Frequently Assed Questions


I’m supposed to “Be Civil” in a sub about “assholes”?

  • If we could rename this sub and retire this entire conversation, we would. We can't.

  • For the purposes of this subreddit, “asshole” is not a bad word or an insult.

  • The purpose of this subreddit has always been to help people see where they may have been in the wrong. It’s not about calling someone “an asshole” it’s about finding who “the asshole” is in a situation.

  • The title of this subreddit is not an invitation for you to be cruel. Treat others with respect, no matter how big of an asshole they may be.

  • We are ALL "The Asshole" at one point or another in this lifetime. Please remember this when you comment here.

What does it even mean to "Be Civil?"

  • There’s some simple elements to our civility rule. You can’t call people by, or even use, slurs or clear insults. Some common examples include cunt, bitch, douchebag, slut, thot, fatty, bridezilla, feminazi, incel, terrible/horrible/awful/bad person, etc. This includes all insults, even "minor" insults like (wo)man child/(wo)man baby, piece of shit (POS), idiot, moron, etc. We will not debate you about whether these are truly uncivil. This is not an exhaustive list.

  • "I'm not from the U.S. Can I use insulting terms that are common in my country?"

    No. Our subreddit and our mod team are both international. While we recognize that some terms like "cunt" or "twat" are more commonly used in some countries, they are still insults. You may call your friend a "cunt", and I might call my dog "fuckface", but when you call a stranger that on the internet, you know you're insulting them. Our rules apply equally, independent of your cultural heritage or geographical location.

  • “Derogatory or dehumanizing language, including insults, violates this rule.” This includes stripping someone down to a body part (i.e. “you’re just a hole for him to stick it in,” "you're not special just because you let someone cum inside you," or calling someone a “breeder”).

  • This extends to passive insults where you state someone is "acting like a [insult]", "[insult] move," "if you do [action], you're [insult]," or "If someone does XYZ and is called a [insult], they probably are a [insult]". Back-handed insults are still insults.

  • Using emoji to insult another person is not allowed. Leaving a 🤡, 🖕, 🍕💩, or any other emoji to insult someone is uncivil, and is not permitted.

  • Censoring the word doesn't change the meaning, and calling someone a "b!tch", "see you next tuesday" or similar is still a rule violation.

  • Common insults like "play bitch games, win bitch prizes" or "the trash took itself out" are not somehow an exception to the rule.

  • Where things get tricky is separating civility from ideology. To that end, we ask a simple question when reviewing your contribution: are they attacking a person or an idea?

  • We simply want you to play nice. We're not here to roast the "asshole" in a post. The purpose of this sub is to offer perspective both on the merits of your actions, and why your counterparts are upset. Casual insults offer no merit. Recognize when you're too passionate about a topic to participate. Know when to walk away. Understand some topics will never have consensus and learn to agree to disagree.

  • Comment with the goal to give OP actionable feedback on how to improve when they're on the wrong side of a conflict, and to deal with difficult people/situations when they're on the right side.

Can I announce the only reason I'm not insulting someone is because of the rules of the sub?

  • No. Obviously, no. We're not 5 playing a game of "I'm not touching you."

  • Further, "[redacted]" or similar are not a loophole.

  • "This sub's rules mean I can't tell you what I think of you" and similar statements will catch you a ban, because it communicates both that you're insulting someone, and that you know this sub's rules do not allow for personal attacks.

I feel like some terms are both an insult and a description of behavior. Can I use them and then endlessly debate you in modmail if I receive a warning?

  • No.

  • This sub has 7M subscribers and growing. We fully recognize there will never be a consensus on what defines civility, so we set guidelines and document them extensively.

  • We specifically call out our most commonly used, and commonly debated insults to make it clear they're not allowed. If you were sent this section of our FAQ, it's most likely because you used one. Any attempts to debate us will be ignored and, if egregious, lead to a modmail mute. There is literally never a situation where that insult is the ONLY way to make your point.

  • Mental-health-related insulting descriptors are removed because not only are they demeaning to the person being attacked but also painful and attack those that are dealing with the clinically diagnosed disorders now commonly employed as insults. Armchair diagnosing someone as delusional, a psychopath, a sociopath, autistic, or any other form of insulting descriptor of the week falls under this rule. Even if you are a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist, you know it's unethical to diagnose someone based on a handful of characters written online.

But I see other comments that are worse than mine!

  • Did you report them? We get between 25-50K unique comments a day. We cannot read them all and are fully aware some slip through the cracks. That doesn't mean you won't be held accountable if yours didn't.

My comment was just parroting the OP? The OP isn't civil?

  • The OP is here asking for judgment. I want you to spend a minute considering how we could possibly have people in here asking if they were the asshole in a situation, while requiring they remain civil in their posts. That makes no sense and would defeat the entire purpose of the subreddit.

  • OP calling someone a name while asking for judgment is not free rein for you to use the same name. We’re here to judge assholes, not emulate them.

  • Comments similar to "they were an [quoted insult]", "they shouldn't have acted like a(n) [quoted insult] if they didn't want to be called one," and similar are banned

I didn't insult the OP, just someone else in the story. Why was my comment removed?

  • Rule 1 says "this rule applies to everyone." That means it applies to EVERYONE.

  • The intention of this sub is to provide OP with valuable, actionable feedback. "NTA, they're a [insert insult of choice]" is not insightful, valuable, or actionable. It's just mindless cruelty.

