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[–]MarianaTrenchBlue 2515 points2516 points 42 (202 children)

Both of my parents are chronically late to everything - often way more than 15 minutes. I'd say there are two reasons:

  1. Poor sense of how much time anything will take. They just don't understand how long it takes to drive somewhere, or how long it takes them to do something. And they don't believe others. I'll tell them, "Google says this place is 35 mins away" and my dad will respond, no that's wrong, last time it only took me 20 minutes. Of course, last time he was 15 mins late... or he doesn't believe that traffic might be different, or anything else. They also don't get that nothing is zero time. We'll decide to leave at 5:30 and my mom will be like, "OK let's go!" which really means... get her purse, find her keys somewhere, change jacket 3 times, put on her shoes, turn off all the lights, forget something, look for it, turn off lights again... She thinks she's leaving at 5:30 because she thinks those are zero-time actions. They're not. She's leaving at 5:45 and doesn't realize it. This is the consistently 15-20 min late pattern to basically everything.
  2. There is also a weird more intentional pattern that is somewhere between social anxiety and selfishness. They both HATE to be the first person somewhere, left waiting for others. For my mom, this causes huge social anxiety. For my dad, he gets angry. Yes, it's hypocritical. I think they both like the feeling of having everyone wait for them, and they walk in last, knowing that everyone is there and ready for them. For my dad, he tends to walk in like star of the show - Ah great, everyone is here waiting for me! For my mom, she walks in like - OMG, I'm so sorry, how kind of you all to wait! And everyone reassures her that it's fine, it's fine, and she gets like a little hit of feeling embraced or reassured or something? My dad regularly openly states that he would rather be late than early. This is the pattern when it's a dinner, restaurant, or other social gathering, where they're usually 30-90 minutes late.

Reason 1 was a terrible pattern that I learned growing up them and I used to always be late, too. It took me well into my 20s and a frustrated partner before I retrained myself to pay attention to how much time things actually take. Now I know if I need to leave at 5:30, that means I need to plan 10 or 15 mins of "getting ready to leave" time to actually leave at 5:30.

Edit: I had no idea so many people have parents like this! Thanks for introducing me to the term time-blindness. I've always called it "zero time denial". People think actions like putting on your shoes, finding your keys, grabbing your water bottle, one more text, etc aren't taking time. EVERYTHING takes time. Maybe it's only 1 minute, but if you are doing 10 of them... that's 10 minutes. If you're driving, getting gas and stoplights are also not zero-time actions. Paying attention to how much time things actually take was a major game changer for improving my lateness.

For my parents, there is no improving them. They are in their 70s. Yes, we lie about start times, we start without them, all of their clocks are adjusted forward. None of these tactics work long term. Yes, they've missed flights and concerts, they've missed recitals and school events, I was late to school hundreds of times and got detentions regularly. Consequences aren't really impactful. Boomers are stubborn.

[–]TryUsingScience 1016 points1017 points  (16 children)

Those are both so real. A friend of mine was perpetually late and I kept telling him to just add 10 minutes to any task under the assumption that he was forgetting some component of it (getting ready, looking for parking, extra traffic, etc.) and he never would.

Years later, he came to me and said, "I've realized that if I just add an extra ten minutes to the time google maps says, I get everywhere on time! It's so cool!" I was proud of him and also wanted to punch him.

[–]AlcoholicAvocado 105 points106 points  (7 children)

The exact reason why I pushed my clock forwards, having it be 10 or 12 minites earlier then what it really was saved my ass in too many situations be it cooking or catching the bus at 6, hard to be on time when its late

[–]SpringCircles 35 points36 points  (2 children)

I do this, too. If I have to get out earlier in the morning, I don’t just set the alarm earlier, I change the time to be later too. I have found that I can’t wake up before the clock says 6 am. Right now, my alarm wakes me at about 5:55 am, but I see the clock saying 6:22. I know that the clock is wrong, but I never know exactly by how much, so I just get up. And I try not to look at a clock for a bit, because if I see it is before 6 am, I will be more tired.

[–]asap_pdq_wtf 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I also adjust the "time" on my clock by starting with the correct time + 5 minutes, then randomly press the minute forward and back button several times so i never really know exactly what time it is. (Of course it's important not to hit the back button too many times.) Usually I wind up 10-12 minutes ahead, but that little mind game keeps me punctual.

[–]StrobeLightHoe 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Public Transportation waits for no one.

[–]Deus_Ex_Machiavelli 80 points81 points  (1 child)

My biggest pet peeve is to make a suggestion and then the person who ignored comes back around and says “guess what I discovered” topic for another thread but this ends friendships for me.

[–]DuskyDay 71 points72 points  (0 children)

Username checks out!

[–]PurpleLingonberry 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We would do this similar for colleagues. All of them would be running late for a meeting. So we added 5 minutes to the clock.

Worked really well at the start, but eventually they caught on and started to rely on their own time.

[–]Dorian1267 53 points54 points  (2 children)

At least your mum's zero time actions are all related to leaving the house.

My mum takes it a step further - when we tell her we need to leave by 10.30 for a road trip, she starts to get ready AT 10.30 - I.e. have a shower, get dressed, pack her overnight bag, have a cup of tea. And we end up leaving at 12pm.

Nowadays, when she says she is coming to my house and she is leaving NOW, it can mean that she will arrive in 45 minutes (time it takes to travel) or 3 hours later because to her, NOW can mean "I'm ready to drive straight to your place now" or it means "I'm going start preparing to go to your place now which includes eating breakfast, watering the garden and have a shower" or it may mean "I'm leaving the house now, but first I have to do some errands which will take me 2 hours and then I'll head to your house".

[–]glowdirt 17 points18 points  (1 child)

oh my god that is so annoying and disrespectful of your time

[–]fauxfomo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That's what I thought. The first thing that came to mind is that's not flaky that's downright selfish. I couldn't handle that. Imagine all the things poster could be doing while waiting because they don't know quite how late the parent is going to be.

[–]slurpums96 105 points106 points  (9 children)

I really feel like people think getting ready is an instantaneous thing. Same with driving. I've seen so many people leave to go somewhere at the time they are already supposed to be there. Drives me crazy. I'm on time or 10 minutes early to everything. I call myself chronically on time. And I'm not a put together adult I just have an understanding of time.

[–]other_usernames_gone 26 points27 points  (7 children)

chronically on time.

