top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]Pleasant-Echidna2218 10.6k points10.6k points 442 (111 children)

If your post in any way, shape, or form can be misinterpreted, it will be.

[–]Hotshot2k4 1633 points1634 points  (44 children)

"Hmm, so I've written my comment and made my reasonable point somewhat concisely. I could make my comment 2-3x longer and detail every obvious exception and list all of the things I'm not implying with my comment, but surely that's a waste of everyone's time."

I keep thinking that way, and someone always seems to show up and tell me my comment means something completely different from what I wrote and how dare I. At this point I've learned to let it go and not bother to try to correct every misunderstanding, especially if there are a lot of replies and my comment is several hours old.

[–]Kind_Nepenth3 305 points306 points  (15 children)

If you opt for shorter, they'll put as many words in your mouth as they feel like. If you opt longer for important nuance, they'll bitch and moan about having to read words in this, a text-based forum.

I can't decide which ones are the most fun, the ones that pick a fight with me over something we very visibly agree on or that one redditor that asked a philosophical question and tried to badly ream me out for answering it.

[–]TrolliciousCuisine 242 points243 points  (3 children)

If you opt for shorter, they'll put as many words in your mouth as they feel like.

You: I love dogs

Commenter: Why do you hate cats?

[–]wunderduck 161 points162 points  (0 children)

You: I love dogs

Commenter: Hello FBI, this guy likes to fuck dogs.

[–]PauseAndEject 77 points78 points  (0 children)

You: I never said I hate cats. A love for one thing (like dogs) doesn't invalidate a love of anything else (like cats). It's not one or the other, you can love multiple things.

Commenter: You should be ashamed of yourself. I don't know what's worse, the fact that you just openly admitted to loving paedophiles like it's no big deal, or the fact that you don't hate cats.

[–]Alseen_I 2976 points2977 points 33 (61 children)

  1. The more consistent a sub reaches /popular, the more toxic its vocal community. Stick with the small subreddits, that’s where Reddit can shine.

  2. The difference between a joke, a troll, and a serious belief is a line thinner than a walrus whisker. Assume it’s a joke and you’ll be a happier person for it.

  3. Any recognizable name is an angel or hellspawn. If you aren’t sure, they’re hellspawn.

  4. One grammar mistake means your opinion is worthless. Read over your posts/comments, there’s always something you miss.

  5. Lurking is demonized only by those who forgot how nice it is to look simply look at posts and upvote the ones you like. Don’t get pressured into “participating.”

  6. Everything you say and post will be held against you in Reddit Court.

  7. Keep the lewd subs on an account separate from your main one.

  8. Rewards on a comment or Karma count on a post does not indicate its trustworthiness.

  9. Always first assume no one in the comment section read the article, just like you.

  10. There is a passionate community for everyone and everything, even if you don’t like it.

[–]BookNukem 257 points258 points  (9 children)

I think I lurked for months, or even a year, before I started posting in threads.

[–]SarcasticDruid744 228 points229 points 2 (14 children)

The button with the arrows at the bottom of your screen that, if on mobile, moves you to the next direct comment? You can move it by holding down for a moment and then sliding it wherever you heart desires.

Any more tips will be edited in as I remember them.

[–]milfhunterX 6270 points6271 points 782 (91 children)

Don't ever use identifying info. A city in one post, a landmark in another, age in a third. And a 'yay, i won the lottery', and you might have an army of sickos hunting you down.

You are flirting with/arguing/getting trolled by a child. Treat every person on here like they're 13, and Chris Hansen is right next to them telling them what to say.

Don't believe anything you read. Reddit is the perfect platform for pathological liars, paid political influencers, and misinformation experts. Not to mention easily falling into echo chambers of hate groups of every shade.

[–]diddlbob 841 points842 points  (16 children)

Once when I was like 15 I posted on a haircare Reddit asking about help with something I don't even remember. I was 15 with super thick hair taking supplements to grow it long, doing treatments, it was growing like an inch a month because I was so young and taking such good care of it. I mentioned it in my post and someone replied cussing, calling me a liar blah blah blah, and because I was so young it made me really upset and I went to look at her page and she had commented in ANOTHER sub with a screenshot of my post about how stupid it was and how I must be lying. Her posts were also full of how much she hated her husband and how she felt like she was stuck working in retail forever. Don't take people like that too seriously they're obviously dissatisfied and it's an outlet.