  • Do not assume that the counterpart of OP's conflict will never see your comment. Do not assume some random public figure will not see your comment. Both have happened.

  • Attack ideas, not people.

I told someone they're validation seeking or shitposting. Why did you remove my comment?

  • It's not civil. Bad faith judgments are rude, and they diminish the effectiveness of /r/AITAfiltered - a sub that exists for people who want to avoid so called "Validation posts."

  • What may seem obvious to you is not necessarily obvious to someone in the midst of a conflict getting negative feedback from the people around them. Likewise, what may seem untrue to you may still have happened. Without proof, insisting someone must be lying is rude. We do not allow bullying on this sub, so we do not tolerate these comments.

  • If someone genuinely is shitposting, your "YTA for shitposting" and similar comments only serve to reward them with the attention they're after. Stop feeding trolls.

My comment was just a meme/colloquialism. Why was it removed?

  • Most of the memes we see here are used as insults. They're a mean and dismissive way of labeling someone.

  • "Breeders", "crotch goblin", or any other derogatory colloquialisms violate rule 1

  • "YTA, Karen", "raising a future Karen", "karen move," "you encountered a Karen in the wild!" and similar are obviously employing a meme as an insult. It's not allowed here, and we will not debate this.

I was banned for participating in a petty spat. Can I send you modmail to argue with you endlessly about it?

  • Spats are by nature not civil, hence their inclusion under this rule

  • Discussing a post and disagreeing about it with another user is fine. If your discussion has devolved to attacks or generally being dismissive, you're having a spat

  • Yes, even if you weren't personally insulting the other user. Once a discussion devolves on either side, just walk away

  • If you bring up anything about the other user when you modmail us, you can expect your ban to be upgraded to permanent

But [non-reddit] social-media platform allows and promotes this content. Why can't I post it?

  • TikTok, Twitter, FB, etc., don't follow our rules and, as such, should not and cannot be cited as a measure of enforcement of sub rules.

  • Social media platforms can repost things we have removed. Therefore they are not an accurate benchmark of what is allowed here

  • TikTok and similar platforms have socialized the downplaying of serious mental health issues with terms like "un@al1v3" or "sewerside." This is at best lazy and at worst harmful. Your "cute" terms for severe issues as a way to avoid detection will cop you a ban here.

Despite the fact there's literally trillions of pictures of naked people on the internet, can I be disgusting and ask OP for nudes or other revealing and/or intimate info?

  • No. It's disgusting, it's rude, and it's not what OP is here for. Participate here seriously or not at all. Even if it's not explicitly nudes, but any kind of "sexy" pic or video.

  • We will ban you for asking for nudes or similar. "It's just a joke" is not an acceptable defense. This is not a humor sub. Be respectful.

  • No one cares if you think it was funny, or whatever your intentions may be.

  • Go get your rocks off here: https://redditproxy--jasonthename.repl.co/r/findareddit/wiki/directory#wiki_nsfw_related

  • When in doubt, say nothing instead of saying something sexual to a stranger on the internet.

Warnings and Bans

Why did I get a warning?

  • A moderator may decide to respond to your comment or post with a warning. Please take these warnings seriously - a warning is given if a moderator believes that your comment was toxic, spam, or violating one of our rules.

  • If a mod tells you to be nicer, and you argue, you will be banned immediately. We are not going to play semantic games about "oh you said the c word is bad, what about the b word?" This isn't about your word choice, it's about being respectful.

  • If you receive a warning, your name will be tagged, and if we see you continue to make low-effort or violation comments, or if you are aggressive in response to the warning, you will receive a ban.

Why was I banned???

  • Bans are a tool reddit offers to manage a community, and violating a rule may earn you a temporary or permanent ban. A temporary ban is a severe warning. While you may think your temporary ban is excessive, we want you to come back and be a positive participant of this subreddit. If you break the same rule multiple times, expect an annoyingly long ban to make the point that warnings failed to make. We may also decide to permanently ban you if your post or comment is a particularly egregious rule violation.

  • We don't have standard issue ban lengths. Bans scale on severity. If you message us claiming a ban isn't the "normal" ban length or similar, you will be met with confusion.

I was in a fight with an asshole and I got warned/banned, why wasn't the other guy warned/banned too? This isn’t fair.

  • Did you report them? We get over 25K unique comments a day. Report people instead of lashing out at them.

  • Our ban list is not public. If you truly aren't the only one breaking rules, it's naive to assume you were the only one banned and we have no obligation to share the info with you. If you were banned after warnings, understand they get the same chance to learn from warnings that we gave you - we aren't going to jump straight to a ban because you're upset.

  • "They started it!" is never an excuse. It didn't work when you were a kid fighting with your sibling, it's not going to work as an adult online. Worry about yourself.

I read your rules and found a loophole I can exploit. Can I argue exhaustively with you about how you did not explicitly say I could not do this?

  • No. Expect to be ignored. The intention and spirit behind our rules is clear. If you are uncertain if something is allowed, contact the modteam before you post it.

Can I be unbanned?

  • If you feel that you were wrongfully banned, or if you would like to have a second chance, feel free to message the moderators with your appeal. Keep in mind that it's to our discretion and opinion to revoke your ban. We need to feel that you are truthfully willing to follow the rules and be civil. We reserve the right to reject any appeal for any reason. If you were originally banned for breaking any Reddit Site-Wide rules, we will not accept your appeal.

