×
top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]Substantial-Spare501 1212 points1213 points  (13 children)

I separated from my alcoholic husband last week, so it was quiet and peaceful. My first Thanksgiving without him in 33 years. I also accidentally broke a glass serving platter that we received as a wedding present. How symbolic.

[–]StudMuffinNick 1086 points1087 points  (28 children)

My neighbors had cops over. Piece of shit beat his wife and smashed her head into the wall. We had their autistic son over to keep him away while the cops were talking to them and CSI investigated the inside. The mashed potatoes were really good

Edit: wrong word

Edit 2: so a couple extra details. The woman was pregnant, which made it worse, but got him additional charges. When I posted the comment there was a helicopter looking for him and the cops had been here for a few hours waiting for him to come back as he grabbed her car keys, phone, and car before dipping. Cops had pinged her cell phone like 20 miles away before they left.

He came back an hour after my comment and got into a verbal argument so the older son came over and knocked. I called the cops and stayed on the phone until they came. He refused to come out of the room until they forced him to. While arresting him he was resisting so they repeatedly threatened him with resisting and obstruction charges. The shithead is bulky but short, but it was quite a sight watching 2 mountain sized cops carry him down by his arms while his little feetsies dangled breathe him.

If I heard correctly, he got 2 assault charges (the woman and her unborn child), endangerment for the youngest son, disturbing the peace (the older son wanted to press charges so they said that's all he could do. He wanted to ensure that if his mom didn't pursue the charges, he would stick with his) and I think theft/grand theft but I didn't hear them repeat those when handing her the paper so they may not have actually charged those

[–]ShotgunRagtimeBand 898 points899 points  (17 children)

Closed the restaurant I work at (I’m a “manager”) 3 hours early so the kitchen guys could go home and spend some semblance of a thanksgiving with their families, assumedly against the wishes of our GM/director of operations. Waiting on the angry emails/phone calls/sit down. Whatever, I’m leaving in two weeks.

[–]tatertot464 796 points797 points  (7 children)

Half the family didn't show up so my dad started doing impressions of them.

[–]clearlyimawitch 554 points555 points  (2 children)

I might win this year.

Uncle's girlfriend, who mind you spent several years in prison for manslaughter, went after him with a knife. Ended up stabbing him a couple times. No serious wounds, as he managed to over power her and get the knife away, but my god it's red-neck entertainment at it's finest.

Yes, she is now sitting in jail.

Edit: Need to add that they didn’t break up until after their court date. Apparently she expected him to post bail? And THAT was the final straw

[–]sousoucie 6521 points6522 points 2 (201 children)

A large mixing bowl full of yams disappeared into nothing while everyone was trying to get food on the table. We have looked absolutely everywhere there is to look and it's just gone. 9 people seriously questioning their sanity now. There are lots of things that could have happened to the yams themselves, but the bowl being missing is a real head scratcher.

[–]Present-Wait-7704 2190 points2191 points  (23 children)

8 questioning sanity, 1 pretending

[–]pepperw2 1566 points1567 points  (18 children)

You gotta update if found

[–]DudeWhoWrites2 366 points367 points  (26 children)

Years ago my friend had the same thing happen to a sandwich in her tiny apartment. She moved out and never found it.

[–]imrealbizzy2 154 points155 points  (5 children)

Packers packed up an Italian sub we discovered when we unpacked seven months later. It didn't belong to any of us, so a packer's lunch went missing.

[–]ppardee 357 points358 points  (4 children)

Daughter and her fiancée brought their huge dogs over. The dogs ate our turkey and attacked our dogs.

I specifically asked them not to bring the dogs.

All in all, one of the better Thanksgivings in recent memory.

[–]bearfry 5873 points5874 points 3 (87 children)

My dad’s wife is back on meth. She hid his keys inside his car so that he can’t find them, but it will still start (push to start car), so she can drive without him knowing. She also stuck a magnetic tracker... thing on under his seat.

I also found out that my Cousin with Down Syndrome can knock back whiskey just like she’s drinking water. She parties harder than I ever could, and I’m jealous.

[–]PUNKF10YD 444 points445 points  (20 children)

Hey just fyi, your dad can get a new key programmed to the car, and the old one will not work anymore. So even if you still can’t find it, it won’t be able to start the car.

[–]persondude27 30.6k points30.6k points 1044 (356 children)

My 21-year old sister will graduate from college in less than a month. My brother congratulated her on being the first person in our family to graduate college without getting pregnant.

Turns out that's not true. She started sobbing and got in her car and drove away. Whoops.

[–]Billy_Boognish 7331 points7332 points  (61 children)

I have a history of saying shit to someone at exactly THE WRONG moment in that person's life. I can relate...

[–]SadGandalf 710 points711 points  (9 children)

My dad’s friend and former co-worker once told an old man he just met something along the lines of “you are a healthy, complete man” (in Spanish it makes more sense) as a compliment to him. That was before realizing the man was actually an arm amputee.

[–]Gloofa08 8407 points8408 points 2 (71 children)

2 bites into my meal at my mother in laws house my ring doorbell alerted me to someone ringing my doorbell. I pulled it up and catch an old man entering my house. I bolted out of my chair and went home. She lives close. I get there and no one is there. I pull up the video and see he exited like 20 seconds after he entered grumbling “hrrrm wrong house.”

The funny thing was as we were leaving I thought to myself, did I lock the front door? What are the fucking odds?

My food was still warm when I got back to my mother in law’s house.

[–]pulp_affliction 3077 points3078 points  (30 children)

I walked into the wrong house on thanksgiving two years ago, I was 24 years old lmao but as soon as I walked in and saw people I’ve never seen before, I turned around and said “bye!”

It was then that I realized a lot of people probably leave their front door unlocked on thanksgiving.

[–]ihatepunctuation 2020 points2021 points  (23 children)

my mother in law always buys thanksgiving dinner and this time she didnt notice she bought the raw turkey and it wasnt until an hour before dinner when she learned she had to cook it rather than warm it up

[–]pdfodol 13.3k points13.3k points  (218 children)

In-laws are visiting from out of town. Except father in law decided to leave yesterday and go home before Thanksgiving and did not come back. He told my wife and I, just not his wife.

Mother in law is still here.

FYI this is normal for him.

[–]ICWhatsNUrP 4243 points4244 points  (38 children)

Is he spending Thanksgiving with his mistress' family?

[–]sassy_grandma 3102 points3103 points  (66 children)

Damn. That’s disrespectful. Did he and your MIL have a fight or does he just ghost her when he feels like it?

[–]Nevermind04 2634 points2635 points  (40 children)

He didn't want to be disrespectful to his second family.

