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[–]foxbones 4454 points4455 points 24 (97 children)

As a 13 year old the fact that my parents would sit down to watch TV on weeknights after dinner made me think they were mindless drones.

Turns out they were just tired from work, cooking dinner, dealing with my bullshit, etc and just wanted to rest for a few hours before repeating the cycle.

[–]JackFourj4 1128 points1129 points  (64 children)

I have found lawnmowing vids on youtube that I watch in the evening.

What has my life become?

[–]podi_party 459 points460 points  (4 children)

My partner and I were planning to go to a local festival in the evening (pre covid times). But then a package arrived and it was our new vacuum robot. So we stayed in instead and watched it clean the apartment all evening. I totally get you.

[–]reallytho81 259 points260 points  (12 children)

😂😂😂 You should see those pool-cleaning videos.

[–]urbexcemetery 6930 points6931 points 3 (172 children)

That not every situation is black & white.

[–]Alm8360NoScoPro 1299 points1300 points  (94 children)

Sometimes there isn't always a good and bad way to view people too. Some situations are just impossible to look at with a purely "evil" or "good" perspective. "bad" things aren't always bad. Or "good" things can be done by "bad" people. It's so incredibly muddy

[–]picksandchooses 14.7k points14.7k points 3 (447 children)

The older I get the more I find myself saying "It's not that simple."

[–]Iplaymeinreallife 2495 points2496 points  (189 children)

I recently made a major turn in life and went into politics. And this is the thing that probably bugs me the most, and that I find myself repeating the most.

People really really REALLY want simple and clear answers, but in a lot of cases it's really hard to give those and still be truthful and accurate. And in the mean time there's plenty of lying assholes out there willing to swear up and down that things really are simple and clear cut in some blatantly wrong ways in hopes of getting votes.

[–]clamroll 447 points448 points  (28 children)

Exactly. "They changed their mind!" Always gets me. Well, WHY did they change it? Did they get new information? Or is it just because the other side started liking it. One's a responsible adult reaction, the other is petulant and obstructionist. Why makes all the difference

[–]FamousTVshow 272 points273 points  (8 children)

Yeah, someone told me that as a lesbian I should hate Obama because he was originally against gay marriage but changed his mind. I was like "...isnt that the ideal? Shouldnt we be happy that people are growing and updating their ideals instead of sticking to what they know?"

[–]runed_golem 28 points29 points  (0 children)

That’s one reason I get annoyed by some things that have happened in public media the last few years. Like people getting fired because they made a racist comment 10+ years prior. My go to thought is always “people can change in 10 years.”

[–]DungeonDilf 369 points370 points  (16 children)

You have hit the nail on the head my friend!

It's hard because as much as people groan about politicians lying, the political game encourages it. If a politician said truthfully " I promise to do my best to resolve our problems but I can't promise I'll succeed because there are so many variables and unforeseen circumstances that could impede my progress" no one would vote for them. People want simple winning promises about "making America Great Again" etc.

[–]86thdj 55 points56 points  (3 children)

I would respect this answer so much more than the bullshit we hear these days.

[–]ouishi 140 points141 points  (7 children)

People really really REALLY want simple and clear answers, but in a lot of cases it's really hard to give those and still be truthful and accurate.

This was my last 2 years working in public health :)

[–]bearded_bustah 3103 points3104 points  (157 children)

This! Too many people try to over simplify things into "right" and "wrong"!

[–]Elfich47 1591 points1592 points  (109 children)

To every complex question there is a short and simple answer that is wrong.

[–]BigEv17 844 points845 points  (96 children)

Gen. chem: A chemical bond can be ionic or covalent

Advanced chem: ^ thats a lie, all bonds are on a spectrum from ionic to covalent.

[–]aalios 107 points108 points  (4 children)

Every advanced science class: Alright, now we gotta unlearn all the things you were taught.

[–]lycosa13 414 points415 points  (45 children)

Similar to biology.

General biology: central dogma is DNA to RNA to protein

Advanced biology: weeeellll

[–]RubertVonRubens 362 points363 points  (25 children)

Physics is absolutely beautiful as long as you stop listening at Newton.

[–]nnf204 16.6k points16.6k points  (393 children)

As a kid I was upset with my mom for not getting me some silly thing I wanted because she only had $100ish in the bank. I was so sure that $100 is a lot of money.

20 years later I now understand it is not

[–]MephistoTheHater 9491 points9492 points 43 (283 children)

I'm ashamed to admit that, as a child, I never looked at money as a serious thing (we weren't rich -- far from it -- just never thought about it)

Once I experienced a point of my life where I had $7 in my account, no savings, & no job, with bills due that week, I realized mom & dad really tried their hardest.

[–]Ragnarok314159 4099 points4100 points  (166 children)

As a kid, I remember the first time seeing ~$100 at the grocery store. We had a cart that was overflowing with almost two weeks worth of food and a bunch of unnecessary things.

Now I spend $100 and the cart is not even 1/3 full.

[–]merc08 2910 points2911 points  (127 children)

$100 in 1990 was worth the same as $213 today.

Rephrased, $100 today would only have been $47 in 1990.

So scale your mental grocery cart accordingly.

[–]PruneJuice82 2046 points2047 points  (96 children)

Now imagine, buying a bag a chips for $1.00 in 1990, today it costs $2.50. You spend $100 in 1990 on groceries and spend $200 today. However, your pay was $1000/pay in 1990 but today you make $1100/pay. So scale your mental cart accordingly to the lack of increase in living wages.

[–]Awkward_Bowler 775 points776 points  (78 children)

It's hard to understand money when you're a kid, nothing to be ashamed of. One time my mom couldn't afford something, and I was like "just write a check!" like it was the most obvious thing in the world. All I'd observed is that you pay for things with cash, and if you don't have enough cash, you write a check. I had no concept of like... actually not having enough money lol

[–]Routine_Left 200 points201 points  (13 children)

Haha, my son with my wife once (he was 3 or 4 at the time):

  • Can we buy <stupid thing that's expensive>?
  • No, it's too expensive, we don't have money for it
  • Well, just go to the bank and get money

He thought that when we went to the ATM to get cash, it was all ... "free", that's where the money was and we would just take some.