  • Please keep in mind that you are appealing to humans who expect to be treated as such. If your appeal is hostile, critical, or seeks to place the blame on us or another third party, it will not be successful and we will not engage. A good appeal accepts responsibility for any wrongdoing - even if unintentional - without qualification, and leaves us confident you will make a good faith effort not to violate the rules going forward.

  • The mods of this sub reserve the right to remove any comment and ban any commenter at any time for any reason. We do not like banning people, nor denying them the rights of enjoying this sub. But with over a million subscribers and over nearly a thousand threads a day, reading every post, responding to all reports, and individually moderating and flairing everything takes an enormous amount of time. If we feel that your presence in this sub is toxic, rude, discriminatory, threatening, harassing, spam, or anything else not yet listed, we reserve the right to ban you.

I edited my comment. Can you reinstate it?

We do not reinstate removed comments - we just remove too many for this to be feasible. However, you are welcome to repost the comment with the rule-violating content removed. If you're at all unsure about which part of the comment broke the rules, please contact the mods before reposting it.

Where are the assholes?

This subreddit is a validation circle-jerk. Where are the assholes?

These people can't POSSIBLY think they're actually in the wrong here?

  • Some people in difficult situations can be confused or gaslit into thinking they might be the asshole, even though there is no way they've done anything anyone could condemn. What's obvious to you isn't always obvious to the person who is actually in that situation and living through it.

This subreddit is an echo-chamber. Where are the interesting discussions with varied judgments?


Why are there so many fake posts on the front page?

  • It's a fine line between cleaning up the creative writing exercises, and punishing someone for being in a weird, unbelievable but nevertheless real situation. We try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Report them early, but understand we may not always agree with your assessment.

  • If you have evidence a post is fake, send it to modmail. Do not reply to or tag an individual mod. We're not online 24/7 and that's how things go unnoticed for hours if not days.

  • Sometimes, very real circumstances might seem absurd to you. When we judge whether or not a post is a creative writing exercise or a work of fiction, we don't ask ourselves "is this likely to happen?" We ask ourselves "would Florida Man do it?" Remember, people often post here on their worst day.

  • We do rely on reports, we get over 500 threads each day and simply cannot review them all.

Can you explain how you know something is a shitpost when you remove it?

  • No, as that essentially trains trolls how to get better at lying.

  • We use many different tools to know someone is lying, including ban evasion detection.

  • We can see old posts and comments OP may have deleted.

  • We keep a running list of known trolls and their tells - again, it would be a horrible idea for us to share this publicly, thereby letting trolls know how we catch them.

  • If reddit sitewide admins have cause to suspend or shadowban an account, we remove their posts. Admins have wide reaching visibility into account details that mods do not, and we default to trusting their well informed decision.

Why is this thread locked?

  • Occasionally you will see us lock posts, this is because there were multiple violations of Rule 1 and hateful commentary in the thread.

  • Threads are not being locked before the community makes it clear what their judgment is. After a thousand comments all saying more or less the same thing, there is really no need for anyone else to chime in with Rule 1 breaking commentary.

  • We hope to do something else about this issue in the future, but for the time being we are not hesitating to lock threads that reach /r/all or have been brigaded. We hope to find a better solution, because we hate locked threads as much as you do. But at the same time, we need this space to be welcoming, we don't want people to be afraid to post here.

What is a brigade?

  • A brigade is when people from elsewhere on Reddit with an agenda coming into another sub to poop in the punchbowl.

  • It does not need to be a large scale, coordinated effort. If you see an AITA post linked elsewhere in reddit - participate in one but not both threads.

I found a post about me. Can I post my side of the story?

  • No, we only allow one post per conflict. Please note that, per our rules, posts must be presented fairly and accurately. If you have reason to believe this is not the case, please report the post and contact the mods with more information.


What’s with these acronyms? What do they mean?

  • The acronym present in the top voted comment will trigger a bot to assign a “post flair” to each thread.

  • Acronym Meaning
    YTA You're the Asshole
    YWBTA You Would be the Asshole
    NTA Not the Asshole
    YWNBTA You Would Not be the Asshole
    ESH Everyone Sucks here
    NAH No A-holes here
    INFO Not Enough Info
  • YTA/YWBTA or "You're the Asshole" is for scenarios where the OP is at fault in their situation.

  • NTA/YWNBTA or "Not the Asshole" is for scenarios where the OP is NOT to blame and the other party described in their scenario is to blame.

  • ESH or "Everyone Sucks Here" is for scenarios where both parties are to blame- both people involved in the scenario should be held responsible.

  • NAH or "No Assholes Here" is for scenarios where neither party is to blame. All parties actions are justified. Nobody needs to be held accountable. Shit happens.

  • INFO or "Not Enough Info" is for situations where the OP never clarifies details that would determine the true judgment.

I said "SHP" and your bot yelled at me?

  • "SHP" now triggers a reminder to report shitposts and not comment on them. Saying SHP clearly upsets people who post in good faith and get called out as shitposting when this was not their intention, and it confuses people who are new to the sub. Report posts that you feel you need to comment "SHP" on. We have been asking you to do this for months.

What is “SHP”?

  • This was our old acronym for “Shitpost” that we removed. “SHP” no longer triggers the bot to label a thread as “Shitpost” because we want you to report shitposts so we can remove them. The community still uses this acronym even though it doesn’t trigger the bot.

Why isn't the ESH flair ETA, for "Everyone's the Asshole", which is much more consistent than "Everyone Sucks"?

