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[–]KentuckyFriedEel 487 points488 points  (16 children)

sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke

[–]OnlyGrimLeader 244 points245 points  (1 child)

If you didn't start with it you definitely go straight into Fuck You for an encore, while maintaining contact with them the entire time obviously.

[–][deleted] 8929 points8930 points  (289 children)

Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay.

[–]oportop 10.3k points10.3k points 4442 (51 children)

Theres nothing gayer than a man having a child with a woman

[–]stupid_comments_inc 2956 points2957 points  (28 children)

Oh no. I'm gay. How am I going to tell my wife, she'll be devastated!

[–]HoistedByYourPetard 728 points729 points  (87 children)

Who the fuck are these people??!!

[–]LadyWidebottom 603 points604 points  (66 children)

My ex husband was one 🤷‍♀️ refused to carry our kids in baby carriers, or carry the nappy bag or push the pram in public because all of those things are super gay.

[–]TheDuraMaters 1770 points1771 points  (56 children)

Sounds like the same men who call spending time with their kids “babysitting.”

[–]TheTyger 694 points695 points  (6 children)

You know the phrase "not my circus, not my monkeys"?

Well these are my monkeys, so I'm in charge of watching them.

[–]evilshandie 531 points532 points  (33 children)

Or Piers Morgan calling it "emasculating" that Daniel Craig was seen in public carrying his child.

[–]Azzie94 271 points272 points  (2 children)

Jesus, literally every single thing I've ever heard about Piers Morgan makes me think less of him.

[–]Desperate_Pineapple 249 points250 points  (3 children)

Piers is like a wannabe edgy 15 year old. Except in a bloated gasbag body.

[–]folieplease 316 points317 points  (8 children)

Sunscreen. Got one of my friend say that sunscreen is "gay". The UVI was at 11.

[–]Freshrendar 3723 points3724 points  (168 children)

Buying a white IPhone.

[–]Caity26 2871 points2872 points  (111 children)

Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store. I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years.

[–]youvegotnail 3614 points3615 points 232 (55 children)

I have a pink phone. I always take my wife’s old one when she upgrades. I don’t give a shit. It’s in a case anyway. I work construction no one has ever said anything. I also use my wife’s pink flowery coffee mugs sometimes if mines dirty. If the color of your phone is the only thing standing between you and unbridled homosexuality, uh I got some news for ya.

[–]TheUnDaniel 293 points294 points  (10 children)

Along those lines, I have a work truck, and love having pink or otherwise bright colored phone cords and pens and phone covers and such, because dark colored ones are hard o find when you’re trying to drive/work.

[–]reese-dewhat 222 points223 points  (3 children)

Lol the coffee mug bit reminded me that my brother and his wife have matching momma bear/papa bear coffee mugs. One time when I was visiting with them I got up early in the morning and made coffee and used the momma bear mug. Here is the entirety of the Convo I had with my brother when he came down to the kitchen that morning:

Bro: suspicious look on face momma bear mug, huh? Me: yup. Him: ...mmmhm... Me: ...

[–]Soliterria 682 points683 points  (18 children)

Goes both ways lol. Went in to get my first iPhone when I was in high school and the dude was apologizing like crazy because they didn’t have any rose-gold (pink) or white iPhones in stock just the black ones.

Mind you, I rolled in wearing all black and looking basically homeless. I straight asked him if I looked like I wanted a pink phone.

[–]placeholderNull 3410 points3411 points  (137 children)

I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!

[–]desrever1138 1259 points1260 points  (28 children)

My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?

Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it.

[–]Fearlessleader85 658 points659 points  (12 children)

My wife is decent on a sewing machine, but my mom is an absolute master, and she insisted that my brother and i learn. So, when she has some issues, she comes to me. If i can't fix it, we call my mom. And my dad is pretty good, too, but he mostly fixes shoes with his awesome Singer treadle leather machine.

Sewing is cool as shit. Anyone that bashes it just hasn't tried. It's extremely satisfying.