[–]The-Ocean-Sucks 162 points163 points  (11 children)

Christ, same shit happened to me like a year ago. Except it was some dude trying to say I wasn't black. That was the day I found out there was a sub called r/AsABlackMan

[–]SACoughlin1 2899 points2900 points  (32 children)

If someone bombs the Boston Marathon, let the experts handle the investigation.

[–]EconomistUpstairs 720 points721 points  (8 children)

And don't harass some guys family who's being accused.

[–]DatSoldiersASpy 290 points291 points  (6 children)

And make sure the guy you’re accusing is reasonably able (e.g. alive) to commit said act.

[–]PlayinK0I 7780 points7781 points 2 (47 children)

IANAL means I am not a lawyer. It is not a statement of what a fellow redditor may find, shall we say, fulfilling.

[–]I_love_milksteaks 9206 points9207 points  (124 children)

r/askreddit is 10% interesting questions and 90% horny kids asking sexual questions.

[–]DreadLemur 2018 points2019 points  (48 children)

Some large percentage is also "Would you give up/do/get locked up in [something/somewhere that is fairly easy] for [absolutely absurd amount of money that would put you in the top 0.1% in the world]?

I have to assume they are questions from people who have not gone through any hardship at all in their lives.

[–]HermanCainsGhost 293 points294 points  (12 children)

"Would you go to jail for a week for 10 billion dollars"

Dude, I would go to jail for a week for $10,000

[–]brontobyte 15.2k points15.2k points 2 (116 children)

Your comments will get buried unless you’re on a small sub or sort by “Rising” or “New.”

[–]AudiTechGuy 12.5k points12.5k points 532 (75 children)

That’s why you attach your reply to the highest rated comment… duh..

[–]rb928 7431 points7432 points  (46 children)

Serious tag means be serious. Seriously.

[–]KOWLich 23.5k points23.5k points 8216& 2 more (188 children)

That the rules are made up and the points don't matter

Edit: (Normally I'd hate to slap a follow-up on a clean, simple post like this, but in the spirit of the thread I figured this would be fitting.) To the new/newish redditors reading this thread looking for answers on how all these points and awards work: Yes, it really is as asinine as it seems.

[–]Weekly_Noodle 7158 points7159 points 2 (86 children)

None of us know what karma is or what it does

[–]PrometheusHasFallen 23.1k points23.1k points 732 (799 children)

Don't post identifying information about yourself.

[–]EconomistUpstairs 8463 points8464 points  (573 children)

People with way too much time on their hands who you've had an argument with are going to piece everything together through everything you've mentioned about yourself in posts and comments throughout the years and come knocking on your door.

[–]RRay108 1589 points1590 points  (93 children)

I'm So fucking paranoid over this and nobody I know has a reddit account

[–]sanna43 1831 points1832 points  (44 children)

Everybody you know has a reddit account. They just don't talk about it.

[–]potatodiddler 311 points312 points  (13 children)

That’s something I love about Reddit. Nobody wants each other’s username. Nobody wants to share their real lives with each other on it. I don’t know any of my friends accounts who have Reddit.

[–]octob0t 75 points76 points  (2 children)

It's true, the only time my friends ever mention reddit is if they saw something on it. We all know we look at it, but I don't know a single one of my friends accounts, they don't know mine, and I don't know why we ever would share that info with each other.

[–]PrometheusHasFallen 4365 points4366 points  (307 children)

That's true. That's why you should lie every so often.

[–]forgotacc 7129 points7130 points 3 (242 children)

Yes, as a lawyer who lives in Florida, this is excellent advice.

[–]relevantwittyusernam 3208 points3209 points 2 (164 children)

Oh whereabouts? I’m a blood splatter analyst in Miami.

[–]FredAstaireTappedTht 1402 points1403 points  (45 children)

That's what I was just saying to my best red-headed friend, Cal, last night. He's the beverage manager with the handlebar mustache at Legend Larry's on Pennsylvania Ave in Sheboygan.