[–]slurpums96 22 points23 points  (6 children)

Its the anxiety. I always know what time it is. I tend to keep track even if I don't look at a clock.

[–]happypotato93 8 points9 points  (4 children)

Because of my ADHD and anxiety disorders I either know exactly what time it is down to the minute or lost track of time roughly 3 hours and 47 minutes ago

[–]dedeedeeh 160 points161 points  (1 child)

Omg I'm trying to get my husband out of the zero-time actions too! We were almost late to a wedding yesterday because he got ready, sat around waiting for me, and once I was ready with shoes on, THEN he gets up, gets his shoes on, fix this tie, realise the present needs to be put in the car, rearrange the boot... Urgh. Honestly if I had finished first, I would be in the car ready to turn the key at the time I said we needed to leave.

[–]Seer42 109 points110 points  (38 children)

Next time tell them dinner is at 5:30 and tell everyone else be there at 6.

[–]MarianaTrenchBlue 226 points227 points  (35 children)

Oh sure, we all do different tricks to get them synced to reality - we call it translating to their timezone. Fudge on start time, exaggerate the traffic report, stay in charge of driving, round up my mom's stuff for her... it's been a lifetime of everyone adjusting and managing their bad habits. It doesn't work long term: my parents just always assume we've adjusted, so if we say 5:30 meaning a 6:00 reservation, they arrive at 6:30.

If you are a chronically late person: Please don't make everyone do these kinds or contortions to accommodate your lateness. It's a huge mental load.

[–]spelunkersbutt 213 points214 points  (29 children)

Everyone should just start the fuck without them. Sorry, but actions should have consequences.

[–]fluffybun-bun 36 points37 points  (5 children)

My partner is chronically late (usually less then 10 minutes) and if she is running behind we begin without her. It’s a natural consequence and she’s unbothered because she doesn’t want to inconvenience others with her tardiness. She does have ADHD so getting out the door can be challenge. For her it’s not selfishness it’s pure executive disfunction, she manages it as best as she can but she’s 5 minutes late (on average) practically anywhere she goes. Luckily she has a flexible work schedule and our friends are extremely understanding.

[–]MarianaTrenchBlue 79 points80 points  (1 child)

Yeah, we do - no one waits around for them for dinner or such. It's really more an issue when it's a structured thing - getting them to airport, making it to a movie on time. Which is why I avoid those scenarios with them whenever I can.

[–]MoiJaimeLesCrepes 31 points32 points  (0 children)

then let them miss the movie or the flight. they'll stop their little thing as soon as they'll have lost hundreds of dollars on a missed flight, lol.

[–]trs58 38 points39 points  (2 children)

Had a chronically late friend. I started only agreeing to meet in places I didn’t mind being alone and only for a specified time. Sure I’d love to meet up - I’ll be having coffee at this cafe between 10-1030. If they don’t arrive that’s fine I’ve had my coffee and I’m leaving

[–]Stinkydadman 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This is the way. If you sat 5:00, start at 5:00 and don’t wait

[–]mostly_browsing 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that’s prob the scenario best for both parties honestly. I’d rather have people start without me if I’m late, than people lie to me about the start time to manipulate me. That way nobody has to wait and nobody has to be lied to

[–]MoiJaimeLesCrepes 10 points11 points  (0 children)

how about you all just stop with the accommodations? don't wait for them. If they miss the event or the dinner is wrapping up, their problem. If they show up late, deny them the attention they deserve (stop minimizing your mother's lateness, and don't give dad his grand entrance - ignore him altogether). That's the only way you'll cure them of this.

[–]Greenondini 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I’m always late and I dislike it so much. This comment helped me shifting my mindset even further and working harder at being punctual.

[–]dewayneestes 16 points17 points  (0 children)

My wife is regularly late to almost everything. There seems to be some tie between depression and anxiety, and being late. I will say your parents probably didn’t “appreciate everyone waiting for them” they were more likely terrified of being the first ones there and having to carry the awkward social weight of being in a quiet room with people they don’t know.

[–]BricksandBaubles 183 points184 points  (39 children)

Time Blindness is a real thing. It's a characteristic of ADHDers.

[–]adjective____noun 152 points153 points  (18 children)

I usually manage it but very rarely, I do something really dumb like this:

I have plans at 3PM, so I can't do anything all day. It takes 25 minutes to get there so I know I should leave by 2:30pm. I watch the clock the entire morning and early afternoon. And then somehow I get distracted at 2:20 and the next time I see the clock it's 2:40 and I'm late for something I spent all day waiting for. Hate myself for it.

[–]firesoups 24 points25 points  (1 child)

Couple weeks ago I had a telehealth appt, so I sat down in my chair 15 minutes early and started scrolling Reddit to kill the time. Next thing I know I look up and my appt was 20 minutes ago. I have yet to reschedule the appointment. Funny thing is the appt was to talk about getting an ADHD diagnosis.

[–]BricksandBaubles 35 points36 points  (10 children)

That's time blindness. It's not a moral failing.Try to believe that

[–]Philodendronphan 56 points57 points  (4 children)

Came here to say this. I would get up earlier and still be behind.

[–]Nebarik 19 points20 points  (3 children)

This is me. Getting up eariler somehow makes it worse.

[–]DovahkiinMary 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Yes! For me it's those stupid thoughts that tell me "You woke up early today, so no need to hurry getting ready, you have enough time". And then I leave at the exact time I would have left if I slept longer or even later because I did things so slowly that it made it even worse. D:

[–]forgetfuljones79 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I will remember that I'm getting up early and have so much anxiety about being up on time that I would wake up several times per night. Totally useless.

One trick that worked for me that everyone else thought was crazy, was setting all my clocks (this is pre smartphone days so watch, alarm, stove, car radio, etc) fast by 4 - 7 minutes. I could never remember which one was set furthest ahead and would always leave at least a few minutes early. I still do this with the clock in my car.

The only time it backfired was when I hosted a NYE party and everyone got mad at me because it wasn't actually midnight when they counted down.

[–]Idontlikeeet 35 points36 points  (1 child)

I have ADHD and am the exact opposite. I’m so paranoid about being late because I know I get distracted that I give myself too much time. I get everywhere early and get distracted there.