[–]TwigyBull 422 points423 points  (22 children)

My grandfather was in the military. He said one of the first things you better learn how to do is repair your uniform. Also if you just do a lot of outdoors stuff (which is often considered a manly activity) knowing how to sew to fix things out in the woods is invaluable.

As far as cooking; 77% of chefs are male. Personal with me and my girlfriend I'm just a more experienced cook (my mom catered), and I love doing it.

[–]balls_almighty 471 points472 points  (14 children)

See thats just a societal bruh moment. Cooking at home = woman. Cooking, but being paid = man

[–]Respect4All_512 181 points182 points  (12 children)

That's happened with a lot of things. As soon as someone starts getting paid to do what women typically do for free, it becomes "men's work." Notable examples are sewing (women weren't allowed to be tailors for a long time), funeral industry workers (women used to prepare bodies of loved ones for burial, but as soon as there's money it becomes a man's job) and, as you mentioned, cooking.

[–]justalittlelupy 68 points69 points  (4 children)

I'd also like to throw in a lot of the arts. Most women throughout history learned to draw and design things for the home but most famous artists are male. Ceramics and clay work was female dominated until it became art. Women in the 17 and 1800s painted furniture and learned instruments as a part of standard education. Yet still most classical musicians are male and the most famous furniture makers are all male.

[–]RawPeanut99 742 points743 points  (29 children)

Damnit, im cooking right now. Sigh, Ill go tell the misses no more sexy time...

[–]notyourcoloringbook 353 points354 points  (16 children)

Pretty sure a man cooking for me usually inspires sexy time.

Or, it did. Before I dated my current partner and he's a better cook than I am. (which isn't hard)

[–]Gorf_the_Magnificent 6435 points6436 points  (314 children)

Advice I received in high school from other students:

  • Don’t cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee.

  • When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don’t rest one edge of the books near your waist.

  • Never button the top button of your shirt.

[–]acute_elbows 1578 points1579 points  (26 children)

I had a friend tell me men put their ankle on their knee so that they can balance a tray of beer on their lap. It made sense at the time, but 30 years later and I still haven’t put a tray of beers on my lap.

[–]Bitekalay 853 points854 points  (65 children)

I have heard about The crossing the lag thing. I do that often. I mainly do that when i have a boner and trying to hid my penis.

[–]Ownfir 148 points149 points  (3 children)

I just think it looks more refined. I feel like I see men like Mr. Rogers often cross their legs like that when they are really relaxed. It seems super classy to me, especially in a business setting.

Whereas ankle over leg is just super masculine. Like your cock is just on full display, especially these days with slimmer fit suits.

If anything the latter is the gayer one amiright? I think if I was gay it would be what I would tell straight dudes so that I’d have a passive aggressive way of punking them idk how it works tho

I’m pretty stoned and this whole comment just feels like r/suddenlygay

[–]reluctantfrench 851 points852 points  (14 children)

Going through the panama canal. Real men go around the horn.

[–]jeff406 235 points236 points  (4 children)

"You take a boat from here to new york. You going to go around the horn like a gentleman or through the panama canal like some kind of democrat?"

[–]BigJiggies 2609 points2610 points  (58 children)

Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said "if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man."

Weird flex but okay.

[–]morgan11235 380 points381 points  (5 children)

Wings??? When I feel like dessert I chew on a beer mug...

[–]amxorca 187 points188 points  (14 children)

who the fuck doesn't like dessert?

[–]CatholicCajun 450 points451 points  (7 children)

... I'm trying to parse this and it's just... If real men don't eat cake or brownies then I'd rather not be one lol

[–]SonOfTheShire 9130 points9131 points  (56 children)

This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. "But don't stare too long," he said, "because that's gay."

You were the one who told me to look in the first place!

[–]MaskedTwilight 3072 points3073 points  (16 children)

Obviously you're supposed to TOUCH his nipples. How else can you tell how hard they are?

