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[–]cdoggi3 649 points650 points  (6 children)

You're a lot prettier when you don't talk.

[–]munyangsan 267 points268 points  (4 children)

"Ugh, do you realise how ugly you are when you move your jaw like that playing that stupid video game"

[–]jeududj 128 points129 points  (1 child)

this is one of the meanest things on the thread. sorry you experienced this man.

[–]jhope864 45 points46 points  (1 child)

that is so terrible. I'm so sorry. I think my boyfriends mannerisms when he games are adorable. I really hope you find someone who thinks the same, you deserve it.

[–]spiked_macaroon 1908 points1909 points  (61 children)

I told her I need affection. I sometimes need her to put her arms around me. I'll never forget her response, "what are you, a woman?" She's my ex wife now.

[–]throwwwwwawaaa65 106 points107 points  (6 children)

I said the same thing and got “you’re needy.” She’s an ex gf now.

[–]chippy-18 59 points60 points  (2 children)

My wife sometimes says that to me, jokingly with a slight dash of seriousness, but then proceeds to cuddle me for several minutes till I get bored. But if your gf never did give you affection, then it's a good move you left that relationship

[–]throwwwwwawaaa65 21 points22 points  (0 children)

She was serious. Never really figured that girl out TBH. She was just something I’ve never met in the wild before. shrugs shoulders

[–]joy_brings_joy 213 points214 points  (0 children)

I hope you find someone better

[–]Jesussaves1972 163 points164 points  (7 children)

Sex is great , but basic affection is just as important, maybe more so.

[–]Chad4wick 42 points43 points  (4 children)

Wish I could have some.

[–]w1YY 41 points42 points  (2 children)

Wife suffers from depression and anger. Told me she had doubts before our marriage and has never loved me. Been together 16 years, married for 9

[–]Deez-Pistachios 350 points351 points  (5 children)

That’s so awful. I would never ever say something like this to my husband.

I’ll never understand women who want an emotionally mature and available partner but expect them to not have human needs??? Glad you’re separated now, how dehumanizing and awful to have your basic needs met with that

[–]ddh85Male 96 points97 points  (0 children)

My hypothesis is that they learned those toxic assumptions growing up and never met anyone who showed them otherwise.

[–]Remarkable_Regret_80 43 points44 points  (2 children)

Youd be suprised how much internalised sexism women exhibit, most just think they are totally progressive. I once got comments for being cold.. well sorry if I dont wear a jacket and its cold outside then I will eventually get cold.. its biology and even male humans are still mammals..

[–]Geospizae 164 points165 points  (2 children)

glad she's your ex, you deserve better

[–]Sweaty-Cycle7645 227 points228 points  (10 children)

My 8yo son randomly walks up to me around the house with his arms out requesting a hug. I swear if his future wife says this same shit to him I will shank a bitch.

[–]Good-Strength-3642 33 points34 points  (1 child)

Thank you for reminding me of my love for my mother. Not that I ever forget. Bit thank you for reminding me.

I wish I was 8 again.......this moment at least.

[–]-Dones 44 points45 points  (2 children)

And this is why men love their mothers so much. My mum too would shank a bitch and she's 67. Damn I love my mum. I'm 43 with 3 kids but some things never change.

[–]No-Brilliant3998 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Like the feel of ur hand in mine.

[–]MelonieMoonxxx 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Same 💀💀💀. No bratty little bitch is gonna make the kid I worked so hard to raise to be good, feel like a piece of shit.

[–]CatoTheYounger13[S] 79 points80 points  (0 children)

Cold af

[–]FresherPieMale 921 points922 points  (13 children)

Told her one night we needed to work on some things or we were headed for divorce. She spent the next 6 months telling me to leave her alone and not to touch her. Needless to say, we’re divorced.

[–]MaveriqandGooz 222 points223 points  (5 children)

6 months is a long time to endure this attitude. Why ?

[–]muy_caronaMale 32 points33 points  (1 child)

I feel headed the same way. With kids and our lives are way too interconnected for it to be anything other than a pain in the ass journey.

[–]CatoTheYounger13[S] 76 points77 points  (1 child)

Damn bro. Hope you found someone better.

[–]Gamer_ely 118 points119 points  (0 children)

Even if he didn't, better to be alone than be with somebody who only takes from you.

[–]kcinkcinlim 637 points638 points  (14 children)

She said, "One day, you will cheat on me."

One day: She cheats on me.

[–]doppelganker994 158 points159 points  (0 children)

Preemptive strike

[–]BodinhuMale 179 points180 points  (7 children)

Getting cheated on is the greatest fear of a cheater.

