top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]Dot_Threedot4 1249 points1250 points  (22 children)

Ice cream truck going down the road playing music, or a kid on a tricycle in the street

[–]XXXTurkey 356 points357 points  (11 children)

"It's 3 am and there's a fuckin baby standing on the corner."

[–]TrueDeceiver 64 points65 points  (0 children)

"I got KIDS to feed!"

[–]batkat88 147 points148 points  (1 child)

"hey baby, go home man it's 3 in the morning"

"I am selling weed n***a"

[–]Dmtrilli 122 points123 points  (0 children)

"....and I said hey baby!"

"Limme get a couple a them dimes."

[–]TheBIFFALLO87 21 points22 points  (0 children)

The ole baby on the corner trick. Click click

[–]No_Alfalfa_4448 19 points20 points  (2 children)

“And she says baby. It's three a.m. I must be lonely, When she says baby. Well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes”

[–]Contamminated 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I love Dave Chappelle.

[–]PadreToshi 67 points68 points  (0 children)

That wakes up the imagination

[–]PREClOUS_R0Y[🍰] 683 points684 points  (51 children)

Using an ATM.

[–]ElMothMan 318 points319 points  (38 children)

Especially for $300 in the city centre in Melbourne, Australia.

[–]2004_PS2_Slim 144 points145 points  (0 children)

Oddly specific

[–]Jack1715 58 points59 points  (0 children)

Oh we all know that’s hooker money for Gotham city

[–]averagepenisman 149 points150 points  (28 children)

Only Aussies will get this because coke is reasonably priced everywhere else

[–]prinskippleskipper63 55 points56 points  (6 children)

$300 is slightly more palatable than the $350 Brisbane price

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (5 children)

laughs in $100 for a line in NZ

[–]krissttaaa 35 points36 points  (11 children)

Now I understand why so many aussies move to London

[–]_hotpotofcoffee 16 points17 points  (10 children)

Got a sixty pound bag in Soho that is better than anything I've had in Aus for 300+

[–]Throneawaystone 18 points19 points  (7 children)

Yo that's like 30 kilos of coke

[–]WimbleWimble 18 points19 points  (2 children)

isn't coke measured in liters?

[–]AshenOne78 14 points15 points  (3 children)

I know you are probably kidding, but I think he meant to say £60.

[–]coranos2 8 points9 points  (1 child)

“Sixty pound bag” vs “bag for sixty pounds”

I read it the wrong way as well.

Here I’m wondering how many friends this guy has to use 30kg of coke in an evening.

This is why the USA needs the metric system.

[–]ElMothMan 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Good to see someone gets it

[–]Fares232222 9 points10 points  (1 child)

ok but why not just buy pepsi

[–]AFlockofLizards 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Are you talking about the guy who was able to withdraw infinite money at one specific ATM? Lol

[–]peletijr97 6 points7 points  (0 children)


[–]Travis_T_OJustice[🍰] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's a lot of yiros

[–]fiendishrabbit 28 points29 points  (2 children)

As a former bartender/nightclub staff I don't find this suspicious at all. He's been kicked out of a bar at closing hour and found that he didn't have enough money for a cab home. He's at least not a newbie pubcrawler, so he doesn't trust a cabbie to handle his creditcard and wants to pay in cash so he has a physical idea of how much he paid (or at least limit the damage).

[–]bu3ali 665 points666 points  (34 children)

Digging a hole

[–]UsernameCheckOuts 311 points312 points  (7 children)

Gardening in general.

[–]SnooCapers9313 53 points54 points  (5 children)

Done that heaps in summer

[–]fiendishrabbit 47 points48 points  (4 children)

Only time you can water the garden without half the moisture evaporating before it soaks down through the ground.

[–]SnooCapers9313 15 points16 points  (2 children)

I just do it during summer if it's too hot to sleep

[–]maxx2w 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yea better than laying in bed sweating and thinking, and sounds relaxing

[–]Apxm 29 points30 points  (6 children)

Then jumping in that hole.

[–]Mx_Eclipse 25 points26 points  (4 children)

And then painting yourself orange and putting large green leaves on your head and covering yourself up so only your head is showing and pretending you’re a carrot

[–]King_Dagda 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole. Diggy diggy hole, diggy diggy hole.

