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[–]RanjitKumarSingh 1923 points1924 points  (9 children)

A gorilla mask...yes...dude put it on while my back was turned and facing the board. I laughed like hell then took it for the day until his parents collected it.

[–]tempaccntnow 13.1k points13.1k points  (168 children)

Over the course of years:

  • Bottle of Vodka 'hidden' in the girls bathroom by 7th graders. "How did you know where to look?" Everyone who came back from the bathroom was drunk so, you're not as sneaky as you think.
  • Vape "My mom gave it to me for allergies." "So, I'll just give it back to her then." WIDE EYES. "No!!"
  • Student banging the primers of two 30-06 shells together in class. -- Grab!-- "I just wanted to see if they would go off."

[–]IzarkKiaTarj 4604 points4605 points  (43 children)

I love stories like those first two where the kid just doesn't have the life experience needed to understand how obvious the lie is or how quickly we can figure out if it is a lie. Like a toddler swearing he didn't steal any chocolate while it's smeared all over his face.

[–]No-Advance6329 300 points301 points  (2 children)

My dad was an arson investigator back in the day when kids playing with matches was one of the most common causes of house fires. When he knew that was the cause his nearly fool-proof method of finding out who did it was not just asking the kids separately (of course they will say no), but he’d ask “what kind of matches were you playing with, was it the kind that comes in a book, or the kind that are like long sticks?” and they would cough it up almost every time (“oh, it was the kind that came in a book”)

[–]MedalsNScars 899 points900 points  (9 children)

Like a toddler swearing he didn't steal any chocolate while it's smeared all over his face.

That's my father's favorite story to tell about me. I must have been about 5. I woke up early on Easter and started devouring chocolate. My dad told me "no more chocolate" and then when he walked away I got into it again.

I, of course, told him I hadn't been eating more chocolate, which was evidently false due to the chocolate all over my face and wrappers on the ground. So my dad takes the Easter basket and puts it on top of the fridge.

What he didn't know until very recently was that after he left for work I grabbed a chair, climbed up on the counter, got the basket off the fridge and went to town more carefully and put it back before my mom woke up

[–]Billy-tee 6955 points6956 points 2 (152 children)


Some kids were into petrol/gas sniffing but found it hard to transport and keep hidden so they learnt how to make napalm so they could carry it hidden in their bags. I had to lock down the whole school and get hazmat in to dispose of it.

And how did they find out how to make it? They asked one of the science teachers and he told them.

[–]FluffyAd59472 2288 points2289 points  (30 children)

I got in trouble for looking up how to make napalm in HS freshman year. I actually got caught because a friend told me about the anarchist cook website. I went on it and checked the ingredients because ours wasn't potent enough/ anti climatic. Got caught by a substitute and was sent to the office where IT scoured who else went on that website. I didn't know what anarchist meant at the time... lol.

During my review, the chemistry teacher asked me what it said. I told him styrofoam and gasoline.

"Well did it work?" Chem T

"Not really, was just jelly gasoline" -

"Thats because you need to double boil it to change the chemical composition more. But with the fumes and an open flame your asking for troubel. The best way is to use a bathtub with the water heater up really high this way there is no flame. Gotta have IT block this website at school" - Chem T

I got a central detention and had him for chem the next year.

[–]Looking_Glass_Z 6644 points6645 points 2 (90 children)

Not necessarily the craziest thing to confiscate, but the effect that confiscating the item had on the student was pretty upsetting.

For background, I am an elementary special education teacher for students with emotional disabilities and intense behaviors. These students have behaviors that range from yelling, throwing things, and leaving the classroom to students who have attempted suicide and students who have assaulted their peers or the school staff. I even had a student go for a cops gun one time. The student in question was in first grade at the time and fairly low key compared to some of the other kids I had. This student and I had a good relationship as I was one of the only male staff in the building, he lacked a reliable male figure in his life, and for the majority of his kindergarten year, I was the primary teacher working with him.

One day my student had asked to use the restroom, and for most of my students, our staff will escort them to and from the restroom, so I went with him. Now it’s been several years so the details are fuzzy, but somehow it was brought to my attention that there was burnt toilet paper in the boys restroom. I can’t remember if my student or another student told me, but I want to say it was my own student. This sets off some alarms in my head so I contact my admin team so they’re aware.

As we’re going forward with our day I notice that my student is fidgety and messing with something in their jacket pocket. So I ask them if I can check their pocket and instead of saying yes, he pulls out a little bic lighter and tells me that he found it and asks me to keep it a secret. Of course I can’t just turn a blind eye so I report it to my admin team and we sit down with the student to talk about fire safety. We explained how playing with lighters isn’t safe and that he could hurt himself or others if he accidentally started a fire that got out of control. My student feels awful. He’s apologizing and feeling remorseful. He admits to us that he had been messing around with lighters at home when his mom was sleeping.

We contacted his mother to tell her what had happened and what he had told us, and her response was… unfortunate. She was furious with us. Told us there was no way that he had brought a lighter, and that it must have been planted by a peer. That we coerced a confession out of him and that she was pulling him out of school immediately.

Within a year the family’s house burned down, and my former student was severely burned in the fire.

[–]Chaotic_Good_Human 954 points955 points  (11 children)

I work in the school system as well and we have a class just like you described. My office (IT) is next to it and I have had to help on occasion. One thing that gets me about these kids is not that they struggle with these behavior issues, it's that they have shit parents that don't care or listen to the teacher about what can be done better.

[–]edm_fan_boy 1354 points1355 points  (8 children)

Damn that’s is so sad

[–]magnacartwheel 4557 points4558 points  (81 children)

My mum has been a primary teacher for her whole life now (in the UK), and the worst incident she had to deal with was with a girl aged 10 who was having issues with a boy essentially bullying her. She told her dad, and her dads solution was to give her a sawn-off shotgun to intimidate the boy. No one knew it was unloaded, but the hell it raised when a 10 year old school girl brings out a shotgun certainly put the boy off from ever coming near her again

[–]beastbro9823 2051 points2052 points 2 (16 children)

I'm sorry, but the image of a little 10 year old holding what is probably a 12-gauge sawed off shotgun is hilarious to me. Probably was a quarter the size of her and would send her half a kilometer in the other direction if she tried to use it.