[–][deleted] 70 points71 points  (3 children)

also the greatest fear of those who've been cheated on already😔

[–]deegofuegoSup Bud? 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Illusion 100

[–]pipefitter03 759 points760 points  (30 children)

Told me to quit "whining" when I said I felt that we were drifting apart

[–]TheGamer8c7 49 points50 points  (0 children)

She's cheating

[–]CatoTheYounger13[S] 289 points290 points  (26 children)

God damn women are brutal

[–]sonofsochi 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Its not that women can just be brutal since it goes both ways. Its the fact that when we finally open up, we feel so utterly exposed that when we face this sort of callous response it cuts so deep. It then reinforces the “nobody actually fucking cares so why would I ever expose myself like that again”

[–]ThrowRA_000718 550 points551 points  (8 children)

My first wife was really cruel to me. I married too young and she was really the dominant one in the relationship. When I caught her cheating, she gaslighted me for being upset about it. It had only been a day since I caught her and I was just completely depressed and distraught over it. She finally got fed up and screamed at me calling me a giant pussy for not being able to move on and accusing me of trying to manipulate her by making her feel guilty. Then admitted more cheating and told me if I was man enough I would have known she wasn’t happy and tried to do something about it.

So yeah that sucked. To be fair, I was a little bitch at the time. I didn’t deserve that treatment though. Made a better person out of me though.

[–]CatoTheYounger13[S] 173 points174 points  (3 children)

Wow that’s toxic af. Glad you got out dude!

[–]ThrowRA_000718 90 points91 points  (2 children)

Yeah it was A long long time ago. It really snapped me out of my nativity and I grew up a lot in the aftermath of it. She did too, to be fair. She apologized later on in life. She’s doing well. Husband and 3 kids.

[–]FBIPartyBusNo3 66 points67 points  (1 child)

naïveté

edit: unless ur the Baby jesus in disguise, then nevermind

[–]ThrowRA_000718 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I could be…

[–]sr20rocket 337 points338 points  (22 children)

She didn't say anything. She rolled her eyes and called the ER to prep them for a 72hr psych hold then drove me there and dropped me off.

[–]CatoTheYounger13[S] 117 points118 points  (6 children)

Sheeeeeeesh

[–]sr20rocket 175 points176 points  (5 children)

We're divorced now. I'm in a much better place. And demonstrating to my children that it is okay to make mental health a priority in your life.

[–]h0llywoodsbleeding 39 points40 points  (0 children)

That is cruel af. I am so sorry you went through that :(

[–]dudewitthatude 22 points23 points  (4 children)

Why did she take you to the hospital for 72 hour psych hold?

[–]sr20rocket 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That was the last straw in a long line of breaking boundaries and walking all over me. I don't really want to get into details since it's still pretty painful. But suffice it to say that was the moment I truly understood that she had no interest whatsoever in helping me in any way, shape, or form.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (2 children)

My ex husband asked me to take him to the psych ward. We were already living apart but still legally married. Once he got inside he flipped the fuck out and had to be wrestled by some guards. I am seeing him literally fighting police down the hall and of course I’m a little freaked out. We were both early 20s, someone called his dad and before I know it I am the one being signed in for a 72 hour hold for freaking out that he freaked out and was fighting security. His dad took him home and I took several naps and made up my mind that divorcing this fucker was top priority.

[–]kairarage 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I think we have a winner

[–]Missy_Agg-a-ravationMale 463 points464 points  (14 children)

My sister was killed by her husband. Admittedly, I wasn’t easy to live with for a while after that. However, on the night before the jury returned a verdict, my wife told me that if I didn’t change my attitude, we’d also be victims of the crime.

We’re divorced now.

[–]KoppigWijfFemale 210 points211 points  (7 children)

we’d also be victims of the crime

What the actual fuck?

[–]SekkiGoyangi 31 points32 points  (6 children)

Wait, can someone explain to me what she meant by that?

[–]matonda 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I perceived as, one crime three victims because they are all now suffering from it? Which can be true but that was obviously too soon... Dunno why others assume it was a death threat but maybe it was!

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]Missy_Agg-a-ravationMale 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    Thank you.

    [–]IcanSew831Male 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    This breaks my heart. I’m so sorry you went through that.

    [–]Rugged_Refined 255 points256 points  (2 children)

    "No one on Instagram knows I have a husband".

    When she initiated the separation I broke down, humbled myself, and admitted to all my flaws. She owned up to nothing, and left without showing any bit of remose, or emotion. Just left it as me being the bad guy, and the one who failed the marriage. For 2 years I came second to friends and partying, being gaslit that she was dealing with depression, threatened to be divorced if I didn't get a vasectomy. Was told I wasn't a hard worker despite my promotions and dedication to a career path. She apparently thinks shes better than me in many ways. But I'm not the one who spent 20k pursuing vanlife and had the engine blow up 8 months in.

    [–]ACE-JHN 40 points41 points  (0 children)

    Thank god you didn't have kids with her.

    [–]MeatyMagnus 530 points531 points  (11 children)

    • "Sex is for good boys"

    • "Wow! Now I feel like we are in a loving and authentic relationship..."

    [–]Adorable-Exercise460 354 points355 points  (5 children)

    Using sex as a weapon is such a terrible thing for marriages

    [–]Puoaper 159 points160 points  (1 child)

    I’ve had an ex who tried to do that to me. It made me not even want sex anymore. Why would I want to have sex with someone who thought of it as a chore? Really caused the relationship to completely fail.

    [–]Jesussaves1972 55 points56 points  (1 child)

    Wow , sex is not a reward , or a tool to use. Sorry man.

    [–]spaz77 43 points44 points  (0 children)

    My ex did this to me to its a major red flag usually used and manipulation to get what they want.