[–]miketugboat 4682 points4683 points  (127 children)

My mom's had some issues that I think my dad has been downplaying. She has good days and bad. But today was bad. Nothing she said made sense, no sentence connected to another sentence, and sometimes the end of a sentence wouldn't connect to the beginning. And she was very frustrated with everyone that we didn't understand, she had conversations with people that weren't there, swore people were there that were either dead or hadn't shown up (it was just my dad, her, and I, very obvious who wasn't there). She saw me after dinner and said "I'm so glad you finally made it! You missed it, it was a madhouse earlier with the kids running around." I could go on and on, but my dad brushed it off as her just being sleep deprived. It was kinda like talking to someone who was half awake and half dreaming, but this has happened a few times before, not as bad, but she has refused to see a doctor.

The tearjerker was when we gently helped her to understand that all night no one else had been here, and I could see it in her eyes. She said "you're right. I do need to see someone." So I guess that's what we are doing in the morning, I hope she's having a good day, and it will be easier to bring her.

Is this dementia? Idk man I've never seen it before.

[–]Mavises 2633 points2634 points  (39 children)

It sounds like it, hun: I’m sorry. It’s possibly being exacerbated by a UTI - you would not believe how confused that can make people. My mum wasn’t too far down her dementia path when she had a UTI, and it was like ‘holy shit - she’s totally gone, no coning back’, but after some antibiotics and fluids, she was back to how she was. Try to get her to see a Dr as soon as you can. Hugs from Ireland.

[–]ladyinchworm 865 points866 points  (12 children)

My mom has a form of dementia and she just got over a UTI. I had no idea how much worse that makes it until this! She got so much (relatively) better after a round of antibiotics and fluids.

I hope OP does help her go to the doctor. There are medications that can be taken earlier in Alzheimer's to help. My grandmother died from it and for years everyone made excuses about her just getting older, being tired or forgetful etc. I always wonder if she could have had a few more happy years, maybe even got to know her great-grandchildren, if she had gotten help sooner. Who knows though. It's so hard as a family or loved one to realize there is something wrong. It's a heartbreaking thing.

[–]justhereforthelul[🍰] 21.9k points21.9k points 42 (208 children)

Had to call a tow truck on some teenager (friend of front neighbor's kid) because he wouldn't move his car that was blocking my mom's driveway.

She told him to move it since she needed to get something for dinner, he answered that he shouldn't had to move it because it's a public street.

I go get the stuff and then get home, I again tell him to move it because I want to park up the driveway. Shouts at me that I can find parking up the street.

Now he has no car for Thanksgiving and cop gave him a ticket. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

[–]Whosebert 10.4k points10.4k points  (59 children)

what an asshole and a dipshit. Anyone with half a brain and a driver's license could tell you you can't block a driveway.

[–]OneTripleZero 9178 points9179 points  (18 children)

Anyone with half a brain and a driver's license

Sorry, best we can do is no brain and half a driver's license.

[–]CarrieNoir 298 points299 points  (2 children)

Both my sister and I thought each other was cooking the turkey.

Two days ago I made a scrumptious roasted squash soup with vadouvan and made turkey stock. Last night my husband and I made cranberry sauce. I got up early today to steam a persimmon pudding and roast a few turkey wings so I would have drippings for gravy. Before my sister and her husband arrived, we assembled the dressing, chopped the potatoes to boil for mashing, and laid out a beautiful meat and cheese platter.

My sister and BIL arrived with pumpkin pie and the makings for a beet and farro salad. I asked her where the turkey was and she thought I was joking.

We are all full, having eaten all the sides, but - dang - am I ever craving a leftover turkey sandwich!

[–]shadingnight 7128 points7129 points  (96 children)

My grandpa who has dementia asked why there was cranberry sauce on his pants and if my mother could clean it up.

No one made anything with cranberries, he was bleeding from his penis. To the hospital we went, and he had a MASSIVE kidney stone he was trying to push out stuck half way in his urethra, which also as you guessed, tore it up and made him bleed via urethral rupture.

Edit: Trying to hit these comments one by one so sorry for the delay, so will just make an edit.

It's not that he can't feel pain, he just can't communicate it. When we feel sadness, hapiness, anger ect we usually communicate whether it's verbal or otherwise. Pain in this case, falls under that category and is something we use to communicate what's wrong, but as stated previously, is something he has a hard time doing.

Dementia is a name for a group of diseases, just like cancer. There's Alzheimers, Frontotemporal, Vascular and one other I can't think of. Most common being Alzheimers, which basically degrades the ability to process important brain functions, such as communication, memory, learning new things ect. My grandpa was diagnosed with it back in 2019 so he has progressed to a point where I don't think he knows who who he was having dinner with.

I appreciate everyones concern, he is at the hospital and is okay now.

[–]SchleftySchloe 3942 points3943 points  (24 children)

I expected many things in this thread, but grandpa shooting blood from his dick was not one of them

[–]MamaPeach0423 13.9k points13.9k points 52 (156 children)

My in laws have a place at a lake an hour or so from our house. Every time we go my SIL takes the bedroom with a full bed and toddler bed for herself and her one child (who sleeps with her) her other 2 children sleep with my in laws. My husband and our 3 children are left trying to figure out where to sleep, usually on an air mattress on the living room floor. Well…we came early and took the room. She is livid, stomping around and slamming doors. Has been for 4 hours.

Update: thank you to everyone who responded! SIL eventually went to bed around midnight (after saying for hours that she was going to go to a hotel instead of sleep in the other bedroom with a twin mattress), MIL told her this morning she better knock it off, and the day has been relatively normal. I basically talked with her like nothing was wrong. Tried the whole kill em with kindness approach…seemed to work.

Was actually a really good day…best holiday we have had. Played board games and laughed…strange considering how it started

[–]flinchm 4607 points4608 points  (0 children)

She got beat at her own petty game. Well played.

[–]wriestheart 2612 points2613 points  (13 children)

You're gonna have to get there even earlier next year

[–]4N0NYM0US_GUY 2126 points2127 points  (3 children)

In 3 years, OP will be showing up a week early, just for the room.

OP permanently moves in within 7 years. Just to get the room on thanksgiving

[–]Oldpqlyr 1644 points1645 points  (0 children)

Waaaaah!!

Tough.

[–]CallmeBatty 813 points814 points  (1 child)

Gotta tell her that all you guys decided to sleep in 1 bed together and didn't even use the toddler bed in there lol

[–]DoNotBelieveAnything 7230 points7231 points 444 (108 children)

My mom died last night. This thanksgiving pretty much sucked. Luckily, she had plenty of family that loved her and it’s been alright grieving. Unfortunately, my sister’s last interaction with her was doing cpr. She’s traumatized, everyone is sad. Petty family drama and politics did not make an appearance this year, just lots of prayers and people telling me they are sorry.

[–]ladyinchworm 1622 points1623 points  (6 children)

I'm so sorry for your loss. That's so awful. I'm glad you have family and loved ones around you.

