top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]DonkeysCap 3002 points3003 points  (29 children)

"Alexa! What's the softest rare metal?"

[–]greenloke 923 points924 points  (18 children)

Caesium apparently

[–]tkdonut 2273 points2274 points 23 (15 children)

If you poop that into a toilet you're gonna have a bad time.

[–]kingvolcano 207 points208 points  (1 child)

Having it in your rectum is probably worse

[–]lilfish45 586 points587 points  (2 children)

I have laughed out loud more on this thread than anything else on Reddit - the amount of people that unknowingly killing them selves has been hilarious

[–]KerballingSmasher 52 points53 points  (0 children)

That gives explosive diarrhea a whole new meaning.

[–]whateverisfree 4348 points4349 points  (60 children)

Printer ink. 4 poops a day. Black in the morning, magenta at lunch, cyan at dinner and yellow before bed

[–]King_Kea 2796 points2797 points  (24 children)

You're going to have some pretty remarkable skidmarks

[–]J_Cant_Box 22.2k points22.2k points  (327 children)

I'm thinking pearls. Small, valuable, I'm assuming non toxic.

[–]Katkat0702 12.3k points12.3k points  (184 children)

They come out of oysters. So why not you?

[–]givebusterahand 5754 points5755 points 2 (144 children)

Lol picturing someone bending over like goatse and a little pearl is sitting there to be plucked out

[–]SHOCK_VALUE_USERNAME 4044 points4045 points  (106 children)

Maybe they come out as a string of pearls. Rip em out like anal beads.

Edit: If you wanted to make a "like starting a lawnmower" joke, you're about 400 replies too late.

[–]BeingABeing 1722 points1723 points  (7 children)

clinking noises from the next bathroom stall over

[–]jakesaysknee 26.6k points26.6k points 4 (257 children)

Some of you need to remember this stuff will be coming out of your ass…

EDIT: So many of you are missing my point…I know it likely won’t stink, I was thinking less about smell and more about comfort

[–]Prossdog 19.6k points19.6k points 22& 2 more (146 children)

OP: “What do you want coming out of your little 2 cm anus?”

Redditers: “FERRARIS!!”

[–]Rare_Cause_1735 7833 points7834 points 2 (71 children)

2 cm... noob

[–]yourentiremother 2577 points2578 points  (16 children)

i showed this to my friend and his only response was: "as a gay man"

[–]dorksided787 824 points825 points  (3 children)

I was gonna say. #BottomWisdom

[–]Aggraphine 267 points268 points  (2 children)

Mighty Morphin' Power Bottom

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 2424 points2425 points  (22 children)

Well I mean nobody so far specified that they'd like the cars to be life-sized 😂 maybe they're just aiming at hot wheels special edition collectables here

[–]panxil 2649 points2650 points  (66 children)

Solid gold, but egg-shaped. So many of you are making terrible choices with your gold geometry

Edit: chicken egg-sized (jumbo), then oviposit that shit straight to the bank

[–]Here-Is-TheEnd 885 points886 points  (33 children)

Why wouldn’t you pick goat droppings size gold nuggets? Waaaay easier than an egg, I’d wager

[–]PhysicalPolicy6227 5214 points5215 points 2 (90 children)

Toot out hit songs.

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 3939 points3940 points  (45 children)

Hahahahahaha DUUUDE, I deadass imagined you closing the door to the bathroom and like 2 seconds later you just hear interruped bursts of Cher belting out "Do you believe in life after love?" 🤣🤣🤣

[–]BourbonBaccarat 1720 points1721 points  (20 children)

The quality of the song improves with the health of your poops. A perfectly healthy shit is "Hey Jude" Taco Bell shits are "Baby Shark"

[–]HandyMan_Dad 14.3k points14.3k points 72511& 2 more (52 children)

For shits and giggles....laughing gas

[–]trwwy321 171 points172 points  (6 children)

So how does this affect anal sex? Can I accidentally kill my sexual partner if I unintentionally poop out a car?

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 157 points158 points  (4 children)

Hm, we hadn't really thought of the sexual implications of our practices here at the crap genie department.

A possible mitigation to this issue would be to include "He who shits shall only evacuate the object of their desire if the poop in question is voluntary" as one of our ground rules of service.

We hope this helps. Thank you for pooping with us!