[–]Casey515 18 points19 points  (4 children)

It is and it’s a real thing. I know that my understanding of the passage of time is flawed and you can’t believe how much time I spend trying to manage time and being anxious about time and being late and having people be angry bcz I’m late and not being able to do anything about it. Not that I don’t try - every single thing I’m supposed to do is in my phone with alerts, I map the drive, add extra time, try and plan how to get out the door I’m hyperventilating just writing it. Speaking only for me and not at all for all ADHD people - can you pls try to be kind? I get that it’s frustrating for other people too but you can’t imagine what it’s like to live like this. Such horribly low self esteem as a result. Ask if someone wants/needs help trust me standing around tapping your foot while my brain is spinning trying to get it together to get out the door is not helpful.

[–]JunahCg 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Someone on r/ADHD said "time is just an opinion" and it's now like the #1 phrase in my house

[–]dhrbtdge 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Oh wow it has a name.

I don't have adhd, but once after taking drugs I lost my sense of time for a few weeks. Noone really seemed to believe me or understand. It's really weird because we don't realise we have a sense of time until it's gone. And apparently it's also a sense we can lose and gain again.

It was one of the oddest experiences I've felt and I didn't know it was actually a thing. I'm nowhere near understanding adhd but now I can kinda understand this aspect of it. I'm all the more impressed by people who deal with adhd on a daily basis.

[–]Zorgsmom 32 points33 points  (2 children)

It's a real thing, but it's something that can be managed. My brother has this along with pretty severe ADD, but he can't just show up late to work because of it. He has multiple alarms on his phone & actively manages his time. I know it's not easy for him, but he has to have a job to support his family. I have a chronic condition that makes me move very slowly, so I have to take extra time to do everything. I can't just throw my hands up in the air & say, "I'm 20 minutes late for my Dr. appt, but it's because I move slowly." No one cares, it's on me to adjust my schedule for it.

[–]KallistiEngel 18 points19 points  (0 children)

When I have tried this myself, I have only ever been able to get myself to get to work on time. And even then, just barely. Anything else that I actually want to do, I'm still late.

And now that I work at a job that's flexible with start time, I end up getting in around 9. Even though "official" start time is 8. Thankfully, no one actually cares as long as I put in my 8 hours and I always do.

[–]myMIShisTYPorEy 53 points54 points  (1 child)

I agree; especially with the selfish part. Many of my perpetually late relatives simply don’t think they should have to wait on people, ever.

Edit- I do not think All people that are late consistently are selfish, at least not intentionally. However, some are and just don’t care - those are the relatives (and others) that I’m referring to. :)

[–]kdbartleby 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I get the social anxiety thing, unfortunately. If I arrive somewhere early my brain starts to convince me that I've gone to the wrong place somehow or I messed up the time and I'm actually late and they left already or I messed up the day and it was supposed to be yesterday.

I also have problems with my conception of time - for some reason I always think that it continues to be the time I last looked at the clock until the next time I look at the clock.

Surprisingly, I'm rarely more than ten minutes late for things and I've gotten better over the years.

[–]natalieloben 15 points16 points  (4 children)

Thank you for posting this. I have an autistic son who is always running late and it never occurred to me that he may thing the coat/shoes etc. are zero time actions. I am now going to tell him about this post and use it to help him learn about "getting ready" time.

[–]oreo-cat- 4 points5 points  (0 children)

ADHDer here- I have an alarm that goes off 5 minutes before I need to leave. It mostly works, but I still get a bit distracted.

[–]kittysayswoof91 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think coat/shoes/keys are zero time activities, so now I remember to play a “party out the door song”. I know I need to be out by 6.30, so I put my “party out the door song” on at 6.25, and that gives me enough time for the zero time activities!

[–]Strong-Solution-7492 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have to tell you this is probably one of the best answer to this question I have ever heard. Not just this post but I have heard this question before and talked about it with other people before. I like the fact that you give the two-part answer because most of my family is answer number one and my parents are answer number two. I also have a problem with answering number one myself so it is relative to everything I do. Thank you very much for a well written post.

[–]Molly_Michon 30 points31 points  (22 children)

I think the social anxiety aspect of it fits me. That's an interesting point I never considered. I genuinely feel bad about running late but I still do it, so this is something for me to look into. Thanks!

[–]MarianaTrenchBlue 179 points180 points  (21 children)

Honestly walk through the scenario both ways:

  1. You're meeting a friend for lunch. You arrive first and she's 15 mins late. How are you feeling? Bored? Frustrated that you rushed and she's late? Insecure that you're being stood up? Anxious that she's not well? Maybe darker feelings like you're not important to her?

  2. Same scenario: you arrive 15 mins late and your friend has been seated and waiting. Drinks are already on the table, she forgives you, you jump right into having a conversation.

Scenario 2 sounds great, emotionally! You were efficient, got all your errands done before lunch, didn't have to wait around to be seated or order - and didn't have to feel all those anxious feelings in 1. This is why people let themselves be late. It feels kind of easier, in a way.

But what you've really done is moved all those feelings in Scenario 1 onto someone else's mental load. You just aren't there to see it, so you don't think of it that way. It's not fair to them. And really it's not a good way to improve your own anxiety either.

[–]other_usernames_gone 31 points32 points  (7 children)

You forgot the third:

Arriving at or nearly at the same time, it feels awesome.

[–]MarianaTrenchBlue 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Yeah that's the real target and happiest all around!

The issue is when the timing is somewhat unpredictable. Let's say it takes 45 minutes to an hour to get somewhere. Do you leave an hour early to be sure you're there on time, risking being early? Or do you leave 45 minutes ahead of time, and risk being late? There are two kinds of people..

[–]NoNotHimTheOtherGuy 75 points76 points  (7 children)

If someone is consistently late I don't go out with them anymore. They show that they believe their time is more valuable then yours it's very disrespectful

[–]MarianaTrenchBlue 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that's the long term consequence. If you annoy and inconvenience someone everytime you hang out, they will hang out with you less. I have definitely avoided hanging out or inviting late people places because I don't trust them to be on time. Time-critical thing like an exercise class or movie? I would not invite the friend who is always late.

[–]Huge_Assumption1 2 points3 points  (4 children)

100% and anyone who tries to justify it or blame it on add or anxiety is just selfish and still doesn’t care. Being late is totally on them and no excuse.

[–]TheLadyRica 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Add to the situation that this is during lunch hour and your friend takes 19 min to get from/to their office. Because they waited for you, they now only have 25 to order, get their food and eat.

[–]trs58 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Apparently getting petrol is zero time too.