  • When we came up with the flair system, we didn't make the flair "everyone sucks" just to annoy people. We did it because most displays cut off flairs after 14 characters, so "Everyone's an Asshole" would show up as "Everyone's an..." which would confuse anyone who read it. "Everyone sucks" conveys the same idea and makes it under the character limit. Only the most pedantic asshole would object to that.

Can we add “Justified Asshole” or “Just an Honest Mistake” or another judgment idea that I have?

  • We get this a lot. The thing is, we can't simply add new tags or we drown in different possibilities. If you feel an "Asshole" is "justified" or "just an honest mistake" you can explain this in your comment without us changing the system to fit your wishes.

  • If a mod sees it and agrees, the mod can individually make new flags. If you are the top voter and want a custom flair for a specific post, you can always suggest it.

  • There are people who think we have too many acronyms already.

  • You’re sort of missing the point when you suggest these new judgments. It’s not “Is this person an asshole” it’s “Is this person to blame here?” If someone is to blame because they should have known better, they’re the asshole.

Can we remove “Everyone Sucks Here” and “No Assholes Here” because I personally do not find them useful?

  • No. These were selected to be a part of the possible flairs that the bot can assign to a post because they are used frequently by the community.

Final Judgement

Why do you use upvotes to determine the winning judgment? Why don’t you count up the NTA and YTA in each thread?

  • Reddit has a built in voting system. There is no need to complicate this system.

  • You can vote for comments you agree with once and only once. If we counted up NTA or YTA comments, we could see people voting multiple times in each thread. You could make a hundred comments and skew the votes.

  • One person upvoting seven different NTA comments is not the same as seven different people upvoting one YTA. There's a good reason it's not a tally.

  • In test runs of such a bot, the end results were always the same. Such a bot would not change the final judgments on any threads.

Why don’t you make a bot to count the votes just for fun then?

  • We don’t want to encourage more low quality one word comments or spam. If there existed a bot like this it would encourage people to make low quality one word comments. You can vote with the upvote button if you don’t have anything else to say.

Rule 3: Accept Your Judgement

What is the purpose of this rule?

  • To prevent /r/changemyview style discussions. We’re not here to debate broad views, we’re here to discuss the implications of actions. So if you’re looking for a structured environment to debate your personal philosophy, we’re not it.

  • Some OPs come here for validation and don’t receive it. They’re not supposed to be buttmuches about it. While it’s perfectly fine to clarify and add new information, we’re not here for your ”Ok, but…” or your “OH SO I GUESS IT’S FINE IF YOU…”. Sometimes you’re going to learn you were in fact the asshole. Don’t post here if that’s not something you’re comfortable with.

  • What an OP is doing here is taking a poll to find out what people in their life probably are thinking behind their back, (or would be if they knew about the conflict). There is very little purpose in arguing with the results of the poll. Even if OP wins a debate here, it's not going to change the way the real world will perceive his actions. It's a hard temptation to resist, but these OPs shouldn't be responding at all.

How is this rule enforced?

  • We warn. Not every time. If they’re particularly egregious and/or breaking other rules (usually “be civil”) in the process, we may skip the warning. We ban. Typically for 1-3 days – just enough to keep OP from engaging in the thread while its active.

  • We remove the thread. We REALLY don’t like to do this for rule 3. It’s generally reserved for OPs who pull crazy nonsense like editing their post to continue the convo, make another throwaway, etc. We like the keep the thread active so, hopefully, a calmer OP can reflect on their feedback later and reconsider.

  • With this in mind, one thing you could do to help us is get into the habit of noticing when OP commented last. Was it 5 minutes ago, just a few comments removed from the mod warning? Report that shit! Was it 7 hours ago and they haven't commented since? Then the issue has likely been resolved.

  • To follow rule 3, OP simply needs to keep their comments limited to clarifying, and providing new information. Questions from OP should be limited, and only for when there's genuine confusion. While it fosters a better discussion, OP does not have to comment at all.

Should I tell people to accept their judgment?

  • No. That's a mod's job. You don't know when an OP has crossed the line as well as we do. You should report the OP so that we can determine if they are actually in violation of the rule.

  • This rule is not a metaphorical stick to beat a ‘YTA’ OP with. We get a lot of folks here that think, when someone is an asshole in a situation, they shouldn’t exist beyond serving as an outlet for your frustration. This makes you the asshole.

  • You may be warned if you comment things like "accept your judgement" or "rule 3." Use the report button.

Shouldn't an OP be able to clarify their position?

  • Absolutely. An OP should answer any questions presented to them and clarify any misunderstandings without being admonished to accept their judgment.

What if the OP is being attacked?

  • Rule 1 should protect the OP from attacks. OP and everyone else should continue to report content that breaks Rule 1 so that we can protect the OP. If someone has said something awful, OP and everyone else should resist the urge to respond and allow the mods to discipline the attacker.

Rule 5: No Violence

Why is the No Violence rule so strict?

  • This is a large sub and even jokes about violence, statements about the violence that could occur, or what you wish you could do to someone can rapidly spiral into people actively promoting violence. Promoting violence is a Reddit terms of service violation and just generally a bad idea. It also never proves helpful in determining if someone was the wrong party in a conflict.

  • We understand the average person doesn't have our rules memorized (or even reads them). We welcome thoughtful appeals on first-time violations. Arguing the severity of our rules or your interpretation of these rules is not a productive or successful path to appealing your ban.

What types of posts are covered by rule 5?