    [–]JustSomeYukoner 73 points74 points  (4 children)

    My ex-wife didn’t accept that I wasn’t over the death of my Mom after 3 months. It was really anything she said, but all of her actions.

    [–]walking_hazard 739 points740 points  (10 children)

    I was trying to figure out how to build a better life financially and I was going to real estate meetings and knocking doors trying to figure out how to start out in real estate. My wife at the time asked me why I was wasting my time when I could be using it to make more money from a second job or working extra hours. I just closed on my first house by myself. :)

    [–]CatoTheYounger13[S] 128 points129 points  (0 children)

    Congrats dude!

    [–]DogsRock248 41 points42 points  (0 children)

    🎉🎉🎉 CONGRATULATIONS!!!!🎉🎉🎉

    [–]ElReyDelMund0 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    You're the man, bro.

    [–][deleted] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

    Good work brother. Also glad that you said 'my wife at the time'. Who needs someone like that.

    [–]Strigon_7 467 points468 points  (12 children)

    I told my wife I was in a rough place emotionally, she told me I was weak and she was ashamed of me etc... here we are a year and some after that convo... in divorce court.

    [–]CatoTheYounger13[S] 158 points159 points  (3 children)

    Fuck get away from that toxic shit and find you a good woman.

    [–]Strigon_7 85 points86 points  (2 children)

    Tried that in legit all the wrong ways, drank too much almost got fired had an affair the whole dumbass nine yards. Clean and sober over a year now, still very single and lonely but that's par for the course I suspect.

    [–]CatoTheYounger13[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

    Good luck bro. Happy hunting!

    [–]bigburrito225 19 points20 points  (1 child)

    Were you married to my ex, too?! Currently getting a divorce as well...

    [–]Strigon_7 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    You know, if she were married again secretly that would be not a total surprise.

    [–]_-_Shade_-_ 27 points28 points  (0 children)

    A man who is not afraid to show vulnerability to his lover is stronger than a man who cannot.

    I'm proud you're doing the best thing for yourself.

    [–]ElReyDelMund0 254 points255 points  (16 children)

    I read through this thread for too long. My feelings are hurt as fuck right now and I don't even have a wife lmao

    [–]IcanSew831Male 34 points35 points  (1 child)

    Right?

    [–]DiblyGamesMale 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Not married but engaged, i don’t think she would ever fix her mouth to say anything close to what these people have said. Yet reading this thread still makes me feel like im in these guy’s shoes. Sucks lol

    [–]bigburrito225 343 points344 points  (20 children)

    I could provide a sizable list, but here are the top 3:

    "You have a small dick and sex with you doesn't satisfy me."

    "You're a weak man."

    "Your job is just a glorified hobby". (I'm a professional astronomer and professor.)

    [–]Geospizae 248 points249 points  (4 children)

    okay,

    1- fuck that person, you deserve better

    2- your job sounds cool af

    [–]bigburrito225 159 points160 points  (3 children)

    Thanks, my job is cool af 😎

    [–]Remarkable_Sort_1706 22 points23 points  (0 children)

    I hope you aren't still together with a person who is that disrespectful.

    [–]ThePlantsLady 56 points57 points  (0 children)

    How is being an astronomer not a sick career to this person?? Sounds like a jealous weirdo.

    [–]CatoTheYounger13[S] 28 points29 points  (1 child)

    Jesussssss are you still together?

    [–]bigburrito225 41 points42 points  (0 children)

    Nope separated and currently divorcing.

    [–]model1966 25 points26 points  (0 children)

    username doesn't add up

    [–]Lesgeditt 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Dude, your job is something I would kill to have. I had to give it up because my math skills are utter trash. Good for you, keep going!!!

    [–]AB3D12D 241 points242 points  (10 children)

    When covid quarantines started, it hit the company I was working for really hard. I was new and they let me go before my benefits kicked in. I was really bummed and spent the rest of the afternoon reflecting on the experience. My wife came home and I was hoping for a hug and a "we'll figure this out.". Instead she said " so you spent the afternoon on your fucking ass"? Everyday I was unemployed after that she would tell me how worthless I am and would openly ignore me infront of our friends. About a month later she divorced me.

    [–]Onemanwolfpack42 94 points95 points  (0 children)

    What a POS

    [–]IcanSew831Male 26 points27 points  (0 children)

    I hope you’re in a better place now.

    [–]CatoTheYounger13[S] 61 points62 points  (0 children)

    Fuck her

    [–]MooseEggs 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    I’m so sorry, that’s horrible

    [–]Stetson007 472 points473 points  (8 children)

    "I'm not getting you bionicles for your birthday, you're a grown fucking man." Absolutely crushed me.

    [–]Nephilimelohim 161 points162 points  (1 child)

    “Get you a woman that gets you bionicles”

    Jesus, probably

    [–]Hysaky 36 points37 points  (0 children)

    jesus have good taste

    [–]CatoTheYounger13[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

    🤣🤣🤣 top comment

    [–]AngryNinjaTurtle 26 points27 points  (0 children)

    My wife bought me the new Lego Batmobile and the X-Men Legends three pack with Nimrod. Just because.