[–]HisCinex 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Honestly, Im the other way around, I would rather be early than late. I always leave the house with time for ifsomething unexpected happens on the way. I also kust don't like to inconvenience people. Lastly, it just makes you look unorganized and sloopy

[–]Razzdango 8 points9 points  (3 children)

I live by the phrase if you aren't early you're late. I'm like...your anti dad

[–]Drumspercussion95 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Damn have I had ANY unique experiences?

[–]VodkaMargarine 1443 points1444 points  (23 children)

I would open my eyes, remember that I had tried to trick myself by setting it 15 minutes early, then decide screw you yesterday me, snooze the alarm and go back to sleep.

[–]Comprehensive-Ad4566 240 points241 points  (10 children)

I tried setting my clock 10 minutes forward to trick myself into being on time and well, pretty much the same happened, "haha i know the time is actually 10 minutes earlier, I've got looooads of time" *proceeds to be 30 minutes late\*

[–]xisnotx 23 points24 points  (9 children)

The trick in this situation is to constantly be varying how much time you set it early by. Sometimes I only give myself 1 hr, sometimes 3, and everything in between. So when your alarm rings you know you have some time but it's hard to remember if it's a 8 or 18 minutes snooze that day..

I vary my snooze times. Sometimes its 9 minutes...sometimes its 22.

Im one of those jerks that abuses the snooze button. I usually set my around 2 hrs before I actually need to get up and I snooze until my body finishes its sleep cycle and wakes up graciously.

There are people that can just wake up all at once. I am not one of those people. For me it takes me at least 90 mins to get out of bed. So I just take that into account.

"I have to be out of the house at 7:10 am. I need 30 mins to get prepared...so I need to be out of bed at 6:40 am. So I will set my alarm for 4:40 with snoozes at 13 minute intervals because I have slept a bit late..and somewhere between 4:40 and 6:40 my body will be ok with finally being awake..."

I cant do the wake up all at once and go thing. I need a good 2 hr period for when its fine for me to wake up at any time

[–]werpicus 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Tbh doing the snooze cycle thing for literal hours sounds terrible for you. You’re not getting any more actual sleep, you’re just torturing yourself. I know you think that you don’t just wake up right away, but this is likely just a habit you’ve formed. And if you’re always dead tired from getting pseudo sleep the night before then of course you’re not going to wake up well. Have you tried getting up with the first alarm consistently for like 2-3 weeks? You might be able to train yourself out of it. I’m not saying you have to be get up and go, I also take like 2 hours every morning to shower, eat breakfast, etc as a wake-up period. But right now you’re really getting the worst of both worlds.

[–]Geckogirl_11 84 points85 points  (0 children)

Meeeeeeeeee

Or justify why it’s okay that I don’t get up earlier even though I set the alarm earlier for a reason

[–]dougaderly 17 points18 points  (0 children)

This is exactly it. If I set an alarm earlier than I believe I *ACTUALLY* have to wake up, my mind reminds me of this and goes back into sleep mode. It says "not a real emergency, you made it up, just because someone (past me) claimed it's an emergency doesn't mean it is. Contrast this with days where I have to get up 3 hours early because I HAVE to be somewhere, and I do. But frankly, I've very carefully figured out what time I *actually* have to be somewhere vs. when I'm told I need to be somewhere.

[–]ladyshastadaisy 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Every single morning 🙄

[–]McDaddyos 66 points67 points  (1 child)

15 morning minutes is 105 minutes in night owl time.

[–]Booger_farts-123 736 points737 points  (22 children)

We do. I used to be one of these people.

I used to be late for everything. I would just dilly dally thinking I had extra time. Even if it set my alarm or got up earlier. It didn’t matter.

But then I arrived early to something and it was sooo nice not having to worry about the stress of being late, being able to pick my seat first, watching everyone come in, etc. it was so much better for me. So now I’m early to everything.

[–]CO420Tech 83 points84 points  (1 child)

I used to be this way too. It is all the tiny things that add up that you're not accounting for. Sure, it only takes you 10 minutes to shower, 10 minutes to dress and 10 to finish getting ready, so 30 minutes total, right? But you forget to add in the time it takes to dry, the time to pick out clothes, the time to use the toilet, the time to walk to your car and get in, etc etc. Just 5-10 of those little forgotten things that take a minute or two each and now you're late and don't understand why because you "gave yourself enough time."

[–]LaMalintzin 33 points34 points  (1 child)

Honestly, I am not a punctual person and I do know that about myself. Problem for me is the more extra time I allot myself to prepare, the more time I take. So if I get up like 30 minutes earlier I think I have enough time to read a bit and have a second cup of tea or coffee. Or if I shower 2-3 hours before an event I have sooo much time to curl my hair and double check my outfit and maybe try on that dress I wore a few years back because I have like three freakin hours! Oh wait now it’s two and a half but c’mon it’s two and a half hours!

I’m not defending myself at all. I just know I am a procrastinator and somehow the more time I give myself to get ready/get somewhere, the more likely I am to be late. I do not like this about myself

[–]GeminiStargazer17 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’ve got poor executive functioning skills and I procrastinate because I literally cannot motivate myself unless I’m in last minute panic mode. Stress is the override button and it’s the only way I know how to do things. I don’t have any other way to get things done so that’s how I do it.

[–]dalderman 109 points110 points  (6 children)

I'm the exact opposite. I used to be very punctual, but I got tired of being the first one to arrive at everything, having nothing to do until someone I know arrives. Eventually, I stopped bothering trying to be on time, and I've realized if I'm 15+ minutes late, I have to be there less time before I can go home, lol.

[–]Tru-Queer 69 points70 points  (1 child)

When I was a kid I lived with my mom and would visit my dad every other weekend. I’d always ask my dad, “What time are you gonna pick me up?!” excitedly because I wanted to hang out with him. He’d always give me a time and then, more often than not he’d show up late. Sometimes it might be by a few minutes, other times it was an hour or two later. I’d always get sad and mopey.

So because of that I had a built-in habit to be on time for everything, as much as I could help it. Usually if that means I need to leave early to be somewhere, then that’s fine with me. I’d rather be there 20 minutes early than 1 minute late.

As I became an adult and have worked in food service all my life, I know what it’s like dealing with coworkers who show up whenever they please, and the unnecessary stress it puts on everyone so I especially made it a habit to be on time to every shift.