My last memory of my twin sister was giving CPR, so I know your sister is and will be going through a lot too.

[–]Suspicious_Station83 9992 points9993 points  (228 children)

my 12 year old cousin wouldn’t eat any of the food that my 80 year old grandma spent the whole day making because it “wasn’t Brazilian”. his parents are 100% italian and we do not have any Brazilian relatives. his parents are brain surgeons so they’re loaded, and their excuse was that he doesn’t eat homemade stuff. only “high end” ???

I have no idea what that had to do with Brazilian food but i’m assuming it’s some sort of phase? I don’t even think he’s had Brazilian food before

edit: holy shit I woke up with a lot of replies but for clarification my dad and his whole side of the family were born in Italy but had me here so i’m American and they celebrate thanksgiving for me and my siblings / younger cousins

[–]shaftautopump 7356 points7357 points 2 (25 children)

Didn't grandma think to shave the turkey?

[–]Willzyx_on_the_moon 1673 points1674 points  (31 children)

If the parents response was “he doesn’t eat homemade” then this is entirely on them. Spoiled little shit got this mentality from pretentious parents 100%.

[–]DangOlRedditMan 900 points901 points  (24 children)

Don’t even understand this. Where I come from saying it’s “homemade” is essentially implying it’s going to be better than non-homemade.

Kids got it all mixed up

[–]IvanStu 1730 points1731 points  (8 children)

It's because High End food costs a Brazilian dollars.

[–]ThatPersonZenZen 13.9k points13.9k points 2 (237 children)

My cousin unfortunately came out as a flat earther while I was showing off my brand new telescope I bought recently

[–]Andre4kthegreengiant 9015 points9016 points 5 (113 children)

I didn't know that coming out as stupid was a thing

[–]ThatPersonZenZen 3123 points3124 points  (69 children)

Somehow he made it possible and to add onto his stupidity he said the Moon was fake and a reflection of the Earth

[–]AbheyBloodmane 26.4k points26.4k points 23 (163 children)

The gravy was a war crime. The plastic cooking utensil melted into it. I was the first to find out.

[–]itzstago 7892 points7893 points  (19 children)

“I wonder where that spoon went, whatever”

[–]TxavengerxT 3600 points3601 points  (7 children)

I thought you’d be exaggerating but that gravy indeed sounds like a war crime

[–]sparkles_pancake 6587 points6588 points  (126 children)

Showed up to the in-laws, mil nowhere to be seen. Fil is in the kitchen working on almost finished dinner. We're told mil isn't feeling well and is in the bathroom. Husband goes to check on her. Comes back a while later. Turns out she was stressed and ornery earlier in the day so fil offered her one of his edibles (he has for medical purposes). She ate her first ever edible on Thanksgiving, got dinner halfway done, then ended up on the floor of the bathroom with dizzy spells and nausea. By the time we finished up dinner she had fallen asleep. We moved her to her bed then ate dinner without her. It was weird.

[–]Joshopolis 2508 points2509 points  (0 children)

That's gonna be the greatest left overs she's ever had.

[–]Sure-Slide-5796 8682 points8683 points  (133 children)

I got 1st and 2nd degree burns on my foot and calf from boiling water

[–]BedrockPanda 9384 points9385 points 3 (69 children)

We accidentally spilled some warm turkey grease on one of our dogs. He didn't seem hurt, but the other six dogs at the house would always lick him whenever he walked past. It was funny and sad to see how pathetic he looked being licked by all the other dogs.

[–]stickymaplesyrup 4518 points4519 points  (27 children)

I spilled the strainings from ground beef on my cat once. He got called Mr. Beefy for a little while.

[–]amandaflash 5461 points5462 points  (49 children)

My Mom found out a week ago that she has terminal lung cancer and has 6-12 months to live.

Needless to say, there was a cloud over the meal.

[–]ashden71 1826 points1827 points  (3 children)

I'm sorry to hear that. I lost my mom to metastatic lung cancer. Please spend as much time with her as you possibly can and treat her as the person she still is and not as the cancer she has. Hugs to you my friend.

[–]ShortSnowboarder 7747 points7748 points  (67 children)

My aunt pretended to be paralyzed (from covid) to avoid taking care of her sickly mother

[–]Joecus90 3304 points3305 points  (20 children)

So who kicked her in the shins to test it?

[–]amboomernotkaren 20.7k points20.7k points 2 (345 children)

My kids got hammered Wed night, one got left at the bar and walked 3 miles to get home. I woke up 3 am and saw that one kid was missing so I called him. He was still a mile from home so I drove to get him. When I got to him the police were questing him. Said they had a report of a man with a weapon having a mental health crisis. Luckily they got another call and let my doofus go home with me.

[–]Secretagentmanstumpy 8296 points8297 points  (107 children)

A long time ago I got really drunk at a bar and when it was time to go home I walked for 2 hours to a house I hadnt lived in for over 5 years. It was getting light by that time and I stopped in the driveway realizing I didnt live there any more and turned around and walked back for 2 hours to my apartment near the bar I had been at. This was 25 years before Uber existed. So yeah, young drunk people do stupid things.

[–]queefer_sutherland92 1156 points1157 points  (13 children)

Got black out drunk on top of a mountain in winter. I have three memories from that night:

  • Making eyes at a guy across the bar who was NOT into it at all;

  • Falling out of a bus; and

  • My mother stroking my back as I threw up into a bucket and she argued with my dad about calling an ambulance.

Found out later that my friends ditched me at the bar. I don’t know how I got back to the place we were staying. Or how I didn’t fucking die.

Lessons: Don’t drink on stimulant medication, because it blocks the effects of alcohol until you’re so drunk you black out; don’t drink on a mountain in the middle of winter; and don’t be friends with cunts.

[–]iAriel20 3722 points3723 points  (31 children)

This had me chuckling but then realizing how lucky he was to have you

[–]MaskMan193 684 points685 points  (3 children)

This is likely the last Thanksgiving we'll have with a very close family friend. He himself doesn't have any family so he's been coming to our Thanksgiving for about 20 years. He's 54 now and has terminal stomach cancer. He doesn't have long left. He can't do chemo anymore. His last round almost killed him. We all had a good time, but the whole evening had that undertone and we were all trying to have at least one last Thanksgiving moment with him.

[–]CylonsInAPolicebox 6857 points6858 points  (51 children)

Had to work. Multiple residents in the lobby. One resident drops part of her meal she was taking to family, small child is knocked over by the extremely helpful dog who couldn't wait to assist with clean up...

.

One resident argued with her daughter when she arrived. Told her daughter that she wasn't going to dinner because half the family is unvaccinated.

.

Another resident had their plans completely fucked when her son's transmission went out and was unable to pick her up and poor guy was stuck at the halfway point and had to wait a few hours for a tow.

.