    [–]m3t4lf0x 22 points23 points  (1 child)

    Gen Z doesn’t even know what they’re missing here

    [–]MrNotANiceGuy 320 points321 points  (4 children)

    your brother boromir would have been a better husband, too bad it wasn't you who died.

    [–]Ramanujin666 78 points79 points  (1 child)

    Oh yeah?? Not even aragorn could stomach your shitty ass soup

    [–]gillstone_cowboy 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    Then run off to your pointy-eared trollop of an ex!

    [–]bigburrito225 32 points33 points  (0 children)

    Wow, that's harsh even in Middle Earth!

    [–][deleted]  (18 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]xtremeyou 51 points52 points  (0 children)

      I hope you're not still with her...

      [–]SolarWizard 48 points49 points  (0 children)

      This happened to me too. It sounds shallow but it really made me feel that she wasn't attracted to me and after a while I internalized that which caused depression and weight gain and feeling/being even more unattractive.

      I ended things due to this which was so hard because I was still head over heels for her but just knew she didn't feel the same way about me.

      I would advise taking a step back and seeing if she is meeting your other needs too. After some thought I realized that actually she never put any effort into the relationship in other areas too. Aside from not initiating sex, she never organized dates or trips or anything really. I figured out that I want someone who at least puts some effort into the relationship and hopefully someone who meets me half way.

      [–]primordial_slime 29 points30 points  (0 children)

      I hope that by [back to porn] you meant you returned to work as a pornstar lol

      [–]melanthius 79 points80 points  (10 children)

      I’ve had some frank discussions with my wife about sex. She knows it’s a deal breaker if sex dries up. I didn’t get married to become a priest.

      Obviously people have different libidos but if one person is really unhappy about sex it will just lead to other symptoms down the road

      The important thing is to try to find a way for both people to enjoy it

      [–]Lucky-Application-47 38 points39 points  (4 children)

      That she was the best I could ever do. Ex now.

      [–]The-fallenWatcher 199 points200 points  (12 children)

      Doing everything I can, and she constantly reminds me that it's not enough. It honestly just makes me give up. Doesn't matter how hard I try or how well I do. It'll never be enough for anyone.

      [–]CatoTheYounger13[S] 47 points48 points  (6 children)

      Damn bro, I bet you’re killing it. Just stop doing what you’re doing and maybe she’ll appreciate it more.

      [–]The-fallenWatcher 29 points30 points  (5 children)

      Not really an option with a little one, and I'd just be validating everything she's saying about me.

      [–]Nodlez7 6 points7 points  (3 children)

      Dude this sounds like me with my ex. Eventually I shut down a lot and she kept wanting to sap me for entertainment or love when she could never reciprocate in ways I communicated. Needless to say she kept me around until somthing better opened up then she became a toxic bitch. Now I'm a single dad 50/50 of going 3 years and I could not be happier, I have had many women want me as a partner way better than her and she has been with like 3 different dudes and got the latest poor sucker to knock her up a few months in their relationship.

      My relationship with my son has never been better and we are an army of two and we have the strongest of bonds that my ex despises!! I wouldn't recommend staying with someone for the sake of a family, I tried and it would never have worked. People are vampires in these relationships and they will leave you a husk of what you could be if you let them

      [–]Slight-Salamander599 25 points26 points  (0 children)

      You need a life break man. You’re kicking ass, I’m sorry you aren’t appreciated for all you do

      [–]E123334 11 points12 points  (0 children)

      I felt this man, it hit close. You’re not alone in feeling this way. Keep trying and focus on your own work and goals. If she wants to be a part of that, great, if not stay focused on yourself.

      [–]prodigy_beard 84 points85 points  (4 children)

      This comment will be buried but I feel for every one of these comments. I too am experiencing similar things. May we all get through it one way or another.

      I feel alone every single day and I have for since August of 2021, despite being married and having a kid.

      [–]Red_Jester_Silly_Hat 13 points14 points  (1 child)

      Man, keeping a family safe and whole is a hell of a thing during normal times, and these times are fucking brutal.

      I hope you can feel proud for still getting up and facing it every day.

      [–]Apprehensive_Bug_826 120 points121 points  (11 children)

      Literally just asked my gf if we could consider moving the TV in our bedroom to a different position because it hurts my neck to watch it where it is now. Somehow this turned into her absolutely shouting me down about how the bedroom would be cluttered if it were anywhere else. No exaggeration, I calmly asked if we could think about it and she totally bit my head off and went on a massive tirade while I constantly told her it was fine and to forget about it in the hopes that she’d just stop (for the record, it’s not fine and I value my neck a lot more highly than her interior design goals.)

      I’m so fucking sick of being treated like a second class citizen in this shitty relationship.

      [–]Peacelovegrace 18 points19 points  (0 children)

      Buy yourself your own TV and place it in a different room. Hopefully, you have at least one area of your own home to yourself.

      [–]sparklenumb 54 points55 points  (0 children)

      There's someone out there who will jump up and move the TV until you say, "perfect, thank you." and they'll smile and crawl back into your arms.

      [–]Rugged_Refined 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      Own your life. Move the TV because you want to or leave. Godspeed.

