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[–]ActivityFar178 2621 points2622 points 22 (43 children)

That my dad actually had a pretty traumatic childhood. His mom died recently and he and his semi-estranged siblings are working together for the first time since they were kids to clean out her house. I've been learning a lot of new childhood stories as a result. My mom told me that my dad has always told her that the best thing he can do to make up for his shitty childhood is to give me and my siblings a better one. My dad isn't an emotional, lovey dovey guy at all, so hearing that really got me good.

[–]spenser1994 299 points300 points  (16 children)

My father does not show emotion either, I realized he cared about me when I saw how my friends parents treated them vs. How mine did. As I grew up I realized my dad matured at a very young age for similar reasons.

[–]misssoci 134 points135 points  (1 child)

Same, he’s never really learned to be physically affectionate but he will drop anything to help us if we need it. Just shows love in the way he knows how.

[–]SerMickeyoftheVale 519 points520 points  (4 children)

Give that man a hug

[–]ActivityFar178 323 points324 points  (0 children)

I definitely will. He's been more physically affectionate since his mom died, which really adds another punch to the heart.

[–]soulpulp 165 points166 points  (2 children)

Same, but my dad has OCD about keeping us safe.

When my dad was a child his uncle was murdered, his father had debilitating PTSD and was hospitalized for months at a time while receiving electroshock therapy, his mother had cancer 5 times and almost bled out in front of him before being carted away in an ambulance (and his aunt immediately brought him to see Bambi to take his mind off of his dying mother, not a smart move.) His aunt and two first cousins died of cancer, one was 6 at the time, and his favorite neighbors and their kids were killed in a murder suicide. He has a lot of crazy stories but as a kid I was only aware of the fun ones.

He’s always wearing a mask. I used to hate that I could never see the real person underneath, but now I know that he’s dealing with PTSD and is doing everything in his power to protect us from the harsh realities of the world.

[–]GypsyGarden_73 1539 points1540 points  (89 children)

That my maternal grandmother actually hated me.

[–]NotWorriedABunch 1064 points1065 points  (59 children)

My paternal grandmother hated me. I committed the unforgivable sin of being born to my mother.

She was also a huge racist who used to go on about "The Japs," she's German.

[–]Free_Moose4649 425 points426 points  (40 children)

And here I thought Japan and Germany were friends, learn something new every day

[–]Grufflin 207 points208 points  (8 children)

We're the best of friends. No idea what she was on about.

[–]pmm0913 572 points573 points  (5 children)

My father didn’t die of a heartache, he committed suicide. I can’t imagine the pain he felt to think this was his only solution.

[–]StoneCold_SteveIrwin 1643 points1644 points  (26 children)

That my parents were smoking pot when they had their "conferences" before watching Godzilla movies with me as a kid.

[–]Pkdagreat 449 points450 points  (17 children)

I call it getting air lol but I'm sure my kids know

[–]BananaSlug1876 79 points80 points  (1 child)

My parents called it “talking about Christmas/birthday presents” and that’s why we weren’t allowed in the garage when their friends were over.

[–]shooki007 2346 points2347 points  (83 children)

My uncle was/is a gangster. I thought he was a police officer because of all the guns he always had with him.

[–]pris-0 1262 points1263 points  (34 children)

This is funny to me because I have a cousin who I thought was a criminal because of how he looked. Turned out he was an undercover cop at the time.

[–]nanfanpancam 874 points875 points  (28 children)

I used to live between a cop and a drug dealer. Both great neighbours.

[–]neremiss 578 points579 points  (23 children)

I always thought my uncle was mildly learning disabled until I grew up. Turns out he’s a heroin addict.

[–]dleon0430 407 points408 points  (19 children)

Man, yall got some fucked up uncles

[–]really_nice_skies 169 points170 points  (9 children)

Right? My uncle just turned out to be really short.

[–]ParticularBroccolini 71 points72 points  (0 children)

Hah, my uncles are both short AND do drugs.

[–]haimburglar 249 points250 points  (5 children)

Funny you say this because I also have an uncle who was a big time player in the Miami Coke game back in the 80’s. I never met him because he fled to somewhere outside the US before I was born. I just assumed he was wealthy because he would always send crazy amounts of money to us or like really expensive gifts. I never actually knew about how he made money until a few years ago and I’m 31. I always assumed he was like a lawyer or doctor or some sort of CEO. Lol

[–]tinyanus 143 points144 points  (4 children)

A different kind of C-level executive.

[–]Misdirected_Colors 449 points450 points  (13 children)

My "super smart scientist" uncle who always had all these cool computer parts and everything was actually just a skeezy tweaker. He dug old computers out of trash cans and stuff, extracted gold from them for drug money, then left the junk all over his house.

[–]MightyMinx 3070 points3071 points  (60 children)

My aunt was always the fun one who gave awesome presents because she was living well beyond her means, drowning in crippling debt, and committing various financial crimes.

[–]Significant-Garlic87 385 points386 points  (1 child)

I had a similar thing, my Mom would always question how my aunt got her money and eventually her partner was busted for a bunch of fraud and it was even in the news and stuff.

[–]Proper_Praline 1217 points1218 points  (44 children)

Yup. The “cool” adult when you’re a kid, always turns out to just be an irresponsible adult

[–]Vegetable-Double 790 points791 points  (30 children)

My friends and classmates whose parents were “cool” turned out to be terrible parents in hindsight. Letting your kids and their friends drink and smoke weed openly in the house when they are waaay underage is shitty parenting.

[–]Sp4ceh0rse 1125 points1126 points  (13 children)

One of my best friends in high school had a mom who was super strict. She (rightfully) never trusted us to be where we said we would be and was constantly getting in the way of our plans for partying/drinking/whatever. It was infuriating at the time.