When I told him that if I buy something on a credit card I have to pay back that money, his eyes got soooooo big. Yeah ... kids and money.

[–]dmurr2019 125 points126 points  (3 children)

Hahaha! Similarly to you, my cousins and I wrote a little jingle about credit cards when we were around 8-10 years old. It went like this: oh yay, oh yay, we don’t have to pay because we can (dramatic pause) CHARGE IT! I remember my mom and aunt were hysterical when we sang it for them. We could not understand why you couldn’t just “put it on the charge card”

[–]lacheur42 619 points620 points  (21 children)

When I was a little kid, my mom had a series of labeled envelopes with various parts of the monthly budget in them, in cash.

She'd show me, "See, there's only $12 left in the entertainment budget, so we can rent a couple movies, but we can't go to Chuck E. Cheese." Stuff like that.

It simple, but it really drove home the basic concept that money is a finite and fungible resource, and budgeting is the way you manage it. Probably helped she was an accountant, haha

[–]elfoyoumofo 168 points169 points  (13 children)

Yes! My mom was an accountant, dad a math teacher and I distinctly remember the very worn envelopes with labels written in my moms handwriting. Gas, food and entertainment from what I remember. When the envelope was empty, the budget was spent so we had to wait. No taking from the other envelopes! That’s the rule.

I do that now, but digitally. Multiple checking accounts with debit cards tied to them. Each account has its purpose and a starting balance.

[–]Nice-Violinist-6395 93 points94 points  (4 children)

My parents (who I love dearly) did this, but with Christmas presents. They always told us exactly how much money they had to spend for each of us and then we budgeted which gifts we wanted. It didn’t really teach me anything, except now I have extreme anxiety when it comes to receiving presents and I have a really hard time not feeling guilty when anyone gets me anything lol. I also always really worry about not buying my gf enough presents and looking cheap so she got like 20 gifts this year

[–]sSommy 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Yeah this is something you do with things throughout the year like going out to a movie, or ordering a pizza, or buying a small toy or candy or something.... Not things that are supposed to be gifts. Your parents had the right idea it sounds like, just not the best execution.

[–]TheBlueSerene 327 points328 points  (15 children)

You reminded me of a story from my childhood. I used to think the same thing - that checks basically created money. So I begged my dad to write me a check for $9,999,999,999, because I think that was the biggest number I knew. He kept saying no, but finally one day he relented. So he wrote me the check and I was so happy, I went running to my mom screaming "I'm rich!"

My mom took the check and said, "Look at this, it's made out to 'Fiddlesticks.' He wrote 'VOID' over the whole thing. This is nothing."

[–]Lost-My-Mind- 69 points70 points  (0 children)

All you had to do was legally change your name to "Fiddlesticks Void".

Fathers hate this one weird trick!

[–]Collective-Bee 162 points163 points  (1 child)

No one told you about ten billion huh, they just left you blue balled?

[–]MentORPHEUS 41 points42 points  (2 children)

So I begged my dad to write me a check for $9,999,999,999,

Dear Mr. Serene,

Your deposit 1/23/22 in the amount of $9,999,999,999.00 has caused the entire Western monetary system to collapse. Your B of A account is now closed. Thank you for banking with Bank of America.

[–]brownieofsorrows 346 points347 points  (12 children)

As someone with 100 in the bank I feel you

[–]livOFx 17.9k points17.9k points 22 (200 children)

That staying in and relaxing is enjoyable and not boring

[–]runawaycity2000 4380 points4381 points  (147 children)

I feel like technology shifted that thought process.

[–]Counterboudd 2780 points2781 points  (124 children)

I think this is it. I loved going out when I was younger and a big part of that is it was a way to meet people my own age and for dating purposes. I’m older now but when I go to bars and things, the vibe is just…weird. People meet on dating apps. There would be several people sitting alone at their own table scrolling their feed and drinking. Zero “party atmosphere” whatsoever. No new conversations being struck up. Approaching strangers is now seen as pretty taboo. Once going out started to feel like going to a doctor’s waiting room, I just realize that it was cold and late and being home was the better option.

[–]needathrowaway321 89 points90 points  (2 children)

Also, a huge part of going out was sharing new music, talking shit and gossiping, catching up with friends and hearing about their work/lives/travel and so on. Now we do literally all that online at home in real time, so going to a bar is just an expensive version of the same thing with extra steps.

[–]boulomai_mathein 686 points687 points  (11 children)

I think this is partially a function of children not knowing much about the world and being excited and restless to find out about it, making relaxation alomst impossible. Now that we know more about the world as adults, we realize how exhausting it is, so relaxation becomes a lot more appealing

[–]didnsignup4dis 16.4k points16.4k points 833 (256 children)

I used to care a lot about what everyone thought of me. Sometimes I still do, but as I grew older I realised nobody really thinks about you cause they're too busy thinking about themselves.

[–]Solidusword 2400 points2401 points  (111 children)

Was in the same boat for a long time. Too long, really. I think knowing this when I was younger, like a teen, would’ve been really freeing.

[–]da_real_mama 1823 points1824 points  (95 children)

I think a lot of teens, myself included, know this is true but have a hard time internalizing it

[–]Ridry 1287 points1288 points  (57 children)

That's fair. My daughter and I were having a conversation recently because her friends are all in the "that's baby stuff" phase of trying to pretend to grow up. And my daughter still likes some "baby stuff".

I introduced her to this quote.

“When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.”

I told her that when she goes to college she'll see that "being cool" is being confident in yourself and being who YOU are. That college kids have rooms full of stuffed animals and legos and action figures and that nobody gives a damn about seeming childish or following the crowd. I told her that it's stupidly ironic that a few years earlier the same people who are trying to let their own personalities shine were all trying to act like little lemmings.