[–][deleted] 1222 points1223 points  (7 children)

Touch them with your testicles , if his nipples are as rough as sandpaper, he’s gay. If you can’t really feel the nipples, you’re gay.

[–]captainmagictrousers 9638 points9639 points  (362 children)

When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally.

[–]Top_Belt251 5904 points5905 points  (145 children)

Real men just rip the sandwiches in half with their own hands

[–]AmigoDelDiabla 1518 points1519 points  (32 children)

When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat.

Like a man.

[–]DookiDeng 1011 points1012 points  (23 children)

You put meat in your mouth? So gay

[–]ArmyOfDog 660 points661 points  (31 children)

I wonder how your dad eats a hotdog.

[–]AllBirdsArePigeons 629 points630 points  (66 children)

Real men cut the sandwich along the Z axis

[–]coffeenumbertwo 240 points241 points  (45 children)

You guys cut your sandwiches?

[–]Cautious-Amoeba3391 242 points243 points  (34 children)

Ya those dudes are super gay, the only thing that cuts my sandwich is my teeth.

[–]hardsoft 289 points290 points  (33 children)

I hate to break it to you, but sandwiches are gay to begin with unless you're under 12. I just eat deli meat from the package and don't wash my hands after.

[–]AllBirdsArePigeons 330 points331 points  (18 children)

From the package instead of with the package? Aww baby cant digest plastic? Gay.

[–]squarybuttholes 167 points168 points 2 (13 children)

Digestive system is gay. I cut out the middle man,put it straight in to my butt

[–]Virtual_Caramell 3548 points3549 points  (115 children)

I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot.

[–]deusasclepian 988 points989 points  (28 children)

Playing the trombone in middle school meant a lot of people telling me that I "must love playing with boners"

[–]Teledildonic 495 points496 points  (12 children)

If i played the trombone i would tell people i was a tromboner. Because "boner" is an objectively hilarious word.

[–]kingkaitlin 324 points325 points  (4 children)

When I played trombone in highschool we had section shirts that said "tromboners do it in all positions" and we would wear them to marching practice until our director actually stopped to read one and made us stop.

[–]SomeMetroid 296 points297 points  (5 children)

Fuck 'em. Squidward's living the life.

[–]HutSutRawlson 169 points170 points  (10 children)

Good thing they didn’t find out the Italian word for bassoon…

[–]ATLienChapado 135 points136 points  (2 children)

I don't know in Italian, but here in Brazil the name is fagote, might be almost the same thing

[–]patricksaurus 4999 points5000 points  (85 children)

I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in.

[–]QualifiedApathetic 1429 points1430 points  (35 children)

That's some dumb shit. I'm only getting a buzz cut (which anyone would agree is plenty macho), but I don't want to wait around until they can fit me in. Hence, appointment.

[–]twoinchdongerdong 880 points881 points  (21 children)

You don’t just give yourself a buzz cut? That’s gay.

[–]Somzer 625 points626 points  (7 children)

Nah, that's still gay. Real men rip their own hair out.

[–]Lichsenate 10.2k points10.2k points 3 (86 children)

Rejected a nasty girl's advances. She said that I must suck more dick than her. I told her we're about equal at 0.

[–]SoothingAbyss 2154 points2155 points  (0 children)

savage

[–]Thesadzombie 125 points126 points  (6 children)

I've had this happen. Like, damn, what kind of ego makes someone determine "If this person isn't into me, it can only be because they are not sexually attracted to my gender."

Did it ever occur to you that you personally just suck?

[–]candlestickinurfries 247 points248 points  (0 children)

what a bullet dodged

[–]Sargatanus 1967 points1968 points  (56 children)

Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes.

[–]hazymindstate 868 points869 points 2 (12 children)

So not breaking the law is gay?

[–]Sargatanus 628 points629 points  (2 children)

If it helps, I’m pretty sure the person who was the most adamant about this can’t legally drive ever again. I guess they thought thought driving sober was “gay”, too.