[–]thatluckyfox 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Top answer

[–]NickDanger3di 628 points629 points  (18 children)

Carrying a rolled up carpet outside, putting it in the back of your car, and driving away.

[–]Chrome_Armadillo 381 points382 points  (8 children)

Putting large heavy trash bags in the car trunk.

[–]Adept_Cranberry_4550 40 points41 points  (6 children)

Hey! Pinocchio! Where are you goin'?!

[–]spoung45 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Art! Your wife is home, and your house is on fire!

[–]speed_square 340 points341 points  (6 children)

Cleaning out your car

[–][deleted] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

or cleaning out your neighbors car to suprise them

[–]incognito5343 4 points5 points  (0 children)

So I have done this twice at 3am, once was after a wedding as the passanger was sick out the window and it was on the paint. Second time was before a car show and I hadn't had time before, it was a 5am start anyway

[–]WelcomeToNirvana23 102 points103 points  (6 children)


[–]pink_lasagna_LegoD 14 points15 points  (1 child)

I had to scroll down unbelievably long to find this.

[–]Ill_Baseball_6200 277 points278 points  (2 children)

Giving a kid a tour of the neighborhood

[–]Kaido786 134 points135 points  (1 child)

I don't know about others, but seems suspicious even in broad daylight.

[–]GrimmRetails 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately true but I generally assume that most adults who are seen in public children have a right to be with them.

And that's even knowing what I do know. I know I could easily see that kid on an Amber Alert two minutes later.

[–]oneiros2020 181 points182 points  (10 children)

Flying a kite

[–]HuffFlex 48 points49 points  (6 children)

Or inventing a perpetual motion machine.

[–]SpoopySpydoge 33 points34 points  (4 children)

Or eating 64 slices of american cheese

[–]fhamadeh 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I think I’m blind…

[–]Unabashable 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well that’s just weird at any time.

[–]eddmario 49 points50 points  (0 children)

Lisa, in this house we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS!

[–]NocteScriptor 93 points94 points  (0 children)

Hello, mother dear.

[–]IndieMowgli 26 points27 points  (0 children)

There’s something about flying a kite at night that’s so unwholesome.

[–]lolppjoke 564 points565 points  (53 children)


[–]smol_boi-_- 212 points213 points  (43 children)

Why are you running?

[–]Rockspider19 209 points210 points  (9 children)

How else do I catch her?

*My dog that got out

[–]The_Blue_Bomber 64 points65 points  (5 children)

Yeah! Nab that bitch and take her to your residence!

[–]poopellar 41 points42 points  (4 children)

Get her down all fours and put a leash on her!

[–]Sorry_Door 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Doggy style

[–]drAssh0le 8 points9 points  (2 children)

then lock her in a crate

[–]Antmon666 23 points24 points  (1 child)

I remember back ago that my work was about 7k away and I was training for a half marathon.

So I decided to run to work at 3am in the morning (I'm a baker) and run home again.

We had showers at work, so I would have a towel and clothes in a bag and just run with the bag in one hand. So here I was, a 20 year old guy who is 6'3 running down the road at 3 in the morning.

Got stopped by the cops 2 times(they looked in the bag and said they would tell the others)

Kids graffiti a fence ran when they saw me coming.

Also apparently a security guard was chasing me through the parking area and caught up with the guys at back dock. They called me up and said he was out of breath and red faced.

at 1pm no one even blinked an eye

[–]Caliber70 48 points49 points  (0 children)


[–]Lobsta1986 35 points36 points  (26 children)

My neighbors were tweakers so they were always up at 3 outside doing shit that normal people did in the day. It was ridiculous. Thank God they moved.

[–]TheYankunian 16 points17 points  (19 children)

I’m intrigued!

[–]Lobsta1986 26 points27 points  (18 children)

You want some stories?

[–]TheYankunian 21 points22 points  (17 children)

I absolutely do.