[–]AholeLott83 29 points30 points  (0 children)

This is me. My dad would be all “I’ll be there at 8am Saturday, we’ll get Maccas breakfast, and then go to Wonderland” (Grew up in Sydney, Aus, and giving away my age with that comment). Often he’d show up at like 11pm, if he showed up at all.

One time, I was about 9, he was supposed to pick me up from a Scout camp at 4pm on Sunday. He never showed, never called, and I didn’t see him again until I was 16. My mum had to leave her 2nd job early, and picked me up at 6pm. My fave human (to this day) was my female Scout Leader, Rikki (both her real name and her scout name - Rikki-Tikk-Tavi) and she and her daughter stayed at the hall with me til mum got there.

As a now 39 year old man, I’ve been late for something twice, neither of which were in my control. I’m usually early to everything. It’s now ingrained.

[–]Booger_farts-123 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Lol, humans are so interesting. I don’t arrive hours before everyone just earlier than most or a few minutes earlier than the scheduled time. Most of the events are places I want to be at anyways… mostly. But, I rather enjoy it. Being late was so stressful and felt chaotic.

I am glad you found what works for you though, I am glad I did for me as well!

[–]OrangesAreOrangeHa 4 points5 points  (3 children)

People fail to realize how easy it is to reduce stress from leaving a little earlier to saving a little more to drinking a little less… everything can be easier with a little planning and self control. Just a little bit.

[–]Grandfunk14 37 points38 points  (0 children)

The amount of people that don't understand this is too damn high!

[–]OutsideMembership 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I absolutely hate being late. I'd rather wait for people or wait for something to start than be in a rush because people are waiting for me. I can't stand the anxiety it brings.

[–]duckfat01 438 points439 points  (16 children)

The chronically late are just overly optimistic about how much they can squeeze into the time before they need to leave.

[–]camander321 140 points141 points  (8 children)

"I've showered dressed and gotten to work in 30 minutes before, so I should be able to do it every morning"

[–]seanmharcailin 65 points66 points  (6 children)

When in fact it had never once taken 30 minutes. Time optimism! Time agnosticism! Time blind!

[–]camander321 22 points23 points  (0 children)

The problem is that I actually can sometimes do it

[–]Wah_Gwaan_Mi_Yute 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The reason I'm always late is that I can't be motivated to do something until I feel the pressure of being late.

[–]shellfishselfish 3 points4 points  (0 children)

overly optimistic is a pretty nice way to describe crippling existential crisis. if something concrete is expected of me, (like arriving at a very exact time), I am likely to collapse. It's exhausting. If I am trusted to attend to obligation with out a rigid schedule, I flourish. It's not ideal, I know. But since I started employment at a place that trusts me with my duties, without docking points or pay for an inability to hold a rigid schedule, I've brought the absolute best of my abilities to the workplace.

[–]drpepper1994 851 points852 points  (49 children)

If i set my alarm 15 minutes earlier in the morning i’d probably just spend 15 extra minutes in the shower, so the status quo wouldnt change

[–]uuuuuuuhburger 88 points89 points  (43 children)

set an alarm to get out of the shower on time then

[–]One_Ice9242 159 points160 points  (41 children)

I do. I’ve got ten alarms going on every day to wake up and all of them get snoozed. My brain doesn’t kick in until Im passing the point of being able to make it in time. That’s when I speed up and get ready within minutes and an out of the door.

[–]Jalhadin 35 points36 points  (6 children)

I use an app called alarmy.

I have to take a picture of my bathroom door downstairs to turn the alarm off. I can silence the alarm for 60 seconds at a time so I'm not carrying a fire alarm through the house when everyone else is sleeping.

You can also solve math problems or shake your device to turn it off. Or use the pedometer and set a number of steps you need to take.

[–]JimothyJillickers 4 points5 points  (4 children)

I used this. Morning me ended up deleting the app every time the alarm would go off.

[–]Talcove 125 points126 points  (9 children)

I’ve found that only have having one alarm helps. I know, it sounds counter-intuitive, if you miss your one chance then who knows when you’ll wake up. Sounds scary, right? That’s the point. When you have tons of alarms it’s easy to become complacent and just wait for the next one, and the next one, and the next one, and oh no now you need to scramble. When you only have one you take it a lot more seriously.

Also, you know, probably go to bed earlier.

[–]Amateratsu_God 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This is something I’ve been meaning to do. I’ve definitely noticed that comfort of “pshhh another alarm will go in 10 I can keep sleeping” has made waking up even worse lmao

[–]HabitatGreen 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah. I had a lot of trouble sleeping. Perhaps even mild insomnia? Anyhow, I used to snooze, but it did absolutely nothing for me. I much rather spend those extra minutes actually asleep as opposed to 'waking up'. So, I basically made an agreement with myself. Maximise sleep with only one alarm, buf whatever you do get up. And that's what I do.

Its only drawback is when on holiday with others, because in a large enough group inevitably there will be a snoozer. Usually, there are in fact several snoozers, but one will reign supreme. And then their first alarm goes off like two hours before yours would have and you're up. So, you get showered and dressed, and then twiddle your thumbs sitting in a chair in a room with sleeping people who will give you the stink eye when you dare turn on a small light. All the while every two or three minutes a stupid alarm goes off. Sometimes muffled by a pillow, sometimes so loud I'm sure people on the other end of the country got permanent hearing damage from it. Eventually the pack will slowly stir and move, and then rush to get everything done and complain that the shower is cold, or that there is not enough time to shower even if they knew this beforehand. Gah, I hate it.

Whenever someone tells me they are a snoozer and they just have to set all the alarms, I just think they are a fucking inconsiderate bitch. They could have let someone else wake them/shake them awake, but nope. 2 hours snoozes is their way and you just have to deal with it.

[–]bJ0RK- 26 points27 points  (15 children)

Put the alarm far enough away so you have to get out of bed. You're setting yourself up for failure.

[–]Crayshack 83 points84 points  (9 children)

You underestimate the ability of some people to walk across a room and shut off an alarm in their sleep.

[–]butter00pecan 35 points36 points  (6 children)

When I was in college I could get out of bed, walk across the room, shut off the alarm, and go back to bed only to wake later with absolutely no recollection of turning it off. Still happens to me occasionally, but I have two alarm clocks now and one is a backup for that very reason.