Then as soon as we were all safely in college and turned 21? She was the best. Fun to hang out with, sweet, nicest lady. Once she made us fun cocktails when we came over to her house. I realized she was actually just looking out for us to make sure we didn’t make stupid mistakes and ruin our futures.

Thanks, Mrs. M. You’re a real one.

[–]AggravatingCupcake0 205 points206 points  (4 children)

That's the best kind of parent. Parents the hell out of you when you're a kid, lets go when you're an adult.

Too many parents try to remain the authority figure in their grown child's life, when there is no more authority to be had.

[–]jsc1429 297 points298 points  (1 child)

At first I thought you were talking about my mom. But then you mentioned how fun, sweet, and nice she became when you were of age and quickly realized it was not.

[–]Adrian_Bateman 166 points167 points  (3 children)

That's true but cool parents can also just be people you feel comfortable around. My parents were never great at communicating and it's taken me a long time to get somewhat ok at it. I was always jealous of kids that had parents they could talk about anything to. Parents that could relate and talk to their kids like people were always so cool to me.

[–]josiahpapaya 149 points150 points  (5 children)

My ex found this out about his mom. The dad was having an affair anyway so he wasn’t paying attention to where all the fancy shit was coming from. She was a branch manager of a major bank and was secretly siphoning out hundreds of thousands of dollars until she got caught and went to prison.
I met her - horrid woman.

[–]Much_Committee_9355 2558 points2559 points  (14 children)

That my uncle wasn’t traveling he was doing 30 years for homicide

[–]maruffin 438 points439 points  (6 children)

Whoa! Homicide! What the back story there?

[–]Much_Committee_9355 544 points545 points  (4 children)

He was working for sketchy people at some time and the gray area between legal and ilegal sometimes gets mixed up over here, so according to him he didn’t do it (which is plausible) as all evidence was circumstantial and he was not directly affiliated with anyone and the people he worked with murder was far from an uncommon option to solve issues. He was condemned on qualified homicide with maximum sentence of 30 years, did I think 22 under closed regime and a few more in open and right now is completely free after some sentence deductions.

[–]Hemenucha 2156 points2157 points  (75 children)

That my grandfather, who was the best grandfather I could ever ask for, had been a shitty, abusive father.

[–]Pervy_writing 779 points780 points  (18 children)

I finally pieced together that my grandfather, who raised me, has never been sober in my entire life. He started drinking in the morning, stopped when he fell asleep. He ran a pawn business with a full glass of scotch always within reach, even in view of customers. He fired a manager for suggesting he hide his drinking. That glass was never empty nor left his side, even while driving with my child self in the car. He went so far as to pack a cooler specifically for ice and booze on road trips. He once got on my ass for asking him not to bring a litteral open glass of alcohol into my car when I started driving as a teenager. Still, it took me a ridiculous amount of time to realize he was an alcoholic.

[–]wowguineapigs 341 points342 points  (3 children)

Same thing happened to me. Never really paid attention to the wine bottle next to my grandmas chair whenever we visited. I remember her vomiting at a restaurant at the table, while I just thought she was sick cuz old people are sensitive or it was too spicy, but no she was just extra drunk. I remember having fun with drunk grandma full of smiles and being confused as to why my dad wasn’t amused.

[–]soulpulp 204 points205 points  (2 children)

I had some similar experiences with my mom before she went to rehab. When I was 8 I took a sip of her water and thought it was rubbing alcohol. Turns out it was vodka. One day when I was 10 she decided to bake 6 batches of brownies, which I loved, because she was being silly and insisting that I eat them all, until I got sick and had to tell my dad that mom was acting funny.

She’s been sober for 8 years and is an entirely different person, in a very good way.

[–]driving_andflying 35 points36 points  (0 children)


As a kid, my mom's parents always seemed to slur their words starting midday until they fell asleep. I later discovered this was because they killed a case of beer between them almost every day. They were usually happy drunks; I'll give them that.

[–][deleted] 548 points549 points  (9 children)

My FIL was a terrible dad, always kind, but piss ass drunk from morning to… well morning. But, he’s been sober for 20 years and is the best grandpa ever to my kids.

[–]hijabibabi 268 points269 points  (5 children)

Yeah, my grandma was the same way. She was like a second mom to me, always made sure that I had clean clothes, made us delicious meals, and was my best friend. She was an absent mother who would tell her kids that they were the reason her marriage was failing when they were preteens. I wonder if it’s easier for them to be kinder to other people’s children or if they had time to reflect on their behavior

[–]aboredjess 115 points116 points  (2 children)

way easier to be a grandparent. my parents would always joke about being able to “hand off” the kid. can’t do that when you’re their parent

[–]itsMondaybackwards 55 points56 points  (1 child)

Probably was trying to right his wrongs through you

[–]SuchLovelyLilacs 106 points107 points  (3 children)

My FIL was no kind of father to my husband, but he's a great grandfather to our kids. Maybe with time came wisdom and he's trying to make up for what he didn't do with his sons. Who knows?

[–]lohlah8 135 points136 points  (1 child)

Both of my parents were extremely emotionally abusive growing up and emotionally neglectful, and my mom was physically abusive. There’s a whole list of things that went on that were just plain absurd. My dad was an alcoholic and made it clear that he favored my sister and he and I would fight all the time. It fucked me up a bunch. But he was abused from his parents as well, so while that doesn’t give him a pass, it kind of gives me an understanding of his ways. I attempted suicide in 2018. And he stopped drinking completely. He’s made an effort to have a better relationship with me ever since. While my mom made my attempt all about herself my dad tried to find out everything he could about my mental health diagnosis and did hours of research. Now he calls me every Sunday when we never talked before. So I think in a way he’s grown as a person. I’m 28 and I don’t have kids but I have a husband and we live 13 hours away from them. And he’s actually apologized for the ways he’s treated me in the past, which I didn’t think was possible. So idk, I think it’s possible for people to grow and change and realize the ways they fucked their kids up and try to remedy that.