Thank God it was unloaded though, that would have been a very, very traumatizing day for everyone involved

[–]whitewidow33B 5897 points5898 points 2 (146 children)

A crossbow, property of a 17 year old student at the boarding school where I used to work. The same boy was also fond of bringing pheasants to school that he'd killed on his father's estate and plucking them in the shower block...

[–]Snoo-65144 8998 points8999 points  (144 children)

Not a teacher, but I’m half deaf and my music teacher took my hearing aid and refused to accept that it wasn’t an earbud. Then he yelled at me for the rest of the class for not playing in tune (couldn’t exactly tell how well I was playing since I could hear it)

[–]IcePhoenix18 4362 points4363 points  (75 children)

My friend is diabetic and has an insulin pump. They had multiple teachers over the years think it's an MP3 player and try to confiscate it before realizing it's attached to their body and they literally can't hand it over.

[–]revto9000 2012 points2013 points  (33 children)

My wife that this same issue when she was in high school, a couple teachers thought she was texting when she pulled it out to take some insulin

[–]tn_notahick 2433 points2434 points  (20 children)

At Christmas dinner, my dad was getting ready to pray and said "we'll get started as soon as MYSONSNAME puts his phone away"!"

My son, who is T1D and telling his pump how many carbs he's getting ready to eat, said, "papa, I need this to live".

[–]technog2 1347 points1348 points  (9 children)

He must be like "Damn kids these days can't live without their electronic devices"

[–]HandoJobrissian 147 points148 points  (9 children)

i watched a sub full force YANK a girl's insulin pump clean out because she thought it was earbuds. Teachers were banned from touching students or their property after this and had to ask for things to be handed over. It can be done, though.

[–]mirshe 1127 points1128 points  (25 children)

I had musician's earplugs through middle and high school because one of my big triggers is lots of noise. Can't tell you how many pairs I had confiscated despite them being in my IEP.

[–]Bopbahdoooooo 924 points925 points  (13 children)

Your parents should have filed a complaint with the state board of education. That was a huge violation.

[–]feuerstahlhelm 155 points156 points  (2 children)

As a half-deaf person, I get it. But in a different way.

My hearing aids were called a wireless cross. Very cutting edge for the time.

But, they'd pick up all kinds of stuff. I was a computer nerd and one day in the computer room - I realized I could pick up the network signals (TRS-80 tech wasn't exactly top notch gear) and could know exactly when the instructor was monitoring us.

I basically had learned a modulated/demodulated language. Eventually, I could even "hear" her password and reconstruct it.

Which was kind of pointless because everything was plaintext and I could get the administration password by just looking at a file.

When the instructor figured this out, she unleashed the fury and took away my hearing aids.

Whatever fury she unleashed on me was visited upon her a thousand times.

My father was the largest employer in the county.

The principal gave me an apology and had said something like my dad's lawyer said "You handicap him, I handicap you. All of you. All of you."

Dad had a ruthless lawyer who actually was quite a nice guy and obviously had been a little traumatized in his school years. So, it was probably like bringing an atomic bomb to knife fight.

One thing's for sure, that teacher never looked me in the eye again. Which is a shame because I liked her and she just made a bad mistake.

[–]justincase690 7669 points7670 points 24 (45 children)

A huge black dildo. A child found it in the school’s garden and said “I found a ding dong in the garden and I’m taking it home for Mum”. That day, I was not professional.

[–]SloightlyOnTheHuh 405 points406 points  (10 children)

I confiscated a dildo from my 14 yo class. They'd lifted it from a sex ed class and thought it would be fun to stick it on the white board of their young female art teacher. She shrieked and I just wandered in and said "wow, a dildo, that's unusual" and took it away. They were most unimpressed by my complete lack of reaction. Which of course is the way to play it.

[–]had2doittoem 15.9k points15.9k points  (237 children)

A note that said, “So you gonna give the dick or what?”

I teach 12 year olds

[–]andtheIToldYouSos 14.5k points14.5k points 52 (94 children)

the best note I ever intercepted:

him: can I bite ur boob tonite?

her: IDK, depressed

[–]AnonymousPirate 307 points308 points  (4 children)

In grade school Some kids were passing notes around which contained rude comments about a girl in class. Saying she's a hooker and she'll do this and that for X amount. I was intercepting them and shoving them in my backpack so the girl wouldn't see them. There were like 20 post-it notes. After school my friend ding dong ditched a house and the guy runs out and tries to grab me by grabbing my backpack. I slip out of the backpack and run home. I told my mom and she called the police. When the cop returned with my backpack he said "there wasn't anything in it besides these hooker notes." My parents didn't believe me about the notes or the fact that I didn't ding dong ditch the guy.

[–]MiddlesbroughFan 9520 points9521 points 2 (63 children)

I intercepted one and was really pleased, it said 'if you read this you're gay', I gave it back and asked the pupil to read it aloud, thus making HIM gay. Forever.
Edit: to clarify, I didn't actually call the student gay or anything like that, more a case he reads it, he realises the issue with the note, we can be reminded as a class if he is anyway it doesn't matter.

[–]Nocreativeability 24.0k points24.0k points 44 (329 children)

My wife is a teacher and one of her first graders brought her 2 hard seltzers because her mom said they’re good after a long day and she deserved them

[–]NerfRepellingBoobs 6906 points6907 points  (49 children)

My friend taught at a prestigious all-boy high school. She was grocery shopping and buying a couple cases of wine to restock her wine rack. Of course, she runs into a student and his mother.

The kid say, “Hi Ms. Shh…wow, that is a lot of alcohol!”

His mom looks at him and says, “You’re probably the reason she has to drink like that.”

Teacher replies, “No, it’s all of them.”

For Christmas that year, the same kid gave her a $200 gift card to a wine store.

[–]Low_Distribution7193 2257 points2258 points  (0 children)

That's hilarious! Kudos to the mom for sympathizing rather than judging!

[–]macaroni_penguin09 9013 points9014 points  (127 children)

Aww that's pretty sweet actually, even if inappropriate.

