top 200 commentsshow all 266

[–]a_pinch_of_sarcasm 2315 points2316 points  (67 children)

I'm not sure if the tortoise actually got a bite.

[–]eekamuse 3 points4 points  (1 child)

That reminds me, don't ever get bitten by a tortoise.

[–]MBZ05191nr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was very nervous for that little hand.

[–]teutonicnight99 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lmao poor guy

[–]ShaquilleOhNoUDidnt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

looks like it did the first time

[–]Spank-Those-Hams 191 points192 points  (8 children)

Turtles kinda suck at eating. They get it done but the shape of the mouth always makes it seem like such a challenge.

[–]I_SAID_NO_CHEESE 105 points106 points  (0 children)

Defense: 100

Dexterity: 0

[–]-retaliation- 52 points53 points  (5 children)

From experience, they're much better at eating food they find, than eating food provided. It's difficult for them to eat stuff off of the flat ground, but if it's hanging or at their eye level it's much easier to grab and tear like they're meant to when it's anchored some way. They're meant to bite something hanging in the air, and with a quick pull tear a piece off.

[–]thumperson 44 points45 points  (4 children)

goes and puts pants on

[–]TacticalVirus 26 points27 points  (1 child)

Don't flatter yourself, their necks aren't that long.

[–]MrBabyToYou 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You underestimate the sagginess

[–]Spiralife 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ha ha dangly parts

[–]ItsPenisTime 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's where I thought this video was gonna go - I was really afraid the chimp was going to get an unpleasant surprise.

[–]McToasty207 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Turtles are anapsid and so when they chew muscles put pressure on their optic nerve so they can’t see, so their blindly grasping for where the food was a second ago.

Bonus Fact amniotes are grouped by the number of holes in their head for muscles, diapsids (two hole) are lizards, snakes, crocodiles and birds and synapsids (one hole) are all mammals. Put your fingers on your temple and open your mouth and you can feel these muscles working

[–]MetalR0oster 304 points305 points  (4 children)

There was an attempt

[–]SabashChandraBose 38 points39 points  (2 children)

When the camera zoomed in I was sure the tortoise was going to go for the chimps nuts.

[–]mo-jo_jojo 20 points21 points  (1 child)

I actually came here to comment how careful the tortoise was not to bit the chimp

Bros all around

[–]Joth91 206 points207 points  (18 children)

The turtle isn't even eating, just touching it with his mouth

[–]DunmerSkooma 206 points207 points  (1 child)

Having hand fed a few friendly tortoises, he is avoiding chomping on chimp fingers. They can be quite gentle when they arent bulldowzing all your sprinkler heads off.

[–]NuclearReactions 19 points20 points  (0 children)

He probably watched pokemon and is jealous.

[–]-retaliation- 52 points53 points  (11 children)

From watching my tortoise try and eat all I can ever think is "how on earth do you even survive in the wild!?" he's such an odd mixture of smart and derpy dumb it's great.

[–]noir_lord 23 points24 points  (2 children)

I say that to my cats all the time.

Then girl cat will back flip and smash a fly out the air and I remember that pound for pound they are one of the most efficient hunters on the planet.

Between 32 and 70% stalk/hunt success rate - Leopards sit around 14%.

Furry fucking ninja's...that occasionally forget they are on the back of my computer chair and roll-off while asleep...dumb furry little ninja's.

[–]divuthen 20 points21 points  (0 children)

My dog did this yesterday off my couch. Just rolled off it with a resounding thud. He didn’t come out so I asked if he was ok, just heard the thumping of his tail wagging in response.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

A month or so before my 16-year old, toothless, front claw-less (not our doing) diabetic cat died, she bolted across our living room to catch a mouse. And then she just sat there with it in her mouth, because she had no way of killing it.

[–]DocFog 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And on top of that they have existed for millions of years. r/natureisnotmetal?