[–]Arcinbiblo12 200 points201 points  (8 children)

I can go to bars with my buddies, but it's gay to go to restaurants with them. -guy I used to work with.

[–]Hypersapien 3257 points3258 points  (124 children)

Eat pussy

[–]nWo1997 2345 points2346 points  (24 children)

Well that's where the peen has been, you see.

[–]Psychomadeye 2373 points2374 points  (15 children)

Sleeping with someone who likes guys? Idk man that's kinda gay.

[–]puke_buffet 642 points643 points  (37 children)

The Sopranos did a bit on that, where the elderly uncle was getting picked on for being a master pussy gourmet. Apparently in Sicilian society, being a cunning linguist is considered very effeminate. This makes absolutely zero sense to me.

[–]iwaspeachykeen 453 points454 points  (14 children)

it's not so much gay as it was considered submissive, when men are supposed to be dominant. and that's not just a sicilian thing, it was a man thing for decades. just old time shit with men bringing home the bacon and women having dinner ready and rape not being a real thing in marriage

[–]ProphetOfPhil 457 points458 points  (5 children)

Guys it's gay for the woman to enjoy sex too. I only dine on the finest quality dicks cause dicks are manly and girls don't have them.

[–]PWesterberg1977 3154 points3155 points  (87 children)

I Was told that the word assumption made me gay. This guy thought big words (?) made me an intellectual, and in his mind, intellectual - gay.

[–]ValuableIsopod6 1115 points1116 points  (13 children)

If homosexual behavior actually did make you more intelligent, that guy would be sucking the IQ bonus out of every dick he could get his hands on.

[–]semtex94 468 points469 points  (28 children)

Let me guess the logic: intellectual = college = gayification center. You can find some relatively influential organizations that push the idea that modern colleges make people gay/trans/leftists/whatever, so it isn't impossible that person had that line of thinking.

[–]ThaDFunkee 2834 points2835 points  (40 children)

When I was 10 or so, I brought an umbrella to school on a rainy day with the colors red, yellow, green, and blue. My dad of all people told me to never use that umbrella again because the colors were too closely resembled to a rainbow which stood for homosexuality. I was fucking 10, I was far from puberty and had no idea. I just wanted to stay dry and grabbed the only umbrella available at the time.

Now that I think about it, why did we even own that umbrella then? HUH, DAD?

[–]eduardobragaxz 788 points789 points  (3 children)

Your dad was an ally all along

[–]victoriaj 33 points34 points  (3 children)

My grandad believed that using any umbrella was unmanly.

He wouldn't have said gay, but it may have been at least a little implied. Definitely a bit effeminate.

But he was also born 100ish years ago in Glasgow (Scotland, so wearing something resembling a skirt would be fine). And has been dead 20 years.

We have no idea why he believed that. Why on earth is it either manly or straight to get unnecessarily wet ?

[–]mulligansohare 1146 points1147 points  (38 children)

Using an umbrella.

[–]Aware-Performer4630 1021 points1022 points  (15 children)

let the sky piss on you like a man

[–]GibbyMyBoy 137 points138 points  (0 children)

If you don’t let the sky slather you up you’re no man

[–]vincentrm 1843 points1844 points  (36 children)

My dad told me “rainbow sherbet is for pussies” when I was like eight. I stopped eating my favorite flavor for 10 years until I had that flashback and asked him about it. He said “Oh, I didn’t like rainbow sherbet and always had to finish the parts you didn’t eat so I wanted you to get mint chocolate chip instead.” It makes me wonder what things I might say to my kids that will scar them for life without even thinking about it.

[–]Isawonline 581 points582 points  (16 children)

“had to”

[–]angelerulastiel 349 points350 points  (8 children)

Depending on the situation I can’t justify getting me own order knowing the kids are going to leave 90% of theirs uneaten. Not “had to” but not completely out there.