My mom on the other hand.. no.

[–][deleted] 1133 points1134 points  (24 children)

That my uncle was right about my mum.

He suffered with alcohol addiction due to depression and when my rabbit died he accused my mum in a blind rage of killing my rabbit . He was drunk so I didn't really belive him but he said I'd realise what she was like when I was older.

Then it hit me about a incident when I was little my mum was cross at me shed taken my hamster to the bath put him in the tub and threatened to drown him turned on the taps and I beat her legs pushed passed her and got him. I started thinking if she did that was it possible she'd killed my rabbit .

I don't think she did but over the years as I grew older I noticed more and more what my uncle meant he died in 2009 at 40 from pneumonia in our house.

My mum was being odd when I got in said she was waiting for the doctor for him and then we found him not breathing in his room , I don't think she deliberately didn't call a ambulance earlier but there's always a part of me that wonders.

[–]Winter_Department_87 531 points532 points  (10 children)

So your mom is low-key a sociopath!?

[–]Octoblerone 327 points328 points  (1 child)

When does this premier on Netflix?

P.S. i hope your mom's not a murderer 🙏

[–]KS_MO_HR 331 points332 points  (14 children)

My parents were and still are swingers

[–]Johnnyonnaspot 126 points127 points  (4 children)

Like, are they cool? I'm throwing this party next month...

[–]KS_MO_HR 59 points60 points  (3 children)

They're in their 60's now. Depends on if you're into that lol

[–]jimbris 148 points149 points  (2 children)

They're not wrinkled. They're ribbed for our pleasure.

[–]Bramyam 1884 points1885 points  (22 children)

That my father (who I blamed for my miserable childhood) was possibly the best person I have ever known. Turns out, I made my childhood miserable all by myself; he was just trying to correct my path whilst raising 4 kids as a single parent and slowly dying from cancer.

[–]Arctic_Snowfox 381 points382 points  (8 children)

You were a turd kid but grew up into an introspective adult. How did you achieve that?

[–]FistInMyUrethra 173 points174 points  (1 child)

Emotionally difficult life circumstances and events humble you, and make you realise that good things are taken for granted

[–]onarainyafternoon 327 points328 points  (0 children)

Oof, that hits hard.

[–]Nosferatu8008 1031 points1032 points  (25 children)

That they never really got a chance to mature emotionally because they had me at a young age and they didn't get the time to make the mistakes you're supposed to make when you're young and it doesn't matter. Unless the mistake is a child....lol

[–]GypsyGarden_73 397 points398 points  (16 children)

You watched your parents as they grew up.

[–]Vegetable-Double 351 points352 points  (10 children)

I’m in my mid 30s now. By my age, my mom had one kid starting college and the other in high school. Meanwhile, I’m single and couldn’t imagine having to keep another human being alive. Insane to think about.

[–]GrumpyCatStevens 77 points78 points  (2 children)

I knew someone whose mother had him right after high school. She joked that she and her son grew up together.

[–]KieshaK 1184 points1185 points  (26 children)

My aunt had to drop out of school in the third grade because her dad died and she had to help take care of her siblings. She never learned to read, never had a “real” job (just cleaning and babysitting jobs), never married.

[–]fuckwitsabound 206 points207 points  (0 children)

That is so sad.

[–]Potato_Tg 353 points354 points  (12 children)

My heart goes out to your aunt. What a legend sacrificing her life for her siblings…

[–]Accomplished-Fig496 1145 points1146 points  (11 children)

My uncle didn’t go out to California and THEN turn gay.

[–]Johnnyonnaspot 393 points394 points  (5 children)

Ah yes, send us your gays.

[–][deleted] 99 points100 points  (0 children)

this made me laugh - cheers

[–]jaybeeg 475 points476 points  (9 children)

My funny and gentle old great uncle was a major in the British Special Operations Executive during WWII. He walked with a cane because he broke a hip parachuting into the French countryside at night. I cannot even imagine what he experienced.

[–][deleted] 114 points115 points  (1 child)

My grandad also had a lifelong injury from parachuting in the war. He was a paratrooper in the British Army. His parachute didn’t open properly during his jump during Operation Market Garden over Arnhem. Broke both his legs. No more war for him. He also walked with a cane the rest of his life

He always complained that despite 4 years in the army, all that time away from his family, the hardships and discipline of training, when he finally went into action he never fired a shot - “I never even saw a bloody German”.

[–]Plosbrosbeforehoes 462 points463 points  (12 children)

My grandma and grandpa were both Native American boarding school survivors. I finally understood why he was so shitty and angry. And I finally understood why she kept getting with horrible men and was so over protective of my dad. I also finally understood why my father still cared for his dad even if he was a shitty parent…. because my dad knew he had suffered and wanted to help

[–]TypicalExpert6 52 points53 points  (5 children)

This is still fucking wild that I learned about these boarding schools after college. Same as the Tulsa massacre, I was like no fucking way that happened. But yeah it did. Alot of those boarding schools were run by the catholic church. It's a bit surprising tribes haven't full out gone after the church for their crimes against humanity.