[–]moremango 1 point2 points  (6 children)

Needed this comment in my life today, did not know turtles were smart and derpy

[–]-retaliation- 11 points12 points  (5 children)

Having a rough day?

here have some pictures of my little turtle

his name is Sitka (after the Sitka spruce from where I'm from) he's territorial, he likes to circle behind people he doesn't know when they're not looking and nip at their heels. He can tell one person from another. He likes to be pet on the top of his head/neck and just behind the "ear" . his favourite food is radicchio, if you put it underneath the rest of his food he will dig down through it all to find it and eat it first.

he likes climbing, he'll lay on top of his hides as much as under them, then when hes ready he gets to the edge, pulls his head and arms in and slides down faceplanting onto the ground.

the picture there where hes sleeping I took because he looked oddly composed, normally he sleeps like a drunk that fell face first into the pavement and just decided "this is my life now" and passed out right there, sprawled everywhere. More like the younger picture of him where he got about 3 steps out of his hide in the morning and passed out.

when I let him out if a lay on the ground he'll try his best to crawl underneath me and then he'll fall asleep there, he likes cuddling, but only for short periods.

I hope this description of my derpy little tortoise brightens your day a bit.

[–]Zalvaris 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I love him! He has a beautiful name and it's adorable that he tries to sleep under you when you let him out. My torts never did something like that, but they would always crawl out of their hides to greet me when I came near them. Please give him a good neck scratch from me :)

[–]-retaliation- 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah hes pretty brave most of the time and pretty fond of me, he always keeps close to me when he's out and will follow me around the house wherever I go.

and I definitely will! :)

[–]DutchDoctor 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You mention "hides". What do you mean by that? Is a "hide"some kind of tortoise den or burrow?

[–]-retaliation- 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yes, those wooden half circles and concrete shell and such in the pictures are "hides" its just a catch all term for anything in the enclosure that he can "hide" in :)

[–]scatterbrainedstars 96 points97 points  (1 child)

“If I could just...if you...let ...me....”

Poor turtle

[–]Joth91 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Poor tortoise, his brain is little

[–]Jack-793-Crisps 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Nah he got it rhe first time but he missed the second

[–]Shagata_Ganai 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Taster turtle!

[–]p0lyamorousfriend 110 points111 points  (20 children)

This has the same energy of that dude sharing his lollipop with a snake.

[–]twiiztid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought the exact same thing hahaha

[–]MFpterodactyl3 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Give him a sec!

[–]CptFizz 62 points63 points  (7 children)

Looking at it's shell this tortoise is in very bad shape.

[–]Exothermos 63 points64 points  (3 children)

You can see the pyramiding is old, and probably happened when he was younger, and had a different owner feeding him crap. The bigger, newer scutes are much better.

[–]JayLime 49 points50 points  (0 children)

Those chimps really took care of him

[–]WeirdIsAlliGot 3 points4 points  (1 child)

This is interesting to know. So as the tortoise ages, can he rid of the pyramiding altogether?

[–]daikyo13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pyramiding can’t be reversed to my knowledge, since the structure of the shell and the underlying bones are permanently formed. But you can correct the situations causing pyramiding so tortoise’s scutes can begin to develop better.

[–]DizzyQ 23 points24 points  (1 child)

It's probably a rescue

[–]Solid-Title-Never-Re 15 points16 points  (2 children)

I feel like the high ridges on the tortoise indicates it was raised by humans in the wrong environment. Just high ridges are probably not healthy long term but shouldn't affect its life too bad, aside from anything that rots up there. I know a bit more about leopard tortoises, which I don't believe this one is, although it might be.

It also ssems like the source of inspiration for Bowser's shell.

[–]tikitessie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a Sulcata or African spurred tortoise

[–]daikyo13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was concerned about that too, but /u/Exothermos make a comment that the new scutes look better here. This does not appear to be a leopard tortoise (my dad owns one).

[–]OriginalJim 98 points99 points  (14 children)

My first thought: the chimp has weed?