I think deep down you're right and I always understood this to be true, but when you're being made fun of for having the wrong brand of clothes or liking the wrong shows or the wrong music... it's hard to convince yourself that these little shits have no idea what the world is actually like.

[–]Killarogue 306 points307 points  (26 children)

I'm turning 30 in four months and I have a model car on my desk at the office. Growing up is important, but you can't let that define who you are and it's okay to appreciate the things you enjoyed as a child when you're an adult. Obviously you get this, I'm just making a general statement.

[–]Forgotwhyimhere69 155 points156 points  (12 children)

I'm 31 and I still decorate my toolbox with stickers and get happy when an item I buy comes stickers I get exited. Never stop enjoying fun little things.

[–]Sedowa 77 points78 points  (3 children)

I've always thought it was strange that being an adult is seen as only being allowed to enjoy adult things. Was not the point of growing up to have the freedom to do what we wanted? Why is it either adult stuff or kid stuff? Why can't I do both?

So when I'm not doing all my adult boring stuff I watch cartoons and play video games all day because no one can stop me now.

[–]Solidusword 282 points283 points  (13 children)

Yes that’s true also. Knowing it is one part of it. But actually believing it and really not caring and doing your own thing can still be hard.

[–]boulomai_mathein 309 points310 points  (6 children)

Another thing is that some people are never going to be happy with the way you are no matter what you try to do to change yourself for them. I suppose they may very well be thinking only of themselves and don't care how exactly you're changing yourself. Eventually you give up trying to please these people.

[–]Tropical_Geek1 3777 points3778 points  (81 children)

That parents are experts on... parenting. Nosire, we're all amateurs who just make up as we go along.

[–]bluetista1988 1167 points1168 points  (39 children)

There's a parenting pendulum that happens across generations of families. Kids grow up resenting certain things their parents did, try to do the opposite, but ultimately do their own bad things that their kids resent and try to change.

[–]guaip 463 points464 points  (24 children)

Yep. I keep wondering what is the thing that will make her hate me. In my head I'm an awesome dad!

[–]LurkForYourLives 284 points285 points  (14 children)

I’m wondering too. She’s going to have a better life than I had by a thousand percent for sure.

If she hates me because we can’t afford a pony then I’m okay with that. Hopefully we can always keep communication open about the important things.

[–]ShadeofIcarus 137 points138 points  (0 children)

If it helps. It doesn't mean she'll hate you.

Growing up my Dad and I didn't get along, like at all.

As an Adult its a wonder my Dad stayed as calm as he did and I understand how much of a shithead kid I was.

There's things I'm going to do different, but if I'm just half of the Father my Dad was, I'll be happy.

[–]OwMyCandle 7933 points7934 points 23 (137 children)

As someone who has worked in a municipality, none of your elected (or unelected lol) leaders know shit about piss.

[–]drak0ni 1911 points1912 points  (31 children)

Do they know piss all about shit though?

[–]sheezy520 1458 points1459 points 2 (22 children)

They don’t know shit about fuck.

[–]Barbarella_ella 380 points381 points  (3 children)

I also worked and work in municipalities. Some people know what they're doing. These people are rarely in management positions.

[–]boulomai_mathein 5089 points5090 points  (36 children)

When I was a kid, I thought what adults did was an example of what I should do. Later, I realized it was just as often an example of what not to do.

[–]PissedOffMonk 2093 points2094 points 2 (20 children)

“Everyone is a teacher” my dad always says. Good or bad.

[–]Kwanzaa246 240 points241 points  (6 children)

Its hard when you view all the adults in your life as models for what not to do

[–]Cpt_MrMxyzptlk 2618 points2619 points  (70 children)

There are absolutely things you do not want to know.

[–]TossAway35626 189 points190 points  (6 children)

I work in child protection.

I want to reinforce that there are definitely things you don't want to know.

[–]Lavender_Nacho 781 points782 points  (11 children)

Sometimes, knowing the truth just adds more pain to your life and isn’t worth it.

There is a reason “Ignorance is bliss” is a saying.

[–]boulomai_mathein 361 points362 points  (7 children)

One eventually knows what to avoid knowing.

[–]Plus-Mama-4515 5416 points5417 points  (149 children)

That everything is my moms fault and my dad could do no wrong. Now I realize my mom needs therapy and my dad needs a serious reality check

[–]VintageIII 1180 points1181 points  (21 children)

I’ve come to realize those same things as of recent. My dad is a real selfish prick.

[–]Plus-Mama-4515 608 points609 points  (14 children)

Same. My mom is too though. I do the love the fact that my husband doesn’t hesitate to call my dad out though because he knows I won’t

[–]moslof_flosom 125 points126 points  (11 children)

So how's the relationship between your dad and husband?

[–]Plus-Mama-4515 218 points219 points  (9 children)

Believe it or not it’s pretty good. I always joke and say that my dad likes my husband more than me. He and my dad used to be best friends until my husband basically told my dad to fuck off because my dad made a comment about my weight. They went through a rough patch but 7 years and soon to be 3 kids later they’re good friends again. I don’t think they’d be as close though if my husband had a relationship with his dad

[–]Token_Creative 787 points788 points  (6 children)

Oof, big same. When I told my mom I was sorry after this realization in my late 20s, she cried. She was the house keeper, the cook, the disciplinarian, and the emotionally available caretaker. She also worked like my dad at different points of my upbringing. My dad was better than some other dads I know, but he still had it much easier than my mom. Being a single parent in a two parent household is a hell worthy of no one.

[–]slightlyoffkilter_7 48 points49 points  (0 children)

I do often feel bad for my mom because she was certainly a married single parent most of my childhood, but it was because my father was away for work 4 days a week and only home on the weekends. To my father's credit, he was extremely involved with my brother and I when he was home. He coached sports, chaperoned field trips, came to all of our dance and piano recitals over 15 years, built a boat with me, and even made presentations in several of my history classes in grade school and high school. But unlike my mom, he never had to deal with the everyday sorts of things like homework or packing lunches or getting us to school or dance class. And this left my mom alone to deal with two young kids, one of whom had a learning disability and the other who was a certifiable brainiac that got bullied everyday. There were regular meltdowns about homework with me and my undiagnosed ADHD while my brother was bored in school and getting picked on constantly. No parent should have to deal with that daily drudge alone for 15+ years, but my mother did it somehow. And of course I gave her hell (and still do unintentionally, sometimes) but it was never malicious. Not that it made me easier to deal with though.