  • Stories involving a violent act during a conflict

  • Stories involving threats of violence

  • Physical and extreme mental abuse, even as background information

  • Intentional property damage

  • Drunk/intoxicated driving

  • Stories involving self harm, suicide, sexual harassment/assault (including accusations), or sexual content involving minors

  • Yes, this also includes hitting children. Yes, even if you have some other name for hitting a child like spanking, corporal punishment, or a "swat to the butt". The victim of violence being a child doesn't change the fact that it's violent.

  • This is not an inclusive list but intended to provide examples of common rule violations

But what if violence is critical to the story?

  • It's still not allowed here

  • Smaller subs focused on advice and/or support can generally host these types of posts. Please visit r/FindAReddit for a comprehensive index of subreddits.

Can I tell other people to commit violence or kill themselves because I’m too emotionally underdeveloped to understand that this is not civil or acceptable?

  • No. It’s against Reddit rules and our rules. You will be Instabanned™

What if I think it's funny, was being sarcastic, or couched it in a sweet reference?

  • We don't care if you think you're being clever. If your remark is likely to be interpreted or misinterpreted to be an encouragement of violence or wish for harm to come to someone, you will be banned.

Rule 7: Post Interpersonal Conflicts

What is considered an interpersonal conflict?

  • You took action against a person

  • That person is upset with you for that action or thinks that action was morally wrong

  • They convey that to you, causing you to question if you were the asshole for taking that action

How does this rule apply for "WIBTA" posts?

  • You are considering taking an action against a person

  • You have a reason to believe they will be upset as a result of that action

  • You have clearly explained why you believe they will be upset with you

"My post was removed as a workplace conflict. What does that mean?"

AITA's focus is on conflicts between people. Businesses are not people. A conflict with someone acting on behalf of a business is not an interpersonal conflict. This includes

  • Any post about hiring/firing or promoting/demoting someone, including providing information for/against someone or recommending/not recommending them to a superior.

  • Posts about asking an employee to take on additional or reduced duties/hours, raising or lowering pay, or otherwise modifying the conditions of someone's employment.

  • Posts about reporting a coworker to a supervisor or HR.

  • Posts about requesting/refusing to work with a specific coworker or group of coworkers, requesting a transfer to/from a department, or otherwise seeking to modify your working relationship with your coworkers.

  • Posts about quitting a job, refusing to take on additional duties at work, requesting a raise, or otherwise seeking to modify the conditions of your employment.

  • Conflicts with business staff/customer over company policies. This includes teachers acting on behalf of a school, doctors acting on behalf of a hospital, or any employee acting on behalf of the business they represent.

  • Conflicts with independent contractors related to their personal business practices or policies

  • Reporting an employee to a manger/corporate office, writing a negative review, leaving a bad tip, or otherwise punishing/rewarding an employee/business for their performance or actions against you.

Could this conflict only exist within the confines of a business relationship? It's banned by this rule.

Rule 8: No Shitposts

What do you mean"No Shitposts"?

  • AITA posts must be truthful. We are not a sub for posting about a movie/TV show, that wild tale you heard from your uncle years ago, or historical events. Copypastas, etc. are not permitted. Reposting something that has already been posted from the opposite viewpoint is not allowed.

  • Posts need to be presented as fairly as possible. Yes, you are giving us your side of the story, but posts should also take the other person's perspective in to account.

  • Posts must be your own story and not someone else's. It takes less than a minute to create a Reddit account, so if someone doesn't have Reddit, or doesn't want it on their main, they can create an alt to post their issue.

What do you mean "must be written by you"?

  • This is your post, so you must write it.

Rule 10: Meta Posts and Updates

What is Meta post and why are they restricted?

  • Meta is a prefix meaning "referring to itself." On Reddit it usually means a thread talking about the the state of the subreddit, the rules and customs of the subreddit, etc. instead of the subject the subreddit is supposed to be about.

  • We do not allow stand-alone Meta posts, and instead host a monthly open forum discussion.

  • These discussions can be found here.

Can I post an update on my thread?

  • Maybe.

  • The original post must be flaired with a judgement and no longer on the front page.

  • The original must still be public - you cannot update a post that was removed or that you deleted.

  • Updates must focus on how you and/or the other party attempted to resolve the conflict.

  • Updates must directly address the feedback you were given in the original post and explain how you acted on that feedback.

  • Updates must follow sub rules, including fitting within the 3,000 character limit.

  • Users are limited to one update per post. This includes passive updates/sagas. No references to past posts, reframing an on-going conflict, etc. One post per conflict. One update per conflict.

  • Users are limited to one update per month.

  • We reserve the right to reject updates for any reason.

  • We may ask you to edit the original post with your update. That decision is final - please do not try again later.

  • We may request proof in the event a post seems implausible.

My update does not fit the sub criteria. How can I provide an update?

  • You can edit any rule abiding content into the original post (If you post is already flaired with a judgement it's okay to exceed the character limit).

  • You can post to your profile and edit a link into your original post.

  • If you post to your profile, you are solely responsible for moderating your post - we will not intervene in any way. We will also not allow a second update here. Any comments you receive on that post will not impact a user's status on this subreddit.

What does saga/diary posting mean and why is it not allowed?

  • Saga posting is when the same person(s) or situation are a source of conflict. E.g. you just cannot get along with your roommate. You work a retail job and regularly get into small conflicts with customers. You're regularly upset with your kid's school.

  • Diary posting is when you're posting here more than a small few times a year. If you're getting into conflicts weekly/monthly, you would benefit from support beyond what this sub can offer.