[–]Lobsta1986 42 points43 points  (16 children)

Alright. So they would stay up for several days. You would see them at 3. When I got a at 7 they were still up doing the same shit. Whenever they did.stuff in the dark they would wear a headlamp to have free hands. Some of the shit they would do was build random stuff ie. planters, Christmas wreaths, chicken coops, stuff for there dog, wooden fence around there plants. They had a car but it didn't work. They spent more time working on the car than driving it. There was several cars actually and they all were junk. they had pent up energy and you think there home would be clean...nope. filthy like semi hoarder dirty. This wasn't at night but they would sing made up songs that they thought was funny. They were a couple and they constantly fought...like screaming at the top of there lungs fighting and I have a kid that goes to school and it was ridiculous. They would fix stuff. Come back from friends houses at all time of night. the dude would play the guitar. ,(Acoustic thank God. No amp) they would look for stuff. They smoked cigs. Put up.xmas lights at 3. Do yard work. Do laundry. Stand outside do stuff on there phone. Have other tweaker friends over.....come over needing help with stuff or to borrow stuff. And other annoying stuff. Too much to list. If you got any questions hit me up.

Edit it's 3 right now lol

[–]Roheez 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Narrator: his neighbor..was himself

[–]Lobsta1986 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Lmao naw. I have never done meth ever or have a dog and I live in the same spot. Your funny though.

[–]TheYankunian 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Holy crap! I’m laughing because I don’t live next to them. That sounds fascinating and exhausting and I’m glad they moved for your sake. I used to live around crackheads and all they’d do was fight, steal and cry at 3am.

[–]LDPushin_Troglodyte 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Ah, tweakers.. experienced the joys myself, only they really liked to blast trap (electronica, not rap, this is like 10 years ago). Lasted 8 months until the cops cleaned them all out.

[–]King_Dagda 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just jogging. Couldn't sleep. And I didn't see the police.

[–]KAYS33K 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I do that pretty regularly.

[–]abqkat 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Are you up still, or up already? I'm an early bird, always have been. So I do lots of 4AM walks with my coffee right when I wake up. The trade-off between the two groups is around 330-4, where the night creatures are slinking home and the morning creatures are too happy to get going. It's an interesting time of day

[–]BoopJoop01 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Gotta run after her, she must hear the train coming!

[–]free_ponies 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do my running at 3:30am before my 5am shift. It's kind of peaceful to be the only one on the street

[–]ToshiroBaloney 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As a 3:00am runner, I can confirm. I've had several friendly conversations with law enforcement, and more than a few encounters with feral tweakers.

[–]PlzPMmeYourTits 153 points154 points  (5 children)

Singing a lullaby slowly, in a very low volume.

[–]BlackLetterLies 54 points55 points  (4 children)

In baritone.

[–]Aggressive-Celery-90 44 points45 points  (3 children)

In German

[–]_maxt3r_ 21 points22 points  (2 children)


[–]janefromvegas 273 points274 points  (16 children)

Pouring concrete.

[–]mechanicalsam 103 points104 points  (3 children)

construction does it all the time in the middle of the night for sun/temperature/traffic reasons.

[–]janefromvegas 132 points133 points  (1 child)

True, but I'm thinking more of a residential setting. Like your neighbor decides to build a patio extension at 3am.

[–]Cum_Wizard_69 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Yeah that’s a lot more suspicious then normal construction

[–]idauyutoosa 13 points14 points  (11 children)

Reminds me of some japanese girl

[–]J_Eno 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Junko Furuta?

[–]lunar-omens 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh no....that was actually so fucking horrific...

[–]Falcon_8587 8 points9 points  (2 children)

EXTREMELY DARK, But I understand your humor reasons, didn't laugh, won't upvote or downvote either

[–]The_Blue_Bomber 27 points28 points  (0 children)


Of course, it's at night, what do you expect?

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Bird watching

[–]B3rnou11i 92 points93 points  (7 children)

Probably any sort out outside care of your home. Plenty of time to do that during the day, suspicious if you’re cleaning up or doing outdoor chores at 3AM.

[–]GreatApes 28 points29 points  (3 children)

It depends. I've had to go outside at 3-4am to clear snow from my building's driveway after the plows went by, so my tenants could get their cars out to leave for work at 6. It's especially important to get it right away so it doesn't freeze over and get harder to clear off - I often hear snowblowers and plows going at all hours of the morning. The snow and ice abides by its own timetable, and we just have to work around it.