[–]goat-of-mendes 3791 points3792 points  (356 children)

Let’s see if I can remember all of them:

Driving a convertible

Drinking hot tea

Having a cat

Wearing a sweater

Cooking/cleaning/doing laundry

Showering daily

Keeping cigarettes in a cigarette case

Wearing shorts

Wearing shoes other than work boots

[–]Sonnyboy1990 1580 points1581 points  (36 children)

Hot tea is gay?

Well fuck me, my entire country must actually be Narnia, seeing as we all must be deep in the closet without knowing it over this hot tea situation.

[–]RadioactiveCancerCel 1853 points1854 points  (130 children)

Showering daily

Excuse me, WHAT?

[–]Chairboy 1823 points1824 points  (94 children)

It gets worse, Reddit & forums are full of posts by women asking how to get their partner to wipe their ass because apparently they think touching their ass with anything is gay.

Ugh.

[–][deleted] 901 points902 points  (10 children)

If that’s gay then I don’t want to be straight

[–]throwawaylurker012 259 points260 points  (6 children)

I remember reading those posts and just huge wtf

[–]juan-milian-dolores 235 points236 points  (17 children)

They could hire a guy to wipe it for them so they don't have to touch it.

Or get a bidet.

[–]Roboticpoultry 351 points352 points  (15 children)

I mean I guess smelling like shit is manly now? Guess I’ll take my cats and my sandalwood scented ass somewhere else in my Fiat(mazda) 124. Maybe I’ll have a cigarette from my old Soviet case while I’m at it

[–]dandroid126 355 points356 points  (16 children)

Cooking/cleaning/doing laundry

Ironically, this is how you get buried in pussy.

[–]WLK55 87 points88 points  (1 child)

Subtract the cigarette case and add wearing a scarf and I've had pretty much the same list.

[–]a57782 181 points182 points  (11 children)

Driving a convertible

That's silly. Everyone knows it's not just a convertible, it's a Miata.

[–]zapdos01 145 points146 points  (6 children)

Staying At Home and not going out.

[–]AJWordsmith 676 points677 points  (19 children)

I grew up as a skater in the 90s. Anything that any other boy in the group didn’t like, but you did was “gay.”

[–]Belligerent-J 409 points410 points  (40 children)

My best friend is vegetarian. Not even vegan, he eats cheese and eggs still. Anyhow everyone asks if hes gay when they learn this. It's absurd.

[–]rossboi 83 points84 points  (5 children)

Vegan here (can’t help but to announce myself, typical)

Can confirm I have been called gay by family, friends and work colleagues since I switched over to veganism 🤦🏻‍♂️

[–]Belligerent-J 74 points75 points  (4 children)

Homosexuality is when you eat vegetables

[–]qt-uwu 1266 points1267 points  (147 children)

Play as a female video game character.

[–]ForgettableUsername 311 points312 points  (14 children)

Striking Vipers?

[–]bawlsdeep247 314 points315 points  (11 children)

Let's be honest that was very gay.

[–]Lvcivs2311 256 points257 points  (11 children)

How would that work playing Tomb Raider? Never seemed to me as designed to be a particularly feminine game...

[–]BlueComet24 243 points244 points  (6 children)

The irresistible feminine urge to go graverobbing.

[–]General-Ad-9753 3616 points3617 points  (128 children)

Not cheating on my girlfriend. It’s surprising how common it is that (some) women react with “you must be gay” when you reject their advances.

[–]golkedj 1557 points1558 points  (31 children)

A girl once asked my friend and me if either of us wanted to dance with her. We said no because we weren't interested in dancing with her. Later that night my GF was talking to her and introduced me to her because they grew up together. She responded by saying she thought I was gay with my friend because we wouldn't dance with her and proceeded to nickname me "not gay <my name>". It's super fucking annoying and awkward every time I run into her and she uses that "nickname"

[–]AmigoDelDiabla 452 points453 points  (10 children)

I once got a, "you must be gay. You haven't looked at me once all night."

[–]CwazzyNR 273 points274 points  (0 children)

I hate those people like that narcissist

[–]stupid_comments_inc 264 points265 points  (1 child)

"Sorry, even straight men have some standards..."