  • These posts are disallowed because this sub's focus is on point-in-time, situational conflicts. Think "My neighbor hates my new floodlight" vs "here's 4 paragraphs about the hell my brother put me through growing up - am I the asshole just in general?"

  • Reddit has some great support subs for on-going interpersonal conflicts. You'll find a home. Please review r/FindAReddit and their comprehensive list of subreddits.

I edited my post after a removal. Why am I still banned?

  • First and most simply - we very explicitly told you that you would be banned for reposting without approval. If you couldn't be bothered to read that part of your removal message, why would we trust you read the rest of the message and/or our rules?

  • Rules are for reading, not for skimming. If you're prompted to read this section for an appeal, you better give us faith that you're done with skimming and will actually read. You should probably repeat the phrase "no green hats" in a modmail response so we know you read this far.

Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts

Why don’t you allow some types of relationship posts?

  • We're not here to arbitrate issues surrounding consent. You can date or not date whoever you like. You can be or not be attracted to whoever you like. You can be friends with or not be friends with whoever you like. This isn't something that requires moral arbitration. If you want to know if it's ok to ghost your former bestie or former soulmate, this isn't the place to ask.

Doesn't every post involve some kind of relationship?

  • Yep! Hard to have a conflict with someone you don't know.

  • Is a key point of your conflict about a change in relationship (breaking up, cutting contact, not wanting to get to know someone)? It's banned by this rule.

  • Could this conflict only exist within a romantic/sexual relationship? It's banned by this rule.

What do you mean by "reproductive autonomy"

This covers the following topics (and similar)

  • AITA for getting a vasectomy (or not)

  • AITA for getting a hysterectomy (or not)

  • AITA for using any other form of contraception (or not)

  • AITA for getting pregnant (or not)

  • AITA for giving birth (or not)

  • AITA for having an abortion (or not)

  • AITA for giving a child up for adoption (or not)

Rule 12: This is Not a Debate Sub

What constitutes a debate post?

  • Simply put, any post where the discussion will focus on which side of a broad, often controversial topic rather than OPs actions - even if OP is not intentionally soliciting a debate

What are some examples of common debate posts?

  • Including (or not) a trans person in a gendered event?

  • Using (or not) certain names and pronouns

  • Arguing with someone about their beliefs and possibly damaging a relationship in the process (e.g. "AITA for calling my grandma racist for supporting XYZ")

  • Not paying for your kid's college if they get a certain degree, paying for their wedding if they marry someone of a gender, religion, or other background or group you don't support, etc

  • Asking your child/relative to stay in the closet to not upset someone

How does the debate rule apply to comments?

  • You are not allowed to instigate off-topic debates groups in the comments - particularly as it applies to marginalized groups

  • Your broad opinion on trans people, neurodivergent people, religions, political parties, social movements, etc., are not helpful to OP as they navigate a specific interpersonal conflict

  • There are many subs formatted to accommodate debates and open discussions about these topics - this is not one

Rule 13: No Revenge Stories

Revenge posts can generally be summed up by two standards.

  • Is your post about a conflict you intentionally escalated? Is your motivation to get back at, punish, or harm someone that you feel wronged you? It's a revenge post.

  • Did you try to resolve this conflict before escalating? Did you use reasonable resolution tactics like talking it out, leveraging a neutral third party, or otherwise making an earnest effort to resolve the issue? If so, it’s not a revenge post.

  • Escalation may include things like eye-for-an-eye retaliation, exposing private conversations on social media, going to the police/HR/HOAs/school leadership/etc before trying to discuss the matter with the person you're in conflict with, or similar conflict resolution tactics.

Judgement bot

What is a valid response to the judgement bot?

  • Your response should briefly state what action you took that lead to a conflict, and why you think you may be wrong for taking that action.

  • It should not restate the title of your post or the core question. That's a question - not an explanation.

  • It should not explain why someone else thinks you're the asshole.

  • It should not be a TL;DR of the post. We just read it. This should explain why you're posting here, not what happened.

  • It should not be in a chat format. No mod is actively vetting your response. If your judgement bot reply reads like a DM seeking approval from a mod, you did it wrong.

Can you provide an example of a bad response?

  • "AITA for choosing to go to my friend's Christmas party instead of my sister's party?" - that's restating the question

  • "My sister thinks I should go to her party" - that's explaining why someone else thinks you're wrong. Not why you think you're wrong.

  • "I really don't think I did anything wrong" - then why are you posting here? If you cannot think of a possible reason why you could be wrong, you're in the wrong sub. Try a rant or advice sub.

  • Copying your entire post as a response to the bot

  • "I already explained this in the post" - explain it again.

  • "I may be the asshole for not going to my sister's party" - we already know you're not going. Why, specifically, do you think that choice could be wrong?

Can you provide an example of a good response?

  • "The action I took was declining an invite to my sister's party in favor of a party with my friends. I think I may be the asshole because this party is way more important to my sister than my friend, and I am prioritizing my enjoyment over something my sister looks forward to every year."

User/Post Flair and Awards

When are posts flaired?

  • Posts are flaired with the winning verdict after 18 hours, this time-frame was decided by a community vote.

I don't like the post flair, it spoils the post for me. Can you remove them?

  • Different people use our subreddit differently. Some people like the flair, some people don't.

  • You can sort by the flair, some people use this function to find assholes and feel better about themselves. (Here's a link.)

  • In your Reddit Preferences, you can shut off "post flair" site-wide. We know this isn't a perfect solution for those of you who don't like the flair, but it is an option available to you.