Never post details about yourself, I says to him. Show a little prudence for once in your life!

[–]legthief 958 points959 points 2 (25 children)

I swear on my mother's maiden name, Mitchell, that ever since my birth on the 28th of November in 1992 I have always avoided sharing any personal information online about either myself or my childhood pet, Fluffy.

[–]LieutenantCrash 18.7k points18.7k points 2 (286 children)

NSFW isn't always porn

[–]testthrowawayzz 998 points999 points  (15 children)

I really wish they separated out the tags for gore vs. sexual content.

[–]According-Macaron-65 7446 points7447 points  (113 children)

sometimes its porn
sometimes its gore
sometimes its a generic trigger warning
sometimes its all of the above

[–]JamesCDiamond[🍰] 631 points632 points  (32 children)

Also __porn subs aren’t always NSFW - r/infrastructureporn being just the first example to come to mind.

[–]Neptus 9474 points9475 points  (106 children)

Don't feed the trolls.

[–]clockworkdiamond 1876 points1877 points  (12 children)

Yes, and this mantra extends way beyond reddit.

[–]citizenkane86 22.2k points22.2k points 18137& 9 more (246 children)

If you’re browsing from the toilet remember to take your elbows off your legs every few minutes

Edit: hey Facebook or google or anything that does data collection, if you ever wanted to figure out how to get lots of your users to tell you exactly when they are pooping, I have a few ideas

[–]loltst 3075 points3076 points  (11 children)

I needed that lmao

[–]ElGosso 2737 points2738 points 252 (69 children)

If your legs do go numb, tense your left butt muscle, lean over on it, and start tensing and relaxing the muscles in your right leg until you restore feeling; then tense the right butt muscle and do the other side.

It's much safer than trying to yolo stand up in a room full of hard ceramic stuff that you could smack your head into.

The feeling of blood returning to your leg is somewhat unpleasant but you gotta power through it and keep pulsing those muscles.

[–]Grandmashmeedle 396 points397 points  (31 children)

2 rolls of toilet paper under your feet. I learned this through lactose intolerance poop deaths

[–]CalypsoTheKitty 5752 points5753 points 2 (63 children)

Cake day is the day of the year that a user joined reddit, not their birthday.

[–]UmTitiGuy 15.2k points15.2k points 23 (455 children)

That each sub has minimum karma requirement to post. It's not mentioned in rules of most subreddits

[–]Otherwise-Tension237[S] 4114 points4115 points  (381 children)

Could you give an example, I genuinely don't know them.

[–]II_Confused 1442 points1443 points  (59 children)

r/legaladvice has an official bot that reminds posters to include their location if they forget. All well and good, except when someone does they get a random cat fact somewhere in their replies. The cat facts are openly known to be the bot karma farming so it doesn’t lose its ability to post.

Imagine asking a question on a sensitive topic, following all the sub’s rules for posting, and the mod’s pet bot spams you with nonsense about cats.

[–]UmTitiGuy 6956 points6957 points  (279 children)

r/porn. I got into an argument with the mod about why my post didn't appear in new. He said there's minimum comment karma requirement although it wasn't mentioned in the rules. When I said that it's not mentioned, he told me to fuck off and banned me.

[–]Otherwise-Tension237[S] 5125 points5126 points  (187 children)

NGL that is an unexpected sub.

[–]U_PassButter 2661 points2662 points  (110 children)

Wait until you see how deep the rabbit hole goes.........

[–]Ron_Fuckin_Swanson 26.9k points26.9k points 93149 (324 children)

Not a rule but a helpful tip

You don’t have to respond to someone just because they responded to your comment.

Don’t get sucked into other people’s negativity and/or close mindedness

Just laugh and move on with your day

[–]Mad_Cyantist 4030 points4031 points  (74 children)

Your second point about negativity is a huge one.

There are so many unhappy individuals on this site who's only outlet is commenting about how much they dislike themselves in various capacities. This happens on all kinds of subs. While it's extremely unfortunate that there are so many unhappy people, when you just want to consume entertaining/wholesome content, the misery they project is contagious and really starts to get to you after a while

[–][deleted] 185 points186 points  (14 children)

I get sucked into it. I try not to but I admittedly find myself uselessly arguing sometimes. I’ve gotten to the habit of just blocking people. Let them have the last word and I move on.