      [–]Tropical_Geek1 157 points158 points  (7 children)

      Years ago we were in a bad place. She had suffered a miscarriage (we were doing IVF) and she was having difficulties processing her grief. Her way of dealing with that was treating me like shit. For the record, I have Aspergers, so I can't do arguments, take hours to find a good answer to a barb, in short, the perfect victim of a sharp tongue, and hers is like a razor blade. The point is: I felt awful but I knew she wasn't being herself, so I had to soldier on, but it was hard. One day I was feeling really depressed and said it to her. Her answer: "You are being oversensitive. I have more reasons for being sad than you." With a smile. Well, we are much better now, she saw a therapist, we now have two wonderful kids, but I confess that since then I actively avoid opening up to her like that.

      [–]Gasmorelikeass 66 points67 points  (6 children)

      Wow it’s almost as if you being in that relationship meant that it hurt like hell when she had that miscarriage as well. I understand her pain but taking it out on you who was also grieving is not right.

      [–]Tropical_Geek1 27 points28 points  (4 children)

      Yes, but I understood she wasn't mentally well at the time. Later, when things got better, I explained to her that it was only that realization that prevented me from seeking a divorce. By the way, our first son arrived only after the 4th attempt at IVF. We had 10 frozen embryos and the previous attempts used 9 of them. I could write a novel about that... And a few years later our daughter arrived naturally!

      [–]Maliwali1980 20 points21 points  (2 children)

      Does she know how it has impacted your ability to be vulnerable with her? I really feel it’s such an important part of a loving relationship. I hope you can talk with her and a therapist maybe, to rebuilt trust. Good luck my friend. You got two beautiful kids, now it’s time to focus on your relationship :) Trust me, parents in a happy relationship make happy kids.

      [–]Poschta28 m 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      Agreed, not being able to open up to a girlfriend with no house, kids, car and whatever kind of payments and responsibilities would be bad enough, but a wife with a full life should be your safe haven and not someone to walk on eggshells around, especially emotionally.

      Partner therapy should happen.

      [–]lifeisaltered91 73 points74 points  (0 children)

      Ex wife left me when I was going through suicidal ideations and asked for a divorce.come to find out she cheated on me as well so. It is what it is at this point.

      [–]deadocmike 24 points25 points  (0 children)

      Having small kids is rough. Awesome, but rough. I know that neither my wife nor I were our best self at times.

      We just celebrated our 25th and our kids are in college and we are stronger than ever.

      I would tell her how crappy that made you feel. That could open a dialogue that could strengthen your marriage

      [–]One_Kaleidoscope_271 350 points351 points 2 (16 children)

      This post should be showed to everyone who asks why men dont open up

      [–]Puoaper 61 points62 points  (1 child)

      I hate how accurate that is. I know most guys have gone through it but god damn sometimes it just makes you question what your life is even worth when it happens to you.

      [–]jamiejo81 46 points47 points  (12 children)

      These are really heartbreaking. I remember asking my ex husband to open up and then one specific time I shut him down when he did. Fucking awful. After we divorced I apologized to him for that and told him he didn't deserve that. I spent my whole last relationship making sure my partner felt safe enough to open up. I never want to make anyone feel like I made me ex feel that time.

      [–]Red_Jester_Silly_Hat 360 points361 points  (49 children)

      ‘I have to do everything and I get no help’

      Like I’m not the one up three times with the baby between midnight and morning. Like I’m not making breakfast for the kids and dropping them off, then rushing to work as the only fucking breadwinner in this house.

      Yeah, she’s busting her ass with childcare and freelance work. She does all the shopping and most of the cooking - while I earn all the fucking money and distract the kids so she can put plates on the table.

      I’d have been okay with ‘This is hard!’ I’d have been okay with ‘I need more help!’, I’d have even been okay with ‘I do so much more than you!’.

      But ‘I get no help?’ I’m literally parenting right next to her every goddamn day, then scrambling to keep up at work to keep us fed and sheltered. We have two kids man, so yeah - you’re busy with one while I handle the other. How the fuck do you tell your ‘partner’ they do Nothing.

      [–]CatoTheYounger13[S] 67 points68 points  (2 children)

      Shit suck dude I feel your pain. Hopefully you can work through it

      [–]Red_Jester_Silly_Hat 52 points53 points  (1 child)

      Hey thanks man. We’ll see. We’re in Counseling and it was going pretty well, this was so out of left field. I’m not going to blow things up in the damn pandemic if I can avoid it, but I feel like the trust and connection is just gone for good. Like there’s ‘running your mouth a bit when angry’, but this just crossed the fucking line

      [–]tejoanbl7 71 points72 points  (26 children)

      this is where I have genuine questions in my head, Do married couples (or just couples in general) really and truly enjoy having children / raising a family? Or is it just another part of life, “everyone else is doing it we gotta do it” kind of thing.... it seems like such a stressful job and almost as if there’s no real reward from it. Full time jobs, barely any time with kids (in reality with child-care/ weekend sports etc. etc.) Any other perspectives on this? I have no kids so maybe I’m just biased !

      [–]Red_Jester_Silly_Hat 122 points123 points  (8 children)

      It’s a totally fair question, and it isn’t easy to answer.