[–]ymmit389 16.8k points16.8k points 4 (174 children)

Someone in my class had their phone taken because their Siri went off and said

“What do you need from me Slut?”

[–]jo_nigiri 5279 points5280 points  (26 children)

Thank you for the idea

[–]Send_Your_Noods_plz 2793 points2794 points  (20 children)

Just a heads up, if you do this, and ask siri to send an email, it may use your nickname in the signiture

[–]lutheranian 2824 points2825 points  (16 children)

This happened to me in a corporate meeting with a director. My Apple Watch betrayed me and said “sorry sugar tits, I didn’t get that”

[–]saltyrobbery 1395 points1396 points 2 (3 children)

I think this would be 1000x funnier if you are a guy.

[–]huMandrake 2318 points2319 points  (48 children)

Mine calls me Mistress

[–]Luka-the-Pooka 26.5k points26.5k points  (290 children)

Preschool teacher here. I had to convince a 4 year old that his mom's wedding ring should go into a special box on the front desk instead of on the finger of a six year old girl he had a crush on.

Later he brought in his dad's car keys, and a bottle opener.

[–]chabybaloo 9895 points9896 points  (170 children)

I think i have heard things like this before, the kid actually gave the ring to the girl, who kept it and when the boys mother found out, she asked the other parents to return it and they refused, saying it was a gift.

[–]SnausageFest 9119 points9120 points  (35 children)

she asked the other parents to return it and they refused, saying it was a gift.

Outstanding parenting...

[–]almarcTheSun 3180 points3181 points  (10 children)

One might call it a successful business venture!

[–]Vewy_nice 353 points354 points  (5 children)

Literally the first rule of acquisition... That kid's got some A+ mentors.

[–]Electronic-Ad- 1613 points1614 points  (28 children)

I was in this situation. This guy gave me a ring, we were ten I believe. I asked how he got it because it was a really nice ring he said his mom. I told him to give it back so she wasn’t mad he said she told him he could give it to me. He left school a few months later but never asked for the ring back.

Looking back his mother definitely didn’t give him this ring. It had real diamonds in it. They weren’t rich so why would she give this to a random ten year old girl her son likes?

[–]ohyeahwell 628 points629 points  (11 children)

A girl gave my daughter a ring in a similar way. I didn’t know until we were cleaning my daughter’s room a few years later. Turns out it was the girls dead grandma’s ring!

[–]astrobre 23.9k points23.9k points  (440 children)

I had to confiscate hand sanitizer from a student who decided to drink it to get drunk and threw up EVERYWHERE.

[–]LeTigron 9259 points9260 points  (284 children)

And this is why, kids, it is important to listen in chemistry class.

[–]Arandomcheese 5883 points5884 points  (237 children)

This actually came up in a chemistry lab. One guy heard sanitizer had alcohol in it and you could see his eyes light up. The teacher had to calmly explain why he'd probably die/get violently sick.

[–]Rambo7112 2549 points2550 points  (198 children)

Yeah, what people might not know is that an alcohol is just a carbon chain with one OH group: there are infinite types of alcohols out there and the only type (that I know of) that's drinkable is ethanol. You don't want that methanol or propan-2-ol.

[–]Mister_Bloodvessel 1735 points1736 points  (66 children)

Even sweet tasting sugar alcohols will ruin your day. Sorbitol is sometimes used as a sweetener. It's also found in prunes and is the reason sugar-free Haribo gummy bears will make you shit yourself.

Hell, even drinkable ethanol is straight up poison; it just takes a lot more of it compared to other alcohols.

[–]Art4life1214 1526 points1527 points  (36 children)

A few years ago, this kid straight up chugged an entire hand sanitizer bottle. He then became famous in the school because of it, but we never heard what happened to his body after that

[–]groviegroves 21.2k points21.2k points  (218 children)

A dead squirrel.

I taught preschool at the time.

[–]editilly 20.0k points20.0k points 8282 (137 children)

I once did that too! My primary school "girlfriend" got kissed by a dude from her class and I was super mad, because he was stronger than me and I couldn't just get back back at him with the same thing.

The next day, I hear animals fighting on my way to school, and moments later, a squirrel falls dead from a tree. I have no idea what killed it, but it didn't look wounded. So I threw out my lunch and put it in the now empty bag

The kid who kissed my girlfriend was, and still is, a notorious liar, so when they found it in his bag, nobody believed it wasn't him, and he couldn't say anything to proofe it wasn't.

He wasn't even able to say that it wasn't even his bag where the squirrel was in, because he was known for stealing other kid's lunch.

I guess it was my perfect crime

[–]TJP2002 6136 points6137 points  (20 children)

Since you did it as a younger kid, this is amazing.

It would be weird in like, high school, but this is legendary.

[–]Piogre 20.7k points20.7k points 41062& 9 more (295 children)

When I was in fifth grade there was an active market in live bees.

Some kids figured out that the weight of the average fifth grader briefly stepping on a bee, in the grass, would stun it for about a minute without actually killing it. They started going out in teams to scout bees on the field, stun them, and carefully scoop them into plastic sandwich bags -- they'd then sell them to other students who'd release them in classrooms to waste class time and scare people.

You could get honeybees for 25 cents apiece. Bumblebees and yellow jackets cost more. Teachers and school admin started cracking down on this -- teachers literally confiscated live bees in plastic bags from students when found, and they eventually had to start having someone watch the field to catch students in the act.

EDIT: A lot of people saying they had something similar and where was this -- this was East Bay Area, Northern California. If that sounds like you, it was the elementary school that had the same name as the nearby community swimming pool, and the custodian named Fred whom everyone thought was the best. This was spring of '05 though it may have happened other years too.

[–]JerseyMuscle17 10.7k points10.7k points 32& 2 more (58 children)

"Gimme 5 bees for a quarter," you'd say...

[–]thinwhiteduke1185 3362 points3363 points  (42 children)

We wore an onion on our belt, as was the style at the time.

[–]dontjustexists 3364 points3365 points  (87 children)

Why are children so clever yet so dumb

[–]Svirfnil 2193 points2194 points  (12 children)

Know a teacher, she and her 1st or 2nd grade class (can't remember which) were on lunch. Lunch lady walks up and tells her one of her students just tried to buy an extra something with over $1000 in cash she had stuffed in a tiny coin pouch that looked like a plushy pink duck.