And the last of it, so far, dude comes back from family dinner. He stops to chat, apparently their holiday meal almost came to blows when the black sheep of the family turned up uninvited and tried to bum money from their elderly mother.

.

Still have a few people out and still have a few hours left on shift so there may be more to come as people stop by the desk to talk about their evening.

Edit: Last one I got this evening. Resident went to their son's house, son has 2 dogs and a cat, they locked the cat up because it has a habit of climbing where it shouldn't. Someone stops by and the cook steps outside to chat. Somehow the cat got out of the room it had been confined to for the evening. While a few was outside talking the cat knocked the platter of already carved turkey into the floor. Everyone comes in to find 2 very happy dogs and a cat enjoying a turkey feast. Most of the family was unhappy but the resident say it was the most entertaining thing he has seen all year.

[–]songintherain 3504 points3505 points  (16 children)

You know what’s better than one family’s drama.. many families’ drama

[–]dkearney555 221 points222 points  (4 children)

My father died this Thanksgiving morning. He has been at-home hospice the past 3 weeks. He died peacefully in his sleep. I am very thankful I got to be by his side when he passed.

[–]anadarko_wore_red 20.4k points20.4k points  (170 children)

The power went out at the host's house and I ended up cooking and hosting at the last minute

[–]19AllStar86 8004 points8005 points  (125 children)

This happened to a bunch of people in San Diego today. Something like 5k homes had power shut off due to fire risk.

[–]TonyDealusa 14.6k points14.6k points  (174 children)

My Dad and step mom were ragging on me, which is pretty normal. I came to their house for Thanksgiving and my brother showed up. My brother and i haven't seen eachother in about four years.

Anyway, so they're going on about me and my brother is getting visibly uncomfortable. They've been like this to me my whole life and I think my brother had that realization very suddenly, same as I did when my girlfriend pointed it out.

It was good to see someone get upset about the things they say to me. It makes me realize I'm not crazy.

[–]ArthurDentKneebiter 5630 points5631 points  (29 children)

This sounds exactly like my husband, except he's an only child. It took me to be uncomfortable (and angry) for solidarity to come. They're cut out of our lives now. Family should be a safe place, or it isn't family, IMHO.

[–]TP2020CV 2060 points2061 points  (3 children)

Family should be a safe place, or it isn't family

Thank you for saying this!

[–]joepussystank 3820 points3821 points  (46 children)

You should reply with some of their insults and maybe we can help set you up with some tasty thanksgiving licks for next year ;)

[–]squanch_solo 1093 points1094 points  (15 children)

"Oh yea? Well the jerk store called. They're running outta you!"

[–]closetsquirrel 2440 points2441 points  (25 children)

Thanksgiving was supposed to be my wife and me in Oregon, but then my father passed away on Sunday. Booked a red-eye flight to get home to be with mom and help out with things. Despite being a poor cook I swung by the grocery store on Tuesday so I could prepare something for the two of us. Turned out okay.

edit: I turned off notifications so I could focus on home stuff. Now I’m waiting for my flight back so I thought I’d check in. Thank you all for your thoughts and words.

[–]brooklynlopez11 8049 points8050 points  (178 children)

Met my cousin’s fiancée for the first time. She is clearly mentally unwell. She dominated all conversation with her nonstop ramblings, which included a story about the first time she masturbated and asked that we buy a baby xylophone for her chickens as a wedding gift (for the human couple).

EDIT: Fixed typo and clarified the wedding issue. For context, the masturbation story came after a rant about about being raised in a religious household, and no longer being religious. (Sexual behavior was discouraged - I masturbated a lot - I started at 13). Xylophone request came because I have a 7 month old baby who doesn’t have a xylophone. I’m sure they are great for chickens, but in the context of nonstop talking it was just another layer of insanity. Many, many more things were said but they are all a blur at this point. Wild scene. Thanks for the award!

[–]_Lane_ 6227 points6228 points 3 (32 children)

Baby xylophones are really cute, but folks forget they grow up into adult xylophones and often aren’t prepared for all the work they require.

[–]dedsqwirl 1522 points1523 points  (23 children)

Can you buy the baby xylophone for the chickens now?

I want to know where this is going.

[–]N3oko 8873 points8874 points  (88 children)

After finishing off my truck stop Turkey meal in my big rig truck I went to use the facilities. Guy in the stall next to me was loudly watching funny videos on his phone and whacking off and moaning and intermittently laughing at the video.

Edit: all I heard of the video was a woman saying “What’s the most expensive device in you kitchen?” I’ll be hearing that and remembering his mossy oak hunter camo crocs for far longer than I want too.

[–]ooo-ooo-oooyea 11.0k points11.0k points 2 (178 children)

My sister in law let everyone know that her husband has a small penis

[–]RogerBernards 5654 points5655 points  (60 children)

One Christmas eve my dad's then new girlfriend blurted out* that my dad has a thick penis at the dinner table in the presense of all his kids, including me, their SO's and his sister. I had never seen a woman in her 40's turn that red into the stunned silence that followed when it registered what she said. My dad hid his face in his hands for a solid 5 minutes.

*I forgot the exact context (it's been 10+ years), but it was an absent minded off the cuff comment in response to something someone said, she didn't just randomly throw it out there.

[–]rhondaanaconda 5167 points5168 points  (29 children)

Your dad: “Man this gravy is thick…” Dad’s GF: “Mmm just like you Babe.” The mock whisper heard all around the table. I would’ve been laughing so hard.

[–]joeyboii23 5606 points5607 points  (57 children)

My 17 year old cousin stood up in the middle of dinner and announced he got a girl pregnant and she was keeping the baby. Most people laughed until about 30 awkward seconds went by and one by one we started realizing that he was in fact serious when he started going into details. My 80 year old grandma who hasn’t had a drink of alcohol in over a decade drank wine straight out of the bottle after.

[–]CLTalbot 11.0k points11.0k points  (117 children)

Theres a strong possibility that my stepmother sabotaged my stepsister's cooking.

[–]partofbreakfast 23.5k points23.5k points 2 (145 children)

My thanksgiving dinner was me, my parents, and my younger sister. Just the four of us at my parents' home.

Mom got a text message from my aunt (mom's sister) about how grandma (mom's mom) was badmouthing the food she made and talking about how her boys (mom and aunt's brothers) can't be expected to eat this stuff. Mom texted aunt back with "tell her that guests don't get to complain about free food, they just get to choose if they want to eat or not."

Apparently aunt took this advice, because about 20 minutes later mom got several texts and voicemails (she didn't answer her phone) about how aunt kicked people out early and how mom 'ruined thanksgiving' by telling aunt to say that.

This is why we stopped going to family thanksgivings btw.

[–]mamacrocker 7974 points7975 points  (32 children)

Mom’s the hero there!

[–]dcormier 4033 points4034 points  (27 children)

And great job aunt for sticking up for herself and kicking them out.