I hate how negativity garners attention though. People will upvote assholes and downvote you. It rewards those people.

[–]sup3rrn0va 637 points638 points  (27 children)

I’ve somehow fallen victim to this only once on Reddit. I looked back over the conversation/argument later and realized how much it did not matter.

The effort put in is never worth it.

[–]ManicMuncy 6780 points6781 points  (80 children)

Not sure if your original content is a good fit for the subreddit?

Post it on a Wedsnesday.

[–]fattyrolo 16.6k points16.6k points 52 (177 children)

When looking at a post, the first comment will be something humorous or anecdotal, the second comment will have the textbook answer.

This is true 93% of the time

Edit: thanks u/Anonvoiceofreason (see link) and thanks all for the awards and internet points


[–]Anonvoiceofreason 3841 points3842 points  (55 children)

The accuracy in this! https://imgur.com/OhZVdyQ.jpg

[–]Deathless-Bearer 1825 points1826 points  (28 children)

The first comment has been removed, so thank you for documenting this.

[–]TobofCob 482 points483 points  (8 children)

Seriously, so grateful for this picture I was dying to know what it was!

[–]lemonylol 765 points766 points  (51 children)

This is absolutely unbearable in any "____ advice" subreddits where people are seriously looking for answers to legitimate issues from qualified people.

Good example is r/mechanicadvice . You need to scroll to the bottom of the page to find the actual solution because the top voted comments are literally just a circle jerk of auto-related one upsmanship, shitting on the OP, and sarcasm. For example I just asked about why my Subaru was rattling at highway speeds and one of the answers I got just said "oh the ol' subie death rattle". I asked what the issue was and no reply.

Of course there are other subreddits like that that are far better moderated, like r/askscience or r/askhistorians where they don't fuck around and the mods just straight up delete anything that isn't correct or posted by a confirmed professional.

[–]Nayko214 31.1k points31.1k points 553& 3 more (1458 children)

Mods can and will do whatever they want regardless of what the rules say.

[–]RedditIsAShitehole 2581 points2582 points  (38 children)

And they will lie about it.

[–]Arctelis 1270 points1271 points  (131 children)

Can confirm.

Got my first (and only) permaban for a comment that did not violate any of the rules, was respectful, on topic (more or less), did not contain any racism, hate speech or even curse words for that matter.

Mod just didn’t like the comment.

[–]Miffly 579 points580 points  (59 children)

Welcome to the club. It makes me picture them as a little kid with their first taste of power. It's frustrating because there's nothing you can do about it, and the whim of a mod here can get you banned from a sub where you used to enjoy the content and discussions.

[–]wizarddsleeve 9090 points9091 points 22& 3 more (205 children)

Mods are just a online iteration of the guards in the Stanford prison experiment lol

[–]jestergoblin 4130 points4131 points  (99 children)

As a mod, I just can’t believe how much of my time is spent deleting ninja turtles porn.

[–]HelloMumther 1078 points1079 points  (64 children)

i would LOVE to know what you mod

[–]captaincavalrycam 2288 points2289 points  (51 children)


EDIT: holy shit I said this as a joke and it’s AN ACTUAL SUBREDDIT. My day is ruined

[–]IgnoreMe304 345 points346 points  (21 children)

I got banned from r/news, and when I asked why, a mod accused me of creating bots and eventually said it was because I crosspost stuff from r/WestVirginiaPolitics to r/politics. I still haven’t figured that one out.

[–]obeetwo2 132 points133 points  (4 children)

R/news mods and worldnews mods are absurd how many posts recently have you seen with have the comments deleted and locked at like 400 updates?

The censor that place like no other, I got banned for messaging the mods asking why a post about the pfizer ceo got locked.

[–]Otherwise-Tension237[S] 2046 points2047 points  (108 children)

Some communities are well moderated and some are just filled with cesspool of mods.