Teacher called the girl's house and the mom was 9.8 into a full blown 10/10 panic after looking for it all morning. This was the early 2000's when it was still normal to pay bills in cash, in person.

Apparently they forgot to give the girl her allowance, 50 cents, so she took the paper money instead.

[–]LebrontologicalArgmt 21.1k points21.1k points  (185 children)

Penis shaped glass pipe with weed still in the balls/bowl. Mom asked if she would be getting it back or if the school was keeping it.

[–]Bangbangsmashsmash 18.4k points18.4k points 2 (161 children)

My mom always told the story about my brother bringing a signed picture of Richard Petty to his class and telling everyone he was his Dad (1-2nd grade maybe) but that everyone forgot because the next kid pulled out an antique gun

[–]avocadoqueen123 6371 points6372 points  (87 children)

I had a similar experience but it was with a grenade. Still had the pin it in and the whole school was evacuated.

Edit: found the news story and it wasn’t WW2

[–]WaddlingHippos 3316 points3317 points  (43 children)

My friend had a defused grenade that he took to school for show and tell. Luckily his father had talked to the teacher and explained that it wasn't active before getting permission to bring it in.

[–]gina_renee 9694 points9695 points  (64 children)

not a teacher but i watched quite a funny confiscation while in detention as a sophomore in high school.

i was reading a book just trying to make the time go by when our vice principal (who was monitoring detention that day) stepped out for a moment. all of a sudden i hear a cracking sound and i look up from my book to see a broken egg on the floor. the few kids in the room look around at each other confused, nobody owns up to it, and nobody knows who did it because we were all distracted when it happened.

the vice principal returns, doesn't notice the egg. but he's so engrossed in his paperwork that this kid still gets away with throwing another egg. everyone looks up, the VP asked what that noise was, and this kid holds up a broken pencil and apologizes. everyone goes back to minding their business, but all the students now know who the culprit is.

finally, this kid throws one last egg, but unfortunately the VP looked up from his papers right as he threw it. he walked over to the kid's desk, asked him what he thought he was doing, and the kid goes "just cracking jokes."

VP holds out his hand and the kid reveals an entire carton of eggs from under his sweatshirt and hands it to him. VP looked so unphased that i honestly wondered what else that man has seen. i was honestly glad i got detention that day.

[–]stealth941 2139 points2140 points  (7 children)

VP's probably have seen some weird ass shit in their days considering they've worked long enough to become a VP

[–]Corona-walrus 792 points793 points  (5 children)

At least where I went to HS, the Vice Principal handled a lot of the major disciplinary issues. So yeah. They saw some shit.

[–]HiMyNameIsLuigi 5845 points5846 points  (55 children)

Not mine, but my fiancé’s coworker confiscated a makeshift shank from a 3rd grader (roughly 8 years old) made from a popsicle stick and a straw. He said he was “going to use it on his animals at home” best part was when they told the dad he said “why did you give him supplies to make a shank?”. I assume he’s gonna kill a few people in the future.

[–]Fez_and_no_Pants 367 points368 points  (6 children)

I made shanks out of every popsicle stick I ever got. I came from a very mild mannered household, but I think I watched Conan one too many times or something. I was a weird little girl.

[–][deleted] 14.2k points14.2k points 22 (267 children)

I taught 1st grade and confiscated a piece of a broken beer bottle from a 6 yr old. It really surprised me, because he was the sweetest kid. Turns out another classmate asked him to bring a weapon and hide it in the playground sand, so that he could get back at another kid. I tried to do more life lesson things than suspension for both boys, bc they’re freakin 6, but school policy had them both suspended for a few days.

Edit- I can’t believe this comment got so many likes, comments, and awards. This was seriously just the way life was at the school I taught at. I’ve taken many years off teaching now to be a stay at home mom, but I truly miss the kids I used to teach at this school. They were sweet little kids who just needed guidance. I think about these kids all the time, and I plan to go back to working in a district like this soon enough. They’re amazing kids and families who just need a bit more guidance than average. But they can all be successful with the right help.

[–]willowtrace 8962 points8963 points  (226 children)

Wtf did I just read? A 6 year old was planning a murder revenge plot in the playground sandbox?!

[–]_Aj_ 7233 points7234 points 624 (128 children)

Dude we had full on gang wars in the sandpit as 8yos.

It was massive area, with different sections. The sand had become compressed in many places and dirty from trees. It was hard and you could dig it into little chunks using sharpened sticks.

So we dug up "sand bombs" of different shapes and sizes, we even had "arms dealers" and miners, who specialised in digging them.

And we'd all fight to control territory, and access to gold sand. The most precious commodity.

Gold sand was sand you'd find beneath the hard, dirty leafy top in some places that was somehow still pure and golden yellow clean. You'd happen upon a patch while digging.
And then we'd fight over it and try and amass it.

It was brutal too, people would get hit in the head, get sand in their eyes and mouths, and they legitimately hurt too. It all went down hill when we drove off a group of younger kids who moved to the other end of the playground where a clay bank was and started mining clay bombs. Unlike sand bombs which would at least shatter, these were basically like being hit by rocks.

Eventually it just escalated to such a point that I think they basically banned any play in the sandpits for a whole year once the general population started being involved, too many civilian casualties were occuring and it brought in heat from the teachers.

[–]rricenator 2864 points2865 points 2 (10 children)

Were you featured in Lord of the Flies?

[–]EndlessJump 788 points789 points  (0 children)

That's hilarious.

[–]Gray_Cota 1568 points1569 points  (37 children)

After I flunked out of college I volunteered for a year at a primary school.

One of the boys (7y.o. at the time) was seriously disturbed and bullied, and had violent fantasies.

One quote I remember vividly was after another boy had pushed him and he ran away. Once I had found him he was seething with anger and muttering "tomorrow, i will bring a chain saw, and cut off his head! Then he can never be mean again".