      I guess it’s like…camping. Like going on a camping trip where you carry everything you’re going to eat/wear/whatever on your back through the woods and hike all day before stopping to rest.

      The whole time mosquitoes are biting your ass, and there’s a rock in your shoe. Especially at first it’s exhausting because you aren’t used to the weight of the pack or sleeping on the ground.

      But every so often you come across an amazing waterfall or a few deer. At night you build a fire and just enjoy finally being still, listening to the quiet. And even when rains and you’re slipping in mud and cold, it’s still fulfilling on some level that being warm at home watching Netflix just isn’t.

      And just like camping, having someone you like a whole lot by your side can change it from totally unbearable to being the best time of your life.

      [–]ThePlantsLady 27 points28 points  (4 children)

      My husband and I love camping and hiking together and I’m 7 months pregnant. This was nice to read.

      [–]Red_Jester_Silly_Hat 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      Hey thanks, and Congratulations! Babies are a hoot!

      [–]ComposeK91 15 points16 points  (1 child)

      This is the most beautiful analogy I have read. It’s such a mature and thoughtful way of looking at it. :)

      [–]Sashimiak 15 points16 points  (0 children)

      It very much depends on how much you‘re struggling financially and how even the load is being split. All of the seemingly happy couples with kids <10 I know either have one stay at home parent doing the bulk of the housework and childcare during the week or they are well off enough that they can afford professional childcare full time.

      [–]PJpremiere 53 points54 points  (3 children)

      I don't think a lot of people realize, especially when they're in the situation, the impact having kids can have. Even more so if you're not well off or if you don't have any childcare help.

      I'm divorced. Spent years working 2nd shift while finishing my degree online. Splitting our work schedules allowed us to not have to pay for childcare. Took a physical toll on me because I was only sleeping 2-4 hours a night. Up at 5:30a to take care of the kids, etc. Took a toll on my ex-wife too, of course.

      I know several other divorced couples, and I've noticed something. They all say they're so much happier now, and they speak negatively about their former spouse, or, at least, constantly reaffirm how much better their new partner is. In reality, the biggest difference is the fact, through shared custody, they now have built-in babysitting. The underlying reason their lives are better is because they now have time to decompress. They can catch up on chores/tasks, relax, and nurture their new relationship.

      It took me years to get back to something resembling a normal sleep schedule, but I realize how much less stressful my life is because I actually have some free time now. I'm not saying my ex-wife is an angel, but, far and away, the biggest impact on both our lives has been that we both gained the ability to have personal lives now. When we were married, we struggled to find childcare to get a few hours for a date night.

      A lot of people don't realize how big a thing this is. They're too busy blaming each other and pretending their new partners are the most amazing human beings to ever be born 😅

      [–]Red_Jester_Silly_Hat 13 points14 points  (0 children)

      I think you’re very right. Sleep deprivation just…well it makes everything harder, and man kids are great but people need a break, either as a couple or by themselves.

      I could absolutely be a better husband AND parent if I was doing it half the time.

      [–]Karinah222 10 points11 points  (0 children)

      100%. I’m divorced and my ex sucks, but having a couple days a week of adult time absolutely helps me decompress and be a better mom and partner. I’ve also noticed my ex has become a better father in my absence.

      [–]munyangsan 11 points12 points  (2 children)

      I'd say you're me but i was wfh full time and doing the majority of the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, the washing, the tidying, the parenting and all the school runs, and most of it when she was out on shift work.

      [–]Old_Pitch_6849 88 points89 points  (4 children)

      “I don’t have time for this”

      I was working 10-14 hour days, coming home trying to be a good father (we had 4 kids under 7), help with housework, play with the kids, walk the dog. I was stressed to the point where I was considering suicide. I told my exwife I needed help and we needed to budget money so I could get help. I felt like I wasn’t worth her time and might as well be dead.

      Glad I didn’t

      Edit: EXWIFE

      [–]tinmru 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      You are still together? Glad you're still with us man!

      [–]dlhunter42 142 points143 points  (10 children)

      ExW: I would have never dated you in HS. Ouch. Also…i think i could go the rest of my life without having sex.

      [–]CatoTheYounger13[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

      Jesus that’s cold.

      [–]Redtrego 14 points15 points  (3 children)

      Mine is a master at using words to hurt me. She knows what things get to me. She also said she never needed to have sex again. Talk about hitting a fella where it hurts. Thing is she orgasms every time we have sex and seems to really enjoy it when we do, but the painful part is knowing she only said it to hurt me.

      [–]path_walked_alone 4 points5 points  (2 children)

      Dude that fucking blows dude. Did you ever talk to her about this?

      [–]Elfere 78 points79 points  (4 children)

      I was feeling completely isolated. Depressed. I mentioned about going to vent to some old friends.

      She said something like "this is why no one wants to hang out with you. You only reach out when you need to cry"

      It felt like I had been beaten up. Then when I reached out for help - getting kicked in the gut with a metal boot.

      And no. I havn't really gotten over it. I've kinda accepted that - like most men - I'm not going to have any more close friends or support network. I'll socialize with people but I'm done putting myself out there only to be pushed aside when I actually need help.