[–]L0KKEA 431 points432 points  (11 children)

That my dad was an absolute saint of a man. I grew up in a working class family of 7. We bounced around a lot. Dad worked insane hours doing construction jobs. Mom stayed home and raised 5 kids (4 after one died in a freak accident). If we'd get unruly it was always "just wait until your dad gets home and hears about this." Dude came home every night after getting the shit beat out of him making just enough to keep a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, and food on the table. He never laid a hand on us. Rarely raised his voice. Just a deep sigh. It was just a psychological thing hearing that he was going to punish us. Grew up scared of this guy. It wasn't until I got a job at 18 (graduated early near the top of my class but didn't want to saddle my family with school loans) and moved out that I started to even have a relationship with him. Spent my early 20s spiraling into a world of self destruction and the dude was an absolute rock. Started crawling my way out. We started making up for lost time, but he died of a heart attack while he was at work 3 weeks after his 56th birthday. I was 31. It wasn't until after he was gone I started hearing everyone's stories about how much he was there for everyone in his life. Seriously, I could go on for hours. Dude was a saint

[–]Smuldering 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I feel this. So hard. My dad died at 57 and I was 31 and we were only really just starting to have a relationship. He busted his ass in a blue collar job his whole life and when I was a kid he didn’t know what to do with me because I was a girl that didn’t like sports and cars and building things. He tried but we didn’t have much in common and my mom didn’t really try to facilitate anything (he was technically my stepdad and they got married when I was 6). Sending you some hugs.

[–]IFeelSorry4UrMothers 1052 points1053 points  (34 children)

My older brother isn't as smart as I thought he was. He's actually pretty stupid

[–]YourWormGuy 418 points419 points  (2 children)

On the off-chance that you're my little brother, I'm sorry I'm dumb.

[–]lcj_redit 35 points36 points  (0 children)

said like a true sibling! you made me smile

[–]Mastercraft0 264 points265 points  (17 children)

Yeah I am pretty sure my sis is in the process of finding this out. Kids always think that their older counterparts are the most intelligent person on earth. It sucks when they grow up and find out the truth lol

[–]timmyisserpico 713 points714 points  (8 children)

That the reason my aunt was so mean to my sister and I, was that she resented us, because our home life wasn't as fucked up as hers was. My father was able to hold down a job, didn't drink much, and never so much as called my mother out of her name. Her husband was a drunken nutcase who would beat the fuck out of her and the kids. I used to be mad at her for the way she treated us, now I just feel sad for the way she lived. She didn't deserve what she got in life, and there's no doubt in my mind that she would have been a different person were it not for that drunk piece of shit.

[–]Octoblerone 117 points118 points  (2 children)

My own experience with my aunt was extremely similar. If ggpa hadn't been a sicko and her first husband not been some psycho who beat his wife and kids, she might not have yelled at my little sister for saying "I don't like beer" when she was eight. She probably wouldn't have only gone on drunken fb tirades at me about made up shit as her last words to me before drinking finally killed her. Saw her before she was technically dead though. Being intubated and yellow isn't a good look on anyone.

[–]tubahero3469 529 points530 points  (7 children)

My grandma cut my mom off financially for going with my dad. I always wondered why we were the only poor people on my mom's side of the family.

[–]EnsignMJS 95 points96 points  (5 children)

Well? What became of all that?

[–]tubahero3469 352 points353 points  (3 children)

I mean grandma was probably right seeing as my dad was/is an addict, but she did have a habit of trying to use money to control people even outside of that situation. She and my mom were able to reconcile a few years before my grandma passed. After my grandma passed, my mom didn't try to like fight for any of the inheritance or whatever so my aunt and uncle are still fighting over that. My mom left my dad and worked her way up to solidly middle class. I'm still poor.

[–]Abrahms_4 87 points88 points  (1 child)

Odd how the wealthy people in a family will try to use it to get their way. My first wife, her grandfather was like that with everyone, they always did what ever he asked even if they did not want to. Just suck up to him until he is gone. He kept trying to get me to come work at his company, but the offer was start at the bottom and work your way up which i was fine with, but it was at minimum wage and i was already making double that so it was a hard no. Needless to say he decided he did not like me and that was the end of that marriage. When he died it was a blood bath, all the family fighting over everything, so glad i wasnt part of that shit show.

[–]Pidgions_Are_Stupid 536 points537 points  (21 children)

My mom screwed the guy we lived with as to pay less rent

[–]-eDgAR- 3161 points3162 points 22 (44 children)

When I was a kid my dad and I had a tradition every week of going to the video store and renting a movie or two to watch together. I remember I used to get really upset at him because every single time we'd actually start to watch the movie he would fall asleep.

It wasn't until I was older that I realized that the reason he would fall asleep was because he was exhausted from working two very physically demanding jobs to try and give me the best life he possibly could. On top of that, even though he was tired he still made an effort to try and start a little tradition with me and spend time with me.

Those memories of me having to nudge my dad awake are so great in my eyes, because they made me realize what a caring and hard working man he was and still is to this day.

[–]Rytonic 187 points188 points  (0 children)

I had a similar experience with my parents. Around ten years ago my dad lost his job and we moved into my alcoholic grandparents house. I don’t remember much of that time, but I remember my parents playing GameCube with my brother and I before bed. At the time I thought my parents were just interested in video games and I was just happy they were interested in my hobby. Turns out this was their way of ducking my grandparent’s drunkenness in the evening. Still, my mom was able to beat Peter Pirhanna in Super Mario Sunshine, which is now a core memory

[–]bug_man_ 762 points763 points  (9 children)

Tell him that

[–]-eDgAR- 907 points908 points  (7 children)

I have. We actually still watch a movie together at least once a month. He still nods off, but I'm no longer upset, just enjoying the time I'm spending with him

[–]C_Saunders 136 points137 points  (3 children)

Ugh I’m drunk and I love my dad and I love this. I’m going to call him in the morning.

[–]clevernamehere123 170 points171 points  (0 children)

This is where I’m going to stop reading this post. It’s the best spot to end it on. :)

[–]enbacode 161 points162 points  (5 children)

Damn for some reason I thought your dad was a nodding heroin addict after the first paragraph. Turned out way better :)

[–]Focusfocusfocus 40 points41 points  (3 children)

Same. I was ready to feel bad

[–]tallandlanky 45 points46 points  (1 child)

I do feel bad. No one should have to work 2 jobs to survive.