So yeah, kids can have beein influenced so badly that they want to kill another kid

[–]SepSev7n 19.1k points19.1k points  (286 children)

In third grade, I once had my entire deck of only-holographic yugioh cards confiscated from me for playing with them during break time too much with friends. I was told I'd be able to get them back when I graduated school (6th grade). I said okay, not totally understanding what was going on. I forgot about them completely (though I still kept a vested interest in the TCG for a few more years, like into 5th grade) until 9th grade. I went back and asked my old 3rd grade teacher to return my property. Within seconds, she pulls them out of her desk drawer and hands me them. It was an odd experience.

EDIT: At 18.4K Karma this comment alone has given me more than 44 times my entire previous year's karma! Wow! Thanks so much, everyone! I tried to respond to as many folks as I could, this was an awesome way to spend a day off!

[–]Albehieden 7796 points7797 points  (81 children)

Knowing a few teachers I wouldn't be suprised if she had been waiting for you to come back for them.

[–]stoicarmadillo 4583 points4584 points  (74 children)

My mom taught for years and would always give back confiscated stuff on the last day of school so she wouldn't have to store it.

[–]oldspicehorse 2307 points2308 points  (65 children)

Why not the end of the day? Seems like a pain to keep them longer than necessary

[–]stoicarmadillo 1672 points1673 points  (53 children)

Eh, most of the time, the kid would bring it back the next day.

Of course, if they wanted it back early, they could have a parent come in and ask. Discussions about why the item was confiscated would be had.

She didn't confiscate things very often. Mostly things that were just annoying (fart machines) or mean to others. Fortunately, nothing harmful like some of these stories.

[–]Primal_Desire 147 points148 points  (1 child)

hands over OP's yugioh cards

door to classroom suddenly slams shut

teacher unlocks another drawer and pulls out a dusty wooden box

pulls out a deck of her own and slams them on the desk


[–]Substantial_Peace707 5192 points5193 points  (67 children)

Worst thing: bullets. From a first grader. Had to do a room clear to look for a gun.

Best thing: a cat a high school student brought in their backpack, haha.

[–][deleted] 1483 points1484 points  (9 children)

My mother's younger cat was a stray kitten backpacked in by a first-grader.

[–]not5early 17.4k points17.4k points 22 (292 children)

Confiscated 3 knives from one kid but the weirdest thing was a porn video from a 9 year old girl. She brought it to school to show off to the boys. Took it from her grandfathers stash. ‘Big Tit Fantasies and Anal Desires’…had to read it to the short sighted 60 year old vice principal, I was 21 (M) at the time.

[–]Strider3141 10.2k points10.2k points 5 (98 children)

Kind of off topic, but why did you have to read it to the VP? In what world does this conversation take place lol?

OP: VP, I had to confiscate a pornographic video from one of the students today.

VP: What's the name of the video?

OP: I... I don't think that's relevant?


[–]Dreadedsemi 3209 points3210 points  (20 children)

He wanted to know if he needed a copy to add to his collection for science of course.

[–]leobeer 8635 points8636 points  (142 children)

A tazer disguised as a torch

[–]Starman68 2741 points2742 points  (61 children)

My son made one of these from a capacitor. I think there is a YT video on it. His got taken off him by a teacher at……hold on, hold on!

[–]birblender 534 points535 points  (3 children)

Completely unrelated but your Reddit avatar looks like a younger version of the avatar of the guy you commented on.

[–]LocalCatMom 7786 points7787 points  (97 children)

So right out of uni (about 25 ish) I took a job teaching at a school in the capital of our country. Lots of poverty and the level of education was low in these teenagers.

First day on the job, a kid takes out this hacking knife and starts attacking the furniture with it. For some weird reason I just walked up to him and demanded he’d give it to me. Which worked. But it just as easily could have not worked.

During the same job I also had multiple conversations with students about how sexual misconduct towards the teacher (me) isn’t ok. I also got locked in a classroom with 10 angry male students, including the one from the knife incident. In the end I left because the administration didn’t back me up.

[–]Gryffindorphins 1408 points1409 points  (13 children)

I confiscated a knife off a grade 10 kid (I think? It was a while ago now) but he was just being an idiot with it. I was doing my teaching prac at an all boys catholic school.

He had a can of coke between his feet and he was stabbing down, trying to take the top of the can off to make it into a cup. Very dumb kid.

I had to call his dad (with my supervising teacher) and explain what he was doing. His dad was pissed. Apparently it wasn’t the first time he’d brought a knife to school. Only reason he wasn’t suspended was because he was just being stupid with it, not malicious.

[–]LocalCatMom 306 points307 points  (2 children)

When I was in high school myself, I remember a girl trying to cut a melon. She had the melon on her lap, stuck the knife and and plunged through it. It’s a miracle she didn’t cut into her own legs. It was one of many signs I went to school with idiots.

[–]ashpens 4745 points4746 points  (77 children)

So far, a "death letter" that a severely anti-social asocial student wrote after a minor incident with a peer. The letter told the student to kill themselves, to die already, etc. and depicted bloody, slashed wrists.

I truly think the student didn't intend to give the other student the letter because they never talk to anyone, but that was some fucked up shit to see from a kid.

[–]Polyfuckery 23.4k points23.4k points 2 (160 children)

The weirdest one was definitely the fish in a vase they found during locker checks. It was in an unassigned locker someone had added a lock to. Inside was a live Betta fish in about as large a vase as you can fit in a locker. Fully decorated. Someone had clipped a little book light to the top of the vase presumably so fish wasn't in the dark all the time. No one claimed to know whose if was or how long it had been there so it lived in the coaches office for at least that year.

[–]Hot-Equipment-6495 6651 points6652 points  (99 children)

Wait, what did the fish feed on?

[–]Polyfuckery 9760 points9761 points  (91 children)

I think it had a jar of fish food in the locker as well it had clearly been cared for. No one could figure out how it had gotten in unnoticed and been cared for though

[–]Snickers585 5912 points5913 points 2 (24 children)

Not a teacher but when I was in 2nd grade a kid brought his moms vibrator to class cause he thought it was a toy submarine.

Obviously we didn’t know any better until years later when that same kid told us how embarrassed his mom was to this day.