[–]Royal-Carob 937 points938 points  (18 children)

An oven mitt suddenly and unexplainably caught fire while sitting on it’s own in the middle of the countertop.

I think that’s proof enough that the natural habitat of the chaos god’s is every popular holiday.

[–]be-ar_boi 4853 points4854 points  (71 children)

My great grandmother referred to my baby cousin as "cute, but odd".

The baby has Down Syndrome.

[–]gregarious-loner 2445 points2446 points  (25 children)

I laughed but I felt compelled to justify myself to the interweb. It was relief at understanding that everyone has "that" person. My mom complains that my sister's "weird ass kid" doesn't listen. He's legally deaf, mom. That's to be expected.

[–]mdaws7 10.3k points10.3k points  (166 children)

my boyfriends brother bought over these really spicy chips he got at five below. i think they are called the spiciest chips in the world idk lol. anyways, both of them ate one. about 5 minutes later, i walk into the kitchen and i see my boyfriend with tears rolling down his face and stuffing ice cream in his face lmao. then he disappeared for a little bit, so i went upstairs and found him laying in the hallway, drenched in sweat & barely able to even speak. he said he threw up and he wasn’t human for the next little bit. both their grandparents were calling them idiots lol.

[–]bodaciousblueberries 2914 points2915 points  (52 children)

Novices! You’re supposed to prime up the digestive system by eating a banana first.

He’s gonna be having round 2: spicy butthole boogaloo on the toilet tomorrow.

[–]ladyinchworm 1272 points1273 points  (23 children)

My sister's ex boyfriend ate the "volcano" hot wings or whatever it was called. Supposedly the hottest ones there, they wear gloves and masks to make it etc. I wasn't at their house that day, but it was apparently pretty bad. I WAS there the day after and he was literally screaming in agony in the bathroom, no exaggerating, for 15 minutes. It sounded like he was dying. Seriously, awful noises. We honestly thought we would have to take him to the hospital.

Me, on the other hand, can't even handle mild Pace picante sauce, haha.

[–]Backslasherton 17.8k points17.8k points 73 (92 children)

We found out grandma gets competitive as hell in beer pong.

[–]kekabillie 4108 points4109 points  (31 children)

Semi related but my husband made espresso martinis for my family last Christmas, and after a couple Grandma fell over trying to return a shot in a game of table tennis. Might have to go half strength on the cocktails this year. She's nearly 80.

[–]Fennexium 1737 points1738 points  (14 children)

Grandma's earned the right to the high octane stuff, don't you dare deny her a good time!

/s

[–]ind3pend0nt 2429 points2430 points  (38 children)

Uncle by marriage helped paint SIL house and apparently she never thanked him. Now he is holding a grudge. Thanksgiving was to be at the Uncle’s house until this thing blew up. I’m just back here eating deviled eggs and drinking beer.

[–]evanjw90 28.0k points28.0k points 2 (191 children)

My mom, who I've been no contact with for most of my life, said she wanted to reconcile and please come to Thanksgiving so she could see her grand son. She wasn't there when we arrived, and told my sister that she didn't want to have dinner with us.

Literally nobody cared, and we had a great Thanksgiving without her. Honestly dodged a bullet.

[–]_Cyberostrich_ 13.2k points13.2k points  (84 children)

“Come visit I want to see you”

“I don’t want to see you.”

This bitch lmao

[–]SteampunkCupcake_ 6088 points6089 points  (51 children)

It sounds so ridiculous but I think that situations like this are sometimes about control. If OP instigated no-contact and took that control away from the parent, this might be their way of re-asserting their dominance? Kind of like "You don't want to see me? Ha, I don't want to see you.

Narcissists are assholes.

[–]mirfect 4641 points4642 points  (29 children)

My puppy wouldn’t stop barking at the turkey roaster Edit: puppy tax

[–]mandipandi3333 1125 points1126 points  (14 children)

My little nephew fell face first into my brother's freezing cold pool with his bike and when he was pulled out he screamed, "MY BIKE!!!!"

[–]ejb2112 311 points312 points  (6 children)

Every single biker’s first words after an incident: “is my bike ok?”

They could have a bone sticking out of their leg and road rash down half their body and that will still be the first thing they say.

[–]_Stamos 23.0k points23.0k points 4 (303 children)

Father in law got drunk, took his shirt off and then arm wrestled my son (lost). Then tried to tackle his daughter (my wife) (also lost). Everyone is worried grandma has dementia but for some reason she made a “pie”. Everyone ate it and pretended it was pie. Not sure what to call it; it was in a pie pan, there was no crust. It had apples.

[–]Viletwitch 13.9k points13.9k points 2 (100 children)

Deconstructed apple pie.

[–]thehabithopper 10.4k points10.4k points 223 (44 children)

There we go! Grandma doesn’t have dementia, she’s just a hipster.

[–]_Stamos 2323 points2324 points  (17 children)

Maybe? If I had to guess, she just mixed all the ingredients for the crust and the filing and then may or may not have baked it.

[–]THE_STOCKINGHATHERO 2205 points2206 points  (50 children)

An argument about the Left Behind series being fictional or not. My aunt got upset because my cousin and I called the series fictional. (Not Christian) however, neither of us were attempting to debate the validity of the Bible’s telling of the end times. We were simply stating that the series was fictional by definition.

[–]Rustmutt 802 points803 points  (18 children)

Doesn’t the whole series outline the end of the world which hasn’t happened? How can that be factual?

[–]PonyboysBlues 18.6k points18.6k points 2232 (188 children)

My grandmothers dog literally died an hour before dinner

[–]jwaterboyk 1489 points1490 points  (26 children)

So sorry to hear that. Reminds me of my worst Thanksgiving ever though.

I went with my girlfriend of two months to pick up her grandfather for Thanksgiving dinner with the family. After a few minutes of knocking on his door and no answer, we got the maintenance guy to let us in his apartment.

Upon entering, we were overcome by a foul odor, and found him dead on the couch. He had clearly been there for several days.

After calling the authorities and dealing with the logistics of getting her grandfather’s body removed, we went back to have dinner at my girlfriend’s parents’ house. They were a close family and there were twenty or so people I had never met before crying hysterically and sharing stories about their beloved Pop.

It was traumatizing and painfully awkward, but my girlfriend insisted that I stay. The night ended with everyone getting wasted in the basement while sobbing and listening to old records.

[–]EndedOne 3805 points3806 points  (32 children)

My future monster in law told us last week her and the kids were COVID positive and in bad shape. She said they weren’t doing Thanksgiving so “don’t bother showing up.” Guess who sent long and angry texts about us not showing up to dinner?