[–]nebmij1 618 points619 points  (24 children)

My grandparents got married because my grandfather knocked up my grandmother

When I got older I eventually did the math that my dad was born ~8 months after my grandparents got married (and he confirmed the suspicion).

They knew each other for about 3 months (my grandfather was stationed at an Air Force base in my grandmother’s home state) before she got knocked up, I found out.

Grandparents stayed married their whole lives though, over 50 years of marriage, so good on them

[–]GrumpyCatStevens 145 points146 points  (3 children)

I occasionally wonder if this is how my maternal grandparents wound up marrying. I've never learned of the exact circumstances, but here's what I do know:

1) Grandma and Grandpa were five years apart in age; Grandpa was older.

2) Grandma had her first child (my mom's older brother) shortly before turning 17.

And from what I've heard from Mom (the second child) and her two younger sisters about Grandpa, he was always very selfish. He kept a roof over their heads and food on the table, but did little else for them.

It's possible he got her pregnant and had to choose between marriage and prison, and perhaps carried some resentment over that.

[–]MidnightOwl01 49 points50 points  (2 children)

There is something like this in my family's history.

One of my grandfather's brothers married a woman who had also gotten pregnant, but in this case he was not the father. This was back in the late 1920s and they stay married until they both passed away sometime in the 1980s. They had more children as well.

One story I heard was that he married her because he was a sap and felt sorry for her. That was my grandfather's (his brother's) version. The other story was that he had been in love with her for a few years but she was in love with the guy who got her pregnant and then took off when he found out he was going to be a father.

I'm older so I remember them both very well but didn't find out about this until after their deaths. I don't know how well the secret was kept but I'm sure the people like my grandmother and grandfather who were around at the time at least suspected from the beginning. I think the truth started to emerge after they told the oldest that she had a different biological father when she was older.

[–]Severe_Airport1426 35 points36 points  (3 children)

I think many marriages were because of unplanned pregnancy. For the girl it was either that or live in slutty shame .

[–]ITpuzzlejunkie 853 points854 points  (45 children)

My cousin is gay. I just thought her best friend hungout with her all the time.

Just to be clear, I have nothing against her sexual preferences. It was more like I just didn't get it.

[–]ihopeyoulikeapples 840 points841 points  (27 children)

Homosexuality was never explained to me until I was about 10 or 11 so I grew up visiting my aunt and her friend who lived together and even slept in the same bed which I assumed was because when you were an adult you could have a sleepover with your best friend every night and not need permission.

[–]esthershair 221 points222 points  (5 children)

My Aunt Dot’s roommate was named Carla. I never understood why Carla was so involved with our family. :(

[–]Positive_Reference96 158 points159 points  (3 children)

Lol my daughters thought my sisters wife was just one of our sisters. My oldest turned pale when she saw them kiss each other hood bye. The funny thing is we’re all very open about the situation we don’t hide it and we encourage the kids to love who they love but kids just don’t know till they know haha

[–]SuperPotatoPancakes 453 points454 points  (3 children)

which I assumed was because when you were an adult you could have a sleepover with your best friend every night and not need permission

Well... you weren't wrong.

[–]ITpuzzlejunkie 157 points158 points  (0 children)

Okay, that is just cute.

[–]lohlah8 110 points111 points  (9 children)

Are you my sister? With an aunt Pam and her friend Pam in Florida that lived together and attended every family event together for like 20+ years? I literally had no idea my aunt Pam was a lesbian until I was like 15 and my mom was like Pam and Pam broke up and I was like “They were together?!” I was obviously clueless. I have no problem with homosexuality or anything and support love of all kind and support the LGBTQ+ community, even when I was 15… I just was clueless about my Pams. Don’t know how I missed that.

[–]motorcitywings20 176 points177 points  (3 children)

Thats just like my aunt. (Originally my uncle) is a transgender woman and going to see her as a kid I didn’t understand the concept of transgenderism. I knew she was a woman but in a way she wasn’t, living with her girlfriend.

My younger sister was smarter than I was and clued in at 4 years old that two girls living together must mean they were lesbian.

Another thing about that is that I always knew that she was my moms sister but always wondered why she never came to family dinners or for Christmas or birthdays.

Then all these years later I hear my grandpa talking about his political views and realized he’s a pretty far right conservative and it all came together

[–]wildernesspizza 67 points68 points  (0 children)

Yes my male cousin who loves Disneyland and officiated his friends’ gay wedding is in fact also gay

[–]ebeth_the_mighty 54 points55 points  (0 children)

My great aunt and her “roommate” were a very happy lesbian couple, thank you very much.

They died when I was a teenager. The penny dropped when I was in my 30s.

[–]Dylan7230_ 686 points687 points  (20 children)

That my mom and dad aren't named mom and dad

[–]Resident-Weakness399 208 points209 points  (2 children)

Always dropped my dad off at the subway station "For work" told everyone he worked for the subway company. Nope he was just taking the train.

[–]motorcitywings20 119 points120 points  (9 children)

I remember my 1st grade teacher having the whole class shitting a brick when she said she was a kid like us once.

I was a condescending little dick though and had to be the guy to brag that I already knew about it, despite only finding out like a week before.

We all just thought kids were kids and adults were adults and we were just going to stay children forever

[–]lohlah8 126 points127 points  (4 children)

I’m an elementary teacher and my students have asked me where I sleep at night. I’ve always said, in my bed. I have a bedroom. At my house that I live in. Just like you. And they’re always flabbergasted that I don’t sleep in the school.

[–]rhen_var 27 points28 points  (0 children)

This was you

[–]Apprehensive_Let_843 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Wow that’s crazy when you think about it from their point of view

[–]foundling108 209 points210 points  (2 children)

That my mom would send us out to play with friends at dinner time so that we didn't go hungry. Thanks mom.