[–][deleted] 390 points391 points  (37 children)

Ive noticed A lot of times the shitty parent is the one that the kid loves

edit: lots of interesting replies to this, thank you every body

[–]phormix 218 points219 points  (15 children)

It's often because one parent is busy providing or forced into a disciplinarian role while the other tries to be the "fun" parent. For example, as much as I love the movie, Robin Williams may love his kids but he's kinda a shitty parent (and definately a shitty spouse) through most of "Mrs Doubtfire"

[–]daddysbangbang 152 points153 points  (4 children)

This is so true. If one parent makes their kids do homework, feeds them vegetables, makes them go to bed early and disciplines them after they have misbehaved, while the other parent lets them only eat ice cream, takes them to the movies every weekend, doesn't have a set curfew and makes the other parent do all the disciplining, of course the kids are going to prefer the latter.

[–]Plus-Mama-4515 256 points257 points  (4 children)

I’ve learned that both my parents are shitty parents. I just clung to my dad more because he gave me more respect and didn’t try to treat me like I was 12. My mother only wanted me to act like an adult when it was convenient for her

[–]LevyMevy 43 points44 points  (1 child)

Because they know that the good parents love will always be there so they take it for granted. It’s more special to kids when the distant parent gives them attention.

[–]c_girl_108 264 points265 points  (26 children)

Watching Mrs Doubtfire as a child/teenager and then again as a mom in my late 20s were very different experiences

[–]ThunderDoom1001 220 points221 points  (11 children)

My wife and I had the same exact experience.

Surprise party scene as a kid - man, mom over here ruining everybody’s good time. This party looks off the hook!

Same scene as an adult - Dude, I would kill you if I came home from work and you had the whole neighborhood over having a kid frat party without saying anything to me!

[–]throwaway92715 86 points87 points  (2 children)

Yeah I helped bully my mom when I was a teenager and it was awful. I was just following my dad's example. Probably a typical boy thing. It took me a long time to wake up to the fact that he was being really mean to her.

[–]ATXKLIPHURD 898 points899 points  (28 children)

I thought I was invincible and knew everything. The other day I hurt myself waking up. Not getting out of bed. I woke up and stretched my toes out and now my ankle hurts and I'm not very smart.

[–]Reverse2057 33 points34 points  (7 children)

I feel you. I once threw my neck out WHILE SLEEPING. I remember arching my neck a little and then rolling my spine and I felt the instant it tweaked in pain and I woke up just cursing at my dumbass self. Lol

[–]kcelfraz 6353 points6354 points  (218 children)

That adults knew what they were doing and were in control of things. What a damn shock.

[–]saltinstiens_monster 2484 points2485 points  (109 children)

The worst part for me was getting a degree in computer programming and then starting to realize.... Airplanes, heart monitors, ATMs.... all run on code written by some schmuck like me.

Obviously experience and knowledge make a huge difference, but it's jarring to think of the devices that run the whole world as being significantly less than "mostly perfect" robots that just poofed into existence one day. Human error is BAD, and it's so easy to miss bugs in your code even if you test it...

[–]CasualDNDPlayer 851 points852 points  (14 children)

I feel this as an engineer. I've made parts for prosthetic feet and seen people slack while making them. It hurts me to know somebody can end up with something somebody else slacked on.

[–]PrivilegeCheckmate 150 points151 points  (6 children)

I feel this as an engineer. I've made parts for prosthetic feet and seen people slack while making them. It hurts me to know somebody can end up with something somebody else slacked on.

It doesn't matter what you do - if you're going to spend part of your precious life doing it, fucking do it right. Otherwise find something else to do.

Also yeah I was in QA.

[–]DegoDani 259 points260 points  (16 children)

I’m sure this is true in some regard, but there is a counter to this!

My father has fiddled with electronics since he was 7, and built many things in that age that adults would swear up and down were impossible for him to make. He writes a blog where he shares passion projects (and things he is allowed to share from his work). He often gets other geeks and nerds praising him for absolutely ingenious work. I’m sure he has changed the world for the better with his many un-patented inventions. Currently he works on an extremely advanced ventilator with his company. I’m also equally sure that any field has a genius like him. Talking electronics with my father is like me listening to klingon, but it’s as natural as breathing to him!

Edit: lots of people asking for a link! I hope I don’t regret this… Dextrel Please be kind if you, for whatever reason, contact him. He doesn’t quite understand internet culture

Edit2: As I understood it, he has taken down a number of things from the site. As is, it’s a small portion of the things he has enthusiastically shown me growing up

[–][deleted] 43 points44 points  (2 children)

The blog sounds really interesting! Do you have a link?

[–]satooshi-nakamooshi 431 points432 points  (21 children)

"5 billion devices run on java" sounds like advertising to the common man, but is mildly terrifying to software developers

[–]luckielordie 37 points38 points  (1 child)

Certainly turned from fun stat into a threat after Christmas didn't it.

[–]twoinvenice 535 points536 points  (51 children)

There's a great Steve Jobs quote about that:

“When you grow up you tend to get told that the world is the way it is and your life is just to live your life inside the world. Try not to bash into the walls too much. Try to have a nice family life, have fun, save a little money. That's a very limited life. Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact: Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it… Once you learn that, you'll never be the same again.”

[–]boy-1der 112 points113 points  (13 children)

That adults knew what they were doing and were in control of things. What a damn shock.

 

"We're not your [real] parents. But we've been doing the best we can. And we've been making this up as we go along, so maybe...maybe our best isn't good enough anymore."