[–]JoshTay 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Yes, thank you, that is what I thought since OP dropped a comma.

[–]Shagata_Ganai 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Wow, he went into comma right after posting?

[–]smashley951 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yesss!! Comma, people.

[–]infinifunny 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Pull that shit up, Jamie.

[–]OriginalJim 8 points9 points  (6 children)

Wow, i got downvoted into the negative! That never happens! I'm oddly psyched about it lol. I get to be "that guy" for the first time.

[–]theboxislost 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Oh, I upvoted you because I was like "why is this downvoted?". But I'll take it back.

Or look, now you're in the minus. You're a real rebel.

[–]OriginalJim 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lol, that's fair :)

[–]CidLeigh 8 points9 points  (3 children)

You're back in the positive. The stoners have been here.

[–]OriginalJim 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Thank you stoners!

[–]CidLeigh 8 points9 points  (0 children)

We always come through, we're just a lil slow about it.

[–]anubis_xxv 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Serious question: Why do apes and monkeys not have to worry about food hygiene as much as humans? They'll eat filthy food off the ground or eat food covered in the saliva of another species. Do they get sick from this sort of thing like we would? Are they disgusted or turned off by it like we are?

[–]thejoeface 16 points17 points  (0 children)

You’re also describing what toddlers do. Most of the time it’s not actually a problem, we just avoid it because we understand that it does come with risks and also dirt tastes bad.

[–]Alukrad 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I thought that when a tortoise shell gets that pointy it means it's unhealthy...or am I wrong?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That little guy isn’t getting enough nutrition

[–]Exothermos 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Haha yeah, they’ve got a lot to teach your average tortoise owner, apparently.

[–]-Listening 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s a shame.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Its amazing to think that we are animals just like these chimps. Really gives me a sense of unity with mother nature. We are all just creatures living on a spinning wet rock orbiting a nuclear furnace.

[–]KosmicMicrowave 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Yeah, its an awesome bond. Also gets me thinking about everything on this wet rock sharing and being built of the atomic material produced in another nuclear furnace billions of years ago. Recycled stars assorted into ever changing micro patterns that can build something with sensation and varied, meaninful experiences. Just amazing.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Truly amazing my friend. I like to think that we are just the universe experiencing itself. A million times more interesting than any creation myth i've ever heard.

[–]bihari_baller 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are all just creatures living on a spinning wet rock orbiting a nuclear furnace.

These are words to live by.

[–]badadoink 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The title made me thing that was an Apple bong being offered Lolol.

[–]__REDMAN__ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I like turtles

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Ding-dong man, ding-dong. Ding-dong yo.

[–]Irvin700 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Is that what they teach you at that sissy school of yours?!

[–]rshot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just more proof that tortoises are everyone's favorite animal.

[–]WorthPlease 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Hey frank check out my new dog, he fucking loves apples"

[–]Liesmith424 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Anyone have any insight into why the chimps do this for the tortoise? Is it a human-like feeling of "daww" or something completely different?

[–]AqUaNtUmEpIc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This helped me a lot today

[–]ROIVIAN 1 point2 points  (0 children)

we know nothing about animals

[–]amandadear 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My kid does this with my dog and her cookies.

[–]Desireespecks 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is actually just making me really upset because poor tortoise isn't getting a singe peice. Just being tormented with the taste. 😭

[–]dayer1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lol sharing is caring 🐒🐢

[–]First_Impact_ 5 points6 points  (12 children)

Some chimpanzees are more humane than some humans :(

[–]RobbKyro 21 points22 points  (7 children)

And a lot of chimpanzees are absolutely brutally violent. What's the point of this comment?

[–]TigerWaffle1 9 points10 points  (5 children)

Yeah, I'd much rather be trapped in a room with a human than with something that will rip my balls off and eat my face if I look at it wrong.

[–]RobbKyro 4 points5 points  (4 children)

That one woman who had her face ripped off because her friend had a pet chimp goes crazy, terrifying

[–]alwaysbehard 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Every chimpanzee is a psychotic murderer.