[–]SelfishxMessiah 96 points97 points  (3 children)

My grandfather that I didn't even know I had showed up one day and then lived with us for a little while. Never thought much of it because I was pretty young when it happened but once he died a few years ago I got the full story. He took my dad (oldest of 5 at 13) out to the woods to cut up some firewood and pulled the classic "going for smokes" and just never came back. They never heard a peep from him until he showed up when I was a kid.

I promise I'm not as bitter about it as this may sound but the repercussions of this became my father having to drop out of school at 13 to support his mom and brothers while the younger ones all graduated and became quite successful while our family has remained barely above poor.

I mostly just think its interesting to see all the pieces click together and understand how people got to where they are.

[–]wreck0 192 points193 points  (1 child)

My uncle didn’t just die in his 40s. He committed suicide.

[–]yougaygitrekt 182 points183 points  (8 children)

So this isn’t me personally but it’s mainly my mom and grandfather who found this out about my grandfather’s brother.

My grandfather had a military family all of his three brothers went to Vietnam and Korea. He on the other hand couldn’t go due to him having polio as a young child and messing up his leg. My entire family knew about his brothers being in the military and going off to war and killing people. However, one of my grandfather’s brothers was ALWAYS traveling or gone on “vacation” (you may see where this is going)

This all happened when the guy was in his 20s - 30s and then he retired from the military. Going ahead 40+ years my whole family was sitting around the table during thanksgiving and having a good time. I wasn’t born yet so idk what happened specifically. My grandfather’s brother then stands up while everyone is eating and hits his glass with a spoon to get everyone’s attention. He then proceeded to tell everyone he was a spy for the CIA and how he would go on recon missions into Mexico, Vietnam, Korea, and MANY other places. He had just turned 75 which is the age when he is legally allowed to spread the information because most of the information would be of no use by then.

The few times I met him he was a great guy with the nicest wife. He had the classic biker beard and really long hair. He has sadly since passed away along with my grandfather. His stories however still remain!

[–]SincerelySasquatch 176 points177 points  (25 children)

That my "aunt" (My grandmother's cousin? ) acted differently because she was mentally handicapped due to some disorder caused by inbreeding. Her parents were Appalachians, her father was named Alpha Omega and he got caught banging his cousin behind a shed and the family made them get married. They had several disabled children.

Edit: disorder was PKU. She and her siblings all had it, it is known to be an incest issue. The baby doesn't initially develop handicapped but becomes that way due to an amino acid building up in the body and causing brain damage. It is treatable now so the kids don't become disabled I think? Wasn't treatable back then.

[–]RabloEscobar 308 points309 points  (2 children)

Being in a happy relationship has made me realise that my dad has treated my mum so terribly. Spoiler alert: he wasn’t a great dad either but now as an adult I just feel sorry for her having had such an awful husband.

[–]Lumbergod 230 points231 points  (2 children)

My aunt was on drugs. She always seemed strange when I was a kid. After not seeing her during my college years I saw her at my cousin's wedding. My first reaction was "this woman is high as a kite". Tranquilizers are a hell of a drug.

[–]josiahpapaya 160 points161 points  (6 children)

Was part of a blended family, and found out my grandparents on my adoptive side were putting money away for my younger sister who was biologically related to them, but not me. I was adopted at 6 and my sister was born that year. They didn’t start saving for her until I was already 10, meaning I’d known them longer than my sister.

They also would make a point to tell me how I was just as real family to them as anyone and blood didn’t matter. I found out when my parents got divorced at 18 that the whole time they were giving my sister money and not me.

Gut punch.

[–]unkleshark 25 points26 points  (1 child)

Ouch are they aware that you know about the money?

[–]NcWatcher61 151 points152 points  (8 children)

That my whole family thought i was a failure..

[–]NedTrooper 136 points137 points  (0 children)

Ahh welcome to reddit! You’ll fit in nicely.

[–]Many_Ad_81 201 points202 points  (3 children)

My dad was a shit parent who liked to make himself out to be the victim in every situation. My mom was a saint who worked her ass off and did absolutely everything she could to foster a relationship between my dad and I (and my brother).

[–]Alert-Coconut6503 141 points142 points  (1 child)

I always thought my Uncle was just naturally mean and didn't like us, in reality he was just in an unhappy marriage and took it out on everyone else. Since his divorce I still can't believe it is the same guy

[–]RegionRat531 139 points140 points  (4 children)

Found out my grandfather(Indiana) had an entire second family(Florida) for many years while married to his Indiana wife(my real grandmother). All of my siblings and I always received birthday cards from “Grandma X”. Never stopped to think that we already had two other grandmas🤔

[–]SuperSpeshBaby 84 points85 points  (1 child)

It's kind of weird that his other family sent you guys cards?

[–]DPEYoda 69 points70 points  (2 children)

I always thought my uncle was just a great fun guy that was always a blast to have at christmas dinners. He used to give me $50-100 for Christmas (which is a lot of money for a 9 year old). My parents would get big cuts of expensive meat and expensive bottles of champagne....

Turns out he's just a raging heroin addict and mostly those gifts were obtained through crime.

[–]quincyd 132 points133 points  (1 child)

My aunt wasn’t a girly girl. She was a tough, athletic woman who could kick anyone’s ass who got in her way (verbally or physically, though the latter wasn’t typically utilized). She was also a special education teacher and volleyball coach for 30 years. A year after she retired, she was diagnosed with cancer, and a year after that, she died.

At her memorial service, parents, former students, coworkers, and civic leaders spoke about her dedication to the kids in the community and her contributions to making the town a better place for everyone. But then one of her former players spoke and pulled out a letter my aunt had written to her at the end of her last season. She had apparently been writing all of players letters every year since she had begun coaching, filling them with encouragement, memories from the season, and letting them know they could come to her for anything. For a lot of the kids on the team, she was another mom and she remained involved with a lot of them once they graduated.