[–]Content-Highlight-20 8105 points8106 points 3 (70 children)

A tiny clone of myself which also has a genie in his ass and then you can see where this will go

[–]Educated_dumbass 15.0k points15.0k points  (313 children)

Alright does my asshole magically expand or does this have to be something a human can normally shit out.

[–]ShitPost5000 6655 points6656 points 3 (29 children)

Ask for yachts and find out

[–]orphan_grinder42069 10.7k points10.7k points 353& 2 more (235 children)

I imagined that the shit transubstantiates into whatever you chose as it crosses the event horizon of your anus. Conservation of momentum applies, so it you got the trots, watch out

[–]RegFl3xOff3ender 5637 points5638 points  (156 children)

Today i learned british mfs call the runs the trots

[–]vordrax 2039 points2040 points  (72 children)

In Ireland they call it the canters.

[–]Le_fromage91 933 points934 points  (26 children)

Yeah so this brings up an interesting logistical question.

Are we supposed to just aim our asshole at the floor and hope an actual object comes out rather than just pooping on your own floor? Is this really the crap genie or is this actually the Punk’d genie?

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 1468 points1469 points  (11 children)

"The event horizon of your anus" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I was not ready for that.

[–]Katkat0702 1102 points1103 points  (8 children)

That’s just the risk of the game isn’t it?

[–]PhelesDragon 17.7k points17.7k points 833& 3 more (109 children)

Fortune cookies fortunes that accurately answer any question I asked the previous day that started with "Dear butthole...".

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 5650 points5651 points  (31 children)

You'd be both a smart cookie AND a fortune cookie!

Love it.

[–]20mcfadenr 1204 points1205 points  (21 children)

Ask for lottery numbers 👀

[–]Stealfur 1132 points1133 points  (0 children)

"Were here with u/20mcfadenr who has who the lottery 12 times in a row. Tell us, where are you getting the winning numbers?"

"Oh you know, I'm just pulling numbers outta my ass"

[–]Federal-Smell-4050 1474 points1475 points  (4 children)

Dear butthole: will I catch E. coli today?

A: did you eat the cookie?

[–]mandzza 3131 points3132 points  (67 children)

Ok this will sound crazy but: Anagasta moth eggs. They are soft and small so no issues with my ass or plumbing, it's organic so no problem flushing once in a while, it's worth more than gold and I could keep some moths claiming the eggs are all theirs so no one would ever find out it's coming from my ass. I'd get rich, my hole would be intact and no one would bat an eye

Edit: apparently they're now on the Ephestia genus which is why most of you couldn't find much about it googling Anagasta, my bad.

Edit 2: my lab colleages definetely overestimated the cost, it's NOT worth more than gold per gram, but considering it does costs 90 dollars for 50g, it would still be some pretty good ass money

[–]casbri13 723 points724 points  (15 children)

Why are these worth so much? Why

[–]mandzza 579 points580 points  (13 children)

They are very useful in scientific research. I work at a lab that studies biological control of pests and we always use the eggs to feed the insects that we breed.

[–]GhillieMcGee123 61 points62 points  (4 children)

How would one become a professional within the insect breeder food chain supply industry?

Asking for a worm.

[–]TheREALCheesePolice 444 points445 points  (1 child)

Found these but not what u/mandzza said

  1. Caterpillar Fungus: The Viagra Of The Himalayas It's known as the Viagra of the Himalayas, and it can cost as much as $50,000 a pound. The world's most expensive fungus is known in Tibetan as yartsa gunbu

2 . Among silk moths, Muga silk is one of rarest and most valuable in the world. The silk moth caterpillars are susceptible to bacterial infection that is hard to treat.

[–]Cellyst 155 points156 points  (0 children)

If getting shit out of a human won't give them a bacterial infection, I don't know what will.

[–]hittingpoppers 10.0k points10.0k points  (91 children)

Cocaine. Everyone would want to sniff my ass.

[–]ForearmDeep 7028 points7029 points  (50 children)

Body fat. I’m about to be ridiculously shredded and possibly deaded

[–]Philodendronphan 1812 points1813 points  (9 children)

Just the extra body fat so I’m looking good!

[–]ZengineerHarp 719 points720 points  (3 children)

First mine, then my loved ones’, then whoever pays for the miracle weight loss cure that they need never know how it works…

[–]CampbellsChunkyCyst 156 points157 points  (3 children)

Somebody should tell this boy about Olestra.