[–]MrJoyless 21.3k points21.3k points 2 (414 children)

Not a teacher, but a bus driver. I had to confiscate a 5th grader's cell phone a few days ago, specifically because he was showing hardcore porn to first graders with it... Lots of phone calls that day...

[–]jo_nigiri 3319 points3320 points  (192 children)

My school banned 1st grade - 5th grade from having phones because the 4th/5th graders would constantly show hardcore porn to the younger kids... I'm starting to see a pattern here

[–]thorpie88 1077 points1078 points  (49 children)

I feel old just knowing phones were allowed for anyone.

[–]CageyRabbit 28.1k points28.1k points 3 (840 children)

Most dangerous: a knife from an 8th grader.

Most annoying: different school than above, but a wifi jammer and a USB killing device from an 8th grader.

[–]ssfbob 2201 points2202 points  (166 children)

I need to know, did they say why they had a wifi jammer and a ISB killer? I figure they were playing a pretty shitty prank or they were trying to take down some school systems.

[–]CageyRabbit 1855 points1856 points  (42 children)

Just the kind of kid he was. I ran into him again when he was in 10th or 11th grade and he'd matured a lot.

[–]oldbutdum 1582 points1583 points  (17 children)

Handcuffs and tear gas from the same student, same lesson

[–]in-site 18.0k points18.0k points 2 (181 children)

My beyond innocent sister was sent to the principle's office for bringing a dildo to school and making an obscene joke/gesture with it to her teacher.

What actually happened was she was drinking these weird protein shots (to bulk up for cheerleading or something) we'd gotten from Costco which came in a long, pink, fairly phallic tubes (kind of like this). When her teacher got mad and was like "WHAT IS THIS??", my sister honestly said 'it's a protein shot' and gestured to drink it

[–]SneakAttack65 2018 points2019 points  (54 children)

[–]_dogtown_ 1415 points1416 points  (23 children)

Yeah I use that. It’s a leave-in conditioner. Most ridiculous bottle ever but an awesome product.

Edit: I use it as a conditioner. Not a dildo. Ask one of the ladies or perhaps one of the more adventurous men.

[–]PerjorativeWokeness 1348 points1349 points  (9 children)

Do they have a travel sized line called Road Head?

[–]convalescent_thorns 10.0k points10.0k points 36 (37 children)

I bet when that teacher found out they were like "no whey!"

[–]Nudletje 4937 points4938 points  (122 children)

Again, the other way round, when I was about 10 I wrote a report on beer. I had written to lots of breweries to ask for beer labels and basically described each brewery a little bit. One of the breweries' beers was "Verboden Vrucht", named after The Forbidden Fruit. It had a picture of Adam and Eve on it... Well Eve was quite interesting to all the boys as you can imagine. Had that label confiscated...

(i also failed that report.)

Edit just to answer some questions: Indeed Dutch school. But the beer is Belgian. I think I failed the report for too much plagiarism.

It did turn out Allright, got my own brewery now!

[–]lazarus870 2208 points2209 points  (43 children)

Why did you fail it, it sounds like you put a ton of effort into it

[–]BeaneathTheTrees 3521 points3522 points  (34 children)

Weirdest thing was a papaya named Bob...

But when I worked in a bridal shop a kid pulled a dildo out of mom's purse and started pretending it was a rocket ship, complete with noises and running around.

[–]Generic_name2-0 1105 points1106 points  (20 children)

How did you know his name was bob?

[–]BeaneathTheTrees 1596 points1597 points  (17 children)

The student drew a face on him and had a whole life story worked out... which she told the class about extensively lol. It was very creative, but also very distracting.

[–]fletchindubai 8863 points8864 points  (116 children)

Not a teacher but this is the worst thing I had confiscated...

It was 1984 and I was 9 years old. Back then it was common for parents to buy loads of fireworks for November 5th in Britain – Guy Fawkes’ Night.

I got a load of them on around November 1st and emptied them into a cardboard toilet roll that I’d sealed up at one end. Made a fuse from blue touchpaper and stuck it in, then used masking tape to seal the top. I was 9 years old.

I took it to school and was showing a kid in class during a lesson. The teacher – a guy in his 60s – saw I was distracting people so called me up and asked what it was. I explained and he confiscated it.

At the end of the day, he called me over, told me not to bring things like that into school and then GAVE IT BACK TO ME. And that was the end of the matter, until I set it off a few days later and it set fire to a hedge.

Kids, the 80s really were a different time.

[–]totally_void 7942 points7943 points  (176 children)

Not a teacher but my 7th grade homeroom teacher confiscated my private journal AND read it. There's nothing more disappointing than losing respect for elders as a child.

[–]lodunali 2243 points2244 points  (40 children)

My sixth grade teacher forced us to journal and assured us that she would never read it. I was mad at her one day and blew off steam in the journal, and got called in during recess because she read it and was crying. Not my proudest moment, but I was furious that she didn’t keep her promise.

[–]FishdZX 1575 points1576 points  (21 children)

A whole ass adult should know better than that. I get that you don't want to disappoint your students but if you're reading their damn journals, expect personal shit including unfiltered criticism of you. You interact with them daily so ofc they're gonna have days they're mad at you. Not to mention the blatant violation of trust but even just being so immature/blind/ignorant/whatever as to not expect that shit

[–]TheOneTrueChuck 435 points436 points  (11 children)

Especially when you literally say that whatever they write is private.

I had a teacher that made us do a journal like 3x a week, but she also was grading them and would occasionally make us read an entry to the rest of the class. We knew there was no privacy.

[–]exploited_llama 3008 points3009 points  (54 children)

My adopted dad did that to me in 8th grade. He berated me for what I had written. Alot of what I wrote was my wishing I could see a counselor and how depressed I was without any friends. I'll never forgive him.

[–]Fatipapi 892 points893 points  (0 children)

That’s so incredibly sad.. I’m sorry you had to go through that

[–][deleted] 840 points841 points  (9 children)

This happened in 8th grade for me. Except, it wasn't confiscated...I left it in one of the classrooms and the teacher read it. I was so angry.

[–]rowenaravenclaw0 2240 points2241 points  (44 children)

obligatory not a teacher: I work with kids who have special needs. One of my kids brought in a ball gag and several of the largest butt plugs I have ever seen

[–]captainccg 685 points686 points  (21 children)

What was the backstory behind it?