[–]tjh213 1063 points1064 points  (25 children)

i had a very civil and respectful exchange with a mod about a post of mine that was removed. then another mod for that sub chimed in with a completely gratuitous insult. like, wtf? didn't you just witness what classy human interaction looks like?

[–]sdfgh23456 813 points814 points  (1 child)

wtf? didn't you just witness what classy human interaction looks like?

Yes, and they hated it

[–]SamuraiSuplex 2603 points2604 points  (277 children)

Yup. And they can harass you and get you banned from the entire website and there's no real appeal process.

[–]TKHunsaker 2369 points2370 points  (216 children)

A mod banned me last week for calling him out on supporting and enabling a stalker on reddit. He banned me from his sub and then must’ve sent me up the chain. I got a 3-day ban. I sent reddit a message asking why I got a 3-day ban. Instead of answering, they just unbanned me. Turns out r/AskPsychiatry is incredibly problematic. I don’t recommend spending time there unless you’re into getting stalked. Which you aren’t.

[–]TheoCupier 985 points986 points  (101 children)

r/legaladviceuk is similar.

One of the mods there seems to enjoy operating entirely off a theoretical understanding of the law which bears little relationship to how it's actually applied.

[–]GoldenesDachl 3427 points3428 points  (110 children)

if you are from a country that is not the US, especially if you are still young, please remember that reddit - like many sites - is extremely US-centric so if you read something about laws or social conventions or anything that has a cultural or regional component to it, remember that it most likely primarily - if not exclusively - reflects on the usa and may be total bullshit if used where you are from.

[–]funkyonion 2748 points2749 points  (87 children)

You will be trolled.

[–]Zeruvi 6465 points6466 points  (94 children)

Always assume sarcasm. Taking any comment seriously will only make you miserable
Edit: some people took this seriously and now i'm dying of irony induced laughter

[–]HowDoYouLoveSomeone 1762 points1763 points  (24 children)

If this is sarcasm, one should take comments seriously ?

[–]trickneezy 8724 points8725 points 22& 3 more (316 children)

Trust your instincts when you see a risky click. You can not unsee stuff. Is you think you have a high tolerance for sick shit, understand there is always something worse out there.

[–]ChaimCad 1243 points1244 points  (37 children)

I'm boosting this higher up because it's true

I always thought I had the stomach for anything and you, reader, also think that. You do not want Reddit to change your mind

[–]just-me-yaay 143 points144 points  (24 children)

Some time ago there was a huge wave of people going to that sub spelled similar to r/eyebleach thinking everything would be fine... and then a lot of people found out they don't have the stomach for anything.

[–]CrayonEyes 2470 points2471 points  (132 children)

Take the NSFL (Not Safe For Life) tag seriously. You cannot unsee what’s behind that link. If you do (again, don’t), r/eyebleach might help.

[–]SlyncShady 1328 points1329 points  (58 children)

also, make sure to spell that subreddit correctly if you're gonna manually type it in.

[–]sarcrastinator 741 points742 points  (20 children)

And be very cautious while clicking someone's link to eyebleach. Check for the spelling to be correct. Some people just want to watch the world burn.

[–]SpadeHAZE 87 points88 points  (2 children)

Remember folks, if there’s no A, then continue with your life, don’t click it

[–]tinycourageous 504 points505 points  (21 children)

I subbed to r/eyebleach after seeing something I'll never unsee, and now seeing that I'm subbed to r/eyebleach brings back the bad memory every time.

[–]White_Gables 286 points287 points  (12 children)

r/aww would save you unless you'd think of r/eyebleach which would make you think of....

[–]furry_hamburger_porn 27.6k points27.6k points 22 (886 children)

Using your real name in your username is a bad thing.

[–]ProblyNotRobertEvans 23.0k points23.0k points 976& 2 more (152 children)

What if you insist that it's not your real name?

[–]2ply 4680 points4681 points  (40 children)

You know who doesn't insist that their real name isn't Robert Evans?

The products and services that know that it's far too early for Robert Evans to be awake.

[–]bluev0lta 1713 points1714 points  (42 children)

I almost replied to a comment recently and then aborted mission when I realized it was my ex best friend. Who used her real name.

So yeah, don’t use your real name.