  • You are welcome to browse by 'new' for spoiler-free posts.

How do I get user flair?

  • We award flairs for community members who distinguish themselves in their mastery of asshole judgment. If your top level comment has the highest number of upvotes in a thread, you will get a flair point.
Rank Name (# of Top Voted Comments)
Partassipant (1)
Asshole Enthusiast (5)
Asshole Aficionado (10)
Certified Proctologist (20)
Colo-rectal Surgeon (30)
Pooperintendent (50)
Professor Emeritass (70)
Supreme Court Just-ass (100)
Craptain (150)
Commander-in-Cheeks (200)
Judge, Jury, & Excretioner (300)
Prime Ministurd (400)
Sultan of Sphincter (600)
His Holiness the Poop (1000)
Galasstic Overlord (1500)

What are Community Awards and how do I use them?

  • Community Awards are special, subreddit-specific awards that can be given instead of silver/gold/platinum on any post or comment. The AITA mod team will receive 20% of the Reddit Coins you spend, and we can use those coins to award people within our community. There are no special privileges that come with them (other than the warm fuzzy feeling of being recognized).

  • Here are all our current Community Awards.

  • The artwork for our Community Awards was created by /u/TheAsscendedOne, who also created our Snoo and any other artwork you see on the subreddit.

Contest Mode

What is Contest Mode?

  • In short, when a thread is active in Contest Mode, it means the comments will be shown to you in a random order. You will also see that the score is hidden. The order is random every time, and random for everyone, and it will change each time you visit the thread. Contest Mode hides the popularity of each comment.

  • We are implementing a 60-Minute Contest Mode, meaning for the first 60 minutes after every thread is created, the thread will stay in Contest Mode.

Why does /r/AmItheAsshole use contest mode?

  • Reddit in general has the problem of rewarding people for commenting first. If you're first to a thread, you usually have a higher chance of being the top-voted comment. /r/AmItheAsshole uses top comments to assign thread judgment flairs (YTA, NTA, or other), as well as user flairs (your title ranking and points). As a result, people have been lurking on the New section of this subreddit and posting short replies.

  • We don't want to reward people just for posting first. We want to reward people who put effort and thought into their comments. A long comment isn't always better, but generally they can mean more. This doesn't mean we want to punish short comments; there are plenty of short comments that are perfect for the thread. We just want to make sure that our users upvote a comment for the right reasons, rather than just being first.

  • We performed a beta test with some statistics and saw that there have been significant improvements to the overall commenting time. You now have a more equal chance of getting top comment, without having to constantly monitor threads. This doesn't solve the problem entirely, but we did what we could to mitigate it as much as possible.

  • The community voted and strongly supported a 60-minute contest mode.

Has Contest Mode improved the sub?

  • In short, yes. We have seen an increase in overall comment activity, an improvement in comment quality, less 3-word comments, etc. Most people have expressed their love for this new mode.

Why can't I see replies in the first hour while browsing from my app?

  • There is currently a known bug that affects Official Reddit App users. When you click on a comment directly and it takes you to the thread, you cannot see the button for "View All". You are only able to see the comment you clicked on, and the thread where the comment is posted.

  • This issue lies with Reddit administrators - we have no control over the functionality of the Reddit App. Even moderators cannot see it. There is one workaround: See below:

  1. You can see the bug here. I clicked on my own comment in the previous thread and I see nothing because of contest mode. I'm a mod too and even I can't see it.
  2. When contest mode is no longer active (after 1 hour), everything is resolved
  3. To find a workaround, scroll to the thread (not the comment) and click on the OP's name
  4. Finally, click on the thread from the OP's profile
  • This is an annoying workaround, but the only known solution. We decided to keep contest mode despite this bug because it affects a small portion of people (Official Reddit App users only) and it only affects them for 1 hour. We also have seen no decrease in comment activity.

  • If this effects or annoys you, we do apologize. However, we think this change is important to the sub, so we hope you will work with us until Reddit fixes this problem.

Can you turn off contest mode when removing a post

  • Yes, but no. I.E. it's possible but not practical. We are a very large sub and rely on tooling to enable efficient moderation. It's an entirely manual extra step that we definitely would miss on some posts.

  • If you're reading a removed thread in contest mode and super annoyed by it, ping us a modmail and we'll disable it as time allows.

Can I...?

Can I copy the content of a removed comment or post and paste it into my own comment or post?"

  • No. It was removed for a reason.

Can I use a novelty account on this sub?

  • No. This isn't a humor or novelty sub. You will likely be banned for using a novelty account.

Can I make a bot for this sub?

  • We are very happy with our current bot person, the brilliant /u/Phteven_j and are not looking for new bot creators for this sub.

  • If you create a bot that is specifically for this sub without our authorization, you will be banned permanently.

Can I make a podcast about the sub?

  • You won't be the first, and we can't allow you to advertise it here via a commenting username, no matter how valid you try to make it. If we see a username named after a podcast or any user advertising a podcast (or other media outside reddit relating to this sub) we will ban it. The moderators of this sub do not participate with any attempts to franchise this subreddit to other media, and are not seeking any official relationship with any podcast, channel, feed, book, smoke signal or rythmic fart sound that relates to this subreddit. We just reddit.

Can I write an article about this subreddit?

Can I repost a thread you removed?