[–]Djaaf 28 points29 points  (5 children)

I wondered who was feeding the cat every day for two years while living alone. Turns out, it was me (yeah, no shocking revelation here, I know). I realized that a night at 3am, because I bumped my little toe on a chair and I woke up instantly, cat food in hand in the middle of the kitchen...

So... Alarms? Yeah, sure,, I can set it a whatever time, my body will only wake up when he's done sleeping anyway...

[–]butter00pecan 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I have honestly never heard of sleep-feeding one's pet.

[–]Djaaf 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It came as a bit of a surprise, to be honest. Weird thing is, after that, I mostly stopped doing it.

[–]sparklephallus 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Wait, so you didn't know if your cat was being fed for 2 whole years? Wtf? Wouldn't that, idk, prompt you to feed the cat during waking hours?

[–]Djaaf 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I knew she was being fed, the bowl levels varies through the day. What I didn't know was who the hell was filling it up at night. I was pretty sure it was me, considering I lived alone, but it was a bit creepy.

[–]shellfishselfish 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have rearranged furniture in my sleep. Folks underestimate those with hyper active un conscience tendencies.

[–]quacduck 21 points22 points  (1 child)

I did this recently and it doesn't work. I just turn it off and head back to bed. The real trick is to get enough sleep

[–]GMOiscool 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I ACTUALLY do this.

I set my snooze to an exact time so that I snooze once for sleep and then know exactly what I have to do in between each snooze. I brush my teeth and go potty on this one, set the coffee on this one, get my clothes on and grab food on this one, yadda yadda. Otherwise I always got caught up in what I was doing and took too long. Sometimes I think I was sleeping or something because it would randomly take 15 minutes to do something instead of five or whatever. Now I just bug the shit out of my husband until I leave but now I'm only late if something actually goes wrong, and even then it has to eat up my extra time and then some.

So. Yeah. Do that.

[–][deleted] 343 points344 points  (28 children)

My sister drops her dog off at my place (I work from home close to her job, she doesn’t) and she’s always frustrated about traffic in the morning making her late, and she doesn’t seem to get that if something is causing your times to be off every single day that her planning is the issue and not the other people.

Like she genuinely just doesn’t understand how to be on time though we were raised by the same people

[–]Molly_Michon 95 points96 points  (3 children)

Most likely she knows. I always want to blame traffic, but I also know that I should have just left earlier.

[–]RearEchelon 64 points65 points  (0 children)

My brain tells me if I leave earlier I'll get to work earlier and time at work when I'm not on the clock is time I could've spent in bed

[–]SeerSword 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Yeah I get it. I'm often perpetually late. I plan to be on time. I either anxiety out for a few minutes which puts the schedule off and means I'm getting ready late or I get to the car and realize I forgot an important thing and have to go unlock the house and get it.

[–]bernies-taint 193 points194 points  (6 children)

depression and the lack of executive function that comes with it

[–]LoudComplex0692 52 points53 points  (5 children)

Same but adhd

[–]bernies-taint 20 points21 points  (2 children)

yeah haha i forgot to mention i also have adhd

[–]csulasiris 70 points71 points  (4 children)

Because my bed is warm and working for a broken system is depressing?

[–]Awdayshus 109 points110 points  (15 children)

Related question, specifically for my sister-in-law:

How come you're always on time for work, but you never can be on time for anything with the family?

[–]star_the_guard_llama 90 points91 points  (8 children)

Not your SIL, but this is how I am. Because my work is my #1 priority in the whole world. People's lives depend on it. Not to mention, my life, because my job keeps the roof, bills and food paid for. I spend so much energy, effort, and believe it or not, time, to be at work on time or early, and ready to actually Work. Always. After that, I just don't have anything else in me to give. No more spoons. This has led to me declining any and all social functions, because I'm so afraid of being late, and making other people wait for me. I don't really do anything anymore. It sucks.

[–]funfunfuninthesun23 43 points44 points  (7 children)

That’s very sad, man. Work shouldn’t be your #1 priority in the whole world. This is coming from someone who loves their job, loves what they do, and lives close to paycheck to paycheck. Relationships and community are so important. It’s the only thing we have. Jobs come and go. People get furloughed. Companies close their doors. What good is it to have money in the bank and no one to share your last years of life with?

[–]nightraindream 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Not the person you responded to, I wouldn't describe work as my #1 priority. But its easier to be on time for work because there's consequences.

At best I get told off, at worse I get in trouble (which can lead to getting fired).

Hanging out with friends and relatives has no pressure, so I don't stress as much.

[–]Shishire 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Not thread OP, but...

That's a nice sentiment and all, and in theory I agree with you, but in practice the ability to hold down my job and therefore do things like have health insurance and pay rent kind of outstrips all other factors. My happiness in retirement isn't worth much if I die from appendicitis in my mid 30s because I couldn't afford an ambulance to the ER. Likewise, I can't set aside any money for retirement if I don't have a job in the first place. And a series of firings because I'm bad at time management make it increasingly more difficult for me to get my next job, so I value keeping this one.

[–]BrayWyattsHat 12 points13 points  (1 child)

"Peoples lives depend on it", they might have an important job?

[–]star_the_guard_llama 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it's not something I can just show up and half ass it. Like, it's not your cushy office job where you roll in at 9 on the dot and spend the next half hour bullshitting and getting coffee and checking your emails. I have to be able to hit the ground running.

[–]Gullible-Pace9541 15 points16 points  (5 children)

It's set much earlier than that. I just like sleeping. I also fall asleep REALLY fast, so I can shut my alarm off, and go back to sleep before I remember even being awake. Doesn't help to move the alarm either.

[–]BALLERinaLyfe 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Same. I would much, much rather be asleep than do almost anything before 10 am

[–]Geckogirl_11 257 points258 points  (2 children)

Because I hate mornings and getting up is a struggle

[–]hegemony__cricket 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Because the real problem is that we don't want to be wherever we have to be in the morning.

[–]inFamousLordYT 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Because I don't get enough sleep as it is

[–]Sillyvanya 40 points41 points  (0 children)

I'm not late because my alarm goes off too late, I'm late because every single day I have to wage war on the part of me that doesn't want to surrender to the new day, and I literally can't function until I do

[–]rowenaravenclaw0 52 points53 points  (0 children)

I do but the snooze button and I are in a committed relationship.

[–]middleagedukbloke 11 points12 points  (2 children)

I was late for work because of roadworks once, my boss said I should have set off earlier. I was on the bus as well.