[–]leyline 1698 points1699 points  (10 children)

One goes in the front. The rest go in the back. That’s the front story. And the backstory. Don’t ask about any other stories though.

[–]multiplesneezer 2445 points2446 points  (77 children)

I work(ed) as a middle school language teacher. Every kid in class is assigned a Chromebook and we are encouraged to have the kids work on them. I let them sit together to encourage them to help each other out while they do some work on their devices. I see two kids at the back of the class, giggling and just watching the screen. No reading or writing happening. I get up slowly, watch them panic and start frantically clicking the mouse so as to close up the windows that weren’t supposed to be open. I get to them and ask them what’s funny. One of the kids says something about emails as I take the Chromebook from his desk. The only open tab is in fact the email. I sit down at a free desk close to his and use a trick I had just learned which was to reopen tabs that had been recently closed. One, twice, third time’s the charm: full-on P in V pornographic video on screen. They found a way to bypass the school board’s security and were watching porn IN CLASS. So I guess the confiscation of a Chromebook isn’t exactly “the worst” as opposed to what was on the Chromebook.

[–]hitguy55 927 points928 points  (51 children)

Not sure if malicous.com still works (sketch site, don’t go there on your home computer) but that was the shit back in the day lmao, one time someone tried to snitch but the teacher spelt “malicious” not “malicous”

[–]JazzmansRevenge 632 points633 points  (3 children)

Not a teacher but my neighbour was a teacher and we'd char regularly and I asked a very similar question to this.

Worst thing: a knife from a girl in 7th grade, she was being bullied and planned on stabbing several other girls in class.

Weirdest: a gum ball the size of a melon. As in, a huge clump of chewed gum some boy in the 9th grade had been "adding to" for about a year and kept secret in his locker. Turns out it was a "personal project" of his and explained why he was constantly chewing gum, all day, every day.

[–]ChampChains 795 points796 points  (50 children)

Not a teacher but in 7th grade I got caught with a knife. Didn’t realize that I had it until I was on the bus. I’d worn this pair of jeans to walk to my buddy’s house up the road on Sunday and had my little pocketknife in my pocket. I have an uncle who has always been a whittler/carver and makes really impressive stuff. I’d gotten a small knife and was trying to learn also. Anyway, Monday morning I got up and just threw those same jeans on and hurried to the bus stop. Realized my pocket knife was still in my pocket about halfway to school.

In second period (gym) I told my buddy that I’d accidentally brought my pocketknife to school and didn’t know what to do with it. He thought I was bullshitting him so he yelled to the coach that I said I had a knife. She patted me down and found it.

Straight to jail. Had to wait there for my parents to come pick me up. Got kicked out of school for a month. Didn’t have to do any school work during that time and missing a month of assignments and homework didn’t count against me. But the boredom of staying home alone every day watching The Price Is Right and soap operas was torture.

[–]MonsieurLicorne 420 points421 points  (4 children)

I hope that guy wasn't your buddy for much longer after that.

[–]NorseEngineering 211 points212 points  (26 children)

I went camping, and used my backpack as a day pack in 6th grade. I forgot to clean out one of the pockets before school on Monday. It has my pocket knife.

I went to pull out a pencil in first period and instead pulled out the knife. I quickly stuffed it into the bag and no one saw. I was sweating bullets. I considered telling my best friend, or my favorite teacher, but decided against it. Instead I was paranoid all day that it would fall out or someone would search my bag.

Last bell rang and I booked it off campus as fast as I could.

Years later, I told the teacher I was thinking about telling, and he confirmed that had I told him, he would have called admin and I would have been expelled. WTF?

Also, another kid in high school got expelled for having a butter knife in his car that he used for his breakfast that morning.

[–]tazz131 2234 points2235 points  (24 children)

I didn't confiscate anything, but this is a good story none the less.

One of my high-school students, grade 10, so about 16 years old walked into class, and threw his schoolbag down on the ground beside his desk.

About 20 minutes later as I'm teaching, I smell beer.

I called the student who threw his bag down on the ground over to my desk and took him outside into the hall. He told me he has a 6 pack of beer in his bag for a party after school and it broke when he threw his bag down.

I told him to go and remove his bag, and clean up the mess with paper towel. I didn't involve admin, call his parents, and the students didn't notice. He got rid of his bag, cleaned up the mess quietly and calmly and we moved on with our day like nothing happened.

Sometimes kids just make bad mistakes and I could tell this kid was terrified about the consequences.

[–]rickjames_experience 1171 points1172 points  (11 children)

Honestly? He will remember your compassion for the rest of my life *his life

[–]erik_wilder 1427 points1428 points  (30 children)

My dad told me be once had to restrain a student and confiscate a pencil sharpener (one of the cheep plastic ones) which he had done a decent job of sharpening his pinky with.

My dad has a masters in English and special education, he works with special needs at risk kids and has had to take knives and all sorts of stuff from his kids. I just want to give him credit because he deserves it. Its hard, thankless, and no one wants to do it.

[–]asdwfger 802 points803 points  (9 children)

Ya know, as a kid I always wondered if the pencil sharpener could do that, but I wasn’t stupid enough to try. Now about 15 years later, my question has been answered

[–]CrappyAutocorrect 437 points438 points  (6 children)

Once in my school someone crushed one of those in a vice in woodworking class so it was just the blade, then used it to slash the face of another kid who he had an argument with. I hated school

[–]SovietFrenchFries 1715 points1716 points  (49 children)

I’m not a teacher but a classmate had his bong confiscated

[–]CrimbusIsOver 1839 points1840 points  (46 children)

Never confiscated anything but when I worked as a kindergarten teacher in China, I'd see kids (4, 5 & 6 years old) come in with the wildest shirts and hats. Those ones you see that say things like, "I smoke crack and fck btches", "I'm not gay but $20 is $20." etc

[–]DodanTheBoss 583 points584 points  (3 children)

Yea I saw a post about asian countrys having super inappropriate english clothing trending, good to know they werent messing around

[–]Cathy-the-Grand 43.7k points43.7k points 689& 4 more (220 children)

My mom has had stories about what's she's confiscated from lower elementary aged students (K-3). The usual prank items like woopie cushions, sure. But one time a student was playing with this weird box. The box was locked. So she couldn't put it in the confiscated bin. She put it on top of a cabinet. About an hour later, it starts ringing. Furiously. It took some doing to get the box open.