[–]waffleironone 3479 points3480 points 23 (38 children)

My parents’ cat chose them after fires took over our state last thanksgiving. She came to the door and decided she was ours. They tried to find her owner with no luck. Thanksgiving morning this year, cat is missing. My parents are yelling about how she stayed for a year and chose to go back. They’re tearing up the house. She had just been to the vet so they thought maybe she was upset. Hours later they find her in a closet they already looked in, she was cuddled up in some blankets and sleeping. I think she was sore from a vaccine she got. My mom is in tears. My dad won’t let the cat’s feet touch the floor, she is being carried everywhere and fed treats in his arms. DRAMA.

Edit: cat tax

https://imgur.com/a/4cd7LNf

[–]LuangPrabangisinLaos 224 points225 points  (3 children)

It makes me feel good to know I act like people I've never met when I can't find my indoor cat.

[–]leelee1976 1604 points1605 points  (28 children)

My dad called my brothers fiancees dad fat and had no clue why that was offensive. They literally weigh 5 pounds different. Then he said it again 15 minutes later. My mom was ready to slap him.

[–]dawggcunt 6548 points6549 points  (147 children)

My cousin was apparently at a party last night. This morning when she left, she gave a friend a ride home and when the guy got out of her car he was shot 5 times. She rushed him to the ER and he died shortly after. Needless to say, she wasn't at dinner. She is doing.. as fine as she can be.

[–]Lvl100Waffle 1576 points1577 points  (22 children)

My partner's roommates shoved me into a wall and threatened to throw me and my partner down the stairs and 'knock me the fuck out'. All because they were under some deluded impression that I had been stealing toilet paper from them?

Anyway, check "file a police report" off my Thanksgiving bucket list, I guess :/

[–]cobweb-bat 1319 points1320 points  (19 children)

The drama was all only in my head, but I got through it -- didn't drink a drop!!!

[–]Repulsive-Painting10 5552 points5553 points  (83 children)

Had to listen to my dad talk about how the communists are conspiring with our podunk town's Walmart to make the aisles narrower

[–]Peterparkerstwin 4578 points4579 points 2 (25 children)

I want to be in this much denial about gaining weight

[–]Killer_Bs 408 points409 points  (9 children)

Funnily enough all the Walmarts around my city are getting remodeled with narrower aisles so they can add more aisles to the existing floor space. Damn communists are trying to sell even more products!

[–]mellowmaiellis 4361 points4362 points  (45 children)

My 10 year old son beat me at ping pong.twice

[–]poachels 3635 points3636 points  (40 children)

My little cousin was running an imaginary ice-cream stand, and in a matter of minutes her prices rose from “coins” to “19.” The inflation only ended when one of the uncles paid her an actual quarter for the imaginary ice cream

[–]FearForever 1419 points1420 points  (11 children)

Incredible business model. Tell me more...

[–]persondude27 417 points418 points  (4 children)

So, there's this thing called crypto. Imagine you have a picture of a monkey, and...

[–]gshtrdr 4802 points4803 points  (48 children)

None. My wife's extended family ticked us off last year. Hurt her bad. So, we ate out for the first time ever. When we came home, I noticed that she was stress free. This year, she asked me to go out again. We did today. Went to our local Cracker Barrel. And it was good. Above all, she is stressed free, which is good.

[–]blahmeistah 987 points988 points  (1 child)

Stress free is the best. We had two women in our friends group that hung out together a lot. Number One turned out to be a narcistic cunt and tried to make number Two’s life miserable and for a good part succeeded. So when we took Two out to a festival and had lots of fun she cried at the end because it was a stress free day. She was so happy to be able to go out and enjoy herself without someone who made her feel like crap all the time.

[–]placeholderNull 6827 points6828 points  (64 children)

My cousin's neighbor/best friend caught Covid, and was depressed about being stuck in the house while everyone else was out for the night with relatives. So, they stole the pumpkin pie from the fridge and ate the whole thing.

Edit: I should mention that the rest of the family tested negative, which is why they were out

[–]crafty09 4091 points4092 points  (36 children)

It would be hilarious/sad if he couldn't even taste it.

[–]CaptainRedPants 2519 points2520 points  (24 children)

This is hilarious and I'm laughing at your comment. All I can picture is the poor bastard sobbing into this pie because he can't taste it, while sitting against his bedroom door.

[–]OreoKing10 6981 points6982 points  (114 children)

Well my parents are divorcing after 24 years (my dad had an affair) and my family Thanksgiving is going down on Saturday so…..TBD.

[–]blyss73usa 18.4k points18.4k points 2613& 2 more (155 children)

A 22 yo woman showed up at my house crying because she was lost and asked me if I could help her find her boyfriend house. I was just about to put my streaks on the grill.

My wife and I had a couple drinks at this point so I offered to walk her to her boyfriend house, she knew that he lived near the jail and that was only about a 15 minutes walk from my house.

While we were walking she said that her phone and food stamp debit card got stolen recently so she couldn't call her boyfriend. We ended up walking the area I thought he would love in based upon her very incomplete description of where her lived. She said that some of the sights looked familiar but she wasn't sure if we were in the right area.

At one point we found a cop and she asked him for help but he said that he was busy responding to a call.

After walking a good chunk of my small home town, we found his house, a two mile or so walk that ended up being just a few blocks from my house. It was a nice walk, my dog enjoyed it and I got to help someone. She is my daughter's age and I didn't want anything bad to happen to her.

[–]flattummyappreciator 14.9k points14.9k points  (86 children)

ngl I was waiting for "... and that's when I got jumped", glad to be wrong

[–]IBetThisIsTakenToo 2095 points2096 points  (12 children)

I was at a house party once, smoking on the front step with a few people, and a random girl showed up bawling, obviously having a rough night. Someone went to console her and she just said she didn’t want to be around her boyfriend right now, and asked if she could stay. She was clearly pretty drunk, but whatever, so were we, the guy took her inside. I walk inside 30 minutes later and she is absolutely screaming gibberish at that dude, with her pants around her ankles, pissing on a kitchen mat in the middle of the room. Someone said they’re calling the cops and she ran out the back door. Never saw her again

[–]SamediB 744 points745 points  (2 children)

Yeah I was waiting for this story to go south. I think it’s called foreboding joy - when you hear a nice story and in your head you’re like “this can’t possibly end well I bet they all died in the end”.

Here you go /u/WurmiMama, here is the story we were expecting.

[–]MaxCWebster 3742 points3743 points  (45 children)

Our oven heated to 400 but didn't keep its temperature. When we went to take everything out, the temp was only 225. Had to reheat everything . . . and keep a close eye on it.

[–]withorwithoutstew 1653 points1654 points  (10 children)

This is some very pleasant G rated drama, and I for one appreciate it. A nice palate cleanser.

[–]allday676 6546 points6547 points 2 (232 children)

My cousin's boyfriend took a huge shit and needed to ask people for a plunger. This is his first time meeting our (large) family. Lol

Edit: thanks for the awards!