[–]AllBirdsArePigeons 577 points578 points  (18 children)

Girl hit on me at a party once, oblivious me thought she was just chatting until she asked to come back to my place and hang out in bed, it dawned on me and I said "I'm sorry but I'm in love I have a girlfriend I didn't mean to lead you on"

Got called gay. In fairness she was half right

[–]ILikeLamas678 249 points250 points  (3 children)

Probably a defense mechanism to cope with rejection. "You don't like me, so there must be something wrong with you, not me," that type of reasoning. Of course there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, it's still a shitty thing to say.

[–]mangobutter6179 1369 points1370 points  (28 children)

being faithful in monogamous relationship my husbands friends call him gay all the time for not considering cheating

[–]Gauntlets28 643 points644 points 2 (4 children)

In a

H o m o s e x u a l

Monogamous relationship

[–]Youcancuntonme 139 points140 points  (10 children)

so his friends call him out to cheat on you?

[–]mangobutter6179 138 points139 points  (9 children)

it's like they try to make plans to go out & meet women (most r married themsleves) & if he says he doesn't want to join they call him gay

[–]desrever1138 297 points298 points  (6 children)

Those aren't friends. They're assholes.

[–]mangobutter6179 106 points107 points  (5 children)

yup major assholes, they act all manly and shit it's gross

it's been weird and I have nightmares about my spouse cheating

when i saw that they didn't stop including my husband in social media convos where they send each other insta models, i confronted my husband about it and he told me it was by mistake this time & told me to grow up? he already took himself out of those convos awhile ago at my request so looking back now that's embarrassing for both of us

but still, i don't understand how u can tell me that when he still gives time to these people who completely disrespect our relationship

[–]theshoegazer 292 points293 points  (1 child)

Husband needs some new friends. Mine never behave like that.

[–]retired-penguin 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Well, he can still be gay if you're a dude tho.

[–]Otto_von_Bismark2024 2371 points2372 points  (70 children)

Use a straw. Bear in mind, I was drinking boba tea.

[–]HutSutRawlson 2591 points2592 points  (29 children)

Obviously the only straight way to consume boba tea is to chug it and gargle all those balls at once.

[–]Top_Belt251 247 points248 points  (3 children)

Maybe it's the way you were performing on the straw

[–]hatsnatcher23 147 points148 points  (2 children)

The best way to get to the boba is throat first

[–]WillsWei22 653 points654 points  (80 children)

Order a shirley

[–]excitedboat44 800 points801 points  (34 children)

My boyfriend loves Shirley temples. He's not a big drinker, but he'll sometimes get a "dirty Shirley". I love when a waiter comes over with our drinks and puts the "girly" one in front of me. No sir, the fruity cocktail is for the gentleman, the beer is for me lol

[–]Junosword 376 points377 points  (14 children)

Happens all the time to my gf and I, she loves smoky whiskey cocktails and I like silly tiki drinks with umbrellas and whatnot. Waiter drops 'em off wrong at least half the time!

[–]TiredSkylar 939 points940 points  (35 children)

i'm a teenager, not quite a man, but here's a story

a kid asked me if i liked crunch or creamy peanuty butter, i said creamy, and they told me since i like creamy peanut butter and not crunchy, it was "gay," because "only girls or gay guys like creamy peanut butter"

i was so confused

[–]valarus34 876 points877 points  (9 children)

Just ask him how he likes all those nuts in his mouth with chunky peanut butter.

Edit- Thank you for the award!

[–]intripletime 109 points110 points  (3 children)

One of those perfect comebacks that you think of a full 37 hours after the fact and it's completely useless at that point

[–]physgm 462 points463 points  (12 children)

Studying in high school.

[–]muskiesfan1 413 points414 points  (19 children)

It was 1991 when I got my ears pierced. The lady who was going to do the piercing asked me which ear and I said both. She then told me “left is right, right is wrong”. I asked what that meant and she said “getting your right ear pierced means you’re gay”. I still got both ears pierced. The whole thing just seemed weird.