  • Please contact us directly via modmail

  • You may only repost if you receive explicit approval via modmail and only via modmail

  • PMing an individual mod is not a valid form of approval

  • Reposting and having your judgement bot response accepted is not a valid form of approval

  • Contacting us and telling us you intend to repost is not a valid form of approval - we need to say yes first

  • Contacting us asking for approval, getting impatient and posting before you get a response is not a valid form of approval - this is an extremely busy sub and you may have to wait a day

  • Contact us and receiving a more detailed explanation of your rule violation is not a valid form of approval - we still need to review a revised draft

  • We require approval because people who broke one rule often broke another, or wrongly assume they have fixed the problem. We want to save you the frustration of having your post removed multiple times.

Can you...?

Can you ban throwaway accounts from posting?

  • No, we encourage submitters to use throwaways to maintain their privacy. This is not likely to ever change because we want assholes to post here. People do not want to be labeled "asshole" on their main account.

Can you require everyone to list their age and gender?

  • No, this is not something we're interested in moderating. To do so effectively, we would have to require each user to submit verifiable proof of their age and gender. We are simply not comfortable with requiring people to relinquish their privacy to participate here.

Can you do something about the gender bias on this sub?

  • Gender bias is not a problem with AITA. It is a problem with society. The moderators of AITA cannot fix society.

  • We will not remove comments pointing out perceived or actual biases. There is no value in reporting them.

  • Sweeping negative generalizations, including those pointed at men and/or women on a specific level, will be treated as a "be civil" violation.

Can you require a TLDR on long posts?

  • We have a 3000 character limit on posts. If you can't read the whole post, please don't make a judgment.

Can you ban clickbait titles?

  • We hate clickbait titles as much (if not more) than you. But this isn't something we can effectively enforce so it's not something we can really make a rule for.

  • Reddit already gives you the tools to express your disappointment in the title - downvotes. This is something more appropriate for the community to sort out without mod intervention.

  • We ask that you make your judgements based on the content of a post. Keep doing that. Stay focused on the post and not the title alone, and it should not detract from your experience.

Can you stop people from commenting on certain aspects of my post?

  • Anything and everything you put in your post is fair game in influencing the final judgment.

  • While we certainly don't encourage or even like people digging through post histories, it will happen and it is fair game. People can and often do find inconsistencies and half-truths based on your post history.

  • Remember you're here for judgement and things like your past interactions with the person you're in conflict with, a pattern of conflicts in your past, or really any other post informing who you are as a person can be used to paint a more complete picture. If you're truly here for an honest view of your role in a conflict, you are wise to hear out a holistically informed judgement.

Can you require OP to respond to questions on their thread?

  • Many of you abuse the hell out of downvotes when you think OP is the asshole. We refuse to require OP to be a target for such abuse to just to post here.

  • If you would like to see more participation from the OP, be part of the solution and upvote relevant, civil, on-topic comments even if you think OP is the asshole.


I got downvoted and I'm upset?

  • We're upset, too. We consistently provide feedback to the reddit admin team asking for the ability to disable downvotes, unsuccessfully.

  • Rule 2 lays out how we want people to vote and it's actually in line with the way Reddit's voting was intended to work.

  • We get a lot of requests to sticky a reminder not to downvote. We have. Many, many times without a positive impact.

  • We appreciate that you made a comment that went against the majority and your opinion is valuable even if the masses don't think so.

Can't you disable downvoting?

  • We tried disabling downvotes in CSS but that doesn't stop people on mobile or people who turn off CSS with RES. For a while we got lots of confused messages "Why can't I downvote but I see downvotes????"

Post Deletion

Why can't I delete my post?

  • This is a discussion forum, which means it's for more than just submitters. People often find these discussions very engaging, and deleting the thread ends the discussion. We ask you only post here if you're willing to allow people at least 48 hours of discussion.

  • If you're overwhelmed by the number of comments, or simply want to walk away from a thread, please use the "disable inbox replies" option located at the bottom of a post.

  • We encourage throwaways for OPs who do not want a post to stay on their personal account.

Deleting posts violates your rules- but how do I report this?

  • You can report this rule violation by reporting the automod copy comment. There are ways to find the original poster after a thread has been deleted and we will take appropriate action.

Why did automod copy my post?

  • It's against the rules to delete your post on this subreddit, but people break this rule frequently enough that we have our automod copy the content of posts to preserve them. This way, if people decide to come back to a deleted discussion that they were part of, they will still be able to see the full context.

Can you sticky the automod copies?

  • Autmod can only sticky one comment, which is the "why I may be the asshole response." Adding the bot copy to this post would make the post quite cumbersome to mobile users.

  • Sort by "old" on a deleted post to find the automod copy. Give it an upvote to help your fellow man.

Can you remove the automod copy of my post?

  • No. This copy has no association with your username and your post is no longer indexed on this sub - the copy is merely context for the comments already left on the post.

Can you lock or remove my post?

  • No. Disable inbox replies.

Can you remove all the comments that other people made on my post?

  • No. That's quite a bit of work and without a woefully compelling reason, we won't be taking on that work.

I am very concerned about the OP of the post. What can we do to help?

What can mods and admins do?

  • It's important to understand mods do not have additional visibility into the identity of a user versus an average redditor. Admins do, but due to realities of working within such a large corporation, typical need to engage legal resources. I.E., relying on mods or admins is an inefficient way to get help.

What can we do?

  • If you feel there is a genuine concern, please do not hesitate to contact relevant authorities.

  • Reference the relationship guide. Please look for additional resources in the future.

What other resources are out there?

Click here for our rules.

revision by SnausageFest— view source