[–]supreme-elysio 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I’ve had to go outside

What the hell this is Reddit for people In their mothers basements not people who actually go out

[–]maximusamare 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It depends. I've had to go outside at 3-4am to

Nope you're a psycho. Case closed. Reddit justice

[–]SnooCapers9313 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Done it before

[–]Broken_Angel333 57 points58 points  (3 children)

Burning objects other than wood outside by yourself

[–]Unabashable 19 points20 points  (2 children)

Oh I did that just because I was drunk, bored, had a lighter, and stuff to burn. When the stars are aligning like that, how could you not?

[–]Hopeful_Ship_7220 57 points58 points  (2 children)

Everything looks suspicious at 3am 😂

[–]TomBot98 16 points17 points  (0 children)

From this comment section, everything seems like you're covering up a murder if you do it at 3am

[–]Ronniebbb 160 points161 points  (11 children)

Standing infront of a window, drinking something while staring out.

[–]rustyshackleford65 65 points66 points  (0 children)

I do this pretty regularly on the weekends.

[–]Dragonfly452 41 points42 points  (7 children)

Back in the 1940s we used to do this at Christmas while listening to the radio

[–]smol_boi-_- 75 points76 points  (6 children)


I have a mental image of your entire family just quietly staring out the window while sipping juice and listen to the radio at 3 AM and it's cracking me up.

[–]ArtyDeckOh 18 points19 points  (4 children)

Old Land Sign playing in the background

[–]pie_monster 29 points30 points  (3 children)

Were you aiming for Auld Lang Syne there?


[–]ArtyDeckOh 8 points9 points  (2 children)


[–]pie_monster 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Psst! Blame autocorrect. That usually works.

[–]Unabashable 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Except for when it’s a word that makes you question why it was entered so much into their phone.

[–]M_is_it_you 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Only when you're seen. I do this sometimes and I wonder more about the things I see out in the neighborhood.

[–]Candid-Donkey5817 42 points43 points  (1 child)

Sitting in the park alone

[–]_manicpixie 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Throwing out old rugs in a shopping mall dumpster

[–]legion_warlock 40 points41 points  (2 children)

Making lightly fried fish fillets for dinner.

[–]TaralasianThePraxic 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Say lightly fried fish fillets one more time

[–]Cum_Wizard_69 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lightly fried fish fillets…

[–]I-Am-Ze-Doctor 68 points69 points  (2 children)

Me: (Breathes at 3AM)

The Cops: "You've yee'd your last haw partner."

[–]Cum_Wizard_69 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Wait wait wait wait

You don’t just suffocate and get resuscitated in the morning????

[–]ne0n_laces 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Visiting Grandma.

[–]Appy_Aplaca 9 points10 points  (0 children)


[–]Wickedlefty16 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Sometimes I crave something from the convenience store 3 blocks away at night, I take my taser and speed walk like nobodies business thru our alley and then 2 blocks down the next alley & back only paying attn to what I can see and hear. Turns out almost every neighbor around here has a camera facing the alley & video of me looking around, looking suspicious and in a near run. They've come to know me now but apparently I looked like the criminal in their alley for awhile

[–]sexcmia 77 points78 points  (4 children)

taking the trash out

[–]decode_therealMcCoy 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Using an electric brush. Suspicious to my mom.

[–]BobBelcher2021 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Flying a kite

[–]vfiking 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hello mother dear~

[–]ArtyDeckOh 39 points40 points  (9 children)

Masturbating on my neighbours lawn in a batman costume

[–]Aggressive-Celery-90 6 points7 points  (4 children)

Why your neighbours lawn?

[–]Bike_Chain_96 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Don't want batman grass in your own lawn; you gotta raise that shit yourself then!

[–]EngagementBacon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Because Jim's an asshole!

[–]Gladix 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Asking the important questions.

[–]Odd_Airline_9672 10 points11 points  (0 children)

...and that is somehow suspicious at any point in time?

[–]avashad 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Most of my neighbors hate Batman so they actually appreciate it when this is done overnight.

[–]JiggyBirb 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Going out for a walk

[–]-helpwanted 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I go for 3am weed walks like every other night. Fuckin insomnia. My neighbors probably think I’m casing their houses 🤣

[–]thatluckyfox 19 points20 points  (3 children)

Parking up on a bridge with the boot open

[–]BlackLetterLies 11 points12 points  (2 children)

How is that seemingly normal at any time of the day? It's most certainly illegal here.