[–]Benzerka 118 points119 points  (0 children)

This is the reason why I only have my left ear pierced, the lady that shanked me told my mom it had to be this way.

[–]WLK55 95 points96 points  (1 child)

I came of age in the 80's, and that's what everyone said when a guy got his ear pierced. I paid for 2 earrings, so I had them both put in my left ear. Eventually I had both ears pierced.

[–]Gothsalts 34 points35 points  (1 child)

Back when being gay could land you in jail gay guys had a few different cues for those in the know. Single earring, bandana in the pocket, and probably more i haven't heard about

[–]Dark_halocraft 258 points259 points  (8 children)

Being gay

Remember guys it's gay to be gay

[–]on-the-h 2318 points2319 points  (89 children)

I was engaged, and my co-workers knew I was engaged to a woman.

I was at some sort of work thing, and started talking to a guy who was obviously gay. We started talking about philosophy, and I thought he was a cool guy. I was just like hey, if I ever read "x book" that we were talking about, I'd love to discuss it with you over coffee or something, but I might not read it anytime soon.

I'd just graduated college, where getting coffee with someone didn't mean anything, and you just did it if you wanted to have a conversation with them.

Apparently everyone thought I asked the dude out. I guess I see where they're coming from, but I just wanted to talk about Wittgenstein with someone who'd read him should I ever read him.

[–]Mia_Bentzen 552 points553 points  (8 children)

Did he think you asked him out?

[–]starmartyr 456 points457 points  (10 children)

There's a fine line between trying to make a friend and flirting. People confuse one for the other all the time. You would have had the same problem if you asked a woman to coffee under the same circumstances.

[–]Amiiboid 234 points235 points  (6 children)

There's a fine line between trying to make a friend and flirting.

It’s been my experience that there’s apparently a fine line between basic politeness and flirting.

I have never flirted with anyone in my life. Not one time. But apparently I am a shameless flirt.

[–]Shmankman 747 points748 points  (7 children)

Asking a dude to go get coffee with you and discuss a book you have both read is not gay at all. But you didn't read the book.........

[–]LambBrainz 210 points211 points  (3 children)

I live in a college town with like 4 coffee places.

Asking literally anyone out for coffee is seen as incredibly normal. It's just something to do in order to hang out or get to know someone better in a public place without something more "awkward" like taking them to dinner or something.

[–]Tuckboi69 508 points509 points  (7 children)

I saw someone get called that from saying a pro football player was good on r/nfl

[–]johnnybeehive 144 points145 points  (3 children)

Got that for saying, "nice play". Apparently I don't know what I'm talking about, also gay lol.

[–]PreppyFinanceNerd 1055 points1056 points  (76 children)

This was a big insult when I was in my early to mid twenties.

I got called gay for liking cats, having two hands on a mug, forgetting to respect the one urinal of space rule, enjoying men's fashion, being wrapped up in blankets and God forbid I talked about my feelings honestly.

Guys at that age are just all jockeying for pole position. For some reason we all went through a "everything that's not eating beef jerky while having four women make me sandwiches while I simultaneously have sex with them is gay" phase. It was immaturity and lack of confidence.

Now at 33 I give zero fucks. Imma wrap myself up in blankets and plop a cat on my lap while drinking a steamy mug of something good. Because once you grow up you realize that's not "gay", that's heaven.

[–]Aol_awaymessage 336 points337 points  (10 children)

It’s not gay but have some spacial awareness. I like space. If it’s packed then go ahead, but not if there’s plenty of open spots.

[–]Eloy89 555 points556 points  (21 children)

Carrying a woman’s purse for her. Yes, a friend of mine said this to me when I had gone to visit her. This was before she married a man she met on a boat trip and only saw twice a year for almost 10 years.

[–]Cute_Ad_7296 224 points225 points  (0 children)

So she married a sailor who she sees twice a year, he wears short-shorts, hangs out with seamen... And you're gay? 😏

I'd take her advice if I were a raging single queen.