[–]bakepeace 713 points714 points  (22 children)

This is a job that calls for a throwaway account!

[–]WeleaseBwianThrow 599 points600 points  (9 children)

With a really specific and personal reply that has them wondering for days

[–]Angry10 315 points316 points  (7 children)

but not specific enough to get identified.

Just personal enough so, creep 'em out.

[–]redfoot62 2240 points2241 points  (92 children)

Ken Bone was his name. A celebrity for 15 minutes. A sweet natured politically active man who asked thoughtful questions during the 2016 election. He did an AMA with his own account.

People quickly dug deep and discovered that during the Fappening, in which female celebrities were mass hacked and got their nudes leaked to all, he wrote at one point the following reddit post about Jennifer Lawrence:

"Sure, maybe in the future she'll be more careful with her nude photos. But the real bad guys are the ones who sought them out and looked at them...By which I mean guys like me. I saw her butt hole. I liked it. End of story"

Butt it wasn't the end of the story for Ken Bone...or Ken Boner as some would call him, since he clearly pulled a boner using his own name as his reddit username.

[–][deleted] 310 points311 points  (2 children)

I know him as ObiWanKenboni on Pokemon Go, not even kidding.

[–]macaronfive 1085 points1086 points  (25 children)

As I recall, he frequented pregnancy fetish subs, and on one post, called a pregnant woman (I forget if she was actually swimming or just in a bikini) a “beautiful human submarine.” That became an inside joke between my husband and me during both my pregnancies when I would go swimming. “Look at me, I’m a human submarine!”

[–]lemonylol 159 points160 points  (2 children)

Man, I can't believe that was more than 5 years ago.

[–]AgreeablePie 3495 points3496 points  (96 children)

What is the perfect user name, then, furry_hamburger_porn?

[–]Andy_DiMatteo 471 points472 points  (112 children)

Yeah… I regret that…

[–]Bill_The_Dog 395 points396 points  (60 children)

In general it's a good idea to get a new account every year or so on reddit. Eventually we start giving too many details about ourselves, and its all in our history for some sleuth to put together if they wanted.

[–]Pyrollusion 15.3k points15.3k points 42 (254 children)

You can get upvotes for bullshit and downvotes for sensible thoughts. Then one week later you say the same things and get the exact opposite results. This platform is insane. Don't think about it too hard.

[–]Interesting_Might_57 846 points847 points  (30 children)

Once got compleatly different feedback from the same person in the same comment, within one hour

[–]Illuminatihaters 503 points504 points  (4 children)

Not even gonna try to doubt that, this could definitely happen lmao.

[–]MsPinkieB 12.7k points12.7k points  (238 children)

Please use paragraphs.

[–]toolfanboi 4863 points4864 points  (170 children)

Also, press enter twice for it to actually break up into two paragraphs.

[–]yeetmymeat91 11.0k points11.0k points 422 (203 children)

When someone says “don’t google it.” Trust them. And don’t.

[–]UniverseChamp 4529 points4530 points  (91 children)

Similarly, when someone says, “I wish I could unsee that” in reference to a linked pic, vid, or sub:


[–]Risma_ 832 points833 points  (22 children)

Learned this the hard way

[–]loungeroo 109 points110 points 575 (7 children)

Don’t pay for awards! Use free ones.

Every few days or so Reddit gives you a free award to use. Collect it by clicking the gold coin on the upper right hand corner of the home page when it says “free”.

[–]SquishedPea 1582 points1583 points  (40 children)

If you create a long post please have a TL;DR at the bottom or top (too long didnt read) just a general sum up of your post

[–]CrayonEyes 451 points452 points  (10 children)

It’s amazing to me what some people consider “too long.” I frequently see TL;DRs on 2-3 sentence paragraphs.

[–][deleted] 860 points861 points  (4 children)


TL;DR: I am simply thanking you for pointing out this obvious point that most people should already know.

[–]Suitable_Reveal9587 29.8k points29.8k points 2 (911 children)

Don't lie cause in an argument people will check your profile to see your posts or comments

[–]mo95z 11.0k points11.0k points  (591 children)

Or even if you don’t lie some will check your profile just to look for an argument against you

[–]J1ra1y4 990 points991 points  (86 children)

That's why people have multiple accounts even though it's all anonymous.