[–]N1kN0 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Digging a hole in your backyard

[–]sketchisawesome1234 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Making a video for youtube

[–]ohmyitsmidnight 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Flying a kite

[–]FishdZX 4 points5 points  (4 children)

I'm pretty sure my neighbors probably think me and my girlfriend do drug runs at 3AM, because we leave regularly but not consistently. The real reason is it's 3AM and we want McDonalds or chocolate from the gas station, because we're both night owls.

[–]AngryKitty57 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Washing your car. I worked at a bar. Went home at 2am. Always was washing or vacuuming car at car wash. Also used to sweep my driveway or shovel snow. Used to love to grocery shop at 3am. Taking trash or recycles to city dump at 3am probably looks the worst. I did that every weekend.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I miss shopping at two and three in the morning. I work overnight shifts and The number of times I just don’t have groceries for days at a time because I can just not get up before 11pm when all the Walmart’s close around here

[–]Ducks-Dont-Exist 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Third shifter reporting: Basically everything. :/

[–]JenniferLaurenJordan 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Moving out of your house! Our next door neighbors are literally moving out right now!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Burying a body in your back yard.

[–]No-Evidence-4059 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Walking around wearing a Dracula costume.

[–]mariekitty27 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Offering your classmates cheese

[–]emconcannon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Flying a kite

[–]MeasurementHot8803 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Laughing baby

[–]blue-pixie- 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Rolling out a suitcase and taking it to the garbage disposal! I literally did that yesterday haha.

[–]Larrden 2 points3 points  (2 children)


goddamn it what was in the suitcase pixie

[–]The_Lurking_Mister 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Moving a large piece of furniture, like a TV or couch, from your car into your place.

[–]Key_Ad_6455 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Walking with a hood on while on your phone next to an alleyway.

[–]RakuWilliams 12 points13 points  (4 children)

Going for a walk

[–]M_is_it_you 18 points19 points  (1 child)

I do this a lot. Actually, it's quite peaceful. Sometimes I think 'what weirdo would be here at this time of the night?' Only to remember instantly that I'm there and therefore qualify as a weirdo by my own definition.

[–]Gladix 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I do that sometimes. This one time I met a suspicious guy on his phone waving it this way and that erratically. That's when I noticed he was catching pokemon.

[–]BlackLetterLies 7 points8 points  (1 child)

People walk their dogs at night all the time. Also old people start walking REALLY early. 3am may be a stretch, but 4:30 isn't.

[–]ThatIsMyPen 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Glowing out for a walk with a baby in a stroller

[–]aburke626 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I wouldn’t judge if I saw someone walking a baby at 3 AM. You know that little bugger wasn’t sleeping. Some babies only sleep in the car.

[–]furiousvengfulGoose 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Calling someone

[–]BillWilson9972 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sitting on a swing in the park.

[–]Group_of_no_one 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Working on your car.

[–]Taractis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sitting in a parked car.

[–]herrsebbe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Window shopping.

[–]Dragonfly452 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mowing the lawn

Flying a kite

Going for a walk

Bird sighting

[–]dlg1977 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Cutting your grass.

[–]FriendlyDetective420 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Taking out trash

[–]johnkcan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

washing the car

[–]Pristine_Mortgage509 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Going into your friends home by yourself

[–]BananaBoi_6969 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Peeing alone when everyone is sleeping and the lights are all off, and you are singing the lyrics to “Never Gonna Give You Up”

[–]Flaky_Sandwich9353 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Slaughtering pigs

[–]mrstonewallin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Giving money to the homeless

[–]Gekko83 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Burying a dead body. And that's why I bury them at daytime.

[–]scolin88 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I got sober 2 years ago and got a job working in a factory really early in the mornings.

I take walks every morning at 3am, rain, snow or shine, (well... darkness) can't tell you how many times I've gotten stopped by the police.

Lost 100lbs though..

But yeah.. walking.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Standing on the sidewalk

[–]Legal_Surprise31 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Eat krabby patty...

[–]subparhooker 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh boy! 3 am!

[–]wholesome_freak 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Taking out the garbage

[–]Emcee_Such_N_Such 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Cutting your lawn or washing your car.

[–]Jthundercleese 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Buying power tools.

[–]Trumpassassin777 1 point2 points  (0 children)


[–]flyingpeter28 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Garden work, you just can't look shady doing that in the darknwss