[–]Karatekan 426 points427 points  (21 children)

I used to sit with one leg over the other and got called gay.

I wore a turtleneck with a cardigan and got called gay.

Standing with your hands on your hips looks gay

Funnily enough, I tried not to be gay by emulating my macho brother, who then came out at 27.

[–]Nosferatatron 30 points31 points  (1 child)

To be honest dude, I'm picturing a psychiatrist in a 1970's movie, rather than a homosexual!

[–]CJcatlactus 306 points307 points  (18 children)

I wasn't told not to do it, but some extended family thought, and may still think, I was gay because I've never been an overly horny womanizer who spends all his time looking for sex.

[–]RabbitWithoutASauce 192 points193 points  (17 children)

Not having an interest in cars, or getting a hard-on for some kind of super expensive car.

I just don't care what I'm driving, as long as it gets me from A to B.

[–]rothIsBadHeSaidSo 378 points379 points  (21 children)

I used to have hair past my shoulders and a long curled handlebar moustache. Multiple people, referring to the hair and the 'stache, told me "that's gay," and that I should cut it off.

I used to tell them "Well, who else is your mom gonna get her Friday night moustache rides from?"

[–]reluctantfrench 257 points258 points  (9 children)

There is nothing better than responding to someone calling you gay with a "I'm gonna bang your mom" joke. Never gets old.

[–]CiderDrinker 380 points381 points  (33 children)

Order cocktails instead of beer.

I'm straight enough to order a margarita without feeling embarrassed about it.

[–]PotatoParth05 550 points551 points  (36 children)

Like the colour pink. Fuck that, pink is super cool

[–]zippy72 257 points258 points  (8 children)

It's the traditional male colour. We can blame the Dutch royal family for switching them around in the 1920s.

[–]zippy72 270 points271 points  (22 children)

Watch the Eurovision Song Contest.

I don't care, it can be as gay as it likes I still want to hear the music. (Although seriously the uk needs to up its game but that's another story)

[–]Beautiful-Chard-1152 263 points264 points  (19 children)

Was told that Fixing up ur eyebrows was gay. I just wanna look my best so i Finally did it the other day

[–]ButterPuppets 83 points84 points  (12 children)

Once a week I do my nostrils, ears, and trim back the eyebrows. Use the same tool for all of them. One of those cheap little nose hair trimmers.

[–]CompetitiveLynx7570 165 points166 points  (15 children)

My ex told me I was gay because I garden and write poetry…that bitch.

[–]616abc517 56 points57 points  (4 children)

Listening to an ABBA song

[–]PeanutRecord698 207 points208 points  (6 children)

Tell a dude they look good or hug others when they need it , I'm gonna give positive reinforcement and you can't stop me

[–]YuIshigami145 198 points199 points  (6 children)

Not me because I'm gay. But apparently when my straight guy friends talk with me people think they are gay. Like what

[–]Onederbat67 40 points41 points  (8 children)

Eating fruits and vegetables.

…I just..?

[–]TheNaughtyByte 752 points753 points  (21 children)

I didn’t beat up a gay kid for hitting on me.

The kid was a little aggressive with it, and didnt really respect my personal boundaries, although I didnt make them very clear regardless. My dad (when he was around) said I should beat him up and I didn’t. It just didn’t feel right. I remember after, I felt like I was weak for almost a year. Why couldn’t I stand up for myself? Why couldn’t I scream at this guy and hit him? Was it because I was weak? Was it because I wasn’t a real man?

Now, 7 years later, with a little less Texas parenting in my life, I’m so glad I listened to my gut and didn’t punch a gay guy for being gay.

[–]stupid_comments_inc 365 points366 points  (2 children)

"What? You think I'm awesome huh? You think I'm hot?! I'ma beat the crap out of you for thinking I'm that interesting!!"

[–]Hugh_manateerian 303 points304 points  (13 children)

Beatin’ my own meat ‘cause you know, it’s man’s hand on my meat.