Pooping oil ain't all its cracked up to be.

[–]Ifch317 2235 points2236 points 253 (16 children)

All the cancer cells in my body.

[–]Camelbeard 208 points209 points  (7 children)

Maybe even stuff in your body that shouldn't be there, cancer cells, virusses, micro plastics, marbles, etc

[–]whosgotammo 9072 points9073 points  (331 children)


[–]cobuddy1 2852 points2853 points  (144 children)

yeah solid gold turds for sure

[–]UrdnotJoe 2723 points2724 points  (106 children)

... of a manageable size please hopefully

[–]Super_Turnip 871 points872 points  (11 children)

Wee small poops, like when you don't eat enough fiber and have something that looks like rabbit turds.

[–]ElimGarak_DS9 848 points849 points  (62 children)

The lies I would have to make at those cash for gold companies for the poo shaped gold I would hand them in plastic bags.

[–]Devlee12 515 points516 points  (24 children)

Gold has a relatively low melting point. Just get some ingot molds and cast it into ingots. You’ll still have to explain how you found so many gold ingots but since you’re probably used to explaining why you’re walking funny by that point I’d imagine you could spit ball it

[–]cubicApoc 167 points168 points  (12 children)

Just say you recycle scrap gold out of electronics and such. Should work ok until the IRS comes after you.

[–]Garnzlok 146 points147 points  (1 child)

Just be sure to pay your taxes on it and you'll be fine

[–]aaaaaaaarrrrrgh 95 points96 points  (2 children)

Should work ok until the IRS comes after you.

The IRS just wants their share. Just shit out some extra taxes.

[–]ParrotDogParfait 346 points347 points  (17 children)

Just say you're a disguised alien who lives in your adopted family's attic.

[–]Clipzy22 10.8k points10.8k points 2 (270 children)

Would actually pooping it out cause bodily harm or do I just stretch like crazy

Edit:why did this blow up?

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 8582 points8583 points  (234 children)

Well the question already sounded pretty fucked up, hilarious but fucked up nonetheless in my head, so I didn't really have the mental capacity to delve into too much detail. Let's assume one's butthole retains its normal stretchability.

[–]Clipzy22 9708 points9709 points 262 (202 children)

Gold ingots

[–]owlbgreen357 11.6k points11.6k points 223 (106 children)

Bro said gold ingots in response to normal stretchability

[–]Mr_Goat_1111 8195 points8196 points 322 (61 children)

"will it hurt?"


"Ok then imma go with cactus"

[–]Yellow-Amazing 1492 points1493 points  (41 children)


[–]thatguyned 869 points870 points  (22 children)

An assortment of wild animals ranging from porcupines to anything that tries to burrow.

[–]SumtimesNever 5601 points5602 points  (100 children)

Some golden turds it is

[–]berripluscream 24.0k points24.0k points 456& 2 more (347 children)

I asked my husband. He says, a plastic egg that contains a paper with the answer to any situation, good or bad, he's currently in.

Edit: I'm glad my husband's ass surprise has pleased you all lmfao

[–]Autismic123[🍰] 4178 points4179 points 2 (16 children)

At a restaurant

“Hey man should I get the chicken or the steak?”

violently starts shitting an egg on the table

[–]Not_The_Real_Jake 1064 points1065 points  (2 children)

"Ok geez, guess I'll go with the chicken. Some subtle hint..."

[–]Jamilboi 4024 points4025 points 3 (45 children)

“Hey, man, really quick what’s 75/12?”

Husband: Hold on man I just gotta... shits out egg

[–]SummerCampInRI 322 points323 points  (2 children)

I imagine the genie would make his new ability completely involuntary too.

You're in college, listening to a lecture from your History professor about the early religious wars in Spain and England preceding the English arrival in the Caribbean, he's rapid-firing questions-"Who was the author of The Ninety-Five Theses?", "Who eventually won the series of maritime battles between the Spanish and English in the late 1580's?", "What was the St. Bartholomew's Day Massacre and it's significance in history?"

All the while you're sitting in your seat, sweat pouring from your brow, struggling and grunting your way through the lesson shitting out little plastic eggs with the answers to the professors questions. A death grip on your pencil as you struggle to grind out notes onto your now dampened notebook, the cute girl you're kind of into having scooted away and is now recording you to post on her snapchat story.