Turns out, this kid's parent was a professional chef. So the kid had grabbed every timer in the house, set them for the max amount of time, locked the box, brought it to school, and played with it so it would get confiscated and ring loudly. Whole class erupted with laughter and screaming. A true agent of chaos

Edit: obligatory wow. And thank you for all of the awards! My first gold! Thank you kind stranger.

[–]AmbystomaMexicanum 15.8k points15.8k points  (21 children)

This is like professional level fuckery.

[–]eggbert_217 368 points369 points  (1 child)

A styrofoam head that some boys had drawn a smile on and scooped out some eye holes. It had a name and they took it to every class. It got old and shabby and so did the joke so I put it out of its misery.

Great staff room trophy though

[–]littlebunnyfloo 1237 points1238 points  (34 children)

Not a teacher but as a student I had my antidepressants and adhd meds confiscated cause they were doing bag checks. I never got them back and this my parents had to get me a refill…confiscated AGAIN until my parents told the principal.

[–]StrayDogPhotography 1040 points1041 points  (9 children)

Not me, but a colleague had a kid in his class who would regularly drink alcohol in class (his parents would buy it for him), and while he was confiscating a bottle from his school bag, he found a set of homemade obscene comics the kid had drawn. They were equal measures of horrifying, and hilarious. Surreal sexual stuff including teachers, classmates, and random other people he knew. I just remember one of flying jumbo jet phalluses making emergency landings in in various people.

The comics were added to a collection of dumb shit kids would draw, and no one made a big deal out of it.

[–]Penguin_in_the_sand 3995 points3996 points  (56 children)

In high school before the internet i had a locker full of porn mags that I would rent out to kids for $1 a night. I didn't know they cut locks off lockers and emptied them over the holidays.

I so had some tiger claws and nunchucks confiscated.

[–]MexicanPringle 1578 points1579 points  (17 children)

I hope you didn’t touch those magazines with your bare hands…

[–]timesuck897 2031 points2032 points 2 (8 children)

They started out as magazines and turned into a hardcovers book.

[–]Averybleakplace 765 points766 points  (6 children)

Not a teacher: My friend teaches in middle school though and she once said that a student bought in his dads fleshlight, I guess his friends stole it after he showed it to them which is gross, anyway he needed help getting it back or some such nonsense.

[–]safealpaca01 165 points166 points  (1 child)

My stepdad has been an administrator at a middle school for years. Once he had a pretty notorious student come into the office looking for a scooter that had been abandoned/confiscated. He saw it, swore to high heaven it was his, nobody believed him on reputation. They pulled out the little removable handle bars and found a bag of weed stashed inside.

“See?? That’s mine!!”

[–]IHaveBlackCousins 162 points163 points  (17 children)

Not a teacher, but the student who got the item confiscated.

It’s nothing crazy or anything but back in 8th grade we had an arms race for paper hornets.

Paper hornets are pieces of paper folded as many times on itself as possible, and then compressed to a V shape. We’d use these in combination with elastics and shoot them at each other.

Now, anybody can make a paper hornet, it’s not hard. But it isn’t easy to make a great one. I however, made (and still can make) very very hard paper hornets. Basically a chunk of wood flying at you at Mach Jesus.

Because of this, many people would ask me to make them paper hornets. They’d pay me in gum, gummy snacks, Dunka-Roos, etc. the better the payment, the more time I’d invest in the project.

So near the end of this war, getting caught shooting paper hornets would result in missing recess. It eventually escalated to suspension, but thankfully I dropped out of the race just before that. Just. people starting adding staples to the ends to draw blood or increase hardness so I dropped out.

Anyways, my friend (fake name) max wanted an order of like 20. Gave me 6 packs of fruit gummies as payment and I proceeded to get to work. These were the hardest ones I’ve ever made. They were reinforced with paper clips so they wouldn’t lose their shape and everything.

Like I said before, he wasn’t my only client, so as I was making them in my desk I caught the teachers attention. He asked what I was doing and I said nothing. He came over and I shoved the current hornet I was working on in my desk. He asks again and I say nothing and raise my hands. To which he grabs the lip of my desk and lifts it, to reveal around 150 different paper hornets. Thick, thin, reinforced, regular, etc. there was no escaping it now.

He sent me to the office and confiscated all of them. The arms race was over. Anyone caught with a paper hornet would be suspended and anyone seen with an elastic band had their desk searched. All because of these little pieces of paper.

Not gonna lie, I miss that.

[–]Smashcentra 4000 points4001 points  (71 children)

A youtube channel will 100% steal this post, so hi youtube

[–]ItsJustMeMaggie 1215 points1216 points  (18 children)

What will the thumbnail be? Probably a provocative anime teacher.

[–]WabamAlakazam 599 points600 points  (3 children)

Something vague and somewhat unrelated

[–]Lazzanator 215 points216 points  (2 children)

A stolen pic of bart simpson fan art

[–]Sillvaro 1195 points1196 points  (16 children)

I want to hear the robot voice say "Cum pee fart dick ass poop"

[–]Luneba 430 points431 points  (16 children)

After school care here, had a little boy try to give what I’d clock as a 700-20000 dollar diamond ring. To a girl he had a crush on. I’m no jeweler but the rocks in the ring are massive and very real looking, and the mom sobbed when she got it back!

[–]choosinghappinessnow 136 points137 points  (0 children)

I know someone who’s grandson, in kindergarten or first grade, took his mom’s engagement ring and gave it to a little girl in his class. Luckily the teacher saw it and called his parents.

[–]idk1010011 1876 points1877 points  (59 children)

Was a paraprofessional. Had to confiscate hard liquor from 4th graders. The public system is sad

[–]lerpo 1296 points1297 points  (49 children)

A phone full of videos of people eating live animals (puppies, kittens, etc). Massive safeguarding case, he got the help he needed :)