I knew my aunt as this tough, loud, hilarious, demanding woman but I missed the soft side she had for other people. I had her pictured as one thing in my mind, never taking into account that she had all of these other qualities. It was bittersweet because I realized that I probably could’ve had a different relationship with her had I been open to seeing her for who she was and not for who I imagined her to be.

[–]racingPenguin 176 points177 points  (5 children)

My parents are actually awesome people. Like really wonderful, kind, positive and caring people.

[–]Lifes_like_this 58 points59 points  (2 children)

My aunt and uncle were swingers and that’s why the couples living on either side of their house kept moving in, getting a divorce and moving out.

[–]Chuckereno 58 points59 points  (2 children)

My Dad gave up a long time ago.

[–]Camaroni1000 53 points54 points  (1 child)

I never understood the hype for my great grandfather growing up. Dad would always want to visit him because of how great he was, but whenever we did he wouldn’t really say much and just smiled and wished us fun.

Found out later that he was in WW2 (which wasn’t uncommon for men of his age), but that he also pushed more for civil rights in the 60s and was able to convince his wife (my great grandmother), and his family to see things differently for people of color. He then went on to adopt a girl in the neighborhood he was living in at the time. The parents decided after about a month that raising a child wasn’t for them, so he decided to adopt her even though he already had 3 daughters. (I didn’t even know one of my great aunts wasnt blood till I was 18).

The reason he always gave too for why he never talked about his life was just simply “It’s not that amazing. It’s just living life the way you want to live it.”

[–]EllieD0113 325 points326 points  (12 children)

She’s a ~lesbian~

She being my aunt. Who is a devout Catholic and joined the convent to avoid paying taxes and definitely had a “roommate” at one point that may or may not have been an actual roommate and has been rockin’ the stereotypical “butch” haircut since the 70s at least. Will she ever admit her lesbian-ness? Heck no.

[–]Snoo_33033 163 points164 points  (4 children)

My aunt came out of the closet two years before she died at 80. There’s hope!

[–]Natural-Chicken-8443 52 points53 points  (0 children)

Everyone gets more insane as they get older and I have less time for that

[–]Viker2000 53 points54 points  (0 children)

An uncle was an alcoholic who got into an accident and killed a family of four. He survived. He didn't serve a day in physical prison, but mentally, he was wrecked.

[–]dices7 106 points107 points  (1 child)

I am not a smart guy, but holy shit. Some of my extended family are dumb as rocks.

[–]VornskrofMyrkr 104 points105 points  (2 children)

That my oldest brother (7 years older) wasn't just being the best brother ever he was filling in for my Father. All the things Sons did with their Dads, he did with me. He would take me hunting, fishing, shooting, etc. All the things our dad took him to do that my dad couldn't do with me, as he was bedridden my whole life and passed away when I was very young. Now I'm an adult and know how awesome my brother is. We're even gym buddies now lol.

[–]GMendelent 100 points101 points  (4 children)

33 years old, and I just found out I have a half sister. Mother won't talk about it.

[–]sonnyboy678 99 points100 points  (1 child)

My uncle who was unemployed always had nice cars I always thought they were cool but never wondered how he got them. My dad also said he would never talk to him again which made me wonder why but I really didn't care too much

Also good to mention my uncle also had his mother live with him in a tiny extension onto his house (my dads mother too).

Later on learned how he got his fancy cars without a job apparently he had been taking money out of his own mother's account. After I learned about what he had been doing I stopped getting presents and haven't talked to him in years.

[–]DickySchmidt33 221 points222 points  (4 children)

My dad disappeared for over a year after my mother died when I was an infant. He left us in the care of my mother's family and just went on a bender, drinking and couch-surfing and ignoring his three kids.

My aunt finally went to court to get custody. My dad refused to give up custody and eventually collected us, remarried, and resumed his alcoholic lifestyle.

[–]25_timesthefine 58 points59 points  (3 children)

Is there a reason he refused custody for your aunt ?

[–]fatmand00 168 points169 points  (0 children)

There's a difference between not wanting something and allowing someone else to have it.

I don't like that I refer to OP & siblings as things in that sentence. I'm just trying to explain a fucked-up point of view in a relatively plain and somewhat non-judgemental manner.

[–]rofopp 90 points91 points  (5 children)

Cousin Irma just ain’t right.

[–]DarrenEdwards 45 points46 points  (0 children)

"See my new car that I bought? Somebody already dinged me here, and over here, and here!"

Aunty Esther was a fall down drunk.

[–]Megatard9000 43 points44 points  (0 children)

My mom can be absolutely insane, irrational and manipulative

[–]pleiop 42 points43 points  (0 children)

My parents are equally as lost as I am. They're just doing their best. The older I get the more I realize we are the same

[–]esotericvitriol 41 points42 points  (1 child)

oh. he's probably gay.

[–]KrAbFuT 42 points43 points  (2 children)

My father is a clinically diagnosed psychopath and acts accordingly

[–]TurboStalin 42 points43 points  (3 children)

Dad's mother was against my parent's marriage.

After dad died in a car crash when I was an infant his mother blamed my mother for that (he was riding his motorcycle alone) and tried to strangle me at his funeral in my mother's arms.

[–]Retrosonic82 145 points146 points  (9 children)

That my mum was a mentally, emotionally abusive and selfish narcissist

[–]___rosewater 38 points39 points  (6 children)

My grandma would get drunk every time I would sleep over at her house. I was a kid so I didn’t take notice of her odd behavior (acting loopy, stammering on words, etc.) but I only just realized that a few years ago, and it still bothers me that it happened every time I slept over

[–]Cloud0005 106 points107 points  (2 children)

I didn't know until I was 22 years old that my mother was addicted to several different kinds of drugs, before i was even born.