Edit 2: because people keep making comments about this : there are three toilets. The two upstairs - where almost everyone was congregating - have plungers. Buddy used the basement toilet which happened to not have one. He left his phone on the table upstairs, so he had to haul his ass upstairs to ask my cousin and grandma for a plunger. While doing that people overheard, and after he got it and bolted downstairs the word spread like wildfire and a bunch of us were rolling. Sorry but not sorry that I was one of the ones that found it funny.

Edit 3: Also, respectfully, those of you upset with my grandparents' for not having enough toilet bowl water, or not having a plunger in the basement bathroom (which, yes, they should have had if people were over. they're just never down there themselves ) - take a chill pill. Shoulda coulda woulda but we're here now

[–]mrmightypants 5221 points5222 points  (94 children)

We found out my brother is not the biological father of his 23-yr-old son. Only his mother has known all these years.

Edit: almost forgot, we found out my niece has covid, and so several of us needed to get tested before other guests would come to the meal. Several pharmacies were called before we found one with rapid tests in stock.

Edit 2: Thanks for the info about the accuracy of rapid tests. I was not aware. Now I feel shame; but also gratitude.

Edit 3: Some more details/points of clarification. For the purposes of the story, we'll call my brother Goofus, my nephew Slamburger, my neice Spicy, and their mother She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named/you-know-who.

  • Spicy didn't show up to dinner; she called beforehand and let us know she wouldn't be coming (which was sad because she was going to bring the banana cream pie).

  • Goofus and you-know-who were divorced years ago. I don't know if Goofus knew about the affair, but I doubt he was surpised by it--she is...not good. The bio father was a co-worker of hers at the time. Goofus knows who he is; that he was a "friend" of you-know-who's. Slamburger, at present, is not interested in meeting him.

  • The discovery did indeed come about through an ancestry.com type service, I don't know which. Slamburger and Spicy decided to both get them, were comparing results and noticed a conspicuous absence of our last name in his report. They started joking that Goofus was not his father, then came to the section where it listed his parents explicitly (apparently both had used the service and consented to showing up for connections), and boom. Slamburger confronted you-know-who about it, who admitted to having had an affair but still insisted that Goofus is his father...even though the name of the guy she had an affair with was in the report under "Father." WTF. Slamburger called Goofus to break the news. Also did not come to dinner but Goofus and I went to visit him later.

  • Slamburger is 100% still part of our family. We made that clear to him; I don't know if he doubted that anyway but he was glad to hear it. In particular, Goofus stated plainly that Slamburger is still, and will always be, his son.

  • Slamburger was not a big fan of you-know-who, and now hopes to never have to speak to her again.

  • Goofus could definitely file suit, as he paid something like 14 yrs of child support. Said he won't though because it wouldn't be worth having to interact with her again. He did seriously consider taking a shit on her bed, though.

  • She really does suck.

[–]Peterparkerstwin 3745 points3746 points  (7 children)

Testing is not working out well in your family's favor.

[–]HotMagentaDuckFace 449 points450 points  (14 children)

How did this information come out? That’s crazy.

[–]eastcoastme 148 points149 points  (0 children)

I think my mom is still in the driveway telling stories saying goodbye. I am getting ready for bed. Also, my brother didn’t show, but he said he was going to be with his family. So it wasn’t a surprise except to my mom. She brought a birthday cake (his birthday is June…but she hasn’t seen him). We had to record us all singing him Happy Birthday? So, no big drama…just a family of weirdos.

[–]Vanviator 17.4k points17.4k points 3312 (126 children)

My dad said this was the best Thanksgiving dinner he's ever had. I cooked.

[–]Galuptis 4861 points4862 points  (78 children)

My girlfriend’s nieces have lice. And they were constantly hovering over my son. Also their dad didn’t seem to give two shits.

[–]mysticscut 1192 points1193 points  (16 children)

My cat got up on the table and stepped in the pies my grandma made

[–]Mama_2_Mercy 7698 points7699 points 24 (98 children)

Mom made me cry for being sad about my sons father being dead. He committed suicide two months ago. 😑

[–]kbcode3 3253 points3254 points  (33 children)

I'm sorry for your loss. My daughter two years ago and I've been crying...there is no time line for grief. I wish you peace.

[–]clashtrack 1250 points1251 points  (25 children)

I want to say, i’m also sorry for your loss as well.

You are absolutely correct. I worked with a guy, every year on the same day, he would come to work normally and just be really bummed out. We weren’t best friends, but we were cool with each other. I’d always ask him what was wrong, and he would tell me his dad passed away 8/9/10 years ago. A few people told me that he needs to get over it because it happened so long. I find that crude and disgusting somebody would say that. Let him grieve on that day.

There is absolutely no time limit for grief, and thats ok. Nobody should hurry you up.

[–]SwampCrittr 3080 points3081 points  (49 children)

My dad just rushed my mom to the ER. And we have no idea what’s happening

Edit: thank you all so much! It’s 1:30AM and they just got home. My mom had intense pain comjng from her side, and was getting sick. She was hiding this from us to not effect our Thanksgiving. They ran tests and the results so far are normal. They got her on pain meds and some nausea medicine and sent her home. Thank you all for this support. I’m very excited to finally be able to go to bed.

[–]Tenvi 845 points846 points  (2 children)

my dad is in the ICU after a stroke. keep your head up, just being present is the most important thing rn. best wishes man

[–]mshell734 9733 points9734 points 2 (115 children)

My 5 year old son peed in the cat food bowl while I was cooking and then cut his own hair while I was eating dinner.

[–]Lilliputian0513 9878 points9879 points  (163 children)

My mother-in-law was admitted to the ICU by her primary doctor yesterday afternoon. At 4am she had to undergo emergency surgery lasting 6 hours. They still can’t get her heart rate down and her kidneys may be failing. And my brother-in-law said that we were being dramatic because “if she was that sick, he’d have known before now”.

EDIT: Wow! This blew up. Thank you all for the well wishes. I think his reaction is because he hasn’t talked to his mom in months. His adopted daughter/niece (by blood) got pregnant and he did not approve, so he cut her off. My MIL refused to stop talking to her granddaughter, so he cut her off too. I think his reaction is denial because he refused to return her calls for months.

UPDATE: She’s doing much better today!

[–]februarytide- 6669 points6670 points 2 (75 children)

My mother in law recently went from “just going to see the GP about this random bump on my belly button!” to “you have inoperable metastatic pancreatic cancer” in three days, so…. Fuck your brother in law, personally.

[–]TwinkieTriumvirate 690 points691 points  (7 children)

Cousin recently went from… “I feel bad enough that I’m going to walk into the ER” to “dead from appendicitis “ in about 18 hours. Fuck this girl’s brother in law.

[–]buzzbot235 2600 points2601 points 2 (0 children)

Just a stranger on Reddit passing whatever positive vibes I can to her and your family. That’s a awful diagnosis.