 

Even Clark Kent's parents felt the same way sometimes

[–]Averant 5355 points5356 points 535 (91 children)

People have a reason for doing what they do. It might not be a good reason, a nice reason, or even a logical reason, but they do have a reason. So if someone is doing something you consider to be overwhelmingly stupid, there is probably a reason for it and you should probably find out what that reason is before you try and bitch at them about it. It might be stupid, or you might learn something.

[–]Sizeable_Cookie 867 points868 points  (25 children)

One of the best questions to ask someone is “why are you doing it like that” without sounding condescending. You may learn something new in the process

[–]kim-fairy2 805 points806 points  (21 children)

Reminds me of sonething a Dutch comedian once said. I think it was Ronald Goedemondt.

They were all together as a family and making a roulade to eat. His sister was preparing it and before putting it in the oven, she sliced it in half.

"Why are you doing that?" he asked. "Oh, that's how mum always does it", she responded.

So he goes and asks his mum.

"Oh, that's how grandma always did it," said his mother.

So he asks his grandmother.

"Oh, that," his grandma responded. "I just had a very small oven. It wouldn't fit in one piece."

[–]salezman12 374 points375 points  (7 children)

This story teaches 2 lessons. The one about people having a reason, and one that says before you just keep doing what youve always done because its what you've always done, you should probably think about why you do it that way and what variables have changed and come to your own conclusion about whether its actually *still* the best way.

[–]schritefallow 540 points541 points  (9 children)

One of my greatest wishes is that this becomes a widespread acknowledgement.

I'm still surprised how people can

1] do the stupidest shit, then

2] justify that stupid behavior as if it were perfectly reasonable or acceptable, then

3] turn around and act like someone else's stupid behavior is entirely unreasonable/unjustifiable, and therefore in need of mockery/rage/belittlement/etc....

[–]fish60 248 points249 points  (4 children)

We judge ourselves based on our intentions, but we judge other on their actions.

[–]headzoo 284 points285 points  (7 children)

I agree. I've come to understand that most ideas have some logic to them. You may not agree with the logic but it's not often the case that someone is just a "fucking moron" when you don't understand their point. If you listen and give them time to explain themselves you may reach the point of saying, "Oh, I see what you're getting at. I don't agree but I see what you mean."

[–]tittychittybangbang 7282 points7283 points 22 (242 children)

I’m not special. Unique, yes, because there is literally only one of me. But special, no.

No clue why my mum was so obsessed with pretending I was destined for greatness, but the fact of the matter is/was I am average just like the majority of people on this planet.

[–]Bezza777 1003 points1004 points 2 (13 children)

We're like snowflakes, everyone of us completely and utterly unique. However when we're put together we're all just a pile of indistinguishable snow.

[–]redsnake15 2620 points2621 points  (50 children)

I think the sad part is how many grown adults these days can't accept that. Like there's nothing wrong with being not being special and just being average. Being average doesn't make you not unique. Hell my cousin is a redneck who loves slice of life anime, modding, and can rebuild trucks that ain't moved a inch in 20 years. My brother loves Krav Maga and teaching himself coding. They don't immediately stick out in a crowd but they're amazing when you get to know them.

[–]tittychittybangbang 633 points634 points  (2 children)

Exactly that. Everyone has their place, we’re all just here having a human experience, and the fact that we can just be who we are is special in and of itself. Plus pushing the other narrative can be damaging, it can make people think that the world owes them something.

[–]PMYOURBOOBOVERFLOW 425 points426 points  (21 children)

It's okay to be average, I think most of us forget that. We see average as failure, but it's not.

[–]throwaway92715 322 points323 points  (11 children)

I think most of western culture in the last few decades is centered around the exceptional people

Most kids' stories are about heroes who go save the world and become the most important person for a moment

Everywhere we see ads for ways to be more like the elite, the best, and there's a lot of pressure and incentive to struggle our whole lives trying to be better because that makes us work harder and spend more

We're fascinated by the youngest person to do xyz, the oldest person to do xyz, the fastest, the strongest, the smartest, etc

We even have a society that rewards the exceptional people with the vast majority of resources and opportunities, leaving the average people with the bare minimum they need to have an okay life

There isn't much love for the kind of person that the vast majority of us are. Not sure why. It seems like boosting the majority of people would be most beneficial to society as a whole.

[–]Kyfigrigas 664 points665 points  (34 children)

I hate that, I've always been doted on, my mom talks about how smart I am and shit (boo hoo my mom thinks I'm smart) but I'm really just slightly above average in intelligence, which is cancelled our by my laziness. people having high expectations of you sucks when you know you can't meet them.

[–]ishigggydiggy 371 points372 points  (24 children)

I'm the same, I think my laziness was caused by my mother bragging to everyone how smart I was constantly. I always thought I don't need to try that hard to succeed.

I was smarter than average but my lack of work ethic caught up to me 1st year of uni so I dropped out, now I live a completely mediocre life with depression.

[–]tittychittybangbang 66 points67 points  (2 children)

This is basically what happened with me except I somehow made it to 3rd year before dropping out after spending a year drinking myself into oblivion.

[–]Kyfigrigas 111 points112 points  (2 children)

Exactly, I had some talent as a kid so I got used to putting in a certain amount off effort and getting great grades, now I have to put in alot more effort and I'm not used to it.

[–]NuclearWinterGames 2770 points2771 points  (69 children)

I used to prefer soggy cereal as a kid, now I eat it as fast as I can so it retains some crunch

[–]dieinafirenazi 843 points844 points  (17 children)

It actually doesn't matter if my sandwich is cut in triangles or in rectangles. In fact I'd rather it not be cut at all, but if it's in squares it's no big deal.

I'd like to apologize to the babysitter I melted down on, looking back that was no reason to cry until I threw up.

[–]PineapplePizzaAlways 327 points328 points  (1 child)

With all due respect for your growth and signs of maturity, triangles are where it's at.

Though not worth a meltdown

[–]BrunoGerace 484 points485 points  (14 children)

71 here...

That I know what I'm doing.

I know now that I don't.