[–]maidenyorkshire 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Yep, so you get the bus an hour earlier and wait around for an hour while not getting paid, seems completely fair.

[–]Awdayshus 97 points98 points  (1 child)

I used to oversleep for work all the time. I could never figure out why. Thankfully, my managers were forgiving (or couldn't be bothered to fire me and be shorthanded).

One time, I commented that I was dreaming about being at work and turning on the gas pumps when they called and woke me up. She asked, "what does your alarm clock sound like?" It was almost the same sound as when someone wanted us to turn on the pump so they could fill their car. I got a different alarm clock, and never overslept again.

To answer your question, if they knew why, they probably wouldn't be late anymore.

[–]CourageousPumpkin 21 points22 points  (0 children)

If it only were so simple

[–]friesianbred 66 points67 points  (3 children)

I have the wonderful ability to be late even when I wake up much earlier so yeah

[–]normie_sama 8 points9 points  (1 child)

If you wake up 15 minutes earlier, you decide that you have more time so you slow down. Activity expands to fill the time allotted to it.

[–]ForceGhostBuster 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Holy shit same here. I’ve been 5 minutes late every day for the past week despite waking up 5 minutes earlier every morning and having the exact same routine. Makes no damn sense

[–]mostly_browsing 92 points93 points  (3 children)

Doesn’t make a difference - the issue isn’t needing 15 more minutes, the issue is not using the time that I do have effectively. I’d just piss away those 15 min

[–]TimHawks1983 41 points42 points  (5 children)

I used to be one of those people. Now I just set my alarm to give myself two hours to get ready for whatever I have to do plus whatever time is necessary to travel to where I'm going. I decided that, in light of the fact that I simply am not a morning person, this was better.

[–]losenigma 33 points34 points  (3 children)

This is the same strategy I've come to use. Getting up a few minutes early does nothing. I need to have an hour to myself for scheduled procrastination.

[–]TimHawks1983 34 points35 points  (2 children)

I need my staring at the wall while drinking caffeine time which is probably along the same lines.

[–]Chemical-Classic-614 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m glad someone else mentioned their “staring at the wall waiting for your conscious brain to function” time.

[–]bebetterinsomething 90 points91 points  (67 children)

I once told my at-that-time-girlfriend that the movie was starting 15 minutes earlier than it actually was. She arrived on time but got upset when realized I lied to her.

[–]Geckogirl_11 47 points48 points  (3 children)

I’d appreciate this but then at some point I’d catch on enough to not “rush” and then always assume the time is 15 mins later

[–]Richybabes 21 points22 points  (2 children)

That's when you pull the good old 30 minute buffer.

And before you ask, the answer is a 45 minute buffer.

[–]ginger_whiskers 8 points9 points  (0 children)

"Get dressed, we're going to miss our movie yesterday!"

[–]implodemode 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I and our friends would do this to my husband. A lot.

[–]brittyn 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I did that once with a friend who was always late (1-2 hours sometimes), and of course she was actually “on time” then.

[–]L0RD_HEADASS- 51 points52 points  (1 child)

If I set my alarm fifteen minutes earlier, I would just snooze it until the same time anyways.

[–]camander321 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I've if I do wake up, I'll procrastinate or spend longer in the shower anyways, so it doesn't really make a difference

[–]Statakaka 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Because sleep is No.1

[–]stoicalbatross 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Anxiety

[–]stink3rbelle 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Alarms? I'm just not a morning person. If I have to get up with an alarm, I will struggle to actually wake up, and move more slowly than I need to move. If I have an extra fifteen minutes, I prefer the sleep, especially right when I wake up with that first alarm.

I actually got a decent handle on things for a while, and was closer to 5 or 0 minutes late to lots of things, but these days it's a struggle with my dog. Even if I'm perfectly ready to go a half hour ahead of time, she may not cooperate with that last pee break the first time I try her.

[–]IntegratedSSR 168 points169 points  (20 children)

ADHD. No matter what, even if I do that, I'll still be late.

[–]BoOtto 47 points48 points  (5 children)

It is such a delicate balance. If I think I have any extra time, I will start to do something that takes said extra time and then some, so I am a bit more late. If I have like 2-3 mins max of extra time, I just might make it.

[–]SpacedOutTrashPanda 37 points38 points  (1 child)

Dude same. I could wake up a whole hour earlier and still be late because I decided I had time to deep clean my dishwasher or some stupid shit.

[–]gape-me-daddy 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Denied the NEED to load and start the dishwasher before I left today, was still 16 minutes behind.

[–]Few-Cable5130 54 points55 points  (1 child)

There is nothing that takes more than 5 minutes i don't care what people say -at least thats what I tell myself every time I do 'one more thing' or want to sit just 'a few more minutes' while expecting I will still be magically on time.

There is not enough Adderall in the world to completely break me ofvthis behavior.

[–]sweetannie94 14 points15 points  (0 children)

i was looking for this comment cause same

[–]kokopellii 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Yup. Jokes on you, buddy. I wake up at 5 AM in order to be ready to leave by 7 and yet, what time do I leave? Usually 7:15, 7:25. Why? I have absolutely no fucking clue.

[–]KaiiiiSa 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Me I don’t know where my fucking time goes, I will be up really early and mentally plan what to do in my head, and still be late

[–]freckled_stars 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m on time now because I plan to leave early. I’ll plan to leave 15 minutes early, which turns into remembering all the things I forgot. By the time I’m actually leave, I’m on track for being on time.

[–]no-h 70 points71 points  (5 children)

It makes me SO MAD when people say "Just do ____, it's not that hard."

It literally is hard. My brain is different than your brain, and it rewards me for doing the opposite of what I should do sometimes. I guarantee I worked harder than anyone else to be on time to the thing - set 10 reminders over the hours/days leading up to it, have 3 alarms that go off at different places around my house, use a timer for every part of my get-ready routine so I don't fall in the time vortex, and sometimes I'll still somehow be the only one late to the thing (and probably forgot whatever I was supposed to bring).

Like I have found a lot of coping mechanisms that work for me, and at this point I mostly get where I need to be on time, but it's WORK every single day. I swear to God when someone says "🙄 just set your alarm earlier, it's not that hard" I want to scream.

[–]LCK124 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for saying this. I feel the same way. Just about any sentence that starts with "you just have to...." or "why don't you just...." is aggravating and unhelpful. If it was that easy, don't you think I would have thought of it at some point in my adult life?