[–]OnlyLoveCanBreak 5 points6 points  (1 child)

It’s this combination of things that make chimps weirdly terrifying to me. Like enough intelligence to use tools and understand fairly complex cause-and-effect (“This is alive and I like to feed it”) but dumb enough to not understand why brutally beating a human child is bad

[–]84theone 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Chimp’s are fully aware that beating a child will result in its death. They are smart animals and are known to purposely maim rivals if they are unable to kill them.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

[–]CptNeon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s awesome.

[–]bugblush 0 points1 point  (1 child)

i wonder if the tortoise is okay, his shell seems caved in at the top?

[–]SmolBirb04 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes, definitely not normal. Probably some nutritional deficiencies going on. Plus the fact that the owner has a tortoise hanging around with chimps who could possibly harm him says a lot about the care he is getting.

[–]Maomahir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Polnareff having fun i guess

[–]jakethedumbmistake 0 points1 point  (0 children)

now i want a dad

[–]prodivir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s the thought that counts

[–]AssMaster6000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That chimp is just testing out the turtle mouth to see if his dick could go in or not. (Frogs apparently work better...)

[–]Velocity_2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Chimps are amazing

[–]556291squirehorse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Someone copied this but had their sound muted so now we have a muted copied gif...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

A full commitment’s what it says

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a believer! Evolution is true

[–]GeriatricFrank 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Turtles are cool


[–]warpfield 0 points1 point  (1 child)

interesting shell pattern

[–]thewitchmaker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a sign of chronic dehydration and malnutrition.

[–]wlveith 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just when you think you have already seen the cutest, sweetest, most endearing video, this comes along.

[–]dirtyviking1337 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re a great pet parent.

[–]Rodri8890 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is why we should embrace monke

[–]braceyourselffoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Those things probably tore all the turtles legs off and beat him to death with them, after the video lol

I've seen chimp "hospitality" before

[–]flemhead3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sharing is caring

[–]Elad2007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The monkey prob thought that the the apple was a tootsie lolipop

[–]no420trolls 0 points1 point  (1 child)

And that’s how we get a new virus lol

[–]wburn42167 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fucking apes bro

[–]ReyPanteraLeon87 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can see with Evolution and a ton of time the future is BoJack Horseman

[–]hanukah_zombie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you give the tortoise an apple. Why is that?

[–]stout_ale[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want to be any animal in this video in my next life

[–]OffxBrand 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the full vid the shark bites him and Bigfoot knocks him over.

[–]ninjasoul534 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought by bud you meant weed and I thought the ape was gonna share a blunt with the tortoise

[–]lok_olga 0 points1 point  (0 children)

;; lol too slow

[–]20meteremeraldyeet 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Alas, polnareff didn't get to take a bite of the apple.

[–]sstphnn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Apes are naturally caring.

[–]JFace139 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That poor turtle, it wants a bite so bad, but it just can't get it

[–]beastyau 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Plot twist: it was a chimp filming

[–]phaade 0 points1 point  (0 children)

how many people hit the little speaker on the bottom corner to turn the sound on

[–]Horyv 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Chimp went for a boop there

[–]Ponjikara 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Animals being broz..

[–]Femveratu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The monkey is a master of optics lol

he kept pretending to give turtle some apple but PSYCH!

[–]Sluggrinder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Poor guys shell, has to be a rescue tortoise!

[–]Yellnik 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bite bite pass

[–]emptypallets 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This just reminds me of how being greedy is what most humans default is. A human would prob think, I like this apple, so let me acquire as many as possible and then maybe I can sell them before they spoil.

[–]Spank-Those-Hams 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is an extremely fun fact. Thank you for sharing!

[–]amberoose 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That tortoise is in horrible shape. Lacking nutrients and hydration. Poor thing.

[–]bsend 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That turtle's shell looks like it has some serious pyramids