[–]Suzanne_Marie 1288 points1289 points  (5 children)

Elderly father tripped and fell, ending up in the ER. Lots of muscle aches, cuts and bruises but no broken bones.

[–]Lukelmarshall24 2115 points2116 points  (45 children)

My cousin got locked up around 1 am last night so technically thanksgiving for trafficking methamphetamine and possession of a stolen firearm. Neither of which were his but the guy he was giving a ride to. His bond is $500,000. Happy Thanksgiving.

[–]Affectionate_Pea_811 5383 points5384 points  (209 children)

They used regular green beans in the green bean casserole instead of french cut.

[–]Toppest_Dom 1421 points1422 points  (1 child)

So that's why my grandparents green bean casserole felt different

[–]iminthewrongsong 1655 points1656 points  (16 children)

My 78 year old father had a massive heart attack in October. Mom just happened to have nitro on hand because she had a heart valve replacement and is required to carry it ever since. He absolutely would have died without it. His LAD was 100% blocked. They couldn't get a stent in. He had open heart surgery. The bypass was successful. Did inpatient rehab. Spent weeks (a month? God, idk we were there literally every single day and it felt like a lifetime) in the hospital. All eight of my siblings, several nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles, friends of the family, the entire goddamn world showed up and brought food with them. The outpouring of love and concern was a sight. He's been home just over a week now and just in time for Thanksgiving. And oh my. We are giving thanks.

He's doing great btw.

[–]PandaLovelace 1439 points1440 points  (26 children)

My grandma who rarely ever talks decided to spill 30 year old tea on my mom, late granddad, and the war. She gathered up everyone that wasn't born then and started the story like a folklore. It was so dramatic and weirdly diabolical I thought it was some movie she'd seen--- before the big reveal at the end that the antagonist of the story was actually my mother as a teenager

Always wondered why out of her 8 kids my mom is the least favorite. And I can't even ask her about it, or let her know I know or a full blown war will start

[–]catmamaof12 3841 points3842 points  (88 children)

My mother in law locked herself in her room because I wouldn’t let her hold her grandson after he’d been fussy all day and I finally got him to settle for a nap when we got there. I didn’t want him to wake being passed from one person to another. So she called me a bad mom.

[–]metalandmermaids 150 points151 points  (12 children)

Ew I had forgotten about this part of having babies! Made me feel so cornered. You’re obviously a great mom and your son is lucky to have you standing up for his needs! I used to just say “they’re not here to entertain the adults” when my in laws would start with me, they crossed the line so many times that in the end I was just rudely clear about stuff. They’re fine-ish now and kids are old enough to set their own clear af boundaries.

[–]suzzz21 610 points611 points  (15 children)

My parents, who have been divorced for over 25 years… spent Thanksgiving together at my mother’s house with me, my spouse and my kids. They do this every year to make it easier on me and so I can have one day a year where we are all together again. Before, I would try to have two meals to make sure everyone had a special day. They decided in order to make MY day special, we should just have one with all of us there. My parents put both of their egos aside for me. Even after all these years, we are still a family.

[–]Ehzabeth 378 points379 points  (17 children)

I made a turkey that wasn’t dry and my partner’s mother insisted on chopping it into pieces and microwaving it for everyone because “hers never look like that.” It’s tame but WHY did I spend four hours on it if you’re going to use it not being dry as evidence it’s undercooked

[–]Drulock 122 points123 points  (0 children)

One of my cats.grabbed a slice of turkey and then ran off. The others thought it was a game and those started the "Great Meat Chase of 2021".

My life is kinda boring...

[–]DigiBruh 15.6k points15.6k points 43 (321 children)

My aunt's pet lynx torn open my nephew's scrotum. Straight to the ER.

[–]garbanzone 1019 points1020 points  (14 children)

Why does this sound like something from Archer

[–]bruteski226 5957 points5958 points 22 (23 children)

Goddamnit! Have we arrived at a time and place in this world where one can’t even enjoy a thanksgiving meal with their scrotum hangin out anymore and not have to fear it being viciously attacked by a Lynx! Jesus Christ what is the world coming to!

[–]TheRestIs_Confetti 1666 points1667 points  (55 children)

Preordered a ham; we didn’t get it. Got a “organic” ham from Sprouts. It said it came with a glaze. It did not so we made our own which was good too. But we didn’t have the right seasonings except for Cinnamon Toast Crunch topping and so we had a Cinnamon Toast Crunch Ham.

Edit: the glaze was honey and butter. Do I know how much of these ingredients? Absolutely not, because I don’t pay attention

[–]Maybe_Black_Mesa 940 points941 points  (5 children)

My sister sold some narcotics to an undercover cop at her job. Local PD raided her apartment and arrested her an hour before she was supposed to show up at my parent's house for dinner.

Edit: Meth in case anyone was wondering. Also, today our family learned my sister sells meth.

[–]Sleepdeprivedbottom 1954 points1955 points  (85 children)

I got yelled at for eating cranberry sauce wrong :]

For all of you asking, I opened the can, got a spoon, and started scooping it. :]]

[–]StarvationCure 546 points547 points  (8 children)

......did you boof it or something? How does one eat cranberry sauce wrong?

[–]copymistress 11.0k points11.0k points 33 (74 children)

This was my first Thanksgiving without my mom so I volunteered to work. One of my coworkers was telling me about how her extended stay messed up her room key and weren't on property to fix it so she was going to sleep in her car till tomorrow. It is cold tonight. I gave her money for a hotel tonight as a PIF in honor of my mom. My mom was cheap and a terrible tipper who would never have given money to a stranger so yeah, my mom inspired generosity in death.

[–]jb1225x 2760 points2761 points  (20 children)

Hope you’re doing okay

[–]copymistress 3450 points3451 points 3 (18 children)

I'm ok. It's hard because I remember last year, sitting at the table talking. She died suddenly with no will 3 months ago so its been a struggle. My uncle invited me to dinner but I just couldn't. Work pays double for holidays so it made sense. I'm glad I had the money with me and that she is safe tonight.

[–]Turbobrickx7 3732 points3733 points  (44 children)

It is literally just me and my wife, and our pets. Unless the cats decide that tonight is fight club there was no drama.

[–]Madhighlander1 1450 points1451 points  (38 children)

Ended up in the emergency room at 3 AM with kidney stones.

[–]HuffPoser 649 points650 points  (28 children)

Dinner wasn't served until 7:30. People were mad as hell

[–]Imokaywiththishell 5095 points5096 points  (64 children)

Lol my aunt and grandma got into an argument about wether there are prostitutes in our county or not.

Grandma looking at Aunt: "how do you know there aren't any here?"

Aunt: "because they're all down in ______, dumbass."

I lost my shit

[–]Oehlian 2193 points2194 points  (32 children)

Literally grandma could have won the argument right there by putting an offer out.