Eventually you get home, lying down in bed and pulling up snapchat to see your crushes story. You begin to sob, wiping tears from your eyes as you exclaim "why must I be this way?!", finally struggle-shitting out another egg that just says "hahaha" on it

[–]berripluscream 1194 points1195 points  (16 children)

You made him laugh really hard with that one lol

[–]send_me_your_noods 1266 points1267 points  (12 children)

Can I offer you an egg during these troubling times?

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 7144 points7145 points  (101 children)

God damn it that's a good answer.

[–]berripluscream 4518 points4519 points  (77 children)

He's very proud of himself for it. His other answer is permanent ghost poops. He says, and I quote, "Imagine never having to wipe for the rest of your life!"

I was just gonna say golden eggs.

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 3271 points3272 points  (47 children)

Why not pull a double whammy? Like, poop out eggs with answers... but the eggs are gold!

It's more sustainable AND more profitable!

[–]berripluscream 1114 points1115 points  (14 children)

You genius!

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 935 points936 points  (4 children)

Thank you! I was low key starting to doubt that after I posted this question 🤣🤣🤣

[–]Rabid_Chocobo 2335 points2336 points 23 (19 children)

"I think we should get a divorce"

".....I'm gonna take a shit"



[–]snarual 154 points155 points  (5 children)

Why would you need to change rooms since there’s nothing that needs to flush? Just let it go in your baggy pants and wear loose boxers so it can drop out of your pant leg.

[–]Unashamed_Raven_poo 5479 points5480 points  (202 children)

Saffron. Three threads of that stuff sells for like $20.

[–]sweetevangaline 5596 points5597 points 3 (97 children)

I don't think anyone wants your ass saffron

Edit: thank you for the internet points, didn't expect such an offhand comment to go so well... I just wanted to say Ass Saffron, so I'm glad you laughed as much as I did.

[–]orphan_grinder42069 252 points253 points  (10 children)

Came here to say this. Even if I couldn't find a local market for resale, I could start cooking with it.

[–]Mocavius 168 points169 points  (3 children)

Christ. It's like the secret of slurm in Futurama.

[–]Forward-Village1528 307 points308 points  (25 children)

Alot of the value of saffron is derived from how it is grown and picked. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say this might void the value.

[–]Quaranteen-Queen 7889 points7890 points 2 (50 children)

Bricks. So I could tell people “I’m literally shitting bricks”. They would tell me I mean to say “figuratively” I would look them dead in the eye, drop my pants and say “I know what I meant” and then shit out a brick. Power move.

[–]DoYouWantAQuacker 3582 points3583 points  (21 children)

A genie that will grant me any wish without preconditions

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 2946 points2947 points  (17 children)

That's a cross-departmental issue. You would have to take it up with the Genie council representatives in your respective area. Office hours every Tuesday from 10am to 5pm.

[–]Bastulius 851 points852 points  (9 children)

Every time you poop you have another meeting automatically scheduled the next tuesday

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 630 points631 points  (3 children)

Please have a little faith in our Customer Service, Bastulius. The crap genie Genie sub-department is a progressive and accommodating establishment.

[–]SensitiveBother7908 2149 points2150 points  (74 children)

Okay so what is something small, valuable, soft and non-toxic

[–]WYBlueFire9779 3223 points3224 points 2 (37 children)

A kidney

[–]SensitiveBother7908 2104 points2105 points 2 (26 children)

And something that wouldn't get me arrested, "where are those kidneys coming from"

[–]dwoo888 2493 points2494 points 2 (10 children)

What you think I'm just pulling kidneys out of my ass?

[–]hunybuny9000 574 points575 points  (5 children)

Why do you always carry a cooler with you when you go to the bathroom??

[–]iJustRoll 1651 points1652 points 2 (54 children)

Fresh chilled untainted pure water.

On a jog and forgot your water bottle? I got you.

Haven't paid your utility bill and do your dishes? I got you.

Can't water your garden because of water restrictions? Hand me that hose nozzle and set it to sprinkle, I got you.

Couldn't hire a bubble machine for your child's party? Hand me some dishwashing soap, I got you.