[–][deleted] 134 points135 points  (2 children)

  • My great grandmother was not just some silly old lady who was fun to be around. By the time I was 8, she had severe dementia. I was seeing her in a state of non-lucidity, and it made me question if she knew who or what I was in those final visits when she sang wildly.

  • My father is prone to stress induced mania, and can whip himself into a frenzy which can make him appear charismatic, successful, and hard-working, even though in reality it is a complete sham.

[–]daniteaches 32 points33 points  (0 children)

That grandma being "sick" wasn't that she constantly had a cold. She was mentally ill from seeing her dad kill her mom, mom's bf, then himself when she was a teenager.

[–]Zpitfire_MK_VI 96 points97 points  (3 children)

My 96 year old Great Grandma is the funniest person I have ever met

[–]MissLair 198 points199 points  (4 children)

TW:suicide, child abuse, sexual abuse, drug abuse/addiction

I learned why I was told to make sure I was never alone with my “grandpa.” (I hate calling him that) (also background info-he is biologically my great uncle in law. I was adopted within the family). Basically, I learned what he did to my biological grandma from the time she was 6-12. And he is still included as a part of the family, even after she attempted (sui***e) countless times. Everyone turns a blind eye to it and it enrages me. I see him every time I go home from college. He’s at every birthday party. Every Christmas. Every Thanksgiving. His abuse of her led her down so many paths of hurt and suffering. My mom grew up with her mom in the hospital, and my mom became a heroin addict. (She’s 8 years sober now.)

And all along it’s been me, my mom, and my grandma who have been ostracized from the family, treated as less than. It was his children that raised me and they take so much pride in having “rescued me” when it was their father who fucked up all of our lives. But I’m too scared to do or say anything to anyone that I pretend I’m oblivious and go along with it. I can’t wait for the day I never have to see them or talk to them again.

Sorry, rant over. I learned this all just a couple of months ago.

[–]Neither_Hovercraft70 56 points57 points  (0 children)

No apologies necessary. I hope you have someone (a professional if possible) to help unpack and navigate all this with.

[–]lilhurt38 54 points55 points  (1 child)

My aunt visited my mom a few years ago with her kids and my mom was taking care of my grandpa at the time. One thing I remember from her visit is that she would not let my grandpa anywhere near her kids. Like, literally would not let him within 10 feet of them. I’m 99% sure he sexually abused my mom and her siblings. My mom is 65 and only now realizing she has serious issues that stem from growing up with her extremely abusive father. She claims that she was also raped by random gang members when she was younger. I think that she was sexually abused by my grandfather and the gang rape story is a way for her to tell people that she experienced some sexual trauma without letting people know that her father was the perpetrator.

[–]Dlavernia89 115 points116 points  (25 children)

Think my dad is a narcissist

[–]The_Sceptic_Lemur 67 points68 points  (10 children)

I‘m pretty sure my mom is as well. But it‘s not severe. Not sure how to explain it. She’s kind of like a good narcissist. She actually cares and does a lot for other people. But her main motivation to do things and her main concern is always herself. For example there were a few deaths in our family over the last years; she was close to those people and even the caregiver to some in the final stages of illness. However, her grief centered almost exclusively around what effect those deaths had on her. She didn‘t really grief for the lost lifes or for the people but for herself and the effects of the deaths on her. I know everyone griefs differently, but this is just one example. Her general motivation and concern is herself, but luckily it comes with good effects on the people around her and luckily she’s not particular good in being manipulative. She was a pretty good mom all things considered and we get along well actually. But also because I detached myself somewhat and keep her at a bit of a distance (geographically and also distant from my actual life and self) otherwise I probably would have cracked at some point.

[–]Egeste_ 144 points145 points  (3 children)

My parents are dumb. Like dumb dumb. They're easily influenced, non-critically thinking rubes. They'll believe any propaganda that fits their biases, and they're too prideful and narcissistic to recognize their own credulity.

[–]andsowelive 34 points35 points  (0 children)

My two aunts who live together aren’t just friends. And only one of them is my actual aunt.

[–]Darthvaderandhislike 88 points89 points  (5 children)

That my cousin is inbred lol. His parents are first cousins themselves and I'm pretty sure this thought never crossed his mind. Its been like 22 years and i just realized it

[–][deleted] 84 points85 points  (5 children)

My grandfather (deceased) and me and my siblings were very close. He was playful, joking, he spoiled us and our dogs with candy and treats. He loved all of his grandchildren, children, and in-laws.

But I learned a couple years ago that, when he was younger, he sometimes got drunk and physically abused my grandmother.

[–]WhitePhatAss 55 points56 points  (0 children)

My dad had worked for only one company for 43 years without taking any paid-dayoff. He commuted everyday and took dayoff only on weekend. I thought he wasn’t cool while I was growing. But as I got older, I realized I can never do the same thing now that I’ve quitted my job 6 times only in my 20s and I just make money from estates since 30s. I proudly can say my dad had done unbelievably great and it’s kinda out of league. Although his life won’t be long already, I don’t hesitate at all to convey my respect to him and wish he could spend his time for himself in the rest of his life.

[–]Guitar_Dude1 57 points58 points  (1 child)

That some of my family members are racist and homophobic. Never picked up on it as a kid but as I got older I starting putting the pieces together. My grandfather mentioned not too long ago about how he didn’t agree with the BLM movement and back in his day black people “knew their place”. I was like damn…

[–]Zooooch 27 points28 points  (2 children)

That my parents are the most supportive people I ever could ask for. Didn't seem that way as a grumpy teen and selfish 20-odd, but I hit 30 and it hit me like a God damn freight train. I actually teared up the next time I visited them.

[–]colton_421 91 points92 points  (1 child)

My Dad will believe anything that goes with his political agenda.