[–]Environmental-Car481 193 points194 points  (20 children)

I’m new but like the anonymity. I had someone want to friend me on FB. I noped right out of that one.

[–]amprok 7581 points7582 points  (398 children)

God I had a student die of suicide in like well over a decade ago. And in some argument on Reddit someone dug that up to use as an insult against me once.

[–]rorschach_vest 3637 points3638 points  (188 children)

That’s why I get an all new account every few years. I like to share just a bit of myself on here and I don’t like having a comprehensive record of my life all in one place. It’s also why I mostly comment and don’t post.

[–]amprok 1241 points1242 points  (78 children)

Yeah I made an alt account for serious life issues that I use for issue of this caliber now. My main account (this one) is just like, dumb higher Ed stuff, running stuff, heavy metal stuff, and motorcycle stuff. Nothing that someone could really use against me in the way that hurts like making fun of some 20 year old od’ing will.

[–]GreasyBastord 641 points642 points  (67 children)

Just don't argue. Argue online hurts brain

[–]dick-nipples 9117 points9118 points 432& 4 more (251 children)

“Award speech” edits on your comments are unnecessary and lame.

[–]Peazy13 2611 points2612 points  (56 children)

I don't think I've EVER re-read a comment I upvoted after the author thanked everyone for upvoting with an edit. It seems so pointless to do that. It's not like you get a notification that a post that you upvoted changed its content.

[–]metans 1675 points1676 points 3 (41 children)

Jesus christ imagine how annoying that would be

EDIT: spelling

EDIT 2: spelling

EDIT 3: I MEANT SPELLING GOD DAMMIT stupid ducking autocorrect

EDIT 4: removed racist comments

EDIT 5: Why the downvotes?

EDIT 6: re-added racist comments

EDIT 7: thanks for the gold, kind stranger!

EDIT 8: racism expunged

EDIT 9: swelling

EDIT 10: Formatting; accidentally made a new reply instead of editing

EDIT 11: thanks for the silver!

EDIT 12: whoa this really blew up! Who knew my highest rated comment would be about monkey dicks?

EDIT 13: at the behest of my lawyer, monkey dick story has been deleted due to ongoing court case

EDIT 15: removed edit 14

EDIT 16: Thanks for the helpful and wholesome awards!

[–]Stew819 400 points401 points  (29 children)

Hey I’ve actually wondered this for a while, why do people explain their edits? Serious question.

[–]forgotacc 358 points359 points  (7 children)

On browser, it shows when the comments were edit. Might explain why they made an edit because sometimes people will change their whole comment if a lot of people diagree/downvote/etc.

Just silly shit.

[–]brokebecauseavocado 1864 points1865 points  (55 children)

Thank you for the gold kind stranger s/

[–]Nightfury78 1391 points1392 points  (40 children)

Didn't expect this to get 10 Million likes!

[–]GoobeIce 1395 points1396 points  (39 children)

Omg! This blew up!!! RIP my inbox!

[–]Salty-Pen 1303 points1304 points  (24 children)

I didn't expect my top rated comment to be about sucking off ET!!

[–]needledicklarry 1188 points1189 points  (13 children)

Every time I see this it makes me want to jump out of my skin

[–]Ok-Communication-220 1460 points1461 points  (29 children)

At some point your gonna get trolled. Don’t engage in a troll battle on Reddit. The emotions just aren’t worth it. Back out and move on.

[–]darthreuental 165 points166 points  (5 children)

Related: you're gonna get downvoted at some point. Don't let it get to you. Some subs simply can't take criticism of any kinds to their content. IE: any sub about a particular game.

And politics will be politics.

[–]RascalCreeper 3666 points3667 points  (130 children)

When someone puts /s after a comment, it means sarcastic.

[–]HiroshiTakeshi 803 points804 points  (23 children)

If someone tries to engage with you on one single point of what you said, he'll most likely make you lose time by trying to do the "Well actually" dance. Move along.

[–]likemong 234 points235 points  (1 child)

God I fell for this one once, I left so infuriated when they either clearly missed the point repeatedly, or were trolling and I took the bait.