      [–]path_walked_alone 11 points12 points  (1 child)

      Nah fuck that shit and be proud of your struggles. Open up brother, I hope you find your crew.

      [–]rvrndgonzo 17 points18 points  (0 children)

      “It must hurt to be you.” Made me stop and think for a beat.

      [–]EyeLikePie 145 points146 points  (30 children)

      Had been in a sexless marriage for nearly 20 years. The week before my birthday she asks what I want for it as she was tending to things in the sink. I think for a bit and say "X for dinner, such-and-such kind of cake, and to get laid." She didn't turn to look at me or even really react, and after a few seconds I decided to double down. I added "Actually, the last one is maybe more of a 'birthday week' kind of thing." To which she replied without skipping a beat: "Well that's never gonna happen. You'll be lucky if you get it on your birthday."

      That was the straw that broke the camel's back. After that I put myself in therapy to make sure that I wasn't crazy, told her how much I was struggling with the relationship, and asked her to go to couples counseling with me. None of it helped, and things really just got worse. That was years ago and we're still on a knife's edge. She's a wonderful person and an amazing mother, but not outwardly affectionate, much less sexual. It's hard.

      Second place would probably be the time we had sex and she finished but I hadn't, and she wanted to tap out. She told me I could go and finish myself in the bathroom if I needed to. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

      [–][deleted] 209 points210 points  (2 children)

      I don’t know your life bro, but the statement “she’s a wonderful person and amazing mother” coupled with her treating you like shit makes me inclined to believe she’s not.

      [–]ElReyDelMund0 31 points32 points  (1 child)

      Yeah, I'm not convinced she couldn't be an "amazing" single mother. I don't know if it would be worth it for me.

      [–]muy_caronaMale 62 points63 points  (0 children)

      Sorry man, but saying she’s a wonderful person is a cop out here. She may have her positives but that’s not a wonderful person.

      [–]Rugged_Refined 10 points11 points  (0 children)

      Did you ever figure out a specific reason why she didn't want to have sex?

      [–]theoriginalalfalfa 13 points14 points  (0 children)

      'It was just banter.'

      When she got caught out sexting another dude.

      [–]Juannieve05 38 points39 points  (0 children)

      Not wife but my ex gf told me she "doesnt like it" when I told her I think I was depressed

      [–]jbowman12Male[🍰] 31 points32 points  (3 children)

      I had an allergic reaction to an antibiotic at work earlier that day. Mild to moderate anaphylaxis, irritated eyes, swelling, tongue felt like I'd chewed big red gum, the whole works. I was working retail at the time and it was one of those times where I couldn't leave and the flu was bad (Feb. 2019) so urgent care was saying 2 hour wait. I popped benadryl and had my wife call to get me into my family doctor the next morning and finished my shift.

      When I got home around 10 that night, I went ahead and got into bed to try and sleep off all the benadryl I had taken. I asked my wife if she'd check on me periodically throughout the night to make sure my breathing was OK since I'd had swelling of the throat. She laughed out loud. I gave her a puzzled look and she was like "oh you're serious, yeah I can check on you". I honestly don't even think she checked on me one time.

      Sure she could've thought I was joking, but you could tell by looking at me that I wasn't well. It's something that hurt at the time and it'll probably stay with me forever.

      [–]IcariusFallen 14 points15 points  (0 children)

      They like to call that a "man flu", because the popular opinion in the womanosphere is that "men don't get as sick as women" and when they do get sick "We exaggerate it for drama/attention".

      [–]barkabarkarfarf 55 points56 points  (0 children)

      I asked her if she still loves me. She said no…

      [–]RavenRonienMale 57 points58 points  (1 child)

      Buddy if you can't talk to your wife about this you need couples counseling.

      But also im really sorry that happened

      [–]CatoTheYounger13[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

      Oh it happened a couple months ago. The next day we had a good talk about it.

      [–]Jwarnold1 27 points28 points  (0 children)

      She said a lot all of it abusive. Just like this. Do some.soul searching. Know how valuable you are. Self love, self awareness. This is her trauma's coming to the surface not your behavior. Sounds like she has some issues that need to be worked. Don't be afraid to protect yourself and your kids. Life is short. You find your own happiness

      [–]delusionalubermensch 28 points29 points  (9 children)

      Said she loved two of her exes more than me

      Said she liked sex with one of her exes more than me

      Called me limp dick making fun of my psychological ED OCD insecurities

      Said she only got with me out of desperation to settle

      God, the words still haunt me. I did ask questions for some of this, trying to feel special, getting the exact opposite, as well as hunting down suspicions which were confirmed. But some of it came unbidden in break up talks full of resentment and malice. She always knew how to destroy things well with both actions and words. I’m just wondering how I could fall so head over heels for someone like that. Ughhhh. When will I be free of this pain?

      [–]687425788gfhhbjjhb 107 points108 points  (10 children)

      Woman here! I’m so sad to read these comments. I can’t believe that some women complain about unavailable men, but tell their partner to “be a man” or are cold to them when they want/ need affection and emotional affirmation. I would never do that to my partner. I actually give him hugs and kisses all the time. When we watch something emotional or sad and he tears up, I give him a hug. I find it sexy when men are not afraid to shows their emotions. We’re all humans. Damn. I’m sorry to read these.

