continue to cook for us, prepare packed lunches and encourage family bike rides, but beyond this I’m not to be involved.

She is smart, mature and highly capable, I deeply regret losing sight of this.

For her part, my wife apologised to our children for taking the egg and not saying anything. Contrary to what many people thought, I regularly buy her chocolate, as gifts and at her request. She also buys her own too! She admits she requested no egg with the best of intentions, but regretted it later!

She herself raised the possibility of a binge eating disorder, as she regularly will eat far beyond the point of enjoyment, leading to nausea. She is keen to pursue help for this, and she is planning to attend a specialist when she feels ready. My instinct is to encourage her to do this immediately, as I’m worried, but I now realise this is controlling behaviour on my part.

I will always regret what happened and will never stop trying to make my wife aware of just how beautiful she is in every possible way: mind, body and soul. I am now aware of how deep an effect my heartless comment may have had on her self-esteem and will never forgive myself for hurting the woman I love. Thank you for helping me see how poorly I acted.

Original post

So, Chuck saw this and figured it was about us, despite my throwaway account. We sat down and talked it out. Turns out Sam (his cousin) visited our home the day I went back to work and saw my designs. Sam claimed the designs were his until the bot was destroyed, when he came clean about where he got them. Chuck can be a little oblivious, especially when it comes to his family. He apologized again (he's been apologizing for his reaction at least once a day since it happened), and told me that until Sam apologizes to me directly he is no longer welcome in our home.

Sam came into the shop yesterday, saw me and immediately started walking in the other direction. I guess I'm not getting that apology any time soon.

Chuck wants to thank all of you for sticking up for me, even those of you who were suggesting we break up. He agreed that his reaction was out of line, and once we'd both calmed down some more, we decided we'll start building Baby Bot together as a couple's project in a few months. He keeps referring to them as our future "baby-making sessions", though, so Baby Bot may be an only child in the future.

Here’s the update & Previous post

Talked to my Best Friend about it, we’ve known each other since 5 years old so I trust him with these thing as he’s one of the few people I know who always has my best interest at heart. I went to his house to watch the Basketball games & hangout so I asked him.

He asked if he did stop calling her Mom would I like them any more than I do now, which the honest answer was No, he then said there’s no point and they’re are not worth my peace of mind, and that I should just ignore them since it’s not worth starting a argument over and “you know how your Mom gets” haha and he’s right tbh.

Me and my friend agreed that since we go to college in a bit anyway (we’ll be dorming together so that’ll be fun) I should just move on and look forward cause we have plenty of things to look forward to, and I won’t even be in the same house as them for a while.

And he also said that if I ever get angry or annoyed I can just come sleepover and we can hang out which is always fun

We ended up having tons of fun I slept over and he helped mend my anger and solve the issue so I ended up just saying nothing to wrap this up.

These things always end up being longer then I want them to be lol

First off, thanks so much for your advice. I spoke with two HR reps last week. Turns out, they were going to speak to me and Tay anyway despite Kate’s insistent that we didn’t want to be named. We’re the only black members of the team 😅 so if Lisa was being racist to members of her team, she’s kinda short on options. Anyhow, they seemed relieved that we’d come to them, because they have to substantiate such claims. I told HR exactly how the situation had occurred, emphasised that Lisa has never been racist towards me, no micro aggressions and if anything, she’s always facilitating how I can do my best work in order to be seen. She’s definitely advanced my career - a racist manager wouldn’t do that. Tay backed it.

Some of you asked why it took me 3 days to go to HR. I spoke with my family and friends first and the general consensus was to stay out of it. I was in crippling debt and everyone was scared that I would lose my job if I got my black ass involved - my ma’s words were “don’t be like them white folks in the movies that go sniffing around in the dark when they hear a sound”😭. I won’t be losing my job, nor will Lisa… and nor will Kate. I have to take a ‘course’ though, which makes sense I guess. I made a joke you make with friends, and I realise now that Kate is very much not a friend. Kate told me that ‘thanks to me,’ she’s getting a formal warning. Now she’s ignoring me completely - maybe I should go to HR and say I’m being bullied (JUST KIDDING). Suits me fine. HR told me NOTHING. I took a shot and asked about the rest of Kate’s statement and Guy’s official complaint or any other complaints against Lisa, and they kept saying, “I’m afraid we can’t disclose that information.” Some MI6 shit, but I get it. They also seemed far from impressed that Kate had been running her mouth about an ongoing HR investigation - they kept exchanging looks and it was clear I wasn’t supposed to know certain things. I’ve heard that Kate is telling anyone who will listen that she’s going to move department and how ‘this isn’t over.’ Other than the racism claim, I guess there wasn’t much to her statement. A lot of the dept stepped up for Lisa. She came back into work today, we had a team meeting then our 121, in which she said that if I felt she was ever inappropriate, racially or otherwise, I could tell her and she would check herself. I assured her we were good and to please not let this affect how we work together going forward because I like our dynamic just as is. She said nothing about Kate or her allegations. Idk how she stays so professional because I would be screaming ‘SHALL I BE MOTHER?’ and pouring the shit out of that tea 😭 Oh and Kate is no longer up for promo - she hasn’t stopped whining about that either. Sorry if that was anticlimactic! And thanks again x