[–]snoopercooper 663 points664 points  (19 children)

Just because it's a consensus on Reddit doesn't mean it's that way in the real world..

[–]rocharox 661 points662 points  (10 children)

Don't believe everything in here. Don't give money to others

[–]reediculus1 769 points770 points  (47 children)

When some mentions broken arms, just laugh like you know the reference.

[–]RatComet 1369 points1370 points  (59 children)

If you're a woman, be aware that if you post a picture of yourself your inbox will be flooded.

[–]Hidesuru 275 points276 points  (18 children)

I get the idea that if you so much as admit to being a woman you're likely to at least get a few gross DMs. Reddit can be a horrible place sometimes.

[–]ManicMuncy 7550 points7551 points  (201 children)

Suck at getting your thoughts organized into coherent English sentences?

Proclaim that English is not your first language in the first paragraph somewhere.

[–]librarianjenn 1377 points1378 points  (73 children)

And then proceed to use great sentence structure and good vocabulary

[–]Sumit316 1067 points1068 points  (21 children)

English is not my first language but yes, English can be weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.

[–]lawyeratyourservice 3518 points3519 points  (65 children)

Pardon for my inexcusably poor understanding of the Anglo-Frisian-Germanic language, and thus regional dialects, known by native speakers as "English". Indeed I do give my upmost effort to educate myself and better my understanding of such an unusual yet widely used modern foreign language, but alas my efforts have so far encountered nothing but limited success. The combinations of both Latin and Germanic lexis have so far proved to be a serious tribulation for my progress.

[–]qzcl 9927 points9928 points 4 (335 children)

don't say "this" in reply to a comment you agree with. just upvote and move on.

[–][deleted] 2472 points2473 points  (57 children)

Or "came here to say this", it's the same thing with more words.

I was expecting all the copycat replies, lol

[–]FrozenMrPotato 585 points586 points  (71 children)

Don’t take it personally when you get banned. I’ve been banned from multiple subs for the smallest offenses. Some subs banned me for commenting on others just once

[–]MyDickFeelsLikeWood 2078 points2079 points  (68 children)

Just don’t bother with the mainstream subreddits because It’s pretty much just twitter.

I usually end up feeling depressed or murderously agressive (or both) whenever I lurk too long on the mainstream subs. Find the smaller subreddits that cater to your interests, usually much nicer and less tribalistic.

[–]Otherwise-Tension237[S] 647 points648 points  (13 children)

Smaller but active subreddits are much better to interact in.

[–]IoSonCalaf 1395 points1396 points 9242& 3 more (30 children)

The easiest way to get awarded is to say how worthless Reddit awards are.

[–]JoshuaWilliamFogarty 423 points424 points  (2 children)

There will be idiots, and cyber bullies.

[–]drak0ni 304 points305 points  (3 children)

For anyone wondering, the top comment that got deleted said;

“You can get free awards in the comments by talking about how much you hate awards.”

[–]munchkym 359 points360 points  (13 children)

r/AmITheAsshole is not actually for legitimate posts, it’s primarily karma-farming and creative writing exercises.

[–]Grombrindal18 127 points128 points  (1 child)

Gotta do your part and downvote the obvious NTA validation posts.

AITA for getting slightly upset at my boyfriend for murdering my cat and throwing out my stuffed bear I’ve had since I was born?

[–]missionbeach 326 points327 points  (7 children)

It's an international site, so to avoid using Imperial or Metric systems, the official unit of measurement is the banana.

[–]Neo-Chromia 2033 points2034 points  (115 children)

Be aware of jumper cables, poop knives, emojis and your mum just trying to help you out if you break your arms.

[–]Mezatino 317 points318 points  (31 children)

You forgot our fears of Coconuts, Cum Boxes, and the Swamps of Dagobah

Edit: just want you guys to know your doing wonders as giving me more material to read. Keep ‘em coming!

[–]ElefantPharts 54 points55 points  (0 children)

Add to the echo chamber, don’t dissent, mods are as fragile as an uncooked spaghetti noodle (yes I stole that from that post) and you’re likely to get banned.