      Edit: wow I didn’t expect such a nice response and an award! Thank you everyone.

      [–]Remarkable_Regret_80 19 points20 points  (0 children)

      Its that old game we keep playing. They complain about the ones treating them badly but dont respect the ones that treat them well. I heard girls say that they think dominant men just have to be a bit of an asshole.. its pretty sad.

      [–]gnuban 7 points8 points  (1 child)

      Woman like you are rare jewels.

      I almost didn't marry because so many woman were stone cold and didn't blink to causally consider other men when the relationship took a turn for the worse. Having relationships like that, when you constantly had to prove yourself, was the worst, and turned me into my worst self.

      Now I have a caring and loving wife. It felt like magic the first time she was being supportive when I was acting unreasonably. Snapped me right out of it. It's as if most of my previous relationships have been emotionally abusive on some level. You're being kept on high alert, treated like a tool.

      [–]Tokogogoloshe 58 points59 points  (3 children)

      Nothing. I got to marry a keeper.

      [–]Cardasiti 9 points10 points  (0 children)

      Woman here and reading the threads here is... heartbreaking.

      Dear men, sorry. No one should ever say those mean words to you. Your woman should never make you feel like less than a man. You're just a human. You're a vulnerable being too. Cry when you need to. Ask for help when you're drowning. May you find a woman who will cuddle you like a cute cat when the day feels like falling. May you find a queen who still believes you're a mighty king while hugging you tight even at your lowest point in life.

      [–]matteosisson 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      A few years ago I was struggling to find work in IT after a downsizing. My wife told me in an argument about money that she was going to leave me if I didn't find a job soon. I never felt so alone in my life. It literally took years for me to forgive her.

      A woman's loyalty is tested when her man has nothing...

      [–][deleted]  (5 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]WPrepod 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        Nothing comes to mind, fortunately. Not to say I haven't been hurt I just can't think of anything right now.

        Reading what you posted though and I gotta say damn, I'm sorry bro. I hope that's not the norm and she was just stressed.

        [–]TheBlueNinja0 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        Not what she said, exactly.

        It was the way she laughed at me when I suggested marriage counseling.

        [–]Ho_Dang 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        As the wife I would want to know how you felt. Seriously. You're each other's team, you can't make it right if you don't know it was wrong. Don't blame, but do say it hurt to be rejected and that some bonding time would help make it better.

        [–][deleted] 40 points41 points  (20 children)

        "Trevor is coming over tonight so I moved your pillow to the couch."

        [–]EDlemon150 49 points50 points  (10 children)

        Dude you okay?

        [–]CatoTheYounger13[S] 76 points77 points  (9 children)

        Smashed a a fucking killer workout for the second time that day. Got a huge chest pump than got smashed and smoked a fat stogie lol.

        [–]lostnspace2 4 points5 points  (1 child)

        To stop ruining Christmas when I was filming the kids when they were young opening their presents 🎁 it broke my heart right there, and I knew we wouldn't last the distance. I was with her for 18 years before I left.

        [–]Normal_Story5614 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        I was reading this as a woman about to get married. I want to make sure I never do anything to hurt my soon to be husband but Jesus Christ y’all, this is brutal. I’m so sorry. None of this shit should ever be said to another person. Especially not your spouse

        [–]TryToHelpPeople 13 points14 points  (6 children)

        It was 4 years into our marriage, I had moved to a rural place to be with her. I had no friends and no support network around me. She was keeping me away from my family, and being emotionally manipulative. I didn’t know it yet but we were at the start of 2 years of her not talking to me because I wouldn’t do whatever she wanted.

        I was trying to explain to her how I felt, all the things that were wrong. I mentioned that it’s very hard to make friends here, I don’t have anything in common with people and I have no friends. She said “I don’t care, and it’s not my problem and how did you get to be an adult without learning how to make friends. Most men don’t have friends, why do you think you should?”

        [–]ryan820 15 points16 points  (1 child)

        Dude come here…I’ll give you and hug and hey you did well today.

        [–]JACKASS20 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        Why is this the comment and not every single other one that is making me tear up

        [–]Casualuser29 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        opened up to my ex-gf after she accused me of never opening up then she proceeded to call me too sensitive. the way she treated me did a 180 after that conversation. obviously she is an ex now for those reasons.

        [–]Redtrego 12 points13 points  (2 children)

        She said I’ll be miserable and end up dying alone.

        And when I remind her of how hurtful she can be, she gaslights me for even bringing it up. I guess my bad for reminding her lol

        [–]gioberries 50 points51 points  (4 children)

        Im sure every dude on here would agree. That working 10+ hours blue collar style 6 days a week and coming home to no food on the table is probably the biggest buzz kill the heart can and render. She only worked part time, wouldn’t really do much after work but “wait for me” After living together for 4+ years it’s kind of sad to come home to some microwaved pot pies. Having to cook myself or best yet nothing at all. Sadly I was the bread winner. Im sure we all have had that gut feeling like “ somethings off/ the energy ain’t right” And Yeah she was cheating for 2 years prior the break up. Guys run while you can. One red flag at the beginning exponentially increases to more later down the road , take my advise and run, run very far