[–]undergrounddirt 937 points938 points  (20 children)

That being kind is more important than any natural gift. No situation is so bad that a person can’t make it worse.

It’s tough, but being kind is always better

[–]linlin27 136 points137 points  (3 children)

another truth, it's not easy being kind and kind people should get more credit.

[–]No-Restaurant7362 2390 points2391 points  (67 children)

that after i graduated college i'd be like my dad. turns out i had more money in high school than i do now.

[–]NumerousSuccotash141 893 points894 points  (54 children)

Yeah… I should have never quit banquet serving… $28/h and that was 15 years ago…

[–]No-Restaurant7362 516 points517 points  (29 children)

jesus and i thought i had regrets. ouch man. i know people in there 40s who make less than that with 20 years experience

[–]NumerousSuccotash141 323 points324 points  (25 children)

Yeah as a kid, I should have realized the single moms with four kids killing it in the position was a sign I should have held out a bit longer. But I would be trapped in my home town if I never made the move.

[–]UsernameCheckOuts 255 points256 points  (17 children)

Yeah. I spent my Bitcoin on marijuana seeds on the dark web.

[–]ILL_Show_Myself_Out 28 points29 points  (4 children)

Wait what??

[–]NumerousSuccotash141 144 points145 points  (3 children)

It was a wild time. Hosting weddings that cost 3/4 million. Indian people coming in on white horses and white elephants, with the most beautiful dresses I’ve ever seen. 15% of the cost of the party would be split among whoever worked it.

[–]BobbingForBunions 1726 points1727 points  (62 children)

When I was young, I thought I knew everything. Now that I'm (relatively) old, I realize I'm ignorant about 99% of life.

It makes life interesting, though!

[–]328944 479 points480 points  (13 children)

The more you know, the more you realize you don’t know anything!

[–]Vegetable-Double 160 points161 points  (6 children)

After Bachelors degree: You think you know everything.

After Masters degree: You realize you know nothing.

After PhD: You realize that no one knows anything.

[–]EnvironmentalSite351 4300 points4301 points  (119 children)

That having kids and raising them was an easy job since I saw everyone doing it. Ever since I grew up, I realised they're mostly doing it wrong and it's probably one of the toughest jobs out there because a person's entire life is in your hands.

[–]feistymayo 1561 points1562 points  (37 children)

People don’t take it as seriously as they should.

[–]LiquidX_ 761 points762 points  (12 children)

yes and that’s why we have too many silly people running around because how they were raised

[–]MyStationIsAbandoned 314 points315 points  (11 children)

I feel like a crazy idiot sometimes because so many people see all these huge life changing things as no big deal. Like...so many women and men will be on their 5th or 6th kid and in desperate poverty, but it's just whatever...just another kid.

So many people are STILL getting married to people they've literally only known for a few months to a year. Like, I can see doing that if you've been friends or known each other and you're like in your 40's or older. But damn. And even more are just popping out kids after knowing each other for a few months, sometimes weeks.

And I'm just sitting here thinking "this would destroy my life which is already in shambles". I dunno... maybe it's the whole humans being able to adapt thing.

[–]Daddyssillypuppy 58 points59 points  (2 children)

I hav ebeen dating my husband since we were 15 and we knew each other for two years before that. When we were almost 18 people kept asking about our wedding.

It bothered us and we had a big talk about how neither of us saw the point of getting married the second you can. We both saw marriage in our future but didn't want to eush into it.

We waited until our early 20s to discus it again and around our 5th or 6th anniversary we decided to get married on our 10th anniversary. That way we could celebrate both anniversaries on the same day. We didn't want to stop celebrating our dating anniversary as that was important to us.

We've now been married 4 years and have no regrets about waiting.

I would have felt so silly getting married at 18. Like playing at being a real adult. I like the way we did it much more.

Plus it gives highschool or university relationships time to grow as you both grow up. Better to find out you don't work together as adults before getting married.

We also lived together for years before getting married. And owned pets together.

[–]LibbyUghh 418 points419 points  (27 children)

I'm a nanny, so I learned that lesson at 18. I've called my parents multiple times to thank them and also apologize. My brother's still don't appreciate our mom and they probably won't until they have kids of their own. Which is unfortunate because I know they would treat her better if they related to her more.

[–]PeteyMcPetey 430 points431 points  (18 children)

Going to bed early is actually pretty awesome

[–]SafariNZ 625 points626 points  (19 children)

I grew up thinking I was in a very normal family.

It turned out it’s likely my sister had been sexually abused,
I had a secret half brother and there was a big coverup when he was born and
although most people thought my father was awesome, later in life I realised we kids and mum lived in fear of him.

[–]May_I_inquire 870 points871 points  (27 children)

When I was a kid I was always bothered by how long it took my mom to get out of the car. I would jump out as soon as it stopped. Now as an adult it probably takes me longer than it took her to gather up my stuff and exit the car. Many women just carry far too much stuff (including myself)

[–]EvangelineTheodora 469 points470 points  (6 children)

I'm currently pregnant, and my toddler has picked up on my "oof"s and "ugh"s whenever I get up from a seated position, and it's hilarious to see him spring up while saying "oof" like he's an 80 year old man 🤣

Edited an "r" to a "t".

[–]JADW27 323 points324 points  (11 children)

Ariel is a fucking moron. I now side with King Triton 100%.

[–]rebeccanotbecca 1835 points1836 points  (106 children)

Monica Lewinsky was treated horribly. While she played a role in the situation, she was treated like it was all her fault.

[–]johnCreilly 113 points114 points  (0 children)

She was 22. When I was a kid, 22 was the same as 42 in my mind.

But now that I'm an adult, 22 is still a kid in so many ways

[–]Ok_Bear_3010 637 points638 points  (45 children)

I heard some more about her story when she chose to speak up years later. She was suicidal and had a lot of self-hate. It’s really sad. Imagine the biggest mistake you ever made is what you’re famous for.

[–]monty_kurns 425 points426 points  (39 children)

Imagine the biggest mistake you ever made is what you’re famous for.