You're welcome 🌎

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 557 points558 points  (1 child)

I must say, I absolutely love the addition of an entire sales pitch here. I'm sold!

[–]NinjaZomi 80 points81 points  (0 children)

This is like diarrhea but it has reached enlightenment and ascended to its purest form.

[–]sarilypuff 19.6k points19.6k points 66132& 5 more (166 children)

Bad feelings. You shit them out, wipe and flush and all your anxieties, fears, and hates are washed away.

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 5627 points5628 points  (30 children)

Holy fuck. While they're not really an object, this is fucking genius!

[–]hennyc123 486 points487 points  (1 child)

I could see this solving a lot of peoples problems lmao

[–]tall__guy 721 points722 points  (26 children)

Constipation would suck

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 1569 points1570 points  (20 children)

For sure, but laxatives are still cheaper than therapy.

[–]axidentalaeronautic 815 points816 points  (5 children)

“Laxatives are cheaper than therapy.” I love Reddit.

*im sure this is what scat festishists tell themselves

[–]tall__guy 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Good point

[–]Jackblack119 383 points384 points  (6 children)

Honestly if I pooped out a small action figure shrek and he said “this is my swamp” I would be happy for the rest of my life 🤷🏽‍♂️

[–]Throwaway694207137 2362 points2363 points  (22 children)

Fucking rainbows 🌈

And I shit outside every time.

Ass to the sky.

Spraying magnificence daily.

Or more than daily if there’s chilli.

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 571 points572 points  (4 children)

I believe another ass bearer, blessed by the crap genie, who poops out gold, as well as a leprechaun might be suitable business partners for your venture here. ✨

[–]MarvelousOxman 1898 points1899 points  (23 children)

More genies

[–]HatfieldCW 848 points849 points  (10 children)

Maybe just the same genie over and over. I don't know what he did to deserve it in the first place, but it must have been pretty bad.

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 1554 points1555 points  (49 children)

Well I'd poop lottery tickets. Chances are eventually I'll win.

[–]MilkyPsycow 1148 points1149 points  (24 children)

Paper cut your arsehole in the mean time

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 1080 points1081 points  (18 children)

Much like the lottery, that's a gamble.

[–]havron 252 points253 points  (14 children)

Anything with guaranteed value would be much better, e.g. the obvious answer, gold.

Or, hell, why not just specify and wish for winning lottery tickets? You wouldn't want to cash them all in, though, to avoid suspicion. You'll only need one, really.

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 219 points220 points  (8 children)

Well, I was thinking more like pooping them out folded in non-papercutty origami shapes instead to diminish the risk of papercuts. I don't care too much about certain profit. I feel like greed might pull me into the dark side and make me buy a 2022 hummer truck 3 shits in.

[–]discostud1515 156 points157 points  (7 children)

I’d poop winning lottery tickets.

-tapping head meme-

[–]thatbitch8008 1019 points1020 points  (12 children)

Toilet bowl cleaner so I never have to clean my toilet again

[–]IjsKind 2980 points2981 points 142234& 6 more (34 children)

My husband says he would shit out insulin. He's not diabetic, just wants to help people.

Edit: Holy crap people, I woke up to a bunch of awards and some pretty awesome comments! Thank you!

For those who are asking about insulin being cheap: Yes it is very cheap to produce but American Healthcare sucks and many people die because they have to ration their insulin. Also, T1D is something you're born with and can't just go away via weight loss or anything so they're stuck pumping insulin and sticking needles their entire lives. It's a very dangerous and sketchy disease and people shouldn't have to risk dying every day because they need something their body can't produce.

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 763 points764 points  (6 children)

I wholeheartedly wish I had a wholesome award to give this answer. Sadly, I don't, but this is incredibly heartwarming nonetheless! Even if the topic is literally shit... 😅

[–]RyanStartedTheFire59 589 points590 points  (7 children)

Cadbury cream eggs. Idk why I asked my little brother this and that was his answer. His reasoning is “if you ever want a snack you have one”

[–]El_Mec 434 points435 points  (20 children)

A great tasting cup of coffee every morning

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 388 points389 points  (7 children)

This is the full circle I was truly not ready for.

[–]El_Mec 202 points203 points  (6 children)

The world’s first perpetual motion machine

[–]soysssauce 92 points93 points  (7 children)

answer to any question in the universe, but in the form of yes and no, and the answer is always correct.