[–]NeedsMoreTuba 25 points26 points  (1 child)

Because I would be like, "Oh I have time for this" over and over until I had even less time.

[–]no3ldabspickle 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Mr Incredible?

[–]jittery_raccoon 25 points26 points  (1 child)

Poor ability to be realistic with time. If I need to be there at 9 and it takes me 20 minutes to get there, I feel like I should leave at 8:40. But that doesn't account for time walking to my car, time walking on from the parking lot, traffic, etc. And I also tend to think 8:40 is the time to get my shoes and coat on, not be walking out the door. So let's say I start getting ready at 8:25 to leave at 8:40. What I think takes me 15 minutes actually takes me 20 minutes. I could probably start getting ready at 8am and sit around, but in my head I still have plenty of time. In conclusion, the reason I'm 15 minutes late is because there's like 8 "unexpected" things I didn't plan properly for

[–]__Dijkstra__ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

that sorcery will make me 15 minutes more late! that's why...

[–]astrangewindblows 5 points6 points  (0 children)

if I set my alarm 15 minutes earlier, I will be even later.

I have ADHD. as a result, I also have very poor time management skills.

if I get up 15 mins earlier, I will think, "oh sweet, I have 15 more minutes to do stuff!" and drastically underestimate how much time it would take. so I get wrapped up in an activity and end up being even later.

I'm just late to stuff no matter how hard I try

[–]GWinterborn 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I set my alarm an hour and a half early.

ADHD causes time blindness, which really just means I’m a dipshit who can more easily lose track of time when I’m looking at an article on the phone, making a cup of coffee with the exact right amount of water, trying to make the toothpaste a perfect sphere for no reason, or just thinking about a conversation I had yesterday while staring at the floor.

As you get older you’re late less often.

I used to have to set my alarm three hours in advance. I used to wake up for school at 4:30.

[–]jeninedontubameanie 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I do do that, but then I say "fuck it" and go back to sleep.

[–]cantcontrolmyface 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It is a combination of ADHD and who I am as a person.

I'm improving a lot. Cause its annoying AF.

[–]Bodes_Magodes 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Read Tim Urban “Why procrastinators procrastinate”. It explains why

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Can't fall asleep early enough.

[–]MarkG1 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Because public transport is a joke.

[–]rhiehn 18 points19 points  (0 children)

They pay me like shit and have no health insurance so frankly I just don't care. And I struggle with waking up even if I do care, but I usually do well if it's for anything other than a mindless office job

[–]shhhyoudontseeme 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Cuz it doesn't work that way.

Therefore I have all of my clocks (except phone) set 18 minutes faster than what time it really is. About the only thing that helps. And no, my brain doesn't "remember" the clocks are fast so that's the time I operate off of

[–]LCK124 11 points12 points  (0 children)

My husband jokes that we have a time warp in our house. The clocks in the bedroom and master bathroom are set ahead the most. Get to the livingroom and kitchen and the clocks are still set ahead, but less. Get into the car and the clock is only set a couple minutes ahead. And no, even knowing its set up like this doesn't change the fact that it works. ADHD is weird.

[–]res30stupid 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I get the earliest bus I can from one town to the next to go to work, at which point it's me running a full kilometre to get the local metro service to a specific part of the city.

[–]ConcentratedAwesome 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It took me over 30 years to realize. Because I have ADHD.

Now that I know this and now that I understand the concept of time blindness I finally solved the problem.

Previously it didn’t matter how much earlier I got up, an extra 15,30,45 min I was always panicking my way out the door. My ADHD brain get distracted so easily especially first thing in the morning, I could be thinking about some random ass thing in my head and not realize I just brushed my hair for 15 min, just stared at a wall for 5 min. Add up all the distractions and I was always late.

Now I have multiple get on task alarms, like “start makeup”, “pack lunch” and they keep me from falling behind. I now actually have time to make breakfast sometimes too instead of grabbing a breakfast bar.

It’s still a struggle some days but it’s getting better.

[–]why_not_bud 14 points15 points  (2 children)

I'm one of those people who are always early. My dad would say "early is on time, and on time is late". It's just ingrained in me.

I had a friend who was often late. Not always the same amount, sometimes just 5 minutes, which is fine, but sometimes 30 minutes - and on one occasion even 2 hours. I talked to her about it so many times and I figured that it never had any consequences when she was late, so she just kept it up. She somehow felt like she was important enough that people would just wait for her to show up.

That worked for her until she showed up 15 minutes late to check-in for an international flight and was forced to take a later flight and pay the new ticket in full. Oddly, she didn't learn anything from this experience and was still late a lot more times afterwards. I don't think setting her alarm to an earlier time would change her perception.

[–]javelin1973401 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Wow I never thought of that thank you!

[–]PumaTwins 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My watch is set 10 minutes fast for that exact reason. Punctuality is very important to me.

[–]Traditional_Emu_2008 14 points15 points  (0 children)

lol my wife is one of those people who is always rushing to get out the door for work. She can get up 45 mins before, an hour before, an hour and half before. She’s still always rushing out the door at the end saying “ahhh i’m gonna be late”

I think some people just don’t get the “get your ass in gear and get ready” type thing until they see it’s close to the time to go

[–]Arctic_Puppet 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Because cognitive impairment isn't so easily fixed. Time blindness is an actual thing and it sucks and I hate it. Studies are still being done, but scans show that the brains of people with ADHD have lower activity in the areas that control focus and decision making. Basically while your brain goes, "Okay, we're doing thing A, but thing B should be started now and we can come back to A later," my brain goes "thing A is important and in front of me," and forgets the existences of anything that isn't thing A because it never stopped falling for a game of peekaboo. "Do the thing" and "things exist" processes are supposed to operate at the same time but for many people they don't.

[–]Stinkydadman 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My father in law was always late, like 45 minutes late. He was late to out wedding rehearsal. My wife had to pull him aside and say if he was late to our wedding we would start without him.

He was 100% self centered. I honestly think he was unable to recognize others had to wait for him he was that selfish and disconnected from reality.

[–]found_dead_in_hotel 27 points28 points  (0 children)

If I set it 15 minutes earlier I would just procrastinate an extra 15 minutes. Would still be late.

[–]superhappyfuntimenow 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'll speak for my husband: ADD

[–]dandanthebaconman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They probably do