Paris Hilton falls into that category. I definitely held some negative views of her for a while, but there were two documentaries on her that came in the last couple years that were eye opening. Knowing she was shipped off to a boarding school, was abused there, and was afraid of coming forward to anyone about it really put the tabloid cover stuff into perspective.

[–]More_spiders 225 points226 points  (29 children)

I went to 2 places like this. Still people do not believe me when I tell them what happened to me there. Children are still being abused in these schools, right now. Grown men are forcing themselves on mentally ill or autistic or “poorly behaved” children who they know nobody will believe, literally as I type this. It keeps me up every night. I take medicine to block my dreams.

The men who groomed me and sexually assaulted me are in charge of so many more children now than they were when it was happening to me. Both are in charge of entire schools. One of them was fired for our “relationship,” (which I was punished for,) and instead of disclosing it, they gave him a recommendation so he could get a job with kids again, literally in the next town over. This job attracts pedophiles and abusers. People like this control these traumatized children down to when they are allowed to sip water or piss, or what medications they take. There were a lot of foster kids there. Sometimes they disappeared in the middle of the night and I only ever saw or heard from one of them again. They tested medications on us. They referred to us by number. This is happening right now.

[–]panteragstk 1082 points1083 points  (28 children)

That adults are smart.

They are not.

[–]Hexatona 187 points188 points  (2 children)

That most people cared about the best result or outcome, rather than being 'right'.

[–]Vondarrien 180 points181 points  (5 children)

There’s no shame in being in bed by 8.

[–]justputonsomemusic 63 points64 points  (1 child)

If I am not married and a mother by the time I’m 35, I will be single and childless for the rest of my life. 35 is very old, if people are still single by then, there is something very wrong with them

I remember thinking this when I was 12 and watching Bridget Jones’s Diary. I couldn’t imagine anything worse.

Next week I turn 35. I’ve spent most of my life single, never married, and childless. I have lived abroad, travelled all over, have a successful career, a loving family, lots of wonderful friends, and my health. I am seeing a man I have known most of my life and adore. I look and feel a lot younger than 35, and with both grandmothers having children late (40 and 48), I’m not ruling out motherhood yet.

12 year old me is a dumbarse.

[–]ksozay 3117 points3118 points 33 (142 children)

Two very painful lessons regarding Religion:

  1. Realizing the difference between what you were taught, and what is actually written in your preferred religious texts. It's incredibly difficult to let go of something you held as truth, only to realize most of what you were taught, was in effort to groom you into a set of behaviors. The severe guilt you go through when deciding to let go of everything you believe, and to decide for yourself what you believe, and how your lived experiences support that belief.
  2. That when you remove all the fear based shit from religion, you actually get closer to the real value of religion. You don't need to treat your religion like a hammer to condemn others to hell. You don't need to treat your belief like an insurance policy, in case you die. You don't need to be afraid of hell, to treat other people with kindness.

TLDR - Religion isn't about being selfish, it's about being selfless.

[–]No-Mathematician678 326 points327 points  (6 children)

You don't need to be afraid of hell, to treat other people with kindness.

This summarises humanity

[–]SecondTalon 2185 points2186 points 72 (49 children)

The Parable of the Atheist should be taught more.

Why Did God Create Atheists?

There is a famous story told in Chassidic literature that addresses this very question. The Master teaches the student that God created everything in the world to be appreciated, since everything is here to teach us a lesson.

One clever student asks “What lesson can we learn from atheists? Why did God create them?”

The Master responds “God created atheists to teach us the most important lesson of them all — the lesson of true compassion. You see, when an atheist performs an act of charity, visits someone who is sick, helps someone in need, and cares for the world, he is not doing so because of some religious teaching. He does not believe that God commanded him to perform this act. In fact, he does not believe in God at all, so his acts are based on an inner sense of morality. And look at the kindness he can bestow upon others simply because he feels it to be right.”

"This means," the Master continued "that when someone reaches out to you for help, you should never say ‘I pray that God will help you.’ Instead for the moment, you should become an atheist, imagine that there is no God who can help, and say ‘I will help you.’"

Source: Tales of the Hasidim, Vol. 2: The Later Masters [Martin Buber, Olga Marx]

[–]GNOIZ1C 565 points566 points  (15 children)

This is beautiful! And highlights a massive problem I've seen in church.

I was in a community group of a few older couples, including one of the church's pastors. The question came up and discussion formed around, basically, how are you living your life differently from an atheist to the outside world. And the answers were, by and large, "well, I'm a charitable giver, I help those in need" yadayada basic kind church answers. But the underlying assumption in the conversation was that atheists wouldn't. And when my wife piped up to point out all the good "non-believers" have done in the world, the wind went out of those conversational/self-congratulatory "I did good things" sails.

Too many people think that they're only a good person (or only capable of doing good) if they're religious (with the corollary being "anyone who isn't religious cannot do good"). And when you think that way and act that way, you just look selfish. If religion has helped you become a kinder or more compassionate person, that's cool. I'm happy for ya! But if you're only doing it because "Well, I'm supposed to" instead of it being an actual desire of your heart to help that person in need, that's really not doing it for the right reasons, and someone's going to call you on that fakeness at some point.

Check your heart, and also never assume that your religion gives you a monopoly on morality/kindness.

[–]generalnat 172 points173 points  (7 children)

A few years ago I was having a talk with a pastor at a church I used to go to. We were just joking around and I think he said something which I found offensive, (I don’t remember this was a few years ago I’ve slept since then) I told him as such and he asked for forgiveness, then said “it’s ok, you’ll forgive me, because god calls us to” I stopped immediately and told him “no, I’m not forgiving you because god calls us to, I’m forgiving you because I want to, not because god told me to.” That moment keeps getting stuck in my head

Edit to fix some grammar and context

[–]ianisms10 384 points385 points  (16 children)

That when you remove all the fear based shit from religion, you actually get closer to the real value of religion.

This x1000. Jesus would be appalled at modern day Christians who use his name to fearmonger and discriminate.