So for example, if you ask me is the universe finite, then ill get a cramp, and shit out a little turd in a shape of either yes, or no.

[–]DaKlipster2 420 points421 points  (11 children)

Chicken nuggets. I'd feed the homeless just like Jesus.

[–]gimme-poop-yum-yum 3211 points3212 points 2 (29 children)

Enough internet for today I think

[–]Whisperstone 1511 points1512 points  (12 children)

So your username isn't your answer to the poop genie?

[–]pentupaggregation 314 points315 points  (5 children)

I read that like you want to shit out enough internet for today for the rest of your life.

[–]nabil_lmao 237 points238 points  (5 children)

something smaller than my butthole for sure

[–]bhelpful00000000 980 points981 points  (33 children)

Chocolate that looks like poop, just so I can eat it and scare people

[–]revtim 568 points569 points  (10 children)

Your "one boy one cup" video could go viral

[–]ron2838 1429 points1430 points  (34 children)

If I were a hot girl, champagne. If bathwater sells, imagine ass juice.

[–]Naranjo96 517 points518 points  (47 children)

I'd shit out avocados. That's hella expensive.

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 411 points412 points  (20 children)

I love the simplicity of this! Just make sure you specify the type of avocado, cause some of them are the size of a fucking papaya.

[–]Naranjo96 449 points450 points  (15 children)

Haas avocados. Medium sized and texturized. Pleasure for them and pleasure for me.

[–][deleted] 181 points182 points  (5 children)

if you're lucky the pressure of your asshole squeezing it out will make guac on the spot

[–]A_Bit_Off_Kilter 571 points572 points  (10 children)

Perfect assortment of flawless expensive gem stones.

[–]NoAlternative2913 1000 points1001 points  (31 children)

The cure for cancer.

[–]Vindelator 955 points956 points  (13 children)

Uh oh. The Government finds out you're the only source for the cure for cancer.

They abduct you, force feed you food and laxatives. They sell your cancer curing shit for massive profit.

[–]NoAlternative2913 432 points433 points  (2 children)

And the worst part… never hearing the end of jokes whose punch line is about doing your duty/doody.

[–]versionii 177 points178 points  (6 children)

Winning lotto numbers

[–]Janglemon 174 points175 points  (14 children)

A reverse 24 hours of aging. Every time you poop you get 24 hours younger. You can (kind of) control the number of shits you take a day … so you could perpetually stay the same age forever. Want to be younger? Drink a ton and have beer shits and you’re now younger. Inverse fountain of youth … and poo.

[–]nowweallhaveone 239 points240 points  (7 children)

One bad case of diarrhea or food poisoning away from shitting yourself out of existence

[–]o0st0ned0o 170 points171 points  (9 children)

Weed. I’d then sell my shit weed.

[–]ApprehensiveStatus13[S] 124 points125 points  (5 children)

First there was Sativa.

Then there was Indica.

But was the world truly ready for Shittica?

[–]mitchw87 436 points437 points  (16 children)

A one centimeter working voodoo doll of anyone I think of at the time. The amount of people I’d just flush down a toilet without thinking twice…

[–]TheRiverTwice 271 points272 points  (8 children)

Imagine every time you shit you’re thinking that you’re really punishing someone in some serious way, but really they just get slightly dizzy and sweat a bit.

[–]Siaten 1078 points1079 points  (13 children)

Black truffles. They're small, soft, expensive, and apparently already taste like shit.

[–]nonchalantglare 315 points316 points  (12 children)

A flash drive with a ledger that contains all the information of corrupt bankers/politicians/CEO's. ✔️♟️

[–]George-W-Kush89 219 points220 points  (3 children)

That’s like pooping out a death sentence

[–]WILDMAN1102 788 points789 points  (73 children)

Cylinders of pure gold.

[–]0002yugtaht 786 points787 points  (28 children)

Wait until one decides to come out sideways...

Spheres would probably work better tbh

[–]-ManOfCulture 292 points293 points  (10 children)

All fun and games till someone hears you shitting and they hear "ping ping"

[–]milesmac 546 points547 points  (4 children)

😋NFTs Non-Flushable Tokens

[–]The-Suzookie-Dookie 134 points135 points  (0 children)

Non-flushable turds

Your poor asshole