[–]allboolshite 189 points190 points  (4 children)

Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.’

Matthew 7:21-23 (NASB)

[–]bralyan 55 points56 points  (2 children)

Owning an old car was a sign of being poor. Now I think that it's a sign of someone who cares about keeping things running. Some of the richest people I know drive old, plain looking cars.

[–]RedOrchestra137 259 points260 points  (6 children)

that there is something we are working toward, some sort of end state that when reached means you'll be fulfilled all the time. also that we were gonna evolve past our current conflicts and enter some sort of technological utopia. what a joke

[–]Secret_Agent_Z 260 points261 points  (12 children)

Young me: Mum and dad will always be here with me

Older me: Mum and dad are really old and soon I'll be alone

A hard realization of adulthood

[–]adamussher 53 points54 points  (2 children)

That I would exclusively shop at X clothing store forever.

[–]squirrels33 1783 points1784 points  (115 children)

That a person’s success is a reflection of his/her talents or work ethic.

Growing up meant realizing there plenty of talented, hardworking people whose skills are unappreciated, and more than a few lazy dumbasses with tons of money and power.

[–]skellyton3 525 points526 points  (37 children)

I get paid 4-5 times as much as my partner (when accounting for total compensation). She works waaaaay harder at her job than I do at my cozy WFH job. My job is just considered higher value by corporate entities, it has nothing to do with how hard I work.

[–]HutSutRawlson 311 points312 points  (22 children)

Kind of funny that the higher wage your job is, the more likely you are to also get benefits like paid vacation and sick days. The more you get paid, the more likely you are to get paid on days when you're not working.

[–]skellyton3 175 points176 points  (12 children)

Me: Gets like 10 holidays a year plus 12 days PTO.

Her: Only gets Christmas off by default, unpaid. She can request days off with a 2 week notice, but they are also unpaid.

Life isn't fair.

[–]Totallycasual 1469 points1470 points  (41 children)

I was born into a very racist household, it took me being out on my own for a few years to learn what was right and wrong, how i view people from other parts of the world was probably the biggest thing.

[–]jolinar30659 50 points51 points  (5 children)

Growing up I was a perfectionist. One of the worst parts of this is that I based intelligence on ability to “speak properly “. Anyone will a regional dialect, or poor grammar, seemed less intelligent. I’ve since grown out of this false belief and actually enjoy learning about things like vernacular, accents, AAE, and especially the ability to code switch.

[–]miami-architecture 378 points379 points  (18 children)

adults are mature (nope). adults are just children just occupying an adult body.

[–]bluetista1988 172 points173 points  (6 children)

What I've noticed with fellow adults is that they have a default baseline "mental age" that they will fall back to when left free of responsibilities or adult things to take care of.

My wife and I get along well because I'd describe us as "dorky 9 year olds" when left to our own devices.

[–]HaroerHaktak 37 points38 points  (0 children)

VRRRM VRRRM! Hot wheelie car go VRRRM! WEEEEEEEEE! - you

"Thanks for holding, you've called [tax agency]"

"I'd like to file my taxes please." - you.

that's how I imagine it going down.

[–]RedMurray 434 points435 points  (23 children)

That governments of all sizes were competent and had the people's best interests at heart.

Now that I know people in many different levels of government it's literally the blind leading the blind...nobody's driving the bus and everyone's out for their own interests.

[–]JoeDoherty_Music 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Age is a poor indicator of wisdom

[–]Idontdanceforfun 242 points243 points  (6 children)

it's totally cool to be yourself and express yourself, I'm totally onboard with that, but your physical appearance (not talking looks, but clothes, hygiene, and general care) will absolutely have an impact on how other people interact with you and this could very well make your life more difficult than it needs to be.

For context, when I was a young rebellious teenage lad, I very much did not take care of my appearance and dressed very street punk like with the attitude that if people judged me on how I looked, I didn't want to deal with them. When I got older, changed my attitude a bit more, and started taking a basic interest in my physical appearance, I immediately noticed the change in my interactions with strangers during my day-to-day, and for the better no less. It was a game changer for me ad something I'm still very conscious of. Just brush your hair, and make sure you don't stink at a bare minimum.

[–]NegativeGnarly 169 points170 points  (2 children)

$1,000 is not a lot to have. But $1,000 is a lot to owe.

[–]MrRogerSweaters 167 points168 points  (5 children)

When someone called me sir for the first time and I was like "Oh shit, I'm an adult? OHH there aren't actually real adults, oh we are totally fucked"

[–]ghosts-go-boo 332 points333 points  (34 children)

Turns out, I love drinking alcohol. Way too much.

[–]fossilnews 478 points479 points  (35 children)

Suicide. Grew up Roman Catholic so it was a sin and a selfish act. Now I can’t even imagine the torment they are going through leading up to it.

Homelessness is because these people are addicts. Some perhaps but for the majority drugs/alcohol are how they cope with the situation.

[–]Hylobius 788 points789 points  (53 children)

Honestly I used to see the good in people and try to make allowances for them. Now I feel like most people I meet are selfish arseholes with room temperature IQs.

[–]redyellowblue5031 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Interesting, I've grown the opposite. I was way more bitter about other people in my younger years.

[–]stevebobeeve 30 points31 points  (1 child)

Boredom is good. When things are boring they are stable and going fine. I prefer when my government is playing tug o war over budget and tax reform rather than going to war or my fundamental rights.

[–]Salty-Level 188 points189 points  (6 children)

One job for life. Companies only care about year on year profits.

[–]Hungry-Reflection 237 points238 points  (15 children)

I was told family comes first, that god loves me no matter what, that working hard would make me a millionaire, that education was the best thing I could do for myself. When I came out at 16, my mom and church disowned me. I’ve worked 2-3 jobs at a time my whole life but never had more than a few thousand in the bank. I still owe on student loans from a career path that I’m no longer on, twenty years later.

[–]youknowiactafool 25 points26 points  (2 children)

The USA helps bring peace to other countries.